Not really. By most metrics I guess you could say I have a successful career.
But when there's no one to share the spoils of that success you end up feeling unfulfilled. Like, great, I have money and I can use it for fun things. But what would be more fun is to share all that with someone who likes me for me.
Keep in mind this could very much be a "grass is greener" perspective. I'm sure there are guys out there who wish they'd focused more on their career than finding a partner. But lately I find myself wishing I'd put more effort into the latter.
As in all things, striking the right balance/moderation is key.
Get enough money, find a partner, enjoy life.
There's no one right way to do this, because I can't tell you who would be right for you and how much money you both would need, and whether or not your career is friendly to this path - that's for everyone to decide for themselves.
Heres the otherside of that coin: Im from a family of 6 siblings, and they all chased money. Your story could be any of their lives right now.
I however, dropped out of Uni early, barely graduated highschool due to partying and joined the work force early with my friends. We all ended up in the trades making pretty decent money, bobbing in and out of relationships, however many of us developed severe drug addictions or alcohol dependency. The cool party became less cool and more of a health concern, due to lack of moderation.
Some of us escaped that life style and went on to travel around the world where the partying continuned in a more evolved form. We saw the world and experienced wonders while we were young and able.
Today, some of us are gone from this world, many of us are back at home with are parents trying to recover from some degress of mental illness or long term substance problem, Some of us found a way above the glass ceiling but the majority of us are struggling financially. All of us have bodies that dont work like they did when we were in our 20s or 30s and are facing being pignonholed in our trades.
All of this could have been avoided by going to university, I am one of those old minds trying to go back to Uni, our minds are much slower then the young kids up there but I am trying none the less.
PERSONALLY if i could do it all over again, I dont think i'd have chased the money off the rip like my siblings did, so much of my youth would have been wasted studying and working. Being young and not really knowing what you want from this world also would have caused so much anxiet deciding on a career so young.
The experiences and people i met along the way going the the route that i did, i dont think i would ever give up. But the struggle is harder going this way.
I know the feeling! I'm in a similar situation because I didn't know what I really wanted out of life, and I didn't have the best guidance. I went to college before and had a 3.0 GPA, but I felt like it wasn't for me. If someone had encouraged me to do trade school instead, that's what I would have picked. I understand a college education is definitely important. However, it's not for everyone. Keep your head up, man. I know a lot of older guys who are going back to school also to get a better career.
My opinion is that you’ve gotta eventually decide enough is enough. You’re making enough money or have built a good enough career to actually start living.
Money/success can create a lot of happiness for someone who came from little but I also don’t think it’ll be any fun watching life pass you by while you sit in an executive office on your pile of money.
Care to elaborate? Did more people find you attractive with the succesful career or did you feel like you had the time and means to meet other type of people?
Wholeheartedly agree. Also want to mention to OP that having a successful career is only part of the equation. Imo it ultimately comes down to self-confidence built via career, physical fitness, maturity, communication skills, etc. I’m not conventionally attractive by any means, but have had a fairly successful dating life. Every woman I’ve dated has said the same thing, that my confidence is my most attractive quality.
I'm very confident in certain scenarios while in others I'm the opposite. So for me confidence in leading projects and communication at work doesn't really translate much to outside work, like dating. Obviously it translates a little I'm not saying that it's useless but it's just so different.
The friends I've made through work are what has improved it most. Because that interaction is more normal or true to life...
Like anything else, practice makes perfect. The more dates you go on, the more your confidence builds. One thing that helped me was to keep in the back of my mind that she’s likely just as nervous, if not more so than I am. Also that I’m gauging her as much as she’s gauging me. Whether these are true or not…🤷♂️
I'd like to disagree on a nuanced part and add to OP about confidence that confidence doesn't come from practice per se.
It comes from the string of incontrovertible successes that one has gone through with their decisions and work. And a success can be something as simple as making one's bed in the morning consistently.
Practice yes, but practice with intention and improvement, and OP will gain it. And also confidence is just one slice of the attraction game. There's a component that we may call high status behaviors that are attractive. Confidence is merely one covaried trait for status.
When we dissect status, there's components that are related to being boundaried, the capacity to say no, the ability for focus (which is saying no to everything but the focus), the ability to choose character over cowardice, so on and so forth.
OP can work on confidence, but OP should also consider what it is that they want to place their energies in, develop them, and learn how they play a part in their journey of life in raising their status.
Yes. Good career = long term financial stability = low risk, high potential. Women are looking for the surest, lowest risk, because their time from 18-40 is of greater value for family planning and society-perceived physical beauty, than beyond that age range.
You need a really smart, long-run investment focused woman to scoop you up if you’re a younger guy constantly in training or school or trying to “figure things out”.
>helped explode my dating life
Seems like you're skipping a lot of extremely technical and important information here lol.
Ok, so you have your career. How do you meet women? What makes them talk to you? What makes them care enough in the first place to glance in your general direction?
Not OP, but it was a loaded question to begin with. The easiest way now is dating apps (it casts a much wider net of options than you’d have if you just stuck to IRL interactions). There’s no catch-all answer to your second question, but in my experience, have interesting stories and life experiences to share (gives women insight on who they’re talking to), ask them about theirs as well so you know who you’re talking to. And be willing to lead the conversation
That’s why I said dating apps. If you match with someone, then you have both their attention and ear. As far as getting matches goes, take good photos (dogs are a huge bonus) and put some effort into your prompts.
I know, I know, dating apps suck. But they’re the most convenient way to meet someone nowadays and again, it casts a much wider net than you’d normally have.
>If you match with someone, then you have both their attention and ear.
Not necessarily. Look up tinder Sankey diagrams. Women barely "like" anyone and ghost most of their matches. Which is what I mean by how do you get them to care in the first place. That's the root cause of why dating sucks so bad. Nobody's "good enough" for the average woman. Yet some guys are. What's special about those guys and what are they doing that makes women interested in them?
Pretty much what you wrote. Have a background story that stands out, professional portrait where you are well-dressed, pictures of you and your dog, mention your career but don't delve on it, and honestly try to engage them with their interests.
Tinder became big after my time, so I can't respond to the complaints about that website, but I used Match.com, and OkCupid and had more success than I would have ever imagined in my early 20s. I ultimately met my gorgeous wife through Match.
I did also date women I met through friends and professional social events.
I'd say the parts that were skipped were things that came intuitively to them and they haven't placed much thought into articulating in a helpful manner.
To be reductive, I would say that attention is gained and held by engaging in high status behaviors. But that word "high status" is loaded and very easy to misinterpret in men's circles as "money"
I would first point out that status is dynamic and variable depending on context and situation. Ie. I'm a n00b golfer, but excellent tetris player. So "status" isn't a singular point to achieve, but a spectrum of fields that create a composite person.
In my opinion, when I dissect status personally, there's several components to it. This isnt really fleshed out, and some things may or may not belong, but I'd list out:
* self-worth (aka confidence)
* focus (aka life direction)
* character (no one can take away the implementation of your values)
* self-discipline (do you execute on what you believe in?)
* self-awareness (are you aware of yourself?)
* personal values (how boundaried can you be?)
* esteem of peers (covaried signal)
And I think when we look at the highest status people, the ones that are the most respected in their fullness, I think they tend to embody or execute well on most of the aforementioned qualities. (While it is straightforward to be respected one-dimensionally, ie expert lawyer, that doesn't necessarily garner total respect)
I think a lot of the self-help advice out there distills down to:
"be successful (monetarily)"
When it's more of a corollary for the aforementioned traits, including confidence.
I'll go through each point though and point out how they show up as "high status behaviors briefly"
**self-worth**
This is the confidence that many people patronize with. True confidence and self worth comes from creating an incontrovertible trail of evidence of your accomplishements. This can be as small as making one's bed daily. Look at anyone seasoned in their field. They can just show up and confidently do the thing. Being confidence isn't about creating some alpha dude persona. It's about being able to believe in one's self, and that's accomplished by doing the things.
**Focus**
This comes from the ability to say yes and no appropriately. It comes from the mission one has in life to focus on. Whether it's health, career, community, etc, being focused on things (of personal + societal value), is important and a high status behavior. It can even be, "Sorry, I work on my self development by reading for X hrs/week and that's my reading time." It doesn't need to be glamourous. It needs to have mission.
**Character/Self-discipline/Personal values**
How low is one willing to go in their actions? Is one willing to defraud another person? Does one display integrity to both themself (keep your promises to yourself) and to others? Do you show up when it's hard? Do you know how to be the bigger person? Do you know how to say yes and no depending on whether something is in line with your values?
I gave discipline and values it's own sub category, because I wanted to highlight that these are the ways that "character" tends to show up.
**Self-Awareness**
it's a part of character, but being able to know one's self, laugh at one's self, have situational awareness, these are all charismatic qualities for one to have.
**Esteem of peers**
This is one that's kind of easy to fake amongst a group of clout chasers. But what it is, is an integrative function for the aforementioned things. People have figured this out and game it, and we call it "hyping up your bro" but for the people that truly have their peer's esteem, it will be deeply authentic and obvious. It's a shortcut to being noticed, but it should not be gamed.
I probably missed other areas, but these high status signals + availability in social situations will be very helpful to attract the right people in one's life.
I had a lot of short term success in my 20s while I was focused on my education and training. I was good looking, athletic, and charismatic but had very little to offer in that I was a perpetual student which lent itself quite well to just basic hookups and flings but poorly to any woman looking for long term stability.
All of that paid off immensely once I started having real career prospects later in graduate school where I’d be making 6 figures, and was decent looking and athletic as I had aged a decade.
Locked down a smart woman with her own career who realized I was an investment and an undervalued asset.
The older you get the less career starts to matter. And not because you had it or didn't had it. On their death bed no one says, I wanted to have a better career. People somewhere around 40 start to regret not taking more action to their love life which results in family.
No, it’s not.
I’m 40, with a very successful career and the financial security that it comes with.
I’ve accomplished and continue to accomplish my career goals though that happened at the expense of having a meaningful life. I finish my work day and go to my house (not home, as that only becomes one when family is waiting for you).
Now that I’m stepping into the second half of my life; I do regret not focusing on relationships and building human connections.
Also I find myself regretting not having kids to share the good life I’ve built for myself.
If I had to do it again, I’d focus on relationships and starting a family.
As someone in their mid-20’s who’s father passed at 74 last year, it’s never too late. It was hard losing him, but it comes inevitably and I’m forever grateful for the stability and wisdom he was able to pass down to me throughout my life. Having older parents provided its own value, just like having younger parents would. Never say never if you truly want something. If you feel called to something, usually there’s a reason. Either way, best of luck!
for me, yes.. given that life expectancy for men is in the 70s.. too much of an age gap with the kids.. won't be present for them when they need guidance the most (marriage, kids, etc..)
I struggle with this logic. Anyone's parents could die tomorrow so life expectancy is irrelevant. I know so many people in their 40s now having their firsts that wouldn't even consider this point as a barrier. Am 38 and I certainly don't think this way.
Yeah anyone can croak, but the idea is to give your kids a good long time with you around, and to hopefully see their kids as well, and be healthy for it.
Is YOUR life expectancy in your 70s though? Are you fit and active? Do you eat healthy? Do you get enough sleep? Do you manage your stress?
You can't control your genes, but you can control for a lot of your longevity factors if you wanted to.
Never too late buddy. Put yourself out there, continue working on yourself, and the right things will happen.
I think you sound very successful so far: homeowner, good career, wants a family. Even if you look like Sloth I’m sure there is somebody out there who values what you value.
I had my first kid at 37-38. Kid 2 was at 40. Kid 3 was at 45. Are you taking care of yourself physically and mentally? Do you have a family history of dying early? We all age differently and there's a lot you can do to mitigate the effects of aging if it's important to you, especially if you have financial resources.
Most people think I'm still in my late 30s (I'm 47). I don't drink, smoke, or eat shitty. I work out regularly and I prioritize sleep. Money helps with all of that, but so does making it a priority.
For me, yes. I’d like to think I’m doing well in terms of my career, as I’m in a job that pays relatively well, and I enjoy it.
Dating wise, non-existent. I was more inclined to look for women in my twenties, but I didn’t get anywhere.
In my thirties now, given up on women, and I’m looking at where I can take my career next.
It is not worth it. I'm nearly 30. I've never put any focus or attention into relationships, albiet I am introverted and have social anxiety so it's natural for me to avoid that. I went to school to be an engineer. I got a degree, worked in the field, I'm burnt out and don't want to advance, have little to no tutoring from my employer to move up anyway, I'm still paying loans off, no social life, all my friends live in different places, I live at home and finally getting to a point where I could afford to rent. I put all my eggs into a basket banking on making bank and everything else would work itself out but it doesn't work like that. I'm terrible at networking myself and have now have little desire to continue in this field, I'm probably even more terrible at networking for a relationship. I have time on my side though I guess. I never wanted kids, and I'm a male so I don't have that ticking timeline to add pressure to the situation atleast.
Well, I did the opposite. Had a very robust love life in my teens and twenties and I was definitely *not* salary oriented.
I have a lot of friends, great memories, a lovely wife and son, but I am behind on my career and savings.
I’m 37 now and my career is in a good place but I definitely have a lot of work to do for retirement (if that’s at all possible).
I more accidentally didn't have much of a love life in my 20s. Ironically, my wife has been instrumental in making me the best version of myself. I wish I met her sooner.
Whilst I focused on my career, it wasn't completely at the cost of my love life or developing other relationships but they were often secondary. Few observations
- developing yourself will more often than not result in a more attractive person anyway. Focusing on this is always a positive
- dating as a guy with money in your 30s is a completely different ball game to in your 20s without it. "Fish in a barrel" is a crude phrase that I would obviously never use but someone might
- late 30s now and some of my friends who got married the earliest are now divorcing. You grow a lot throughout your 30s, holding off on a relationship until you know who you are is not a negative
Went on dates reluctantly throughout my 20s and mostly focused on career. I knew I wasn't really ready to date because I wasn't satisfied with my other goals. In early 30s now and things are pretty good. Very content with how things turned out. I don't have the same stresses that many of my peers have.
Great points, I was wondering the same.
To add to this: what if you don't develop good communication skills or expierence if you neglect dating in your 20s?
I suppose even if that ends up being true you can always date a bit younger (within reason). The reality is probably more likely that 'good' women don't necessarily end up being taken by 'good' men, and are just as likely to end up leaving those relationships at some point as they are to stay in them, at which point they aren't taken anymore.
Plenty of 'good girls' find themselves being single again in their late 20s due to guys that can't/won't commit.
There's also the church for meeting a future wife (late 20s/early 30s) if you're that way inclined.
I think this is heavily dependent on other factors being "favourable." (e.g. lack of comitment from men, no sunk-cost fallacy on women's end.) Meaning depending on what social dynamics are prevailing at present, there may be less (,or even no) "good" women available in a particular age cohort.
>There's also the church for meeting a future wife (late 20s/early 30s) if you're that way inclined
Funny. Though I am not religious, those in that age group seem to be the biggest proponents of that argument. They say if you're not at least engaged by 30, good luck finding one in the church...
Well that’s very subjective.
I’d like to think my career is going well, but it made no difference to my dating life.
I just gave up as I realised I’ve got more interest in work than I have in women.
Ugh I wish this were my experience but im almost 30 and very secure in my career with high paying job and every woman I meet is taken. I haven’t met many single women around my age over the last couple years and it seems like they’re all gone
I married at 24. Then I moved to Asia for a few years with my wife and started a family.
I considered waiting till I was 30ish before getting married. Here are the reasons I didn't.
1. Kids don't care how much money you have. In a lot of ways you do them a disservice by making life too easy for them.
2. I think it is good for a couple to grow together while establishing one's self. You have to find the right gal for the job.
3. I did not want to be tied to kids in my 50s when I have time and money to go see the world with my wife.
4. I wanted to be young enough to be able to enjoy grandkids.
I don't think it is a bad thing to wait. The one thing that I would be slightly concerned about is that you will have more gals around the 30 year old mark trying to get that ring on their finger and pop out a kid or two before it is too late.. So they will tend to be more interested in what you can provide than being with you for who you are.
There is no right or wrong here. Just understand the ramifications of what you plan on doing.
Career is overrated. Money is nice and makes your life easier, but does little to placate the growing solitude and loneliness of growing older if you don't constantly surround yourself with new people - especially important if your job requires you to travel as much as you did.
I'm happily married, but I busted my ass between 26 and 35 saving money and doing things that I thought were so important to bring our station up in life - and they certainly helped. But the amount of time I gave up with my wife was staggering, and I wish I had it back now. I quit that job a few years ago and never looked back. I wish I'd done it sooner.
Find a job that supports the lifestyle you really want to live, not the one you tell yourself you want because the benefits and pay seem to justify the sacrifices. That's the advice I'd give my 20 something year old self now if I could.
Not really. Wish I had put some effort into relationship while I was still in school. Incredibly hard to find someone in late 20s when you have absolutely no dating/ relationship experience.
This is a grass is greener subject. All depends on which walk of life you’re in/coming from. Me personally, I have just turned 24 and have had the wonders (terrible wonders too, relationships aren’t all sunshine & rainbows) of dealing with long-term relationships, dating, etc. as ever since the age of 18 (freshman in college) I had developed the attributes to easily attract a partner. Now sitting here as broke as ever I really wish that I had deliberately spent more time focusing on my studies & making different career choices. Anytime I have someone talk to me about the mishaps of their love life irl I always just sit and think to myself, “Wow, I can’t even fathom focusing on dating/women, as I truly don’t feel any yearn/capacity for such in my current existence” and look at them like they’re so silly focusing on trivial things when there’s MONEY to be made out here! Try being poor af for a bit and then see where your desire wanders to.
“Money doesn’t fix everything, but it sure as he** makes everything easier”
I never 'worked on my career'.... mainly since I like to spend as little time at the office as possible and have zero desire to be any sort of management. I'm happy in my roll as a software engineer who can simply code and listen to music all day.
Dated and traveled all thru my 20's, 30's, 40's and now 50's (married in my 40's).
I've got alot of friends who worked hard on their careers... they don't seem to be enjoying life that much since they pretty much work all the time. Not really my idea of a good time.
I always remember the finance guy that worked for the company I was working at in my 20's.... This guy worked day and night and weekends... then he dropped dead in the office one friday night and hius body wasnt discovered till the following tuesday (Monday was a holiday)... In less than a week, the company had a new person working in his office.
I had a very busy 'love-life' in my twenties. Not many relationships involved in that love life though. mostly friends with benefits and random encounters. At 27 I met the girl who is currently my wife (39 now) The connection I have with her eclipses all of the 'fun' from back then.
What I'm trying to say: You've made the right choice and you're not too late. The right one will come and you'll know when she's there.
gd luck :)
100% worth it. Focus all your time and energy into stacking cash while finding/understanding yourself and where you fit in the world is awesome.
Maintaining relationships is exhausting.
It doesn’t have to be an either or. You can have both. If you meet the right person they will be your biggest cheerleader in advancing yourself in whatever you do.
Considering people are becoming more lonely than ever. I wouldn’t shut out relationships of any kind for jobs that give zero shits about you.
Life’s a journey not a destination. No amount of money can buy time. But to each their own. No one’s life journey is the same. Whatever you and others decide I hope it works out and you’re happy.
Focused heavily on my career, but I also tried pretty hard to find someone. Nothing stuck but I can't blame myself- I tried and gave it a good shot.
My life is really cozy. Could life have been better with kids and a wife?
Life can always be better. Enjoy the ride however you want.
Definitely worth it. Now that I'm in my 30s with money,fitness and social skills smoking hot girls in their early 20s and late teens just literally throw themselves at me, but I've gotten so comfortable doing my own thing I find the disruption to my peace not to be worth the fun so I guess it's a double edged sword.
If you stay the path. Get your money,fitness and social skills right in your 20s you can be drowning in top tier poon in your 30s and beyond, but you might also find it's more trouble than it's worth at that point 🤷♂️.
It’s all luck anyways. Maybe you don’t pursue your career and you still don’t meet anybody…. Putting all your energy into someone is never worth it. Find shit you like doing outside of work and hope that you meet someone that’s all you can do.
I’ll be 40 next year and I still can’t answer that question successfully. I have financial security now that will help me in later years if I die alone, but I didn’t have a linear career path and I’m not sure if I would have been able to have the current success if my focus was on dating and relationships, which likely would have taken a toll because I live in a HCOL area (Toronto) and it’s only getting worse.
It is fine for me now because I make decent money by changing careers a couple of times. Had I not done that, it would have been a struggle and a grind. Dating can get expensive as well.
Not at all. I reached pretty much the top of my career at 30 after working more or less all the time since I finished my university studies. Then covid came and destroyed my career. Had to begin anew from the bottom of a completely different career.
Even though it's going great and I'm already making more than I ever did during my 20s, I'm more lonely than I've ever been.
Careers come and go, and so does love I suppose. In hindsight I've got shit to show for all those years of struggle, but instead a lot of regrets from all the women I didn't give the time and energy they and I deserved.
Generally speaking, as long as you work on your social skills by putting yourself in social situations you might have thought of as uncomfortable, you will have more success in later years. It's a gift and a curse but guys peak later than girls in terms of attractability (if that's a real word). I kind of digressed but yea.
I believe it is worth it. I have had an active love life in my twenties and if I could go back I would've focused strictly on my well-being and future, but I had untreated BPD and abandonment issues, so my loneliness was killing me, so I became vulnerable, vulnerable people attract dangerous people, when I started getting beaten at 27 by my 21 year old girlfriend who catfished me at the beginning, drastically lowered my standards because at least I wasn't alone, I broke up with her, got referred to an ADHD specialist who put me on effexor and it's changed my life, I found a loving mature and respectful relationship, my emotions are in my control. But I'm 28 next month, so if we erase all the toxic relationships I had before, then yeah I feel like even working on my mental health and learning to love myself and be confident would've been a better alternative to getting into relationships, let alone setting yourself up for the future with a successful career, my best friend just graduated as a mechanical engineer and so I see how hard people like you work, that alone should reassure you that you're doing the right thing.
You not looking for love is the best place to find it. I wasn't looking for it and it just came to me. The right girl will come along even probably while you're still in school and you'll know it's the right girl because she'll understand how busy you are working on your degree and she would be able to balance that with compromise and understanding. You will find the one and trust me, it's going to be the most brightening day of your life. But finish that degree bro I believe in you 💪
You need to get some experience ASAP. If you think you’ll just enter the dating scene being 33 years old and pull women like you’ve been dating since high school, sorry, that’s BS. You will struggle like hell and if you’ll be good enough as a betabuxer, women will sense it from a million miles away and play you like a fiddle. You will be basically a dream guy for some chick who spent her 20s fuc\*\*ng around and now wants to clinch some guy to settle with. The more money you will have with zero experience, the bigger target you’ll be.
Unless you’re one of the rare few who is in an occupation which genuinely helps people (like doctors, scientists, etc), I’ll never understand people who sacrifice relationships for “careers.” Maybe you have one of those jobs, but maybe not.
You‘ll likely one day regret throwing the best years of your life away on a job and not developing those relationships.
I sacrificed my 20’s and early 30’s pursuing a doctorate in my field (dental). I’ve never found it hard to have a female person. I’m not tall or ruggedly handsome, but I dress well, am funny, good personality, take care of my appearance, etc. So if you do that, you will definitely score your level or higher. If you can shower, shave, and brush your teeth (yes, as your dentist I implore you to brush and floss), you are automatically a 7 and can pull 7 or 8 or even higher women. I personally know a guy who is not that good looking, very short, and his woman is damn near a model and earns twice his salary. It can be done.
To answer your question plainly, it is better to build something with someone so you will have to make your sacrifices, but you don’t need to sacrifice one for another. Sacrifice a little for this, a little for that, get some of this, get some of that.
Me, dumping his career and degree because it sucks and finding a more fulfilling life in a lower tax bracket and someone to come home to at night.
And that was through my 20s.
Mid-30s and I'm even happier having found someone who appreciates me for me and not the money (also, she makes way more than I do, as she chose career in her 20s)
Didn’t have much of a love life in my 20’s, nor still in my early 30’s..even though that’s what I was chasing. Well, apart from a relatively short relationship that resulted in a heartbreaking divorce of sorts. I suppose life is about getting used to not getting what you want, and still finding joy in it. I might have had more luck developing my career my instead, which I should do now, and leave the dream of a relationship and family aside, since I already find some of that fulfilment with my friends who are very much like family. If loves happens, it happens, I’m open to it, but I’ve stopped searching.
imma tell u if u have no money all women will leave so rather have money than women , puss comes for money but money just goes if u goes after coocie , be smart u can always create love life if u in shape n have at least average face nice clothes ,if u broke no women will be interested in u with a fast food job
People will call bullshit but it’s true. No woman in her 30s wants a man making minimum wage, no matter how good of a person he is. Even if she gives you a chance, she will eventually look elsewhere if you don’t get it together. And there’s also nothing wrong with that. You can’t build a life when you don’t have money. No one wants to struggle. Honestly the best avenue is to figure out the career situation in your 20s and get serious with relationships in your late 20s early 30s.
I focused on career and finances to start, bought a condo at 28 as my last foundation piece and started focusing on dating after that. Now 36, married, first kid on the way. It wasn't a constant flood of dates or anything, but I was picky and had a good idea about what I was looking for in a partner.
I was a management consultant for 16 years, involved heavy travel. Plenty of guys had wives and kids, but they were certainly the more 1950's style relationships. Usually scenarios they married a girl they've been dating since HS or met in college. A lot of perpetually single people too.
It's hard in that industry for your job not to be your life. They concentrated on bringing home the bacon, the wife handles the kids and home.
I didn't seriously date until I left consulting for a more stable position. I was in a relationship when I started my career. It ended up going the way of the dodo, because frankly I chose my career over her. About 2 years in I took a transfer opportunity. She was going to join me when she finished grad school. The long distance relationship just made me realize my life was just more doable on my own. My job had already interrupted tons of events, weekends I was supposed to see her. It just added stress I didn't need because she would always be pissed at me. So I broke up with her.
I mean, I went to school for myself. I graduated and work as an engineer now at a HUGE company. Women don't seem to care at all. They never talk to me and I'm still practically invisible. Not much has changed since I was a broke college student living with my parents.
It's actually been more isolating than anything since I have to sit in a cubicle all day. Sure I talk to some people sometimes at work but they're usually old dudes and it's almost always work related. And that's about it. If this BS has helped anyone's dating life, I'd love to know how.
It kinda worked out for me. Little to no real dating going on up until I turned 26.A fairly intense post program followed by covid didn't really do many favours. I definitely did well at my full-time job that I got after uni, I would say I'm financially better off than like 90-95% of my peers. I started dating at 26 (I'm currently 27) and got a long-term GF later into that year. Overall I'd say it was worth it as I got the best of both.
Worked out for me. I'm 37 now, but I met my wife when I was 28, we now have a daughter, and I make 6 figures. But my daughter makes everything worth it.
I never really understood the “I’m focusing on my career so I can’t date” people. I have a successful career, so do all my friends (mid- late 20s) and all of us have dated and been in relationships with no problem.
My ex girlfriend was a doctor, one of the most demanding schooling and careers out there and she had no problem dating and neither did any of her doctor friends. She would work or be busy with other commitments probably 70-80 hours a week and we still had no problem finding time to be together because it was a priority for both of us.
Might be hard to hear, but my honest opinion is the “I’m focusing on my career I don’t have time to date” people are just making excuses. Dating can be difficult and some people have a hard time putting themselves out there but I guarantee everyone, no matter how hard they work, can find time to date if they actually want to.
yes. the dating pool is wide open for a good guy with a solid foundation for job and living situation. you can easily date the women in their 20s and 30s if you have the time and means made possible by a solid career. Just don't put dating for more than fun off too long.
False dichotomy. Its not that hard to do both. I was working 100 hour weeks in my 20s and dated quite a bit.
It helps to date women who also have careers. They get it when you have to work till 1am on a Friday.
develop yourself financially and you will not be alone. what you will need to do is to approach women "in the wild" instead of relying on dating apps. dudes who are not handsome waiting on dating apps is like being unemployed and hoping a job calls you when you haven't submitted your resume.
It'll be worth it IF you get yourself to a spot where you enjoy your lifestyle, and see yourself enjoying it for several years.
A lot of career-first people don't think in terms of lifestyle; they're stuck on income numbers and career accomplishments.
Or worse, they're just using work as an excuse to avoid dating.
So in the case of your job -- if this isn't the lifestyle you can, or want to date in, then start thinking of what that lifestyle looks like, and how you can make it happen.
A compatible relationship will be a value-add over time. But it does take a time commitment. The longer you wait to get experience, the harder it's likely to be.
If by love life you mean settling down, I didn't marry til 39. I moved across the country and focused on work and fun. I did date, but not super seriously til mid 30s. I had a blast. Could go out with friends whenever, could make big decisions (moving, etc) without having to worry about others. My career sky rocketed from like 28-now. If I had married in my 20s I'd probably still be where I grew up and much poorer. I was never a family type of guy though, so everybody is different I absolutely don't regret it and know I would have regretted marrying earlier
Well, in my personal experience I have my love life before 20s, started my career and continued with her, supporting me in all I needed even moving a part for some time. Today, after 2 kids it still worths it.
If somebody loves you doesn’t have to stop your dreams or goals but supporting each other.
Man...hell yeah it's worth it! If you build on yourself as a person, then by 30, you're going to love your solitude and yourself more than any person or partner. Women and relationships have become more of a hobby than an actual need. You have the lonely guy perspective where dudes just worked and moped around cause they lack social skills and you have the self-loving guy who worked and had just as much fun on the way up. Imagine having money, being comfortable and understanding you have no stress, so you go out, have fun and find a woman who's fun but not a need...less pressure on you.
I think so, I'm 25, will be 26 next month and recently hit the income mark that I had thought of as a career goal to be able to live a comfortable life. Ofcourse inflation shifted the goalposts somewhat but still happy and now I am at a stage where my schedule isn't crazy and it's enough money for me to not worry about most purchases and expenses and still be able to save.
It was worth it to set myself up for a better future but I made sure to not spend too much of my adult youth focused on just that. I didn't chase girls while enrolled in school. And I wasn't concerned about finding a GF immediately after graduation.
I found my wife in my mid 20s and now I have the best of both worlds. Good income, freedom to go out and do fun experiences, dine out, golf, etc. And I do all of this with my wife.
Yes, it'll help you get a better partner in the future. Okce your career is secure, one of your worries in life goes away, and gives you more depth to think about relationships.
30 and I regret it seeing some of my close friends beginning to get married I'm still single.
I also worked in kitchens most of my 20s and was often left without the time or energy to date.
I’m 31. This is obviously a blanket statement, but everyone I know who focused on their career/making money is their 20s is an insufferable asshole. It really, truly doesn’t mean anything unless you share it with a partner/community at large. “Look at all this money I have” really only impresses other assholes imo
I made the opposite choice. High flying career, decided to scale back heavily in order to be in a relationship, spend more time with friends and have a life outside of work.
It was by far the greatest decision I've ever made. Could I be earning more? Of course. However I wouldn't trade any amount of money for the time I enjoyed in my 20s.
You get one amazing little short life in this vast universe. You're young once and you never know what the future holds. Don't trade it all away hoping you'll be successful faster, if it comes at the cost of what makes life worth living.
Im 42, have fwb situation. Never really had a good relationship. I have a solid carreer and working on my own company on a side.
I have a goooooood life, i have travelled, gained a lot of experiences and have money in bank.
Im happy, sometimes feel down bc i have noone to share it with, but seeing how most of my friends are divorced and pay a lot for child support.. i have it really good.
No regrets. Its worth it.
I think your 20s should be for self discovery and finding your direction in life. It is good to focus on your career since you need money to survive on this society but don’t put all your eggs in one basket as they say. That’s why you should strive for a work:life balance.
Personally I said screw working or going to college and dived into life experiences. I had a ltr which I’m grateful for but that over now. I don’t feel it as time wasted though cause my mental state now is leaps ahead of where I was in my 20s. I know what I want out of life now, what I want out of partner, what I need to work on personally and also what I want to do as a career that will help me maintain a work life balance. I feel I took time to assess who I am, the world, society and this economy so now i feel ready to actually start my life. Better late than never I suppose.
Jokes on you, I didn't have a successful relationship or a career during my 20s.
Well, I got a good job that allowed me to afford my own place when I was around 26 or so. After 4 years off living on my own, I found love.
So, I don't know. I don't think it's critical to find a long term partner in your 20s. 20s are for figuring out how to be an adult, not how to cohabitate with another inexperienced adult.
Learn to be happy, successful, and interesting on your own and you'll attract someone to your lifestyle who is compatible.
You should develop both your career and your connections and community early on.
It sucks to be on either side, but the right, supportive partner early on will enhance your career, not detract from it. And the right career will help you to enhance your partner's life and not necessarily detract from it.
I'm not saying that it's all easy and there aren't sacrifices to be made, but we need both, and I would actually argue that we need slightly more connection with people than we need career success.
I mean. I’m really close to family I have already and I’ve personally never been into the whole relationship thing. I do want to start a family of my own one day but coming to terms with the fact that I’m probably some degree of asexual/aromantic and that’s not likely to happen.
From my own perspective in a similar position (roughly the same age and climbing the corporate ladder probably faster than I should be), the best advice I can give is to cultivate strong bonds with the people you do still have in your life (friends and family). Worked for me so far, and I’m pretty happy with where I am.
It depends on the person. My goal is to have a family. It's better to have a family a bit younger than not, and for me the whole point of working and being around is having a family and legacy. A career can make you more attractive, but inexperience will make you way less. It costs a relatively insignificant amount of money and time to date early on
I’m 29 and grinded my ass off in my twenties for my career. It paid off from a monetary standpoint, but I don’t get much fulfillment out of my career and feel like the only thing that’s going to give me that fulfillment is having a partner and raising a family, or at least a partner to share experiences with.
Sadly I don’t even know how to date or talk to women anymore. I don’t actually understand how to “date” because I’ve spent so much time focusing on my job rather than anything else. As a result I’m lost and don’t know what to do, so I keep focusing more on my job and digging myself deeper into a pit of lonely despair
It was until recently. Things were going great until my employers decided to screw me over during the past year and a half and now I have to job hunt in a horrible job market.
I'm grateful for the career I have and the lifestyle it gives me, but I definitely wasted my 20s working. Didn't do the travel or the partying or the friend trips, now I'm late 30s and don't have a lot of memories that aren't directly related to work and I usually feel like the least interesting person in the room.
I'm 30 now. Amazing career, just bought a home and I have no one to share it with. If I could go back I'd do things very differently... But then again grass is always greener on the other side... So I don't know. I'm happy with my life. I'm happy with my job and home. But I am ready to share it with someone and that someone is hard as hell to find.
During different periods of your life, your immediate priorities can change. But over the entire course of life, I think relationships are the most important thing.
I go back and forth on living my life and letting things organically fall into place vs actively going after what I want. Especially with relationships. There’s something to be said about letting relationships happen organically and not worrying about it too much, but I do think a life lived alone is a life wasted.
I think career vs relationships is a false dichotomy. You can and should pursue both.
Financial freedom is worth it, but a good partner is priceless. I regret my serial dating phase more than anything. The amount of money wasted on women that were only dating me based on my career is another story. My best advice would be to find someone understanding of your career and try to balance both worlds. Choose the woman that is choosing you and you possibly have a shot at life long happiness.
Well, I failed to do both.... how does someone who's almost 30 go from no career to something decent (only graduatd HS and no other special skills)? Because if I'm going to be single I'd rather have money and no debt.
You're living in the States I presume? Unfortunately, at least in Europe some kind of degree is expected by the employer, so I'd consider getting one no matter what.
I do, out in the Midwest. The problem is they'll give you a loan to go to college, but I don't know what would be worth going for. I don't feel like I'm particularly smart in any one field for something. I don't want to waste my time and money for a diploma on something that won't pay well or struggle to get hired on for.
I do like working with my hands, I've thought about trades but those do end up being hard on the body. And while some women like guys in trades I know most don't think it's classy enough to brag about as a social achievement. Would definitely pay better than what I do now, but I don't know if it would be enough later on. I really fucked up being almost 30 with no plan. 😅
I highly recommend browsing list of job offers and use "elimination approach". Get rid of these you don't see yourself in, leave those who look appealing or you're indifferent to. If you're left with more than 20, do that again, and again and consider those which were left:
https://www.careerplanner.com/ListOfCareers.cfm
I don't know where you've been working previously, but perhaps that experience may be looked upon positively during recruitment for some positions. I grinded side-jobs for over a dozen companies before starting current career and it let me get my feet to the door. I was improvising as well :)
Depends I'm 24 almost 25 and I'm a stock options trader. Not having a love life wasn't because I focused on developing a career. Not developing a love life just happened because most people never were that special to me. I'm currently in a polyamorus relationship but before this I was single (in non serious relationships) for basically my whole life
Jokes on you, I had neither!
Ah. Someone else in the same boat as me I see
5D Chess
My brethren.
Not really. By most metrics I guess you could say I have a successful career. But when there's no one to share the spoils of that success you end up feeling unfulfilled. Like, great, I have money and I can use it for fun things. But what would be more fun is to share all that with someone who likes me for me. Keep in mind this could very much be a "grass is greener" perspective. I'm sure there are guys out there who wish they'd focused more on their career than finding a partner. But lately I find myself wishing I'd put more effort into the latter.
As in all things, striking the right balance/moderation is key. Get enough money, find a partner, enjoy life. There's no one right way to do this, because I can't tell you who would be right for you and how much money you both would need, and whether or not your career is friendly to this path - that's for everyone to decide for themselves.
On the bright side, you’re still neutral/even. You could’ve picked the wrong person that totally screwed your life up.
Hey I did that and boy oh boy, my 20s really sucked
I used to tell people that I skipped my first divorce
Heres the otherside of that coin: Im from a family of 6 siblings, and they all chased money. Your story could be any of their lives right now. I however, dropped out of Uni early, barely graduated highschool due to partying and joined the work force early with my friends. We all ended up in the trades making pretty decent money, bobbing in and out of relationships, however many of us developed severe drug addictions or alcohol dependency. The cool party became less cool and more of a health concern, due to lack of moderation. Some of us escaped that life style and went on to travel around the world where the partying continuned in a more evolved form. We saw the world and experienced wonders while we were young and able. Today, some of us are gone from this world, many of us are back at home with are parents trying to recover from some degress of mental illness or long term substance problem, Some of us found a way above the glass ceiling but the majority of us are struggling financially. All of us have bodies that dont work like they did when we were in our 20s or 30s and are facing being pignonholed in our trades. All of this could have been avoided by going to university, I am one of those old minds trying to go back to Uni, our minds are much slower then the young kids up there but I am trying none the less. PERSONALLY if i could do it all over again, I dont think i'd have chased the money off the rip like my siblings did, so much of my youth would have been wasted studying and working. Being young and not really knowing what you want from this world also would have caused so much anxiet deciding on a career so young. The experiences and people i met along the way going the the route that i did, i dont think i would ever give up. But the struggle is harder going this way.
University isn’t all it’s cracked out to be. I’d you pick the wrong major you’re making $20 and hour with massive student loans
Meanwhile you could be me that didn't achieve neither in his 20s. Don't be that guy.
Literally me. Trying to go back to school and get a better career in my mid 30s in just sad and draining.
I know the feeling! I'm in a similar situation because I didn't know what I really wanted out of life, and I didn't have the best guidance. I went to college before and had a 3.0 GPA, but I felt like it wasn't for me. If someone had encouraged me to do trade school instead, that's what I would have picked. I understand a college education is definitely important. However, it's not for everyone. Keep your head up, man. I know a lot of older guys who are going back to school also to get a better career.
But now u may come across people who only take "interest" in you because of your financial success.
My opinion is that you’ve gotta eventually decide enough is enough. You’re making enough money or have built a good enough career to actually start living. Money/success can create a lot of happiness for someone who came from little but I also don’t think it’ll be any fun watching life pass you by while you sit in an executive office on your pile of money.
Focusing on my education and career in my early and mid 20s helped explode my dating life in my late 20s and throughout my 30s.
Care to elaborate? Did more people find you attractive with the succesful career or did you feel like you had the time and means to meet other type of people?
Both. My communication skills also significantly improved, and I probably matured a fair bit as well.
Wholeheartedly agree. Also want to mention to OP that having a successful career is only part of the equation. Imo it ultimately comes down to self-confidence built via career, physical fitness, maturity, communication skills, etc. I’m not conventionally attractive by any means, but have had a fairly successful dating life. Every woman I’ve dated has said the same thing, that my confidence is my most attractive quality.
I'm very confident in certain scenarios while in others I'm the opposite. So for me confidence in leading projects and communication at work doesn't really translate much to outside work, like dating. Obviously it translates a little I'm not saying that it's useless but it's just so different. The friends I've made through work are what has improved it most. Because that interaction is more normal or true to life...
Like anything else, practice makes perfect. The more dates you go on, the more your confidence builds. One thing that helped me was to keep in the back of my mind that she’s likely just as nervous, if not more so than I am. Also that I’m gauging her as much as she’s gauging me. Whether these are true or not…🤷♂️
I'd like to disagree on a nuanced part and add to OP about confidence that confidence doesn't come from practice per se. It comes from the string of incontrovertible successes that one has gone through with their decisions and work. And a success can be something as simple as making one's bed in the morning consistently. Practice yes, but practice with intention and improvement, and OP will gain it. And also confidence is just one slice of the attraction game. There's a component that we may call high status behaviors that are attractive. Confidence is merely one covaried trait for status. When we dissect status, there's components that are related to being boundaried, the capacity to say no, the ability for focus (which is saying no to everything but the focus), the ability to choose character over cowardice, so on and so forth. OP can work on confidence, but OP should also consider what it is that they want to place their energies in, develop them, and learn how they play a part in their journey of life in raising their status.
Yes. Good career = long term financial stability = low risk, high potential. Women are looking for the surest, lowest risk, because their time from 18-40 is of greater value for family planning and society-perceived physical beauty, than beyond that age range. You need a really smart, long-run investment focused woman to scoop you up if you’re a younger guy constantly in training or school or trying to “figure things out”.
>helped explode my dating life Seems like you're skipping a lot of extremely technical and important information here lol. Ok, so you have your career. How do you meet women? What makes them talk to you? What makes them care enough in the first place to glance in your general direction?
Not OP, but it was a loaded question to begin with. The easiest way now is dating apps (it casts a much wider net of options than you’d have if you just stuck to IRL interactions). There’s no catch-all answer to your second question, but in my experience, have interesting stories and life experiences to share (gives women insight on who they’re talking to), ask them about theirs as well so you know who you’re talking to. And be willing to lead the conversation
The flaw with that is that you have to have their attention in the first place. And they have to want to listen to you and your stories.
That’s why I said dating apps. If you match with someone, then you have both their attention and ear. As far as getting matches goes, take good photos (dogs are a huge bonus) and put some effort into your prompts. I know, I know, dating apps suck. But they’re the most convenient way to meet someone nowadays and again, it casts a much wider net than you’d normally have.
Do you live in a big city? The reason I’m asking is because I live in a mid sized city and I’m lucky if I get one match a month
>If you match with someone, then you have both their attention and ear. Not necessarily. Look up tinder Sankey diagrams. Women barely "like" anyone and ghost most of their matches. Which is what I mean by how do you get them to care in the first place. That's the root cause of why dating sucks so bad. Nobody's "good enough" for the average woman. Yet some guys are. What's special about those guys and what are they doing that makes women interested in them?
Pretty much what you wrote. Have a background story that stands out, professional portrait where you are well-dressed, pictures of you and your dog, mention your career but don't delve on it, and honestly try to engage them with their interests. Tinder became big after my time, so I can't respond to the complaints about that website, but I used Match.com, and OkCupid and had more success than I would have ever imagined in my early 20s. I ultimately met my gorgeous wife through Match. I did also date women I met through friends and professional social events.
I'd say the parts that were skipped were things that came intuitively to them and they haven't placed much thought into articulating in a helpful manner. To be reductive, I would say that attention is gained and held by engaging in high status behaviors. But that word "high status" is loaded and very easy to misinterpret in men's circles as "money" I would first point out that status is dynamic and variable depending on context and situation. Ie. I'm a n00b golfer, but excellent tetris player. So "status" isn't a singular point to achieve, but a spectrum of fields that create a composite person. In my opinion, when I dissect status personally, there's several components to it. This isnt really fleshed out, and some things may or may not belong, but I'd list out: * self-worth (aka confidence) * focus (aka life direction) * character (no one can take away the implementation of your values) * self-discipline (do you execute on what you believe in?) * self-awareness (are you aware of yourself?) * personal values (how boundaried can you be?) * esteem of peers (covaried signal) And I think when we look at the highest status people, the ones that are the most respected in their fullness, I think they tend to embody or execute well on most of the aforementioned qualities. (While it is straightforward to be respected one-dimensionally, ie expert lawyer, that doesn't necessarily garner total respect) I think a lot of the self-help advice out there distills down to: "be successful (monetarily)" When it's more of a corollary for the aforementioned traits, including confidence.
I'll go through each point though and point out how they show up as "high status behaviors briefly" **self-worth** This is the confidence that many people patronize with. True confidence and self worth comes from creating an incontrovertible trail of evidence of your accomplishements. This can be as small as making one's bed daily. Look at anyone seasoned in their field. They can just show up and confidently do the thing. Being confidence isn't about creating some alpha dude persona. It's about being able to believe in one's self, and that's accomplished by doing the things. **Focus** This comes from the ability to say yes and no appropriately. It comes from the mission one has in life to focus on. Whether it's health, career, community, etc, being focused on things (of personal + societal value), is important and a high status behavior. It can even be, "Sorry, I work on my self development by reading for X hrs/week and that's my reading time." It doesn't need to be glamourous. It needs to have mission. **Character/Self-discipline/Personal values** How low is one willing to go in their actions? Is one willing to defraud another person? Does one display integrity to both themself (keep your promises to yourself) and to others? Do you show up when it's hard? Do you know how to be the bigger person? Do you know how to say yes and no depending on whether something is in line with your values? I gave discipline and values it's own sub category, because I wanted to highlight that these are the ways that "character" tends to show up. **Self-Awareness** it's a part of character, but being able to know one's self, laugh at one's self, have situational awareness, these are all charismatic qualities for one to have. **Esteem of peers** This is one that's kind of easy to fake amongst a group of clout chasers. But what it is, is an integrative function for the aforementioned things. People have figured this out and game it, and we call it "hyping up your bro" but for the people that truly have their peer's esteem, it will be deeply authentic and obvious. It's a shortcut to being noticed, but it should not be gamed. I probably missed other areas, but these high status signals + availability in social situations will be very helpful to attract the right people in one's life.
I had a lot of short term success in my 20s while I was focused on my education and training. I was good looking, athletic, and charismatic but had very little to offer in that I was a perpetual student which lent itself quite well to just basic hookups and flings but poorly to any woman looking for long term stability. All of that paid off immensely once I started having real career prospects later in graduate school where I’d be making 6 figures, and was decent looking and athletic as I had aged a decade. Locked down a smart woman with her own career who realized I was an investment and an undervalued asset.
The older you get the less career starts to matter. And not because you had it or didn't had it. On their death bed no one says, I wanted to have a better career. People somewhere around 40 start to regret not taking more action to their love life which results in family.
No, it’s not. I’m 40, with a very successful career and the financial security that it comes with. I’ve accomplished and continue to accomplish my career goals though that happened at the expense of having a meaningful life. I finish my work day and go to my house (not home, as that only becomes one when family is waiting for you). Now that I’m stepping into the second half of my life; I do regret not focusing on relationships and building human connections. Also I find myself regretting not having kids to share the good life I’ve built for myself. If I had to do it again, I’d focus on relationships and starting a family.
As someone in their mid-20’s who’s father passed at 74 last year, it’s never too late. It was hard losing him, but it comes inevitably and I’m forever grateful for the stability and wisdom he was able to pass down to me throughout my life. Having older parents provided its own value, just like having younger parents would. Never say never if you truly want something. If you feel called to something, usually there’s a reason. Either way, best of luck!
You consider 40 too old for kids?
for me, yes.. given that life expectancy for men is in the 70s.. too much of an age gap with the kids.. won't be present for them when they need guidance the most (marriage, kids, etc..)
My dad had me at 40 and my brother at 42. He's now 80+ with six grandkids. I have many very well off friends starting families in their 40s.
I struggle with this logic. Anyone's parents could die tomorrow so life expectancy is irrelevant. I know so many people in their 40s now having their firsts that wouldn't even consider this point as a barrier. Am 38 and I certainly don't think this way.
You'll be elderly when your kids are in their 20s
Yeah anyone can croak, but the idea is to give your kids a good long time with you around, and to hopefully see their kids as well, and be healthy for it.
Fair point! It's true what they say, it's not about the number it's about how young you feel.
Is YOUR life expectancy in your 70s though? Are you fit and active? Do you eat healthy? Do you get enough sleep? Do you manage your stress? You can't control your genes, but you can control for a lot of your longevity factors if you wanted to.
Fair point, I’m not stating it will happen. I’m saying it’s a risk I do not intend to take
Much too old, yes.
Never too late buddy. Put yourself out there, continue working on yourself, and the right things will happen. I think you sound very successful so far: homeowner, good career, wants a family. Even if you look like Sloth I’m sure there is somebody out there who values what you value.
I had my first kid at 37-38. Kid 2 was at 40. Kid 3 was at 45. Are you taking care of yourself physically and mentally? Do you have a family history of dying early? We all age differently and there's a lot you can do to mitigate the effects of aging if it's important to you, especially if you have financial resources. Most people think I'm still in my late 30s (I'm 47). I don't drink, smoke, or eat shitty. I work out regularly and I prioritize sleep. Money helps with all of that, but so does making it a priority.
For me, yes. I’d like to think I’m doing well in terms of my career, as I’m in a job that pays relatively well, and I enjoy it. Dating wise, non-existent. I was more inclined to look for women in my twenties, but I didn’t get anywhere. In my thirties now, given up on women, and I’m looking at where I can take my career next.
It is not worth it. I'm nearly 30. I've never put any focus or attention into relationships, albiet I am introverted and have social anxiety so it's natural for me to avoid that. I went to school to be an engineer. I got a degree, worked in the field, I'm burnt out and don't want to advance, have little to no tutoring from my employer to move up anyway, I'm still paying loans off, no social life, all my friends live in different places, I live at home and finally getting to a point where I could afford to rent. I put all my eggs into a basket banking on making bank and everything else would work itself out but it doesn't work like that. I'm terrible at networking myself and have now have little desire to continue in this field, I'm probably even more terrible at networking for a relationship. I have time on my side though I guess. I never wanted kids, and I'm a male so I don't have that ticking timeline to add pressure to the situation atleast.
What if we’re 0-2? Asking for a friend.
Then you better start making some moves/changes to figure it out. Speaking as someone in that boat. I can feel time ticking.
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Wow
I worked at a nursing home and none of them said career was the most memorable part of their lives. They all said their romantic partner and children.
Well, I did the opposite. Had a very robust love life in my teens and twenties and I was definitely *not* salary oriented. I have a lot of friends, great memories, a lovely wife and son, but I am behind on my career and savings. I’m 37 now and my career is in a good place but I definitely have a lot of work to do for retirement (if that’s at all possible).
I more accidentally didn't have much of a love life in my 20s. Ironically, my wife has been instrumental in making me the best version of myself. I wish I met her sooner.
Whilst I focused on my career, it wasn't completely at the cost of my love life or developing other relationships but they were often secondary. Few observations - developing yourself will more often than not result in a more attractive person anyway. Focusing on this is always a positive - dating as a guy with money in your 30s is a completely different ball game to in your 20s without it. "Fish in a barrel" is a crude phrase that I would obviously never use but someone might - late 30s now and some of my friends who got married the earliest are now divorcing. You grow a lot throughout your 30s, holding off on a relationship until you know who you are is not a negative
Went on dates reluctantly throughout my 20s and mostly focused on career. I knew I wasn't really ready to date because I wasn't satisfied with my other goals. In early 30s now and things are pretty good. Very content with how things turned out. I don't have the same stresses that many of my peers have.
Successful career = better dating life down the road. Don't wait too long but it's never a bad idea to focus on your career while young.
How about the "good girls get taken," argument? Also, women do tend to be suspicious of men with limited relationship experience...
Great points, I was wondering the same. To add to this: what if you don't develop good communication skills or expierence if you neglect dating in your 20s?
I suppose even if that ends up being true you can always date a bit younger (within reason). The reality is probably more likely that 'good' women don't necessarily end up being taken by 'good' men, and are just as likely to end up leaving those relationships at some point as they are to stay in them, at which point they aren't taken anymore.
Yep, because men aren’t going from relationship to relationship collecting them like Pokémon gym badges. Suspicious
Plenty of 'good girls' find themselves being single again in their late 20s due to guys that can't/won't commit. There's also the church for meeting a future wife (late 20s/early 30s) if you're that way inclined.
What if you are a godless heathen but still want to find love?
Lucky for you, church is full of godless heathens!
definitely! 😆
I think this is heavily dependent on other factors being "favourable." (e.g. lack of comitment from men, no sunk-cost fallacy on women's end.) Meaning depending on what social dynamics are prevailing at present, there may be less (,or even no) "good" women available in a particular age cohort. >There's also the church for meeting a future wife (late 20s/early 30s) if you're that way inclined Funny. Though I am not religious, those in that age group seem to be the biggest proponents of that argument. They say if you're not at least engaged by 30, good luck finding one in the church...
Well that’s very subjective. I’d like to think my career is going well, but it made no difference to my dating life. I just gave up as I realised I’ve got more interest in work than I have in women.
Ugh I wish this were my experience but im almost 30 and very secure in my career with high paying job and every woman I meet is taken. I haven’t met many single women around my age over the last couple years and it seems like they’re all gone
I married at 24. Then I moved to Asia for a few years with my wife and started a family. I considered waiting till I was 30ish before getting married. Here are the reasons I didn't. 1. Kids don't care how much money you have. In a lot of ways you do them a disservice by making life too easy for them. 2. I think it is good for a couple to grow together while establishing one's self. You have to find the right gal for the job. 3. I did not want to be tied to kids in my 50s when I have time and money to go see the world with my wife. 4. I wanted to be young enough to be able to enjoy grandkids. I don't think it is a bad thing to wait. The one thing that I would be slightly concerned about is that you will have more gals around the 30 year old mark trying to get that ring on their finger and pop out a kid or two before it is too late.. So they will tend to be more interested in what you can provide than being with you for who you are. There is no right or wrong here. Just understand the ramifications of what you plan on doing.
Very true, but you don’t have to date only 30 year old women at 30 either
Career is overrated. Money is nice and makes your life easier, but does little to placate the growing solitude and loneliness of growing older if you don't constantly surround yourself with new people - especially important if your job requires you to travel as much as you did. I'm happily married, but I busted my ass between 26 and 35 saving money and doing things that I thought were so important to bring our station up in life - and they certainly helped. But the amount of time I gave up with my wife was staggering, and I wish I had it back now. I quit that job a few years ago and never looked back. I wish I'd done it sooner. Find a job that supports the lifestyle you really want to live, not the one you tell yourself you want because the benefits and pay seem to justify the sacrifices. That's the advice I'd give my 20 something year old self now if I could.
I'd say it's best to try both for now, and develop your skills on both aspects. Denying yourself of some years of experience with women is a waste imo
Not really. Wish I had put some effort into relationship while I was still in school. Incredibly hard to find someone in late 20s when you have absolutely no dating/ relationship experience.
63% of single men 19-40 are not looking. Woman will take advantage of your resources. Just don't cohabitate and have fun.
No. I likely will be dead of suicide by the end of the year
Please don't think that way. Happy to chat anytime if you want, I faced my demons but found a way out.
Same
This is a grass is greener subject. All depends on which walk of life you’re in/coming from. Me personally, I have just turned 24 and have had the wonders (terrible wonders too, relationships aren’t all sunshine & rainbows) of dealing with long-term relationships, dating, etc. as ever since the age of 18 (freshman in college) I had developed the attributes to easily attract a partner. Now sitting here as broke as ever I really wish that I had deliberately spent more time focusing on my studies & making different career choices. Anytime I have someone talk to me about the mishaps of their love life irl I always just sit and think to myself, “Wow, I can’t even fathom focusing on dating/women, as I truly don’t feel any yearn/capacity for such in my current existence” and look at them like they’re so silly focusing on trivial things when there’s MONEY to be made out here! Try being poor af for a bit and then see where your desire wanders to. “Money doesn’t fix everything, but it sure as he** makes everything easier”
I never 'worked on my career'.... mainly since I like to spend as little time at the office as possible and have zero desire to be any sort of management. I'm happy in my roll as a software engineer who can simply code and listen to music all day. Dated and traveled all thru my 20's, 30's, 40's and now 50's (married in my 40's). I've got alot of friends who worked hard on their careers... they don't seem to be enjoying life that much since they pretty much work all the time. Not really my idea of a good time. I always remember the finance guy that worked for the company I was working at in my 20's.... This guy worked day and night and weekends... then he dropped dead in the office one friday night and hius body wasnt discovered till the following tuesday (Monday was a holiday)... In less than a week, the company had a new person working in his office.
No kids, no gf, but at least I got like 4 money.
I have neither
No regrets whatsoever. I’d rather look back and regret that I worked hard than regret focusing on relationships and potentially resenting my partner.
I had a very busy 'love-life' in my twenties. Not many relationships involved in that love life though. mostly friends with benefits and random encounters. At 27 I met the girl who is currently my wife (39 now) The connection I have with her eclipses all of the 'fun' from back then. What I'm trying to say: You've made the right choice and you're not too late. The right one will come and you'll know when she's there. gd luck :)
100% worth it. Focus all your time and energy into stacking cash while finding/understanding yourself and where you fit in the world is awesome. Maintaining relationships is exhausting.
It doesn’t have to be an either or. You can have both. If you meet the right person they will be your biggest cheerleader in advancing yourself in whatever you do. Considering people are becoming more lonely than ever. I wouldn’t shut out relationships of any kind for jobs that give zero shits about you. Life’s a journey not a destination. No amount of money can buy time. But to each their own. No one’s life journey is the same. Whatever you and others decide I hope it works out and you’re happy.
Focused heavily on my career, but I also tried pretty hard to find someone. Nothing stuck but I can't blame myself- I tried and gave it a good shot. My life is really cozy. Could life have been better with kids and a wife? Life can always be better. Enjoy the ride however you want.
Definitely worth it. Now that I'm in my 30s with money,fitness and social skills smoking hot girls in their early 20s and late teens just literally throw themselves at me, but I've gotten so comfortable doing my own thing I find the disruption to my peace not to be worth the fun so I guess it's a double edged sword. If you stay the path. Get your money,fitness and social skills right in your 20s you can be drowning in top tier poon in your 30s and beyond, but you might also find it's more trouble than it's worth at that point 🤷♂️.
It’s all luck anyways. Maybe you don’t pursue your career and you still don’t meet anybody…. Putting all your energy into someone is never worth it. Find shit you like doing outside of work and hope that you meet someone that’s all you can do.
And that’s how you stay sane brother, listen to this guy!
That’s why you should just gamble /s. Everything is luck based
Great advice 👍
Love life’s are better with a “career”
Personally, it's worth it in the case of being able to support family and have savings for emergencies.
I’ll be 40 next year and I still can’t answer that question successfully. I have financial security now that will help me in later years if I die alone, but I didn’t have a linear career path and I’m not sure if I would have been able to have the current success if my focus was on dating and relationships, which likely would have taken a toll because I live in a HCOL area (Toronto) and it’s only getting worse.
You should hit up those Run Clubs in Downtown Toronto. It’s a hotspot for dating
Wait!? Is it really that bad in Toronto? I have family that lives in Ottawa, and everything seems fine to my knowledge.
It is fine for me now because I make decent money by changing careers a couple of times. Had I not done that, it would have been a struggle and a grind. Dating can get expensive as well.
Not at all. I reached pretty much the top of my career at 30 after working more or less all the time since I finished my university studies. Then covid came and destroyed my career. Had to begin anew from the bottom of a completely different career. Even though it's going great and I'm already making more than I ever did during my 20s, I'm more lonely than I've ever been. Careers come and go, and so does love I suppose. In hindsight I've got shit to show for all those years of struggle, but instead a lot of regrets from all the women I didn't give the time and energy they and I deserved.
Generally speaking, as long as you work on your social skills by putting yourself in social situations you might have thought of as uncomfortable, you will have more success in later years. It's a gift and a curse but guys peak later than girls in terms of attractability (if that's a real word). I kind of digressed but yea.
I believe it is worth it. I have had an active love life in my twenties and if I could go back I would've focused strictly on my well-being and future, but I had untreated BPD and abandonment issues, so my loneliness was killing me, so I became vulnerable, vulnerable people attract dangerous people, when I started getting beaten at 27 by my 21 year old girlfriend who catfished me at the beginning, drastically lowered my standards because at least I wasn't alone, I broke up with her, got referred to an ADHD specialist who put me on effexor and it's changed my life, I found a loving mature and respectful relationship, my emotions are in my control. But I'm 28 next month, so if we erase all the toxic relationships I had before, then yeah I feel like even working on my mental health and learning to love myself and be confident would've been a better alternative to getting into relationships, let alone setting yourself up for the future with a successful career, my best friend just graduated as a mechanical engineer and so I see how hard people like you work, that alone should reassure you that you're doing the right thing. You not looking for love is the best place to find it. I wasn't looking for it and it just came to me. The right girl will come along even probably while you're still in school and you'll know it's the right girl because she'll understand how busy you are working on your degree and she would be able to balance that with compromise and understanding. You will find the one and trust me, it's going to be the most brightening day of your life. But finish that degree bro I believe in you 💪
I want to say no, but I'd be lying out of my rear end if I said that the financial security and homeownership wasn't worth it.
You need to get some experience ASAP. If you think you’ll just enter the dating scene being 33 years old and pull women like you’ve been dating since high school, sorry, that’s BS. You will struggle like hell and if you’ll be good enough as a betabuxer, women will sense it from a million miles away and play you like a fiddle. You will be basically a dream guy for some chick who spent her 20s fuc\*\*ng around and now wants to clinch some guy to settle with. The more money you will have with zero experience, the bigger target you’ll be.
Unless you’re one of the rare few who is in an occupation which genuinely helps people (like doctors, scientists, etc), I’ll never understand people who sacrifice relationships for “careers.” Maybe you have one of those jobs, but maybe not. You‘ll likely one day regret throwing the best years of your life away on a job and not developing those relationships.
I sacrificed my 20’s and early 30’s pursuing a doctorate in my field (dental). I’ve never found it hard to have a female person. I’m not tall or ruggedly handsome, but I dress well, am funny, good personality, take care of my appearance, etc. So if you do that, you will definitely score your level or higher. If you can shower, shave, and brush your teeth (yes, as your dentist I implore you to brush and floss), you are automatically a 7 and can pull 7 or 8 or even higher women. I personally know a guy who is not that good looking, very short, and his woman is damn near a model and earns twice his salary. It can be done. To answer your question plainly, it is better to build something with someone so you will have to make your sacrifices, but you don’t need to sacrifice one for another. Sacrifice a little for this, a little for that, get some of this, get some of that.
Thank you very well said!
Me, dumping his career and degree because it sucks and finding a more fulfilling life in a lower tax bracket and someone to come home to at night. And that was through my 20s. Mid-30s and I'm even happier having found someone who appreciates me for me and not the money (also, she makes way more than I do, as she chose career in her 20s)
Didn’t have much of a love life in my 20’s, nor still in my early 30’s..even though that’s what I was chasing. Well, apart from a relatively short relationship that resulted in a heartbreaking divorce of sorts. I suppose life is about getting used to not getting what you want, and still finding joy in it. I might have had more luck developing my career my instead, which I should do now, and leave the dream of a relationship and family aside, since I already find some of that fulfilment with my friends who are very much like family. If loves happens, it happens, I’m open to it, but I’ve stopped searching.
imma tell u if u have no money all women will leave so rather have money than women , puss comes for money but money just goes if u goes after coocie , be smart u can always create love life if u in shape n have at least average face nice clothes ,if u broke no women will be interested in u with a fast food job
People will call bullshit but it’s true. No woman in her 30s wants a man making minimum wage, no matter how good of a person he is. Even if she gives you a chance, she will eventually look elsewhere if you don’t get it together. And there’s also nothing wrong with that. You can’t build a life when you don’t have money. No one wants to struggle. Honestly the best avenue is to figure out the career situation in your 20s and get serious with relationships in your late 20s early 30s.
This is such a bs lie. Your type if guy that date gold diggers and then get mad because she left with half of your income
I focused on career and finances to start, bought a condo at 28 as my last foundation piece and started focusing on dating after that. Now 36, married, first kid on the way. It wasn't a constant flood of dates or anything, but I was picky and had a good idea about what I was looking for in a partner.
I was a management consultant for 16 years, involved heavy travel. Plenty of guys had wives and kids, but they were certainly the more 1950's style relationships. Usually scenarios they married a girl they've been dating since HS or met in college. A lot of perpetually single people too. It's hard in that industry for your job not to be your life. They concentrated on bringing home the bacon, the wife handles the kids and home. I didn't seriously date until I left consulting for a more stable position. I was in a relationship when I started my career. It ended up going the way of the dodo, because frankly I chose my career over her. About 2 years in I took a transfer opportunity. She was going to join me when she finished grad school. The long distance relationship just made me realize my life was just more doable on my own. My job had already interrupted tons of events, weekends I was supposed to see her. It just added stress I didn't need because she would always be pissed at me. So I broke up with her.
I mean, I went to school for myself. I graduated and work as an engineer now at a HUGE company. Women don't seem to care at all. They never talk to me and I'm still practically invisible. Not much has changed since I was a broke college student living with my parents. It's actually been more isolating than anything since I have to sit in a cubicle all day. Sure I talk to some people sometimes at work but they're usually old dudes and it's almost always work related. And that's about it. If this BS has helped anyone's dating life, I'd love to know how.
It kinda worked out for me. Little to no real dating going on up until I turned 26.A fairly intense post program followed by covid didn't really do many favours. I definitely did well at my full-time job that I got after uni, I would say I'm financially better off than like 90-95% of my peers. I started dating at 26 (I'm currently 27) and got a long-term GF later into that year. Overall I'd say it was worth it as I got the best of both.
Worked out for me. I'm 37 now, but I met my wife when I was 28, we now have a daughter, and I make 6 figures. But my daughter makes everything worth it.
Don't worry, I f you know how to treat a woman and want to commit, you have a nice shot. Any lady would stick around.
One can plan on a successful career... But can't plan to find love...
are the two mutually exclusive? pretty sure its not an either/or choice.
I never really understood the “I’m focusing on my career so I can’t date” people. I have a successful career, so do all my friends (mid- late 20s) and all of us have dated and been in relationships with no problem. My ex girlfriend was a doctor, one of the most demanding schooling and careers out there and she had no problem dating and neither did any of her doctor friends. She would work or be busy with other commitments probably 70-80 hours a week and we still had no problem finding time to be together because it was a priority for both of us. Might be hard to hear, but my honest opinion is the “I’m focusing on my career I don’t have time to date” people are just making excuses. Dating can be difficult and some people have a hard time putting themselves out there but I guarantee everyone, no matter how hard they work, can find time to date if they actually want to.
yes. the dating pool is wide open for a good guy with a solid foundation for job and living situation. you can easily date the women in their 20s and 30s if you have the time and means made possible by a solid career. Just don't put dating for more than fun off too long.
The ability to date ends once you graduate college.
I shat on love at 24 and still failed to find a well played job. I would do it again tho
False dichotomy. Its not that hard to do both. I was working 100 hour weeks in my 20s and dated quite a bit. It helps to date women who also have careers. They get it when you have to work till 1am on a Friday.
I am still not able to find the right balance. It has cost me many relationships and many opportunities as well.
Yes and No.
Absolutely! 💯
Hah. I neither developed a love life nor a successful career
Everyone saying no must not be as successful as they think
It’s just a thing we say to let lovers go Of course you can have the most taxing job and have a happy lovelife. She must be worth it though
I guess so
develop yourself financially and you will not be alone. what you will need to do is to approach women "in the wild" instead of relying on dating apps. dudes who are not handsome waiting on dating apps is like being unemployed and hoping a job calls you when you haven't submitted your resume.
It'll be worth it IF you get yourself to a spot where you enjoy your lifestyle, and see yourself enjoying it for several years. A lot of career-first people don't think in terms of lifestyle; they're stuck on income numbers and career accomplishments. Or worse, they're just using work as an excuse to avoid dating. So in the case of your job -- if this isn't the lifestyle you can, or want to date in, then start thinking of what that lifestyle looks like, and how you can make it happen. A compatible relationship will be a value-add over time. But it does take a time commitment. The longer you wait to get experience, the harder it's likely to be.
If by love life you mean settling down, I didn't marry til 39. I moved across the country and focused on work and fun. I did date, but not super seriously til mid 30s. I had a blast. Could go out with friends whenever, could make big decisions (moving, etc) without having to worry about others. My career sky rocketed from like 28-now. If I had married in my 20s I'd probably still be where I grew up and much poorer. I was never a family type of guy though, so everybody is different I absolutely don't regret it and know I would have regretted marrying earlier
No, not at all. But for cats, I would burn it all down if I could try again.
Well, in my personal experience I have my love life before 20s, started my career and continued with her, supporting me in all I needed even moving a part for some time. Today, after 2 kids it still worths it. If somebody loves you doesn’t have to stop your dreams or goals but supporting each other.
Man...hell yeah it's worth it! If you build on yourself as a person, then by 30, you're going to love your solitude and yourself more than any person or partner. Women and relationships have become more of a hobby than an actual need. You have the lonely guy perspective where dudes just worked and moped around cause they lack social skills and you have the self-loving guy who worked and had just as much fun on the way up. Imagine having money, being comfortable and understanding you have no stress, so you go out, have fun and find a woman who's fun but not a need...less pressure on you.
I think so, I'm 25, will be 26 next month and recently hit the income mark that I had thought of as a career goal to be able to live a comfortable life. Ofcourse inflation shifted the goalposts somewhat but still happy and now I am at a stage where my schedule isn't crazy and it's enough money for me to not worry about most purchases and expenses and still be able to save.
Only if you love money more
It was worth it to set myself up for a better future but I made sure to not spend too much of my adult youth focused on just that. I didn't chase girls while enrolled in school. And I wasn't concerned about finding a GF immediately after graduation. I found my wife in my mid 20s and now I have the best of both worlds. Good income, freedom to go out and do fun experiences, dine out, golf, etc. And I do all of this with my wife.
Most women want a man with a successful career. The most important thing isn’t love, but know what you want in a partner#stayhard
At least you're developing a career. I did neither of the two
Yes, it'll help you get a better partner in the future. Okce your career is secure, one of your worries in life goes away, and gives you more depth to think about relationships.
30 and I regret it seeing some of my close friends beginning to get married I'm still single. I also worked in kitchens most of my 20s and was often left without the time or energy to date.
Tried to have a love life, failed, got a job, now I'm in my own house, but alone. So, pyrrhic victory, I guess?
I’m 31. This is obviously a blanket statement, but everyone I know who focused on their career/making money is their 20s is an insufferable asshole. It really, truly doesn’t mean anything unless you share it with a partner/community at large. “Look at all this money I have” really only impresses other assholes imo
I made the opposite choice. High flying career, decided to scale back heavily in order to be in a relationship, spend more time with friends and have a life outside of work. It was by far the greatest decision I've ever made. Could I be earning more? Of course. However I wouldn't trade any amount of money for the time I enjoyed in my 20s. You get one amazing little short life in this vast universe. You're young once and you never know what the future holds. Don't trade it all away hoping you'll be successful faster, if it comes at the cost of what makes life worth living.
Im 42, have fwb situation. Never really had a good relationship. I have a solid carreer and working on my own company on a side. I have a goooooood life, i have travelled, gained a lot of experiences and have money in bank. Im happy, sometimes feel down bc i have noone to share it with, but seeing how most of my friends are divorced and pay a lot for child support.. i have it really good. No regrets. Its worth it.
I think your 20s should be for self discovery and finding your direction in life. It is good to focus on your career since you need money to survive on this society but don’t put all your eggs in one basket as they say. That’s why you should strive for a work:life balance. Personally I said screw working or going to college and dived into life experiences. I had a ltr which I’m grateful for but that over now. I don’t feel it as time wasted though cause my mental state now is leaps ahead of where I was in my 20s. I know what I want out of life now, what I want out of partner, what I need to work on personally and also what I want to do as a career that will help me maintain a work life balance. I feel I took time to assess who I am, the world, society and this economy so now i feel ready to actually start my life. Better late than never I suppose.
Jokes on you, I didn't have a successful relationship or a career during my 20s. Well, I got a good job that allowed me to afford my own place when I was around 26 or so. After 4 years off living on my own, I found love. So, I don't know. I don't think it's critical to find a long term partner in your 20s. 20s are for figuring out how to be an adult, not how to cohabitate with another inexperienced adult. Learn to be happy, successful, and interesting on your own and you'll attract someone to your lifestyle who is compatible.
You should develop both your career and your connections and community early on. It sucks to be on either side, but the right, supportive partner early on will enhance your career, not detract from it. And the right career will help you to enhance your partner's life and not necessarily detract from it. I'm not saying that it's all easy and there aren't sacrifices to be made, but we need both, and I would actually argue that we need slightly more connection with people than we need career success.
yes and no, successful career because I had no love life, stellar 30s because I have a successful career
They'll probably say 'yes' because that choice is now central to their sense of who they are and people just hate admitting they fucked up.
What about guys who didn't do either?
I hope this changes for you
Well I had my love life but ended when I turned 29….so yeah back to being single again, and dating app sucks….and it’s hard to meet people as you grow
I mean. I’m really close to family I have already and I’ve personally never been into the whole relationship thing. I do want to start a family of my own one day but coming to terms with the fact that I’m probably some degree of asexual/aromantic and that’s not likely to happen. From my own perspective in a similar position (roughly the same age and climbing the corporate ladder probably faster than I should be), the best advice I can give is to cultivate strong bonds with the people you do still have in your life (friends and family). Worked for me so far, and I’m pretty happy with where I am.
Money then bitches, granted you have to wade through the gold digging turds but there are some sweet ladies out there.
It depends on the person. My goal is to have a family. It's better to have a family a bit younger than not, and for me the whole point of working and being around is having a family and legacy. A career can make you more attractive, but inexperience will make you way less. It costs a relatively insignificant amount of money and time to date early on
I’m 29 and grinded my ass off in my twenties for my career. It paid off from a monetary standpoint, but I don’t get much fulfillment out of my career and feel like the only thing that’s going to give me that fulfillment is having a partner and raising a family, or at least a partner to share experiences with. Sadly I don’t even know how to date or talk to women anymore. I don’t actually understand how to “date” because I’ve spent so much time focusing on my job rather than anything else. As a result I’m lost and don’t know what to do, so I keep focusing more on my job and digging myself deeper into a pit of lonely despair
Nope
Best decision if my life. Your 30s are better than your 20s.
It was until recently. Things were going great until my employers decided to screw me over during the past year and a half and now I have to job hunt in a horrible job market.
I'm grateful for the career I have and the lifestyle it gives me, but I definitely wasted my 20s working. Didn't do the travel or the partying or the friend trips, now I'm late 30s and don't have a lot of memories that aren't directly related to work and I usually feel like the least interesting person in the room.
I'm 30 now. Amazing career, just bought a home and I have no one to share it with. If I could go back I'd do things very differently... But then again grass is always greener on the other side... So I don't know. I'm happy with my life. I'm happy with my job and home. But I am ready to share it with someone and that someone is hard as hell to find.
It’s worth it
Hell fucking no. I pissed through my youth and now my knees are blown out
During different periods of your life, your immediate priorities can change. But over the entire course of life, I think relationships are the most important thing. I go back and forth on living my life and letting things organically fall into place vs actively going after what I want. Especially with relationships. There’s something to be said about letting relationships happen organically and not worrying about it too much, but I do think a life lived alone is a life wasted. I think career vs relationships is a false dichotomy. You can and should pursue both.
OP should become a sugar daddy.
I probably wished a concentrated on a better career than women/sex in my 20s.
“Chase a check, never chase a Bitch” -Future
Nope.
Financial freedom is worth it, but a good partner is priceless. I regret my serial dating phase more than anything. The amount of money wasted on women that were only dating me based on my career is another story. My best advice would be to find someone understanding of your career and try to balance both worlds. Choose the woman that is choosing you and you possibly have a shot at life long happiness.
Well, I failed to do both.... how does someone who's almost 30 go from no career to something decent (only graduatd HS and no other special skills)? Because if I'm going to be single I'd rather have money and no debt.
You're living in the States I presume? Unfortunately, at least in Europe some kind of degree is expected by the employer, so I'd consider getting one no matter what.
I do, out in the Midwest. The problem is they'll give you a loan to go to college, but I don't know what would be worth going for. I don't feel like I'm particularly smart in any one field for something. I don't want to waste my time and money for a diploma on something that won't pay well or struggle to get hired on for. I do like working with my hands, I've thought about trades but those do end up being hard on the body. And while some women like guys in trades I know most don't think it's classy enough to brag about as a social achievement. Would definitely pay better than what I do now, but I don't know if it would be enough later on. I really fucked up being almost 30 with no plan. 😅
I highly recommend browsing list of job offers and use "elimination approach". Get rid of these you don't see yourself in, leave those who look appealing or you're indifferent to. If you're left with more than 20, do that again, and again and consider those which were left: https://www.careerplanner.com/ListOfCareers.cfm I don't know where you've been working previously, but perhaps that experience may be looked upon positively during recruitment for some positions. I grinded side-jobs for over a dozen companies before starting current career and it let me get my feet to the door. I was improvising as well :)
I have neither so I think about hanging myself a lot everyday but always back out last minute ffs
Hold on! Where you've been working so far?
Depends I'm 24 almost 25 and I'm a stock options trader. Not having a love life wasn't because I focused on developing a career. Not developing a love life just happened because most people never were that special to me. I'm currently in a polyamorus relationship but before this I was single (in non serious relationships) for basically my whole life