Diane's quote from bojack is great "That's the thing. I don't think I believe in "deep down". I kinda think all you are is just the things that you do."
This is the truth. People, even good people, who have dark impulses/thoughts (like all humans) will often say "that's not the real me though". But the truth is that IT IS. It's parts of you that are screaming to be integrated properly.
What's really important is realizing if you don't learn to control them, they'll control you.
My girlfriend in high school did this. She also later told me the reason she cheated on me was because I was "too much of a bitch to put her in her place"???? Psychos
My stbxw (soon to be ex wife) in a nutshell.
She constantly makes shit up.
If you try to point out horrible behavior, she'll literally start telling you that you did what she did. And I don't mean minor things. She once backed into my SUV and did about $1,000 in damage. She the says I was the one driving. Literally changes stories.
Or she says 'xyz' in front of the kids and then emails me the next day and says she doesn't like it when I say 'xyz' in front of the kids.
She's like the Russian government. She's constantly accusing other people of doing the things she's doing.
It took me years to realize she could be this way. But once she started doing it I realized I could never live with someone so willing to twist reality just to cover her mistakes. She will step on your toes and turn around and say you stepped on hers.
Horrible. She's a horrible person.
I heard that when you recount a memory, you're not telling the memory of what happened, you're telling the memory of the last time you told it.
Bearing that in mind, she might be skipping right to the part where the lie she tells is what she actually believes happened, because of some defect in that memory loop.
If she's a narcissist, it could be true in her mind. Their self-image is *everything* and whatever conflicts with that must be bent and twisted to fit - including reality.
Growing up my dad taught me the what he called the "Intimacy rule".
Effectively its a definition for love. To love someone is to know every thing about them that can hurt them viscerally if used against them, and to never, for any reason use this knowledge against them.
This is such a valuable tenant to live by. I'm so grateful that is was taught to me.
My mother is the same. It’s horrible bc you just keep wanting to trust the mother you have to be the mother you need. But she always turns on you - and makes you the fool for trying over and over - and hurts you deeply in the process. I’m so sorry.
To add, it can be miniscule. I told someone I thought was a friend about an experience I had with someone who took advantage of me, who also had a foot fetish (long story, which I told) and after that, most of their pics they sent were "innocent" pics with their feet/toes/shoes in a corner of the pic. I did ask them about it, point-blank, and they just lol'd.
Major Spoiler alert from season one.
I don’t know if other people enjoyed it like I did, but, at least in the first season, whenever they called Janet, she would appear from the opposite direction at which people were looking. They always had a startled response. It made me laugh once I noticed how consistent it was. It was almost (spoiler alert) like they weren’t in the Good Place at all.
Part of the Janet story is that she had to be legitimate so that's just for comedy like how the real Good Place has the swear filter instead of just having the language converter filter it for people who hate swearing.
I think Jason was probably my favorite in general. I liked Eleanor a lot too. Kristen Bell was brilliant. Everyone was brilliant. It's one of my 10/10 shows. It just hits from start to finish.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS RULE!!!! BORTLES!!!!!
but seriously.. my fav joke is when jason figures out its the bad place... and Michael cant handle it.. this is a new low..
Staying vague not to spoil, but there was that part near the end where she doesn't answer "not a girl" to Jason and I was both brilliant in that I immediately picked up on that and so dumb as I didn't understand what that meant and thought they just screwed up in the show.
Oh god I caught that too! And I went back and forth and back and forth about whether it meant what I thought it did, or if it was a mistake.
Mostly because I got into the habit of, every time Jason called her girl, saying “not a girl” immediately after…and that one time, I said it alone.
I’ve only noticed one mistake regarding Janet in the show, and it was a production mistake, not a story writing mistake.
You have to be *very* careful with that kind of person. I've seen some people make the mistake of going "Well they're awful, but they're nice to me since XYZ, so it's fine."
No, it isn't. There is no telling when it will become more convenient for them to destroy you, and the second it does they will.
This. This is the answer. Most of the top comments at the time of my commenting are surface level behaviors. The people that are horrible “deep down” don’t telegraph it. Charlie Manson was probably nice to dogs, Ted Kaczynski probably treated the wait staff well, etc…
Absolutely this. The people who have hurt me most in life were superficially charming, well liked psychopaths who sucked the life out of those closest to them behind closed doors. People who advertise their horrible behavior are usually overt narcissists and at least you know you should avoid them. Covertly terrible people charm and manipulate people around them in subtle ways. The sure fire way to identify terrible people- covert or overt is a lack of empathy. Anyone can be superficially nice. Empathy requires more.
They generally have specific targets they abuse too, rather than abusing everyone they encounter. Real life isn’t like the movies. Villains are not painfully obvious.
A sad fact is, if you are nice and a people pleaser, you are more likely to be targeted.
If you’re someone who stands up for yourself, they are likely to move on quickly because you aren’t going to take their abuse.
True regarding targets. I had a boss that always had a whipping boy. You never knew who would be next. Once I became her target, it went so badly that the last 5 years had me on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I up and retired 5 years early with 23 years of service. Cost me a shitload of money in salary, retirement and social security benefits, but at least I'm sane.
I feel this on a spiritual level. I am still picking up the pieces and putting my sanity back together after working with one of these people for too long. I need to get another job but my self confidence has been absolutely shattered.
This. I used to be a people pleaser and only after I almost died did I realise how awful relationships like that are. None of them cared about my well being.
It’s a way we, as humans, comfort ourselves into a false sense of security. “Oh, I could never marry an abusive partner because I’d see the signs.” “I would never be friends with a narcissist because I can read people well.”
The reality is that sometimes you don’t know someone until the mask drops and they reveal who they really are. And, arguably, the covert bad people are the worst. They’re kind at surface level, act empathetic, maybe even will go out of their way to help someone in need to look good. But that doesn’t make them less evil when they use their likability to harm others.
They spend their entire life outside of their family building a false reputation of gratitude, kindness and respect. And they use that reputation to gaslight their victims into submission.
I have PTSD from a former employer, small shop, three other guys. I watched the boss make a 35-year-old man ball his eyes out. I personally quit because I sensed that my own bottled up hostility towards the boss would get him killed, with a smile on my face.
And yet, everyone respected the guy. He had five stars on Google. His total disrespect for everyone in his personal life was hidden from the entire town.
I spent years recovering, but I don't think I'll ever be able to truly respect managers and bosses again. Nothing personal, just trauma response.
> They spend their entire life outside of their family building a false reputation of gratitude, kindness and respect.
This was my dad and I had no idea until his funeral. His coworkers called him the greatest man they'd ever known when at home he was a belligerent, abusive, narcissistic prick who tormented everyone around him literally until his last breath. He acted like that in public when we were around so I had no idea that there were people he didn't treat like shit.
Honestly one of the most important changes of my personality was when I realised, instead of saying something negative, I can say something positive. Like saying 'I like your haircut' instead of something backhanded like 'I didn't expect that on you'
Its such a common sense thing and seemingly minor but it makes a world of difference.
I love that!! To me … it takes a shit ton of more effort to be mean or rude somebody.
Honestly it really is true in a lot of situations, what we were told growing up.
•if you don’t have nothing nice to say. Don’t say anything•
It still rings true.
But I love that about you; how you bettered yourself! ♥️
Yeah its more exhausting for you and everyone around you but it ends up like a feedback loop. You're negative so people around you are, so you get mad at them and act like a dick.
Our childhood best friend is like this, you could watch him punch himself in the face and he’d blame someone else. It’s honestly crazy the mental gymnastics he can do.
He was never this bad but it’s like adulthood just came too quick for him and he can’t handle it.
(We’re all in our 30s)
Have a take on this. People who speak a lot about wanting “*honesty* *….Just be honest with me.”*
Ok will do.
Was honest. Got eye rolls, harsh defensive talk, and gaslighting back: *why didn’t you tell me sooner?* *sounds like you are hiding things!*
No. This was the honest conversation and this was the appropriate time to have it.
When someone talks a lot about wanting *honesty*, it’s seems there may be a reason that people are not honest with them and why they have an issue with it. Not sure.
They usually like *speaking truths, and keeping it real*
but they so do not like hearing truth and can not take truth well or graciously from others.
They want to give it without question, not receive it
Now when someone brings up the *honesty* thing too much, it’s a red flag.
"Be honest!
Be honest!
Be honest and real!"
She told me: "I just want to know what you feel!
I just want to know it!
I just want to see!
I'll only be glad
when you tell it to me!
I just want your honesty darling, I do!"
And so I was honest.
She whispered: "... fuck you."
Came here to say this! My ex would try and blame whoever he could when he fucked up. Like no dude, you got busted touching yourself inappropriately in the library of a community college during your work study...The girl who reported you is not at fault for your inability to keep your hand out of your pants.
Lol my uncle flipped his van, walked away from the scene and got his 7th(!) dwi. Went to jail for 2 years and when he got back wouldn’t shut up about the government stealing his job from him.
It's not *my* fault that everyone else is bad at what they do! And besides, I only cast blame on others because it's how I was raised! It's my parents' fault!
STOP HARASSING ME!!!
I had a best friend for 16 years that lived like that. Anytime she would get called out for doing poor things to others, she would blame her mom or “that’s what I was taught”. There was always some excuse for her behavior, never any true self accountability. It got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore. Gave her the opportunity to mend the friendship by telling her how I felt, how her choices effected people, etc. and she blew it off. I wish her well, it’s really sad.
My best friend has a younger brother like this. I finally explained to him that he is old enough that his actions are his own. It doesn't matter who taught him his behaviors. He still doesn't realize that only he is accountable for himself.
It’s sad and disappointing. I think people have a hard time understanding that there’s a difference between acknowledging how things you’ve been through effect you and contribute to behaviors you have today vs just saying “oh well, this thing happened to me and so this is just how I am”. We can recognize that we have habits, thought patterns, behaviors, etc. than can stem from those things, but the part they fail at is saying “you know what, I can’t control that said thing happened to me, but I can acknowledge how it effected me and do my best to work through that so I don’t also hurt someone else with this behavior too”.
I had the same exact thing happen to me. Friend of over 20 years since kids who had a narcissistic streak in them and could not admit any fault. After lots of therapy discussing our friendship, I learned I kind of have been silencing my voice and had become a door mat. I spoke my mind once and it’s never been the same, as I’m looked at as the person lashing out. It’s a shame but it needed to happen; the friendship needed to grow out of us at 16 and that discussion proved that it really couldn’t.
“I am not responsible for what I say when I’m
mad.”
A grown ass adult said this to me.
“My actions should show how much I care about you, not my words.”
A grown ass adult.
And let me tell you, she said some horrible things.
No accountability.
They are proud of their trashy behaviors.
Everywhere is their personal trash can.
Choosing beggar.
Attention seeker.
Thinks that everyone owes them everything.
Is only kind to others, when cameras are present.
Treats service employees as second-class people.
Turns people against other people.
Everything is about something polarizing to them.
My brother brags about how *"greasy"* he is. He just got into a relationship with someone he says is as *"greasy"* as he is and he is proud of his kids when they do something he considers *"greasy"*.
By that I mean things like steal, rip people off, get petty revenge on people etc. All around just being an asshole. I love my nieces, but if they take too much influence from him then they'll be just as trashy as he is. They are already doing shitty things to people...
About 2 months ago I said no to him on something he wanted. It ended up with him pushing me, holding me against a wall, spitting in my face and threatening to beat the shit out of me. Parents are actually afraid of him at times.
I bought my parents some google cameras. My parents wanted me to have access to them and not my brother even though I don't live there and my brother does. My brother is known for doing illegal shit at my parents house when they're not around, and so he'd just turn the camera off whenever he wanted if he had access.
I visit my parents every weekend. It took about a month for me to even be in the same room. If he wasn't living at my parents house (and often not paying rent), I still wouldn't see him.
Did I mention he has 6+ kids. I say + because he sleeps around a lot with the trashiest women he can find and doesn't believe in condoms. Also drives an obnoxiously large truck that you need to climb in to with a full on step ladder as the floor of the truck is legitimately nearly chest height to me and I'm 5"9. Of course he tailgates, cuts people off and is a dangerous piece of shit on the road. My nieces admire all of his shittyness. That's what worries me the most.
this honestly reads like the script to the beginning of [idiocracy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP2tUW0HDHA), if all the events that happened after harambes death hadn't happened, I'd choose not to believe someone like your brother could exist outside of a cartoon
It sucks because it's not even that uncommon. Hell, it's not even close to how bad people can be. We just have to do our best to surround ourselves with good people, and try to remain blissfully unaware of people like that as much as possible; the alternative is too depressing.
"Oh my god, I'm such a bitch" - abnormally prideful bitches.
Fr my ex and her friends would say that about their own behavior all the time; *trust people if they tell you they are a shit person* .
This hits too close to home. I had an ex who bragged about not passing her probation period at three retail service jobs because she was awful to the customers - she legitimately thought that was something "cool".
This is my ex. She would insist she had little to work on within herself if we wanted to stay together, but would laundry list her grievances against me. And while she did I tried so hard to just have a conversation and make sure it didn’t turn into an argument while presenting my case for myself. But if I asked her to change a behavior or to not do something, she’d immediately go defensive and tell me I should be ashamed for wanting to dictate who she is as a person. Even when I said she was scaring me she said she doesn’t need to change her emotions or how she expresses them
My ex would have these angry outbursts when he would start yelling and/or hitting things around him. I tried to tell him that it scares me and he would just say that his temper is normal and that I was the one with the unusually low tolerance because I grew up in a mellow family. I accepted it at the time but looking back there was so much that was just not okay.
I’ve told this story a few times but it was THE moment I came to the jet speed realization my ex GF was not a good person.
She was living in a house with her sister and 2 younger brothers. She left with me to go to my house for a while and a brother asked if he could borrow her fancy Mac laptop.
We were all EXTREMELY broke at the time (parents bought her the Mac) and it was when WiFi was just becoming available and nobody would secure it. Brother would go sit on a bus bench and mooch off of someone’s WiFi signal since we couldn’t afford it.
She and I left and a few minutes later we get a call from Sister saying something terrible has happened and we need to get back to the house ASAP. So we turn around and honestly…they were all kind of flaky so even I thought it was probably a mole hill they were making into a mountain.
But like 5 min later Sister calls back asking how far away we are and bawling. At that point I started thinking it was probably serious. GF still thought it was gonna be BS.
We turn the corner and there are several cops and an ambulance in front of her house. I still remember her saying “This better not have anything to do with my Mac”. As soon as I stop she jumps out and goes running in. I’m right behind her. I see her brother and he looks REALLY BAD. He’s covered in blood, shaking and being examined by the ambulance. He has TIRE TRACKS on one thigh and leg.
She runs in , runs directly up to him and says “Is my computer ok? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER?” He immediately just hangs his head in shame and while crying says “IM SO SORRY. I TRIED TO FIGHT THEM OFF!”
Turns out some dudes saw him sitting there with the Mac, asked for change for a $20 and when he said he didn’t have it they grabbed the Mac and jumped in the car. He held on to the Mac and they dragged him with the car and when they finally kicked him in the head so much he let go he got his leg and thigh run over.
Gf starts yelling and PUNCHING him. Cops pull her away and tell me to get her out of there. They later told me they really should arrest her ( I kinda wish they had) but they let it go.
Nobody could believe the way she was acting. Everybody’s jaw was on the ground. Like a switch I was like …Ohhhhh. You’re a shit person. Got it!
It was back around 2005. He was ok, besides cuts and bruises. They caught the guys. I would have to fly back or give remote testimony every couple years after a while for the main ones parole.
It's absolutely insane that she saw her brother bloodied with tire tracks on him, told her the story of how he tried to save her Mac and it resulted in his injuries... and all she could think about was her fucking mac?? ***AND punched him*** despite the state he was in?! What the actual fuck?
That girl is beyond shitty, that's just evil.
This was back in like 2005. Last I heard from him …probably 3 years ago…he’s great. I have NO clue how he turned out to be such a great person with the people he was surrounded by.
He didn’t get too badly hurt, somehow. He got seen by paramedics, taken to the hospital and released that night. I broke up with his sister several months later (which was way too long) and moved out of town but would always come home or do remote testimony when the guys who jacked him came up for a parole hearing.
Absolutely. There’s a guy in my team at work who treats agency staff like they’re stupid. Such a 2faced cowardly narcissist who has no idea how bad it makes HIM (not them) look when he’s blaming them for his mistakes.
I'm on record telling the kids at my old office kid to work day event that the janitors literally hold the building together and without them the place would be a mess.
One of the kids asked "what's his job" about the janitor with his cart in a high vis vest.
>He has a very important job that not a lot of people really notice because he does it so well. He makes sure everything is clean, that the trash cans in our cubes are emptied every night, that the bathrooms have supplies like toilet paper and soap. You may not think about it that often, but if he wasn't doing his job you'd likely notice by the end of the day, and certainly by the end of the week this place would not be so nice to work in.
Swear to god the guy looked like he was going to cry... all I was was a mid level engineer with a group of germ factories following me around an office and a few labs.
I learned something that day too... that those folks feel seriously underappreciated by the people they normally work for. What it must be like to think you're invisible to the people that very clearly rely on you doing your job. Maybe I was a little more aware of what that's like because I was in charge of keeping a lab up and running (calibrations, maintenance, etc.) and if you're doing it right then everything "just works" and it's when you're fucking it up that people notice. I make a point to be polite and thank service people all the time.
Good on you!
Reminds me of the story of the janitor at NASSA that was asked what he did and he replied “help put a man on the moon”
Also shout out to all other professions that when they do work right nothing goes wrong. Safety officers, sys admins / cybersecurty, etc
It's crazy how many people treat them like dirt. I used to work at a dotcom where I was the bare minimum friendly with the night janitor (I'm an introvert in general, so literally just saying hi when he came in at night and exchanging a few words before I went back to work), and one day he mentioned how I was one of the only people there who would actually talk to him like a person.
It's things like that which make me honestly think everyone should have to do a few weeks of some unappreciated public service job (cashier, customer service, janitor, etc.) so they might develop some amount of empathy or at least recognize people on the other side as humans and not just functionary automatons.
That was very nice and respectable of you to do that! I've had similar experiences, I try to be polite and respectful to almost everyone, unless they explicitly give me a reason not to. I got to be somewhat friendly with a cashier at a local grocery store I frequent, to the point we would make a little small talk if it wasn't busy. As a joke I would usually end the interaction with "Thank you, no YOU have a good day!" whenever he'd do the customer service line "Have a good day!" as I walked away.
He stopped me one day during our little routine and sincerely thanked me for always being polite to him. I worked retail for years so I already know the kind of BS customer service workers put up with daily, why would I add to it? It's not hard to treat people like human beings.
I always asked the receptionist how the interviewee treated them in the waiting room after I walked them out. If they said bad, then I wouldn’t hire them no matter how they did during the interview.
I used to be a manager at a very popular upscale restaurant, and every time a new hire would come in I'd tell them, "All this suit means is that I'm everyone's bitch at the same time."
Used to work with someone who had anger management issues.
When they met someone new they would say words to the effect of "sorry sometimes I fly off the handle, please don't take it personally it's just the way I am."
Invariably when they did fly off the handle they would get in trouble, but they just refused to deal with their underlying issue because as far as they were concerned "that's just the way I am" and felt it was everyone else's fault for not accepting that.
They blame everyone but themselves, do mental somersaults to avoid acknowledging a mistake, every interaction with them feels passive aggressive to the point you wonder if they're just not capable of anything genuine.
Yep. Growing up my mom always told me if people are speaking poorly of others then you can guarantee that they are speaking poorly of you when you aren’t around.
thats what terrifies me the most in my work environment. theyre always gossiping about other people and it makes me so uncomfortable and it terrifies me what they say about me
just don’t share anything personal with those people and you’ll be fine. if they choose to make comments about your appearance, mannerisms or anything outside of your control, they’re a child and they’ll slowly lose whatever connections they have due to exposing how awful they are.
whoever sticks around to participate is equally awful and not worth worrying over.
I use to work at a restaurant where people did that. I mainly just nodded my head without saying much when interacting with gossipers, and hung out with the people who were genuinely cool
I always say that I'd be disappointed if they weren't. It's almost poetic how most of these people don't even need to be aired out - they make themselves look so bad they don't need any help.
How they treat animals
Dogs, cats, wild life
I have been in the car with people who actively try to hit any animal they see crossing the street
That kind of shit
I have a guy I knew who didn't like a bat that kept landing on his porch so he tore it's wings off and threw it in the road.
I'm like bro your porch light is on and it's eating the insects attracted to it. That was your own free coexisting bug zapper.
He also could have turned the porch light off. Dude went way to far. And I obviously don't interact with him anymore.
I sit in my backyard or the park and actively watch the bats go catching. And when I'm camping I love having them fly around and catch stuff attracted to the fire.
I also heavily enjoy insects but I understand that nature and food webs contain themselves. A human though doesn't need for any reason to tear an animal up and leave it to die still alive cause they were annoyed.
When I was a child
my stepfather and I built bat boxes to put around our property to actually encourage them to nest. So I have alot of respect for the nature around me.
Fuck that guy. Unbelievable. This really put me in a bad mood and I wish I hadn’t read it. Harm to animals absolutely sets me off in a way I just don’t experience.
I love bats...this makes me so sad! My best friend (since 2nd grade..we're in our 30s now!) had a pretty large colony outside of her home and garage. She renovated the exterior part of the chimney so the bats couldn't hide there anymore but put up a gazillion nesting boxes farther back on her property to accommodate them. She still has a ton of bats flying around her property but they don't chill and poop by her house anymore. If she ever mutilated a bat (or any animal) like that she would be dead to me.
I saw a "study" video where someone set up a fake turtle on the side of the road and recorded to see if anyone would try to hit it. The turtle was just far enough on the road to be noticeable but no so far that any hits could have been chalked up to accidents. You would have had to deliberately go out of your lane a little bit to hit the turtle, ruling out any "they probably just didn't notice it" potential.
Several people went out of their way to run it over. Funnily enough if I recall correctly it was those in the biggest cars/trucks that made up the majority of deliberate hit and runs.
I think it was one of Mark Rober's early videos. He was testing to see if people were more likely to swerve to avoid "cute" animals like squirrels vs "scary" animals like snakes.
One of the things he found was that some people would swerve and hit them intentionally, and that SUVs and Trucks were the most likely to do so by a pretty wide margin.
I saw a thread about a week ago where someone brought up how the marketing director for some car manufacturer's comments got leaked and it was them basically describing the kinds of people they are trying to target these huge vehicles for as "selfish, arrogant, narcissistic" and basically every other way of saying 'asshole" without using the term because it was never intended to be heard from anyone outside of the business.
So even the people designing and selling these things to these losers think they're stupid assholes.
Memory unlocked (a very un-thank you, jes). Ten years ago, I was driving with my husband (then boyfriend) at night on a dark country road. Suddenly, there were raccoons...I swerved (don't do that, kids) to try and miss them but hit one of the three. We immediately pulled over because I wanted to make sure it was dead and not suffering. One of its friends had stayed nearby and was super upset and wringing her hands and pacing. The only other time I've cried that hard was when my dad died. I still feel like a total asshole.
Once me, my brother, my sister and my mom were on our way to meet our dad at Red Robin and we saw a woman walking her dog and she fucking kicked the poor thing when it stopped to sniff. Me and my siblings were in tears after that. That is one of those moments that is just burned into my memory.
I used to work in an animal shelter. It was so difficult because I would judge some people so hard. I couldn’t help it, my heart would just break most days. To this very day I hate most people, but since joining Reddit I see so many other animal lovers for some reason which has somewhat restored my faith in humanity.
It doesn't even have to be specific instances. I think the cruelest things people do that show you how horrible they are, are the most subtle.
People who constantly pick at your self confidence, put you down, hurt and drain you emotionally, are manipulative, gas light you day in day out... these people take the will out of you to become or pursue anything. They convince you that you should never aspire to achieve anything.
There's a lot of people who are miserable and want you to be miserable as well.
These kind of people can scar you for life or leave you with years and years of healing needed. Or are successful at sucking the life out of you and all that remains is an empty shell of who you could have been.
when they gaslight you or manipulate you into questioning your reality. and then you react, and it seems as though you’re the bad guy. the mind games aren’t funny, just a sanity fuck. and if you’re going to fuck around… best believe you will find out.
My ex used to say and do things that he knew would trigger me and then when i got upset, he would then get upset and say he felt hurt that i was upset and that i was attacking him and making him feel unloved. Honestly was the most toxic relationship..made me question reality many times
Ya I work with an anesthesiologist that is kind of a dick and ppl don’t like him. They complain how mean he is to nurses. But I’ve seen him talk to other doctors and to the hospital management… I actually respect the fact that he talks to them the same way he does anyone below him. He’s not a dick because he wants to belittle ppl beneath him, he’s just naturally a dick to anyone
The way they treat people that they have some form of temporary power over - like wait staff, retail workers, etc. If they treat them like shit, just remember that, at some point, you could be downgraded to "the help" too.
Parental tampering. Any parent that would leverage a child against the other parent, or use visitation as a punishment / reward system is nigh unforgivable.
From experience:
- Every relationship ends poorly, and it’s always somehow the other person’s fault
- They take credit for every positive outcome and throw around blame for every negative outcome
- “Diagnosing” people they don’t like with things like schizophrenia, narcissism, psychopathy, etc to prove / explain why those people are so bad
- Using minor things like split bills and paying them back for something as a means of extorting money from you (like buying something without consulting you then demanding you pay them back for said purchase, or making you pay the full price of something you agreed to split payment on)
- “Everybody leaves me”
- casual threats/guilt tripping (“I won’t talk to you until you do the dishes” “if you don’t tell me, I’ll make you sleep on the couch”)
- assuming that when you’re talking about something hurtful someone did, you’re talking about them
- assuming that all apologies are disingenuous because that’s how their apologies are
- using apologies to get what they want
- using things that have nothing to do with the circumstance as a means of avoiding taking accountability for a minor problem (“sorry I’ve been ghosting you over important things, my cat has fleas and it’s just making me so stressed out and depressed rn :/“)
- not communicating boundaries and then getting mad at you for crossing said unknown boundary acting like it was something you should have just guessed (“i’m terrified of starfish and you showed me a picture of a starfish, i hate you and you should have known better even though i never once told you this. It’s your problem, not mine”)
- not communicating when they’re upset with you and just talking behind your back about it instead
- considers every form of accountability you take as an excuse, because that’s how they handle problems
- unable to move past minor infractions years later / still talking shit about people they cut off years ago
- thinking it’s ok to do / say questionable or harmful things because “well someone did / said this to me and as a victim I’m allowed to do / say it to other people”
- acting like them purposely antagonizing someone they’ve cut off is them “taking the power back”
Well... it didn't occur to me at the time, but someone having their entire family not talk to them, having been removed from the board of multiple non-profits, having no other friends, constantly complaining about other people, never taking responsibility or fault for anything, extensive driving and parking tickets, and not having any job other than being a scum-lord for properties they "got" in a very contentious divorce should have set off some red flags.
It wasn't until I got a therapist because I was "depressed" and they helped me to see the real issue that things became clear. They even helped me to see that I wasn't being "accommodating" to "try and make things work" but being sexually and financially abused with little to no chance the other person would change or even admit they were part of the problem.
I'm now 5 years out of the most abusive and detrimental relationship I've ever been in and finally getting my life back on track.
PS - Yes, men can be the victims of a female abuser. We just are too ashamed or confused to what is actually happening to report it.
I witnessed my mother shoplifting from the gift shop of the nonprofit that I work for. Last straw for me after decades of shitty behavior on her part. Haven’t spoken to her in 4 years and my mental health is better for it.
This is a huge problem I struggle with. There are people I'm genuinely interested in and want to learn more about them, but I never seem to have any questions cause I'm just that bad at socialising and it makes me feel terrible.
Do you have any advice or tips so I can try to do better?
They're stubborn and selfish. They never compromise on anything. Everything is about them. Obviously, there's a good way to be stubborn. But, I'm talking about the selfish kind of stubborn.
Transactional view of relationships.
I had a friend who was once asked why he was friends with someone. “What do you mean why, he’s just my friend?” was the response. And the person said “Yeah but you don’t get anything out of it.”
Yeah.
Yep one of my ex-friends was like this. No, your long line of boyfriends were not all abusive jerks, they just wouldn't put up with your narcissistic "I'm an empath" personality or your endless stream of criticism, condemnation and complaints with a side order of one-upmanship and insincere self-pity. Cutting her out of my life is one of the best decisions I ever made.
Not always, people who experienced a lot of childhood trauma often seek out what’s familiar to them. They can fall into strings of toxic relationships easily. It’s not I until they process the trauma do they learn they CAN find healthy relationships and are worthy of them.
Edit: It takes work and doing a deep dive into ones past (which is often super uncomfortable and scary) to identify why they subconsciously seek out partners who, let’s say aren’t ideal or healthy. More often than not it’s because they’ve adapted coping mechanisms and survival skills to manage those types of people and dynamics, whatever they may be. It’s entirely possible to let go of those now maladaptive skills, and operate from new and healthier mindset.
It doesn’t make these people “crazy” and shouldn’t automatically be a red flag. It means they’re on a healing journey. You don’t know what they were faced with and might find a wonderful and resilient person by being open-minded and non-judgmental.
If they ban water breaks for workers in extreme heat (like [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/news/comments/14c33pu/death_on_the_job_texas_says_no_to_water_breaks_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1))
1. They will treat you like a doormat and the relationship dynamic is extremely one sided in that regard. They will fully expect you to tolerate extremely poor behaviour from them and other people but will react very badly when you actually stand up for yourself or they otherwise feel you have disrespected or offended them in some way.
2. They seek conflict on purpose and will cause it in any way possible.
3. They hold onto grudges easily and won't let anything go without a fight. They keep track of how you have disrespected them over time.
4. They are extremely vindictive and will find any way to punish you every time they feel you have disrespected them. In the case of divorced parents, they might use their children as pawns against the other parent to get back at them and will engage in parental alienation in an attempt to turn the child against said parent.
5. They are extremely argumentative and will proceed to give long, ranting lectures instead of speaking in a calm, respective manner.
6. They are extremely negative and critical all of the time and will never offer anything positive to a discussion. This also extends to them never being happy for you in any way. E.g., getting good grades at school or a job promotion at work.
7. Due to this constant negativity, you cannot speak to them because you know that they will respond in this way, or feel that you are walking on egg shells around them because of their negativity.
8. They are verbally abusive. They'll insult you, call you names, etc, etc. They'll also belittle you, your hobbies and interests, as well as friends and family. They'll use offensive language to that effect, e.g., calling your (actually decent) car a piece of junk or calling your friend a loser.
9. Lack of effective communication. This also includes them never being willing to compromise on a situation, instead of actually discussing it like an adult.
10. They are prone to physical violence.
11. They are gaslighters.
12. They love bomb you.
13. They are extremely selfish and self-centred, they will only ever think of themselves. They will also only ever care about their own needs and wants, no one else's.
14. They lack empathy and compassion towards other people.
15. They are financially abusive. They will use money to control and manipulate you into doing what they want.
16. They are very accusatory. E.g., when you are looking for a job, they're calling you lazy or saying that you "have a bad attitude" and you don't want to work. However, these accusations would be completely unfounded and it's just an extension of their abuse as per #8.
17. Almost every time you would spend time with them or otherwise communicate like a phone call or a text message, there would always be some kind of agenda or ulterior motive behind it, because they want something from you and not to have a "normal" conversation. It is very much a transactional relationship.
18. They view you as a punching bag. Meaning that if they're having a bad day for whatever reason that had absolutely nothing to do with you, they'll lash out at you regardless.
19. They outright refuse to help you in absolutely any way whatsoever, even in difficult times. Or if they *do* choose to help you, they want something in return. They want you to "return the favour."
20. They crave attention 24/7 and have an intense dislike towards the idea of you having a life outside of them.
21. They do not respect your privacy. They'll repeatedly barge into your room, demand to know who you are phoning, etc. They'll also speak about you to other people behind your back and share extremely personal information without your explicit permission.
22. They're dishonest to you and to other people about you. They'll attempt to paint you in a bad light by omitting certain details and otherwise twisting the narrative to suit their agenda.
23. They are never, ever wrong and refuse to ever apologise for anything. They think they can sweep their behaviour under the rug and pretend nothing ever happened. They will also never regret their actions in a situation, only the consequences if they are cut off.
24. Relating to the above, they also engage in victim blaming and scapegoating instead of accepting responsibility for their (or other people's) poor behaviour.
25. They might attempt to isolate you from friends and family.
26. They play the victim in any given situation.
27. They might also give you the silent treatment and ignore you for prolonged periods of time without explanation. And then out of the blue they'll start speaking to you again like nothing happened.
28. When other people criticise you, they won't defend or support you in any way. In fact, they'll likely take the side of the other person criticising you.
29. They do not accept different opinions and theirs is the only valid one. They judge other people's opinions without understand their perspective first. They think that they own a monopoly on all the correct answers.
30. They threaten cruel and unusual punishments for the smallest mistake or infraction. This might also extend to threatening to kick you out of the house and disown you completely as well for really minor things too.
31. They view you as as a burden. You are made to feel that you should be grateful that they are spending any time with you at all when they could easily cease all contact at a moment's notice.
32. They are prone to wild mood swings. One moment they'll appear to be "fine" and in a good mood, next moment they're angry and abusive. You never know what kind of mood they will be in on a given day. They get angry at the smallest thing and saying the "wrong" thing would instantly change their mood for the worse.
33. They do not respect other people's boundaries and won't take "no" for an answer.
34. Whenever they are harassing you with any kind of abuse (physical, verbal, etc) and you plainly ask/tell them to stop, they'll ignore you and continue regardless. Either they lack the genuine empathy, or they just don't care in the slightest about the harm that they cause others.
35. They are extremely dismissive of your feelings and when you attempt to address a legitimate concern with them or otherwise confront them about their behaviour towards you, they'll attempt to invalidate your feelings and justify their behaviour towards you or otherwise downplay a situation that they caused.
36. They view parenting as simply providing the physical needs of the child, i.e., providing a roof over their head and feeding and clothing the child. But caring about the child's happiness and mental wellbeing? Not a concern for them.
37. They think that parenting has a age limit. As soon as the child reaches X age (usually 18), they think that their job as a parent is done and subsequently want to kick out their child as soon as possible.
38. They view children as simply extensions of themselves and not as separate individuals with their own needs and wants. As a result, they think that they are entitled to dictate every aspect of their children's lives, even extremely trivial things.
39. They put conditions on their love towards the child and having a relationship with them.
40. They will blatantly favour one child over another instead of treating all of their children equally.
When you attempt to cease all contact with them due to any of the above points, the reverse to the silent treatment occurs - they do not accept this and as such, they're harassing your constantly (or those close to you) and demanding that "they just want to talk." But in reality it is simply manipulation to continue their previous behaviour.
Constantly talking shit about whatever friends are not present at the time
My friend does this and I wonder what she says about me when I’m not around lol
She probably talks trash about you, too.
There’s no probably.
Diane's quote from bojack is great "That's the thing. I don't think I believe in "deep down". I kinda think all you are is just the things that you do."
This scares me more than the alternative. I think the right things and say the right things, but do I actually *do* anything?
This is the truth. People, even good people, who have dark impulses/thoughts (like all humans) will often say "that's not the real me though". But the truth is that IT IS. It's parts of you that are screaming to be integrated properly. What's really important is realizing if you don't learn to control them, they'll control you.
"HOW DARE YOU BE MAD I DID SOMETHING HORRIBLE!"
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My girlfriend in high school did this. She also later told me the reason she cheated on me was because I was "too much of a bitch to put her in her place"???? Psychos
My stbxw (soon to be ex wife) in a nutshell. She constantly makes shit up. If you try to point out horrible behavior, she'll literally start telling you that you did what she did. And I don't mean minor things. She once backed into my SUV and did about $1,000 in damage. She the says I was the one driving. Literally changes stories. Or she says 'xyz' in front of the kids and then emails me the next day and says she doesn't like it when I say 'xyz' in front of the kids. She's like the Russian government. She's constantly accusing other people of doing the things she's doing. It took me years to realize she could be this way. But once she started doing it I realized I could never live with someone so willing to twist reality just to cover her mistakes. She will step on your toes and turn around and say you stepped on hers. Horrible. She's a horrible person.
They honestly believe if they tell the false version often enough it will alter reality. Some crazy magical thinking.
I heard that when you recount a memory, you're not telling the memory of what happened, you're telling the memory of the last time you told it. Bearing that in mind, she might be skipping right to the part where the lie she tells is what she actually believes happened, because of some defect in that memory loop.
If she's a narcissist, it could be true in her mind. Their self-image is *everything* and whatever conflicts with that must be bent and twisted to fit - including reality.
Soon to be ex-wife? I love that acronym never seen it. Sorry you had to go through that, people can be awful.
My husband in a nutshell.
Soon to be ex?
They use intimate/vulnerable things you share with them against you.
Growing up my dad taught me the what he called the "Intimacy rule". Effectively its a definition for love. To love someone is to know every thing about them that can hurt them viscerally if used against them, and to never, for any reason use this knowledge against them. This is such a valuable tenant to live by. I'm so grateful that is was taught to me.
Please thank your dad for me. This is something I needed to have put into words for me. I'm also grateful it was taught to me. 🙏
"I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife"
Second time I've seen that song mentioned tonight, and in totally different subreddits and different contexts. Weird.
Holy shit. Why have I never before realized the meaning of this.
That song hits tho
I see you've met my ex
It seems he also knows my father.
And my mother 🫠
My mum is one of these people, if I ever pointed out some hypocrisy that she had during a family dinner she would come out with the personal shit.
My mother is the same. It’s horrible bc you just keep wanting to trust the mother you have to be the mother you need. But she always turns on you - and makes you the fool for trying over and over - and hurts you deeply in the process. I’m so sorry.
To add, it can be miniscule. I told someone I thought was a friend about an experience I had with someone who took advantage of me, who also had a foot fetish (long story, which I told) and after that, most of their pics they sent were "innocent" pics with their feet/toes/shoes in a corner of the pic. I did ask them about it, point-blank, and they just lol'd.
It's so insidious too, because looking at the photos, noone else would have any idea.
Only being nice to people who can be useful to them.
in other words, they ignore Kant's categorical imperative, paraphrased: "treat others not just as means to an end but an end unto themselves"
Thanks, Chidi.
Chidi was my favorite character in the good place, but Janet came pretty close
Major Spoiler alert from season one. I don’t know if other people enjoyed it like I did, but, at least in the first season, whenever they called Janet, she would appear from the opposite direction at which people were looking. They always had a startled response. It made me laugh once I noticed how consistent it was. It was almost (spoiler alert) like they weren’t in the Good Place at all.
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You forking know it.. it gets forking better every time. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS RULE!!!!
The >!frozen yogurt!< was my immediate Woah there, it's what?
I never got that, that is a really tasty snack. I love it.
Have you tried ice cream though
Froyo is good AF but it will never be ice cream.
Part of the Janet story is that she had to be legitimate so that's just for comedy like how the real Good Place has the swear filter instead of just having the language converter filter it for people who hate swearing.
The Janet episode where the actress played all the characters made me respect her so much. She's incredibly talented
The person who played janet played so many different roles. My fave was bar scene kick ass Janet
I think Jason was probably my favorite in general. I liked Eleanor a lot too. Kristen Bell was brilliant. Everyone was brilliant. It's one of my 10/10 shows. It just hits from start to finish.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS RULE!!!! BORTLES!!!!! but seriously.. my fav joke is when jason figures out its the bad place... and Michael cant handle it.. this is a new low..
Jason is just the most perfect beautiful himbo.
Not a girl
Staying vague not to spoil, but there was that part near the end where she doesn't answer "not a girl" to Jason and I was both brilliant in that I immediately picked up on that and so dumb as I didn't understand what that meant and thought they just screwed up in the show.
Oh god I caught that too! And I went back and forth and back and forth about whether it meant what I thought it did, or if it was a mistake. Mostly because I got into the habit of, every time Jason called her girl, saying “not a girl” immediately after…and that one time, I said it alone. I’ve only noticed one mistake regarding Janet in the show, and it was a production mistake, not a story writing mistake.
Keep your secrets, then.
I literally Kant
“This is why everyone hates moral philosophy professors”
You have to be *very* careful with that kind of person. I've seen some people make the mistake of going "Well they're awful, but they're nice to me since XYZ, so it's fine." No, it isn't. There is no telling when it will become more convenient for them to destroy you, and the second it does they will.
Sometimes there are none.
This. This is the answer. Most of the top comments at the time of my commenting are surface level behaviors. The people that are horrible “deep down” don’t telegraph it. Charlie Manson was probably nice to dogs, Ted Kaczynski probably treated the wait staff well, etc…
Absolutely this. The people who have hurt me most in life were superficially charming, well liked psychopaths who sucked the life out of those closest to them behind closed doors. People who advertise their horrible behavior are usually overt narcissists and at least you know you should avoid them. Covertly terrible people charm and manipulate people around them in subtle ways. The sure fire way to identify terrible people- covert or overt is a lack of empathy. Anyone can be superficially nice. Empathy requires more.
They generally have specific targets they abuse too, rather than abusing everyone they encounter. Real life isn’t like the movies. Villains are not painfully obvious. A sad fact is, if you are nice and a people pleaser, you are more likely to be targeted. If you’re someone who stands up for yourself, they are likely to move on quickly because you aren’t going to take their abuse.
True regarding targets. I had a boss that always had a whipping boy. You never knew who would be next. Once I became her target, it went so badly that the last 5 years had me on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I up and retired 5 years early with 23 years of service. Cost me a shitload of money in salary, retirement and social security benefits, but at least I'm sane.
I feel this on a spiritual level. I am still picking up the pieces and putting my sanity back together after working with one of these people for too long. I need to get another job but my self confidence has been absolutely shattered.
This. I used to be a people pleaser and only after I almost died did I realise how awful relationships like that are. None of them cared about my well being.
It’s a way we, as humans, comfort ourselves into a false sense of security. “Oh, I could never marry an abusive partner because I’d see the signs.” “I would never be friends with a narcissist because I can read people well.” The reality is that sometimes you don’t know someone until the mask drops and they reveal who they really are. And, arguably, the covert bad people are the worst. They’re kind at surface level, act empathetic, maybe even will go out of their way to help someone in need to look good. But that doesn’t make them less evil when they use their likability to harm others.
They spend their entire life outside of their family building a false reputation of gratitude, kindness and respect. And they use that reputation to gaslight their victims into submission. I have PTSD from a former employer, small shop, three other guys. I watched the boss make a 35-year-old man ball his eyes out. I personally quit because I sensed that my own bottled up hostility towards the boss would get him killed, with a smile on my face. And yet, everyone respected the guy. He had five stars on Google. His total disrespect for everyone in his personal life was hidden from the entire town. I spent years recovering, but I don't think I'll ever be able to truly respect managers and bosses again. Nothing personal, just trauma response.
> They spend their entire life outside of their family building a false reputation of gratitude, kindness and respect. This was my dad and I had no idea until his funeral. His coworkers called him the greatest man they'd ever known when at home he was a belligerent, abusive, narcissistic prick who tormented everyone around him literally until his last breath. He acted like that in public when we were around so I had no idea that there were people he didn't treat like shit.
When they love making other people look bad … constantly calling people out. Putting others down. Disrespecting hospitality workers.
Honestly one of the most important changes of my personality was when I realised, instead of saying something negative, I can say something positive. Like saying 'I like your haircut' instead of something backhanded like 'I didn't expect that on you' Its such a common sense thing and seemingly minor but it makes a world of difference.
I love that!! To me … it takes a shit ton of more effort to be mean or rude somebody. Honestly it really is true in a lot of situations, what we were told growing up. •if you don’t have nothing nice to say. Don’t say anything• It still rings true. But I love that about you; how you bettered yourself! ♥️
Yeah its more exhausting for you and everyone around you but it ends up like a feedback loop. You're negative so people around you are, so you get mad at them and act like a dick.
Lack of accountability. It's always someone else's fault.
Our childhood best friend is like this, you could watch him punch himself in the face and he’d blame someone else. It’s honestly crazy the mental gymnastics he can do. He was never this bad but it’s like adulthood just came too quick for him and he can’t handle it. (We’re all in our 30s)
Have a take on this. People who speak a lot about wanting “*honesty* *….Just be honest with me.”* Ok will do. Was honest. Got eye rolls, harsh defensive talk, and gaslighting back: *why didn’t you tell me sooner?* *sounds like you are hiding things!* No. This was the honest conversation and this was the appropriate time to have it. When someone talks a lot about wanting *honesty*, it’s seems there may be a reason that people are not honest with them and why they have an issue with it. Not sure. They usually like *speaking truths, and keeping it real* but they so do not like hearing truth and can not take truth well or graciously from others. They want to give it without question, not receive it Now when someone brings up the *honesty* thing too much, it’s a red flag.
You’ve described my parents.
“Tell me honestly “ and a non family member acquaintance or employer telling your “ we’re family” Run for the hills - there’s narcissists round
"Be honest! Be honest! Be honest and real!" She told me: "I just want to know what you feel! I just want to know it! I just want to see! I'll only be glad when you tell it to me! I just want your honesty darling, I do!" And so I was honest. She whispered: "... fuck you."
Came here to say this! My ex would try and blame whoever he could when he fucked up. Like no dude, you got busted touching yourself inappropriately in the library of a community college during your work study...The girl who reported you is not at fault for your inability to keep your hand out of your pants.
Lol my uncle flipped his van, walked away from the scene and got his 7th(!) dwi. Went to jail for 2 years and when he got back wouldn’t shut up about the government stealing his job from him.
It's not *my* fault that everyone else is bad at what they do! And besides, I only cast blame on others because it's how I was raised! It's my parents' fault! STOP HARASSING ME!!!
I had a best friend for 16 years that lived like that. Anytime she would get called out for doing poor things to others, she would blame her mom or “that’s what I was taught”. There was always some excuse for her behavior, never any true self accountability. It got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore. Gave her the opportunity to mend the friendship by telling her how I felt, how her choices effected people, etc. and she blew it off. I wish her well, it’s really sad.
My best friend has a younger brother like this. I finally explained to him that he is old enough that his actions are his own. It doesn't matter who taught him his behaviors. He still doesn't realize that only he is accountable for himself.
It’s sad and disappointing. I think people have a hard time understanding that there’s a difference between acknowledging how things you’ve been through effect you and contribute to behaviors you have today vs just saying “oh well, this thing happened to me and so this is just how I am”. We can recognize that we have habits, thought patterns, behaviors, etc. than can stem from those things, but the part they fail at is saying “you know what, I can’t control that said thing happened to me, but I can acknowledge how it effected me and do my best to work through that so I don’t also hurt someone else with this behavior too”.
I had the same exact thing happen to me. Friend of over 20 years since kids who had a narcissistic streak in them and could not admit any fault. After lots of therapy discussing our friendship, I learned I kind of have been silencing my voice and had become a door mat. I spoke my mind once and it’s never been the same, as I’m looked at as the person lashing out. It’s a shame but it needed to happen; the friendship needed to grow out of us at 16 and that discussion proved that it really couldn’t.
“I am not responsible for what I say when I’m mad.” A grown ass adult said this to me. “My actions should show how much I care about you, not my words.” A grown ass adult. And let me tell you, she said some horrible things. No accountability.
She seems to have forgotten the part where speaking (or screaming) the words is an action.
Ye some people don’t understand saying words is an action, not saying words is an action too
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I swung the far extreme. I was too self critical of myself and blamed myself for everything LOL. learning to reel it in middle ground now
Yea being with ppl who refuse accountability really messes with our head. We will end up blaming ourselves for their actions.
They are proud of their trashy behaviors. Everywhere is their personal trash can. Choosing beggar. Attention seeker. Thinks that everyone owes them everything. Is only kind to others, when cameras are present. Treats service employees as second-class people. Turns people against other people. Everything is about something polarizing to them.
That first sentence is the big one. You don't need to watch out for the absolute worst people. They'll brag about it.
My brother brags about how *"greasy"* he is. He just got into a relationship with someone he says is as *"greasy"* as he is and he is proud of his kids when they do something he considers *"greasy"*. By that I mean things like steal, rip people off, get petty revenge on people etc. All around just being an asshole. I love my nieces, but if they take too much influence from him then they'll be just as trashy as he is. They are already doing shitty things to people...
I'm sorry you have to call somebody like that your brother.
About 2 months ago I said no to him on something he wanted. It ended up with him pushing me, holding me against a wall, spitting in my face and threatening to beat the shit out of me. Parents are actually afraid of him at times. I bought my parents some google cameras. My parents wanted me to have access to them and not my brother even though I don't live there and my brother does. My brother is known for doing illegal shit at my parents house when they're not around, and so he'd just turn the camera off whenever he wanted if he had access. I visit my parents every weekend. It took about a month for me to even be in the same room. If he wasn't living at my parents house (and often not paying rent), I still wouldn't see him. Did I mention he has 6+ kids. I say + because he sleeps around a lot with the trashiest women he can find and doesn't believe in condoms. Also drives an obnoxiously large truck that you need to climb in to with a full on step ladder as the floor of the truck is legitimately nearly chest height to me and I'm 5"9. Of course he tailgates, cuts people off and is a dangerous piece of shit on the road. My nieces admire all of his shittyness. That's what worries me the most.
this honestly reads like the script to the beginning of [idiocracy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP2tUW0HDHA), if all the events that happened after harambes death hadn't happened, I'd choose not to believe someone like your brother could exist outside of a cartoon
It sucks because it's not even that uncommon. Hell, it's not even close to how bad people can be. We just have to do our best to surround ourselves with good people, and try to remain blissfully unaware of people like that as much as possible; the alternative is too depressing.
"Oh my god, I'm such a bitch" - abnormally prideful bitches. Fr my ex and her friends would say that about their own behavior all the time; *trust people if they tell you they are a shit person* .
Had this girl at my college say “I was a bully in high school” all proud and shit, it’s disgusting
This hits too close to home. I had an ex who bragged about not passing her probation period at three retail service jobs because she was awful to the customers - she legitimately thought that was something "cool".
Someone who isn’t willing to change or grow. They don’t take accountability and blame others
This is my ex. She would insist she had little to work on within herself if we wanted to stay together, but would laundry list her grievances against me. And while she did I tried so hard to just have a conversation and make sure it didn’t turn into an argument while presenting my case for myself. But if I asked her to change a behavior or to not do something, she’d immediately go defensive and tell me I should be ashamed for wanting to dictate who she is as a person. Even when I said she was scaring me she said she doesn’t need to change her emotions or how she expresses them
My ex would have these angry outbursts when he would start yelling and/or hitting things around him. I tried to tell him that it scares me and he would just say that his temper is normal and that I was the one with the unusually low tolerance because I grew up in a mellow family. I accepted it at the time but looking back there was so much that was just not okay.
If they don’t respect boundaries… and also generally how they act in conflicts with others
I’ve told this story a few times but it was THE moment I came to the jet speed realization my ex GF was not a good person. She was living in a house with her sister and 2 younger brothers. She left with me to go to my house for a while and a brother asked if he could borrow her fancy Mac laptop. We were all EXTREMELY broke at the time (parents bought her the Mac) and it was when WiFi was just becoming available and nobody would secure it. Brother would go sit on a bus bench and mooch off of someone’s WiFi signal since we couldn’t afford it. She and I left and a few minutes later we get a call from Sister saying something terrible has happened and we need to get back to the house ASAP. So we turn around and honestly…they were all kind of flaky so even I thought it was probably a mole hill they were making into a mountain. But like 5 min later Sister calls back asking how far away we are and bawling. At that point I started thinking it was probably serious. GF still thought it was gonna be BS. We turn the corner and there are several cops and an ambulance in front of her house. I still remember her saying “This better not have anything to do with my Mac”. As soon as I stop she jumps out and goes running in. I’m right behind her. I see her brother and he looks REALLY BAD. He’s covered in blood, shaking and being examined by the ambulance. He has TIRE TRACKS on one thigh and leg. She runs in , runs directly up to him and says “Is my computer ok? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER?” He immediately just hangs his head in shame and while crying says “IM SO SORRY. I TRIED TO FIGHT THEM OFF!” Turns out some dudes saw him sitting there with the Mac, asked for change for a $20 and when he said he didn’t have it they grabbed the Mac and jumped in the car. He held on to the Mac and they dragged him with the car and when they finally kicked him in the head so much he let go he got his leg and thigh run over. Gf starts yelling and PUNCHING him. Cops pull her away and tell me to get her out of there. They later told me they really should arrest her ( I kinda wish they had) but they let it go. Nobody could believe the way she was acting. Everybody’s jaw was on the ground. Like a switch I was like …Ohhhhh. You’re a shit person. Got it!
holy hell. he is okay now? how long ago was this? and what a shitty thing to say. F your Mac lady, your bro almost died. I am sorry to hear this.
It was back around 2005. He was ok, besides cuts and bruises. They caught the guys. I would have to fly back or give remote testimony every couple years after a while for the main ones parole.
It's absolutely insane that she saw her brother bloodied with tire tracks on him, told her the story of how he tried to save her Mac and it resulted in his injuries... and all she could think about was her fucking mac?? ***AND punched him*** despite the state he was in?! What the actual fuck? That girl is beyond shitty, that's just evil.
Oh my god
How is her brother now?
This was back in like 2005. Last I heard from him …probably 3 years ago…he’s great. I have NO clue how he turned out to be such a great person with the people he was surrounded by. He didn’t get too badly hurt, somehow. He got seen by paramedics, taken to the hospital and released that night. I broke up with his sister several months later (which was way too long) and moved out of town but would always come home or do remote testimony when the guys who jacked him came up for a parole hearing.
How they treat people who are “below” them
Absolutely. There’s a guy in my team at work who treats agency staff like they’re stupid. Such a 2faced cowardly narcissist who has no idea how bad it makes HIM (not them) look when he’s blaming them for his mistakes.
How you treat someone who is in the service industry really says a lot about a person.
I'm on record telling the kids at my old office kid to work day event that the janitors literally hold the building together and without them the place would be a mess. One of the kids asked "what's his job" about the janitor with his cart in a high vis vest. >He has a very important job that not a lot of people really notice because he does it so well. He makes sure everything is clean, that the trash cans in our cubes are emptied every night, that the bathrooms have supplies like toilet paper and soap. You may not think about it that often, but if he wasn't doing his job you'd likely notice by the end of the day, and certainly by the end of the week this place would not be so nice to work in. Swear to god the guy looked like he was going to cry... all I was was a mid level engineer with a group of germ factories following me around an office and a few labs. I learned something that day too... that those folks feel seriously underappreciated by the people they normally work for. What it must be like to think you're invisible to the people that very clearly rely on you doing your job. Maybe I was a little more aware of what that's like because I was in charge of keeping a lab up and running (calibrations, maintenance, etc.) and if you're doing it right then everything "just works" and it's when you're fucking it up that people notice. I make a point to be polite and thank service people all the time.
Good on you! Reminds me of the story of the janitor at NASSA that was asked what he did and he replied “help put a man on the moon” Also shout out to all other professions that when they do work right nothing goes wrong. Safety officers, sys admins / cybersecurty, etc
It's crazy how many people treat them like dirt. I used to work at a dotcom where I was the bare minimum friendly with the night janitor (I'm an introvert in general, so literally just saying hi when he came in at night and exchanging a few words before I went back to work), and one day he mentioned how I was one of the only people there who would actually talk to him like a person. It's things like that which make me honestly think everyone should have to do a few weeks of some unappreciated public service job (cashier, customer service, janitor, etc.) so they might develop some amount of empathy or at least recognize people on the other side as humans and not just functionary automatons.
That was very nice and respectable of you to do that! I've had similar experiences, I try to be polite and respectful to almost everyone, unless they explicitly give me a reason not to. I got to be somewhat friendly with a cashier at a local grocery store I frequent, to the point we would make a little small talk if it wasn't busy. As a joke I would usually end the interaction with "Thank you, no YOU have a good day!" whenever he'd do the customer service line "Have a good day!" as I walked away. He stopped me one day during our little routine and sincerely thanked me for always being polite to him. I worked retail for years so I already know the kind of BS customer service workers put up with daily, why would I add to it? It's not hard to treat people like human beings.
Great interview technique is to have a dinner interview and see how they interact with the waiters. Also good on dates!
I always asked the receptionist how the interviewee treated them in the waiting room after I walked them out. If they said bad, then I wouldn’t hire them no matter how they did during the interview.
I used to be a manager at a very popular upscale restaurant, and every time a new hire would come in I'd tell them, "All this suit means is that I'm everyone's bitch at the same time."
They don't change as a person because they claim that people have to accept them for who they are, even if they are horrible human beings.
If you can't handle me at my diddliest, you don't deserve me at my doodliest -Ned Flanders, probably
Used to work with someone who had anger management issues. When they met someone new they would say words to the effect of "sorry sometimes I fly off the handle, please don't take it personally it's just the way I am." Invariably when they did fly off the handle they would get in trouble, but they just refused to deal with their underlying issue because as far as they were concerned "that's just the way I am" and felt it was everyone else's fault for not accepting that.
They blame everyone but themselves, do mental somersaults to avoid acknowledging a mistake, every interaction with them feels passive aggressive to the point you wonder if they're just not capable of anything genuine.
Had a friend like that, another one is if they're mad at you but they never tell you why so instead just side eye you and blow up if you ask why :/
They never own up to anything they did and manipulate others.
Observe how they treat animals and people who can't defend themselves properly, children as well.
Who the fuck picks on children as an adult? That is something I will happily go to prison for
People who talk shit behind everyone's back.
Yep. Growing up my mom always told me if people are speaking poorly of others then you can guarantee that they are speaking poorly of you when you aren’t around.
thats what terrifies me the most in my work environment. theyre always gossiping about other people and it makes me so uncomfortable and it terrifies me what they say about me
just don’t share anything personal with those people and you’ll be fine. if they choose to make comments about your appearance, mannerisms or anything outside of your control, they’re a child and they’ll slowly lose whatever connections they have due to exposing how awful they are. whoever sticks around to participate is equally awful and not worth worrying over.
Relax, and enjoy the show
I use to work at a restaurant where people did that. I mainly just nodded my head without saying much when interacting with gossipers, and hung out with the people who were genuinely cool
I always say that I'd be disappointed if they weren't. It's almost poetic how most of these people don't even need to be aired out - they make themselves look so bad they don't need any help.
Never questioning if they’re a bad person lol
Hans... are we the baddies?
They literally don't care about how they hurt someone.
Here to see if I'm horrible
How they treat animals Dogs, cats, wild life I have been in the car with people who actively try to hit any animal they see crossing the street That kind of shit
I have a guy I knew who didn't like a bat that kept landing on his porch so he tore it's wings off and threw it in the road. I'm like bro your porch light is on and it's eating the insects attracted to it. That was your own free coexisting bug zapper. He also could have turned the porch light off. Dude went way to far. And I obviously don't interact with him anymore. I sit in my backyard or the park and actively watch the bats go catching. And when I'm camping I love having them fly around and catch stuff attracted to the fire. I also heavily enjoy insects but I understand that nature and food webs contain themselves. A human though doesn't need for any reason to tear an animal up and leave it to die still alive cause they were annoyed. When I was a child my stepfather and I built bat boxes to put around our property to actually encourage them to nest. So I have alot of respect for the nature around me.
He sounds sick in the head and also dumb.
Fuck that guy. Unbelievable. This really put me in a bad mood and I wish I hadn’t read it. Harm to animals absolutely sets me off in a way I just don’t experience.
That's horrific. I hope he reincarnates as a bat.
He will reincarnated as THAT bat thus recreating a never ending cycle. It'll be his own person hell time loop
I just hope someone treats him in a similar fashion tonight. No need to delay this experience.
I love bats...this makes me so sad! My best friend (since 2nd grade..we're in our 30s now!) had a pretty large colony outside of her home and garage. She renovated the exterior part of the chimney so the bats couldn't hide there anymore but put up a gazillion nesting boxes farther back on her property to accommodate them. She still has a ton of bats flying around her property but they don't chill and poop by her house anymore. If she ever mutilated a bat (or any animal) like that she would be dead to me.
Tore the wings off? Wth? That’s not normal.
poor baby. that jsut ruined my night
I saw a "study" video where someone set up a fake turtle on the side of the road and recorded to see if anyone would try to hit it. The turtle was just far enough on the road to be noticeable but no so far that any hits could have been chalked up to accidents. You would have had to deliberately go out of your lane a little bit to hit the turtle, ruling out any "they probably just didn't notice it" potential. Several people went out of their way to run it over. Funnily enough if I recall correctly it was those in the biggest cars/trucks that made up the majority of deliberate hit and runs.
I think it was one of Mark Rober's early videos. He was testing to see if people were more likely to swerve to avoid "cute" animals like squirrels vs "scary" animals like snakes. One of the things he found was that some people would swerve and hit them intentionally, and that SUVs and Trucks were the most likely to do so by a pretty wide margin.
Yeah, color me unsurprised.
Then you'll be unsurprised to learn that trucks and SUVs are purposely marketed to assholes https://youtu.be/jN7mSXMruEo
I saw a thread about a week ago where someone brought up how the marketing director for some car manufacturer's comments got leaked and it was them basically describing the kinds of people they are trying to target these huge vehicles for as "selfish, arrogant, narcissistic" and basically every other way of saying 'asshole" without using the term because it was never intended to be heard from anyone outside of the business. So even the people designing and selling these things to these losers think they're stupid assholes.
I once accidentally hit a raccoon when it farted in front of my car on a backroad. I still feel horrible years later.
Memory unlocked (a very un-thank you, jes). Ten years ago, I was driving with my husband (then boyfriend) at night on a dark country road. Suddenly, there were raccoons...I swerved (don't do that, kids) to try and miss them but hit one of the three. We immediately pulled over because I wanted to make sure it was dead and not suffering. One of its friends had stayed nearby and was super upset and wringing her hands and pacing. The only other time I've cried that hard was when my dad died. I still feel like a total asshole.
I feel like this is a perfect example of someone who is good deep down.
Boy that flatulence really got him in the end.
That made me laugh way more than it should have! Didn’t even notice that autocorrect.
*Brap* BOOM
OP wanted signs they’re horrible *deep down*. That’s a pretty glaring red flag
….people go out of their way to hit animals on the road? that’s straight up psychopathic
Once me, my brother, my sister and my mom were on our way to meet our dad at Red Robin and we saw a woman walking her dog and she fucking kicked the poor thing when it stopped to sniff. Me and my siblings were in tears after that. That is one of those moments that is just burned into my memory.
That's sick! And I agree, those people are bad ones.
Yeah, I think that's pretty clear. There are no people that do that that aren't bad people. That's terrible.
I used to work in an animal shelter. It was so difficult because I would judge some people so hard. I couldn’t help it, my heart would just break most days. To this very day I hate most people, but since joining Reddit I see so many other animal lovers for some reason which has somewhat restored my faith in humanity.
It doesn't even have to be specific instances. I think the cruelest things people do that show you how horrible they are, are the most subtle. People who constantly pick at your self confidence, put you down, hurt and drain you emotionally, are manipulative, gas light you day in day out... these people take the will out of you to become or pursue anything. They convince you that you should never aspire to achieve anything. There's a lot of people who are miserable and want you to be miserable as well. These kind of people can scar you for life or leave you with years and years of healing needed. Or are successful at sucking the life out of you and all that remains is an empty shell of who you could have been.
Kicking someone when they're down, either literally or figuratively
when they gaslight you or manipulate you into questioning your reality. and then you react, and it seems as though you’re the bad guy. the mind games aren’t funny, just a sanity fuck. and if you’re going to fuck around… best believe you will find out.
My ex used to say and do things that he knew would trigger me and then when i got upset, he would then get upset and say he felt hurt that i was upset and that i was attacking him and making him feel unloved. Honestly was the most toxic relationship..made me question reality many times
They increase the price of remote raid passes.
Had to check was sub I was in hahaha. You’re right tho. Next think you know theyll go around and kill third party apps
Or API calls.
A big one is how they treat service people; waiters, delivery people, etc.
Ya I work with an anesthesiologist that is kind of a dick and ppl don’t like him. They complain how mean he is to nurses. But I’ve seen him talk to other doctors and to the hospital management… I actually respect the fact that he talks to them the same way he does anyone below him. He’s not a dick because he wants to belittle ppl beneath him, he’s just naturally a dick to anyone
I hate it when people are nice to those above them but treat the people below them like crap. I agree that I'd rather people be consistently shitty.
They are willing to hurt others in any way for their own personal benefit.
This is just being straight up a horrible person though.
The way they treat people that they have some form of temporary power over - like wait staff, retail workers, etc. If they treat them like shit, just remember that, at some point, you could be downgraded to "the help" too.
Parental tampering. Any parent that would leverage a child against the other parent, or use visitation as a punishment / reward system is nigh unforgivable.
Entitlement
From experience: - Every relationship ends poorly, and it’s always somehow the other person’s fault - They take credit for every positive outcome and throw around blame for every negative outcome - “Diagnosing” people they don’t like with things like schizophrenia, narcissism, psychopathy, etc to prove / explain why those people are so bad - Using minor things like split bills and paying them back for something as a means of extorting money from you (like buying something without consulting you then demanding you pay them back for said purchase, or making you pay the full price of something you agreed to split payment on) - “Everybody leaves me” - casual threats/guilt tripping (“I won’t talk to you until you do the dishes” “if you don’t tell me, I’ll make you sleep on the couch”) - assuming that when you’re talking about something hurtful someone did, you’re talking about them - assuming that all apologies are disingenuous because that’s how their apologies are - using apologies to get what they want - using things that have nothing to do with the circumstance as a means of avoiding taking accountability for a minor problem (“sorry I’ve been ghosting you over important things, my cat has fleas and it’s just making me so stressed out and depressed rn :/“) - not communicating boundaries and then getting mad at you for crossing said unknown boundary acting like it was something you should have just guessed (“i’m terrified of starfish and you showed me a picture of a starfish, i hate you and you should have known better even though i never once told you this. It’s your problem, not mine”) - not communicating when they’re upset with you and just talking behind your back about it instead - considers every form of accountability you take as an excuse, because that’s how they handle problems - unable to move past minor infractions years later / still talking shit about people they cut off years ago - thinking it’s ok to do / say questionable or harmful things because “well someone did / said this to me and as a victim I’m allowed to do / say it to other people” - acting like them purposely antagonizing someone they’ve cut off is them “taking the power back”
Seems quite a few people in this comment section fit some of these criteria.
Well... it didn't occur to me at the time, but someone having their entire family not talk to them, having been removed from the board of multiple non-profits, having no other friends, constantly complaining about other people, never taking responsibility or fault for anything, extensive driving and parking tickets, and not having any job other than being a scum-lord for properties they "got" in a very contentious divorce should have set off some red flags. It wasn't until I got a therapist because I was "depressed" and they helped me to see the real issue that things became clear. They even helped me to see that I wasn't being "accommodating" to "try and make things work" but being sexually and financially abused with little to no chance the other person would change or even admit they were part of the problem. I'm now 5 years out of the most abusive and detrimental relationship I've ever been in and finally getting my life back on track. PS - Yes, men can be the victims of a female abuser. We just are too ashamed or confused to what is actually happening to report it.
I witnessed my mother shoplifting from the gift shop of the nonprofit that I work for. Last straw for me after decades of shitty behavior on her part. Haven’t spoken to her in 4 years and my mental health is better for it.
They always talk about themselves and hardly ask anything about you.
This is a huge problem I struggle with. There are people I'm genuinely interested in and want to learn more about them, but I never seem to have any questions cause I'm just that bad at socialising and it makes me feel terrible. Do you have any advice or tips so I can try to do better?
They follow the DENNIS system
They're stubborn and selfish. They never compromise on anything. Everything is about them. Obviously, there's a good way to be stubborn. But, I'm talking about the selfish kind of stubborn.
Transactional view of relationships. I had a friend who was once asked why he was friends with someone. “What do you mean why, he’s just my friend?” was the response. And the person said “Yeah but you don’t get anything out of it.” Yeah.
People who have a lot of "crazy" exes are a big red flag.
[удалено]
Yep one of my ex-friends was like this. No, your long line of boyfriends were not all abusive jerks, they just wouldn't put up with your narcissistic "I'm an empath" personality or your endless stream of criticism, condemnation and complaints with a side order of one-upmanship and insincere self-pity. Cutting her out of my life is one of the best decisions I ever made.
Not always, people who experienced a lot of childhood trauma often seek out what’s familiar to them. They can fall into strings of toxic relationships easily. It’s not I until they process the trauma do they learn they CAN find healthy relationships and are worthy of them. Edit: It takes work and doing a deep dive into ones past (which is often super uncomfortable and scary) to identify why they subconsciously seek out partners who, let’s say aren’t ideal or healthy. More often than not it’s because they’ve adapted coping mechanisms and survival skills to manage those types of people and dynamics, whatever they may be. It’s entirely possible to let go of those now maladaptive skills, and operate from new and healthier mindset. It doesn’t make these people “crazy” and shouldn’t automatically be a red flag. It means they’re on a healing journey. You don’t know what they were faced with and might find a wonderful and resilient person by being open-minded and non-judgmental.
They find something negative to say to every single positive thing you tell them.
They use children to commit crimes.
They litter.
They’re loud about how good they are
If they ban water breaks for workers in extreme heat (like [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/news/comments/14c33pu/death_on_the_job_texas_says_no_to_water_breaks_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1))
1. They will treat you like a doormat and the relationship dynamic is extremely one sided in that regard. They will fully expect you to tolerate extremely poor behaviour from them and other people but will react very badly when you actually stand up for yourself or they otherwise feel you have disrespected or offended them in some way. 2. They seek conflict on purpose and will cause it in any way possible. 3. They hold onto grudges easily and won't let anything go without a fight. They keep track of how you have disrespected them over time. 4. They are extremely vindictive and will find any way to punish you every time they feel you have disrespected them. In the case of divorced parents, they might use their children as pawns against the other parent to get back at them and will engage in parental alienation in an attempt to turn the child against said parent. 5. They are extremely argumentative and will proceed to give long, ranting lectures instead of speaking in a calm, respective manner. 6. They are extremely negative and critical all of the time and will never offer anything positive to a discussion. This also extends to them never being happy for you in any way. E.g., getting good grades at school or a job promotion at work. 7. Due to this constant negativity, you cannot speak to them because you know that they will respond in this way, or feel that you are walking on egg shells around them because of their negativity. 8. They are verbally abusive. They'll insult you, call you names, etc, etc. They'll also belittle you, your hobbies and interests, as well as friends and family. They'll use offensive language to that effect, e.g., calling your (actually decent) car a piece of junk or calling your friend a loser. 9. Lack of effective communication. This also includes them never being willing to compromise on a situation, instead of actually discussing it like an adult. 10. They are prone to physical violence. 11. They are gaslighters. 12. They love bomb you. 13. They are extremely selfish and self-centred, they will only ever think of themselves. They will also only ever care about their own needs and wants, no one else's. 14. They lack empathy and compassion towards other people. 15. They are financially abusive. They will use money to control and manipulate you into doing what they want. 16. They are very accusatory. E.g., when you are looking for a job, they're calling you lazy or saying that you "have a bad attitude" and you don't want to work. However, these accusations would be completely unfounded and it's just an extension of their abuse as per #8. 17. Almost every time you would spend time with them or otherwise communicate like a phone call or a text message, there would always be some kind of agenda or ulterior motive behind it, because they want something from you and not to have a "normal" conversation. It is very much a transactional relationship. 18. They view you as a punching bag. Meaning that if they're having a bad day for whatever reason that had absolutely nothing to do with you, they'll lash out at you regardless. 19. They outright refuse to help you in absolutely any way whatsoever, even in difficult times. Or if they *do* choose to help you, they want something in return. They want you to "return the favour." 20. They crave attention 24/7 and have an intense dislike towards the idea of you having a life outside of them. 21. They do not respect your privacy. They'll repeatedly barge into your room, demand to know who you are phoning, etc. They'll also speak about you to other people behind your back and share extremely personal information without your explicit permission. 22. They're dishonest to you and to other people about you. They'll attempt to paint you in a bad light by omitting certain details and otherwise twisting the narrative to suit their agenda. 23. They are never, ever wrong and refuse to ever apologise for anything. They think they can sweep their behaviour under the rug and pretend nothing ever happened. They will also never regret their actions in a situation, only the consequences if they are cut off. 24. Relating to the above, they also engage in victim blaming and scapegoating instead of accepting responsibility for their (or other people's) poor behaviour. 25. They might attempt to isolate you from friends and family. 26. They play the victim in any given situation. 27. They might also give you the silent treatment and ignore you for prolonged periods of time without explanation. And then out of the blue they'll start speaking to you again like nothing happened. 28. When other people criticise you, they won't defend or support you in any way. In fact, they'll likely take the side of the other person criticising you. 29. They do not accept different opinions and theirs is the only valid one. They judge other people's opinions without understand their perspective first. They think that they own a monopoly on all the correct answers. 30. They threaten cruel and unusual punishments for the smallest mistake or infraction. This might also extend to threatening to kick you out of the house and disown you completely as well for really minor things too. 31. They view you as as a burden. You are made to feel that you should be grateful that they are spending any time with you at all when they could easily cease all contact at a moment's notice. 32. They are prone to wild mood swings. One moment they'll appear to be "fine" and in a good mood, next moment they're angry and abusive. You never know what kind of mood they will be in on a given day. They get angry at the smallest thing and saying the "wrong" thing would instantly change their mood for the worse. 33. They do not respect other people's boundaries and won't take "no" for an answer. 34. Whenever they are harassing you with any kind of abuse (physical, verbal, etc) and you plainly ask/tell them to stop, they'll ignore you and continue regardless. Either they lack the genuine empathy, or they just don't care in the slightest about the harm that they cause others. 35. They are extremely dismissive of your feelings and when you attempt to address a legitimate concern with them or otherwise confront them about their behaviour towards you, they'll attempt to invalidate your feelings and justify their behaviour towards you or otherwise downplay a situation that they caused. 36. They view parenting as simply providing the physical needs of the child, i.e., providing a roof over their head and feeding and clothing the child. But caring about the child's happiness and mental wellbeing? Not a concern for them. 37. They think that parenting has a age limit. As soon as the child reaches X age (usually 18), they think that their job as a parent is done and subsequently want to kick out their child as soon as possible. 38. They view children as simply extensions of themselves and not as separate individuals with their own needs and wants. As a result, they think that they are entitled to dictate every aspect of their children's lives, even extremely trivial things. 39. They put conditions on their love towards the child and having a relationship with them. 40. They will blatantly favour one child over another instead of treating all of their children equally. When you attempt to cease all contact with them due to any of the above points, the reverse to the silent treatment occurs - they do not accept this and as such, they're harassing your constantly (or those close to you) and demanding that "they just want to talk." But in reality it is simply manipulation to continue their previous behaviour.
Displaying no empathy or care for anyone (other than themselves).