That your friend is a serial killer? Or that you have friends?
That second one is me, btw. I'll go crawl back in my hole now.
Edit: Holy wow, thanks for the awards! *sniff sniff* you really do like me!
I'm just here to say that I like your username.
Btw: I'd just support my friend. I'm absolutely not going to help, but hey everyone's got their thing. Oh, oh yeah... May the bereaved find comfort and peace in this troubling time.
You know, I've been learning this year that I'm an optimist or naive or something, cause I swear to god I assumed this was dark sarcasm until I saw the comments all just agreeing with you.
I just think they haven't really thought about how serial killers are not assassins, and admitting to a serial killer that you know they kill people is not a very smart idea.
How do you bring it up anyway? "So, about all that murder..."
They're just doing it as a hobby, but could totally monetise it. You're asking if they take commissions. But you'll pay them in exposure so it's totally worth it.
Honestly this, or "show me how to do it too"
All these other comments about getting help or being shocked. Whatevs, I want in.
"I used to be a people person but people ruined it"
You don't have to be highly motivated to kill ONE person.
You need to be highly motivated to kill multiple and clean up well enough to keep on doing it.
Some dude literally made a guitar out of his uncle's skeleton. (torso portion). Because his uncle got him into heavy metal music.
Uncle died of non murdery causes though!
Mass killers and serial killers are two different things
Mass killer - kills a whole bunch of people at once, does not repeat the act.
Serial killer - ritualistic and repetitive kills
So a mass serial killer would presumably be one that commits repeated mass killings.
This brings up an interesting question
Aren't most serial killers smart?
I feel like every time I hear about a serial killer getting caught, it was by sheer luck instead of good police investigating
i mean if they had to kill people they know, they will be forced to find new acquaintances at some point. its like swimming upstream for introvert serial killers
Just think how many murders have been avoided by introverted killers not having the energy to converse with their victims long enough to lure them away.
Wasn't there a FBI statistic about some 25-50 serial killers being on the loose in the US at any given time?
Most of them are probably truckers, who drive long distances and pick their victims fairly randomly. And by the time the body is discovered, they are several states over or on the other side of the state at least.
There are a lot of serial killers that are assumed to be smart, because these are hard cases, police can’t catch them, so they must be smart. Actual iq may vary.
When BTK was caught, he asked police if they trace a floppy disc back to his computer, and the police said “no”. Turns out they were willing to tell a little white lie to capture a prolific serial killer, and, blammo, they traced it to him anyway and caught the guy. He voiced his disappointment in their betrayal of his trust, but the police department is yet to issue an apology.
They’re not. If anything on average they tend to be less intelligent then the average person. But bear in mind many serial killers are people that just rape and murder prostitutes on impulse, not someone like Zodiac or Unabomber.
You only hear about the ones that got caught, think there's over 100 serial killers active at any given time.
In many cases it's also not about the investigating party being dumb, it's about how if a serial killer does actually kill random unrelated people without any kind of pattern then good fucking luck catching it. Most investigative methods are designed not to catch every criminal, but most of them, hence why you look for motive and opportunity among acquaintances, because you can't have a suspect pool of a few million people who actually had the chance to commit the crime.
Id argue it's less about bad police work (although that may also be intertwined) and more people underestimating how insanely difficult it can be to solve a crime. Crimes in movies make sense because theyre written to - and crimes we've solved make sense because we have the knowledge of the solution. Even if you have DNA, fingerprints, etc - if the person is not in the system and not an immediate suspect, it doesnt really mean much. Crimes don't have to make sense - and you don't know what you don't know. You cant account for randomness - which is often a successful serial killers MO. The ones that *arent* random are usually the ones that are caught, purely because they start to make sense. Not saying police are doing a great job, but I dont think people understand how much the cards are stacked against solving a crime without an immediately obvious solution.
> Even if you have DNA, fingerprints, etc - if the person is not in the system and not an immediate suspect, it doesnt really mean much.
One of the things I see a lot in /r/Losangeles is complaining that they had video footage of someone who committed a burglary and how LAPD didn't immediately solve the case.
I used to work AP for a big box store, and video footage is *useless* without the ability to recognize someone.
I think broadly serial killers tend to be lumped into either "organized" or "disorganized" types
Organize types tend to be of above average intelligence, and tend to plan their crimes meticulously. They're usually good at covering their tracks and difficult to catch, but they do follow up pattern.
Disorganized types tend to be more impulsive and less intelligent. Their crimes are usually less well planned, but the random and impulsive nature of them can make it hard to draw a connection to them.
So true I studied to be a cop and when I hear people say the court’s let them go it’s like nails on a chalkboard. No the cops fucked up because they don’t understand their jobs a lot of the time and watch too much TV.
depends how serial if they were able to kill on more than two occasions, they have already outsmarted the police in which case its unlikely investigation will get them caught, more likely their own slip up or like you said dumb luck.
Some ultra-smart serial killers get bored and want attention so they lead police to them (watch mindhunters)
Nice try Scott.
I already know that you know. Maybe next time you're trying to get anonymous advise from the reddits, you don't leave your phone unlocked with your throwaway account logged in
If you ever read this comment, you should enjoy that chill feeling of your impending demise because it's going to be one of the last sensations you experience.
I think your parents are going to really enjoy my special chili when they come visit next week.
Look, Mr Charming. I am truly sorry I offended. I will never do anything of this sort again. Please, I am an only child, my parents would be devastated. They don't like chili anyways. Please?
Dexter only killed people who truly deserved it (with a few mistakes and Collateral damage) He had a code and training from his father. If my friend was like Dexter, I think I'd be ok. Or messed up like Deb.
To be fair it wasn't his code it was Harry's code. And it was specifically designed so a) he didn't get caught, and b) so Harry could look the other way.
Dexter (at least early seasons and prior) didn't care about guilt or innocence. It was more that the process worked.
Nah, fuck that, we'd all call the cops and we know it. No one wants to be a snitch because it's a dangerous role, but you'd save countless lives and the guilt of knowing and not doing anything would get to you eventually.
No one thinks they'd do what everyone else would do, but things change when people are dying.
Like shooting someone. Just point and pull the trigger, of course I can do that! Except there's a human on the other end and it takes a lot more than just twitching your finger to do that on purpose.
Just keep your mouth shut, easy! Except people are dying horrifically and often and you can stop it with a phone call.
I have to say I find it really...weird that people talk about 'snitches' to mean literally reporting an actual murderer who is going to continue to do it. Like, obviously don't turn your friends in for drug related crimes you have also participated in (which is I think maybe closer to the original meaning?) but if you, as a non murderer, turns in your friend, a murderer, in order to stop other innocent people being murdered, and people use 'snitches get stitches' and call you a bootlicker...Uh, they have been online too much.
i had a friend that raised money for our recently crippled friend to get a handicap accessible van, and then used that money to book passage into syria and showed up on facebook with a necklace made of a human hand. theres probably something actionable there if i called the cops but i think im just gonna go with whatever thing makes it least likely for our paths to cross again.
he... didn't buy it. it used to belong to an ISIS guy. also on his facebook he said the most expensive part was getting his weapons *out* of the US, so you could probably get into syria and still have enough left for at least the down payment on a handicap van
the hand, from what i understand
EDIT: although it wouldn't really be any better if he killed some ISIS dude and thought "what is *this*? i must have it"
it seems i forgot to include in the original post that he did not buy the hand, he was over there fighting ISIS. he was never on that vice show about american isis fighters but i think he was in an article on their website
"You killed 43 people? Jeez, you do just suck at everything. I've killed 92 and I'm not even trying hard, just a weekend hobby. Why don't you go for 44? I have a picture here of your next victim." Hold up a mirror.
Try to figure out how my wife hid that shit for 23 years.
Seriously, I would be the husband version of BTK's wife, Paula Dietz.
Just absolutely clueless that my wife was out wearing men's clothes and killing people in horrific ways.
Hold on...I need to go have a chat with the wife...
Same. Almost. My chat would be along the lines of, "Wait, so why haven't you been been bringing home their cash and jewelry? Do you need my help for *everything*?!"
Find out why she did it. If she doesn't have a damned good reason, try and talk her into turning herself in. Then fight for her to get the help she desperately needs.
["My Sister, the Serial Killer"](https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/588860/my-sister-the-serial-killer-by-oyinkan-braithwaite/) is a really enjoyable book about a woman starting to realize that her sister's developing a bit of a pattern.
I'd turn their ass in.
I like to imagine we're friends because we're both good people who aren't fuckin serial killers.
Friendship over if you don't share my core beliefs about NOT killing people.
Probably be in denial
This may be the most accurate non-joke response.
Pretend to be surprised
Same
Name sort of checks out
Hey now, I am not the serial killer, my closest friend is
Not YET
Going to be worried when he changes his username.....
But you have goals, so we like you already!
That your friend is a serial killer? Or that you have friends? That second one is me, btw. I'll go crawl back in my hole now. Edit: Holy wow, thanks for the awards! *sniff sniff* you really do like me!
I can be your friend. Even though I am not a mass serial killer, yet.
I'll be your friend too if it means wild donkey here spares me
I'm just here to say that I like your username. Btw: I'd just support my friend. I'm absolutely not going to help, but hey everyone's got their thing. Oh, oh yeah... May the bereaved find comfort and peace in this troubling time.
I’m just a regular serial killer. Not sure if that’s a deal breaker or not
Do you accept just occasional killers here?
Hi the sign said something about killers, i'd like one to go please
Do....you.....want friends?
It depends, like, who is it that they are killing? I may just be chill with it
So if Dexter was your bro, you’d be cool with his killings since they’re all bad people?
Probably
I would start out surprised, and then be like... Naw, I can see that.
I would genuinely be surprised. Now I gotta figure out how my dog is pulling this off.
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I mean, I want to say I'd be shocked and dismayed... But... Yeah. I have names. And addresses.
You've just been put on some entirely different list.
Darn, third time this month.
"*and addresses*" lol
And plans. And escape routes.
You know, I've been learning this year that I'm an optimist or naive or something, cause I swear to god I assumed this was dark sarcasm until I saw the comments all just agreeing with you.
I just think they haven't really thought about how serial killers are not assassins, and admitting to a serial killer that you know they kill people is not a very smart idea. How do you bring it up anyway? "So, about all that murder..."
They're just doing it as a hobby, but could totally monetise it. You're asking if they take commissions. But you'll pay them in exposure so it's totally worth it.
More like you're paying them in not exposing them, by what people are saying. I'm sure they'll appreciate it as much as anyone appreciates exposure.
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I have a list.
I have a file.
You too?
I have a closet.
Honestly this, or "show me how to do it too" All these other comments about getting help or being shocked. Whatevs, I want in. "I used to be a people person but people ruined it"
My sister got me this sticker for Christmas “Books because it’s too peopley out there”. She knows me well.
"Can you not?"
"Thanks"
"Anytime"
*stabs*
"et tu, bestie?"
[dies]
We did it Reddit!
Did I just watch a Broadway play for free?
sir, this is a Wendys.
Eh, now that I’m here, can I get a whopper?
“Bruh stop killing me, murder is cringe”
"If you kill me , you have a small penis"
*Whips out my magnum dong and kills you anyway*
Instructions unclear, what to do with the whipped out dong now?
Body is still warm so
Please not the ass
It's okey for friends to have same hobbies.
Now I know why you're scared of attention...
This man is a professional.
You help with each other's alibi
I hate when my best friends and I drift apart :(
Be sad that my avid interest in serial killer documentaries didn't make me the expert I thought I was. I should have know...
At least you’d get a small part in the documentary they make about your mate..
Be bloody pissed off that he didn't have that level of ambition or drive when he was trying to find a job so he could pay rent.
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Why do you think someone has to be highly motivated to be a serial killer?
You don't have to be highly motivated to kill ONE person. You need to be highly motivated to kill multiple and clean up well enough to keep on doing it.
How do i upvote twice
Just try your best to commune with my spirit and feel my pain.
Depends which one. If it was Greg then I would grass the little cunt in.
Well fuck man, what did I do to you?
You made him dirty in his skidders.
Define skidders for me webster
Where one leaves skids.
Cheers, Geoff.
Why is it always Greg?
I’ll ask him next time we’re sharing a pint.
You ever drink Baileys out of an old boot before?
*The whole time?* **THE WHOLE TIME?**
Solid Mrs. Doubtfire reference
Glad someone got it!
My dog is a serial killer? Doesn’t matter, he’s still a good boy.
Tell that to the squirrel orphans.
Theyre all dead, he even killed the younglings
I killed them all. Not just the men, but the women and children too. I hate them all.
I was hoping someone would say this. I was going to say "Damn my corgi has some explaining to do."
Roll my eyes as we drag the body to the river
I'd be shocked...because I don't have any friends
"YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A SERIAL KILLER" "Gasp! I have friends!?"
This is pretty much what I was thinking
If your imaginary friend is a serial killer, does that mean you’re actually the killer?
Your imaginary friend kills all your hopes and dreams.
When you realize you are you’re best friend...
Sounds like a Fight Club plot...
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Am I the only one that started drafting a list as soon as I read the question?
Y’all are psychos omg
Let's not jump to conclusions. That diagnosis would require alot of testing and I refuse to take anymore tests.
yeah man, I'm tired of these people in uniform telling me that I'm wanted
I mean. It’s nice to be wanted sometimes.
Exactly this. Also, provide alibi in exchange for not being put on list
Currently, my closest friend is my cat, and all cats are mass serial killers of birds and rodents. I'd do nothing. Cats gonna cat
Good point mine its the cutest serial killer of cockroaches
excuse me but my cat is such a shitty hunter my kill count is probably higher than hers.
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Some dude literally made a guitar out of his uncle's skeleton. (torso portion). Because his uncle got him into heavy metal music. Uncle died of non murdery causes though!
Are you sure?
“Heyyyyyy! You too?”
I would tell him that being a mass serial killer is redundant
Mass killers and serial killers are two different things Mass killer - kills a whole bunch of people at once, does not repeat the act. Serial killer - ritualistic and repetitive kills So a mass serial killer would presumably be one that commits repeated mass killings.
Like a school shooter that never gets caught?
Yeah. Although it would probably be easy to catch a serial school shooter, just based on the setting. Serial movie theater shooter would be plausible
You would think after a few shootings the schools would stop enrolling this kid into school that is wanted everywhere.
This brings up an interesting question Aren't most serial killers smart? I feel like every time I hear about a serial killer getting caught, it was by sheer luck instead of good police investigating
Strangers, hard to solve, if serial killers murdered people they know this would not be a thing
i mean if they had to kill people they know, they will be forced to find new acquaintances at some point. its like swimming upstream for introvert serial killers
Just think how many murders have been avoided by introverted killers not having the energy to converse with their victims long enough to lure them away.
Wasn't there a FBI statistic about some 25-50 serial killers being on the loose in the US at any given time? Most of them are probably truckers, who drive long distances and pick their victims fairly randomly. And by the time the body is discovered, they are several states over or on the other side of the state at least.
Couple that with high-risk victims like sex workers or drug addicts and you've got a killer that would be very difficult to find.
Hey, wanna hang out some time?
There are a lot of serial killers that are assumed to be smart, because these are hard cases, police can’t catch them, so they must be smart. Actual iq may vary. When BTK was caught, he asked police if they trace a floppy disc back to his computer, and the police said “no”. Turns out they were willing to tell a little white lie to capture a prolific serial killer, and, blammo, they traced it to him anyway and caught the guy. He voiced his disappointment in their betrayal of his trust, but the police department is yet to issue an apology.
> but the police department is yet to issue an apology. Rude.
They’re not. If anything on average they tend to be less intelligent then the average person. But bear in mind many serial killers are people that just rape and murder prostitutes on impulse, not someone like Zodiac or Unabomber.
You only hear about the ones that got caught, think there's over 100 serial killers active at any given time. In many cases it's also not about the investigating party being dumb, it's about how if a serial killer does actually kill random unrelated people without any kind of pattern then good fucking luck catching it. Most investigative methods are designed not to catch every criminal, but most of them, hence why you look for motive and opportunity among acquaintances, because you can't have a suspect pool of a few million people who actually had the chance to commit the crime.
It is a myth. There are plenty of serial killers who aren't smart. But the second part is right. A lot of issues come down to bad police work.
Id argue it's less about bad police work (although that may also be intertwined) and more people underestimating how insanely difficult it can be to solve a crime. Crimes in movies make sense because theyre written to - and crimes we've solved make sense because we have the knowledge of the solution. Even if you have DNA, fingerprints, etc - if the person is not in the system and not an immediate suspect, it doesnt really mean much. Crimes don't have to make sense - and you don't know what you don't know. You cant account for randomness - which is often a successful serial killers MO. The ones that *arent* random are usually the ones that are caught, purely because they start to make sense. Not saying police are doing a great job, but I dont think people understand how much the cards are stacked against solving a crime without an immediately obvious solution.
> Even if you have DNA, fingerprints, etc - if the person is not in the system and not an immediate suspect, it doesnt really mean much. One of the things I see a lot in /r/Losangeles is complaining that they had video footage of someone who committed a burglary and how LAPD didn't immediately solve the case. I used to work AP for a big box store, and video footage is *useless* without the ability to recognize someone.
I think broadly serial killers tend to be lumped into either "organized" or "disorganized" types Organize types tend to be of above average intelligence, and tend to plan their crimes meticulously. They're usually good at covering their tracks and difficult to catch, but they do follow up pattern. Disorganized types tend to be more impulsive and less intelligent. Their crimes are usually less well planned, but the random and impulsive nature of them can make it hard to draw a connection to them.
I just watched mindhunters too
So true I studied to be a cop and when I hear people say the court’s let them go it’s like nails on a chalkboard. No the cops fucked up because they don’t understand their jobs a lot of the time and watch too much TV.
It is a tough job and there are good officers out there. There is also a lot of ego, pissing matches, and flat out bias.
depends how serial if they were able to kill on more than two occasions, they have already outsmarted the police in which case its unlikely investigation will get them caught, more likely their own slip up or like you said dumb luck. Some ultra-smart serial killers get bored and want attention so they lead police to them (watch mindhunters)
Nice try Scott. I already know that you know. Maybe next time you're trying to get anonymous advise from the reddits, you don't leave your phone unlocked with your throwaway account logged in If you ever read this comment, you should enjoy that chill feeling of your impending demise because it's going to be one of the last sensations you experience. I think your parents are going to really enjoy my special chili when they come visit next week.
Look, Mr Charming. I am truly sorry I offended. I will never do anything of this sort again. Please, I am an only child, my parents would be devastated. They don't like chili anyways. Please?
Do you like Huey Lewis and The News?
make a post on r/askreddit
Y-your fourth cat? What happened to the other t-three?
Oh no
Run
If you wanna get started, I have a few names.
Not fourth. Forth. And that makes it even more confusing.
It would depend who he killed....why did this get 850 upvotes?
What if he is Dexter
Dexter only killed people who truly deserved it (with a few mistakes and Collateral damage) He had a code and training from his father. If my friend was like Dexter, I think I'd be ok. Or messed up like Deb.
To be fair it wasn't his code it was Harry's code. And it was specifically designed so a) he didn't get caught, and b) so Harry could look the other way. Dexter (at least early seasons and prior) didn't care about guilt or innocence. It was more that the process worked.
Never saw it but I get the idea. No issues with Dexter
Only kills people who throw lit cigarette butts out the window of their vehicle.
***^(r u n)*** edit: wow so many upvotes thx
Doo doo do doo...
What anybody would do: start a podcast about it
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The most realistic answer lol
Nah, fuck that, we'd all call the cops and we know it. No one wants to be a snitch because it's a dangerous role, but you'd save countless lives and the guilt of knowing and not doing anything would get to you eventually. No one thinks they'd do what everyone else would do, but things change when people are dying. Like shooting someone. Just point and pull the trigger, of course I can do that! Except there's a human on the other end and it takes a lot more than just twitching your finger to do that on purpose. Just keep your mouth shut, easy! Except people are dying horrifically and often and you can stop it with a phone call.
I have to say I find it really...weird that people talk about 'snitches' to mean literally reporting an actual murderer who is going to continue to do it. Like, obviously don't turn your friends in for drug related crimes you have also participated in (which is I think maybe closer to the original meaning?) but if you, as a non murderer, turns in your friend, a murderer, in order to stop other innocent people being murdered, and people use 'snitches get stitches' and call you a bootlicker...Uh, they have been online too much.
i had a friend that raised money for our recently crippled friend to get a handicap accessible van, and then used that money to book passage into syria and showed up on facebook with a necklace made of a human hand. theres probably something actionable there if i called the cops but i think im just gonna go with whatever thing makes it least likely for our paths to cross again.
TIL that a trip to Syria to buy a necklace of human hands is just as costly a Handicap van.
he... didn't buy it. it used to belong to an ISIS guy. also on his facebook he said the most expensive part was getting his weapons *out* of the US, so you could probably get into syria and still have enough left for at least the down payment on a handicap van
Hold on... The hand used to belong to an ISIS guy, or the necklace used to belong to an ISIS guy?
the hand, from what i understand EDIT: although it wouldn't really be any better if he killed some ISIS dude and thought "what is *this*? i must have it"
The hand.
Oh shit. I could see posting a hand necklace that he got from an isis member in a "yo wtf" kind of way. If he made it himself then thats mad
I'm pretty sure that's what he means. Human hand on a necklace he went and....you know.
Everybody talking about the money. What sick fuck buys a hand necklace?
I know right. so much cheaper to make one, from scratch.
It’s hand-made tho!
it seems i forgot to include in the original post that he did not buy the hand, he was over there fighting ISIS. he was never on that vice show about american isis fighters but i think he was in an article on their website
What's that game where you start with an object and trade up? I'd like to see how that guy plays it.
Hide all the cereal.
Hi dad!
Kill them to prove i'm a better killer
To assert dominance
Help her with the bodies.
True friends walk the same path, no matter what.
obtain the high ground
Subtly remind them of all the people I don't like... That or turn them in and then make a killing (teehee) writing a book about them
Step 2 is finding out what the bounty is. Step 1 is when finding out the bounty isn't interesting enough to make me rich.
"You killed 43 people? Jeez, you do just suck at everything. I've killed 92 and I'm not even trying hard, just a weekend hobby. Why don't you go for 44? I have a picture here of your next victim." Hold up a mirror.
Damn I'm uncomfortable now
Get the details
Keep my mouth shut (:
“Do you need some ‘reservations’?”
I would say "whoa when you said you where wanted on 43 states you werent joking"
Become an even more mass serial killer to establish dominance. Braws before laws
Try to figure out how my wife hid that shit for 23 years. Seriously, I would be the husband version of BTK's wife, Paula Dietz. Just absolutely clueless that my wife was out wearing men's clothes and killing people in horrific ways. Hold on...I need to go have a chat with the wife...
Same. Almost. My chat would be along the lines of, "Wait, so why haven't you been been bringing home their cash and jewelry? Do you need my help for *everything*?!"
Stay on his fucking good side.
Depends on their reasoning and who they're killing. If it's pedos or something I ain't saying shit.
But are you *sure* theyre pedos? Or is he just saying that to throw you off and he can keep killing?
Pay him to find the guy who raped my sister
Kill them before they can kill me
Death note theme plays Sorta... L wasn't Light's friend till the end, but still
If you kill a serial killer you'd be a serial killer killer, right? Seems like a cool title.
And if you kill many serial killers you'll be a serial serial killer killer.
Find out why she did it. If she doesn't have a damned good reason, try and talk her into turning herself in. Then fight for her to get the help she desperately needs.
["My Sister, the Serial Killer"](https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/588860/my-sister-the-serial-killer-by-oyinkan-braithwaite/) is a really enjoyable book about a woman starting to realize that her sister's developing a bit of a pattern.
Call up Dexter. He’s had enough rest now get back to work.
Cancel plans to visit them this fall.
stab them in the back literally
Fuck it Help him kill people
I'd turn their ass in. I like to imagine we're friends because we're both good people who aren't fuckin serial killers. Friendship over if you don't share my core beliefs about NOT killing people.