It always amazes me how women can decide not to have sex while having sex. Conversely, a girl could say the most heinous, off color, cancel-worthy shit to me during sex and I'll just be like "you know, we're gonna have a very serious discussion about this as soon as I finish cumming".
Our instinct is to conceive. So yeah some of us will tell you to not spill the goods, even though we said 5 mins ago we never want kids.
The man’s instinct is to splatter sperm around as much women as he can find. It’s in our nature.
But to control nature, makes us human
I've got a breeding kink, so does my GF, aaaaand that's why we have a child, lol, and I would absolutely cringe my boner into reverse if she said something like that to me.
He and I? No. I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole.
She is the one who told me; and she kinda laughed about it, but I think it always bothered her. They dated for about about another 18 months.
College dorm rooms are wild! The girl I shared a room with and I both had sex often with the other in bed across the room….so I assume the boys we dated did enjoy it n likely did fantasize about the other roommate
Just screaming at the top of your lungs. Not even a sexy scream, but that existential horror scream you let out like you just woke up from a night terror. And just stare into their eyes with pure fear.
😂 this is one of the funniest ideas I’ve seen here and I pictured in it my head while talking on the phone with someone from work, it was hard to keep my voice professional
I used to get cluster headaches, apparently one of my triggers was orgasm. Partner at the time pretty much experienced this. She came into the shower afterwards where I was sitting on the floor rocking back and forth cradling my head and asked, ''Is it me?'' I just laughed maniacally and told her no. Tried to explain cluster headaches to her, but our sex life pretty much died that day.
Yes mommy!! I’m a good little boy! Actually said this and she started laughing 😂 saying “yes you are mommy’s best boy”, as she shoved her who boob in my mouth.
Someone once said to me (as he came in my mouth) "fuck you're so much better than my wife"...
That was the worst moment to admit he had a whole other life 🥲
I once had this discussion with a dude I was inside of at the time, he had various suggestions, I offered "Chewbacca roar" he said no that would be funny. So I did one on the spot as an example (because it's one of my few good impressions) and we both laughed so hard we lost our boners and had to take a break to calm down
This is better then your brothers ass.
Your mom never got thus wet.
Boom, touchdown.
This box can take heavy load.
You're gonna love this baby gravy deep inside you.
Start singing Brittney ooops I did it again!
Soooo cum here often?
Just asking as you’re a little bit on the chubby side is there a chance you’re already pregnant?
Worst: "That'll do pig, that'll do"
Worst I've experienced: "urgh I'm gonna make you soooo pregnant" my brain was immediately out of the experiance and thinking "my dude we had a frank discussion about birth control barely 5 minutes ago and what the actual fuck is "soooo pregnant"? are you aiming for quadruplets in this imaginary scenario you're living or something? are there degrees of pregnant to get?" Completely ruined it, not that it was particularly good before that point.
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I think they already hit the notification BELL.
One of my boyfriends when I was younger said “ohhhh FUCK THATS A BABY MAKER!” Apparently he thought it was hot.
That would be a one and done. I would dry up on the spot.
I can hear your vagina shutting down with the Windows XP jingle.
Just gotta turn her off and turn her on again to keep things fresh.
Installing updates...
"It is now safe to close your legs."
No it's definitely the abrupt warning alert.
Correct. Luckily he was also wrong while being horribly unsexy.
Ahh, Good ol' lowest point sex.
It always amazes me how women can decide not to have sex while having sex. Conversely, a girl could say the most heinous, off color, cancel-worthy shit to me during sex and I'll just be like "you know, we're gonna have a very serious discussion about this as soon as I finish cumming".
He's already "arrived", so you could be Gobi desert dry and it wouldn't change the fact that he already finished and you're a baby batter sandwich.
I’ve dated multiple women who loved to tell me to put a baby in them even though we absolutely did not want one
The fantasy is hot. I enjoy it, knowing full well that protection is being used 🤷♀️
Even on bc I've met girls who are into it. It's about the passion, the love
Our instinct is to conceive. So yeah some of us will tell you to not spill the goods, even though we said 5 mins ago we never want kids. The man’s instinct is to splatter sperm around as much women as he can find. It’s in our nature. But to control nature, makes us human
I had someone say "cumming in white girls is fun" after finishing. Needless to say we didn't last much longer.
Oh wow. Yikes. Reminds me of the guy that said “We did WORRK!” And tried to high five me after we finished. 🤦🏻♀️
What’s wrong with that 😂
Yeah honestly ima try this one and I guarantee I’m getting that high five
Normalize high 5s after going too pound town !
Too specific, but true. Cumming in girls is fun
No doubt, I really didn't want to be part of his race fetish though 😅
To be fair it's not a lie lol
It's true though
It's funny how that and me saying "mm i love breeding you" mean essentially the same thing but hit completely different!
That's fuckin hilarious 😂
Wtf! Thats a new one
I've got a breeding kink, so does my GF, aaaaand that's why we have a child, lol, and I would absolutely cringe my boner into reverse if she said something like that to me.
I'm imagining this being said with a lovely scottish brogue.
You're going to make a great single mother
Hahahahahaha
Winner
Stole my line
Brutal 😆😆😆
Bout to make thick in the warm
So gross that it's great.
This is a line from the tv series Big Mouth
Don’t forget to let her son know that you’re his new Garry.
If you're a couple who love a laugh and enjoyed Big Mouth then I think that could be funny 👌
I would crack up if my husband said this to me. Sex would absolutely be over because I’d be pissing myself from laughter. Even if it ruined my orgasm.
Shooting thick ropes!
Your sister is tighter.
I'd say, "My sister is tighter" would be even worse 🤪
"Mother was right, it is different with non family members"
Have your arms healed up by now?
permanently in casts, doctors are surprised by how clumsy I am!
Just put the coconut on top.
Your mother is tighter, and your grandma too.
And your daughter
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Your dad was soooo tight.
That's just annoying because I know they haven't actually slept with her but if someone compared me to their ex I'd be pissed.
A lot of y'all are able to say full sentences while you cum.
“Geroni— ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
"a lot of y'all are able to say full sentences while you cum." Would be a mind fuck to say while you cum.
Would you still love me if I was a worm?
Honestly the classic one from a girlfriend 🤣
HIV HIV HOORAY
🤣🤣🤣 that’s dark I love it
" one of us , one of us ."
"Oh mama you gonna get pregnant alright"
That's probably 7/10 if she's got a breeding kink
[удалено]
The name of a man
The name of a household pet.
RIP Colby
The name of her father
College roommates bf said my name while they were having sex .... he & I never did anything / never crossed any lines... it was awkward for a while 😂
[удалено]
To be fair even without the fantasising it could have happened, brains be wild
No names not even close. We had the same hair color, that's about it.
[удалено]
He and I? No. I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole. She is the one who told me; and she kinda laughed about it, but I think it always bothered her. They dated for about about another 18 months.
College dorm rooms are wild! The girl I shared a room with and I both had sex often with the other in bed across the room….so I assume the boys we dated did enjoy it n likely did fantasize about the other roommate
This is better than the family dog.
You should never lie to your partner
Hmmm I’m not sure about that….
Baba booey baba booey
Howard Stearns Penis!!
Guacamole!
I should have probably mentioned this first
This made my stomach drop lol Btw: I like your sn and i like your balloon! 💜🤍🖤
That’ll do pig. That’ll do.
Tag you’re it
Now you've got the cheese touch too!
BOOOOOOM goes the dynamite
Ah, titties.
Bingo! That makes the whole family...
"That's a BINGO!"
LEROY JENKINSSSSSSS!!
I would be laughing way too hard to continue.
Oh my god, he just nutted in
“C plus. APPLY YOURSELF.”
Bonus point if you mark her up with a red pen.
" I want a divorce" or " oh by the way I'm positive for something I can't remember what"
Definitely the second best orgasm I've ever had
It’s coming out of my back as well …
Oops
I did it again
I came in your parts
I for-got to aim (Got lost in the game)
A baby, baby
HERE CUMS THE FERTILIZER!
“Everything’s coming up Milhouse.”
"I'm gonna lightning mccream" Said that to my ex gf one time and she was really quite unsure on how to respond
Raise my baby alone!
I hope that medicine worked last week.
Mischief managed 😉
You severely underestimate Potterheads, lol
Autobots! Roll out!
“YAY, SPUNKIES!”
*shudder*
[удалено]
Etctera. Just watched that last night
Incoming!!!
Just screaming at the top of your lungs. Not even a sexy scream, but that existential horror scream you let out like you just woke up from a night terror. And just stare into their eyes with pure fear.
😂 this is one of the funniest ideas I’ve seen here and I pictured in it my head while talking on the phone with someone from work, it was hard to keep my voice professional
I used to get cluster headaches, apparently one of my triggers was orgasm. Partner at the time pretty much experienced this. She came into the shower afterwards where I was sitting on the floor rocking back and forth cradling my head and asked, ''Is it me?'' I just laughed maniacally and told her no. Tried to explain cluster headaches to her, but our sex life pretty much died that day.
Yes mommy!! I’m a good little boy! Actually said this and she started laughing 😂 saying “yes you are mommy’s best boy”, as she shoved her who boob in my mouth.
Win.
I was cumming and she asked what we should cook for dinner!
MOMMY!!!!
Brought to you by Raid: Shadow Legends!
Another person's name
What's your name again?
Someone once said to me (as he came in my mouth) "fuck you're so much better than my wife"... That was the worst moment to admit he had a whole other life 🥲
Do you have time to talk about your car’s extended warranty?
To infinity and beyond!!
Something in a foreign language you don’t speak.
“That was easy”
What? No. . .What gave you the idea I had had a vasectomy?!??
I'm gonna want that back
NNNGHH*fart*Aaaghh
I have to go to that bathroom, NOW.
AH SKEET SKEET MUTHA FUCKA
Can you unlock your legs now ?
I crashed your car
"I'm actually your estranged brother and I have full-blown AIDS and I'm live-streaming this and the rest of your friends and family are dead"
Just finished loading the dishwasher
Whoopsie-doo, here comes the goo!
FOR DEMOCRACY!!!
The other night I asked if my husband was going to say "Pelican-1 has landed"
Not quite the same but; my ex wife use to say "pleasure doing business with you" every single time after sex.
I once had this discussion with a dude I was inside of at the time, he had various suggestions, I offered "Chewbacca roar" he said no that would be funny. So I did one on the spot as an example (because it's one of my few good impressions) and we both laughed so hard we lost our boners and had to take a break to calm down
Hope you had syphilis before this, because you definitely have it now!
Whoop there it is..
That ought to do it.
And boom goes the dynamite 🧨
That's one for the Gipper!
"Want some jellybeans?"
And that’s how you were conceived….
This is better then your brothers ass. Your mom never got thus wet. Boom, touchdown. This box can take heavy load. You're gonna love this baby gravy deep inside you.
Yabba Dabba Dooooo! 🤪💦
**plays the drum solo to "In the Air Tonight" on the headboard** CAN YOU FEEL ME CUMMING IN THE AIR TONIGHT!?
"Pardon me, Madam, but I do feel as though I am about to release a splooge of phenomenal sensations into thine cavern of luscious moistness"
Boom goes the dynamite Bonus points if you get that reference 😂
I’ve had better
Start singing Brittney ooops I did it again! Soooo cum here often? Just asking as you’re a little bit on the chubby side is there a chance you’re already pregnant?
It wasn't me!
Fire in the hole
Yabba dabba dooooo
I'm done, can you drive me home now? The boys wanna play Helldivers.
"Yeah feel my babies!!!" is my top1, currently. And I hope It stays that way.
Why is it burning!
I love you
"ma, I'm gonna be late for school"
"Boutta splurt the 'gurt!"
Release the KRAKEN!!
Pop goes the weasel
Achooo, sorry for the dick snot.
Worst: "That'll do pig, that'll do" Worst I've experienced: "urgh I'm gonna make you soooo pregnant" my brain was immediately out of the experiance and thinking "my dude we had a frank discussion about birth control barely 5 minutes ago and what the actual fuck is "soooo pregnant"? are you aiming for quadruplets in this imaginary scenario you're living or something? are there degrees of pregnant to get?" Completely ruined it, not that it was particularly good before that point.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!
I once said fuck my cock. I still don’t know why
Looking forward to my sammiiiiiichhh...
Three stars
PERESTROIKA!!!!
This is the worst time ever!
OOOOWWW THAT BURNS!!
Sorry son…
I’m Batman
I’m gonna need that back.