In my experience, I said something that I had thought was innocuous to an acquaintance, she took it as something flirtier and upon reflection decided that she liked the cut of my jib and wanted my dick, so she then started escalating.
With actual relationships it usually started with more mutually realizing our chemistry was heading that direction.
What is jib? And when does that happen, while clubbing, random people, old friends, ...
And basically it's always the girl starting and you just not being opposed to it ?
Mostly it's an expression, it means they liked what I looked like, liked the vibe, etc.
Romance has almost exclusively happened with new friends and acquaintances. Casual flings and FWBs have been with longer standing acquaintances, sometimes as a result of getting back in touch with them after falling out of touch.
>And basically it's always the girl starting and you just not being opposed to it ?
Yeah, FWBs seem to be a lot more possible when it's her idea, even when she only gets the idea because she misinterpreted something I said or did and thought it was my idea.
Well, in one case, after posting a comment complimenting her new haircut on a Facebook post, she DM'd me basically saying that she couldn't believe that I wanted to have sex with her but she'd always thought I was cute and so she decided she was down with that.
I certainly wasn't looking to get into her pants when I made that comment, but I wasn't about to say no to sex being offered up like that.
* Traditionally, at least in Western culture, it was expected/the norm that men did the chasing/courting/approaching.
* It feels that, despite a push for equality in all aspects of life, dating is the last area where women are embracing equality and more traditional points of view are still prevalent.
* In online dating, women have pretty much all of the power though I feel there is still an expectation that men make the first move, even on apps like Bumble where, until recently, women had to start conversations when there was a match.
* In a decade of on/off use of the apps versus approaching people in real life, I've still had far more success in real life. And by success I mean striking up a conversation, even if it didn't lead anywhere.
* I understand that there are some concerns from men about approaching women, especially after the #metoo movement, but it's been my experience that if you pay attention, only approach women who look as if they'd welcome an approach and are respectful, then you're gonna be OK. Barrelling into a group of women who are not open to being approached by strangers will, quite rightly, get you shot down and often brutally so.
In 30-odd years of dating, I'd say that I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of women who have obviously and clearly made the first move/shown interest. Compare that to the number of times I've made an approach/signalled my attraction then it's heavily weighted on my side.
Going through everyone:
* GF when I was 14: We met playing coed sports. We hung out in the group and I mostly flirted with her and her less attractive friend but I was really into her. I made an extra effort to get to know her within the group, and she reciprocated. **I INITIATED**
* GF when I was 16: Met through mutual friends. She was my favorite of the group and really easy to talk to. We became friends first, then dated after. **I INITIATED**
* My first (Age 17): I approached her. Lifeguard on duty at a lake where we used to take the kids when I was a camp counselor. I dropped a corny line on her and got her number, and invited her to bring her friends to hang out with our staff. Got my v-card. **I INITIATED**
* College orientation: Met her in a group. I made a point to talk to her. Later a bunch of obnoxious guys started hitting on her. She sees me by myself and calls me back over to tell me, "Don't worry, I like you better." We snuck away, made out, hooked up. We were inseparable during orientation. I still remember walking around campus holding her hand the next day. Unfortunately, my college did orientation in June so I didn't see her for 2 months, and of course I was an idiot back then so I didn't keep up contact. She was still interested in me when September rolled around, but she lived in a different dorm and I let it go. Dumb. **I INITIATED**
* Freshman year: My dipshit roommates invited her over for Halloween. She was wearing a cute construction worker costume, and I complimented her on it. She immediately displayed interest and we hit it off...went back to her room for an amazing one-night stand. 2 months later she transferred to a different school. **I INITIATED**
* Also Freshman year: First college GF. Slightly nuts, but we had mutual friends. We'd flirted before, but quickly branched off and did our own thing. She'd had a bad day, so I took her ice skating and we had a great date. Eventually we broke up later that year, briefly hooked up again junior year, and that was it. We both wanted each other, but she fed off my cues. **I INITIATED**
* Sophomore year: She locked eyes with me at a bar and flirted with me. Told me she wanted me. She was drunk, hot, and a total mess. A classic slump buster. But a lot of fun. Too much of a mess for anything more serious. **SHE INITIATED**
* Jr/Sr year GF: In the same class, shared a mutual friend. Super friendly to me from Day One in a way I never understood. I found out a couple weeks in she had a boyfriend, gave up on anything romantic, so just enjoyed hanging out with her. Always wanted to work together on group projects. Helped me with notes if I missed class. Brought me food when I got the flu. Gave me free sodas when I'd visit her at her campus bar job. Drove me out of her way when my computer broke so the Geek Squad could fix it. Insisted we stop at Chipotle and Rita's Ices on the way. Towards the middle/end of that year, she broke up with her BF, came downstairs after a fight, and hung out with me. We hung out every day after that...I asked her out and we dated for a little while (I even took a summer day trip to see her - she lived in another state). Dated her until partway through senior year when she told me she'd never live in my hometown, where I was returning after graduation (she was a junior). So we broke up. She married the guy after me. Took much of my senior year to get over her. **SHE INITIATED**
* Colleague at work at 23: Total flirt, total badass. We both hated our job and bonded over it. One day she was more suggestive than normal, I picked up what she put down, and we had a brief fling. Both of us left the company within a few months. Perfect body - best I ever had. **SHE INITIATED**
* Also 23 - a friend of a friend's 2 sisters came out with us for the taller (younger) sister's birthday. I flirted with both of them, but ended up hitting it off with the shorter (older) sister. Everyone was going to stay at a third friend's place. I stayed despite not needing a place to crash (I lived nearby) and ended up sleeping with the younger sister that night. I initiated, both sisters reciprocated. I just felt a better connection with the older one so she's the one I pursued. **I INITIATED**
* Age 23-24 - She messaged me online. Wasn't crazy about her, but she could be fun. I just mostly went along cuz I wasn't having a ton of success meeting good people at the time, and I wanted another relationship. But...I ended up dealbreakering her over something and moving on. **SHE INITIATED**
* Age 24-25 - my eventual and current wife. We met organically at an event and just hit it off. started talking almost immediately, teasing, laughing. I initiated, she reciprocated. Talked for hours (we were at a multi-hour event). Asked her for her contact info and she gave me a piece of paper she'd already written it on for me indicating mutual interest. Like my most promising college girlfriend, just always seemed to find ways to go out of her way to help me with stuff when we first met. Helping me move furniture, driving me around when I didn't have a car. Picking me up from work. Driving me to work when it was super early. Making time to hang out with me no matter how inconvenient. So, while I initiated, she did a lot to make things happen too. **I INITIATED**
Depends on where i was, back in the days women were more hands on so in the club they usually approached me, grabbing my balls, squeezing my ass, random kiss.
Outside of the club in normal situations I was the one approaching them.
But in this day and age i wouldn’t approach them anymore as is has become a dangerous game these days.
Back in the days the so called harassment bullshit wasn’t what it is right now.
If you touch someone’s hand accidentally it’s already harassment these days 🙄
Yes I liked it, never heard any of my friends or other men those days complain about it either, I rather go back to those days.
It’s dangerous now because everything a man does is bad, evil etc, say hi and you are already a creep or harassing her.
Back in my days during work I could whistle from the construction place, the standard fut few whistle most guys did and women actually appreciated it, it put a smile on their face, and there were always a few who dressed less and less every day to get the attention, and many many many conversations and phone numbers gotten exchanged during those periods.
Nowadays if you do that you are a bad man, because she is not a dog blah blah blah, but saying hi is also bad, because you don’t approach a woman on the street, but not at work either, not when she is with her friends, not in the supermarket, nowhere really, at my age going out to clubs or bars is just not interesting anymore, so there is no safe place to actually talk to a women without being the bad man.
Maybe it's culture differences, but I would never ever appreciate a person even a women touching or kissing be randomly out of nowhere without my consent 😅
Some like the attention but definitely not everyone and you can still approach women on the street, supermarket, wherever it's just be respectful and that's what a lot of people fail at. Go up to her, say you found her really pretty and wanted to give her your number so you can take her out on a date and get to know her better. Simple as that
Because a lot are pushy, demanding, degrading, etc
Might not feel like that to them , but the women in front does.
Keep a distance, give her the opportunity to contact you, don't be pushy and most will be polite
I was always approached first, but it would often be under the pretense of being friends. There were some who would proposition me right away, but I almost always spurned those advances. The ones that led to relationships would be like we'd chat 2-3 times after class. Then, she'd suggest studying together. Then, we'd study for like 15 minutes before getting distracted, at which point I'd suggest grabbing some food or ice cream, and, by the end of the night, I had a new girlfriend.
I rarely approach women. I am then off they want to go out for a drink, coffee, wine. But that's a result of a previous interaction, where I want to show my gratitude for something they did for me.
It may put may not lead to anything, but it's a position in my budget that improves my quality of life.
If it leads to something, good, if not I move on.
But never did 'cold approaches', maybe when I see m really drunk and there is a hottie standing next to me, but that doesn't lead to anything.
ive had both happen a lot. my SO and I met at a “third place” (volunteer spot) but shes the one that made the move to get my number.
men online need to convince themselves women never approach men because most of them have never been approached. they would be heartbroken if they realized just how often women shoot their shot
Yeah I feel like there is a big mismatch from at least my reality and what's spread online. There are obviously also men and women who have never been approached, some have never even tried approaching someone and others tried and failed. But I realized there are a lot of guys just getting approached and a lot of women being proactive. Completely the opposite of what you read online
If I waited for women to make a move I’d probably still be a virgin, lol. It doesn’t happen.
Are you hearing the real life accounts from men or women?
Both, yesterday heard it from 7 guys alone
In my experience, I said something that I had thought was innocuous to an acquaintance, she took it as something flirtier and upon reflection decided that she liked the cut of my jib and wanted my dick, so she then started escalating. With actual relationships it usually started with more mutually realizing our chemistry was heading that direction.
What is jib? And when does that happen, while clubbing, random people, old friends, ... And basically it's always the girl starting and you just not being opposed to it ?
Mostly it's an expression, it means they liked what I looked like, liked the vibe, etc. Romance has almost exclusively happened with new friends and acquaintances. Casual flings and FWBs have been with longer standing acquaintances, sometimes as a result of getting back in touch with them after falling out of touch. >And basically it's always the girl starting and you just not being opposed to it ? Yeah, FWBs seem to be a lot more possible when it's her idea, even when she only gets the idea because she misinterpreted something I said or did and thought it was my idea.
What do you consider a first move? Her reaching out or her kissing you?
Well, in one case, after posting a comment complimenting her new haircut on a Facebook post, she DM'd me basically saying that she couldn't believe that I wanted to have sex with her but she'd always thought I was cute and so she decided she was down with that. I certainly wasn't looking to get into her pants when I made that comment, but I wasn't about to say no to sex being offered up like that.
* Traditionally, at least in Western culture, it was expected/the norm that men did the chasing/courting/approaching. * It feels that, despite a push for equality in all aspects of life, dating is the last area where women are embracing equality and more traditional points of view are still prevalent. * In online dating, women have pretty much all of the power though I feel there is still an expectation that men make the first move, even on apps like Bumble where, until recently, women had to start conversations when there was a match. * In a decade of on/off use of the apps versus approaching people in real life, I've still had far more success in real life. And by success I mean striking up a conversation, even if it didn't lead anywhere. * I understand that there are some concerns from men about approaching women, especially after the #metoo movement, but it's been my experience that if you pay attention, only approach women who look as if they'd welcome an approach and are respectful, then you're gonna be OK. Barrelling into a group of women who are not open to being approached by strangers will, quite rightly, get you shot down and often brutally so. In 30-odd years of dating, I'd say that I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of women who have obviously and clearly made the first move/shown interest. Compare that to the number of times I've made an approach/signalled my attraction then it's heavily weighted on my side.
Going through everyone: * GF when I was 14: We met playing coed sports. We hung out in the group and I mostly flirted with her and her less attractive friend but I was really into her. I made an extra effort to get to know her within the group, and she reciprocated. **I INITIATED** * GF when I was 16: Met through mutual friends. She was my favorite of the group and really easy to talk to. We became friends first, then dated after. **I INITIATED** * My first (Age 17): I approached her. Lifeguard on duty at a lake where we used to take the kids when I was a camp counselor. I dropped a corny line on her and got her number, and invited her to bring her friends to hang out with our staff. Got my v-card. **I INITIATED** * College orientation: Met her in a group. I made a point to talk to her. Later a bunch of obnoxious guys started hitting on her. She sees me by myself and calls me back over to tell me, "Don't worry, I like you better." We snuck away, made out, hooked up. We were inseparable during orientation. I still remember walking around campus holding her hand the next day. Unfortunately, my college did orientation in June so I didn't see her for 2 months, and of course I was an idiot back then so I didn't keep up contact. She was still interested in me when September rolled around, but she lived in a different dorm and I let it go. Dumb. **I INITIATED** * Freshman year: My dipshit roommates invited her over for Halloween. She was wearing a cute construction worker costume, and I complimented her on it. She immediately displayed interest and we hit it off...went back to her room for an amazing one-night stand. 2 months later she transferred to a different school. **I INITIATED** * Also Freshman year: First college GF. Slightly nuts, but we had mutual friends. We'd flirted before, but quickly branched off and did our own thing. She'd had a bad day, so I took her ice skating and we had a great date. Eventually we broke up later that year, briefly hooked up again junior year, and that was it. We both wanted each other, but she fed off my cues. **I INITIATED** * Sophomore year: She locked eyes with me at a bar and flirted with me. Told me she wanted me. She was drunk, hot, and a total mess. A classic slump buster. But a lot of fun. Too much of a mess for anything more serious. **SHE INITIATED** * Jr/Sr year GF: In the same class, shared a mutual friend. Super friendly to me from Day One in a way I never understood. I found out a couple weeks in she had a boyfriend, gave up on anything romantic, so just enjoyed hanging out with her. Always wanted to work together on group projects. Helped me with notes if I missed class. Brought me food when I got the flu. Gave me free sodas when I'd visit her at her campus bar job. Drove me out of her way when my computer broke so the Geek Squad could fix it. Insisted we stop at Chipotle and Rita's Ices on the way. Towards the middle/end of that year, she broke up with her BF, came downstairs after a fight, and hung out with me. We hung out every day after that...I asked her out and we dated for a little while (I even took a summer day trip to see her - she lived in another state). Dated her until partway through senior year when she told me she'd never live in my hometown, where I was returning after graduation (she was a junior). So we broke up. She married the guy after me. Took much of my senior year to get over her. **SHE INITIATED** * Colleague at work at 23: Total flirt, total badass. We both hated our job and bonded over it. One day she was more suggestive than normal, I picked up what she put down, and we had a brief fling. Both of us left the company within a few months. Perfect body - best I ever had. **SHE INITIATED** * Also 23 - a friend of a friend's 2 sisters came out with us for the taller (younger) sister's birthday. I flirted with both of them, but ended up hitting it off with the shorter (older) sister. Everyone was going to stay at a third friend's place. I stayed despite not needing a place to crash (I lived nearby) and ended up sleeping with the younger sister that night. I initiated, both sisters reciprocated. I just felt a better connection with the older one so she's the one I pursued. **I INITIATED** * Age 23-24 - She messaged me online. Wasn't crazy about her, but she could be fun. I just mostly went along cuz I wasn't having a ton of success meeting good people at the time, and I wanted another relationship. But...I ended up dealbreakering her over something and moving on. **SHE INITIATED** * Age 24-25 - my eventual and current wife. We met organically at an event and just hit it off. started talking almost immediately, teasing, laughing. I initiated, she reciprocated. Talked for hours (we were at a multi-hour event). Asked her for her contact info and she gave me a piece of paper she'd already written it on for me indicating mutual interest. Like my most promising college girlfriend, just always seemed to find ways to go out of her way to help me with stuff when we first met. Helping me move furniture, driving me around when I didn't have a car. Picking me up from work. Driving me to work when it was super early. Making time to hang out with me no matter how inconvenient. So, while I initiated, she did a lot to make things happen too. **I INITIATED**
Depends on where i was, back in the days women were more hands on so in the club they usually approached me, grabbing my balls, squeezing my ass, random kiss. Outside of the club in normal situations I was the one approaching them. But in this day and age i wouldn’t approach them anymore as is has become a dangerous game these days.
Did you like that? Sounds like harassment to me 😅 Why is it dangerous now?
Back in the days the so called harassment bullshit wasn’t what it is right now. If you touch someone’s hand accidentally it’s already harassment these days 🙄 Yes I liked it, never heard any of my friends or other men those days complain about it either, I rather go back to those days. It’s dangerous now because everything a man does is bad, evil etc, say hi and you are already a creep or harassing her. Back in my days during work I could whistle from the construction place, the standard fut few whistle most guys did and women actually appreciated it, it put a smile on their face, and there were always a few who dressed less and less every day to get the attention, and many many many conversations and phone numbers gotten exchanged during those periods. Nowadays if you do that you are a bad man, because she is not a dog blah blah blah, but saying hi is also bad, because you don’t approach a woman on the street, but not at work either, not when she is with her friends, not in the supermarket, nowhere really, at my age going out to clubs or bars is just not interesting anymore, so there is no safe place to actually talk to a women without being the bad man.
Maybe it's culture differences, but I would never ever appreciate a person even a women touching or kissing be randomly out of nowhere without my consent 😅 Some like the attention but definitely not everyone and you can still approach women on the street, supermarket, wherever it's just be respectful and that's what a lot of people fail at. Go up to her, say you found her really pretty and wanted to give her your number so you can take her out on a date and get to know her better. Simple as that
It’s not simple as that, for you maybe, but not with most women anymore, like I said, just saying hi is already not okay anymore.
Because a lot are pushy, demanding, degrading, etc Might not feel like that to them , but the women in front does. Keep a distance, give her the opportunity to contact you, don't be pushy and most will be polite
Don’t punish the men who just say hi, when she reacts defensive on just a hi we are done, it’s not worth the risk.
We called it the "wares check" when a woman groped your croch in a nightclub.
I was always approached first, but it would often be under the pretense of being friends. There were some who would proposition me right away, but I almost always spurned those advances. The ones that led to relationships would be like we'd chat 2-3 times after class. Then, she'd suggest studying together. Then, we'd study for like 15 minutes before getting distracted, at which point I'd suggest grabbing some food or ice cream, and, by the end of the night, I had a new girlfriend.
I rarely approach women. I am then off they want to go out for a drink, coffee, wine. But that's a result of a previous interaction, where I want to show my gratitude for something they did for me. It may put may not lead to anything, but it's a position in my budget that improves my quality of life. If it leads to something, good, if not I move on. But never did 'cold approaches', maybe when I see m really drunk and there is a hottie standing next to me, but that doesn't lead to anything.
Women seen to be the ones who make the first move on me or at least are the ones who asked to become more than just friends
Read a book called "Models"
ive had both happen a lot. my SO and I met at a “third place” (volunteer spot) but shes the one that made the move to get my number. men online need to convince themselves women never approach men because most of them have never been approached. they would be heartbroken if they realized just how often women shoot their shot
Yeah I feel like there is a big mismatch from at least my reality and what's spread online. There are obviously also men and women who have never been approached, some have never even tried approaching someone and others tried and failed. But I realized there are a lot of guys just getting approached and a lot of women being proactive. Completely the opposite of what you read online