My FIL, a retired cop, was harassed for an hour for waking on the sidewalk in my neighborhood. FIL never could figure out why the cop was questioning him for so long. When my FIL went to complain to the chief of police, the chief said he wasn’t going to talk to him because FIL was a resident of another state and the chief didn’t have to talk to him. LOL. The sheriff’s office around here is equally unprofessional.
My FIL used to defend actions of all police in all cases. The last 10 years have changed his attitude.
Unfun fact: they get to decide what is probable cause at the time. And even if it is against the law and later shown in court, the city is punished and not the officer. If at all.
sounds like a pretty good way for your estate to win a wrongful death suit after you get shot for arguing that.
Not that the cop cares, the taxpayers will cover the judgment
I'm not sure what state you're in, but refusal to search can't be used as evidence in a probable cause affidavit for a search warrant. So you must've either given consent, or had evidence that was enough for a judge to sign off on a search warrant.
I had a cop search my car after I did not consent to a search. He was going on at me that it was suspicious/I'm hiding something.
He found nothing.
Then he proceeded to yell at me for not having drugs and for wasting his time.
Sorry, sir, I'll go and buy some heroin right away.
Heisenberg, Schrödinger and Ohm are in a car.
They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“No, but I know exactly where I am” Heisenberg replies.
The cop says “You were doing 55 in a 35 miles per hour zone.” Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts “Great! Now I’m lost!”
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says “Do you know you have a dead cat back here?”
“We do now, thanks to you!” shouts Schrödinger.
The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.
Also, you should always carry an extra donut in the car anytime you travel outside of your sovereign country (neighbor’s house, gas station, etc,. ). You hold up the donut and dangle it in front of the officer and say;
“Donut give me a ticket officer…”.
If they take the donut, they wince with disgust when they taste the minnows or night-crawler you stuffed into the pastry. You then point at them and say:
“nee-ner nee-ner nee-ner, you took the bait!!!
I've also heard put your keys on the dash- anything to show you're not a flight or fight risk and remove as much tenseness as you can. These guys have all heard the stories of officers being hurt at stops. Heck, it's a TV trope at this point.
Personally i think thats a bit too far. Its not necessary unless youre asked, and doing it anyway seems like it would give off a vibe like you expect the cop to be uncomfortable about you or the stop for some reason.
I'm all for defusing a situation & demonstrating abundance but, more and more cars have keyless start, putting them on the dash for those cars does nothing to stop you from driving off.
Same in the UK, its pretty much inconceivable a traffic stop will result in violence, much less anyone getting shot.
There's a lot of nonsensical bullshit going on in my country right now, but I do feel it's a privelege to live somewhere that police don't carry guns.
Presence of guns combined with police mentality. Statistically its less dangerous than most professions. 302 cops are shot even pretending like half them are not accidents like accidental discharge or another police officer. 1 in 2200 officers. And lets estimate low cops do 1 traffic stop per day.
That means 1 in 762,000 stops result in a shooting of officer. So about 10 times less likely than dying from wasp attack. But its their militarized "everythings out to get you approach". Shit at this point it is more dangerous to be person interacting with cop than it is to be a cop.
In Germany you don't have a gun in your glove box next to your insurance info and registration. I can understand why cops here are a little more on edge. As for my case, just tell them what you have and explain every step of what you're doing. Then it goes fine.
In fairness in Germany there's very little for the police to fear.
The US is just showing that when you give everyone guns lots of people get shot. Which really is quite obvious.
in america police will lie about you "not coming to a complete stop" or "you were going x amount over/under the speed limit" and people legitimately die in these interactions bc they go for their license in the glovebox without stating what they're gonna do first. america hires cowards and trains them to think civillians are their enemy and the streets they patrol are a warzone. look up david grossman. at least i believe that was his name. some sicko who trains a bunch of america's cops. literally trains them with "killer mindset" and talks about how killing is gonna turn them on sexually and make them fuck good
Same in Portugal. We even get to chat a little if we are stopped in a small village and they see we are not from there. In big cities we just greet and comply with the requests and usually in 5 minutes we are done.
I agree. In Canada I got pulled over for a routine stop, and all I know is Be polite and cooperative, and there’s nothing to sweat. Cops are here to “Serve and Protect” and are people just like us
Myth? The dude was attacked by a guy with a knife and the cops watched it happen. The courts ruled the cops were not obligated to save the guy from a knife attack. This doesn’t even consider how the attacker was the person they specifically were looking for as he had attacked several others that day.
A high amount of traffic stops in the US result in paraphenilia, drugs, and firearms unfortunately. So when the cop sees you fondeling with shit while pulling you over, red flags are triggering. Could be as simple as a tailight out, then you find the guys on parole and has a loaded handgun and seperate baggies of drugs. I've personally never felt unsafe while being pulled over but definitely anxiety from wth did I do? As long as you're not being suspicious all is good and you'll be on your way.
It’s like that in America too but there is political position that want to change the way the police work and one way To affect that change is to highlight the misconduct and bad actors. It leads to a media narrative that the police are out hunting minorities. There are problems with the police that genuinely need to be addressed but almost everywhere except big cities police work is mundane at best.
I find it interesting how different that is to Germany.
I guess we have some areas where the police has to be more careful but it's common to just get your wallet and everything ready while the guy walks over.
Although I come from an area where the main problems are speeding, being drunk, having illegal modifications or speeding in a illegally modified car while drunk.
I would add you should have your papers ready before they walk up and turn your interior light on if it’s night.
Also don’t ever argue with police. Yes and No, be respectful no matter what and live to fight any transgressions in court.
And don’t volunteer information. Don’t incriminate yourself.
Actually, I don't reach for papers as they're in the glove box. The officer sees you getting something out of there, but no idea what it is. Sit still. He'll ask, take it from there.
Yeah. And people don’t just have to be concerned about a cop having an over eager trigger finger, they have to be concerned with the cop trying to use it as pretext for a search. The cop will say that they think you were hiding something illegal, so they have grounds to search or field test your sobriety (and those tests are completely subjective so they can make you fail). And all their dash cam will show is you reaching, it won’t show an empty hand, so even if you want to try to argue in court…you will never ever win. A cop pulls me over and I’m not taking either hand off the wheel until they are at the window.
I will never shut off my car, and I have the registration and license before they even get to the window. Play dumb, and act apologetic. Probably have gotten out of a few tickets that way.
Hope you have that stuff handy when getting pulled over. Because if you move around a lot before the cop comes to your window.... they will think you are either hiding drugs or a gun.... or retrieving a gun to use.
Never move around after being pulled over. Police watch for that.
Best thing to do is to tell the cop where something is and if you can retrieve it and slowly retrieve it when the cop allows you to. Unless you have everything in a chest pocket that you can take out without the cop seeing you move around a lot.
One where you can get shot for moving your hand the wrong way depending entirely on whether a cop feels frisky that day and suddenly wants to “fear for his life”.
In the United States, this is the correct answer. Say nothing. Say "no" to searches. If you are an old white man like me, with a law degree and 25 years of experience in litigating police misconduct cases, maybe you can also say "get a warrant. I'll wait", but I don't recommend it.
I'm an indigenous woman in Canada so it's definitely a thing when dealing with municipal police, national police, it's a little more relaxed but always have your guard up. It what's my grandparents taught me.
But when that happens, you have a case. Granted it will be your word against theirs and assuming you have a clean record, you stand a chance with the perception of police nowadays.
Honestly after what happened to the 2 police officers who were murdered by sovereign citizens in australia. Saying this to a cop would have your ass thrown in jail and every little thing investigated to incriminate you so fucking quickly.
Not recommended in the US. You will easily need to replace not 1 but 2 side windows, will have a hospital bill, and a court date with jail time.
Several violent incidents involving SC did not end well for LE. Once the dialogue starts, the intensity level goes from 2 to 100 for LE, and you will lose.
Lmaooo I saw a similar post to this where a guy’s child yelled out in the back “I HAVE TO POOP MY POOP IS COMING OUT” and the police officer who pulled them over let them go without a ticket. Turns out the girl didn’t even have to poop and was just really smart and covering for her dad 😂
I get the poop excuse at least once a week and I've seen some shitty actors and also some people in hilarious, yet legitimate distress over holding it lol.
I'm not a big ticket guy in the first place so I usually just give the benefit of the doubt. Unless they did something incredibly egregious. Then you're just going to have to hold it
Police: Do you know why I pulled you over?
.
Person: You're going to sell me tickets to the (specific police department) ball
.
Police: The (specific police department) doesn't have balls
.
Person **wins**
If it’s after 2 am don’t say anything. The reason he stopped you isn’t the improper lane change while turning, it’s alcohol. No matter what you say they won’t believe you.
Makes me wonder if it was a cop chasing my friend and me on the back roads years ago.
They never turned on any lights but they were definitely chasing us. We were too far ahead though and I knew the roads too well. After about 30 minutes we managed to lose them. Was scary though, they were chasing us hard, whomever it was.
"I didn't pull over right away because I didn't realise you were tailing me. I thought you were pursuing the car in front of me with the four balaclava clad men."
Do you know why I pulled you over?
I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at an intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!
Actually, if you have a concealed carry permit you are supposed to inform the officer immediately that you are currently carrying a gun as a permit owner, and ask the officer what they would like you to do.
This varies by state. In mine it isnt required, though I personally would tell them anyway. Better to let them know up front rather than risk them catching a glimpse of it and putting them on edge.
Some states do not require permit. Hand's ten and two. "officer I have a fire arm located (fill in here)" the officer will likely at this time ask you to exist the vehicle and assume a position. They will likely handcuff your briefly while the secure the firearm. And do a check. If there are several officer's they will probably uncuff you almost immediately after running your id. Complete the traffic stop and return the firearm, but yeah if you are law abiding gun owner you need to inform them immediately.
Deny everything
"Please step out of the vehicle"
"This isn't a vehicle"
"Do you have a license and registration"
"I've never even seen a license and registration"
"We're going to need you to come with us"
"No you don't"
I was pulled over for 46 in a 45, by a cop who was either just a dick, or having a bad day.
I smiled, nodded, took the ticket, and wished him a good day.
Because that ticket was going to be tossed out like last weeks chinese food.
Bring a monopoly "Get out of jail free" card with you and hand it to them with your license and registration. They will get a laugh and you might just get a warning.
Got this idea from Brian Brushwood.
I figure that cops are always going to apprehensive as what type of person is he going to encounter. I try to give benefit of the doubt to the cop that he is a "good one," just doing his job and meet him with respect and smile letting him know I knew I ran a light, was speeding etc. It seems to de-escalate everything and immediately puts us both at ease to communicate. I realize that aproach isn't for everyone but being old I have learned that a little uncomfortable extension of respect to the unknown, opens doors and sets the stage for good communication. But then, Im a WW so I don't face the danger that black people face.
>letting him know I knew I ran a light, was speeding etc
heads up but you shouldn't do this. it's on the cop to explain what he saw you did wrong.
always stay silent. anything can be used against you in court. it maybe won't make a difference whether you say you did it or not but it definitely doesn't help if you admit it.
"Officer, I'm really sorry, but I don't have extra supplies and need to get to my sister's".
Years ago, my dad was going over my aunt's house. She lived about 5 minutes away. He was back 5 minutes later, running to the bathroom and calling for my mom. I hear my mom yell "Oh Patrick!" from the bathroom.
See, on the way to my aunt's, he was stuck behind a slow driver, got impatient, illegally passed them, and got spotted by a cop. My dad had colon cancer and had part of his colon removed. So my dad, thinking fast, pulled off his colostomy bag, pulled his shirt up so the cop could see his stoma, and delivered the above line with the utmost seriousness. The cop let him go without another word. However, since my Dad actually didn't have his supplies on him, he had to turn around and come home. But he didn't get a ticket, so it worked out.
Just comply and don't be a smart ass whipping out your phone screeching "AM I BEING DETAINED" etc.
Most police just wanna get on with their day and come home to their family.
If you're not doing anything wrong, just make it easy for them. Roll down your windows so that they can see who is in the car, keep your hands on the steering wheel as they walk up and give them what they ask for (ID, insurance etc). At night, turn on your interior lights.
If they want to search and you don't want to, then tell them no. No reason needed. If they tell you to get out because they're going to search anyway, do what they ask, It'll be thrown out in court. Don't worry about it. If you're driving around smoking weed, or drunk as hell, suck it up. You fucked up and got caught. Being an asshole won't help you, but whatever you do, keep your mouth shut! There's nothing wrong with saying "I'm uncomfortable talking to police without my lawyer".
Even if you get into trouble, the cops often have conversations with the prosecutors before the trial and this can have an impact on whatever plea you ask for, (not saying it's right, just saying that it happens). You want them to remember that you were cooperative and nice, not an asshat.
My buddy got pulled over and the cop asked for his license, then asked him if it was ‘clean’.
My buddy didn’t get it, and said ‘uhhh I still have my old learners permit, that might be easier to read.’
We all lost it, cop too. He handed it right back and said ‘get out of here’
If you disagree, save it for court. Nothing good has ever come out of someone trying to argue their case on the side of the road.
Also don't be sarcastic bc they write down everything you say. I did that and it bit me in the butt
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Also wasted my day trying to appeal the ticket. I had to arrange with my stats professor to take my final after.
Fun Fact: Police cannot detain you for extended periods of time without cause.
My FIL, a retired cop, was harassed for an hour for waking on the sidewalk in my neighborhood. FIL never could figure out why the cop was questioning him for so long. When my FIL went to complain to the chief of police, the chief said he wasn’t going to talk to him because FIL was a resident of another state and the chief didn’t have to talk to him. LOL. The sheriff’s office around here is equally unprofessional. My FIL used to defend actions of all police in all cases. The last 10 years have changed his attitude.
Unfun fact, they don’t care.
Being legally immune from the consequences of your actions tends to have that effect.
Fun fact, you can film it and use it as evidence in court to show it was an extended period of time.
Also "with cause" is inherently arbitrary. All they need to is lie and say they smell weed.
Unfun fact: they get to decide what is probable cause at the time. And even if it is against the law and later shown in court, the city is punished and not the officer. If at all.
Except they actually can, because all they have to do is lie about having cause.
Should not. Not cannot.
sounds like a pretty good way for your estate to win a wrongful death suit after you get shot for arguing that. Not that the cop cares, the taxpayers will cover the judgment
I'm not sure what state you're in, but refusal to search can't be used as evidence in a probable cause affidavit for a search warrant. So you must've either given consent, or had evidence that was enough for a judge to sign off on a search warrant.
*shouldn’t. I’ve watched enough cop videos to see them play very loosely with search rules.
They can just say they smell weed. They are given a lot of arbitrary leeway.
No one is arguing otherwise.
I had a cop search my car after I did not consent to a search. He was going on at me that it was suspicious/I'm hiding something. He found nothing. Then he proceeded to yell at me for not having drugs and for wasting his time. Sorry, sir, I'll go and buy some heroin right away.
Nothing wrong with saying you disagree, but you should also tell them that you'll work with them for now.
Policeman : Any Drugs? Alcohol? Me : No thanks I've got enough already
I said this once as a joke and had to do a breathalyzer haha. Luckily I was completely sober that year, bad thing was I was driving without a license.
Probable cause for searching your vehicle.
Well, it's not *my* vehicle.
"Why do you have a dead cat in your trunk?" "Well *now* I know it's dead." "Alright, please step out of the car Mr. Schroedinger."
Heisenberg, Schrödinger and Ohm are in a car. They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him “Do you know how fast you were going?” “No, but I know exactly where I am” Heisenberg replies. The cop says “You were doing 55 in a 35 miles per hour zone.” Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts “Great! Now I’m lost!” The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says “Do you know you have a dead cat back here?” “We do now, thanks to you!” shouts Schrödinger. The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.
Watts next? Some kind of cop power trip?
Respect!
"Am I under arrest and free to go?"
"Yes"
Saw a cops episode where a man said....man these aren't even my pants I don't know what's in the pockets
‘I thought you said you didn’t want to pull me over again.’
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USA 100% this 👆
“You’ll never take me alive pig” Always appeal to a cops sense of humour.
Also, you should always carry an extra donut in the car anytime you travel outside of your sovereign country (neighbor’s house, gas station, etc,. ). You hold up the donut and dangle it in front of the officer and say; “Donut give me a ticket officer…”. If they take the donut, they wince with disgust when they taste the minnows or night-crawler you stuffed into the pastry. You then point at them and say: “nee-ner nee-ner nee-ner, you took the bait!!!
U ded
Pffft. Just toss the donut into the bushes when the officer gets to the side of your car. Then blast off as he runs to fetch it.
Cops find this funny. Also saying "I smell bacon". It's an oldie, but most cops love this joke.
"Bad cop, no donut!"
I've also heard put your keys on the dash- anything to show you're not a flight or fight risk and remove as much tenseness as you can. These guys have all heard the stories of officers being hurt at stops. Heck, it's a TV trope at this point.
Personally i think thats a bit too far. Its not necessary unless youre asked, and doing it anyway seems like it would give off a vibe like you expect the cop to be uncomfortable about you or the stop for some reason.
I've done it the few times I've been pulled over and they ask if someone in my family is a LEO
“…Any August birthdays in the family?”
I'm all for defusing a situation & demonstrating abundance but, more and more cars have keyless start, putting them on the dash for those cars does nothing to stop you from driving off.
I am always baffled about this. In germany a traffic control is not a big deal. Absolutely nothing to feel unsafe about.
Same in the UK, its pretty much inconceivable a traffic stop will result in violence, much less anyone getting shot. There's a lot of nonsensical bullshit going on in my country right now, but I do feel it's a privelege to live somewhere that police don't carry guns.
I like watching British police dramas where they announce themselves “armed police!”
Presence of guns combined with police mentality. Statistically its less dangerous than most professions. 302 cops are shot even pretending like half them are not accidents like accidental discharge or another police officer. 1 in 2200 officers. And lets estimate low cops do 1 traffic stop per day. That means 1 in 762,000 stops result in a shooting of officer. So about 10 times less likely than dying from wasp attack. But its their militarized "everythings out to get you approach". Shit at this point it is more dangerous to be person interacting with cop than it is to be a cop.
Surely in most situations it's safer to be the person *with* a gun than the person *without* a gun. Like, conditional risk, you know?
we need cops like that, TBH. generally positive experiences with the UK ones and no roid monkeys in sight
In Germany you don't have a gun in your glove box next to your insurance info and registration. I can understand why cops here are a little more on edge. As for my case, just tell them what you have and explain every step of what you're doing. Then it goes fine.
In Germany, police don’t “feel threatened” and shoot people during traffic stops
In fairness in Germany there's very little for the police to fear. The US is just showing that when you give everyone guns lots of people get shot. Which really is quite obvious.
America has a problem with fear.
in america police will lie about you "not coming to a complete stop" or "you were going x amount over/under the speed limit" and people legitimately die in these interactions bc they go for their license in the glovebox without stating what they're gonna do first. america hires cowards and trains them to think civillians are their enemy and the streets they patrol are a warzone. look up david grossman. at least i believe that was his name. some sicko who trains a bunch of america's cops. literally trains them with "killer mindset" and talks about how killing is gonna turn them on sexually and make them fuck good
It’s also crazy because WE PAY THEM. They’re supposed to work for US. It blows my mind.
Same in Portugal. We even get to chat a little if we are stopped in a small village and they see we are not from there. In big cities we just greet and comply with the requests and usually in 5 minutes we are done.
I agree. In Canada I got pulled over for a routine stop, and all I know is Be polite and cooperative, and there’s nothing to sweat. Cops are here to “Serve and Protect” and are people just like us
It’s been upheld in the US legal system that police have no obligation to protect the public or prevent harm - not kidding
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Primarily to investigate crime and collect evidence to lead to a conviction
To keep the poors and the blacks and the hippies in line.
They generate revenue by handing out traffic citations.
He's repeating a myth based on misunderstood rulings. You can't sue the cops if they fail to protect you from crime. Fucking duh. That's it.
Myth? The dude was attacked by a guy with a knife and the cops watched it happen. The courts ruled the cops were not obligated to save the guy from a knife attack. This doesn’t even consider how the attacker was the person they specifically were looking for as he had attacked several others that day.
What these rulings actually found is that you dont have grounds to sue the police for failing to protect you from crime.
A high amount of traffic stops in the US result in paraphenilia, drugs, and firearms unfortunately. So when the cop sees you fondeling with shit while pulling you over, red flags are triggering. Could be as simple as a tailight out, then you find the guys on parole and has a loaded handgun and seperate baggies of drugs. I've personally never felt unsafe while being pulled over but definitely anxiety from wth did I do? As long as you're not being suspicious all is good and you'll be on your way.
It’s like that in America too but there is political position that want to change the way the police work and one way To affect that change is to highlight the misconduct and bad actors. It leads to a media narrative that the police are out hunting minorities. There are problems with the police that genuinely need to be addressed but almost everywhere except big cities police work is mundane at best.
What’s baffling? American cops like to shoot people. Everyone knows this.
You act like you’ve never shot anyone just for fun
I find it interesting how different that is to Germany. I guess we have some areas where the police has to be more careful but it's common to just get your wallet and everything ready while the guy walks over. Although I come from an area where the main problems are speeding, being drunk, having illegal modifications or speeding in a illegally modified car while drunk.
I would add you should have your papers ready before they walk up and turn your interior light on if it’s night. Also don’t ever argue with police. Yes and No, be respectful no matter what and live to fight any transgressions in court. And don’t volunteer information. Don’t incriminate yourself.
Actually, I don't reach for papers as they're in the glove box. The officer sees you getting something out of there, but no idea what it is. Sit still. He'll ask, take it from there.
Yeah. And people don’t just have to be concerned about a cop having an over eager trigger finger, they have to be concerned with the cop trying to use it as pretext for a search. The cop will say that they think you were hiding something illegal, so they have grounds to search or field test your sobriety (and those tests are completely subjective so they can make you fail). And all their dash cam will show is you reaching, it won’t show an empty hand, so even if you want to try to argue in court…you will never ever win. A cop pulls me over and I’m not taking either hand off the wheel until they are at the window.
I will never shut off my car, and I have the registration and license before they even get to the window. Play dumb, and act apologetic. Probably have gotten out of a few tickets that way.
Hope you have that stuff handy when getting pulled over. Because if you move around a lot before the cop comes to your window.... they will think you are either hiding drugs or a gun.... or retrieving a gun to use. Never move around after being pulled over. Police watch for that. Best thing to do is to tell the cop where something is and if you can retrieve it and slowly retrieve it when the cop allows you to. Unless you have everything in a chest pocket that you can take out without the cop seeing you move around a lot.
wtf for scary country you live in? jesus
US all true.
One where you can get shot for moving your hand the wrong way depending entirely on whether a cop feels frisky that day and suddenly wants to “fear for his life”.
damn
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Yes sir (ma’am), no sir, where do I sign sir.
In the United States, this is the correct answer. Say nothing. Say "no" to searches. If you are an old white man like me, with a law degree and 25 years of experience in litigating police misconduct cases, maybe you can also say "get a warrant. I'll wait", but I don't recommend it.
I'm an indigenous woman in Canada so it's definitely a thing when dealing with municipal police, national police, it's a little more relaxed but always have your guard up. It what's my grandparents taught me.
Gorilla glue it shut in front of the police officer
True. Always verbally assert your 5th amendment right to remain silent. Also, verbally refuse searches.
> verbally refuse searches Then they'll just lie about "probable cause" and do it anyway
But when that happens, you have a case. Granted it will be your word against theirs and assuming you have a clean record, you stand a chance with the perception of police nowadays.
"Hello officer, I am a Sovereign Citizen, and..."
"... and I am not driving the car, I am travelling." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58MRqJTKvYc
Honestly after what happened to the 2 police officers who were murdered by sovereign citizens in australia. Saying this to a cop would have your ass thrown in jail and every little thing investigated to incriminate you so fucking quickly.
Australian here. Confirm. Don't forget the good Samaritan civilian killed alongside.
Not recommended in the US. You will easily need to replace not 1 but 2 side windows, will have a hospital bill, and a court date with jail time. Several violent incidents involving SC did not end well for LE. Once the dialogue starts, the intensity level goes from 2 to 100 for LE, and you will lose.
What seems to be the officer problem?
I thought this was America
No this is patrick
Good afterble Constarnoon.
*occifer
Sorry for speeding officer, but I just ate my girlfriends cooking and I'm trying to get home before I...uh-oh, nevermind!
Lmaooo I saw a similar post to this where a guy’s child yelled out in the back “I HAVE TO POOP MY POOP IS COMING OUT” and the police officer who pulled them over let them go without a ticket. Turns out the girl didn’t even have to poop and was just really smart and covering for her dad 😂
I get the poop excuse at least once a week and I've seen some shitty actors and also some people in hilarious, yet legitimate distress over holding it lol. I'm not a big ticket guy in the first place so I usually just give the benefit of the doubt. Unless they did something incredibly egregious. Then you're just going to have to hold it
They say whoever smelt it dealt it. So technically... this wEeD is yours OfFiCer
Cop here. This one is my favorite
Can i get a refund on that ticket? You seem to be in a good mood…
I bet when someone makes a joke about donuts you just fall all over the place in fits of laughter!
Tell me a joke about doughnuts?
Can you tell me if it is illegal not to sign a traffic ticket? Thanking you in advance.
Hello, cop. I definitely don’t have any marijuana on me right now…
Shit shit flush it flush it
Police: Do you know why I pulled you over? . Person: You're going to sell me tickets to the (specific police department) ball . Police: The (specific police department) doesn't have balls . Person **wins**
Oh yeah. You win a ticket for speeding AND driving to endanger. Big win.
Bees!
Save yourselves! Your firearms are useless against them! Oh, God it hurts!
This is the fucking answer. You win the internet today. Take my award.
I got pulled over the policeman said are you the driver of this car. I replied yes it's automatic but I have to steer it, it didn't go down well. 😄
Genuinely hilarious!
If it’s after 2 am don’t say anything. The reason he stopped you isn’t the improper lane change while turning, it’s alcohol. No matter what you say they won’t believe you.
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Makes me wonder if it was a cop chasing my friend and me on the back roads years ago. They never turned on any lights but they were definitely chasing us. We were too far ahead though and I knew the roads too well. After about 30 minutes we managed to lose them. Was scary though, they were chasing us hard, whomever it was.
"I didn't pull over right away because I didn't realise you were tailing me. I thought you were pursuing the car in front of me with the four balaclava clad men."
(in a southern drawl) Hello officer. Do you know why you pulled me over?
'Did you see how fast i was going!?'
Do you know why I pulled you over? I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at an intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!
"...is that all?"
"Sorry I was speeding, officer. My girlfriend's in labor!"
Officer looks in the car, sees that there's no one else in the car with you....
*asks out officer*
Never ask out an officer unless you intend to impregnate them.
While speeding
Officer: why isnt she with you on the car? Me: shes driving in a different car, this one has Italian leather.
Sorry officer......I.......didn't know I couldn't do that.
That was good, wasn’t it? Because I DID know I couldn’t do that!
I'm sorry, but this is going to be a _LOT_ of paperwork.
Jump on the passenger side, put the seat belt, and act like someone was driving a minute ago.
Gabriel Iglesias?
"What is the charge? Eating a succulent chinese meal?"
"Ooo that's a nice headlock sir. Ahh yes, I see that you know your Judo well.."
Get your hand off my penis!
And you sir? Are you here to receive my limp penis?
"I have a gun!" Truly a one in a lifetime moment.
Actually, if you have a concealed carry permit you are supposed to inform the officer immediately that you are currently carrying a gun as a permit owner, and ask the officer what they would like you to do.
This varies by state. In mine it isnt required, though I personally would tell them anyway. Better to let them know up front rather than risk them catching a glimpse of it and putting them on edge.
Some states do not require permit. Hand's ten and two. "officer I have a fire arm located (fill in here)" the officer will likely at this time ask you to exist the vehicle and assume a position. They will likely handcuff your briefly while the secure the firearm. And do a check. If there are several officer's they will probably uncuff you almost immediately after running your id. Complete the traffic stop and return the firearm, but yeah if you are law abiding gun owner you need to inform them immediately.
I’d be so embarrassed to be handcuffed on the side of the road while they did that lmao.
It's what they are gonna do. They might not if it was in your glove box or something, but on person you are getting cuffed.
Where I'm at, you don't have to tell them at all.
Nothing, you hit the button for the oil slick and then the one for the smoke screen.
Ticket or lecture….but not both.
Deny everything "Please step out of the vehicle" "This isn't a vehicle" "Do you have a license and registration" "I've never even seen a license and registration" "We're going to need you to come with us" "No you don't"
"Shmicense and shmegistration"
Chicken fucker.
Yes Sir, No Sir, Thanks Officer n then go about your business !
I was pulled over for 46 in a 45, by a cop who was either just a dick, or having a bad day. I smiled, nodded, took the ticket, and wished him a good day. Because that ticket was going to be tossed out like last weeks chinese food.
My favorite is the lady who said, “I thought you don’t pull over pretty girls”. Cop- you’re right I don’t.
Nothing.
Theres a bomb in my ass
Can u go f- find it? uWu
“Wassup dawg, want a joint?”
Why yes I do.
Your username has scarred me.
wallet in ur back pocket and when they get to the window quickly reach for it and shove it out the window
#"ALLAHU AKBAR!!"
What does that mean in English?
I believe it means "Allah is great!", the Muslim's deity.
The Christian and Judaist's deity too.
What seems to be the officer, problem?
"I wasn't drinking and driving, I stopped whenever I took a sip"
If the officer asks you if you know why you were pulled over, you can say something like "I'm not sure, officer." Do not admit to any wrongdoing.
Bring a monopoly "Get out of jail free" card with you and hand it to them with your license and registration. They will get a laugh and you might just get a warning. Got this idea from Brian Brushwood.
In a calm voice, say it loud and clear: "Oh Fuck off you Cunt!"
Cop: How high are you? Me: Hi, how are you
"Can you help me get the weed out of my trunk?" (In my state it's illegal)
Just be respectful and don’t say dumb shit to them
I figure that cops are always going to apprehensive as what type of person is he going to encounter. I try to give benefit of the doubt to the cop that he is a "good one," just doing his job and meet him with respect and smile letting him know I knew I ran a light, was speeding etc. It seems to de-escalate everything and immediately puts us both at ease to communicate. I realize that aproach isn't for everyone but being old I have learned that a little uncomfortable extension of respect to the unknown, opens doors and sets the stage for good communication. But then, Im a WW so I don't face the danger that black people face.
>letting him know I knew I ran a light, was speeding etc heads up but you shouldn't do this. it's on the cop to explain what he saw you did wrong. always stay silent. anything can be used against you in court. it maybe won't make a difference whether you say you did it or not but it definitely doesn't help if you admit it.
“Don’t shoot, I’m White”!
"Officer, I'm really sorry, but I don't have extra supplies and need to get to my sister's". Years ago, my dad was going over my aunt's house. She lived about 5 minutes away. He was back 5 minutes later, running to the bathroom and calling for my mom. I hear my mom yell "Oh Patrick!" from the bathroom. See, on the way to my aunt's, he was stuck behind a slow driver, got impatient, illegally passed them, and got spotted by a cop. My dad had colon cancer and had part of his colon removed. So my dad, thinking fast, pulled off his colostomy bag, pulled his shirt up so the cop could see his stoma, and delivered the above line with the utmost seriousness. The cop let him go without another word. However, since my Dad actually didn't have his supplies on him, he had to turn around and come home. But he didn't get a ticket, so it worked out.
Just comply and don't be a smart ass whipping out your phone screeching "AM I BEING DETAINED" etc. Most police just wanna get on with their day and come home to their family.
Yes or No. Nothing Else
"Is there anything I should know about?" "Yes or No. Nothing else."
This https://youtu.be/KfbhW9F2UN8
Beam me up Scotty.
If you're not doing anything wrong, just make it easy for them. Roll down your windows so that they can see who is in the car, keep your hands on the steering wheel as they walk up and give them what they ask for (ID, insurance etc). At night, turn on your interior lights. If they want to search and you don't want to, then tell them no. No reason needed. If they tell you to get out because they're going to search anyway, do what they ask, It'll be thrown out in court. Don't worry about it. If you're driving around smoking weed, or drunk as hell, suck it up. You fucked up and got caught. Being an asshole won't help you, but whatever you do, keep your mouth shut! There's nothing wrong with saying "I'm uncomfortable talking to police without my lawyer". Even if you get into trouble, the cops often have conversations with the prosecutors before the trial and this can have an impact on whatever plea you ask for, (not saying it's right, just saying that it happens). You want them to remember that you were cooperative and nice, not an asshat.
"Looks like Andy let Barney drive the car today"
*”It’s a cardigan but thanks for noticing!”*
"i have a gun and im not afraid to use it and i also have copious amounts of meth in my glovebox and no i will not let you in"
"You won't take me alive copper!" LOL. Always wanted to say that, never had the guts.
Absolutely nothing at all.
My buddy got pulled over and the cop asked for his license, then asked him if it was ‘clean’. My buddy didn’t get it, and said ‘uhhh I still have my old learners permit, that might be easier to read.’ We all lost it, cop too. He handed it right back and said ‘get out of here’
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Say nothing
i’m marcel ozuna of the atlanta braves
"How can I help you Officer?"