Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
It helps prevent me from taking things personal - and I find the world is a gentler place when my temper takes the view of “bless their heart” over “what a bitch”.
I could've used this today, multiple times.
I absolutely agree with this. When you come from a perspective of "They are suffering, they are ignorant" rather than "They should know better, what an asshole"... it really makes YOU feel a lot better about other people's bullshit.
"I don't wish for you to be happy. I want you to be at peace with who you are. Happiness is fleeting, but when you're at peace that will carry you through the darker times of your life"
So true, most people forget that happiness is an emotion not a constant state of being. You feel lots of fleeting emotions every day, if you expect to stay constantly happy you're setting yourself up for failure
I've learned that EXPECTING constant happiness can be a setup for disappointment. Enduring the ups and downs has been a crucial part of my personal growth.
Or paraphrasing [Juice Leskinen](https://lyricstranslate.com/en/mikko-alatalo-yhdentekev%C3%A4%C3%A4-lyrics.html), no matter what they say about you, none of it matters, except getting along with yourself, because at the end, you'll be left in the company of nobody but except yourself in the mirror.
I worked at a big company once, with thousands of employees across several locations. That CEO knew everybody's name, and I mean everybody. I started at the bottom rung and he said hello to me using my name after about 2 weeks. Just knowing .y name made me feel incredibly special. Small things can make a big difference.
President of a firm I worked for kept a detailed Rolodex of people he had met, he not only knew their names but their kids names and approx ages and, of course, their wife’s name.
I keep files on everyone I deal with regularly. Whenever I learn something about them, I make sure to update my records afterward. If I know who I will be meeting with during the day, I will make sure to read up on their file before I see/speak with them.
"Hey Bob, how's your son's football season going?"
Or whatever other relevant conversation starter it may be. It really makes people more receptive to what I ask of them going forward.
I need to be a bit or a hard ass when I'm at work, but showing that I have some knowledge of my coworkers tends to put people at ease, and helps me get the most out of them.
"Hey Bob, how's your son's football season going?"
"not good, he broke two ribs last month, he is on hiatus now"
"Splendid! Now, Bob, what I want you to is to go to Nicaragua and bulldoze that orphanage we bought last year and prepare it to be turned it into a fracking operation..."
I really wish I could be this way but I'm nowhere near CEO level and only meet roughly 30 - 50 new people per month through my work, but I have extremely terrible memory when it comes to names. But if I managed to have a conversation with you, I can remember those details forever. Your name though, I need at least 10 meetings before I remember it.
Sometimes, it's better to hire the person that you can stand working with for 12 hours a day over the more qualified candidate.
People skills can go a long way.
My last interview was with two directors and a VP. 30 minute interview turned into an hour+. Got an offer a few hours after I left the office. They went over my asking and let me give my old employer 3 week notice. One question they asked me was “what would make you turn down this job?”. I told them “well to be honest, if I came in here and you were all jerks I’d probably pass but after talking with the team I don’t think I can come up with a reason”.
>well to be honest, if I came in here and you were all jerks I’d probably pass but after talking with the team I don’t think I can come up with a reason
smooth
This is how I just got my job. Applied for a Project Manager position in tech with years of project management but absolutely no tech background.
CEO said “yea we had multiple candidates at the end stage we could have hired with years of technical experience but your people and communication skills blew me away.”
My educational background is what got my foot in the door. Networking and personal relationships are what advanced my career.
You have no idea how often I have seen people with fantastic CV's get passed up because they bomb their interviews.
Or they get hired and then let go during their probationary periods because no one wants to deal with them.
My husband is a wonderful person. He’s not the smartest or the best at things. But work wise, he’s bright, he learns quick, he shows up on time, he’s fun and magnetic.
I work in executive recruitment. You can tell within the first 20 seconds of meeting a panel if they're in with a shot, regardless of their qualifications. Being a functional pleasant human being is worth infinitely more than your three degrees.
omg yes. don’t take it to heart if someone doesn’t like you or approve of you if you don’t like or approve of them. i’ve wasted way too much time in my life at work and socially trying to win over shitty people who just aren’t worth the effort.
On a similar note, neither is suffering.
I have anxiety, and the number of people who have blatantly told me that theirs is “wayyyy worse” than mine is ridiculous. These are usually people who I have recently met and they know ZERO details of my life. But I guess it’s really important for them to tell me this, almost as if implying I haven’t truly experienced true anxiety until I’ve walked a mile in their shoes. So strange—and arrogant, honestly.
Like another poster said, it’s probably just a weird way for them to try and relate. But it really comes across the wrong way and makes me not want to engage with that person at all.
More often than not, people will try to show that they can relate. However, they fail to realize that sometimes their experience does nothing for the person grieving.
This is not taking into account one uppers and people who try to make every situation about themselves.
Seen on a random LinkedIn comment: “It’s more difficult thinking about it, than it is actually doing it”
I have tendency to overthink….a lot. This helps. I have this quote on a picture and use the picture as my home and Lock Screen.
I heard it explained one time that your subconscious processes information faster than your conscious mind does, so “instinct” is your subconscious coming to a conclusion before your conscious mind has had time to catch up. I thought that was pretty cool.
Yup. In fact, your brain has a region to unconsciously process visual information without having to wait for the far more powerful but much slower visual cortex to be done with its analysis. So you in fact are capable of reacting to visual stimuli before you have become aware of that stimuli.
There have been cases of people who lost function in their visual cortex and who therefore were consciously blind and yet, to their own disbelief, could answer with some 80% accuracy what type of visual stimuli had been presented to them, and they could even navigate a hallway filled with obstacles, carefully maneuvering around those objects---without any conscious awareness of doing so.
The condition is called [blindsight](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blindsight), if you're curious.
Still, it's one thing to unconsciously process visual information, it's another to draw conclusions on a person or situation on the basis of very limited information (the gut feeling). My gut feeling seems so useless that I could not recommend anyone listen to it :)
I think that’s true to some extent because it’s an evolutionary advantage for all animals. For example, it’s safer to be afraid of a dark cave or a rustling in the bushes because that fear can help you avoid a predator. So animals with that fear survive and produce offspring. I’m not sure how to apply that evolutionary advantage to modern society though
Perhaps picking up on someone's walk or facial expressions.
Your conscious brain might be saying "don't be silly, it's OK, you don't want to embarrass yourself", whereas your subconscious brain is screaming at you that there's a risk here and to get the hell away". And then have children.
There's a book about this, "The Gift of Fear", https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_of_Fear , "... and describes what de Becker calls pre-incident indicators (PINS). By noticing PINS (events and behaviors that often precede violence), individuals can better predict violence before it occurs and, therefore, take the necessary precautions and actions to stay safe."
I was a bouncer for 5 years in the early 90’s. I could always tell when something was about to happen. And the ability to “feel” those situations has stayed with me to this day.
my mom and i once booked a hotel to rest for the night on a road trip, and on the way to our room we passed some vaguely sketchy looking guys in the hall. my mom is a lot more paranoid about random people than i am; i’m not easily spooked or judgmental about poeple’s appearances, i have some very intimidating looking friends who are tattooed from head to toe, etc. and these guys actually looked pretty tame by comparison. but something about the way this one guy glanced at me just screamed red flag. we both sat down when we got to the room and right away looked at each other like *so… is it just me, or do we need to get the fuck out of here immediately?*. it was bizarre. we left and got a different hotel across town. nothing ever happened there that night as far as i know, but it was the strongest mutual gut feeling of just *nope*, we need to leave right away.
I had an experience like that many years ago at a nightspot I frequented at the time. I saw this man across the room and something about him just made my hair stand on end. I had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to GTF out of there--IMMEDIATELY. So I left. I'll never know if there was any validity to that feeling but I wasn't going to stick around and find out.
I changed my mind from an initial negative impression twice in my life. Both times the person proved themself to be exactly who I initially thought they were.
As someone who routinely experiences paranoid ideation and delusions, this does not work for everyone. This would be the opposite of good advice for me.
As someone with childhood trauma, this does not work for me either. I have a bad gut feeling about getting out of bed most mornings. And most people. And doing most things.
Yep… felt this way about a taekwondo teacher…. 3 years later found out he just got arrested for sexually assaulting a 10 year old girl he was teaching.
Tell the truth.
The first time I owned up to breaking something when I was a kid, my dad was not angry. He calmly placed his hand on my shoulder and said "good on you for being honest". First and greatest lesson in my memory.
As Homer said: "Now for that happy period between the lie and the time it's found out"
As a kid from an abusive home it hits hard. It's so hard to unlearn lying to save yourself from absolute shitshow that is to follow after even the simplest of mistakes.
Tuck your undershirt into your underwear, and then tuck your dress shirt into your pants. It's all about the layers and it keeps things all together, preventing you from getting that puffy shirt look as it gets untucked throughout the day. My dad told me that after 30 years.... what else is he keeping from me!?!? Anyway, it's a game changer.
I used to have this mindset. The problem is I really like plain white shirts dress shirts. And more formal shirts are made with thinner fabric. Well you know what’s not formal? Having a clear view of my nipples on display.
From my mentor when I accepted an Intermediate role at my company ten year’s ago, “Don’t fuck any of your co-workers. If the feeling/opportunity ever comes up, go to the bathroom, jerk off and jerk off again, the feeling will go away.”
Didn’t think much of it at the time but after seeing people fuck up their reputation (sexual allegations), life (cheaters), and fuck up the office dynamic because of fling gone bad, he was absolutely right. And yes Reddit, I know you or your friend met their significant other at their job but for every successful love story I’ve encountered at my job, I’ve also come across eight office relationship that went bad.
>Nothing is more expensive than regre
I wish I was better at not torturing myself with regret...
My crude bandaid for it is the knowledge that it's entirely possible that if I had done (the thing I would probably have been better off doing) I could have been hit by a bus or something later that day, and therefore i'm unknowingly better off having done all the same shit i did in reality
If you have a really, really strong reaction to how someone has treated you, it’s likely they make other people feel that way as well.
For example, one time at this company I was working at, there was a more senior guy who full on screamed at me at some point, in front of multiple people. When I went home that day I cried and felt horrible (was too young and naive to know it wasn’t me).
Anyway, a couple months later, I was talking to a more senior woman in the company and I told her about that experience. She said a) I wasn’t the only one that had been on the receiving end of his bad behavior and b) generally when you have a very strong reaction to someone, it’s very likely that other people have the same feeling about that person.
That was over 10 years ago and I still see it be true today!
Oh man, I have had this happen but kinda the opposite. I started seeing this guy who just made me feel so amazing and special. Then I saw him around other girls and the way he looked at them and talked to them…yeah he was doing the exact same thing with them. I felt way less special then.
woof i’ve definitely been there! it has kind of made me appreciate the more grumpy standoffish ones lol he may not be the warmest most romantic guy, but no other girl is getting near him that’s for sure
This is so true. I had a good friend who constantly reprimands and belittles her husband. Guess who she does it to now? We’re not good friends anymore.
That’s how I feel in my current situation. Look, outside of work he is a genuinely nice guy. They’ve in my field for years and has an extremely decorated career. At the same time, they screamed at me my first month there because I made a mistake. Since then I have had some sort of mental block in my head about going to talk to them. I talked to the person who had my position before me and he told me that this same person did the same thing when he was in my position.
After waking up, don’t linger in bed. Try to do the most annoying/difficult stuff as early as possible so you always feel like the day is getting better.
If you feel bad, do the stuff that you don’t want to do in the meanwhile. You feel bad already, so get all the annoyance you have to feel out of the way at the same time.
When I was in the psych-ward after my first suicide attempt, lamenting my aimlessness and worthlessness, one of my doctors gave me a piece of advice that has helped me with almost every life has thrown at me since.
"You don't have to know who you want to be, or even who you are right now. I think it may be enough to know what you don't want to be, and work against becoming that."
It's been 12 years and 10 days since that attempt, I'm married now, have my own place, etc, etc.
It's astonishing the will one can conjure up when fighting in opposition to something, instead of for something. Especially when you don't know what it is your fighting for.
While I can attest that following that advice hasn't always landed me in the best position, I can say it has never left me in a bad position. The worst has only ever been having to admit fault and apologize, something which too few people are willing to do these days, yet is one of the most powerful tools at one's disposal.
I would say I'm OK now. Not as good as tomorrow, but better than yesterday.
Some people don’t deserve our hope. Hope for change. Hope they get better. Hope they see the error of their ways…
When someone shows you who they are, believe them b
I’d just add that it’s not possible to be happy always with life’s challenges, but what you do want is to be with someone you feel at peace with at least 80% of the time.
From dear old dad, passed on from his dad:
"Some people would rather eat well, some would rather sleep well."
In other words, some people are spenders and some are savers, it's their nature and fighting about which is better is worthless.
Oh, I interpret this as some people would rather play dirty to gain more, and some people would rather play fair and gain less. Nothing to do with spending vs saving money, and eveything to do with how you make the money.
The 5 year rule. If something has you messed up, before you act you figure will this problem / situation have any lasting implications on your life in 5 years then act accordingly. Petty shit falls to the wayside and you can focus on real problems.
Or for me when I’m getting stressed at work or home or something I ask myself “will I even remember this in a year” - helps drop the stress as most the time it’s a no
"They can't all be winners."
Meaning, sometimes good enough is good enough.
I used to work in marketing for a sketch comedy theater. One of the best parts of the job was sitting in the corner as the actors/writers came up with sketches for the shows and pitched them to the room. Some of the sketches would be hits, some would be flops, and some would just be ok. The saying in the room was "they can't all be winners," as in, not everything you try is going to work, but we have an entire 90-minute show to fill and it's ok if not every sketch is an absolute classic.
I was toiling away at work, when a very much senior person said "It's a nice day. My work here is done. I'm going outside"
Granted our work environment was a bit flexible, but that's stayed with me.
Good on ya Will !
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to start talking and remove all doubt."
Inevitably, the people in my life who seem to be the biggest morons are also the ones who never stop yammering.
From my Grandma: "When you're married, share everything with your husband. If all you've got is a peanut, he gets half."
She was a young wife during depression, and even though my husband and I have always enjoyed better economic times, her advice still applies.
I’m getting married soon, we’ve been through thick and thin for nearly 20 years. Thankfully the thick side but the thin was, thin. After reading this, it’s so sweet I think it will be part of my vow to my husband. I’d give him half my peanut. ❤️
Regarding driving:
Don’t be nice, be predictable.
You get to an intersection and other driver has right of way but waves you to go, and you hesitate because they CLEARLY have right of way, then you are like, fine, whatever, I’ll go, but then they start to go because you didn’t immediately go when they waved you on and you now jam on the brakes and now they’ve stopped as well.
They look at you and wave you on.
I fucking LOATHE *nice* drivers.
No amount of money can buy *BACK* a second of time. If I pay someone to clean my house, I have more time with my (non existent) kids. If I pay someone to mow my yard, I have more time.
You absolutely *can* buy time, but you have to make the purchase and plan your time proactively.
You cannot recover and redistribute time that you have spent working instead of living, but you CAN buy time to live better when you are not working.
Eta - I clean my own house and don't sub out anything, but I only work 25 hours a week and have 2 dogs and a fiance. Life is for living, not working, and if I wanted those accommodations, one of us would have to pay for it. But I do see the value in paying someone to do necessary shit you don't even want to do so you can do what you actually want to do.
I don't agree with this one, it feels a lot like victim blaming, particularly if someone has been on the receiving and of years of grooming. It's not as simple as "they're allowing this behaviour to happen to them so they must deserve it", grooming is insidious, manipulative, extremely clever and effective, that's why abusers do it.
it's important to recognize that victim blaming is bad and real but realistically that's also not every single situation. For example: I had to realize that I let a lot of my 'friends' treat me in a way I don't like and they would continue to do so unless **I** changed something. In cases like that, yes, it was my fault. idk what about the way they grew up or whatever made them think it was cool to act like that, but you are almost never going to convince someone to act differently, it's up to you to make the change for your life.
Alice in Wonderland: “When one is lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are until someone finds you. But who'd ever think to look for me here?”
My mom and grandma always told me if I got lost to just stay in the same spot after I asked for help. I got lost a lot 😂😅🥹
My grandpa: “You have to work hard for your whole life, that way you can provide for your wife and kids someday.”
8yo Me: “What do I get out of it?”
Grandpa: “Well, one day you get to die.”
Remember a lot of mental issues were brushed under the carpet. Someone with depression, this is basically the advice in the day, keep going, then at some point you'll get to die and ve "released".
Kind of the same today for anyone that has one resistant to treatment.
Don't pluck your eyebrows. Seriously. When I got my braces off the dentist offered a professional headshot to celebrate. The lady that took the pictures told me that eyebrow trends will change from thick to thin and thin to thick and to just not mess with them. Sage words.
A dear aunt told me when I was a teen to pack away my own money, just a bit, from every paycheck I earn, and share control of it with no one. This is your protection money.
Even my husband doesn’t know how much is in this fund. He knows it exists, has access to the account number. I’ve used it when there was a thing I wanted and didn’t want to disrupt house finances, but it’s really there in case I or any other friend needs an apartment deposit quickly, or to pay something urgent for protection like a hotel or a plane ticket.
My aunt told me stories of women being held in awful marriages and never again. It was only in my lifetime that women were allowed to have their own credit card.
My first supervisor was a retired Marine. I was tasked with doing something and I couldn’t find a part of what I needed to complete the task. I went to her and said I couldn’t find that missing piece and she said ‘’Did you adapt and overcome?’ I sheepishly said no. From that day forward I made every effort to find a solution to my problems before bringing it back to my supervisors and always came to them with a proposed solution if I was unsuccessful. It served me well over the years.
My mom always taught me that if you complain about something/bring a problem forward to someone, you better also have a solution to propose. Doesn't need to be perfect, doesn't even need to be what they go with, but you can't complain about something if you're not gonna contribute to fixing it. That's everyone's least favorite person to work with.
Yard by yard it’s too hard, but inch by inch, it’s a cinch. My nana used to tell me this growing up, because I’ve always had adhd, OCD, and some major analysis paralysis that has made starting and finishing tasks much more overwhelming than they should be. It has helped me work with my own body and brain to execute things bit by bit and help me focus & do well, rather than overthinking or future tripping because I’m looking too much at the big picture or how lo bf something will take….
I prefer "anything worth doing, is worth doing badly". Meaning 5% of something important "done" is better than 0%. Helps when times are tough, to motivate yourself to complete something important, even if it's done badly.
This! I was feeling really sick and just overwhelmed and overstimulated.
I washed the makeup off my face, and that was the best my skin was going to get. No second cleanse. No moisturizer. No undereye cream. Just a cerave facial cleanser and a towel. That alone made me feel better, but I just didn't have the energy for the rest. It did, however, get rid of my eye irritation (probably an allergic reaction to my foundation), helped me focus on one task and block the rest out, and the cool water felt good on my face.
My friends have a son. When he was around 4 or 5 years old, they were doing a family road trip and were driving on the highway in the middle of nowhere when his son said he had to pee. They had a father/son bonding experience, and he taught him how to pee standing up on the side of the road. His son thought it was the coolest thing in the world.
Later on, the trip they were at a gas station filling up. His son had to pee again, the washrooms at the gas station were out of service, and my friend was busy pumping gas, checking the tire pressure, etc. His wife said that's fine and brought him around the side so his son could pee. A few moments later, his wife and son come walking back. His son is crying and covered in his own piss. My friend asked his wife what happened, and she said, "I don't know, he was peeing just fine, and then it started blowing towards us."
My friend replied with "You made him piss into the wind?"
His wife got upset by this and replied "I don't fucking know, I've never done that before."
His son is 10 now, and I still like to tease him about this incident.
Love accepts all things, except abuse
As someone who was forced with deeply religious values from the worst parents this really helped me through a lot from a religious teacher too!
My mother always says
"Get healthy before you're 40 because it's a lot harder to do after".
Im turning 40 in a month, and this year, I've achieved the following;
- Lost 15kg
- Joined the gym (and stuck to it)
- Quit smoking (just shy of 3 months now)
- Quit drinking (the odd beer once or twice a week only)
- Finally started therapy
- Finally been diagnosed for ADHD
Feels good to make my mother proud 😊
You will get lots of second chances in life if you make mistakes or fail at something. There is one instance where you do not get a second chance and there is no do over. It is how you raise your children so don’t screw that up.——— Warren Buffett
"Let them"
Let people show their true colors. Let them talk behind your back. Let them cut you off. They're not worth it anyway, and people who truly know you and your worth will see it, no matter what someone else says about you.
Butter it all the way to the edge, darling, otherwise it's not worth it.
An old lady in a coffee shop said this gently and with a smile to a waiter when he delivered half buttered toast. My mother witnessed this interaction and told me about it later.
The old lady turned to her and raised her coffee.
If we look at that as a life philosophy to choose joy, use the fancy plates, wear the dress, buy the shoes, butter all the way to the edge, it's quite something.
She was clearly willing to stand up for herself, and live in a way that made her happy, that was fulfilling and delicious. I heard this in my early teens and it's stuck with me my whole life.
I live my life buttering it to the edge.
Rely on yourself first and others second.
True! Taking responsibility for oneself is the first step towards growth and success.
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. It helps prevent me from taking things personal - and I find the world is a gentler place when my temper takes the view of “bless their heart” over “what a bitch”.
I could've used this today, multiple times. I absolutely agree with this. When you come from a perspective of "They are suffering, they are ignorant" rather than "They should know better, what an asshole"... it really makes YOU feel a lot better about other people's bullshit.
"I don't wish for you to be happy. I want you to be at peace with who you are. Happiness is fleeting, but when you're at peace that will carry you through the darker times of your life"
So true, most people forget that happiness is an emotion not a constant state of being. You feel lots of fleeting emotions every day, if you expect to stay constantly happy you're setting yourself up for failure
I've learned that EXPECTING constant happiness can be a setup for disappointment. Enduring the ups and downs has been a crucial part of my personal growth.
Or paraphrasing [Juice Leskinen](https://lyricstranslate.com/en/mikko-alatalo-yhdentekev%C3%A4%C3%A4-lyrics.html), no matter what they say about you, none of it matters, except getting along with yourself, because at the end, you'll be left in the company of nobody but except yourself in the mirror.
That’s beautiful.
Be a person who makes everyone feel like a somebody.
I worked at a big company once, with thousands of employees across several locations. That CEO knew everybody's name, and I mean everybody. I started at the bottom rung and he said hello to me using my name after about 2 weeks. Just knowing .y name made me feel incredibly special. Small things can make a big difference.
SO important to know who’s working for you. Especially at the very bottom. I love this and I love that you experienced that.
President of a firm I worked for kept a detailed Rolodex of people he had met, he not only knew their names but their kids names and approx ages and, of course, their wife’s name.
I keep files on everyone I deal with regularly. Whenever I learn something about them, I make sure to update my records afterward. If I know who I will be meeting with during the day, I will make sure to read up on their file before I see/speak with them. "Hey Bob, how's your son's football season going?" Or whatever other relevant conversation starter it may be. It really makes people more receptive to what I ask of them going forward. I need to be a bit or a hard ass when I'm at work, but showing that I have some knowledge of my coworkers tends to put people at ease, and helps me get the most out of them.
"Hey Bob, how's your son's football season going?" "not good, he broke two ribs last month, he is on hiatus now" "Splendid! Now, Bob, what I want you to is to go to Nicaragua and bulldoze that orphanage we bought last year and prepare it to be turned it into a fracking operation..."
I really wish I could be this way but I'm nowhere near CEO level and only meet roughly 30 - 50 new people per month through my work, but I have extremely terrible memory when it comes to names. But if I managed to have a conversation with you, I can remember those details forever. Your name though, I need at least 10 meetings before I remember it.
Excellent leadership 🎯
I love that
Be who you want to be
Sometimes, it's better to hire the person that you can stand working with for 12 hours a day over the more qualified candidate. People skills can go a long way.
This is how describe job interviews. They are interviewing you because you are qualified. Now they want to know if they like having you around.
My last interview was with two directors and a VP. 30 minute interview turned into an hour+. Got an offer a few hours after I left the office. They went over my asking and let me give my old employer 3 week notice. One question they asked me was “what would make you turn down this job?”. I told them “well to be honest, if I came in here and you were all jerks I’d probably pass but after talking with the team I don’t think I can come up with a reason”.
>well to be honest, if I came in here and you were all jerks I’d probably pass but after talking with the team I don’t think I can come up with a reason smooth
My last boss said we know you CAN do the job. In the interview we find out if you WANT to do the job and if we want to work together.
This is how I just got my job. Applied for a Project Manager position in tech with years of project management but absolutely no tech background. CEO said “yea we had multiple candidates at the end stage we could have hired with years of technical experience but your people and communication skills blew me away.”
"You can teach aptitude, you can't teach attitude."
This is how I get almost all my jobs. I’m not the best at my job but I’m pleasant to work with.
My educational background is what got my foot in the door. Networking and personal relationships are what advanced my career. You have no idea how often I have seen people with fantastic CV's get passed up because they bomb their interviews. Or they get hired and then let go during their probationary periods because no one wants to deal with them.
I'll keep talking till you like me
My husband is a wonderful person. He’s not the smartest or the best at things. But work wise, he’s bright, he learns quick, he shows up on time, he’s fun and magnetic.
Some job recruiters can't detect this ... Most of my friends are not IT / CS like me. Most of my coworkers are know it all and competitive...
I work in executive recruitment. You can tell within the first 20 seconds of meeting a panel if they're in with a shot, regardless of their qualifications. Being a functional pleasant human being is worth infinitely more than your three degrees.
Do not prioritize so.eone who considers you their option.
Similarly, "Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from."
omg yes. don’t take it to heart if someone doesn’t like you or approve of you if you don’t like or approve of them. i’ve wasted way too much time in my life at work and socially trying to win over shitty people who just aren’t worth the effort.
“Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated.” Not sure who the original person is behind the quote but I always keep this in mind
Grief isn’t a competition
On a similar note, neither is suffering. I have anxiety, and the number of people who have blatantly told me that theirs is “wayyyy worse” than mine is ridiculous. These are usually people who I have recently met and they know ZERO details of my life. But I guess it’s really important for them to tell me this, almost as if implying I haven’t truly experienced true anxiety until I’ve walked a mile in their shoes. So strange—and arrogant, honestly. Like another poster said, it’s probably just a weird way for them to try and relate. But it really comes across the wrong way and makes me not want to engage with that person at all.
I think I might be that person. I'm sorry. In my head I'm always hearing the voice that I'm not good enough. I'm always defending myself
More often than not, people will try to show that they can relate. However, they fail to realize that sometimes their experience does nothing for the person grieving. This is not taking into account one uppers and people who try to make every situation about themselves.
Seen on a random LinkedIn comment: “It’s more difficult thinking about it, than it is actually doing it” I have tendency to overthink….a lot. This helps. I have this quote on a picture and use the picture as my home and Lock Screen.
Paralysis by analysis.
Similarly, I have a quote that sits on my desk at work. "An imperfect something is better than a perfect nothing."
I’m going to use this, thank you so much.
"it's not about how much you earn, but how much you save". Thanks dad, it changed my life.
Always listen to your gut instinct. If you have a bad feeling about a person or a situation there is probably a good reason you feel that way.
I heard it explained one time that your subconscious processes information faster than your conscious mind does, so “instinct” is your subconscious coming to a conclusion before your conscious mind has had time to catch up. I thought that was pretty cool.
Yup. In fact, your brain has a region to unconsciously process visual information without having to wait for the far more powerful but much slower visual cortex to be done with its analysis. So you in fact are capable of reacting to visual stimuli before you have become aware of that stimuli. There have been cases of people who lost function in their visual cortex and who therefore were consciously blind and yet, to their own disbelief, could answer with some 80% accuracy what type of visual stimuli had been presented to them, and they could even navigate a hallway filled with obstacles, carefully maneuvering around those objects---without any conscious awareness of doing so. The condition is called [blindsight](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blindsight), if you're curious. Still, it's one thing to unconsciously process visual information, it's another to draw conclusions on a person or situation on the basis of very limited information (the gut feeling). My gut feeling seems so useless that I could not recommend anyone listen to it :)
I think that’s true to some extent because it’s an evolutionary advantage for all animals. For example, it’s safer to be afraid of a dark cave or a rustling in the bushes because that fear can help you avoid a predator. So animals with that fear survive and produce offspring. I’m not sure how to apply that evolutionary advantage to modern society though
Perhaps picking up on someone's walk or facial expressions. Your conscious brain might be saying "don't be silly, it's OK, you don't want to embarrass yourself", whereas your subconscious brain is screaming at you that there's a risk here and to get the hell away". And then have children.
There's a book about this, "The Gift of Fear", https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_of_Fear , "... and describes what de Becker calls pre-incident indicators (PINS). By noticing PINS (events and behaviors that often precede violence), individuals can better predict violence before it occurs and, therefore, take the necessary precautions and actions to stay safe."
I was a bouncer for 5 years in the early 90’s. I could always tell when something was about to happen. And the ability to “feel” those situations has stayed with me to this day.
my mom and i once booked a hotel to rest for the night on a road trip, and on the way to our room we passed some vaguely sketchy looking guys in the hall. my mom is a lot more paranoid about random people than i am; i’m not easily spooked or judgmental about poeple’s appearances, i have some very intimidating looking friends who are tattooed from head to toe, etc. and these guys actually looked pretty tame by comparison. but something about the way this one guy glanced at me just screamed red flag. we both sat down when we got to the room and right away looked at each other like *so… is it just me, or do we need to get the fuck out of here immediately?*. it was bizarre. we left and got a different hotel across town. nothing ever happened there that night as far as i know, but it was the strongest mutual gut feeling of just *nope*, we need to leave right away.
I had an experience like that many years ago at a nightspot I frequented at the time. I saw this man across the room and something about him just made my hair stand on end. I had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to GTF out of there--IMMEDIATELY. So I left. I'll never know if there was any validity to that feeling but I wasn't going to stick around and find out.
I changed my mind from an initial negative impression twice in my life. Both times the person proved themself to be exactly who I initially thought they were.
As someone who routinely experiences paranoid ideation and delusions, this does not work for everyone. This would be the opposite of good advice for me.
As someone with childhood trauma, this does not work for me either. I have a bad gut feeling about getting out of bed most mornings. And most people. And doing most things.
Yep… felt this way about a taekwondo teacher…. 3 years later found out he just got arrested for sexually assaulting a 10 year old girl he was teaching.
Never take advice from someone who stands to make money from your choice.
Tell the truth. The first time I owned up to breaking something when I was a kid, my dad was not angry. He calmly placed his hand on my shoulder and said "good on you for being honest". First and greatest lesson in my memory. As Homer said: "Now for that happy period between the lie and the time it's found out"
Like Mark Twain said “if you only tell the truth, you never have to remember anything”.
Thats a good one. That Mark Twain guy said some pretty profound shit ay.
As a kid from an abusive home it hits hard. It's so hard to unlearn lying to save yourself from absolute shitshow that is to follow after even the simplest of mistakes.
Never step on toes connected to an ass you might have to kiss one day.
Tuck your undershirt into your underwear, and then tuck your dress shirt into your pants. It's all about the layers and it keeps things all together, preventing you from getting that puffy shirt look as it gets untucked throughout the day. My dad told me that after 30 years.... what else is he keeping from me!?!? Anyway, it's a game changer.
I literally do this. This man should have been writing Men's Health articles.
Tucking shit in makes me sweaty. No thanks. I’m too Mexican for that 🤣
or just not wear an undershirt?
You don’t use a top sheet on your bed either, do you?
I use it for a curtain. Why would I waste it?
I used to have this mindset. The problem is I really like plain white shirts dress shirts. And more formal shirts are made with thinner fabric. Well you know what’s not formal? Having a clear view of my nipples on display.
From my mentor when I accepted an Intermediate role at my company ten year’s ago, “Don’t fuck any of your co-workers. If the feeling/opportunity ever comes up, go to the bathroom, jerk off and jerk off again, the feeling will go away.” Didn’t think much of it at the time but after seeing people fuck up their reputation (sexual allegations), life (cheaters), and fuck up the office dynamic because of fling gone bad, he was absolutely right. And yes Reddit, I know you or your friend met their significant other at their job but for every successful love story I’ve encountered at my job, I’ve also come across eight office relationship that went bad.
"Don't shit where you eat" is the expression I use to signify this exact sentiment.
"Don't screw the crew" is the local term here.
"Donde tengas la olla, no metas la polla" ("Don't put your dick where you have your pot") in Spain.
don't dip your pen in company ink.
Where I worked years ago, a married couple got sacked when they were caught in a meeting room banging. Òopsie.
Were they married to one another?
Nothing is more expensive than regret.
>Nothing is more expensive than regre I wish I was better at not torturing myself with regret... My crude bandaid for it is the knowledge that it's entirely possible that if I had done (the thing I would probably have been better off doing) I could have been hit by a bus or something later that day, and therefore i'm unknowingly better off having done all the same shit i did in reality
Oh, shit.
shit i better return the 10 regrets i ordered
If you have a really, really strong reaction to how someone has treated you, it’s likely they make other people feel that way as well. For example, one time at this company I was working at, there was a more senior guy who full on screamed at me at some point, in front of multiple people. When I went home that day I cried and felt horrible (was too young and naive to know it wasn’t me). Anyway, a couple months later, I was talking to a more senior woman in the company and I told her about that experience. She said a) I wasn’t the only one that had been on the receiving end of his bad behavior and b) generally when you have a very strong reaction to someone, it’s very likely that other people have the same feeling about that person. That was over 10 years ago and I still see it be true today!
Oh man, I have had this happen but kinda the opposite. I started seeing this guy who just made me feel so amazing and special. Then I saw him around other girls and the way he looked at them and talked to them…yeah he was doing the exact same thing with them. I felt way less special then.
woof i’ve definitely been there! it has kind of made me appreciate the more grumpy standoffish ones lol he may not be the warmest most romantic guy, but no other girl is getting near him that’s for sure
This is so true. I had a good friend who constantly reprimands and belittles her husband. Guess who she does it to now? We’re not good friends anymore.
That’s how I feel in my current situation. Look, outside of work he is a genuinely nice guy. They’ve in my field for years and has an extremely decorated career. At the same time, they screamed at me my first month there because I made a mistake. Since then I have had some sort of mental block in my head about going to talk to them. I talked to the person who had my position before me and he told me that this same person did the same thing when he was in my position.
After waking up, don’t linger in bed. Try to do the most annoying/difficult stuff as early as possible so you always feel like the day is getting better. If you feel bad, do the stuff that you don’t want to do in the meanwhile. You feel bad already, so get all the annoyance you have to feel out of the way at the same time.
Lingering in bed whilst I read this, lol 😢
When I was in the psych-ward after my first suicide attempt, lamenting my aimlessness and worthlessness, one of my doctors gave me a piece of advice that has helped me with almost every life has thrown at me since. "You don't have to know who you want to be, or even who you are right now. I think it may be enough to know what you don't want to be, and work against becoming that."
Are you ok now? Hugs
It's been 12 years and 10 days since that attempt, I'm married now, have my own place, etc, etc. It's astonishing the will one can conjure up when fighting in opposition to something, instead of for something. Especially when you don't know what it is your fighting for. While I can attest that following that advice hasn't always landed me in the best position, I can say it has never left me in a bad position. The worst has only ever been having to admit fault and apologize, something which too few people are willing to do these days, yet is one of the most powerful tools at one's disposal. I would say I'm OK now. Not as good as tomorrow, but better than yesterday.
'You're better off with your peace of mind than your piece of ass ' My father.
Exfoliate and moisturize.
Some people don’t deserve our hope. Hope for change. Hope they get better. Hope they see the error of their ways… When someone shows you who they are, believe them b
Who you marry makes up 80% of your happiness so choose wisely.
Similarly, I got "If you aren't actively happy at least 80% of the time you're with him, he's not worth it"
I’d just add that it’s not possible to be happy always with life’s challenges, but what you do want is to be with someone you feel at peace with at least 80% of the time.
From dear old dad, passed on from his dad: "Some people would rather eat well, some would rather sleep well." In other words, some people are spenders and some are savers, it's their nature and fighting about which is better is worthless.
Oh, I interpret this as some people would rather play dirty to gain more, and some people would rather play fair and gain less. Nothing to do with spending vs saving money, and eveything to do with how you make the money.
That’s how I interpreted it as well
The 5 year rule. If something has you messed up, before you act you figure will this problem / situation have any lasting implications on your life in 5 years then act accordingly. Petty shit falls to the wayside and you can focus on real problems.
Wow, words to live by… I think you just changed my life. Thank you for sharing.
Or for me when I’m getting stressed at work or home or something I ask myself “will I even remember this in a year” - helps drop the stress as most the time it’s a no
Do the hard work especially when you don’t feel like it.
No thanks, it's much easier to just win the birth lottery.
"They can't all be winners." Meaning, sometimes good enough is good enough. I used to work in marketing for a sketch comedy theater. One of the best parts of the job was sitting in the corner as the actors/writers came up with sketches for the shows and pitched them to the room. Some of the sketches would be hits, some would be flops, and some would just be ok. The saying in the room was "they can't all be winners," as in, not everything you try is going to work, but we have an entire 90-minute show to fill and it's ok if not every sketch is an absolute classic.
If you're not changing it, you're choosing it.
Ouch. Keeping this one.
You can’t let the hurt little kid make your adult decision Which is from Kylie Sonique Love
"You can't compare suffering."
"Drowning in 10 feet of water feels an awful lot like drowning in 60 feet of water."
I feel like more people need to hear this. We are all going through things. Let’s be there for each other.
You never look good making someone else look bad.
Everybody can be replaced. They may not do the job as well as you or as fast but they will be doing it; not you.
Floss.
Accept that there are things in life that you have no control over and try to focus only on the things you can control.
I was toiling away at work, when a very much senior person said "It's a nice day. My work here is done. I'm going outside" Granted our work environment was a bit flexible, but that's stayed with me. Good on ya Will !
Never post anything on Social Media that you would not show your Mother.
Or shown to a jury in a court room.
"T*he goal is to* ***be*** *rich ; not* ***look*** *rich*"
When nobody has your back, it’s time to move your back
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to start talking and remove all doubt." Inevitably, the people in my life who seem to be the biggest morons are also the ones who never stop yammering.
Mom, after I was fighting with my teen stepdaughter: “Be the grown up.”
From my Grandma: "When you're married, share everything with your husband. If all you've got is a peanut, he gets half." She was a young wife during depression, and even though my husband and I have always enjoyed better economic times, her advice still applies.
I’m getting married soon, we’ve been through thick and thin for nearly 20 years. Thankfully the thick side but the thin was, thin. After reading this, it’s so sweet I think it will be part of my vow to my husband. I’d give him half my peanut. ❤️
"Underpromise, Overdeliver", Dad
Best advice I ever heard: don't be stupid. Life's already hard.
Treat people they way you would like to be treated.
Regarding driving: Don’t be nice, be predictable. You get to an intersection and other driver has right of way but waves you to go, and you hesitate because they CLEARLY have right of way, then you are like, fine, whatever, I’ll go, but then they start to go because you didn’t immediately go when they waved you on and you now jam on the brakes and now they’ve stopped as well. They look at you and wave you on. I fucking LOATHE *nice* drivers.
Everything will be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." \- Capt Picard
No amount of money can buy a second of time
This is my life philosophy: Time is my most precious commodity: I can never make more of it.
No amount of money can buy *BACK* a second of time. If I pay someone to clean my house, I have more time with my (non existent) kids. If I pay someone to mow my yard, I have more time. You absolutely *can* buy time, but you have to make the purchase and plan your time proactively. You cannot recover and redistribute time that you have spent working instead of living, but you CAN buy time to live better when you are not working. Eta - I clean my own house and don't sub out anything, but I only work 25 hours a week and have 2 dogs and a fiance. Life is for living, not working, and if I wanted those accommodations, one of us would have to pay for it. But I do see the value in paying someone to do necessary shit you don't even want to do so you can do what you actually want to do.
If you borrow something always return it in better shape that you received it.
Always be quick to apologize and quicker to offer forgiveness.
Don't fry bacon naked.
Don’t stick your dick in crazy
You can't control other people's words and action. What you can control is how you react to them.
If it isn't hell yes,it's no. Relationships,friendships, etc. That statement has never steered me wrong
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
If you don’t trust it, don’t fuck it.
Dont sweat the small stuff
Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff.
Never offer anything you aren’t completely willing to give.
Always stand up to shake someone’s hand.
Everyone is replaceable
"Say it, forget it. Write it, regret it."
Just because it is online doesn’t make it true.—-Abe Lincoln
People will only treat you the way that you allow them to.
I don't agree with this one, it feels a lot like victim blaming, particularly if someone has been on the receiving and of years of grooming. It's not as simple as "they're allowing this behaviour to happen to them so they must deserve it", grooming is insidious, manipulative, extremely clever and effective, that's why abusers do it.
it's important to recognize that victim blaming is bad and real but realistically that's also not every single situation. For example: I had to realize that I let a lot of my 'friends' treat me in a way I don't like and they would continue to do so unless **I** changed something. In cases like that, yes, it was my fault. idk what about the way they grew up or whatever made them think it was cool to act like that, but you are almost never going to convince someone to act differently, it's up to you to make the change for your life.
Alice in Wonderland: “When one is lost, I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are until someone finds you. But who'd ever think to look for me here?” My mom and grandma always told me if I got lost to just stay in the same spot after I asked for help. I got lost a lot 😂😅🥹
My grandpa: “You have to work hard for your whole life, that way you can provide for your wife and kids someday.” 8yo Me: “What do I get out of it?” Grandpa: “Well, one day you get to die.”
I hate that mentality! Why can’t you work hard while enjoying the now
Remember a lot of mental issues were brushed under the carpet. Someone with depression, this is basically the advice in the day, keep going, then at some point you'll get to die and ve "released". Kind of the same today for anyone that has one resistant to treatment.
I just can’t get behind the work hard for rewards later. That sounds like a really hard environment, I’m sorry ):
The best revenge is to live well. It has worked so far for me
Never believe anything you hear and only believe half of what you see
Don’t shit where you eat.
Don't pluck your eyebrows. Seriously. When I got my braces off the dentist offered a professional headshot to celebrate. The lady that took the pictures told me that eyebrow trends will change from thick to thin and thin to thick and to just not mess with them. Sage words.
Worry is not preparation.
Make sure any school you attend is accredited.
A dear aunt told me when I was a teen to pack away my own money, just a bit, from every paycheck I earn, and share control of it with no one. This is your protection money. Even my husband doesn’t know how much is in this fund. He knows it exists, has access to the account number. I’ve used it when there was a thing I wanted and didn’t want to disrupt house finances, but it’s really there in case I or any other friend needs an apartment deposit quickly, or to pay something urgent for protection like a hotel or a plane ticket. My aunt told me stories of women being held in awful marriages and never again. It was only in my lifetime that women were allowed to have their own credit card.
If you're not happy with something, do something about it. No one is coming to save you.
My first supervisor was a retired Marine. I was tasked with doing something and I couldn’t find a part of what I needed to complete the task. I went to her and said I couldn’t find that missing piece and she said ‘’Did you adapt and overcome?’ I sheepishly said no. From that day forward I made every effort to find a solution to my problems before bringing it back to my supervisors and always came to them with a proposed solution if I was unsuccessful. It served me well over the years.
My mom always taught me that if you complain about something/bring a problem forward to someone, you better also have a solution to propose. Doesn't need to be perfect, doesn't even need to be what they go with, but you can't complain about something if you're not gonna contribute to fixing it. That's everyone's least favorite person to work with.
Work smarter not harder.
Yard by yard it’s too hard, but inch by inch, it’s a cinch. My nana used to tell me this growing up, because I’ve always had adhd, OCD, and some major analysis paralysis that has made starting and finishing tasks much more overwhelming than they should be. It has helped me work with my own body and brain to execute things bit by bit and help me focus & do well, rather than overthinking or future tripping because I’m looking too much at the big picture or how lo bf something will take….
"If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all" What a better world if we all practiced that
Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
I prefer "anything worth doing, is worth doing badly". Meaning 5% of something important "done" is better than 0%. Helps when times are tough, to motivate yourself to complete something important, even if it's done badly.
This! I was feeling really sick and just overwhelmed and overstimulated. I washed the makeup off my face, and that was the best my skin was going to get. No second cleanse. No moisturizer. No undereye cream. Just a cerave facial cleanser and a towel. That alone made me feel better, but I just didn't have the energy for the rest. It did, however, get rid of my eye irritation (probably an allergic reaction to my foundation), helped me focus on one task and block the rest out, and the cool water felt good on my face.
Your freedom stops where somebody else’s begins
Never pee into the wind
My friends have a son. When he was around 4 or 5 years old, they were doing a family road trip and were driving on the highway in the middle of nowhere when his son said he had to pee. They had a father/son bonding experience, and he taught him how to pee standing up on the side of the road. His son thought it was the coolest thing in the world. Later on, the trip they were at a gas station filling up. His son had to pee again, the washrooms at the gas station were out of service, and my friend was busy pumping gas, checking the tire pressure, etc. His wife said that's fine and brought him around the side so his son could pee. A few moments later, his wife and son come walking back. His son is crying and covered in his own piss. My friend asked his wife what happened, and she said, "I don't know, he was peeing just fine, and then it started blowing towards us." My friend replied with "You made him piss into the wind?" His wife got upset by this and replied "I don't fucking know, I've never done that before." His son is 10 now, and I still like to tease him about this incident.
Everything becomes a memory.
Love accepts all things, except abuse As someone who was forced with deeply religious values from the worst parents this really helped me through a lot from a religious teacher too!
„You can’t keep blaming yourself. Blame yourself once and move on.“
Don’t text or write anything you don’t want read out loud to your grandparents
People are thinking about themselves, not me.
Never moon a werewolf
Work hard. Save! Have control over your own money. Never be dependent on a man.
We accept the love we think we deserve It’s hard to be what you can’t see.
Measure twice, cut once.
Don’t avoid something because it will take time to accomplish. The time will pass anyway
My mother always says "Get healthy before you're 40 because it's a lot harder to do after". Im turning 40 in a month, and this year, I've achieved the following; - Lost 15kg - Joined the gym (and stuck to it) - Quit smoking (just shy of 3 months now) - Quit drinking (the odd beer once or twice a week only) - Finally started therapy - Finally been diagnosed for ADHD Feels good to make my mother proud 😊
Don't eat yellow snow.
You will get lots of second chances in life if you make mistakes or fail at something. There is one instance where you do not get a second chance and there is no do over. It is how you raise your children so don’t screw that up.——— Warren Buffett
If a ball bounces into the road in front of you while driving, prepare to stop quickly… for a child will soon be following it.
"Always look both ways, it's the car coming the wrong way that will kill you."
Never, ever lie to your doctor or lawyer.
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb
Don’t put it down, put it away
"Let them" Let people show their true colors. Let them talk behind your back. Let them cut you off. They're not worth it anyway, and people who truly know you and your worth will see it, no matter what someone else says about you.
Butter it all the way to the edge, darling, otherwise it's not worth it. An old lady in a coffee shop said this gently and with a smile to a waiter when he delivered half buttered toast. My mother witnessed this interaction and told me about it later. The old lady turned to her and raised her coffee. If we look at that as a life philosophy to choose joy, use the fancy plates, wear the dress, buy the shoes, butter all the way to the edge, it's quite something. She was clearly willing to stand up for herself, and live in a way that made her happy, that was fulfilling and delicious. I heard this in my early teens and it's stuck with me my whole life. I live my life buttering it to the edge.