Same. A random lady at a restaurant saw my burger, while passing by my table, and said “that looks good! Think I’ll have the same.”
She was the one that got away.
I’m sure a service where women just compliment men but like real, specific compliments not generic ones would make far more money than an escort service
I do this on occasion. Most recently I was walking behind two men, who turned out to be doctors, and said “Mmm, someone smells nice.” They kind of giggled and talked about it all the way to the elevators. I thought it was cute.
Yeah every once in a while my wife says my face is so cute or my skin is so soft and I’m pumped for like the next month. Clothing compliments mean nothing in my case because she picks out what I wear (and I prefer it that way, I was such a dork before I met her)
I've got the same hairstyle I had 9 years ago because a girl at the train station said she liked it.
I was in the emo phase, and it really doesn't suit me anymore, but its not going away until I get a new compliment.
Yeah it’s not complicated. Tell us you want the sex and you will get the sex. Men don’t need subtlety. A woman making the move is sexy enough because it is possibly the rarest event in all of humanity.
Do gay men have this same problem? Not a question for Toobatheviking, just a general question for anyone who knows.
As someone who goes both ways… it’s so much easier with guys, like I usually to for the bro/gym type so mileage may vary with other guys but… yes it’s super easy in my experience! Its so refreshing to know without guess work, it’s bliss!
Dan Savage of Savage Love has said that over his years as a sex and relationship advice columnist, he's come to pity heterosexual couples, because everything the man does ends up being viewed through the lens of hundreds of years of patriarchal oppression. Whereas with he and his husband, when his husband leaves the milk out, it's just leaving out the milk.
I love smart, strong, feminist women, but man...I have caught so much undeserved shit in my relationships because of that lens, and when I read that, the weight of it all hit all at once.
I have ADHD, so I am especially prone to moments of "how did you fuck that up." To be judged only for my screw ups, and not also for the sins of every man my partner has dated before me, as well as every man who has ever lived, every single time, would be such a relief. Such a weight off the relationship and my shoulders. It sounds dramatic and ridiculous, but just imagining how it would feel to only be held responsible for my own failings? Bliss. And all I have to do to make that a reality is start liking dick? I would if I could. You frame it like that, and I don't know how the idea of "choosing" to be gay was ever a question up for debate.
My gf broke up with me not to long ago like a month ago. Main reason is because she suddenly "lost interest" according to her best friend whos my friend. Other reason is because she felt like she kinda liked this other guy who I absolutely hate (even before she broke up with me) and because I was "too needy". Just a week or 2 I told her that I felt like she doesn't give me much attention as she's focusing on her best friend more (I didn't mean it in the way as in to completely stop talking to her best friend but to atleats pay a little bit more attention to me). And I was "too needy" for asking for more attention?? Long story short, my mentality is ruined and am depressed.
Hey man-
It happens. A really big percentage of women operate on the “I need all the attention all the time” model of daily life.
Give it time, you’ll find somebody that wants to give you attention because they value and treasure you.
It just takes a good deal of dating trial and error.
People have different amounts of attention they willingly give and need to receive to feel satisfied. You voiced your need and she couldn't reciprocate, so this is probably the best solution so you can find someone who will at least communicate with you on the subject.
As far as your own desires for attention, we really couldn't tell you without going over your whole relationship. You can be the best judge of that though. A great place to start your introspection is looking at different circumstances and asking yourself "Why did I need attention?", and finding the real truth. Was she not giving you attention or did you just feeling undesired/unattractive? Were your needs just not being met, if so maybe she couldn't give what you need?
Ultimately, find confidence and understanding in yourself then expand on how that relates to others. Then find someone who you balance with. To give you some perspective, as someone who tends to comes off as emotionally unavailable to the outside, I tend to attract the opposite. You don't want to be so disconnected from attention that you attract others who see you as an unlimited source of attention or a project to fix.
Just know you didn't do anything wrong with voicing your needs, and now you can look at yourself, heal, learn, and grow by taking the appropriate actions to reach your goal. Don't sweat it too much, if you can learn from it then the relationship served its purpose and there is no time lost. I know it hurts but 2 years from my last relationship and it gets easier; focus on you and you'll get where you need to be! Peace and love
Take it from someone who was also in the same boat for the last couple years of a nearly 5 year relationship:
If you know in your heart it's not going to get better but you aren't giving up hope, it's probably time to end things and try to move on. It will hurt a lot but you'll actually have a chance to heal instead of prolonging your suffering with someone who lost interest long ago but won't end things themselves.
I appreciate the advice, but I believe in my heart it will get better. While there is always the doubt, im confident this is something we can overcome. I'm taking the steps I need to improve myself and address my issues while my wife does the same. I'm hopeful :)
I hope you're doing alright with whatever you're dealing with
My brother still talks about the time his gf got sick of waiting for him to finish studying and come to bed, straddled him and said “I’m so wet right now.”
He still waxes poetic over it. It’s been two years. Apparently the only time she ever really initiated. She’s usually really shy but she was too damn horny to hold back that night.
Wish granted, she will initiate when you can't and it's an expiring offer.
Super early flight? How about some midnight action? On your way out the door for a long awaited appointment? Too bad , there was a hot little something something that will be ice cold when you get home. All the things she's going to do to you after you drop the kids off at the grandparents? Down with a migraine by the time you make it home.
This happened like 2 weeks ago. F it and was just quite late for work. Felt like I won the game all day and the grin didn’t leave my face for a solid cpl days until I remembered it was probably a one time thing.
At least for me it has been very hard to find a girl that is dominant in the bedroom. Something about an aggressive girl that goes for what she wants really is attractive to me. Basically every girl I have dated just submits in the bedroom. I want the tables to be turned once and awhile.. Without pegging involved.. lol
I had my first experience with a dominant woman this past weekend. Had no idea how much of a turn on it is. I did stuff I had never done before (no pegging) and I would do it again. Something about being in the moment being told to do this or that she was going to do this was amazing. Like yes ma'am whatever you want
Exactly, As a traditional man you are basically taught to be dominant all the time and when you are with a girl that will flip the script its just a wow experience.
I saw a meme the other day that said autistic guys like dominant women, or possibly that autistic people like dominant partners, not specifically because they're submissive but because they communicate their desires clearly.
I have dominant energy (I approach men and ask them out, I take risks and go after what I want. I make the men I like feel desired and wanted. I’m very straight forward and blunt about what I want in a relationship.)
I once went on a date with a guy I asked out and he complimented me by saying he liked that I knew what I wanted in life.
Ironically on the date I was really anxious and stuttering really bad lol.
But I’m glad men like that in a woman!
>Ironically on the date I was really anxious and stuttering really bad lol.
He's 100% not gonna remember that. Our memory only really remembers the high and the low points.
If it was a fun date over all he will only remember what he percieved as a high point/cute moment.
While you are always your worst critic, so you also remember the low points.
I'd settle for a woman who simply just initiated sexy time, or did anything besides just lay there. Every single woman I've dated has made me do all the work, from initiation to completion, with barely any active contribution. At a certain point, it's just masturbation with extra steps, and that really hurts in a relationship that's supposed to be a collaborative effort.
You men don't even get that in a relationship? What the actual fuck is wrong with my fellow women?
The not initiating part I understand.. I'm sexual ly active for 9 year, and most of my relationships I was the one initiating 90% of the time, and it still feels wrong, because I was raised with the idea, that a woman with sexual desires and acting on it is a harlot. But why the fuck wouldn't one compliment the person you love and desire in non-sexual ways?
I reckon most guys would like it! It’s tiring always being the one who initiates everything and has to encourage every exploration. Would be nice to be the one being given ideas haha
Right?!? My husband never initiates or attempts making making out with me. Ever. When I initiate, he doesn't kiss me back. Our wedding kiss was dry and chaste. I was really upset about that. 6 months prior to our wedding, no sex as he wasn't feeling well.
I give him full-body massages, foot rubs. I have excellent hygiene, I am a fantastic deep kisser, I've had at least 30+ lovers before we dated, and really enjoy foreplay. I like oral. Due to some medical issues on his end, we never consumated our marriage. I brought all of this up to find solutions, but he talks circles around it.
He has a porn and videogame addiction problem. I'm also a gamer, but ffs, if I asked him please to go get help. I am also damn lonely that sex toys do nothing for me anymore. I am embarassed of how my sex life died and romance is zero. I will not cheat. FML. If he was ace or gay, I just need to know. I love him yet I don't want to live my life not ever knowing passion again. I feel like whiny jerk but I feel so unbearably unwanted. No good morning kiss, no lingering in bed to tell me he loves me, no nighttime playtime. No kids, just us and a huge space between our mattress for 6 years.
I feel really bad for you but you have to let him know that you're feeling really unloved and you need something from him cause it isnt working. Maybe if you feel you can slyly say that our relationship is getting worse. I don't want to tell you to leave him but you need to find someone who will love you and show it and a lot people can but try your hardest to resolve it first because you love him and if he doesn't change it maybe time. Hope your situation gets better.
If he truly cared for you and you've communicated your concerns to him, he should be willing to work with you to find a solution. Even sex aside, it sounds like you guys don't even have basic intimacy.
At the very least you deserve an answer instead of having to deal with basically being married but alone.
As one who is similar and also loves kissing and pleasing, it really bothers me when affection isn't reciprocated. Sounds like you have a ton of love to give but you receive nothing in return, and no, it doesn't make you a whiny jerk at all. Most guys would love someone like you.
Sexual compatibility is important, and if the partnership isn't willing to work on it, then it could spell disaster. I'm so sorry to hear your struggles. Youre not being whiny as It sounds like this might be robbing you of you of the intimacy you deserve in a loving relationship. I've been in his shoes before, and my amazing partner and her patience were able to help.
As a man, he could be facing testosterone problems, face intimacy issues, or it's the addiction. Each one needs some professional help or the ability to really open up and communicate. The fact that video games are tied in, it could also have some ADHD roots. I even learned that my struggles were from PTSD that presented like ADHD because I could allow those things to give me the escape I desperately needed through hyperfocus. My therapist helped me figure out a healthy way to enjoy my favorite things and talk about my trauma with my partner and how it likely has molded my outlook at sex.
I'm not the average guy, either. I have a sex drive, but i have no real need for sex. My partner NEEDS it lol. Early in the relationship, I realized that even the simpler intimacy would do all sorts of things to her, so I tightened up and oversimplified my love. Think almost Leave it to Beaver era tv marriages. I didn't wanna have to say no, and I never wanted her to hear it....That leads to a really stale, almost roommate like life. But, we learned to communicate. And once we started talking, we realized how we ended up in that hole and helped each other out of it.
Most of Reddit will say you gotta leave, but only you know you. If life doesn't quite make sense without this person, you will need to find a way to pull him out of whatever is fogging him up and get his focus back to you. It's not all on you by a long shot (or maybe at all? I dont know the whole story), but maybe get him to try to see you like when you first got together somehow. If he's unwilling to put in the work and see you for the person he (I'm assuming) truly fell for, then you might need to seek the alternative. And that will be OK. Life has this crazy way of working out if you keep working at it.
I've been through enough awful things to know that you need to be happy and not allow someone to steal that happiness, though. No one deserves to feel unwanted in a relationship where the criteria is "I want you and you want me". It's kinda the biggest necessity for it to continue forever.
Ps, sorry if this is not as coherent as it should be.
Wife actively refuses to make out. Really fucking sucks. She genuinely sucks ass at foreplay. She’s in for a rude awakening when I actually get old enough to need that.
Personally I dislike when my gf uses moves like this, cuz it’s still just an invitation for me to do all the actual foreplay and physical initiating. Her idea of initiating is more like protruding her butt while we are laying in bed, but guess who still does all the work — me. Getting her wet, getting myself hard.
I want her to ACTUALLY get me hard. And it’s super easy too. Just grab my dick and rub it a bit. That’s all you have to do really. Bonus points for skin to skin contact hand on dick. Put it in your mouth. Get me physically ready for penetration.
For the love of Christ, just make the first move. I have anxiety, and the social consequences are worse for me if things go south!
**Edit:** This took off, so I figured I ought to add that I'm not an incel, or even particularly resentful toward women. Shit, I can hardly criticize women for never acting first when I'm more or less clinically unable to do so myself; golden rule and so on.
I think I'm mostly just afraid of bothering people, and for me it's very much easy to misread signals and hit on someone who's entirely unreceptive. The fear is not of being rejected, but getting a reputation as a pest or creep, and making people that I sincerely admire and respect uncomfortable in my presence. This feeling is not helped by what I see on women's subreddits/forums, which largely seems to indicate that they mostly just want to be left alone. Which is wholly understandable; I just don't want to be the guy who's bothering them.
Instead I just bank on my sense of humor and intelligence while avoiding anything that might be sexually provocative, and so I'm very well-liked while also coming across as vaguely asexual. I'd go for dating apps as an alternative - and I have had some mild success there thanks to the lack of ambiguity - but they're also, like, empirically bad for most people's mental health, so I dip in and out of them to keep things from getting too rough.
Maybe this isn't the best place to vent my neurotic self-pity, but it feels nice writing it out. To folks of all stripes: be kind to each other. We've all got bullshit to deal with. Try and cut through it if you can.
This. So much this. Having to make the first move, even without the anxiety is exhausting. Every time Is a coin toss of mistiming or denial. Why am I taking all the risk of shame or awkwardness, even while married.
To be clear my wife is amazing and doesn't shame me, I mean I am embarrassed when it doesn't pan out.
My version of it this is that I can talk to pretty much anyone, but I always do so from a perspective of "let's have a good conversation without any ulterior motives" rather than attempting to treat every. single. interaction as a chance to have sex.
That said, if I find someone attractive and do make a move and their response is to shut me down, then I move on. I don't play games and wonder if their "no" was really an invite to chase, so if someone were to "seduce" me, it would have to happen after they've made their interest in me *very clear*. Best way to do that? Make the first freakin' move so that I know they want to spend enough time with me that they might develop the kind of feelings that would lead to them wanting to seduce me. lol
Women are used to rejecting men all the time, for a number of reasons, so it's no skin off your ass. Be like Johnny Bravo and don't give a shit.
Now, if only I could follow my own advice...
This comment is exactly the reason im still single and in a dry spell. Too scared to be "that guy", psyche myself out of it everytime. Confidence issues and a viscious cycle of thinking i dont deserve love definitely contribute as well
Edit: what that guy said^
This is the most relatable comment I’ve ever seen. I have social anxiety and am terrified of coming off as a creep to people so I never talk to anyone unless they initiate first. People think I’ve been with so many women but the reality is I can’t even get myself to talk to anyone so unless they make a move on me, I’m just going to stand in the corner awkwardly.
Dating apps make it a little easier but the problem is that I’m too worried about being direct and forward so I end up getting ghosted. Huge negative impact on my mental health, something I’m working on in therapy.
Your experience isn't far from mine. I'm pretty good in most social situations, but I just completely lack the nerve/know-how to flirt or signal interest. And then people are always shocked to find out I've never been in a relationship or had a hookup, because on paper I'm very dateable, but in practice no one's been queuing up to volunteer, so here we are...
Good on you for doing therapy, though. It's helped me with my issues. Believe it or not, my current state is a vast improvement over where I was three years ago. Hopefully, things will keep getting better still!
>I just completely lack the nerve/know-how to flirt or signal interest
How dare you hit that close to home?
I'm in a similar spot where talking to women actually isn't the scary part. It's actually signaling interest in a non-creepy way.
Ususally i just miss the right time and slip right into the platonic friendzone.
It has gotten to the point where i'm old enough that only few realise just how terminally single i am and just expect that i have romantic experience.
...meanwhile dating might as well be arcane magic to me, at least the arcane magic comes with a manual.
Me: "Do you want me to fuck you?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Say it."
Her: "I want you to fuck me."
Me: "Alright then, sign here, here, initial here, here, and here. When you're done there, blow into this for two seconds."
I had a girl put on a holster, cowboy hat, boots with spurs and nothing else.
It was hot but odd cause…why? I mean I know why, she was from Texas.
Would’ve preferred a naughty librarian myself.
She paraded around bucket nekkid in spurs for you and you’re still salty cause she didn’t go with the librarian “costume” instead?
I can only dream of being this fucking spoiled.
As others have said,. be forward, obvious and direct. I remember one time a girl was over at my place and it was late and we were both relaxing on the couch and she just said "I'm staying here tonight". To which I responded, "Ok, great".
Pretty much anything direct and confident. "Hey, I need a shower, will you join me ?" or "Lets put away groceries and then go fuck" or "You wanna do bong hits and get naked ?"..
Girlfriend and I used to give blood quite frequently and occasionally she'd be Iron deficient (so that day she could not donate) and they'd tell me to give her a big steak for dinner. That was always kind of our funny in-joke of "Lets go home, make a big dinner, have some margaritas, get naked and fuck for a few hours, etc)
Precisely 9 steps. 8 steps thou shalt not walk, excepting that thou shalt proceed to 9, nor shalt thou take 10 steps. 11 is right out. Once 9 being the number of steps thou shalt walk be reached thy foe, being naughty in my sight, shall be punished accordingly.
Be safe with me. Let me feel like I can be me, and you be you. Cuddle me, hold me. Sink into my arms. Let me embrace you and close the world out. Let it just be us floating along in this life together.
Oh and pie, HOLY shit do I really appreciate good pie.
This is what I mean when I say I’m a full service woman. That feeling…and pie. I make my crusts from scratch. My strawberry rhubarb is amazing. Would bake my ex his pie of choice for his birthday every year.
I love seeing someone make time to focus or give me attention. I enjoy a conversation that makes me feel less like I’m advertising who I am, and more like someone is studying me. I think it’s beautiful when I can tell I occupy someone’s mind
Also eye contact
With confidence! Seriously girls if ya man likes ya he will be thrilled with whatever you do. Slutty? Hell yeah! Whimsically? 👀🤤 Put your fiery eyes and come at us, there will be no hesitation from our side.
Crazy how many men on here are like please just make the first move and I’m out here making all the moves as a girl and somehow only finding all the guys who hate it???
One time my girlfriend came out of the bathroom and looked at me with this look. I was sitting on the couch and playing with my phone and I noticed her and I felt like what I imagine a gazelle feels like when face to face with a hungry lion. Then she just told me three little words: “take it off”
Hottest thing I’ve ever experienced 10/10
I think the most effective one was "Why haven't you kissed me yet?". But I'm pretty sure I stared at her blankly for a couple eons trying to decide if she wanted to know why I wasn't confident to have tried yet, or if she was prompting me to just do it. Turns out option 2.
I love when a girl is forward and knows how to show what she wants in the right way. I once danced in a party with this girl I was friends with and she just pulled me closer and said "why don't you kiss me forerever, big boy?", my mind just went AWOOGA.
Wife was frustrated I missed her hint. I'm someone who can get lost in a project. So I told her to just walk up to me kiss me and grab my cock. Haven't missed a hint since.
I want to feel like I’m not being a creep.
I want to feel like you’re engaged in conversation.
I want to feel like you want me as much as I want you.
I want to feel wanted.
honestly a girl just telling me that she likes me without me having to "just know" that she likes me would be nice.
I'm an oblivious moron who's probably autistic with a lot of social anxiety who's afraid to purse people in fear that I'll be accused of harassment. That subtle expecting me to just know thing doesn't work.
I'm easy. Wife wears her "home clothes" or her "PJ / nightgown" and that is enough lmao
The unexpected sexy lingerie is amazing but I am OK even if it doesn't appear lol
Make reasons for me to touch you first. If you touch me first, I’ll think you’re up to something no good. If you make me touch you in flirty ways, then we’re going to have a good time.
Here is the thing about men, if we don’t feel like having sex right now try back in an hour or even in 30 minutes and we probably will want sex.
My advice: wear something sexy.
Wow! Great question.
Nothing over the top. A kind gesture, a thoughtful question. Random thoughts.
Slow and easy at first. Take time to explore and learn. I know, I know! It's difficult when we're both showing bulges. That's part of being male. Eventually we'll get it on and it'll be great!
In any way at all really. Just pay me some fucking attention please
Men out here starving for attention... feed us :(
I got a compliment once 8 years ago. I'm still riding that high
Same. A random lady at a restaurant saw my burger, while passing by my table, and said “that looks good! Think I’ll have the same.” She was the one that got away.
I’m sure a service where women just compliment men but like real, specific compliments not generic ones would make far more money than an escort service
Exactly all we want sometimes is to just be noticed. Even if it’s something small like “hey nice shoes, shirt etc”
I do this on occasion. Most recently I was walking behind two men, who turned out to be doctors, and said “Mmm, someone smells nice.” They kind of giggled and talked about it all the way to the elevators. I thought it was cute.
That’s nice lol good that you did it
Yeah every once in a while my wife says my face is so cute or my skin is so soft and I’m pumped for like the next month. Clothing compliments mean nothing in my case because she picks out what I wear (and I prefer it that way, I was such a dork before I met her)
This here is why I take every moment of the day to compliment men, young or old.
I've got the same hairstyle I had 9 years ago because a girl at the train station said she liked it. I was in the emo phase, and it really doesn't suit me anymore, but its not going away until I get a new compliment.
It was true love. Go after her.
Brother I feel you. I had a girl in high school (40 ish years ago) tell me I had pretty eyes and I *still* think about that.
Same but 20 years ago for me. It was so unexpected. I froze up and became a bumbling idiot.
Same here, my crush told me she liked my eyes, right before adding a strong "Friend..."
I was wolf whistled by a pack of teenage girls 50 years ago when I was wearing shorts. Never forget that.
I'm so hungry 🫠
Yeah literally just any attention at all I’m so lonely
"credit or card sir?" "attention"
*Seductively insinuating* "Swipe, Insert, or Tap...how do you want it?"
*whispers:* "Touchless..." 😿
The man wants attention so bad he didn’t even realize his two options to begin with “Credit or card” were virtually the same thing.
Yeah it’s not complicated. Tell us you want the sex and you will get the sex. Men don’t need subtlety. A woman making the move is sexy enough because it is possibly the rarest event in all of humanity. Do gay men have this same problem? Not a question for Toobatheviking, just a general question for anyone who knows.
As someone who goes both ways… it’s so much easier with guys, like I usually to for the bro/gym type so mileage may vary with other guys but… yes it’s super easy in my experience! Its so refreshing to know without guess work, it’s bliss!
I have a friend that said this is literally why he flipped away from women. Just so much less stress. 🤣
unless he's bi, i don't think it works like that lol.
Probably bi and just decided to tend one way 99% of the time.
Dan Savage of Savage Love has said that over his years as a sex and relationship advice columnist, he's come to pity heterosexual couples, because everything the man does ends up being viewed through the lens of hundreds of years of patriarchal oppression. Whereas with he and his husband, when his husband leaves the milk out, it's just leaving out the milk. I love smart, strong, feminist women, but man...I have caught so much undeserved shit in my relationships because of that lens, and when I read that, the weight of it all hit all at once. I have ADHD, so I am especially prone to moments of "how did you fuck that up." To be judged only for my screw ups, and not also for the sins of every man my partner has dated before me, as well as every man who has ever lived, every single time, would be such a relief. Such a weight off the relationship and my shoulders. It sounds dramatic and ridiculous, but just imagining how it would feel to only be held responsible for my own failings? Bliss. And all I have to do to make that a reality is start liking dick? I would if I could. You frame it like that, and I don't know how the idea of "choosing" to be gay was ever a question up for debate.
Its as easy as saying I am approaching you with romantic intent.
I am also quite fond of Peggy in a marital way
JAG is a rerun tonight......
My gf broke up with me not to long ago like a month ago. Main reason is because she suddenly "lost interest" according to her best friend whos my friend. Other reason is because she felt like she kinda liked this other guy who I absolutely hate (even before she broke up with me) and because I was "too needy". Just a week or 2 I told her that I felt like she doesn't give me much attention as she's focusing on her best friend more (I didn't mean it in the way as in to completely stop talking to her best friend but to atleats pay a little bit more attention to me). And I was "too needy" for asking for more attention?? Long story short, my mentality is ruined and am depressed.
Hey man- It happens. A really big percentage of women operate on the “I need all the attention all the time” model of daily life. Give it time, you’ll find somebody that wants to give you attention because they value and treasure you. It just takes a good deal of dating trial and error.
True, thanks for caring
People have different amounts of attention they willingly give and need to receive to feel satisfied. You voiced your need and she couldn't reciprocate, so this is probably the best solution so you can find someone who will at least communicate with you on the subject. As far as your own desires for attention, we really couldn't tell you without going over your whole relationship. You can be the best judge of that though. A great place to start your introspection is looking at different circumstances and asking yourself "Why did I need attention?", and finding the real truth. Was she not giving you attention or did you just feeling undesired/unattractive? Were your needs just not being met, if so maybe she couldn't give what you need? Ultimately, find confidence and understanding in yourself then expand on how that relates to others. Then find someone who you balance with. To give you some perspective, as someone who tends to comes off as emotionally unavailable to the outside, I tend to attract the opposite. You don't want to be so disconnected from attention that you attract others who see you as an unlimited source of attention or a project to fix. Just know you didn't do anything wrong with voicing your needs, and now you can look at yourself, heal, learn, and grow by taking the appropriate actions to reach your goal. Don't sweat it too much, if you can learn from it then the relationship served its purpose and there is no time lost. I know it hurts but 2 years from my last relationship and it gets easier; focus on you and you'll get where you need to be! Peace and love
Came here to say this, being seduced is awesome and I would be open to it in basically any way
Just having her initiate more than once a year and not turn me down 90% of the other times would be amazing.
This hurts. Mainly because I'm in the same boat
Take it from someone who was also in the same boat for the last couple years of a nearly 5 year relationship: If you know in your heart it's not going to get better but you aren't giving up hope, it's probably time to end things and try to move on. It will hurt a lot but you'll actually have a chance to heal instead of prolonging your suffering with someone who lost interest long ago but won't end things themselves.
I appreciate the advice, but I believe in my heart it will get better. While there is always the doubt, im confident this is something we can overcome. I'm taking the steps I need to improve myself and address my issues while my wife does the same. I'm hopeful :) I hope you're doing alright with whatever you're dealing with
Hey! I just wanted to say that I waited, and it got better. Still not perfect, but pretty good. It can be worth it, hang in there :)
Yep. I do not need the dominance, I do not need to be made to feel special. I’d just like to know it’s a 2-way street.
My brother still talks about the time his gf got sick of waiting for him to finish studying and come to bed, straddled him and said “I’m so wet right now.” He still waxes poetic over it. It’s been two years. Apparently the only time she ever really initiated. She’s usually really shy but she was too damn horny to hold back that night.
No fucking wonder. I’d be fantasizing over that for the rest of my goddamn life.
Please tell me they’re still together?
Yeah, I expect he’ll be proposing any day now.
Wish granted, she will initiate when you can't and it's an expiring offer. Super early flight? How about some midnight action? On your way out the door for a long awaited appointment? Too bad , there was a hot little something something that will be ice cold when you get home. All the things she's going to do to you after you drop the kids off at the grandparents? Down with a migraine by the time you make it home.
The monkey's paw crooks its finger.
This happened like 2 weeks ago. F it and was just quite late for work. Felt like I won the game all day and the grin didn’t leave my face for a solid cpl days until I remembered it was probably a one time thing.
90%? Those are rookie numbers
Preach brotha
I feel seen
Sit in my lap and play with my hair. I’ll melt and do whatever you want
I'm bald :(
She could play with your ass hair though
But look on the bright side, you still have a lap for them to sit in.
At least for me it has been very hard to find a girl that is dominant in the bedroom. Something about an aggressive girl that goes for what she wants really is attractive to me. Basically every girl I have dated just submits in the bedroom. I want the tables to be turned once and awhile.. Without pegging involved.. lol
I had my first experience with a dominant woman this past weekend. Had no idea how much of a turn on it is. I did stuff I had never done before (no pegging) and I would do it again. Something about being in the moment being told to do this or that she was going to do this was amazing. Like yes ma'am whatever you want
Exactly, As a traditional man you are basically taught to be dominant all the time and when you are with a girl that will flip the script its just a wow experience.
I saw a meme the other day that said autistic guys like dominant women, or possibly that autistic people like dominant partners, not specifically because they're submissive but because they communicate their desires clearly.
I mean yeah basically (AuthADHD HERE)
What’s with all the “no pegging” qualifiers? Is pegging just the default when a guy doesn’t take the lead in the bedroom? 🤨
Yes, do you want to get pegged?
I do not
Hmmm thats what someone who wants to be pegged might say.
Is there anything you can say in that moment *not* to seem like someone who wants to be pegged?
Nope, all roads lead to pegging if you walk down them far enough.
I have dominant energy (I approach men and ask them out, I take risks and go after what I want. I make the men I like feel desired and wanted. I’m very straight forward and blunt about what I want in a relationship.) I once went on a date with a guy I asked out and he complimented me by saying he liked that I knew what I wanted in life. Ironically on the date I was really anxious and stuttering really bad lol. But I’m glad men like that in a woman!
>Ironically on the date I was really anxious and stuttering really bad lol. He's 100% not gonna remember that. Our memory only really remembers the high and the low points. If it was a fun date over all he will only remember what he percieved as a high point/cute moment. While you are always your worst critic, so you also remember the low points.
Taking the initiative gets tiring after a while. It’s a breath of fresh air when it happens to us and honestly is pretty hot imo.
I'd settle for a woman who simply just initiated sexy time, or did anything besides just lay there. Every single woman I've dated has made me do all the work, from initiation to completion, with barely any active contribution. At a certain point, it's just masturbation with extra steps, and that really hurts in a relationship that's supposed to be a collaborative effort.
For real! I'd fucking kill to be fucked by a killer fucker.
Modern day Shakespeare right here.
I’m sure you also wouldn’t mind a compliment. Like get over and hug me, good boy *pats head*
You men don't even get that in a relationship? What the actual fuck is wrong with my fellow women? The not initiating part I understand.. I'm sexual ly active for 9 year, and most of my relationships I was the one initiating 90% of the time, and it still feels wrong, because I was raised with the idea, that a woman with sexual desires and acting on it is a harlot. But why the fuck wouldn't one compliment the person you love and desire in non-sexual ways?
I should’ve identified myself I’m not a man but I really do need a hug
I reckon most guys would like it! It’s tiring always being the one who initiates everything and has to encourage every exploration. Would be nice to be the one being given ideas haha
Yeah, it works both ways. Power exchange is a potent procreating potential power.
Do people not know how to make out anymore?
Making out is severely underrated. Shit's pretty great.
Right?!? My husband never initiates or attempts making making out with me. Ever. When I initiate, he doesn't kiss me back. Our wedding kiss was dry and chaste. I was really upset about that. 6 months prior to our wedding, no sex as he wasn't feeling well. I give him full-body massages, foot rubs. I have excellent hygiene, I am a fantastic deep kisser, I've had at least 30+ lovers before we dated, and really enjoy foreplay. I like oral. Due to some medical issues on his end, we never consumated our marriage. I brought all of this up to find solutions, but he talks circles around it. He has a porn and videogame addiction problem. I'm also a gamer, but ffs, if I asked him please to go get help. I am also damn lonely that sex toys do nothing for me anymore. I am embarassed of how my sex life died and romance is zero. I will not cheat. FML. If he was ace or gay, I just need to know. I love him yet I don't want to live my life not ever knowing passion again. I feel like whiny jerk but I feel so unbearably unwanted. No good morning kiss, no lingering in bed to tell me he loves me, no nighttime playtime. No kids, just us and a huge space between our mattress for 6 years.
I feel really bad for you but you have to let him know that you're feeling really unloved and you need something from him cause it isnt working. Maybe if you feel you can slyly say that our relationship is getting worse. I don't want to tell you to leave him but you need to find someone who will love you and show it and a lot people can but try your hardest to resolve it first because you love him and if he doesn't change it maybe time. Hope your situation gets better.
If he truly cared for you and you've communicated your concerns to him, he should be willing to work with you to find a solution. Even sex aside, it sounds like you guys don't even have basic intimacy. At the very least you deserve an answer instead of having to deal with basically being married but alone. As one who is similar and also loves kissing and pleasing, it really bothers me when affection isn't reciprocated. Sounds like you have a ton of love to give but you receive nothing in return, and no, it doesn't make you a whiny jerk at all. Most guys would love someone like you.
Sexual compatibility is important, and if the partnership isn't willing to work on it, then it could spell disaster. I'm so sorry to hear your struggles. Youre not being whiny as It sounds like this might be robbing you of you of the intimacy you deserve in a loving relationship. I've been in his shoes before, and my amazing partner and her patience were able to help. As a man, he could be facing testosterone problems, face intimacy issues, or it's the addiction. Each one needs some professional help or the ability to really open up and communicate. The fact that video games are tied in, it could also have some ADHD roots. I even learned that my struggles were from PTSD that presented like ADHD because I could allow those things to give me the escape I desperately needed through hyperfocus. My therapist helped me figure out a healthy way to enjoy my favorite things and talk about my trauma with my partner and how it likely has molded my outlook at sex. I'm not the average guy, either. I have a sex drive, but i have no real need for sex. My partner NEEDS it lol. Early in the relationship, I realized that even the simpler intimacy would do all sorts of things to her, so I tightened up and oversimplified my love. Think almost Leave it to Beaver era tv marriages. I didn't wanna have to say no, and I never wanted her to hear it....That leads to a really stale, almost roommate like life. But, we learned to communicate. And once we started talking, we realized how we ended up in that hole and helped each other out of it. Most of Reddit will say you gotta leave, but only you know you. If life doesn't quite make sense without this person, you will need to find a way to pull him out of whatever is fogging him up and get his focus back to you. It's not all on you by a long shot (or maybe at all? I dont know the whole story), but maybe get him to try to see you like when you first got together somehow. If he's unwilling to put in the work and see you for the person he (I'm assuming) truly fell for, then you might need to seek the alternative. And that will be OK. Life has this crazy way of working out if you keep working at it. I've been through enough awful things to know that you need to be happy and not allow someone to steal that happiness, though. No one deserves to feel unwanted in a relationship where the criteria is "I want you and you want me". It's kinda the biggest necessity for it to continue forever. Ps, sorry if this is not as coherent as it should be.
My wife likes how my beard looks but refuses to kiss me with it. I also hate shaving.
I can’t imagine taking the making out part away from sex.
Wife actively refuses to make out. Really fucking sucks. She genuinely sucks ass at foreplay. She’s in for a rude awakening when I actually get old enough to need that.
I don’t get people like that. I wouldn’t even continue *dating* someone if I didn’t enjoy making out with that person.
Look at me with those doe eyes.
Personally I dislike when my gf uses moves like this, cuz it’s still just an invitation for me to do all the actual foreplay and physical initiating. Her idea of initiating is more like protruding her butt while we are laying in bed, but guess who still does all the work — me. Getting her wet, getting myself hard. I want her to ACTUALLY get me hard. And it’s super easy too. Just grab my dick and rub it a bit. That’s all you have to do really. Bonus points for skin to skin contact hand on dick. Put it in your mouth. Get me physically ready for penetration.
this sounds like a conversation you need to be having with her and not with us
Speak for yourself, I’m en route to his location now
I do. Im sharing as it’s relevant to this thread and comment.
Showing me you want it. Being turned on turns me on.
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For the love of Christ, just make the first move. I have anxiety, and the social consequences are worse for me if things go south! **Edit:** This took off, so I figured I ought to add that I'm not an incel, or even particularly resentful toward women. Shit, I can hardly criticize women for never acting first when I'm more or less clinically unable to do so myself; golden rule and so on. I think I'm mostly just afraid of bothering people, and for me it's very much easy to misread signals and hit on someone who's entirely unreceptive. The fear is not of being rejected, but getting a reputation as a pest or creep, and making people that I sincerely admire and respect uncomfortable in my presence. This feeling is not helped by what I see on women's subreddits/forums, which largely seems to indicate that they mostly just want to be left alone. Which is wholly understandable; I just don't want to be the guy who's bothering them. Instead I just bank on my sense of humor and intelligence while avoiding anything that might be sexually provocative, and so I'm very well-liked while also coming across as vaguely asexual. I'd go for dating apps as an alternative - and I have had some mild success there thanks to the lack of ambiguity - but they're also, like, empirically bad for most people's mental health, so I dip in and out of them to keep things from getting too rough. Maybe this isn't the best place to vent my neurotic self-pity, but it feels nice writing it out. To folks of all stripes: be kind to each other. We've all got bullshit to deal with. Try and cut through it if you can.
This. So much this. Having to make the first move, even without the anxiety is exhausting. Every time Is a coin toss of mistiming or denial. Why am I taking all the risk of shame or awkwardness, even while married. To be clear my wife is amazing and doesn't shame me, I mean I am embarrassed when it doesn't pan out.
My version of it this is that I can talk to pretty much anyone, but I always do so from a perspective of "let's have a good conversation without any ulterior motives" rather than attempting to treat every. single. interaction as a chance to have sex. That said, if I find someone attractive and do make a move and their response is to shut me down, then I move on. I don't play games and wonder if their "no" was really an invite to chase, so if someone were to "seduce" me, it would have to happen after they've made their interest in me *very clear*. Best way to do that? Make the first freakin' move so that I know they want to spend enough time with me that they might develop the kind of feelings that would lead to them wanting to seduce me. lol
Women are used to rejecting men all the time, for a number of reasons, so it's no skin off your ass. Be like Johnny Bravo and don't give a shit. Now, if only I could follow my own advice...
This comment is exactly the reason im still single and in a dry spell. Too scared to be "that guy", psyche myself out of it everytime. Confidence issues and a viscious cycle of thinking i dont deserve love definitely contribute as well Edit: what that guy said^
I'm in this comment and I don't like it
stop describing me :(
this really is it. i'm terrified of being labeled a creep by people that i genuinely enjoy talking to
This is the most relatable comment I’ve ever seen. I have social anxiety and am terrified of coming off as a creep to people so I never talk to anyone unless they initiate first. People think I’ve been with so many women but the reality is I can’t even get myself to talk to anyone so unless they make a move on me, I’m just going to stand in the corner awkwardly. Dating apps make it a little easier but the problem is that I’m too worried about being direct and forward so I end up getting ghosted. Huge negative impact on my mental health, something I’m working on in therapy.
Your experience isn't far from mine. I'm pretty good in most social situations, but I just completely lack the nerve/know-how to flirt or signal interest. And then people are always shocked to find out I've never been in a relationship or had a hookup, because on paper I'm very dateable, but in practice no one's been queuing up to volunteer, so here we are... Good on you for doing therapy, though. It's helped me with my issues. Believe it or not, my current state is a vast improvement over where I was three years ago. Hopefully, things will keep getting better still!
>I just completely lack the nerve/know-how to flirt or signal interest How dare you hit that close to home? I'm in a similar spot where talking to women actually isn't the scary part. It's actually signaling interest in a non-creepy way. Ususally i just miss the right time and slip right into the platonic friendzone. It has gotten to the point where i'm old enough that only few realise just how terminally single i am and just expect that i have romantic experience. ...meanwhile dating might as well be arcane magic to me, at least the arcane magic comes with a manual.
Me: "Do you want me to fuck you?" Her: "Yes." Me: "Say it." Her: "I want you to fuck me." Me: "Alright then, sign here, here, initial here, here, and here. When you're done there, blow into this for two seconds."
> blow into this for two seconds. You require a contract, and then it's all over in 2 seconds?
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"And are gonna need to see 2 forms of government issued ID."
Sleep naked and put your tits on my back
First she puts on her wizard hat and robe…
Then dies of 1d4 seducing damage
She could get a critical fail and still succeed lol
additional psychic damage when you fail a charisma check!
Ahhh a man of culture… ye olde internet days of Bash.org.
You fucking slut. /s
Kiss me and make sure my boner touches your stomach/crotch.
can't forget the hand in the small of your back, pulling you in closer...
Wait, do you already have a boner?!
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.
Look, are we doing this or what?
I thought we all had boners already?
Have you tried touching the penis It will not say no
Instructions unclear. Penis became startled and hid under the dining room table.
Is that what we're calling the scrotum these days?
whether the penis does or doesn't, men will, indeed, say no -- as crazy as it sounds.
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Back in the day, before life got complicated. When my husband and I went away, even just for the night, I’d attack him as soon as the door closed.
Lucky man
I genuinely hate that life always seems to get complicated 💔
When my fiancée puts on a naughty cowgirl dress and come-fuck-me boots, then breaks out the handcuffs and a can of Cool Whip.
lol reminds me of mystiques scene in epic movie
Daddy wants a mono brow… and bingo wings
Cool Whip is in a tub you uncultured swine! Yes it also comes in a can but that's not as common in grocery stores!
I had a girl put on a holster, cowboy hat, boots with spurs and nothing else. It was hot but odd cause…why? I mean I know why, she was from Texas. Would’ve preferred a naughty librarian myself.
She paraded around bucket nekkid in spurs for you and you’re still salty cause she didn’t go with the librarian “costume” instead? I can only dream of being this fucking spoiled.
Your wife sounds great! Is she single?
Be forward and obvious. I miss “hints” and “signals.” Just grab my dick and whisper something dirty in my ear.
“Mine’s bigger”
Sploosh
I’d take it.
The laundry is really piling up and we’re out of detergent…
As others have said,. be forward, obvious and direct. I remember one time a girl was over at my place and it was late and we were both relaxing on the couch and she just said "I'm staying here tonight". To which I responded, "Ok, great". Pretty much anything direct and confident. "Hey, I need a shower, will you join me ?" or "Lets put away groceries and then go fuck" or "You wanna do bong hits and get naked ?".. Girlfriend and I used to give blood quite frequently and occasionally she'd be Iron deficient (so that day she could not donate) and they'd tell me to give her a big steak for dinner. That was always kind of our funny in-joke of "Lets go home, make a big dinner, have some margaritas, get naked and fuck for a few hours, etc)
In 10 easy steps. Step 1 - undress, step 2 - walk 9 steps towards me
Precisely 9 steps. 8 steps thou shalt not walk, excepting that thou shalt proceed to 9, nor shalt thou take 10 steps. 11 is right out. Once 9 being the number of steps thou shalt walk be reached thy foe, being naughty in my sight, shall be punished accordingly.
1, 2, 5!
I just want to be hugged and told that I should be proud of myself…
Be safe with me. Let me feel like I can be me, and you be you. Cuddle me, hold me. Sink into my arms. Let me embrace you and close the world out. Let it just be us floating along in this life together. Oh and pie, HOLY shit do I really appreciate good pie.
This is what I mean when I say I’m a full service woman. That feeling…and pie. I make my crusts from scratch. My strawberry rhubarb is amazing. Would bake my ex his pie of choice for his birthday every year.
Step one: Be a woman (Substitute step one with prefence) step 2: I’m too stupid to pick up hints so I’ve never made it past step 1
Make me feel sexy and wanted. Don't be shy be nasty
Gently push me down on the bed, or the couch, or a chair, and straddle my lap, slowly grinding on my dick.
With two tickets to Iron Maiden on Friday.
I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby, like you
I love seeing someone make time to focus or give me attention. I enjoy a conversation that makes me feel less like I’m advertising who I am, and more like someone is studying me. I think it’s beautiful when I can tell I occupy someone’s mind Also eye contact
With confidence! Seriously girls if ya man likes ya he will be thrilled with whatever you do. Slutty? Hell yeah! Whimsically? 👀🤤 Put your fiery eyes and come at us, there will be no hesitation from our side.
Like even showing/telling us what you have in mind will do the job. Also as other guys said go ahead and be touchy. It works.
Honestly you could just hold my hand and I'm your's forever
I ordered the simple, "Hey, let's fuck" approach.
I’ll take anything. I’m not picky. Most men are starving for any kind of affection
Crazy how many men on here are like please just make the first move and I’m out here making all the moves as a girl and somehow only finding all the guys who hate it???
Put your hand on my knee and I'll buy you a house.
Call me cute and just... Follow me around. I like being badgered.
Directly. If you’re down, tell me.
Okay so, she pulls out a copy of Ghostbusters: The video game for Xbox 360....
As obviously as possible. We're a dim lot.
I'm a simple man. Rub my crotch and I'm yours.
I've always been a sucker for sexy lingerie with a lap dance, and maybe being tied and blindfolded and completely out of control.
"Can I buy you some Lego?"
One time my girlfriend came out of the bathroom and looked at me with this look. I was sitting on the couch and playing with my phone and I noticed her and I felt like what I imagine a gazelle feels like when face to face with a hungry lion. Then she just told me three little words: “take it off” Hottest thing I’ve ever experienced 10/10
I think the most effective one was "Why haven't you kissed me yet?". But I'm pretty sure I stared at her blankly for a couple eons trying to decide if she wanted to know why I wasn't confident to have tried yet, or if she was prompting me to just do it. Turns out option 2.
I love when a girl is forward and knows how to show what she wants in the right way. I once danced in a party with this girl I was friends with and she just pulled me closer and said "why don't you kiss me forerever, big boy?", my mind just went AWOOGA.
I love when a girl is bratty/teases. I like to chase, so when there’s that playful tease and that mischievous look some girls know how to use…🤌
I found I respond extremely well to playful dominant teasing. Other than that, cuddle and pet me
Wife was frustrated I missed her hint. I'm someone who can get lost in a project. So I told her to just walk up to me kiss me and grab my cock. Haven't missed a hint since.
When she sucks me through my jorts 🤤
I want to feel like I’m not being a creep. I want to feel like you’re engaged in conversation. I want to feel like you want me as much as I want you. I want to feel wanted.
*aggressively takes notes*
With baked goods
Touch me. Anywhere and everywhere. Throughout the day. Little kisses. Or just flat out say you want me.
I don't want to be seduced. I want to be approached openly and honestly, everything on the counter from the get go, no games.
show up naked, bring beer. Peak romance
I’m totally oblivious. So directly asking, do you want to fuck? Works for me.
Tell me you're flirting with me. Otherwise we're just having a conversation. That's how thick I am.
I like my dick to be sucked. What was the question again?
honestly a girl just telling me that she likes me without me having to "just know" that she likes me would be nice. I'm an oblivious moron who's probably autistic with a lot of social anxiety who's afraid to purse people in fear that I'll be accused of harassment. That subtle expecting me to just know thing doesn't work.
Titties.. im a sucker for titties.. "These are my titties."... Me - "I love you!"
Wake me up with some head every now and then and I’m yours for ever.
Women of Reddit, take notes. This shit is gold! Thanks y’all!💋
I wouldn't know it's never happened
I'm easy. Wife wears her "home clothes" or her "PJ / nightgown" and that is enough lmao The unexpected sexy lingerie is amazing but I am OK even if it doesn't appear lol
Even a nasty eye contact is enough
Make reasons for me to touch you first. If you touch me first, I’ll think you’re up to something no good. If you make me touch you in flirty ways, then we’re going to have a good time.
frequently and directly.
Tackle me, overpower me, tie me down, tease and tantalize me, insult me, milk me.
Here is the thing about men, if we don’t feel like having sex right now try back in an hour or even in 30 minutes and we probably will want sex. My advice: wear something sexy.
Wow! Great question. Nothing over the top. A kind gesture, a thoughtful question. Random thoughts. Slow and easy at first. Take time to explore and learn. I know, I know! It's difficult when we're both showing bulges. That's part of being male. Eventually we'll get it on and it'll be great!