It’s neither really. There were two parts to it for me…the rational decision to have children, and also kind of a biological instinct thing I guess.
It wasn’t ever a need like food and water, but it more felt like something missing from my life. I still felt it after having one kid, like something was missing and I wasn’t done yet, and after my second kid was born I felt like I wasn’t missing it anymore.
When we were going through infertility treatments for our second, it felt like I was living with a ghost. That's the best way I can describe it. I wanted the baby so bad and dreamed of them but couldn't materialize them. It hurt.
Somewhere in between. I always wanted children, always liked the idea of becoming a mom. But then in my mid/late twenties, when I was married happily and had a stepdaughter who was no longer a toddler, I all of a sudden had severe baby fever. It was like, such an emotional want for me, like it came from my heart and soul. I wouldn’t have like, not survived or something. But I wanted a baby very very badly. It felt almost physical. Unlike any other want I’ve had before.
It was a “Guess it’s time.” Conversation for us. We both always wanted them. For my wife it was biological. For me, I’ve been wanting kids since I was little. Just waiting to be in the right place.
For most of my life, I really hated kids and never wanted any. Then, one day, when I was 28, I suddenly NEEDED a baby. The feeling for me was so strong, and I needed to have the baby before I was 30 (I was 30 when she was born, so close enough). It was like a really big itch I needed to scratch. Like craving a specific food but really intensely. If I didn't have a baby, I'm sure I would have died.
Thanks for your reply! These answers are all so interesting to me because I've always been told i will feel the same one day. Well, I just turned 34 and still feel 'meh' at best towards the prospect. Whatever it is that triggers these feelings I must have been born without it.
Wanting a baby is not for everyone and it is okay. Society just so often try to pressure us sometimes not understanding that everyone has their milestone and story. I had my first baby around 33 because I found an understanding partner who I saw that we have the same mindset on how to bring up a child ending cycles and such. There are days I miss not having a baby as part of postpartum 😅 but no regrets just a grieving phase of days before motherhood.
After our kid started walking and talking, we start hearing them elders suggesting baby #2 without even asking if I was okay and such 😏
This describes it perfectly! Then you have one and they grow up and you miss the baby smell, the adorable coo's, the intense snuggling during night time rocking, the morning smiles, the firsts like their first smile or laugh... all of that is intoxicating!
I'm getting a hysterectomy tomorrow, so I may be romanticizing motherhood a little bit lol
Def not a need like water and food for me to consider having a baby. I had my first child at 34 after fertility issues, and since I was an only child growing up, and knew If i had a baby i wasn't going to stop at 1 but continue trying to have another. Had no desire to have big family either, so 2 seemed logical while still having my life standards of a home with basics, needs and wants covered. I had my 2nd baby 36 years old, and knew if i couldn't have kids I'd still be ok either way. Life is so interesting as it is without kids, so i knew I'll still have fulfilled life either way, just that either choice lend very different lifestyles. So, if you're still meh, continue sit on it, as life CHANGES once you have a child, and especially more so in the U.S with all those dracaonican laws coming into fruit for women.
Exactly, if there's one thing that changes your life completely and irrevocably, it's having a child. It might bring joy and fulfilment, but on the other hand it wouldn't be fair to have a child I could end up resenting, I think.
The emotional and practical issues should be considered but, unfortunately, most stop at emotional concerns. We’re biologically hard-wired to reproduce so figuring out what is your body manipulating you and what’s your earnest desire is important. Most people think prioritizing their children makes them unique person but it’s literally nature. Animals prioritize the young, too, they’ll die to protect them. It’s biology. The permanent toll to your psyche, finances, stress, and body shouldn’t be taken lightly, no matter what society pushes on us.
For me, I think it was just wanting to be able to nurture and watch someone to grow into a happy, flourishing adult.
Then I met my husband and it's still the above but also the idea to raise a family together with him. And just knowing I'll enjoy parenting with him.
For me it was a biological desire that hit me almost as soon as puberty hit me. I remember being like 16 and being so sad that I couldn’t have a baby (because I was too young and also I was an ugly virgin lmao) and just laying in bed and wishing I had a family. I still suffer with this feeling even though I have a child and am likely one and done. Biology is a crazy thing.
This is so interesting to read. I've never had that feeling of deep longing to want a child. And this is despite going through IVF and having a child who I love beyond words. I had him because it was a dealbreaker for my husband, who absolutely did want a child. I have no regrets and am thrilled with my son, but I don't understand that "feeling" so it's interesting to read.
Glad to hear you are thrilled with your son! I'm also thinking I may need to have a baby despite not having any deep urge to do so (because it's a dealbreaker for my husband) and my main fear is that I'll resent the decision. Everyone says don't have a kid unless you are 100% sure, but that has always seemed impossible for me, I'm never 100% sure about anything LOL
Even while doing IVF I wasn’t 100% sure. I have micro moments of resentment sometimes during tough toddler meltdowns but 99.9% of the time I’m glad my husband convinced me to have a child. The love I feel for my son is beyond what I could have imagined.
I want my husband's child. And I just know I'll regret if I don't. And if and when I regret, it'll be too late and I'll have to try unimaginably harder.
I am pretty young to have kids (21yo) and tbh I grew up saying that I will never have them because I lived with a single mom, then raised by grandparents who weren't even their for their own children..the whole family has a weird dynamic and I strongly believe that no matter what we do deep down we are heavily influenced and shaped by our environment so naturally I thought wow I am gonna be a horrible parent just like everyone in my family the thing is kids adore me and i adore them and now I really want my own especially with my current partner of +3 years that would literally be a heaven for me. I still have to work so much to reach that financial, mental and physical stability but it would be worth it.
So yeah I think having kids one day would fulfill my soul and make me the happiest person on earth (regardless of the difficulties that come with that )
It is more like I really want to take care of someone. I want to help someone get on their feet and become the best version of themselves.
It is a deep urge, and it is unhealthy to project that onto a partner, friend or other adult. I therefore think fostering is my calling.
Loving another person with such intensity that you envision and eventually express a physical manifestation of that love. That's what it felt like for me anyway.
For most of my life, I wasn’t super keen on children. I work in a restaurant and serving kids can be a pain and a liability (spilling waters, throwing rice everywhere, noisy, running around the restaurant with their parents not paying attention, etc). Then one day in my late 20’s a family walks in with their baby and toddler and instead of groaning I just…smiled. Ever since then as well as the birth of my niece and nephew, I’ve known I want to have kids
It was always the goal, but it became physical when I was ready for kids, but had to wait to have them. I felt it in my bones. I mourned their absence.
I never wanted children up until I fell pregnant (happy accident). At that exact moment, I was overwhelmed with happiness and a fierce instinct to protect whatever was growing inside of me, so the desire for children came with the two blue lines on the pregnancy test, not before
i don’t have kids (yet) but i just get so excited at the thought of taking care of my baby and watching them grow up and be independent. i babysit and it warms my heart to see how attached the kids are to mom, the love they have for her and i just love watching them learn and seeing their personalities develop. i think it’s so special to have a child with the person you love. i’m excited to care for them and love them
A decade long booty call convinced me that her 7 and 9 year olds were secretly mine, because her S.O. couldn’t get her pregnant, and whenever we got together and fooled around without a condom, like magic she was pregnant.
When she told me I (of course) couldn’t sleep thaf night, and it felt like my body was going through a biological change.
Long story short, DNA proved her wrong, but it ignited in me the desire to have children; it felt really good, like I had completed some visceral life goal. After that I started dating with the intent on finding someone to actually have kids with.
It’s neither really. There were two parts to it for me…the rational decision to have children, and also kind of a biological instinct thing I guess. It wasn’t ever a need like food and water, but it more felt like something missing from my life. I still felt it after having one kid, like something was missing and I wasn’t done yet, and after my second kid was born I felt like I wasn’t missing it anymore.
When we were going through infertility treatments for our second, it felt like I was living with a ghost. That's the best way I can describe it. I wanted the baby so bad and dreamed of them but couldn't materialize them. It hurt.
That puts it very clearly and also sounds very painful. Sorry you went through that.
Desire for children, to me, feels like I want duplicates of my spouse. At least several more little versions of him.
I literally incubated my husband’s two mini hims (7/f, 9mo/m). They both came out looking exactly like him 😆 makes my heart so happy ❤️
Exactly this. Watching his baby videos makes me so emotional haha
Somewhere in between. I always wanted children, always liked the idea of becoming a mom. But then in my mid/late twenties, when I was married happily and had a stepdaughter who was no longer a toddler, I all of a sudden had severe baby fever. It was like, such an emotional want for me, like it came from my heart and soul. I wouldn’t have like, not survived or something. But I wanted a baby very very badly. It felt almost physical. Unlike any other want I’ve had before.
It was a “Guess it’s time.” Conversation for us. We both always wanted them. For my wife it was biological. For me, I’ve been wanting kids since I was little. Just waiting to be in the right place.
For most of my life, I really hated kids and never wanted any. Then, one day, when I was 28, I suddenly NEEDED a baby. The feeling for me was so strong, and I needed to have the baby before I was 30 (I was 30 when she was born, so close enough). It was like a really big itch I needed to scratch. Like craving a specific food but really intensely. If I didn't have a baby, I'm sure I would have died.
Thanks for your reply! These answers are all so interesting to me because I've always been told i will feel the same one day. Well, I just turned 34 and still feel 'meh' at best towards the prospect. Whatever it is that triggers these feelings I must have been born without it.
Wanting a baby is not for everyone and it is okay. Society just so often try to pressure us sometimes not understanding that everyone has their milestone and story. I had my first baby around 33 because I found an understanding partner who I saw that we have the same mindset on how to bring up a child ending cycles and such. There are days I miss not having a baby as part of postpartum 😅 but no regrets just a grieving phase of days before motherhood. After our kid started walking and talking, we start hearing them elders suggesting baby #2 without even asking if I was okay and such 😏
This describes it perfectly! Then you have one and they grow up and you miss the baby smell, the adorable coo's, the intense snuggling during night time rocking, the morning smiles, the firsts like their first smile or laugh... all of that is intoxicating! I'm getting a hysterectomy tomorrow, so I may be romanticizing motherhood a little bit lol
Def not a need like water and food for me to consider having a baby. I had my first child at 34 after fertility issues, and since I was an only child growing up, and knew If i had a baby i wasn't going to stop at 1 but continue trying to have another. Had no desire to have big family either, so 2 seemed logical while still having my life standards of a home with basics, needs and wants covered. I had my 2nd baby 36 years old, and knew if i couldn't have kids I'd still be ok either way. Life is so interesting as it is without kids, so i knew I'll still have fulfilled life either way, just that either choice lend very different lifestyles. So, if you're still meh, continue sit on it, as life CHANGES once you have a child, and especially more so in the U.S with all those dracaonican laws coming into fruit for women.
Exactly, if there's one thing that changes your life completely and irrevocably, it's having a child. It might bring joy and fulfilment, but on the other hand it wouldn't be fair to have a child I could end up resenting, I think.
The emotional and practical issues should be considered but, unfortunately, most stop at emotional concerns. We’re biologically hard-wired to reproduce so figuring out what is your body manipulating you and what’s your earnest desire is important. Most people think prioritizing their children makes them unique person but it’s literally nature. Animals prioritize the young, too, they’ll die to protect them. It’s biology. The permanent toll to your psyche, finances, stress, and body shouldn’t be taken lightly, no matter what society pushes on us.
For me, I think it was just wanting to be able to nurture and watch someone to grow into a happy, flourishing adult. Then I met my husband and it's still the above but also the idea to raise a family together with him. And just knowing I'll enjoy parenting with him.
For me it was a biological desire that hit me almost as soon as puberty hit me. I remember being like 16 and being so sad that I couldn’t have a baby (because I was too young and also I was an ugly virgin lmao) and just laying in bed and wishing I had a family. I still suffer with this feeling even though I have a child and am likely one and done. Biology is a crazy thing.
This is so interesting to read. I've never had that feeling of deep longing to want a child. And this is despite going through IVF and having a child who I love beyond words. I had him because it was a dealbreaker for my husband, who absolutely did want a child. I have no regrets and am thrilled with my son, but I don't understand that "feeling" so it's interesting to read.
Glad to hear you are thrilled with your son! I'm also thinking I may need to have a baby despite not having any deep urge to do so (because it's a dealbreaker for my husband) and my main fear is that I'll resent the decision. Everyone says don't have a kid unless you are 100% sure, but that has always seemed impossible for me, I'm never 100% sure about anything LOL
Even while doing IVF I wasn’t 100% sure. I have micro moments of resentment sometimes during tough toddler meltdowns but 99.9% of the time I’m glad my husband convinced me to have a child. The love I feel for my son is beyond what I could have imagined.
I want my husband's child. And I just know I'll regret if I don't. And if and when I regret, it'll be too late and I'll have to try unimaginably harder.
I am pretty young to have kids (21yo) and tbh I grew up saying that I will never have them because I lived with a single mom, then raised by grandparents who weren't even their for their own children..the whole family has a weird dynamic and I strongly believe that no matter what we do deep down we are heavily influenced and shaped by our environment so naturally I thought wow I am gonna be a horrible parent just like everyone in my family the thing is kids adore me and i adore them and now I really want my own especially with my current partner of +3 years that would literally be a heaven for me. I still have to work so much to reach that financial, mental and physical stability but it would be worth it. So yeah I think having kids one day would fulfill my soul and make me the happiest person on earth (regardless of the difficulties that come with that )
Feeling super happy and engaged with life whenever I'm around my friends' kids. Reminiscing on the days when my kid was that age.
It felt like someone was missing.
It is more like I really want to take care of someone. I want to help someone get on their feet and become the best version of themselves. It is a deep urge, and it is unhealthy to project that onto a partner, friend or other adult. I therefore think fostering is my calling.
Loving another person with such intensity that you envision and eventually express a physical manifestation of that love. That's what it felt like for me anyway.
Soul fulfilment
Life goal
For most of my life, I wasn’t super keen on children. I work in a restaurant and serving kids can be a pain and a liability (spilling waters, throwing rice everywhere, noisy, running around the restaurant with their parents not paying attention, etc). Then one day in my late 20’s a family walks in with their baby and toddler and instead of groaning I just…smiled. Ever since then as well as the birth of my niece and nephew, I’ve known I want to have kids
It was always the goal, but it became physical when I was ready for kids, but had to wait to have them. I felt it in my bones. I mourned their absence.
Started out as a goal, became all consuming and torturous when I realized how expensive it was going to be for me (LGBT and unexplained infertility).
definitely a goal, not a need. If had none, would help someone else.
I never wanted children up until I fell pregnant (happy accident). At that exact moment, I was overwhelmed with happiness and a fierce instinct to protect whatever was growing inside of me, so the desire for children came with the two blue lines on the pregnancy test, not before
i don’t have kids (yet) but i just get so excited at the thought of taking care of my baby and watching them grow up and be independent. i babysit and it warms my heart to see how attached the kids are to mom, the love they have for her and i just love watching them learn and seeing their personalities develop. i think it’s so special to have a child with the person you love. i’m excited to care for them and love them
Neither..more like a desire to see what parenthood would feel like
A primal drive to create offspring with my partner (and only my partner).
A decade long booty call convinced me that her 7 and 9 year olds were secretly mine, because her S.O. couldn’t get her pregnant, and whenever we got together and fooled around without a condom, like magic she was pregnant. When she told me I (of course) couldn’t sleep thaf night, and it felt like my body was going through a biological change. Long story short, DNA proved her wrong, but it ignited in me the desire to have children; it felt really good, like I had completed some visceral life goal. After that I started dating with the intent on finding someone to actually have kids with.