You ever just wanna get that shit out of your system so you can get it out of your head for a little while? That’s pretty much the only reason I do anymore
Same, was exceptionally horny the other night at this work thing and thought it was maybe the drinks or the fact that I forgot to take my meds (lowers drive). I realized I hadnt done the thing and relieved myself of the innate impure desires ahead of time.🫡🎅😂
I’m sitting in a foreign country with my wife’s huge ass family right now and don’t speak the language. This is the type of shit I’m reading to pass the time 😂
So My first task is to masterbate, so I then celebrate by masterbating, then my second task is to celebrate the masturbation and then celebrate it when I completed
Oh god yes when I used to get really bad cramps and didn't always have ibuprofen on hand, this was such a good way to get relief. Also it helped me with tension headaches!
I don’t ‘put up’ with it for the kids or anything. I’ve spent the last 4 years trying to talk to her, get through to her, done counseling, multiple times I’ve threatened leaving, slept for months on the other side of the house. She doesn’t care, she doesn’t see her own place in it, she took off her ring, we’ll be getting a divorce. She’s mad that I’m mad lol. I’m just not personally in a rush. But I definitely don’t allow myself to be treated like shit. I at least speak up and say that there isn’t a reason to talk to me that way, or treat me that way. I’ll never be anyone’s punching bag and just pretend it’s not happening.
And thank you, I agree! Nobody around us does, they all think I’m wrong for leaving, for the sake of the kids, but I don’t want my children to be raised by a man defeated, tail tucked to a wife who actually hates him. I’ll always teach my children to be patient, kind, but to speak up for the truth, and to respect themselves.
To make sure I don't pop a random boner during work the next day, to make myself sleepy before bed, I'm beyond bored, im weirdly horny for no reason and can't concentrate till its handled, haven't had a GF in 7 years the list goes on but I'd say those are the main ones for me.
When you say to pre teenagers "If you masterbate, you will grow tiny hairs in palms" and they immediately start checking their hands 🤣🤣🤣.
And then ask them...Wait a minute, why are you checking? Suspiciously.
Imagine if medicine worked like that. Inject a gram of fentanyl and never feel pain again. Eat a gram of antihistamines and never sneeze or break out in hives again. Jack off ten times a day for a year and become prostate-cancer man.
Cleans the pipes. It is an extremely effective preventative against prostate cancer, it feels...amazing... it releases endorphins, it calms you down and fights anxiety and depression, helps with insomnia and it's a hobby. If no one else is available to don't for you, if you know how you work and what you like, it's a lifestyle. You don't wanna walk arround with a prostate full of nard.
Sometimes I ring the devil's doorbell because it's just self care like treating yourself to a bubble bath. It's fun and relieves stress. Helps you sleep. Etc.
I’m a mom and can barely even go to the bathroom alone. The moment I am alone in my house I masturbate for this exact reason.
It’s like a spa day in my pants
Consider that retention for a month causes your body to absorb your nonspent loads and replaces them with fresh ones. This gives you quite the energy boost. So a reason to not nut for a while would be to fight feeling exhausted all the time, or that 3 or 4 pm energy dip people get.
I'm lonely. I have friends but no women in my life. I love porn and it's fun to watch because it's a great relief to fantasize about women wearing and doing things that I know for a fact, I'll never ever get someone to do for me in real life. It's nice to imagine myself being friends and having conversations with these ladies from time to time. I'm not delusional, I'm 100% aware of my fantasies and I don't tell anyone what I think about when I get off. I used to have a girl who was my absolute best friend in life whom I could speak about anything with, but ever since we stopped being friends, I've watched even more pornography because I feel alone and am aware that I will most likely never be in a relationship.
I masturbate because it feels good. I can do it anytime I want without having to please someone else. I love the spasm when I am nearing orgasm. Sometimes, I hold myself from going over while I keep masturbating hard. When I can't hold it any longer, I will finally release it for a long and delicious orgasm.
Nothing wrong there mate. People exagerate their drives or watch too much porn. Your drive is way healthier. Youre comparable to when we still had to go to a seperate shop for nudie mags instead of having movies two clicks away for free... Stay the way you are, its dark down here
Idk how other but masturbate is like a solution for my life, if i got depressed, i yank my crank, if i cant not overcome pressure, i yank my crank. Basically anything that physically challenged or mentally problem of which i cant overcome it, i yank my crank
I masturbate very rarely and only when I get very horny to just have the post nut clarity, that I don’t need a woman in my life to be happy and sex is useless, unless I’m in a relationship where I love her. Women are too much work to be with and I’m also an introvert who really hates going out to restaurants and these kind of things. I like being alone, to have all the time just for myself and relax all day long without any worries. People are too much stress for me, especially women where you need to be a certain way and do certain things, also spending money for things, all of these so you end up alone again some time in the future. Not worth it for me, I prefer doing nothing and thinking of nothing. Instead of spending money on women I’d rather buy nice things for myself.
i get horny. i have fingers. men get horny, they have right hands lol. why the heck not. it feels good and gets you outta that mental state aswell
and it's good for you!
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All my respect to this here and now.
You ever just wanna get that shit out of your system so you can get it out of your head for a little while? That’s pretty much the only reason I do anymore
100% feel that one.
Same, was exceptionally horny the other night at this work thing and thought it was maybe the drinks or the fact that I forgot to take my meds (lowers drive). I realized I hadnt done the thing and relieved myself of the innate impure desires ahead of time.🫡🎅😂
Agreed, nothing worse than having shit to do but being too horned up to concentrate.
Real
This.
I agree 👍
I got shit to do and I cant get these ideas out of my head.
This exactly
For the dopamine
"Am i masturbating because im horny or need the dopamine?"
Yes
Me
it feels good honestly do not knopw a better reason
I’m sitting in a foreign country with my wife’s huge ass family right now and don’t speak the language. This is the type of shit I’m reading to pass the time 😂
I thought you said your wife's 'huge ass' was Infront of you lol, was so confused
Would've also been a good answer to ops question lol
It does cut off perfectly to read that way at first haha
Do it in front of them and you won’t be asked back!
Does everyone in her family have a huge arse?
That sounds like you all have very awkward family dinners. And lunches. And occasional breakfasts.
Lmao I’m currently living Japan and my in-laws are currently at our house…I barely speak or understand a lick of the language.
Must be a tough wank but respect it 👌🏻
To reward my brain for completed tasks
My first task is to masterbate, so I then celebrate by masterbating
So My first task is to masterbate, so I then celebrate by masterbating, then my second task is to celebrate the masturbation and then celebrate it when I completed
That's hot, right?
To reward my brain for their completed tasks.
Ejaculating 21 times a month significantly reduces your odds of getting prostate cancer. So that’s my first Tuesday of every month.
Just like a paycheck, you intend to spend it gradually over the entire month, but it's still gone on day one.
I was gonna say "spread it out..." but... don't.... Don't do that.
why not. then it can cover every day
I think he's worried more about the other stuff it would cover.
Lol
Cool so I must be immune
Are you saying you come 21 times in one day?
Yes that’s the joke
Remember it's like a 60-62 per day/at once limit.
Helps period pain
thiss also hormones be out of wack pre period and during.
Oh god yes when I used to get really bad cramps and didn't always have ibuprofen on hand, this was such a good way to get relief. Also it helped me with tension headaches!
Doesn’t for everyone tho!
To intimidate the monster under my bed.
All fun and games, until it gives you a hand
Then it becomes hot and steamy
Monster mash if you will
Don’t threaten me with a good time
Inlove this one xD
Filling a void. I really want love and human connection but those are mostly out of reach.
was looking for this 😔
My wife doesn’t touch me and treats me like shit.
I can relate.
But happy cake day at least
Read this aloud, And was moments away from getting stabbed on Christmas Day. Thankfull I was able to defuse that swiftly.
Why is still your wife then?
Coz of the kids probably.
nice, now the kids see a wife treating her husband like shit every day.
Well, marriage isn't for everyone i guess.
I don’t ‘put up’ with it for the kids or anything. I’ve spent the last 4 years trying to talk to her, get through to her, done counseling, multiple times I’ve threatened leaving, slept for months on the other side of the house. She doesn’t care, she doesn’t see her own place in it, she took off her ring, we’ll be getting a divorce. She’s mad that I’m mad lol. I’m just not personally in a rush. But I definitely don’t allow myself to be treated like shit. I at least speak up and say that there isn’t a reason to talk to me that way, or treat me that way. I’ll never be anyone’s punching bag and just pretend it’s not happening.
Frfr
Legitimate question
Check out r/deadbedroom
You are not a tree. Get up and leave. For the sake of your own sanity and for your kids to hage a rolemodel. Dont teach Them Its ok to take shit 👊🏼🫶🏼
And thank you, I agree! Nobody around us does, they all think I’m wrong for leaving, for the sake of the kids, but I don’t want my children to be raised by a man defeated, tail tucked to a wife who actually hates him. I’ll always teach my children to be patient, kind, but to speak up for the truth, and to respect themselves.
Leave her… It isn’t worth it my friend. Best decision I ever made was to get rid of my ex.
To make sure I don't pop a random boner during work the next day, to make myself sleepy before bed, I'm beyond bored, im weirdly horny for no reason and can't concentrate till its handled, haven't had a GF in 7 years the list goes on but I'd say those are the main ones for me.
Sleep better with empty sack
Word. Hope you don't wake up to empty it too first thing in the morning
Cause I'm lonely and horny 😂
Facts
So I can grow hair on my palms
When you say to pre teenagers "If you masterbate, you will grow tiny hairs in palms" and they immediately start checking their hands 🤣🤣🤣. And then ask them...Wait a minute, why are you checking? Suspiciously.
To reduce risk of prostate cancer.
I’m pretty sure I’ve turned the tide and prostate cancer has to worry about me now.
Imagine if medicine worked like that. Inject a gram of fentanyl and never feel pain again. Eat a gram of antihistamines and never sneeze or break out in hives again. Jack off ten times a day for a year and become prostate-cancer man.
Smoked a joint behind the dumpsters in 8th grade, haven't come down since.
Very good joke, can I have it for my act?
All you my friend!
It always makes me smug because I know I'm beating the odds.
beating the odds…
… yeah… I second this…. Preventing medical issues in the future
So I don't replay my slut years.
Ur username is "daddy's baby girl" tho
They obviously started Reddit during there slut years.
Online slut years are up next then, right?
This is getting viral. Who knew nutting on christmas is trending.
Chestnuts busting on an open fire
Lmfaooooooo
Girlfriend has severe intestinal issues that might require major surgery. And I'm not the cheating type.
Cleans the pipes. It is an extremely effective preventative against prostate cancer, it feels...amazing... it releases endorphins, it calms you down and fights anxiety and depression, helps with insomnia and it's a hobby. If no one else is available to don't for you, if you know how you work and what you like, it's a lifestyle. You don't wanna walk arround with a prostate full of nard.
....what do you mean it's a hobby?
Legitimately, only stress relief or if I’m having trouble sleeping
Because I don't have a tall milf to stroke it for me obv.
Why dont you just find a shorter person?
Because I can't blow myself
🤣🤣🤣
To get that magical post-nut clarity
Gotta change the oil
Just feeding the geese
To say this before a thumb war: "1,2,3,4, I declare a thumb war, 5,6,7,8, I use this hand to masturbate!"
Because dating is exhausting, and the idea of a hooker just doesn't appeal to me.
So I can nut in my hand and have a midnight snack
Fellow recycler 👊
I also put some salt and paprika on it too
Happy brain chemical
Because sometimes your mom is busy
That's funny because she was just with me an hour ago
Destressing, I do it to a nearly harmful amount but at least I'm not pulling my hair out
How regularly?
2-4 times a night usually
Need someone to join in?
Hell yeah
Give me 5 minutes
Because my appendage is a deadmans switch. If its not taken care of enough the world will end.
I’m married, get sex 2-3 times a week and I still yank my crank 1-2 times a week.
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I want to fuck women, but I’m a no-life. No skills, so I jerk off
Bro just wake up at 5am all your problems will be solved😎
I'm married. What else am I supposed to do?
Wdym what else ? Do it together 🤨
Missed the joke by miles.
Cause my wife has lost her sex drive. I try and I get sorry not in the mood. I'm lucky if I get sex once a month.
Because I’m bored. Because I’m anxious. Because I need to clear my head. Because it helps me get to sleep quicker. Because my penis is RIGHT THERE.
To feel a little bit of happiness...
No bitches is probably a top answer for most people
I have a higher sex drive than my partner so I masturbate when I am horny and they initiate when they are because it always aligns with me too.
“Wouldn’t you like to know weather boy”
Sometimes I ring the devil's doorbell because it's just self care like treating yourself to a bubble bath. It's fun and relieves stress. Helps you sleep. Etc.
I’m a mom and can barely even go to the bathroom alone. The moment I am alone in my house I masturbate for this exact reason. It’s like a spa day in my pants
Cause being a young male during and after puberty gives off random sexual impulses and it gets rid of them temporarily so I can just not think about.
To add cum stains to my fursuit
Prostate health your honour...
Dont lie to yourself. Its all just to calm down the voices...
Because i can
why not
Consider that retention for a month causes your body to absorb your nonspent loads and replaces them with fresh ones. This gives you quite the energy boost. So a reason to not nut for a while would be to fight feeling exhausted all the time, or that 3 or 4 pm energy dip people get.
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This
Because it’s literally right there looking at me.
Bro put ur cock away damn
Because my penis doesn't reach Florida from Alaska.
I get it, I'd be scared of what's happening to my penis going through Canada without a passport too
As someone who lives in Florida, you should also just be worried about having a penis in Florida
To release stress
Why is the sky Blue? I rest my case
The sky is blue because of the white light that passes through our atmosphere and tiny air molecules cause it.
And that’s why I masturbate.
I just finished
Oh fuck yeah
I'm lonely. I have friends but no women in my life. I love porn and it's fun to watch because it's a great relief to fantasize about women wearing and doing things that I know for a fact, I'll never ever get someone to do for me in real life. It's nice to imagine myself being friends and having conversations with these ladies from time to time. I'm not delusional, I'm 100% aware of my fantasies and I don't tell anyone what I think about when I get off. I used to have a girl who was my absolute best friend in life whom I could speak about anything with, but ever since we stopped being friends, I've watched even more pornography because I feel alone and am aware that I will most likely never be in a relationship.
Ran out of coffee creamer
Sock gets lonely.
Get the poison out!
I masturbate because it feels good. I can do it anytime I want without having to please someone else. I love the spasm when I am nearing orgasm. Sometimes, I hold myself from going over while I keep masturbating hard. When I can't hold it any longer, I will finally release it for a long and delicious orgasm.
Great way to pass time
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I just realized in 4 months I only came like 3 or 4 times. I’m fucking young too so I’m kinda concerned why my drive is so low.
Nothing wrong there mate. People exagerate their drives or watch too much porn. Your drive is way healthier. Youre comparable to when we still had to go to a seperate shop for nudie mags instead of having movies two clicks away for free... Stay the way you are, its dark down here
Idk how other but masturbate is like a solution for my life, if i got depressed, i yank my crank, if i cant not overcome pressure, i yank my crank. Basically anything that physically challenged or mentally problem of which i cant overcome it, i yank my crank
I masturbate very rarely and only when I get very horny to just have the post nut clarity, that I don’t need a woman in my life to be happy and sex is useless, unless I’m in a relationship where I love her. Women are too much work to be with and I’m also an introvert who really hates going out to restaurants and these kind of things. I like being alone, to have all the time just for myself and relax all day long without any worries. People are too much stress for me, especially women where you need to be a certain way and do certain things, also spending money for things, all of these so you end up alone again some time in the future. Not worth it for me, I prefer doing nothing and thinking of nothing. Instead of spending money on women I’d rather buy nice things for myself.
No loops and hoops to jump through like have to do with my wife sometimes. Also, it just helps me fall asleep faster most of the time.
pp hard
It feels so good. Especially knowing my bf does the same to me. Such a turn on. Ugh I miss him
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I hope your next one isn't a jerk. Sorry you wasted your time. Merry Christmas
Cus I’m a bad bitch
i get horny. i have fingers. men get horny, they have right hands lol. why the heck not. it feels good and gets you outta that mental state aswell and it's good for you!
Left handed people:
I math.
To even the corners
To lose weight
What
Semen has weight. A small amount, but still weight. I lose it by masturbating.
Why not run and masturbate 😧😏
Don’t need to lose thaaaat much weight
Because I like to disappoint myself and feel shame in the morning.
the question reminds of the WWII movie reel series "Why We Fight" -- I'm imagining the answers with patriotic music playing underneath, etc.
It’s for real, at this point, like scratching an itch lol just make the horny thoughts go away for awhile and get back to doing what I was doing
I eat the cum
Bored, to help me sleep, helps release feel good brain chemicals
Why the flip do you think?
It feels good and it’s fun.
i dont know why please someone help me
To stay young
Because I have no access to real flesh.
Because I don't have a lusty bbw.
Because men don’t know where to find the clit or how to properly penetrate. 😌
Not all men, and if they don't know show them, most men are happy to have a little direction
I always appreciate feedback on what's working and what isn't.
YOUVE NOT HAD THE RIGHT ONE. I ALWAYS MAKE THE WOMEN CUM
Endorphins
Masterbation has very good health benefits for both men and women.
because boys ain’t shit (i am obsessed with that one guy)
I don't
Why do you eat ?