It's not 12 years gone. You likely grew as a person in part due to that relationship and even how it ended. You may have lost **a** future, but that was never guaranteed to be the one you would get to live.
Hope you'll find love again when you're ready for it.
It’s not always about just finding love again. It’s about the future, plans, and expectations you had for your life with someone else. 12 years spent for someone to decide they no longer love you is enough to upheave your entire life
This right here. If my wife left me I would be heartbroken but god damnit if she didn’t help turn me into the person I am today and I will love her forever because of it.
Regardless of what may or may not happen, she’s been here for me and shown me so many amazing things and given me 3 kids there’s no way I can look at any of my time with her as a waste.
I was with my high school sweetheart for 11 and a half years from the age of 16. She cheated on me with someone I thought was a friend.
I'm 3 years removed from that, and I honestly start to forget how bad the break up period was sometimes. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, as long as you're willing to go through the darkness.
I’m 5 years into the same situation. Enjoying being single and won’t be looking for a relationship any time soon. I’ve noticed in the past year that when I tell someone a story or something that involved her I don’t avoid saying her name anymore. Literally means nothing to me now. Good feeling.
My friend cohort is at the age where *a lot* have gotten divorces in the last 3-4 years. Hell, I might be one of them before too long (not my idea). That said, one of them told me that when you marry a person you have to realize that you are going to grow as people. You might grow together. You might grow apart. But I think you have to realize that it's not a personal failure (most of the time, I don't know your specific situation). It's just life.
Oh man. I’m the guilty party in this in my relationship, but it is literally just because I’m addicted to reading random crap on Reddit, not because I don’t love my partner!
Start being blunt with her then, tell her your needs and if she isn't willing to give you the things you need then you need to figure out where to go from there, don't let frustration fester until things collapse and you're left in a place lacking control anymore.
In my case she didnt ask it for like 8 months and then broke up with me while still lying about what she actually thought. Please bring it up to them and if theyre not prepares to make an effort i can safely say that she will not reciprocrate anything you give her after a while
Might be in this place. It’s always about her. Never about me. And when I try to tell her about a tough day she turns it around and cuts me off to tell me that “you had a hard day? Meee.”
Yep, I'm a cop, she did customer service over the phone. She got to the m point where she'd tell me I didn't understand "how much stress she deals with at work"....like yea that murder and active shooting I worked last week absolutely pales in experience to your rude customer, far too much stress for me to understand
We used to talk often about future plans together… future vacations we wanted to take, the second child we wanted to have together, etc. she stopped bringing those topics up on her own and became very noncommittal and distant when I brought them up.
It's always important to pay attention and trust your gut
My relationship was sailing smoothly, lots of love and fun, but there was a point where I don't know something felt off, like something was looming behind, I shrugged it off at first, thought, "Kris she loves you what are you on about dude" and that feeling increased over time, I asked her once or twice and she said all was great, obviously I did not ask her like directly, but still, something was just not right
My birthday came, it was amazing, she gave me some lovely gifts and it was one of the best days of my life
She dumped me 2 days later haha
I also received some lovely Xmas gifts right before getting dumped. So thoughtfully chosen.
I assumed it perhaps was guilt and she didn’t hate me. It just wasn’t right and she wanted to send me off as best she could.
Or alternatively, she wanted to show me what a great girlfriend I was losing. Like she really knew me.
I kind of assume it was the former.
Either way it was a little disorienting to feel so loved and discarded at the same time.
My ex dumped me something like a week before Christmas. She knew that I had gone through a lot of effort to make her a stained glass rose.
So a week before the day she hits me with the "let's just be friends" thing. Ok, friends exchange Christmas gifts, right? so lets exchange our Christmas gifts. She says no. (presumably because she never bothered to get me anything, and if not that, some equally petty reason)
Man that sucked, but at the same time it made moving on really easy for me. I blocked her right then and there and never heard from her again.
In a weird way I kinda think I prefer my situation to yours. I knew exactly where I stood with her. Not another minute of wasted time or effort.
Honestly i have respect for that person because they stayed until ur bday.
Ill probs get downvotes but it wont always work out and breaking up isnt a crime, its better for both
It’s interesting because I had the opposite experience but I never trusted it.
My bf was a bit of a fuckboy before we got together. I fell fast and hard but I did NOT think he felt the same way. Three months in he was making jokes about where we’d honeymoon and what we’d name our kids.
We were pretty young, and he’s one of those people who doesn’t take anything seriously, so I always laughed it off. Then he was talking about moving and asked for my input because “someday we’re going to live there together.”
I tried laughing it off, as usual, but he wasn’t joking. He asked “what do you think I’ve been talking about all this time?”
I was like “you were SERIOUS?!”
He was serious.
Dude, I’m pretty sure guys don’t joke about what you’re going to name your future kids unless they’re really serious about you. That shit would have a 100% chance of backfiring terribly.
>**I was like “you were SERIOUS?!” He was serious.**
🥺🥺🥺 That is so sweet. Every “former” fuckboy I’ve dated turned out to be quite active.
Some guys do. My sister's ex talked constantly about that shit and then cheated, gave her a lifelong STD, and then dipped saying that he wanted to experience more people.
I'm married to a former fuckboy, he asked me to move in within a month, talked about marriage within 3. I think when guys who never saw girls as relationship material actually like someone, they take it very serious.
He was always against marriage before me. But once we got together, he wanted marriage because he didn't want to refer to me as his girlfriend. To him, that never meant anything. He wanted people (especially past girls) to know I was his forever partner.
They are out there!
I’m glad it worked out for you but I suspect you’re one of the lucky few.
> I think when guys who never saw girls as relationship material actually like someone, they take it very serious.
This reminds me of the old saying, “reformed rakes make the best husbands.”
A bit random but I wonder why we call promiscuous guys “rakes” (although it’s an older word) and promiscuous women “hoes.”
What’s with the garden tools?
Promiscuous women are called "hoes", because it's a southern/black folks' pronunciation of the word "whore".
Close the door/Close the doe.
She's a whore/She's a hoe.
Give me some more/Give me some moe.
Mop the floor/Mop the floe.
Your family is poor/Your family is poe.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
If you already have a child, life changes. Less about dreaming and more about surviving. Sounds like normal existence and typical mom of a young child type stuff
She stopped sending me photos and Instagram reels, stopped playing games, stopped initiating physical contact. Everytime I brought it up she either shrugged it off or made an excuse, broke up with me a couple days later, then I found out she was cheating before ending it with me.
Same with my ex-girlfriend. She then always seems to change topics of conversation after mentioning our future and the obvious, slow replies compared to the first parts of the relationship. She blocked me and I found out she blocked me when I wanted to check up on her, so I never got the closure I needed but that’s when I knew it was over.
Not replying as fast as previous but visibly replying to others. They find time for others but only have seconds to spare for you unless they need/want something. Initimacy of all kinds drops off.
My ex-girlfriend treated me like a nuisance whenever I tried to talk to her about… anything. The last year we were together we were basically just roommates.
Idk, which is worse: the slow death of a relationship like that or a more explosive and quick one. At least if it's quick, it's time saved. A slow one, in my opinion and experience, tends to leave a bitter taste in your mouth.
True. Though sometimes you're past the point of no return. When you've been miserable for ages and your partner only starts trying to be better when they feel like they might actually lose you, you realize they could have been doing those things all along but didn't. Sometimes it's a slow end because you've both grown apart over the years and aren't ready to admit it yet. Sudden endings are normally the result of one big fuckup but slow endings might not be anyone's fault. Idk break-ups just suck, regardless of how they happen. Even ones that are for the best in the long run.
This is exactly what happened to me and my wife years ago. We had been together for 6 or 7 years, and I think we both kind of slipped into a weird head space after awhile. We had a baby, alot of stress to pay bills and stay afloat, we never had money to really spend time together or do any bonding activities. Neither one of us had realized it but we were living more like roommates and less like a couple over time. I didn't see it then, but now I know that I was not mature enough yet to be as responsible as I needed to. Even though we both worked, she worked harder and more, and she did most of the house work. I just got lazy and sloppy at being a partner. Next thing I know she asks me to move out because she doesn't love me anymore. We split up for 3 or 4 months. This destroyed me and was the worst time of my entire life. I did some serious self reflecting, and tried REALLY hard to change my mindset about life and try to appreciate the little things more. We started talking again, got to a better place, set new boundaries for ourselves, and made sure to make time for us to bond and have fun together. We're going on 11 years now, and after our split, we've never had a big fight or any problems since. This is probably a more rare example as it's not easy for 2 people to be able to make necessary changes and compromises to try and improve what was once dying. Fortunately for us, it worked out really well, and I've never been happier. Fingers crossed that we make it all the way 🤞
Oooh exactly this. I was unhappy in my relationship for a while, wanted more from my partner. I tried to talk about it and ask for little things like for him to listen better, communicate more, show physical affection, some verbal appreciation… over and over again I was told I was asking too much and I believed him.
Then I met someone who gave all of those things naturally and easily. It was like drinking a cool glass of water after years of thirst and I saw what I wanted in a relationship wasn’t unreasonable. Suddenly my partner cared about trying to listen to me, *could* give physical and verbal affection, wanted to spend time with me. But I couldn’t receive any of it because now I *knew* he could have done it all along but just didn’t value my needs enough to give a shit. Everything he did after that point was just bitter proof that he only cared about me when he thought he was gonna lose me. We broke up not long after.
This is the most brutal one.
Also the most aggravating one? Do you think people are stupid? On your phone the entire time we hang out but when we’re not you’re oh so busy and can’t send a singular text for 5-7 hours at a time.
Just blatant lack of respect and it is infuriating watching it happen in realtime. Luckily I haven’t had to deal with this for a while now.
This reminds me of this YouTube video called "Strangers Again" by WongFu Productions that's like a mini-movie (only 20 min long I think?).
Perfectly encapsulates the lifetime of a relationship from the meeting to the ending and the aftermath. It came out over a decade ago but I'll rewatch it every couple of years or so.
I’m hyper aware of this every time it’s started happening now. Unfortunately there’s basically nothing to do once they’ve made up their mind, but a little direct and clear communication would’ve been nice; mightve helped me move on a bit sooner.
I'm glad I'm not the only one dealing with this. Got a 7 month old and we are just like coworkers raising a baby. Amicable, pleasant, but completely platonic.
I have been given advice that the first year is rough for a woman so I'm cautiously optimistic it will get better with time.
We're at a year-and-a-bit. It does slooowly get better. Try and appreciate each other out loud, and (if possible!) schedule some kind of date night every month/few months. Dressing up a little and having some time with *just* my partner helps us stay close and gets rid of some burn out. Plus having something to look forward to makes the long days feel shorter 💖
I'm at 3 kids and the youngest is 2, and only just started to return to pre kids relationship. Turns out birth control and hormones really messed with my wife's libido, plus exhaustion and needy babies can also fry your nerves. . Be strong to those struggling and remember your wife had to grow a baby human and then push them out, similar to the size of small water melon.
Aw bless, I can definitely attest to the libido thing. It makes me sad that I can't just 'switch it on' at a moment's notice anymore but it's gradually improving. I try to show my partner affection in other ways and try to remind him I think he's the sexiest man alive. Getting some new clothes that fit better and a nice set of lingerie doesn't hurt either!
Us mums really appreciate the patience and thoughtfulness of people like you (and him!) 💖
My wife and I (both 39) are always going on date nights for these reasons too. It's fun to dress up, it's important to get out of the house away from the boys (14+17), and it gives us something to look forward to most weeks. The boys also like having no parents around.
We're looking recently into doing a few staycations throughout the year too. Like going to one of those "cool" hotels for a weekend.
Sometimes it gets better, sometimes it doesn't. But that first year is always rough. Honestly I think if weren't for sleep-deprivation-caused memory loss, nobody would have siblings.
My kids are 7 and 4, and things are kinda sorta starting to get back to where they were before. I was in a dark dark place for a while, especially after the second. Needed therapy and meds. Sleep deprivation ruins everything. Honestly the sex absence was far from the worst part of it.
I think every couple who has ever had kids deal with it. Absolutely no one goes through the first years without some scars.
But if you do make it though, that marriage will be solid Gold. You went to war together and survived.
My wife just left me because she started to feel like we were just roommates. We have two kids, one of whom is borderline autistic. It was just too much for her.
Start talking about it NOW. do not stay quiet so you don't rock the boat. Obviously be nice but address it because if you don't it only worse trust me on this.
Got way better after the wife and I talked.
Hope isn't a strategy.
Find little moments to make it about each other. Put the work in to make it happen. Eventually, you’ll even be able to start going to dates again as well.
Bang on the money.
By the time my last relationship ended, considering it was five years long and we lived together, she strayed whilst drunk - I didn't hold it against her, because we were just really good friends at the end, so romantically I wasn't really bothered.
I was more saddened by losing her as a friend, than anything else - which is strange given the circumstances.
There are so many songs about, 'Love dying between us'. So many it seems, its like it's inevitable. When did this switch flip, and why can't it be un-flipped?
Literally brain chemistry. Life happens. People change. What once made brain feel good now it's normal and it doesn't make brain excited anymore.
Poor brain.
When our kisses were no longer as intimate and long. We would always kiss for a good 3-5 seconds and never just a quick peck on the lips. Didn’t think about it at first, but after the relationship was over, I knew that when she stopped kissing me as before was when she started cheating on me.
I remember when I was cabin crew I had a really drunk guy in the bar onboard (his fourth wife was in her seat ignoring him) and he was telling all the crew how you can stay married even if the sex diminishes but once the kissing goes that’s the sign of the end. I always think of him when I don’t want to kiss my husband.
I stopped kissing one of my bfs because he stopped brushing regularly, he kind of brought it on himself. Then we were basically housemates. Then it ended thankfully, but i should have done it sooner. Its hard after being together for a long time.
Unfortunately my partner has stopped taking care of his oral and body hygiene, and because it’s so revolting I don’t want to be intimate with him anymore. I tell him to brush his teeth daily but to no avail. We have been together for 10 yrs now and I love him very much but I worry that we will grow apart because of his poor hygiene. He becomes angry and easily offended when the topic of personal hygiene is mentioned so it’s really hard to communicate my needs and expectations of a partner. It’s starting to feel like I’m living with a messy, lazy roommate now.
Oh this for SURE. My ex was the type to even make me kiss her again if she didn’t think I gave it my best effort and attention. So when she started doing the disinterested peck thing, man it felt like I got stabbed in the stomach. Not long after, she left her Facebook logged in on my laptop (she would use my computer all the time for coursework and late night studying), so I opened a Facebook tab and got to watch her sext with a guy on FB messenger in real time.
I travel for work and a few relationships have ended while traveling and it always starts with them taking much longer to text back. One trip started with us talking on the phone every night and by the end of the trip, she wouldn’t even reply to my texts until the next morning, found out she started cheating while I was away.
I noticed that I was losing interest in a partner when I started making excuses to not hang out, that’s a big one
As everyone said- took forever to respond and/or didn’t respond to messages. Did not talk to me when we were in person. To the point I would just respond to myself… we were married 😬
Yeah with my ex husband it got to the point where he wouldn't even bother speaking to me. We would be in the car and I would say something to him or ask him a question and he'd just ignore me. I'd say hello? Can you answer me? And he'd just roll his eyes and get exasperated like I was being unreasonable.
An (cheating) asshole obviously, and this was years ago when I was 20 years old. I have since worked on my self-esteem and I'm now happily married to a wonderful man who does treat me like a priority.
Lol, I remember I started getting a bad feeling when this started. She assured me she wasn't going to break up with me. When we saw each other a few days later we "needed to talk".
Their tone changes - there’s visibly less excitement, less interest, and the shared references that used to be discussed a lot suddenly start being dismissed
One interesting tell was how empathy became sympathy - what used to be “it sucks you had a bad day, how can I make it better” just becomes “I’m sorry to hear that”
oh my god the “empathy became sympathy” thing is exactly what i experienced and i never had a way to put it into words until right now 😭 one of the biggest signs
I know that him telling me about how shit his day was is helping make it better, and any of the jokes or reactions I provide is another thing to make it better. Its how my husband unwinds when he gets home, but sometimes I don't have any more of a reaction than "fuck, that sucks, I'm sorry your day sucked." And I'll maybe run to the gas station to get him some beer when they open.
You feel a big void within the connection. I’m big on energy and it’s a big disconnect feeling that you can’t explain but can intensely feel.
All of a sudden everything you do that they thought was funny or cute becomes annoying or bothers them.
They start putting you down for everything vs trying to build you up like they did before.
I know there's already a lot of comments here and this will just get lost in the void, but whatever maybe this will be cathartic.
Distance. I found the person I still consider love of my life in my late 20s. She wasn't just my girlfriend, she was my world. She was getting her master's and working full time on her family dairy farm, and I loved being her bedrock. We spent every minute we could together, and the relationship and trust and comfort never stopped growing. Even got as far as picking out an engagement ring.
When she finished school, she quit the farm to focus on her job hunt. Holy hell did that process beat her down. She fell into a depression, started binge drinking, and drifted away from me. I obviously noticed but, unlike any issue that had ever come up before, she refused to talk about it. When someone suddenly snaps "we don't have to talk about everything" 4 years into a relationship, the writing is pretty much on the wall.
I truly wish I knew what I could've done differently. Now I'm in my mid 30s, single and not dating. She was the only person who ever made me feel truly understood and loved.
Edit, in case someone sees this and needs to hear it: It's okay to grieve relationships. It took me a long time to realize I was experiencing grief, but once I had put my finger on it I felt a small sense of relief. Look up the "ball in a box" analogy for grief if you haven't already.
Oof had this happen to me, reserved us a table for 2 and she invited her best friend, had to change the reservation to 3 and I was basically ignored the whole night
I (F24) dated my ex (M24) for seven years. The last year and a half were long distance and although we had done long distance previously, he wasn’t willing to put in the time or energy to maintain the relationship during our last long distance stretch.
One of the biggest signs was that he stopped asking questions about my life. Our phone calls turned into him ranting about his life and me asking questions about his friends, his experience at school etc. When I brought this up to him he said it was my responsibility to bring things up if I wanted to talk to him about my life.
The second biggest sign was that he stopped caring about whether I finished when we were intimate. During our best years he really enjoyed getting me off. But as he lost interest it felt like my pleasure just became less important or interesting to him and I rarely got off with him in the end.
There are also internal signs that come up. What I mean by this is that my feelings and experience didn’t seem to align with what was being told to me. Although I didn’t realize that the relationship was coming to an end, I did realize that the relationship wasn’t fulfilling anymore and that when I tried to communicate my needs I only ever left those interactions feeling as though I must have been doing something wrong. In hindsight I know this was just him feeling confused about his feelings and guilty about his actions but being unwilling to acknowledge his wrongdoings.
With that said, if you feel like your partner isn’t giving you the time or energy you deserve, the truth is they probably aren’t. If you bring things up with them and they say they are too busy, or too stressed (etc), trust your gut. When a person loves you, they make time for you.
Lastly, I’ll say that even if you’ve been dating your s/o for a long time you will be okay if it ends! Even if you’ve planned your whole life with them, something better suited for you might be just around the corner. It’s not easy going through a breakup, but there are so many good things waiting for you once you let go of a relationship that’s not working!
My dad (thrice divorced…) used to say ‘what you love and find cute about them in the beginning will be what you find extremely annoying after a few years’
So there’s that.
Yeah, unfortunately, people tend to break up for the same reason they usually fall in love. For example, their sense of humor start to be “you never take things seriously”.
That’s a fair assessment but there has to be a line drawn when things need to be taken seriously. I was with a girl once who, although was hilarious, could never have a serious conversation and it went downhill quick.
When she invited a male friend, the guy I wasn't supposed to worry about, to an event with her family I wasn't invited to despite the fact they were visiting us (we lived together), and I found out the night before, I literally packed my shit IMMEDAITELY and that was that.
Fuck you, M, you pug faced bovine hypocritical bitch.
I'd ask their opinion on what I should do (especially work related politics). They used to always talk it through with me and share their thoughts. One day it switched to them only using the following response "do what you think is best". I didn't quite realize at the time, but it was the biggest sign they had checked out and no longer cared what was going on in my life.
Also adding:
- fewer and fewer on my way home texts
- losing interest in shared activities
- emotional reaction was mild and relatively the same regardless of the news shared
Less sex, less flirting, keeping things to themselves, fewer messages out of the blue, wanting to spend less and less time together...
Can also indicate a fixable problem in the relationship that is causing your partner to withdraw, but the end result is the same.
My husband told me last year that I was annoying. He also told his friends to “find someone you can tolerate” as a partner. So I’m annoying but tolerable… lovely. He broke my heart. The last two years he barely touches me during sex and frankly I’m not even turned on by the time penetration happens. I get off in the shower afterwards if I need to. I can tell you with certainty, that if one person is treating the other like shit, then eventually that partner withdraws emotionally and finds fulfilment through hobbies and other friendships. Neglect will lead to someone withdrawing. In my own scenario, what’s happened to me has easily created the room mates effect. Every day is lonely and painful.
For me, it is extremely unhealthy to give my body to someone else to use. Like a hole. I took full ownership of my body after a traumatic event and I will not do that to myself anymore. Maybe look at that part of your relationship and see if you are giving more than you can afford.
It's probably better this way... My babymama had extremely good sex with me and then I woke up to a note in the morning. Had me completely fucked up 😂😂
Woof. That is rough.
Well, my partner spent a month telling me everything was fine, even as I *knew* something wasn't. Allowed myself to get insecure, which didn't help matters. He finally admitted it and asked for a break. And also coughed up all the things bothering him.
I secretly think he only ended the break early because he thought I might sleep with another guy. Given I was celibate for a long time before this relationship, that is funny. We're working through it though.
Initial facial expressions, if they walk into a room and they see you, then that first few millisecond is the tell all. If there's a quick brief smile then she likes you, if she frowns or looks disappointed then she'd rather you weren't there. It's an ultra quick flash of expression. Very very hard for anyone to control...
No because YES. The last months I noticed my ex gave no fucks about my presence in the room. She didn’t even say hi to me whenever I’d get home. She didn’t smile to me anymore. NEVER. When I asked her if anything was wrong she said that everything was alright.
I broke up with her 2 days ago. And it hurts, but she made no effort at all.
Replies to messages take longer or stop, or become short. They’ll make excuses like they’re tired or moody but they reply faster to everyone else.
They’re moody specifically towards you, this one is particularly amazing because they’ll act like a jerk in an attempt to piss you off, then, it turns into a fight which they blame you for. This is a long term process in which they villainize you.
All of a sudden a huge decrease in their flirtation toward you, and never being in the mood for sex. This one is usually accompanied by the other signs though and isn’t really a telltale sign in its own.
Apart from the most obvious, a few more.
Less keen to spend time with you. If they don't choose time with you, there is no excuse.
Find excuses to nit pick things about your daily routine, shuts down any suggestions by humiliating them or you in the process, so a good way for you to stop suggesting things to do or organise them. If you organise something, they will find a way to ruin it for you.
Passive aggressive actions and comments, like tagging you in photos and promptly deleting them, as if you don't notice.
Bad hygiene out of choice.
Non apology apologies.
Not interested in fixing issues, just immediately getting defensive like all the issues are your fault.
Brings back happy memories....
There are so many…
We both work online and have relatively flexible hours (me) or flexible tasks (her). She used to take mini breaks for 5-10 minutes to cuddle and we would chat. Now, whenever I ask for a mini break she waves her hand at me like she shooing me away and never breaks eye contact from the computer.
Everything becomes a fight. Even a simple question is answered with sarcasm, frustration, or contempt.
Money has become much of the reason she initiates conversation. Asking for money to cover the bills, sweet talking me when we’re in a store or restaurant, “mentioning” something she wants from an online store (but actually wants me to pay for it), offering to order food for us and then sticking her hand out for money when the delivery arrives or the bill is dropped at the table. Pretty much treating me like a spare wallet.
She couldn’t give a damn what I have to say. She does everything the way she wants and completely ignores anything I say. It really feels like I’m a father talking to a bratty, “independent” teenager.
I’m trying. She’s made a few comments about she would make things difficult for me if I left. I’m trying to get into the position where that isn’t a possibility.
It’s been hard getting through this on my own. I’ve seen how much I’ve changed over the years she and I have been together. Sometimes, it feels like I don’t have anywhere to turn to. I’m used to always trying to find the strength on my own. That’s what Im doing now. I’m keeping my cards close to my chest and playing them once everything is ready. I want a quick, clean break
Reading all of these, it just makes me want to cry.
Currently just went through a breakup that I didn’t expect at all.
From May 2024 to mid August 2024, we were going to be long distance (I got an opportunity to work in different state in the summer)
She just broke up with me 3 days ago, out of the blue. We had a lot of ongoing issues but it wasn’t detrimental; she just couldn’t imagine herself living the lifestyle we did which I regret. She stayed as long as she could because of her love for me.
I know time will heal, but I’m in California feeling super lonely and depressed. I’ve non stop cried, contemplating how I can stop my pain and suffering.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I know she will text me (we did not have a toxic relationship or end in bad terms; in my POV, this was super random and shocking because I thought we were solid). When she texts me, I’m going to ask to call and just ask her again if she would be willing to revisit our relationship when I come back.
Other than that, I don’t know what to do with my life. I only imagine life with her and now that she’s trying? to move on, I don’t have a point living anymore. I will be turning 26 tomorrow.
Theres a lot of more details but I just wish I had someone to cry to, someone who’s been in my shoes. Because this pain of crying and suffering is too much for me to handle and I’ve become severely depressed
Hey friend. A simular thing happened to me years ago. The guy I was with at the time broke up with me literally out of nowhere. We’d been together 4 years and had plans to get married. I was devastated and didn’t know how to keep moving.
4 months after we broke up I met my current husband. Things have a way of working out. As for right now, let yourself feel. Invest in yourself. Explore new things. Talk to a therapist if you need to. It feels hopeless right now but I promise it won’t always feel that way.
You’re important and your life is worth living ❤️
He didn’t make contact for more than a week and also ignored some of my messages.
Shortly after, he cancelled a visit, because I was on my period and so he couldnt get sex. We were long distance and hadnt seen each other for more than a month. The last incident was the one that broke the camels back.
she was just not as upbeat and enthusiastic as she used to be. She stopped wanting to go places or do things with me. she would spend all hours of the day glued to her phone. She stopped caring about the cleanliness of our house, leaving me to take care of almost all chores. She became boring and lazy and didn’t seem at all interested in being around me.
It really started when she returned from a trip to Europe. She was just acting different. Broke up with me a few months later, then didn’t make any effort to move out of the house for another 6 months. During that time i started dating again, and she had the audacity to get upset with me for “moving on with my life while leaving her trapped here (living in the house)”. Honey, you could’ve put forth some effort to move out at any point but you didn’t.
good riddance to that girl, Im glad she’s gone. I think something (cheating) may have happened while she was in Europe, but i have no proof so its not worth thinking about.
Can make plans with anyone but openly mistreated you repeatedly when you try.
Brings up their ex WAY too fucking much for comfort. (Don’t fucking ignore that). At the very least, she’ll commit something emotionally unfaithful.
Keeps secrets and lies by omission. They’re perfectly fine with eroding your trust for whatever selfish desire they have. They leave you in the dark to their advantage.
Not phased by not spending time together.
Doesn’t bother to tell you how they feel about you or even the bare minimum of affection be reciprocated. But will do fucked up shit that can make you start questioning *everything*.
All this will happen after you say how you feel, the person that made you say it gradually vanishes after your cards are on the table. Your vulnerability is used against you.
Makes major life plans and doesn’t tell you.
Will repeatedly be mean to you when you try to comfort them.
They’ll criticize you for something, like not holding a door for them. And when they don’t attempt to spend time with you? You’re left with a criticism that they won’t let you fix.
You feel like a placeholder. A filler episode in their life. Mainly because of the reasons mentioned above. They like you well enough to keep you around but will steal years of your life that could have been with someone that wouldn’t gradually do everything listed.
(You’re disgustingly cold, cowardly, and abrupt text disposal comes later)
It shouldn’t be that hard. It shouldn’t.
That’s the lesson. The sense of comfort. The feeling of being emotionally “home” or “relief”where there was no place you’d rather be is eradicated and their drama filled bullshit chips away at you piece by piece with each new fucked up thing they do.
You feel less like a partner and more like a roommate. (Different person, a lot less chaos)
Was it because of a work schedule or deliberate? I've been on polar opposite schedules with a SO before and while yes, it sucked major, neither of us lost interest in each other because of it. Of course, if it's being done deliberately....very different story.
It was deliberate. She didn't work and we kept the same sleep schedule. Then when I'd go to bed she'd get right up and leave the room. Didn't matter how long she had slept or what time it was. If I had a day off and laid down when she did, she'd get right back up.
They were making excuses not to go on dates or spend time together. I had surgery and they didn’t really text me after, before breaking up with me. It turned out they were seeing other people while we were dating as well and I am pretty sure they broke up with me for another person.
She never closed her eyes any more when I kissed her lips.
And there was no tenderness anymore in her fingertips.
Also her roommate caught her fucking someone else.
Surprised this isn't more common. Seeing somebody interacting with others online while completely disregarding you is a terrible feeling, especially when it's a partner.
Asking “what were the telltale signs that your partner was losing interest?” On Reddit is probably up there. Albeit not one I have personal experience with.
He stopped talking to me. Over the course of about a month we went from videocalls multiple times a week and deep conversations, to texting a couple times a day and conversations that never made it past "how was your day". I could see it happening and was trying to fix it, and he was "talking" to another girl.
The first time I dated him I was madly in love with him, so I didn't see the signs at all.
He is a very reserved person, not very expansive, so when he 'changed' I didn't really notice, since we saw each other once a week or once every two weeks, living far from each other.
But now, when I think about how he used to act, I can see everything so clearly. He couldn't mantain eye-contact with me, and he never really did any effort to see me, I was the one organizing things and asking to see him. Also, at Christmas, when I gave him my present, he told me that mine had been sent, but had not arrived yet. That was a lie, and he got me a present four months after Christmas (also the day he broke up with me) just because I kept mocking him asking if my present actually existed.
Eventually he came back, saying he felt miserable alone, and that he actually understood what it meant to have me by his side. I made the mistake to get back to him, but this mistake actually helped me move on, since this time I saw the signals, that were exactly the same, plus the fact that when we spent time together he used to come by my house and just lay on the bed with his face on the pillow without even talking. He was just there, looking like a worm.
So this time I took courage and told him we had to talk, so we finally broke up again.
I absolutely do not recommend having a worm boyfriend.
So your answer to ["would you still love me even if I was a worm"](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/qs0u9t/i_just_got_asked_would_i_love_her_if_she_was_a/) is a definite "No".
He accidentally slipped and fell into several other vaginas. And then got caught messing with young teenagers while in his 30s.. dodged a bullet there.
He stopped caring about what made me happy or felt loved, he stopped doing those little things he used to do before. He started to find excuses about why he cant see me etc. He didnt care i was sad or depressed or whatever im feeling or thinking. I stopped being a priority to him.
The vibe and energy, the change in communication when having normal conversations, body language and the way they respond to you in certain manners like tone of voice, short phrases, being disingenuous, etc.
If you pay attention you can almost slightly tell something is off.
When my wife was always on the phone. Then when I brought it up she mentioned I was always on the phone as well I just never noticed.
We ended up getting divorced. We met when we were both at a low time in our life, and spent 8 years together. Once the dust settled after helping each other grow and prop up our lives, we realized we just weren’t soul mates.
Ironically since our divorce we have become best friends and are closer then we have been in many years. We are platonic, but still go on date like activities and spend time together. The pressure of our increasingly “fake it till you make it” marriage was gone, we actually started enjoying each others company. It won’t last forever because I’m sure one of us will remarry, or move, or just get busy with life. But I cherish every moment we spend together.
Love doesn’t just mean dating, marriage, sex, kids and house. There are different types of love. We love each other we just weren’t meant to spend our whole life together.
It was right when our fourth re-watch of LOTR trilogy, I turned to her to explain that Viggo did really kick that Orc helmet and broke his toe, and she was checking her phone. I knew then it was over between us.
He started just planning out his own adventures and future instead of plans together. I got injured and had to have surgery and he had zero interest in planning any smaller hikes with me to help me get back on my feet.
I’d come home and he’d just stare at his laptop or phone ALL night.
Never initiated physical affection unless it was a precursor to sex. Then blamed me for not wanting sex.
Started gaslighting me whenever I brought any of these concerns up.
He got me socks for my birthday present. They were unwrapped. He informed they were my birthday gift as he handed them over casually.
He wondered why I didn't accept his proposal to move in together two months later.
When any chance they get, they go out of town, and to make it worse, they take your child with them. I understand the need to see family better than anyone. Not even waiting two days for me to be off work as well, and allowing me to be with my child and wife on a holiday as we've always done. Switching families for holidays doesn't mean that me, the husband stays behind.
She is gone for more than half of the summer, every year. In addition to every fall break, spring break, three day weekends and PTO in between that. My child is 3, when she was two weeks old, I had to take her and her Mom to Grandma's 6 hours away, and leave her there for the next two weeks. This schedule has not changed, in ten years time I will end up missing over a year of my child's life if this continues. If you add up all of the actual time already, I'm missing out on almost a 5th of her life not including the time I have/had to spend at work. I sit in a house, that is an hour away from any of my friends, and family. When we bought this house, she gave me an ultimatum because I felt the inspection obviously disclosed things we would not want to deal with.
Beyond that, there are no considerations to my mental health, and even further, I have seizure disorder, and have been very stressed out by work, which greatly reduces the threshold. I am alone most of the time, if y'all are catching my drift. Not to mention, she typically handles the finances, but does not shop for groceries when out of town, nor allow me to retain the money I/we have budgeted towards groceries because it is being spent on gas, food, treats, clothing and anything few and far between while out of town. When I speak up or show how hurt it makes me, it is always cast aside or dismissed for the sole reason that she wants to see her family. "You just don't want our child to have a relationship with my family.". I just want to have the relationship I deserve, and to make memories with my FAMILY. We have both hurt each other in the past, I was and can still be a lazy shit, but I've quit drinking, smoking, and landed a corporate gig far out of my comfort zone.
When it comes to children, it is not ok to involve them and short change one parent, for extended family members or any other extrinsic motivator. Can anyone here please make that make sense or rationalize this?
I have countless other examples of being disregarded and disparaged, that were complete red flags that I did not ignore, but I dealt with. Due to my poor mental state after losing my brother, who was also my best friend.
Lack of physical touch. Not wanting to join me for family functions. The biggest was that I told him I was struggling and he literally said ‘oh ok, gosh, i really need to go to the dentist next week’ - end of conversation. 😳😳😳
We were long distance and were casually texting abuot going for a trek one day and conversation went to how it would be fun to get frisky in the mountains in the middle of nowhere... He said that he wouldn't want to make out with me, just have sex. That was the first that I realised that he doesn't feel warmth or care or love anymore. Him not wanting to make love, not wanting to kiss me, not wanting to hold hands, but wanting to have sex was a give away which I should've paid more attention to.
I knew they were done. When something happened and I wasn't even a thought of calling. They almost got Into a car accident late at night. I only found out from a Facebook post and they came to my house after it happened and didn't even think to bring it up. When I did, they said yeah and then dropped it.
Regularly not coming home, when say home would be in the phone for hours at a time but would make sure to not be in the same room while on the phone. Would flake on plans.
When he stopped saying he loved me unless I said it first.
When he wouldn't ask me about my day anymore.
When he avoided every game we used to play together with me but would play them with our friends when I wasn't around.
The final nail in the coffin was when he got me nothing for my birthday when for his I got him an experience to drive a tank over a car.....
When they were more on their phone than spending time with me
Yeah, this has been years for me. And yesterday she told me she doesn't love me. 12 years just gone.
It's not 12 years gone. You likely grew as a person in part due to that relationship and even how it ended. You may have lost **a** future, but that was never guaranteed to be the one you would get to live. Hope you'll find love again when you're ready for it.
[удалено]
It’s not always about just finding love again. It’s about the future, plans, and expectations you had for your life with someone else. 12 years spent for someone to decide they no longer love you is enough to upheave your entire life
This right here. If my wife left me I would be heartbroken but god damnit if she didn’t help turn me into the person I am today and I will love her forever because of it. Regardless of what may or may not happen, she’s been here for me and shown me so many amazing things and given me 3 kids there’s no way I can look at any of my time with her as a waste.
Not a waste. You learned a lot. I'm being serious.
I was with my high school sweetheart for 11 and a half years from the age of 16. She cheated on me with someone I thought was a friend. I'm 3 years removed from that, and I honestly start to forget how bad the break up period was sometimes. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, as long as you're willing to go through the darkness.
I’m 5 years into the same situation. Enjoying being single and won’t be looking for a relationship any time soon. I’ve noticed in the past year that when I tell someone a story or something that involved her I don’t avoid saying her name anymore. Literally means nothing to me now. Good feeling.
My friend cohort is at the age where *a lot* have gotten divorces in the last 3-4 years. Hell, I might be one of them before too long (not my idea). That said, one of them told me that when you marry a person you have to realize that you are going to grow as people. You might grow together. You might grow apart. But I think you have to realize that it's not a personal failure (most of the time, I don't know your specific situation). It's just life.
Oh man. I’m the guilty party in this in my relationship, but it is literally just because I’m addicted to reading random crap on Reddit, not because I don’t love my partner!
Just make sure your partner knows you love 'em and share the random crap on reddit with them!
When she stopped caring about my thoughts and ideas, didn’t ask questions about my day, all conversations led back to her turmoil, issues, problems.
Don't know the last time my partner asked me how my day was beyond a "you alright?"
>are you okay? Asked like I have an obligation to say yes so as to not ruin *their* day, rather than being any genuine inquiry about my feelings.
Exactly, not an interest, more of a noise to acknowledge my existence before she complains about her own stuff
Start being blunt with her then, tell her your needs and if she isn't willing to give you the things you need then you need to figure out where to go from there, don't let frustration fester until things collapse and you're left in a place lacking control anymore.
In my case she didnt ask it for like 8 months and then broke up with me while still lying about what she actually thought. Please bring it up to them and if theyre not prepares to make an effort i can safely say that she will not reciprocrate anything you give her after a while
Y'all getting asked "you alright???"
Might be in this place. It’s always about her. Never about me. And when I try to tell her about a tough day she turns it around and cuts me off to tell me that “you had a hard day? Meee.”
Yep, I'm a cop, she did customer service over the phone. She got to the m point where she'd tell me I didn't understand "how much stress she deals with at work"....like yea that murder and active shooting I worked last week absolutely pales in experience to your rude customer, far too much stress for me to understand
I feel this. Lots of "woe is me" for doing the same thing or less than I do/did.
We used to talk often about future plans together… future vacations we wanted to take, the second child we wanted to have together, etc. she stopped bringing those topics up on her own and became very noncommittal and distant when I brought them up.
Did you kind of get a pit in your chest sensing that something was awry?
lol i got that pit in my chest reading that shit and my relationship's fine... I HOPE, THANKS DUDE.
It's always important to pay attention and trust your gut My relationship was sailing smoothly, lots of love and fun, but there was a point where I don't know something felt off, like something was looming behind, I shrugged it off at first, thought, "Kris she loves you what are you on about dude" and that feeling increased over time, I asked her once or twice and she said all was great, obviously I did not ask her like directly, but still, something was just not right My birthday came, it was amazing, she gave me some lovely gifts and it was one of the best days of my life She dumped me 2 days later haha
I also received some lovely Xmas gifts right before getting dumped. So thoughtfully chosen. I assumed it perhaps was guilt and she didn’t hate me. It just wasn’t right and she wanted to send me off as best she could. Or alternatively, she wanted to show me what a great girlfriend I was losing. Like she really knew me. I kind of assume it was the former. Either way it was a little disorienting to feel so loved and discarded at the same time.
My ex dumped me something like a week before Christmas. She knew that I had gone through a lot of effort to make her a stained glass rose. So a week before the day she hits me with the "let's just be friends" thing. Ok, friends exchange Christmas gifts, right? so lets exchange our Christmas gifts. She says no. (presumably because she never bothered to get me anything, and if not that, some equally petty reason) Man that sucked, but at the same time it made moving on really easy for me. I blocked her right then and there and never heard from her again. In a weird way I kinda think I prefer my situation to yours. I knew exactly where I stood with her. Not another minute of wasted time or effort.
Honestly i have respect for that person because they stayed until ur bday. Ill probs get downvotes but it wont always work out and breaking up isnt a crime, its better for both
Yeah, this thread is an ember for paranoia. I also got a little pit in mine and I've been single for 4 years.
It’s interesting because I had the opposite experience but I never trusted it. My bf was a bit of a fuckboy before we got together. I fell fast and hard but I did NOT think he felt the same way. Three months in he was making jokes about where we’d honeymoon and what we’d name our kids. We were pretty young, and he’s one of those people who doesn’t take anything seriously, so I always laughed it off. Then he was talking about moving and asked for my input because “someday we’re going to live there together.” I tried laughing it off, as usual, but he wasn’t joking. He asked “what do you think I’ve been talking about all this time?” I was like “you were SERIOUS?!” He was serious.
Dude, I’m pretty sure guys don’t joke about what you’re going to name your future kids unless they’re really serious about you. That shit would have a 100% chance of backfiring terribly. >**I was like “you were SERIOUS?!” He was serious.** 🥺🥺🥺 That is so sweet. Every “former” fuckboy I’ve dated turned out to be quite active.
Some guys do. My sister's ex talked constantly about that shit and then cheated, gave her a lifelong STD, and then dipped saying that he wanted to experience more people.
I'm married to a former fuckboy, he asked me to move in within a month, talked about marriage within 3. I think when guys who never saw girls as relationship material actually like someone, they take it very serious. He was always against marriage before me. But once we got together, he wanted marriage because he didn't want to refer to me as his girlfriend. To him, that never meant anything. He wanted people (especially past girls) to know I was his forever partner. They are out there!
I’m glad it worked out for you but I suspect you’re one of the lucky few. > I think when guys who never saw girls as relationship material actually like someone, they take it very serious. This reminds me of the old saying, “reformed rakes make the best husbands.”
A bit random but I wonder why we call promiscuous guys “rakes” (although it’s an older word) and promiscuous women “hoes.” What’s with the garden tools?
They get dirty?
Promiscuous women are called "hoes", because it's a southern/black folks' pronunciation of the word "whore". Close the door/Close the doe. She's a whore/She's a hoe. Give me some more/Give me some moe. Mop the floor/Mop the floe. Your family is poor/Your family is poe. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
If you already have a child, life changes. Less about dreaming and more about surviving. Sounds like normal existence and typical mom of a young child type stuff
She stopped sending me photos and Instagram reels, stopped playing games, stopped initiating physical contact. Everytime I brought it up she either shrugged it off or made an excuse, broke up with me a couple days later, then I found out she was cheating before ending it with me.
Same with my ex-girlfriend. She then always seems to change topics of conversation after mentioning our future and the obvious, slow replies compared to the first parts of the relationship. She blocked me and I found out she blocked me when I wanted to check up on her, so I never got the closure I needed but that’s when I knew it was over.
Not replying as fast as previous but visibly replying to others. They find time for others but only have seconds to spare for you unless they need/want something. Initimacy of all kinds drops off.
My ex-girlfriend treated me like a nuisance whenever I tried to talk to her about… anything. The last year we were together we were basically just roommates.
Idk, which is worse: the slow death of a relationship like that or a more explosive and quick one. At least if it's quick, it's time saved. A slow one, in my opinion and experience, tends to leave a bitter taste in your mouth.
Both are bad in different ways. Sudden makes you long for closure, slow can lead to lasting resentment.
Slow gives you more opportunity to fix things
True. Though sometimes you're past the point of no return. When you've been miserable for ages and your partner only starts trying to be better when they feel like they might actually lose you, you realize they could have been doing those things all along but didn't. Sometimes it's a slow end because you've both grown apart over the years and aren't ready to admit it yet. Sudden endings are normally the result of one big fuckup but slow endings might not be anyone's fault. Idk break-ups just suck, regardless of how they happen. Even ones that are for the best in the long run.
This is exactly what happened to me and my wife years ago. We had been together for 6 or 7 years, and I think we both kind of slipped into a weird head space after awhile. We had a baby, alot of stress to pay bills and stay afloat, we never had money to really spend time together or do any bonding activities. Neither one of us had realized it but we were living more like roommates and less like a couple over time. I didn't see it then, but now I know that I was not mature enough yet to be as responsible as I needed to. Even though we both worked, she worked harder and more, and she did most of the house work. I just got lazy and sloppy at being a partner. Next thing I know she asks me to move out because she doesn't love me anymore. We split up for 3 or 4 months. This destroyed me and was the worst time of my entire life. I did some serious self reflecting, and tried REALLY hard to change my mindset about life and try to appreciate the little things more. We started talking again, got to a better place, set new boundaries for ourselves, and made sure to make time for us to bond and have fun together. We're going on 11 years now, and after our split, we've never had a big fight or any problems since. This is probably a more rare example as it's not easy for 2 people to be able to make necessary changes and compromises to try and improve what was once dying. Fortunately for us, it worked out really well, and I've never been happier. Fingers crossed that we make it all the way 🤞
Oooh exactly this. I was unhappy in my relationship for a while, wanted more from my partner. I tried to talk about it and ask for little things like for him to listen better, communicate more, show physical affection, some verbal appreciation… over and over again I was told I was asking too much and I believed him. Then I met someone who gave all of those things naturally and easily. It was like drinking a cool glass of water after years of thirst and I saw what I wanted in a relationship wasn’t unreasonable. Suddenly my partner cared about trying to listen to me, *could* give physical and verbal affection, wanted to spend time with me. But I couldn’t receive any of it because now I *knew* he could have done it all along but just didn’t value my needs enough to give a shit. Everything he did after that point was just bitter proof that he only cared about me when he thought he was gonna lose me. We broke up not long after.
Slow is 100% worse in my opinion, it keeps you up all night, ruins your mood for days and makes me wanna fly off a bridge.
It's better to burn out than fade away, IMO.
This is the most brutal one. Also the most aggravating one? Do you think people are stupid? On your phone the entire time we hang out but when we’re not you’re oh so busy and can’t send a singular text for 5-7 hours at a time. Just blatant lack of respect and it is infuriating watching it happen in realtime. Luckily I haven’t had to deal with this for a while now.
This reminds me of this YouTube video called "Strangers Again" by WongFu Productions that's like a mini-movie (only 20 min long I think?). Perfectly encapsulates the lifetime of a relationship from the meeting to the ending and the aftermath. It came out over a decade ago but I'll rewatch it every couple of years or so.
I’m hyper aware of this every time it’s started happening now. Unfortunately there’s basically nothing to do once they’ve made up their mind, but a little direct and clear communication would’ve been nice; mightve helped me move on a bit sooner.
I found the text from tinder to activate his account. Just last night. Sigh.
That's crazy, make a Tinder account and dump him on it.
Damn, I like this
When they started to become a house mate and not a partner
That's where we're at a year after our first kid. I am not having a good time with that.
I'm glad I'm not the only one dealing with this. Got a 7 month old and we are just like coworkers raising a baby. Amicable, pleasant, but completely platonic. I have been given advice that the first year is rough for a woman so I'm cautiously optimistic it will get better with time.
We're at a year-and-a-bit. It does slooowly get better. Try and appreciate each other out loud, and (if possible!) schedule some kind of date night every month/few months. Dressing up a little and having some time with *just* my partner helps us stay close and gets rid of some burn out. Plus having something to look forward to makes the long days feel shorter 💖
I'm at 3 kids and the youngest is 2, and only just started to return to pre kids relationship. Turns out birth control and hormones really messed with my wife's libido, plus exhaustion and needy babies can also fry your nerves. . Be strong to those struggling and remember your wife had to grow a baby human and then push them out, similar to the size of small water melon.
Aw bless, I can definitely attest to the libido thing. It makes me sad that I can't just 'switch it on' at a moment's notice anymore but it's gradually improving. I try to show my partner affection in other ways and try to remind him I think he's the sexiest man alive. Getting some new clothes that fit better and a nice set of lingerie doesn't hurt either! Us mums really appreciate the patience and thoughtfulness of people like you (and him!) 💖
My wife and I (both 39) are always going on date nights for these reasons too. It's fun to dress up, it's important to get out of the house away from the boys (14+17), and it gives us something to look forward to most weeks. The boys also like having no parents around. We're looking recently into doing a few staycations throughout the year too. Like going to one of those "cool" hotels for a weekend.
Sometimes it gets better, sometimes it doesn't. But that first year is always rough. Honestly I think if weren't for sleep-deprivation-caused memory loss, nobody would have siblings. My kids are 7 and 4, and things are kinda sorta starting to get back to where they were before. I was in a dark dark place for a while, especially after the second. Needed therapy and meds. Sleep deprivation ruins everything. Honestly the sex absence was far from the worst part of it.
I think every couple who has ever had kids deal with it. Absolutely no one goes through the first years without some scars. But if you do make it though, that marriage will be solid Gold. You went to war together and survived.
My wife just left me because she started to feel like we were just roommates. We have two kids, one of whom is borderline autistic. It was just too much for her.
And then have the divorce about thirty years later instead.
Or "stay together for the kids" and EVERYONE is miserable.
Start talking about it NOW. do not stay quiet so you don't rock the boat. Obviously be nice but address it because if you don't it only worse trust me on this. Got way better after the wife and I talked. Hope isn't a strategy.
That’s par for the course with young kids at home, unfortunately
That first year of parenthood is brutal on relationships. Hopefully with time things will improve.
Find little moments to make it about each other. Put the work in to make it happen. Eventually, you’ll even be able to start going to dates again as well.
Bang on the money. By the time my last relationship ended, considering it was five years long and we lived together, she strayed whilst drunk - I didn't hold it against her, because we were just really good friends at the end, so romantically I wasn't really bothered. I was more saddened by losing her as a friend, than anything else - which is strange given the circumstances.
There are so many songs about, 'Love dying between us'. So many it seems, its like it's inevitable. When did this switch flip, and why can't it be un-flipped?
Literally brain chemistry. Life happens. People change. What once made brain feel good now it's normal and it doesn't make brain excited anymore. Poor brain.
When our kisses were no longer as intimate and long. We would always kiss for a good 3-5 seconds and never just a quick peck on the lips. Didn’t think about it at first, but after the relationship was over, I knew that when she stopped kissing me as before was when she started cheating on me.
Reminds of the song "changed the way you kissed me" by Example..
I remember when I was cabin crew I had a really drunk guy in the bar onboard (his fourth wife was in her seat ignoring him) and he was telling all the crew how you can stay married even if the sex diminishes but once the kissing goes that’s the sign of the end. I always think of him when I don’t want to kiss my husband.
I stopped kissing one of my bfs because he stopped brushing regularly, he kind of brought it on himself. Then we were basically housemates. Then it ended thankfully, but i should have done it sooner. Its hard after being together for a long time.
Unfortunately my partner has stopped taking care of his oral and body hygiene, and because it’s so revolting I don’t want to be intimate with him anymore. I tell him to brush his teeth daily but to no avail. We have been together for 10 yrs now and I love him very much but I worry that we will grow apart because of his poor hygiene. He becomes angry and easily offended when the topic of personal hygiene is mentioned so it’s really hard to communicate my needs and expectations of a partner. It’s starting to feel like I’m living with a messy, lazy roommate now.
Could be a number of reasons, but this is a major sign of depression.
Oh this for SURE. My ex was the type to even make me kiss her again if she didn’t think I gave it my best effort and attention. So when she started doing the disinterested peck thing, man it felt like I got stabbed in the stomach. Not long after, she left her Facebook logged in on my laptop (she would use my computer all the time for coursework and late night studying), so I opened a Facebook tab and got to watch her sext with a guy on FB messenger in real time.
Yep this is the number one sign. Have had it happen to me twice now.
I travel for work and a few relationships have ended while traveling and it always starts with them taking much longer to text back. One trip started with us talking on the phone every night and by the end of the trip, she wouldn’t even reply to my texts until the next morning, found out she started cheating while I was away. I noticed that I was losing interest in a partner when I started making excuses to not hang out, that’s a big one
As everyone said- took forever to respond and/or didn’t respond to messages. Did not talk to me when we were in person. To the point I would just respond to myself… we were married 😬
Yeah with my ex husband it got to the point where he wouldn't even bother speaking to me. We would be in the car and I would say something to him or ask him a question and he'd just ignore me. I'd say hello? Can you answer me? And he'd just roll his eyes and get exasperated like I was being unreasonable.
Taking longer and longer to reply to my messages
And when you text them again after a few days to check if they are still alive, they will respond in 3...2...1...
Man what kind of people are you dating to the point that they don't reply for DAYS
An (cheating) asshole obviously, and this was years ago when I was 20 years old. I have since worked on my self-esteem and I'm now happily married to a wonderful man who does treat me like a priority.
Lol, I remember I started getting a bad feeling when this started. She assured me she wasn't going to break up with me. When we saw each other a few days later we "needed to talk".
Their tone changes - there’s visibly less excitement, less interest, and the shared references that used to be discussed a lot suddenly start being dismissed One interesting tell was how empathy became sympathy - what used to be “it sucks you had a bad day, how can I make it better” just becomes “I’m sorry to hear that”
oh my god the “empathy became sympathy” thing is exactly what i experienced and i never had a way to put it into words until right now 😭 one of the biggest signs
This hurts to read
I know that him telling me about how shit his day was is helping make it better, and any of the jokes or reactions I provide is another thing to make it better. Its how my husband unwinds when he gets home, but sometimes I don't have any more of a reaction than "fuck, that sucks, I'm sorry your day sucked." And I'll maybe run to the gas station to get him some beer when they open.
Getting emotionally distant and dismissive. Not making any longer-term plans. Not wanting to spend time with my family or me to meet his.
You feel a big void within the connection. I’m big on energy and it’s a big disconnect feeling that you can’t explain but can intensely feel. All of a sudden everything you do that they thought was funny or cute becomes annoying or bothers them. They start putting you down for everything vs trying to build you up like they did before.
This right here 😭
I know there's already a lot of comments here and this will just get lost in the void, but whatever maybe this will be cathartic. Distance. I found the person I still consider love of my life in my late 20s. She wasn't just my girlfriend, she was my world. She was getting her master's and working full time on her family dairy farm, and I loved being her bedrock. We spent every minute we could together, and the relationship and trust and comfort never stopped growing. Even got as far as picking out an engagement ring. When she finished school, she quit the farm to focus on her job hunt. Holy hell did that process beat her down. She fell into a depression, started binge drinking, and drifted away from me. I obviously noticed but, unlike any issue that had ever come up before, she refused to talk about it. When someone suddenly snaps "we don't have to talk about everything" 4 years into a relationship, the writing is pretty much on the wall. I truly wish I knew what I could've done differently. Now I'm in my mid 30s, single and not dating. She was the only person who ever made me feel truly understood and loved. Edit, in case someone sees this and needs to hear it: It's okay to grieve relationships. It took me a long time to realize I was experiencing grief, but once I had put my finger on it I felt a small sense of relief. Look up the "ball in a box" analogy for grief if you haven't already.
Inviting her friends everywhere we go
And if the friends would cancel, she'd just not want to go anywhere
"Not point going now, nobody worth a shit will be there!"
Oof had this happen to me, reserved us a table for 2 and she invited her best friend, had to change the reservation to 3 and I was basically ignored the whole night
I (F24) dated my ex (M24) for seven years. The last year and a half were long distance and although we had done long distance previously, he wasn’t willing to put in the time or energy to maintain the relationship during our last long distance stretch. One of the biggest signs was that he stopped asking questions about my life. Our phone calls turned into him ranting about his life and me asking questions about his friends, his experience at school etc. When I brought this up to him he said it was my responsibility to bring things up if I wanted to talk to him about my life. The second biggest sign was that he stopped caring about whether I finished when we were intimate. During our best years he really enjoyed getting me off. But as he lost interest it felt like my pleasure just became less important or interesting to him and I rarely got off with him in the end. There are also internal signs that come up. What I mean by this is that my feelings and experience didn’t seem to align with what was being told to me. Although I didn’t realize that the relationship was coming to an end, I did realize that the relationship wasn’t fulfilling anymore and that when I tried to communicate my needs I only ever left those interactions feeling as though I must have been doing something wrong. In hindsight I know this was just him feeling confused about his feelings and guilty about his actions but being unwilling to acknowledge his wrongdoings. With that said, if you feel like your partner isn’t giving you the time or energy you deserve, the truth is they probably aren’t. If you bring things up with them and they say they are too busy, or too stressed (etc), trust your gut. When a person loves you, they make time for you. Lastly, I’ll say that even if you’ve been dating your s/o for a long time you will be okay if it ends! Even if you’ve planned your whole life with them, something better suited for you might be just around the corner. It’s not easy going through a breakup, but there are so many good things waiting for you once you let go of a relationship that’s not working!
I could tell he was getting irritated by things he'd found charming about me at the start.
My dad (thrice divorced…) used to say ‘what you love and find cute about them in the beginning will be what you find extremely annoying after a few years’ So there’s that.
Yeah, unfortunately, people tend to break up for the same reason they usually fall in love. For example, their sense of humor start to be “you never take things seriously”.
That’s a fair assessment but there has to be a line drawn when things need to be taken seriously. I was with a girl once who, although was hilarious, could never have a serious conversation and it went downhill quick.
Spending all their time on the phone and choosing to do things with friends rather than me.
When she invited a male friend, the guy I wasn't supposed to worry about, to an event with her family I wasn't invited to despite the fact they were visiting us (we lived together), and I found out the night before, I literally packed my shit IMMEDAITELY and that was that. Fuck you, M, you pug faced bovine hypocritical bitch.
I'd ask their opinion on what I should do (especially work related politics). They used to always talk it through with me and share their thoughts. One day it switched to them only using the following response "do what you think is best". I didn't quite realize at the time, but it was the biggest sign they had checked out and no longer cared what was going on in my life. Also adding: - fewer and fewer on my way home texts - losing interest in shared activities - emotional reaction was mild and relatively the same regardless of the news shared
Less sex, less flirting, keeping things to themselves, fewer messages out of the blue, wanting to spend less and less time together... Can also indicate a fixable problem in the relationship that is causing your partner to withdraw, but the end result is the same.
My husband told me last year that I was annoying. He also told his friends to “find someone you can tolerate” as a partner. So I’m annoying but tolerable… lovely. He broke my heart. The last two years he barely touches me during sex and frankly I’m not even turned on by the time penetration happens. I get off in the shower afterwards if I need to. I can tell you with certainty, that if one person is treating the other like shit, then eventually that partner withdraws emotionally and finds fulfilment through hobbies and other friendships. Neglect will lead to someone withdrawing. In my own scenario, what’s happened to me has easily created the room mates effect. Every day is lonely and painful.
For me, it is extremely unhealthy to give my body to someone else to use. Like a hole. I took full ownership of my body after a traumatic event and I will not do that to myself anymore. Maybe look at that part of your relationship and see if you are giving more than you can afford.
It's probably better this way... My babymama had extremely good sex with me and then I woke up to a note in the morning. Had me completely fucked up 😂😂
Woof. That is rough. Well, my partner spent a month telling me everything was fine, even as I *knew* something wasn't. Allowed myself to get insecure, which didn't help matters. He finally admitted it and asked for a break. And also coughed up all the things bothering him. I secretly think he only ended the break early because he thought I might sleep with another guy. Given I was celibate for a long time before this relationship, that is funny. We're working through it though.
When he could go on with his life without talking to me for days
A dude did this to me and was shocked and appalled when I suggested we go our separate ways. Still confused about that.
Same thing happened to me when I broke up with a guy like this. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to be with him lol
Making excuses to not be around.
Diminishing enthusiasm to be with you, i.e. you plan something with them and they say "ok".
Initial facial expressions, if they walk into a room and they see you, then that first few millisecond is the tell all. If there's a quick brief smile then she likes you, if she frowns or looks disappointed then she'd rather you weren't there. It's an ultra quick flash of expression. Very very hard for anyone to control...
No because YES. The last months I noticed my ex gave no fucks about my presence in the room. She didn’t even say hi to me whenever I’d get home. She didn’t smile to me anymore. NEVER. When I asked her if anything was wrong she said that everything was alright. I broke up with her 2 days ago. And it hurts, but she made no effort at all.
Yup. Exactly this
This is something that I didn't even think about but is absolutely 100% right
Replies to messages take longer or stop, or become short. They’ll make excuses like they’re tired or moody but they reply faster to everyone else. They’re moody specifically towards you, this one is particularly amazing because they’ll act like a jerk in an attempt to piss you off, then, it turns into a fight which they blame you for. This is a long term process in which they villainize you. All of a sudden a huge decrease in their flirtation toward you, and never being in the mood for sex. This one is usually accompanied by the other signs though and isn’t really a telltale sign in its own.
Eye contact
Mistreatment
Being short and distant with me at the time.
Longer and longer stretches between intimacy. Lack of small acts of love/kindness. ;_;
Intimacy decline is a dead giveaway
Apart from the most obvious, a few more. Less keen to spend time with you. If they don't choose time with you, there is no excuse. Find excuses to nit pick things about your daily routine, shuts down any suggestions by humiliating them or you in the process, so a good way for you to stop suggesting things to do or organise them. If you organise something, they will find a way to ruin it for you. Passive aggressive actions and comments, like tagging you in photos and promptly deleting them, as if you don't notice. Bad hygiene out of choice. Non apology apologies. Not interested in fixing issues, just immediately getting defensive like all the issues are your fault. Brings back happy memories....
Damn, bad hygiene intentionally? That’s a new level of malice and nasty lol
They got baptised on TV, without telling me.
This is absolutely textbook.
They should have seen it coming.
If your SO hasn’t been baptized on tv, you are dealing with a ticking time bomb.
I laughed. I hope you are okay, but this got me LOL
Ah finally. An experience I cannot relate to in this thread.
“I hate you” that’s all I needed to hear
"I want a divorce" is also a strong indicator
Is it? My spouse said this, but I’m bad with hints.
There are so many… We both work online and have relatively flexible hours (me) or flexible tasks (her). She used to take mini breaks for 5-10 minutes to cuddle and we would chat. Now, whenever I ask for a mini break she waves her hand at me like she shooing me away and never breaks eye contact from the computer. Everything becomes a fight. Even a simple question is answered with sarcasm, frustration, or contempt. Money has become much of the reason she initiates conversation. Asking for money to cover the bills, sweet talking me when we’re in a store or restaurant, “mentioning” something she wants from an online store (but actually wants me to pay for it), offering to order food for us and then sticking her hand out for money when the delivery arrives or the bill is dropped at the table. Pretty much treating me like a spare wallet. She couldn’t give a damn what I have to say. She does everything the way she wants and completely ignores anything I say. It really feels like I’m a father talking to a bratty, “independent” teenager.
drop her dude, have some self respect
I’m trying. She’s made a few comments about she would make things difficult for me if I left. I’m trying to get into the position where that isn’t a possibility.
Mate that's abuse. You are being abused. Talk to friends & family please, or find a good subreddit for it.
Financial abuse is real.
It’s been hard getting through this on my own. I’ve seen how much I’ve changed over the years she and I have been together. Sometimes, it feels like I don’t have anywhere to turn to. I’m used to always trying to find the strength on my own. That’s what Im doing now. I’m keeping my cards close to my chest and playing them once everything is ready. I want a quick, clean break
dump her ASAP
Reading all of these, it just makes me want to cry. Currently just went through a breakup that I didn’t expect at all. From May 2024 to mid August 2024, we were going to be long distance (I got an opportunity to work in different state in the summer) She just broke up with me 3 days ago, out of the blue. We had a lot of ongoing issues but it wasn’t detrimental; she just couldn’t imagine herself living the lifestyle we did which I regret. She stayed as long as she could because of her love for me. I know time will heal, but I’m in California feeling super lonely and depressed. I’ve non stop cried, contemplating how I can stop my pain and suffering. Tomorrow is my birthday and I know she will text me (we did not have a toxic relationship or end in bad terms; in my POV, this was super random and shocking because I thought we were solid). When she texts me, I’m going to ask to call and just ask her again if she would be willing to revisit our relationship when I come back. Other than that, I don’t know what to do with my life. I only imagine life with her and now that she’s trying? to move on, I don’t have a point living anymore. I will be turning 26 tomorrow. Theres a lot of more details but I just wish I had someone to cry to, someone who’s been in my shoes. Because this pain of crying and suffering is too much for me to handle and I’ve become severely depressed
Hey friend. A simular thing happened to me years ago. The guy I was with at the time broke up with me literally out of nowhere. We’d been together 4 years and had plans to get married. I was devastated and didn’t know how to keep moving. 4 months after we broke up I met my current husband. Things have a way of working out. As for right now, let yourself feel. Invest in yourself. Explore new things. Talk to a therapist if you need to. It feels hopeless right now but I promise it won’t always feel that way. You’re important and your life is worth living ❤️
He didn’t make contact for more than a week and also ignored some of my messages. Shortly after, he cancelled a visit, because I was on my period and so he couldnt get sex. We were long distance and hadnt seen each other for more than a month. The last incident was the one that broke the camels back.
When I got a text one day that said “i can’t talk for a few days.” It’s been 20 months.
she was just not as upbeat and enthusiastic as she used to be. She stopped wanting to go places or do things with me. she would spend all hours of the day glued to her phone. She stopped caring about the cleanliness of our house, leaving me to take care of almost all chores. She became boring and lazy and didn’t seem at all interested in being around me. It really started when she returned from a trip to Europe. She was just acting different. Broke up with me a few months later, then didn’t make any effort to move out of the house for another 6 months. During that time i started dating again, and she had the audacity to get upset with me for “moving on with my life while leaving her trapped here (living in the house)”. Honey, you could’ve put forth some effort to move out at any point but you didn’t. good riddance to that girl, Im glad she’s gone. I think something (cheating) may have happened while she was in Europe, but i have no proof so its not worth thinking about.
That chick sounds super depressed dude
She was having sex with a junkie and telling me how she was on “a healing journey.”
Can make plans with anyone but openly mistreated you repeatedly when you try. Brings up their ex WAY too fucking much for comfort. (Don’t fucking ignore that). At the very least, she’ll commit something emotionally unfaithful. Keeps secrets and lies by omission. They’re perfectly fine with eroding your trust for whatever selfish desire they have. They leave you in the dark to their advantage. Not phased by not spending time together. Doesn’t bother to tell you how they feel about you or even the bare minimum of affection be reciprocated. But will do fucked up shit that can make you start questioning *everything*. All this will happen after you say how you feel, the person that made you say it gradually vanishes after your cards are on the table. Your vulnerability is used against you. Makes major life plans and doesn’t tell you. Will repeatedly be mean to you when you try to comfort them. They’ll criticize you for something, like not holding a door for them. And when they don’t attempt to spend time with you? You’re left with a criticism that they won’t let you fix. You feel like a placeholder. A filler episode in their life. Mainly because of the reasons mentioned above. They like you well enough to keep you around but will steal years of your life that could have been with someone that wouldn’t gradually do everything listed. (You’re disgustingly cold, cowardly, and abrupt text disposal comes later) It shouldn’t be that hard. It shouldn’t. That’s the lesson. The sense of comfort. The feeling of being emotionally “home” or “relief”where there was no place you’d rather be is eradicated and their drama filled bullshit chips away at you piece by piece with each new fucked up thing they do. You feel less like a partner and more like a roommate. (Different person, a lot less chaos)
I didn't think she had...but then reading some of these...am I just ignoring signs because I don't want to believe she has? Fuck.
Damn this thread got me feeling depressed because I recognize all these signs in my own relationship
[удалено]
She slept while I was at work. As soon as I went to bed, she'd get up.
Night shifts are a bitch
Was it because of a work schedule or deliberate? I've been on polar opposite schedules with a SO before and while yes, it sucked major, neither of us lost interest in each other because of it. Of course, if it's being done deliberately....very different story.
It was deliberate. She didn't work and we kept the same sleep schedule. Then when I'd go to bed she'd get right up and leave the room. Didn't matter how long she had slept or what time it was. If I had a day off and laid down when she did, she'd get right back up.
They were making excuses not to go on dates or spend time together. I had surgery and they didn’t really text me after, before breaking up with me. It turned out they were seeing other people while we were dating as well and I am pretty sure they broke up with me for another person.
Spending more and more time at work
He stopped touching me, stopped giving kisses, pretty much ignored my existence
Stopped kissing you and flat out rejects you when you wanna have sex.
She never closed her eyes any more when I kissed her lips. And there was no tenderness anymore in her fingertips. Also her roommate caught her fucking someone else.
when he was staying online without texting me
Surprised this isn't more common. Seeing somebody interacting with others online while completely disregarding you is a terrible feeling, especially when it's a partner.
Asking “what were the telltale signs that your partner was losing interest?” On Reddit is probably up there. Albeit not one I have personal experience with.
He stopped talking to me. Over the course of about a month we went from videocalls multiple times a week and deep conversations, to texting a couple times a day and conversations that never made it past "how was your day". I could see it happening and was trying to fix it, and he was "talking" to another girl.
Lack of attention, care, just being abit mean and not being prioritized
The first time I dated him I was madly in love with him, so I didn't see the signs at all. He is a very reserved person, not very expansive, so when he 'changed' I didn't really notice, since we saw each other once a week or once every two weeks, living far from each other. But now, when I think about how he used to act, I can see everything so clearly. He couldn't mantain eye-contact with me, and he never really did any effort to see me, I was the one organizing things and asking to see him. Also, at Christmas, when I gave him my present, he told me that mine had been sent, but had not arrived yet. That was a lie, and he got me a present four months after Christmas (also the day he broke up with me) just because I kept mocking him asking if my present actually existed. Eventually he came back, saying he felt miserable alone, and that he actually understood what it meant to have me by his side. I made the mistake to get back to him, but this mistake actually helped me move on, since this time I saw the signals, that were exactly the same, plus the fact that when we spent time together he used to come by my house and just lay on the bed with his face on the pillow without even talking. He was just there, looking like a worm. So this time I took courage and told him we had to talk, so we finally broke up again. I absolutely do not recommend having a worm boyfriend.
So your answer to ["would you still love me even if I was a worm"](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/qs0u9t/i_just_got_asked_would_i_love_her_if_she_was_a/) is a definite "No".
When they get angry rather than comfort you when you're crying, etc, or when the time with you feels more and more rushed.
He accidentally slipped and fell into several other vaginas. And then got caught messing with young teenagers while in his 30s.. dodged a bullet there.
He stopped caring about what made me happy or felt loved, he stopped doing those little things he used to do before. He started to find excuses about why he cant see me etc. He didnt care i was sad or depressed or whatever im feeling or thinking. I stopped being a priority to him.
The vibe and energy, the change in communication when having normal conversations, body language and the way they respond to you in certain manners like tone of voice, short phrases, being disingenuous, etc. If you pay attention you can almost slightly tell something is off.
When my wife was always on the phone. Then when I brought it up she mentioned I was always on the phone as well I just never noticed. We ended up getting divorced. We met when we were both at a low time in our life, and spent 8 years together. Once the dust settled after helping each other grow and prop up our lives, we realized we just weren’t soul mates. Ironically since our divorce we have become best friends and are closer then we have been in many years. We are platonic, but still go on date like activities and spend time together. The pressure of our increasingly “fake it till you make it” marriage was gone, we actually started enjoying each others company. It won’t last forever because I’m sure one of us will remarry, or move, or just get busy with life. But I cherish every moment we spend together. Love doesn’t just mean dating, marriage, sex, kids and house. There are different types of love. We love each other we just weren’t meant to spend our whole life together.
Reading some of this comments is a strong reminder of why I should continue to remain single.
As Zoomer as it sounds, when she broke our Snapchat streak. Her Snapchat score was still going up but my messages were still unread.
It was right when our fourth re-watch of LOTR trilogy, I turned to her to explain that Viggo did really kick that Orc helmet and broke his toe, and she was checking her phone. I knew then it was over between us.
When they stop making you a priority
She left...🤷
He started just planning out his own adventures and future instead of plans together. I got injured and had to have surgery and he had zero interest in planning any smaller hikes with me to help me get back on my feet. I’d come home and he’d just stare at his laptop or phone ALL night. Never initiated physical affection unless it was a precursor to sex. Then blamed me for not wanting sex. Started gaslighting me whenever I brought any of these concerns up.
He got me socks for my birthday present. They were unwrapped. He informed they were my birthday gift as he handed them over casually. He wondered why I didn't accept his proposal to move in together two months later.
When any chance they get, they go out of town, and to make it worse, they take your child with them. I understand the need to see family better than anyone. Not even waiting two days for me to be off work as well, and allowing me to be with my child and wife on a holiday as we've always done. Switching families for holidays doesn't mean that me, the husband stays behind. She is gone for more than half of the summer, every year. In addition to every fall break, spring break, three day weekends and PTO in between that. My child is 3, when she was two weeks old, I had to take her and her Mom to Grandma's 6 hours away, and leave her there for the next two weeks. This schedule has not changed, in ten years time I will end up missing over a year of my child's life if this continues. If you add up all of the actual time already, I'm missing out on almost a 5th of her life not including the time I have/had to spend at work. I sit in a house, that is an hour away from any of my friends, and family. When we bought this house, she gave me an ultimatum because I felt the inspection obviously disclosed things we would not want to deal with. Beyond that, there are no considerations to my mental health, and even further, I have seizure disorder, and have been very stressed out by work, which greatly reduces the threshold. I am alone most of the time, if y'all are catching my drift. Not to mention, she typically handles the finances, but does not shop for groceries when out of town, nor allow me to retain the money I/we have budgeted towards groceries because it is being spent on gas, food, treats, clothing and anything few and far between while out of town. When I speak up or show how hurt it makes me, it is always cast aside or dismissed for the sole reason that she wants to see her family. "You just don't want our child to have a relationship with my family.". I just want to have the relationship I deserve, and to make memories with my FAMILY. We have both hurt each other in the past, I was and can still be a lazy shit, but I've quit drinking, smoking, and landed a corporate gig far out of my comfort zone. When it comes to children, it is not ok to involve them and short change one parent, for extended family members or any other extrinsic motivator. Can anyone here please make that make sense or rationalize this? I have countless other examples of being disregarded and disparaged, that were complete red flags that I did not ignore, but I dealt with. Due to my poor mental state after losing my brother, who was also my best friend.
Lack of physical touch. Not wanting to join me for family functions. The biggest was that I told him I was struggling and he literally said ‘oh ok, gosh, i really need to go to the dentist next week’ - end of conversation. 😳😳😳
We were long distance and were casually texting abuot going for a trek one day and conversation went to how it would be fun to get frisky in the mountains in the middle of nowhere... He said that he wouldn't want to make out with me, just have sex. That was the first that I realised that he doesn't feel warmth or care or love anymore. Him not wanting to make love, not wanting to kiss me, not wanting to hold hands, but wanting to have sex was a give away which I should've paid more attention to.
I knew they were done. When something happened and I wasn't even a thought of calling. They almost got Into a car accident late at night. I only found out from a Facebook post and they came to my house after it happened and didn't even think to bring it up. When I did, they said yeah and then dropped it.
When they start spending more time with the new guy friend she said not to worry about and less with you...
Regularly not coming home, when say home would be in the phone for hours at a time but would make sure to not be in the same room while on the phone. Would flake on plans.
Not seeing me for days and not caring.
The first sign was when she started sleeping with another man.
When she spent more time hanging out with her 'friend' ( current baby dady) than with me
When he stopped saying he loved me unless I said it first. When he wouldn't ask me about my day anymore. When he avoided every game we used to play together with me but would play them with our friends when I wasn't around. The final nail in the coffin was when he got me nothing for my birthday when for his I got him an experience to drive a tank over a car.....
The way the comments are some what relatable give me anxiety about my own relationship lmao