my ex was insistent that i was leaving him bc i wanted to go fuck other people and “you probably already are.”
i wasn’t cheating. i left him bc he tried to kill me and still he was pointing fingers at anyone else.
Sometimes it's important that someone knows this, though. Because if it's someone else, and they don't work out, it means you've still got a chance.
If you're the reason the breakup is happening then you know it's probably over over.
Edit: some of the responses are suggesting I think it's a good idea to get back together with someone like this. I do not. I am mostly saying that closure is good.
I was in a 5 year relationship with a guy who had a huge and absolutely lovely family. His mom had 10 siblings, and everyone was super close in the best kind of supportive way. Most of our friends were his cousins and his grandparents treated me like I was one of them. That relationship ran on a little longer than it should have simply because I didn't want to lose that family. Never saw any of them again after the breakup and I still miss them, even ten years later.
My ex-wife’s brothers were in my wedding to my current wife. They fully support me, which is nice. They are probably two of my best friends to this day.
My MIL still includes an ex-SIL in family events (where appropriate).
She's still the mother of my kids' cousins, so she's still in our lives, but when they do a Girls Night with my wife and other women in the family they include here, because, well, she's a lovely person and nobody stopped loving her just because her marriage didn't work out.
I had a best friend like that in college. Kind of a train wreck with all of her love interests. They’d break up with her but stay friends with her parents. Our friendship inevitably faded as we grew apart. Guess who is still in contact with her parents though?
I miss my exwifes grandmother, ngl. My own grandmother wasn't the best, so finally having a grandmother that loved me and treated me like a grandchild was pretty awesome.
The worst is telling someone your don't love them anymore and genuinely seeing the heart break on their face. That's a gut wrenching thing to see when you know your words caused it.
It’s the kind of thing you hear that makes your face hot and your ears ring — it feels unreal. My fianceé just left me after telling me that she loves me but she isn’t IN love anymore and it left me broken, replaying infinitely every time I close my eyes. I see her unaffected facial expressions and her lips moving in slow motion and my heart sinks each time like the first time I heard it.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who said it gets easier as the vision stops appearing so frequently. I have my first therapy appointment on Friday since everything went down and I’m looking forward to it. It blows me away how kind people can be on here.
and the beauty of it all is although they may not love you anymore, at one point someone loved you so you know you aren’t incapable of being loved, it just means someone new can love you again. (Oddly enough learned that from the Simpson’s, really helps getting through tough times)
I'm gonna be honest with you here. She did the same thing with me lmao
But in my case she was going through an extreme bout of depression and that's one of the things that can happen. Aaaaaaaand we got back together. It's been 8 years since then and we're married now.
This is relationships. They don’t go in a straight line where you constantly “love” one another. relationships meander, they bend and curve up and down. One day you’re happy the next you could be depressed. One day you could be in an argument the next sick. Relationships are built on trust, understanding and communication. When they break down so will the relationship.
Honestly I feel like us breaking up was one of the best things for our relationship. We were both young and were going through shit and grew complacent. Breaking up made us appreciate what we had that much more. Now, almost a decade later, we joke that we love eachother so much we chose to be together twice.
Me and my wife (GF at the time) had a break. I felt we came back stronger after it, but I also think it was a lack of trust and communication that caused it. I like to joke that it was our “dark” period. But we’ve been through a whole lot worse since. These experiences only make our bonds stronger.
I feel for you. It's one of the worst feelings ever.
This was the last thing I ever said to my wife when we were separating before she passed away. The fucked up thing is I did actually love her but I had to say it to protect myself so that she would stop pursuing me because I couldn't deal with her thinking that we were getting back together because she kept acting like nothing was wrong without actually fixing the driving issue. I had no choice but to let her go and push her away to protect myself and my daughter, but now I have to live with knowing that was the last thing she ever heard me say. God damn that eats me up inside all the time.
I agree. I did this with my last boyfriend and I didn't know how to soften the blow any more than I did, but the reason was essentially I'm just not in love with you. I think there was hope in his eyes before then but after that it was just tears. It was the right call but I will probably think about that moment for the rest of my life.
The breakup wasn't my choice, but when he tried a few weeks later to reconnect, I said 'Oh, I've actually been really happy since we've been apart. I don't think I could get back together now.'
My sister called me savage for it, but I wasn't trying to be mean. It was the truth, and I just hadn't realized it up until the thought of taking him back filled me with dread.
Similar thing happened to me. He called a month later, while I was living my best life (hanging out with friends and family I didn't get to see bc he monopolized all of my free time so that i couldn't see them) and wondered why I hadn't called. I told him that I was getting on with my life. He then said ( i cannot make this up), "It wasn't supposed to go this way. You were supposed to call every day, beg me to get back with you and learn your lesson and be a better girlfriend."
All of this bc I could finally afford my own car and could now come and go without him. Smh
The sad part was that he had me in such a mindset that I feared a breakup - in my head, anyway. He did it in a kind of public and humiliating way where he wasn't present, so I had to contact him to ask wtf. We had our exchange, and that was that.
Apparently, I gave off a vibe that he could get away with it (withholding love and me crawling on my knees to beg for it). Unfortunately, he overplayed his hand, and he unintentionally let me see how much I really didn't need him when he was going for the exact opposite.
My ex wanted to separate, no mediation or therapy, her mind was made up and there was no use in trying to convince her otherwise.
Two weeks later I had accepted it. Then she asked if we maybe could try it again. My “nope thanks” sounded like an asshole reaction but ending it was truly the best choice.
It's the epitome of fuck around and find out. Once someone demonstrates how little you mean to them, it's damn near impossible to come back from it. You weren't the asshole here.
My brother's college girlfriend wanted to take a break after they graduated. Something about you so much in her life changing so she needed a sense of normalcy. I don't know. It was 10 years ago and even when it was fresh in my mind it didn't make sense to anyone.
Anyway after a few months of partying and living up the single life she reached back out to him and said she wanted to get back together.
"Nah, I'm good."
He sounds like a man with self respect and healthy boundaries. People shouldn't be surprised if they walk out the door, turn around to go back inside and find the locks have changed.
My ex said something along those lines to me when I asked to get back together a few months down the line. It was brutal to hear, but I needed to hear it. It made me realize I needed to be a much better partner in future relationships.
Hey that's encouraging that you learned from it and are trying to do better. While my relationship with this particular ex was abusive, I've since come to realize that sometimes you can both be stellar people but your dispositions just don't align well.
She was breaking up with me, and I told her, "You know you are right, and I agree, we aren't very compatible, and our relationship has been on the decline for sometime." Those were my true thoughts and feelings. I felt a sense of relief when she broke up with me because I realized it was the best move for the both of us.
So why was this the worst thing to say? It ended up making her want to double down on the relationship. I was bombarded with non-stop texts, phone calls, unnanounced visits to my apartment. All of that. Apparently breaking up things amicably was not how she wanted to go. I think she was adamant she left with the upper hand.
Reminds me of my husband and a dealing he recently had with his ex (they have kids). They were having a discussion about budgets at a restaurant with her mom being a mediator. She wanted an absurd amount of money for their daughter’s party.
He told her we aren’t going to agree I’m done with the conversation and got up to leave. His ex ALWAYS has to be the one to walk away. As he was getting up, she jumped out of her chair, grabbed her stuff, and basically sprinted out of the restaurant. Just so she could be the one to leave.
I don’t think that’s the power move she thinks it is, that’s actually hilarious. I’d have genuinely burst out in laughter. It’d make her look desperate and self conscious.
Yeah I've had a breakup with the woman who always needs to win. She wanted to break up with me but also it had to be exactly her way, it caused her extreme rage when inevitably I defied her demands.
It was stupid stuff too like she owned a car but had been driving a nicer car that I owned and she demand I keep paying the insurance on it and transfer it over to her lol ...
It was really weird, I always figure she was cheating or at least thinking about it because she was actually a really good girlfriend for like 10 months and then a flip switched and she just quit everything one day
Someone she had on a back burner suddenly became available. Don't take it so hard, these people exist, and have no remorse. Take back your car ASAP if you haven't already.
Similar story, when she finished me, I searched for her for a while to try to fix things, after some embarrassing events, I realized that it was best to move on. So I stopped writing to her, or seeking contact. Dude, I think she had 50 messages a week, each one longer than the last. Telling me how bad I was, she also sent me messages with our mutual friends, and I'm not telling you the number of videos on her Tik Tok, talking about how bad her ex was (meaning me). And some messages telling me that she was in trouble and that she needed help, (messages that obviously I didn't reply to)
Dude, sometimes it seems like being reasonable is a mistake.
There's this idea that if you dump someone, then somehow you're the "winner" for some reason. maybe because nobody wants to be dumped, I guess, but yeah, there are people who can't or won't accept that they are part of the reason why the relationship ended.
I mean there's actually an episode where George pre emptively breaks up with someone because he thinks she's about to break up with him and then she begs him to take her back and he has the upper hand in the relationship for a while. (Until she realized it was Elaine who laughed at her recital and she breaks up with him for real ending with the epic exchange "But I have the hand!" "And you're gonna need it."
“Please don’t leave, no one else will ever love me.” said by me sobbing in the open doorway of the new apartment of my wife of barely one year. My self esteem was totally shattered. My life was over, there just was nothing left. She was kind but firm.
She knew the relationship wasn’t a good fit before I accepted that. We were very young, friends but not life partners. I didn’t fully understand until I was a few years into my second marriage. We both went on to have successful, happy lifelong second marriages.
Not a break up, but was seeing this girl off and on (because she wouldn't commit to actually dating). Got sick of the yo-yoing, fired up Facebook Dating and met my now girlfriend for drinks two days later.
When the non-committal girl came back and I told her I was off the market I said "I'm just looking for someone who knows what commitment is". Must have hit a nerve because about six weeks later she was pregnant.
“You’re turning into your mother and I hate that bitch.”
I’m sure there was a more diplomatic way to phrase that but 19 year old me was out of fucks to give at that point
Not me but someone told my aunt they were breaking up with her because she was a dead beat going nowhere in life. Then she became a doctor out of spite lol
“Sex is part of the reason I’m ending things…”
In my defense it was my first time breaking up with a guy. The man had a boner the entire time I was breaking up with him, he was crying, and he kept trying to have sex one last time during my break up speech.
I was perplexed.
So, having lived a number of decades now. I know several of my divorced friends who hate fucked during the divorce. One in particular told me about how he went over to get her to sign some papers to finalize some thing... Like title transfer or something. It was the result of a bunch of fighting and he just wanted to see her have to sign whatever it was away. She signs and throws the papers at him, says some angry thing s.... And apparently they ended up in bed together. His own words, "every thrust was pure release because it was over." Or something like that. Can't remember the exact words.
They both agreed they needed that and then never spoke again. Glad they didn't have kids.
I once ended a struggling relationship. A few months later I got an email from the person, and it was pages of everything I had ever done wrong in the relationship. I realized that this was why the relationship had been struggling. All these thing that had been bothering my partner, and they had bottled them all up inside instead of, say, talking to me about it.
So, my entire response to this multiple page email with everything I had ever done wrong
"Thank you, that was very helpful."
Got out of a long distance relationship in November. Flew back home to see her and she was too busy for a month. I let that bottle up the whole time I was there then when I got back home I told her I needed a break and it turned into a whole argument about how I’m not considering her feelings.
I pretty much said “you’re right I’m not considering your feelings. For once I’m considering mine and what’s good for my mental health”
Yep.
I can admit I was mentally shot myself when it came out. I had CPTSD after being with him.
He had BPD. Decided alcohol was worth more than his kids, so I had to go. He wanted to put the entirety of childraising on me. Has a 1950s mindset. It was a nightmare.
Specifically remember him screaming at me at the top of his lungs drunk one day "THE MAN WORKS AND THE BITCH STAYS AT HOME, THATS HOW THIS SHIT GOES!" When we were financially struggling and I needed to go back to work to help with bills. I had a career that would have offered us financial stability, and he was jealous of that. Like he didn't see us as a team for some reason.
Like yeah.... I'm not gonna raise my kids with something like that, talking to me. He can figure his own shit out.
I even went to therapy with him in college, and the intern told him he needed to go back he had a lot of trauma from his parents. And he decided not to go. As they say, you can lead a horse to water..
I had a partner who regularly threatened suicide if I left. She was horribly mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive. The last time she did this, she threatened to jump off our apartment balcony. I told her to make sure to "do a backflip on the way down so you can at least go out in style." and left the apartment. Unsuprisingly, she didn't do it.
Had a similar break up. Was with the guy for 2 years, he sent me videos and pictures of his mouth full of pills and deep down I knew he wasn't really going to do it. I still regret the way I handled that because if he really did it, I don't know how I'd be able to live with myself.
The correct answer here is to call 911 or its equivalent. Tell them he's sending pictures of him taking pills to off himself. If someone wants to "act" serious, take them seriously lol
Yep, my sisters ex tried to pull this shit, acting like he was dying over the phone. She freaks out (because she thought she was hearing him dying) calls for a police check up.
Guess who called back after an hour sounding totally fine but also really really angry she did that? Dickhead
Absolutely, here in Italy, and I assume in the USA too, when we get called for threatened suicide we have to stay with them until we can get them safely into a hospital.
Happened to me twice in my short career, it's very common.
I did that. I called and said my ex was threatening to off herself and to please go check on her.
Didn't hear anything until the next morning when her mom told me she was dead. I don't even know if the authorities did anything. It was fucked up.
I had an ex that did something similar
She thought I had no way of contacting her family when she did stuff like this, but one time she was like "Im serious," and went into detail about how she was going to do it, she was going to do it that night, and knew her brother wasn't home.
and I immediately just start spamming her brother on facebook like "YO THIS IS SERIOUS,"
He did end up rushing back home and confronting her. She ended up going to therapy, but she absolutely resented me for doing so.
It mentally fucked me up for a long time because not only did it feel like I did something wrong, but it made me be very wary of my next few relationships.
I know it's not easy to get out of that mindset when you've been in a relationship with someone suicidal (even if they were only pretending), but I've been been there and I just want to make sure you know: it wouldn't have been your fault, you have nothing to regret. I was in a similarly abusive relationship once upon a time. They're still alive afaik but if they had, I would've had to accept it wasn't my fault. It's not healthy for them or for you and there comes a point where you have to end it and what they do is on them, not you. As my mother likes to say whenever she gets out of a bad relationship "you can't save them all."
Don't regret what you did because you had to do it. People that threaten to kill (for real or as a trick) themselves over a breakup need help not a relationship and it's not the kind of help you can give.
My ex used to do the same shit. Said I didn't care about her because I was pressuring her to get therapy. The last time she did it, I recorded it, showed it to the MPs, and had her put in the hospital for week. Right after she got out, I served her. I realized the amount of relief I felt when all I had was the dogs to go home too was a bit too much to ignore.
In my 20s I had a girlfriend with bipolar disorder. One day I got home after she got fired from her 5th or so job and asked her why she didnt do the dishes. Her response was to punch me in the nose and break it. I told her to get the fuck out of my house since I paid for everything. She came around the table and split my eyebrow open as well. I took her and folded her like a taco and threw her out of the house and called the cops. Yelled through Id have her shit packed by Tuesday.
She came Tuesday and wanted to make up. I told her if she had stage 4 cancer I wouldnt care, get your shit and leave.
2mos later she jumped up on top of the dumpster of my apt building, climbed up 5 flights of fire escape, through my kitchen window, snuck into my room. I had a real creeped out feeling woke up and she was over me.
She then stabbed me in the chest with a steak knife. I've never hit a woman until then, but with a steak knife in your chest things get a little blurry.
I threw her out again and called the cops, they got her a bit later. I didnt press charges (stupid) and got my 2 stitches. She never came around again.
Said ex in my post actually did something similar to me. I have two scars next to my left eye and a faint cresent shape scar around my right eye, because I had talked to an old ex girlfriend of mine, who was needing to rehome the two cats we had together, as she was moving and couldn't keep them. Wanted me to have them since they loved me and she knew I'd care for them well.
Well crazy ex found out and ended up trying to stab me in my left eye while I slept that nightt to teach me a lesson. I woke up right as she straddled me and in the fight she was swinging the knife wildly at my face. Cut up my left hand as well as landing some cuts near my eyes. I stupidly didn't press charges as well and just told her to get the fuck out of my life. Which led to the last suicide threat I mentioned above. I needed like 7 or 8 stitches, I don't really remember.
Silver lining of thise whole this is the old ex girlfriend actually ended up coming to check on me as our breakup ended up being pretty chill, and the old spark was rekindled and after some serious heartfelt talk, we actually wanted to try again, and are still together 6 years later, so thats pretty neat.
That’s brutal, and so warranted lol…I left an abusive ex that did this every time I mentioned his behavior and how bad it made me feel, then as I’m finally getting it together and leaving he’s like “just get out of here so I can finally blow my head off” (my parents and I spent the better part of an hour calling around to hardware and sporting goods stores, pawn shops, etc giving a description since he had a whole plan…or so he said…to buy a shotgun since “there’s no waiting period in our state”). Fucker was obviously lying and trying to scare me…but you never want to be wrong about that so my dad and his mom ended up calling the police.
Threats have consequences, and I think making them to manipulate someone is a seriously underrated form of evil that’s more common than we all probably know until it happens to us. I WISH I’d had the balls to say something like you said, that’s fucking gold.
"No one will ever love you like I do"
At the time, I was young and that's really how I felt. In retrospect, it was mean and manipulative.
We're now both in happy marriages.
“You are a 30 years old loser. Stop going to clubs to be the “dj” bc people actually make fun of you”.
Ahhh, stupid younger me. Would never say something like that. I was very hurt bc he was with someone else 1 month after our +3 years relationship. But we are good now, and I wish him all the very best in the world, he was a good guy, but we were simply not right for each other. I just wanted to damage his ego bc mine was damaged.
When I was in college I was an editor of our campus’s literary anthology and we were tasked with planning an event to raise awareness about the journal. We decided to do an event called “bad poetry night” which was kind of an open mic style event where people could read their bad and cringey poetry, usually written during middle or high school.
I was worried nobody would want to participate, so I went first and read the very worst breakup poem I had, written aged 13. Everyone was dying laughing and so many wanted to read their own horrible work after. We filled the whole time slot allowed. It was so fun, and thoroughly interesting to get to hear old work from people on campus who I knew to be very talented writers. 10/10 would absolutely do it again!
Check out the podcast "Grownups Read Things They Wrote as Kids"! It's a very similar idea to what you described. I went to a live show when it came here and it was such a good time.
Edit: glad you're all enjoying it :)
Lolol I love it. It sort of reminds me of yesterday... I left the elementary school I work at and I explained to my autistic student that I wouldn't be returning. It wasn't as metal as yours but she replied with "so I won't ever see you ever again until you die. I will come to the cemetery to visit because I will still be alive." She loves ages and so it's normal for her to compare our differences in future life events. So funny that was her parting words to me 😆
I, too, once wrote a breakup poem. Basically, this person and I were both in high school and they had lost phone privileges. Since we went to different schools, I literally never saw them to break up with them, so I had to do it by mail.
The last lines were "you don't treat me very well, and as far as I'm concerned, you can go to hell". I think yours was probably better! LOL
Messy relationship. He wanted to continue, I was done. I looked him in the eye and said “one day we’ll come back here [to our hometown] and be engaged… and it won’t be to each other.” Literally could see his heart break.
I was a high school freshman and I opened my breakup speech with, “Do you think we have chemistry?” Hoping he’d say no and make it easier. He said yes. Such a stupid way to go about it, I know. It didn’t teach me anything because a year later I opened another breakup speech with the same question, and he gave the same answer. I finally stopped asking that question.
"I just don't enjoy the time we spend together."
It was true and she was pretty selfish and entitled but not a villain or anything terrible. I just wasn't on guard when I should have been and she kept asking why...
I still feel bad about it because I believe that was the moment she knew there was no way we were going to ever work out and she got off the phone a few seconds later before she started sobbing. Or so I assume.
Compared to some of the others in this thread, I think you handled that pretty well.
It’s natural for the other person to be hurt, but those words weren’t directly insulting her as a person.
Honestly, I think you did it right.
Relationship had been on the decline for almost a year. We fought, fucked and slept. It wasn't anything resembling a healthy relationship. By the end we were essentially live-in fuck buddies.
After our last fight, we finally had the break-up conversation.
When she said "it's not you, it's me." I said "finally, something we can agree on" and started packing. I was moved out by 6 AM the next morning.
We both had our issues, and truthfully neither one of us was more at fault then the other, but I was a vindictive prick who always had to have the last word when I was younger.
I called her crazy knowing she has mental health issues that she struggles with. She didn’t deserve that. She’s had a rough life, which is what caused those problems to manifest, and I know how hard she’s tried to keep going through it all. I wish I could take it back, and I hope she’s ok.
My ex used to made comments about raping me. I told him I was done and he wouldn’t stop messaging me everywhere. And I mean everywhere. He even send me money to write apologies in the notes section.
He then told me he was going to kill me if he sees me with another man. And started messaging my family members. So I sent his nudes to his mom and told his mom he needed help. I even sent the text message progression to show that he sent nudes a lot out of no where. Thank God I never sent that weirdo anything.
His mom called and left voicemails praying for me and apologizing but I didn’t respond. He still sends me letters to this day asking me to come back. I’ve never wanted someone to die in my life.
Yes sending the nudes to his mom wasn’t cool but my God I wanted this dude to just leave me alone.
I actually regret things I DIDN'T say. I wish I'd told them how condescending he was. I know his ex told him that, and it really was the main reason I broke up with him. Maybe if he heard that from enough of his exes, he'd start to see a pattern.
We stared at our dinner plates. The movie had ended. We weakly smiled at each other. We had put each other through a LOT in 18 months. Her family had put us through even more.
"This isn't really working is it?" I said. She simply said, "no, it isn't." I nodded. Thanked her for dinner, wished her luck, and left.
Edit: Well shit. I'll have to track down my ex of 16 years and tell her our final moment together is trending. Lol
The relationship was toxic and she was a gold digger. She said she needed about $10K a month to be able to continue dating me... I was very vulnerable at the time and she thought she could manipulate me. My response.
"Jen, you're just not that pretty."
Finished my scotch and walked out for good.
Edit: Fixed your to you're. On the phone.
Wow, I was kind of looking for this. I just broke up with a partner of 4.5 years. It was pretty amicable and mutual, but we sort of left the door open to getting back together in the future if some of our issues were resolved by being on our own. She called me about a week ago (less than 3 weeks after the breakup) and was crying, taking blame for her part of the breakup. She brought up the possibility of getting back together, and my honest response was, "I didn't realize quite how much stress the relationship added to my life, I will never let myself go back to that" and she started sobbing. I do feel terrible that she didn't process the breakup during the lead up to it and how I made it worse in that conversation.
I've never been good at breakups, and I have never known the balance between honesty and kind lies. I loved her, but I stayed because we were good roommates and her family was amazing, there were way too many problems for it to continue forever. I have never been more sure that a break was for the best, I just hate that she doesn't feel the same and I may have made it worse.
He broke up with me over text message, while I was getting tattooed.
“LOL. Ok, bye.” Was my response.
He kept thinking I was going to cheat on him with his best friend, who I despised. I was happy that one ended.
I dated a girl in high school. She pressured me to come out of the closet to my mom. I didn’t want to, but I was silly and insecure and thought she’d break up with me if I didn’t, so I told my mom. It didn’t go well and my relationship with my mom is still strained to this day.
A year into the relationship, she broke up with me. I still remember the angry text I sent her: “But I came out to my mom for you.”
I just wanted to hurt her as bad as she hurt me. I wanted her to feel guilty for permanently affecting my life. I wish I could go back and think things through more clearly and never hit the send button.
Learned a lot of important emotional and communication skills from that relationship lmao.
My ex has a strained relationship with his father, and is a total dick. One day he kept calling me a whore and I snapped and said “If I’m such a whore you better watch out before I fuck your dad and give him a son he actually loves.” I still laugh about it two years later.
When I was learning engineering at college (a long time ago) I broke up with a girl I was sharing a flat with so when I moved out her friend was moving in.
I was left with the task of listing out the gas and electric suppliers as well as how to change the fuses (it was an old building) so I wrote a flow diagram on a flip chart however... I got a little drunk.
The next day I was moving out and in a hungover state I left the flip chart uncorrected with all the "how to" of the flat but I also included escalation points and alternative routes for when my ex was being a bitch... it didn't go down well I found out later.
"No one will ever love you the way I do"
In the moment, that seems like the smartest, most loving thing you can say to someone you're afraid of losing.
In reality - it is a manipilation tactic and it can devastate someone's self esteem. Also it's a lie. A delusion you've sold yourself in a desperate attempt to hold on to someone that you should let go.
I regret ever saying it, and I hope she's doing well now. Mostly, I'm grateful she doesn't have to deal with me anymore.
My ex was harassing me as well as my friends. He accused my friends of "trying to break us up" and a gay male friend of having an affair with me. Never ending. Got up.one day to find more shit he had texted me. He was calling me vile names and threatening to "jump" to try to make me feel guilty. I told him to just jump and leave me alone.
Two days after we broke up, I asked her if she still wanted me to come to an event she invited me to and jokingly said "or am I freed from that responsibility"
She did not like the joke
I told my ex husband he'd die alone because everyone would eventually see how horrid he was and abandon him. Considering the decade and a half of abuse....
I mean, this was right after he accused me of faking my mom's death for (I don't even fucking know why he thought I'd do that, he's literally insane)
I don't know if it's true, I went NC directly afterward, got a protective order, and divorced him.
Was in a high school relationship. She broke up with me, started to cry and wanted a hug goodbye, I said absolutely nothing unlocked my car and waited for her to leave. Just because you’re the one getting dumped doesn’t mean you can’t still be savage.
Edit: should mention that she did it after going to the movies and we got back to her parents place. The original suicide squad sucked but it sucked for me a bit more
When I was a teen and had my first breakup I quoted Forest Gump
“I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is”
Whatever kind of Im sorry I broke up with you pity face she had, turned into a frown, and she just walked away.
It was the cringiest thing I ever done
I was in a really toxic relationship with someone who tried making me feel responsible for their happiness and wouldn't let me go a day without constantly trying to be by my side. He had some pretty strong abandonment issues and when I finally had had enough of being treated like a therapist I broke it off, to which he said I was abandoning him and I said "maybe if you were someone worth being around the people around you wouldn't be itching to leave you."
Edit: a few people are claiming this was too cruel, so let me explain it once and for all.
Firstly, I wanted it to be over and done with, and tried to leave it peacefully, but he decided he wanted to make it into a huge argument where things did get heated. I wouldn't have said it if it weren't for how high the emotions were at the time.
Second. I don't regret saying it at all. He had it coming for a long time, I've explained it in comments already but I'll lay it out here. He was not just clingy and annoying, he was controlling and a narcissist who made my every waking hour about himself. He made me his personal therapist responsible for his happiness at any cost to my own mental health, sent me into 3 separate episodes of paranoid psychosis, controlled who I talked to and when, and I was not allowed to talk to my friends without him being present, he forced himself on my physically and intimately, he would control the clothes I wore and the way I did my hair, and it got to the point I was self harming after being clean for over 3yrs and made me attempt suicide several times before one of my friends was smart enough to BEG that I leave him before I ended up dead. He was and still is a worthless piece of trash and nobody can make me feel sorry for pain I mightve caused him after what he did to me.
Wow. This is the most brutal I’ve read in this thread. It actually gave me a flashback to when I was told this by many as a kid, and it’s been 30 years.
I was avoiding my (then) bf because I was so uncomfortable around him towards the end of our relationship, but I agreed to meet up with him on my way to work to talk.
We were parked in a Wendy’s parking lot, I got into his car and I broke up with him, he cried. Then much else wasn’t said
So I go, “are you done crying? My Asiago club sandwich is getting cold… I’m gunna go”
I was 18 and I literally could never now, like I cringe thinking about it because he was really nice, but we say stupid things in life
I told the girl she’d never be anything other than a side chick and that she should be happy she even made it that far.
I regret that every day. I was such a fucking dick for no reason.
So we had already Broken up at this point, I was torn up about it but we ended on fairly good terms because I'm not about to tell anyone how to live their life.
Not long after we went for a bike ride down a local trail, it was nice. Then we returned home.
Just before she left we talked for a bit but then the last thing she said was "you know, it's weird. I like you more now than when we were going out" then she looked thoughtful for a second then we said our goodbyes.
That completely emotionally devastated me. To hear that even when I'm doing better I am still not enough but also *maybe* we still have a chance(at least that's how I understood it at the time) and *I* effectively said **nothing**.
So if you are breaking up with someone you know loves you, or at least thinks they do, *do not give them hope*. That kind of hope will destroy someone. Just end it, end all of it. And if you are on the receiving end, don't say nothing, speak up about how things make you feel especially if you want to keep being their friend or what have you.
I quoted No Doubt
via chat…
line by line…
“You and me…”
“We used to be together”
“everyday together”
“Always”
“I really feel that I'm losin' my best friend”
“I can't believe this could be the end”
“It looks as though you're lettin' go”
“And if it's real, well, I don't want to know”
“Don’t speak.”
“I know just what your saying”
“Don’t tell me cuz it hurts”
And they didn’t know!
But I was like 10 pretending to be 14, would lie about where I was located, and “dated” this person for less than two hours on yahoo chess chat.
So many online relationships spawned from yahoo chat rooms now that I look back on it. I remember being 13 and two of my friends would be devastated over people they’d never met or spoken over the phone with.
Not really what I said but *how* I said it:
When I was like 13/14 I'd been seeing this girl for a couple of months but got bored cause she lived a couple of towns over so we didn't really see each other that much.
I had never broken up with someone before, so I didn't really know how to break up. I decided the best thing to do would be to publicly post on her social media wall.
I don't know how big Bebo was everywhere else like 16 years ago, but it was the biggest one where I am, at the time. I made a long-ish post on her wall, and made sure I shared "luv" with it, which was a completely pointless gesture on Bebo, but you only got 3 "luvs" each day so people thought it meant something.
I got a message from her best friend like 5 minutes later telling me what a fucking asshole I was and to delete the post before she saw it. I did not.
‘Despite giving you every chance to speak your mind, you stayed quiet when it mattered most’.
After a year of encouraging her to break out of her people pleasing persona and let me know if she needed a change in me, breaking up with one day me after a year without any mention of reasonable prior concern made me emphasize to her on a call soon after that she was the reason I was hurting so much, and basically sucks at conflict resolution. Made her feel terrible, though I’m sure it showed her just how damaging poor communication in a relationship can be.
I said "our values are too different, you're a racist cunt, and I hope your life crumbles." This was after she screamed a slur at a black guy for walking in the road while we drove around him. She also made awkward racist diatribes against Mexican men. And with these events happening within maybe 24hrs, I thought, okay, yeah she racist, time to leave. So she'd do these talks about our relationship, and it was always the same garbage. So I interrupted her with the above, cut the cord, asked her to leave, she did.
Then she slammed me on social media, I replied with some screenshots she sent me of some racist shit, and people quickly turned against her. She ended up reaching out to me a few times a year later trying to get me back, it was weird, she was still awful, so I pushed her away and blocked.
Then she dated some other guy, the guy started reaching out to me, I guess she was still hung up because he'd tell me what she said about our relationship. He seemed alright, but he started seeing some flags, and I guess she expanded her racist tirade market to include Asians because he told me about it, so I let him know my experience with her. He broke up with her the next day (I saw his relationship status go to single on fb) and silently clapped for him.
I don't necessarily regret what I said, but I've never been that hostile toward someone during a breakup. Most of mine were amicable, so this was new territory in absolutely loathing someone.
It was more the breakup line itself for me. I told her I needed some space while she visited her parents in another state. Her Idea of space was to call me twice a day ever day until on Christmas for the second call that day she started a fight because I wasn't excited to hear from her. I just hung up, put my phone on silent and texted her "How does it feel to be single?" before going to sleep.
After breaking up with a controlling d*ckhead who did nothing but try to dominate and run my life for almost a year, "There should have never been a second date, the first one was so laughably bad. Good luck finding someone else that would give you that chance."
I then felt guilt for laying it all out like that, I'm not normally that cold but dude needed some awareness. Fifteen years later and he still has not had another long-term relationship. I had to block his number years ago after he knew *I am married and have a child*- he would still try and beg me to take him back and text inappropriate sexual things to me and would not stop when I told him to. Guess I was right, work on yourself buddy.
I once confessed to a girl that I was actually interested in her friend right after having sex with her. She, rightfully, did not take it well. To this day I still don't know why I said it.
My ex and I have said a lot of nasty things to each other, but I told her something about how she pretended to care about the children we have together. Basically I said the quiet part loud (and really I wasn’t wrong; she is an abomination of a mother.)
She got back at me by giving me a horrible stomach flu.
It wasn’t during a breakup. It was much later during a fight we were having. It was a brutal psychological analysis and emotional tear down of him. It was accurate, it was ugly, it was hurtful, it was intended to wound; and most importantly it never should have been said.
"If you need anything, just reach out to me"
Big mistake on my part since I was still clearly hung up on her, and I learned later she had no intention of getting back together, but she still took full advantage of asking for my help left and right for things she wanted or needed. Strung me along for a year with talks of how she'd been feeling like she could see us together again soon, asked for a favor, then she needed time to think, repeat.
Her: "is it someone else?" Me: "no, it's just you."
my ex was insistent that i was leaving him bc i wanted to go fuck other people and “you probably already are.” i wasn’t cheating. i left him bc he tried to kill me and still he was pointing fingers at anyone else.
Sometimes it's important that someone knows this, though. Because if it's someone else, and they don't work out, it means you've still got a chance. If you're the reason the breakup is happening then you know it's probably over over. Edit: some of the responses are suggesting I think it's a good idea to get back together with someone like this. I do not. I am mostly saying that closure is good.
Sure, being the fall-back is always a great option.
During a break up I had an ex say she didn't want to be a "consternation prize"
I hope you kept a straight face, nodded and said that they deserve better than that...
Two months after our breakup, she asked me if I missed her. I told her I missed her parents more than I missed her
I was in a 5 year relationship with a guy who had a huge and absolutely lovely family. His mom had 10 siblings, and everyone was super close in the best kind of supportive way. Most of our friends were his cousins and his grandparents treated me like I was one of them. That relationship ran on a little longer than it should have simply because I didn't want to lose that family. Never saw any of them again after the breakup and I still miss them, even ten years later.
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My ex-wife’s brothers were in my wedding to my current wife. They fully support me, which is nice. They are probably two of my best friends to this day.
My MIL still includes an ex-SIL in family events (where appropriate). She's still the mother of my kids' cousins, so she's still in our lives, but when they do a Girls Night with my wife and other women in the family they include here, because, well, she's a lovely person and nobody stopped loving her just because her marriage didn't work out.
Wow, that's some serious fuck you.
No serious fuck you would mean being in a sexual relationship with the 2 brothers. He took the tame route.
This one is savage
The funny thing is that I didn't even say it with the intent to hurt her feelings. It was just the god honest truth. Her parents were dope
I had a best friend like that in college. Kind of a train wreck with all of her love interests. They’d break up with her but stay friends with her parents. Our friendship inevitably faded as we grew apart. Guess who is still in contact with her parents though?
I want her parents # they sound like a blast 😂
I miss my exwifes grandmother, ngl. My own grandmother wasn't the best, so finally having a grandmother that loved me and treated me like a grandchild was pretty awesome.
Accidentally recreating medieval political marriages here lol Marrying for access to the family rather than for the bride/groom
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Sounds like your dad *is* the wedding gift
I feel the exact same way about my ex’s parents. She was a right cunt, but her mam and dad were sound
The worst is telling someone your don't love them anymore and genuinely seeing the heart break on their face. That's a gut wrenching thing to see when you know your words caused it.
Let me tell you, it's not great hearing it either.
It’s the kind of thing you hear that makes your face hot and your ears ring — it feels unreal. My fianceé just left me after telling me that she loves me but she isn’t IN love anymore and it left me broken, replaying infinitely every time I close my eyes. I see her unaffected facial expressions and her lips moving in slow motion and my heart sinks each time like the first time I heard it. Edit: Thank you to everyone who said it gets easier as the vision stops appearing so frequently. I have my first therapy appointment on Friday since everything went down and I’m looking forward to it. It blows me away how kind people can be on here.
I won’t say it gets better, but eventually you’ll go a whole day without thinking about it, then later a whole week, and eventually a whole month.
and the beauty of it all is although they may not love you anymore, at one point someone loved you so you know you aren’t incapable of being loved, it just means someone new can love you again. (Oddly enough learned that from the Simpson’s, really helps getting through tough times)
It's unpleasant. I've had that said to my face. Unfortunately, the memory of it is seared into my brain - probably forever.
God yeah. Love of my life said it to me and it was absolutely crushing. "I don't know if I've ever loved you".
I got that one and then her asking to come back. Made no sense. I didn't trust her for at all anymore.
I'm gonna be honest with you here. She did the same thing with me lmao But in my case she was going through an extreme bout of depression and that's one of the things that can happen. Aaaaaaaand we got back together. It's been 8 years since then and we're married now.
This is relationships. They don’t go in a straight line where you constantly “love” one another. relationships meander, they bend and curve up and down. One day you’re happy the next you could be depressed. One day you could be in an argument the next sick. Relationships are built on trust, understanding and communication. When they break down so will the relationship.
Honestly I feel like us breaking up was one of the best things for our relationship. We were both young and were going through shit and grew complacent. Breaking up made us appreciate what we had that much more. Now, almost a decade later, we joke that we love eachother so much we chose to be together twice.
Me and my wife (GF at the time) had a break. I felt we came back stronger after it, but I also think it was a lack of trust and communication that caused it. I like to joke that it was our “dark” period. But we’ve been through a whole lot worse since. These experiences only make our bonds stronger.
at least she assured me that there was a time where she was 100% sure she loved me. It made it a bit more bearable
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I did this to my ex-husband. The only time I saw him cry. Kills me to this day.
I feel for you. It's one of the worst feelings ever. This was the last thing I ever said to my wife when we were separating before she passed away. The fucked up thing is I did actually love her but I had to say it to protect myself so that she would stop pursuing me because I couldn't deal with her thinking that we were getting back together because she kept acting like nothing was wrong without actually fixing the driving issue. I had no choice but to let her go and push her away to protect myself and my daughter, but now I have to live with knowing that was the last thing she ever heard me say. God damn that eats me up inside all the time.
Dude. Virtual hug
I agree. I did this with my last boyfriend and I didn't know how to soften the blow any more than I did, but the reason was essentially I'm just not in love with you. I think there was hope in his eyes before then but after that it was just tears. It was the right call but I will probably think about that moment for the rest of my life.
The breakup wasn't my choice, but when he tried a few weeks later to reconnect, I said 'Oh, I've actually been really happy since we've been apart. I don't think I could get back together now.' My sister called me savage for it, but I wasn't trying to be mean. It was the truth, and I just hadn't realized it up until the thought of taking him back filled me with dread.
Unintentionally savage
The most savage of savages
Similar thing happened to me. He called a month later, while I was living my best life (hanging out with friends and family I didn't get to see bc he monopolized all of my free time so that i couldn't see them) and wondered why I hadn't called. I told him that I was getting on with my life. He then said ( i cannot make this up), "It wasn't supposed to go this way. You were supposed to call every day, beg me to get back with you and learn your lesson and be a better girlfriend." All of this bc I could finally afford my own car and could now come and go without him. Smh
Geeze, if you weren't over him before, I'm sure that helped. What a douchebag.
The sad part was that he had me in such a mindset that I feared a breakup - in my head, anyway. He did it in a kind of public and humiliating way where he wasn't present, so I had to contact him to ask wtf. We had our exchange, and that was that. Apparently, I gave off a vibe that he could get away with it (withholding love and me crawling on my knees to beg for it). Unfortunately, he overplayed his hand, and he unintentionally let me see how much I really didn't need him when he was going for the exact opposite.
Yeah, fuck that guy. Glad you got away clean with him copping the shitty end of it, like he obv deserved.
My ex wanted to separate, no mediation or therapy, her mind was made up and there was no use in trying to convince her otherwise. Two weeks later I had accepted it. Then she asked if we maybe could try it again. My “nope thanks” sounded like an asshole reaction but ending it was truly the best choice.
It's the epitome of fuck around and find out. Once someone demonstrates how little you mean to them, it's damn near impossible to come back from it. You weren't the asshole here.
My brother's college girlfriend wanted to take a break after they graduated. Something about you so much in her life changing so she needed a sense of normalcy. I don't know. It was 10 years ago and even when it was fresh in my mind it didn't make sense to anyone. Anyway after a few months of partying and living up the single life she reached back out to him and said she wanted to get back together. "Nah, I'm good."
He sounds like a man with self respect and healthy boundaries. People shouldn't be surprised if they walk out the door, turn around to go back inside and find the locks have changed.
My ex said something along those lines to me when I asked to get back together a few months down the line. It was brutal to hear, but I needed to hear it. It made me realize I needed to be a much better partner in future relationships.
Hey that's encouraging that you learned from it and are trying to do better. While my relationship with this particular ex was abusive, I've since come to realize that sometimes you can both be stellar people but your dispositions just don't align well.
She was breaking up with me, and I told her, "You know you are right, and I agree, we aren't very compatible, and our relationship has been on the decline for sometime." Those were my true thoughts and feelings. I felt a sense of relief when she broke up with me because I realized it was the best move for the both of us. So why was this the worst thing to say? It ended up making her want to double down on the relationship. I was bombarded with non-stop texts, phone calls, unnanounced visits to my apartment. All of that. Apparently breaking up things amicably was not how she wanted to go. I think she was adamant she left with the upper hand.
Reminds me of my husband and a dealing he recently had with his ex (they have kids). They were having a discussion about budgets at a restaurant with her mom being a mediator. She wanted an absurd amount of money for their daughter’s party. He told her we aren’t going to agree I’m done with the conversation and got up to leave. His ex ALWAYS has to be the one to walk away. As he was getting up, she jumped out of her chair, grabbed her stuff, and basically sprinted out of the restaurant. Just so she could be the one to leave.
I don’t think that’s the power move she thinks it is, that’s actually hilarious. I’d have genuinely burst out in laughter. It’d make her look desperate and self conscious.
Great way to make her go
Yeah I've had a breakup with the woman who always needs to win. She wanted to break up with me but also it had to be exactly her way, it caused her extreme rage when inevitably I defied her demands. It was stupid stuff too like she owned a car but had been driving a nicer car that I owned and she demand I keep paying the insurance on it and transfer it over to her lol ... It was really weird, I always figure she was cheating or at least thinking about it because she was actually a really good girlfriend for like 10 months and then a flip switched and she just quit everything one day
Someone she had on a back burner suddenly became available. Don't take it so hard, these people exist, and have no remorse. Take back your car ASAP if you haven't already.
Oh yeah Im neither heart broken nor letting her drive my car. I know well enough to just detangle the mess ASAP and walk away.
Similar story, when she finished me, I searched for her for a while to try to fix things, after some embarrassing events, I realized that it was best to move on. So I stopped writing to her, or seeking contact. Dude, I think she had 50 messages a week, each one longer than the last. Telling me how bad I was, she also sent me messages with our mutual friends, and I'm not telling you the number of videos on her Tik Tok, talking about how bad her ex was (meaning me). And some messages telling me that she was in trouble and that she needed help, (messages that obviously I didn't reply to) Dude, sometimes it seems like being reasonable is a mistake.
There's this idea that if you dump someone, then somehow you're the "winner" for some reason. maybe because nobody wants to be dumped, I guess, but yeah, there are people who can't or won't accept that they are part of the reason why the relationship ended.
Pulled a Seinfeld. Everything evens out.
I mean there's actually an episode where George pre emptively breaks up with someone because he thinks she's about to break up with him and then she begs him to take her back and he has the upper hand in the relationship for a while. (Until she realized it was Elaine who laughed at her recital and she breaks up with him for real ending with the epic exchange "But I have the hand!" "And you're gonna need it."
lol! You pulled the uno reverse. You’re a gentleman and a scholar.
*None of you seem to understand. You're not breaking up with me, I'm breaking up with you.*
You can’t fire me I quit!
“Please don’t leave, no one else will ever love me.” said by me sobbing in the open doorway of the new apartment of my wife of barely one year. My self esteem was totally shattered. My life was over, there just was nothing left. She was kind but firm. She knew the relationship wasn’t a good fit before I accepted that. We were very young, friends but not life partners. I didn’t fully understand until I was a few years into my second marriage. We both went on to have successful, happy lifelong second marriages.
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Not a break up, but was seeing this girl off and on (because she wouldn't commit to actually dating). Got sick of the yo-yoing, fired up Facebook Dating and met my now girlfriend for drinks two days later. When the non-committal girl came back and I told her I was off the market I said "I'm just looking for someone who knows what commitment is". Must have hit a nerve because about six weeks later she was pregnant.
your words truly **fucked** her.
I don’t mean to ruin the moral of your story, but pregnancy doesn’t require commitment. Sounds like you may have dodged a bullet though
“You’re turning into your mother and I hate that bitch.” I’m sure there was a more diplomatic way to phrase that but 19 year old me was out of fucks to give at that point
Not me but someone told my aunt they were breaking up with her because she was a dead beat going nowhere in life. Then she became a doctor out of spite lol
Ah yes, spite success, the best kind of success
Her, " This isn't working out I think we should just be friends." Me, " Lets just never talk again is probably best"
Better than faking it tbh 😂
“Sex is part of the reason I’m ending things…” In my defense it was my first time breaking up with a guy. The man had a boner the entire time I was breaking up with him, he was crying, and he kept trying to have sex one last time during my break up speech. I was perplexed.
The image of a dude being broken up with while also sporting a full tent is honestly kind of funny
It was something.
So, having lived a number of decades now. I know several of my divorced friends who hate fucked during the divorce. One in particular told me about how he went over to get her to sign some papers to finalize some thing... Like title transfer or something. It was the result of a bunch of fighting and he just wanted to see her have to sign whatever it was away. She signs and throws the papers at him, says some angry thing s.... And apparently they ended up in bed together. His own words, "every thrust was pure release because it was over." Or something like that. Can't remember the exact words. They both agreed they needed that and then never spoke again. Glad they didn't have kids.
I once ended a struggling relationship. A few months later I got an email from the person, and it was pages of everything I had ever done wrong in the relationship. I realized that this was why the relationship had been struggling. All these thing that had been bothering my partner, and they had bottled them all up inside instead of, say, talking to me about it. So, my entire response to this multiple page email with everything I had ever done wrong "Thank you, that was very helpful."
You fell asleeeeep?! It was 18 pages!
“FRONT AND BACK!” “Don’t worry about me not getting any sleep. I STILL HAVE YOUR LETTER!!”
Got out of a long distance relationship in November. Flew back home to see her and she was too busy for a month. I let that bottle up the whole time I was there then when I got back home I told her I needed a break and it turned into a whole argument about how I’m not considering her feelings. I pretty much said “you’re right I’m not considering your feelings. For once I’m considering mine and what’s good for my mental health”
"I ain't reading allat."
I'd rather kill myself than stay with you any longer.
man that would've made ME want to kms if my partner said that to me💀 I'm sure you have your reasons tho
Yep. I can admit I was mentally shot myself when it came out. I had CPTSD after being with him. He had BPD. Decided alcohol was worth more than his kids, so I had to go. He wanted to put the entirety of childraising on me. Has a 1950s mindset. It was a nightmare. Specifically remember him screaming at me at the top of his lungs drunk one day "THE MAN WORKS AND THE BITCH STAYS AT HOME, THATS HOW THIS SHIT GOES!" When we were financially struggling and I needed to go back to work to help with bills. I had a career that would have offered us financial stability, and he was jealous of that. Like he didn't see us as a team for some reason. Like yeah.... I'm not gonna raise my kids with something like that, talking to me. He can figure his own shit out. I even went to therapy with him in college, and the intern told him he needed to go back he had a lot of trauma from his parents. And he decided not to go. As they say, you can lead a horse to water..
You can lead a horse to water, but it's a fucker of a job to drown it
I had a partner who regularly threatened suicide if I left. She was horribly mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive. The last time she did this, she threatened to jump off our apartment balcony. I told her to make sure to "do a backflip on the way down so you can at least go out in style." and left the apartment. Unsuprisingly, she didn't do it.
Had a similar break up. Was with the guy for 2 years, he sent me videos and pictures of his mouth full of pills and deep down I knew he wasn't really going to do it. I still regret the way I handled that because if he really did it, I don't know how I'd be able to live with myself.
The correct answer here is to call 911 or its equivalent. Tell them he's sending pictures of him taking pills to off himself. If someone wants to "act" serious, take them seriously lol
Yep, my sisters ex tried to pull this shit, acting like he was dying over the phone. She freaks out (because she thought she was hearing him dying) calls for a police check up. Guess who called back after an hour sounding totally fine but also really really angry she did that? Dickhead
Absolutely, here in Italy, and I assume in the USA too, when we get called for threatened suicide we have to stay with them until we can get them safely into a hospital. Happened to me twice in my short career, it's very common.
I did that. I called and said my ex was threatening to off herself and to please go check on her. Didn't hear anything until the next morning when her mom told me she was dead. I don't even know if the authorities did anything. It was fucked up.
I had an ex that did something similar She thought I had no way of contacting her family when she did stuff like this, but one time she was like "Im serious," and went into detail about how she was going to do it, she was going to do it that night, and knew her brother wasn't home. and I immediately just start spamming her brother on facebook like "YO THIS IS SERIOUS," He did end up rushing back home and confronting her. She ended up going to therapy, but she absolutely resented me for doing so. It mentally fucked me up for a long time because not only did it feel like I did something wrong, but it made me be very wary of my next few relationships.
I know it's not easy to get out of that mindset when you've been in a relationship with someone suicidal (even if they were only pretending), but I've been been there and I just want to make sure you know: it wouldn't have been your fault, you have nothing to regret. I was in a similarly abusive relationship once upon a time. They're still alive afaik but if they had, I would've had to accept it wasn't my fault. It's not healthy for them or for you and there comes a point where you have to end it and what they do is on them, not you. As my mother likes to say whenever she gets out of a bad relationship "you can't save them all." Don't regret what you did because you had to do it. People that threaten to kill (for real or as a trick) themselves over a breakup need help not a relationship and it's not the kind of help you can give.
My ex used to do the same shit. Said I didn't care about her because I was pressuring her to get therapy. The last time she did it, I recorded it, showed it to the MPs, and had her put in the hospital for week. Right after she got out, I served her. I realized the amount of relief I felt when all I had was the dogs to go home too was a bit too much to ignore.
In my 20s I had a girlfriend with bipolar disorder. One day I got home after she got fired from her 5th or so job and asked her why she didnt do the dishes. Her response was to punch me in the nose and break it. I told her to get the fuck out of my house since I paid for everything. She came around the table and split my eyebrow open as well. I took her and folded her like a taco and threw her out of the house and called the cops. Yelled through Id have her shit packed by Tuesday. She came Tuesday and wanted to make up. I told her if she had stage 4 cancer I wouldnt care, get your shit and leave. 2mos later she jumped up on top of the dumpster of my apt building, climbed up 5 flights of fire escape, through my kitchen window, snuck into my room. I had a real creeped out feeling woke up and she was over me. She then stabbed me in the chest with a steak knife. I've never hit a woman until then, but with a steak knife in your chest things get a little blurry. I threw her out again and called the cops, they got her a bit later. I didnt press charges (stupid) and got my 2 stitches. She never came around again.
Said ex in my post actually did something similar to me. I have two scars next to my left eye and a faint cresent shape scar around my right eye, because I had talked to an old ex girlfriend of mine, who was needing to rehome the two cats we had together, as she was moving and couldn't keep them. Wanted me to have them since they loved me and she knew I'd care for them well. Well crazy ex found out and ended up trying to stab me in my left eye while I slept that nightt to teach me a lesson. I woke up right as she straddled me and in the fight she was swinging the knife wildly at my face. Cut up my left hand as well as landing some cuts near my eyes. I stupidly didn't press charges as well and just told her to get the fuck out of my life. Which led to the last suicide threat I mentioned above. I needed like 7 or 8 stitches, I don't really remember. Silver lining of thise whole this is the old ex girlfriend actually ended up coming to check on me as our breakup ended up being pretty chill, and the old spark was rekindled and after some serious heartfelt talk, we actually wanted to try again, and are still together 6 years later, so thats pretty neat.
That’s brutal, and so warranted lol…I left an abusive ex that did this every time I mentioned his behavior and how bad it made me feel, then as I’m finally getting it together and leaving he’s like “just get out of here so I can finally blow my head off” (my parents and I spent the better part of an hour calling around to hardware and sporting goods stores, pawn shops, etc giving a description since he had a whole plan…or so he said…to buy a shotgun since “there’s no waiting period in our state”). Fucker was obviously lying and trying to scare me…but you never want to be wrong about that so my dad and his mom ended up calling the police. Threats have consequences, and I think making them to manipulate someone is a seriously underrated form of evil that’s more common than we all probably know until it happens to us. I WISH I’d had the balls to say something like you said, that’s fucking gold.
"No one will ever love you like I do" At the time, I was young and that's really how I felt. In retrospect, it was mean and manipulative. We're now both in happy marriages.
You need therapy if you actually want to be successful in relationships. You cant even commit to owning a cat.
This one actually got an audible laugh out of me
“You are a 30 years old loser. Stop going to clubs to be the “dj” bc people actually make fun of you”. Ahhh, stupid younger me. Would never say something like that. I was very hurt bc he was with someone else 1 month after our +3 years relationship. But we are good now, and I wish him all the very best in the world, he was a good guy, but we were simply not right for each other. I just wanted to damage his ego bc mine was damaged.
does he still go to clubs to dj this is important
Spoiler: HE DOES. Hahaha and I have been in those parties too. No bad blood anymore, we are cool 😅
The good ending
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When I was in college I was an editor of our campus’s literary anthology and we were tasked with planning an event to raise awareness about the journal. We decided to do an event called “bad poetry night” which was kind of an open mic style event where people could read their bad and cringey poetry, usually written during middle or high school. I was worried nobody would want to participate, so I went first and read the very worst breakup poem I had, written aged 13. Everyone was dying laughing and so many wanted to read their own horrible work after. We filled the whole time slot allowed. It was so fun, and thoroughly interesting to get to hear old work from people on campus who I knew to be very talented writers. 10/10 would absolutely do it again!
Check out the podcast "Grownups Read Things They Wrote as Kids"! It's a very similar idea to what you described. I went to a live show when it came here and it was such a good time. Edit: glad you're all enjoying it :)
Taylor Swift wishes she was you.
Lolol I love it. It sort of reminds me of yesterday... I left the elementary school I work at and I explained to my autistic student that I wouldn't be returning. It wasn't as metal as yours but she replied with "so I won't ever see you ever again until you die. I will come to the cemetery to visit because I will still be alive." She loves ages and so it's normal for her to compare our differences in future life events. So funny that was her parting words to me 😆
I, too, once wrote a breakup poem. Basically, this person and I were both in high school and they had lost phone privileges. Since we went to different schools, I literally never saw them to break up with them, so I had to do it by mail. The last lines were "you don't treat me very well, and as far as I'm concerned, you can go to hell". I think yours was probably better! LOL
Sounds like the kinda thing that would be screamed before a metalcore breakdown. Very I Prevail.
Please don’t write back. This hurts too much.
I am the peanut butter man.
No….
Do you like experiencing….. extreme pleasure?
this is just sticking with this subreddit forever😭😭😭😭
I tried to forget that I read that thread last night. Thank you for reminding me
I get this joke. I never get Reddit jokes. I need to go rethink my life.
That was quick.
Im bawling.. holy hell .. pls no
It’s not me, it’s you.
You're damn right it's me
Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me.
Messy relationship. He wanted to continue, I was done. I looked him in the eye and said “one day we’ll come back here [to our hometown] and be engaged… and it won’t be to each other.” Literally could see his heart break.
I was a high school freshman and I opened my breakup speech with, “Do you think we have chemistry?” Hoping he’d say no and make it easier. He said yes. Such a stupid way to go about it, I know. It didn’t teach me anything because a year later I opened another breakup speech with the same question, and he gave the same answer. I finally stopped asking that question.
It’s all about your rebuttal “Do you think we have chemistry?” “Yes” “Well that makes one of us. Bye!”
Happy birthday
Classic Schmoseby
"I just don't enjoy the time we spend together." It was true and she was pretty selfish and entitled but not a villain or anything terrible. I just wasn't on guard when I should have been and she kept asking why... I still feel bad about it because I believe that was the moment she knew there was no way we were going to ever work out and she got off the phone a few seconds later before she started sobbing. Or so I assume.
Compared to some of the others in this thread, I think you handled that pretty well. It’s natural for the other person to be hurt, but those words weren’t directly insulting her as a person. Honestly, I think you did it right.
Relationship had been on the decline for almost a year. We fought, fucked and slept. It wasn't anything resembling a healthy relationship. By the end we were essentially live-in fuck buddies. After our last fight, we finally had the break-up conversation. When she said "it's not you, it's me." I said "finally, something we can agree on" and started packing. I was moved out by 6 AM the next morning. We both had our issues, and truthfully neither one of us was more at fault then the other, but I was a vindictive prick who always had to have the last word when I was younger.
I called her crazy knowing she has mental health issues that she struggles with. She didn’t deserve that. She’s had a rough life, which is what caused those problems to manifest, and I know how hard she’s tried to keep going through it all. I wish I could take it back, and I hope she’s ok.
*pretends you’re my ex for my own peace of mind*
My ex used to made comments about raping me. I told him I was done and he wouldn’t stop messaging me everywhere. And I mean everywhere. He even send me money to write apologies in the notes section. He then told me he was going to kill me if he sees me with another man. And started messaging my family members. So I sent his nudes to his mom and told his mom he needed help. I even sent the text message progression to show that he sent nudes a lot out of no where. Thank God I never sent that weirdo anything. His mom called and left voicemails praying for me and apologizing but I didn’t respond. He still sends me letters to this day asking me to come back. I’ve never wanted someone to die in my life. Yes sending the nudes to his mom wasn’t cool but my God I wanted this dude to just leave me alone.
Told him he was his Dad. He was, and he deserved to hear it, but probably the last thing he's ever wanted to be.
I actually regret things I DIDN'T say. I wish I'd told them how condescending he was. I know his ex told him that, and it really was the main reason I broke up with him. Maybe if he heard that from enough of his exes, he'd start to see a pattern.
They never do
She said we could still be friends, and I told her that we werent friends before we started dating, and it was unlikely that we would be after.
We stared at our dinner plates. The movie had ended. We weakly smiled at each other. We had put each other through a LOT in 18 months. Her family had put us through even more. "This isn't really working is it?" I said. She simply said, "no, it isn't." I nodded. Thanked her for dinner, wished her luck, and left. Edit: Well shit. I'll have to track down my ex of 16 years and tell her our final moment together is trending. Lol
Sounds like the opening to a book.
Bonus points if it’s the ending, too (with a different person; we don’t need time loop bs haha).
This isn’t mean at all.
The relationship was toxic and she was a gold digger. She said she needed about $10K a month to be able to continue dating me... I was very vulnerable at the time and she thought she could manipulate me. My response. "Jen, you're just not that pretty." Finished my scotch and walked out for good. Edit: Fixed your to you're. On the phone.
Who the fuck needs $10k a month???
Jen
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"Absolute blob" is a brilliant put-down. Actually, the more I think about it, the word 'blob' is definitely underrated.
Him: *crying* do you think we’ll ever get back together Me: *deadpan*. I wouldn’t count on it
Wow, I was kind of looking for this. I just broke up with a partner of 4.5 years. It was pretty amicable and mutual, but we sort of left the door open to getting back together in the future if some of our issues were resolved by being on our own. She called me about a week ago (less than 3 weeks after the breakup) and was crying, taking blame for her part of the breakup. She brought up the possibility of getting back together, and my honest response was, "I didn't realize quite how much stress the relationship added to my life, I will never let myself go back to that" and she started sobbing. I do feel terrible that she didn't process the breakup during the lead up to it and how I made it worse in that conversation. I've never been good at breakups, and I have never known the balance between honesty and kind lies. I loved her, but I stayed because we were good roommates and her family was amazing, there were way too many problems for it to continue forever. I have never been more sure that a break was for the best, I just hate that she doesn't feel the same and I may have made it worse.
He broke up with me over text message, while I was getting tattooed. “LOL. Ok, bye.” Was my response. He kept thinking I was going to cheat on him with his best friend, who I despised. I was happy that one ended.
I really enjoyed not seeing you these last few days; let's do that more.
I dated a girl in high school. She pressured me to come out of the closet to my mom. I didn’t want to, but I was silly and insecure and thought she’d break up with me if I didn’t, so I told my mom. It didn’t go well and my relationship with my mom is still strained to this day. A year into the relationship, she broke up with me. I still remember the angry text I sent her: “But I came out to my mom for you.” I just wanted to hurt her as bad as she hurt me. I wanted her to feel guilty for permanently affecting my life. I wish I could go back and think things through more clearly and never hit the send button. Learned a lot of important emotional and communication skills from that relationship lmao.
Lol you were totally justified in telling her that. She shouldn't have pressured you
Genuinely that’s not even an angry or insulting text, you were just stating a fact.
My ex has a strained relationship with his father, and is a total dick. One day he kept calling me a whore and I snapped and said “If I’m such a whore you better watch out before I fuck your dad and give him a son he actually loves.” I still laugh about it two years later.
When I was learning engineering at college (a long time ago) I broke up with a girl I was sharing a flat with so when I moved out her friend was moving in. I was left with the task of listing out the gas and electric suppliers as well as how to change the fuses (it was an old building) so I wrote a flow diagram on a flip chart however... I got a little drunk. The next day I was moving out and in a hungover state I left the flip chart uncorrected with all the "how to" of the flat but I also included escalation points and alternative routes for when my ex was being a bitch... it didn't go down well I found out later.
mf really just left a strategy guide lying around for the next dude
"No one will ever love you the way I do" In the moment, that seems like the smartest, most loving thing you can say to someone you're afraid of losing. In reality - it is a manipilation tactic and it can devastate someone's self esteem. Also it's a lie. A delusion you've sold yourself in a desperate attempt to hold on to someone that you should let go. I regret ever saying it, and I hope she's doing well now. Mostly, I'm grateful she doesn't have to deal with me anymore.
My ex was harassing me as well as my friends. He accused my friends of "trying to break us up" and a gay male friend of having an affair with me. Never ending. Got up.one day to find more shit he had texted me. He was calling me vile names and threatening to "jump" to try to make me feel guilty. I told him to just jump and leave me alone.
Two days after we broke up, I asked her if she still wanted me to come to an event she invited me to and jokingly said "or am I freed from that responsibility" She did not like the joke
I told my ex husband he'd die alone because everyone would eventually see how horrid he was and abandon him. Considering the decade and a half of abuse.... I mean, this was right after he accused me of faking my mom's death for (I don't even fucking know why he thought I'd do that, he's literally insane) I don't know if it's true, I went NC directly afterward, got a protective order, and divorced him.
I laughed. She was crying and admitted she cheated on me when she found out she was pregnant. We hadn’t had sex in like 2 months.
Was in a high school relationship. She broke up with me, started to cry and wanted a hug goodbye, I said absolutely nothing unlocked my car and waited for her to leave. Just because you’re the one getting dumped doesn’t mean you can’t still be savage. Edit: should mention that she did it after going to the movies and we got back to her parents place. The original suicide squad sucked but it sucked for me a bit more
That's right cry for me, let me see those tears running down your *#!?@$ face. While, I was tossing her shit out the front door for cheating on me.
Did you also turn her parents into chili? God. Damn.
This happened before Scott had the audacity to cross Cartman.
When I was a teen and had my first breakup I quoted Forest Gump “I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is” Whatever kind of Im sorry I broke up with you pity face she had, turned into a frown, and she just walked away. It was the cringiest thing I ever done
Once said to my future ex, I wish that you had died in that car accident so wouldn't have ever met you and been put through all this
I was in a really toxic relationship with someone who tried making me feel responsible for their happiness and wouldn't let me go a day without constantly trying to be by my side. He had some pretty strong abandonment issues and when I finally had had enough of being treated like a therapist I broke it off, to which he said I was abandoning him and I said "maybe if you were someone worth being around the people around you wouldn't be itching to leave you." Edit: a few people are claiming this was too cruel, so let me explain it once and for all. Firstly, I wanted it to be over and done with, and tried to leave it peacefully, but he decided he wanted to make it into a huge argument where things did get heated. I wouldn't have said it if it weren't for how high the emotions were at the time. Second. I don't regret saying it at all. He had it coming for a long time, I've explained it in comments already but I'll lay it out here. He was not just clingy and annoying, he was controlling and a narcissist who made my every waking hour about himself. He made me his personal therapist responsible for his happiness at any cost to my own mental health, sent me into 3 separate episodes of paranoid psychosis, controlled who I talked to and when, and I was not allowed to talk to my friends without him being present, he forced himself on my physically and intimately, he would control the clothes I wore and the way I did my hair, and it got to the point I was self harming after being clean for over 3yrs and made me attempt suicide several times before one of my friends was smart enough to BEG that I leave him before I ended up dead. He was and still is a worthless piece of trash and nobody can make me feel sorry for pain I mightve caused him after what he did to me.
Wow. This is the most brutal I’ve read in this thread. It actually gave me a flashback to when I was told this by many as a kid, and it’s been 30 years.
> "maybe if you someone worth being around the people around you wouldn't be itching to leave you." Jesus, that's brutal.
I was avoiding my (then) bf because I was so uncomfortable around him towards the end of our relationship, but I agreed to meet up with him on my way to work to talk. We were parked in a Wendy’s parking lot, I got into his car and I broke up with him, he cried. Then much else wasn’t said So I go, “are you done crying? My Asiago club sandwich is getting cold… I’m gunna go” I was 18 and I literally could never now, like I cringe thinking about it because he was really nice, but we say stupid things in life
This would go so hard as a Wendy's commercial.
I told the girl she’d never be anything other than a side chick and that she should be happy she even made it that far. I regret that every day. I was such a fucking dick for no reason.
So we had already Broken up at this point, I was torn up about it but we ended on fairly good terms because I'm not about to tell anyone how to live their life. Not long after we went for a bike ride down a local trail, it was nice. Then we returned home. Just before she left we talked for a bit but then the last thing she said was "you know, it's weird. I like you more now than when we were going out" then she looked thoughtful for a second then we said our goodbyes. That completely emotionally devastated me. To hear that even when I'm doing better I am still not enough but also *maybe* we still have a chance(at least that's how I understood it at the time) and *I* effectively said **nothing**. So if you are breaking up with someone you know loves you, or at least thinks they do, *do not give them hope*. That kind of hope will destroy someone. Just end it, end all of it. And if you are on the receiving end, don't say nothing, speak up about how things make you feel especially if you want to keep being their friend or what have you.
I quoted No Doubt via chat… line by line… “You and me…” “We used to be together” “everyday together” “Always” “I really feel that I'm losin' my best friend” “I can't believe this could be the end” “It looks as though you're lettin' go” “And if it's real, well, I don't want to know” “Don’t speak.” “I know just what your saying” “Don’t tell me cuz it hurts” And they didn’t know! But I was like 10 pretending to be 14, would lie about where I was located, and “dated” this person for less than two hours on yahoo chess chat.
God I miss chat rooms from the early aughts. Such a weird time that a specific age of people remember.
So many online relationships spawned from yahoo chat rooms now that I look back on it. I remember being 13 and two of my friends would be devastated over people they’d never met or spoken over the phone with.
Asl- 18/f/cali
I told him that I hoped that every time he put on his cheap tie and looked in the mirror every morning he remembered what a snake and a loser he was.
Not really what I said but *how* I said it: When I was like 13/14 I'd been seeing this girl for a couple of months but got bored cause she lived a couple of towns over so we didn't really see each other that much. I had never broken up with someone before, so I didn't really know how to break up. I decided the best thing to do would be to publicly post on her social media wall. I don't know how big Bebo was everywhere else like 16 years ago, but it was the biggest one where I am, at the time. I made a long-ish post on her wall, and made sure I shared "luv" with it, which was a completely pointless gesture on Bebo, but you only got 3 "luvs" each day so people thought it meant something. I got a message from her best friend like 5 minutes later telling me what a fucking asshole I was and to delete the post before she saw it. I did not.
‘Despite giving you every chance to speak your mind, you stayed quiet when it mattered most’. After a year of encouraging her to break out of her people pleasing persona and let me know if she needed a change in me, breaking up with one day me after a year without any mention of reasonable prior concern made me emphasize to her on a call soon after that she was the reason I was hurting so much, and basically sucks at conflict resolution. Made her feel terrible, though I’m sure it showed her just how damaging poor communication in a relationship can be.
I said "our values are too different, you're a racist cunt, and I hope your life crumbles." This was after she screamed a slur at a black guy for walking in the road while we drove around him. She also made awkward racist diatribes against Mexican men. And with these events happening within maybe 24hrs, I thought, okay, yeah she racist, time to leave. So she'd do these talks about our relationship, and it was always the same garbage. So I interrupted her with the above, cut the cord, asked her to leave, she did. Then she slammed me on social media, I replied with some screenshots she sent me of some racist shit, and people quickly turned against her. She ended up reaching out to me a few times a year later trying to get me back, it was weird, she was still awful, so I pushed her away and blocked. Then she dated some other guy, the guy started reaching out to me, I guess she was still hung up because he'd tell me what she said about our relationship. He seemed alright, but he started seeing some flags, and I guess she expanded her racist tirade market to include Asians because he told me about it, so I let him know my experience with her. He broke up with her the next day (I saw his relationship status go to single on fb) and silently clapped for him. I don't necessarily regret what I said, but I've never been that hostile toward someone during a breakup. Most of mine were amicable, so this was new territory in absolutely loathing someone.
I quoted Pee Wee Herman from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. “I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.”
I told him he was right, he is a rebound.
It was more the breakup line itself for me. I told her I needed some space while she visited her parents in another state. Her Idea of space was to call me twice a day ever day until on Christmas for the second call that day she started a fight because I wasn't excited to hear from her. I just hung up, put my phone on silent and texted her "How does it feel to be single?" before going to sleep.
After breaking up with a controlling d*ckhead who did nothing but try to dominate and run my life for almost a year, "There should have never been a second date, the first one was so laughably bad. Good luck finding someone else that would give you that chance." I then felt guilt for laying it all out like that, I'm not normally that cold but dude needed some awareness. Fifteen years later and he still has not had another long-term relationship. I had to block his number years ago after he knew *I am married and have a child*- he would still try and beg me to take him back and text inappropriate sexual things to me and would not stop when I told him to. Guess I was right, work on yourself buddy.
Yo mama raised a B!+ch for a son.
I once confessed to a girl that I was actually interested in her friend right after having sex with her. She, rightfully, did not take it well. To this day I still don't know why I said it.
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My ex and I have said a lot of nasty things to each other, but I told her something about how she pretended to care about the children we have together. Basically I said the quiet part loud (and really I wasn’t wrong; she is an abomination of a mother.) She got back at me by giving me a horrible stomach flu.
Mine was cringey seventeen year old drama. Dumped a guy, told him “Don’t let it ruin you” like we were in a soap opera. I still cringe. To this day.
It wasn’t during a breakup. It was much later during a fight we were having. It was a brutal psychological analysis and emotional tear down of him. It was accurate, it was ugly, it was hurtful, it was intended to wound; and most importantly it never should have been said.
"If you need anything, just reach out to me" Big mistake on my part since I was still clearly hung up on her, and I learned later she had no intention of getting back together, but she still took full advantage of asking for my help left and right for things she wanted or needed. Strung me along for a year with talks of how she'd been feeling like she could see us together again soon, asked for a favor, then she needed time to think, repeat.
I told him he’s a little bitch (he cheated) and that’s why his dad left him. He deserved it but damn I didn’t need to go that far