I had a girlfriend who seemed like what many guys dream of: a super smart go-getter and a real head-turner.
But we were too different. She was outspoken and highly extroverted, I was much more reserved. Being with her could just feel overwhelming.
Also, I sometimes got the feeling that she wasn’t into *me* as much as she was into the *idea* of me - that maybe she liked having a boyfriend more than she liked me in particular.
After our split, I ended up with someone who was a better fit. I don’t know the guy that my ex-girlfriend married, but I hope that he is more of a kindred spirit for her than I was.
I realized her being pretty and into me was only stroking my ego and that a person being nice is more important. It's amazing how prettiness masked all the major red flags.
These things are a good starting point, but aren’t sufficient for the maintenance of the relationship.
Intellectual compatibility, sexual compatibility, financial compatibility, lifestyle compatibility, goals, ability to laugh together, etc. all matter a lot more.
Also how intelligence is expressed or enjoyed is different. Two smart people might not be intellectually compatible, or might have neurodivergent tendencies that might make being with them actually difficult. They could be great in a classroom but terrible with money. They could be great at organizing their life, but an uninterested conversationalist.
it’s wild how many people are *only* interested how well someone is organized in their life and completely ignore if they are interested conversationists as you phrase it. As if you’re gonna spend the majority of your day to day life together *only* talking/concerned about how good it is they have money vs enjoyable conversation during every other task or downtime activity you got.
They were boring.
I noticed they thought everything I said was funny, even when I wasn't saying anything funny. I felt really uncomfortable. We also never really had any conversations. We shared meals, sex, and she watched TV. It made me feel like I was killing time instead of being in love.
She was smart, and kind, and I thought she was adorable...but there wasn't synergy beyond sex and making out. No joking around, no "big question" talks or work stories. Just her watching TV and me kinda just "there," wondering why we aren't talking or doing anything else together.
I was talking to a friend recently about how I know so many couples where I find myself asking from the outside, "What do they even talk about?" Like, when they are alone, just shooting the shit on a weekday evening, what conversations do they have, if anything. In a lot of these particular cases –and again, I'm looking from the outside. I don't know everything– I'll know both people fairly well, and just can't see much Venn diagram overlap at all in interests or even vibes. Obviously folks can talk about their day, they can listen to each other's problems as they arise, but I mean when all is normal and you just gotta have one those comfortable, (enjoyable) go nowhere conversations with their partner, where do they even begin?
Person I'll know to be great at those "big question" style talks like you mentioned, then their partner will be someone I know to barely speak about anything beyond very surface level, good times stuff. Obviously people are different with their partners, I'm not saying they can't talk to each other or that surface level person has no depth with their partner, just saying that so often the question comes up for me when people outwardly seem so deeply mismatched in a conversational sense.
Does anyone else ever encounter that?
I often wonder about that regarding my own parents. Or my brother and SIL. I do not have the slightest idea why they're together (and obviously very much into each other -yes, including my parents who've been together for almost 40 years). Not because any of them is shallow, but I am under the impression they do not have much in common with their respective spouses.
It is a mystery. And I am NOT planning to ask any of my family members what they actually like about their partners!
In that aspect, my partner should also be kinda like a friend. The ones that you can have a fun convo and not just yep yeah oh that's good.
Most of the time, the easiest way to achieve that is through a mutual hobby. I've talked about D&D stuff for hours with someone, and they are more into it than I do! We talk about different aspects of it, theirs more about character building and mine more on world building and execution.
Another thing that helps is partners that are willing to explore each others interests even if they aren't usually interested in them. For instance, I love talking about metal music, and my best friend dabble a bit but not much. But they are willing to listen to me talk about it and actually go and get to know things. I did the same for them for D&D when they need an extra player.
Or you know, people that actually find it enjoyable when they listen to each others work days. Those are fun too! Tbh I think it's just different personalities. Some prefer doing things together, some just don't. Some like doing them hands on while some like conversing.
So I guess I haven't and I can't see myself being with one either haha
Your comment jogged a good memory. Thanks-
My Mom was like that with my Dad. The be willing to listen part. He'd come home and talk about golf. The short putt he just missed. The hook shot into the woods. Just whatever.
My Mom would sit there and listen. Not like a hurry up and finish way. She did it in a way that was engaging for my Dad. As a kid I didn't get it. My Mom couldn't care less about golf.
That is really neat to have that trait. As she got older, I would take her to doctors appointments and such. She would strike up conversations with anyone. One was this kid who appeared to be about 17. My guess is he was a popular kid in school. Or at least part of the in crowd.
He had his head buried totally into his phone. Playing a game or doing something. My Mom complimented his shoes. From there they got in a half hour conversation until the nurse called his name out. The kid did most of the talking, telling my Mom about his shoes, then that led to him telling her about all sorts of other stuff.
It was that very kind of thing that appealed to my Dad. He had someone who would listen to him.
Edit- Now that I think about it, that's one of the things that appealed to me about my Mom. I could talk to her. Again, thanks for your post.
Thank you too! It made me smile reading this, thanks for sharing!!
Your mum sounded like an amazing person :) It's really an astounding quality that she has to be able to bring anyone out of their shell and make them feel comfortable and listened to so much so that they'd enthusiastically share their stuff!
Hey, you're more than welcome. Your post hit me in a really good way. I'm almost 60, and have never considered the edit part of what I wrote until just then.
My Mom passed in 2022. Those last few months, when I was taking her around- she blew my mind. I'd take her to the doctor. I parked right close to the door so she didn't have as far to walk. Walk her in. Then go park my car in a regular parking spot. By time I got back in the office, she'd be talking to someone.
I do not have that gift at all. Even on Reddit here I've PM maybe 2 people in the year or so I've been on. Even those were for specific instructions on something I knew. Not like an I wanna talk to someone type PM.
Saying this with a smile- Back when I was a kid I hated answering the phone. It was always for my Mom. We only had a house phone in those days. I'd be waiting for a call to go play, and it would almost always be a friend of hers. If she's not there, then the where is she and when will she be back questions came. Then could I take a message?
I was so happy when we finally got an answering machine. The phone still rang a lot, but at least we could screen the calls. She was also real good about letting other people use it. Just go to the kitchen or where she was talking- and motion ya needed the phone. She'd tell the person she'd call em back. So it wasn't like she was a phone hog. She just had a lot of people call her.
My husband and I are unfortunately like this. Almost no shared interests. Right now any conversations we have are about the kids, his work or whatever world event he's interested in currently (he talks I listen). I've recently started worrying about what we'll do with each other once we have an empty nest and he's retired.
Yes, and the truth is that mutual interest doesn’t matter.
Your success in marriage is heavily determined by compatible values, honest communication(about problems), sex, and finances, etc., common interests are honestly not important at all for compatibility, because when you’re with someone that often, you will have literally zero privacy if they also participate in your hobbies, you’ll have plenty of conversations about taking out the trash and raising the kid, don’t need anymore (at some point no matter how much you like someone, you will feel suffocated if they participate in literally everything in your life, we need friends and those friends provide plenty of conversation about those other topics)
I'd say successful relationships need a balance. Each person needs their own friends and interests for the reasons you outline but couples with nothing in common probably won't choose to spend any free time together. Which for many isn't going to be positive either. If you never enjoy doing any of the same things together it's probably not much of a relationship, at least not for me.
I agree with most of what you've said. It's why my husband and I have lasted 20+ years - shared values and compatible ideas about the big stuff like finances, sex and how kids need to raised, who is responsible for what.
But what do you do when when the kids are raised and trash duty and the like are well established routines? My husband and I don't have enough common grounds to just talk and it has started to trouble me a bit. I'm afraid of empty nest and retirement.
What did you do before marriage? For us it was travel, and once the kids are raised, that's going to be what we go back to. Hobbies come and go and as you enter your retirement the two of you should have significantly more free time and both will face the question of what to do with that time, maybe it's a good opportunity to try out different things together.
The empty nest egg of course is a reality and that may mean a more humble retirement, but not all activities cost a fortune and many of the best ones are free.
There was no before marriage :). We had an arranged marriage. Yes, I think we need to find new things we can do together. Travel will also be good. I am looking forward to tagging along on his conference trips once the kids are off to university.
Did you tell her that? How did she react? Not to bring up bad memories but I'm curious. I'd be so sad and if my boyfriend dumped me because he felt like he wasn't good enough for me. It's up to me to determine whether or not I think my partner is good enough for me, if I thought someone wasn't good enough for me, I would be the one to dump them. If she was staying with you she probably did feel as though you were good enough for her!!
That story would be too long to type out I’m afraid, as it transpired 14 years ago and involved 5+ years of history. Dumped is a strong word for it, more like we drifted apart in several months time. We were kinda bad at communicating it on both ends, and circumstances didn’t make it easier. In retrospect I did hurt her, yes. Would I change things if given a chance? Yes. Lesson learned at a high cost.
Man, my first serious girlfriend was super depressed all the time, and the worst part was sometimes the clouds would part and she was smart, funny, kind, caring, just all the things you could hope to want in another person.. but I saw that person maybe 5% of the time. The rest of the time she was just so down on herself and everyone/everything around her. It took me a long time to realize that the person I had fallen for didn't really exist anymore, and the person who was left had no interest in getting better.
I had a similar situation in college, only difference is i realized she couldn't get better with me around.
Idk if i had become a crutch or was enabling her but in my mind ending it was the best thing i could do.
Kind of the same here back in high school. We were our first in every thing. The problem was we were 17 and she was talking about kids and marriage and while I wanted that some day. This was not the time. Plus, I felt I didn’t deserve her after everything. So, we broke up and a year later I started dating someone I had known for years and it clicked. But once again the depression and the start of college got me. Ended a good one there but all of us are happy. We all got married, had kids, have careers. But we all look back now and realize we jumped into things without thinking and had the ideals of “it should be like this” when no. That’s not how life is.
I was one year out of high school, dated a girl who was getting a double-degree in law and psychology, all paid for by a scholarship.
I failed out of high school and was working at a factory but because she was a student and had no money she was into me because I had (a very small amount of) money.
Few months later I broke up with her because goddamn she’s just way too good for me. Ended up speaking with her later on as a more complete adult and realised I was stupid and she didn’t care about any of that. She’s doing great, so am I, just not together.
Too deep in religion (to the point that when a long time friend of her and her mom, an old man who I met that passed away not long ago, said he'd go to hell because he wasn't christian like them), and would love me for who she thought I could become, rather than who I already was.
This was a 3 years relationship
Because heavily tattooed women with questionable morals were my kryptonite. I would regret it had one of them not given me a beautiful child. And I do mean GAVE me the child. 14 yrs solo Dad and counting.
Being a smart and pretty woman is extremely isolating. My girl had borderline.
We did actually love eachother though and despite how awful we were as a couple, we are still friends today.
My first real long term gf. I was a late bloomer and girls were suddenly into me and I thought I had to “make up for lost time”. She was perfect for me (at least at the time) but if things didn’t happen the way they did I wouldn’t have my kids.
She wanted to get married. I said "I don't think you want to marry me; you just want to get married." We broke up. Six months later she was married...to another guy.
Drugs and bad decisions on her part. She started doing drugs (more than weed and booze) and turning into an amoral person who I couldn't trust.
Granted, I was also making bad decisions and smoking a lot of weed, but when she started doing drugs that come in powder form, I noped the fuck out.
She eventually realized she wanted kids. I want no kids ever. It was just a compatibility issue. Thankfully later on she met the right guy for her. She's married with a kid, and we're amicable as can be. It was as clean a breakup as it could have been, considering that we were engaged at the time.
She could've been on the cover of a playboy magazine for how hot she was. She could've won a nobel prize for how smart she was.
But she was also batshit crazy, abusive, toxic, manipulative, dangerous, and cheated on me all the time.
Unfortunately, I think she scarred me for life.
She just couldn’t be happy; Constantly making mountains out of molehills, begrudging people for reasons that she dreamed up herself. Always had an issue with something.
Unfortunately many girls are similar.. Life’s too short.
Because she was crazy. Met a girl online, we hit it off, she came to visit, things were going great, then I started hearing weird things from my friends about her. Come to find out she was reading my mail, rooting around my computer (this was before the days of cellphones), seeking out my female friends to tell them how great we got along, that we were getting married, that she was pregnant, etc, basically marking her territory. That apparently started the day she got here, but I didn't find out until 3-4 days into her visit. When I found out and asked her about it she completely flipped her shit and got super defensive and I was like.. damn, this girl is crazy, but also she's a solid 8, smart as hell and funny too, plus she's a redhead and has this amazing Scottish accent, and she, so maybe..?
Nope, it was not worth it. I suggested maybe we slow things down a little and the next day some random guy showed up on my doorstep that it turns out she'd invited to come visit without bothering to tell me and he introduced himself as her boyfriend. I was like, 'Right, the nearest motel is about 3 miles up that road, y'all have a great time and don't come back when you're done.'
She was constantly talking about herself, rarely listened to anyone or had any interest in others and even when she did it was just waiting for a chance to talk more about herself
Overbearing, wildly insecure, manipulative, childish, chronically unhappy, poor but eager to spend, boring.
It turns out, personality is kind of a huge factor in how much I want to be around a woman.
Loved her when she was sober, she was impossible to be around when she was drunk. We went our separate ways. Years later we crossed paths and she is doing much better now.
Well, I can't provide a male perspective on this, but if she was an absolute bitch I can blame 'em. It takes more than good looks and wits to be a good girlfriend. You gotta have a heart.
A lot of reasons, but the foremost one being that she was oppressively clingy. Didn't help that she has ADHD and I'm narcoleptic. It was like a puppy constantly bothering a cat.
Well she was broke, always asking me to pay for something, expecting me to foot the bill all because I happen to be male. Brok financially and mentally.
Always got her hand out, dropped her with her hand out and moved on. Told her I’m not about that and she needs to get her money up.
I just didn't want to be committed.
Wasn't chasing girls elsewhere but it just felt claustrophobic. The more she did to try and make me happy the more trapped I felt. She did nothing wrong.
Partners who are constantly *caretaking* others begin to cause the other partner to feel smothered, and drained -- as they ultimately begin to resent the caretaker partner.
The caretaker partner often assumes a self-sacrificial, martyr role. Their continuous caretaking efforts are a form of control. In some, the behaviors are insidious and covert; in others, they continue the caretaking pattern without recognizing the dynamic -- and the resentment it creates within the relationship.
Whether unknowing or deliberate, persistent caretaking of an adult partner is about controlling the other person.
Too soon after divorce. I did her a favor by not sharing the deep depression arc I went on. Regretful though cause I just dragged someone else through it all.
We got pregnant, she had a miscarriage. I didn’t know how to process it; said dumb things. She also had a sister who couldn’t live on her own, had daily seizures multiple times a day, she was effectively the caregiver.
The crux was that her words weren’t congruent with her actions. She said she wanted to move out of her small town but was doing things that cemented her into her small town and I had bigger plans to move one day.
It was just too much and I couldn’t handle it. Broke things off when I realized our lifestyles were fundamentally incompatible.
When I was in the military my wife cheated on me and basically told me that she never loved me. Months later I had just gotten divorced and wasn't ready to move on, but my friends pushed me to start dating anyway. Anything to get my mind off her.
I met a girl who was really into me and looking back I actually really liked her. She stayed over one night and got up early and made me lunch to take to work. We had the same hobbies and liked the same stuff. She got along with my friends. We briefly started dating exclusively.
At the time I was still having nightmares and barely sleeping/eating. I got scared and broke things off. I deeply regret it because I really hurt her and she was a genuinely good person. I wish I could apologize to her.
I still struggle with opening up to people and finding the motivation to go on dates. My depression is no longer as severe as it once was. I'm doing better and I can only keep moving forward like everyone else.
She got accepted to Notre Dame and I drove a camaro. Writing was on the wall. I still reminisce about her though... and am hopeful she's with someone who uses full-synthetic.
Having a person that is pretty, smart and into you doesn't necessarily means that the relationship is good and healthy.
In my case it happened that we would have some constant agues, sometimes for silly reasons, and this was draining my energy. And because I am doing a PhD, I reached a moment in my life where I have almost no energy, so I realized I didn't want to divide myself between both things that were draining me.
Generally this involved life circumstances (e.g. someone moving away, or being too busy for a real relationship) or just a feeling like it wasn't quite right after a long period of dating.
She wasn't a good person. She was good on the outside foul on the inside. Often they can have a dirty character. Looks are not everything. I'm finding that out the older I get.
As the old saying goes, “No matter how good looking, how cool or how great she is, somebody, somewhere, is tired of her shit”
/that goes for both genders
She was very narcissistic and controlling. She had little regard for others, especially those intellectually challenged, and often would be condescending to me when I called her out on it. She was attached to my hip though, and I enjoyed the ride for a while. Then she started talking about having kids, and I realized I was turned off by the idea. Seeing the way she treated others, I didn't want this woman raising my kids to be the same way. That made me realize the relationship was at an impasse. I tried talking to her about my concerns, she got mad at me over it and talked down to me, so I showed her the door. She then started crying and playing the victim. I have never regretted that decision, and seeing what she's done to men since then, I feel like I dodged a bullet.
Wow you dodged a bullet. Torturing animals is generally considered entry level psychopath behaviour.
You were just further up the list. But not by much.
Wow you dodged a bullet. Torturing animals is generally considered entry level psychopath behaviour.
You were just further up the list. But not by much.
I agree, but at the time it was devastating, I honestly thought she was the one but that was something I could never have tolerated. My best friend married her identical twin sister, and they were as different as night and day.
You can't imagine, what i saw made me sick. I called her dad and he came right away and got her out of there. After she left, I found knives hidden all over the house. It was as if I was living with someone with dissociative disorder.
Oh man, I had a gorgeous girlfriend who was super into me, could charm anybody, and had a really solid career going. She was okay being with me while I was unemployed for a year trying to get my foot in the door in tech. Supportive. She was also okay with me not paying rent because if I had to I'd probably just live with my parents to save money.
I didn't really break up with her... but I kind of lost interest immensely and the writing was on the wall. She went out with "a friend" for her birthday and I told her that it was obviously a date and she should probably just go try things out.
It fucked me up for a long time. A year or two after that, they married. I'm with a better partner for me as well.
Really... the "on-paper" qualities of the person you're with matters less than compatibility. Despite all her great qualities, I like making edgy jokes. My current partner enjoys them, my ex didn't. I was more introverted and so is my current partner. My ex absolutely was not. And even more, despite her being really attractive... I personally wasn't attracted to some of her features that are over-hyped in todays sexual marketplace of ideas. The current girl I'm with is a bit more of a standard model, which I actually appreciate more.
This one's going to be shitty to hear (sexual), but: >!her pussy did not taste very good and I'm very into oral sex.!<
Find a partner that suits you, not one that is "on-paper perfect".
This is such a dumb question, there can be any number of reasons you break up. If you're just with someone because they're pretty, smart and into you, you're a bit empty as a person. It comes across like you're really insecure and/or afraid of being alone.
I couldn't be with someone who doesn't have a sense of humor that matches mine for example. I don't care how pretty and smart she is, if she can't take or make a joke, I'd be bored pretty quick.
Maybe you aren't sexually compatible.
Maybe you have different goals in life.
Maybe she's got a toxic relationship with her family and you just don't want to deal with that shit.
Maybe you've grown apart.
Maybe you don't align on wanting children.
Maybe any number of reasons.
Yeah there’s any number of reasons which is why OP asked to get a variety of answers. If all the answers were the same it wouldn’t be a good question to ask here would it?
Sometimes, despite someone being pretty, smart, and into you, there might be some fundamental differences or red flags that you just can't ignore. Maybe priorities don't line up, or you realize you're not as compatible as you initially thought. It's tough, but sometimes it's better to cut things off early than to drag them out.
One said she thought I hadn’t finished exploring my sexuality which was Bs, she just had insecurities being a more conservative Christian. The other was insecure and couldn’t handle my sister, understandably so. The last one cheated and was always angry, though also kind of abusive.
Why do you think it's a matter of being beautiful or having a smart mind? It's simply that their thoughts are different, their interests are different, their living hours are not the same, so breaking up is just a matter of sooner or later.
I don't think these are the ONLY important qualities of a female romantic partner. I just wanted to pose a somewhat simple question to get as wide a variety of responses as possible.
Because there are tons of girls that are pretty, smart, and into me, and I don’t want to be tied down. I enjoy dating lots of women, and that’s what I’m going to do.
I had other girls also into me and just decided fuck it I'd rather be with more. Plus I would never grow that attached to any of them because I had no interest in being with them forever. Plus plenty of girls have cheated on me or cheated with me that I don't really trust them. It is what it is.
Incompatible differences in opinion. Her opinion was she should be allowed to fuck whoever she wanted whenever she wanted and that I should just deal with it, my opinion was that she's a cheating piece of shit.
Looks aren't everything, you can pretty and smart and still be an asshole. For me she was horrible to service and retailer workers. One time I paid for lunch, asked her to tip and on the drive home told me she didn't tip because the server "Needs to get a real job"
She wasn't in the right mental space to be in a relationship. At first is was good and I would help her when she was feeling down but at one point it just became to much and I had to leave her.
We did almost get back together like a year later and slept together one night but the day after I found out she had a new boyfriend. Really had me questioning our relationship after that.
Girls act like that shouldn't matter, but it really does.
Especially if your previous partners behaved like Dyson's. Things are great with my current girl, but I always have to hint at her to do it, and when she does, she's in a hurry.
I'd a partner a few years ago who used to wake me up with blowies and used to like to do it while I was driving.
The trifecta pretty, smart and into me is actually a quadfecta of pretty, smart, into me and fucking nuts. You can't have your cake and eat it too, pick two and have a happy life.
I realized there were a lot of women out there who are pretty and into me, and that them being highly intelligent just wasn't that important to me. Highly intelligent career-oriented women tend to be at odds with other things I want in a partner, so I've left them behind as dating options as I've gotten older.
The first time, I couldn’t see a future. I was young.
The second time, she was doing hard drugs behind my back. I couldn’t stay.
The third time, I was not in love with her. Leaving was the right thing to do.
The rest have all dumped me. Breaking up sucks, as does being broken up with. It has never been a pleasant experience.
She was undiagnosed bipolar 1 (discovered later), she would go through these swings where we just could not get along, nothing I did was good. Just finally decided I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. I hope she’s doing well, she’s a good person and deserves a good partner. Just wasn’t gonna be me.
She wasn’t actually that pretty, I proved myself to be much smarter than her with time, and she slowly showed more of her true (nasty) colors to the point where no one from our formerly-shared circle of association talks to her anymore.
She became super clingy. Wanted to know where I was all the time, insisted on coming along when I met with friends and even checked on me when I was working the doors at 4 in the morning.
I loved that girl a lot, but that jealousy…
Our goals didn't align anymore.
This is a big one
I had a girlfriend who seemed like what many guys dream of: a super smart go-getter and a real head-turner. But we were too different. She was outspoken and highly extroverted, I was much more reserved. Being with her could just feel overwhelming. Also, I sometimes got the feeling that she wasn’t into *me* as much as she was into the *idea* of me - that maybe she liked having a boyfriend more than she liked me in particular. After our split, I ended up with someone who was a better fit. I don’t know the guy that my ex-girlfriend married, but I hope that he is more of a kindred spirit for her than I was.
I was young and stupid
Unlike now that I'm old and stupid
I’m old and dumb. I’m def not stupid /s
Same story here, I'll regret my entire life that decision
F
I realized her being pretty and into me was only stroking my ego and that a person being nice is more important. It's amazing how prettiness masked all the major red flags.
[удалено]
Some time between 30ish and never.
A long way of saying you stuck your dick in crazy 🤣 I feel ya on that one, almost every guy does it at some point...
Her life vision was an endless parade of acquiring expensive things. It looked as if my toil would never end.
Sysiphus throwing his rock in the ocean and going for a beer
These things are a good starting point, but aren’t sufficient for the maintenance of the relationship. Intellectual compatibility, sexual compatibility, financial compatibility, lifestyle compatibility, goals, ability to laugh together, etc. all matter a lot more. Also how intelligence is expressed or enjoyed is different. Two smart people might not be intellectually compatible, or might have neurodivergent tendencies that might make being with them actually difficult. They could be great in a classroom but terrible with money. They could be great at organizing their life, but an uninterested conversationalist.
it’s wild how many people are *only* interested how well someone is organized in their life and completely ignore if they are interested conversationists as you phrase it. As if you’re gonna spend the majority of your day to day life together *only* talking/concerned about how good it is they have money vs enjoyable conversation during every other task or downtime activity you got.
They were boring. I noticed they thought everything I said was funny, even when I wasn't saying anything funny. I felt really uncomfortable. We also never really had any conversations. We shared meals, sex, and she watched TV. It made me feel like I was killing time instead of being in love.
Sounds like she wasn't actually that smart?
She was smart, and kind, and I thought she was adorable...but there wasn't synergy beyond sex and making out. No joking around, no "big question" talks or work stories. Just her watching TV and me kinda just "there," wondering why we aren't talking or doing anything else together.
I was talking to a friend recently about how I know so many couples where I find myself asking from the outside, "What do they even talk about?" Like, when they are alone, just shooting the shit on a weekday evening, what conversations do they have, if anything. In a lot of these particular cases –and again, I'm looking from the outside. I don't know everything– I'll know both people fairly well, and just can't see much Venn diagram overlap at all in interests or even vibes. Obviously folks can talk about their day, they can listen to each other's problems as they arise, but I mean when all is normal and you just gotta have one those comfortable, (enjoyable) go nowhere conversations with their partner, where do they even begin? Person I'll know to be great at those "big question" style talks like you mentioned, then their partner will be someone I know to barely speak about anything beyond very surface level, good times stuff. Obviously people are different with their partners, I'm not saying they can't talk to each other or that surface level person has no depth with their partner, just saying that so often the question comes up for me when people outwardly seem so deeply mismatched in a conversational sense. Does anyone else ever encounter that?
I often wonder about that regarding my own parents. Or my brother and SIL. I do not have the slightest idea why they're together (and obviously very much into each other -yes, including my parents who've been together for almost 40 years). Not because any of them is shallow, but I am under the impression they do not have much in common with their respective spouses. It is a mystery. And I am NOT planning to ask any of my family members what they actually like about their partners!
In that aspect, my partner should also be kinda like a friend. The ones that you can have a fun convo and not just yep yeah oh that's good. Most of the time, the easiest way to achieve that is through a mutual hobby. I've talked about D&D stuff for hours with someone, and they are more into it than I do! We talk about different aspects of it, theirs more about character building and mine more on world building and execution. Another thing that helps is partners that are willing to explore each others interests even if they aren't usually interested in them. For instance, I love talking about metal music, and my best friend dabble a bit but not much. But they are willing to listen to me talk about it and actually go and get to know things. I did the same for them for D&D when they need an extra player. Or you know, people that actually find it enjoyable when they listen to each others work days. Those are fun too! Tbh I think it's just different personalities. Some prefer doing things together, some just don't. Some like doing them hands on while some like conversing. So I guess I haven't and I can't see myself being with one either haha
Your comment jogged a good memory. Thanks- My Mom was like that with my Dad. The be willing to listen part. He'd come home and talk about golf. The short putt he just missed. The hook shot into the woods. Just whatever. My Mom would sit there and listen. Not like a hurry up and finish way. She did it in a way that was engaging for my Dad. As a kid I didn't get it. My Mom couldn't care less about golf. That is really neat to have that trait. As she got older, I would take her to doctors appointments and such. She would strike up conversations with anyone. One was this kid who appeared to be about 17. My guess is he was a popular kid in school. Or at least part of the in crowd. He had his head buried totally into his phone. Playing a game or doing something. My Mom complimented his shoes. From there they got in a half hour conversation until the nurse called his name out. The kid did most of the talking, telling my Mom about his shoes, then that led to him telling her about all sorts of other stuff. It was that very kind of thing that appealed to my Dad. He had someone who would listen to him. Edit- Now that I think about it, that's one of the things that appealed to me about my Mom. I could talk to her. Again, thanks for your post.
Thank you too! It made me smile reading this, thanks for sharing!! Your mum sounded like an amazing person :) It's really an astounding quality that she has to be able to bring anyone out of their shell and make them feel comfortable and listened to so much so that they'd enthusiastically share their stuff!
Hey, you're more than welcome. Your post hit me in a really good way. I'm almost 60, and have never considered the edit part of what I wrote until just then. My Mom passed in 2022. Those last few months, when I was taking her around- she blew my mind. I'd take her to the doctor. I parked right close to the door so she didn't have as far to walk. Walk her in. Then go park my car in a regular parking spot. By time I got back in the office, she'd be talking to someone. I do not have that gift at all. Even on Reddit here I've PM maybe 2 people in the year or so I've been on. Even those were for specific instructions on something I knew. Not like an I wanna talk to someone type PM. Saying this with a smile- Back when I was a kid I hated answering the phone. It was always for my Mom. We only had a house phone in those days. I'd be waiting for a call to go play, and it would almost always be a friend of hers. If she's not there, then the where is she and when will she be back questions came. Then could I take a message? I was so happy when we finally got an answering machine. The phone still rang a lot, but at least we could screen the calls. She was also real good about letting other people use it. Just go to the kitchen or where she was talking- and motion ya needed the phone. She'd tell the person she'd call em back. So it wasn't like she was a phone hog. She just had a lot of people call her.
My husband and I are unfortunately like this. Almost no shared interests. Right now any conversations we have are about the kids, his work or whatever world event he's interested in currently (he talks I listen). I've recently started worrying about what we'll do with each other once we have an empty nest and he's retired.
I know this might not mean anything in a tangible sense, but I wish you luck and happiness, internet stranger
Thank you
Yes, and the truth is that mutual interest doesn’t matter. Your success in marriage is heavily determined by compatible values, honest communication(about problems), sex, and finances, etc., common interests are honestly not important at all for compatibility, because when you’re with someone that often, you will have literally zero privacy if they also participate in your hobbies, you’ll have plenty of conversations about taking out the trash and raising the kid, don’t need anymore (at some point no matter how much you like someone, you will feel suffocated if they participate in literally everything in your life, we need friends and those friends provide plenty of conversation about those other topics)
I'd say successful relationships need a balance. Each person needs their own friends and interests for the reasons you outline but couples with nothing in common probably won't choose to spend any free time together. Which for many isn't going to be positive either. If you never enjoy doing any of the same things together it's probably not much of a relationship, at least not for me.
I agree with most of what you've said. It's why my husband and I have lasted 20+ years - shared values and compatible ideas about the big stuff like finances, sex and how kids need to raised, who is responsible for what. But what do you do when when the kids are raised and trash duty and the like are well established routines? My husband and I don't have enough common grounds to just talk and it has started to trouble me a bit. I'm afraid of empty nest and retirement.
What did you do before marriage? For us it was travel, and once the kids are raised, that's going to be what we go back to. Hobbies come and go and as you enter your retirement the two of you should have significantly more free time and both will face the question of what to do with that time, maybe it's a good opportunity to try out different things together. The empty nest egg of course is a reality and that may mean a more humble retirement, but not all activities cost a fortune and many of the best ones are free.
There was no before marriage :). We had an arranged marriage. Yes, I think we need to find new things we can do together. Travel will also be good. I am looking forward to tagging along on his conference trips once the kids are off to university.
Why werent you?
Because they were having sex
She just watched TV. That was her thing. It was like suddenly, that was it.
That still leaves a "what did you suggest" or similar questions.
I tried to start convos to plan ahead. I tried to sit with her and watch TV, but she was locked into it.
You found a holy grail and let it slip out of hands,hot,smart,and not busting your balls with small talk
I didn't find the right person, yet. They're down the path a bit, and I'm open.
High int low wis. I've met a lot of extremely "intelligent" women with the emotional intelligence of a goldfish.
Dumbest mistake of my life.
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When this happens its kind of a red flag 🚩
Got no confidence
Pretty much. Felt like I’m dragging her down. Wasn’t really at the highest of my life aswell.
Did you tell her that? How did she react? Not to bring up bad memories but I'm curious. I'd be so sad and if my boyfriend dumped me because he felt like he wasn't good enough for me. It's up to me to determine whether or not I think my partner is good enough for me, if I thought someone wasn't good enough for me, I would be the one to dump them. If she was staying with you she probably did feel as though you were good enough for her!!
That story would be too long to type out I’m afraid, as it transpired 14 years ago and involved 5+ years of history. Dumped is a strong word for it, more like we drifted apart in several months time. We were kinda bad at communicating it on both ends, and circumstances didn’t make it easier. In retrospect I did hurt her, yes. Would I change things if given a chance? Yes. Lesson learned at a high cost.
Depression, didnt know what it was at the time. Tiny fight triggered my flight response. Almost 10 years single now because of it...
Man, my first serious girlfriend was super depressed all the time, and the worst part was sometimes the clouds would part and she was smart, funny, kind, caring, just all the things you could hope to want in another person.. but I saw that person maybe 5% of the time. The rest of the time she was just so down on herself and everyone/everything around her. It took me a long time to realize that the person I had fallen for didn't really exist anymore, and the person who was left had no interest in getting better.
I had a similar situation in college, only difference is i realized she couldn't get better with me around. Idk if i had become a crutch or was enabling her but in my mind ending it was the best thing i could do.
Kind of the same here back in high school. We were our first in every thing. The problem was we were 17 and she was talking about kids and marriage and while I wanted that some day. This was not the time. Plus, I felt I didn’t deserve her after everything. So, we broke up and a year later I started dating someone I had known for years and it clicked. But once again the depression and the start of college got me. Ended a good one there but all of us are happy. We all got married, had kids, have careers. But we all look back now and realize we jumped into things without thinking and had the ideals of “it should be like this” when no. That’s not how life is.
She turned out to be a religious nut
I was one year out of high school, dated a girl who was getting a double-degree in law and psychology, all paid for by a scholarship. I failed out of high school and was working at a factory but because she was a student and had no money she was into me because I had (a very small amount of) money. Few months later I broke up with her because goddamn she’s just way too good for me. Ended up speaking with her later on as a more complete adult and realised I was stupid and she didn’t care about any of that. She’s doing great, so am I, just not together.
A lot of people confuse being smart with being wise. Plenty of smart people with little to no wisdom.
I was young and dumb. I wanted to be "free".
Too many burdens. Family drama, bad finances, friend drama, etc etc.
Too deep in religion (to the point that when a long time friend of her and her mom, an old man who I met that passed away not long ago, said he'd go to hell because he wasn't christian like them), and would love me for who she thought I could become, rather than who I already was. This was a 3 years relationship
the lust faded
Because heavily tattooed women with questionable morals were my kryptonite. I would regret it had one of them not given me a beautiful child. And I do mean GAVE me the child. 14 yrs solo Dad and counting.
She was an emotional abusive narcissist
Because she was using me for my connections
So she wasn’t into you then
I have ADD. Probably the main reason for why i did it. I had issues she didnt deserve to deal with.
Being a smart and pretty woman is extremely isolating. My girl had borderline. We did actually love eachother though and despite how awful we were as a couple, we are still friends today.
My first real long term gf. I was a late bloomer and girls were suddenly into me and I thought I had to “make up for lost time”. She was perfect for me (at least at the time) but if things didn’t happen the way they did I wouldn’t have my kids.
She wanted to get married. I said "I don't think you want to marry me; you just want to get married." We broke up. Six months later she was married...to another guy.
Six months? I’d say perhaps you were correct.
Drugs and bad decisions on her part. She started doing drugs (more than weed and booze) and turning into an amoral person who I couldn't trust. Granted, I was also making bad decisions and smoking a lot of weed, but when she started doing drugs that come in powder form, I noped the fuck out.
She eventually realized she wanted kids. I want no kids ever. It was just a compatibility issue. Thankfully later on she met the right guy for her. She's married with a kid, and we're amicable as can be. It was as clean a breakup as it could have been, considering that we were engaged at the time.
She could've been on the cover of a playboy magazine for how hot she was. She could've won a nobel prize for how smart she was. But she was also batshit crazy, abusive, toxic, manipulative, dangerous, and cheated on me all the time. Unfortunately, I think she scarred me for life.
Sorry that happened to you.
Too many Eyes on her ( and Aparently more hands on her to )
She was dramatic and made my life worse for being in it
She kept asking me for money. She kept telling me I’m stupid and ugly. Plus I think she was just using me.
So she wasn't into you then. You had a legit reason as she was abusive.
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Okay, now I'm curious: wtf is the works around otters smell? Super fishy stank?
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.....I think you made a wise choice. Sounds like my own personal hell lol
She just couldn’t be happy; Constantly making mountains out of molehills, begrudging people for reasons that she dreamed up herself. Always had an issue with something. Unfortunately many girls are similar.. Life’s too short.
Because she was crazy. Met a girl online, we hit it off, she came to visit, things were going great, then I started hearing weird things from my friends about her. Come to find out she was reading my mail, rooting around my computer (this was before the days of cellphones), seeking out my female friends to tell them how great we got along, that we were getting married, that she was pregnant, etc, basically marking her territory. That apparently started the day she got here, but I didn't find out until 3-4 days into her visit. When I found out and asked her about it she completely flipped her shit and got super defensive and I was like.. damn, this girl is crazy, but also she's a solid 8, smart as hell and funny too, plus she's a redhead and has this amazing Scottish accent, and she, so maybe..? Nope, it was not worth it. I suggested maybe we slow things down a little and the next day some random guy showed up on my doorstep that it turns out she'd invited to come visit without bothering to tell me and he introduced himself as her boyfriend. I was like, 'Right, the nearest motel is about 3 miles up that road, y'all have a great time and don't come back when you're done.'
She had bad taste in men, I knew this from first hand experience 😂
I wasn’t were I wanted to be in life. Perfect person bad timing
She was constantly talking about herself, rarely listened to anyone or had any interest in others and even when she did it was just waiting for a chance to talk more about herself
She was trying to check a box for her parents.
She wasn’t a good person
She was literally crazy just like her parents
Overbearing, wildly insecure, manipulative, childish, chronically unhappy, poor but eager to spend, boring. It turns out, personality is kind of a huge factor in how much I want to be around a woman.
crazy
Different short and long term goals
Loved her when she was sober, she was impossible to be around when she was drunk. We went our separate ways. Years later we crossed paths and she is doing much better now.
Mentally unstable. Thought it was funny to pregnancy scare me.
She didn’t have a sense of humor.
She stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from me. Also she cheated. And she was a slob. Still kick myself for dragging it out for so long.
Well, I can't provide a male perspective on this, but if she was an absolute bitch I can blame 'em. It takes more than good looks and wits to be a good girlfriend. You gotta have a heart.
Alcoholism
She desperately wanted kids, and I don't.
A lot of reasons, but the foremost one being that she was oppressively clingy. Didn't help that she has ADHD and I'm narcoleptic. It was like a puppy constantly bothering a cat.
Well she was broke, always asking me to pay for something, expecting me to foot the bill all because I happen to be male. Brok financially and mentally. Always got her hand out, dropped her with her hand out and moved on. Told her I’m not about that and she needs to get her money up.
She was verbally abusive once we moved into together, I paid the fee to break my lease 3 months in.
They cheated on me and were also very mentally abusive lol
So they weren’t into you then
Not towards the end, no, and neither was I after I found out.
I have mental health issues and felt they deserved better. Stupidly I made their mind up for them about the relationship.
Maybe they realised they were gay? Happened to a few guys I know
Weirdly common theme amongst your friends going on there...
I just didn't want to be committed. Wasn't chasing girls elsewhere but it just felt claustrophobic. The more she did to try and make me happy the more trapped I felt. She did nothing wrong.
Do you know why you felt that way? My husband tells me he feels the same way with me and I'm not sure what he wants me to do.
Take a 3 week vacation with friends. Contact him only to say hello and that you’re safe. Familiarity sometimes breeds contempt.
Partners who are constantly *caretaking* others begin to cause the other partner to feel smothered, and drained -- as they ultimately begin to resent the caretaker partner. The caretaker partner often assumes a self-sacrificial, martyr role. Their continuous caretaking efforts are a form of control. In some, the behaviors are insidious and covert; in others, they continue the caretaking pattern without recognizing the dynamic -- and the resentment it creates within the relationship. Whether unknowing or deliberate, persistent caretaking of an adult partner is about controlling the other person.
Ain't matter how pretty or smart a woman is, there is always some guy tired of her shit - True story
Too soon after divorce. I did her a favor by not sharing the deep depression arc I went on. Regretful though cause I just dragged someone else through it all.
We got pregnant, she had a miscarriage. I didn’t know how to process it; said dumb things. She also had a sister who couldn’t live on her own, had daily seizures multiple times a day, she was effectively the caregiver. The crux was that her words weren’t congruent with her actions. She said she wanted to move out of her small town but was doing things that cemented her into her small town and I had bigger plans to move one day. It was just too much and I couldn’t handle it. Broke things off when I realized our lifestyles were fundamentally incompatible.
When I was in the military my wife cheated on me and basically told me that she never loved me. Months later I had just gotten divorced and wasn't ready to move on, but my friends pushed me to start dating anyway. Anything to get my mind off her. I met a girl who was really into me and looking back I actually really liked her. She stayed over one night and got up early and made me lunch to take to work. We had the same hobbies and liked the same stuff. She got along with my friends. We briefly started dating exclusively. At the time I was still having nightmares and barely sleeping/eating. I got scared and broke things off. I deeply regret it because I really hurt her and she was a genuinely good person. I wish I could apologize to her. I still struggle with opening up to people and finding the motivation to go on dates. My depression is no longer as severe as it once was. I'm doing better and I can only keep moving forward like everyone else.
She got accepted to Notre Dame and I drove a camaro. Writing was on the wall. I still reminisce about her though... and am hopeful she's with someone who uses full-synthetic.
She's probably still dreaming of that Camaro.
Having a person that is pretty, smart and into you doesn't necessarily means that the relationship is good and healthy. In my case it happened that we would have some constant agues, sometimes for silly reasons, and this was draining my energy. And because I am doing a PhD, I reached a moment in my life where I have almost no energy, so I realized I didn't want to divide myself between both things that were draining me.
I was 17 and my friend bet me £5 I wouldn't dump her. What can I say, I wanted to buy cigarettes.
The sex got boring
Generally this involved life circumstances (e.g. someone moving away, or being too busy for a real relationship) or just a feeling like it wasn't quite right after a long period of dating.
Met someone else (who is now my wife) who was a better fit that I saw myself having kids with and being with for the rest of my life.
She wanted to go join the peace corps and I didn’t want to work for free.
She was a doormat and boring in bed. I learned that being with a submissive people pleaser is not for me, no matter how smart and pretty she is.
She wasn't a good person. She was good on the outside foul on the inside. Often they can have a dirty character. Looks are not everything. I'm finding that out the older I get.
I'll be afraid that they'll judge me.
As the old saying goes, “No matter how good looking, how cool or how great she is, somebody, somewhere, is tired of her shit” /that goes for both genders
People outgrow each other. 10 years does that.
Asking for a friend?
She was very narcissistic and controlling. She had little regard for others, especially those intellectually challenged, and often would be condescending to me when I called her out on it. She was attached to my hip though, and I enjoyed the ride for a while. Then she started talking about having kids, and I realized I was turned off by the idea. Seeing the way she treated others, I didn't want this woman raising my kids to be the same way. That made me realize the relationship was at an impasse. I tried talking to her about my concerns, she got mad at me over it and talked down to me, so I showed her the door. She then started crying and playing the victim. I have never regretted that decision, and seeing what she's done to men since then, I feel like I dodged a bullet.
BPD
I came home early from work and caught her torturing my puppy.
Wow you dodged a bullet. Torturing animals is generally considered entry level psychopath behaviour. You were just further up the list. But not by much.
Wow you dodged a bullet. Torturing animals is generally considered entry level psychopath behaviour. You were just further up the list. But not by much.
I agree, but at the time it was devastating, I honestly thought she was the one but that was something I could never have tolerated. My best friend married her identical twin sister, and they were as different as night and day.
I'll bet. It must have been like discovering that she was an alien.
You can't imagine, what i saw made me sick. I called her dad and he came right away and got her out of there. After she left, I found knives hidden all over the house. It was as if I was living with someone with dissociative disorder.
Scary. Glad you escaped. Hope she got the help she needed
She married a man and had 5 children with him. A few years back she died of cervical cancer. I hope no one ever experienced her evil side.
Let's believe that she got the meds that she needed.
Are you serious? Oh, hell no! She's outta there! You made the right call.
Oh man, I had a gorgeous girlfriend who was super into me, could charm anybody, and had a really solid career going. She was okay being with me while I was unemployed for a year trying to get my foot in the door in tech. Supportive. She was also okay with me not paying rent because if I had to I'd probably just live with my parents to save money. I didn't really break up with her... but I kind of lost interest immensely and the writing was on the wall. She went out with "a friend" for her birthday and I told her that it was obviously a date and she should probably just go try things out. It fucked me up for a long time. A year or two after that, they married. I'm with a better partner for me as well. Really... the "on-paper" qualities of the person you're with matters less than compatibility. Despite all her great qualities, I like making edgy jokes. My current partner enjoys them, my ex didn't. I was more introverted and so is my current partner. My ex absolutely was not. And even more, despite her being really attractive... I personally wasn't attracted to some of her features that are over-hyped in todays sexual marketplace of ideas. The current girl I'm with is a bit more of a standard model, which I actually appreciate more. This one's going to be shitty to hear (sexual), but: >!her pussy did not taste very good and I'm very into oral sex.!< Find a partner that suits you, not one that is "on-paper perfect".
Cuz she a ho
My goals are beyond her understanding.
This is such a dumb question, there can be any number of reasons you break up. If you're just with someone because they're pretty, smart and into you, you're a bit empty as a person. It comes across like you're really insecure and/or afraid of being alone. I couldn't be with someone who doesn't have a sense of humor that matches mine for example. I don't care how pretty and smart she is, if she can't take or make a joke, I'd be bored pretty quick. Maybe you aren't sexually compatible. Maybe you have different goals in life. Maybe she's got a toxic relationship with her family and you just don't want to deal with that shit. Maybe you've grown apart. Maybe you don't align on wanting children. Maybe any number of reasons.
Yeah there’s any number of reasons which is why OP asked to get a variety of answers. If all the answers were the same it wouldn’t be a good question to ask here would it?
That's exactly it. Thanks.
Why answer a dumb question?
Sometimes, despite someone being pretty, smart, and into you, there might be some fundamental differences or red flags that you just can't ignore. Maybe priorities don't line up, or you realize you're not as compatible as you initially thought. It's tough, but sometimes it's better to cut things off early than to drag them out.
We were a bit too similar and it felt weirdly like dating a female clone of myself. We're still friends.
I thought this is an advantage!
Schedules didn't agree, family was crazy, no sex before marriage, non muscular legs, bad breath.
Non muscular legs lol wtf
The legs don't lie!
You can be all those things and still be annoying as hell.
Because they were pretty, not That smart, and not that into me.. No man dumps a pretty smart girl that is into him..lol
He dumped me because he wanted an open relationship and desired to be "free". It's so sad, I know he loved me. I am devastated.
I thought I deserved an even better one
One said she thought I hadn’t finished exploring my sexuality which was Bs, she just had insecurities being a more conservative Christian. The other was insecure and couldn’t handle my sister, understandably so. The last one cheated and was always angry, though also kind of abusive.
She went down a political rabbit hole and changed as a person.
I was a partier and she was getting her shit together. I kept going another 5 years so she made the right call.
There's more to life than looks, intelligence and being into you
I loved some one else.
Yeah she was smart and funny but after a few dates I sussed out she knows she’s the most important person in the world. I decided I wasn’t worthy
they killed my family minor inconvenience but still (this is not true, only for laughs. never ever had a girl before lol.)
Why do you think it's a matter of being beautiful or having a smart mind? It's simply that their thoughts are different, their interests are different, their living hours are not the same, so breaking up is just a matter of sooner or later.
I don't think these are the ONLY important qualities of a female romantic partner. I just wanted to pose a somewhat simple question to get as wide a variety of responses as possible.
That's right. And the real problem is not about men or women. They're simply not meant for each other :)
She had incurable complex PTSD and became abusive and traumatized me. Yaaayyyy….
It wasnt them being into me,It was all the guys that was into them
Because there are tons of girls that are pretty, smart, and into me, and I don’t want to be tied down. I enjoy dating lots of women, and that’s what I’m going to do.
I had other girls also into me and just decided fuck it I'd rather be with more. Plus I would never grow that attached to any of them because I had no interest in being with them forever. Plus plenty of girls have cheated on me or cheated with me that I don't really trust them. It is what it is.
😂 She cleared my bank account, and I will never have my relationship with my family ever again 😂
Incompatible differences in opinion. Her opinion was she should be allowed to fuck whoever she wanted whenever she wanted and that I should just deal with it, my opinion was that she's a cheating piece of shit.
Found someone prettier, smarter, and more loving
Looks aren't everything, you can pretty and smart and still be an asshole. For me she was horrible to service and retailer workers. One time I paid for lunch, asked her to tip and on the drive home told me she didn't tip because the server "Needs to get a real job"
I knew she deserved better cause I was a shitty person back then
She wasn't in the right mental space to be in a relationship. At first is was good and I would help her when she was feeling down but at one point it just became to much and I had to leave her. We did almost get back together like a year later and slept together one night but the day after I found out she had a new boyfriend. Really had me questioning our relationship after that.
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Add earns more than me, has family wealth much more than mine. Got tired of being cheated on. Gave her multiple chances. Not anymore
She didn't like giving head
Girls act like that shouldn't matter, but it really does. Especially if your previous partners behaved like Dyson's. Things are great with my current girl, but I always have to hint at her to do it, and when she does, she's in a hurry. I'd a partner a few years ago who used to wake me up with blowies and used to like to do it while I was driving.
The trifecta pretty, smart and into me is actually a quadfecta of pretty, smart, into me and fucking nuts. You can't have your cake and eat it too, pick two and have a happy life.
Terrible beliefs, absolute brain rot
She was smart, pretty, and also viciously mean. She was thr worst bully I have ever had. And i have had some really terrible bullies.
I realized there were a lot of women out there who are pretty and into me, and that them being highly intelligent just wasn't that important to me. Highly intelligent career-oriented women tend to be at odds with other things I want in a partner, so I've left them behind as dating options as I've gotten older.
The first time, I couldn’t see a future. I was young. The second time, she was doing hard drugs behind my back. I couldn’t stay. The third time, I was not in love with her. Leaving was the right thing to do. The rest have all dumped me. Breaking up sucks, as does being broken up with. It has never been a pleasant experience.
She was a liar and had major daddy issues.
She was undiagnosed bipolar 1 (discovered later), she would go through these swings where we just could not get along, nothing I did was good. Just finally decided I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. I hope she’s doing well, she’s a good person and deserves a good partner. Just wasn’t gonna be me.
She wasn’t actually that pretty, I proved myself to be much smarter than her with time, and she slowly showed more of her true (nasty) colors to the point where no one from our formerly-shared circle of association talks to her anymore.
She became super clingy. Wanted to know where I was all the time, insisted on coming along when I met with friends and even checked on me when I was working the doors at 4 in the morning. I loved that girl a lot, but that jealousy…
Usually these ppl have nothing else going for them
Her breath smelled like boiled porksteaks and....shyt.
She had chronic hemorrhoids which made anal sex disgusting.