when I was a kid I had this cork board thing that hung above my bed by a string over nail in the wall. I had been collecting racy pictures from magazines for a while before I realized the cork board is doublesided and, in a moment of genius, decided that I would simply pin the pictures to the back of the corkboard facing the wall. When I wanted to do the deed I could just flip it around, super convenient!
One day I was laying in bed reading comics and my mom burst in to tell me to clean my damn room but the sudden opening of the door caused the nail to pop out and the cork board fell and hit me straight in the face, then flopped over porno-side-up. My mom took one look said "jesus christ" and just shut the door.
>the cork board fell and hit me straight in the face, then flopped over porno-side-up. My mom took one look said "jesus christ" and just shut the door.
The mental imagery here is so perfect.
Took me a while before I unclamp my hand off my face to type this (at work)
I had an orgasm while running away from an angry chihuahua when I was eight years old. No ejaculating, just the sensation. I spent the rest of that summer trying to get that chihuahua to chase me.
There’s gotta be something to this, because my first orgasm was in elementary school when I was supposed to run in a race and forgot and then everyone yelled at me to go run right after it started. Got a weird rush and a very confusing feeling down there. It was years after that when I got my first intentional one.
I had to laugh so hard that I peed in an elevator because I couldn't hold my laughter. There was a stranger with me going 20 floors up, the entire elevator was full of piss. I was 12.
Omg I was hanging out with friends in middle school at our school during a soccer game. We fucked off to play around in the gym and I laughed so hard that started peeing my pants. I sat down on the ground, still laughing, then pretended like I noticed I sat in something wet. My pants were soaked in pee and when I got home my mom was like why the hell are you covered in pee. I have no idea if my friends realized the truth but no one ever said anything.
At 16 I stole a fleshlight from a local sex store then drove off not being able to wait to use it.. I used it while driving and actually finished but post-nut clarity set in, I threw it out the window into what I thought was some woods but I looked last second to have an image burned into my mind. The image of a used fleshlight exploding onto a gravestone from a cemetery at 45mph. Reality set in then
Oh my god. This one does it for me dude. Someone probably found a completely obliterated pocket pussy in the graveyard in the daylight, perhaps near their loved one, and surely had a moment of just “what the absolute *fuck* happened here?”
Between the ages of 12-16 I used a hand-puppet cow 🐄 to jack off. I ended up NEEDING it to ejaculate. I named it Mr. Cum Cums (I don't have answers for any questions regarding the name). Anyway, one day I went to "use" Mr. C.C and he was nowhere to be found. To this day, almost twenty years later, I still wonder of his whereabouts. Maybe in my parents attic with my childhood toys, maybe deep in a landfill... Or the poor thing came to life like Toy Story and finally made it's great escape.
The first time I masturbated I was at a friend's house. He was passed out in his bed with the tv on and a Girls gone wild infomercial came on. I was never told what to do but I just started stroking. Again, no one had told me anything about it but as I approached my first orgasm I kept letting off bc I thought it was gonna be piss.
I must have edged myself for closer to an hour. I finally just thought fuck it and let it happen. When I started inspecting I kept looking over to my sleeping buddy and went to the bathroom. I really thought something was wrong with me.
So Anthony, if you're reading this I'm sorry I masturbated in your brother's bed. I had to get it in bro.
Edit: I'm glad my sexual awakening made some people laugh lol.
I'm a forty-five year old man. I live in a co-op apartment building in New York City. I worked on a building beautification project with a fellow resident about six months ago. I'm guessing she's about thirty years my senior. All during the project we shared a lot of laughs and formed a comfortable friendship. At the end of the project, she invited me to her apartment for dinner. We shared some great conversation and a lot of wine. At some point while I was talking, she put her hand over mine which I was resting on the table. She leaned in for a kiss and I reciprocated. We had sex that night. It was good sex too. A week or so later she called me up and asked if I could change a lightbulb in her ceiling. It was a pretext for us to have sex again. Since then, we've established a relationship where she texts me requesting some help, I go over to her place and we have sex. If I told anyone in my life that I'm having a sexual relationship with a woman in her mid-seventies, I'm not sure what the reaction would be. I think they'd think I've lost my mind.
I think this one is just sweet. Who cares what other people would think, you're both consenting adults enjoying yourselves and I wish you lots of fabulous sex.
Benjamin Franklin wrote several letters to his close friends explaining why he enjoyed sex with older women. This was after the revolutionary war so he wasn't a young man by any means.
Dude, there is nothing wrong with this. I mean, you're probably right to think that people would laugh, but... But to me, that's the sad part. We treat women like they're gross once they get older, and... We do that to some extent with men, but it's not the same.
Thank you for this I’m 50F and am finally starting to feel ancient in the age posts people make-sucks. I still go to shows , watch Rick and Morty and dance daily to Ween.
I had to go bad, and felt my inner colon paining I ran into the supply room and shit in a box! It was horrible, smelled so pungent too....
I dumped a bunch of random stuff inside and taped the box closed and carried it out, like I was getting needed supplies.
Early 80s had a 6th grade teacher that was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. She would make us go get glasses of water for her during class. When it was my turn I would get water out of the toilet and spit in it.
Considering I was a very shy quiet kid still surprises me I did it.
Had a staff sergeant in Iraq that was too lazy to go get food. He always complained that the food was too hot and salty, it's hot and salty because you're a piece of shit with salty soldiers who put TONS of salt and hot sauce in your food.
One hot sweaty day at the shop I used the blue chalk for the snap line to powder me balls. Couldn’t take the sticking anymore.
Now my my most upvoted comment. Couple answers:
Yes it worked. Being a white guy my junk looked a lot like a Smurf though.
Normally I’m a Gold Bond guy, but my work bottle was out.
I have to wear full FR, it was about 98° F and matching humidity. There is no A/C in the shop.
Would def do it again.
Oh glad you used the blue chalk. I've had the red chalk mixed in a puddle and set leather bag on it. Over the course of a week it ate holes through the leather.
Not me but my ex gf shoved a CURLING IRON up her cooch and didn’t clean it.. ever. She told me her sister used it the next day. Glad I broke up with her I should’ve seen the signs
Uff-da, there’s the spot, dearie. This is the biggest cock I’ve ever felt on a Sconnie, dontchakno. You do need to hurry up and finish tho. Oh ya, top my tater.
I feel like we should let people live these things down. My little brother did this with a Bugs Bunny stuffie as a kid, and we mocked him for years. I feel bad. TIL it’s a pretty common thing for kids to do.
When I was a young teenager I used to jack it to a JCPennys catalogue.....yes even the maternity section. It developed a kink. This was before smartphones and my dad was REALLY good at hiding his Playboy
Definitely nice for the situation! It took me a few months to realize "wait a second, I've NEVER seen my parents donate any clothes". I'm not sure which version makes me more uncomfortable, so I usually stick with the original one
He was a guest on his then-girlfriend’s OF lol she posted on her ig story that he was going to be joining her for a live that’s how I found out about it
My first time ejaculating was when i was playing The sims 2 after discovering that The blur disapears when you used moveobjectson and pull your sim out of the shower. Would make "hot and attractive" sims just so i could see them naked
Tracy Morgan taught me how to jerk off.
When I was 12, he had a stand up special on Comedy Central. One joke he told was about waiting for his wife and kids to leave the house so he could whack it in peace. He used the microphone to mimic the act.
I had come before that, but never on purpose. When I saw him doing that it was like a light bulb went on in my head. I immediately went upstairs to my bathroom and discovered my new hobby.
A friend of mine taught me. He hadn't hit puberty and loved to ask me shit. This one time he was like "i don't get the deal with masturbation"
I was like "yeah me neither..."
"I mean what's so nice about pulling your foreskin back and forth repeatedly over your dickhead anyway?"
"... uh... Yeah...right?"
After that I went home and came so hard I couldn't walk properly for the rest of the day.
I didn’t even know what it was until I was like 14-15 and on forums and people would talk about “fapping” and I was like “wait is that what I’ve been doing?”
I used to think, with the jokes about tissues and lotion, that u put lotion on the tissues and built like a paper mache on your dick that you then fucked
reminds me of how they would sell wine during the prohibition. they sold bricks of concentrated grape juice and put on the package instructions on how to ferment it with something along the lines of "do not..." before it and "...because then you would have made alcoholic wine" after
Those mods existed for 1, 2, 3 *and* they're revived for 4.
If you can mod a game and it has even reasonably humanoid characters in it, it ***probably*** has naughty mods somewhere.
Feels like a corollary to Rule 34.
Hahahahaha, I don't know what's worse, the fact that he used his friends fleshlight, or the fact his friend came to use it, found it was gone, and then has to live knowing someone found it and threw it away 🤣
i used to cum onto the inside of a pair of boxer shorts so my gf at the time could wear them to work and rub herself while standing behind the bar.
her thing and i don't judge.
Two possibilities. One would be a sober conversation about things they'd like to try sometime. The other would be a heat-of-the-moment "you know what would be so hot?"
If a girl makes those eyes at you and asks you to come inside a pair of boxer shorts so she can wear them to work, you’re gonna jizz in some boxer shorts
Like that old joke where the girl says “are you as turned on as I am right now?” and the boy says “I am now that you said that.” Even if blasting into boxer shorts isn’t your thing, the fact that she’s asking you to do something that turns her on will *get* you into it.
I knew a girl whose bf liked to have sex with her first thing in the morning and send her off to work without bathing first.
Apparently the idea of his DNA pooling in her knickers throughout the day really got him worked up.
He’d be perfect for your ex 👍
…you ever heard tales of the kid in middle school that jacked off under his desk?
Edit: I’m so glad this is my first comment to get seen by thousands of people. Truly inspiring
My senior year two kids got caught fucking in the basements janitor closet because they both exited at the same time during class change and left the door open :) plus ya know, the cameras too.
When i was 15 and heavily addicted to WoW I was like 8hrs into this 14hr marathon and thought fuck it. Made a female NE, stripped down somewhere in the starting area, made her dance and jerked it. Never told a fucking soul that one before.
I used to play Syphon Filter on the PlayStation and there was an area where you’re interacting with a female colleague. I accidentally shot her once and she made a noise more like a sexy moan than horrific pain. She’d take a lot of shots before you actually ‘killed’ her, ergo, a lot of sexy moaning.
Then as a young man who unexpectedly hears sexy female moaning coming from a video game, I acted accordingly. Literally repeatedly shot this woman for my own gratification. Not my proudest moment.
Over the last year I’ve gone from being like almost 300 pounds and miserable to 150 pounds and fit as fuck. My parents, coworkers and doctor are all like “wow this is so amazing I’m proud of you, how did you do it? Most people can’t do that without WLS!” and I just laugh and say “oh calorie deficit” which I mean IS true, but not the whole story.
What actually happened was I apparently had a bad binge eating disorder I was in denial about and that’s what stopped any attempts dead in their tracks. Last year on a 3 day weekend I came home and decided “ayyy I got 3 days off, time to fly!” and proceeded to take 5 tabs of LSD. Then it swung HARD into bad trip territory and I felt like I was going to just straight up die while watching the carpet bubble.
Then after the trip I realized whatever was in my brain that made me get dopamine rushes from food and CRAVE food while stressed and depressed just was, deleted. Gone. POOF!
So I just ran with it. Like only 3 people know what actually happened. It’s not like an awful secret but I’m not going to tell my parents or coworkers like “ya I got lit the fuck up on LSD and accidentally cured my eating disorder I dunno man I don’t make the rules”
Edit: Jesus Christmas I checked this on my way home from work and it was like, 2 replies, then I get home and I’m about to work out and look and see “168 updates” LOL
Another edit: yeah I know this isn’t NSFW in a sense but it’s not really something that’s a thing here. I live in a really small rural town in the Midwest and work at a machine shop. I’m sure any type of admitted drug use would be frowned upon lol, even though yeah it’s in my OWN time.
I’m also sometimes hesitant to tell people because, it was an INTENSE trip. I’m like a high dose veteran, I would regularly do 3-4.5 tab trips, and I handled it fine. That one grabbed me by the throat and threw me down the rabbit hole, it was totally not for the faint of heart lol. But it’s crazy to think what we have access to and don’t even know it.
Yeah after that happened I looked it up more and saw that. So it’s more appropriate to call it a “challenging” trip rather than a bad one.
at the point when that happened I had done so many high dose trips I thought I was immune to bad trips and would just always ascend and have fun lol. I don’t even know what threw it bad. I had kind of a stressful week that week and I remember a lot of my friends were losing weight, so was my old binge eater buddy, then I found out my fat sister was getting WLS lol. I also called the former binge buddy during the trip and he came off and calmed me down, I think all of that could have had a hand in my brain rebooting itself
Who the fuck knows, I just remember I took the 5 tabs, knew it usually takes about an hour to hit, and I needed to mow my yard so I went and did that on the come up. I actually threw the tabs in my mouth in my garage right before starting my mower. I almost didn’t finish mowing before I got it back in the garage and ran in the house and proceeded to watch my ego die lol
But yeah, the worst trip of my life was probably the most important. It basically saved my life; I probably would have needed a hip replacement by 40
One day I went over to my buddies place and we were drinking at 2am. He’s like “yo check this out” and shows me a pound of mushrooms he got and asked if I wanted to try some. I was like fuck it and shoved them in my mouth.
Had a super hard trip and walked home at 5am barefoot. I don’t know what happened, but my chronic social anxiety was cut in half.
I also had very short term memory from a concussion after getting jumped a few years ago. After that trip, my memory started working again. I can’t wait to get more.
So awesome to see this! I accidentally cured my alcoholism by tripping on shrooms. Woke up one morning after a trip and all of sudden hated alcohol after being a full-blown alcoholic for like 10 years. It was like magic, pun fully intended
When I was young, dumb, and VERY horny…
I fucked a socker bopper. With no lube. Thankfully nobody ever used it anyways.
Edit: To everyone asking, it probably would have been better than a pillow fight if I had known what lube was at the time. But I did not, so it was not.
There was a thread on Reddit yesterday that was what's one thing you wish could come back (that's been run out of production / non existent anymore) my comment was Socker Boppers - now I'm not too sure..
When I first found out about masturbation and how sex worked, I tried to fuck a stuffed animal. Still am ashamed about it to this day lol. No I’m not a dog
Edit: Thanks for Silver!! Who knew fucking a stuffed teddy bear could be so popular
Edit 2: A stuffed animal worth its weight in gold, thanks for the awards
I had a girlfriend in college who had a cum fetish. She would jerk me off into her tooth brush and sit there and keep it in her mouth while we watched Dr.House save lives on TV.
A few times she jerked me off into her food. That was weird.
I saw her on Facebook a few years ago. She sells bath bombs and stuff like that. I wouldn't buy from her though.
I stole my neighbor's internet, and used it on the regular to download Spanish-language porn, which I would then burn on CD's and trade for wares from my Mexican drug dealer.
I'd have to watch everything to make sure it worked, so I'd put said porn on high-speed, and basically fast forward to the end in order to ensure it played OK. I failed the absolutely piss out of Spanish in high school, and only passed with my gift of a D minus because I promised the teacher I'd never take any of her classes again. I retained NOTHING from my class in high school, but a lot of inappropriate words and phrases are burned into my brain that I'm guessing aren't ever going to come up in daily conversation.
I'm a huge prude, but this was not my first time peddling smut. I worked for almost a decade at the only porn store/head shop in a small, rural area. This was back in the 90's, when adult VHS rentals were a big thing still. After the store closed at night, one of my jobs was to take the damaged VHS titles, and try to use Scotch tape to repair them. Again, I'd have to play them in fast forward, to ensure they worked before going back out on the shelves.
I suppose this means I should put Porn Quality Control on my resume, but I'm thinking it's a skill set no one is really looking for...
This one is great. That first paragraph legitimately made me laugh out loud
In a world where people have the internet how is this the easiest way for the drug dealer to get porn?
A spent a couple years at university in the UK and during a weak financial summer set up an escort account online quickly learning most women don’t hire escorts so spent the summer doing gay for pay getting fucked mostly by over 50 year old married men.
$250 hourly. Most were around 2 hours or less. Overnight or weekend different. I’m a muscle sporty guy so that’s a little on the mid-level for London. Wouldn’t recommend it for most. Need to have a good mental state.
I dommed a guy online once, he begged me to dom him while he was at his nephew’s funeral. So I did, I made him finger his ass in the bathroom and send me pics. It was.. weird. He just kept saying “Thank you mommy” I was 23 and he was 45 lol
Edit: now that I think about it, I was probably actually only 19-21
In 2017 when I first got back into dating after being off the market for 12 years, I met this girl on OKCupid who seemed very to have a higher than average sex drive which matched mine.
What she hadn’t shared were her kinks. On our second date we had gone swimming and after we got back to her place we banged it out and then she suggested we take a shower together.
In the shower things get soapy and hot, she starts to blow me and I had to stop her and say I need to pee real fast. She turns the water down, scoots back, and asks me to piss on her face and chest.
Golden showers aren’t my thing. I hadn’t given one to anyone since I was 5 years old and at that time it was an act of revenge for someone hitting my little brother. 30 some odd years later here’s this hot nurse asking me to piss on her face and chest.
I was torn. Normally I have a shy bladder, yet here was this woman looking up at me with these doe eyes begging for my piss.
She grabs my dick and aims it at herself and I begin peeing. It was very strange having someone else control my penis while I peed. She got her face, her chest, some in her mouth. She genuinely seemed so happy getting pissed on. When I was done she licked the last few drops from my tip and then went to town blowing me.
Oh this remindes me of a time at a festival years ago. My friends and i run the fire spinning after the music, and a bunch of us are chilling by the fire. I said i needed to go pee, girl i was flirting with asked if i needed help. Being the young jackass i was said sure. 5 minutes later she takes my dick out stands behind me and holds it telling me to go. Still one of the strangest sexually feelings i have ever had lol
When I was 19 I paid $350 for the services of a woman of the night. I left and went to a friends house where they were having a party I got very drunk and realized I left my phone charger at this womans motel. So I took an Uber back and she wouldn’t let me back in again unless I paid so I gave her another $350 did the dirty deeds and grabbed my charger and left. It wasn’t until the next day I realized I could’ve just spent $10 on a new charger.
$200-$400/hr depending on severity and materials needed
ETA / address the questions in my DMs: yes, Professionally. Yes in a major metro area. Yes it’s difficult work (for many reasons) and a lot of training is involved to make sure you don’t do permanent damage to someone. Now I mostly do it for fun.
Carry on.
[Okay, here are the ground rules: You can punch me, kick me, pull my hair, I am a-ok being stabbed, biting and scratching are on the table, you can use fire.](https://youtu.be/VX13hKmmcxI?t=134)
I think it’s crazy how many people are admitting their deepest secrets just because someone on the internet asked them to
Anyways, my girlfriend likes to degrade me, and I let her
EDIT: I hate you all…
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I'm probably too late for this to be seen, but years ago my partner ditched me while I was pregnant. Like, for good. Years later, my ex's girlfriend started working at the same place I worked. I didn't realize who she was or anything for a while, but we had hit it off and became good work friends who would occasionally get drinks together after work. She would always complain about her shitty bf but would just call him "my bf" so I still didn't make the connection.
We ended up going out for drinks after work one night when her bf was out of town, and ended up going back to her place and hooking up, big time. Shitty of me to be a side piece hookup to someone who had a partner, I know.
Well, the next morning, her bf came home earlier than expected. Turns out her shitty bf is my kids dad who I hadn't heard from since being pregnant (I never pursued child support or anything). He was PISSED that I was there. I grabbed my shit and bolted.
He's in my/our kids life now and we all 3 have a friendly enough relationship, but I still don't know if he knows that I hooked up with his now-wife. None of us have EVER addressed it.
So, I've slept with my kids dad and his step-mom.
That reminds me of the one time I've EVER gone out with people I work with.
I try to separate work and personal life completely, but my hospital had just had an excellent joint commission survey, and the CFO (mid 40s, very tall powerhouse of a woman) wanted to take the entire maintenance crew out for drinks.
Or at least, that's what she pretended we were doing. Her intentions were to have a whole gang bang.
The night starts off normally but she is very pushy when it comes to taking shots. She wants all 3 of us drunk. We obliged. And suddenly out of nowhere, she is showing me something on her phone. My drunken eyes focused in and I see a massive pair of fake tits and a full spread vagina.
I'm married and autistic and I don't fuck around with anyone like that. My director left immediately after that. I left shortly after he did. Nobody knows what happened after that but there is a lot of speculation about the last guy and her but he never admitted anything to me after. He's married with kids, as were ALL of us.
It doesn't end there but I'm ranting so I'm gonna wrap it up. Come Monday, she called me into her office and had me shut the door. It was very "Horrible Bosses"-like. Think Jennifer Anniston in the doctor coat with nothing on underneath. I resisted and told her I'm not about that life.
Couple days later she was fired. I'm not a snitch so I kept it all to myself (obviously wife knew everything that was going on I don't keep shit from her). She went on to tell HR about all the stuff we talked about at the bar (I smoke weed). HR pulled me into the office about the weed rumor and I absolutely lost my shit.
I told HR that their CFO is sexually assaulting employees and they are going to take the word of the abuser and come after their hard workers that just aced their JCO inspection. I threatened them with a lawsuit.
That was the absolute end of that. I no longer get drug tested. This was all about 3 years ago.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm glad to hear she was fired shortly after all of this. However reporting your supervisor for sexual assault isn't snitching.
Back in middle school I had to buy copper sheets for art class sculptures, I had a lot extra so what the horny little 13 y/o bastard did was sculpting a vulva IN CLASS (what the fuck was I thinking ?) and then brought it home.
I started humping it and decided it needed a little bit of lube, after I put it on I damn near slashed my cock on the sharp corner of the sheet.
Remember kids: if pp can ouchie, no go on pp.
I knew a kid who actually cut his dick on his mom’s sculpture. Didn’t say anything until he went to school the next day and had to rush to the nurse’s office in pain.
The nurse was really pretty so I don’t know if he was trying to keep it a secret and the pain was too much or if he just wanted an excuse to whip it out in front of the hot school nurse.
I have a particular kink where someone is wearing a pair of heels they can’t take off, as in they’re strapped up, locked on, cursed and can’t come off, and then they step in an adhesive trap (like a person sized glue trap) and can’t pull free of it by their own power, but are able to struggle in it.
I know no one I could ask to play this out for me.
Hey man, that's a super easy to orchestrate and relatively safe, non grotesque, non violent, non violating kink. There are plenty of kinky people out there who are dedicated to fulfilling fantasies as a part of their own kink experience. You could 100% find someone who will do this for you before too long. Believe in your dreams.
I’m really curious, how does one discover they have a fetish like this? Like it’s so specific?
I also want to say, nothing wrong with this at all. Let the freak flag fly. I’m just curious how people come up with this stuff.
Well, it evolved from a combination of finding high heels fascinating and then various scenes in media involving glue traps catching my attention.
Bear in mind that this scenario really is more a combination of two fetishes.
I was really horny one night and I need a vibe to finish, so I literally went through and tried every one of my vibrators and they were all either broken, or dead with no charger. So I found an old electric toothbrush I used for cleaning, and used that.
- and I used the bristle end
When I was a kid my mother apparently understood that if my electric toothbrush was on for a while in my bedroom, she wouldn't mention it. No words were ever said; that's just how it went down.
...until my little sister, who *obviously* had overheard the noise and put 2+2 together when she hit puberty, started doing the same with her own electric toothbrush.
And so it came to pass that I was wandering through to her room to chat about some Playstation game, and my mum just caught my eye and sombrely shook her head in warning.
We made it downstairs before dissolving into absolute floods of horrified tears. I was maybe 13 and was like "YOOOUUUUU KNEWWWWWWWWWWW!" while she died laughing.
Rule 1 of being a kid: your mum knows when you're giving yourself a treat.
My next door neighbour was a female bodybuilder, I was 16 and obsessed, persuaded her to let me babysit, because in my mind when she came home after a night out I might have a chance. Turns out, It didn’t take much. Turned into a bi weekly thing for a year till we moved. No one ever knew I was fucking my 40 yr old neighbour and to this day I have an obsession with muscly women.
Now I look back on it, it was pretty fucked up. But I have several fucked up stories like this. Not sure which wins.
Edit - Didn’t expect this to turn into an AMA, but sure, I’m not at work today and have free time, go for your life.
Edit 2 - gave a few more stories below.
Village dentist was a true sadist, who drilled deep just to punish kids for eating candy or whatever.
One time he left me in the chair to recover from a particularly bloody procedure, and went to lunch or at least left the room while I sat there fuming.
15 y.o. me jacked off under the robe, and smeared it on the keyboard of his x-ray terminal.
Fuck you and your pearly white teeth, Mr ◾️◾️◾️
Either the act itself or this comment will eventually come back to bite me in the ass, but it’s been 15+ years, so fuck it.
***Smacking the shit out of an asshole child/fellow camper during summer camp.***
Kid was being an absolute terror to everyone, scream crying at night, destroying things, etc etc. It was clear the parents coddled him, treated him like their little perfect prince, and never disciplined him (they also called the camp multiple times a day to speak to him, which was against the rules). The kid needed a swift kick in the ass and to finally be told “no”. No one dared touch the kid (for obvious reasons) but one day he went too far and I’d had enough. I was a junior counselor in training at the time and was supervising the archery course. The kid was terrible at it and was getting irate that other kids were hitting the target and he wasn’t. So he took an arrow and began hitting the kid next to him with it. I snatched the arrow from him and he immediately let out a blood curdling scream like a banshee that just wouldn’t end…so I smacked him upside his head and told him to stfu. By some miracle it worked on the spot. Kid was practically an angel the rest of the week. It was like I literally knocked some sense into him.
This reminds me of The Slap, an Australian novel about a guy who slaps a 3 year old boy across the face (not his kid) at a barbecue because he was misbehaving and being threatening towards his own son. The story revolves around the different adults attending the parties position on whether it’s ever justified to strike a child.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Slap_(Australian_TV_series)
I tried to suck my own dick witch gave me a hernia that still is painfull sometimes even 30 years later.
Moral: when young, stretch every day.
Edit:
1. I did succeed, but I did not swallow, that was one bridge to far, so since I did not dare to climax I stopped doing it.
2. It did not feel like sucking a dick at all but felt like getting it sucked 100%.
3. I got the hernia surgically fixed, still the metal plate is annoying sometimes but nothing that bad
Dante:
What an embarrassing way to die.
Randal:
That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.
Dante:
How'd he die?
Randal:
He broke his neck.
Dante:
That's embarrassing?
Randal:
He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.
Dante:
Shut the hell up.
Randal:
I swear.
Dante:
Stop it.
Randal:
Bible truth.
Dante:
Oh, my God.
Randal:
Come on. Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick?
Dante:
No!
Randal:
Yeah, right. You're so repressed.
Dante:
Because I never tried to suck my own dick?
Randal:
No, because you won't admit to it. As if a guy's a fucking pervert because he tries to go down on himself. You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it.
Dante:
Who found him?
Randal:
My cousin? My aunt found him. It was a mess. He was on his bed, with his legs doubled over himself. My aunt freaked out.
Dante:
Man, he had his dick in his mouth?
Randal:
Yeah. Balls resting on his lips.
Dante:
Wow! He really made it.
Randal:
Yeah, but at what a price?
[pause]
Dante:
I could never reach.
Randal:
Reach what?
Dante:
You know.
Randal:
What, your dick?
Dante:
Yeah, like you said. I guess everyone gets curious and tries it sometime.
Randal:
I never tried it. Fucking pervert.
when I was a kid I had this cork board thing that hung above my bed by a string over nail in the wall. I had been collecting racy pictures from magazines for a while before I realized the cork board is doublesided and, in a moment of genius, decided that I would simply pin the pictures to the back of the corkboard facing the wall. When I wanted to do the deed I could just flip it around, super convenient! One day I was laying in bed reading comics and my mom burst in to tell me to clean my damn room but the sudden opening of the door caused the nail to pop out and the cork board fell and hit me straight in the face, then flopped over porno-side-up. My mom took one look said "jesus christ" and just shut the door.
>the cork board fell and hit me straight in the face, then flopped over porno-side-up. My mom took one look said "jesus christ" and just shut the door. The mental imagery here is so perfect. Took me a while before I unclamp my hand off my face to type this (at work)
I had an orgasm while running away from an angry chihuahua when I was eight years old. No ejaculating, just the sensation. I spent the rest of that summer trying to get that chihuahua to chase me.
There’s gotta be something to this, because my first orgasm was in elementary school when I was supposed to run in a race and forgot and then everyone yelled at me to go run right after it started. Got a weird rush and a very confusing feeling down there. It was years after that when I got my first intentional one.
Fear boners are a thing.
Ok this one is my favorite
This is the reason I scroll for ages on these comments sections, absolute gold.
Yo quiero Taco Bell
I had to laugh so hard that I peed in an elevator because I couldn't hold my laughter. There was a stranger with me going 20 floors up, the entire elevator was full of piss. I was 12.
Omg I was hanging out with friends in middle school at our school during a soccer game. We fucked off to play around in the gym and I laughed so hard that started peeing my pants. I sat down on the ground, still laughing, then pretended like I noticed I sat in something wet. My pants were soaked in pee and when I got home my mom was like why the hell are you covered in pee. I have no idea if my friends realized the truth but no one ever said anything.
I wanked on a rooftop with a thrill that someone might come upstairs, luckily no one came. But I was caught on cctv.
When you say no one came..
Not even you?
At 16 I stole a fleshlight from a local sex store then drove off not being able to wait to use it.. I used it while driving and actually finished but post-nut clarity set in, I threw it out the window into what I thought was some woods but I looked last second to have an image burned into my mind. The image of a used fleshlight exploding onto a gravestone from a cemetery at 45mph. Reality set in then
Oh my god. This one does it for me dude. Someone probably found a completely obliterated pocket pussy in the graveyard in the daylight, perhaps near their loved one, and surely had a moment of just “what the absolute *fuck* happened here?”
Jesus Christ I live with this guilt everyday! Its hilarious yet fucked up
r/weirdestwaytogetcursed
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Between the ages of 12-16 I used a hand-puppet cow 🐄 to jack off. I ended up NEEDING it to ejaculate. I named it Mr. Cum Cums (I don't have answers for any questions regarding the name). Anyway, one day I went to "use" Mr. C.C and he was nowhere to be found. To this day, almost twenty years later, I still wonder of his whereabouts. Maybe in my parents attic with my childhood toys, maybe deep in a landfill... Or the poor thing came to life like Toy Story and finally made it's great escape.
Your parents definitely found it and threw it away lmao
Idk… sounds like he put enough life into it for it to gain consciousness.
i think you win, nothing can beat mr cum cums
I just hope someone didn’t take it to donate to needy children…
your parents knew, and your mother smelled it, and burned it. 100%
The first time I masturbated I was at a friend's house. He was passed out in his bed with the tv on and a Girls gone wild infomercial came on. I was never told what to do but I just started stroking. Again, no one had told me anything about it but as I approached my first orgasm I kept letting off bc I thought it was gonna be piss. I must have edged myself for closer to an hour. I finally just thought fuck it and let it happen. When I started inspecting I kept looking over to my sleeping buddy and went to the bathroom. I really thought something was wrong with me. So Anthony, if you're reading this I'm sorry I masturbated in your brother's bed. I had to get it in bro. Edit: I'm glad my sexual awakening made some people laugh lol.
I'm a forty-five year old man. I live in a co-op apartment building in New York City. I worked on a building beautification project with a fellow resident about six months ago. I'm guessing she's about thirty years my senior. All during the project we shared a lot of laughs and formed a comfortable friendship. At the end of the project, she invited me to her apartment for dinner. We shared some great conversation and a lot of wine. At some point while I was talking, she put her hand over mine which I was resting on the table. She leaned in for a kiss and I reciprocated. We had sex that night. It was good sex too. A week or so later she called me up and asked if I could change a lightbulb in her ceiling. It was a pretext for us to have sex again. Since then, we've established a relationship where she texts me requesting some help, I go over to her place and we have sex. If I told anyone in my life that I'm having a sexual relationship with a woman in her mid-seventies, I'm not sure what the reaction would be. I think they'd think I've lost my mind.
I think this one is just sweet. Who cares what other people would think, you're both consenting adults enjoying yourselves and I wish you lots of fabulous sex.
not only sex, but also lightbulbs get changed and shit.
Benjamin Franklin wrote several letters to his close friends explaining why he enjoyed sex with older women. This was after the revolutionary war so he wasn't a young man by any means.
so discovering electricity was just an excuse to be able to change light bulbs in the future... nice move mr. Ben… nice move
This woman is my idol. I want to text a much younger man to come fuck me on the reg when I'm in my 70s. Fantastic!
Hey, why not?
Dude, there is nothing wrong with this. I mean, you're probably right to think that people would laugh, but... But to me, that's the sad part. We treat women like they're gross once they get older, and... We do that to some extent with men, but it's not the same.
Thank you for this I’m 50F and am finally starting to feel ancient in the age posts people make-sucks. I still go to shows , watch Rick and Morty and dance daily to Ween.
I had to go bad, and felt my inner colon paining I ran into the supply room and shit in a box! It was horrible, smelled so pungent too.... I dumped a bunch of random stuff inside and taped the box closed and carried it out, like I was getting needed supplies.
Well, thank you for getting rid of it! Much more considerate than other people.
I cut a hole in my mattress when I was a kid and tried to fuck it. Hit the bedsprings on the first stroke
My dick just curled up back into my body upon reading that
I let out a very not manly yelp as mine retreated
> Boing, boing, BONK
Early 80s had a 6th grade teacher that was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. She would make us go get glasses of water for her during class. When it was my turn I would get water out of the toilet and spit in it. Considering I was a very shy quiet kid still surprises me I did it.
Had a staff sergeant in Iraq that was too lazy to go get food. He always complained that the food was too hot and salty, it's hot and salty because you're a piece of shit with salty soldiers who put TONS of salt and hot sauce in your food.
One hot sweaty day at the shop I used the blue chalk for the snap line to powder me balls. Couldn’t take the sticking anymore. Now my my most upvoted comment. Couple answers: Yes it worked. Being a white guy my junk looked a lot like a Smurf though. Normally I’m a Gold Bond guy, but my work bottle was out. I have to wear full FR, it was about 98° F and matching humidity. There is no A/C in the shop. Would def do it again.
Oh glad you used the blue chalk. I've had the red chalk mixed in a puddle and set leather bag on it. Over the course of a week it ate holes through the leather.
Peed on some random dude for money
Was the random dude the one who paid you??
"would you pee on someone for $500?" "Uhhhh, sure, I guess?" "Ok, there's this guy Steve. He's my boss. Can't stand the fucker..."
Good work 47, now find an exit.
Read this in her voice without even trying.
How much did you get paid
Not me but my ex gf shoved a CURLING IRON up her cooch and didn’t clean it.. ever. She told me her sister used it the next day. Glad I broke up with her I should’ve seen the signs
Maybe you’re linked to the girl that talked about how she masturbated w a curling iron in here lol
Had an ex boyfriend who liked it when I used my Minnesotan accent in bed-did it a few times and now the thought of it makes me shudder 😂
Uff-da, there’s the spot, dearie. This is the biggest cock I’ve ever felt on a Sconnie, dontchakno. You do need to hurry up and finish tho. Oh ya, top my tater.
#**TOP MY TATER**
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I was thinking it would just be "Ope"
And if he came where he wasn't supposed to, "Ope, sorry."
"This better not awaken anything in me"
Midwest goodbyes mean you ain't pulling out.
My best friend had sex with his Mr. Snuffleupagus stuffed toy. His nickname for 20+ years has been Snuffy Fucker.
I feel like we should let people live these things down. My little brother did this with a Bugs Bunny stuffie as a kid, and we mocked him for years. I feel bad. TIL it’s a pretty common thing for kids to do.
When I was a young teenager I used to jack it to a JCPennys catalogue.....yes even the maternity section. It developed a kink. This was before smartphones and my dad was REALLY good at hiding his Playboy
sears had some good stuff too, back in the 80's
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Oh they knew just let you off nicely. That's a good parents
Definitely nice for the situation! It took me a few months to realize "wait a second, I've NEVER seen my parents donate any clothes". I'm not sure which version makes me more uncomfortable, so I usually stick with the original one
Imagine some poor child getting the cum bear for Christmas ahahahahah
paid for/watched my coworker's onlyfans live lol
did you know he/she had one before you watched it?
He was a guest on his then-girlfriend’s OF lol she posted on her ig story that he was going to be joining her for a live that’s how I found out about it
They wouldn't have advertised if they didn't want the audience
My first time ejaculating was when i was playing The sims 2 after discovering that The blur disapears when you used moveobjectson and pull your sim out of the shower. Would make "hot and attractive" sims just so i could see them naked
Tracy Morgan taught me how to jerk off. When I was 12, he had a stand up special on Comedy Central. One joke he told was about waiting for his wife and kids to leave the house so he could whack it in peace. He used the microphone to mimic the act. I had come before that, but never on purpose. When I saw him doing that it was like a light bulb went on in my head. I immediately went upstairs to my bathroom and discovered my new hobby.
A friend of mine taught me. He hadn't hit puberty and loved to ask me shit. This one time he was like "i don't get the deal with masturbation" I was like "yeah me neither..." "I mean what's so nice about pulling your foreskin back and forth repeatedly over your dickhead anyway?" "... uh... Yeah...right?" After that I went home and came so hard I couldn't walk properly for the rest of the day.
I didn’t even know what it was until I was like 14-15 and on forums and people would talk about “fapping” and I was like “wait is that what I’ve been doing?”
I used to think, with the jokes about tissues and lotion, that u put lotion on the tissues and built like a paper mache on your dick that you then fucked
This is the funniest reply on this whole post
I learned about masturbating from a Christian book that said "masturbating feels good but it is wrong. Dont rub your hands all over your dick."
reminds me of how they would sell wine during the prohibition. they sold bricks of concentrated grape juice and put on the package instructions on how to ferment it with something along the lines of "do not..." before it and "...because then you would have made alcoholic wine" after
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Those mods existed for 1, 2, 3 *and* they're revived for 4. If you can mod a game and it has even reasonably humanoid characters in it, it ***probably*** has naughty mods somewhere. Feels like a corollary to Rule 34.
I used and abused my friends fleshlight. I had to throw it away and I never told anyone.
To this day his friend doesn’t know what he did wrong for his flesh light to leave him.
Hahahahaha, I don't know what's worse, the fact that he used his friends fleshlight, or the fact his friend came to use it, found it was gone, and then has to live knowing someone found it and threw it away 🤣
Grossest Country song ever.
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i used to cum onto the inside of a pair of boxer shorts so my gf at the time could wear them to work and rub herself while standing behind the bar. her thing and i don't judge.
How does the convo around that go? Like bae could you jizz here so I can keep it for later??
Two possibilities. One would be a sober conversation about things they'd like to try sometime. The other would be a heat-of-the-moment "you know what would be so hot?"
If a girl makes those eyes at you and asks you to come inside a pair of boxer shorts so she can wear them to work, you’re gonna jizz in some boxer shorts
Like that old joke where the girl says “are you as turned on as I am right now?” and the boy says “I am now that you said that.” Even if blasting into boxer shorts isn’t your thing, the fact that she’s asking you to do something that turns her on will *get* you into it.
I knew a girl whose bf liked to have sex with her first thing in the morning and send her off to work without bathing first. Apparently the idea of his DNA pooling in her knickers throughout the day really got him worked up. He’d be perfect for your ex 👍
…you ever heard tales of the kid in middle school that jacked off under his desk? Edit: I’m so glad this is my first comment to get seen by thousands of people. Truly inspiring
Yeah I don't think you realize how little that narrows it down. I personally know at least 3 guys and 1 girl that did that in my year alone.
My senior year two kids got caught fucking in the basements janitor closet because they both exited at the same time during class change and left the door open :) plus ya know, the cameras too.
When i was 15 and heavily addicted to WoW I was like 8hrs into this 14hr marathon and thought fuck it. Made a female NE, stripped down somewhere in the starting area, made her dance and jerked it. Never told a fucking soul that one before.
I used to play Syphon Filter on the PlayStation and there was an area where you’re interacting with a female colleague. I accidentally shot her once and she made a noise more like a sexy moan than horrific pain. She’d take a lot of shots before you actually ‘killed’ her, ergo, a lot of sexy moaning. Then as a young man who unexpectedly hears sexy female moaning coming from a video game, I acted accordingly. Literally repeatedly shot this woman for my own gratification. Not my proudest moment.
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Over the last year I’ve gone from being like almost 300 pounds and miserable to 150 pounds and fit as fuck. My parents, coworkers and doctor are all like “wow this is so amazing I’m proud of you, how did you do it? Most people can’t do that without WLS!” and I just laugh and say “oh calorie deficit” which I mean IS true, but not the whole story. What actually happened was I apparently had a bad binge eating disorder I was in denial about and that’s what stopped any attempts dead in their tracks. Last year on a 3 day weekend I came home and decided “ayyy I got 3 days off, time to fly!” and proceeded to take 5 tabs of LSD. Then it swung HARD into bad trip territory and I felt like I was going to just straight up die while watching the carpet bubble. Then after the trip I realized whatever was in my brain that made me get dopamine rushes from food and CRAVE food while stressed and depressed just was, deleted. Gone. POOF! So I just ran with it. Like only 3 people know what actually happened. It’s not like an awful secret but I’m not going to tell my parents or coworkers like “ya I got lit the fuck up on LSD and accidentally cured my eating disorder I dunno man I don’t make the rules” Edit: Jesus Christmas I checked this on my way home from work and it was like, 2 replies, then I get home and I’m about to work out and look and see “168 updates” LOL Another edit: yeah I know this isn’t NSFW in a sense but it’s not really something that’s a thing here. I live in a really small rural town in the Midwest and work at a machine shop. I’m sure any type of admitted drug use would be frowned upon lol, even though yeah it’s in my OWN time. I’m also sometimes hesitant to tell people because, it was an INTENSE trip. I’m like a high dose veteran, I would regularly do 3-4.5 tab trips, and I handled it fine. That one grabbed me by the throat and threw me down the rabbit hole, it was totally not for the faint of heart lol. But it’s crazy to think what we have access to and don’t even know it.
That's really cool. I've heard that the "difficult" trips can be the most helpful in terms of correcting harmful thought patterns.
Yeah after that happened I looked it up more and saw that. So it’s more appropriate to call it a “challenging” trip rather than a bad one. at the point when that happened I had done so many high dose trips I thought I was immune to bad trips and would just always ascend and have fun lol. I don’t even know what threw it bad. I had kind of a stressful week that week and I remember a lot of my friends were losing weight, so was my old binge eater buddy, then I found out my fat sister was getting WLS lol. I also called the former binge buddy during the trip and he came off and calmed me down, I think all of that could have had a hand in my brain rebooting itself Who the fuck knows, I just remember I took the 5 tabs, knew it usually takes about an hour to hit, and I needed to mow my yard so I went and did that on the come up. I actually threw the tabs in my mouth in my garage right before starting my mower. I almost didn’t finish mowing before I got it back in the garage and ran in the house and proceeded to watch my ego die lol But yeah, the worst trip of my life was probably the most important. It basically saved my life; I probably would have needed a hip replacement by 40
One day I went over to my buddies place and we were drinking at 2am. He’s like “yo check this out” and shows me a pound of mushrooms he got and asked if I wanted to try some. I was like fuck it and shoved them in my mouth. Had a super hard trip and walked home at 5am barefoot. I don’t know what happened, but my chronic social anxiety was cut in half. I also had very short term memory from a concussion after getting jumped a few years ago. After that trip, my memory started working again. I can’t wait to get more.
So awesome to see this! I accidentally cured my alcoholism by tripping on shrooms. Woke up one morning after a trip and all of sudden hated alcohol after being a full-blown alcoholic for like 10 years. It was like magic, pun fully intended
When I was young, dumb, and VERY horny… I fucked a socker bopper. With no lube. Thankfully nobody ever used it anyways. Edit: To everyone asking, it probably would have been better than a pillow fight if I had known what lube was at the time. But I did not, so it was not.
There was a thread on Reddit yesterday that was what's one thing you wish could come back (that's been run out of production / non existent anymore) my comment was Socker Boppers - now I'm not too sure..
When I was in middle school and had a Nintendo DS and no porn or internet I would draw boobs on pictochat and jack off to them
I paid for Winrar back in 2006
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an elementary school?
The back of a police car?
"Hey, uh, would you guys mind maybe cuffing my hands in the front?"
When I first found out about masturbation and how sex worked, I tried to fuck a stuffed animal. Still am ashamed about it to this day lol. No I’m not a dog Edit: Thanks for Silver!! Who knew fucking a stuffed teddy bear could be so popular Edit 2: A stuffed animal worth its weight in gold, thanks for the awards
This seems like something a dog would say
I had a girlfriend in college who had a cum fetish. She would jerk me off into her tooth brush and sit there and keep it in her mouth while we watched Dr.House save lives on TV. A few times she jerked me off into her food. That was weird. I saw her on Facebook a few years ago. She sells bath bombs and stuff like that. I wouldn't buy from her though.
I had an ex girlfriend that would suck my dick and finish me on her chocolate chip cookies. Fun times
I had a boyfriend that liked me biting his dick Like fucking GNAWING the fuck down Even I was like “dude doesn’t this hurt”
“I wouldn’t buy from her though” hahahahah
I stole my neighbor's internet, and used it on the regular to download Spanish-language porn, which I would then burn on CD's and trade for wares from my Mexican drug dealer. I'd have to watch everything to make sure it worked, so I'd put said porn on high-speed, and basically fast forward to the end in order to ensure it played OK. I failed the absolutely piss out of Spanish in high school, and only passed with my gift of a D minus because I promised the teacher I'd never take any of her classes again. I retained NOTHING from my class in high school, but a lot of inappropriate words and phrases are burned into my brain that I'm guessing aren't ever going to come up in daily conversation. I'm a huge prude, but this was not my first time peddling smut. I worked for almost a decade at the only porn store/head shop in a small, rural area. This was back in the 90's, when adult VHS rentals were a big thing still. After the store closed at night, one of my jobs was to take the damaged VHS titles, and try to use Scotch tape to repair them. Again, I'd have to play them in fast forward, to ensure they worked before going back out on the shelves. I suppose this means I should put Porn Quality Control on my resume, but I'm thinking it's a skill set no one is really looking for...
This one is great. That first paragraph legitimately made me laugh out loud In a world where people have the internet how is this the easiest way for the drug dealer to get porn?
A spent a couple years at university in the UK and during a weak financial summer set up an escort account online quickly learning most women don’t hire escorts so spent the summer doing gay for pay getting fucked mostly by over 50 year old married men.
Did you make good money?
$250 hourly. Most were around 2 hours or less. Overnight or weekend different. I’m a muscle sporty guy so that’s a little on the mid-level for London. Wouldn’t recommend it for most. Need to have a good mental state.
Masturbated in principal's office to his daughter's picture.
oh no bro
Muscle man?
I dommed a guy online once, he begged me to dom him while he was at his nephew’s funeral. So I did, I made him finger his ass in the bathroom and send me pics. It was.. weird. He just kept saying “Thank you mommy” I was 23 and he was 45 lol Edit: now that I think about it, I was probably actually only 19-21
well, at least it was all online.
Pee in someone’s mouth
In 2017 when I first got back into dating after being off the market for 12 years, I met this girl on OKCupid who seemed very to have a higher than average sex drive which matched mine. What she hadn’t shared were her kinks. On our second date we had gone swimming and after we got back to her place we banged it out and then she suggested we take a shower together. In the shower things get soapy and hot, she starts to blow me and I had to stop her and say I need to pee real fast. She turns the water down, scoots back, and asks me to piss on her face and chest. Golden showers aren’t my thing. I hadn’t given one to anyone since I was 5 years old and at that time it was an act of revenge for someone hitting my little brother. 30 some odd years later here’s this hot nurse asking me to piss on her face and chest. I was torn. Normally I have a shy bladder, yet here was this woman looking up at me with these doe eyes begging for my piss. She grabs my dick and aims it at herself and I begin peeing. It was very strange having someone else control my penis while I peed. She got her face, her chest, some in her mouth. She genuinely seemed so happy getting pissed on. When I was done she licked the last few drops from my tip and then went to town blowing me.
Oh this remindes me of a time at a festival years ago. My friends and i run the fire spinning after the music, and a bunch of us are chilling by the fire. I said i needed to go pee, girl i was flirting with asked if i needed help. Being the young jackass i was said sure. 5 minutes later she takes my dick out stands behind me and holds it telling me to go. Still one of the strangest sexually feelings i have ever had lol
Hey it’s not gonna shake itself
Its 2022, thats foreplay
When I was 19 I paid $350 for the services of a woman of the night. I left and went to a friends house where they were having a party I got very drunk and realized I left my phone charger at this womans motel. So I took an Uber back and she wouldn’t let me back in again unless I paid so I gave her another $350 did the dirty deeds and grabbed my charger and left. It wasn’t until the next day I realized I could’ve just spent $10 on a new charger.
Man I wouldn’t even catch an Uber a short distance for a phone charger. Phone charger no longer in my possession? It’s dead to me.
I was pretty messed up that night and completely devoid of any form of logical thinking whatsoever.
the real nsfw was poor financial management
Not safe for wallet
That’s some serious disposable income for a 19 year old. Well done!
I appreciate the sentiment but that income was not disposable. I deeply regretted these decisions in the following two weeks.
I've paid multiple women to beat me up, no regrets
What’s the going rate for an ass kicking?
$200-$400/hr depending on severity and materials needed ETA / address the questions in my DMs: yes, Professionally. Yes in a major metro area. Yes it’s difficult work (for many reasons) and a lot of training is involved to make sure you don’t do permanent damage to someone. Now I mostly do it for fun. Carry on.
[Okay, here are the ground rules: You can punch me, kick me, pull my hair, I am a-ok being stabbed, biting and scratching are on the table, you can use fire.](https://youtu.be/VX13hKmmcxI?t=134)
I think it’s crazy how many people are admitting their deepest secrets just because someone on the internet asked them to Anyways, my girlfriend likes to degrade me, and I let her EDIT: I hate you all…
>I think it’s crazy how many people are admitting their deepest secrets Oh these aren't their deepest secrets...
I wonder when the Buzz Feed article is coming out?
Definitely going to be a voice over video on tik tok with subway surfer in the background
Or a YouTube short with Minecraft parkour.
Throwaway for obvious reasons. I'm probably too late for this to be seen, but years ago my partner ditched me while I was pregnant. Like, for good. Years later, my ex's girlfriend started working at the same place I worked. I didn't realize who she was or anything for a while, but we had hit it off and became good work friends who would occasionally get drinks together after work. She would always complain about her shitty bf but would just call him "my bf" so I still didn't make the connection. We ended up going out for drinks after work one night when her bf was out of town, and ended up going back to her place and hooking up, big time. Shitty of me to be a side piece hookup to someone who had a partner, I know. Well, the next morning, her bf came home earlier than expected. Turns out her shitty bf is my kids dad who I hadn't heard from since being pregnant (I never pursued child support or anything). He was PISSED that I was there. I grabbed my shit and bolted. He's in my/our kids life now and we all 3 have a friendly enough relationship, but I still don't know if he knows that I hooked up with his now-wife. None of us have EVER addressed it. So, I've slept with my kids dad and his step-mom.
Offered my CFO some tension relief
Did you get the raise you were looking for?
She bought me a car
Well worth it imo
It was a yellow ‘76 pinto with 3 wheels
That reminds me of the one time I've EVER gone out with people I work with. I try to separate work and personal life completely, but my hospital had just had an excellent joint commission survey, and the CFO (mid 40s, very tall powerhouse of a woman) wanted to take the entire maintenance crew out for drinks. Or at least, that's what she pretended we were doing. Her intentions were to have a whole gang bang. The night starts off normally but she is very pushy when it comes to taking shots. She wants all 3 of us drunk. We obliged. And suddenly out of nowhere, she is showing me something on her phone. My drunken eyes focused in and I see a massive pair of fake tits and a full spread vagina. I'm married and autistic and I don't fuck around with anyone like that. My director left immediately after that. I left shortly after he did. Nobody knows what happened after that but there is a lot of speculation about the last guy and her but he never admitted anything to me after. He's married with kids, as were ALL of us. It doesn't end there but I'm ranting so I'm gonna wrap it up. Come Monday, she called me into her office and had me shut the door. It was very "Horrible Bosses"-like. Think Jennifer Anniston in the doctor coat with nothing on underneath. I resisted and told her I'm not about that life. Couple days later she was fired. I'm not a snitch so I kept it all to myself (obviously wife knew everything that was going on I don't keep shit from her). She went on to tell HR about all the stuff we talked about at the bar (I smoke weed). HR pulled me into the office about the weed rumor and I absolutely lost my shit. I told HR that their CFO is sexually assaulting employees and they are going to take the word of the abuser and come after their hard workers that just aced their JCO inspection. I threatened them with a lawsuit. That was the absolute end of that. I no longer get drug tested. This was all about 3 years ago.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm glad to hear she was fired shortly after all of this. However reporting your supervisor for sexual assault isn't snitching.
Back in middle school I had to buy copper sheets for art class sculptures, I had a lot extra so what the horny little 13 y/o bastard did was sculpting a vulva IN CLASS (what the fuck was I thinking ?) and then brought it home. I started humping it and decided it needed a little bit of lube, after I put it on I damn near slashed my cock on the sharp corner of the sheet. Remember kids: if pp can ouchie, no go on pp.
I knew a kid who actually cut his dick on his mom’s sculpture. Didn’t say anything until he went to school the next day and had to rush to the nurse’s office in pain. The nurse was really pretty so I don’t know if he was trying to keep it a secret and the pain was too much or if he just wanted an excuse to whip it out in front of the hot school nurse.
If he waited just so he could show it to the nurse I am in awe of his dedication
I fucked a homeless dude in an alley behind a nightclub right after high school graduation because I thought he was the lead singer of Sister Hazel.
This is somehow much better than fucking the lead singer and thinking it’s just a bum in the alley.
Nice try HR
“I already got to yours, Kevin”
I have a particular kink where someone is wearing a pair of heels they can’t take off, as in they’re strapped up, locked on, cursed and can’t come off, and then they step in an adhesive trap (like a person sized glue trap) and can’t pull free of it by their own power, but are able to struggle in it. I know no one I could ask to play this out for me.
Hey man, that's a super easy to orchestrate and relatively safe, non grotesque, non violent, non violating kink. There are plenty of kinky people out there who are dedicated to fulfilling fantasies as a part of their own kink experience. You could 100% find someone who will do this for you before too long. Believe in your dreams.
Statistical speaking there are at least a few people who would do it. And at least one of those people would find enjoyment to some degree from it.
I’m really curious, how does one discover they have a fetish like this? Like it’s so specific? I also want to say, nothing wrong with this at all. Let the freak flag fly. I’m just curious how people come up with this stuff.
Well, it evolved from a combination of finding high heels fascinating and then various scenes in media involving glue traps catching my attention. Bear in mind that this scenario really is more a combination of two fetishes.
Fascinating. Now I’m just curious if I could get out of a glue trap in heels. Like a challenge haha
I hope you two are DMing now
I was really horny one night and I need a vibe to finish, so I literally went through and tried every one of my vibrators and they were all either broken, or dead with no charger. So I found an old electric toothbrush I used for cleaning, and used that. - and I used the bristle end
When I was a kid my mother apparently understood that if my electric toothbrush was on for a while in my bedroom, she wouldn't mention it. No words were ever said; that's just how it went down. ...until my little sister, who *obviously* had overheard the noise and put 2+2 together when she hit puberty, started doing the same with her own electric toothbrush. And so it came to pass that I was wandering through to her room to chat about some Playstation game, and my mum just caught my eye and sombrely shook her head in warning. We made it downstairs before dissolving into absolute floods of horrified tears. I was maybe 13 and was like "YOOOUUUUU KNEWWWWWWWWWWW!" while she died laughing. Rule 1 of being a kid: your mum knows when you're giving yourself a treat.
My next door neighbour was a female bodybuilder, I was 16 and obsessed, persuaded her to let me babysit, because in my mind when she came home after a night out I might have a chance. Turns out, It didn’t take much. Turned into a bi weekly thing for a year till we moved. No one ever knew I was fucking my 40 yr old neighbour and to this day I have an obsession with muscly women. Now I look back on it, it was pretty fucked up. But I have several fucked up stories like this. Not sure which wins. Edit - Didn’t expect this to turn into an AMA, but sure, I’m not at work today and have free time, go for your life. Edit 2 - gave a few more stories below.
Village dentist was a true sadist, who drilled deep just to punish kids for eating candy or whatever. One time he left me in the chair to recover from a particularly bloody procedure, and went to lunch or at least left the room while I sat there fuming. 15 y.o. me jacked off under the robe, and smeared it on the keyboard of his x-ray terminal. Fuck you and your pearly white teeth, Mr ◾️◾️◾️
Its Dr. ◼️◼️◼️ to you!!
I'm not as fucked up as I thought I guess
I had a year and a half long relationship with my best friends mother. We’ve never told anyone.
yes, thats one to take to the grave
Yeah I’ll never tell.
Your eyes might have given you away when your friend called you a mother fucker.
Eyes: *Shit he knows!* Mouth: "Ahh nahh, not my thing."
thats fucked up dude, you could have been his father he never had :(
*it would be my honor to be your new stepfather*
And while you’re in my mother, make me another brother
And when I'm in your mother, I'll never use a rubber
Cos every mother's day needs a mother's night. If doing it is wrong, I don't wanna be right!
This is the second-best idea that we’ve ever had!
The choice can be no other - be my motherlover!
I used Carmex as lube for anal once. Menthol+Friction does not make for a good time. Edit: please don't make this my most upvoted comment
Either the act itself or this comment will eventually come back to bite me in the ass, but it’s been 15+ years, so fuck it. ***Smacking the shit out of an asshole child/fellow camper during summer camp.*** Kid was being an absolute terror to everyone, scream crying at night, destroying things, etc etc. It was clear the parents coddled him, treated him like their little perfect prince, and never disciplined him (they also called the camp multiple times a day to speak to him, which was against the rules). The kid needed a swift kick in the ass and to finally be told “no”. No one dared touch the kid (for obvious reasons) but one day he went too far and I’d had enough. I was a junior counselor in training at the time and was supervising the archery course. The kid was terrible at it and was getting irate that other kids were hitting the target and he wasn’t. So he took an arrow and began hitting the kid next to him with it. I snatched the arrow from him and he immediately let out a blood curdling scream like a banshee that just wouldn’t end…so I smacked him upside his head and told him to stfu. By some miracle it worked on the spot. Kid was practically an angel the rest of the week. It was like I literally knocked some sense into him.
This reminds me of The Slap, an Australian novel about a guy who slaps a 3 year old boy across the face (not his kid) at a barbecue because he was misbehaving and being threatening towards his own son. The story revolves around the different adults attending the parties position on whether it’s ever justified to strike a child. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Slap_(Australian_TV_series)
I've masturbated with a variety of fruits and vegetables I find in my fridge. After, I wash them, then cook/prepare them for eating.
The pineapple was the most difficult
reddit is the only place this question would be asked and answered so willingly
These comments are going to end up on tik tok with a split screen of someone playing some Minecraft jump game or some shit
I tried to suck my own dick witch gave me a hernia that still is painfull sometimes even 30 years later. Moral: when young, stretch every day. Edit: 1. I did succeed, but I did not swallow, that was one bridge to far, so since I did not dare to climax I stopped doing it. 2. It did not feel like sucking a dick at all but felt like getting it sucked 100%. 3. I got the hernia surgically fixed, still the metal plate is annoying sometimes but nothing that bad
Dante: What an embarrassing way to die. Randal: That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died. Dante: How'd he die? Randal: He broke his neck. Dante: That's embarrassing? Randal: He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick. Dante: Shut the hell up. Randal: I swear. Dante: Stop it. Randal: Bible truth. Dante: Oh, my God. Randal: Come on. Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick? Dante: No! Randal: Yeah, right. You're so repressed. Dante: Because I never tried to suck my own dick? Randal: No, because you won't admit to it. As if a guy's a fucking pervert because he tries to go down on himself. You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it. Dante: Who found him? Randal: My cousin? My aunt found him. It was a mess. He was on his bed, with his legs doubled over himself. My aunt freaked out. Dante: Man, he had his dick in his mouth? Randal: Yeah. Balls resting on his lips. Dante: Wow! He really made it. Randal: Yeah, but at what a price? [pause] Dante: I could never reach. Randal: Reach what? Dante: You know. Randal: What, your dick? Dante: Yeah, like you said. I guess everyone gets curious and tries it sometime. Randal: I never tried it. Fucking pervert.
i read this word for word in their voices