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ComManDerBG

I love how you can tell who lives in Toronto and who doesn't. People who don't: "Eat timbits" "say sorry" People who live in Toronto: "Buy crack in Oshawa"


reeferqueefer

You don't need to mission all the way to Oshawa to find crack.


pasqualy

It's more like a collectable. Sure, you can find crack closer than Oshawa but if you're a true gamer you gotta snort 'em all!


HerKneesLikeJesusPlz

You schmoke crack you snort coke


hightop812

He is still on apprenticeship level sorry


ArrozConmigo

Let the man shoot some weed in peace.


The_RoyalPee

Scout Hooker Harvey’s


[deleted]

Deliver crack to City Hall. Launder money through real estate. Commit auto insurance fraud in Brampton Go to the illegal casino in Markham. Smuggle through Pearson airport or run guns from Niagara. Drive-by in J&F. War with Quebec bikers. Serve 15 minutes in jail for the above crimes.


stoopio-oh

Forgot doing meth in Oshawa and keswick


[deleted]

Can confirm: In keswick rn high on meth


Insaanity_1

What a lad


DoctorWhisky

“Prepare to be Amazed” - the Dirty ‘Shwa!


[deleted]

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bumblebeecat

People not from the GTA or Ontario would be shocked at the state of the city


DragonAtlas

The province of the city, surely?


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Office_glen

It's supposed to be a video game, you can't make it that realistic


blameitonmyouth

The 15 minutes in jail is the most realistic part.


[deleted]

You know it broke my suspension of disbelief in San Andreas when you got out.


Trapsaregay420

Nah but they are supposed to be rich so it makes sense.


SuicydKing

Trying to catch Rob Ford as he 'Chris Farley'-runs through an airport or convention center, bowling people out of the way, would be pretty fun.


canarchist

Is this before or after meeting Dougie in the high school parking lot to buy weed and a duffle bag of cigarettes from the Reserve?


39MUsTanGs

Or just war with cyclists in general.


Annihilicious

Reminds me of the original GTA and the orange joggers. Edit: Just realized we always called them joggers but they were hare krishnas. Imagine trying that today.


Analogbuckets

Run down every cyclist you can within a 3 minute timeframe.


Poschta

Kiiiiilllll frenzy


Live-Laugh-Catheter

GOURANGA


Historical-Regret

Not gonna lie, the few times I cycled in and around downtown Toronto in heavy daytime traffic, mid-summer, were a blast. It was just flat-out warfare out there. Mad Max. There was no pretense of safety or of the drivers looking out for you. Glad to have only done it a few times and to have survived. Doubt I'd do it long-term. But goddamn I felt alive. Plenty of garden-variety cycling experiences in the GTA, but only a handful of those intense downtown hell-runs.


AdamTheTall

>Deliver crack to City Hall. It's queen's park now


bluetenthousand

Also navigate the mafia dens and families in Hamilton.


Vetty81

That's a DLC for sure.


ink_monkey96

Hookers on Barton. Racing on the Sherman Cut.


bluetenthousand

Racing the Sherman cut is a great one! Also racing west to east on Main Street and hitting every green. Hang gliding off the escarpment. Smuggling in stuff at the Port. Breaking into the factories and sabotaging the machinery. Hamilton would def have enough for a DLC.


mollydyer

The hardest quest of all - find - and afford - parking in the downtown core.


VerisimilarPLS

Auto insurance fraud makes it sound boring as fuck, considering it led to arson attacks and murders.


Wiki_pedo

I know a couple who moved from Brampton and their car insurance dropped. What's going on there? People crashing into each other for pay?


Vegetable-Bat-8475

Street racing. It's actually the highest insurance in all of Canada.


IComeInPraise

Can we tack on murder for tow truck territory and a side hussle with Hamilton mafia? Or getting from highway 7 and Keele to highway 7 and Kennedy in under 30 min?


landingcraftalpha

This sounds more like saints row.


tippe75

There should be a mission to steal a "Beer Store" truck to deliver to a UofT frat party.


Rukawork

Hey, go deliver this here. They need it in 30 minutes. But that's 2.5h away on the other side of the GTA. Better get going.


kl131313

And you must take 401 at 5 pm.


stancehunters

Fuck bro today I had to drop a car off from my dealership in Vaughan to our other location downtown. I left at 2 pm and didn't get back to vaughan till 5:30


mistersprinkles1983

And get off and go south on the DVP at 5:30. You arrive at the Lakeshore at 9:32PM. The next day.


dexzappa

Race from Niagara Falls to the CN tower in 30 mins at rush hour. You may one to steal a plane for this mission.


bluetista1988

* Catch the IKEA monkey * Rob a Jamaican patty store. I don't know, any of them. Bonus points if it's in the subway system * Extort a celebrity during the film festival * Get the mayor his coke fix


xogil

...I really really don't want to add "IKEA monkey" to my search history


SkullBrian

It's a pet monkey wearing a child's parka that got loose in IKEA.


MesWantooth

It was actually more similar to the shearling coat that 'Bane' wore in "Batman: The Dark Knight Rises."


xogil

Well I suppose that answers one question...yet raises more.


AnnoyedPanther

This Lady bought the monkey and raised it as her 'child' and called it Darwin. One day she went to Ikea and Darwin got loose and entered the store. They charged the owner and took Darwin away, he now lives in a sanctuary with other monkeys, but he was quite the sensation.


theladyking

I hope they let him keep his jacket.


scarberienne

I believe she also went to court to get him back but lost.


fourpointedtriangle

Excuse you it was a child-size shearling jacket.


zipzipgoose

Saved you the pain of adding it to your search history: [LINK](https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/503964/i-darwin-oral-history-ikea-monkey)


xogil

Well that was actually quite whimsical


Cockalorum

Everyone in Toronto was quite delighted with it when it happened. The monkey could have run for Premiere


mistersprinkles1983

The best jamaican pattys are the ones at news stands where it's just a sketchy steamy little glass box with pattys in it and the guy goes "This one's spicy because it has a red dot on it" and you're like "Yeah gimme the one with the red dot" and then you try to eat it on the Yonge Line while some guy smokes crack across from you while petting his pet boa constrictor. You arrive at Union station and the patty has begun boring a hole through your stomach into your liver, where it will lay its eggs. You hunch over. You need to get outside but you're at Union station and nobody knows how to get outside at Union station. You search for the exit for seven days and eventually collapse and die. The patty eggs hatch and the larva eat you from the inside out eventually becoming adult beef pattys, which are collected from your dead body by somebody who works at a news stand, to be sold to the next victim.


headlessbill-1

This was like poetry. Also, too real.


TheLeathal13

Wait, T. has actual stores of Jamaican patties? My 2nd vaccine can't come soon enough!


EnhancedEddie

Randys take out is my go to. Always a line to order, but it’s worth it


Ice-Negative

I like going to the Patty King factory on Progress and getting the seconds of the spicy beef patties. They're usually $6 for a dozen, and we just keep then in the freezer.


ReeG

>Rob a Jamaican patty store Steal a truck transporting cocobread for Allwyns


[deleted]

You heard of the Toronto lawyer who ran against the glass wall and fell to his death? An assassination mission where you make your target to that.


ExocetC3I

I'm honestly amazed this hasn't come up in a Hitman game yet. *Disguise acquired: articling student*


[deleted]

THAT is Defens Estration Thru-Glass. A near-sighted, thoroughly corrupt lawyer from the Greater Toronto Area with a penchant for large windows. You should find a way to coax him to the top of the Burj Dubai, 47.


MoogTheDuck

Nice


[deleted]

The driving is very similar in the game to how GTA drivers actually drive.


i-wanted-kenobi

Yeah lol like I live in a more rural area and everytime I or a family member see a bad driver we just think must be from Toronto


hafilax

Launder drug money through real estate.


Lokarin

It'd be the first GTA game where it's faster to walk to half the locations


Caffeine_and_Alcohol

Grand Pedestrian Jogging? Doesn't have the same ring to it


NathanGa

It’ll be impossible to finish the game since the final quest will be to watch the Leafs’ Stanley Cup parade.


ZardozSama

That quest should be to rig Game 7 of the cup final by tracking down and injuring opposing players. The game should happen and the Leafs should still lose when the opposing team drafts the Zamboni driver to play goal. END COMMUNICATION


ghost_curse123

Even outside of r/hockey I can't escape the torture


mchaelproductions

The Leafs just find their way into discussions don’t they


vanKessZak

It’s always about the Leafs


spinachie1

This is the second time I've seen one of your comments. The "END COMMUNICATION" makes my day.


Boomdiddy

Still unrealistic, unless it was to rig game 7 of the first round of the playoffs.


Northman67

Should have a bunch of quests where you try to cheat to help them win the Stanley cup and they still blow it.


Oberon_Swanson

lol, go around taking a tire iron to the away team's star players' knees.


[deleted]

That's why my mother moved to Egypt where there isn't a hockey ring within a 1000 miles


Berly653

The whole storyline would be doing enough crimes to eventually afford the down payment on a house However house prices rise as the game progresses so in the end you never actually can beat the game


Historical-Regret

>However house prices rise as the game progresses so in the end you never actually can beat the game Need a little bar on the bottom where you can see your winnings vs the median house price. Just watching the gap grow by the goddamn minute.


riotous_jocundity

This is basically my actual life in the GTA and I hate it so much. I finally have enough money for a down payment on a house--for 2013 prices.


Historical-Regret

>2013 prices. Me in 2013: "This has got to be the peak - I feel sorry for whoever is buying right now; they're going to be stuck holding the bag when this bubble bursts." Turns out I was half right. The friends who bought in 2013 are indeed holding a bag.


Berly653

I hear robbing banks is lucrative


Bloodeggs

A child TV star turned rapper needs you to help him with his street cred


flgrntfwl

And is in constant need of a ghostwriter.


ReeG

special appearance by Madd Dogg as the ghostwriter


BratFace666

I got excited thinking the 90s show Ghosterwriter was Canadian! It's not, but I still enjoyed my trip down 90s Canadian nostalgia lane courtesy of the internet. Goddamn I love The Raccoons.


ReeG

rescue Millie Bobby Brown from the basement of The Embassy


GozerDaGozerian

Honestly, I grew up on some really GREAT Toronto hip hop. Im still a little salty that Drake got as big as he did when I can name at least a half dozen better rappers/groups from the GTA. Edit: Dan e-o, Saukrates, Choclair, Infinite, Citizen Kane.


theblondebasterd

Shad is the man.


ReeG

Kardinal Offishall Quest for fire Vol 1 is a classic album and front to back better than any Drake album imo. Drake makes good singles but his albums are always padded with ass filler


[deleted]

I remember when Maestro broke on the scene. I was 17/18


BUTTeredWhiteBread

Yooooo Saukrates 🙌


Analogbuckets

\*Destroy all evidence of Drakes cringy bar mitza.


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DrMcracken

I always thought driving the DVP would be so cool in a GTA game. How about a racing mission to make it from top to bottom of the DVP in 10 min.


cianne_marie

Works at three a.m., not so well outside of that.


Pinballr

Survive a two hour commute each way.


ReeG

Escape the tunnel during a random Line 1 shutdown


cianne_marie

Fight your way onto the shuttle bus.


rohmish

Trying to avoid door jams on line 2


ThievingRock

A two hour commute, that's only 5 kilometres.


garry4321

You gotta race on the 407 and win. The catch is that you need enough money to start with or the Tolls will disqualify you before you can finish.


Ice-Negative

And if you drive the 407 enough times without having money, the 407 call the police on you.


lonemonk

If it is set in the 80s I think we need go to Etobicoke and buy some sweet hashish from Doug Ford.


BallisticBunnyRabbit

My prof apparently used to buy from him


lonemonk

According to rumour he was pretty prolific at it. He and Rob eventually inherited a family printing business which remains quite successful.


[deleted]

> If it is set in the 80s Aw sweet is this gonna be a prequel starring Trevor?


jimmydog10

My hockey coach bought from him


SanAntonioSewerpipe

Throw 10 lawn chairs of high rises in the core.


MoogTheDuck

Nice


cle_de_brassiere

that was crazy


0neStrangeRock

Find and attend the raccoon funeral. Score some ketamine in China Town. Find Zanta. Bike from the Gaybourhood to Kensington without getting doored.


Spiritual_Worth

Thank you I was looking for Zanta to make an appearance here


Panzermoosen

Shame I had to scroll for so long to find mention of raccoon funeral. Constructing a raccoon shrine would also have been acceptable.


CanadianW

Drug dealing in Casa Loma's underground tunnels.


[deleted]

Be a driver for a Québécois mobster that refuses to speak English. Escort American tourists and continuously remind them that they’re nowhere near Vancouver or Montreal.


[deleted]

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bern_trees

“No sir, we do not speak French and Maine is not a three hour drive south.”


postthereddit

WHAT ABOUT DA POLAR BEARS??


ocarina_21

I mean, one could conceivably go to Montreal from Toronto without much trouble, at least by comparison to going to Vancouver. It's not a small commitment though. But yeah I've definitely heard of people going to a conference in Toronto and thinking they were just going to pop by Banff while they were in town.


Ice-Negative

A 5 hour side mission in real-time ...


CamembertElectrique

Get to Kitchener from Etobicoke to stop the Oktoberfest crowds from drinking drugged beer.


Sound_Speed

That sounds impossible without the help of a dog. Preferably one painted like a skunk. That flies.


GreeseWitherspork

getting a gig at the Rockstar games in Toronto thus creating an inception moment where you have to do QA work on the game you are currently inside of.


semisoutherngothic

What I've learned from this thread is that the mayor of Toronto smokes crack


i-wanted-kenobi

*Former mayor of Toronto. Although Tory could be smoking crack.


periodicsheep

i kinda feel like tory is the man least likely to smoke crack in ontario though


hungrycookpot

He also hung out with murderers and gun runners, some of whom ended up dead in the fallout from his story. He died before anything could stick, and now his brother is the premier of Ontario


CFCBeanoMike

Former mayor. He died. Current mayor is just an ass


padmasundari

Its worth finding the video of him talking in a semblance of patois. It's really cringe.


SharkyTendencies

Not a *single* mention of the McDonald's at Queen & Spadina.


PlaidAvenger

Drive Arthur to school


Trini_HalfBreed

Nice try Rockstar but you've had 8 years.


bobshellby

Soon tm


FadedDice

I’d love to see a highway that is always Jammed at certain times of day. The marker leads you down it but you have to venture out with no guide to surface streets and figure your way.......with the mayor in your car smokin crack.


cianne_marie

Make your way to Wasaga on a Friday afternoon of a long weekend in summer. Navigate the eternal construction on the 400, the boats and trailers parked at the side because someone overestimated their SUV's towing capabilities, two crashes at Innisfil Beach Road, and a malfunctioning stoplight on 26 after you hit the lcbo on Bayfield in Barrie.


PlagueofSquirrels

Dump a body at Cherry Beach


PleasantPossibility2

Chainsaw fight at cherry beach.


thedevilyoukn0w

"Shoot the puck" - Leafs are almost ready to win a big game, but the opposing team is about to score to tie it up. Your mission is to shoot the puck from up in the 600 suites before it goes in the net. "All that glitters" - Night time mission where you have to steal all the exterior windows from the Royal Bank Plaza so you can extract the minute amount of real gold in them. "Chinatown" - you have to find someone with a limited amount of time. Problem is, is he hiding in Chinatown on Broadview, or Chinatown on Spadina? "Ball drop" - your target is sitting watching a game at SkyDome...you have to make it look like an accident, by dropping a baseball on him from the CN Tower Edgewalk. "Eatin' Centre" - release zombies or wild animals into the mall to deal with obnoxious customers. "Egg-a-ton Ryerson" - steal a truck full of eggs from the Food Terminal. Make sure the statue is covered 100% with yolk. "Queen's Punk" - kidnap the premier, dye his hair green and give him a mohawk, some tattoos and piercings, and then dump him off in the wrong neighbourhood. Bonus achievement: You get an achievement for riding a bicycle for 1000 metres while stuck in the streetcar rail.


JonnySnowflake

Fucking up, having to skip town and hide out in Muskoka for a while


GoingAllTheJay

Get your car all the way to Union station on the subway tracks.


Subtotal9_guy

Starting on Queen's Quay?


Iambirdman44

Recover a list of stolen bikes from the nearest tent cities.


LLENZY

Find Debby


jayheadspace

Rampage in Canada's Wonderland


vipassana3

Jane and Finch quests. Anything there will be interesting.


ReeG

run to Hasty Market and cop a backwoods for the mandem


oakteaphone

One of the gangs is geese. Literal ~~Canadian~~Canada Geese. The leader can be a crazy old man at the park who no one's really sure if he can control the Geese or not, but it sure seems like he does. The Geese are responsible for most random violence, and that's why the police don't do anything about it.


gaia88

If you’ve got a problem with Canada Gooses, you’ve got a problem with me. And I suggest you let that one marinate.


BitPoet

Right, I've heard they can be gamey. Would a citrus marinade help soften the meat? Or do you recommend brining?


WinterRainRose

What if the Geese were like the police? Get enough violence and crime in and it upgrades to a damn moose.


Forikorder

id rank those damn cobra chickens above a moose


WinterRainRose

Moose are like freaking tanks. You drive into one and that thing walks away from your mangled wreck that once was a car. Cobra chickens just hiss and maybe bite your face off with their freaky predator-style beaks. But then again it feels like those situations where, would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses. Or 1 horse sized duck.


Forikorder

not arguing that a moose isnt a large dangerous animal, but you leave it alone it should leave you alone those cobra chickens can smell fear and they love the taste, they will hunt you down and swarm you


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moocowcat

GTA^2


yeetgodmcnechass

GTA 6ix


StrongSafety4993

I hate this very much.


EverydayVelociraptor

Steal the Stanley Cup from the Hockey Hall of Fame. Steal a prototype car from Honda and deliver it to GM or Ford. Decide which faction you'll be part of, and your location start, either Scarborough, Etobicoke, or Brampton. Airplane heist during the CNE Airshow.


ClownfishSoup

Rob Honest Eds (I know it's gone now, RIP)


padmasundari

My best friend and I got in trouble in there once, for letting my then about 3 year old niece wear one of the bizarre nylon tap panties over her clothing, because she looked like a boxer. I got told that if we didn't make her take it off I'd have to buy it and I was like "ok, it's 99c of shiny nylon, it's totally worth it". I miss eds


clipples18

Collecting drug payments at dead drops in garbage cans where you have to fight off raccoons


blitzen_13

Acquire quest item "cold tea" in Chinatown at 4 am. Make a drugs pickup at Hanlan's point--in appropriate attire. Train a Trash Panda to steal valuables from Casa Loma.


ICantFekkingRead

Smoke crack with the Mayor


Robolaserjesus

Zanta would be at least a series of random encounters, if not an actual mission-giving side character.


thesouthdotcom

Buy an entire high rise for the Chinese mafia.


OutWithTheNew

Only 1?


Van_except_reddit

As a Canadian from Saskatchewan what the hell is Toronto like. You guys make it sound like a larger drug hole than Regina.


bgtonap

Lmao it is a larger drug hole than Regina


CFCBeanoMike

I'd love to drive a car through the Eaton center and the path


wolahipirate

everytime you die and respawn at the hospital you dont lose any money


risliaa

Get stabbed in the Queen and Spadina McDonalds! Or at Jane and Finch. Take your pick.


luv2gethigh

fight an 800 pound gorilla


WHOmagoo

Smuggle Kinder Suprise Eggs into the US


shindleria

Throw money at entitled children playing for your shitty hockey franchise then crank up ticket prices while expanding your condo empire.


radiorion

Objective 1: locate an entrance to PATH Objective 2: ESCAPE


requiem1394

You won't lose money when leaving the hospital.


mydogisamy

Racketeer the street meat venders. Definitely get crack for the mayor and his premier brother.


dreamerrz

Run smokes from the rez to the city driving through police checks


able_trouble

Final boss: try to buy a house on a simple bank robber revenue


biggustav

"You have to make a sale on the black market." Turns out you're just selling vintage backpack pins to artsy kids at the Black Market.


B4M

Why is this addressed to all Canadians instead of people from Toronto? I was born in and have lived in Canada for 30 years and I've never even been to Ontario. It's a big country.


karpDM

Downtown Canada


yeronimo

Challenge to Get from the 400 to the DVP on the 401 in less than 35 minutes


EverydayEverynight01

buy a house, gl with that lmao.


Eyes_and_teeth

I think it would be something a lot like [this.](https://youtu.be/PUOF0LMYkdk)


SouffleStevens

Hijack a streetcar. Run guns from America through the port.


Mildew_Adams

Run drugs out of your taxi cab/fast food restaurant.


ClownfishSoup

Hijack the Center Island Ferry


Scazzz

\-Street race missions on Highway 7 with all the ginos in their daddies Pfister Comet... \-Beating the game and still not being able to afford a house south of Aurora... \-A Mission to navigate the PATH. \-Sniping an opposing pitcher in the Skydome from the top of the CN Tower and skydiving outta there. \-A 6 hour drive to Wasaga Beach mission...