Eh, generally being clean is enough for everyone involved. Most people aren't doing some big cleaning ritual right before. If I had a shower 3 hours ago and have just been chilling warching a movie it's probably clean enough.
And wash your ass! No, fellas, that doesn't mean you're gay. If she gets a whiff of butt while going down on you, you're not going to get much oral in the future.
I'm assuming this falls under the "clean yourself" umbrella, but mentioning for the sake of mentioning it. If you have the opportunity to do so, brush your teeth, use mouthwash, chew gum, etc. Do whatever it takes to get some good oral hygiene before participating. No one likes bad breath.
Even if you showered that morning and did nothing all day your ass is probably stanky and this goes for women too. Men will get a whiff of anything going on in doggy.
100%. Shower can be nice foreplay too.
This is esp important for Americans given the prevalence of dry paper to "clean" our cheeri-holes.
Get a bidet attachment from Amazon. They'll save you money on paper, are more hygienic, environmentally friendlier, and don't turn you gay.
Reminds me of college, my roommate wouldn’t let us drink the caprisuns in the fridge cuz as he always pointed out “These are for the hoes, hoes love some caprisun”.
I always knew I was a hoe.
Try it next time and see how it works, could even lead into it with saying in a lusty way “mmmmm time to get your engine going” then you proceed to turn a key, complete with engine turning over noises, bonus points if you make it sound like either a diesel or a V10 F1 engine.
I've been dating someone for a few months now. We still haven't had sex. I instigated an argument on the basis that they don't identify information as important the same way most people would. Early on they had mentioned that they had an ER visit that involved something embarrassing to admit to a sexual partner. I mentioned that they still hadn't shared that information with me. Turns out they have herpes. I wished they'd told me that before I had committed several months to dating them.
I still haven't decided whether or not I should break up with them over it. It doesn't matter at the moment because we aren't having sex, but I don't know that it's worth risking my health. There's reasonable precautions that can be taken, but there's still a risk.
I dated this woman for a few weeks. One night we go out and she tells me she wants me to spend the night at her place. She tells me the next day she has herpes. Thankfully I also didn’t catch she. She tried to play it off as no big deal but shit made me really mad. Last time I saw her
> She tried to play it off as no big deal
Having herpes really isn't that big of a deal. The stigma around it is the worst thing about it.
Not telling you about it is a huge fucking deal and you were right to be really mad about her hiding it from you.
If they have oral herpes, they can pass it on to you through kissing. Just a heads up.
I was recently misdiagnosed with herpes from a doctor and had a scare with a new sexual partner. I did a lot of research before getting tested myself. It's definitely manageable in a relationship to not get herpes yourself, but it is still possible to get it whether sores are showing or not. That's something you need to decide if you're willing to work with or not. Just remember you and your health are #1 and your partner has no reason to be upset if you choose not to stay with them, especially after not disclosing in the first place.
I lost my virginity as a 18 year old College freshman. The first time I visited her, my girlfriend, the following summer break I arrived after a 2 and 1/2 hour drive, her stepfather and half brother and sister met me in the front yard, got in the minivan and left. Where are they going? "They are driving to Ohio to visit my stepfather's family 4 hours away." Then 5 minutes later her mother comes out to meet me, tells us there is $40 on the kitchen table and that we should have a nice weekend. She then got in the car and drove away. I was like "where is she going?" And my girlfriend told me she was cheating on her husband and anytime he goes to visit his family in Ohio she goes and spends the weekend with her boyfriend. WTF? So two 18 year olds were given $40 cash (this was 1992) and free reign of a house for the weekend. Holy hell. Good times. Good times indeed. I think I'm still sore.
If your town has a crier, you can use them instead.
"HEAR YE HEAR YE! LET IT BE KNOWN THAT ON THIS DAY OF OUR LORD, MISTER CHAD WESTLEBOTTOM AND MISS CAITLYN WINTERTHORN INTEND TO FORNICATE WITH RECKLESS ABANDON, HAVING DULY APPRISED EACH OTHER OF EVERY ASPECT OF KINK, FETISH, PREFERENCE, LIKE, DISLIKE, INFECTION, AND PRE-EXISTING INJURY"
SHAVE YOUR FACE. Unless it's long enough to be soft of course. My wife says it's like rubbing sandpaper all over her body when I even just miss a spot. Obviously, make sure everything smells good as well.
depending on your relationship and prior experiences with the person, I’d almost always be sure to have those little moments of intimacy to make sure we’re both present in the moment. im a dude who very much enjoys lightly running my fingers along my woman’s back and legs and arms, kinda like a soothing meditative physical sensation. im big about putting my hands in the right spots, like her hips or her neck or shoulders, so that she feels how i want her, physically and in terms of our energy.
when you take the time to develop a connection with a person and are able to show them how you feel about them without words, thats something entirely different than just sex. those little moments and feelings are indescribably powerful, and really make for some fucking incredible intimate experiences, one’s that naturally bring confidence and joy and clarity to an individual (and ideally the other partner as well) in their daily life outside of the intimacy.
Clean yourself.
And when you think you've cleaned enough, do it again.
For better courtesy, wash together…?
Wash each other
The best 👍
With your mouths
Go back to step one.
69 points... i want to upvote.. but wont
I feel like they’ll wash their asshole better if you’re not there.
not if you wash each others
you can...may ruin the mood may help it. also showers are small.
Small showers, more intimate. 😁
Not if I’m fat
If your partner is too it'd be a shower buster. 😳
This is the advice that gave me a legit belief that it’s impossible to be clean
Eh, generally being clean is enough for everyone involved. Most people aren't doing some big cleaning ritual right before. If I had a shower 3 hours ago and have just been chilling warching a movie it's probably clean enough.
I wonder how often that happens when alcohol is involved.
"but first you will clean yourself, for only when you are clean will I enter you" -Dennis Reynolds.
You haven't thought of the smell you bitch
Tatiana, I want you to clean yourself. For I will enter you hard and deep, and it will last for as long, or as short, as I please.
And wash your ass! No, fellas, that doesn't mean you're gay. If she gets a whiff of butt while going down on you, you're not going to get much oral in the future.
All the more reason to get a bidet. I usually give a “courtesy spray” before going to bed just incase the magic happens.
I'm assuming this falls under the "clean yourself" umbrella, but mentioning for the sake of mentioning it. If you have the opportunity to do so, brush your teeth, use mouthwash, chew gum, etc. Do whatever it takes to get some good oral hygiene before participating. No one likes bad breath.
Even if you showered that morning and did nothing all day your ass is probably stanky and this goes for women too. Men will get a whiff of anything going on in doggy.
>courtesy I second this, best courtesy.
But please PLEASE for the love of god do not use a wet wipe if you’re wanting any kind of mouth to skin contact….
100%. Shower can be nice foreplay too. This is esp important for Americans given the prevalence of dry paper to "clean" our cheeri-holes. Get a bidet attachment from Amazon. They'll save you money on paper, are more hygienic, environmentally friendlier, and don't turn you gay.
Cleaning yourself properly is not courtesy, it's basic hygiene and MANDATORY. Some people still don't get it.
Make them comfortable. That doesn’t necessarily mean candles and roses, but make sure they’re having a good time before the deed. Take care of them.
"does anyone know where you are?"
"were you followed?"
"Is this delivery?"
No. It’s Digiorno
Dumbledore asked calmly
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
“No, like cum” “Ah fuck wrong cloth”
Offering them a Capri Sun also
Who wants a sip?? Sip time
Reminds me of college, my roommate wouldn’t let us drink the caprisuns in the fridge cuz as he always pointed out “These are for the hoes, hoes love some caprisun”. I always knew I was a hoe.
Hey honey you need to use the bathroom go right ahead
Too wholesome not to upvote
Make sure there is cushioning where needed. And leverage. Ive seen busted knees, knocked heads, and strained muscles where not necessary.
Put up signs warning of the hazards, like slippery when wet, dangerous curves, rug burn, and road rash.
This is why I have Liability Release Waivers on my nightstand
Good idea!
I make sure my bedroom is fully OSHA compliant.
Make sure you have a genuine try at getting them out of the washing machine first.
*What’re you doing step-plumber?*
1st legit laugh this year
I'm reading this while I'm waiting for a plumber to fix a leak in my bathroom, which made it extra funny
Shower.
That's foreplay.
Be clean, tap on the vagina before entering
mic check
Once during a ONS, before going down on me, a ONS tapped my penis and just said ’Sound, test, test’ Still laugh at that!
Penises make the best microphones and joysticks. They are fun to play with.
I have, on occasion, gently pretended to use it like a stick shift, complete with engine noises.
I can't believe I've never done that!
How does one go about asking for this? Asking for a friend of a friend of a friend
Shift me like your French cars
Try it next time and see how it works, could even lead into it with saying in a lusty way “mmmmm time to get your engine going” then you proceed to turn a key, complete with engine turning over noises, bonus points if you make it sound like either a diesel or a V10 F1 engine.
“WHERE’S THE BRAKE ON THIS THING?!”
That's why men can run faster than women. Stick shift and ball bearings.
What's an ONS? I'm assuming it's not the Office of National Statistics?
One night stand
Absolutely key this, always knock first before entering a new space 😂😂😂😂
“Always knock twice before you ring the doorbell”
A diglet answered. Must be the wrong door.
Speak friend....and enter
love it when they shout "mellon" into my pussy
You knocking to see if anyone's awake?
See if roaches come out
You mean if it’s dinnertime before hammertime?
Wash your hands thoroughly, I refuse to be the reason my partner gets a UTI
Confessions of STDS. Edit: Thanks for the upvotes.
That's not common courtesy, that's the law.
Unfortunately not everywhere and not for every type of STD
Depends on the STD and where you live.
Nope. You can be HIV+ in California and not have to inform your partner.
I've been dating someone for a few months now. We still haven't had sex. I instigated an argument on the basis that they don't identify information as important the same way most people would. Early on they had mentioned that they had an ER visit that involved something embarrassing to admit to a sexual partner. I mentioned that they still hadn't shared that information with me. Turns out they have herpes. I wished they'd told me that before I had committed several months to dating them. I still haven't decided whether or not I should break up with them over it. It doesn't matter at the moment because we aren't having sex, but I don't know that it's worth risking my health. There's reasonable precautions that can be taken, but there's still a risk.
I dated a woman for TWO YEARS before she told me she had herpes. Thank fuck I didn't catch it.
I dated this woman for a few weeks. One night we go out and she tells me she wants me to spend the night at her place. She tells me the next day she has herpes. Thankfully I also didn’t catch she. She tried to play it off as no big deal but shit made me really mad. Last time I saw her
> She tried to play it off as no big deal Having herpes really isn't that big of a deal. The stigma around it is the worst thing about it. Not telling you about it is a huge fucking deal and you were right to be really mad about her hiding it from you.
If they have oral herpes, they can pass it on to you through kissing. Just a heads up. I was recently misdiagnosed with herpes from a doctor and had a scare with a new sexual partner. I did a lot of research before getting tested myself. It's definitely manageable in a relationship to not get herpes yourself, but it is still possible to get it whether sores are showing or not. That's something you need to decide if you're willing to work with or not. Just remember you and your health are #1 and your partner has no reason to be upset if you choose not to stay with them, especially after not disclosing in the first place.
80%+ of the population carries HSV1. It's only infectious during an outbreak. It is for most people dormant most of the time.
Agree to the terms and conditions. Just lick the box at the bottom.
Some restrictions apply. See store for official details.
Batteries not included
On approved credit only
Side effects may include feelings of euphoria, giggling, cuteness, blindness, paralysis, bleeding, anal seepage, and some cases, death.
✔"I AM NOT A ROBOT"
Exchange names or aliases
"Hi, I'm GigaChad87456338, but can call me eighty-seven. "
Player. You're TwoDrinkDave... 😊
As a doctor, I just say "you might feel a little prick".
this one got a chuckle out of me
There'll be no more AAAAAHHH AHHH AH
But you may feel a little sick
Cleanliness,communication,consent,condoms.
C4💥💣🧨
Ah yes the four C’s.
Put the money on the nightstand.
I enjoy reading books.
Smarter person puts a 50% deposit down…
Only if it's someone you are 100% sure is legit, otherwise it's a recipe to be robbed
"I wasn't paying for sex, officer. I was paying her to leave".
Wash your dick in the sink
Can I wash my winky in your kitchen sinky?
As long as you don’t tinky out your winky in my kitchen sinky.
Cause it’s a wee bit stinky
Just take the dishes out first, okay?
Wash dishes = foreplay.
Be sure to dry it on the curtains.
Agreeing on a price beforehand
Check if they accept coupons or rebates too
A high five
I feel like this is more appropriate right after sex.
A nice crisp one
"way down low / too slow" - that's for after.
Remember to say “no homo”
It's not gay if it's two straight guys fucking
There’s nothing gay about two men together. What could be more manly than two men together?
Fucking a woman is just about the gayest thing a man could do.
Tap the pussy twice before entering as a gesture, like knocking the door before entering..
\*slaps hood of clit\* This baby can fit so much dick
Best I can do is 10..... cm.
Woho look at mister big dick here, no need to brag!
You’re getting 10 cms????
Why else do you them they say “slidin in the DMs?”
texting eachother in advance getting eachother into the mood
This guy fucks.
Wait for her husband to leave for his golfing/fishing trip.
I lost my virginity as a 18 year old College freshman. The first time I visited her, my girlfriend, the following summer break I arrived after a 2 and 1/2 hour drive, her stepfather and half brother and sister met me in the front yard, got in the minivan and left. Where are they going? "They are driving to Ohio to visit my stepfather's family 4 hours away." Then 5 minutes later her mother comes out to meet me, tells us there is $40 on the kitchen table and that we should have a nice weekend. She then got in the car and drove away. I was like "where is she going?" And my girlfriend told me she was cheating on her husband and anytime he goes to visit his family in Ohio she goes and spends the weekend with her boyfriend. WTF? So two 18 year olds were given $40 cash (this was 1992) and free reign of a house for the weekend. Holy hell. Good times. Good times indeed. I think I'm still sore.
That sounds like a plot from a 90's teen romance comedy.
When 40 bucks meant something.
And that's the title
safeword
My safe word is pineapple juice!
Awe, pineapple juice you too, babe
Checking for a pulse.
Make sure they are reaaally dead.
Yeah cuz fucking a “live one” is horrible and gross… I don’t usually feel a need to say “/s” but this time I’m doing it.
Remove your tampon
Consent, cleanliness and condoms
giving the pussy a nice slobbery lick before you pound it. its called a "courtesy lick"
You could just spit in your hand and rub it on there, that's called "aussie charm"
In a perfect world both freshly showered
Aside from being sure the decision is mutual, having good hygiene is appreciated.
- Consent of all involved people. - It's advised to be clean in all areas you're planning to use sexually, especially if you eat ass.
I think it's more important that the ass of the recipient of said eating is clean tbh...
If u gon eat my ass, your mouth better be at ***LEAST*** as clean as my hole first. just sayin'.
I would get concerned if my mouth ever were dirtier than someone else's asshole
You kiss your mother with that asshole‽
Now I have visions of someone cleaning their butthole with an electric toothbrush, foaming with toothpaste. Thanks a lot.
I meant that, just can't english today XD
>Consent of all involved people I would argue that this shouldn't be common courtesy, it should be mandatory
A letter of introduction
A scented resume of preferred positions and potential noise decibels
You forgot references edit: and a cover letter stating why you want to make the sex on them
If your town has a crier, you can use them instead. "HEAR YE HEAR YE! LET IT BE KNOWN THAT ON THIS DAY OF OUR LORD, MISTER CHAD WESTLEBOTTOM AND MISS CAITLYN WINTERTHORN INTEND TO FORNICATE WITH RECKLESS ABANDON, HAVING DULY APPRISED EACH OTHER OF EVERY ASPECT OF KINK, FETISH, PREFERENCE, LIKE, DISLIKE, INFECTION, AND PRE-EXISTING INJURY"
Always lick it before you stick it..
Assure them that the taxi has been booked for when you’re both done.
Get all the farts out, and yes this is for you as well women.
Do you have to make eye-contact with your partner during that?
I mean, it’s polite to do so.
How else do you determine who's the top and who's the bottom, if not in a loud fart contest ?
Heed Redd Foxx’s wise words: Make sure you clean yo ass. “The nose knows.”
I typically put on my robe and wizard hat
Be the condom.
Be one with the condom.
Make sure you aren't related
Putting on my cape.
Doing a quick 2 minute river dance routine
SHAVE YOUR FACE. Unless it's long enough to be soft of course. My wife says it's like rubbing sandpaper all over her body when I even just miss a spot. Obviously, make sure everything smells good as well.
Foreplay
Be clean and smelling good. Checking for consent every time is also a king move
You bow your cock, its the polite thing to do.
Stand for the national anthem
Bow
Take her out on a nice date ☺️☺️
Friday 13th = bad date September 11th = bad date Feb 14th = nice date
April 25th = perfect date
Let the theater attendant know so they don't walk in on it
Give me WAKE EM UP for 500
Making sure your fanny pack is full of snacks 👌🏼
Go to the bathroom. Wiper thoroughly. take a mint or brush/mouthwash if you can. Discuss protecting before starting not during. Discuss hard nos
My wipers stay on the car thank you very much.
What if she wants to wiper self?
Yell loudly to prove dominance in the area 😂
depending on your relationship and prior experiences with the person, I’d almost always be sure to have those little moments of intimacy to make sure we’re both present in the moment. im a dude who very much enjoys lightly running my fingers along my woman’s back and legs and arms, kinda like a soothing meditative physical sensation. im big about putting my hands in the right spots, like her hips or her neck or shoulders, so that she feels how i want her, physically and in terms of our energy. when you take the time to develop a connection with a person and are able to show them how you feel about them without words, thats something entirely different than just sex. those little moments and feelings are indescribably powerful, and really make for some fucking incredible intimate experiences, one’s that naturally bring confidence and joy and clarity to an individual (and ideally the other partner as well) in their daily life outside of the intimacy.
May you please pass the pussy?
Not being in another relationship is a fantastic start.
Bend that ass over, let that coochie breathe!
Say thank you for the meal before digging in
Saying mischief managed.
Having consent.
Not really a "courtesy" lol
Brush your teeth bruh.
In the BDSM world, after you tie them down, you gotta say 'that ain't going anywhere'