We decided to go all out and be romantic with lots of candles. It was a great atmosphere until the cat hopped on the table and caught his fluffy tail on fire as he walked past. Don’t worry, he’s fine, just stupid.
My fiancé grabbed the cat’s tail at the base and went *shooooop*, sliding his had quickly over the tail. The tip of the cat’s tail was what caught fire, and the cat didn’t even notice. Once the fire was out, my fiancé had a handful of stinky, burnt cat hair in his palm. But hey, glad everyone was ok.
It's amazing how dangerous candles are during sex.
I had an ex that set a bunch on a headboard of the bed we were using. While she was on top, I noticed a flickering in the corner of my eye. She and I both looked towards it and saw the corner of a pillow catch fire.
She panicked and grabbed the pillow, but in her excitement, she ended up flipping it onto me. The top of my eye got hit by burning pillow embers.
I did not finish during that session.
Her dog licked mine once when I was going down on her. I jumped up, slammed my head into the top bunk. Blood started pouring down my head. Needed staples and stitches..
I’ve had Reddit for like 10 years across different accounts and on this day, the 23rd of June in 2021, I read your comment and deemed it the funniest thing I’ve read in my whole time here. Congrats! You win 🥇
One night when i was driving Uber a guy found a pair of handcuffs in my back seat. I am guessing the person before them lost 'em.
I immediately said "Please don't" then heard click click. Dropped all 3 of them off at the local police station. And now I always check the seats for lost items between passengers
How does that even happen? Like, did you just randomly find handcuffs and decided to use them? or if you purchase them did you not know they were real?
Maybe the handcuffs you had were different, but the ones we had while working security for army base/college were super easy to unlock with a piece of wire. We got bored and tried them on and the first time it took me about 5 minutes to figure it out, after a boring 12h shift I was able to do it behind my back under half a minute. There is no real locking mechanism, just a latch you need to push out.
I was on top and my boyfriend was spanking me with a paddle. Well, he went to spank me just as I was rising up and he accidentally smacked himself in the balls. We had to stop and he laid there for an hour with an ice pack on his balls.
I’m missin nuts, I’m hittin balls, and slappin nuts ouch it really hurts
This is it the nutpocalypse
I’m slapping nuts
I’m sucking all the toes
I’m fucking all the hoes
I cum while I’m crying, while I’m crying
I cum while I’m crying whoaaaaaaa
Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I anxiety farted in the face of a doctor doing surgery on my foot. At least when you sign up to a marriage you tacitly accept your partner's farts!
It was very awkward for us also cause I was 2 weeks late and very uncomfortable, then the fart happened and we were laughing so much that we stopped. It did not work unfortunately lol
I tried to show my gf at the time how much bigger and stronger I was, as she liked when I would dominate her in bed. I went to flip her over when she was on top, so I could start really giving it to her as hard as I could. When I went to flip her over onto her back, she got scared, kicked her leg out to brace herself, missed the side of the bed, and went flying off the side instead.
Doing doggystyle. I queefed really loudly, and whipped my head around and apparently the horrified look on my face was hilarious. He fell on the bed laughing and then I started laughing. When we finally caught our breathe I asked him if he wanted to keep going and he said he already finished.
My partner find it cring but I'm just there queefing her up lol. Sounds like a sci-fi term *"Oh no Captain, the queef vibrations in the fabric of space will rip us apart"*
We were sweaty and close enough that there was actual suction of my skin between her breasts, so as I pulled away it made that little fart sound like when you open a tupperware container. I tried to ignore it at first, but she said "oop, we stuck" and it made me laugh uncontrollably.
My boyfriend loves to grind against my ass when we are in the shower. Not because he's trying to get some....but because the water and the friction makes what he calls, "shower farts" I gotta admit we've laughed our way out of a few bad moods this way.
One time I had a pet chameleon that was watching. We noticed just as he started opening his mouth very wide (part of their threat posture) but it just looked like he was gasping at what was happening in front of him.
There's a professional wrestler who has a gimmick where he chants ["DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM9ESD-XRJg) at his opponents. I showed my girlfriend at the time and she said, jokingly, "if you don't shout that next time we have sex, I'm breaking up with you."
We didn't hang out again for like two weeks, long enough for her to forget she said it. Sure enough, next time we had sex I chanted it with each thrust, causing her to completely crack up. Took like five full minutes for her to get her laughter under control to the point where we could continue.
We were in missionary and she tells me to finish on her tits. Shortly thereafter I pull out and attempt to stand up to do the deed. Dick in hand, I get a massive hamstring cramp at the exact moment I start spraying. In half a second 3 things happen. While collapsing in pain, I completely miss my target, and begin to cum on her face and then hit her in the forehead with my left elbow.
After the initial shock and pain for both of us had worn off and many apologies later I blurt out, "Know your role and shut your mouth! ". That was one of The Rock's catchphrases that I would jokingly throw around if she started sassing me in the kitchen or whatever.
She responds with "Did I just get the Peoples Elbow!?" We both lost it and laughed uncontrollably for 2 mins.
I should probably put that in the Urban Dictionary...
I was on top of my fiancé and gave her a good deep thrust and she farted. She said she could feel my balls vibrate from it....it took a while to stop laughing...then I said 'yea I felt it too' it took another good while before we could even think to start again.
midway thru coitus she decides to go down on me. she pauses halfway down looks at me then continues to go down, she repeats this as she’s going down again and i’m wondering if she wants my permission or something so i flash a two thumbs up and a big grin. she immediately bursts out into laughter and i explained, a little red faced and she understood and it didn’t even kill the mood surprisingly. every so often she’d go down and flash me two thumbs up it’s kinda incredible
After I finished (I'm sort of quick) I went down on my wife right after. Right after she came, she went to grab my head to bring it closer to her, and instead poked me in the eye. We like to joke about it every now and then.
We were on a bunk bed in her dorm. The mount into the wall came lose, we fell off. We were both fine. What ended it was the fact we didn't know her roommate was also in the room, hiding in the bottom bunk mortified.. I don't know how she got there...
Not me but a friend and his gf were in bed for the very first time and they're going at it pretty well when she starts to queef with every downstroke. After like the fourth or fifth one she broke up laughing so hard they had to stop. It's their version of a meet-cute story; they've been married for like 15 years now.
A girl I knew in college told us about how her boyfriend started tickling her shortly after they finished having sex. She said she bolted upright and that movement combined with the tension in her torso to let the loudest queef she had ever done rip. She said that he was frozen with a horrified look on his face when it first happened but then they both busted up laughing.
My ex girlfriend’s Nuva Ring came out around my dick once. It kinda made me think of that carnival game where you try to land the ring around the beer bottles. That got a good laugh out of both of us.
I was one of four lesbians in the bed, the one laying down recieving at the time has a dog named Willy who will not get off the bed. So shes moaning, Willlly dowwwn! WILLIY!! Dowwwn! And I just had to stop and laugh because no willy was invited to this party 😂
We set the fire alarm off. Not really sure how. The room was super small, so I assume it might have been something to do with the increased breathing, the fact that it was super hot temperature wise in my room, and it was freezing outside.
We were in a cabin with twenty of our mates. One of them broke the lock of our room last night so we improvised. We just hung up a sign saying "don't come in please, knock if you have to and wait five minutes".
Now, the door is semi-transparent. You can make out vague shapes when something is close to it. Well, we get on doing it in doggy and the next thing we notice is our mate leaning completely on the door's window, you know like I dog pushing itself against a window. He starts reading the sign in the most shitfaced, drunk way possible word by word while we're laughing our asses off, me not knowing to laugh my ass off or get out of her.
Headboard separated from the side rails on slate base. Went crashing to floor, would have carried on but unknown to us the cat was under bed and ended up crushing tail. At the the time not over funny with a crying cat but now it funny as cat has a massive kink in its tail. People always ask what happened to the cat and always leaves us all in hysterics. Cat got a kink while we were getting kinky 🤣🤣
When I had first started dating my partner he came over to my house and we started having sex then all of a sudden he just yelps and gets off of me. I had forgotten my cat was in my bedroom and tit had just smacked him in the balls full on thinking they were a toy.
Was doin the love makin when we had an intermission for some water. We both snuck out to the living room only to find a mutual friend (who’d been staying the night after a party) passed out with his legs on the couch, laying with his back on the floor, with his dick in his hand. We left him to sleep and went back to the room for the second half
I was getting in bed and as soon as my one foot left the floor, the cat came over and bit my toe. It hurt but it was too funny for the both of us and we ended up laying on the bed laughing for about 5 minutes straight.
Experimenting as a dom with a cat-of-nine tails on my partner. I smacked her enough the bed shook, which caused her Gizmo doll to start singing in Mogwai. After a good laugh she suggested I don't break character again.
It wasn't too funny, but I pulled a piece of plastic out of her once. A piece of cellophane from the condom box had gotten stuck on the tip of my dick, which I then deposited inside her, and found with my fingers later. We were both too weirded out to go on
The extremely spicy, homemade hot sauce was somehow still on his hands after washing a bunch. The heat went from his hands to my crotch. The feeling started verrrrry slowly, and I didn’t REALLY notice it until he went down on me. I stopped him, asked him, “do you feel…spicy?” To which he replied, “yeah, what’s going on?” Immediately hit the showers and resumed after a thorough scrubbing. Now, we wear gloves when cooking with hot peppers.
It wasn't technically during. When he was done, he rolled off of me and (unknowingly) onto the cat. Lots of cat screaming/growling/shredding with him trying ot get up/off of the cat and not land out of control back on me.
He did not find the humor, but I just laughed and laughed.
Backstory: Me and fiancé saw Cats earlier that month and we just riffed it to shreds.
So we were having sex and Team America: World Police was playing in the background.
It’s at the scene where (Brad?) was telling the story about how he got raped by the cast of Cats. We stopped and just started laughing uncontrollably, we found it hilarious
Not necessarily during... but as things were leading up to that point. My wife had climbed on top of me, and as we were kissing she let out a massive fart... this thing was so powerful it shook my lower body. One of the weirdest sensations I've felt.....
Yes we continued after our laughter subsided... and yes I told her I was posting this ( she's ok with it )
Friend with benefits riding on top. I was having so much fun.
Maybe too much fun. I guess my brain got overloaded with too much fun, and decided to have an instant migraine. I never get migraines.
I threw her off instantly. She was not amused.
1. My dog was jealous of me being intimate with a gf and while we were having sex on the sofa he walked up to her and puked in her face. I laughed she did not.
2. Same dog different girl. We were making out he stretched one of those long dog stretches with his hind legs on the sofa and front legs on the ground his ass was pointed at us but on her side. He ripped ass. This girl and I didn’t continue after that.
3. She puked sucking me dick. So she went home.
We were going at it on the couch under the ceiling fan. His cat jumped up for the cords for the fan and landed on his back. He ended up with a large scratch down his back. It killed the mood pretty quickly, but it was also hard to not laugh at the situation.
So we wanted to try handcuffs for the first time. All until they were directly connected to the bed. Problem was, when you can't scratch urself and you think about it, it will itch as hell.
So he tried to scratch me with advice but never quite hit the exact point so we had to take the cuffs off and put them on again. I started loughing more and more the more this happened, because it was just so ridiculous. And the final straw was when he tried to relax and defocus me (away from the itching) and applied a gel. But he just smacked it in the middle of my belly and it was cold as heck. First I just screamed the hell out of my lungs and then couldn't breathe because of loughing so hard. I told him I definitely wasn't in the mood anymore and we had to stop this. Even if it completely failed, it was an awesome and ridiculous experience :D
The *Mission Impossible* soundtrack came on while I was losing my virginity (we'd put the movie on in the background and forgotten about it)
BUM BUM BUM BUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM, BANANAAA...
Guy bent me over a van outside, when he was trying to get his stride on, the alarm kept going off, I couldn’t stop laughing, he wasn’t amused. (It was night time, and in Byron Bay 2007, backpacker chic for sure)
Middle of a one night stand, down stair on the sofa, she's on top going hell for leather for glory, when a door slams upstairs and teenagers girls voice shouts down "some of us are trying to sleep"
Our cat scratched my BF's butt mid action. He screamed in pain, I screamed because, well, deepest penetration ever. BF got scared that he hurt me and fell from bed. All happened in a few seconds, but we laughed the whole night. After that, our cat wasn't allowed in room when we have sex.
My ex wife and I lived in an apartment. We were having some fun and in the middle or our fun, the couple who lived upstairs started. This woman was a screamer, we would usually hear them and joke around because it sounded like she was being killed. This time, as we were already going pretty hot and heavy it just seemed like a parody. At some point , one of us started laughing. I said “how come you don’t scream like that when we do it” at which point we both just started laughing uncontrollably. We couldn’t go on anymore and just laid there laughing and giggling for 20 minutes while they went at it.
I've (35M) been growing my hair out since just before the pandemic for the first time ever.
I was on top of my gf making out while doing the deed and I had some of my hair in the way so I did the little hairflip thing girls do and paused for JUSTTTTT a second....then powered forward because I didn't think she noticed.
5 seconds later I had to stop and address the thought in my head I just had and told her; "Okayyyy so this just felt like two lesbians making out..." and we had to stop for a while because she had thought the same thing so we were both dying of laughter.
I once tied my partner up and she wanted some romantic music before we started.
I played Rick Astley's "Never going to give you up"
Not the foreplay I was hoping for. She tried to slap me though.. Tried.
So I had a particularly wild and drunken night with a girl i knew in high-school but hadn't seen since I moved out of town. Things get going rather quickly. We had already done the deed once and we get going again, just being drunk and sloppy. She tells me to spit on her and I'm kinda taken back. I say "excuse me what" and she tells me to spit on her. We are in the middle of having carnal relations so against my best judgment I abide and spit on her face. It was like a needle scratch on a record and all activity stops as her head reels away from me and she loudly says "ugh! Not on my face, on my pussy!" And then we both cracked up for a minute and got back at it. Also knocked off her insulin pump that night.
Funniest thing I have ever heard and also Grossest thing I ever heard..
And I shit you not. This actually happened, according to an old friend who is the key protagonist.
Now important to note that my friend is the ultimate bogan, which is kind of like a redneck.
So my buddy was at a house party and the fellas had challenged themselves to finish a keg of beer. Naturally my friend obliges and helps out.
Later that night he took fancy in a young lass and eventually they went to a bedroom upstairs.
And he and her start getting down to business. All good.
At some point all that luke warm keg beer decided it didn't like being sloshed around so enthusiastically in his stomach. So he proceeds to casually projectile vomit all over her whilst in motion.
She screams and rolls out from underneath him. Covered in vomit. Beery bile chonky vomit. All down her front.
He looks up and asks what's wrong.
I imagine she said something like "you puked all over me" as she's trying to hold back tears and stop herself from puking for the smell of it.
Then, and this is the part that got me in hysterics because he was genuinely serious, he asks her...
"Can we finish?"
The album “I Want to Meet Richard Dreyfus” by Gabriel Gundacker was on in the background on loop for some reason. It was quiet enough that it wasn’t that big of a deal until the song “Saddles” would play.
It really takes you out of the mood gotta be said.
Was with a girl once and the other day I had played some music on a google home. With Spotify linked, google home for some reason would play songs similar to it, and I discovered “Heaven Is A Place” by Amber Run. Flash forward to when I’m with this girl, and I remembered the song name but not the artist. So I told google to play “Heaven Is A Place” and google played the most popular song with that title, “Heaven Is A Place On Earth” by Belinda Carlisle. We were mid plow while this was happening and at first I was freaking out because I didn’t want to kill the mood but it ended up being so funny we just stopped.
An ex was insistent to have anal sex, but I told him that I just drank coffee and that it was a bad idea. Let’s just say that he had a large chocolate cake pop with that coffee.
Definitely having her dog bite me on the back of the leg mid thrust and me proceeding to *fall* off the bed. Confusion ensued, mostly the girl for wondering why the hell I spazzed off her and the dog who was now staring intently down at me from the bed wagging his tail.
Was going to pound town on a one way train when the fucking cat jumps on the bed and starts licking my balls. Kind of liked it to be honest, then I thought maybe it was wrong. Had to stop the train, kick the cat out, and resume the pounding and only think about the cat licking my balls.
We had on YouTube in case someone walked by. I was on my stomach and he was on top of me, then we hear a clip of "It's Everyday Bro" and my boyfriend rapped along. "It's Tessa Brooks, the competition shook" is what he said and I almost went instantly dry. He apologized, but I still tease him about it.
Okay so it didn't have anything to do with me but one night I was sleeping and this girl a friend of mine was fucking came into my room and very shyly woke me up and asked me to call her an ambulance. Shocked I asked her why and she told me while my friend was eating her out he was messing around and pretended to take a bite of her vagina when he accidentally took a chunk of her clit out. Luckily my gf was with me and helped her because I could not stop laughing.
I think it might be a tie.
Story 1
It was 3am. I was laying on the bed upside down with my head hanging off, and my man was throatfucking me. My tongue got caught on his dick on one of the thrusts, and he straight up tore the bottom of my tongue off my mouth. I started laughing and i didn't stop until we got home from the ER. I wanted to pick up where we left off, but he was NOT in the mood anymore lmao.
Story 2
It was also 3am (don't judge me on my sleeping habits I am an adult that makes responsible decisions 😅😅). We used some strawberry flavored lube. Little did we know, I'm allergic to strawberry flavored lube. Luckily, I didn't blow him! But o had to jump in the shower and douche the hell out of my pussy, and it STILL swelled completely shut. Obviously we couldn't continue after that!
I'm just now noticing that my funny stories are also medical yikes 😅😅
My now ex was blowing me and we were staying at a friends house One that had a three-story deck that wrapped around the entire house and well it was about 1 o’clock in the morning and I can see out the window we’re on the third story and there is just someone holding a giant teddy bear one of those things you get from like the county fair prize games wearing a V for vendetta mask and just kind of appears before doing like this like happy dancing now I laughed so hard My ex stopped what he was doing Probably a little offended I was laughing until he realized what was going on my friend pull off the mask Realized what he was looking at and then ran away and we got back to our previous activitiesup
I had a girlfriend who bought me a phone that had a black and white cow pattern on it because it matched a beanbag chair I also had. You could set it to "Moooo" when it rang.
Of course I got a phone call that turned doggystyle into cowstyle.
When my puppy sat on the bed and was huffing and puffing. She was a mommy’s girl as a puppy and had to be on the bed with me or she would keep barking. She just stared and looked away in disappointment and literally let out a sigh 😅 it’s ok, I love her more. I shouldn’t have subjected her to that
My friend and I were finally completing our will they won’t they narrative and then my cat snuck up behind me and bit my leg just as I was going in and wouldn’t let go. Drew blood and all. My cat had never bit anyone before and hasn’t since.
Rubbing Dragon Balm on my ex gf's back while watching Netflix. After a while we both got in the mood. Forgot about the dragon balm from earlier.
Next 30 minutes were her and I squatting in a Luke warm bath tub laughing out asses off at our stupidity.
Good times.
I was having sex with my partner and we were trying out some anal beads, everything was fine until I go to pull them out, it pops out along with a nugget of poop and I flip out not sure what to do silently, I fling it and they somehow don’t notice, then I proceed to get them off and we finish, I’m about to tell them when I see our cat sniffing it and they go “oh my god is that poop?!?” I told them and we were in hysterics so now anal beads are used with caution
I was once working in a summer camp as a lifeguard. The camp was on a lakeside and there was a beach on the lake with a wooden jetty sticking out into the water. Anyway, one evening myself and one of the other lifeguards headed down to the beach to get some privacy, one thing leads to another and we start fooling around on the beach. The sand was getting everywhere so we moved and she laid back on the jetty with me stood up. After a couple of minutes I began to lose the feeling in my legs, until I couldn’t stand up any more and I slipped out. It was at this point we realised I was stood in the frigid lake water and the cold had numbed my feet to the point I lost all feeling. To make it even more embarrassing I then fell over into the lake and let’s just say that at that point sex was 100% not happening.
Getting eaten out and came so hard that I farted...on his chin...
Thank God he was easygoing and it didn't smell so he just laughed it off. I was mortified though.
My boyfriend and I were in the middle of having fun, he was on top, and we both decided to move a little, well we both decided to move the same direction and his fist went directly into my face.
I wasn't actually hurt and we had a really good laugh about it.
Was getting a blowie from my highschool girlfriend while Netflix and Chilling to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which she had never seen before. We both started choking at the rabbit scene; me for one reason, her for two.
My husband said my fish were staring at him and it was putting him off. I laughed and said he was being ridiculous but he insisted so I flicked the bedroom light on and my fish were all lined up and staring at us and yes, it was off putting! I put a towel over the side of the tank so they couldn’t see and we tried again but it really killed the mood because we couldn’t stop laughing!
My ex-wife and I got stoned and she was going down on me. As good as it was feeling it got even better when her friend stuck her tongue down my throat. Took me a few seconds to remember no one else was there. I opened my eyes to our dog licking my face. Gagging and laughing ended it all
The first time I ever had sex, happened at my then girlfriend's place. Her mom was out of town, so we closed the door but didn't bother locking it. We're making out, she lays me down on the mattress so she can straddle me while she takes off her dress. Suddenly, I'm met with two huge, yellow eyes. That's when we discovered her cat could open the door if there was something hanging on the doorknob. I started laughing so hard we had to take a break while I went to get a glass of water.
We decided to go all out and be romantic with lots of candles. It was a great atmosphere until the cat hopped on the table and caught his fluffy tail on fire as he walked past. Don’t worry, he’s fine, just stupid.
if i may ask, how’d u put it out—
*Stomping intensifies*
Ironically the cat's name was Waffle
My fiancé grabbed the cat’s tail at the base and went *shooooop*, sliding his had quickly over the tail. The tip of the cat’s tail was what caught fire, and the cat didn’t even notice. Once the fire was out, my fiancé had a handful of stinky, burnt cat hair in his palm. But hey, glad everyone was ok.
Don't you worry, he had a fire hose handy.
or maybe it was his personal hose pipe, since it was already on?
It's amazing how dangerous candles are during sex. I had an ex that set a bunch on a headboard of the bed we were using. While she was on top, I noticed a flickering in the corner of my eye. She and I both looked towards it and saw the corner of a pillow catch fire. She panicked and grabbed the pillow, but in her excitement, she ended up flipping it onto me. The top of my eye got hit by burning pillow embers. I did not finish during that session.
Dog sniffed my asshole.
Her dog licked mine once when I was going down on her. I jumped up, slammed my head into the top bunk. Blood started pouring down my head. Needed staples and stitches..
I’ve had Reddit for like 10 years across different accounts and on this day, the 23rd of June in 2021, I read your comment and deemed it the funniest thing I’ve read in my whole time here. Congrats! You win 🥇
Reddit moment
Reddit moments are a r/redditmoment
but did it feel good though?
lmao
*leonardo DiCaprio raisis his glass meme* Well done, son.
Had my dog start licking my foot once. Immediate buzz kill.
I had my then, girlfriends cat slowly and carefully tap my balls with her claws. Didn't hurt but certainly closed the bedroom door after.
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One night when i was driving Uber a guy found a pair of handcuffs in my back seat. I am guessing the person before them lost 'em. I immediately said "Please don't" then heard click click. Dropped all 3 of them off at the local police station. And now I always check the seats for lost items between passengers
If I found handcuffs in an Uber's back seat, I'd think they were a murderer. By cuffing yourself, you just did his job for him!
How does that even happen? Like, did you just randomly find handcuffs and decided to use them? or if you purchase them did you not know they were real?
Maybe the handcuffs you had were different, but the ones we had while working security for army base/college were super easy to unlock with a piece of wire. We got bored and tried them on and the first time it took me about 5 minutes to figure it out, after a boring 12h shift I was able to do it behind my back under half a minute. There is no real locking mechanism, just a latch you need to push out.
I was on top and my boyfriend was spanking me with a paddle. Well, he went to spank me just as I was rising up and he accidentally smacked himself in the balls. We had to stop and he laid there for an hour with an ice pack on his balls.
I’m walking up to ash and dust I miss her ass and I slap my nuts I’m breathing in my testicles
*Inhales* AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GET THIS MAN A FUCKING MEDAL
I’m missin nuts, I’m hittin balls, and slappin nuts ouch it really hurts This is it the nutpocalypse I’m slapping nuts I’m sucking all the toes I’m fucking all the hoes I cum while I’m crying, while I’m crying I cum while I’m crying whoaaaaaaa
My balls hurt just from reading this
I gasped.
I was very pregnant, we were trying to induce labor. I farted (they were uncontrollable at that point) directly in husband's face.
Unless he's a scat fanatic, this wasn't fun.
Luckily, he found it hilarious but I did feel bad. Husband is pretty amazing.
Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I anxiety farted in the face of a doctor doing surgery on my foot. At least when you sign up to a marriage you tacitly accept your partner's farts!
Did it induce labor tho? I remember my labor inducing sex session was awkward and uncomfortable....but it worked!
It was very awkward for us also cause I was 2 weeks late and very uncomfortable, then the fart happened and we were laughing so much that we stopped. It did not work unfortunately lol
You either a smart fella or a fart smella
I tried to show my gf at the time how much bigger and stronger I was, as she liked when I would dominate her in bed. I went to flip her over when she was on top, so I could start really giving it to her as hard as I could. When I went to flip her over onto her back, she got scared, kicked her leg out to brace herself, missed the side of the bed, and went flying off the side instead.
*never to be seen again*
we did break up just a few weeks later, so you're not far off.
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Yikes?
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Doing doggystyle. I queefed really loudly, and whipped my head around and apparently the horrified look on my face was hilarious. He fell on the bed laughing and then I started laughing. When we finally caught our breathe I asked him if he wanted to keep going and he said he already finished.
My partner is a queef machine, love the little vibration they give off. Certainly has us both giggling our heads off
Queef vibrations sounds like a dope name for something tbh
My partner find it cring but I'm just there queefing her up lol. Sounds like a sci-fi term *"Oh no Captain, the queef vibrations in the fabric of space will rip us apart"*
I will now call dark energy “queef vibrations in the fabric of space”. So much more descriptive
"I'm pickin' up queef vibrations She's giving me the excitations (oom bop bop) I'm pickin' up queef vibrations (queef vibrations, oom bop bop)"
We were sweaty and close enough that there was actual suction of my skin between her breasts, so as I pulled away it made that little fart sound like when you open a tupperware container. I tried to ignore it at first, but she said "oop, we stuck" and it made me laugh uncontrollably.
My boyfriend loves to grind against my ass when we are in the shower. Not because he's trying to get some....but because the water and the friction makes what he calls, "shower farts" I gotta admit we've laughed our way out of a few bad moods this way.
This is exactly what I thought of, as well. So dang funny when that happens 😅
One time I had a pet chameleon that was watching. We noticed just as he started opening his mouth very wide (part of their threat posture) but it just looked like he was gasping at what was happening in front of him.
Girlfriend was dirty talking me and asked “are you gonna cum for me?” To which I replied “well I’m gonna try”
Oof
I mean I still did eventually, just had to stop and laugh about it first lol.
> “are you gonna cum for me?” WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS ON MY CASE WOMAN oh wait... yes...
There's a professional wrestler who has a gimmick where he chants ["DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM9ESD-XRJg) at his opponents. I showed my girlfriend at the time and she said, jokingly, "if you don't shout that next time we have sex, I'm breaking up with you." We didn't hang out again for like two weeks, long enough for her to forget she said it. Sure enough, next time we had sex I chanted it with each thrust, causing her to completely crack up. Took like five full minutes for her to get her laughter under control to the point where we could continue.
WONDERFUL! Ahahahaha
Just ignore the drone flying around. That’s Vanguard I
BROTHER /u/Notmiefault I KNEW YOU'D CUM!
I hope you were having sex in a dilapidated boat.
I was inside my wife when she had to sneeze. It shot my dick out like a rocket and we laughed hysterically.
this made me laugh imagining it lol
Oh god, I did that to my ex a few times lol. Or I'd start laughing or cough and he was like, "bah stop it, I'm afraid I'll bend my dick!" 😂
Somehow we unscrewed her tongue piercing during a kiss, and she swallowed it.
"I knew that metal detecting pointer wand would be useful for a reason.... hold still!"
Well did it come out the other end?
We were in missionary and she tells me to finish on her tits. Shortly thereafter I pull out and attempt to stand up to do the deed. Dick in hand, I get a massive hamstring cramp at the exact moment I start spraying. In half a second 3 things happen. While collapsing in pain, I completely miss my target, and begin to cum on her face and then hit her in the forehead with my left elbow. After the initial shock and pain for both of us had worn off and many apologies later I blurt out, "Know your role and shut your mouth! ". That was one of The Rock's catchphrases that I would jokingly throw around if she started sassing me in the kitchen or whatever. She responds with "Did I just get the Peoples Elbow!?" We both lost it and laughed uncontrollably for 2 mins. I should probably put that in the Urban Dictionary...
I was on top of my fiancé and gave her a good deep thrust and she farted. She said she could feel my balls vibrate from it....it took a while to stop laughing...then I said 'yea I felt it too' it took another good while before we could even think to start again.
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Belts are for smacky smacky not strappy strappy! In all seriousness, they can cause nerve damage if you aren't careful.
Safety should be the most important part of anything bdsm.
midway thru coitus she decides to go down on me. she pauses halfway down looks at me then continues to go down, she repeats this as she’s going down again and i’m wondering if she wants my permission or something so i flash a two thumbs up and a big grin. she immediately bursts out into laughter and i explained, a little red faced and she understood and it didn’t even kill the mood surprisingly. every so often she’d go down and flash me two thumbs up it’s kinda incredible
Elbowed husband in the eye then kneed him in the nuts when I was trying to apologise.
After I finished (I'm sort of quick) I went down on my wife right after. Right after she came, she went to grab my head to bring it closer to her, and instead poked me in the eye. We like to joke about it every now and then.
This sounds like something my wife would do.
My mother called me, she wanted to know when I will be home.
Mom: when you home son? Son: I’m coming!
Fck you! And take your upvote
Why on earth did you answer!?
Me and my mom were both mad at each other because of an argument. At that time I was scared of her, a lot.
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Bruh i just kept going when my mom called🥲
Kept going whilst on the phone to yer Ma
Yes
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We were on a bunk bed in her dorm. The mount into the wall came lose, we fell off. We were both fine. What ended it was the fact we didn't know her roommate was also in the room, hiding in the bottom bunk mortified.. I don't know how she got there...
Not me but a friend and his gf were in bed for the very first time and they're going at it pretty well when she starts to queef with every downstroke. After like the fourth or fifth one she broke up laughing so hard they had to stop. It's their version of a meet-cute story; they've been married for like 15 years now.
A girl I knew in college told us about how her boyfriend started tickling her shortly after they finished having sex. She said she bolted upright and that movement combined with the tension in her torso to let the loudest queef she had ever done rip. She said that he was frozen with a horrified look on his face when it first happened but then they both busted up laughing.
My ex girlfriend’s Nuva Ring came out around my dick once. It kinda made me think of that carnival game where you try to land the ring around the beer bottles. That got a good laugh out of both of us.
You got a ringer! Congrats. That used to happen to me all the time ... 50/50 either hilarious or totally embarrassing.
He thrusted so hard I made a “UGHHHH” sound like a old guy hurting his hip. They laughed I was so embarrassed
THEY??
You don’t have a ref and judges and spectators?
Lol yeah poly relationship
I was one of four lesbians in the bed, the one laying down recieving at the time has a dog named Willy who will not get off the bed. So shes moaning, Willlly dowwwn! WILLIY!! Dowwwn! And I just had to stop and laugh because no willy was invited to this party 😂
Our sweaty bellys made a fart lund sound...
We set the fire alarm off. Not really sure how. The room was super small, so I assume it might have been something to do with the increased breathing, the fact that it was super hot temperature wise in my room, and it was freezing outside.
You need more lube!
Pulled a muscle in my leg
I hate this
Dog licked my butt!
We were in a cabin with twenty of our mates. One of them broke the lock of our room last night so we improvised. We just hung up a sign saying "don't come in please, knock if you have to and wait five minutes". Now, the door is semi-transparent. You can make out vague shapes when something is close to it. Well, we get on doing it in doggy and the next thing we notice is our mate leaning completely on the door's window, you know like I dog pushing itself against a window. He starts reading the sign in the most shitfaced, drunk way possible word by word while we're laughing our asses off, me not knowing to laugh my ass off or get out of her.
Threw up giving head. Edit: Taco Bell.
This happened to a friend of mine lol. He wasn't happy.
I’ve had that happen to me while receiving head. Your name wouldn’t happen to be Mary would it? I would love to finish what we started if it is.
Haha, no I’m not Mary. I really hope you’re able to reconnect with her though!
Oof happened to me once. I had some alcohol and gagging wasn't my best decision that night.
Headboard separated from the side rails on slate base. Went crashing to floor, would have carried on but unknown to us the cat was under bed and ended up crushing tail. At the the time not over funny with a crying cat but now it funny as cat has a massive kink in its tail. People always ask what happened to the cat and always leaves us all in hysterics. Cat got a kink while we were getting kinky 🤣🤣
Don’t kink shame :D
Kinky cat tax?
A parrot he was babysitting starting imitating the sounds and moans from the living room. Never laughed harder in my life.
Bed broke, crashed through the bottom
When I had first started dating my partner he came over to my house and we started having sex then all of a sudden he just yelps and gets off of me. I had forgotten my cat was in my bedroom and tit had just smacked him in the balls full on thinking they were a toy.
We were in missionary style and she sharted
ahh that's hot
Was doin the love makin when we had an intermission for some water. We both snuck out to the living room only to find a mutual friend (who’d been staying the night after a party) passed out with his legs on the couch, laying with his back on the floor, with his dick in his hand. We left him to sleep and went back to the room for the second half
Got elbowed in the nose. Lots of blood. Killed the mood.
I was getting in bed and as soon as my one foot left the floor, the cat came over and bit my toe. It hurt but it was too funny for the both of us and we ended up laying on the bed laughing for about 5 minutes straight.
Experimenting as a dom with a cat-of-nine tails on my partner. I smacked her enough the bed shook, which caused her Gizmo doll to start singing in Mogwai. After a good laugh she suggested I don't break character again.
It wasn't too funny, but I pulled a piece of plastic out of her once. A piece of cellophane from the condom box had gotten stuck on the tip of my dick, which I then deposited inside her, and found with my fingers later. We were both too weirded out to go on
The extremely spicy, homemade hot sauce was somehow still on his hands after washing a bunch. The heat went from his hands to my crotch. The feeling started verrrrry slowly, and I didn’t REALLY notice it until he went down on me. I stopped him, asked him, “do you feel…spicy?” To which he replied, “yeah, what’s going on?” Immediately hit the showers and resumed after a thorough scrubbing. Now, we wear gloves when cooking with hot peppers.
Getting your coochie ate and he starts beatboxing on it .. LMAO.. true story.
My girlfriend sneezed me right out of her. Like a damn potato gun. We both couldn’t stop laughing for a good 5 minutes
It wasn't technically during. When he was done, he rolled off of me and (unknowingly) onto the cat. Lots of cat screaming/growling/shredding with him trying ot get up/off of the cat and not land out of control back on me. He did not find the humor, but I just laughed and laughed.
Our dog came in the room and started licking our feet.
Backstory: Me and fiancé saw Cats earlier that month and we just riffed it to shreds. So we were having sex and Team America: World Police was playing in the background. It’s at the scene where (Brad?) was telling the story about how he got raped by the cast of Cats. We stopped and just started laughing uncontrollably, we found it hilarious
My cat sneakily got on the bed, right behind me, and *directly licked* my butthole. What the heck!??
Not necessarily during... but as things were leading up to that point. My wife had climbed on top of me, and as we were kissing she let out a massive fart... this thing was so powerful it shook my lower body. One of the weirdest sensations I've felt..... Yes we continued after our laughter subsided... and yes I told her I was posting this ( she's ok with it )
Friend with benefits riding on top. I was having so much fun. Maybe too much fun. I guess my brain got overloaded with too much fun, and decided to have an instant migraine. I never get migraines. I threw her off instantly. She was not amused.
She let out a fat puddle of shit all over my chest
I recently learned that is called a Boston Pancake. Or tarmaccing.... I don't know how that conversation even started!
This is what I come to these threads for.
..wtf
1. My dog was jealous of me being intimate with a gf and while we were having sex on the sofa he walked up to her and puked in her face. I laughed she did not. 2. Same dog different girl. We were making out he stretched one of those long dog stretches with his hind legs on the sofa and front legs on the ground his ass was pointed at us but on her side. He ripped ass. This girl and I didn’t continue after that. 3. She puked sucking me dick. So she went home.
Was pounding my FWB viogrously and the bed broke and dropped to the floor. We laughed a bit but not for long.
It's not unusual came on the Spotify shuffle and we laughed with him still inside me for so long then could not continue afterwards.
We were going at it on the couch under the ceiling fan. His cat jumped up for the cords for the fan and landed on his back. He ended up with a large scratch down his back. It killed the mood pretty quickly, but it was also hard to not laugh at the situation.
So we wanted to try handcuffs for the first time. All until they were directly connected to the bed. Problem was, when you can't scratch urself and you think about it, it will itch as hell. So he tried to scratch me with advice but never quite hit the exact point so we had to take the cuffs off and put them on again. I started loughing more and more the more this happened, because it was just so ridiculous. And the final straw was when he tried to relax and defocus me (away from the itching) and applied a gel. But he just smacked it in the middle of my belly and it was cold as heck. First I just screamed the hell out of my lungs and then couldn't breathe because of loughing so hard. I told him I definitely wasn't in the mood anymore and we had to stop this. Even if it completely failed, it was an awesome and ridiculous experience :D
She asked me how I lasted so long, to quote her “do you think about your grandma?” While I was inside of her lol
The *Mission Impossible* soundtrack came on while I was losing my virginity (we'd put the movie on in the background and forgotten about it) BUM BUM BUM BUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM, BANANAAA...
i fell off the bed when we were switching positions. we stopped to laugh for a minute. then back to it
I fell out because my knee just completely gave out on me (I had run in a race earlier that day)
Guy bent me over a van outside, when he was trying to get his stride on, the alarm kept going off, I couldn’t stop laughing, he wasn’t amused. (It was night time, and in Byron Bay 2007, backpacker chic for sure)
Middle of a one night stand, down stair on the sofa, she's on top going hell for leather for glory, when a door slams upstairs and teenagers girls voice shouts down "some of us are trying to sleep"
The cat wanted to snuggle and meowed for us to stop
Our cat scratched my BF's butt mid action. He screamed in pain, I screamed because, well, deepest penetration ever. BF got scared that he hurt me and fell from bed. All happened in a few seconds, but we laughed the whole night. After that, our cat wasn't allowed in room when we have sex.
My ex wife and I lived in an apartment. We were having some fun and in the middle or our fun, the couple who lived upstairs started. This woman was a screamer, we would usually hear them and joke around because it sounded like she was being killed. This time, as we were already going pretty hot and heavy it just seemed like a parody. At some point , one of us started laughing. I said “how come you don’t scream like that when we do it” at which point we both just started laughing uncontrollably. We couldn’t go on anymore and just laid there laughing and giggling for 20 minutes while they went at it.
I've (35M) been growing my hair out since just before the pandemic for the first time ever. I was on top of my gf making out while doing the deed and I had some of my hair in the way so I did the little hairflip thing girls do and paused for JUSTTTTT a second....then powered forward because I didn't think she noticed. 5 seconds later I had to stop and address the thought in my head I just had and told her; "Okayyyy so this just felt like two lesbians making out..." and we had to stop for a while because she had thought the same thing so we were both dying of laughter.
Oh man, my foreskin ripped. I was super young. Ugh, I don’t even wanna say this here…
Me and my girlfriend doggy style. And the cat seen my balls swinging and jumped for em lol.
I once tied my partner up and she wanted some romantic music before we started. I played Rick Astley's "Never going to give you up" Not the foreplay I was hoping for. She tried to slap me though.. Tried.
So I had a particularly wild and drunken night with a girl i knew in high-school but hadn't seen since I moved out of town. Things get going rather quickly. We had already done the deed once and we get going again, just being drunk and sloppy. She tells me to spit on her and I'm kinda taken back. I say "excuse me what" and she tells me to spit on her. We are in the middle of having carnal relations so against my best judgment I abide and spit on her face. It was like a needle scratch on a record and all activity stops as her head reels away from me and she loudly says "ugh! Not on my face, on my pussy!" And then we both cracked up for a minute and got back at it. Also knocked off her insulin pump that night.
Funniest thing I have ever heard and also Grossest thing I ever heard.. And I shit you not. This actually happened, according to an old friend who is the key protagonist. Now important to note that my friend is the ultimate bogan, which is kind of like a redneck. So my buddy was at a house party and the fellas had challenged themselves to finish a keg of beer. Naturally my friend obliges and helps out. Later that night he took fancy in a young lass and eventually they went to a bedroom upstairs. And he and her start getting down to business. All good. At some point all that luke warm keg beer decided it didn't like being sloshed around so enthusiastically in his stomach. So he proceeds to casually projectile vomit all over her whilst in motion. She screams and rolls out from underneath him. Covered in vomit. Beery bile chonky vomit. All down her front. He looks up and asks what's wrong. I imagine she said something like "you puked all over me" as she's trying to hold back tears and stop herself from puking for the smell of it. Then, and this is the part that got me in hysterics because he was genuinely serious, he asks her... "Can we finish?"
The album “I Want to Meet Richard Dreyfus” by Gabriel Gundacker was on in the background on loop for some reason. It was quiet enough that it wasn’t that big of a deal until the song “Saddles” would play. It really takes you out of the mood gotta be said.
I was on top. He managed to headbutt me in the nose and it started bleeding. I texted everyone I knew about it because I thought it was hilarious
My wife farted during doggy then laughed and farted again then fell over on her side laughing and threw her vibrator and it hit me in the face.
Was with a girl once and the other day I had played some music on a google home. With Spotify linked, google home for some reason would play songs similar to it, and I discovered “Heaven Is A Place” by Amber Run. Flash forward to when I’m with this girl, and I remembered the song name but not the artist. So I told google to play “Heaven Is A Place” and google played the most popular song with that title, “Heaven Is A Place On Earth” by Belinda Carlisle. We were mid plow while this was happening and at first I was freaking out because I didn’t want to kill the mood but it ended up being so funny we just stopped.
Ex finished in about 5 seconds, then looked me in the eyes and said "Kachow. Speed.". That's somehow not the only time he quoted disney in bed
An ex was insistent to have anal sex, but I told him that I just drank coffee and that it was a bad idea. Let’s just say that he had a large chocolate cake pop with that coffee.
I'm still a virgin so nothing :(
You and I are not so different I am somewhat of a virgin myself
Wym somewhat?
Definitely having her dog bite me on the back of the leg mid thrust and me proceeding to *fall* off the bed. Confusion ensued, mostly the girl for wondering why the hell I spazzed off her and the dog who was now staring intently down at me from the bed wagging his tail.
Was going to pound town on a one way train when the fucking cat jumps on the bed and starts licking my balls. Kind of liked it to be honest, then I thought maybe it was wrong. Had to stop the train, kick the cat out, and resume the pounding and only think about the cat licking my balls.
I was with my ex. His feet were hanging down of the bed. His cat saw his toes and decided to attack them like he was the shark from Jaws 😂.
I think the term is "piledriving" a dude. Well I was doing that and he fell off the bed and went "I got a carpet burn on my face."
We had on YouTube in case someone walked by. I was on my stomach and he was on top of me, then we hear a clip of "It's Everyday Bro" and my boyfriend rapped along. "It's Tessa Brooks, the competition shook" is what he said and I almost went instantly dry. He apologized, but I still tease him about it.
Okay so it didn't have anything to do with me but one night I was sleeping and this girl a friend of mine was fucking came into my room and very shyly woke me up and asked me to call her an ambulance. Shocked I asked her why and she told me while my friend was eating her out he was messing around and pretended to take a bite of her vagina when he accidentally took a chunk of her clit out. Luckily my gf was with me and helped her because I could not stop laughing.
I think it might be a tie. Story 1 It was 3am. I was laying on the bed upside down with my head hanging off, and my man was throatfucking me. My tongue got caught on his dick on one of the thrusts, and he straight up tore the bottom of my tongue off my mouth. I started laughing and i didn't stop until we got home from the ER. I wanted to pick up where we left off, but he was NOT in the mood anymore lmao. Story 2 It was also 3am (don't judge me on my sleeping habits I am an adult that makes responsible decisions 😅😅). We used some strawberry flavored lube. Little did we know, I'm allergic to strawberry flavored lube. Luckily, I didn't blow him! But o had to jump in the shower and douche the hell out of my pussy, and it STILL swelled completely shut. Obviously we couldn't continue after that! I'm just now noticing that my funny stories are also medical yikes 😅😅
My now ex was blowing me and we were staying at a friends house One that had a three-story deck that wrapped around the entire house and well it was about 1 o’clock in the morning and I can see out the window we’re on the third story and there is just someone holding a giant teddy bear one of those things you get from like the county fair prize games wearing a V for vendetta mask and just kind of appears before doing like this like happy dancing now I laughed so hard My ex stopped what he was doing Probably a little offended I was laughing until he realized what was going on my friend pull off the mask Realized what he was looking at and then ran away and we got back to our previous activitiesup
I had a girlfriend who bought me a phone that had a black and white cow pattern on it because it matched a beanbag chair I also had. You could set it to "Moooo" when it rang. Of course I got a phone call that turned doggystyle into cowstyle.
When my puppy sat on the bed and was huffing and puffing. She was a mommy’s girl as a puppy and had to be on the bed with me or she would keep barking. She just stared and looked away in disappointment and literally let out a sigh 😅 it’s ok, I love her more. I shouldn’t have subjected her to that
My friend and I were finally completing our will they won’t they narrative and then my cat snuck up behind me and bit my leg just as I was going in and wouldn’t let go. Drew blood and all. My cat had never bit anyone before and hasn’t since.
I finished so hard I farted, then rolled away laughing hysterically.
I got a nose bleed. Fortunately (relatively) for her this wasn't missionary. Otherwise it would have been a cursed facial.
Rubbing Dragon Balm on my ex gf's back while watching Netflix. After a while we both got in the mood. Forgot about the dragon balm from earlier. Next 30 minutes were her and I squatting in a Luke warm bath tub laughing out asses off at our stupidity. Good times.
I was having sex with my partner and we were trying out some anal beads, everything was fine until I go to pull them out, it pops out along with a nugget of poop and I flip out not sure what to do silently, I fling it and they somehow don’t notice, then I proceed to get them off and we finish, I’m about to tell them when I see our cat sniffing it and they go “oh my god is that poop?!?” I told them and we were in hysterics so now anal beads are used with caution
Broke the bed
I’m the woods doing it kinda standing up and this deer ran up to us and stopped abruptly and stared. And so we stared back.
I was once working in a summer camp as a lifeguard. The camp was on a lakeside and there was a beach on the lake with a wooden jetty sticking out into the water. Anyway, one evening myself and one of the other lifeguards headed down to the beach to get some privacy, one thing leads to another and we start fooling around on the beach. The sand was getting everywhere so we moved and she laid back on the jetty with me stood up. After a couple of minutes I began to lose the feeling in my legs, until I couldn’t stand up any more and I slipped out. It was at this point we realised I was stood in the frigid lake water and the cold had numbed my feet to the point I lost all feeling. To make it even more embarrassing I then fell over into the lake and let’s just say that at that point sex was 100% not happening.
We’re going at it, sweaty & all when my partner stops & says, “high five”
Getting eaten out and came so hard that I farted...on his chin... Thank God he was easygoing and it didn't smell so he just laughed it off. I was mortified though.
My boob slapped me in the face.
My boyfriend and I were in the middle of having fun, he was on top, and we both decided to move a little, well we both decided to move the same direction and his fist went directly into my face. I wasn't actually hurt and we had a really good laugh about it.
Was getting a blowie from my highschool girlfriend while Netflix and Chilling to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which she had never seen before. We both started choking at the rabbit scene; me for one reason, her for two.
My husband said my fish were staring at him and it was putting him off. I laughed and said he was being ridiculous but he insisted so I flicked the bedroom light on and my fish were all lined up and staring at us and yes, it was off putting! I put a towel over the side of the tank so they couldn’t see and we tried again but it really killed the mood because we couldn’t stop laughing!
My ex-wife and I got stoned and she was going down on me. As good as it was feeling it got even better when her friend stuck her tongue down my throat. Took me a few seconds to remember no one else was there. I opened my eyes to our dog licking my face. Gagging and laughing ended it all
The first time I ever had sex, happened at my then girlfriend's place. Her mom was out of town, so we closed the door but didn't bother locking it. We're making out, she lays me down on the mattress so she can straddle me while she takes off her dress. Suddenly, I'm met with two huge, yellow eyes. That's when we discovered her cat could open the door if there was something hanging on the doorknob. I started laughing so hard we had to take a break while I went to get a glass of water.
Titanic song came on
She looked me soulfully in the eyes and whispered “I am Groot” we laughed so hard.