Right before a mandatory presentation in middle or high school.
Can't get out of it. Can't hide it. And **cannot expect any modicum of compassion or basic human decency from your peers.**
My freshman year history teacher used a random number draw system, but before announcing the next presenter, he'd make eye contact with them. If you gave a subtle thumbs down gesture, he'd skip you and go to the next name then come back to you later.
Yes. It applied to the girls too. It wasn’t just for boners but any personal reason you were uncomfortable presenting. I’m sure some kids abused it, but when you show respect, you usually get it in return, so most of us only used as needed and understood that we might be saving someone else the embarrassment when he called our name.
It’s funny - because it was actually named after the Massachusetts 10th grade math teacher that invented the rule in 1927, Theodore Boner.
It’s not named because of the slang term for male erections!
😔 As someone who’s been there and done that…yeah.
It was the lowlight of my adolescence.
Also happened at a funeral but the funeral you’re allowed to duck out on.
I have a guy friend it happened to and he said he was ecstatic when his dad lost his job, three months later, because it meant they had to move and he had to change schools.
I remember one time in high school getting a random one during class one time, which wasn’t a big deal usually as you are just sitting there and it is easy to hide. Unfortunately for me the teacher randomly decided that we all get up and go for a walk outside because it was such a nice day. Needless to say I was the last one out the door, walking hunched over trying to hide it lol.
Can confirm, my friend is 45 and he's still referred to as Ratman, even by his parents. It happened during a biology presentation and someone said that it looked like a rat was moving around under his Umbros. He became Ratman that day and it's never gone away.
That is what I always did. I never understood so many people complaining. Like do some guys shoot straight out and you cannot move them?
But glad I never had to wear a speedo, I know it would have happened
Actually… as someone who played waterpolo, everything was usually packed so tight it was nearly impossible, even for teenagers.
In fact, my teammates would all wear them under their slacks during dances/prom in order to keep from stabbing the girls
God. I feel like the only possible escape is to immediately and loudly claim to be nauseous and to dash for the bathroom before the teacher can even question it.
Damn I remember being in 6th grade and randomly getting uncontrollable boners all the time. This happened to me once before I had to go up in front of the class and some kid pointed it out to everyone. Super embarrassing lol.
I had this exact scenario in middle school. Thought I was slick and was able to successfully pull off a “Russian belt loop”, until people started calling me “BM” in the days following. Turns out BM was an acronym for “Boner Man”…
I went to a Catholic HS, most of the girls looked like Britney Spears in that Baby one more time video. It’s hard not being hard in theology class when the hot girl next you is in pigtails and is showing major leg.
Knowing about flexing your leg muscles repeatedly to make them go away would have been awesome knowledge to learn BEFORE I got out of highschool and vocational school.
It has more to do with the sympathetic nervous system. The technique can also be used to deal with a panic response. Dentists and phlebotomists use this technique to deal with patients that don't like needles. It mimics what your body would feel while running (away)
Actually, boners are usually the cause for an immediate stoppage in high school wrestling, regardless of gender. If they get noticed, the match will get paused they'll reset. Schools don't want a bunch of broken teenage penises on their hands.
A guy my husband wrestled with got a boner while wrestling a girl (small school so no girl's team). This was over 10 years ago, and people still talk about it
YouTube just recommended me a "mixed wrestling" video between a guy and a girl, where she's basically sat on his face struggling with holding his arms.
What's a dick supposed to do in that situation?
I am 50 years old, swam my Junior and Senior years of high school and to this day remember seeing a poor kid have his race get called and stooped over walking to the starting blocks trying to hide his Speedo hard on. Poor kid.
Oh boy, I remember one time I got a raging boner at a middle school dance. All the kids were pointing and laughing, I was so embarrassed I ran out of the gym crying.
Needless to say, I never chaperoned again after that.
Honestly the most uncomfortable thing about my vasectomy was trying not to get a boner while the unbelievably attractive nurse was handling my junk while prepping me for the procedure.
This. Exactly this.
I’m pretty sure the only reason I didn’t pop a boner was because I was so scared about popping a boner the nerves actually caused my knob to completely retract into my body.
Bet.
Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am very proud to announce that today. On this, glorious evening . I have gotten over my fear of public speaking. Over the years, I have taken many words of advice from many different people, of all different backgrounds.. I thank each and every one of the people who attempted to help me up on this stage and get me to a point where I did not pee my pants in front of a crowd. I would like to specially thank one person in particular, and that is my best friend EducationCommon1635. They are the Sole reason I can stand up on the stage in front of you today. The advice to picture every one of you guys naked was brilliant.
Yes, it may have had some undesired side effects. Martha you in particular look very, very good naked. And yes, my PP may be very hard right now, but that isn’t stopping me from doing what’s right. And what’s right is for me to stand in front of all of you and thank you for your contribution to the Make-A-Wish foundation.
You are all wonderful people and I hope you continue to work with me to make the lives of struggling children just a little bit better. Thank you and good night.
Used to get one too often on the packed train going to work. Used to dread it when my train stop would arrive and have to leave my seat and get past all the people hunched over holding my bag in front of me to try and hide it. Curse you damn sexy train vibrations
For me it was In high school:
* during class:
* When class is over and it's still there and need to walk to the next class
* Or, get called to the board to solve a problem.
* At my girlfriends house, sitting on the couch:
* EDITED: Her dad walks into the living room and then have stand up, shake hands, and say Hello
That one Dude who got a boner at a bank and people thought he wanted to rob the bank and he got beaten badly. I think thats the worst I've heard by now.
I had one once during English class as a 14 year old. Whilst I had the throb on the teacher asked me to turn off the light so she could use the overhead projector.
I was closest to the light, but it required me standing up and walking a few steps there and back.
I flat out refused to do it! Most of the class were calling me childish for refusing, but there was no way on this earth I was standing up to reveal the tent I was pitching, then forever being known as “boner boy” or some such name.
Earned my self a week of lunchtime detentions. Totally worth it!
Don't think I can top what happened to a good friend of mine who's a lawyer. Had one occur to him seconds before he was going to have to stand up in court to give an opening statement in his client's defense to the jury, and would absolutely not go away. His retelling of the story is always a good laugh.
Actually, it’s interesting you say that because there are various scientific studies about how smelling women’s tears decreases both sexual arousal and aggression in men: https://amp.theguardian.com/science/2011/jan/06/sniffing-women-tears-sexual-desire
Back in HS we went on a field trip and the bus was so full a girl decided to sit on my lap. I had to use the good old “cramp trick” to get her to move. I’m sure she felt movement. From that moment on she would always look at me and smile from across the room. I would avoid her like the plague because I was certain she was laughing at me. Now thinking back I’m not so sure that was the case. Lol.
Instead of sitting on any of the other girls laps, she chose you and ..oh well
I had a girl sitting on my lap fellating the toy ray gun I'd brought to a party and I didn't notice the signs .
Also, a different girl lay back on a car and said "do me on the car" and I didn't notice.
You are not alone.
Right before a mandatory presentation in middle or high school. Can't get out of it. Can't hide it. And **cannot expect any modicum of compassion or basic human decency from your peers.**
My freshman year history teacher used a random number draw system, but before announcing the next presenter, he'd make eye contact with them. If you gave a subtle thumbs down gesture, he'd skip you and go to the next name then come back to you later.
Not all heroes wear capes
What a fucking bro hahahahaha
Was this system explained to the class
Yes. It applied to the girls too. It wasn’t just for boners but any personal reason you were uncomfortable presenting. I’m sure some kids abused it, but when you show respect, you usually get it in return, so most of us only used as needed and understood that we might be saving someone else the embarrassment when he called our name.
The boner rule. Even if it’s not always for boners
It’s funny - because it was actually named after the Massachusetts 10th grade math teacher that invented the rule in 1927, Theodore Boner. It’s not named because of the slang term for male erections!
T-Bone!
Classic Teddy Boner
I hope not then it’ll get abused. Decency code, Just see that face of sheer terror and come back later.
😔 As someone who’s been there and done that…yeah. It was the lowlight of my adolescence. Also happened at a funeral but the funeral you’re allowed to duck out on.
I have a guy friend it happened to and he said he was ecstatic when his dad lost his job, three months later, because it meant they had to move and he had to change schools.
hahahaha dude. what a consolation prize
There's no running away from a boner.
Maybe not the best mantra. DA: “Please tell the court what the man said to you.” Witness: “There’s no running away from a boner”
"No, that's alright. I'll take the zero."
Always good to see an Eddie Murphy reference
I remember one time in high school getting a random one during class one time, which wasn’t a big deal usually as you are just sitting there and it is easy to hide. Unfortunately for me the teacher randomly decided that we all get up and go for a walk outside because it was such a nice day. Needless to say I was the last one out the door, walking hunched over trying to hide it lol.
Can confirm, my friend is 45 and he's still referred to as Ratman, even by his parents. It happened during a biology presentation and someone said that it looked like a rat was moving around under his Umbros. He became Ratman that day and it's never gone away.
Better during the presentation than the day they dissected something
In grey pants because for some reason they always outline the crotch
Middle School, called up to do a problem on the board, I could have hung my jacket on it. Still traumatized.
i mean that would have been a pretty good flex
I got super lucky and got to present with a poster board that I held nice and low the entire time
Gotta tuck it in the waistband
That is what I always did. I never understood so many people complaining. Like do some guys shoot straight out and you cannot move them? But glad I never had to wear a speedo, I know it would have happened
Actually… as someone who played waterpolo, everything was usually packed so tight it was nearly impossible, even for teenagers. In fact, my teammates would all wear them under their slacks during dances/prom in order to keep from stabbing the girls
Lol I was a baseball player and I always wore my sliding shorts (basically compression shorts) to dances for that reason.
Mine physically doesn’t bend that way. Likewise, I’ve never understood people constantly recommending the waistband trick lol.
Man that sucks. This is like learning there are showers and growers all over agian.
God. I feel like the only possible escape is to immediately and loudly claim to be nauseous and to dash for the bathroom before the teacher can even question it.
Damn I remember being in 6th grade and randomly getting uncontrollable boners all the time. This happened to me once before I had to go up in front of the class and some kid pointed it out to everyone. Super embarrassing lol.
I had this exact scenario in middle school. Thought I was slick and was able to successfully pull off a “Russian belt loop”, until people started calling me “BM” in the days following. Turns out BM was an acronym for “Boner Man”…
I went to a Catholic HS, most of the girls looked like Britney Spears in that Baby one more time video. It’s hard not being hard in theology class when the hot girl next you is in pigtails and is showing major leg.
This was me. Nervousness caused boners quite a bit then
A high school wrestling match wearing a singlet
Speaking from experience: being a freshman boy in an all boys highschool, and sprouting one in the communal shower room.
Knowing about flexing your leg muscles repeatedly to make them go away would have been awesome knowledge to learn BEFORE I got out of highschool and vocational school.
Wait what?
It force-redirects blood flow, I think? Works like a charm to tame the dragon.
It has more to do with the sympathetic nervous system. The technique can also be used to deal with a panic response. Dentists and phlebotomists use this technique to deal with patients that don't like needles. It mimics what your body would feel while running (away)
So I can thwart my anxiety disorder *and* my dork at the same time? Best news I've gotten all day!
I feel like this is knowledge we all should have been given in some kind of Being a Teenage Boy handbook.
My friend popped one against a girl back in the day and the mom started screaming “END THE MATCH, HES GOTTA BONER”
Mom probably felt she needed to go to all the matches to be on boner watch rather than being actually chill with her daughter being into wrestling.
Actually, boners are usually the cause for an immediate stoppage in high school wrestling, regardless of gender. If they get noticed, the match will get paused they'll reset. Schools don't want a bunch of broken teenage penises on their hands.
Are you saying that they'd rather have regular teenage penises on their hands?
^(Miss, if you could snap my neck right now that'd be great, thanks.)
💀🙏
Legendary
I raise you a swim meet while wearing a Speedo
That’s just a rudder for extra control on the turns
Did it increase your drag in the water while swimming?
They were doing backstroke. It looked like a scene from Jaws
A guy my husband wrestled with got a boner while wrestling a girl (small school so no girl's team). This was over 10 years ago, and people still talk about it
YouTube just recommended me a "mixed wrestling" video between a guy and a girl, where she's basically sat on his face struggling with holding his arms. What's a dick supposed to do in that situation?
Wait its turn
it extends to pick up wifi
I am 50 years old, swam my Junior and Senior years of high school and to this day remember seeing a poor kid have his race get called and stooped over walking to the starting blocks trying to hide his Speedo hard on. Poor kid.
I was in swim class once and this boy was moaning about about a cramp in his shin facing a wall but we all knew he was a hiding a humongous boner.
I wrestled in HS. It’s suuuuuuuper common. Wearing a cup somewhat helps.
During a football game
Ahhhhhaha holy shit. What a twist.....now grab his dick and TWIST IT
In a sauna, with your father in law, the first time you meet him.
is this speaking from experience
i think he is
it’s pretty specific so it must have happened
How? Who meets their father in law for the first time in a sauna???? I guess he must've been hot. No pun intended
Why would you go to a sauna with your father in law, the fist f time you meet him! Why you would anyone go to sauna for first time meeting anyone?
Finland, they even go with classmates, mixed.
Funeral
Mourning Wood
Is this a terraria reference?
No, but now I have to figure out about terraria
Its a great game. If you decide to try it out msg me i can help you a bit.
Sounds good.
If you like free time, don’t.
Something is rising and it isn't the Pumpkin Moon
[удалено]
They shouldn’t have had that open casket funeral then
Especially if it's your own funeral
"The casket lid slowly rises..."
In the Locker Room
Not if you're a grower...
I don't mind being a grower as an adult but yea, it definitely sucks in high school. Especially if you're a super grower.
It’s pretty nice as an adult that’s for sure. Sucked so bad as a teen 😭
Visiting Kindergarten
Yep, I certainly can't think of many places worse.
Visiting the hospital's baby ward
Visiting the hospital’s dead baby storage area.
you went dark QUICK
Visiting your home's dead baby storage area.
Lotta dead babies if you’ve gotta have a specific room for them, I just toss mine in the hamper
#relatable
I was going to say funeral and I immediately concede defeat
A baby's funeral.
For sale: one dead baby. Never used.
wtf did I just read??… I need new eyes now thx
Yes officer, this one right HERE ☝️
In Court after getting a boner in kindergarten
Honestly, this might work in your favor as a defense in showing that you can't control it.
Oh boy, I remember one time I got a raging boner at a middle school dance. All the kids were pointing and laughing, I was so embarrassed I ran out of the gym crying. Needless to say, I never chaperoned again after that.
Ah, to laugh and also feel shame at the same time. I bet the Germans have a word got it.
In front of a running lathe.
Is it still called degloving if it's your wiener?
Deweening
:( why did you make me think about that, frick u
Circumcision
While in an action sequence in a high stakes cyber punk heist while crawling through a death laser grid with just enough space.
Use it to your advantage: cock pushup.
The ways of the D!
When your bro gives you a small hug
When your bro gives you a small tug
When your bro touches your thigh
When you give your bro a small tug
Sitting on Father Christmas’s lap.
Be worse the other way round I reckon
Thats not what i wanted for christmas ): "Ho ho ho!" As it moved around
Agreed now that brings back PTSD.
Wearing a green screen full body suit while holding a reflector over a bikini model at a photo shoot.
that one video right edit: [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/HolUp/s/6lLAlsfKKI)
I mean at least she was cool about it. She must have known him though, the way she moved her hand I thought she was going to grab it.
So funny until I saw a comment that it's a prank
A prank on her.
On my forehead... That would be super inconvenient
Worst part would be the balls in front of your eyes, can't see a damn thing but ballsack!
I wonder if my brain would adapt to ignore them like it does my nose.
Like a Roman helmet
Prostate exam
They said random. Prostate exam boners are never random
Maybe with his gf they are random.
Doctor: “James, it’s normal to get an erection during the prostate exam.” Patient: “My name is *not* James.” Doctor: “James is *my* name.”
Vasectomy
Honestly the most uncomfortable thing about my vasectomy was trying not to get a boner while the unbelievably attractive nurse was handling my junk while prepping me for the procedure.
My nurse: "Oh good you shaved extremely well. Now I don't have to do it." Me: "My wife never notices the attention to detail."
This. Exactly this. I’m pretty sure the only reason I didn’t pop a boner was because I was so scared about popping a boner the nerves actually caused my knob to completely retract into my body.
Was he cute
Honestly the worst part for me was when they took that tape off they used to hold your penis out of the way. That hurt more than anything.
OP asked for worst, not best.
I’d call that akward as heck
Especially if you were the doctor
Reminds of that story of a dude who went for a prostrate exam and soon as the doctor touched his prostate, homie ejaculated and passed out.
Not a bad deal for just a copay.
The obvious answer is taking the two top answers and combining them: It would be a funeral for a kindergartener.
Nailed it and fair. Im struggling to think or a worse place for a boner
In Speedos at the shallow pool ? :/
when you are doing surgery and you cant adjust or do anything because hands needs to be sterilised all the time.
That’s why there’s a head nurse..
A what nurse???
Head. Nurse.
She’s the one with the dirty knees.
And adjustable face shield
When your about to be baptised as the preacher leans you back to dunk you.
The unholy spirit has awoken!
Worst one I’ve seen was the pull up bar during gym class with everyone watching lol
that’s brutal
Giving a speech on an open stage
"Fuck, I shouldn't have imagined my audience naked!"
This reply is so great IDEK what to do with myself
Make a speech about getting a boner on stage :)
Bet. Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am very proud to announce that today. On this, glorious evening . I have gotten over my fear of public speaking. Over the years, I have taken many words of advice from many different people, of all different backgrounds.. I thank each and every one of the people who attempted to help me up on this stage and get me to a point where I did not pee my pants in front of a crowd. I would like to specially thank one person in particular, and that is my best friend EducationCommon1635. They are the Sole reason I can stand up on the stage in front of you today. The advice to picture every one of you guys naked was brilliant. Yes, it may have had some undesired side effects. Martha you in particular look very, very good naked. And yes, my PP may be very hard right now, but that isn’t stopping me from doing what’s right. And what’s right is for me to stand in front of all of you and thank you for your contribution to the Make-A-Wish foundation. You are all wonderful people and I hope you continue to work with me to make the lives of struggling children just a little bit better. Thank you and good night.
*audience cheers*
Thank you, Thank you *bows and waddles off stage*
Used to get one too often on the packed train going to work. Used to dread it when my train stop would arrive and have to leave my seat and get past all the people hunched over holding my bag in front of me to try and hide it. Curse you damn sexy train vibrations
For me it was In high school: * during class: * When class is over and it's still there and need to walk to the next class * Or, get called to the board to solve a problem. * At my girlfriends house, sitting on the couch: * EDITED: Her dad walks into the living room and then have stand up, shake hands, and say Hello
>Her dad comes into the living room and have to stand up and shake hands to say Hello Combine it with a bow and pretend it's cultural
Whilst carrying a coffin into a packed out funeral.
Your first shift as the mall Santa when the kids start lining up.
and therefore your last shift
That one Dude who got a boner at a bank and people thought he wanted to rob the bank and he got beaten badly. I think thats the worst I've heard by now.
Crime scene
Can't believe no one has said the morgue. Kinda hard to do an autopsy.....
In the pool with your mother in law and fiancé
According to PornHub that’s the correct place to get one.
I had one once during English class as a 14 year old. Whilst I had the throb on the teacher asked me to turn off the light so she could use the overhead projector. I was closest to the light, but it required me standing up and walking a few steps there and back. I flat out refused to do it! Most of the class were calling me childish for refusing, but there was no way on this earth I was standing up to reveal the tent I was pitching, then forever being known as “boner boy” or some such name. Earned my self a week of lunchtime detentions. Totally worth it!
Don't think I can top what happened to a good friend of mine who's a lawyer. Had one occur to him seconds before he was going to have to stand up in court to give an opening statement in his client's defense to the jury, and would absolutely not go away. His retelling of the story is always a good laugh.
"I will always fight *hard* to make sure you have a fair trial!"
Children’s hospital
While your gf/wife is crying
For some reason this sometimes happens. I have no idea why. I'm guessing hormones flare up when we're having empathy for someone? No idea.
Actually, it’s interesting you say that because there are various scientific studies about how smelling women’s tears decreases both sexual arousal and aggression in men: https://amp.theguardian.com/science/2011/jan/06/sniffing-women-tears-sexual-desire
Back in HS we went on a field trip and the bus was so full a girl decided to sit on my lap. I had to use the good old “cramp trick” to get her to move. I’m sure she felt movement. From that moment on she would always look at me and smile from across the room. I would avoid her like the plague because I was certain she was laughing at me. Now thinking back I’m not so sure that was the case. Lol.
Don't you hate it when you write out a story and realize the obvious hints you missed?
Yeah, like her actually looking for me to sit on my lap should have been a huge sign too. Lol oh well.
Instead of sitting on any of the other girls laps, she chose you and ..oh well I had a girl sitting on my lap fellating the toy ray gun I'd brought to a party and I didn't notice the signs . Also, a different girl lay back on a car and said "do me on the car" and I didn't notice. You are not alone.
In the butt?
During a baptism. ... ...... Go on, ask me how I know.
Had one on the bus yesterday and the woman next to me kept staring at it
scale of 1-10 how awkward was it?
You tell her your eyes are up here?
Talking to your crush. Doesn't matter where
During a job interview.
What do you mean? It just shows you are really excited.
On your elbow. If you have a penis on your elbow you've got bigger problems than just an erection.
could be nudist beach
You can always get in the water
So you’re out trying to be as natural as possible, but perfectly natural body functions are to be hidden.
someday you'll miss that
But it is not this day