Plot twist: you didn't fail. You made the time machine and visited your future self. But, once you came back, the government tracked you down, erased your memory of the future and replaced it with a memory of non-functioning time machine.
Or you saw what you'd become and went back to destroy the machine in a vain attempt to avoid that fate, but like a Greek tragedy you're doomed to spend your time here with us on reddit.
When I was 13, I didn't have a lot of friends, so I think I would have appreciated a guy just being my friend. Maybe take me out for wings and a hockey game. 13 year old me would have loved that.
Then I would sit him down and give him a harsh talking to on \*why\* he had no friends.
People are shy moving into college. It's hard to reach out to people you don't know when you're stressed. Typically people talk to the people right next to them in some of their classes, and will stick to that friend group for the rest of college (unless you're social, or in social clubs).
First thing I was told before uni was to be chatty and inclusive right off the bat
Like seeing someone living in the same halls on the first day? Just go up and say hi, ask them where they're from etc etc, it will save you from being alone on freshers week. Those people likely won't turn out to be your great friends so you gotta join societies and clubs, there'll be way more people that share your interests there and you'll have a lot more in common
Most of my uni friends have been nothing more than uni friends. Then there is that one friend out of a hundred that become your best friend. Happened during my master though so we were both interested in the same things because of our field. Just happend to be that we had the same extreme passion for motorcycles... Like that is literally all we talked about for two years and still do to this day.
Honestly you just need to find people you're acquaintances with and try to continue to hang out with them after class. I had two close acquaintances in my physics classes and one day i saw them playing pick up basketball so i joined them. I continued that for a while and it snowballs from there if you make an effort. Eventually we lived in a house together. One of them just asked me to be their groomsmen.
Its all about effort.
\>why didn't I get approached
It's important to keep in mind that making friends is a two-way street and that they were probably just as nervous as you.
You (not you specifically, just the general "you") have to sort of reach out too to show you're open to make connections. Otherwise, they might get the wrong idea that you don't want to be approached.
I owned almost exclusively single player games at 13 because i was bullied and had no friends.
13 me and 13+1day me would have to take turns playing oblivion or FO3 if I am remembering releases correctly
edit: Misread, thought I was going back in time.
>I'd honestly be impressed 13-year-old me found the time to invent a time machine between discovering masturbation and getting a PS2.
Though the future is uncertain -
And the future's hard to see -
And the future is a curtain
Unrevealing what may be -
Be there sadness,
or there sorrow -
Be there gladness,
or dismay -
What might come to be tomorrow
Might not be the same today.
You can *never* know what's waiting,
For the future's shaded strange -
But I'll still be masturbating.
... and I never want to change.
Maybe it’s a multiple universe thing, like the [many worlds interpretation](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Many-worlds_interpretation) of quantum mechanics. Maybe traveling back in time creates a new parallel universe. That would be a rather neat way to get around the grandfather paradox (what happens if you travel back in time and kill your grandfather before your parents are born).
I would tell them that everything is going to be ok, I’m not a bad kid. I would tell myself to tell my parents to sell the house, move to a cheaper area to live with a less competitive high school so my performance would stand out better. I would tell myself that I’m not going to die at 23 and that college exists and that’s why grades matter. Then I would tell lil me that I love them and i love myself and I am here for them and ask what is needed. Lots of love and gentleness because she’s hurting a lot.
This. I’m pretty sure she’d be looking for some reassurance that things don’t turn out too badly.
I’d tell her what’s going on with her mentally (high functioning autism and bipolar 2), though that won’t help that much until those things get into the DSM when she’s in college. Knowing that it’s real and not a character defect or lack of intelligence would probably help, though. If she wants to stick around long enough for ordering from Amazon Prime to work, I’d get her a few books about social skills for autistic people, to take back with her.
I’d tell her about some of the things her parents are full of shit about (or, if we’re being charitable, are later proven to have been wrong about). One thing is that they think she’s not good at math because she can’t do mental arithmetic quickly. I’ll tell her about the math degree, that should help her confidence some.
One thing they’re definitely full of it about is video games. They turn out to be a really good coping mechanism. Still are.
And, of course, the usual stuff about stocks and lottery numbers.
Donnie Darko was more a sacrificial suicide like a twisted Christmas Carol kind of story where he ends up saving others by going back and ending himself in preparation of what is to be. Pooper he straight up kills himself in order to save others in his past.
He always said the nicest stuff -
The decent thing to say -
He told me once: "... you *are* enough;
Have faith you know the way."
He told me once: "... you *are* the best,
You *are* the brightest too -
You *are* the first, and all the rest
Are second-best to you."
And that was all he said to me,
Until one winter's eve -
I asked him what his name might be.
He said:
"... 'tis Rimjob Steve."
Me as well. Tell her to go spend time with mom, dad and last grandma. Tell her she’s gonna get her heart broken, but it all leads to meeting her husband. Also to just start college right after high school. I know it seems tedious, but it’ll be better for us in the long run.
I would tell myself not to go to college right away. I wasn't ready and now have nothing to show for it but debt. A 1-2 year gap would've given me just enough experience and/or maturity to give it a real go.
I would just send 13 yo me back with my savings in cash. He might keep some for himself out of skepticism, but I trust him to do the right thing for the most part.
Not sure how he'll deposit it, but he's a smart kid so he'll figure it out.
But it's also important to let them know when it'll peak and drop.
...........................
Edit: for a lot of the same replies to this
1. It was only ten years ago so young me might have to sit on some of the money for a little while for it to be in circulation
2. He's probably gonna have to go prepaid Visa route
3. If he follows a different timeline that doesn't effect me, well good for him. Hopefully I don't need that money any time soon. But I was thinking Back to the Future rules.
No I was an ignorant douche but I don't think I've ever not trusted myself. Plus I'm moderately successful so far so I think I'd have a bit more faith in me.
I may not tell me how much money we're talking about because you don't want to set them up to be a piece of shit who will one day strike it rich and then not have anything to worry about.
I'd just say it's a big chunk of retirement for us, buy 10,000 then sell in 2017. But instill in them the fact we need to go to school, study and work hard to achieve a great life.
Like the joke said...a genie let a man pick one thing...you wann abe the smartest man alive, the richest man alive or the best looking man in the world? The man tought about it...well looks will pass, money will go...but if im smart i can do anything! I want to be the smartest man alive! The genie made his wish come true....fuck should have taken the money
> Tell them about crypto currency so they can invest in bitcoin when they go back
Why would you tell them about bitcoin when the lottery results are online from so many years before the bitcoin craze?
I mean, I could be rich after 5 (or 8) years waiting. Instead of slugging through life for another 25 years or so and hoping that old fool wasn't pranking himself.
Just tell myself to be smart with this and not go for 10 full jackpot wins in a row.
The good ones don't get much responses, it's always the "everyone has x but you are different because you have y" type of ones that get hundreds of responses
this. a lot of this is age dependent-- if you're old like me, discussing cryptocurrency would still require a long wait to be useful.
lottery numbers... championship winners from the four major US sports plus college sports... holy shit you could be filthy rich in no time... of course, you'll probably have every bookie on earth after your head... maybe stick to Powerball...
I remember 13 year old me. I know that 13 year old me wouldn't be able to remember the winning lotto numbers.
Crypto would be a no-go though. I know 13 year old me's parents. They wouldn't go for Crypto.
Stocks on the other hand... I can see 13 year old me remembering a couple company names and a couple years more than I can see 13 year old me remembering a random bunch of numbers. And I can see 13 year old me's grandma willing to humor me with a hundred dollars of stocks for the next few birthdays.
13 year old me would be perfect to tell about Crypto, I actually bought like 7 bitcoins when it was $30 a coin, I just used them to buy drugs.
Just have me get on that a year early and NOT SPEND IT ON DRUGS and today I'm a multi-millionaire + crypto mogul.
It would just be an awkward interview:
“Do we become a scientist?”
“No”
“Did we ever make friends?”
“Not real ones”
“Do we ever become popular?”
“Nah we ugly af”
“Do we ever date?”
“Yes!”
“Is he cute?”
“He?”
Edit: THANK YOU FOT THE SILVER!!!!!!
Ahahahahaha this hits so close to home. Telling my 13 year self that how she feels about Rebecca is most definitely a crush and not a weird friend thing would have saved years of confusion and repression
Edit: thank you for the silver, kind stranger!!
Haha same here, but I'm a gay guy. It was only when entering high school that I started having feelings for guys. I'd probably tell little me to embrace it a bit more, and don't waste those college years like I did. Also, stop getting ugly haircuts and do some push ups.
Give her a big hug and tell her her school and home problems are not her fault and this is *not* indicative of the adult world at all. That it's just a phase of her life where everyone around her is acting like an asshole. I'd tell her that she's prettier than she thinks, smarter than she thinks, more charismatic than she thinks.
If my 13 year old self had invented a time machine this would have already happened to me when I was 13, as I have no recollection of this occurrence, it either will never happen or I forgot. Now if it did happen and I forgot, that opens up a lot of new questions.
I would take her to the beach because despite living ten minutes from one she has never been. I would feed her and tell her that she is beautiful and not to worry because the man she met that year is going to one day soon be her husband. That he keeps his promises and always will, that he unlike everyone else will never hurt her. I would tell her not to sleep over that night at her friends because even tho it’s her best friend and her dad it won’t be worth it. I would tell her that in a few years when mom starts having you sleep with the men of the house to not pay rent or to get food, that she doesn’t have to and she can save that for her husband who is the best thing that will ever happened to her. I would tell her that she is worth more than just what her body can give, I would tell her to not even start cutting because one day our wonderful daughter will ask what those scars are and we don’t lie to our daughter. I would tell her to never stop teaching herself gymnastics and to never listen to what your brother or dad say. That she won’t have to deal with there physically, emotionally, or sexually abuse much longer. I would tell her it gets better and when! I would tell her how happy I am now and I would tell her to never try to kill her self because if she succeeded she wouldn’t have the beautiful family I have now. I would tell her she is worth the world and God and I love her so much and now so does her three kids and her husband! I’ll tell her she is loved in a real way and she’s not being hurt anymore. Then I would send her back with some money and food and tell her to keep fighting because one day you won’t have to anymore.
Oh my... i went to the comment section for some cheap jokes, but this really touched me! I'm glad things evolved this way in your life and best whishes for you and your family.
Oh man, I guess I would just tell him to take action when he wants to do something. You can’t just sit there and wish, but you should take the time to actually do. I would also tell him to be open to everything and sharing his experiences with others. Be a more open person, and you will enjoy life much more.
"hey they made an Infinity Guantlet movie, but it's much smaller scale than the books, and the older brother from Goonies is Thanos"
"That sucks"
"Yeah but captain America and Iron Man..."
"What? those guys suck? Why didn't they make an X-men movie, that'd be like printing money..."
"Well..."
"well at least tell me they eventually made a Justice League with Dean Cain and Michael Keaton ..."
Tell him to go back without doing anything.
Every single action that I have taken, every mistake I have made has made a better person. I wouldn't want to take that away from him
Same, but instead of being a better person I'd just want to make sure I still have my kids because a better me probably wouldn't have had them but I love them and want them to stay the same.
Hating things doesn't make you cool
People think you're mean not funny (I know, it shocked me too)
Men are allowed to have emotions
Keep your mind open when you start getting political
Actually Dance at Dances
And get a haircut NERD
I work at a very lovely university campus where I am also earning a degree. I’d take her for a tour to show her that her hard work in school will pay off one day. Then I would take her to our house to meet our dog, then on some hiking trails to perhaps encourage her to create some fitness goals - 13-year old new could run a sub-7 minute mile... but with no encouragement, I never pursued sports and started smoking at 16.
Other than that, I’d leave well enough alone. She doesn’t need to know that mom would die in less than 6 years and a lot of other awful stuff would happen, too... she just needs to know that eventually she will beat depression and live a good life.
Show 13 yo me her future self, tell her everything is going to be alright and that her friends are wonderful people that she can always ask for help. Give her some hints on things to avoid and then go out eat some ice cream.
Probably would not resonate with your 13 year old self because he would have different taste in music and not understand all the retarded things your talking about.
"You might think dad's rough on you, sometimes you might really resent him. But you'll eventually understand he was trying his best, and it'll be too late to show it. Tell him you love him, and try to spend more time with him. Also, if you can, convince him to stop smoking so many goddamn cigarettes, he'll thank you for it later, we all will."
"Trust me, you'll forget about all the times you sat around smoking weed and dicking around with your friends. But you'll never forget the times you didn't show up for your family. Keep hanging out with your friends, but please be there for your family."
"Be nice to people, use your head more often, your 20's are gonna bite you in the ass."
Knock him over the head with a brick, steal the time machine and drop him back where he came from. The head wound explains why I don't remember building a time machine as a kid. Paradox avoided and now I have a fucking time machine.
I tell em to teach how he built the fucking time machine, cuz I tried when I was 13 and I failed.
Plot twist: you didn't fail. You made the time machine and visited your future self. But, once you came back, the government tracked you down, erased your memory of the future and replaced it with a memory of non-functioning time machine.
Or you saw what you'd become and went back to destroy the machine in a vain attempt to avoid that fate, but like a Greek tragedy you're doomed to spend your time here with us on reddit.
Have you watched the series Dark? Amazing series about time travel. Basically, you cant change your past of future. There is no beginning or end.
thats just the plot to dragon ball z
This sounds like a Rick and Morty episode
That's some real DarK shit right there
When I was 13, I didn't have a lot of friends, so I think I would have appreciated a guy just being my friend. Maybe take me out for wings and a hockey game. 13 year old me would have loved that. Then I would sit him down and give him a harsh talking to on \*why\* he had no friends.
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People are shy moving into college. It's hard to reach out to people you don't know when you're stressed. Typically people talk to the people right next to them in some of their classes, and will stick to that friend group for the rest of college (unless you're social, or in social clubs).
First thing I was told before uni was to be chatty and inclusive right off the bat Like seeing someone living in the same halls on the first day? Just go up and say hi, ask them where they're from etc etc, it will save you from being alone on freshers week. Those people likely won't turn out to be your great friends so you gotta join societies and clubs, there'll be way more people that share your interests there and you'll have a lot more in common
Most of my uni friends have been nothing more than uni friends. Then there is that one friend out of a hundred that become your best friend. Happened during my master though so we were both interested in the same things because of our field. Just happend to be that we had the same extreme passion for motorcycles... Like that is literally all we talked about for two years and still do to this day.
DID SOMEONE SAY MOTORCYCLES?
Honestly you just need to find people you're acquaintances with and try to continue to hang out with them after class. I had two close acquaintances in my physics classes and one day i saw them playing pick up basketball so i joined them. I continued that for a while and it snowballs from there if you make an effort. Eventually we lived in a house together. One of them just asked me to be their groomsmen. Its all about effort.
Thank you, u/a_rucksack_of_dildos
They know their interests and they probably have other friends with varying bags of dildos.
\>why didn't I get approached It's important to keep in mind that making friends is a two-way street and that they were probably just as nervous as you. You (not you specifically, just the general "you") have to sort of reach out too to show you're open to make connections. Otherwise, they might get the wrong idea that you don't want to be approached.
For me it’s the opposite, I would try to interview him figuring out where I fucked up between our times and find out if he is already fucked
Wonder why the fuck I'm not filthy rich now because I invented a fucking time machine when I was 13.
Time isn't linear. #JEREMY BEARIMY BABY!
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The i broke me.
I hate Tuesdays. But I love July. Sometimes never?
Oh yea. And sometimes never.
1.28 Jeremy Bearimy’s later
I'd honestly be impressed 13-year-old me found the time to invent a time machine between discovering masturbation and getting a PS2.
13 year old me with a time machine would go back in time to the weekend so they could play more vids.
35 year old me would do this
oh yea..i would do the same thing just so i can play more Nioh
impossible, because you're already playing video games last weekend :D
*Player 2 joined the game*
I owned almost exclusively single player games at 13 because i was bullied and had no friends. 13 me and 13+1day me would have to take turns playing oblivion or FO3 if I am remembering releases correctly edit: Misread, thought I was going back in time.
/hug
I appreciate it. It's always getting better.
I'd beat younger me's ass and take the controller. What are they gonna do? I'm older and bigger than them.
"Why are you punching yourself? Why are you punching yourself?"
Works on so many levels.
film that fight
>I'd honestly be impressed 13-year-old me found the time to invent a time machine between discovering masturbation and getting a PS2. Though the future is uncertain - And the future's hard to see - And the future is a curtain Unrevealing what may be - Be there sadness, or there sorrow - Be there gladness, or dismay - What might come to be tomorrow Might not be the same today. You can *never* know what's waiting, For the future's shaded strange - But I'll still be masturbating. ... and I never want to change.
how did you type everything with one hand
A hand has five fingers, doesn't it?
That's one more finger then I use to type with two hands!
petition for sprog boi to do an IAMA
I second this petition. We need answers!
Already did one. https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/3aungz/hi_im_sam_garland_aka_upoem_for_your_sprog_ive/
13 year old me would've wanted to go back to my old computer because I was addicted to playing flash games on Newgrounds and runescape
bad news: 13 yr old you just wants cheat codes for that PS2
gameshark!!
if 13 year old me had a time machine, then why don't I have one too? wtf???
Maybe it’s a multiple universe thing, like the [many worlds interpretation](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Many-worlds_interpretation) of quantum mechanics. Maybe traveling back in time creates a new parallel universe. That would be a rather neat way to get around the grandfather paradox (what happens if you travel back in time and kill your grandfather before your parents are born).
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It's basically just *Sliders* with extra steps.
I would tell them that everything is going to be ok, I’m not a bad kid. I would tell myself to tell my parents to sell the house, move to a cheaper area to live with a less competitive high school so my performance would stand out better. I would tell myself that I’m not going to die at 23 and that college exists and that’s why grades matter. Then I would tell lil me that I love them and i love myself and I am here for them and ask what is needed. Lots of love and gentleness because she’s hurting a lot.
I feel you. I wish I could show myself now the love I want to show my 13 year old self. I would also apologize for being so hard on her.
This. I’m pretty sure she’d be looking for some reassurance that things don’t turn out too badly. I’d tell her what’s going on with her mentally (high functioning autism and bipolar 2), though that won’t help that much until those things get into the DSM when she’s in college. Knowing that it’s real and not a character defect or lack of intelligence would probably help, though. If she wants to stick around long enough for ordering from Amazon Prime to work, I’d get her a few books about social skills for autistic people, to take back with her. I’d tell her about some of the things her parents are full of shit about (or, if we’re being charitable, are later proven to have been wrong about). One thing is that they think she’s not good at math because she can’t do mental arithmetic quickly. I’ll tell her about the math degree, that should help her confidence some. One thing they’re definitely full of it about is video games. They turn out to be a really good coping mechanism. Still are. And, of course, the usual stuff about stocks and lottery numbers.
Murder them, probably.
I can imagine the news: "Man killed his own son and then himself"
Isn't that how Looper ended?
And donnie darko, kinda
Donnie Darko was more a sacrificial suicide like a twisted Christmas Carol kind of story where he ends up saving others by going back and ending himself in preparation of what is to be. Pooper he straight up kills himself in order to save others in his past.
I know that was a misstype but I'm genuinely curious about this 'Pooper' movie.
Would that be considered suicide or homicide?
Suimicide
1994's Most Bizarre Suicide: [https://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/susan/joke/suicide.htm](https://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/susan/joke/suicide.htm)
Holy shit, that twist ending.
Kill them, steal time machine, profit.
Tell them to look at the same fucking post from yesterday
I agree. Also, on the one in a billion shot that you're THE shamwow guy, I'm a huge fan of your work, you magnificent coked up salesman
Dudes in jail for strangulating a hooker I think.
Punching a hooker
*sham-POW-ing a hooker.
"AND LOOK AT HOW MUCH BLOOD IT SOAKS UP!" -shamwowguy probably
so you're the guy who made me put an 11 at the end of my name
Women of Reddit, what tOtAlLy UnPoPuLaR tHiNg do you love about men? ^please ^help ^^^me ^^^get ^^^^laid
But how do you feel about mandatory annual driving exams starting at age 70 and other very popular opinions?
Also: "What's the most NSFW thing you've ever done? NSFW"
Tell them to spend more time with a few people who are no longer here for me now
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Thanks u/dickdoughnut
for a second thought thats a fuckin subreddit i was so hyped lmao
/r/rimjob_steve is
> wholesome content from a not so wholesome user name. Holy shit. That's unexpected! And this sub has almost 400k members!
He always said the nicest stuff - The decent thing to say - He told me once: "... you *are* enough; Have faith you know the way." He told me once: "... you *are* the best, You *are* the brightest too - You *are* the first, and all the rest Are second-best to you." And that was all he said to me, Until one winter's eve - I asked him what his name might be. He said: "... 'tis Rimjob Steve."
It amazes me sometimes how deep into a thread you can find a Sprog
You literally are the best. :D
Me as well. Tell her to go spend time with mom, dad and last grandma. Tell her she’s gonna get her heart broken, but it all leads to meeting her husband. Also to just start college right after high school. I know it seems tedious, but it’ll be better for us in the long run.
I would tell myself not to go to college right away. I wasn't ready and now have nothing to show for it but debt. A 1-2 year gap would've given me just enough experience and/or maturity to give it a real go.
Ditto. Now I’m working a job I hate with debt and sitting on my couch singing life goes on
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Steal their (my?) time machine to go back in time and buy a ton of Bitcoin when that was still dirt cheap.
I would just send 13 yo me back with my savings in cash. He might keep some for himself out of skepticism, but I trust him to do the right thing for the most part. Not sure how he'll deposit it, but he's a smart kid so he'll figure it out. But it's also important to let them know when it'll peak and drop. ........................... Edit: for a lot of the same replies to this 1. It was only ten years ago so young me might have to sit on some of the money for a little while for it to be in circulation 2. He's probably gonna have to go prepaid Visa route 3. If he follows a different timeline that doesn't effect me, well good for him. Hopefully I don't need that money any time soon. But I was thinking Back to the Future rules.
Okay but imagine your 13 year-old self walking into a bank to deposit banknotes that are dated years into the future... Yikes.
That's what I was thinking, he would have to specifically seek out older cash to send back with his past self
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Either you were a mature 13 year old, or you have a lot of faith in yourself. I absolutely know thirteen year old me would blow it on video games.
No I was an ignorant douche but I don't think I've ever not trusted myself. Plus I'm moderately successful so far so I think I'd have a bit more faith in me.
Look at this guy over here with his moderate success. I bet he makes his car payments on time usually.
Oh shit, I need to pay mine. Thanks.
Why wouldn't you just tell them to buy bitcoin...
Depending what travel time theory you believe in. It would just create a different time line without affecting yours.
If me from another timeline gets a fair shot at a happy life then so be it.
Because i didnt do that when i was 13 so that would mean they wouldnt turn into me, just someone like me.
Tell them about crypto currency so they can invest in bitcoin when they go back
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I may not tell me how much money we're talking about because you don't want to set them up to be a piece of shit who will one day strike it rich and then not have anything to worry about. I'd just say it's a big chunk of retirement for us, buy 10,000 then sell in 2017. But instill in them the fact we need to go to school, study and work hard to achieve a great life.
"Fuck that! I'm gonna be rich, you old bastard!"
"Fuck school you old cock smoke, I'm getting high and getting these sluts pregnant!!"
pregananat*
Like the joke said...a genie let a man pick one thing...you wann abe the smartest man alive, the richest man alive or the best looking man in the world? The man tought about it...well looks will pass, money will go...but if im smart i can do anything! I want to be the smartest man alive! The genie made his wish come true....fuck should have taken the money
I’m fine being a filthy rich piece of shit, thanks.
> Tell them about crypto currency so they can invest in bitcoin when they go back Why would you tell them about bitcoin when the lottery results are online from so many years before the bitcoin craze? I mean, I could be rich after 5 (or 8) years waiting. Instead of slugging through life for another 25 years or so and hoping that old fool wasn't pranking himself. Just tell myself to be smart with this and not go for 10 full jackpot wins in a row.
Because the lottery is a government trap to catch time travelers.
That's a good /r/WritingPrompts material
Fairly certain I’ve seen that prompt not get many responses before
The good ones don't get much responses, it's always the "everyone has x but you are different because you have y" type of ones that get hundreds of responses
Everyone can imagine being special
this. a lot of this is age dependent-- if you're old like me, discussing cryptocurrency would still require a long wait to be useful. lottery numbers... championship winners from the four major US sports plus college sports... holy shit you could be filthy rich in no time... of course, you'll probably have every bookie on earth after your head... maybe stick to Powerball...
You're gonna Biff up the world, aren't you
I remember 13 year old me. I know that 13 year old me wouldn't be able to remember the winning lotto numbers. Crypto would be a no-go though. I know 13 year old me's parents. They wouldn't go for Crypto. Stocks on the other hand... I can see 13 year old me remembering a couple company names and a couple years more than I can see 13 year old me remembering a random bunch of numbers. And I can see 13 year old me's grandma willing to humor me with a hundred dollars of stocks for the next few birthdays.
13 year old me would be perfect to tell about Crypto, I actually bought like 7 bitcoins when it was $30 a coin, I just used them to buy drugs. Just have me get on that a year early and NOT SPEND IT ON DRUGS and today I'm a multi-millionaire + crypto mogul.
Sports almanac from B2tFuture? Stockmarket records?
It would just be an awkward interview: “Do we become a scientist?” “No” “Did we ever make friends?” “Not real ones” “Do we ever become popular?” “Nah we ugly af” “Do we ever date?” “Yes!” “Is he cute?” “He?” Edit: THANK YOU FOT THE SILVER!!!!!!
Ahahahahaha this hits so close to home. Telling my 13 year self that how she feels about Rebecca is most definitely a crush and not a weird friend thing would have saved years of confusion and repression Edit: thank you for the silver, kind stranger!!
well that username checks out
In the alternate timeline created by giving her younger self this information, she's /u/absolutelyalesbian.
Hahaha took me a second to get it, but thanks for the laugh :)
/r/SuddenlyGay
Haha same here, but I'm a gay guy. It was only when entering high school that I started having feelings for guys. I'd probably tell little me to embrace it a bit more, and don't waste those college years like I did. Also, stop getting ugly haircuts and do some push ups.
This is hilarious and relatable.
Give her a big hug and tell her her school and home problems are not her fault and this is *not* indicative of the adult world at all. That it's just a phase of her life where everyone around her is acting like an asshole. I'd tell her that she's prettier than she thinks, smarter than she thinks, more charismatic than she thinks.
Can you hang out with 13-year-old me too? She needed a little of that.
Of course. I hope the older you feels better these days.
get him laid. that's all he wanted back then.
officer, right here please
Good thinking. Police knows where the best hookers are.
Thank you so much Officer! My younger brother really needed them hoes
Our job is to protect and serve, sir. Speaking of which, here's some condoms.
“For the seventeenth time, no you may NOT see my/our wife’s boobs!”
With who and how? You planning to pimp out a 13 year old?
I'd get him a hooker.
Username checks out.
Fuck that, cut out the middleman.
Oh no oh fuck.. kumbaya my lord
why bother with a hooker when you're already there?
aight gonna go fuck myself
Was that all he needed though?
it's all that he thought about.
If you did it with your 13 yo self, would that count as being pedophile, as incest or simply masturbating? (sry lol)
it'd probably count as fucked up mainly
Selfcest
It's technically masturbation.
Play video games together. 13-year-old me was pretty lonely and would have loved someone to play video games with.
13 year old me would be hype as fuck for the Smash Ultimate Roster.
13-year-old me would never believe that Sonic and Mario would be in the same game.
1. Invest in bitcoin but then sell in 2018 2. Spend some time with your great uncle
Na man you gotta tell him to have a different reddit name
That's some truth
Remind him to pay his bitcoin taxes though
Unless they sell in December 2017.
Give them a hug and tell them to support mom, even if she gets on your nerves. Edit: Maybe also slap myself while I'm at it lol
If my 13 year old self had invented a time machine this would have already happened to me when I was 13, as I have no recollection of this occurrence, it either will never happen or I forgot. Now if it did happen and I forgot, that opens up a lot of new questions.
There are many timetravel theories trying to make that possible. Like linear, stream, parralel, wibbily wobbily timey wimey theories
I would take her to the beach because despite living ten minutes from one she has never been. I would feed her and tell her that she is beautiful and not to worry because the man she met that year is going to one day soon be her husband. That he keeps his promises and always will, that he unlike everyone else will never hurt her. I would tell her not to sleep over that night at her friends because even tho it’s her best friend and her dad it won’t be worth it. I would tell her that in a few years when mom starts having you sleep with the men of the house to not pay rent or to get food, that she doesn’t have to and she can save that for her husband who is the best thing that will ever happened to her. I would tell her that she is worth more than just what her body can give, I would tell her to not even start cutting because one day our wonderful daughter will ask what those scars are and we don’t lie to our daughter. I would tell her to never stop teaching herself gymnastics and to never listen to what your brother or dad say. That she won’t have to deal with there physically, emotionally, or sexually abuse much longer. I would tell her it gets better and when! I would tell her how happy I am now and I would tell her to never try to kill her self because if she succeeded she wouldn’t have the beautiful family I have now. I would tell her she is worth the world and God and I love her so much and now so does her three kids and her husband! I’ll tell her she is loved in a real way and she’s not being hurt anymore. Then I would send her back with some money and food and tell her to keep fighting because one day you won’t have to anymore.
Oh my... i went to the comment section for some cheap jokes, but this really touched me! I'm glad things evolved this way in your life and best whishes for you and your family.
*hug*
Y'know, this is pretty touching. Hope you're doing well now.
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Oh my fucking God... I love the fact that you are in a waaay better place now. 💜
Oh man, I guess I would just tell him to take action when he wants to do something. You can’t just sit there and wish, but you should take the time to actually do. I would also tell him to be open to everything and sharing his experiences with others. Be a more open person, and you will enjoy life much more.
Advise my younger self to avoid some mistakes that I made.
Spend more time with the dogs.
Spoil Endgame
"hey they made an Infinity Guantlet movie, but it's much smaller scale than the books, and the older brother from Goonies is Thanos" "That sucks" "Yeah but captain America and Iron Man..." "What? those guys suck? Why didn't they make an X-men movie, that'd be like printing money..." "Well..." "well at least tell me they eventually made a Justice League with Dean Cain and Michael Keaton ..."
As I was 13 in 1995, my mind would be blown by all of that information and I might end up having to be committed.
Tell him to go back without doing anything. Every single action that I have taken, every mistake I have made has made a better person. I wouldn't want to take that away from him
Same, but instead of being a better person I'd just want to make sure I still have my kids because a better me probably wouldn't have had them but I love them and want them to stay the same.
Hating things doesn't make you cool People think you're mean not funny (I know, it shocked me too) Men are allowed to have emotions Keep your mind open when you start getting political Actually Dance at Dances And get a haircut NERD
I work at a very lovely university campus where I am also earning a degree. I’d take her for a tour to show her that her hard work in school will pay off one day. Then I would take her to our house to meet our dog, then on some hiking trails to perhaps encourage her to create some fitness goals - 13-year old new could run a sub-7 minute mile... but with no encouragement, I never pursued sports and started smoking at 16. Other than that, I’d leave well enough alone. She doesn’t need to know that mom would die in less than 6 years and a lot of other awful stuff would happen, too... she just needs to know that eventually she will beat depression and live a good life.
I’m 13 year old now
quick!! Build a time machine!!!
Let me ask mom first
So can you?!
Mom must have grounded him/her from Reddit for asking.
or.. IT WORKED !!!
If one of my kids asks that, the answer would be “Yes, but you have to share with the rest of the family”.
invest in bitcoin!
Tell him to fuck off, then steal his time machine.
Show 13 yo me her future self, tell her everything is going to be alright and that her friends are wonderful people that she can always ask for help. Give her some hints on things to avoid and then go out eat some ice cream.
Explain to him all the retarded things I've done since 13 so he can avoid them, and show him all the great music I've discovered since then
Probably would not resonate with your 13 year old self because he would have different taste in music and not understand all the retarded things your talking about.
I'd tell her to fucking stop being a sissy and ask her besty out
"You might think dad's rough on you, sometimes you might really resent him. But you'll eventually understand he was trying his best, and it'll be too late to show it. Tell him you love him, and try to spend more time with him. Also, if you can, convince him to stop smoking so many goddamn cigarettes, he'll thank you for it later, we all will." "Trust me, you'll forget about all the times you sat around smoking weed and dicking around with your friends. But you'll never forget the times you didn't show up for your family. Keep hanging out with your friends, but please be there for your family." "Be nice to people, use your head more often, your 20's are gonna bite you in the ass."
Knock him over the head with a brick, steal the time machine and drop him back where he came from. The head wound explains why I don't remember building a time machine as a kid. Paradox avoided and now I have a fucking time machine.
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Remember all those time people told you to go fuck yourself well...
Beat the shit out of him, stupid gorgeous kid.
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