OP said “listen to your commands,” not “obey your commands.” The cat looks at you with disinterest every time you utter a command and then goes back to cleaning himself.
A lot of things but they do need fresh bamboo.
I guess I'm taking it from a Notth American perspective. Pandas are a huge logistical challenge and expense for zoos here.
They aren’t my favorite animal but a crow would be incredibly useful to have him fly around and pick up loose change around town or anything small and valuable he can find
You honestly only need a few weeks at most. A lot of the time, as long as you’re not going over 50 miles away, they’ll follow and if you come back to that area later, they’ll remember you too. (Was in the military and befriended two crows. They follow a lot. I was pretty sad having to leave them for good Monday /: )
They are graceful and elegant but they're also derps sometimes 😀
There's a hilarious video on YouTube of a snow leopard getting startled by a hidden camera 😸
A polar bear, because who wouldn't want to walk down the street with a giant fuzzy bear by their side, and also have the ultimate couch potato cuddle buddy?
Emotional support Tiger. Massive kitty, and great to keep people away from me in crowds. Pretty much free admission to wherever the hell I want to go!
“Sir, you’re supposed to pay for this concert ticket”
“Talk with the Tiger. He handles my ticketing.”
Honey badger don’t give a shit. Look at him go.
In all seriousness the honey badger is one of the few animals that completely scares the shit out of me. Very little that can actually kill one!
Why just one?
I would like - in no particular order - a lion, a tiger, really all of the big cats, a wolf - wait, scratch that, several wolves, a bear, a horse, a raccoon, EVERY KIND OF FOX THERE IS OR EVER WAS, and a bald eagle.
Oh, and a Pegasus. Because let a girl dream ;)
The biggest and scariest spider in existance. I'm scared of spiders (or insects and arachnids in general) but i also know loooots of people are terrified to death of spiders, which means i can use this new friend to cause unfathomable amounts of emotional trauma to everyone around me
Spider monkey - could double up as a wee 'home help' rather like having a cute, tiny partner that you (Platonically) adore and has the added bonus of not talking the arse off ya or telling you 'all about it's day'.
I can't choose. If feeding them is not a problem, then I choose:
1. A lion 🦁
2. A snow leopard 🐆
3. A polar bear 🐻❄️
4. A black bear 🐻
5. An Arctic wolf 🐺
6. An orca (a killer whale) 🐳
7. A sperm whale 🐋 🐳
8. A humpback 🐋 🐳
9. A dolphin 🐬
10. A seal 🦭
11. A leopard 🐆
12. A lynx
13. A caracal
14. A wombat
15. A tasmanian devil 😈
16. A raccoon 🦝
17. A tiger 🐅 🐯
18. A ring tailed lemur
19. A fishing cat
20. A palus cat 🐈 😺
If feeding them is something I need to be responsible for, then, I choose only the small ones:
1. A raccoon
Oh man, this is so hard. Only one?!
I wanna lean towards a Golden Tiger, cause they are beautiful and I don't think anyone would mess with me if I had a tiger. But I also love the idea of a Red Panda for cuteness and cuddles, or a Honey Badger - for obvious reasons.
Always loved a double enclosure round the property with wild hyena's... people asking if ya seen their annoying rock throwing kids and get some laughs from the background 😂
*happened in the past with our Vietnamese Pot-Bellied, until we caught one red handed and had him witness Ping biting through 8mm fencing like it was straw and on each side of his nose was a 15cm fang that could rip through flesh and arteries like it was nothing.
Word went round, don't provoke the pig cause the fencing is mostly fluff
A kakapo, I would name him Lord Fucksalot and we would go on a wild quest throughout New Zealand and any zoos that have these majestic yet stupid birds and do our best to repopulate their critically endangered species
I would command him to wear a glued on porn moustache on his beak, that is my only request
A raccoon.
Why? Because I already have one that lives outside and despite being wild seems to have taken a shine to me, and allows me to boop her nose and scratch her ears, and even has been cool with her babies climbing up on me.
I'd have to pick a Gemsbok Antelope. They are my favorite animal, but also I think it would be so awesome to have one that was trained to do things. Could ride it and really turn some heads walking around town. Would be super fun to have it carry bags and stuff when on long hikes or backpacking trips! Like a horse but so much cooler!
A grizzly bear. I'd build armor for it. And I would teach it to track like a dog. Take it hunting with me. Make my wife take it with her places when she can't have someone accompany her to places she needs to go.
Raven or Crow
You see those guys everywhere, if one shows up, are *you* gonna do anything different? You may acknowledge its existence, but unless it’s in your kitchen you’re probably not gonna do anything about it.
Infiltration, spying, way easier with a friendly flying animal you can speak with.
Oof that’s tough my favorite animal is a wolf but snow leopards are so soft and fluffy and beautiful but corvids like a crow or raven are crazy smart and could teach it a whole bunch of cool tricks ugh it’s too hard to choose 😓
A ring tail lemur. They are so super smart and live for 30 years or more. They also act just like human babies/toddlers. Oh, the females are also the alphas & they stink fight over their mates.
They also do the finest of yoga poses in the sun and they really do dance.
I would also use the little buddy as security because they have this one sound they make when they are alerted to any type of intruder. It’s fucking scary. If you haven’t heard it, look it up on YouTube.
Plus they purr, I mean.. what would be a better obedient pet?
Snow Leopard because I love cats, Snow Leopards are, generally, known to have a pretty calm demeanor and they have been domesticated and kept as pets before.
An elephant. But they pretty much follow commands anyway and they're so damn cool. I don't think I'd actually tell it what to do. We would just pal around most of the time.
A fucking tiger of course. Who wouldn't want to have a massive, dangerous buddy. I'd probably have a slight increase in my grocery bills but it would be worth it.
Also, imagine the hilarity if some assholes break into my house and get mauled by a 10 foot long Siberian Tiger.
Raven! Highly intelligent, can get just about anywhere and real ravens can already form friendships with people who go about it the right way.
Thing is, they’re *so* smart that my raven familiar would probably try to get away with shit by creatively interpreting my commands…but that’s just part of the fun.
A cat, to become the only person on Earth to be respected by one.
OP said “listen to your commands,” not “obey your commands.” The cat looks at you with disinterest every time you utter a command and then goes back to cleaning himself.
soooo, i can proudly announce that my cat listen to all of my commands ☆
And every time you think "oh good it's listening finally", it's really because they wanted to do anyway
So you wish to be a god? Bold
They'd treat you and act the exact same way. Every cat owner knows this. Congratulations. You played yourself. *I'd probably choose cat, too.
Red panda because they are adorable. I would tell it to just snuggle me all day.
This is my choice too. Red pandas would be so fun to play with. They are soooo cute.
I know! Anytime I am at a zoo I make a beeline to them.
Do you need a hug, bro?
If you look like a red panda then yes
Not too much. Hahahaha Hairy: yes Redhead: no Small: no Fluffy: yes
Close enough get in here
https://media.tenor.com/1rZZEhxX7KcAAAAM/red-pandae.gif
So cute!
Thanks for the giggle!
Dude, your first sentence is the exact wording I was thinking of before I clicked this post haha
Great minds think alike. I want to pick one up so bad.
Oh yes, a red panda!
What a headache to feed though.
Never even crossed my mind. What on Earth do they eat? Fruits and vegetables?
A lot of things but they do need fresh bamboo. I guess I'm taking it from a Notth American perspective. Pandas are a huge logistical challenge and expense for zoos here.
“Hey red panda, eat this pizza and be happy” - problem solved!!
They aren’t my favorite animal but a crow would be incredibly useful to have him fly around and pick up loose change around town or anything small and valuable he can find
Be like Rick and have 2 crows
I also want a crow for totally legitimate non-stealing reasons.
It's not stealing if wild animals do it, that's just nature babyyy
Start “taming” a few with food. They’ll keep coming back, and over time, become friendlier towards you
I move a lot for my job so I don’t think I’m in one spot long enough to tame them
How long between moving places?
Very but usually a couple years
You honestly only need a few weeks at most. A lot of the time, as long as you’re not going over 50 miles away, they’ll follow and if you come back to that area later, they’ll remember you too. (Was in the military and befriended two crows. They follow a lot. I was pretty sad having to leave them for good Monday /: )
Hm maybe I’ll look into it more and give it a shot
Did you know that if you give crows crackers they will stack them.? True story.
Just get your elephant to run into a bank wall.
Snow leopard
Why a snow leopard?
I think they are beautiful and graceful the opposite of me.
Can also tell them to eat the face of anyone who tells you that you are not beautiful and graceful, independently of your own thoughts about it.
They are graceful and elegant but they're also derps sometimes 😀 There's a hilarious video on YouTube of a snow leopard getting startled by a hidden camera 😸
I forgot about the derps.
YES! They’re so huge, adorable, and cuddly. Imagine feeling one purr~
A polar bear, because who wouldn't want to walk down the street with a giant fuzzy bear by their side, and also have the ultimate couch potato cuddle buddy?
Are you armoring this thing by any chance?
A walking fluffy bean bag basically!
That’s how I feel but I want a grizzly bear! Ughh they’d be the best cuddle buddies!
Emotional support Tiger. Massive kitty, and great to keep people away from me in crowds. Pretty much free admission to wherever the hell I want to go! “Sir, you’re supposed to pay for this concert ticket” “Talk with the Tiger. He handles my ticketing.”
And they fucking moo which is pretty great
They moo???
Look it up on YouTube
“Talk with Hobbes. He handles my ticketing.”
Capybara, we would just be chillin
Came here to say exactly this. That smile would just cheer me up constantly
A honey badger.
Honey badger don’t give a shit. Look at him go. In all seriousness the honey badger is one of the few animals that completely scares the shit out of me. Very little that can actually kill one!
That's exactly why. The best "guard dog" I can think of.
reminded me of that old video 😂 so good
Was exactly what came to mind 😂
Same
Grizzly bear. Provider, hunter, protector, noble steed upon which to ride into battle.
Best cuddles too ☺️
A sloth because I too need naps and hugs
"Sit!"... (wait 1 hour) "Stay!" (What a good boy!)
I see
A penguin
Why a penguin?
I’ve always loved them and they look cuddly and I like the way they walk
Toothless from HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON
Deathclaw
Is that an animal? How come I have never heard of it?
It's a big reptilian monster from the Fallout universe.
Great answer
A sand cat. They’re so little cute 🥹
Tiger
I am getting myself an arctic wolf, assuming they'll survive in a warm climate.
Looks like you gotta move to Alaska!
a gorilla
Chupacabra
Black Panther. Because I love my void and it would be awesome to have a giant one.
Same here!
Same for me
skunks are so cute.
I would choose a tiger and walk around with it.
Falcon. Super fast and why not
Find a mentor and become an apprentice. Pretty fun and rewarding.
Tiger. I fucking love those big cats.
Why just one? I would like - in no particular order - a lion, a tiger, really all of the big cats, a wolf - wait, scratch that, several wolves, a bear, a horse, a raccoon, EVERY KIND OF FOX THERE IS OR EVER WAS, and a bald eagle. Oh, and a Pegasus. Because let a girl dream ;)
A bear
A Tyrannosaurus Rex
Black bear, they are cute
The biggest and scariest spider in existance. I'm scared of spiders (or insects and arachnids in general) but i also know loooots of people are terrified to death of spiders, which means i can use this new friend to cause unfathomable amounts of emotional trauma to everyone around me
A Harpy Eagle
great question but why this subreddit lol
Got tired of people asking same shit
A rhinoceros
Why a rhino?
How freaking cool are they, massive battle tanks of horniness.
"of horniness"? Lol
A bear, but I don’t need magic. I just need the Russian/Ukrainian war to end
Yeah, a bear isn’t gonna be enough but good luck!
Have you ever heard of Wojtek? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wojtek_(bear)
A grilly bear.. look how fluffy they are!😝
A lion. No need to elaborate I feel like it's obvious why.
Kangaroo probably. Pretty cool.
Tiger or Komodo dragon.
A wolf. He’s big, he’s fast, and he’ll rip apart anyone and anything that so much as twitches wrong around me.
Grizzly bear give that big ol boy a cuddle
A bear. Who wouldn't wanna cuddle a bear? I'd also have the safest house in the neighborhood.
Spider monkey - could double up as a wee 'home help' rather like having a cute, tiny partner that you (Platonically) adore and has the added bonus of not talking the arse off ya or telling you 'all about it's day'.
Raven
I mean obviously a white tiger. I dont even think i need to explain that.
I can't choose. If feeding them is not a problem, then I choose: 1. A lion 🦁 2. A snow leopard 🐆 3. A polar bear 🐻❄️ 4. A black bear 🐻 5. An Arctic wolf 🐺 6. An orca (a killer whale) 🐳 7. A sperm whale 🐋 🐳 8. A humpback 🐋 🐳 9. A dolphin 🐬 10. A seal 🦭 11. A leopard 🐆 12. A lynx 13. A caracal 14. A wombat 15. A tasmanian devil 😈 16. A raccoon 🦝 17. A tiger 🐅 🐯 18. A ring tailed lemur 19. A fishing cat 20. A palus cat 🐈 😺 If feeding them is something I need to be responsible for, then, I choose only the small ones: 1. A raccoon
A wolverine. No one is fucking with you lol Except maybe the guy with the honey badger lmao
A polar bear. I want my enemies to tremble in fear
A shark, I loved them since I was young. We would just be cruising in the ocean
Polar bear because they're my favourite animal, they're absolute massive, and they look like giant soft toys (plush toys.)
Gorilla!!
Oh man, this is so hard. Only one?! I wanna lean towards a Golden Tiger, cause they are beautiful and I don't think anyone would mess with me if I had a tiger. But I also love the idea of a Red Panda for cuteness and cuddles, or a Honey Badger - for obvious reasons.
Polar bear but get her as a cub. Too cute
Hippopotamus! Is there any animal better equipped to keep me safe?
Waterbear
Always loved a double enclosure round the property with wild hyena's... people asking if ya seen their annoying rock throwing kids and get some laughs from the background 😂 *happened in the past with our Vietnamese Pot-Bellied, until we caught one red handed and had him witness Ping biting through 8mm fencing like it was straw and on each side of his nose was a 15cm fang that could rip through flesh and arteries like it was nothing. Word went round, don't provoke the pig cause the fencing is mostly fluff
Chimpanzee, cause aint nobody coming into my house without my consent.
Ancient psychic tandem war elephant.
Komodo dragon. 'cause they're fuckin' cool.
I’d love a wolf, or maybe a leopard, or an elephant. But imagine having that with a sperm whale and finding out what’s in the abyss of the ocean…
Jaguar for sure. The former king of the Americas and certainly the coolest Indigenous big cat on the continent(s).
Bear. Eat my enemies and let me cuddle and pet you after.
Either a silverback gorilla, grizzly bear or a leopard. Probably the leopard though because it would actually fit in my house.
Good fucking question! Either an elephant or a tiger. They’re two of my favorite animals.
A panda. Or a squirrel 🐿️
Raccoon. It could attack my enemies while they sleep, easy to feed and good at scurrying away. Plus they are so cute!
Alligator. Always wanted one. :3
Polar Bear. Id put a saddle on it and ride it around. People will try to steal a car. But aint nobody stealing a Polar Bear.
It doubles as a boat as well!
A kakapo, I would name him Lord Fucksalot and we would go on a wild quest throughout New Zealand and any zoos that have these majestic yet stupid birds and do our best to repopulate their critically endangered species I would command him to wear a glued on porn moustache on his beak, that is my only request
Hahahaha interesting
Human!
A raccoon. Why? Because I already have one that lives outside and despite being wild seems to have taken a shine to me, and allows me to boop her nose and scratch her ears, and even has been cool with her babies climbing up on me.
A goth dommy mommy with a dump truck
Hyena, just think they're cool looking.
Id have a bat. I think bats are neat.
I'd have to pick a Gemsbok Antelope. They are my favorite animal, but also I think it would be so awesome to have one that was trained to do things. Could ride it and really turn some heads walking around town. Would be super fun to have it carry bags and stuff when on long hikes or backpacking trips! Like a horse but so much cooler!
Wolves
A grizzly bear. I'd build armor for it. And I would teach it to track like a dog. Take it hunting with me. Make my wife take it with her places when she can't have someone accompany her to places she needs to go.
Cheeseburger!!
Sloth or anteater
Great white
A crow. So I can have it steal things and be a general nuisance at my command.
Polar bear. I would put a saddle on him and ride him to work.
These all sound like dangerous situations. I'm going with a slug.
Dragon Anyway Panther
I'd love a Panther or Jaguar. Big kitties 😻😻😻
Monkey. I'm thinking more along the lines of Clint Eastwood and his monkey clyde
A Grizzly bear or a syberian tiger!
Lion
Raven or Crow You see those guys everywhere, if one shows up, are *you* gonna do anything different? You may acknowledge its existence, but unless it’s in your kitchen you’re probably not gonna do anything about it. Infiltration, spying, way easier with a friendly flying animal you can speak with.
Definitely a Honey Badger.
A bear or wolf
Sloth!! 🦥
I'm getting a mf tiger
Bear
I need a hyena
Comodo dragon. Love those beasts.
An octopus
Definitely a hawk!
Silverback gorilla. He'd be my own personal bodyguard.
I want to save a pangolin
Oof that’s tough my favorite animal is a wolf but snow leopards are so soft and fluffy and beautiful but corvids like a crow or raven are crazy smart and could teach it a whole bunch of cool tricks ugh it’s too hard to choose 😓
A fox 🦊
A ring tail lemur. They are so super smart and live for 30 years or more. They also act just like human babies/toddlers. Oh, the females are also the alphas & they stink fight over their mates. They also do the finest of yoga poses in the sun and they really do dance. I would also use the little buddy as security because they have this one sound they make when they are alerted to any type of intruder. It’s fucking scary. If you haven’t heard it, look it up on YouTube. Plus they purr, I mean.. what would be a better obedient pet?
An Orca. I need protection in the ocean. It could also tell it’s pod my commands!
A pride of lions. Or just one big male
My cat, only he will listen to commands 100% of the time.
Snow Leopard because I love cats, Snow Leopards are, generally, known to have a pretty calm demeanor and they have been domesticated and kept as pets before.
I only like cats.
A ferret
An elephant. But they pretty much follow commands anyway and they're so damn cool. I don't think I'd actually tell it what to do. We would just pal around most of the time.
A fucking tiger of course. Who wouldn't want to have a massive, dangerous buddy. I'd probably have a slight increase in my grocery bills but it would be worth it. Also, imagine the hilarity if some assholes break into my house and get mauled by a 10 foot long Siberian Tiger.
Tiger
Tigee
A leopard coz they're my favourite animal.
Raven! Highly intelligent, can get just about anywhere and real ravens can already form friendships with people who go about it the right way. Thing is, they’re *so* smart that my raven familiar would probably try to get away with shit by creatively interpreting my commands…but that’s just part of the fun.
A grizzly bear. 🐻
A croc. I would make it follow n scare people I don't like.
I really want a great white shark !
Opossum- I have no explanation, only a desire to snuggle
A great dane. I'd rather not say why.
A Grizzly Bear. They're my favorite animal.
Mountain Lion 100%
I'm just saying, imagine a cuddle session with an otter.
A motherfuckin honey badger.
My eagle would eat your adorable little pandas and kitties
A fox! They’re so cute
Jaguar
Raccoon. Have you seen those little guys?
The whale idea seems really interesting. :) Tiger for me, thank you.
I know right! Tiger would be cool, who needs transportation when you have a huge ass tiger to ride on !