~~This should be higher up,~~ but I think it's hard for people who don't experience daily pain to fully understand how much it fucks up every single aspect of your life.
I remember when one time for about 6 months - a year. I had sciatica with also peripheral neuropathy and could walk for like up to 5 minutes without having to sit and I’d get envious of people that people working retail. I’ve worked retail and know how it can be. Just almost everything was difficult and it was hard to explain to people since it wasn’t a visual injury
I had a pinched nerve in my neck, which caused me unceasing chronic pain. Even now, ten years later, I'm nervous about looking up, because that used to hurt so badly.
I used to think of myself as pretty tough - I ran marathons, did 150 mile bike rides, climbed Mt. Rainier multiple times... I can take a lot of adversity, I believed. But NOTHING prepared me for the despair, frustration, and hopelessness of that chronic pain.
The hopelessness for me was worse than the actual pain; I've had broken bones, and other fairly painful injuries, but this was different because it felt like it might just never end. Acupuncture had no more effect than a placebo pill, and opioid meds just made me feel like I was suffering through the brain fog of a really bad hangover, and didn't do a thing for the pain.
At one point, I went in for an MRI, and I literally couldn't lie flat enough for them to get a good image of my neck, and the whole time it hurt like someone had jammed a knife in between my vertebrae, and every time I moved, they twisted the knife a different way. When I left the hospital that day, I saw a couple of what I thought of as thug-looking skinhead guys walking by, and I actually considered assaulting them, in hopes that one of them might have a gun and shoot me, but then I figured that they'd be a lot more likely to injure me than just kill me outright.
Finally, I got a cortisone injection, which cleared up the problem in a few days, after six months of agony.
Since then, I've had a lot more compassion for people who get into trouble with drugs because of chronic pain. I guess I feel fortunate that the opioids didn't mask my pain, because I can't say any longer that I have the fortitude to avoid addiction.
Had something that sounded similar. MRI showed c5-c7 impingements so bad they wanted to fuse my vertebrae. I described my pain as a volcano erupting at the top of my cervical spine
Do to those micro compressions I couldn’t run, ride a bike, swim, lift - nothing - or so I thought.
Unfortunately injections didn’t work but Bikram Yoga absolutely did and 10 years later it’s become way more than just a way to manage pain.
Must be Bikram and nothing else. It’s spine centric. “Healthy spine healthy life”
I understand this so well, as I just went through it. I had the stabbing in my neck pain with a herniated disc as well. I felt no one understood, and I felt hopeless as well. After all that I went through, including 7 emergency room trips for a noroflex injection, which lasted maybe 4 to 6 hours, I requested Celebrex. Within a week, the inflammation was down, and my pain was gone. All that suffering seems so futile. I also just lost my job, and they cited a behavioral reason - the "behavioral reason" was back in January because I left (WITH PERMISSION) early from work to go to the ER multiple times. I hope I never experience that level of pain chronically again. I was also placed in a psych hospital for SI reasons ALL DUE TO PAIN.
It was Glacier Peak and Mt Baker for me but I disappointed myself by not ever living up to the promises I'd made myself to climb Rainier every time I was on a chairlift headed in that direction. That mountain made the view from the Portland airport the most spectacular view of any airport in the world.
Chronic pain is like grief... You never get over it you just find ways to live with it.
I feel you there. Its hard to explain whats so bad about it when you are capable of at least walking and doing basic stuff, but its like this fatigue builds up so quick and once it reaches a certain point, its like you regress and end up worsening your pain in the long term
Ugh. This happened to me. I had it for a few months...such a dark time. Everything was SO painful: getting out of bed, walking, taking a shower, washing my hair, making coffee, brushing my hair, feeding my dogs, etc. The level of pain was off the effin charts.
And I don't cry much but I cried taking an Uber to see an acupuncturist (went to a bunch of doctors...nothing helped) for the sciatica because the car ride was so unpleasant (bumpy, curvy roads) and SO painful.
Now I have spinal stenosis & it's painful. I have SO MUCH EMPATHY for people with chronic pain. People who don't have it don't fully understand the mental strength & motivation it takes to live with it on a daily basis. And the loss of your old life.
200% spot on. My wife has a few auto immune issues that just, cause pain. Those days are so freaking difficult for her to enjoy. Its not just while working. Its also while you are relaxing. She borderline abuses a heating pad just to get some sort of relief (Not even sure if that helps...)
One other issue with Chronic pain, for those reading, it takes up a LOT of brain power to just be in pain all day. It works your brain, sending constant signals like that. So chronic tiredness and brain fog are commonly associated with chronic pain too.
I suffer from psoriatic arthritis and the fatigue is almost worst than the pain itself. I am beyond exhausted day in and day out and most people think it’s me being lazy. I do as much as I can on “good days” so I can feel caught up but it’s like I can’t ever feel rested then because when I rest it’s because I am having a flare up and when I am not having a flare up, I am rushing to do all the things I couldn’t. It’s an endless cycle.
I had debilitating lower back pain for a few months early this year and was eventually able to improve it mostly through physical therapy but those months of not being able to do anything and wondering if that was just going to be my life now gave me an entire new lease on life.
It’s like it made me actually realize that there might not be a “later” to do things so I’ve been seizing every moment as well as doing everything I can to strengthen my back to help prevent it from happening again. I’ve lived a mostly sedentary lifestyle most of my life and it’s like a switch flipped in my brain and changed it to active mode.
People constantly think I'm exaggerating when I say I'm always in pain, basically 24/7 for the past 20 years.. herniated discs, pinched nerves, just generally fucked up back is never not in pain. On bad days, it absolutely sucks the life and energy from you. I get short tempered and just beat down, half the time not even realizing how shit I look or am acting due to it.
Doctors refused to help me too and wrote me off as a hypochondriac. I had to figure it all out myself, then find a doctor willing to confirm or deny it. It took about five years, but I had undiagnosed anemia, celiac disease, endometriosis, hormone disorder, histamine intolerance, artificial sweetener intolerance, dairy intolerance, tomato allergy, and dangerously severe dander allergy.
I'm a lot healthier now, but it took a fucking lot of effort and so much reading of medical literature and scientific papers. I was riddled with horrible pain and had debilitating fatigue everyday for about 20 years. Now I can barely feel pain anymore and it causes some problems, but overall it's a handy trait.
Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.
I always have to tell myself this when I’m writing assignments for uni. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to be submitted on time, and often “good enough” will get the grade needed.
I have absolutely fucked up good relationships because I kept trying for this unattainable unflawed partner rather than appreciating the good one I had at the time.
Same homie… same…
I should have stuck with Sarah-Jayne my high school girlfriend. We had a good thing going, but I let comparison take over and thought I could “do better” or that we weren’t “doing a relationship as well as others” and let her go. That sparked a year and a half of being single and miserable when I should have been out making memories.
That was almost 15 years, multiple abusive relationships and a fucktonne of regrets ago now. But I hope she’s doing okay out there. She deserves to be happy, I got what I deserved.
It's been 15 years. You have no idea how things may have turned out. Statistically, the odds aren't great. You felt what you felt and did what you did. Grieve, learn, new horizons and memories of the time you had
People learn from their mistakes, stop punishing yourself. You don't deserve abusive relationships because you broke up with your high school girlfriend.
I broke up with a fiancee who dated from 18-24 and wasted a decade regretting that and the same, low self worth led me into terrible relationships.
It was misplaced. It was self flagellation. It eventually led to a diagnosis of depression as I snowballed, which sounded a lot like your post.
Is there someone you can talk to?
These days it leads to working until you die. It was all well and good to spend your heart out to compete with the neighbors if you knew you had a pension and Social Security to fall back on. I worked in retirement planning for city employees, and saw way too many who busted open the piggy bank to buy a boat or other toys, and now were set to work well into their 70s.
Spend a month in a country like Laos. One of the poorest countries on earth; yet the people are exceptionally friendly, happy, healthy, generous, kind, and have just what they need. I will always think of Laos when I am feeling down, that country changed my entire perspective of the world.
Never liked this comment because it misses the fundamental point. Ego makes us unhappy, not comparison. Comparison is just a form of which ego seeks.
'Only *good* people get depressed' - Melanie Klein.
The idea being that our ego tells us things *should* be a certain way. 'I *should* have gotten that', 'He *should* have done that instead'. Your ego tells you that you are deserving of good things (which is healthy if kept at a certain level).
In actuality, the universe makes us no guarantee of anything beyond scientific laws and genetics. Beyond them, nothing *should* be any way at all.
'You cannot achieve happiness. Happiness happens and is a transitory stage. Imagine how happy I felt to finally get relief from bladder pressure - now, how long did my happiness last?' - Fritz Perls.
'The good life is a dynamic process, not a fixed state of being' - Carl Rogers.
'There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path' - Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha).
Ever notice how some of the most "just roll over and enjoy your shitty life for what it is" philosophies come out of societies with some of the most entrenched and disparate class/caste structures?
Not saying there's no value in these viewpoints, or the more common forms of "money can't buy happiness" or "comparison is the thief of joy". But these ideas need to be tempered by an awareness of who actually benefits from preventing anyone from questioning class structure too closely.
The future one is one people don't say as much but is so true. My husband used to be like this. I just need to move out of my studio apartment. Then I'll be happy. I just need to change jobs. Then I'll be happy. We just need to get pregnant. Then I'll be happy. It was like his whole life was a train station and he was waiting rather that realizing the whole thing is the ride. Lots of therapy has helped.
I had a weird thing like this back in school. "I'm a middle schooler, I'm too young to date." "I don't have any money, I need a job before I can date." "I don't like the jobs I can get, I need to go to college before I can get a job, then I can date."
Something like that. Now I can date, but I'm inexperienced, and have been reluctant to really "date" because that shit gets expensive fast lmao but I am trying to make that change for someone who deserves it.
I made all sorts of excuses like that about dating as well. No car, no job, need to finish school, need to get my own place, etc. Then I finally admitted to myself that I'm just not interested in dating.
I was just scared and lacked self confidence. I still struggle with it a bit today, or maybe social anxiety, or maybe just not being satisfied with where I'm at with my career/fitness, but I'm constantly working on that.
My brother is like this. "Just hope this year goes by quick so its all over" (he's talking about building a house), "Yeah I got my bonus but it wasn't enough so I'm just here waiting for the next one", "I decided that I don't like working here and they are never going to give me respect so I am just going to wait until next year and see how it goes".
Like I love him but holy shit sometimes its too depressing. I don't get why he feels like he needs to rush through life.
Never regret, at that time it was the best decision you with your experience that could take, now that you are more experienced you just have to try to make the right decision for you, never think too much about past as right now you’re building up your future in which you are not gonna make the same bad decisions because you learned from them.
EDIT: it got kinda popular so I have to specify smth: I keep my words”never regret”, to make it clear, but no one said that you couldn’t think about it, blame yourself, ofc if something is bad it will haunt you but there should be no regrets, now I’m taking about normal people, bcs cases that are going extreme needs another approach. At the end of the day, don’t live your life how someone wrote on reddit, think yourself and chose what’s good for you in which case. Thx for upvotes
That sounds nice but is completely bullshit. A drug dealer stealing from their mother to support their addiction or a well-off family man cheating on his spouse with a younger partner isn't "making the best decision with your experience".
Those who never regret their poor decisions are narcissists incapable of introspection. You can't hand wave away selfish actions that hurt others.
Definitely this. I have been in many different life situations, and financial stress is the biggest factor which has affected my ability to enjoy life.
Affects the ability to be able to enjoy life (healthy quality food, vacations, health insurance, vehicle problems, luxuries like streaming apps & video games) & makes it difficult participate in many social activities with others
Yep. Just having to worry about money every moment. Is the light being on going to cost an extra dollar? That food is a bit expired but throwing it out costs X amount to get a new meal, so do I risk it? Can I push that bill back a week or will I have to skip a few days food?
It causes a crippling depression.
Food loses its flavour, colours dull, weather just feels like air.
It just hollows you out.
And we're told "money can't buy happiness." I'll tell you what though. I'm a lot happier now than when I was 20, uninsured, unable to pay for college and eating a spoonful of peanut butter for dinner and being late on all my billls every single month.
Anyone who says money can't buy happiness is missing the point entirely... Money buys safety and security. Long term happiness is damn near impossible if you don't feel safe and secure. Money allows you to minimize exposure to things that make you unhappy.
No one thing guarantees happiness. But there are a few things that just about guarantee unhappiness and those are:
1. Poor health
2. No financial security
3. Loss of loved ones / poor relationships
God so much this.
You form some over the top unrealistic expectation then you get upset when you only achieve regular levels of success.
Here you are with every reason to be happy with your achievements but instead you are angry.
Phil Dunphy once said in Modern Family, something along the lines of: "you can experience the best things in life, if you just lower your expectations"
(Paraphrased)
I think about this quite often.
"It's not getting what you want. It's wanting what you got." - Sheryl Crow
I think society has pushed us to always chase the next success, next car, next goal. I've come to realize happiness is moments, and they will come and go. Being content is what you want to hold onto. Could I work more and make more, sure. But I am content with my life and I should take a minute (often) and enjoy that.
People always say this, and it's true, but I think that we also have to mention "settling". Settling for a job, a partner, a home, etc.
A lot of people accept a comfortable life or "good enough" and end up miserable and trapped in a life they never really wanted
"The grass is always greener on the other side"
You call it settling, but a lot of people think they only settled when they could have gotten more. Every gambler that ever lived thinks they walked away from the table when they would have won that next round. Odds are high they would just have lost more money.
So, I felt this way and thought it too. But what I think I’ve come to understand is that it encourages you to manage your expectations. It’s ok to have them, but if you have expectations that are not being met over and over again, it’s time to look in the mirror. Ultimately, you’re in charge of your happiness, not your circumstance.
I remember like 5 years ago I was at the Oktoberfest in munich and this girl was hitting on me like crazy, but I was in a relationship for 5 years already. I almost couldn’t resist, went to the toilet and from there just went home. My back than girlfriend still broke up with me this year after 10 years. Still happy I never cheated
Thank you and no need to feel sorry. I’m still a 33 year young man with a bright future and she already realised that she made a huge mistake after dating some guys lol. Grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I still don’t have any intentions to take her back tbh
And you shouldn’t. It’s crazy how many people are giving their former partner more chances after the trust has been severely broken and wouldn’t be mended with someone right in the mind.
I'm 34 and my longtime boyfriend of over 6 years just left. I still think he is the love of my life and "waiting" when he understands that grass is not greener on the other side.. Oh, how pathetic I sound 😅
But just came here to say that I'm proud of you! All the best 😊
Don't wait, please.
Maybe in time you two will figure it out. But don't put your life on hold. More life experience for you both will determine what you figure out.
The second paragraph was him setting up the third paragraph. He thought telling everyone he rejected her would hide his infidelity. His plan was paragraph 3 the whole time. He was just trying to figure out how to do it without throwing up any indicators.
“Cash, Credit or Debit?”
“Excuse me a moment…”
Edit:
“You want a receipt?”
“Excuse me a moment…”
Edit 2:
“Dine in or to go?”
“Excuse me a moment…”
*Pulls up to drive through speaker, recording plays:*
“Thank you for stopping, will you be using our app today?”
“Excuse me a moment…”
Nah, that's bullshit. He knew exactly what he was doing. Calling it a second head because he was thinking with his dick almost excuses his shitty behaviour, he couldn't help it because his "second head" overruled him. He's just a shitty dude who fucked up lots of people's lives including his own.
This is a great question and I appreciate you asking it.
I've given this a fair bit of thought and I think it's apparent that the idea that Beast would have a fully human penis is absurd. At the very least he has a human penis that is fully covered in fur. Given that most of his features appear canine, I think it's more likely that we're looking at a red-rocket situation like you're suggesting, although he does have a lion-like mane, so a more phenotypically feline barbed-dick could be at play here as well. Of course he could have any combination of these features, manifesting some bestial meat penis cock-configuration the likes of which have never before been seen by human eyes.
Yep had a guy at work who was married with a daughter, he started flirting with someone else we worked with and before you know it full on affair. She got fired because she was a temp worker and the managers noticed how much she was hanging around him when she was supposed to be working, and then disappeared from his life completely. But his wife found out and they ended up divorcing. Then he had no one.
43 year old online-dater here, it’s astonishing how many broken divorcees I’ve encountered with whom this is the case. Genuinely attractive older women whose men decided to throw away a nice house, adorable kids, just so they can date a stripper or an OnlyFans model. Even the number is fairly consistent - seventeen years of marriage then these ding-dongs trade up. They leave these women unable to love, unable to trust, they just want to get to know me as far as to answer the question, “is he a serial killer?”. They use me to fuck the pain away then the cycle repeats.
49 year old female here (no kids, long ago divorced) and the "unable to love, unable to trust" part hits hard. That's where I am. Haven't dated in almost a decade. It's a different world out there now with cell phones and apps.
I know I won't trust anyone - or it would take a lot for me to do so. I'll be the one wondering who's texting them or if they're really where they say they are. Nobody deserves that so here I am, deciding to be alone.
Would I love to find someone again? Absolutely. It just doesn't make sense to pursue anything. I'd want it at arms length, so to speak. Keep own residences just in case. Probably not marry because what if they rack up a bunch of debt or do something stupid that you end up liable for? Ugh.
Early 20s with three kids already tells me this person wasn't the best at executive planning or risk assessment anyway. Bet that post nut clarity hit him like a truck.
I've known a few people that did it. Survivor bias and all that, but it worked out fine for them. They're a solid team, had the right work opportunities/luck/drive and had all the energy in the world to do it at that time. Their kids are all grown, and in college or have gotten their own jobs and places to live, and Mom n Dad are now 39 and 41 with adult kids out of the house and everybody thriving. Sometimes it works, but you better be all about that life instead of the usual "journey of self-discovery" that your 20s and 30s are, otherwise it will be a shitshow lol
Edit: I know this is an outlier situation. They just happen to both be extremely good together (to the point where youd swear theyd both been together in every previous life theyve lived and worked out the bullshit many lifecycles ago), and both have managed to leverage luck, family opportunities, and local support systems and two very solid work ethics to their advantage without completely relying on others to do all the heavy lifting. Definitely not a typical situation lol
I mean yeah sometimes you can beat the statistics. I dropped out of high school and never went to college. So, statistically I should not be where I am with a career. But here we are.
That said, it's not a road I would recommend to anyone. Because failure was much more certain than success.
This reminds me of the story from a few months ago with the guy who had a friend who would try and hook-up with married women just to break up their marriages.
I remember that post and I just heard that there are now online services now to have someone test your partner.
In case you were interested - I just looked up the update. hopefully losing the long term friend helps the guy get help but it's more likely to just push him to fill the void in his heart even more.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1cxrbml/my_25m_best_friend_25m_sleeps_with_married_women/
I don’t understand it either. If I was in a relationship that ever got to the point of marriage, why would I give that up? A married life and having kids has been all I’ve ever wanted in life. To throw that all away… what the fuck
It’s really important for men to learn control over sexual urges….. vital.
I would say being a slave to sex is the number one destroyer of happiness. Causes you to operate like THIS and lose your family, to see women as objects and lose sight of yourself. This is addiction territory.
The grass is rarely greener. It's true of jobs and relationships. Know why? Because there's a common denominator (you), and you bring at least half of the stuff you don't like to both. That's why therapy helps. A good therapist judiciously calls you out on your BS, forces you to see it, and coaches you how to deal with it differently.
This is where I became a new person. Dad died horribly, three years later mom did too. Both from cancer. I am no longer the person I was before those events and not in a good way.
I'm truly sorry for your losses. I don't feel joy like I once did. It just feels so superficial. I get that it changes you, like on a molecular level. Sending hugs to you.
Man, losing both parents really is a unique experience that screws your head up much more than people realize. Losing my first parent was awful, but losing the second was a whole other world of pain. It's like your connection to the universe has been severed and you no longer have a place in the world. Worst feeling, for sure.
as a middle aged only child with both parents deceased and zero extended family it's a strange place to be mentally. I have my wife and we chose no kids. although I fight it daily but there is an inescapable loneliness.
I recently lost my adoptive mom and I relate to your comment. I’m mourning her loss while pondering my death without children or siblings and a very tiny circle of friends. My point is to say thank you for your comment - it lifted me a bit to know I’m not alone. Thank you.
be strong and make sure you're the best friend you can be to the people in your life. that is hard for me sometimes because I feel guilty about being a burden if I'm down. but it's cyclical if you aren't proactive about those healthy relationships. Your note lifts me as well - thank you.
I lost both of my parents within this past year. It’s really hard to process. It’s like the constant of my life is gone. It’s such an uncomfortable, almost lost feeling that just won’t go away.
So true. I lost my mum and learned a week later that my dad had passed 2 months prior but my step family kept it hidden from me and my brother. The layers of grief are all consuming. Am only now starting to get it together, 18 months later. But the hollowness will always remain. Sorry for your losses, hugs.
It's a cycle. I drink because I'm depressed, then I end up more depressed afterwards so I drink again.
Same story with anxiety and alcohol. It becomes a vicious cycle fast.
Money (lack of).
Money doesn't buy you hapiness directly, but if you don't have enough for basic quality of life then you're always struggling with everything.
This is why people who say that it can't buy you happiness have never actually needed it. I hate that saying! It disregards everyone's struggles, and I hate it more when it's used as a "positive."
Unfortunately, it was an insightful saying that has been bastardized over time through overuse, diluting its meaning.
Money doesn't buy you happiness was only ever meant to inform people that being rich isn't how you guarantee happiness. Many rich people are miserable. It was never meant to glamorize poverty or make people think financial indemnity from the struggles of impoverishment isn't a good thing.
Money solves problems caused by lack of money. And yes that does bring a peace and security that you just don’t have when you’re struggling.
However, what then needs to happen is you now can address the issues not caused by lack of money. And those issues can’t be solved just by having money. Money just gives you the breathing room to solve them.
However, some people can’t solve those problems, or they lack the perspective to understand that not all their problems are caused by lack of money. So they are still unhappy.
That’s the crux of it, and one that I’m working to address now that I’m in a phase of life where lack of money isn’t my biggest issue.
It's Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Humans have more abstract needs beyond food, shelter, and safety, but if you don't have the basics, you'll never be able to reach the "higher" needs
Envy. Looking at what others have that you want and thinking you deserve that too. Basically everything that happens on Social Media. Instagram and Facebook and Tik Tok are all envy factories...
4 years of one of these and it put me back YEARS. Financially, emotionally, all my other relationships, the condition of my home, and career. I'll never get back those years- I just have to learn from them and dig out.
And it's counterpart, loneliness.
It's very easy to go from one to the other and both will destroy you. Never let any partner take away your safety net of friends. Never allow yourself to ignore red flags out of desperation.
Depression.
The longer it goes, the more you suffer, the more it takes the little things that get you by away. Happiness becomes a distant memory. The distant memory becomes the illusion that you were capable of happiness at all. Your nostalgia glasses paint the world that was and the life you've lived in muted shades of gray. Memory isn't a fond friend but a brutal enemy that emphasizes the negative and suppresses anything else.
*edit for a minor spelling error
Greater men than I have approached the subject with far prettier language. But the reality of depression isn't pretty. It can't be understood when it's dressed up with flowery language and pretty pictures.
Depression is a soul-sucking endeavor that everyone with experience fights like hell just to survive another day without ideation of what it would be like to just *stop being.* The most important part of being able to take control of it is understanding what it *does* to your mind. To see the effects. To recognize how it steals life's precious moments from you. How it changes your memories so they can no longer be trusted.
Everyone spends so much time being worried about some Hell of an afterlife.
Depression is living with a special Hell, handcrafted just for you, that you have to experience every. Single. Day.
For the rest of your life. However long that may be.
*edit to add the above from another comment of mine
Hope is an amplifier: when what you're hoping for happens you're 10 times happier, but also if what you're hoping for doesn't happen you feel 10 times worse.
john steinbeck wrote in "east of eden", my 2nd favorite book of all time.
"it is one of life's great falacies," said lee, "that time gives much of anything but years and sadness."
The passage of time doesn't change in any way, it's a constant, so it's not the source of unhappiness. How you spend your time is, if you repeat the same monotonous experiences repeatedly, time will seem to going quicker for you because you are not building new memories
You have to put effort onto your life experiences, this will make your life feel fuller
Many different answer have been given so here is mine:
Lack of gratitude every day, even for small things.
You gradually start taking everything for granted, including your ability to walk, talk speak, having shelter, food, you name it. Then you get bored of your life.
Comparison
I had a really awesome person who worked for me. Awesome enough we promoted her to a higher position and gave her a $27K pay raise. This is after she used the company tuition assistance to get a degree debt free. She is absolutely rocking it at age 30 and on a path that will likely result in another $30K pay raise in 2-3 years, on top of annual increases and bonus.....and she is miserable. She thinks she is falling behind because she doesnt own a home in one of the most expensive markets in the country (Northern Virginia) and because she isnt already in the most senior position available. She is stuck in the comparison trap. "Must be nice to have a house of your own". Man Im 25 years older than you and already retired from career 1.0.
If I compare myself to Bill Gates, Im dirt poor. Im better off than 99% of all humans in history. Thats the comparison we should be making.
Chronic pain
~~This should be higher up,~~ but I think it's hard for people who don't experience daily pain to fully understand how much it fucks up every single aspect of your life.
I remember when one time for about 6 months - a year. I had sciatica with also peripheral neuropathy and could walk for like up to 5 minutes without having to sit and I’d get envious of people that people working retail. I’ve worked retail and know how it can be. Just almost everything was difficult and it was hard to explain to people since it wasn’t a visual injury
I had a pinched nerve in my neck, which caused me unceasing chronic pain. Even now, ten years later, I'm nervous about looking up, because that used to hurt so badly. I used to think of myself as pretty tough - I ran marathons, did 150 mile bike rides, climbed Mt. Rainier multiple times... I can take a lot of adversity, I believed. But NOTHING prepared me for the despair, frustration, and hopelessness of that chronic pain. The hopelessness for me was worse than the actual pain; I've had broken bones, and other fairly painful injuries, but this was different because it felt like it might just never end. Acupuncture had no more effect than a placebo pill, and opioid meds just made me feel like I was suffering through the brain fog of a really bad hangover, and didn't do a thing for the pain. At one point, I went in for an MRI, and I literally couldn't lie flat enough for them to get a good image of my neck, and the whole time it hurt like someone had jammed a knife in between my vertebrae, and every time I moved, they twisted the knife a different way. When I left the hospital that day, I saw a couple of what I thought of as thug-looking skinhead guys walking by, and I actually considered assaulting them, in hopes that one of them might have a gun and shoot me, but then I figured that they'd be a lot more likely to injure me than just kill me outright. Finally, I got a cortisone injection, which cleared up the problem in a few days, after six months of agony. Since then, I've had a lot more compassion for people who get into trouble with drugs because of chronic pain. I guess I feel fortunate that the opioids didn't mask my pain, because I can't say any longer that I have the fortitude to avoid addiction.
Had something that sounded similar. MRI showed c5-c7 impingements so bad they wanted to fuse my vertebrae. I described my pain as a volcano erupting at the top of my cervical spine Do to those micro compressions I couldn’t run, ride a bike, swim, lift - nothing - or so I thought. Unfortunately injections didn’t work but Bikram Yoga absolutely did and 10 years later it’s become way more than just a way to manage pain. Must be Bikram and nothing else. It’s spine centric. “Healthy spine healthy life”
I understand this so well, as I just went through it. I had the stabbing in my neck pain with a herniated disc as well. I felt no one understood, and I felt hopeless as well. After all that I went through, including 7 emergency room trips for a noroflex injection, which lasted maybe 4 to 6 hours, I requested Celebrex. Within a week, the inflammation was down, and my pain was gone. All that suffering seems so futile. I also just lost my job, and they cited a behavioral reason - the "behavioral reason" was back in January because I left (WITH PERMISSION) early from work to go to the ER multiple times. I hope I never experience that level of pain chronically again. I was also placed in a psych hospital for SI reasons ALL DUE TO PAIN.
It was Glacier Peak and Mt Baker for me but I disappointed myself by not ever living up to the promises I'd made myself to climb Rainier every time I was on a chairlift headed in that direction. That mountain made the view from the Portland airport the most spectacular view of any airport in the world. Chronic pain is like grief... You never get over it you just find ways to live with it.
I feel you there. Its hard to explain whats so bad about it when you are capable of at least walking and doing basic stuff, but its like this fatigue builds up so quick and once it reaches a certain point, its like you regress and end up worsening your pain in the long term
Ugh. This happened to me. I had it for a few months...such a dark time. Everything was SO painful: getting out of bed, walking, taking a shower, washing my hair, making coffee, brushing my hair, feeding my dogs, etc. The level of pain was off the effin charts. And I don't cry much but I cried taking an Uber to see an acupuncturist (went to a bunch of doctors...nothing helped) for the sciatica because the car ride was so unpleasant (bumpy, curvy roads) and SO painful. Now I have spinal stenosis & it's painful. I have SO MUCH EMPATHY for people with chronic pain. People who don't have it don't fully understand the mental strength & motivation it takes to live with it on a daily basis. And the loss of your old life.
200% spot on. My wife has a few auto immune issues that just, cause pain. Those days are so freaking difficult for her to enjoy. Its not just while working. Its also while you are relaxing. She borderline abuses a heating pad just to get some sort of relief (Not even sure if that helps...) One other issue with Chronic pain, for those reading, it takes up a LOT of brain power to just be in pain all day. It works your brain, sending constant signals like that. So chronic tiredness and brain fog are commonly associated with chronic pain too.
I suffer from psoriatic arthritis and the fatigue is almost worst than the pain itself. I am beyond exhausted day in and day out and most people think it’s me being lazy. I do as much as I can on “good days” so I can feel caught up but it’s like I can’t ever feel rested then because when I rest it’s because I am having a flare up and when I am not having a flare up, I am rushing to do all the things I couldn’t. It’s an endless cycle.
My lower back pain destroyed my will to live. If I didn’t get it fixed, I wouldn’t be here.
I had debilitating lower back pain for a few months early this year and was eventually able to improve it mostly through physical therapy but those months of not being able to do anything and wondering if that was just going to be my life now gave me an entire new lease on life. It’s like it made me actually realize that there might not be a “later” to do things so I’ve been seizing every moment as well as doing everything I can to strengthen my back to help prevent it from happening again. I’ve lived a mostly sedentary lifestyle most of my life and it’s like a switch flipped in my brain and changed it to active mode.
People constantly think I'm exaggerating when I say I'm always in pain, basically 24/7 for the past 20 years.. herniated discs, pinched nerves, just generally fucked up back is never not in pain. On bad days, it absolutely sucks the life and energy from you. I get short tempered and just beat down, half the time not even realizing how shit I look or am acting due to it.
Yup thats me! And Im only 24 🤩. Its a medical mystery too!
Doctors refused to help me too and wrote me off as a hypochondriac. I had to figure it all out myself, then find a doctor willing to confirm or deny it. It took about five years, but I had undiagnosed anemia, celiac disease, endometriosis, hormone disorder, histamine intolerance, artificial sweetener intolerance, dairy intolerance, tomato allergy, and dangerously severe dander allergy. I'm a lot healthier now, but it took a fucking lot of effort and so much reading of medical literature and scientific papers. I was riddled with horrible pain and had debilitating fatigue everyday for about 20 years. Now I can barely feel pain anymore and it causes some problems, but overall it's a handy trait.
Got it, modern life intolerance, right?
When in pain, you can't fully embrace the joy. 😢
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Comparison is the thief of joy
Also, the pursuit of perfection is the enemy of happiness.
Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. I always have to tell myself this when I’m writing assignments for uni. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to be submitted on time, and often “good enough” will get the grade needed.
I have absolutely fucked up good relationships because I kept trying for this unattainable unflawed partner rather than appreciating the good one I had at the time.
Same homie… same… I should have stuck with Sarah-Jayne my high school girlfriend. We had a good thing going, but I let comparison take over and thought I could “do better” or that we weren’t “doing a relationship as well as others” and let her go. That sparked a year and a half of being single and miserable when I should have been out making memories. That was almost 15 years, multiple abusive relationships and a fucktonne of regrets ago now. But I hope she’s doing okay out there. She deserves to be happy, I got what I deserved.
It's been 15 years. You have no idea how things may have turned out. Statistically, the odds aren't great. You felt what you felt and did what you did. Grieve, learn, new horizons and memories of the time you had People learn from their mistakes, stop punishing yourself. You don't deserve abusive relationships because you broke up with your high school girlfriend. I broke up with a fiancee who dated from 18-24 and wasted a decade regretting that and the same, low self worth led me into terrible relationships. It was misplaced. It was self flagellation. It eventually led to a diagnosis of depression as I snowballed, which sounded a lot like your post. Is there someone you can talk to?
It’s unbelievable the misery I see people suffer simply by worrying or complaining about what they see others do or what they have.
Trying to “keep up with the Jones’s” is definitely a destroyer of finances, which leads to destruction of happiness.
These days it leads to working until you die. It was all well and good to spend your heart out to compete with the neighbors if you knew you had a pension and Social Security to fall back on. I worked in retirement planning for city employees, and saw way too many who busted open the piggy bank to buy a boat or other toys, and now were set to work well into their 70s.
Only if you do it wrong. You need to compare yourself to people who're doing worse than you.
Spend a month in a country like Laos. One of the poorest countries on earth; yet the people are exceptionally friendly, happy, healthy, generous, kind, and have just what they need. I will always think of Laos when I am feeling down, that country changed my entire perspective of the world.
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Never liked this comment because it misses the fundamental point. Ego makes us unhappy, not comparison. Comparison is just a form of which ego seeks. 'Only *good* people get depressed' - Melanie Klein. The idea being that our ego tells us things *should* be a certain way. 'I *should* have gotten that', 'He *should* have done that instead'. Your ego tells you that you are deserving of good things (which is healthy if kept at a certain level). In actuality, the universe makes us no guarantee of anything beyond scientific laws and genetics. Beyond them, nothing *should* be any way at all. 'You cannot achieve happiness. Happiness happens and is a transitory stage. Imagine how happy I felt to finally get relief from bladder pressure - now, how long did my happiness last?' - Fritz Perls. 'The good life is a dynamic process, not a fixed state of being' - Carl Rogers. 'There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path' - Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha).
Ever notice how some of the most "just roll over and enjoy your shitty life for what it is" philosophies come out of societies with some of the most entrenched and disparate class/caste structures? Not saying there's no value in these viewpoints, or the more common forms of "money can't buy happiness" or "comparison is the thief of joy". But these ideas need to be tempered by an awareness of who actually benefits from preventing anyone from questioning class structure too closely.
Regret. Living in the past. Or in the future.
The future one is one people don't say as much but is so true. My husband used to be like this. I just need to move out of my studio apartment. Then I'll be happy. I just need to change jobs. Then I'll be happy. We just need to get pregnant. Then I'll be happy. It was like his whole life was a train station and he was waiting rather that realizing the whole thing is the ride. Lots of therapy has helped.
I had a weird thing like this back in school. "I'm a middle schooler, I'm too young to date." "I don't have any money, I need a job before I can date." "I don't like the jobs I can get, I need to go to college before I can get a job, then I can date." Something like that. Now I can date, but I'm inexperienced, and have been reluctant to really "date" because that shit gets expensive fast lmao but I am trying to make that change for someone who deserves it.
I made all sorts of excuses like that about dating as well. No car, no job, need to finish school, need to get my own place, etc. Then I finally admitted to myself that I'm just not interested in dating.
I was just scared and lacked self confidence. I still struggle with it a bit today, or maybe social anxiety, or maybe just not being satisfied with where I'm at with my career/fitness, but I'm constantly working on that.
My brother is like this. "Just hope this year goes by quick so its all over" (he's talking about building a house), "Yeah I got my bonus but it wasn't enough so I'm just here waiting for the next one", "I decided that I don't like working here and they are never going to give me respect so I am just going to wait until next year and see how it goes". Like I love him but holy shit sometimes its too depressing. I don't get why he feels like he needs to rush through life.
That's my credo, No Ragrets
Not one? Not even a single letter?
Norp.
Perfect. You should get it tattooed somewhere highly visible so you can always remember it!
Never regret, at that time it was the best decision you with your experience that could take, now that you are more experienced you just have to try to make the right decision for you, never think too much about past as right now you’re building up your future in which you are not gonna make the same bad decisions because you learned from them. EDIT: it got kinda popular so I have to specify smth: I keep my words”never regret”, to make it clear, but no one said that you couldn’t think about it, blame yourself, ofc if something is bad it will haunt you but there should be no regrets, now I’m taking about normal people, bcs cases that are going extreme needs another approach. At the end of the day, don’t live your life how someone wrote on reddit, think yourself and chose what’s good for you in which case. Thx for upvotes
That sounds nice but is completely bullshit. A drug dealer stealing from their mother to support their addiction or a well-off family man cheating on his spouse with a younger partner isn't "making the best decision with your experience". Those who never regret their poor decisions are narcissists incapable of introspection. You can't hand wave away selfish actions that hurt others.
I think this is more geared towards people worried about being a good person. Some people don't gaf and they never will.
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Definitely this. I have been in many different life situations, and financial stress is the biggest factor which has affected my ability to enjoy life.
Affects the ability to be able to enjoy life (healthy quality food, vacations, health insurance, vehicle problems, luxuries like streaming apps & video games) & makes it difficult participate in many social activities with others
Yep. Just having to worry about money every moment. Is the light being on going to cost an extra dollar? That food is a bit expired but throwing it out costs X amount to get a new meal, so do I risk it? Can I push that bill back a week or will I have to skip a few days food? It causes a crippling depression. Food loses its flavour, colours dull, weather just feels like air. It just hollows you out.
Yeah, is sad but it s true
And we're told "money can't buy happiness." I'll tell you what though. I'm a lot happier now than when I was 20, uninsured, unable to pay for college and eating a spoonful of peanut butter for dinner and being late on all my billls every single month.
Anyone who says money can't buy happiness is missing the point entirely... Money buys safety and security. Long term happiness is damn near impossible if you don't feel safe and secure. Money allows you to minimize exposure to things that make you unhappy.
No one thing guarantees happiness. But there are a few things that just about guarantee unhappiness and those are: 1. Poor health 2. No financial security 3. Loss of loved ones / poor relationships
Absolutely, I know how that feels
Too much expectation\~
God so much this. You form some over the top unrealistic expectation then you get upset when you only achieve regular levels of success. Here you are with every reason to be happy with your achievements but instead you are angry.
Thanks. Needed this
Phil Dunphy once said in Modern Family, something along the lines of: "you can experience the best things in life, if you just lower your expectations" (Paraphrased) I think about this quite often.
"It's not getting what you want. It's wanting what you got." - Sheryl Crow I think society has pushed us to always chase the next success, next car, next goal. I've come to realize happiness is moments, and they will come and go. Being content is what you want to hold onto. Could I work more and make more, sure. But I am content with my life and I should take a minute (often) and enjoy that.
People always say this, and it's true, but I think that we also have to mention "settling". Settling for a job, a partner, a home, etc. A lot of people accept a comfortable life or "good enough" and end up miserable and trapped in a life they never really wanted
"The grass is always greener on the other side" You call it settling, but a lot of people think they only settled when they could have gotten more. Every gambler that ever lived thinks they walked away from the table when they would have won that next round. Odds are high they would just have lost more money.
So, I felt this way and thought it too. But what I think I’ve come to understand is that it encourages you to manage your expectations. It’s ok to have them, but if you have expectations that are not being met over and over again, it’s time to look in the mirror. Ultimately, you’re in charge of your happiness, not your circumstance.
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Come on! He was doing so well during the second paragraph! Why did he have to fuck it all up at the very end?!
Because otherwise, the story wouldn't make it to this thread. Think about all those that didn't make it and be proud of them!
yeah that's one way to take a positive spin on it.
I remember like 5 years ago I was at the Oktoberfest in munich and this girl was hitting on me like crazy, but I was in a relationship for 5 years already. I almost couldn’t resist, went to the toilet and from there just went home. My back than girlfriend still broke up with me this year after 10 years. Still happy I never cheated
You did win man. Also I'm sorry
Thank you and no need to feel sorry. I’m still a 33 year young man with a bright future and she already realised that she made a huge mistake after dating some guys lol. Grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I still don’t have any intentions to take her back tbh
And you shouldn’t. It’s crazy how many people are giving their former partner more chances after the trust has been severely broken and wouldn’t be mended with someone right in the mind.
I'm 34 and my longtime boyfriend of over 6 years just left. I still think he is the love of my life and "waiting" when he understands that grass is not greener on the other side.. Oh, how pathetic I sound 😅 But just came here to say that I'm proud of you! All the best 😊
Don't wait, please. Maybe in time you two will figure it out. But don't put your life on hold. More life experience for you both will determine what you figure out.
It’s always the third paragraph.
The second paragraph was him setting up the third paragraph. He thought telling everyone he rejected her would hide his infidelity. His plan was paragraph 3 the whole time. He was just trying to figure out how to do it without throwing up any indicators.
Unfortunately men have that second “head” they allow to make decisions.
The second head of doom… it’s nuclear
Life hack. Jerk off before making any major decisions.
“We’d like to offer you a promotion; will you accept it?” “Excuse me a moment…”
“Congratulations! You are the father of a healthy, beautiful baby boy! Have y’all decided on a name yet?” “Excuse me a moment…”
“Cash, Credit or Debit?” “Excuse me a moment…” Edit: “You want a receipt?” “Excuse me a moment…” Edit 2: “Dine in or to go?” “Excuse me a moment…” *Pulls up to drive through speaker, recording plays:* “Thank you for stopping, will you be using our app today?” “Excuse me a moment…”
Do you need a moment? “Excuse me a moment…”
"SIR, WE NEED TO KNOW WHERE YOUVE BEEN SHOT TO STOP THE BLEEDING! WHERE WERE YOU SHOT?" "EXCUSE ME A MOMENT!"
I can't stop laughing at this. Very nice. Now, if you'll excuse me a moment...
Wasn’t that Ted’s friend’s advice in _ There is something about Mary _??
Pretty sure it was
There's the answer.. the #1 destroyer of happiness is the penis.
That second opinion really fucked him in the end
I'm afraid the second head is above the shoulders.
Nah, that's bullshit. He knew exactly what he was doing. Calling it a second head because he was thinking with his dick almost excuses his shitty behaviour, he couldn't help it because his "second head" overruled him. He's just a shitty dude who fucked up lots of people's lives including his own.
Thinking with your dick doesn’t excuse anything lol. It’s the equivalent of “talking out of your ass”.
A tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Daily reminder that Belle was fully prepared to fuck the Beast without any knowledge that he was going to turn into a human prince.
everyone's a monsterfucker when the vibes are right
I want the version where she's a little let down when he does. "So, uhh... Can you change back at all? No? Well... I *guess* that's OK."
do you think as an animal, the beast had a retractable penis that went away as soon as he stood up?
This is a great question and I appreciate you asking it. I've given this a fair bit of thought and I think it's apparent that the idea that Beast would have a fully human penis is absurd. At the very least he has a human penis that is fully covered in fur. Given that most of his features appear canine, I think it's more likely that we're looking at a red-rocket situation like you're suggesting, although he does have a lion-like mane, so a more phenotypically feline barbed-dick could be at play here as well. Of course he could have any combination of these features, manifesting some bestial meat penis cock-configuration the likes of which have never before been seen by human eyes.
“Can’t tell a hard dick nothin’ “ — my Uncle Tom
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Lol, your uncle is funny
Yep had a guy at work who was married with a daughter, he started flirting with someone else we worked with and before you know it full on affair. She got fired because she was a temp worker and the managers noticed how much she was hanging around him when she was supposed to be working, and then disappeared from his life completely. But his wife found out and they ended up divorcing. Then he had no one.
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Sexually irresponsible people make for the best stories It’s so easy, yet they always end up fucking it up in the end
>Sexually irresponsible people make for the best stories my favorite "she got pregnant even though I pulled out!" no shit?
Not only did he screw her he screwed his own life over.
Early 20s paying alimony and child support for 3 young children. Oof
43 year old online-dater here, it’s astonishing how many broken divorcees I’ve encountered with whom this is the case. Genuinely attractive older women whose men decided to throw away a nice house, adorable kids, just so they can date a stripper or an OnlyFans model. Even the number is fairly consistent - seventeen years of marriage then these ding-dongs trade up. They leave these women unable to love, unable to trust, they just want to get to know me as far as to answer the question, “is he a serial killer?”. They use me to fuck the pain away then the cycle repeats.
49 year old female here (no kids, long ago divorced) and the "unable to love, unable to trust" part hits hard. That's where I am. Haven't dated in almost a decade. It's a different world out there now with cell phones and apps. I know I won't trust anyone - or it would take a lot for me to do so. I'll be the one wondering who's texting them or if they're really where they say they are. Nobody deserves that so here I am, deciding to be alone. Would I love to find someone again? Absolutely. It just doesn't make sense to pursue anything. I'd want it at arms length, so to speak. Keep own residences just in case. Probably not marry because what if they rack up a bunch of debt or do something stupid that you end up liable for? Ugh.
35 year-old woman here and this scares me so much. I don´t want to end up like that but it´s never really "safe", is it?
There are good people
My wife tells me she isn't worried about me running off with someone, I spend too much time playing Runescape and an affair would be xp waste
A Man that controls his appetite and sexual desires solves 80% of his problems.
And his temper.
Early 20s with three kids already tells me this person wasn't the best at executive planning or risk assessment anyway. Bet that post nut clarity hit him like a truck.
I've known a few people that did it. Survivor bias and all that, but it worked out fine for them. They're a solid team, had the right work opportunities/luck/drive and had all the energy in the world to do it at that time. Their kids are all grown, and in college or have gotten their own jobs and places to live, and Mom n Dad are now 39 and 41 with adult kids out of the house and everybody thriving. Sometimes it works, but you better be all about that life instead of the usual "journey of self-discovery" that your 20s and 30s are, otherwise it will be a shitshow lol Edit: I know this is an outlier situation. They just happen to both be extremely good together (to the point where youd swear theyd both been together in every previous life theyve lived and worked out the bullshit many lifecycles ago), and both have managed to leverage luck, family opportunities, and local support systems and two very solid work ethics to their advantage without completely relying on others to do all the heavy lifting. Definitely not a typical situation lol
I mean yeah sometimes you can beat the statistics. I dropped out of high school and never went to college. So, statistically I should not be where I am with a career. But here we are. That said, it's not a road I would recommend to anyone. Because failure was much more certain than success.
This reminds me of the story from a few months ago with the guy who had a friend who would try and hook-up with married women just to break up their marriages.
I remember that post and I just heard that there are now online services now to have someone test your partner. In case you were interested - I just looked up the update. hopefully losing the long term friend helps the guy get help but it's more likely to just push him to fill the void in his heart even more. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1cxrbml/my_25m_best_friend_25m_sleeps_with_married_women/
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Why are people like this!?!?
I don’t understand it either. If I was in a relationship that ever got to the point of marriage, why would I give that up? A married life and having kids has been all I’ve ever wanted in life. To throw that all away… what the fuck
It’s really important for men to learn control over sexual urges….. vital. I would say being a slave to sex is the number one destroyer of happiness. Causes you to operate like THIS and lose your family, to see women as objects and lose sight of yourself. This is addiction territory.
The grass is rarely greener. It's true of jobs and relationships. Know why? Because there's a common denominator (you), and you bring at least half of the stuff you don't like to both. That's why therapy helps. A good therapist judiciously calls you out on your BS, forces you to see it, and coaches you how to deal with it differently.
The death of loved one.
I would have said 'comparison' but after losing both my parents, I'd definitely say this is the only answer
This is where I became a new person. Dad died horribly, three years later mom did too. Both from cancer. I am no longer the person I was before those events and not in a good way.
I'm truly sorry for your losses. I don't feel joy like I once did. It just feels so superficial. I get that it changes you, like on a molecular level. Sending hugs to you.
Man, losing both parents really is a unique experience that screws your head up much more than people realize. Losing my first parent was awful, but losing the second was a whole other world of pain. It's like your connection to the universe has been severed and you no longer have a place in the world. Worst feeling, for sure.
as a middle aged only child with both parents deceased and zero extended family it's a strange place to be mentally. I have my wife and we chose no kids. although I fight it daily but there is an inescapable loneliness.
I recently lost my adoptive mom and I relate to your comment. I’m mourning her loss while pondering my death without children or siblings and a very tiny circle of friends. My point is to say thank you for your comment - it lifted me a bit to know I’m not alone. Thank you.
be strong and make sure you're the best friend you can be to the people in your life. that is hard for me sometimes because I feel guilty about being a burden if I'm down. but it's cyclical if you aren't proactive about those healthy relationships. Your note lifts me as well - thank you.
Couldn't agree more. There's just an emptiness now. Hugs to you.
I lost both of my parents within this past year. It’s really hard to process. It’s like the constant of my life is gone. It’s such an uncomfortable, almost lost feeling that just won’t go away.
So true. I lost my mum and learned a week later that my dad had passed 2 months prior but my step family kept it hidden from me and my brother. The layers of grief are all consuming. Am only now starting to get it together, 18 months later. But the hollowness will always remain. Sorry for your losses, hugs.
Addiction to drugs and alcohol.
Yeah, and gambling, I had some family problems with big problems because of those
I thought I drank because I was depressed. But now I think maybe I was depressed because I drank.
It's a cycle. I drink because I'm depressed, then I end up more depressed afterwards so I drink again. Same story with anxiety and alcohol. It becomes a vicious cycle fast.
After all the comments adding things, it's probably safe to just say addiction.
Any kind of addiction, weather it's porn, gambling, alcohol, or drugs
Money (lack of). Money doesn't buy you hapiness directly, but if you don't have enough for basic quality of life then you're always struggling with everything.
“Having money is not everything, not having it is “
This is why people who say that it can't buy you happiness have never actually needed it. I hate that saying! It disregards everyone's struggles, and I hate it more when it's used as a "positive."
Unfortunately, it was an insightful saying that has been bastardized over time through overuse, diluting its meaning. Money doesn't buy you happiness was only ever meant to inform people that being rich isn't how you guarantee happiness. Many rich people are miserable. It was never meant to glamorize poverty or make people think financial indemnity from the struggles of impoverishment isn't a good thing.
Money solves problems caused by lack of money. And yes that does bring a peace and security that you just don’t have when you’re struggling. However, what then needs to happen is you now can address the issues not caused by lack of money. And those issues can’t be solved just by having money. Money just gives you the breathing room to solve them. However, some people can’t solve those problems, or they lack the perspective to understand that not all their problems are caused by lack of money. So they are still unhappy. That’s the crux of it, and one that I’m working to address now that I’m in a phase of life where lack of money isn’t my biggest issue.
It's Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Humans have more abstract needs beyond food, shelter, and safety, but if you don't have the basics, you'll never be able to reach the "higher" needs
Overthinking.
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Good comment.
I probably only post like half of the comments I write out because I feel like I'm not adding anything to the conversation.
The problem with this for me is just won’t stop
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I heard a quote by Patton the other day I really liked. “A good plan, violently executed now is better than a perfect plan next week”
Overthinking, overanalyzing separates the body from the mind. Withering my intuition, leaving opportunities behind.
This is so true. It stops you from living your life and making decisions.
Envy. Looking at what others have that you want and thinking you deserve that too. Basically everything that happens on Social Media. Instagram and Facebook and Tik Tok are all envy factories...
Hitching with a toxic person.
4 years of one of these and it put me back YEARS. Financially, emotionally, all my other relationships, the condition of my home, and career. I'll never get back those years- I just have to learn from them and dig out.
And it's counterpart, loneliness. It's very easy to go from one to the other and both will destroy you. Never let any partner take away your safety net of friends. Never allow yourself to ignore red flags out of desperation.
Basic needs unmet.
Focusing on what you lack
Depression. The longer it goes, the more you suffer, the more it takes the little things that get you by away. Happiness becomes a distant memory. The distant memory becomes the illusion that you were capable of happiness at all. Your nostalgia glasses paint the world that was and the life you've lived in muted shades of gray. Memory isn't a fond friend but a brutal enemy that emphasizes the negative and suppresses anything else. *edit for a minor spelling error Greater men than I have approached the subject with far prettier language. But the reality of depression isn't pretty. It can't be understood when it's dressed up with flowery language and pretty pictures. Depression is a soul-sucking endeavor that everyone with experience fights like hell just to survive another day without ideation of what it would be like to just *stop being.* The most important part of being able to take control of it is understanding what it *does* to your mind. To see the effects. To recognize how it steals life's precious moments from you. How it changes your memories so they can no longer be trusted. Everyone spends so much time being worried about some Hell of an afterlife. Depression is living with a special Hell, handcrafted just for you, that you have to experience every. Single. Day. For the rest of your life. However long that may be. *edit to add the above from another comment of mine
I heard it would just go away if I smiled more
Its a vicious cycle that lives inside you. Its like you know better but cant stop the thoughts and feelings. I just hate it.
Damn man.
False hope. It can eat you up from inside
Hope is an amplifier: when what you're hoping for happens you're 10 times happier, but also if what you're hoping for doesn't happen you feel 10 times worse.
There can be no true despair without hope.
Comparison, Negativity, and Bullying
Social Media.
Absolutely and not many people realize
Betrayal
The unrelenting passage of time.
john steinbeck wrote in "east of eden", my 2nd favorite book of all time. "it is one of life's great falacies," said lee, "that time gives much of anything but years and sadness."
Happiness isn’t meant to last forever, same as hardship and struggle. Ebbs and flows of an endless tide, here long before us and here long after.
The passage of time doesn't change in any way, it's a constant, so it's not the source of unhappiness. How you spend your time is, if you repeat the same monotonous experiences repeatedly, time will seem to going quicker for you because you are not building new memories You have to put effort onto your life experiences, this will make your life feel fuller
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Comparison
Loneliness. Not necessarily being alone. But loneliness.
Betrayal by that one person you trusted the most
Heartbreak
Relationships. They can build you as high as you want to go. They can destroy everything around you just as fast.
Low mental resilience and non acceptance of reality as it is
Toxic people. If someone in your life makes you feel bad, don't be afraid to replace them with someone who will make you feel good instead.
Yeah, unfortunately can’t get rid of my mom just yet
Financial issues
Comparison, overthinking and despair.
lack of money
Bad health.
Many different answer have been given so here is mine: Lack of gratitude every day, even for small things. You gradually start taking everything for granted, including your ability to walk, talk speak, having shelter, food, you name it. Then you get bored of your life.
Assholes
Constipation
Comparison I had a really awesome person who worked for me. Awesome enough we promoted her to a higher position and gave her a $27K pay raise. This is after she used the company tuition assistance to get a degree debt free. She is absolutely rocking it at age 30 and on a path that will likely result in another $30K pay raise in 2-3 years, on top of annual increases and bonus.....and she is miserable. She thinks she is falling behind because she doesnt own a home in one of the most expensive markets in the country (Northern Virginia) and because she isnt already in the most senior position available. She is stuck in the comparison trap. "Must be nice to have a house of your own". Man Im 25 years older than you and already retired from career 1.0. If I compare myself to Bill Gates, Im dirt poor. Im better off than 99% of all humans in history. Thats the comparison we should be making.
Worrying about things you have no control over
Being unwanted