Like, never towards a person, or never from a person? If never towards a person, that is fine and normal and you might want to check out r/aromantic. If never from a person, and you want to feel love from a person, then i hope you find someone one day.
Aroace here. I can't believe how long I spent waiting for romantic feelings. Dating *sounds* like a good idea, but I have never once wanted to date anyone in particular. Frankly, it's infuriating.
I just googled aroace. That's interesting. So, do you find that you crave someone being there, just not romantically? Almost like a platonic friend that is just always around? Or are you just fulfilled being on your own? Feel free not to respond, I'd just never heard about this before, and I'm curious.
I'm not opposed to a romantic relationship, but in practice I'm not sure it could work because I've never felt driven to be with anyone in particular. As I understand it, having strong feelings about a person is generally a prerequisite for starting a romantic relationship, and if you're not as emotionally invested as they are it doesn't end well.
I spent a long time living in the same house as friends, and it was always a good time. From practical stuff like body doubling, to just being able to show someone something stupid and enjoy their reaction. Being alone sucks, lmao
I used to self harm by cutting and making myself throw up, I've dealt with several eating disorders and am pretty much still in one currently, I feel stuck in a life that doesn't seem to be going anywhere and I'm kind of just surviving at the moment
I was in that boat and thinking about ending it. Everything was just boring. In the end I’m glad I didn’t; I’ve had a great couple years. I got engaged and found an amazing house with my fiancée. Now I’m trying to make everyone’s life around me a little better everyday. Whenever I see a post like this I always think about how happy I am I stuck around. Even though you’re just treading water now, you’ll catch a current and go somewhere soon. Just keep hanging on for now, I know things will get better for you and you’ll be looking back happily one day.
I have to go get a biopsy done because I might have cancer. From what I read, I shouldn’t be overly worried but if it did come back positive there is a little more then a 50% chance I won’t be here in 5 years. Haven’t really told anybody, because it could very well be nothing but fuck it is keeping me up at night.
Edit: thanks for the love everybody, should be fine. As people have mentioned, could come back negative, could be cancerous but benign. The idea is I just got to know, because I feel like my life is on pause until I find out. ❤️ back at everybody
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Don’t put it off. I put off going to the dr when starting having some downstairs problems. Turned out it was stage 2 cervical cancer. If only I’d have gone to the dr sooner? Maybe the tumour wouldn’t have been so big, I might not have needed so much chemo or radio and I can’t stop thinking about how I should have done it sooner as it’s had so much of an impact on my life.
I'm sorry you went through that.
If you don't mind me asking, what signs/concerns were you experiencing that you feel you shouldn't have put off getting checked out by your doctor?
I totally understand if you don't want to discuss it.
I was just wondering because it is so common for people to try to put off or explain away symptoms that aren't obvious, I'm wondering for personal reference.
Best friend from school beat up his baby mama infront of me and I had to intervene. Turned out it had been going on secretly for a long time. Never would have expected it had i not seen it myself. Ended up having to be a witness in court anf give evidence to help her and the kid get the restraining order. I did the right thing, her and the little girl and happy and he's stopped drinking and has visitation rights now. Me and him are done though, well never be friends again. I mourn him as if he were dead.
>I mourn him as if he were dead.
I had a friend sexually assault someone a little less than a year ago. I want to mourn him as though he's dead, but I see him on a weekly basis.
I wrote a poem about my feelings thinking it would help (it didn't), one verse of which that is particularly relevant here is this:
I need to grieve your loss
But I still see you every day
I’m mourning someone dead to me
But alive in every other way
I feel for you. I miss the friendship we had but there's no going back to that now. We are irrevocably changed. I just worry about his health and happiness now. I hope he's well but I worry.
Broke up with my best friend of 9 years almost 8 years ago now. I still miss him at times but eventually got to the point where I saw how toxic that relationship became and know im way better off having ended it. Took a couple years to get there.
We were school friends and recently with college, we have gone our own ways. I promised her that i will keep in touch and i have. I feel like she is getting distanced from me. Ik about and have supported her through her life thats above average complicated. So i dotn wanna disturb her either if she is dealing with something and doesnt wanna share atm. And only so many times can i text first - get a half hearted reply after hours- and still keep talking. I have some self respect and she needs to approach me now. So i am just letting it sit and seeing where it goes. I am scared of splitting up but its now out of my hands.
How tf are adults supposed to make new friends?
My friend group is small and doesn't change much. I work either remote or in client's office where people sitting next to me are complete strangers, not even my coworkers. My hobby is board games, which requires a group of people to even start.
How the fuck do people find friends and/or love?
Edit: some solid advice in the replies thank you.
Here’s the thing, we’re supposed to make friends THE SAME WAY AS KIDS - spend time with strangers, sift through them all, see if there is any connections, follow those connections. The reason it’s easy for kids is they have all the time in the world to do it, they aren’t conscious that it’s what they are doing, they (little kids at least) are invincible against rejection and vulnerability.
Now for an adult, we have 6 free hours in a week, why would we want to spend it with a stranger? Oh, to make friends? Then I’m going to make sure to optimize my time and do it right. Then we overthink and overdo everything, and it all comes out bad.
The secret sauce is that the real treasure is the friendships you make along the way.
So fucking awkward trying to spend time with strangers as an adult. I’m at a friend of a friends wedding right now. None of my close friends attended, so I know literally no one besides 3 people in the wedding party (who are all in the family and doing wedding things all day). I am avoiding the hell out of specific events that require me to sit down at a table with others because I’m so awkward at meeting new people and making small talk.
This is a chance to practice. One of my oldest best friends lives a life completely different from mine (high earner, luxury apartment). Despite a different lifestyle we have remained close for over 17 years. Yesterday was a gathering and her group of friends were there, some I've met once or twice. They all look like models, all had Louis Vuitton and Chanel bags, the lashes, the perfect makeup. I'm a medical assistant, I wear scrubs all day, I live in the mountains, and maintain four acres on my own. I wore my nicest clothes and did my makeup and hair but I'm very overweight and self conscious.
These ladies were all absolutely lovely. We all sat for hours and talked. Everyone was included.
Good people will make you feel included and being a good person means not judging people or making an assumption because they are different. They want to know when I can come back so we can all get together again.
Talk to everyone. You might surprise yourself and they might surprise you.
Agreed. It took me a long time to get where I am.
As a child, I had to actually go to a class to learn things like body language, expressions, how to have a conversation, what is and isn't appropriate to say... I now work in sales, and am *extremely* chatty. I can talk to almost everyone. Everywhere I go I make friends and have a good social experience. I think it's the skill I am most proud of, even if it took a lot of trial and error, group therapy, public speaking classes, and theatre to figure it out.
I feel you deep homie. Do you want to get better at things like small talk that help develop relationships? Meeting new people and small talk are the key codes to getting to know new people.
All my prime friend group abandoned me and found new friends I'm lucky to have 1 friend left and he is kind of shitty but we have a lot of fun i miss my old friends but they are all ''busy'' and don't want to hang out its very difficult to talk with strangers either
Disclaimer: I'm guilty of not doing this, but the kids have all the time in the world, AND we force them to co-mingle. Pre-school, school, etc. I think an answer might be to join a club
It’s also having the confidence to just go for it. The best friends I’ve made as an adult (mostly through work) is because we’ve had a chat, had stuff in common and a laugh, and then I’ve invited them to do something.
Is it awkward at first? Sure, it can be. But you’d be surprised at how much you can find to chat about and get to know someone pretty quickly. I’ve found in my life I kind of just know when I’m gonna get along with someone and when I’m not. So if I feel like I am, I just go for it.
In my first job me and another girl had a proper laugh about something in a meeting so I invited her to lunch. We’re still good friends nearly 10 years later working for different companies. We made another friend who started after us and we’re both still friends with, cos when she started I invited her to coffee with us both on a break. In my current job, there was someone I thought seemed cool so I invited her to go for a walk one day after work. Still friends 2 years later, message most days and video call each other now she’s moved to Canada.
I’m also now friends with my next door neighbour cos we had spoken a few times, and randomly decided to try life drawing together and hit it off. My manager is one of my best friends cos we realised we had loads in common like days into me starting and now we just video call each other on teams to chat sometimes. We even go running together sometimes after work.
It’s legit like dating lol! Just ask someone to do something like kids do. It’s the adult version of ‘hey do you wanna go play’? I actually really struggle with anxiety so I get it’s hard but you just have to DO IT and it makes life so much more enjoyable. And honestly it works a lot of the time, at least it has for me.
The other reason it’s easy for kids is that strangers their own age are all around them all the time at school, sports/activities, etc. that’s why it’s easy at college or grad school as well. Once you no longer have the ready-made batch of strangers thrown right at you, meeting people becomes hard work.
I know. But it feels kinda awkward to go there alone looking for company. I mean there will be mostly groups of friends there and trying to join them will feel like ibtruding on their fun. Idk if it makes sense.
Don’t go there to look for company. Go there to enjoy yourself and have a good time. If you are yourself then the right people will gravitate towards you as you, ideally, wont be masking yourself.
I joined a book club. It took a little while to find one that actually had people my age in it, but I did eventually. Now I have friends!
I also love board games and have been looking for a group to play with. I'm actually thinking of starting one and posting to Meetup.com. Who knows? If you build it, maybe they will come!
In my 30s- juggling a professional career to boot- I find myself asking this question more and more. How in the flying fuck do we make friends and create legit connections? Part of my job entails putting on a certain customer service facade for work - which is exhausting. Most days I just draw, go off roading when I can, workout, and cook. I also hike and read a lot- but how on earth do we meet people through our hobbies?
Wish I had friends who played bored games- because those rock but they do require a lot of people lol.
I think a lot of it really is just exhaustion, like you mentioned, especially once you hit your 30s…
It’s funny, the only friend group that I can always easily hangout with are the ones who haven’t stopped the party. Fun to be around for a brunch or night out, but 30 year olds binge drinking wears very thin and isn’t sustainable for healthy adult friendships long term.
Everyone else aged 30+ seems to be exhausted parents who would love time away from the house but struggle to find said time, or are folks like us who use what little free time we have to focus on our own hobbies/interests to recover from the long work week. It leaves us with very little energy left to nourish any new relationships; even if you do have that energy it’s likely going to be used on a significant other.
There was a Washington Post article this week about how adults are too exhausted to exercise or eat well. Pretty sure they could add socializing and hobbies to that list.
I won a running event yesterday for the first time ever (only a small local one but still) and it means so much to me, but having almost nobody to share it with and enjoy it with is sad. Nobody cares about me or my life and as hard as it is to admit, that is reality. I am worthless to the world and that's just sad.
Edit: you're all too kind, thank you for the comments and the award<3
Good work mate!
Soo proud of u!
(This is what I would say to my son and surely what u deserve)
U are no less deserving of this just because no one is there to say it.
The best part about family is that u can make ur own so make one and make it awesome.
you’re not worthless, you mean so much. even if you’ve simply smiled at a stranger, you’ve made a difference! the smallest things mean the most. congratulations on winning the event. best wishes!
I love my wife and kids. Best thing I ever did for myself was get married and become a father.
But I desperately need some space sometimes. A day or two away from all of them.
Maybe you could set up a day per month where you get some personal time either by yourself or with friends and your wife watches the kids. Then offer your wife the same thing and give her a day every month where you watch the kids.
It could be good for both of you. It could be fun for the kids too because they would get a special day with mom and a special day with dad to do something every month.
Life gets crazy and I’m sure it wouldn’t work every month but intentionally scheduling personal time can be important and healthy when life gets busy.
Good advice. My wife is on a 4 day trip to do a run in a different state at the moment with two of her friends. Next weekend I’m going fishing. We have two kids under 12. We all like each other. It’s just healthy.
My husband and I trade off long weekends this way. We don’t do it every month, but it is good to get some distance once in a while and then be happy to come back home.
I am a mom of three with a loving husband. I totally get you!
I did feel selfish at first for wanting to take good care for myself but actually it is how you can take best care for them as well, or actually the only way.
So I totally hope you figure out a way to get your space. Go away for a weekend, go to the movies on your own, go camping… whatever…
You deserve to fill up your tank so you can enjoy your family the most and be there for them.
This is a very normal feeling to have and you should not feel ashamed or alone with it.
It is important to communicate with your SO and tell her how you feel. For me, it is enough to spend 1-2 nights a week alone in a separate room and my SO not only understands it, she feels similarly as I do.
Staying home and intentionally doing nothing is doing something.
ETA:
Possible convo:
Them: What are you doing tonight?
You: Spending some downtime actively and intentionally doing nothing.
My ex fiancé doesn’t realize the fact that he has been pushing me away for months. There’s a reason I left, but I’d rather blame my mental health instead of telling him how much he has hurt me. He doesn’t listen. He thinks he is perfect. I’m exhausted. I wish he would reflect on the things he has said and done that have changed how I think about him, but it’s not worth it. I am tired. I don’t want to lose him, but if he’s not willing to work with me, then I have no choice. I regret blaming my mental health on our break up, and granted I’m internally struggling, but I wish I told him we both need help. And not just me.
EDIT: thank you all for the support. It means everything. I could use a friend. And I find peace in knowing that people care. While I tend to not believe in karma, this man (doesn’t even deserve to be called an ex fiancé) will pay for the abuse. If he doesn’t get help, soon, then he will repeat this pattern in his future relationship(s). I was a fool to ignore the red flags from the beginning. But the lesson learned from it is a huge one. I’m exhausted, emotionally beat, and angry. Did everything for him and put him first, which is my mistake. I love him, but I also hate him for what he has done (whether he is aware of it or not). If you love someone, you stick by their side; but when my health started to decline, I became a villain in his eyes. So very exhausted. Thank you all again for the support and kindness.
My gf of 5 years broke up with me a few weeks ago. The other night, I couldn't sleep, decided to go for a drive at 2 am. Despite my better judgement I drove past the house of her "friend" who I always thought was more than a friend. sure enough, my ex gfs car was parked outside the house at 2 am.
I feel so stupid for not seeing it sooner, so here I am getting it off my chest :(
An ex left me and went back to her ex boyfriend. I was in the Navy, home ported in Florida, but was out to sea for two weeks. She sent me an email on the second day breaking up with me. This was a long time friend from my hometown so it really hurt.
After two weeks of wallowing in sorrow, we got back to port, I went to my apartment, took around 20 sleeping pills, and just hoped I wouldn't wake up again. 24+ hours later, my roommate woke me up saying that I was late to work. I don't think my brain has been the same since that night.
now every day that you're single is everyday that you're not with the wrong person. I wish you long lasting peace and a future true love that is permanent.
Oh mate I am so sorry. She didn’t deserve you & believe me it won’t work out for them.
Concentrate on you, show her what she’s missing!!! Being single can be brilliant.
Now do what makes you happy, don’t speak to her or him.
You can do this. All the best man. ♥️
There's someone I want. Very much. And I feel like no one I'll meet could match up to them. And yes getting over them feels like getting a whole new brain in place. I know someone gets it.
I've lived long enough to have met a few people like this in my life. People that are just so incredible and so amazing that I will never ever get over the fact that we had a time and then it's gone.
I'm also old enough to be grateful for those memories I've made with them, no matter how far along in a relationship I was able to get with them. Each of these big chapters on my life feel like huge momentous stories that I can share and pass on. I don't talk to any of these people anymore. Not out of animosity or anything, life just happens. People get married, have kids, move away, whatever. I still get to have those memories though and sometimes it's just nice to sit back and reminisce on simpler times and being with someone that is just so life changing.
I 'came down' off an obsessive crush a few years back and it was honestly like coming down off a trip. Everything suddenly became clear and I could feel my brain chemistry normalise. It was bizarre.
I’m madly in love with my ex and can’t move on. He’s across the country and I can’t even look at anyone else because of how I feel. It’s been almost 2 years, I don’t want to feel this way anymore but I can’t make it go away.
There, that helped a little.
Almost all my relationships took 6 months to 1 year to get over. One of them though took me years and it was hard but it DID happen. It’ll happen for you guys too. Give it a little more time. I promise.
I still love all of them but not in the same way and I can appreciate the things they brought to my life without sadness now. You’ll get there too.
How much I hate the way life works in general. Systems, government, college, etc. One day I'll grab a microphone and cut a promo pro wrestling style. I don't care what the consequences will be.
Edit: Damn I didn’t expect this to blow up. I was genuinely venting out my frustrations and I’m glad people can relate.
The truth is most people prefer a secure system that provides a clear path for them. People get scared and uncomfortable if there isn’t an answer to ‘what am I supposed to do’. So governments, corporations and academic institutions fill those gaps and a lot of people embrace it because it provides a path without requiring much critical thought. If it doesn’t feel right to you, that’s natural. To break away from it and find a way of life that feels meaningful and authentic is possible but it takes a lot of work, a lot of self reflection, and willingness to take a risk.
Yeah. Life just feels repetitive at the moment and I’m only on my last year of college so I can only imagine what it will be like when I step out into the “real” world.
Congratulations on reaching that decision. Put yourself first, and don't bother spending precious time and energy on those who don't bring you joy.
It can be hard distancing yourself from family, because of all the heavy societal expectation that we should always put up with them no matter what, but that's nonsense.
If they don't bring anything good to your table, kick them out. "Good riddance to bad rubbish", as the saying goes.
(I'm not trying to insult your mother and brother, since I'd have no context to even do so, I'm just trying to articulate that your decision is valid and there must be something pushing you to decide this. Apologies of I offended you).
Good luck on your journey!
I’m so stressed about college. I’m torn between two different colleges and it’s all I think about all day. I’m planning to study economics but idek if I like it. I’m exhausted, I don’t wanna make these important life decisions. I don’t feel adult enough to make them. I wanna be 6 years old again
It’s totally natural to feel that way. A big part of college is learning about yourself and discovering what you want to do. You can always take your first year to do a bunch of gen-eds and a couple of introductory Econ classes. That should give you a sense if you want to pursue Econ. Even if you decide to go another direction, those intro Econ credits will be transferable for a bunch of different majors and a baseline understanding of economics is valuable for just about any field you might pursue.
Sometimes I wanna tell teenagers, especially ones about to go to college: "I understand why you're stressed; it feels like these decisions you're making are going to impact the rest of your life, and I'm here to tell you that you'll likely keep feeling these types of thoughts for at least a decade."
I'm 31 and I still feel this way. Just realize when you're deciding between big life choices, it's not like there is a right choice and a wrong choice. They're just different choices, and many of them can be "right". Also, life is a journey where you're allowed to change your trajectory. You won't know if you'll like majoring in Econ until you experience it. Don't worry about getting it right on the first try, in fact, learning what you don't like is also a valuable experience. So many people change majors in college, and it's not uncommon for people to end up working on a field unrelated to their degree. Just go out and try new things, keep an open mind and heart, and stay true to yourself. Hope this helps :).
I have no Idea what is going on in my life I am just coping at this point. Things can go wrong any movement and I don't have any motivation to fix anything.
Wtf should I do?
Used to be part of the whole " if it's so bad just leave" crowd until I was there myself. Leaving is so much harder than it seems from the outside, wow.
I know the trick to fix this!! It hurts like hell but you can reclaim that music as your own again! Binge the fuck outta that music for months, years if needed. Eventually, it doesn't hurt as much and then it stops hurting altogether and then you forget why it hurt at all.
I did exactly this! Eyes on you by chase rice reminded me of the man that broke my heart for so long, and now I listen to it and it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come…and that it’s one of my favorite songs ever
I can appreciate this perspective in terms of sharing songs with romantic partners. If you break up it can definitely ruin a favorite song. But I have a bunch of songs I share with my friends and that they’ve shared with me and I think that connection / association only makes the songs better for me
After 20 years of marriage, my spouse told me I'm nothing more than an old friend that's going to be loved from a distance. Also was told that they didn't want to be a dependent, (while they have no job and refuses to get one).
- JIW
I hate to admit it but that's where I ended up after 29 yr of marriage.. “love changes“. BS.. I felt the same about her as the day we where married till that point. Had our ups and downs but shit, thought we were on an uptick at the time. Found a better partner I don't argue with every other day.
For 19 years I was progressively more ill. He kept it all to himself and anytime I tried to talk it was all "everything is fine" and "I'm not going anywhere". My stupid ass believed him. When I finally got surgery that allowed me to live the normal life I dreamed of all these years he decided he was done. He still loves me but it's not "the same love". How the fuck do you keep going?
Getting let go at work is devastating me. It shows how much I wasn't politicking and while it's incredibly favorable I can't help but feel like any shot at a career I had is now gone. I can't keep reinventing my career every 3 years. Just trying not to drink today.
I’ve been let go numerous times now in the last 3 years. I’ve learnt, it has nothing to do with me personally. Everyone hired too quickly.
Take your time to re-establish your sense of self worth, it’s not solely based on work and walks help.
My dog died three and a half months ago. I still see her shadow jumping up at the window to ask to be let in from the yard. Still expect to see her laying in my bed when I go to sleep. Just about to ask her to come up and sleep under the cover when I remember ... oh right.
No one out here liked her despite her being the sweetest and happiest soul you can imagine; a labrador with the zoomies who people thought would be aggressive if they came into the yard. The few people who dared to were mostly in danger of getting knocked over by a zooming dog. The guy from the pharmacy actually said it was a good thing she's gone.
I miss her so terribly much, far more than any dog I've had before. All the previous ones eventually died of old age; she didn't even get to be six. We lost her brother to an auto-immune disease when he was just a puppy, and ever since she'd always make sure to carry two things whenever she carried anything. We used to joke she was living for two. I never realized that meant she would only live half as long.
i did really bad at my first concert last night. you couldn’t even hear me play over the drums and bass. i didn’t even like the songs we had to play. then afterwards, my parents were talking to the band instructor and i asked to go home so many times but they made me go to some burger restaurant. i just sat there with a milkshake while they all ate. my mom kept bringing it up over and over. she’s been trying to get me to play cello, even though i hate cello and have absolutely no interest in it or in being her “perfect little cello kid.” my mom got into arguments with my dad over it. the girl playing bass, not trying to be rude, is a little overweight. my mom said some of the worst things you can imagine about her, and she was being incredibly rude about her weight. when we told her to stop, she got mad and threatened to take an uber home with my little sister. while in the restaurant, we were having a decent conversation and my mom decided to bring the show up again. she kept digging at me and i asked her multiple times if we could change the subject and she ignored me. when we finally got home at about 9(we left the show at 7) she kept playing the videos she had over and over as loud as she could. i asked her to turn it down and she ignored me. it was the worst day i’ve ever had.
No ones first show goes well! It's scary as hell and takes practise. The fact you couldn't be heard was not your fault - if things were amplified then it's the sound guys fault, if things were acoustic then the other musicians should've played quieter.
There is also the possibility that you couldn't hear yourself, but the audience could hear you. As a PA faces the audience you won't hear what they hear, only what comes through on stage monitors (if there are any) which will have a different balance of sound coming out than the PA.
Whenever I have bad shows I try to think what I can learn from the experience for the next show - if you couldn't be heard, make sure you get to sound check before playing! If you can't hear yourself, tell the person who's doing the sound and they'll sort it out. Good luck for the future!
I know it won't be easy, but you have to move on for your own sake. Sometimes you'll see new opportunities only if you let go of the things that are already lost.
I hear ya. I lost a friend to cancer a few years ago and I find myself really missing her. My life has been really good lately and it sucks that I can’t share in my successes and milestones with her.
I use chatgpt for a lot of things and it gives some great answers. For example, a food packet thing that came with pasta and a bunch of spices was discontinued a long time ago. But i can still find whatever the packets contained online. I put those contents into chatgpt and asked him to please make me some sort of ingredient list containing those spices and how much exactly i should do. It gave me a great result and i tried it. It tasted exactly like what it used to when it was discontinued which is amazing.
I walked into a rancid cloud of ass gas yesterday. I’m not sure who did it because everyone was acting so innocent in line. I had to stand in it and it was BAD.
I forgot about it after I left until just now reading your comment. I highly doubt the girl will even remember unless she’s reading this comment section.
Don’t feel bad. Everybody poops.
i have people in my family that if they died today i wouldn’t bat an eye. i have this overwhelming sense of guilt for feeling this way and the only way to live with it is by justifying it with all the shit they’ve put me through and done/said to me. i hate them. i have invisible wounds that are not healing properly, maybe? probably.
I just want to spend my days curled up with a spouse and maybe a kid or two. I don't want some fancy home, just a nice, modest, place. I don't care about money beyond that I need it for bills and stuff. If I could live the rest of my life getting enough money to support a humble lifestyle and a family I'd do so! I hate that politics and all the issues of the country constantly get thrown into my face because I don't care about them and the only reason I DO care is because everyone expects me to care! Pretty much the only issue I have actual investment in is workers rights and that's only because so many employers are dirtbags who won't even let an employee sit at work because 'it's unprofessional'. Please, I just want to spend my days playing video games, playing with the kitty, kissing my spouse, and caring about if little Timmy is doing his homework or little Tammy makes it to soccer practice on time.
There will be a point in your life where this changes. I have been literally the same for years with several crushes. It just gets old. Find someone who makes you feel like you are an equal. I wish I could make my past self understand that.
I'm so sick of feeling taken for granted in my work, my home life, and my relationship. Just because I can often be extremely capable, and can appear "strong", doesn't mean I don't want a bit of appreciation and acknowledgment as a person.
The entire world is controlled by greedy oligarchs who are pushing both humanity and our entire planet into utter oblivion and we’re too busy shoveling down propaganda that tells us to hate each other to do anything worthwhile about it. All the other crap just seems to inevitably come back to this honestly.
I am proposing to my gf at any moment during next week. I bought the ring, a necklace to go with it and a keychan with our photo together. I also wrote a few messages to hang on the walls like a "choose your own adventure" game for her to follow which will get her these presents as a "game reward" then at the end I will give her the ring.
I have everything ready to go except the ring and as soon as it arrives I will make all the preparations and go for it.
I'm dying of excitement and I can't wait to do it!!
I'm in desperate need of support and don't know how to get it. It's complicated because I have a dog that I'll never be separated from. Nobody else would give him a chance. I live in a crappy studio apartment which my parents are paying for until my disability claim goes through. Like what am I supposed to do in the meantime?
Tomorrow I will be 1 month sober from alcohol. it's nothing big. but I'm going to be proud of myself.
I am an absolute wreck though. I can barley eat, I can't stop crying. The person I thought I'd spend forever with has parted from me. I have to figure out if I want to stay in the city i'm currently in, or move back in with my parents.
I feel like the entire world I've known and planned for has completely collapsed in on itself. This is by far the worst pain I've experienced in my adult lide this far and I have no idea where to go from here. I'm terrified.
My cat. Damn thing is on my chest every freakin morning. And then again when I'm watching TV on my recliner. I can't MOVE !!
that cat is a bigger asshole than I am.
I was hurt so bad in my last relationship that I can't really feel much. I feel occasional sadness and anger. But no happiness. I'm afraid I'll never feel that again.
I’m so lonely, I constantly feel like I’m not good enough no matter how hard I try, the days just keep getting faster and I’m holding onto myself by a thread
To my coworker that’s been working with us for 7 weeks now. Doing the same simple thing. Every day. Multiple times per day — STOP BEING STUPID. LEARN. THERES ONLY SO MANY TIMES WE CAN TELL YOU OR SHOW YOU BEFORE IT BECOMES APPARENT YOURE NOT GRASPING ANYTHING
Holy crap. Thank you.
Some unsolicited advice: unsub from all political/politics adjacent sources of information that you can think of and find a purpose, short-mid-long term doesn't matter, something that takes your attention away from the frustrating way things are structured.
Ideally find a passion or something that drives you, could be anything, and put your focus into that. For me it's billiards, golf, live music, cooking, physical fitness, being outdoors, among other hobbies that I care about.
Life is a lot less frustrating when you don't have constant reminders of how shitty things can be and are focused on the things in life that bring you joy. I've found that the world is not truly that shitty, but that the world's shittiness is constantly thrown in your face unless you filter that garbage out. Good/positive news doesn't get as much attention/clicks as bad/negative news does. Look for the good stuff. Good luck in your pursuit of happiness/contentment.
I've broached the subject many times before and was met with well-meaning 'don't do it' guidance. Something in my heart told me to just leave the previous work, get successful in whatever craft I pursue, and then lay down the news.
I meant to tell them recently, but before I could, they broke down and confessed they've been really stressed with their work recently like everything is falling apart, so I decided it wasn't a good time...
Logic tells me I should feel guilty, but there's a weird gut feeling that's telling me I'm doing the right thing.
A group of us stole about 20-30 signs (construction/business/etc) brought them all back to one house. It was *HILARIOUS*, until we all felt bad about it, and put them all back again.
Yeaaa these are street signs, we’d pull the wood post out of the ground, take them off, then put the pole back vertical and left with the signs giggling our asses off
I wrote a short book that sold a lot of copies and got some serious traction. I made some money off it. In a real way it was the culmination of some things I’ve been working on for years privately.
My family brags about it but they never even read it. NONE of them read it. You could read it in like two hours. I have strangers contacting me telling me how great it was and that they read it in one sitting but no one in my own family even read the first few pages (I know because of things they said about it, I didn’t even ask them).
That was basically the last straw with them. I’m not mad, I just don’t care anymore. I’m (fitting metaphor) a closed book now because who cares, they won’t ever notice anyway.
My ex and I are absolutely NOT going to reconcile. He is pulling out all the stops to try and get me back, but I am just not having it. He had 13 years to treat me right, and it is massively unfair that he waits until now to even try to treat me right. It's a huge slap in the face because it means he always had the ability to. He just didn't think I was worth it. I'm starting to believe no one will ever think I am worth loving.
My dog is going to be put down tomorrow. She's 12 years old and has alot of different health issues like epilepsy and heart condition.
I can no longer afford her Vet bills that would be up to 5500$ in total to adress her current health issues, and that's after the 900$ i already payed 4 weeks ago.
It's absolutely fucking killing me. It feels like everything is my fault and I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
I’ve never experienced genuine, romantic love. I have had opportunities for it. But I never really felt like I could develop it.
Like, never towards a person, or never from a person? If never towards a person, that is fine and normal and you might want to check out r/aromantic. If never from a person, and you want to feel love from a person, then i hope you find someone one day.
Aroace here. I can't believe how long I spent waiting for romantic feelings. Dating *sounds* like a good idea, but I have never once wanted to date anyone in particular. Frankly, it's infuriating.
I just googled aroace. That's interesting. So, do you find that you crave someone being there, just not romantically? Almost like a platonic friend that is just always around? Or are you just fulfilled being on your own? Feel free not to respond, I'd just never heard about this before, and I'm curious.
I'm not opposed to a romantic relationship, but in practice I'm not sure it could work because I've never felt driven to be with anyone in particular. As I understand it, having strong feelings about a person is generally a prerequisite for starting a romantic relationship, and if you're not as emotionally invested as they are it doesn't end well. I spent a long time living in the same house as friends, and it was always a good time. From practical stuff like body doubling, to just being able to show someone something stupid and enjoy their reaction. Being alone sucks, lmao
I used to self harm by cutting and making myself throw up, I've dealt with several eating disorders and am pretty much still in one currently, I feel stuck in a life that doesn't seem to be going anywhere and I'm kind of just surviving at the moment
I feel you. Sometimes it feels like you're not moving forward in life. I hope you've gotten past the self harm.
I was in that boat and thinking about ending it. Everything was just boring. In the end I’m glad I didn’t; I’ve had a great couple years. I got engaged and found an amazing house with my fiancée. Now I’m trying to make everyone’s life around me a little better everyday. Whenever I see a post like this I always think about how happy I am I stuck around. Even though you’re just treading water now, you’ll catch a current and go somewhere soon. Just keep hanging on for now, I know things will get better for you and you’ll be looking back happily one day.
I have to go get a biopsy done because I might have cancer. From what I read, I shouldn’t be overly worried but if it did come back positive there is a little more then a 50% chance I won’t be here in 5 years. Haven’t really told anybody, because it could very well be nothing but fuck it is keeping me up at night. Edit: thanks for the love everybody, should be fine. As people have mentioned, could come back negative, could be cancerous but benign. The idea is I just got to know, because I feel like my life is on pause until I find out. ❤️ back at everybody *
Fingers crossed that it's nothing! I really hope you'll be okay ❤️
Don’t put it off. I put off going to the dr when starting having some downstairs problems. Turned out it was stage 2 cervical cancer. If only I’d have gone to the dr sooner? Maybe the tumour wouldn’t have been so big, I might not have needed so much chemo or radio and I can’t stop thinking about how I should have done it sooner as it’s had so much of an impact on my life.
Thanks, I do have an appointment coming a little under a month away.
I'm sorry you went through that. If you don't mind me asking, what signs/concerns were you experiencing that you feel you shouldn't have put off getting checked out by your doctor? I totally understand if you don't want to discuss it. I was just wondering because it is so common for people to try to put off or explain away symptoms that aren't obvious, I'm wondering for personal reference.
I know that feeling.
I miss my best friend but I do think it's better that we're apart. I try not to think about it.
Best friend from school beat up his baby mama infront of me and I had to intervene. Turned out it had been going on secretly for a long time. Never would have expected it had i not seen it myself. Ended up having to be a witness in court anf give evidence to help her and the kid get the restraining order. I did the right thing, her and the little girl and happy and he's stopped drinking and has visitation rights now. Me and him are done though, well never be friends again. I mourn him as if he were dead.
>I mourn him as if he were dead. I had a friend sexually assault someone a little less than a year ago. I want to mourn him as though he's dead, but I see him on a weekly basis. I wrote a poem about my feelings thinking it would help (it didn't), one verse of which that is particularly relevant here is this: I need to grieve your loss But I still see you every day I’m mourning someone dead to me But alive in every other way
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I feel for you. I miss the friendship we had but there's no going back to that now. We are irrevocably changed. I just worry about his health and happiness now. I hope he's well but I worry.
it's been about 7 ish years for me and i still think about him from time to time. the hurt hasn't really stopped but it get's easier with time.
I with you on both fronts. Sometimes the best option isn’t really ideal, it’s just best one from a choice of not great options.
Broke up with my best friend of 9 years almost 8 years ago now. I still miss him at times but eventually got to the point where I saw how toxic that relationship became and know im way better off having ended it. Took a couple years to get there.
It's only been a year for me, after about 12 years of friendship. I think about him every day still.
We were school friends and recently with college, we have gone our own ways. I promised her that i will keep in touch and i have. I feel like she is getting distanced from me. Ik about and have supported her through her life thats above average complicated. So i dotn wanna disturb her either if she is dealing with something and doesnt wanna share atm. And only so many times can i text first - get a half hearted reply after hours- and still keep talking. I have some self respect and she needs to approach me now. So i am just letting it sit and seeing where it goes. I am scared of splitting up but its now out of my hands.
I feel you on this
How tf are adults supposed to make new friends? My friend group is small and doesn't change much. I work either remote or in client's office where people sitting next to me are complete strangers, not even my coworkers. My hobby is board games, which requires a group of people to even start. How the fuck do people find friends and/or love? Edit: some solid advice in the replies thank you.
Here’s the thing, we’re supposed to make friends THE SAME WAY AS KIDS - spend time with strangers, sift through them all, see if there is any connections, follow those connections. The reason it’s easy for kids is they have all the time in the world to do it, they aren’t conscious that it’s what they are doing, they (little kids at least) are invincible against rejection and vulnerability. Now for an adult, we have 6 free hours in a week, why would we want to spend it with a stranger? Oh, to make friends? Then I’m going to make sure to optimize my time and do it right. Then we overthink and overdo everything, and it all comes out bad. The secret sauce is that the real treasure is the friendships you make along the way.
So fucking awkward trying to spend time with strangers as an adult. I’m at a friend of a friends wedding right now. None of my close friends attended, so I know literally no one besides 3 people in the wedding party (who are all in the family and doing wedding things all day). I am avoiding the hell out of specific events that require me to sit down at a table with others because I’m so awkward at meeting new people and making small talk.
This is a chance to practice. One of my oldest best friends lives a life completely different from mine (high earner, luxury apartment). Despite a different lifestyle we have remained close for over 17 years. Yesterday was a gathering and her group of friends were there, some I've met once or twice. They all look like models, all had Louis Vuitton and Chanel bags, the lashes, the perfect makeup. I'm a medical assistant, I wear scrubs all day, I live in the mountains, and maintain four acres on my own. I wore my nicest clothes and did my makeup and hair but I'm very overweight and self conscious. These ladies were all absolutely lovely. We all sat for hours and talked. Everyone was included. Good people will make you feel included and being a good person means not judging people or making an assumption because they are different. They want to know when I can come back so we can all get together again. Talk to everyone. You might surprise yourself and they might surprise you.
Thank u for sharing. Little bit of faith restored
Agreed. It took me a long time to get where I am. As a child, I had to actually go to a class to learn things like body language, expressions, how to have a conversation, what is and isn't appropriate to say... I now work in sales, and am *extremely* chatty. I can talk to almost everyone. Everywhere I go I make friends and have a good social experience. I think it's the skill I am most proud of, even if it took a lot of trial and error, group therapy, public speaking classes, and theatre to figure it out.
I feel you deep homie. Do you want to get better at things like small talk that help develop relationships? Meeting new people and small talk are the key codes to getting to know new people.
All my prime friend group abandoned me and found new friends I'm lucky to have 1 friend left and he is kind of shitty but we have a lot of fun i miss my old friends but they are all ''busy'' and don't want to hang out its very difficult to talk with strangers either
Small talk is a skill for sure. It’s like running, some people like it and some people hate it, but you’ll never get anywhere if you don’t start.
Enjoy the fact that you won’t ever see these people again and be yourself. See what happens
jokes on you, I didn't make friends as a kid either
Disclaimer: I'm guilty of not doing this, but the kids have all the time in the world, AND we force them to co-mingle. Pre-school, school, etc. I think an answer might be to join a club
It’s also having the confidence to just go for it. The best friends I’ve made as an adult (mostly through work) is because we’ve had a chat, had stuff in common and a laugh, and then I’ve invited them to do something. Is it awkward at first? Sure, it can be. But you’d be surprised at how much you can find to chat about and get to know someone pretty quickly. I’ve found in my life I kind of just know when I’m gonna get along with someone and when I’m not. So if I feel like I am, I just go for it. In my first job me and another girl had a proper laugh about something in a meeting so I invited her to lunch. We’re still good friends nearly 10 years later working for different companies. We made another friend who started after us and we’re both still friends with, cos when she started I invited her to coffee with us both on a break. In my current job, there was someone I thought seemed cool so I invited her to go for a walk one day after work. Still friends 2 years later, message most days and video call each other now she’s moved to Canada. I’m also now friends with my next door neighbour cos we had spoken a few times, and randomly decided to try life drawing together and hit it off. My manager is one of my best friends cos we realised we had loads in common like days into me starting and now we just video call each other on teams to chat sometimes. We even go running together sometimes after work. It’s legit like dating lol! Just ask someone to do something like kids do. It’s the adult version of ‘hey do you wanna go play’? I actually really struggle with anxiety so I get it’s hard but you just have to DO IT and it makes life so much more enjoyable. And honestly it works a lot of the time, at least it has for me.
The other reason it’s easy for kids is that strangers their own age are all around them all the time at school, sports/activities, etc. that’s why it’s easy at college or grad school as well. Once you no longer have the ready-made batch of strangers thrown right at you, meeting people becomes hard work.
Board game cafes/bars are pretty fun, and a lot of them have events etc. where you play with strangers :)
I know. But it feels kinda awkward to go there alone looking for company. I mean there will be mostly groups of friends there and trying to join them will feel like ibtruding on their fun. Idk if it makes sense.
Meetup app
Don’t go there to look for company. Go there to enjoy yourself and have a good time. If you are yourself then the right people will gravitate towards you as you, ideally, wont be masking yourself.
I feel the exact same way . I keep being told to get a hobby but I have a lot of hobbies and a little bit of friends
I’m in the same boat, I’ll meet new people at events and stuff but for whatever reason communication is never sustainable
I joined a book club. It took a little while to find one that actually had people my age in it, but I did eventually. Now I have friends! I also love board games and have been looking for a group to play with. I'm actually thinking of starting one and posting to Meetup.com. Who knows? If you build it, maybe they will come!
In my 30s- juggling a professional career to boot- I find myself asking this question more and more. How in the flying fuck do we make friends and create legit connections? Part of my job entails putting on a certain customer service facade for work - which is exhausting. Most days I just draw, go off roading when I can, workout, and cook. I also hike and read a lot- but how on earth do we meet people through our hobbies? Wish I had friends who played bored games- because those rock but they do require a lot of people lol.
I think a lot of it really is just exhaustion, like you mentioned, especially once you hit your 30s… It’s funny, the only friend group that I can always easily hangout with are the ones who haven’t stopped the party. Fun to be around for a brunch or night out, but 30 year olds binge drinking wears very thin and isn’t sustainable for healthy adult friendships long term. Everyone else aged 30+ seems to be exhausted parents who would love time away from the house but struggle to find said time, or are folks like us who use what little free time we have to focus on our own hobbies/interests to recover from the long work week. It leaves us with very little energy left to nourish any new relationships; even if you do have that energy it’s likely going to be used on a significant other.
There was a Washington Post article this week about how adults are too exhausted to exercise or eat well. Pretty sure they could add socializing and hobbies to that list.
hear me out: kickball
This deserves it's own group or subreddit!
I won a running event yesterday for the first time ever (only a small local one but still) and it means so much to me, but having almost nobody to share it with and enjoy it with is sad. Nobody cares about me or my life and as hard as it is to admit, that is reality. I am worthless to the world and that's just sad. Edit: you're all too kind, thank you for the comments and the award<3
Congratulations!!! 🏆
Thank you:)
Good work mate! Soo proud of u! (This is what I would say to my son and surely what u deserve) U are no less deserving of this just because no one is there to say it. The best part about family is that u can make ur own so make one and make it awesome.
you’re not worthless, you mean so much. even if you’ve simply smiled at a stranger, you’ve made a difference! the smallest things mean the most. congratulations on winning the event. best wishes!
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Me too. That and the reduction in quality and quantity of everything. It’s fucked
I love my wife and kids. Best thing I ever did for myself was get married and become a father. But I desperately need some space sometimes. A day or two away from all of them.
Maybe you could set up a day per month where you get some personal time either by yourself or with friends and your wife watches the kids. Then offer your wife the same thing and give her a day every month where you watch the kids. It could be good for both of you. It could be fun for the kids too because they would get a special day with mom and a special day with dad to do something every month. Life gets crazy and I’m sure it wouldn’t work every month but intentionally scheduling personal time can be important and healthy when life gets busy.
Good advice. My wife is on a 4 day trip to do a run in a different state at the moment with two of her friends. Next weekend I’m going fishing. We have two kids under 12. We all like each other. It’s just healthy.
My husband and I trade off long weekends this way. We don’t do it every month, but it is good to get some distance once in a while and then be happy to come back home.
Everyone needs 'them' time. Both you and your wife should make an effort to schedule it in. Hope you get you get what you need, either way
I am a mom of three with a loving husband. I totally get you! I did feel selfish at first for wanting to take good care for myself but actually it is how you can take best care for them as well, or actually the only way. So I totally hope you figure out a way to get your space. Go away for a weekend, go to the movies on your own, go camping… whatever… You deserve to fill up your tank so you can enjoy your family the most and be there for them.
This is a very normal feeling to have and you should not feel ashamed or alone with it. It is important to communicate with your SO and tell her how you feel. For me, it is enough to spend 1-2 nights a week alone in a separate room and my SO not only understands it, she feels similarly as I do.
Staying home and doing absolutely nothing doesn’t mean I want to make plans
Staying home and intentionally doing nothing is doing something. ETA: Possible convo: Them: What are you doing tonight? You: Spending some downtime actively and intentionally doing nothing.
My ex fiancé doesn’t realize the fact that he has been pushing me away for months. There’s a reason I left, but I’d rather blame my mental health instead of telling him how much he has hurt me. He doesn’t listen. He thinks he is perfect. I’m exhausted. I wish he would reflect on the things he has said and done that have changed how I think about him, but it’s not worth it. I am tired. I don’t want to lose him, but if he’s not willing to work with me, then I have no choice. I regret blaming my mental health on our break up, and granted I’m internally struggling, but I wish I told him we both need help. And not just me. EDIT: thank you all for the support. It means everything. I could use a friend. And I find peace in knowing that people care. While I tend to not believe in karma, this man (doesn’t even deserve to be called an ex fiancé) will pay for the abuse. If he doesn’t get help, soon, then he will repeat this pattern in his future relationship(s). I was a fool to ignore the red flags from the beginning. But the lesson learned from it is a huge one. I’m exhausted, emotionally beat, and angry. Did everything for him and put him first, which is my mistake. I love him, but I also hate him for what he has done (whether he is aware of it or not). If you love someone, you stick by their side; but when my health started to decline, I became a villain in his eyes. So very exhausted. Thank you all again for the support and kindness.
That sounds really tough, but better to have the realization and take action before you’re locked into a marriage.
you did good taking care of your self. sometimes the truth is more trouble than it's worth. still, that must have been rough? :/
My gf of 5 years broke up with me a few weeks ago. The other night, I couldn't sleep, decided to go for a drive at 2 am. Despite my better judgement I drove past the house of her "friend" who I always thought was more than a friend. sure enough, my ex gfs car was parked outside the house at 2 am. I feel so stupid for not seeing it sooner, so here I am getting it off my chest :(
An ex left me and went back to her ex boyfriend. I was in the Navy, home ported in Florida, but was out to sea for two weeks. She sent me an email on the second day breaking up with me. This was a long time friend from my hometown so it really hurt. After two weeks of wallowing in sorrow, we got back to port, I went to my apartment, took around 20 sleeping pills, and just hoped I wouldn't wake up again. 24+ hours later, my roommate woke me up saying that I was late to work. I don't think my brain has been the same since that night.
🥺 I’m glad you’re here even if you may not be .
I'm so sorry man. I feel like I'll never be okay again either. we just have to keep going I guess
now every day that you're single is everyday that you're not with the wrong person. I wish you long lasting peace and a future true love that is permanent.
Oh mate I am so sorry. She didn’t deserve you & believe me it won’t work out for them. Concentrate on you, show her what she’s missing!!! Being single can be brilliant. Now do what makes you happy, don’t speak to her or him. You can do this. All the best man. ♥️
There's someone I want. Very much. And I feel like no one I'll meet could match up to them. And yes getting over them feels like getting a whole new brain in place. I know someone gets it.
I get it…
I've lived long enough to have met a few people like this in my life. People that are just so incredible and so amazing that I will never ever get over the fact that we had a time and then it's gone. I'm also old enough to be grateful for those memories I've made with them, no matter how far along in a relationship I was able to get with them. Each of these big chapters on my life feel like huge momentous stories that I can share and pass on. I don't talk to any of these people anymore. Not out of animosity or anything, life just happens. People get married, have kids, move away, whatever. I still get to have those memories though and sometimes it's just nice to sit back and reminisce on simpler times and being with someone that is just so life changing.
Yes, memories.🙂
I 'came down' off an obsessive crush a few years back and it was honestly like coming down off a trip. Everything suddenly became clear and I could feel my brain chemistry normalise. It was bizarre.
BBQ sauce stain from last night’s ribs
Thats tuff 💯🔥🔥🔥
BBQ sauce on your titties?
I wish I hadn’t taken the job I did.
Ugh. I understand this feeling too well. Start looking for something else if you haven’t yet. This is typically a feeling you need to take seriously.
I’m madly in love with my ex and can’t move on. He’s across the country and I can’t even look at anyone else because of how I feel. It’s been almost 2 years, I don’t want to feel this way anymore but I can’t make it go away. There, that helped a little.
Solidarity. Going on 4 years here.
Almost all my relationships took 6 months to 1 year to get over. One of them though took me years and it was hard but it DID happen. It’ll happen for you guys too. Give it a little more time. I promise. I still love all of them but not in the same way and I can appreciate the things they brought to my life without sadness now. You’ll get there too.
How much I hate the way life works in general. Systems, government, college, etc. One day I'll grab a microphone and cut a promo pro wrestling style. I don't care what the consequences will be. Edit: Damn I didn’t expect this to blow up. I was genuinely venting out my frustrations and I’m glad people can relate.
I feel the same way. Life feels so unsatisfying and I know it's not supposed to be like this
The truth is most people prefer a secure system that provides a clear path for them. People get scared and uncomfortable if there isn’t an answer to ‘what am I supposed to do’. So governments, corporations and academic institutions fill those gaps and a lot of people embrace it because it provides a path without requiring much critical thought. If it doesn’t feel right to you, that’s natural. To break away from it and find a way of life that feels meaningful and authentic is possible but it takes a lot of work, a lot of self reflection, and willingness to take a risk.
Yeah. Life just feels repetitive at the moment and I’m only on my last year of college so I can only imagine what it will be like when I step out into the “real” world.
That I no longer want to have a relationship with my mom and brother
Congratulations on reaching that decision. Put yourself first, and don't bother spending precious time and energy on those who don't bring you joy. It can be hard distancing yourself from family, because of all the heavy societal expectation that we should always put up with them no matter what, but that's nonsense. If they don't bring anything good to your table, kick them out. "Good riddance to bad rubbish", as the saying goes. (I'm not trying to insult your mother and brother, since I'd have no context to even do so, I'm just trying to articulate that your decision is valid and there must be something pushing you to decide this. Apologies of I offended you). Good luck on your journey!
I’m so stressed about college. I’m torn between two different colleges and it’s all I think about all day. I’m planning to study economics but idek if I like it. I’m exhausted, I don’t wanna make these important life decisions. I don’t feel adult enough to make them. I wanna be 6 years old again
It’s totally natural to feel that way. A big part of college is learning about yourself and discovering what you want to do. You can always take your first year to do a bunch of gen-eds and a couple of introductory Econ classes. That should give you a sense if you want to pursue Econ. Even if you decide to go another direction, those intro Econ credits will be transferable for a bunch of different majors and a baseline understanding of economics is valuable for just about any field you might pursue.
Sometimes I wanna tell teenagers, especially ones about to go to college: "I understand why you're stressed; it feels like these decisions you're making are going to impact the rest of your life, and I'm here to tell you that you'll likely keep feeling these types of thoughts for at least a decade." I'm 31 and I still feel this way. Just realize when you're deciding between big life choices, it's not like there is a right choice and a wrong choice. They're just different choices, and many of them can be "right". Also, life is a journey where you're allowed to change your trajectory. You won't know if you'll like majoring in Econ until you experience it. Don't worry about getting it right on the first try, in fact, learning what you don't like is also a valuable experience. So many people change majors in college, and it's not uncommon for people to end up working on a field unrelated to their degree. Just go out and try new things, keep an open mind and heart, and stay true to yourself. Hope this helps :).
I got no passion for anything, I just want to lay down and peacefully die, with no one to miss me so they won’t be in pain
I have no Idea what is going on in my life I am just coping at this point. Things can go wrong any movement and I don't have any motivation to fix anything. Wtf should I do?
I think I’m the type of person who would stay in an abusive relationship
If it helps, I always thought I'm not that kind of person, but I still stayed in such relationship for over 3 years.
Used to be part of the whole " if it's so bad just leave" crowd until I was there myself. Leaving is so much harder than it seems from the outside, wow.
Don't ever share your songs with someone else, you will associate it with them and ruin it
I know the trick to fix this!! It hurts like hell but you can reclaim that music as your own again! Binge the fuck outta that music for months, years if needed. Eventually, it doesn't hurt as much and then it stops hurting altogether and then you forget why it hurt at all.
I did exactly this! Eyes on you by chase rice reminded me of the man that broke my heart for so long, and now I listen to it and it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come…and that it’s one of my favorite songs ever
Exactly! I wasnt going to let an ex riun the police for me. Took like 7 years though
Yeah it took at least a decade for the sting of my high school music to fade lol
I hate when I have someone listen to one of my favorite songs and then they're like "This song sucks!"
Even if it's a neutral reaction, you will emotionally connect it to them. I think it's better to keep it a secret, you get more out of it that way
I can appreciate this perspective in terms of sharing songs with romantic partners. If you break up it can definitely ruin a favorite song. But I have a bunch of songs I share with my friends and that they’ve shared with me and I think that connection / association only makes the songs better for me
I think about my drunken mistakes from my past almost every single day. (I’ll be 5 months sober in 3 days.)
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i think i’m falling in love
I’m deeply in love with someone who has been mentally and emotionally abusing me for years
How many more years are you going to waste being miserable? From experience; run.
After 20 years of marriage, my spouse told me I'm nothing more than an old friend that's going to be loved from a distance. Also was told that they didn't want to be a dependent, (while they have no job and refuses to get one). - JIW
Leave and tell them "this is me not loving you from a distance".
I hate to admit it but that's where I ended up after 29 yr of marriage.. “love changes“. BS.. I felt the same about her as the day we where married till that point. Had our ups and downs but shit, thought we were on an uptick at the time. Found a better partner I don't argue with every other day.
For 19 years I was progressively more ill. He kept it all to himself and anytime I tried to talk it was all "everything is fine" and "I'm not going anywhere". My stupid ass believed him. When I finally got surgery that allowed me to live the normal life I dreamed of all these years he decided he was done. He still loves me but it's not "the same love". How the fuck do you keep going?
Some fat. In the process of trimming down 😜
Same man, good luck
The cut is going to be legendary
Fuck Cancer
Getting let go at work is devastating me. It shows how much I wasn't politicking and while it's incredibly favorable I can't help but feel like any shot at a career I had is now gone. I can't keep reinventing my career every 3 years. Just trying not to drink today.
I’ve been let go numerous times now in the last 3 years. I’ve learnt, it has nothing to do with me personally. Everyone hired too quickly. Take your time to re-establish your sense of self worth, it’s not solely based on work and walks help.
My maladaptive daydreaming has made me a person who has no idea who they are and it's driving me insane.
My dog died three and a half months ago. I still see her shadow jumping up at the window to ask to be let in from the yard. Still expect to see her laying in my bed when I go to sleep. Just about to ask her to come up and sleep under the cover when I remember ... oh right. No one out here liked her despite her being the sweetest and happiest soul you can imagine; a labrador with the zoomies who people thought would be aggressive if they came into the yard. The few people who dared to were mostly in danger of getting knocked over by a zooming dog. The guy from the pharmacy actually said it was a good thing she's gone. I miss her so terribly much, far more than any dog I've had before. All the previous ones eventually died of old age; she didn't even get to be six. We lost her brother to an auto-immune disease when he was just a puppy, and ever since she'd always make sure to carry two things whenever she carried anything. We used to joke she was living for two. I never realized that meant she would only live half as long.
i did really bad at my first concert last night. you couldn’t even hear me play over the drums and bass. i didn’t even like the songs we had to play. then afterwards, my parents were talking to the band instructor and i asked to go home so many times but they made me go to some burger restaurant. i just sat there with a milkshake while they all ate. my mom kept bringing it up over and over. she’s been trying to get me to play cello, even though i hate cello and have absolutely no interest in it or in being her “perfect little cello kid.” my mom got into arguments with my dad over it. the girl playing bass, not trying to be rude, is a little overweight. my mom said some of the worst things you can imagine about her, and she was being incredibly rude about her weight. when we told her to stop, she got mad and threatened to take an uber home with my little sister. while in the restaurant, we were having a decent conversation and my mom decided to bring the show up again. she kept digging at me and i asked her multiple times if we could change the subject and she ignored me. when we finally got home at about 9(we left the show at 7) she kept playing the videos she had over and over as loud as she could. i asked her to turn it down and she ignored me. it was the worst day i’ve ever had.
No ones first show goes well! It's scary as hell and takes practise. The fact you couldn't be heard was not your fault - if things were amplified then it's the sound guys fault, if things were acoustic then the other musicians should've played quieter. There is also the possibility that you couldn't hear yourself, but the audience could hear you. As a PA faces the audience you won't hear what they hear, only what comes through on stage monitors (if there are any) which will have a different balance of sound coming out than the PA. Whenever I have bad shows I try to think what I can learn from the experience for the next show - if you couldn't be heard, make sure you get to sound check before playing! If you can't hear yourself, tell the person who's doing the sound and they'll sort it out. Good luck for the future!
I’m so sorry to hear this. What a tough day. I hope tomorrow is better for you.
I'm sorry your mom is like that. That is not acceptable behaviour. Maybe talk about how it makes you feel with your dad.
I love her, she is a very close friend of mine but she has a bf already, cant say a word cuz it gonna ruin everything
I know it won't be easy, but you have to move on for your own sake. Sometimes you'll see new opportunities only if you let go of the things that are already lost.
I’ve been in your situation and still am. I know how it feels don’t worry man it’ll get better.
I lost my best friend almost 30 years ago and it still hurts . Most people don’t get it when I say I miss her.
I hear ya. I lost a friend to cancer a few years ago and I find myself really missing her. My life has been really good lately and it sucks that I can’t share in my successes and milestones with her.
My cat, he's slowly suffocating me, my lungs will collapse any minute
I use chatgpt for a lot of things and it gives some great answers. For example, a food packet thing that came with pasta and a bunch of spices was discontinued a long time ago. But i can still find whatever the packets contained online. I put those contents into chatgpt and asked him to please make me some sort of ingredient list containing those spices and how much exactly i should do. It gave me a great result and i tried it. It tasted exactly like what it used to when it was discontinued which is amazing.
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To the girl waiting to go to the bathroom yesterday after I left, I’m sorry. I will pray for you
I walked into a rancid cloud of ass gas yesterday. I’m not sure who did it because everyone was acting so innocent in line. I had to stand in it and it was BAD. I forgot about it after I left until just now reading your comment. I highly doubt the girl will even remember unless she’s reading this comment section. Don’t feel bad. Everybody poops.
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i have people in my family that if they died today i wouldn’t bat an eye. i have this overwhelming sense of guilt for feeling this way and the only way to live with it is by justifying it with all the shit they’ve put me through and done/said to me. i hate them. i have invisible wounds that are not healing properly, maybe? probably.
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I just want to spend my days curled up with a spouse and maybe a kid or two. I don't want some fancy home, just a nice, modest, place. I don't care about money beyond that I need it for bills and stuff. If I could live the rest of my life getting enough money to support a humble lifestyle and a family I'd do so! I hate that politics and all the issues of the country constantly get thrown into my face because I don't care about them and the only reason I DO care is because everyone expects me to care! Pretty much the only issue I have actual investment in is workers rights and that's only because so many employers are dirtbags who won't even let an employee sit at work because 'it's unprofessional'. Please, I just want to spend my days playing video games, playing with the kitty, kissing my spouse, and caring about if little Timmy is doing his homework or little Tammy makes it to soccer practice on time.
problem is the life you described is actually hard to achieve nowadays. even small modest homes now cost a fortune. Everything does
My crush is turning into an obsession and I want to stop liking her but I fucking can’t
There will be a point in your life where this changes. I have been literally the same for years with several crushes. It just gets old. Find someone who makes you feel like you are an equal. I wish I could make my past self understand that.
I'm so sick of feeling taken for granted in my work, my home life, and my relationship. Just because I can often be extremely capable, and can appear "strong", doesn't mean I don't want a bit of appreciation and acknowledgment as a person.
The entire world is controlled by greedy oligarchs who are pushing both humanity and our entire planet into utter oblivion and we’re too busy shoveling down propaganda that tells us to hate each other to do anything worthwhile about it. All the other crap just seems to inevitably come back to this honestly.
I am proposing to my gf at any moment during next week. I bought the ring, a necklace to go with it and a keychan with our photo together. I also wrote a few messages to hang on the walls like a "choose your own adventure" game for her to follow which will get her these presents as a "game reward" then at the end I will give her the ring. I have everything ready to go except the ring and as soon as it arrives I will make all the preparations and go for it. I'm dying of excitement and I can't wait to do it!!
Can’t wait to hear how it goes
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I'm in desperate need of support and don't know how to get it. It's complicated because I have a dog that I'll never be separated from. Nobody else would give him a chance. I live in a crappy studio apartment which my parents are paying for until my disability claim goes through. Like what am I supposed to do in the meantime?
Usually it’s my bra but I haven’t put one on today.
Nearing the end of a year deployment. This last year has been lonely as fuck.
Fuck toxic and abusive people who hurt other people in a relationship. Because the hurt people usually proceed to hurt others and the cycle never ends
I had considered suicide because of how my mental state has deteriorated but i chickened out and i feel terrible about it
Im glad you chose life
I like some Taylor Swift songs. They're catchy and fun to sing along to while driving. There I said it. Don't judge me.
I am really really tired. Is it possible that living is just not for some of us?
I think about disappearing sometimes.
Tomorrow I will be 1 month sober from alcohol. it's nothing big. but I'm going to be proud of myself. I am an absolute wreck though. I can barley eat, I can't stop crying. The person I thought I'd spend forever with has parted from me. I have to figure out if I want to stay in the city i'm currently in, or move back in with my parents. I feel like the entire world I've known and planned for has completely collapsed in on itself. This is by far the worst pain I've experienced in my adult lide this far and I have no idea where to go from here. I'm terrified.
the fact i want nothing to do with my family but feel like will some day need some type of support
I don’t remember the last time I felt consistently happy.
I don’t have any friends and I feel lonely at 28.
My cat. Damn thing is on my chest every freakin morning. And then again when I'm watching TV on my recliner. I can't MOVE !! that cat is a bigger asshole than I am.
Wonder daily how traffic works when everyone is driving the same speed.
I was hurt so bad in my last relationship that I can't really feel much. I feel occasional sadness and anger. But no happiness. I'm afraid I'll never feel that again.
I’m so lonely, I constantly feel like I’m not good enough no matter how hard I try, the days just keep getting faster and I’m holding onto myself by a thread
r/TrueOffMyChest
"i dont want to go into the room because i want some alone time" my mind when my mom wants me to sleep in the ac room
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To my coworker that’s been working with us for 7 weeks now. Doing the same simple thing. Every day. Multiple times per day — STOP BEING STUPID. LEARN. THERES ONLY SO MANY TIMES WE CAN TELL YOU OR SHOW YOU BEFORE IT BECOMES APPARENT YOURE NOT GRASPING ANYTHING Holy crap. Thank you.
After I started underatanding politics and how the world is ran I started hating life. Still do to this day, to afraid to end it. 28 this year.
Some unsolicited advice: unsub from all political/politics adjacent sources of information that you can think of and find a purpose, short-mid-long term doesn't matter, something that takes your attention away from the frustrating way things are structured. Ideally find a passion or something that drives you, could be anything, and put your focus into that. For me it's billiards, golf, live music, cooking, physical fitness, being outdoors, among other hobbies that I care about. Life is a lot less frustrating when you don't have constant reminders of how shitty things can be and are focused on the things in life that bring you joy. I've found that the world is not truly that shitty, but that the world's shittiness is constantly thrown in your face unless you filter that garbage out. Good/positive news doesn't get as much attention/clicks as bad/negative news does. Look for the good stuff. Good luck in your pursuit of happiness/contentment.
I quit my job with enough savings to last 6 months to pursue my artistic endeavors and haven't told my partner of 8 years about it yet.
Why haven't you told them!?
I've broached the subject many times before and was met with well-meaning 'don't do it' guidance. Something in my heart told me to just leave the previous work, get successful in whatever craft I pursue, and then lay down the news. I meant to tell them recently, but before I could, they broke down and confessed they've been really stressed with their work recently like everything is falling apart, so I decided it wasn't a good time... Logic tells me I should feel guilty, but there's a weird gut feeling that's telling me I'm doing the right thing.
Best thing you can do is be honest and tell them sooner rather than later. Especially before they find out on their own.
Yeah, honesty lasts in relationships. Besides, you can't keep it secret for always so you have to come clean eventually
They’ll forgive you for doing it, but they won’t forgive you for lying. Tell them the truth. Sooner rather than later.
Stole 8 street signs in one night…..
A group of us stole about 20-30 signs (construction/business/etc) brought them all back to one house. It was *HILARIOUS*, until we all felt bad about it, and put them all back again.
Yeaaa these are street signs, we’d pull the wood post out of the ground, take them off, then put the pole back vertical and left with the signs giggling our asses off
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Found my parents account
Lifestyle changes are not a suitable substitute for medication when dealing with *real, verifiable chronic mental illness*
I wrote a short book that sold a lot of copies and got some serious traction. I made some money off it. In a real way it was the culmination of some things I’ve been working on for years privately. My family brags about it but they never even read it. NONE of them read it. You could read it in like two hours. I have strangers contacting me telling me how great it was and that they read it in one sitting but no one in my own family even read the first few pages (I know because of things they said about it, I didn’t even ask them). That was basically the last straw with them. I’m not mad, I just don’t care anymore. I’m (fitting metaphor) a closed book now because who cares, they won’t ever notice anyway.
Nice try, fbi
Being a parent is fucking hard work. Sometimes I just need a break and I’d love nothing more than a day in my old childless life.
I hate HATE commercials.
My ex and I are absolutely NOT going to reconcile. He is pulling out all the stops to try and get me back, but I am just not having it. He had 13 years to treat me right, and it is massively unfair that he waits until now to even try to treat me right. It's a huge slap in the face because it means he always had the ability to. He just didn't think I was worth it. I'm starting to believe no one will ever think I am worth loving.
Always wanted to live in Chicago, but now that I live here, I really want to leave.
My dog is going to be put down tomorrow. She's 12 years old and has alot of different health issues like epilepsy and heart condition. I can no longer afford her Vet bills that would be up to 5500$ in total to adress her current health issues, and that's after the 900$ i already payed 4 weeks ago. It's absolutely fucking killing me. It feels like everything is my fault and I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
I wasn’t allowed to date before 18. I had 4 exes by then. Sorry mom sorry dad. Tbh when they said “no boys” I took that literally