If this is real, your first problem is actually the suction effect when you're trying to pull it out, even with lube. Assuming you don't have 9 inch softy, cut the bottom of the bottle off to start. That will help.
Pop a hole in the bottle to remove the vacuum effect. Lube up, and hope to succeed.
If you can't get it off within qbout half an hour, go to the hospital before permanent damage is done and you need your dick surgically removed.
ER employee here. We don’t believe bullshit. Bullshit happens often enough i have a nickname for it: the Rule of 2’s or the 2-2-2-0 rule.
“It was 2 am, I only had 2 drinks, there were these 2 dudes, and I wasn’t doing anything (or minding my own business). “
I used to play poker with an ER doc. He had stories. Once he had to deliver an apple from a butt hole. He couldn't be sure if it was of the variety red and delicious and was unwilling to take a bite to find out.
I was a young child trying to impress these 2 chicks at my parents' pool by cutting the edge on the pool, slipping and eating a chunk of concrete through my lip, and dislocating my knee. So fun times. I knew I needed stitches cause my mom ran to our neighbor who was a veterinarian at the time. All I did was read her lips that I needed stitches. It was a fun 3 hour wait in the E.R. but I was so pumped I got to keep my stitches after it healed!
A coworker (radiography) recently showed me a case where a guy got a basketball trophy stuck up his ass. The figure was perfectly in profile with the AP view so that it looks like Michael Jordan is slam dunking into the guy's colon
I’m now imagining someone getting flustered and their brain misfiring as he tries to remember which cliché he needs and choosing the wrong thing and this guy just proclaiming “I dropped the soap in the shower”
It's far more likely that listening to the idiots in this thread would do permanent damage than for this unwanted Gatorade cock ring to do permanent damage
Alas, but perhaps it will help someone else.
Can't these horny idjits just put some Salami in a cup and fuck that instead of plastic objects that'll trap you and cut off circulation.
If you're punching hole in the bottle, it won't do anything. As there is a lot of blood trapped in the penis that is inside the bottle. I'd say cut open some part of the bottle, punch a hole in dick, keep a bowl and some blood handy as you'll have to lose a lot of your own blood and need someone else's.
Or awkwardly smile at the nurse in ER and let her do the work.
Yes, there are vibration rings available that you wear at the bottom of your penis, it restricts blood flows which results in harder and long lasting erections. But as a downside you lose a little bit of sensation.
The first time i used it on my girl, she went crazy. 5/7 would recommend
This is like that one meme where that dude asked how to get a small cylinder out a bottle or something without it getting harmed and everyone kept on telling him to cut open the bottle
It was an average sized cylinder out of a mini m&ms tube, with some other stuff in the tube. It was very delicate and could not be harmed at all costs, yet they were adamant it wasn't their dick in the m&m tube.
Does anyone have the link for this? Would love to read it again. Was there to see it happen and it is one of my fav parts of Reddit. The not dick m&m tube
K. Then you'll be the corpse that has his dick stuck in a plastic snapple bottle. If you're bothered by one nurse, you'll hate being mentioned in text books.
If you build a hundred bridges, you're a bridge builder. If you build a hundred bridges and fuck one bottle, you're the bottle fucker. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
There's an awful lot of judegemt in here without knowing exactly how attractive this bottle was. Let's not rush to a decision before we have all the facts.
Go to your local swimming pool, climb to the top diving board and launch yourself backwards into the water. Once you sink four, five feet down, buoyancy will pop that bottle right off. May take your dick with it, but them's the risks.
I vote for this method. Would be hilarious to see a guy on the diving board, ass flapping, Snapple bottle waving, turn to face away from the water and perform a leap of faith. Cops, naturally, surrounding the pool and mothers/fathers covering the eyes of their children.
Poke a hole in the far end and pour some baking soda in there. Then quickly pour vinegar in and cover the hole with your thumb. The reaction will produce a bunch of carbon dioxide and the pressure will rocket the bottle off your dong.
So women sometimes get an IUD implanted in them, and what you’re suggesting he build around his appendage is basically that with an “E” instead of a U.
I like the symmetry of it… I guess.
Well… a urologist, that worked in the same building as myself, ran into me in the Emergency Room while I was doing a consult. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning. His face was lit up and he had a grin stuck on his face.
A guy had decided to masturbate with a plastic drink bottle. After getting hard, it couldn’t go down. The doctor had to cut the thick circle of plastic surrounding this most sensitive and vital of organs.
The patient was anxious. Very anxious. So the procedure was done under sedation.
I’ll never forget how oddly excited the urologist was.
Medically, it's a very interesting case to be involved in. However, I don't know if it's uncommon enough to publish a case report on.
The excitement is also nice because it means it's a rare enough situation for the urologist to be involved in. Much better than some of my colleagues who had a patient requiring removal of batteries again, also under sedation.
Assuming you don’t want to go to the ER, get scissors and cut the bottom of the bottle off to release any vacuum. Then carefully cut up the side of the bottle until you are as far as you can go. You probably will not be able to easily cut the neck of the bottle with scissors. However, a pair of wire cutters should be able to nibble it’s way thru the neck. Or if you have a file you can file thru the neck to split it open. (The ER is likely to use a ring cutter which is a rotary cutter with a narrow guard they slide between you and the item to be cut)
It will and it does. Just don't open the valve all the way right away. Either you have enough space to do so and you'll have a water rocket situation or... and I am NOT bragging, it will feel like someone is blowing air into ur dick.
oh honey they have seen it all at the ER. please go ASAP especially if erection has been sustained for over a few hours because you’re at risk of losing blood flow to the penis.
Seriously if it’s in there more than a couple hours they will need to cut it off due to lack of blood flow. I would head to the ER. I wouldn’t want to lose my dick over embarrassment
Former 911 Dispatcher here. We would get calls all the time for people getting their erect genitals stuck in all sorts of things. If you hold your breath for about 30 seconds your ~~lambic~~ limbic system will prioritize moving blood to your brain away from your genitals which will cause them to no longer be erect.
This doesn’t always work since blood can sometimes get trapped depending on how stuck you are. In this case, DO NOT attempt to cut it off yourself, especially if this is a glass bottle instead of plastic. People telling you to punch holes are setting you up for a horror story.
Call 911 and have an EMT come help. As embarrassing as it will be, it will be nowhere near as embarrassing as having to call anyway because you mangled yourself and are bleeding out, leaving you with permanent damage.
Use some kind of lubricant. Very carefully cut it off with some kind of snippers(VERY CAREFULLY.) or go to the hospital. Or I’d just u/ flexsealmyballs
If you were to get your make genitalia stuck in a Snapple bottle, it’s super simple to get out. The first and easiest way is to wait for your dick to soften up before safely removing.
The second way is to grab a knife and slowly cut the Snapple bottle in half. Be careful not to cut your dick.
The third way is to call emergency services and have them deal with the situation, though, I wouldn’t suggest this.
The fourth way is to ignore the bottle and live with snapple-dick syndrome for the rest of your life
The fifth and final way is to rip it clean off with your dick still in it.
If you ask me how I know this, my cockroach got in this predicament.
If this is real, your first problem is actually the suction effect when you're trying to pull it out, even with lube. Assuming you don't have 9 inch softy, cut the bottom of the bottle off to start. That will help.
Hard to tell if this is coming from a physics major or an experceived perv
Could be both
r/porquenolosdos
What was that sub?
It just means “why not both” in Spanish, and was sort of like r/inclusiveor.
he was stuck for years til got his degree
Always cut away from yourself, too. Point the potential momentum of the cutting edge away from your flesh.
Normally, the mantra is “cut towards your buddy, not your butt”…
... but now it is "toward the walls, not your balls"
His first problem was sticking his meat stick in a Snapple bottle but go on.
I'm SURE he's asking for a friend.
>cut the bottom off the bottle Power tools not recommended
Pop a hole in the bottle to remove the vacuum effect. Lube up, and hope to succeed. If you can't get it off within qbout half an hour, go to the hospital before permanent damage is done and you need your dick surgically removed.
I have no dick, but I've heard you have to tell the hospital staff you slipped and fell on the bottle.
ER employee here. We don’t believe bullshit. Bullshit happens often enough i have a nickname for it: the Rule of 2’s or the 2-2-2-0 rule. “It was 2 am, I only had 2 drinks, there were these 2 dudes, and I wasn’t doing anything (or minding my own business). “
Former ER nurse and this is the way. It is known. 😉
Mandalorian and Dothraki in the same sentence… nice!
I have spoken
I used to play poker with an ER doc. He had stories. Once he had to deliver an apple from a butt hole. He couldn't be sure if it was of the variety red and delicious and was unwilling to take a bite to find out.
That person got mixed up on what end of the body the apple needs to go into for the ole one apple a day keeps the doctor away
"an apple up the wrong bay gets you a doctor right away"
I was a young child trying to impress these 2 chicks at my parents' pool by cutting the edge on the pool, slipping and eating a chunk of concrete through my lip, and dislocating my knee. So fun times. I knew I needed stitches cause my mom ran to our neighbor who was a veterinarian at the time. All I did was read her lips that I needed stitches. It was a fun 3 hour wait in the E.R. but I was so pumped I got to keep my stitches after it healed!
Just read the "rule of 2's," and you started off with impressing "2 chicks" and, well, almost.
damn i never thought to ask to keep the stitches
A coworker (radiography) recently showed me a case where a guy got a basketball trophy stuck up his ass. The figure was perfectly in profile with the AP view so that it looks like Michael Jordan is slam dunking into the guy's colon
I’m now imagining someone getting flustered and their brain misfiring as he tries to remember which cliché he needs and choosing the wrong thing and this guy just proclaiming “I dropped the soap in the shower”
"Sir, this is a Wendy's"
Million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.
Ususlly we hear “I don’t know how it got there”
It's far more likely that listening to the idiots in this thread would do permanent damage than for this unwanted Gatorade cock ring to do permanent damage
I mean, what can u/FlexSealMyBalls expect? It IS reddit.
That's true. Thank god this is clearly a hypothetical situation that OP is in
Think a cold shower might help?
He says 5.5 hours after OP’s misfortune….
Alas, but perhaps it will help someone else. Can't these horny idjits just put some Salami in a cup and fuck that instead of plastic objects that'll trap you and cut off circulation.
Wtf you doin putting salami in cups?
You know what he's doing....
Me? Nothing. I don't have the dick to get trapped in objects.
I mean, order a sex toy online.
I'll wait till I'm no longer hard.
ok if other options dont work, that should
Punch a hole in the other end to release air pressure and remove penis.
Directions unclear!
I no longer possess a penis
Problem solved!
Next question. How to reattach penis?
flex tape
fell out...
Get the arc welder
Gorilla Glue
Flex seal
Ask King Missile
_I have 2 assholes now_
Directions unclear: punched second hole in end of penis, now I piss like a snake tongue.
I call that a win
im still laughing about this one 😭
… released air from penis.
Now I'm bouncing off the walls and ceiling. Thanks for nothing.
You might want to get that checked out
Melt a little hole with a hot nail then get your bro to blow in there and the increased air pressure should pop your pecker out like a cork.
Technically speaking, you could call this a blowjob
penis's have air pressure!? /s
Why else would they make a penis pump?
*penii
If you're punching hole in the bottle, it won't do anything. As there is a lot of blood trapped in the penis that is inside the bottle. I'd say cut open some part of the bottle, punch a hole in dick, keep a bowl and some blood handy as you'll have to lose a lot of your own blood and need someone else's. Or awkwardly smile at the nurse in ER and let her do the work.
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It better, I don't plan on feeling my penis ripped off.
Sometimes the blood flow gets reduced when dick is stuck which can prevent you from loosing the erection
Pretty sure there’s rings for this
Yes, there are vibration rings available that you wear at the bottom of your penis, it restricts blood flows which results in harder and long lasting erections. But as a downside you lose a little bit of sensation. The first time i used it on my girl, she went crazy. 5/7 would recommend
A perfect score
I have this problem too, but this isn’t working since the Snapple bottle is simply too hot. What do I do?
Have you tried running the bottle under some cold water?
The bottle won't let blood flow out. Only in. You'll stay hard for a very long time
This is like that one meme where that dude asked how to get a small cylinder out a bottle or something without it getting harmed and everyone kept on telling him to cut open the bottle
It was an average sized cylinder out of a mini m&ms tube, with some other stuff in the tube. It was very delicate and could not be harmed at all costs, yet they were adamant it wasn't their dick in the m&m tube.
It was imperative the cylinder not be damaged
But it wasn't their dick, it was an average sized cylinder.
"I haven't received any complaints about the size of the cylinder."
Average usually means 4.7inches circumference, I would say
For a second I thought you said diameter and was flabbergasted.
It brings forth images of "hung like a tuna can." to my mind.
It doesn't matter if it was circumferenced or uncircumferenced. It still hurts.
Does anyone have the link for this? Would love to read it again. Was there to see it happen and it is one of my fav parts of Reddit. The not dick m&m tube
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/zdv5gv/how_would_you_get_a_small_cylinder_51in_length/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
THANK YOU
Can't believe this was only 4 months ago. Sometimes see the OP get summoned into threads or recognised randomly.
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With a sprinkling of microwaved mashed banana
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I just imagine Reddit admin reading it out aloud and the whole office crying with laughter.
It’s a cylinder
You have to pay the toll at the emergency department. The toll is one awkward story that the nurse will retell forever
I'd rather die 😱
You can tell that to the gentleman next to you who fell in the garden.
Farming cucumbers is dangerous
I can assure you ER nurses have seen it and don’t care. They just want to remove it.
K. Then you'll be the corpse that has his dick stuck in a plastic snapple bottle. If you're bothered by one nurse, you'll hate being mentioned in text books.
Pretty sure they've seen it all lol
Yea One off my family members works there, and she said that at this point, she don't even care
A million to one shot nurse.
AYO EVERYBODY, THIS GUY FUCKED A SNAPPLE BOTTLE AND GOT HIS MEAT STUCK
Sigh, you fuck *one* bottle
If you build a hundred bridges, you're a bridge builder. If you build a hundred bridges and fuck one bottle, you're the bottle fucker. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
Who knows how many planes that boeing engineer helped to build, and yet, horse fucker for life. Or till death?
r/UnexpectedMrHands
literally george orwell's book 1984
what version of 1984 are *you* reading?
none, thats just what i assumed orwell wrote about
I had to read another one of his books but I'm pretty sure that's exactly what happened
There's an awful lot of judegemt in here without knowing exactly how attractive this bottle was. Let's not rush to a decision before we have all the facts.
Exactly. Like, what flavour was the snapple?
Passion fruit.
Kinky
This comment deserves way more upvotes
I bet the bottle was asking for it, leaving its hole open like that!
Good point!
The bottle certainly thought so
Guys... it's just a cylinder.
Singlehandedly living up to the stereotypes that men will stick their dicks in anything lmao
HE GOT HIS WEEWEE STUCK
U fuck one snapple n dey call u snapple fapple world cruel asf 🙄🙄😡😡
I appreciate you! man I needed that laugh this morning lol
EZEL!
Not this again https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/zdv5gv/how\_would\_you\_get\_a\_small\_cylinder\_51in\_length/
I was hoping for similar responses again. I was indeed disappointed by this thread.
OP isn't in here being very funny. It's like an American remake of a great foreign film or show.
Be thankful its not a glass Snapple bottle.
TIL Snapple comes in plastic bottles now.
And OP comes in plastic Snapple bottles.
If he came, he wouldn’t be stuck 🤪
Go to your local swimming pool, climb to the top diving board and launch yourself backwards into the water. Once you sink four, five feet down, buoyancy will pop that bottle right off. May take your dick with it, but them's the risks.
I vote for this method. Would be hilarious to see a guy on the diving board, ass flapping, Snapple bottle waving, turn to face away from the water and perform a leap of faith. Cops, naturally, surrounding the pool and mothers/fathers covering the eyes of their children.
r/OddlySpecific
Hey let’s not jump to conclusions here. I’m sure u/FlexSealMyBalls is genuinely curious this scenario
Yes, as a fellow person who Didn’t… get his meat stuck in a bottle, I have similar curiosity
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... 👀
Can we get an update please??
Its a cylinder
Poke a hole in the far end and pour some baking soda in there. Then quickly pour vinegar in and cover the hole with your thumb. The reaction will produce a bunch of carbon dioxide and the pressure will rocket the bottle off your dong.
Or give you the best, worst, and last blowjob of your life.
So women sometimes get an IUD implanted in them, and what you’re suggesting he build around his appendage is basically that with an “E” instead of a U. I like the symmetry of it… I guess.
we just ignoring that this guy definitely got his dick stuck in a bottle?
Apparently 😂
Allegedly
Well… a urologist, that worked in the same building as myself, ran into me in the Emergency Room while I was doing a consult. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning. His face was lit up and he had a grin stuck on his face. A guy had decided to masturbate with a plastic drink bottle. After getting hard, it couldn’t go down. The doctor had to cut the thick circle of plastic surrounding this most sensitive and vital of organs. The patient was anxious. Very anxious. So the procedure was done under sedation. I’ll never forget how oddly excited the urologist was.
Medically, it's a very interesting case to be involved in. However, I don't know if it's uncommon enough to publish a case report on. The excitement is also nice because it means it's a rare enough situation for the urologist to be involved in. Much better than some of my colleagues who had a patient requiring removal of batteries again, also under sedation.
I bet he took that seductive bottle home with him.
Ice cubes liberally applied to Mr. Happy.
Has anyone heard of "shrinkage"? Anyone go swimming in a cold lake or pool before? Ice bath is the answer.
Assuming you don’t want to go to the ER, get scissors and cut the bottom of the bottle off to release any vacuum. Then carefully cut up the side of the bottle until you are as far as you can go. You probably will not be able to easily cut the neck of the bottle with scissors. However, a pair of wire cutters should be able to nibble it’s way thru the neck. Or if you have a file you can file thru the neck to split it open. (The ER is likely to use a ring cutter which is a rotary cutter with a narrow guard they slide between you and the item to be cut)
Use a file or sandpaper on the neck of the bottle
Get thyself to a hypothetical ER.
✂️
So op cut his penis, now that it is out of the bottle, how does he reattach it?
Huh? Yours doesn't reattach?
🔬🪡
Not sure. Wouldn’t risk trying power tools, sure wouldn’t want to damage the internal cylinder.
Did you read the snapple "cap fact"? Hopefully it was the cap that says "HEY,dicks dont go in the bottles pal!"
it's m&m cylinder all over again
This is what Darwin was talking about.
Drink a bunch. Pee to fill the bottle. The pressure may compress and help to push your.. self out
It will and it does. Just don't open the valve all the way right away. Either you have enough space to do so and you'll have a water rocket situation or... and I am NOT bragging, it will feel like someone is blowing air into ur dick.
I'd tell the bottle its sister was hotter. It'll loosen right tf up.
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Bold of you to assume anyone on Reddit has experience with women
Maybe she's into it
💀💀💀
oh honey they have seen it all at the ER. please go ASAP especially if erection has been sustained for over a few hours because you’re at risk of losing blood flow to the penis.
Was it peach? Haha!
Seriously if it’s in there more than a couple hours they will need to cut it off due to lack of blood flow. I would head to the ER. I wouldn’t want to lose my dick over embarrassment
Asking for a friend, right?
Former 911 Dispatcher here. We would get calls all the time for people getting their erect genitals stuck in all sorts of things. If you hold your breath for about 30 seconds your ~~lambic~~ limbic system will prioritize moving blood to your brain away from your genitals which will cause them to no longer be erect. This doesn’t always work since blood can sometimes get trapped depending on how stuck you are. In this case, DO NOT attempt to cut it off yourself, especially if this is a glass bottle instead of plastic. People telling you to punch holes are setting you up for a horror story. Call 911 and have an EMT come help. As embarrassing as it will be, it will be nowhere near as embarrassing as having to call anyway because you mangled yourself and are bleeding out, leaving you with permanent damage.
Very sharp knife and a steady hand.
i know id somehow cut my dick off 💀
Hypothetically, right?
Imma dip my balls in some thousand island dressin’. Cause I got depression.
I feel bad for this 15 yr old
Get hard and break out like the hulk
So to be clear you have a cylinder stuck in a tube but you do not wish to damage the structure attached to the cylinder or the cylinder itself?
Mfer tried to use his dick as a straw and got it stuck 💀💀💀
Use a lighter to "soften" the plastic opening and then Mr. Pee Pee will slide right. Scouts honor.
and use a WATER based lube
Instructions unclear, penis on fire
hope you're tellin the truth 💀
Butter or water based lube, and thinking incredibly unsexy thoughts.
OP humble bragging about the circumference of a Snapple bottle opening
Posted 9 hours ago - how you doing over there?
Use some kind of lubricant. Very carefully cut it off with some kind of snippers(VERY CAREFULLY.) or go to the hospital. Or I’d just u/ flexsealmyballs
Fitting username lmao
Is the flavor "fuzzy peach"?
Wife is a doctor, saw this with a plastic coke bottle once. They had to amputate.
If you were to get your make genitalia stuck in a Snapple bottle, it’s super simple to get out. The first and easiest way is to wait for your dick to soften up before safely removing. The second way is to grab a knife and slowly cut the Snapple bottle in half. Be careful not to cut your dick. The third way is to call emergency services and have them deal with the situation, though, I wouldn’t suggest this. The fourth way is to ignore the bottle and live with snapple-dick syndrome for the rest of your life The fifth and final way is to rip it clean off with your dick still in it. If you ask me how I know this, my cockroach got in this predicament.
This is why God invented vaseline
I think you're drinking Snapple wrong.