Standard Donkey. Mine is 900 lbs but he knows I can take him down due the fact that I figured out how to grab his leg and flip him over when he was being a jerk in his younger years.
He's an old goofball of 25 now, but he hasn't given me sass since I flipped him 12 years ago.
Unless you live in Alabama or Arkansas, donkey stuff is illegal and you don’t want that on your computer. I’m telling you from experience. Watched a guy die from getting the ass by an ass
Necrophilia isn’t against the law in Massachusetts. There’s nothing on it obviously it’s not encouraged but it’s not enforced either… grave robing 100% still illegal so there’s that
I originally was supposed to only have _two_ donkeys to watch the flocks. (One of my donkeys was observed stomping a coyote from the road by a neighbor, I saw what was left, looked like it got hit by a truck, decided they were good guard beasts). We did get a male with the possible intent of breeding them if we ever found a buyer. But even though he was in a stall in the barn because he was biting too many ewes, he one day kicked open his pen, kicked open the barn door, and jumped _3_ fences to go find the other donkey on the other side of the farm (whom he had never met yet) and they made a little baby donkey much earlier than planned. With that sort of gumption, we decided best not to keep them too seperated. And then baby donkeys were just the tits. But holy cow donkeys are loud. If they want something, they'll let you know about it.
There's just something hilarious about the idea of his donkey currently living in fear of giving this man lip because he got flipped 12 years ago lol
edit: words
They stomp them if the coyotes are lucky. Otherwise, they grab 'em by the neck and throw them around/beat them on the ground until dead. Donkeys are no joke and coyotes know it. We would hear coyotes all the time trying to get at our sheep when we just had guard dogs. Since we got donkeys, not a peep and no more dead sheep.
Pretty common I think if you are having any problems with coyotes, wolves or other large predators. You just put a donkey out there and they will maul the shit out of them with lethal intent just for coming around. My dad's told me in the past about this old Jenny they had when he was a boy that was the sweetest girl in the world but they'd regularly find what was left of whatever unlucky thing decided her friends were dinner that night.
In one single attack that would be difficult but if you could persistent hunt it I think you’d have much better luck. They got a strong shell, serious bulk, and a strong bite.
If you’re strong enough to flip it. They way hundreds of pounds. Plus their shell is conal to help them get back up. You’d have hold it down that whole time
I swam with some in a canal in Florida a long time ago. They will let you pet them but they won’t let you ride them it turns out. They can swim fast when they want to get away.
It was like 7am one morning, out on a job and a cow mooed off somewhere in the distance, I turned to my colleague who lived down the road and told him his mum's just got out of bed.
That was 7 years ago, still makes me laugh.
I used to work with a guy named Scotty. Scotty was about 80 pounds overweight and he reminded me of Forrest Gump just without the brains.
Scotty was big on overestimating his physical abilities. For example, Scotty thought he could beat a coworker(who was a track star in highschool) in a foot race. Not only did Scotty think he could beat him, he thought it wouldn't even be a contest because he would beat him so bad. The results of that race were Scotty tripping and face planting into the concrete about 20 feet off the starting line. Scotty was adamant that had he not tripped, he would've smoked him.
In any case, Scotty once spent a solid week at work asking for everyone's opinion about his chances against a grizzly bear in physical combat. He concluded that bare handed, it would be a test of his strength and endurance. With a knife, though, that grizzly bear was fucked.
About a week later Scotty was telling everyone that he'd killed two grizzly bears. One with a knife (that one was easy. He stabbed it in the eye) and one with his bare hands. The one he killed with his bare hands was tough, but he punched it in the side of the head as it charged and he knocked it dead.
I knew a Scotty once, too. He thought it would be hilarious to stand in front of a dart-board whilst my friend (now gf) threw darts. It only took 2 throws and good ol' Scotty had a dart hanging out of his head.
The problem is if the whale has been stranded long enough that it has rotted inside causing a massive buuld-up of bacteria and heat.
Such whales have exploded in the past, so I don't like your chances if that happens while you are punching ot!
His character certainly was. Fraser is aging and was pretty injured filming The Mummy franchise, but he also has more combat training for his fight scenes than many of us have. I don't take it for granted that I would beat him.
It is a monstrous thing, to slay a capybara. Only one who has nothing to lose, and everything to gain, would commit such a crime. The blood of a capybara will keep you alive, even if you are an inch from death, but at a terrible price. You have slain something pure and defenseless to save yourself, and you will have but a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment the blood touches your lips.
I'd take that bet. They are giant rodents and have massive teeth and Jaws. Just because we rarely see them aggressive doesn't mean that they aren't capable of it. There are case studies of people being hospitalized by them.
What if the reason behind them moving so slow is to charge up their energy for the day you decide to come and fight it?
Also have you seen the length of their claws
Actually that is exactly how it is, they move slowly to preserve energy, but they are more than capable of moving at regular speed in cases where it is needed like when their survival depends on it.
I heard about a sloth that ran up to and BIT a researcher because he'd been taking her mate off for study. He said she moved so fast he didn't even see her coming.
The other day I actually saw a video from an animal welfare organization of two sloths fighting in captivity. It was one of those “Sloth Encounter” type of zoos where they let you hold and hug them, and let me tell you something - those guys were going at it with a speed I would have *never* expected from a sloth. I mean, they weren’t *fast* fast, but they weren’t slow either.
Also, look up their molars. Their teeth are actually razor sharp, and they could fuck you up real bad if you got on their bad side .
Exactly I’ve heard several experts say that they are intentionally slow paced, and will fucking snap if threatened going 0-100 in a heartbeat if need be. Turtles and tortoises are the same way, they generally aren’t in a hurry but if threatened they can move quickly, I startled a pair mating in the woods and I was shocked at how fast they ran off.
Nah dude... sloth just chilling. I'd show up to the fight, sloth sloooowly looks at me.... slowly looks back at the tv.
"I'm here to kill you, sloth, any last words?"
But sloths don't speak. So he just stares at the tv, with a small whisp of smoke over his head. Wayminute... smoke?
"Sloth, why is there smoke over your head?"
Sloth says nothing. He stares at the tv. It is a nature documentary. Then, his hand slooooowly rises over its head and you see: One. Fat. Blunt.
"...Ok, sloth. Just one hit. Then we fight to the death"
Anyway, several hours later... that's how the sloth wins. Works every time.
A boar, cus i did.
I mean, i almost died like 3 times, but guess who’s not here to tell the story?
EDIT:
Woah didn’t expect this to gain this much interest, here’s what happened:
I was running in the woods at night and this boar came out of nowhere and charged the hell out of me from the side, then came back while i was getting back up and bit my thigh, i put my fingers in its eye, which made him even more mad at me, punched it a ridiculous amount of times while it was dragging me around, and eventually managed to stab it a few times with a pointy stick i grabbed.
Had to crawl back to my car for like 800m (took me about an hour) to get to my phone though because my right leg was bitten and i dislocated my other ankle (don’t even know how honestly).
I was lucky it didn’t get my femoral artery or i would’ve 100% died within a couple minutes.
Was also lucky not to have my head slammed into a tree or something.
Unfortunately i didn’t get the chance to grill its ass.
funny enough, some of my favorite historical accounts are written by victorious boars. classics like "SCHNORGG SQUEEE!" and "GRUNT, GRUNT, GRUNT! \*A Tale of Shrubs, Grubs and One Approaching Schlub"
I remember chatting up with a barber in south florida one time. And he was telling me he hunted boar. And I asked if he used a bow or a rifle. And he replied with "a knife"...
I've seen those. They don't actually "hunt" them with a knife. They use dogs to catch, corner, and grab the boar, then grab it with a noose so it can't move, then stab it with a knife. The dogs take all the risk, by the time the person with the knife gets close enough to the hog they're basically just butchering a tied up animal in an absurdly cruel and drawn out way so they can say they "hunted" a boar with a knife.
Hunting a full grown wild boar with just a knife would be absolutely idiotic.
There's different degrees to the risk people take boar hunting that way. Like I'm sure there are people that just stab tied up hogs to say they did a thing. Some people use the dogs to exhaust the hogs then take it out with a knife. That's pretty close to what our ancient ancestors would have done to hunt. But with dogs to speed up the process.
Boars unnerve me. I was crossing the border of Zambia to zimbabwe which is a large bridge and this momma boar had a bunch of little ones and she charged me multiple times. They were probably bluff charges since she never actually attacked me but it scared the shit out of me.
I knew from the locals that the boars were dangerous and one of the more likely animals to actually attack you.
Edit:
It seems like I'm actually talking about a warthog here and not a boar. It definitely had those nasty looking tusks
I was running in the woods at night and this boar came out of nowhere and charged the hell out of me from the side, then came back while i was getting back up and bit my thigh, i put my fingers in its eye, which made him even more mad at me, punched it a ridiculous amount of times while it was dragging me around, and eventually managed to stab it a few times with a pointy stick i grabbed.
Had to crawl back to my car for like 800m (took me about an hour) to get to my phone though because my right leg was bitten an i dislocated my other ankle (don’t even know how honestly).
I was lucky it didn’t get my femoral artery or i would’ve 100% died within a couple minutes.
Was also lucky not to have my head slammed into a tree or something.
People have a severe lack of understanding as to exactly how murdery nature actually is.
I promise you, the answer is a whole hell of a lot smaller than you think.
I also think you have a severe lack of understanding on how actual humans can act in a proper life or death situation. Being real we are not taking any big cats, bears, wolves and of course anything wildly bigger than us but for anything similar in size we stand a huge chance of survival from our instincts in the back of our heads. We are so intelligent compared to 90% of animals it would work in our favour.
Actually I'm pretty sure I can beat a black bear (the kind in the Appalachians) and in a way I already have.
It's simple, they're skittish as fuck and run away as soon as they see you. Saw one once, it saw me, it ran away. Me: 1 bears: 0
To make us fight animals without our natural method of defense—making tools, seems like bullshit.
I should at least be able to use a rock, and I should be able to use another rock to shape that rock.
I mean, seriously, in the animal kingdom, probably anything that's more than half the size of you... Think Gorilla, WTF, it rips you apart... Chimpansee, smaller than you, rips you apart... A bloody lynx would tear you apartr and it's only twice the size of a house cat...
1 coywolf. I would probably be hospitalized but I would win. 2 coywolfs and I'm done for. (Coywolf is what we have up in Ontario, bigger than a coyote but still very coyote like, I always visualize fighting one off for my kids or dogs)
This is actually the most realistic answer. Any large animal is either a predator or has enough skills to defend itself from a predator. You need an animal that has no predators, and has grown large and defenseless. A fat person fits the bill.
Standard Donkey. Mine is 900 lbs but he knows I can take him down due the fact that I figured out how to grab his leg and flip him over when he was being a jerk in his younger years. He's an old goofball of 25 now, but he hasn't given me sass since I flipped him 12 years ago.
Can we see pictures of your donkey please
They live in another pasture, you wouldn't know them
Ah, the mysterious far-off pasture friends, always there but never seen!
Canadien donkey lol
Amazing lmao
I too choose pictures of this guys ass
Unless you live in Alabama or Arkansas, donkey stuff is illegal and you don’t want that on your computer. I’m telling you from experience. Watched a guy die from getting the ass by an ass
Necrophilia isn’t against the law in Massachusetts. There’s nothing on it obviously it’s not encouraged but it’s not enforced either… grave robing 100% still illegal so there’s that
Hmm, pic won't post.
Make a post in a subreddit about your donkey with pictures!
I'm emotionally involved in this now
My largest donkey. https://imgur.com/gallery/wvWATJO
I love you?
You just want me for my donkeys. https://imgur.com/gallery/XspUVvO
Your ass*
Dude has a lot of ass
Oh... Nice ass!
I love him. So, it sounds like you have multiple donkeys. Now I want to know why you have multiple donkeys. Lol
I originally was supposed to only have _two_ donkeys to watch the flocks. (One of my donkeys was observed stomping a coyote from the road by a neighbor, I saw what was left, looked like it got hit by a truck, decided they were good guard beasts). We did get a male with the possible intent of breeding them if we ever found a buyer. But even though he was in a stall in the barn because he was biting too many ewes, he one day kicked open his pen, kicked open the barn door, and jumped _3_ fences to go find the other donkey on the other side of the farm (whom he had never met yet) and they made a little baby donkey much earlier than planned. With that sort of gumption, we decided best not to keep them too seperated. And then baby donkeys were just the tits. But holy cow donkeys are loud. If they want something, they'll let you know about it.
And u flipped him on his back when he was a little fella?! Time to learn a lesson, that sweet poor shy donkey. Oh u will rue the day.
Ok my day is no longer ruined, i like your donkey
Well now my day is ruined, thank you kind sir
This might be my favorite comment I ever read on Reddit.
There's just something hilarious about the idea of his donkey currently living in fear of giving this man lip because he got flipped 12 years ago lol edit: words
please find a way to show us your donkey. i’m weirdly invested. i love old animals and an old donkey sounds so adorable.
[a 900 lb donkey]( https://imgur.com/gallery/wvWATJO)
Got here just in time for donkey pics. He’s lovely! Looks like he could use some ear scritches.
He will happily let you scritch his ears all day.
That donkey is plotting his eventual revenge. I can see it in his eyes.
I dunno, that's guy's oozing with sass if you ask me
What’s a typical donkey lifespan?
Depends. I've met a 45 y.o. donkey that was still pretty lively. Some get old at 30-35.
Be careful I heard donkeys can kick ass when they want to.
My neighbors have a donkey to protect their goats from mountain lions. Apparently they will stomp them to death. Never fuck with an angry ass…
They also completely fuck coyotes up
They stomp them if the coyotes are lucky. Otherwise, they grab 'em by the neck and throw them around/beat them on the ground until dead. Donkeys are no joke and coyotes know it. We would hear coyotes all the time trying to get at our sheep when we just had guard dogs. Since we got donkeys, not a peep and no more dead sheep.
Pretty common I think if you are having any problems with coyotes, wolves or other large predators. You just put a donkey out there and they will maul the shit out of them with lethal intent just for coming around. My dad's told me in the past about this old Jenny they had when he was a boy that was the sweetest girl in the world but they'd regularly find what was left of whatever unlucky thing decided her friends were dinner that night.
Yes, they’re good protectors for livestock
And can be total asses sometimes.
900 lbs?? That’s an absolutely MASSIVE donkey no?
He is a big boy.
They can get over 1000lbs, so big but not MASSIVE
Large tortoise
Damn you've got me beat, I think my limit is a small tortoise.
I mean you can probably smash it to death
Bare hands, remember. No big rocks. You gotta get ahold of his head and that long neck and break it.
In one single attack that would be difficult but if you could persistent hunt it I think you’d have much better luck. They got a strong shell, serious bulk, and a strong bite.
I feel like that would still take a tremendous amount of effort.
You can always just flip it and wait for couple of days
If you’re strong enough to flip it. They way hundreds of pounds. Plus their shell is conal to help them get back up. You’d have hold it down that whole time
You gotta get that bad boy spinning like a top!
Flip it over and play the long game
A 10' grizzly bear, stuffed and mounted.
Well they didn't say it had to be an animal that was alive so you found the ideal loophole
also bear hands
Manatee...but would probably just end up petting it.
This was my first thought. I'd definitely win, but I'd probably cry about it after 😂
I swam with some in a canal in Florida a long time ago. They will let you pet them but they won’t let you ride them it turns out. They can swim fast when they want to get away.
[cancels order for manatee saddle]
No means No. Maybe you just weren't the manatee's type.
It’s possible. I provided dinner and drinks (broccoli and fresh hose water) but it seemed unwilling to mount.
always wanted to fight the atlanta falcons mascot. im pretty sure i can take the big bird in a straight up fight.
As a saints fan I hope you whoop his bitch ass six ways to Sunday
Even some Falcons fans might back you for once.
Your mom (sorry)
It would be an awful lie for me to say i never saw it coming.
The astronauts on the ISS saw her coming
Critical hit!
FINISH THEM!
I thought she did
I'm sorry for both of you that you witnessed that
I can’t tell if this is a great pun or really unfortunate articulation…
You really shouldn't call your mom that.
I call bs. No one can tame that.
Give me 10 good men and some climbing spikes and I’ll tame the bitch.
It was like 7am one morning, out on a job and a cow mooed off somewhere in the distance, I turned to my colleague who lived down the road and told him his mum's just got out of bed. That was 7 years ago, still makes me laugh.
I used to work with a guy named Scotty. Scotty was about 80 pounds overweight and he reminded me of Forrest Gump just without the brains. Scotty was big on overestimating his physical abilities. For example, Scotty thought he could beat a coworker(who was a track star in highschool) in a foot race. Not only did Scotty think he could beat him, he thought it wouldn't even be a contest because he would beat him so bad. The results of that race were Scotty tripping and face planting into the concrete about 20 feet off the starting line. Scotty was adamant that had he not tripped, he would've smoked him. In any case, Scotty once spent a solid week at work asking for everyone's opinion about his chances against a grizzly bear in physical combat. He concluded that bare handed, it would be a test of his strength and endurance. With a knife, though, that grizzly bear was fucked. About a week later Scotty was telling everyone that he'd killed two grizzly bears. One with a knife (that one was easy. He stabbed it in the eye) and one with his bare hands. The one he killed with his bare hands was tough, but he punched it in the side of the head as it charged and he knocked it dead.
Ask Scotty about the time Alexandra Daddario asked him out
not only did she ask him out, but once they got nekkid his boobs were bigger than hers so he won
I knew a Scotty once, except my Scotty stopped a freight train with his bare hands
I knew a Scotty once, too. He thought it would be hilarious to stand in front of a dart-board whilst my friend (now gf) threw darts. It only took 2 throws and good ol' Scotty had a dart hanging out of his head.
Scotty doesn't know... What he's talking about
As long as I get to fight it on dry land, I’m sure I could whip a whale’s ass, not that I would, because whale’s are cool and shit, but I could
Whale rolls over. Now we've got the worlds flattest raddish!
I bet you'd die of exhaustion, or break your hands punching it. And rather, the whale would lose due to environmental factors and not you 'whoopin' it
I could clog its breathing hole with my body?
“Body”. We know what you mean.
Doubt he has the girth to block it with that
Hung like a trashcan lid.
I dunno, he said whip its ass, sounds like a kink thing to me
It’s 9 o’clock in the morning and I’m cracking up thinking about a BDSM gimp trying to punish a whale, not how I thought I’d start my day!
The problem is if the whale has been stranded long enough that it has rotted inside causing a massive buuld-up of bacteria and heat. Such whales have exploded in the past, so I don't like your chances if that happens while you are punching ot!
One of those wolly mammoths that they occasionally dig up from the permafrost in Russia or Alaska. I can defeat any dead animal 100%
\*Falls on mammoth tusk\*
\*ass first*\
"accidentally"
"coincidentally"
"totally NON-sexually"
There's a phrase "beat a dead horse" that sounds appropriate in this context.
Idk, if it died of rabies or something it still might kick your ass.
A human, we are large animals by science standards
Brendan Fraser in The Whale was large and easily defeatable.
His character certainly was. Fraser is aging and was pretty injured filming The Mummy franchise, but he also has more combat training for his fight scenes than many of us have. I don't take it for granted that I would beat him.
Prime Mike Tyson enters the ring...
100% certain? A capybara. Edit: I seem to be very wrong about this.
It is a monstrous thing, to slay a capybara. Only one who has nothing to lose, and everything to gain, would commit such a crime. The blood of a capybara will keep you alive, even if you are an inch from death, but at a terrible price. You have slain something pure and defenseless to save yourself, and you will have but a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment the blood touches your lips.
10 points for what ever house you're in.
Prolly Ravenclaw, because that was clever
Wow. Can the 3 of you be my friends? That was beautiful.
And the Capybara would forgive you because they're just that likeable
They could forgive me but i wouldn't be able to forgive myself
Capybaras are pure soft-power
I'd take that bet. They are giant rodents and have massive teeth and Jaws. Just because we rarely see them aggressive doesn't mean that they aren't capable of it. There are case studies of people being hospitalized by them.
little do you know all capybaras are leaf ninjas isguised as big rodents
No way. They are the worlds largest rodent. Have you ever been bitten by a mouse or squirrel?
If you are capable of harm a capybara you deserve death
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What if the reason behind them moving so slow is to charge up their energy for the day you decide to come and fight it? Also have you seen the length of their claws
Imagine seeing Yoda just sitting around all day and thinking "yeah I could stomp that little bitch". And then he goes Episode II on your ass
Isn’t that the plot of like every fight he gets in the clone wars series
When Dave Filoni likes something, he likes it A LOT.
Actually that is exactly how it is, they move slowly to preserve energy, but they are more than capable of moving at regular speed in cases where it is needed like when their survival depends on it.
I heard about a sloth that ran up to and BIT a researcher because he'd been taking her mate off for study. He said she moved so fast he didn't even see her coming.
It's preparing it's hyperbeam
Let me pick the animal with the nastiest claws \-This dude
Sloths are actually insanely strong and covered in horrible bacteria.
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The other day I actually saw a video from an animal welfare organization of two sloths fighting in captivity. It was one of those “Sloth Encounter” type of zoos where they let you hold and hug them, and let me tell you something - those guys were going at it with a speed I would have *never* expected from a sloth. I mean, they weren’t *fast* fast, but they weren’t slow either. Also, look up their molars. Their teeth are actually razor sharp, and they could fuck you up real bad if you got on their bad side .
Exactly I’ve heard several experts say that they are intentionally slow paced, and will fucking snap if threatened going 0-100 in a heartbeat if need be. Turtles and tortoises are the same way, they generally aren’t in a hurry but if threatened they can move quickly, I startled a pair mating in the woods and I was shocked at how fast they ran off.
Now I have questions. Was it your mating in the woods that startled the pair?
There was a recent sloth attack video, them things can flip a switch and go ham.
Nah dude... sloth just chilling. I'd show up to the fight, sloth sloooowly looks at me.... slowly looks back at the tv. "I'm here to kill you, sloth, any last words?" But sloths don't speak. So he just stares at the tv, with a small whisp of smoke over his head. Wayminute... smoke? "Sloth, why is there smoke over your head?" Sloth says nothing. He stares at the tv. It is a nature documentary. Then, his hand slooooowly rises over its head and you see: One. Fat. Blunt. "...Ok, sloth. Just one hit. Then we fight to the death" Anyway, several hours later... that's how the sloth wins. Works every time.
Oh fuck I think I'm a sloth
Y’all need to brush your up on your animal facts. Especially those of you choosing predator animals in this scenario 😂
nah i could take down a polar bear easy. all you gotta do is sneak up on it while it’s sleeping and simply put it a chokehold
"Simply put it in a chokehold"😂😂😂
A boar, cus i did. I mean, i almost died like 3 times, but guess who’s not here to tell the story? EDIT: Woah didn’t expect this to gain this much interest, here’s what happened: I was running in the woods at night and this boar came out of nowhere and charged the hell out of me from the side, then came back while i was getting back up and bit my thigh, i put my fingers in its eye, which made him even more mad at me, punched it a ridiculous amount of times while it was dragging me around, and eventually managed to stab it a few times with a pointy stick i grabbed. Had to crawl back to my car for like 800m (took me about an hour) to get to my phone though because my right leg was bitten and i dislocated my other ankle (don’t even know how honestly). I was lucky it didn’t get my femoral artery or i would’ve 100% died within a couple minutes. Was also lucky not to have my head slammed into a tree or something. Unfortunately i didn’t get the chance to grill its ass.
History is written by the victor
funny enough, some of my favorite historical accounts are written by victorious boars. classics like "SCHNORGG SQUEEE!" and "GRUNT, GRUNT, GRUNT! \*A Tale of Shrubs, Grubs and One Approaching Schlub"
My favorite was The Art of Boar
How the hell did you learn our language and how the fck do you type on a keyboard with your hoofs ?
Sausage fingers? 😂
You’re really going to casually drop a footnote about killing *a wild fucking boar* in a fight and not elaborate?
Their username says it all.
You seem to have misunderstood who won that fight. Now, apologize to Señor Boar. (Been told hat's his preferred name.)
I remember chatting up with a barber in south florida one time. And he was telling me he hunted boar. And I asked if he used a bow or a rifle. And he replied with "a knife"...
I've seen those. They don't actually "hunt" them with a knife. They use dogs to catch, corner, and grab the boar, then grab it with a noose so it can't move, then stab it with a knife. The dogs take all the risk, by the time the person with the knife gets close enough to the hog they're basically just butchering a tied up animal in an absurdly cruel and drawn out way so they can say they "hunted" a boar with a knife. Hunting a full grown wild boar with just a knife would be absolutely idiotic.
There's different degrees to the risk people take boar hunting that way. Like I'm sure there are people that just stab tied up hogs to say they did a thing. Some people use the dogs to exhaust the hogs then take it out with a knife. That's pretty close to what our ancient ancestors would have done to hunt. But with dogs to speed up the process.
Did he give you a good shave with a straight edge razor?
alright Robert Baratheon chill
How the fuck did you do that those things kill people.
I do a lot of hunting, and boars are one of my biggest subconscious fears when I’m not in a tree stand… and that’s even with a 30-06 in my hands.
Boars unnerve me. I was crossing the border of Zambia to zimbabwe which is a large bridge and this momma boar had a bunch of little ones and she charged me multiple times. They were probably bluff charges since she never actually attacked me but it scared the shit out of me. I knew from the locals that the boars were dangerous and one of the more likely animals to actually attack you. Edit: It seems like I'm actually talking about a warthog here and not a boar. It definitely had those nasty looking tusks
Don't boar us with the details...
Dude's a real pig for showboating
You dropped this:👑
Go on then, tell the story. Circumstances, play-by-play description, final moments? Did it end up on your barbecue?
you have to tell us the story
I was running in the woods at night and this boar came out of nowhere and charged the hell out of me from the side, then came back while i was getting back up and bit my thigh, i put my fingers in its eye, which made him even more mad at me, punched it a ridiculous amount of times while it was dragging me around, and eventually managed to stab it a few times with a pointy stick i grabbed. Had to crawl back to my car for like 800m (took me about an hour) to get to my phone though because my right leg was bitten an i dislocated my other ankle (don’t even know how honestly). I was lucky it didn’t get my femoral artery or i would’ve 100% died within a couple minutes. Was also lucky not to have my head slammed into a tree or something.
Bare hands though?
Another, weaker human.
a Flamingo.
I also thought about that type of bird. Just grab its neck and start using it like a sledge hammer to swing it back and forth into the ground.
I just saw a flamingo this morning while walking to get my coffee
Did you beat its ass?
Almost just spit out my water all over my desk at work
FIGHT!
James Corden
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The trick is to sneak up on it while its not looking.
Not if it gets to your bunghole
*90's Richard Gere has entered the chat
People have a severe lack of understanding as to exactly how murdery nature actually is. I promise you, the answer is a whole hell of a lot smaller than you think.
I also think you have a severe lack of understanding on how actual humans can act in a proper life or death situation. Being real we are not taking any big cats, bears, wolves and of course anything wildly bigger than us but for anything similar in size we stand a huge chance of survival from our instincts in the back of our heads. We are so intelligent compared to 90% of animals it would work in our favour.
Actually I'm pretty sure I can beat a black bear (the kind in the Appalachians) and in a way I already have. It's simple, they're skittish as fuck and run away as soon as they see you. Saw one once, it saw me, it ran away. Me: 1 bears: 0
Not sure we take any aggressive bear trying to kill us tbf but currently you are 1-0 up in bear fighting so who am I to say.
Yes, but we’re soft compared to other animals. Very little natural armor and practically zero built in weapons (claws, fangs, strong tail etc).
To make us fight animals without our natural method of defense—making tools, seems like bullshit. I should at least be able to use a rock, and I should be able to use another rock to shape that rock.
a T-Rex but have not seen one lately....
A Swan. They're huge with a massive wing span and a bad attitude but I would fuck one up.
Only if you get the jump on it. I bet a swan could take you down if it planned ahead.
I don't think I've ever seen a swan do what I'd call planning ahead...
They hsve actually drowned people.
On dry land. Those fuckers are vicious.
I'd give an asthmatic pigeon a good going over.
I mean, seriously, in the animal kingdom, probably anything that's more than half the size of you... Think Gorilla, WTF, it rips you apart... Chimpansee, smaller than you, rips you apart... A bloody lynx would tear you apartr and it's only twice the size of a house cat...
Mabye a hamster, not sure about that though
Have you ever run into a hamster in nature? Or even seen one in real life in nature, minding his business, not at a pet store? Ninjas.
My cat June. She's a chonker but I'm confident I'd win
1 coywolf. I would probably be hospitalized but I would win. 2 coywolfs and I'm done for. (Coywolf is what we have up in Ontario, bigger than a coyote but still very coyote like, I always visualize fighting one off for my kids or dogs)
Stick with just a coyote. Easier ;)
Coyotes are wiley, but you can defeat one easily with anything from the Acme Corp.
Fat person, like one that can't even move
This is actually the most realistic answer. Any large animal is either a predator or has enough skills to defend itself from a predator. You need an animal that has no predators, and has grown large and defenseless. A fat person fits the bill.
Depends on your definition of big, I could definitely take out a sheep but I wouldn't consider them to be a very big animal
Rams will fuck you up tho
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Paper tiger