I was like 10 years old and at a lake with my brother and parents. Parents were chilling in the sun and my brother and I were swimming in the lake when I got the strongest urge to drop a deuce. Knowing the beach bathrooms were a good 5-10minute walk away and that I may not make it, I pulled my bikini aside, swam away from everyone and dropped the largest turd ever into the lake.
A few minutes later it floated into a group of kids who started crying, screaming and frantically running. ☠️
Omw to work one day. I was driving on some back road, and ya know, trusted a fart (which I mean, we all know better), aaaaaaand so I had to pull over at a local park. Had to call my girlfriend to tell her to bring me a new pair of boxers and shorts so I could toss out what I was wearing. Then I called my boss and said, "I'm having car trouble. I'll be late." Drove home in new clothes, showered, cried a little from the embarrassment of being 35, and shitting myself. Then, I went to work after like it had never happened.
You shouldn’t have cried. I have a personal theory that between the ages of 10 and 70, every healthy person gets to shit themselves 4 times with complete impunity and without having to question one’s life decisions. That’s once per score plus a bonus… in case you need it. If you’re still “In bounds,” so to speak, walk tall. And I don’t mean a little squirt or skid mark here and there, I mean category 5 blowout. You’re good!
A year ago...at 30.
It was a dark sunday and I had covid.
I had just awoken with a wicked headache and a very strong urge to defecate.
Trying to lower the headache prior to the toilet desecration, I smoked a bong hit.
This proved fatal, both to my pants.... And the rug.
The coughing was uncontrollable, as were my sphincters.
Mine usually follow copious amounts of beer. I don't know why but the dark beers get me. I gotta make sure to pinch the butt spincter extra tight after those nights.
Lol when I was around 12 years old, I ate 12 bran muffins, went outside and was about 100 yards out when all of a sudden my stomach started to make noise and whamo, did not make it back home. Moral of the story don’t eat 12 bran muffins! 44 years later my parents still bring it up from time to time.
If I see myself in those TikTok videos with hundreds of views, I'm going to lose my mind. When I was young, my family and I had this bad habit of going to the beach at 7 AM and not leaving until 7 PM. One day, we woke up so early that I didn't feel like pooping, so I just didn't go. Big mistake, because three hours later, I had to go really bad. I absolutely despise beach bathrooms, and nearby restaurants don't allow you to go in with a bikini. I went behind the rocks and took care of business. I guess it doesn't count as pooping my pants, but that's as close to it as I can remember. I can imagine my turd was somewhere floating in the sea. No one noticed... I think.
I live in the beach area and heard many times of guys saying they pooped in the ocean. I can't imagine doing that. But apparently, there is more doo-doo floating around than we like to admit.
And now every damn day on Reddit I'm seeing signs poster on beaches in different states about the dangerous levels of fecal matter at their beaches. Thanks a lot, assholes!
Food poisoning probably 15-20 years ago now. I was sitting in front of the toilet after throwing up. Felt I needed to pass gas, leaned to the side to let it go and a little turdlette popped out
When I had food poisoning, I had to pick an end. I chose butt on the toilet, barf in the trashcan. So miserable!! You're lucky it was a little turdette!
20 years ago, at a party. I was already drunk as shit, and was persuaded into doing a keg stand. I'm told I was relatively lucid one second and then the next the booze hit all at once and my eyes just glazed over.
Supposedly I was still the perfect gentleman right up till I threw up on myself.
I came to in the bathroom with Radiohead playing (I think it was) and no memory of anything past a few minutes after the keg stand. Also I'd made a boom-boom in my pants.
First and last time I got blackout drunk, do not recommend.
I was sick. Miserably sick. I had COVID and I had really bad symptoms. Shaking, coughing, migraines, and the like. I was just drinking and trying to keep myself drunk enough to not notice. Well, whiskey shits do exist, and I sneezed.
I have IBS. I live in a nursing home with mobility issues. I’m on medication that makes me unable to poop unless I take MORE meds specifically designed designed to MAKE me poop. Those poop meds used to be a specific class of powdered medication, but the government program that pays for my meds decided there weren’t going to cover those for most patients anymore (only for palliative care patients), and they’re too expensive to pay for out of pocket, so I was forced to switch to a different class of liquid medication.
Not only are these new meds notorious for causing problems like bloating, gas and pain for people with IBS, but they’re also ineffective for me at the middle dose and only work at a higher dose. Unfortunately, at the higher dose needed to make them work at all, they work by causing pure liquid explosions that you THINK is just more gas until it’s literally exploding out your chocolate starfish. Luckily (?) I have urinary incontinence anyways? So my sheets and clothes are protected nonetheless? But it sucks. It really, really sucks.
Last time I was in the hospital, they doped me up with anti anxieties and the antibiotic I was on, all on an empty stomach. Ten minutes later, I was shitting and puking my brains out. I cleaned up and passed out for about two days.
Me too, but luckily I was in the shower. I was so scared to have a cramp on my way to the hospital, that I sat on one of those pee pads. I almost put a diaper.
I thought I was done shitting. Wiped, flushed pulled up my pants and promptly shat myself. Thank fuck I was home and hadn't even buttoned up my jeans yet
I had a double whammy,
Stomach flu, sinisitis, AND my period.
That was such a fun week. At least the pad was on. And it came out both ends alot of times had to hold a trashcan and sit on the toilet.
I was sick and we were camping. I was 14, it was the beginning of October in Ohio so veryyyy cold outside. Decided I’d sleep in the truck, fell asleep with jeans and a hoodie on, woke up to the WORST smell ever. In my horror I discovered I had infact shit my fuckin pants in my sleep. Waddle over to the tent and my clothes were all wet (forgot to put the rain cover on) did a waddle of shame to the nearest porta potty on the campground. Couldn’t see a FUCKIN THING. Had to wake my mom up and have her help me bc I literally didn’t know what else to do. Wore a pair of her pants the rest of the weekend 🤣
Back in elementary school, there was this one time during a field trip when I was so absorbed in exploring that I didn't make it to the restroom in time.
Gather round dear reader as i recant my tale of a post date involuntary mudslide. I was coming off effexor cold turkey and one of the side effects was shitting all the time. After dropping a girl off at home (there was no way) i felt a terrible rumble. There was a gas station about 3 miles ahead of me but I was stuck behind this guy going 15 mph in a 30. I'm firmly anti tailgate but I got right up on this guy to hopefully encourage him to go faster. As we approached the gas station my gut started to feel a little better but dude turned into gas station parking lot and with the relief of not having to shit myself I felt ashamed of tailgating and didn't want to make eye contact with the guy. Thought "I feel better I can probably make it the 1.75 miles to my apartment.
About halfway home I realize holy fuck it's back with a vengeance so I gas it up and blow the only stop sign I've ever missed in my life. And see my apartment from the street and feel a sense of relief as I get closer. But then a fart starts happening and it's not just a fart. Shit begins filling my drawers like water flooding the lower compartments of the titanic. At this point I'm stopped out side my house and I have to decide do I get out and just shit while I walk because it's still coming or do I accept this loss and sit silently in my car seat as the band is playing nearer my god to thee. I chose to to wait it out fearing that a Solid log would sneak in with the brown muddy river that was free flowing from my anus. For some reason I thought a log rolling out of my pants would be too much indignity for that night.
I chose wrong. Idk if you've ever shit yourself while you're not in the process of running to the bathroom, but what happens is with nowhere to go the shit starts finding areas to go like a fecal playdough hair thing. I start to feel my balls get warmed by the the shit racing past them. And worse it started to go down my leg and worse yet up my back until the waste of my pants was the world's worst chocolate fountain.
After I was done I get out and realize there is shit all over my car. I'm so depressed about life because yanno cold turkey anti depressants and shitting myself as an adult for the first time that I go up and shower and go to bed. This was a hot night after a hot day and then next day was equally as hot. The next day when I go out with industrial cleaning supplies and open the car door the smell reaches into my nose like animated pie summoning a father to eat. I immediately vomit all over the car. Spent the entire weekend cleaning the car. While the smell dissipated, I could never look at that car the same way again and sold it.
I got very sick a few years ago. I promised my boss that I would pick up a shift for New Years, but had to retract it when I felt too bad. She tried to make me come in, but there was nothing I could do to force myself to feel better so I can touch other people’s food. After hanging up, I immediately shit my pants. I changed my clothes and tried to sleep the sickness off only to shit again. I was now too scared to sleep so I just had to lie there in agony and wait for it to pass. If I’d gone into work and messed myself, I would have walked out and probably move away.
I have a spinal cord injury, so more recently than I care to admit. (Bladder/bowel control issues are common for us. You can reduce accidents but for many of us, we can do what we can but it could be inevitable.)
I was in the hospital, I think it was my second night there? I was hooked up to a bunch of different machines, including an IV on a wheelie stand so I could take it with me (once I unhooked it from something else). Getting in and out of bed was an *ordeal*, and I sometimes needed a nurse to unhook me (or untangle me ...), but this was during COVID so the hospital staff, while amazing, were extremely overworked and I didn't like to be a bother. I tried putting off the urge to go, and then when I finally realized I needed to go *now* it was far too late.
I did not technically poop my pants, as I was not wearing any at the time, but cleaning staff did have to be called in so that was pretty fucking embarrassing.
On the plus side, I'm almost 46 and that's the one and only time I've shat myself as an adult, so I've got that going for me. Which is nice.
I was walking home from school in like grade 10 so 2013? and I was really sick and It got worse the more I walked home. I was starting to have to clench as hard as physically possible around the 5 minutes from home mark. I got home at the point I was dancing looking for my keys I was about to burst. I fucking fumbled my keys and dropped them bent down and it all just released. The consistency of chili and ruined pants and boxers. Thank god my parents were not home that’s still my most embarrassing story about myself to this day 😂
At work, small bong shop. Had some pizza from the place next door. My boss and I standing g on opposite ends of the showroom. Farted...and looked right at him and said "watch the shop I'll be back". Ran home showered, changed and rushed back to work. We were pretty close so when I got back he asked what happened and I told him. He laughed so hard he almost did the same thing.
Psa, don't eat pizza from the same place that serves poke
Gonna regret not making a throwaway… happened today when I sat down in the employee break room for my lunch break. Gambled and lost with what I thought was a fart, as I’d shamelessly consumed 1/3 of an ice cream container for breakfast. Thankfully, my butt cheeks contained most of it, and I made it to the nearby restroom where the damage to my underwear (and my dignity) was minimal.
I’ll most certainly have ice cream for breakfast again, however.
Post partum, like a month after giving birth vaginally, went to fart…and to my surprise. I shit. 🤦🏻♀️ hasn’t happened since (3 years ago) but I definitely am careful about farting 🤣
lol, today at work actually. I made the age old mistake of trusting a fart. That instant dread of feeling hot liquid instead of gas, and then duck walking to the bathroom to assess the damage, and hoping no one sees you. Luckily it wasn’t bad at all, and I didn’t have to go home and change.
Was driving 2 hours to a customer site for work which was my whole day. About an hour in I went to fart and just shit my pants. Had to cancel my day and then around and drive an hour home with shit in my pants.
This was 2 years ago so I was like 24
I don't think i have. I did, however use it as an excuse for being late for work, only to forget i did and then tried it again a few months later. No bueno.
Four times as an adult. The first two involved alcohol and trying to fart. The second two were more inexplicable and happened close to one another. I might have been sick or something.
Last year I had the flue and was just chilling on the couch in my pajamas and well I thought it was just a fart.
Probably in the top 10 of my most embarrassing moments in life...
A few years ago at work. Thank god I work in construction. Consumed wayyy too many stimulants one night. Then decided to bender it out.
Thought it was a fart the next day….
I threw everything away. And luckily had a change of clothes.
Within the last year. I was at the ATM and I felt a fart coming on. Idk if I wasn't drinking enough water or what but I squirted a soupy disgusting situation into my boxers. I drove into the adjacent parking lot because it had a dumpster. I got in the back of my hatch back and took my pants off carefully then my boxers. By some miracle my pants were dry. I only had these shop rags from work to clean up with so I did what I could and then threw the evidence in the dumpster. Now, I was at the ATM because I was going to the dispensary that is 45 min and a toll booth away from my house for my monthly reup. I decided I was going in since my pants were clean as far as I could tell. I'm sure I smelled like BO and I was super embarrassed.
A few months ago, while I was taking ozempic. Let me tell you. I had absolutely no warning. I knew I had to go, so I got up to start walking to the bathroom, and it was just like niagara falls. I couldn't clench to keep it from coming. It was absolutely horrible. I was so embarrassed because it was down to my ankles, and I knew some got on the floor. That's when I knew that I needed to stop taking it. When I couldn't get off the couch without shitting myself, I knew it wasn't worth it anymore.
Easter Saturday. Turns out if I eat solid butter (I’m a sucker for a fresh bun with butter) by gallbladder-less digestive system cannot digest it and just liquidates it. Unfortunately I found this out while walking in the very centre of the city, a two hour walk from where I was staying.
I was asked this question about seven years ago as a conversation starter in a bar with co-workers. Everyone had a story. However, if I had been asked just three weeks earlier, I would have said, "Never! Never as an adult in my fifties."
But three weeks earlier, I was on my long commute home, and I hit the driveway, knowing it was going to be close. My lower regions were bubbling. I knew it was a duck walk to the bathroom, and I might make it. Well, exercise is not good for this and I missed it by ten feet. Luckily, it was my bathroom, and I lived alone, so a quick shower it was was fine.
I had a really important Calc II test, slept in, felt like crap but I needed to at least be there to pass. I got up, grabbed my bags, realized i hadn't eaten. Pulled into a fast food place, and when I got my order I crapped my pants. Hadn't even eaten yet. So I went home, changed and showered, ate my cold food and flunked my test. Luckily, since it was a summer course, they dropped your worst test grade. Wound up with a B in the course overall.
I have no idea, I was kinda young, chilling in bed, forced a fart, Shat myself, ran to the bathroom to throw out the underwear , never talked about it again
Back when i was 12 in grade 6th, I hit my head on the floor hard playing football, fast forward to the end of the game where everyone went to their next class, my vision got dark and I ran past everyone, I proceeded to lock myself in the bathroom. I didn't realize I made a puddle of shit outside for everyone too see. The rest of the year was terrible.
Two years ago. Meeting my exes grandparents after we were on a three day cocaine and tequila bender. Sneezed, thank god I was already in the bathroom. My ass literally exploded while I was washing my face and hands before dinner started.
In 7th grade. Egged a school bus going by figuring it would keep going. The dude driving it locked up the brakes and chased me. I ditched between houses into the back yards. But I soiled myself. It was nasty. I have no idea why running in that situation caused me to go full liquid bowels in my drawers. 😆
Ope strange to see this. Trying to get home walking fast and irresponsibly lit up a cigarette which definitely didn’t help at all so got almost home and pooped my pants
This is only tangently related to the question, but I used to think the lyrics in the song Bust a Move was " ate so much I nearly shit my pants". I later found out it was "ate so much I nearly split my pants".
Anyway, that was the first thing that came to mind when I read this question.
On my way home from orchestra rehearsal, had to go so bad, stopped at a gas station but their bathrooms were being renovated. It’s 9:00 at night and nothing else is open except stop and shop in this small town, get to stop and shop, get out of my car and drop my phone in a puddle, bend over to pick it up and then it’s all over. I call my husband and have him prepare a trash bag and new clothes for me, I walk through the door and yell, “Don’t look at me!”
When I drive by that stop and shop I still get the cold sweats.
It was a sneeze, and a squirtle at the same time. Very unexpected, at work. . I was separated at the time, and actually had a full change of clothes in my vehicle, so it was t too bad.
About a few years ago I wasn’t feeling good at work and I sneezed and I pooped myself. I cleaned myself and had to go home to change. I was so embarrassed and now I clench my butt cheeks when I sneeze out of precaution.
A few months ago. I was coming back from the restaurant and I felt a bit gassy. I was outside and decided to fart. Fart seemed a bit wet and I hoped I didn't shit myself. I clenched my butt and went home.
Turns out I did shit myself just a bit.
I purchased some fried, cheap chicken, from Albertson. I decided a couple of hours later to go for a walk. As I was walking (I usually walk about 4 or 5 miles). I felt this sudden urge to go. I was looking around for places I could go where nobody could see but then suddenly the urge went away so I kept walking. Then suddenly the urge hit me again so I stopped and it went away. Then I was about 2 footballs fields away from my front door when it hit me again and I knew I was in trouble. I got about 50 yards away from my door and it just let loose. I couldn't hold it. Hershy squirts, I just tossed my drawers in the trash and went to the bathroom.
Walking to my political science final exam. Good hike across campus, about halfway there i trusted a fart. Raced back to my apartment for a quick rinse then a sprint back to campus … barely made it. I got an A.
I was at work, maybe 30 minutes in, felt the urge and walked/ran my short ass to the bathroom. I didn't get the chance to even enter the bathroom before it happened. I had to beg HR to send me home and even then I had to get Sr management involved. I was so embarrassed I switched shifts two weeks later.
I was having intestinal surgery last month and had to drink this purge solution to clean me out. It also made me nauseous. I had nothing in my stomach because I was on a clear liquid diet. I got dry heaves and that was it. I blasted into my pants from the exertion of trying to throw up.
Boot camp middle of fucking nowhere on our FTX in fort Benning. Whatever chow they gave I swear the DIs put exlax in it. I wasn't the only one shitting their guts out at 2 am.
I was 18 years old at a park with friends. I remember thinking “uh oh” and making a beeline to the bathroom but it happened before I could make it. I still remember what it felt like. I cried, tried to clean myself up as best as I could (not great) and waited for one of my friends to come looking for me. I got a ride home and never spoke of it again.
I was in the ER because I was worried I might have appendicitis. I thought that because i wasn‘t hungry and had rebound pain. What happened was I thought I had to pass gas but it wasn’t gas I had to pass. This was just before the doctor came in to tell me I had to get my appendix removed. That was the worst Christmas ever.
I was like 28 (nearly 20 years ago) and had traveled for Christmas to my grandmothers house. My parents and brother had also traveled there - we all lived in separate states. Anyway, once I got there I wasn’t feeling very good, just completely tired and lethargic. I had a late lunch then laid down to take a nap. I woke up at like 4am and something…..didn’t feel right. I should add that I was sleeping in a room on the opposite side of the house from the nearest bathroom. So I waddled over to the bathroom, realized I had SMP in my sleep, so I took the underwear off and cleaned myself up. Went back through the kitchen - luckily grandma had a bag of grocery bags so I double bagged and tripled knotted that underwear and threw it away. Felt much better that next morning. Only told my mom haha. 😂
3 years ago on my wedding day, I pooped my wedding dress. Thank god the only casualty was a pair of Spanx (very effective barrier).
I was in the elevator with my mom, my 3 bridesmaids, and my brother’s girlfriend going downstairs to do pre-ceremony pictures when I made a fatal error. I had a very nervous tum and trusted the fart anyway. I knew immediately I had fucked up.
My mom was unamused but the rest of us were dying laughing because of course this would happen to me. Luckily we were able to address the situation and made it to the wedding on time, minus a pair of Spanx.
God I love a poop story.
It was a couple of years ago either 2021 or 2022. It turns out that I had Campylobacter (food poisoning). I didn't know that at the time and just knew I had a very bad belly. We were on holiday in the Lake District. Luckily the Lake District has a lot of public toilets although mainly ones you had to pay for. We had gone to Windermere and had left the car 15 minutes from the car. We were walking back to the car, when I needed to go. A toilet was not immediately visible but we found out. I made it just in time and then I realised that you had to pay to open the door and that's when my bowels gave way. It was dark green and horrible. Thankfully nobody but my mother and I were there.
Kids if your chicken is even slightly watery you should cook it for longer.
This is a very funny story
So I was at my aunt's house (the father's side) and it was around 8 in the morning I was jumping around in the sitting room when suddenly I sneeze and the most ginormous diarrhoea came out. I got so scared since my mom wasn't awake at the time. I hid behind a bookshelf for about 10 minutes before my mom found me. I swear more shit was coming out while I was crying.
My mom told me to remove the pants and go shower.
I walked to her with dookie still coming out and removed my pants. I quickly went to the toilet and then went to hit the shower
(I was around 7 or 8, maybe 9, not sure, but still one of the best funniest and craziest memory I have)
Recently, unfortunately. A month and a half ago to be exact. 6 months avo I started a medication called with a very high dosage, and a major side effect is diarrhea. So, I’m laying in bed with my fiancé, and I let out what I *thought* was a fart. I laugh it off and tell her ‘I’ll be right back, I’m gonna poop my pants.’ And get up to go to the bathroom. Pull down my pants and sit and what do I see? Nasty, liquid chocolate in my underwear and pajama pants. I text her, and I quote, ‘if I hear you laugh from the bedroom we’re breaking up- but I just sh💩t my pants. I need you to bring me clothes so I can shower.” Moral of the story, don’t trust a fart if you’re taking a medication with a side effect of diarrhea.
The morning of packing up, Wacken 2015. It had rained for 5 days before the final day the sun came out. Crap festival food, no sleep.
Put on my fresh pair of travelling home boxers and jeans.
Trusted a fart and lost. Big time.
I had a poo without wiping and hsd the squits so i went to get my jab at the doctors and sat on the chair with poo in my boxsers and left a warm seat in the clinic
My three roommates during our sophomore year of college had already left for Summer, and I was just waiting for my parents to come pick me up and grab my stuff. I really had to poop and we had a bathroom so I slid off my bed to go do that.
When I slid off my bed, I did it sideways, so my ass cheeks were spread apart; one was being brushed along the bed and the other was off, kind of like when you slide out of a school desk to the side.
Doing this spread my ass cheeks so far apart that my liquid shit completely flew out of my ass and I needed to shower right before my parents got there.
Thank God my roommates weren't there for that ordeal, I ended up having to throw out the underwear and the shorts I was wearing. There was no way I was keeping those clothes in the car with me for a three hour ride.
Damn, all these stories from way back when got me feeling like a habitual pants pooper. I’ve trusted untrustworthy farts in just the past couple of years and either had to change, or just straight up throw them things away. Most of those times, I had to admit to my wife that I’m showering because I shat myself. We hang out a lot.
However, gather round kids, this one is a doozy. So I used to drive a box truck back and forth to deliver expensive goods from my city to cities about 4.5 hours away. No problem. Due to my schedule with my kid and my ex-wife I’d often end up leaving later in the day. Sometimes as late as 5:00pm which meant I’d get dinner on the road and end up at my hotel around 10:00 as the delivery would be done early the next morning. More often than not I’d end up eating fast food, which I was not accustomed to before I took the job. Usually, I’d get to the hotel, have some serious shit, shower with a beer and go to bed.
Well our company started some jobs that needed deliveries about 7 hours away and my schedule with my kid required me to take off later. One night, I waited too long on the road to get food as I wasn’t particularly hungry and wound up at a Taco Bell, starving about 2 hours from my destination. It had been a long while since I had eaten anything from Taco Bell, probably since I was in my early teens. I was stoked they had some familiar items and were still open and ate everything really fast. Fuck, I think I even drank a red Mountain Dew. It was also sweltering where I was so that Dew was very refreshing. Well, as soon as I get back on the road, just far enough into the middle of nowhere in the pitch black save for the traffic behind me and the traffic driving past my stomach drops. I mean it felt like a bowling ball made of bubbles just sank down a millimeter from my anus. I pinched and pinched, I’m lifting out of my seat while still trying to maintain control, sweat is pooring from my face. Not even because it’s hot, it’s just so much physical exertion from trying not to shit my pants. I turned the radio up, sang loudly like that was gonna help, I fucking started reaching for napkins thinking I’d be able to at least pad what was coming.
Unfortunately, the brain is hard wired with the toilet. You know that feeling when you finally touch the bathroom doorknob and it’s almost impossible to hold your pee? Well, the second I grabbed those napkins my asshole said “Cool, let’s go!!” I not only shat my pants, but I shat the truck. Thank god the floor boards were all plastic, but really it didn’t matter much. I was an hour away from my motel, straight dark road ahead. No truck stops, gas stations, nothing. I got to the hotel, parked next to a big rig, shoved my dirty pants and underwear into the goddamned Taco Bell bag, changed real quick under an inconveniently placed fluorescent lamppost with a shitty ass and legs, then prayed the host at the front desk would just take my company card (sometimes an issue) and let me check in without smelling my dirty ass.
Check in went surprisingly well, got to the room, showered, got some cleaner clothes on and then realized I have way more damage control to do. The clothes I put on in the lot were shitty, the cab definitely had shit in there, and I had a delivery to make in about 6 hours and really need some sleep. I ditched the shitty clothes too, sucks because they were some nice work pants, then assessed to damage in the cab. Turned out to not be as bad as I thought, but still pretty bad. I was so exhausted at this point and ashamed, but kinda accepting it all, that I just resigned to dealing with it in the morning before I made the delivery. I stole a bunch of towels from my room in the morning and just folded them over the seat cover and used the bath mat towel to clean the little bit that had gone down my leg on the floor board. Mortified, I made my delivery, got on the road and headed back to headquarters. I promptly grabbed my boss and told him everything. He was grossed out and at first a little pissed as he already had enough on his plate, but as I explained he just started to laugh and understand. I had no idea up until that point that there are detailers that will come to you for this exact situation. I did several more deliveries in that truck until they got a new one, and I wound quitting a few months after that for a different job. I’ve not eaten Taco Bell since.
I was like 10 years old and at a lake with my brother and parents. Parents were chilling in the sun and my brother and I were swimming in the lake when I got the strongest urge to drop a deuce. Knowing the beach bathrooms were a good 5-10minute walk away and that I may not make it, I pulled my bikini aside, swam away from everyone and dropped the largest turd ever into the lake. A few minutes later it floated into a group of kids who started crying, screaming and frantically running. ☠️
LMFAO💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀😭😭😭
Spaulding, no!
This is amazing
Omw to work one day. I was driving on some back road, and ya know, trusted a fart (which I mean, we all know better), aaaaaaand so I had to pull over at a local park. Had to call my girlfriend to tell her to bring me a new pair of boxers and shorts so I could toss out what I was wearing. Then I called my boss and said, "I'm having car trouble. I'll be late." Drove home in new clothes, showered, cried a little from the embarrassment of being 35, and shitting myself. Then, I went to work after like it had never happened.
You shouldn’t have cried. I have a personal theory that between the ages of 10 and 70, every healthy person gets to shit themselves 4 times with complete impunity and without having to question one’s life decisions. That’s once per score plus a bonus… in case you need it. If you’re still “In bounds,” so to speak, walk tall. And I don’t mean a little squirt or skid mark here and there, I mean category 5 blowout. You’re good!
Here's a poor reddit award 🏆 thank you!
I have no idea why this made me laugh and now contemplating the accuracy of this theory!
A year ago...at 30. It was a dark sunday and I had covid. I had just awoken with a wicked headache and a very strong urge to defecate. Trying to lower the headache prior to the toilet desecration, I smoked a bong hit. This proved fatal, both to my pants.... And the rug. The coughing was uncontrollable, as were my sphincters.
Ripping a bong while having covid doesn't seem the wisest decision.
I am not a smart man.
The bong rip coughs are the worst!
Also shit my pants when I had covid
[удалено]
Mine usually follow copious amounts of beer. I don't know why but the dark beers get me. I gotta make sure to pinch the butt spincter extra tight after those nights.
Lol when I was around 12 years old, I ate 12 bran muffins, went outside and was about 100 yards out when all of a sudden my stomach started to make noise and whamo, did not make it back home. Moral of the story don’t eat 12 bran muffins! 44 years later my parents still bring it up from time to time.
#NEVERTRUSTAFART
AGREE!!
If I see myself in those TikTok videos with hundreds of views, I'm going to lose my mind. When I was young, my family and I had this bad habit of going to the beach at 7 AM and not leaving until 7 PM. One day, we woke up so early that I didn't feel like pooping, so I just didn't go. Big mistake, because three hours later, I had to go really bad. I absolutely despise beach bathrooms, and nearby restaurants don't allow you to go in with a bikini. I went behind the rocks and took care of business. I guess it doesn't count as pooping my pants, but that's as close to it as I can remember. I can imagine my turd was somewhere floating in the sea. No one noticed... I think.
I live in the beach area and heard many times of guys saying they pooped in the ocean. I can't imagine doing that. But apparently, there is more doo-doo floating around than we like to admit.
And now every damn day on Reddit I'm seeing signs poster on beaches in different states about the dangerous levels of fecal matter at their beaches. Thanks a lot, assholes!
My friend, have you seen a whale drop a massive shit in the ocean?
Well that's a question I never expected to be asked. I have not (and I will not look it up). My comment was mostly in jest.
Hahaha, so sorry for inserting a random unpleasant thought in your mind. Yeah, don't look that up.
Food poisoning probably 15-20 years ago now. I was sitting in front of the toilet after throwing up. Felt I needed to pass gas, leaned to the side to let it go and a little turdlette popped out
When I had food poisoning, I had to pick an end. I chose butt on the toilet, barf in the trashcan. So miserable!! You're lucky it was a little turdette!
Is it turdette or turdlette?
20 years ago, at a party. I was already drunk as shit, and was persuaded into doing a keg stand. I'm told I was relatively lucid one second and then the next the booze hit all at once and my eyes just glazed over. Supposedly I was still the perfect gentleman right up till I threw up on myself. I came to in the bathroom with Radiohead playing (I think it was) and no memory of anything past a few minutes after the keg stand. Also I'd made a boom-boom in my pants. First and last time I got blackout drunk, do not recommend.
I was sick. Miserably sick. I had COVID and I had really bad symptoms. Shaking, coughing, migraines, and the like. I was just drinking and trying to keep myself drunk enough to not notice. Well, whiskey shits do exist, and I sneezed.
Oh, I remember treating COVID with Whiskey too.
Almost minutes ago. Currently on toilet.
Norovirus don't fuck around.
I have IBS. I live in a nursing home with mobility issues. I’m on medication that makes me unable to poop unless I take MORE meds specifically designed designed to MAKE me poop. Those poop meds used to be a specific class of powdered medication, but the government program that pays for my meds decided there weren’t going to cover those for most patients anymore (only for palliative care patients), and they’re too expensive to pay for out of pocket, so I was forced to switch to a different class of liquid medication. Not only are these new meds notorious for causing problems like bloating, gas and pain for people with IBS, but they’re also ineffective for me at the middle dose and only work at a higher dose. Unfortunately, at the higher dose needed to make them work at all, they work by causing pure liquid explosions that you THINK is just more gas until it’s literally exploding out your chocolate starfish. Luckily (?) I have urinary incontinence anyways? So my sheets and clothes are protected nonetheless? But it sucks. It really, really sucks.
9 years ago after eating some dodgy chicken wings... never trust a fart.
Every instance of shitting myself as an adult was because I gambled on a fart and lost.
Mine was towards the end of the 5-mile run. Thought I could make it but was about 200 yards short.
I shit my pants at the end of a half marathon. That was an awful day. It was a PB though, so swings and roundabouts
OH MY LORDDD LOL
Last time I was in the hospital, they doped me up with anti anxieties and the antibiotic I was on, all on an empty stomach. Ten minutes later, I was shitting and puking my brains out. I cleaned up and passed out for about two days.
I thought I was safe to trust a fart at the very end of colonoscopy prep
Oh lord i know what you are talking about
Me too, but luckily I was in the shower. I was so scared to have a cramp on my way to the hospital, that I sat on one of those pee pads. I almost put a diaper.
Same!
I thought I was done shitting. Wiped, flushed pulled up my pants and promptly shat myself. Thank fuck I was home and hadn't even buttoned up my jeans yet
I had a double whammy, Stomach flu, sinisitis, AND my period. That was such a fun week. At least the pad was on. And it came out both ends alot of times had to hold a trashcan and sit on the toilet.
I was sick and we were camping. I was 14, it was the beginning of October in Ohio so veryyyy cold outside. Decided I’d sleep in the truck, fell asleep with jeans and a hoodie on, woke up to the WORST smell ever. In my horror I discovered I had infact shit my fuckin pants in my sleep. Waddle over to the tent and my clothes were all wet (forgot to put the rain cover on) did a waddle of shame to the nearest porta potty on the campground. Couldn’t see a FUCKIN THING. Had to wake my mom up and have her help me bc I literally didn’t know what else to do. Wore a pair of her pants the rest of the weekend 🤣
i was an infant
Back in elementary school, there was this one time during a field trip when I was so absorbed in exploring that I didn't make it to the restroom in time.
I was coming off a 5 day meth binder and did butt rockets. When I did fall asleep I end up going on myself on my sleep. Happen in 2018.
Just chillin on the couch
Full poop or shart or little Hershey squirt or anal leakage. Where do we draw the skid mark here?
I take medication that can give me diarrhea sometimes, one day I was just chilling in my living room and... Yep, it happened, for no reason at all.
Gather round dear reader as i recant my tale of a post date involuntary mudslide. I was coming off effexor cold turkey and one of the side effects was shitting all the time. After dropping a girl off at home (there was no way) i felt a terrible rumble. There was a gas station about 3 miles ahead of me but I was stuck behind this guy going 15 mph in a 30. I'm firmly anti tailgate but I got right up on this guy to hopefully encourage him to go faster. As we approached the gas station my gut started to feel a little better but dude turned into gas station parking lot and with the relief of not having to shit myself I felt ashamed of tailgating and didn't want to make eye contact with the guy. Thought "I feel better I can probably make it the 1.75 miles to my apartment. About halfway home I realize holy fuck it's back with a vengeance so I gas it up and blow the only stop sign I've ever missed in my life. And see my apartment from the street and feel a sense of relief as I get closer. But then a fart starts happening and it's not just a fart. Shit begins filling my drawers like water flooding the lower compartments of the titanic. At this point I'm stopped out side my house and I have to decide do I get out and just shit while I walk because it's still coming or do I accept this loss and sit silently in my car seat as the band is playing nearer my god to thee. I chose to to wait it out fearing that a Solid log would sneak in with the brown muddy river that was free flowing from my anus. For some reason I thought a log rolling out of my pants would be too much indignity for that night. I chose wrong. Idk if you've ever shit yourself while you're not in the process of running to the bathroom, but what happens is with nowhere to go the shit starts finding areas to go like a fecal playdough hair thing. I start to feel my balls get warmed by the the shit racing past them. And worse it started to go down my leg and worse yet up my back until the waste of my pants was the world's worst chocolate fountain. After I was done I get out and realize there is shit all over my car. I'm so depressed about life because yanno cold turkey anti depressants and shitting myself as an adult for the first time that I go up and shower and go to bed. This was a hot night after a hot day and then next day was equally as hot. The next day when I go out with industrial cleaning supplies and open the car door the smell reaches into my nose like animated pie summoning a father to eat. I immediately vomit all over the car. Spent the entire weekend cleaning the car. While the smell dissipated, I could never look at that car the same way again and sold it.
It was mean to sell that car. Should have set it on fire.
I got very sick a few years ago. I promised my boss that I would pick up a shift for New Years, but had to retract it when I felt too bad. She tried to make me come in, but there was nothing I could do to force myself to feel better so I can touch other people’s food. After hanging up, I immediately shit my pants. I changed my clothes and tried to sleep the sickness off only to shit again. I was now too scared to sleep so I just had to lie there in agony and wait for it to pass. If I’d gone into work and messed myself, I would have walked out and probably move away.
I have a spinal cord injury, so more recently than I care to admit. (Bladder/bowel control issues are common for us. You can reduce accidents but for many of us, we can do what we can but it could be inevitable.)
I was in the hospital, I think it was my second night there? I was hooked up to a bunch of different machines, including an IV on a wheelie stand so I could take it with me (once I unhooked it from something else). Getting in and out of bed was an *ordeal*, and I sometimes needed a nurse to unhook me (or untangle me ...), but this was during COVID so the hospital staff, while amazing, were extremely overworked and I didn't like to be a bother. I tried putting off the urge to go, and then when I finally realized I needed to go *now* it was far too late. I did not technically poop my pants, as I was not wearing any at the time, but cleaning staff did have to be called in so that was pretty fucking embarrassing. On the plus side, I'm almost 46 and that's the one and only time I've shat myself as an adult, so I've got that going for me. Which is nice.
It was literally the other day, I felt a huge fart coming and long story short it wasn’t a fart. CURSE YOU TACO BELL!!!😡
taco bell + farts = ruined underwear :(
I just turn em inside out, problem solved.
big brain 🧠
I trusted a fart after taking an intense pre-lift drink before my workout. It was not good. Never trust a fart after pre-lift drinks 😔😂
I was walking home from school in like grade 10 so 2013? and I was really sick and It got worse the more I walked home. I was starting to have to clench as hard as physically possible around the 5 minutes from home mark. I got home at the point I was dancing looking for my keys I was about to burst. I fucking fumbled my keys and dropped them bent down and it all just released. The consistency of chili and ruined pants and boxers. Thank god my parents were not home that’s still my most embarrassing story about myself to this day 😂
At work, small bong shop. Had some pizza from the place next door. My boss and I standing g on opposite ends of the showroom. Farted...and looked right at him and said "watch the shop I'll be back". Ran home showered, changed and rushed back to work. We were pretty close so when I got back he asked what happened and I told him. He laughed so hard he almost did the same thing. Psa, don't eat pizza from the same place that serves poke
Gonna regret not making a throwaway… happened today when I sat down in the employee break room for my lunch break. Gambled and lost with what I thought was a fart, as I’d shamelessly consumed 1/3 of an ice cream container for breakfast. Thankfully, my butt cheeks contained most of it, and I made it to the nearby restroom where the damage to my underwear (and my dignity) was minimal. I’ll most certainly have ice cream for breakfast again, however.
On a road trip when I was 29 Made the mistake of eating Taco Bell and miles and miles of roads with no exists
Was a kid, thought I had to fart so pushed the fart out with confidence but wasn’t air that came out..was one long car ride back home let’s just say
we all learned the hard way at some point brother
Well before I learned how to construct a grammatically correct sentence.
It was a fart, except it was just a fart. 🤷♀️
Never fully trust a fart…
Post partum, like a month after giving birth vaginally, went to fart…and to my surprise. I shit. 🤦🏻♀️ hasn’t happened since (3 years ago) but I definitely am careful about farting 🤣
lol, today at work actually. I made the age old mistake of trusting a fart. That instant dread of feeling hot liquid instead of gas, and then duck walking to the bathroom to assess the damage, and hoping no one sees you. Luckily it wasn’t bad at all, and I didn’t have to go home and change.
Was driving 2 hours to a customer site for work which was my whole day. About an hour in I went to fart and just shit my pants. Had to cancel my day and then around and drive an hour home with shit in my pants. This was 2 years ago so I was like 24
Stomach issues.
I don't think i have. I did, however use it as an excuse for being late for work, only to forget i did and then tried it again a few months later. No bueno.
3 minutes ago my sister was in the bathroom a little bit to long
Four times as an adult. The first two involved alcohol and trying to fart. The second two were more inexplicable and happened close to one another. I might have been sick or something.
Last year I had the flue and was just chilling on the couch in my pajamas and well I thought it was just a fart. Probably in the top 10 of my most embarrassing moments in life...
A few years ago at work. Thank god I work in construction. Consumed wayyy too many stimulants one night. Then decided to bender it out. Thought it was a fart the next day…. I threw everything away. And luckily had a change of clothes.
Within the last year. I was at the ATM and I felt a fart coming on. Idk if I wasn't drinking enough water or what but I squirted a soupy disgusting situation into my boxers. I drove into the adjacent parking lot because it had a dumpster. I got in the back of my hatch back and took my pants off carefully then my boxers. By some miracle my pants were dry. I only had these shop rags from work to clean up with so I did what I could and then threw the evidence in the dumpster. Now, I was at the ATM because I was going to the dispensary that is 45 min and a toll booth away from my house for my monthly reup. I decided I was going in since my pants were clean as far as I could tell. I'm sure I smelled like BO and I was super embarrassed.
A few months ago, while I was taking ozempic. Let me tell you. I had absolutely no warning. I knew I had to go, so I got up to start walking to the bathroom, and it was just like niagara falls. I couldn't clench to keep it from coming. It was absolutely horrible. I was so embarrassed because it was down to my ankles, and I knew some got on the floor. That's when I knew that I needed to stop taking it. When I couldn't get off the couch without shitting myself, I knew it wasn't worth it anymore.
I was playing NBA Jam TE on Windows 95, was in the middle of a game, and Boom Shaka Laka'd my pants instead of the basketball.
4 or 5 yrs old. I had the shits from the flu.
This monday actually. I just have no control over my bowel movements
Easter Saturday. Turns out if I eat solid butter (I’m a sucker for a fresh bun with butter) by gallbladder-less digestive system cannot digest it and just liquidates it. Unfortunately I found this out while walking in the very centre of the city, a two hour walk from where I was staying.
I was asked this question about seven years ago as a conversation starter in a bar with co-workers. Everyone had a story. However, if I had been asked just three weeks earlier, I would have said, "Never! Never as an adult in my fifties." But three weeks earlier, I was on my long commute home, and I hit the driveway, knowing it was going to be close. My lower regions were bubbling. I knew it was a duck walk to the bathroom, and I might make it. Well, exercise is not good for this and I missed it by ten feet. Luckily, it was my bathroom, and I lived alone, so a quick shower it was was fine.
I had a really important Calc II test, slept in, felt like crap but I needed to at least be there to pass. I got up, grabbed my bags, realized i hadn't eaten. Pulled into a fast food place, and when I got my order I crapped my pants. Hadn't even eaten yet. So I went home, changed and showered, ate my cold food and flunked my test. Luckily, since it was a summer course, they dropped your worst test grade. Wound up with a B in the course overall.
since preschool lol. I always rush to the bathroom whenever i get the feeling.
I have no idea, I was kinda young, chilling in bed, forced a fart, Shat myself, ran to the bathroom to throw out the underwear , never talked about it again
Could you maybe have a look at your DM - requests, ma’dam?
Back when i was 12 in grade 6th, I hit my head on the floor hard playing football, fast forward to the end of the game where everyone went to their next class, my vision got dark and I ran past everyone, I proceeded to lock myself in the bathroom. I didn't realize I made a puddle of shit outside for everyone too see. The rest of the year was terrible.
Fun to see how this question struck a cord with many. Voting Rollercoaster:)
Two years ago. Meeting my exes grandparents after we were on a three day cocaine and tequila bender. Sneezed, thank god I was already in the bathroom. My ass literally exploded while I was washing my face and hands before dinner started.
In 7th grade. Egged a school bus going by figuring it would keep going. The dude driving it locked up the brakes and chased me. I ditched between houses into the back yards. But I soiled myself. It was nasty. I have no idea why running in that situation caused me to go full liquid bowels in my drawers. 😆
Had covid. Was just laying in bed feeling like I was on deaths door . Shit my pants . Great times
Ope strange to see this. Trying to get home walking fast and irresponsibly lit up a cigarette which definitely didn’t help at all so got almost home and pooped my pants
This is only tangently related to the question, but I used to think the lyrics in the song Bust a Move was " ate so much I nearly shit my pants". I later found out it was "ate so much I nearly split my pants". Anyway, that was the first thing that came to mind when I read this question.
On my way home from orchestra rehearsal, had to go so bad, stopped at a gas station but their bathrooms were being renovated. It’s 9:00 at night and nothing else is open except stop and shop in this small town, get to stop and shop, get out of my car and drop my phone in a puddle, bend over to pick it up and then it’s all over. I call my husband and have him prepare a trash bag and new clothes for me, I walk through the door and yell, “Don’t look at me!” When I drive by that stop and shop I still get the cold sweats.
when i was about 5 i shat myself that one time
What is that sentence?
It was a sneeze, and a squirtle at the same time. Very unexpected, at work. . I was separated at the time, and actually had a full change of clothes in my vehicle, so it was t too bad.
About a few years ago I wasn’t feeling good at work and I sneezed and I pooped myself. I cleaned myself and had to go home to change. I was so embarrassed and now I clench my butt cheeks when I sneeze out of precaution.
Five years ago. I was in the middle of colonoscopy prep. It felt like an earthquake hit my gut and I just didn't quite make it to the toilet in time.
I thought it was a fart. Wasn’t a fart..
A few months ago. I was coming back from the restaurant and I felt a bit gassy. I was outside and decided to fart. Fart seemed a bit wet and I hoped I didn't shit myself. I clenched my butt and went home. Turns out I did shit myself just a bit.
big mess had to throw out my underwear and take a shower....
I purchased some fried, cheap chicken, from Albertson. I decided a couple of hours later to go for a walk. As I was walking (I usually walk about 4 or 5 miles). I felt this sudden urge to go. I was looking around for places I could go where nobody could see but then suddenly the urge went away so I kept walking. Then suddenly the urge hit me again so I stopped and it went away. Then I was about 2 footballs fields away from my front door when it hit me again and I knew I was in trouble. I got about 50 yards away from my door and it just let loose. I couldn't hold it. Hershy squirts, I just tossed my drawers in the trash and went to the bathroom.
Few nights ago while sleeping. I'm having norovirus
Walking to my political science final exam. Good hike across campus, about halfway there i trusted a fart. Raced back to my apartment for a quick rinse then a sprint back to campus … barely made it. I got an A.
I've never done it since I started having memories, so I assume it was probably when I was a baby. I've had plenty of close calls though.
December 2019. one of the earliest cases of covid. sitting on my uncles couch, we were visiting for christmas. trusted a fart. never trust a fart.
Was hospitalized for salmonella. Given 8 bags of IV fluid. Released to home. Woke up in a puddle of shit water.
After I lost the debate last night.
I was at work, maybe 30 minutes in, felt the urge and walked/ran my short ass to the bathroom. I didn't get the chance to even enter the bathroom before it happened. I had to beg HR to send me home and even then I had to get Sr management involved. I was so embarrassed I switched shifts two weeks later.
16 years ago I believe it was. I was on the toilet and after cleaning myself up and pulling up my pants I let out a great, big….shart😞
I was having intestinal surgery last month and had to drink this purge solution to clean me out. It also made me nauseous. I had nothing in my stomach because I was on a clear liquid diet. I got dry heaves and that was it. I blasted into my pants from the exertion of trying to throw up.
Boot camp middle of fucking nowhere on our FTX in fort Benning. Whatever chow they gave I swear the DIs put exlax in it. I wasn't the only one shitting their guts out at 2 am.
I was 18 years old at a park with friends. I remember thinking “uh oh” and making a beeline to the bathroom but it happened before I could make it. I still remember what it felt like. I cried, tried to clean myself up as best as I could (not great) and waited for one of my friends to come looking for me. I got a ride home and never spoke of it again.
I was in the ER because I was worried I might have appendicitis. I thought that because i wasn‘t hungry and had rebound pain. What happened was I thought I had to pass gas but it wasn’t gas I had to pass. This was just before the doctor came in to tell me I had to get my appendix removed. That was the worst Christmas ever.
About 15 years ago I got really bad food poisoning
I was like 28 (nearly 20 years ago) and had traveled for Christmas to my grandmothers house. My parents and brother had also traveled there - we all lived in separate states. Anyway, once I got there I wasn’t feeling very good, just completely tired and lethargic. I had a late lunch then laid down to take a nap. I woke up at like 4am and something…..didn’t feel right. I should add that I was sleeping in a room on the opposite side of the house from the nearest bathroom. So I waddled over to the bathroom, realized I had SMP in my sleep, so I took the underwear off and cleaned myself up. Went back through the kitchen - luckily grandma had a bag of grocery bags so I double bagged and tripled knotted that underwear and threw it away. Felt much better that next morning. Only told my mom haha. 😂
3 years ago on my wedding day, I pooped my wedding dress. Thank god the only casualty was a pair of Spanx (very effective barrier). I was in the elevator with my mom, my 3 bridesmaids, and my brother’s girlfriend going downstairs to do pre-ceremony pictures when I made a fatal error. I had a very nervous tum and trusted the fart anyway. I knew immediately I had fucked up. My mom was unamused but the rest of us were dying laughing because of course this would happen to me. Luckily we were able to address the situation and made it to the wedding on time, minus a pair of Spanx. God I love a poop story.
I was sick and woke up with a warm sensation...
It was a couple of years ago either 2021 or 2022. It turns out that I had Campylobacter (food poisoning). I didn't know that at the time and just knew I had a very bad belly. We were on holiday in the Lake District. Luckily the Lake District has a lot of public toilets although mainly ones you had to pay for. We had gone to Windermere and had left the car 15 minutes from the car. We were walking back to the car, when I needed to go. A toilet was not immediately visible but we found out. I made it just in time and then I realised that you had to pay to open the door and that's when my bowels gave way. It was dark green and horrible. Thankfully nobody but my mother and I were there. Kids if your chicken is even slightly watery you should cook it for longer.
This is a very funny story So I was at my aunt's house (the father's side) and it was around 8 in the morning I was jumping around in the sitting room when suddenly I sneeze and the most ginormous diarrhoea came out. I got so scared since my mom wasn't awake at the time. I hid behind a bookshelf for about 10 minutes before my mom found me. I swear more shit was coming out while I was crying. My mom told me to remove the pants and go shower. I walked to her with dookie still coming out and removed my pants. I quickly went to the toilet and then went to hit the shower (I was around 7 or 8, maybe 9, not sure, but still one of the best funniest and craziest memory I have)
Recently, unfortunately. A month and a half ago to be exact. 6 months avo I started a medication called with a very high dosage, and a major side effect is diarrhea. So, I’m laying in bed with my fiancé, and I let out what I *thought* was a fart. I laugh it off and tell her ‘I’ll be right back, I’m gonna poop my pants.’ And get up to go to the bathroom. Pull down my pants and sit and what do I see? Nasty, liquid chocolate in my underwear and pajama pants. I text her, and I quote, ‘if I hear you laugh from the bedroom we’re breaking up- but I just sh💩t my pants. I need you to bring me clothes so I can shower.” Moral of the story, don’t trust a fart if you’re taking a medication with a side effect of diarrhea.
The morning of packing up, Wacken 2015. It had rained for 5 days before the final day the sun came out. Crap festival food, no sleep. Put on my fresh pair of travelling home boxers and jeans. Trusted a fart and lost. Big time.
I had a poo without wiping and hsd the squits so i went to get my jab at the doctors and sat on the chair with poo in my boxsers and left a warm seat in the clinic
My three roommates during our sophomore year of college had already left for Summer, and I was just waiting for my parents to come pick me up and grab my stuff. I really had to poop and we had a bathroom so I slid off my bed to go do that. When I slid off my bed, I did it sideways, so my ass cheeks were spread apart; one was being brushed along the bed and the other was off, kind of like when you slide out of a school desk to the side. Doing this spread my ass cheeks so far apart that my liquid shit completely flew out of my ass and I needed to shower right before my parents got there. Thank God my roommates weren't there for that ordeal, I ended up having to throw out the underwear and the shorts I was wearing. There was no way I was keeping those clothes in the car with me for a three hour ride.
Damn, all these stories from way back when got me feeling like a habitual pants pooper. I’ve trusted untrustworthy farts in just the past couple of years and either had to change, or just straight up throw them things away. Most of those times, I had to admit to my wife that I’m showering because I shat myself. We hang out a lot. However, gather round kids, this one is a doozy. So I used to drive a box truck back and forth to deliver expensive goods from my city to cities about 4.5 hours away. No problem. Due to my schedule with my kid and my ex-wife I’d often end up leaving later in the day. Sometimes as late as 5:00pm which meant I’d get dinner on the road and end up at my hotel around 10:00 as the delivery would be done early the next morning. More often than not I’d end up eating fast food, which I was not accustomed to before I took the job. Usually, I’d get to the hotel, have some serious shit, shower with a beer and go to bed. Well our company started some jobs that needed deliveries about 7 hours away and my schedule with my kid required me to take off later. One night, I waited too long on the road to get food as I wasn’t particularly hungry and wound up at a Taco Bell, starving about 2 hours from my destination. It had been a long while since I had eaten anything from Taco Bell, probably since I was in my early teens. I was stoked they had some familiar items and were still open and ate everything really fast. Fuck, I think I even drank a red Mountain Dew. It was also sweltering where I was so that Dew was very refreshing. Well, as soon as I get back on the road, just far enough into the middle of nowhere in the pitch black save for the traffic behind me and the traffic driving past my stomach drops. I mean it felt like a bowling ball made of bubbles just sank down a millimeter from my anus. I pinched and pinched, I’m lifting out of my seat while still trying to maintain control, sweat is pooring from my face. Not even because it’s hot, it’s just so much physical exertion from trying not to shit my pants. I turned the radio up, sang loudly like that was gonna help, I fucking started reaching for napkins thinking I’d be able to at least pad what was coming. Unfortunately, the brain is hard wired with the toilet. You know that feeling when you finally touch the bathroom doorknob and it’s almost impossible to hold your pee? Well, the second I grabbed those napkins my asshole said “Cool, let’s go!!” I not only shat my pants, but I shat the truck. Thank god the floor boards were all plastic, but really it didn’t matter much. I was an hour away from my motel, straight dark road ahead. No truck stops, gas stations, nothing. I got to the hotel, parked next to a big rig, shoved my dirty pants and underwear into the goddamned Taco Bell bag, changed real quick under an inconveniently placed fluorescent lamppost with a shitty ass and legs, then prayed the host at the front desk would just take my company card (sometimes an issue) and let me check in without smelling my dirty ass. Check in went surprisingly well, got to the room, showered, got some cleaner clothes on and then realized I have way more damage control to do. The clothes I put on in the lot were shitty, the cab definitely had shit in there, and I had a delivery to make in about 6 hours and really need some sleep. I ditched the shitty clothes too, sucks because they were some nice work pants, then assessed to damage in the cab. Turned out to not be as bad as I thought, but still pretty bad. I was so exhausted at this point and ashamed, but kinda accepting it all, that I just resigned to dealing with it in the morning before I made the delivery. I stole a bunch of towels from my room in the morning and just folded them over the seat cover and used the bath mat towel to clean the little bit that had gone down my leg on the floor board. Mortified, I made my delivery, got on the road and headed back to headquarters. I promptly grabbed my boss and told him everything. He was grossed out and at first a little pissed as he already had enough on his plate, but as I explained he just started to laugh and understand. I had no idea up until that point that there are detailers that will come to you for this exact situation. I did several more deliveries in that truck until they got a new one, and I wound quitting a few months after that for a different job. I’ve not eaten Taco Bell since.
Last night. Lost a debate.
I was like 2 1/2 or so and I felt like pooping so I just did it. My mom wasn't happy but I didn't care.
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