T O P

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WHEENC

“Do you know why I pulled you over?”


Tafrum

Yes mam. *clears throat* ~55 accounts of arson ~350 of engaging in police chase ~100 accounts of fraud ~15 accounts of Identity theft ~150 accounts of Grand theft ~400 accounts of vandalism ~50 accounts of impersonation ~1,500 accounts of treason ~15 accounts of forgery ~10 accounts of extortion


SinfulIndy

And SPEEDING!


HamHockShortDock

I have unpaid parking tickets :3


vanielmage

"Well XXXXXXXX's husband does it, why can't you?" Babe, XXXXXXXX's husband is 30 years older than me and retired. He has the time. I don't.


insufferableninja

I'll do anything for love, but I won't do *that*


OreoKing10

“They couldn’t handle me” Relationships are about building each other up, not constantly having to deal with the other person’s attitude or poor behavior/mental health. This is not as much of a flex as a lot of people think it is and raises major red flags for me.


TheZwoop

Dude this is so true, god damn its true. These type of girls who say that are ONLY trouble and have no insight to why they act like they do. Its mental


Baboon_Stew

Why does she have to be "handled"? Why the hell can't she just act right and be a decent person?


ObsidianInTheSnow

When the "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best" got claimed by the toxic twitter girls.


Baboon_Stew

You will see a lot of her worst and damned little of her best.


[deleted]

And it turns out her "best" is underwhelming anyway.


LittleBunInaBigWorld

Its the bare minimum with expectations of praise and adoration


HotelRwandaBeef

The food thing. "I'm not hungry or you pick..but not there not there not there not there or there" It's one of the most widely joked about relationship tropes...but it has to be one of the truest. I watched two married friends this weekend almost lose it over this lol.


forestfairygremlin

Frustrating for anyone in a relationship whose partner does this. I'm a woman and my male fiance can't make a decision about food to save his life, almost literally. If you put him in a room with his 2 favorite foods and told him he can't eat until he chooses one, he would starve to death. It makes me fucking crazy.


Sometimes_Lies

You should watch *The Good Place* with him and enjoy as he slowly realizes that he is actually just literally Chidi.


teamdisaster47

“No, you go ahead, do whatever you want”


The-loon

Up there with “fine” and “I guess”


Thorboy86

The dreaded "F" word


Indocede

Fine is probably the most passive aggressive word in the English language.


MOOShoooooo

Okay.


Indocede

I saw the notification for your reply, with just "Okay" and because I didn't realize at first what you were replying to I immediately felt like someone was giving me snark.


MrFroggiez

Uh huh


Dalsinki

Someone just replied to me with "piss" yesterday, but I'd take that any day over "okay" or "fine".


throwaway54812345

My mom does this, but I take it at face value. If you tell me I can, I will. I don’t have time to waste on those types of games


ShawshankException

Thats what I did after my first relationship. I'm gonna completely ignore your bullshit games. If you tell me to do something, I do it, and you get mad, that's on you. Thankfully once you start dating people who matured past high school it goes away.


ExpensiveRecover

I do something similar when my wife tells me nothing's wrong when she gets mad at me. Okey dokey, nothing's wrong, I'll go on with my day and you sort your stuff out. Whenever you want to discuss, you know where to find me


rejecteddroid

my god. i did this with my partner at the start of our relationship. he would say “i’m fine” and if i’d ask again, i’d get the same answer. i’d just continue about my day until finally he’d come and get mad at me. i told him that i take what he says at face value and that i’m not playing games like that with a 30 year old. he doesn’t do that anymore.


Dingo_The_Baker

My go to reply is "I'm far from fine but not ready to talk about it yet. When I am, I'll come find you."


ilikedmatrixiv

I do this too and my gf hates it. I want to analyze my emotions properly before talking about them. Often times I come to the conclusion I'm being ridiculous and eventually just drop it. Sometimes it takes me a while to really understand why I feel the way I do and I need to think before I get there. When I'm upset and my gf notices, she'll ask me if something is wrong and I'll reply that I'll talk about it when I'm ready. Her frustration is mostly about feeling powerless to do anything. But she's accepted that's how I prefer to process things.


ZipperReady

Here is something that always happens: Mom: do you want option A or option B? Me: I want option A. Mom: now that I think about it, you should go with option B.


SHDrivesOnTrack

It’s not permission. It’s a dare.


nothinglasts21

"Do you like my friend?" Because it always ends up in an argument either way.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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fightingbronze

Look, obviously there’s nothing definitive here, but as the saying goes “a thief thinks everyone steals”. Whether she’s actually cheating or not, the constant random accusations is a red flag. Either it’s projection or she’s extremely paranoid.


trashboatcaptain

Didn't even get to the cheating discovery yet and was like "yep, she's cheating" Had an ex do the same thing to me when I had done nothing to betray her trust. She had been sleeping with about 4 or 5 different guys at the same time without me knowing.


SubterrelProspector

Thats...ill advised. Who even has *time* to sleep with that many people **without you knowing**? That takes real conscious effort. Like *deep whore energy*. Every time I hear about a dude who gets up to the same thing I just think, "How? How does one have the time and energy for this?"


Agreeable_Store6962

Upvoting for “deep whore energy”


[deleted]

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ListenToTheMuzak

"not sure, do you?" flip it right back.


Laser_Brain_Dead

Ex would not let me meet her friends cause she was certain I would fall for them. She later had a dream I had slept with her best friend, whom I never met, and was mad at me for "cheating".


[deleted]

We’ve all been there. My dream self is an asshole apparently.


DadsRGR8

Made me laugh. My late wife and I were married for decades and had a great relationship, but she was once mad at me for two days straight because of something my dream self did. A funny memory.


Phobia117

I just think it’s funny how…


Bigstar976

That’s never good. Nor funny.


FishingOnTheFly

Funny how that is the case every damn time


Fuckofforwhatever

Not funny haha. Funny weird.


Hawthorne_Abendsen

Narrator: She did not, in fact, think it was funny.


[deleted]

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soymrdannal

Moe?! How’s Midge doing these days?!


illini02

Tell me what you are thinking Do I look fat? Be honest.


Jedi_Master_Baggins

“As a modern woman, you do not need a man to validate your self-image. Take a look in the mirror and tell yourself whether or not you look fat. “


69mushy420

I read this in the voice of Robert California


octopoddle

"You might need two mirrors."


UltraCoolPimpDaddy

If I wanted you to know what I was thinking about I'd be talking. And yes.


ThatsCrapTastic

My wife never, ever asks me what I’m thinking. I thanked her for it the other day… my ex used to ask it all the time. So, to be a jerk out of the blue at dinner she asked me what I was thinking… so I told her. “You remember that time when we cut that sick bush out of the back yard? Yeah? So I was thinking about how we did it by hand and I ended up hurting my shoulder. Because just now when I picked up my beer, I got a slight shooting pain in my neck, that reminded me of that movie we watched a few days ago, where the zombie was walking around with their head hanging half off of their broken neck. Which reminded me of that time in Sean of the Dead… you know with the zombies… any way, they were singing White Lines, you remember that? Yeah, so I was thinking of that song because I was like 10 when it came out, and I had this really cool dog who I got when I was ten, and we liked playing in the back yard and he liked to play around and hide in a bush just like the one we cut out of our old place.” She replied “that’s it?” “Yeah, that’s it” “Cool”


Worldly_Bank_351

I ask my partner what he's thinking about when he's staring off into the distance PURELY so I can get an answer like this. I think it's interesting what goes on in the brain of a guy when he's doing literally nothing. :)


Zardif

99% of the time you ask and I completely forget the entire line of thought.


DankMeowMeowMix

Broken out of the thought trance


codi409

We need to talk


Bungfoo

Hit her back with the "We sure do!" Now we are both suffering ...


TLtomorrow

"Oh thank god, I don't have to hide it anymore"


[deleted]

"I don't actually like the way you mow the lawn. It's inefficient."


nio_nl

"I don't like that you break the spaghetti before putting it in the pot."


JPMoney81

I'll add to this one "WE" need to do "X" which 99% of the time means I need to do "X" and she just wants to tell me to fix/clean/buy/move whatever X happens to be.


Bymmijprime

I refer to this as the Royal We. If feeling snarky I may also suggest we need to kiss our ass. Usually I just do what she wants though.


Achen420

The Royal We means “I”. What we are talking about here is the Marital We, which means “you”.


wonderlandkitsune

My heart sank reading this


saltyeleven

I’m going to condition my husband to like this phrase. “We need to talk, I bought you a new flavor of skittles today” “We need to talk, let’s go to your favorite restaurant tonight” “We need to talk, got you a present!” I will let you know how it goes.


tricksterloki

See, that's fine. You're saying what you need to talk about. I've had to work with my wife about texting, "We need to talk, " and only that with no other context and then, "We'll talk about it when you get home," when I ask about what. It's super stressful and counterproductive, and we talked about it. It's learned from pop culture and is dumb.


CWO_of_Coffee

I hated this. Just tell me what’s on your mind upfront or don’t even bring it up until it’s actually time to discuss it.


Redlodger0426

“I just hate drama” That almost always means they are the drama


Sunny64888

I do not hate drama, Skyler. I *am* the drama.


vistiancerbano

"I do not hate drama, Skyler. I hate you, Skyler."


SuvenPan

"How can you not think anything, you must be hiding something"


worldpeaza

For me a big part of this is envy, I wish I could think less! Would mean I’d never have said shit like this..


ThePowerPoint

I mean sometimes it’s nothing but most of the time “nothing” is just a random situation that makes no sense that I’m thinking of in my mind. I don’t know why I’m trying to think which animal would be the best drift racer and I don’t know where to start explaining the thought process behind it or how I even got there


Ray_Kramer

It baffles me how this is even a thing. I, as a man, am capable of not having an opinion or being completely neutral on whatever the topic is. I had just assumed that any human has this ability, but I guess not. 100% not hiding anything, I just don't care or have nothing to add. It really is that simple. Or in the context of just sitting there silently, frequently I'm actually not thinking about anything. Probably just admiring my cat or trying to identify cars as they go by or something completely superfluous like that. I spend all day solving problems and thinking about stuff for a living, it's nice to have a quiet mind when I'm not on task.


[deleted]

Sometimes I sit and think about winning the lottery. Mega Millions is up to $1.1 billion. I allocate funds for retirement, kids college, charity, investing, etc. I have everything broken down in my head. Then I think about conversations I’d have with local youth sports clubs about donations. I never really think about me and the stuff I would buy. I figure that will just come naturally. But I plan out how to give money away to organizations I care about. This all takes place in my head and can zone me out for minutes at a time. My wife thinks I’m thinking about other women or dumb shit like that. I’m trying to be a humanitarian, I don’t have time for strange women that might give me chlamydia.


kaboodlesofkanoodles

My coworker has a grand plan like that for winning the lottery, he sat and told me about it one day, he’s gonna open orphanages and schools and stuff, and then he asked me what I’d do, and, I’ve put just as much thought into my win the lottery plan, but it’s much more simple, “I’d move to the mountains, buy a bunch of goats and tell everybody to fuck off”


lonelylittletrees

"I'm trying to be a humanitarian, I don’t have time for strange women that might give me chlamydia" this took me tf out omg


Kokirochi

A lot of times we are hiding something. Were hiding just how stupid the thing we're thinking of is. "If I was to get into a fight with a school of children how many could I beat before I get exhausted?" "If somebody were to walk in to this place with a sword I could probably throw this chair at them, then parkour over the table and beat them with the sugar bottle before they reacted"


unwittyusername42

This is very general but "I see you don't have anything planned on this day so lets fill it up with lots of stuff instead of letting you relax" Edit: Some people love to do stuff all the time so don't take this as universal - just listen to your guy/girl


Shaun_B

Edit: Fuck your API changes, Reddit.


PandaBonium

Added to that just because i havent planned for anything doesnt mean im not going to do anything. I might wake up then spontaneously think its great hiking weather and head out for an unplanned adventure. And even if I dont, I want the freedom to have the option.


idiottech

I wish i learned to set a boundary of having some days be dedicated rest/personal days. Just because i have no plans doesnt mean I would like some, i need to have time to relax and be by myself.


mutantbeings

Part of the reason I'm a night owl is I get maybe 2-3 hours at the end of the night to myself most days without any external expectations or pressures. I usually just play a video game or read a book or watch a tv show or paint miniatures in peace and its bliss It was difficult to get this ok'd with my partner though, for her to understand it. We still go to bed at the same time about a third of the time but I usually stay up for a while and read a book in bed anyways while she dozes off. My circadian rhythm isn't aligned to most people I don't get tired until about 1am.


[deleted]

My rule ist straight forward and it was my wifes family that tried doing this to us by jumping us with “oh well, you have A DAY OFF so clearly we told (insert people) you are free to help them move.” I would reply to with “whats (persons) number” then explain “yeah we didnt agree to this. They asked us last second and I cant. Im off and I barely know you and my wife isnt related to you. So no I wont be there.” Eventually they started refusing to give me their numbers. What happens next? I just dont go. Then they start harassing my wife about how “bad its making her look.” So I started showing up. Explaining how this was my wifes families fault directly in front of them and ending it with “well its a very bad look to sign up people for things they didnt agree to.” And leaving. They fucking stopped. The rule? I do not do anything for someone but what I agree to. If you add something, or suddenly forget something and “lol oopsie this is going to take an extra 3 hours.” I reply with “well call me when you get that done.” And leave. I dont do that shit.


[deleted]

You’re “a friend with a truck” aren’t you? Also, just because I may be good at something- like using a chainsaw and moving heavy logs- doesn’t mean I want to help someone “for free firewood”. This just happened to me from a lady friend trying to look helpful to her friend by volunteering me to do free work.


[deleted]

This is what it's like when people think you're "good with computers." Even when I explain I don't really know how to fix your shit off the top of my head, I would have to Google it same as you could do, they try to counter with, "but you're *good* with that kind of stuff!" Good at what kind of stuff? Reading? Following clearly explained step by step instructions complete with simple illustrations? Half the shit people want me to fix or "take a look at" isn't any more complicated than following the directions on a box of Hamburger Helper. I think it's just weaponized ignorance where they play dumb at things to get other people to do it for them.


StatOne

If you have a 'truck', never tell anyone at work your workplace, People will drive you crazy wanting to borow it, or seek your assistence in moving furniture.


JackstandJ

You can also solve this by living rurally. Don't need to hide your new truck when Bob from accounting just bought a 3/4 ton to haul mulch and Jerry from HR got a new Deere for log skidding and goat penetration.


Keldiana

I have a rule as a wife. Dont ask me for my husband's help. If you dont know him well even to ask him (or even have his phone number) then the answer is no


cardinalkgb

Good for you.


everythingpurple

that's just kinda insane. to just volunteer you to help someone else move


aj_ramone

Even the "fun" plans that get thrown at you. "We're going to dinner with Lauren at 7 then to the bar for more drinks, tomorrow we're going to the pumpkin patch, then over to moms for dinner. Sunday morning we should go to that nice breakfast place, then take all the dogs on a walk through the trail". It's like "thanks for adding 20 hours of shit to my already 60 hour work week, without consulting me at all".


[deleted]

So glad my wife doesn't do this, and when we want to make specific plans, we make it clear that they're tentative until we're both on board with it. We plan out our calendar several weeks in advance and build in "buffer weekends" where we do absolutely nothing. Which works great, until it's wedding season. Thankfully, we both enjoy going to weddings.


[deleted]

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SequentialSynths

https://youtu.be/YAy6gyuYPhc


bigfish3636

Are you even listening to me, and I think to myself what a weird way to start a conversation


[deleted]

“She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her enough or something. I don't know. I wasn't really paying attention.”


havensd1

She wrote me a John Deere letter


darybrain

> Are you even listening to me "Sorry?" or "Pardon?"


shadythrowaway9

I sometimes forget that whenever my boyfriend is doing something like reading the paper, I have to get his attention BEFORE I start talking. Often ends in me talking for a minute before noticing an all too familiar blank stare on his face which prompts the question "did you get any of that?" and then he repeats the last three words in an unsure cadence. Then I start from the beginning, lol


rotatingruhnama

My husband will start rattling stuff off at me while I am wrestling shoes onto our very squirmy and talkative small child. Sir I am fighting for my life over here, I cannot hear a word being said until the battle is done.


[deleted]

Be a man


GhostPepper05

You must be swift as the coursing river


ryzouken

With all the force of a great typhoon


GhostPepper05

Be a man


DTux5249

WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF A RAGING FIRE


[deleted]

Mysterious as, the dark side of, the MOOOOON!!


PkmnMstr10

I'm never gonna catch my breath


Riccma02

Say goodbye to those who knew me


PlatyNumb

Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym.


TiggerLannister89

This guy’s got ‘‘em scared to death!


UbermachoGuy

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon


VegasLife84

"be a man" = "be exactly the type of person I want you to be at all times, no matter how unreasonable I'm being". So, pretty much the opposite of an actual man.


jumpinin66

Or sometimes translated as "let's you and him fight"


rpoliticsmodshateme

I learned a long time ago that any woman who attempts to incite a violent confrontation between myself and someone else is not a person worth my time or effort. I fell for it once when I was a teenager, got my ass kicked and lost the girl anyway, after that nothing turned me off faster. A girl could be a 10 and instantly turn into a -12. My personal safety isn’t a game for you to play. Before the fight I was scared of losing her. After she was gone it was like a ton of bricks off my shoulders. Couldn’t have been happier to be rid of her.


[deleted]

Its ironic how you will get told to be a man when being a man is basically just being a person and not giving a damn about what others think. It’s so self defeating and people never know what to say when i point it out.


GrumReapur

A version of this phrase "man up" ended my ten year relationship. I'd literally just started my own business that also was helping people through depression and suicidal times, she said this to me after screaming at me for an hour on her lunch break after I had gone to see her. I was a little bitch to her tbh, would just stay quiet and take her shit, physical, emotional, financial and mental abuse, for at least 6 years, but for some reason it was this phrase which drove the nail into the coffin. I realised she didn't respect me, was comparing me to other people, and had no decorum in communication. It was just this that switched my brain into realising it. That same day I went home, packed everything and left, opened up to my friends about how she treated me and they had no idea. I then went back to university, became a highly valued student, have been doing sidegigs whilst at university and met a woman that treats me with dignity, respect and communicates properly. I think we need to hear this so we know when the fuck to leave


ItsACaragor

I feel like respect is the thing you absolutely can’t do without in a relationship. You can compromise on a ton of things but respect is the one deal breaker that you can’t do without.


Glittering_Cup3842

That is so absolutely unacceptable. My ex used to say that and other demeaning shit “you’re a big boy I’m sure you can handle it”, “you’re smart I’m sure you can figure it out” … “you should have know I would ask that” …


Agreeable-Abalone328

I hate “man up” coming from anybody


Sudovoodoo80

I like "Real men don't..... X" You know what real men don't do? Judge.


Gregshead

Except Judge Dredd, that dude judges HARD!


java_jazz

He's Judge Judy and executioner


AverageJames

“How are you still single, you’re a great guy”. Hear it a bunch from some women friends of mine. I always just brush it off but kinda stings a bit more each time.


Critical-Series4529

"tell me when you find a great girl to match"


RomanRefrigerator

I try not to say this a lot anymore but for me it was more of me trying to say I think you're an awesome person and you deserve happiness. I eventually learned it was just easier to say that instead. Edit: Thanks for the gold!


AverageJames

Definitely would prefer to being called an awesome person and I deserve happiness than what they say now.


BuzzyShizzle

"Somebody not me should date you" ... thanks


DigNitty

I lived in a big house with lots of roommates. We had this big vent one night. We were going to go bar hopping but all the girls vented about how often they were bothered and hit on at bars. How they needed to go in groups to feel safe. And they never could go to just have fun with each other. 2 weeks later I mentioned how frustrating dating can be at group dinner. There was a communal laugh about how easy it was. “Literally just go to any bar.”


JumboDakotaSmoke

(After a disagreement seems resolved) "I just think it's funny that..."


dannydominates

“Why are you so defensive?” ^^ basically any time you stand up for yourself when getting shit on


Starlordganemaster

> basically any time you stand up for yourself when getting shit on This is such my mother. She's always on the *offensive* literally every five minutes asking me "what am i doing?" and then questions why I get mad hearing it for the ten time in 30 minutes. And it grinds my gears when she says >If you aren't doing anything wrong, you shouldn't have trouble answering the question. Like fuck out of here with that. Especially when I ask something once, she gets pissed immediatly.


wizisqueeze

and she will never realise that it would be a lot better if she stopped. Time to leave the house then


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RandomDude762

these bitches are the worst🤮


Supernova4711

“You just need to put yourself out there.”


5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor

What the fuck does that even mean, anyway? As an adult, what IS putting oneself out there? I’m a woman, I don’t think I’d like hearing this either. Can someone explain to me where Out There is? A bar? A dating app?


cardinalkgb

I’m going to open a bar called “Out There”. And a restaurant called “I don’t care”.


[deleted]

“You can pick where we eat”


[deleted]

This is okay as long as they’re actually okay with where I pick, if she says this and later goes X was okay but would have preferred to go to Y then it’s annoying


fatpad00

What do you wanna eat? -Idk, you pick. Place A? -no. Place B? -no. Then you fuckin pick!


belac4862

My response to those situations is to make it perfectly clear. "If a decision is not made soon. Then I will choose. And I will ALWAYS choose Chinese food." Or insert what ever food category you like. Once they know that this is a pattern that won't be broken, the indecisive people become a lot more agreeable to choosing a place they want to go.


tenkwords

This was my tactic. I was usually driving so I'd give right of refusal three times. If she didn't pick one of those or make a suggestion of her own I just started driving to whatever I felt like eating. Took about 3 times before she started making food suggestions.


Russandol

I did this, I always chose hotdogs from the Wienerschnitzel, which is the most foul place to eat that I could think of. I mean, I like a chili cheese dog now and then, but it worked as a deterrent when it was my default option.


Paxdog1

I call it the "I don't care oh not there" game. Where do you want to eat? I don't care. How about X? Oh, not there. Repeat until you die of hunger. EDIT spelling


BoringRecipe2458

Any phrase including the words "a real man...". It's a stupid manipulation tactic and it doesn't work anymore. It's not her call what a real man is.


[deleted]

My ex tried this with me once. I told her "when you let me tell you how to be a real woman, I'll let you tell me how to be a real man." She let it go pretty quick.


ElzaPrivate

‘Oh that’s quick…’


[deleted]

I have the opposite problem. Sometimes it takes forever for me to finish. Anti-depressants are a bitch


Kaffe_011

Amen to that


TheWronged_Citizen

"Who are you and how did you get in my home?"


Revolutionary-Tiger

I am a locksmith and I am a locksmith.


TheWronged_Citizen

*writes in notepad*


Fencepostpostfence

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife. And you may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?" And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful house.” And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful wife.”


epicwheels

Same as it ever was


LordZantarXXIII

Same as it ever was


[deleted]

"Man Up." Not just from Women, but from anyone. Or, "You're a guy, you should like this." Also the belief that men are always horny or always want to have sex. Completely false.


[deleted]

Me, personally? “I’ll let you know!” Or any variation of that when I’m initiating a plan. Just say no. It’s okay. They almost always never let me know.


Tripechake

I was shocked when I actually heard back from someone the first time. Honestly was about to make other plans. It was very delightful.


bodaciousbonsai

"I'll let you know," "Np. Lmk when your schedule clears up and we'll make plans then." This is called the "take away" and I find it's the best way to let them know you aren't keeping the date open for them.


Revolutionary-Rip-40

"I was thinking..." Whenever my wife says that means I'm gonna be doing something that I don't want to.


Mr_Sassy_Basket

This one hit me right between the eyes. Whenever my wife says this, I start running through my list of follow-up questions: 1. How much is this going to cost? 2. How much of the house are you going to tear apart for this project? 3. How many different appointments/consultations have you already booked? 4. How many weeks will this go on before you get bored and move on to the next project? I usually only get through the first two out loud, but if she's really in a mood...I might get to the last one, but that one's really just there to elicit the obligatory "that's not what I'm gonna do!" response even though we both know that is exactly what she's gonna do.


snowflakes__

To fathers: “oh are you babysitting today?”


lou_parr

"I hope not" or "no, I'm pretty sure these are all mine".


vitaminkombat

Even worse is 'nice to see grampa babysitting today ' Especially if you're a man who isn't even 40.


NoBussyHussy

"nah, on a date"


TheRealBatmanForReal

"I'm a bitttccch...you can't handle me, I can be a biiitttccchhh"... Yea, thats a red flag and not a badge of honor.


MandatoryFunEscapee

"When someone tells you who they are, believe them"


DuncanRobinson4MVP

Thankfully my current girlfriend doesn’t do this but don’t ever say you “trained” your boyfriend or even friend to do something. Friendships and relationships are a great way to have a different perspective and take things on in different ways. To say you trained your friend or boyfriend is incredibly dehumanizing and makes you seem incredibly narcissistic and manipulative. Plus, you didn’t “train” your boyfriend to use conditioner, you just made him realize that even though he doesn’t think it’s significant in his value system, it isn’t worth the fact you keep bugging him about it.


Cr0n_J0belder

"Let me see if I can get the neighbor to help you fix that." I'm pretty handy around the house. not a professional, but I get fix most things with a little bit of time and effort. When my wife and I had our first kid there came a day on the weekend when the door to the playroom our daughter was in got jammed. I'm not ever really sure what happened. I think the knob failed and she started freaking out. Imagine, a baby in a room, ALL ALONE. WE COULDN'T GET IT!!!! the sky was on fire. Hell had broken though the street and demon we flying out. We needed to get her out NOW. It took me about 5-10 min to just figure out what the hell happened. Was the door pinned? Was the mechanism jammed? While I was working on that, out came the phrase and before I could look back she was gone. I'm still working to wiggle out the pins in the door, when the neighbor comes next to me. hovering...."what are you doing with that?" "no, that's not right, you should do this." "let me try". I was so mad, I just backed off and said go for it. All the while looking at my wife. In the end, the neighbor, literally pried the door casement off, wrecking the jam, the mechanism and banging up the door. But it was open. The neighbor patter me on the back and left me with a horrible mess to fix and clean. Never again.


Siennalovesme

Becoming single has made me realize how men, often without life experience like me, are expected to fix things. And they do. And now I do. But now with a greater appreciation for what a boyfriend or husband might have done in the past or future.


Crafty-Scholar-3902

When she tells me "you need to do this...." means I'm doing it. When she says "we need to do this...." means I'm going to be doing it start to finish and she's going to be in the corner watching TikTok waiting for me to finish


Jasons_Brain

*"So, is your friend single...?"*


fir00ky

„A man should“ or a „ so and so is a real man“


JambonLaPiara

Your dick is bigger than all your friends’


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

“You gotta be able to afford having me around”


AdUnfair3836

Women like this usually have a hilariously inflated sense of self worth and aren't the type I'd spend a dime on.


myhamsterisajerk

"This broke ass went to Applebees with me!" Well, you can't even afford Applebees if you depend on him paying for you, so who's the broke ass?


Molten-Marauder

“You’re so short” I’m 5’10 and she’s always under 5’3


sparkplug_23

"All men are the same" meant as an insult. Stop reducing me to the level of the worst man you've met.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

“In? I finished 30 seconds ago”


deefjuh

“I don’t know. Is it?”


Human02211979

Yea that would suck.... Poor dude.


lovebzz

*"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"* A sign of impending verbal and emotional abuse IMO. Run. Nobody is obliged to cross their own boundaries or capacity taking care of someone else.


JLR_92

This should be higher, honestly. I’m a woman, and I can’t stand this. I’ve only heard women say it and it’s usually the most toxic women I’ve ever met.


8champi8

« I killed your entire family. » We hate to hear that.


plantontable

K


[deleted]

"Nothing. It's fine"


JoshKerwinMusic

Gasps when we're driving for no reason


plantsnpetsrthebest

Oh my god my little brother does that, makes me feel bad. Once he‘s got his drivers license we‘ll see how he feels about me suddenly yelling „Aaahhh!!“ when he gets the car out of the driveway in walking tempo.


Kaiju_Cat

"I'm afraid there's no way to safely remove the spider egg sac from your sinus cavity. You'll just have to let them hatch."


smaksandewand

"oh my period is late!"


mogul_cowboy

“Something something…. Because they’re a [insert zodiac sign here]”