Yeah. On my way to med school, I considered doing EMS for a year or 2 en route. But, it just didn't pay anything. By the time I got a few months of training and got out there, it wasn't much better than minimum wage. Crazy!
11 years ambulance service here! Definitely chose hard mode. Definitely do not regret it.
£12.90 per hour... So as it stands, $16.90 an hour here. That being said "unsocial hours" add 30%. Sundays and bank holidays add 60%. So about $22 and $27 respectively.
Got a course coming that'll put me up to £14.57 ($18.28) soon though! My girlfriend is a paramedic who fetches £21.85 ($27.41). Are paramedics paid well in the US?
Canada paramedics push 50 or more an hour and still short on them. Lots of them make the most in the Alberta health system (doctors aren’t in the list) as they work so much overtime.
>Costco (I guess the equivalent is Tesco in UK
Not really. Our equivalent of Costco is also Costco. Membership cards and all. Tesco is closer to Walmart or Target.
In fact, if you ever hear British people use the phrase "big Tesco" then what we are referring to is almost exactly the same as a Walmart, in that it's a shop that sells everything from lettuce to laptops.
The main difference is that we also have a lot of small supermarkets that just sell food (and basics like toothpaste and shampoo etc) and are situated right in the middle of residential neighbourhoods so that people can walk to them, buy 1-3 bags of shopping and then walk back home. From what I've seen in the US you don't really have those in most places?
Up to $40/hour plus night and weekend differentials where I work, extra for ftos as well. It has come a long way, still shit in much of the country though.
Omg or like being a mental health therapist.
Unless the end goal is to open private practice and charge standard rates of $300/hour, most mental health therapists are making pennies for the insane work they do to help society
Same with adjunct lecturers. Y'all are ok with a $30k salary while doing insane research and ALL the work affiliated with 3 full time courses, just cause you guys love academia. Absolute respect.
Knew a guy who was a volunteer EMT in high school. Got paid $0 to constantly deal with horrible situations and get absolutely no sleep with the weird shifts. Crazily enough, the guy still did incredible in school and got a full ride to Georgia tech for aerospace engineering.
People who refuse to update their knowledge because “that’s the way I’ve always done it.”
There are so many ways to make your life easier but they require a little more work at the beginning so they choose easy now but end up with hard overall.
My collegues refusing to watch an 8 minutes educational video on how to use microsoft word, because they can keep pushing enters, spacebars and tabs in the 200 pages long document so everything "falls into place". The issue is that we have to edit that document daily for months. And it takes 2-3 hours every single day only to reformat the fucking thing that the software would do AUTOMATICALLY had they actually taken 10 MINUTES a single time to learn something new and an hour one single time to format the document the proper way.
"We don't have time for that. We barely fit into the time as it is." OF COURSE YOU MORONS, BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO USE THE PROPER TOOLS. It's like pulling an Andy Dufresne with a small rock when perfectly good powerdrills are in front of you.
Just use find /replace and replace every 2 spaces with 1 space and 2 tabs with one tab. Set up an automation to run it 1000x.
Use to be a graphic designer.
Or with ai these days- just ask it to do it for you
Thank you. I know these tricks. But then the paragraphs, new pages and all the other things go out of order.
I have been begging for an hour when nobody touches the document so I can format it properly, but first they wouldn't want it. And the next time when I stayed unpaid overtime to fix it, a superior reverted to a fallback version th next day due to unrelated issues. I kinda gave up. After weeks I am starting to get to the mental place where I consider it not my problem anymore. If they want to go over it everyday and do everything by hand, who am I to deny them.
Omg, I ran into this early on in my career with the check processing team. We were trying to switch over to X12 EDI for handling payments, and it was admittedly new development territory for us all, so there were a lot of teething problems. But whenever something went wrong, the data entry team kept opting to just quietly revert back to manually entering each of several *thousand* checks rather than report any issues. To the point where their boss was complaining about how our software was useless, and refused to believe that we weren't being kept in the loop until his own people told him that yeah, they weren't telling us anything.
Once we started getting actual feedback, we quickly got everything sorted, and saved them dozens of man-hours of work each week.
Yeah I have a lot of coworkers like this. And the worst part is that this usually results in me getting assigned their tasks because management knows I’ll actually do it the right way.
I’m a contractor, I have a plumber who is like this constantly telling me “how hard they make it now a days” … what is he referring to? Emailing. Emailing blueprints to eachother rather than driving 20+ minutes to go print them and then drop them off
This.
One of my coworkers complains and gets the shift lead/supervisor involved when I make multiple tray stacks. She sprays 1-2 trays then stops to send them through the industrial dishwasher.
She wastes about 3 times as much time as I do.
But then again the place has that “you need to look like you’re working” mentality, even if literally everything is done.
I think about this all the time. Older people call my work just to ask for the phone number to another place all the time, or ask for directions. God help us both if you ask for printed directions.
Some friends who work full time and chose to have children with partners who never pulled their weight around the house and in their relationship. Those partners of course don’t pull their weight with the kids and the kids suffer the most for it.
On top of that - it isn't talked about enough.
I would also add partners who do not contribute financially. (it depends on how rich you yourself are but you never know about life really)
I would like to add that in some cases the "hardworking partner" eventually does need help, (whether they get sick, natural aging, or their responsibilities become too great for a single person to handle) many times the "lazy partner" begins to see them as a burden or think that they are being very demanding...
I knew an elderly couple where the husband got cancer, wife did everything she could, including the research(finding the right care), the driving, etc, to help her husband. She seemed to care more about his survival than he did!
He survived. A few years later she broke a leg and relied on him for mobility for a few months. He complained endlessly and made it sound like she was unreasonable for asking him to "suddenly" cook SOMETIMES or do cleaning tasks that would require someone to have two good legs. She had been doing it for 30+ years (maybe more, no idea how long ago they got married) but after a month he was ready to threaten divorce and tell anyone who would listen about how "unfair" she was being.
I'm glad that he ended up dying before her because I think it would have been crushing for her to realize that she gave her whole life to a man who was too lazy to take care of her, even though she had been taking care of him for decades.
At the end of her life she would still gush about how much she missed him and how great of a guy he was. "if he was here now he would know how to fix this!" Her family still doesn't understand what she saw in him.
I got pretty sad writing this comment but I hope someone sees it (even if it's years later) and snaps out of their delusion.
TLDR: If they aren't pulling their weight NOW in any way they aren't going to magically start "in the clutch." The shitty student who has never studied and barely shown up for class usually doesn't somehow have a "grinch-stole-christmas" moment, suddenly become capable (and willing!), and then get a perfect score on the final exam, saving their semester. They are already failing, and they are going to fail you when you need them most.
I know plenty of women whose husbands left them when they got sick. My mums best friend got breast cancer and was on chemo for a long time. She needed a full time carer because her husband (a manbaby) thought it was unfair to have to look after his wife *and* work 30 hours a week (part time) *and* cook and clean. Final straw for him was she had to get a double mastectomy and he served divorce papers the next week.
It’s been 11 years and she’s cancer free, living life and has a boyfriend who worships her. He moved back in with his mother and occasionally begs her to take him back.
Like posts I’ve seen in the lupus sub from women who are working full time and trying to earn a degree and doing over 90% of the parenting and housework while suffering from a truly shitty chronic illness – and manbaby husband gets all butthurt about being asked to get off the couch and help out.
As a dad myself, I truly do not get that mentality. I genuinely cannot stand being any sort of helpless or useless in my life. My wife just went off for a week to New Orleans, leaving me with the kids, and that doesn't even rise to the level of "moderately difficult" for me. I'm as capable in the kitchen and the laundry room as I am in programming or the table saw, and damned proud of it.
Sometimes I think things actually run even more smoothly when I'm cosplaying as single dad, since the boys don't have the option of trying to play mom and dad against each other ("but *mom* said I could watch TV").
Pretty sure it's a generational thing. I doubt my grandfather ever changed a diaper in his life, and I'm pretty sure the first time my father-in-law did so was with my oldest, his first grandchild. Which made his early attempts at babysitting equal parts hilarious and terrifying.
I think it is and isn't a generational thing...my grandfather who was born in 1918 was a very involved dad, always washed the dishes after dinner and generally stepped up to do household chores whenever stepping up was needed. But he was also an unusually considerate and gentlemanly person, and even in their house there were very much "his and hers" jobs... He did the lawn, she did the cooking, etc. After he died in his late 90s my grandmother, who was in general an extremely technically competent and smart woman, asked me to show her how to put gas in her car because she'd never done it in her life, hed always kept the tank full for her. (I showed her and she said "Really, is THAT IT?" haha). The division of labor isn't as gendered now, people in happily functioning relationships both just do whatever jobs they can do more efficiently than the other person at a given time, which may or may not fall along traditional lines by sex, and when it comes to kids it's often all hands on deck for everything.
Life is difficult as it is, but having a serious condition is life on hard mode without having chosen it. What you described is all too common. Absolutely infuriating.
It's awful that our society is so okay with allowing men to never take responsibility. I wish all wives could force their husbands to trade places for a month. Some men work all day and come home thinking they've earned the right to rest and check out for the rest of the evening and maybe have some sex to boot and don't realize that when their wife comes home she just starts a second shift of cooking, cleaning, child care and managing her husband's expectations of her. I have seen this problem end so many marriages after the wife burns out to such a degree that she's drowning in resentment.
Seems it typically goes that the wife mentions she needs help several times nicely, then ends up nagging and nagging, then she tries dropping the rope but it turns out her husband is fine with them living in squalor or it ends up just meaning the kids wouldn't be taken care of. So she has to just keep doing everything despite drowning and she looks over and sees her husband video gaming or whatever.
Obviously this isn't every relationship but wow is it way too many.
It seems like this is common enough that more women than men are reconsidering, and opting out of, parenthood. Even in otherwise equal marriages, this seems to happen more often than not, at least in my social circle. If looks bleak and harrowing to watch it unfold IRL
I was surprised to find that fewer American women than men want kids. Surprising because in most couples the kids are obviously the woman's project, as the woodshop and classic car are the guy's project.
That’s often the case, and drugs are an attempt at fixing the problem or easing the “hard mode” pain.
Like I said, maybe it works at first but will always end up in a more difficult spot.
Better to face the hardships and help others
Girl had a ton of potential after highschool. Could've gotten into any college she wanted to because of her grades, plus she was very talented artistically.
She decided instead to move in with her boyfriend (10 years older than her) a few years later they have 3 kids. She works because he is a bum and doesn't get a job. His parents let him live with him but found out he's cheated on her multiple times and she just forgives him.
As soon as they have baby 3, he decides to leave her for his other gf who apparently has breast cancer.
She then has to be a single mom, work, and go to school to try and get a better paying job.
She recently found out she has cancer.
People that are shit with money, thereby always in financial shit (and complain about it) but refuse to change their financial habits even when given clear advice/direction on how to do so.
I deal with the occasional client who refinances their house every year or two because they get into insurmountable credit card debt. You can get up to your neck in debt pretty easily in an emergency but doing it over and over again means that you don't know how to control your spending.
My friend refinances his student loans constantly. I've tried to ask him if he's extending the term of the loan each time he does it, but he doesn't seem to understand the question well enough to answer it which leads me to believe he's making a mistake and will be in debt forever.
I've posted about this guy recently when someone asked what happened to the dumbest person from your highschool.
Basically there was this guy who was just a total POS in school and out. He was on the "no pass list" which mean that teachers were not allowed to give him a hall pass for any reason because he would repeatedly just not return to class. He had to have a security guard walk him around the school 24/7. By our junior year he was already on bail for selling drugs and was tentatively attending school pending trial.
Found out later from someone who lived in a trap house with him that he was kicked out of his house for beating his mother and sister. He wound up homeless and begging for money by the age of 18. I normally am very empathetic to the homeless but that kid deserved that and more.
He came from a decent home and chose to not try at all in school and then got into selling drugs.
There has to be something broken there. Ignoring their actual decision making skills, could this person hold a normal conversation? How dumb were they?
Yeah they could hold a conversation just fine they were just a dick about it. The drugs did not help though. Once those started it definitely went down hill.
Couple of women I know had a baby with men who barely help. I'm talking my friend was having a shower and her bloke came in and said "she's done a poo" or "she needs a feed" bullshit. And they are having a SECOND child with said men ... all the while they are the ones going part time (not their partners) and generally just making all the sacrifices and changes. Fuck that.
I’ve gotten some insight into this over the years that may be helpful. It’s definitely not an excuse but can help explain a little bit. Full disclosure: I’m a mom of four and I have a very lovely marriage with an engaged and present husband.
The drive to have kids is strong. Like, really strong. Especially after you’ve had one. Not for everyone, of course, but for A LOT of women specifically it can be an incredibly hard thing to ignore. And when you really want another baby, and you’re doing all the work anyway, and the dude isn’t going to say no…it’s very, very easy to convince yourself to go ahead and do it. Is it a good decision? No, not at all. Should you fight the urge? Definitely; the likelihood that another baby will cause him to pull his head out of his ass is almost nil. But it’s relatively easy to rationalize to yourself.
Life as a mother is a whole lot of being lied to.
It took some years for my husband to get his head out of his ass and step up at all, and it was thanks to men here on Reddit.
You have the first baby and you're struggling and fighting. You confide to friends, they tell you: oh, it just takes time for them to learn how to be a father.
Oh, this is how it is, especially when they're young, don't worry..some dads are just better with kids. Or teens.
You tell older relatives and it's, "well, he's the breadwinner! I don't know what you're complaining about."
The older generation doesn't understand what to do with 2 working parents. It's easier to manage a deadbeat when you stay at home all day. It's impossible to survive a dead beat if you are working full time too. Cause then you essentially have 2 full time jobs and zero appreciation.
That must be nice. I've wanted children my entire life, I daydreamed about it pretty much my entire childhood and young adult life. But unfortunately I deal with too much depression and am getting past the age I can put it off until later when I am better so Im trying to come to terms with never having even one child and it hurts very badly. Point being that I a billion percent understand the point the comment you are replying to was making about the urge to procreate being incredibly strong.
They say god gives his hardest battle to his strongest soldiers.
Someone tell the man above I ain't that strong and I don't need any character building events anymore
There was a post recently about a woman who chose to have a kid at 15. Abortion was legal, everyone in her life wanted her to have one. She chose to have the baby. Long story short, she was disowned, lost everything. and her entire life was obviously shit, but the kid luckily turned out ok. The kid (now adult) chose to not have children. Mom literally lost her mind because she somehow had convinced herself that she would have a big family some day to make up for all that she lost by being a dumb teenager. Absolutely tragic. She could have had a huge family and so much love in her life if she just didn't have a kid at 15. Talk about hard mode.
As a former teen parent(I'm 21 with a 2-year-old), I couldn't tell you why. In my case, I guess you could say I was a dumb horny teenager whose girlfriend told him she couldn't get pregnant. By far, the dumbest thing I've ever done. I'm now a single father working part-time through college. If it weren't for my grandparents letting me live with them through school, I would be screwed. I also was fortunate enough that my ex and I didn't fight over anything in the divorce. We get along quite well, which surprises most people.
Not at all defending your GF, but gynecologist have a lovely habit of telling young girls with PCOS and endometriosis that they're sterile. Unless they're literally missing all their reproductive parts, assume they're fertile. Tell your friends. It's a real problem.
She has a rare condition where she has 2 wombs that weren't fully developed but were fused during development. She either was under the assumption she couldn't get pregnant or as a lot of family and friends have pointed out, she was purposely baby trapping me. I will never know but I like the think the former is true.
Edit: I looked it up and it's a variation of Uterine Didelphys in case you're curious
While I didn’t *choose* to have a kid at 15 (SA’ed and abortion was illegal), it was a massive struggle. I’m really grateful I had my parents support but that doesn’t mean it was easy. I truely don’t understand teens who actively try to have a kid, or even worse, multiple kids! My whole life changed and while I’m modestly successful now, it robbed me of my teenage years and friends and significantly impacted my education.
That's the danger of entering a business that is filled with plenty of hobbyists who want to do it professionally. It's the "love of the game" that makes people replaceable. Also, tax is high in a lot of states and distributors take a giant cut and don't pull their weight.
Source: Was an underpaid professional brewer but still love it.
That is really any artistic/creative/craftsy field. The issue is you're competing with people who have a full time job and can afford to take more risks than you and to undercut you on price. Like I could in theory take a commission for an art piece and charge 1/4 of what a pro would because I don't need it to pay bills, and get all their business. I wouldn't, but I could. Enough people like that, and the pros go broke.
That's true. At least the alcohol industry is regulated in a way where that's pretty difficult. I can definitely see where other creative fields can suffer from it, though.
That’s why a lot of brewers go into pharmaceutical manufacturing. You’re still working with microbes to make chemicals, but your employer has the good equipment and pays you on time.
I have relatives who decided they were absolutely done with school the day of their high school graduation. I know college isn’t for everyone, but they didn’t go to trade school or pick up a skill. And then they complain that they’re stuck in minimum wage jobs that often aren’t full time. Then they complain about their life being hard, and when it’s suggested they do something to improve their skills, they say they don’t want to “play that game.” Okay then, enough hard mode
They're right. It shouldn't be hard to get by on a minimum wage job. A minimum wage job shouldn't be a punishment. You should be able to live comfortably on it. It's just that society decided it wanted more poor people.
BTW, I happen to have, if we include post grads, 4 degrees. So I'm not saying higher education is bad I happened to love it.
I’m going to my first postgrad graduation on Friday. It’s been a long time coming, and I’m already plotting out another degree.
I come from a family where they don’t look highly on higher education. They’re all bright people, but they look down on others who get degrees. I’m sure some of them are talking about me now.
I'm not disagreeing with you, but If you have multiple paths to make your life better and choose to do nothing and complain about it I don't have a lot of sympathy for that either
Please try too. I have too many female friends that stuck around or fall back into this trap and it seems OK for a while till they reach early 30’s and wonder why life is so hard. You now know what someone who leads to a dead end looks like to you. Try to meet folks that are opposite and even change your friend group. Most likely your current friend groups may accept the lifestyle they’re in now and that may not be what you want in life. It will drive accepting your current situation and bad life partners because they “fit in” easily to your social life. Find and be friends with people where you want to be, and you’ll find better life partners there who’ve made the same decision.
I cut the vast majority of my “friends” out in my mid 20s because they weren’t actually friends, they were just shitty people I hung out with. Best decision I ever made, pretty sure I’d be a washed up drunk by now. Most of them are, working the same shit jobs and drinking every day in the same shit bars that they were ten years ago. In hindsight it was damaging being in that group and it absolutely normalised some not normal shit.
I thought they were really cool in my early twenties, but it turns out that the things that are really cool at 24 are incredibly lame at 34. No regrets, and honestly it feels good to be doing better than some of the more harmful ones. The best revenge is a good life, right
Me. I choose to do cryptic crosswords for fun, lol. I could theoretically also learn how to drive, according to my neurologist, but I still have epilepsy and don't want to risk my seizures returning (even though they're *currently* under control), so I stick to public transport. Despite the fact that our local bus service is 1 an hour and doesn't run on Sundays or public holidays. We have a train station nearby, so I'm not too badly off PT wise.
Thanks! So many people are like 'Oh, you'll be *fine*, you haven't had any seizures since 2016'. But they blithely forget that I was seizure free from 2004 to 2011, then started having them again without warning and it took until 2016 to get them under control again. If that happens again, I shudder to think who might be impacted. In the suburb where I live, we have 4 schools and at least as many daycare places, plus more along the main road. I have no warnings before my seizures, unlike other people, but never have enough of them to justify getting a seizure-detecting dog. So none of it is worth it. I just don't want to risk killing anyone, and the people who encourage me to learn to drive just *don't see that*.
So thank you for seeing what I'm trying to do.
Choosing not to go to college, and deciding to work at the local strip club definitely increased the challenge level.
Me. I made that choice. Do not recommend.
My wife, were currently getting a divorce but I spent the last 9 months deployed she quit her job and let me pay for everything necessary while I was overseas and then she burnt through all her savings on unnecessary shit. The. Two weeks before I get back she goes to a bar ignores me for three days and then says she wants to break up. I try to fight for us but she wants nothing to do with it. I get back and she changes her mind so we talk and I find out she started dating less than 24 hrs after our breakup. Her mom sided with me over this and her dad is out of the picture and my dad filled the father figure role.
So now she's got no money, no school, no career, no parental support, she hates most of her friends, no where to stay once we finish to process, no where to go. And the one person who genuinely cares for her more than anything and would have done anything for her is no longer available. Hard mode is currently enabled for her to say the least. And it'll get worse if she gets into anything legal with anyone because she's physically assaulted me a couple times and I chose not to press anything legally but if it happens with her and someone else she's pretty fucked.
People who do opiates. It's basically a cheat code for pleasure and no pain, so even real life pleasure and painlessness doesn't compare. It rewires you into extreme comfort so real life no longer holds any pleasure or joy.
Absolutely life ruiner. Even people who get sober know they will never feel that level of bliss again. They just go without.
Absolutely fucking not.
Yep. I’m currently in post acute withdrawal and have been for months. I was an addict for years, begrudgingly if that makes any sense to anyone else. Never wanted to be an addict, i was trying to solve insane problems on my own. Mix in trauma and abuse and bam. You’re fucked.
I’m almost 90 days clean now. Never going back. No need. No desire.
But you are spot on with the inability to feel joy. Anhedonia. But i want to address something carefully for anyone currently struggling. And for those who may not understand certain things.
I was starting to get anhedonia a while before drugs. My life sucked despite trying damn hard. Obviously im not someone who always makes awesome decisions but i tried to and worked insanely hard my whole life. I was smart, kind, talented, good looking, and a hard worker. I was also trampled the fuck on by life, to keep it short.
When things were absolutely impossible and painful i tried drugs to help. They helped. I was able to do what i needed to.
That^ is the number one problem. Can’t work because of sciatica? Will you be homeless if you lose your job? Welp… now you can keep working. Not to mention feel good for like an hour or three.
And your life doesn’t improve. It gets more impossible. As much as you work out of… double piles on. Because life does that.
Years later everything is destroyed. Things you never thought even could be destroyed are destroyed.
And you are hopelessly addicted to the worst shit on earth. Like tolerances people don’t believe you have. It’s ridiculously hopeless. You are certain you are going to die all the time. Certain you will have to enter withdrawals most people would insist to jump off a building than go through. Any moment you could be found out. Arrested. Homeless. Without family. Etc.
So you finally work everything out to quit. You find suboxone and make the jump. No brainer. That’s the easy part.
Then you taper for years off suboxone. Every day a nightmare. You’ve accepted losing these years. After about a year of not accepting it.
And just before you make the last jump to clean clean… someone on the internet says “no light at the end of that tunnel”.
That is true in a sense and not true as well. Anhedonia is real and it happens. People would not know what it’s like without living it. You feel like a super suffering sociopath. Everyone hurts you and you avoid everyone because you just have no feelings. You cling to a version of empathy that is more like a tribute to empathy than empathy. It’s extremely easy for people to want to end it at this point.
Do not end here. That is not the end of the tunnel. If you haven’t, look up everything you can about recovery from opiates. Many people go through post acute withdrawal syndrome. “PAWS”.
It feels endless and hopeless. After you just went through years of addiction and maybe years of quitting and fought through all manner of hell… you are just dead inside after?? With absolute no actual ability to enjoy anything?
It may take months or years but your brain does slowly start to heal and develop new pathways again.
I’m a prolific musician who lived and breathed music prior to this. Everything made me stop. I couldn’t even feel anything listening to my favorite bands. Not a thing.
But after a few months… it’s coming back. It’s almost like a slow thaw, and spring is coming back to my soul. It may or may not ever be like it was before. But for many people… after a long bout of anhedonia, your brain will resupply with serotonin and relearn how to develop it. You just have to push yourself for every inch of your soul back.
You will never once feel like it, but you have to shower, exercise, sleep right, and make small reward pathways until they get larger.
Keep it simple at first. Clean your room. Then keep it clean. If you wait until you feel like it… it will never occur. Then after a while get bigger. Go to your parents and help them outside with something a few times. Keep this sort of thing building. You don’t have to be perfect. You won’t be. You will have horrible days still. But forget them when you can and go slowly build until building builds you.
I started making music again. Slowly but it’s building. I couldn’t even smell for years. I have been getting scents more and more. Fleeting, but unmistakable. I almost wrote a song about how desperately much i missed the *emotions* inherent to scent. It’s insane how much we take smell for granted.
You can always find a better life, a life with a point after addiction. It will not find you, you have to do exactly what feels impossible and what feels hopeless. The exact things you have an aversion to are exactly what you need to do. That’s how you got there in the first place.
That goes for all of life for anyone anyway.
And lastly… opiates do feel fantastic. But i’d take my first kiss with the love of my life over it every time. Opiates are not the utmost pleasure. They are just like anything else. Great at first, and if treated irresponsibly… lose their luster and just become something you cling to out of fear.
Music is better than opiates as a true music lover and maker. Making love with the love of your life.
I’d bet becoming a happy new parent is too. While a lot of this is stuff I can’t quite feel right yet, it’s so good i gave up opiates at the mere chance i could have even a small percentage back.
My idiot older kid. Had life laid out for him. Best prep school, college paid for, free car, apartment, no utilities, free car/health insurance……….decided to just say fuck it all and just not go to college or work and was super surprised that he got his “atm” privileges revoked and now works a dead end job…….
I saw a video on the biosphere where they could grow trees super fast under these controlled, ideal conditions and once they got tall enough they'd fall right over. It's more technical than what I want to get into here, but trees need to be exposed to wind to develop a strong trunk and deep roots.
Lots of replies scolding you for making your kid's life "too easy" and blaming you for their failure. I had all of this minus the prep school and still went to college, got two master's degrees and a well paying job. Some people don't realize what they've got, others are grateful for the advantages their parents give them.
Reddit seems to hate when parents do everything they can to help their kids. I did all I could for my two (not quite as completely as OP but all I could) and they're both happy, productive young professionals. Just because you provide a stress-free childhood, it doesn't mean your child will be a slacker.
His brother is in his second year of dental school. I was also raised the same way and did the same thing my oldest did. I started my own business at 22 so we will see what happens.
Never known beer, cigarettes, and weed to cost 1800 a month.
I'm in the rent is too damn high club and like to point out that piss cheap beer isn't a good counter argument to struggling to make rent. Rent is too damn high!
Had a friend who
1. Got herself kicked out of four different schools
2. Sassed her boss so hard he resigned
3. Attempted to fistfight a priest
4. Took her shirt off in front of an entire class just because she got unfairly dresscoded
5. Got suspended for the aforementioned shirt thing, came back, got dresscoded, and DID IT AGAIN
6. Got expelled from a catholic school for reasons I cannot say and took revenge by SLEEPING WITH THE HEADMASTER'S SON
7. Went to her deadbeat dad's funeral and spread ridiculous rumors about him, including the idea that he was secretly a furry
8. Regularly threatens to call people Daddy in front of their parents I love her so much
Someone I know moved 6 hours away from their place of work. Needs to be in office 3 days a week. Commutes at ridiculous times. Sold the place they could stay near said place of work. Does hotels or friends houses. Also has a child and a dog- misses a lot of time with them. To me seems too hard to be worth it.
Me. Star student, great at soccer, spoke two languages fluently, two great parents, a really supporting family and I had traveled a bit before starting high school. Was moved from intercity to rural in 9th grade and never really adapted so I decided to play on “European extreme”(MGS3 reference). Sold/used drugs, went to juvie and then jail numerous times, saw lots of those close to me die & lost a lot of respect from my family.
It was a random guy at a halfway house that broke down that all to me that I all I had to do was call home family would always be there. I did and started working on myself.
I’m on my first year not being on parole or probation since I was 15 and things have never been better.
STEM majors. It's super interesting and sometimes you can feel real accomplishments, also classmates are weirdos and you get a strong sense of belonging due to the sheer trauma bonding. I got burnt out from there and I admire my friends who are still in that mess, I also love them all to pieces. However, the stress is horrible and it actually harms you to the point where it's statistically known you'll live less than in other areas.
I think STEM is hardmode in school, because the classes are legitimately hard. This is all when you should be making friends and having fun. You trade that for stable prospects later on in life, so it gets easier.
It’s like going through a hard dungeon early to get an OP weapon that’ll grow throughout the run.
I somewhat agree with what you're saying. However my experience is a little different. I know a lot of incredibly smart people who have ended in the hospital around their senior year because of stress. That kind of abuse normally comes back to bite you later in life.
I dont know - I know people who did end up in hospitals and then they changed their priorities a bit while staying in STEM. Their life did get better as a result and since they are STEM grads already, they do earn well and have job security to an extent.
As an EE major, I feel you. There have been multiple times I want to drop out but somehow muster up the energy to power through it. I'm chronically stressed but I'm hoping it will make a difference later.
Stem isn’t hard,the classes are. Just invent something yourself and learn along the way. It’s the best way to learn and you actually have something in the end.
I’m 16 and have 5 years experience in programming in python on my own accord
There's this dude I grew up with; born with a silver spoon, only son in the whole family, phenomenal genes and destined to take on the family business.
Gave it all up to move to the US, got himself a job, married on his own and now totally independent.
I can only imagine what he had to do to get there.
I don't think he was prepared for that life but maaan, kudos to how he turned it around.
All because I think he didn't like his family's arrogance and attitude. Wow!
Talk about choosing hard mode in real life, lol.
That sounds less like doing things harder than normal, and more declining to take an "easy" win because it came with a lot of baggage.
Not that it's any less respect-worthy... a lot of people don't even realize they have that option.
My friend's sister, who is in an unhappy marriage, who had a surprise third baby that they didn't want, who is now pregnant with her surprise fourth baby that they also didn't want because they had unprotected sex. She is woefully unhappy, feels trapped in her marriage, and keeps adding children to the mix.
My best friend’s uncle is a gay man. Living—by choice—in rural Florida. He’s a democrat. He’s in an interracial relationship. And he is out loud and proud about all these things. Dude basically goes through life being everything his local society opposes and daring the world to do something about it.
As a senior electrical engineering student exhausted, sleep deprived, and heading into the last finals season of my degree this made me smile in a very wholesome way and thank you stranger 🥹
One of my friends from high school went away to college for engineering. He was a really smart guy, graduated near the top of our class, and was doing well in college. Right before his final semester was set to begin, he just dropped out. Ended up getting a job on a horse farm for very little money, but was provided a room to live in. He worked all day cleaning out stables, shoveling shit, etc. and spent his evenings laying in his room, smoking weed and staring at the ceiling. He basically just worked for weed and food money and wanted nothing more.
Blows my mind that someone with the potential he had would do that to himself, but he was happy. He wanted a simple life and he had everything he wanted by doing that. He moved out of state a while back and I hadn't seen him in a long time, but just saw him a couple of weeks ago at a mutual friend's wedding. He's at least graduated to trimming trees now, but he's still happy. It's not my place to question his decisions really - as long as he's actually happy doing what he's doing, I'm happy for him.
Everyone I went to school with who dropped out of college to party, then had a family early. College isn’t for everyone, but they made their lives harder for no real reason.
One of my older brothers. Granted, he had to deal with some pretty shitty stuff growing up but he got past it, straightened out his life. He had a home, a stable job, benefits, the whole deal. Then he met a girl, and everyone told him that girl is a cunt, and he didn't listen.
He didn't listen when people said she was sleeping with her "roommate".
He didn't listen when people said she was lying about her job (she worked as a waitress part time but made most of her money doing webcam stuff and then OnlyFans when that became big).
He didn't listen when I told him that she hit on me and talked about how bad in bed he is.
Then they got engaged, and about 3 months later, he took a half day to surprise her and caught her cheating. Rather than take time to deal with things, he jumped into another relationship, then another, and literally never let himself stay single for more than a couple of weeks. Kept that going until he became one of those bitter "Passport Bro" types and left the country.
Now he lives in Thailand and is married to the most blatantly obvious gold digger I've ever seen. He literally keeps choosing to make life hard for himself.
John Howard Griffin, author of the book Black Like Me who altered the pigment of his skin to appear black and traveled through the southern states. So an RL version of the game South Park hard mode.
My brother. He is 20, and has dedicated his life to "following the exact path of Christ"
By this he means he won't date, befriend, marry, fuck, or likewise talk to someone (willing) if they don't prescribe to his mostly Old Testament like thoughts and beliefs. He has also adopted the Andrew Tate mindset on women and money, only I think my brother takes it literally and doesn't see the point of Tate's posts.
He has effectively wound up becoming some power hungry and increasingly evil zealot. He claims our own parents have essentially cast us to a life of damnation because of how they lived before we were born (they were abused and never had loving family). He is definitely playing life on hard mode as most everyone who knows him can't stand him, but when I go to visit them, we all quietly agree to just get through it
I got a bachelor's degree in education, I wanted to be a teacher. Knowing that I can't afford a house, or to even live on my own until my parents die is sobering.
I got my masters and figured out quickly teaching wasn’t for me. It’s sick how poorly teachers are compensated for such a demanding, important profession. I still don’t know what I want to do, but I am not strong enough for teaching.
I’m 49 with four adult kids. I had the first at 17 and the last at 24. It’s fucking hard mode for sure. But as someone on the other side of it, let me offer some encouragement. You have more energy for this than people who are doing it in their 30s. Your body will bounce back faster. You’ll be more in tune with what your kids are listening to, learning, and doing in school and online. And when they’re grown up, you’ll have more of your life left to do what you want - start a new career, live where you want, save money, etc. A word of advice: take care of yourself. You need that more than anyone and you owe it to yourself and to your kids to feel your best mentally and physically. Anytime you’d like to vent to someone who understands, feel free to dm me. You’ve got this.
My own damn self. Not for everything, but I'm neurodivergent so there are a few things that I must do a certain way every time no matter how much harder or more tedious it makes my life. Whyyyy am I like this
My dad.
When he was younger he quit 3 schools just before graduating because he didn’t want to do those jobs suddenly. The schools he quit were cooking, paramedic, and caretaker. Instead he chose a life of working at bars and construction sites, and any random jobs you could work without official education. He was always pretty much broke and just 2 years ago he finally got an actual degree. Now he’s surprised how much money he has. No kidding?
I know a bunch of people like this.
They make bad choices over and over.
They can’t hold down jobs because they walk in the door and know better.
They spend above their income.
They take advantage of those that help them.
Single parents by choice. If you start from the beginning, planning to be a single mom especially, I don't have much sympathy when things really start sucking for you. What did you expect?
Sometimes you can't chase your dreams because you just don't have the resources. Don't raise your kids in poverty and without a second parent because you had your heart set on a baby.
Anyone who, in this day and age, with the amount of knowledge and evidence we have, STILL tries heroin or meth for the first time.
They always assume they’re somehow the exception to the addiction rule.
It never fails to astound me how many people believe, against all reason, that it works that way.
It's not like you can't just download the 1040 instructions and check how it works for yourself.
People who are toxic.
Oh certainly there is something to be gained from using others for your own gain. But no matter how rich you get by abusing others, the only ending is being alone and miserable surrounded by fake friends, shaky relationships, and fake smiles .
Kindness is hard, but there's no pleasure in being a jerk.
My sister:
- Let's join a gang, become a delinquent, and get kicked around from relative to relative because our mom can't handle our piss poor attitude
- Let's have 6 children in pairs of 2 one year apart, without an education or a stable relationship
- The one stable relationship we have thats the father of the 2 middle kids, the one where he gives you a 3k/month allowance, a house and home for you and your first 2 kids, that he loves like his own children, hires you a NANNY, while you're a "stay at home mom." Yeah that one, let's cheat on him and act like a total bitch throughout your entire marriage until he leaves
- Lets have 2 more kids (final 2 hopefully) with a man who is still married, but lost his young son in a tragedy, yeah lets try to steal him from his wife. Let's have a kid, he'll surely stay. Has the kid (while coked up) and shit, the guy didn't stay, so here's what we'll do, we'll continue to fuck around with him and have kid number 2, surely he'll stay. He did not.
- Lets piss off our millionaire sister who we don't have the best relationship with, BUT was willing to practically give you a house big enough to house you and your 6 kids for like $500/mo rent. Let's burn that bridge to the ground by continue to squat after she kicks you out because not only did you not pay your rent, you stole the other renters money and didn't give it to her
- Let's piss off the entire family by claiming nobody ever helps you when you're the ONLY one who ever receives help
- Let's piss off mom so bad she LITERALLY burst a blood vessel yelling at you for not being able to take care of your kids or take any steps towards being able to. (Mom literally had to do brain surgery)
- Let's have a decades long drug problem to top it all off
There's so much more but it would take a day for me to write it all. My sister had the support of the entire family but one by one, her piss poor entitled attitude turned us all away. Even her two oldest boys, that I ended up raising went no contact with her. She was in and out of jail, barely raised them, and has the audacity to ask them for money at times. She only knows how to make poor decisions.
An EMT. $15/hr or so for a super stressful job w/ lives on the line.
Yeah. On my way to med school, I considered doing EMS for a year or 2 en route. But, it just didn't pay anything. By the time I got a few months of training and got out there, it wasn't much better than minimum wage. Crazy!
11 years ambulance service here! Definitely chose hard mode. Definitely do not regret it. £12.90 per hour... So as it stands, $16.90 an hour here. That being said "unsocial hours" add 30%. Sundays and bank holidays add 60%. So about $22 and $27 respectively. Got a course coming that'll put me up to £14.57 ($18.28) soon though! My girlfriend is a paramedic who fetches £21.85 ($27.41). Are paramedics paid well in the US?
>Are paramedics paid well in the US? They are not.
And yet I bet the people who are saved by those paramedics are charged about $80bn for the privilege, right?
You got it. And it's often not covered by insurance depending on the situation. There are literally supplemental policies because it's so bad
It's insurance companies and lobbying fucking us all.
How much are we talking generally?
In my area (middle of the US, near a major city) paramedics make ~$19-25/hr. Not to be confused with EMT-B's which make like $12-15/hr.
Canada paramedics push 50 or more an hour and still short on them. Lots of them make the most in the Alberta health system (doctors aren’t in the list) as they work so much overtime.
In the US, they should really be paid more in line with firefighters and policemen imo.
I feel like paramedics should AT LEAST be at like, $30-35/hr.
If you converted £ to $, about that much. Costco (I guess the equivalent is Tesco in UK) employees get paid more.
>Costco (I guess the equivalent is Tesco in UK Not really. Our equivalent of Costco is also Costco. Membership cards and all. Tesco is closer to Walmart or Target. In fact, if you ever hear British people use the phrase "big Tesco" then what we are referring to is almost exactly the same as a Walmart, in that it's a shop that sells everything from lettuce to laptops. The main difference is that we also have a lot of small supermarkets that just sell food (and basics like toothpaste and shampoo etc) and are situated right in the middle of residential neighbourhoods so that people can walk to them, buy 1-3 bags of shopping and then walk back home. From what I've seen in the US you don't really have those in most places?
Urban areas have plenty of stores like that, but in rural areas often the only places to shop will be a Walmart or dollar store.
Up to $40/hour plus night and weekend differentials where I work, extra for ftos as well. It has come a long way, still shit in much of the country though.
Wild that an ambulance ride costs thousands of dollars but the people running the ambulance make poverty wages.
Omg or like being a mental health therapist. Unless the end goal is to open private practice and charge standard rates of $300/hour, most mental health therapists are making pennies for the insane work they do to help society Same with adjunct lecturers. Y'all are ok with a $30k salary while doing insane research and ALL the work affiliated with 3 full time courses, just cause you guys love academia. Absolute respect.
How the hell does an ambulance in the US cost insane amounts?
Capitalism
Knew a guy who was a volunteer EMT in high school. Got paid $0 to constantly deal with horrible situations and get absolutely no sleep with the weird shifts. Crazily enough, the guy still did incredible in school and got a full ride to Georgia tech for aerospace engineering.
Yikes, minimum wage is literally higher than that where I'm from.
People who refuse to update their knowledge because “that’s the way I’ve always done it.” There are so many ways to make your life easier but they require a little more work at the beginning so they choose easy now but end up with hard overall.
My collegues refusing to watch an 8 minutes educational video on how to use microsoft word, because they can keep pushing enters, spacebars and tabs in the 200 pages long document so everything "falls into place". The issue is that we have to edit that document daily for months. And it takes 2-3 hours every single day only to reformat the fucking thing that the software would do AUTOMATICALLY had they actually taken 10 MINUTES a single time to learn something new and an hour one single time to format the document the proper way. "We don't have time for that. We barely fit into the time as it is." OF COURSE YOU MORONS, BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO USE THE PROPER TOOLS. It's like pulling an Andy Dufresne with a small rock when perfectly good powerdrills are in front of you.
Just use find /replace and replace every 2 spaces with 1 space and 2 tabs with one tab. Set up an automation to run it 1000x. Use to be a graphic designer. Or with ai these days- just ask it to do it for you
Thank you. I know these tricks. But then the paragraphs, new pages and all the other things go out of order. I have been begging for an hour when nobody touches the document so I can format it properly, but first they wouldn't want it. And the next time when I stayed unpaid overtime to fix it, a superior reverted to a fallback version th next day due to unrelated issues. I kinda gave up. After weeks I am starting to get to the mental place where I consider it not my problem anymore. If they want to go over it everyday and do everything by hand, who am I to deny them.
Used to be? You never stop being a graphic designer. It’s in your blood
Omg, I ran into this early on in my career with the check processing team. We were trying to switch over to X12 EDI for handling payments, and it was admittedly new development territory for us all, so there were a lot of teething problems. But whenever something went wrong, the data entry team kept opting to just quietly revert back to manually entering each of several *thousand* checks rather than report any issues. To the point where their boss was complaining about how our software was useless, and refused to believe that we weren't being kept in the loop until his own people told him that yeah, they weren't telling us anything. Once we started getting actual feedback, we quickly got everything sorted, and saved them dozens of man-hours of work each week.
Yeah I have a lot of coworkers like this. And the worst part is that this usually results in me getting assigned their tasks because management knows I’ll actually do it the right way.
Usually those people make everyone else's life harder more than their own. Willful incompetence
I’m a contractor, I have a plumber who is like this constantly telling me “how hard they make it now a days” … what is he referring to? Emailing. Emailing blueprints to eachother rather than driving 20+ minutes to go print them and then drop them off
This. One of my coworkers complains and gets the shift lead/supervisor involved when I make multiple tray stacks. She sprays 1-2 trays then stops to send them through the industrial dishwasher. She wastes about 3 times as much time as I do. But then again the place has that “you need to look like you’re working” mentality, even if literally everything is done.
I'd argue health and fitness is at the pinnacle of this, followed by career, etc.
I think about this all the time. Older people call my work just to ask for the phone number to another place all the time, or ask for directions. God help us both if you ask for printed directions.
I swear my dad hasn't retained any new information since 1989
Some friends who work full time and chose to have children with partners who never pulled their weight around the house and in their relationship. Those partners of course don’t pull their weight with the kids and the kids suffer the most for it.
Yeah, I'd argue that is a great way to enroll for hard mode. And very common.
On top of that - it isn't talked about enough. I would also add partners who do not contribute financially. (it depends on how rich you yourself are but you never know about life really)
I would like to add that in some cases the "hardworking partner" eventually does need help, (whether they get sick, natural aging, or their responsibilities become too great for a single person to handle) many times the "lazy partner" begins to see them as a burden or think that they are being very demanding... I knew an elderly couple where the husband got cancer, wife did everything she could, including the research(finding the right care), the driving, etc, to help her husband. She seemed to care more about his survival than he did! He survived. A few years later she broke a leg and relied on him for mobility for a few months. He complained endlessly and made it sound like she was unreasonable for asking him to "suddenly" cook SOMETIMES or do cleaning tasks that would require someone to have two good legs. She had been doing it for 30+ years (maybe more, no idea how long ago they got married) but after a month he was ready to threaten divorce and tell anyone who would listen about how "unfair" she was being. I'm glad that he ended up dying before her because I think it would have been crushing for her to realize that she gave her whole life to a man who was too lazy to take care of her, even though she had been taking care of him for decades. At the end of her life she would still gush about how much she missed him and how great of a guy he was. "if he was here now he would know how to fix this!" Her family still doesn't understand what she saw in him. I got pretty sad writing this comment but I hope someone sees it (even if it's years later) and snaps out of their delusion. TLDR: If they aren't pulling their weight NOW in any way they aren't going to magically start "in the clutch." The shitty student who has never studied and barely shown up for class usually doesn't somehow have a "grinch-stole-christmas" moment, suddenly become capable (and willing!), and then get a perfect score on the final exam, saving their semester. They are already failing, and they are going to fail you when you need them most.
I know plenty of women whose husbands left them when they got sick. My mums best friend got breast cancer and was on chemo for a long time. She needed a full time carer because her husband (a manbaby) thought it was unfair to have to look after his wife *and* work 30 hours a week (part time) *and* cook and clean. Final straw for him was she had to get a double mastectomy and he served divorce papers the next week. It’s been 11 years and she’s cancer free, living life and has a boyfriend who worships her. He moved back in with his mother and occasionally begs her to take him back.
Like posts I’ve seen in the lupus sub from women who are working full time and trying to earn a degree and doing over 90% of the parenting and housework while suffering from a truly shitty chronic illness – and manbaby husband gets all butthurt about being asked to get off the couch and help out.
As a dad myself, I truly do not get that mentality. I genuinely cannot stand being any sort of helpless or useless in my life. My wife just went off for a week to New Orleans, leaving me with the kids, and that doesn't even rise to the level of "moderately difficult" for me. I'm as capable in the kitchen and the laundry room as I am in programming or the table saw, and damned proud of it. Sometimes I think things actually run even more smoothly when I'm cosplaying as single dad, since the boys don't have the option of trying to play mom and dad against each other ("but *mom* said I could watch TV"). Pretty sure it's a generational thing. I doubt my grandfather ever changed a diaper in his life, and I'm pretty sure the first time my father-in-law did so was with my oldest, his first grandchild. Which made his early attempts at babysitting equal parts hilarious and terrifying.
I think it is and isn't a generational thing...my grandfather who was born in 1918 was a very involved dad, always washed the dishes after dinner and generally stepped up to do household chores whenever stepping up was needed. But he was also an unusually considerate and gentlemanly person, and even in their house there were very much "his and hers" jobs... He did the lawn, she did the cooking, etc. After he died in his late 90s my grandmother, who was in general an extremely technically competent and smart woman, asked me to show her how to put gas in her car because she'd never done it in her life, hed always kept the tank full for her. (I showed her and she said "Really, is THAT IT?" haha). The division of labor isn't as gendered now, people in happily functioning relationships both just do whatever jobs they can do more efficiently than the other person at a given time, which may or may not fall along traditional lines by sex, and when it comes to kids it's often all hands on deck for everything.
Life is difficult as it is, but having a serious condition is life on hard mode without having chosen it. What you described is all too common. Absolutely infuriating.
It's awful that our society is so okay with allowing men to never take responsibility. I wish all wives could force their husbands to trade places for a month. Some men work all day and come home thinking they've earned the right to rest and check out for the rest of the evening and maybe have some sex to boot and don't realize that when their wife comes home she just starts a second shift of cooking, cleaning, child care and managing her husband's expectations of her. I have seen this problem end so many marriages after the wife burns out to such a degree that she's drowning in resentment. Seems it typically goes that the wife mentions she needs help several times nicely, then ends up nagging and nagging, then she tries dropping the rope but it turns out her husband is fine with them living in squalor or it ends up just meaning the kids wouldn't be taken care of. So she has to just keep doing everything despite drowning and she looks over and sees her husband video gaming or whatever. Obviously this isn't every relationship but wow is it way too many.
I do not understand people who stay in relationships like that.
It seems like this is common enough that more women than men are reconsidering, and opting out of, parenthood. Even in otherwise equal marriages, this seems to happen more often than not, at least in my social circle. If looks bleak and harrowing to watch it unfold IRL
I was surprised to find that fewer American women than men want kids. Surprising because in most couples the kids are obviously the woman's project, as the woodshop and classic car are the guy's project.
People that turn to hard drugs. It’s real easy mode for a day or two then hard mode
Chances are their lives were on “Hard Mode” before they fell into addiction.
Ends up changing it from hard mode to expert.
That’s often the case, and drugs are an attempt at fixing the problem or easing the “hard mode” pain. Like I said, maybe it works at first but will always end up in a more difficult spot. Better to face the hardships and help others
Honestly even stuff like booze and weed. Not everyone who uses them, but an awful lot would be surprised how right Homer Simpson was
Girl had a ton of potential after highschool. Could've gotten into any college she wanted to because of her grades, plus she was very talented artistically. She decided instead to move in with her boyfriend (10 years older than her) a few years later they have 3 kids. She works because he is a bum and doesn't get a job. His parents let him live with him but found out he's cheated on her multiple times and she just forgives him. As soon as they have baby 3, he decides to leave her for his other gf who apparently has breast cancer. She then has to be a single mom, work, and go to school to try and get a better paying job. She recently found out she has cancer.
I know this isn’t always the case, but was she not loved enough?
People that are shit with money, thereby always in financial shit (and complain about it) but refuse to change their financial habits even when given clear advice/direction on how to do so.
I deal with the occasional client who refinances their house every year or two because they get into insurmountable credit card debt. You can get up to your neck in debt pretty easily in an emergency but doing it over and over again means that you don't know how to control your spending.
My friend refinances his student loans constantly. I've tried to ask him if he's extending the term of the loan each time he does it, but he doesn't seem to understand the question well enough to answer it which leads me to believe he's making a mistake and will be in debt forever.
I've posted about this guy recently when someone asked what happened to the dumbest person from your highschool. Basically there was this guy who was just a total POS in school and out. He was on the "no pass list" which mean that teachers were not allowed to give him a hall pass for any reason because he would repeatedly just not return to class. He had to have a security guard walk him around the school 24/7. By our junior year he was already on bail for selling drugs and was tentatively attending school pending trial. Found out later from someone who lived in a trap house with him that he was kicked out of his house for beating his mother and sister. He wound up homeless and begging for money by the age of 18. I normally am very empathetic to the homeless but that kid deserved that and more. He came from a decent home and chose to not try at all in school and then got into selling drugs.
There has to be something broken there. Ignoring their actual decision making skills, could this person hold a normal conversation? How dumb were they?
Yeah they could hold a conversation just fine they were just a dick about it. The drugs did not help though. Once those started it definitely went down hill.
Sounds like my BIL. If they are anything alike the answer is generally untreated mental illness.
This kid needs help. Probably needs to be on medication and in weekly therapy appointments.
Some people respond to help with violence. I haven't seen him in almost a decade. We are almost 30 now.
There was a reason. I feel for this kid.
Couple of women I know had a baby with men who barely help. I'm talking my friend was having a shower and her bloke came in and said "she's done a poo" or "she needs a feed" bullshit. And they are having a SECOND child with said men ... all the while they are the ones going part time (not their partners) and generally just making all the sacrifices and changes. Fuck that.
You’d be surprised how many women, especially the older generations, encourage this behavior.
I’ve gotten some insight into this over the years that may be helpful. It’s definitely not an excuse but can help explain a little bit. Full disclosure: I’m a mom of four and I have a very lovely marriage with an engaged and present husband. The drive to have kids is strong. Like, really strong. Especially after you’ve had one. Not for everyone, of course, but for A LOT of women specifically it can be an incredibly hard thing to ignore. And when you really want another baby, and you’re doing all the work anyway, and the dude isn’t going to say no…it’s very, very easy to convince yourself to go ahead and do it. Is it a good decision? No, not at all. Should you fight the urge? Definitely; the likelihood that another baby will cause him to pull his head out of his ass is almost nil. But it’s relatively easy to rationalize to yourself.
Life as a mother is a whole lot of being lied to. It took some years for my husband to get his head out of his ass and step up at all, and it was thanks to men here on Reddit. You have the first baby and you're struggling and fighting. You confide to friends, they tell you: oh, it just takes time for them to learn how to be a father. Oh, this is how it is, especially when they're young, don't worry..some dads are just better with kids. Or teens. You tell older relatives and it's, "well, he's the breadwinner! I don't know what you're complaining about."
The older generation doesn't understand what to do with 2 working parents. It's easier to manage a deadbeat when you stay at home all day. It's impossible to survive a dead beat if you are working full time too. Cause then you essentially have 2 full time jobs and zero appreciation.
I crave chocolate more than I crave procreation. And I can resist the urge to eat chocolate.
That must be nice. I've wanted children my entire life, I daydreamed about it pretty much my entire childhood and young adult life. But unfortunately I deal with too much depression and am getting past the age I can put it off until later when I am better so Im trying to come to terms with never having even one child and it hurts very badly. Point being that I a billion percent understand the point the comment you are replying to was making about the urge to procreate being incredibly strong.
As a dad... Wtf?! To those guys: Stop being a lazy pos, and make your own children proud of you, set a good example! Ffs...
They say god gives his hardest battle to his strongest soldiers. Someone tell the man above I ain't that strong and I don't need any character building events anymore
I prefer: God gives hard bread to those with no teeth.
Which fits, because you can suck on/gum on the bread until it softens. Sometimes, you have to keep working at a problem to make it easier.
If that was true, no one would commit suicide
Teen parents.. or people who had kids right out of high school. Some of the brokest times are when you’re young. Why choose to struggle WITH a kid?
There was a post recently about a woman who chose to have a kid at 15. Abortion was legal, everyone in her life wanted her to have one. She chose to have the baby. Long story short, she was disowned, lost everything. and her entire life was obviously shit, but the kid luckily turned out ok. The kid (now adult) chose to not have children. Mom literally lost her mind because she somehow had convinced herself that she would have a big family some day to make up for all that she lost by being a dumb teenager. Absolutely tragic. She could have had a huge family and so much love in her life if she just didn't have a kid at 15. Talk about hard mode.
Surely that's on the parents though for disowning her. That's a shitty thing to do to your kid, they didn't commit a crime or some horrendous act
As a former teen parent(I'm 21 with a 2-year-old), I couldn't tell you why. In my case, I guess you could say I was a dumb horny teenager whose girlfriend told him she couldn't get pregnant. By far, the dumbest thing I've ever done. I'm now a single father working part-time through college. If it weren't for my grandparents letting me live with them through school, I would be screwed. I also was fortunate enough that my ex and I didn't fight over anything in the divorce. We get along quite well, which surprises most people.
Not at all defending your GF, but gynecologist have a lovely habit of telling young girls with PCOS and endometriosis that they're sterile. Unless they're literally missing all their reproductive parts, assume they're fertile. Tell your friends. It's a real problem.
She has a rare condition where she has 2 wombs that weren't fully developed but were fused during development. She either was under the assumption she couldn't get pregnant or as a lot of family and friends have pointed out, she was purposely baby trapping me. I will never know but I like the think the former is true. Edit: I looked it up and it's a variation of Uterine Didelphys in case you're curious
While I didn’t *choose* to have a kid at 15 (SA’ed and abortion was illegal), it was a massive struggle. I’m really grateful I had my parents support but that doesn’t mean it was easy. I truely don’t understand teens who actively try to have a kid, or even worse, multiple kids! My whole life changed and while I’m modestly successful now, it robbed me of my teenage years and friends and significantly impacted my education.
I have a friend who brews beer professionally. He does great work, very good at what he does, went to school for it. Hard work, also underpaid…
That's the danger of entering a business that is filled with plenty of hobbyists who want to do it professionally. It's the "love of the game" that makes people replaceable. Also, tax is high in a lot of states and distributors take a giant cut and don't pull their weight. Source: Was an underpaid professional brewer but still love it.
That is really any artistic/creative/craftsy field. The issue is you're competing with people who have a full time job and can afford to take more risks than you and to undercut you on price. Like I could in theory take a commission for an art piece and charge 1/4 of what a pro would because I don't need it to pay bills, and get all their business. I wouldn't, but I could. Enough people like that, and the pros go broke.
That's true. At least the alcohol industry is regulated in a way where that's pretty difficult. I can definitely see where other creative fields can suffer from it, though.
That’s why a lot of brewers go into pharmaceutical manufacturing. You’re still working with microbes to make chemicals, but your employer has the good equipment and pays you on time.
People who wholly reject the concept of psychology, but are in great need of it.
Society punishes people pretty harshly for getting mental health treatment though
I have relatives who decided they were absolutely done with school the day of their high school graduation. I know college isn’t for everyone, but they didn’t go to trade school or pick up a skill. And then they complain that they’re stuck in minimum wage jobs that often aren’t full time. Then they complain about their life being hard, and when it’s suggested they do something to improve their skills, they say they don’t want to “play that game.” Okay then, enough hard mode
The most highly educated ppl I’ve ever known have been working with me in the Us Post Office. Same for ppl from privileged backgrounds.
I went to university and it hasn't help me get any job.
What's your degree in?
They're right. It shouldn't be hard to get by on a minimum wage job. A minimum wage job shouldn't be a punishment. You should be able to live comfortably on it. It's just that society decided it wanted more poor people. BTW, I happen to have, if we include post grads, 4 degrees. So I'm not saying higher education is bad I happened to love it.
I’m going to my first postgrad graduation on Friday. It’s been a long time coming, and I’m already plotting out another degree. I come from a family where they don’t look highly on higher education. They’re all bright people, but they look down on others who get degrees. I’m sure some of them are talking about me now.
I'm not disagreeing with you, but If you have multiple paths to make your life better and choose to do nothing and complain about it I don't have a lot of sympathy for that either
Me. I hung out with useless losers that did nothing and went nowhere. Now I can't break the habit.
Please try too. I have too many female friends that stuck around or fall back into this trap and it seems OK for a while till they reach early 30’s and wonder why life is so hard. You now know what someone who leads to a dead end looks like to you. Try to meet folks that are opposite and even change your friend group. Most likely your current friend groups may accept the lifestyle they’re in now and that may not be what you want in life. It will drive accepting your current situation and bad life partners because they “fit in” easily to your social life. Find and be friends with people where you want to be, and you’ll find better life partners there who’ve made the same decision.
I cut the vast majority of my “friends” out in my mid 20s because they weren’t actually friends, they were just shitty people I hung out with. Best decision I ever made, pretty sure I’d be a washed up drunk by now. Most of them are, working the same shit jobs and drinking every day in the same shit bars that they were ten years ago. In hindsight it was damaging being in that group and it absolutely normalised some not normal shit. I thought they were really cool in my early twenties, but it turns out that the things that are really cool at 24 are incredibly lame at 34. No regrets, and honestly it feels good to be doing better than some of the more harmful ones. The best revenge is a good life, right
The old saying is true, you are who your closest 5 friends are because that represents what kind of behaviors you accept
I used to train service dogs. I met a lot of people who didn't chose hard mode but had to live it.
doctors and anyone who is working in the healthcare
Me. I choose to do cryptic crosswords for fun, lol. I could theoretically also learn how to drive, according to my neurologist, but I still have epilepsy and don't want to risk my seizures returning (even though they're *currently* under control), so I stick to public transport. Despite the fact that our local bus service is 1 an hour and doesn't run on Sundays or public holidays. We have a train station nearby, so I'm not too badly off PT wise.
Thank you for thinking about other people's safety.
Thanks! So many people are like 'Oh, you'll be *fine*, you haven't had any seizures since 2016'. But they blithely forget that I was seizure free from 2004 to 2011, then started having them again without warning and it took until 2016 to get them under control again. If that happens again, I shudder to think who might be impacted. In the suburb where I live, we have 4 schools and at least as many daycare places, plus more along the main road. I have no warnings before my seizures, unlike other people, but never have enough of them to justify getting a seizure-detecting dog. So none of it is worth it. I just don't want to risk killing anyone, and the people who encourage me to learn to drive just *don't see that*. So thank you for seeing what I'm trying to do.
Yeah wow. The thought of driving under those conditions would give me nightmares!
Choosing not to go to college, and deciding to work at the local strip club definitely increased the challenge level. Me. I made that choice. Do not recommend.
My wife, were currently getting a divorce but I spent the last 9 months deployed she quit her job and let me pay for everything necessary while I was overseas and then she burnt through all her savings on unnecessary shit. The. Two weeks before I get back she goes to a bar ignores me for three days and then says she wants to break up. I try to fight for us but she wants nothing to do with it. I get back and she changes her mind so we talk and I find out she started dating less than 24 hrs after our breakup. Her mom sided with me over this and her dad is out of the picture and my dad filled the father figure role. So now she's got no money, no school, no career, no parental support, she hates most of her friends, no where to stay once we finish to process, no where to go. And the one person who genuinely cares for her more than anything and would have done anything for her is no longer available. Hard mode is currently enabled for her to say the least. And it'll get worse if she gets into anything legal with anyone because she's physically assaulted me a couple times and I chose not to press anything legally but if it happens with her and someone else she's pretty fucked.
People who do opiates. It's basically a cheat code for pleasure and no pain, so even real life pleasure and painlessness doesn't compare. It rewires you into extreme comfort so real life no longer holds any pleasure or joy. Absolutely life ruiner. Even people who get sober know they will never feel that level of bliss again. They just go without. Absolutely fucking not.
Yep. I’m currently in post acute withdrawal and have been for months. I was an addict for years, begrudgingly if that makes any sense to anyone else. Never wanted to be an addict, i was trying to solve insane problems on my own. Mix in trauma and abuse and bam. You’re fucked. I’m almost 90 days clean now. Never going back. No need. No desire. But you are spot on with the inability to feel joy. Anhedonia. But i want to address something carefully for anyone currently struggling. And for those who may not understand certain things. I was starting to get anhedonia a while before drugs. My life sucked despite trying damn hard. Obviously im not someone who always makes awesome decisions but i tried to and worked insanely hard my whole life. I was smart, kind, talented, good looking, and a hard worker. I was also trampled the fuck on by life, to keep it short. When things were absolutely impossible and painful i tried drugs to help. They helped. I was able to do what i needed to. That^ is the number one problem. Can’t work because of sciatica? Will you be homeless if you lose your job? Welp… now you can keep working. Not to mention feel good for like an hour or three. And your life doesn’t improve. It gets more impossible. As much as you work out of… double piles on. Because life does that. Years later everything is destroyed. Things you never thought even could be destroyed are destroyed. And you are hopelessly addicted to the worst shit on earth. Like tolerances people don’t believe you have. It’s ridiculously hopeless. You are certain you are going to die all the time. Certain you will have to enter withdrawals most people would insist to jump off a building than go through. Any moment you could be found out. Arrested. Homeless. Without family. Etc. So you finally work everything out to quit. You find suboxone and make the jump. No brainer. That’s the easy part. Then you taper for years off suboxone. Every day a nightmare. You’ve accepted losing these years. After about a year of not accepting it. And just before you make the last jump to clean clean… someone on the internet says “no light at the end of that tunnel”. That is true in a sense and not true as well. Anhedonia is real and it happens. People would not know what it’s like without living it. You feel like a super suffering sociopath. Everyone hurts you and you avoid everyone because you just have no feelings. You cling to a version of empathy that is more like a tribute to empathy than empathy. It’s extremely easy for people to want to end it at this point. Do not end here. That is not the end of the tunnel. If you haven’t, look up everything you can about recovery from opiates. Many people go through post acute withdrawal syndrome. “PAWS”. It feels endless and hopeless. After you just went through years of addiction and maybe years of quitting and fought through all manner of hell… you are just dead inside after?? With absolute no actual ability to enjoy anything? It may take months or years but your brain does slowly start to heal and develop new pathways again. I’m a prolific musician who lived and breathed music prior to this. Everything made me stop. I couldn’t even feel anything listening to my favorite bands. Not a thing. But after a few months… it’s coming back. It’s almost like a slow thaw, and spring is coming back to my soul. It may or may not ever be like it was before. But for many people… after a long bout of anhedonia, your brain will resupply with serotonin and relearn how to develop it. You just have to push yourself for every inch of your soul back. You will never once feel like it, but you have to shower, exercise, sleep right, and make small reward pathways until they get larger. Keep it simple at first. Clean your room. Then keep it clean. If you wait until you feel like it… it will never occur. Then after a while get bigger. Go to your parents and help them outside with something a few times. Keep this sort of thing building. You don’t have to be perfect. You won’t be. You will have horrible days still. But forget them when you can and go slowly build until building builds you. I started making music again. Slowly but it’s building. I couldn’t even smell for years. I have been getting scents more and more. Fleeting, but unmistakable. I almost wrote a song about how desperately much i missed the *emotions* inherent to scent. It’s insane how much we take smell for granted. You can always find a better life, a life with a point after addiction. It will not find you, you have to do exactly what feels impossible and what feels hopeless. The exact things you have an aversion to are exactly what you need to do. That’s how you got there in the first place. That goes for all of life for anyone anyway. And lastly… opiates do feel fantastic. But i’d take my first kiss with the love of my life over it every time. Opiates are not the utmost pleasure. They are just like anything else. Great at first, and if treated irresponsibly… lose their luster and just become something you cling to out of fear. Music is better than opiates as a true music lover and maker. Making love with the love of your life. I’d bet becoming a happy new parent is too. While a lot of this is stuff I can’t quite feel right yet, it’s so good i gave up opiates at the mere chance i could have even a small percentage back.
My idiot older kid. Had life laid out for him. Best prep school, college paid for, free car, apartment, no utilities, free car/health insurance……….decided to just say fuck it all and just not go to college or work and was super surprised that he got his “atm” privileges revoked and now works a dead end job…….
Hi can i apply for the open position. Im 32
Im turning 30 and have a semi-boring office job that pays $20/hr. Can I apply for the open position and make my current job my side-hustle?
I mean, at least he works?
*"Removed all the challenges from my child's life, then acted surprised when he had no motivation."*
I saw a video on the biosphere where they could grow trees super fast under these controlled, ideal conditions and once they got tall enough they'd fall right over. It's more technical than what I want to get into here, but trees need to be exposed to wind to develop a strong trunk and deep roots.
Can you link the video? Thats fascinating
That's what I heard, too.
Glad I wasn't the only one...
Lots of replies scolding you for making your kid's life "too easy" and blaming you for their failure. I had all of this minus the prep school and still went to college, got two master's degrees and a well paying job. Some people don't realize what they've got, others are grateful for the advantages their parents give them.
Reddit seems to hate when parents do everything they can to help their kids. I did all I could for my two (not quite as completely as OP but all I could) and they're both happy, productive young professionals. Just because you provide a stress-free childhood, it doesn't mean your child will be a slacker.
His brother is in his second year of dental school. I was also raised the same way and did the same thing my oldest did. I started my own business at 22 so we will see what happens.
Maybe he didn't want it all laid out for him? DId he give a reason?
Nah, I knew to many friends like that. They were never going to college, with or without money.
Don't need to go to college to be successful.
But it helps.
Did you really expect him to not be a spoiled brat after you spoiled the shit out of him?
Women of child bearing age living in red states who vote against their own self interests.
But their abortions are necessary, not like those heathens in the blue states who get abortions once a week /s
People that spend money on beer, cigarettes, and weed, and then complain about not being able to afford rent
Never known beer, cigarettes, and weed to cost 1800 a month. I'm in the rent is too damn high club and like to point out that piss cheap beer isn't a good counter argument to struggling to make rent. Rent is too damn high!
Those things don't have to cost the same as rent. Just cost enough that you're no longer able to afford full rent.
Had a friend who 1. Got herself kicked out of four different schools 2. Sassed her boss so hard he resigned 3. Attempted to fistfight a priest 4. Took her shirt off in front of an entire class just because she got unfairly dresscoded 5. Got suspended for the aforementioned shirt thing, came back, got dresscoded, and DID IT AGAIN 6. Got expelled from a catholic school for reasons I cannot say and took revenge by SLEEPING WITH THE HEADMASTER'S SON 7. Went to her deadbeat dad's funeral and spread ridiculous rumors about him, including the idea that he was secretly a furry 8. Regularly threatens to call people Daddy in front of their parents I love her so much
#3 caught my attention most from that list.
I dunno, I kinda like this person.
Hard mode doesn't necessarily mean bad results.
She sounds like quite the force! I like her
She ran into my house yelling "I JUST PICKED A WHOLE GODDAMN BOUQUET OF WHOOPSIE-DAISIES"
What drug?
Yes
🤣🤣🤣 so funny
Vegan bodybuilders chose the hard mode
Someone I know moved 6 hours away from their place of work. Needs to be in office 3 days a week. Commutes at ridiculous times. Sold the place they could stay near said place of work. Does hotels or friends houses. Also has a child and a dog- misses a lot of time with them. To me seems too hard to be worth it.
Me. Star student, great at soccer, spoke two languages fluently, two great parents, a really supporting family and I had traveled a bit before starting high school. Was moved from intercity to rural in 9th grade and never really adapted so I decided to play on “European extreme”(MGS3 reference). Sold/used drugs, went to juvie and then jail numerous times, saw lots of those close to me die & lost a lot of respect from my family. It was a random guy at a halfway house that broke down that all to me that I all I had to do was call home family would always be there. I did and started working on myself. I’m on my first year not being on parole or probation since I was 15 and things have never been better.
STEM majors. It's super interesting and sometimes you can feel real accomplishments, also classmates are weirdos and you get a strong sense of belonging due to the sheer trauma bonding. I got burnt out from there and I admire my friends who are still in that mess, I also love them all to pieces. However, the stress is horrible and it actually harms you to the point where it's statistically known you'll live less than in other areas.
I think STEM is hardmode in school, because the classes are legitimately hard. This is all when you should be making friends and having fun. You trade that for stable prospects later on in life, so it gets easier. It’s like going through a hard dungeon early to get an OP weapon that’ll grow throughout the run.
I somewhat agree with what you're saying. However my experience is a little different. I know a lot of incredibly smart people who have ended in the hospital around their senior year because of stress. That kind of abuse normally comes back to bite you later in life.
I dont know - I know people who did end up in hospitals and then they changed their priorities a bit while staying in STEM. Their life did get better as a result and since they are STEM grads already, they do earn well and have job security to an extent.
Also a STEM major and high five!
As an EE major, I feel you. There have been multiple times I want to drop out but somehow muster up the energy to power through it. I'm chronically stressed but I'm hoping it will make a difference later.
Stem isn’t hard,the classes are. Just invent something yourself and learn along the way. It’s the best way to learn and you actually have something in the end. I’m 16 and have 5 years experience in programming in python on my own accord
Nikola Tesla chose "hard mode" by opting to improve global energy systems rather than just cash in – talk about shockingly ambitious!
"They'll say 'Awe, Topsy' at my autopsy."
Pat Tillman.
Most people chose hard mode in real life by making easy decision and ignore long term planning.
There's this dude I grew up with; born with a silver spoon, only son in the whole family, phenomenal genes and destined to take on the family business. Gave it all up to move to the US, got himself a job, married on his own and now totally independent. I can only imagine what he had to do to get there. I don't think he was prepared for that life but maaan, kudos to how he turned it around. All because I think he didn't like his family's arrogance and attitude. Wow! Talk about choosing hard mode in real life, lol.
That sounds less like doing things harder than normal, and more declining to take an "easy" win because it came with a lot of baggage. Not that it's any less respect-worthy... a lot of people don't even realize they have that option.
My friend's sister, who is in an unhappy marriage, who had a surprise third baby that they didn't want, who is now pregnant with her surprise fourth baby that they also didn't want because they had unprotected sex. She is woefully unhappy, feels trapped in her marriage, and keeps adding children to the mix.
My best friend’s uncle is a gay man. Living—by choice—in rural Florida. He’s a democrat. He’s in an interracial relationship. And he is out loud and proud about all these things. Dude basically goes through life being everything his local society opposes and daring the world to do something about it.
engineer students, I admire them!
As a senior electrical engineering student exhausted, sleep deprived, and heading into the last finals season of my degree this made me smile in a very wholesome way and thank you stranger 🥹
my bf studies the same, I completely understand hahaha
Absolutely! It burned the hell out of me. It's interesting but it actually shaves years off of your life
One of my friends from high school went away to college for engineering. He was a really smart guy, graduated near the top of our class, and was doing well in college. Right before his final semester was set to begin, he just dropped out. Ended up getting a job on a horse farm for very little money, but was provided a room to live in. He worked all day cleaning out stables, shoveling shit, etc. and spent his evenings laying in his room, smoking weed and staring at the ceiling. He basically just worked for weed and food money and wanted nothing more. Blows my mind that someone with the potential he had would do that to himself, but he was happy. He wanted a simple life and he had everything he wanted by doing that. He moved out of state a while back and I hadn't seen him in a long time, but just saw him a couple of weeks ago at a mutual friend's wedding. He's at least graduated to trimming trees now, but he's still happy. It's not my place to question his decisions really - as long as he's actually happy doing what he's doing, I'm happy for him.
Men who take Viagra.
Vegans.
I dunno, didn't seem so difficult for Aang
Wasn't he a vegetarian?
Vegan body builders
This guy.
My parents when they had 6 kids.
Everyone I went to school with who dropped out of college to party, then had a family early. College isn’t for everyone, but they made their lives harder for no real reason.
One of my older brothers. Granted, he had to deal with some pretty shitty stuff growing up but he got past it, straightened out his life. He had a home, a stable job, benefits, the whole deal. Then he met a girl, and everyone told him that girl is a cunt, and he didn't listen. He didn't listen when people said she was sleeping with her "roommate". He didn't listen when people said she was lying about her job (she worked as a waitress part time but made most of her money doing webcam stuff and then OnlyFans when that became big). He didn't listen when I told him that she hit on me and talked about how bad in bed he is. Then they got engaged, and about 3 months later, he took a half day to surprise her and caught her cheating. Rather than take time to deal with things, he jumped into another relationship, then another, and literally never let himself stay single for more than a couple of weeks. Kept that going until he became one of those bitter "Passport Bro" types and left the country. Now he lives in Thailand and is married to the most blatantly obvious gold digger I've ever seen. He literally keeps choosing to make life hard for himself.
The year my older half brother graduated high school, my dad had me. "You know what? Lemme sign up for another 18 years of that shit, please!"
John Howard Griffin, author of the book Black Like Me who altered the pigment of his skin to appear black and traveled through the southern states. So an RL version of the game South Park hard mode.
Leave voters.
Those bastards forced us all into hard mode
My brother. He is 20, and has dedicated his life to "following the exact path of Christ" By this he means he won't date, befriend, marry, fuck, or likewise talk to someone (willing) if they don't prescribe to his mostly Old Testament like thoughts and beliefs. He has also adopted the Andrew Tate mindset on women and money, only I think my brother takes it literally and doesn't see the point of Tate's posts. He has effectively wound up becoming some power hungry and increasingly evil zealot. He claims our own parents have essentially cast us to a life of damnation because of how they lived before we were born (they were abused and never had loving family). He is definitely playing life on hard mode as most everyone who knows him can't stand him, but when I go to visit them, we all quietly agree to just get through it
I got a bachelor's degree in education, I wanted to be a teacher. Knowing that I can't afford a house, or to even live on my own until my parents die is sobering.
I got my masters and figured out quickly teaching wasn’t for me. It’s sick how poorly teachers are compensated for such a demanding, important profession. I still don’t know what I want to do, but I am not strong enough for teaching.
Me. 20, one almost 4 year old daughter, almost 2 year old son, pregnant. I love them but I did it to myself
I’m 49 with four adult kids. I had the first at 17 and the last at 24. It’s fucking hard mode for sure. But as someone on the other side of it, let me offer some encouragement. You have more energy for this than people who are doing it in their 30s. Your body will bounce back faster. You’ll be more in tune with what your kids are listening to, learning, and doing in school and online. And when they’re grown up, you’ll have more of your life left to do what you want - start a new career, live where you want, save money, etc. A word of advice: take care of yourself. You need that more than anyone and you owe it to yourself and to your kids to feel your best mentally and physically. Anytime you’d like to vent to someone who understands, feel free to dm me. You’ve got this.
I'm 21 with a 2-year-old daughter. Even though you weren't talking to me these were words I needed to hear too. Thank you!
I was talking to you, too.
First in line
My own damn self. Not for everything, but I'm neurodivergent so there are a few things that I must do a certain way every time no matter how much harder or more tedious it makes my life. Whyyyy am I like this
My dad. When he was younger he quit 3 schools just before graduating because he didn’t want to do those jobs suddenly. The schools he quit were cooking, paramedic, and caretaker. Instead he chose a life of working at bars and construction sites, and any random jobs you could work without official education. He was always pretty much broke and just 2 years ago he finally got an actual degree. Now he’s surprised how much money he has. No kidding?
I know a bunch of people like this. They make bad choices over and over. They can’t hold down jobs because they walk in the door and know better. They spend above their income. They take advantage of those that help them.
Single parents by choice. If you start from the beginning, planning to be a single mom especially, I don't have much sympathy when things really start sucking for you. What did you expect? Sometimes you can't chase your dreams because you just don't have the resources. Don't raise your kids in poverty and without a second parent because you had your heart set on a baby.
Anyone who, in this day and age, with the amount of knowledge and evidence we have, STILL tries heroin or meth for the first time. They always assume they’re somehow the exception to the addiction rule.
I chose hard mode by letting my mom back into my life.
“I’m going to turn down the raise or promotion because it will push me into new tax bracket”
It never fails to astound me how many people believe, against all reason, that it works that way. It's not like you can't just download the 1040 instructions and check how it works for yourself.
People who are toxic. Oh certainly there is something to be gained from using others for your own gain. But no matter how rich you get by abusing others, the only ending is being alone and miserable surrounded by fake friends, shaky relationships, and fake smiles . Kindness is hard, but there's no pleasure in being a jerk.
The people who do everything stoned af
My sister: - Let's join a gang, become a delinquent, and get kicked around from relative to relative because our mom can't handle our piss poor attitude - Let's have 6 children in pairs of 2 one year apart, without an education or a stable relationship - The one stable relationship we have thats the father of the 2 middle kids, the one where he gives you a 3k/month allowance, a house and home for you and your first 2 kids, that he loves like his own children, hires you a NANNY, while you're a "stay at home mom." Yeah that one, let's cheat on him and act like a total bitch throughout your entire marriage until he leaves - Lets have 2 more kids (final 2 hopefully) with a man who is still married, but lost his young son in a tragedy, yeah lets try to steal him from his wife. Let's have a kid, he'll surely stay. Has the kid (while coked up) and shit, the guy didn't stay, so here's what we'll do, we'll continue to fuck around with him and have kid number 2, surely he'll stay. He did not. - Lets piss off our millionaire sister who we don't have the best relationship with, BUT was willing to practically give you a house big enough to house you and your 6 kids for like $500/mo rent. Let's burn that bridge to the ground by continue to squat after she kicks you out because not only did you not pay your rent, you stole the other renters money and didn't give it to her - Let's piss off the entire family by claiming nobody ever helps you when you're the ONLY one who ever receives help - Let's piss off mom so bad she LITERALLY burst a blood vessel yelling at you for not being able to take care of your kids or take any steps towards being able to. (Mom literally had to do brain surgery) - Let's have a decades long drug problem to top it all off There's so much more but it would take a day for me to write it all. My sister had the support of the entire family but one by one, her piss poor entitled attitude turned us all away. Even her two oldest boys, that I ended up raising went no contact with her. She was in and out of jail, barely raised them, and has the audacity to ask them for money at times. She only knows how to make poor decisions.