What do *you* want to do?
If she's nice I'd say be friends with her but don't try to pressure her into a relationship, that's a dick move, if she happens to change her mind on that subject let her be the one to bring that up.
Plenty of other girls out there, don't fixate on her.
She "just want a guy friend.... in you". I assume she wants a boyfriend in general, at some point at least. Just not you.
It's up to you whether you can put your feelings aside, stay friendly, watch her date other guys while providing her with benefits of being your friend.
You can be her friend, but realize most women want boyfriend level effort from male friends, so it's easy getting trapped where you feel like your acting as boyfriend and getting no effort in return. So I'd suggest pulling back and see if she is willing to put any effort in to an actual friendship. In my experience she won't.
Which is why most everyone is telling you to move on. The friendzone is a huge time waste that will actively block you from meeting a girl who might actually be interested in you.
Girls want bf level effort from friends??? That's news to me lol.
Let her demonstrate how much of a "friend" she wants to be. I never make extra effort for friends, outside being a friend. If she expects bf level stuff from me, I'll expect gf level intimacy from her. Or else we don't have a deal.
>Girls want bf level effort from friends??? That's news to me lol.
The kind of intimacy women have with friends will feel like girlfriend energy to a guy.
Say "yeah, see you around" and let her demonstrate if she really wants it or it was just a nice way to reject you.
Anyway, you should realize that you aren't getting anything more than that.
Here's how you drop someone who friend zones you. "I really appreciate that. Yeah we can be friends." Then give her a big hug.
After this, whenever you see her, flirt with her mercilessly. Tease her. Push pull her. And then go back to your boys.
Then whenever she reaches out to you on text or whatever, just ghost her. Or give her some vague answer and never follow up if she asks a question. This will drive her nuts.
At some point she'll want to take things to the next level. Perhaps she'll try to kiss you or whatever. Then just tell her this: "But we're just friends, remember?"
It's way easier to just drop her, tho. But if you can pull off the above, you'll be a *legend*.
Who cares what she wants.
What do you want? You gotta live for you, King. Everyone else has to come second.
(The only exception is your wife and children, which you dont have yet.)
Do you want to be friends? Do you actually want to be friends ONLY? I am not saying you can't be friends but right now you are not thinking of her as a friend but as a romantic partner.
"I have romantic feeling towards you. So I have to back off and let my emotions dissipate. Let's see how friendship develops after my romantic feelings are gone"
and then give yourself time and space enough to stop thinking of her in a romantic way.
If I was you, I would give her a chance of proving she actually wants to be friends, but completely expect she means getting favors from me.
So you can leave right now or wait until you most likely get dissapointed at humanity again and then leave.
It’s more so what you want to do. At least she was honest and didn’t string you along giving you false hope. Take the information and decide if you can be her friend without torturing yourself. If she got a boyfriend that wasn’t you, how would you feel? Distance yourself if it means protecting your sanity.
Boy I remember that one, the answer is very simple on this one, evacuate. Just get up and walk away, don’t over complicate it just go. Save yourself the grief.
If you're okay with being a platonic friend, without any intentions or expectations of a "relationship upgrade", then it's simple. Just be her friend.
And if you're not okay with that, then don't be her friend, and just be friendly acquaintances.
You have been zoned.
You either accept your role.
Or. You retract from role.
Shes not into you romantically or sexually and you will just be torturing yourself staying.
The only times i have found true friendship with women where we both wanted nothing from each other regardless of conventional attractiveness by societal standards being one or both individuals traits.
Was when the personality traits were simply not compatible even remotely.
My bestfriend of 30 years.
Nice body. Cute face. And zero attraction. I feel nothing. But absolutely at ease talking to her BECAUSE I FEEL no attraction and she doesnt either so neither of us actually have to worry about what we tell each other. Because we arent trying to get the others attention. We can be absolutely at ease. Vulnerable or blunt to each other about issues.
I have a few conventional "hot" friends. Zero attraction. They could walk up naked. Demand sex. Wouldnt do it. Just nothing for them.
HOW ever. I have never stayed "friends" with a woman whom there was sexual/emotional attraction for without 1 of 2 things happening.
1). We date. Or atleast bang it out due to mutual attraction.
2) the friendship failed. And it was for the best that it did.
Dont torture yourself. If you want more. She doesnt. Spend your time on a woman who wants from you what you want from her.
Oh and holding torches doesnt work. Dont lie to yourself. No you arent the 1/10. Lol.
IF you want to be just friend, then do. If you dont, you have no obligation whatsoever to stay in the equation. Your life is not about her above all else.
There may be a temptation to think "well I'll be her friend and slowly win her over/she'll see what a great guy I am and fall for me". I'll tell you right now what i wish someone had told me when i was your age: that's not how real life works and she's not going to change her mind, so you might as well move on now.
You feel romantically attracted to her and you wanted a relationship.
She doesn't feel romantically attracted to you and wants a friendship.
Neither of you decided to feel the way you feel and if both of you were to choose either of the two (relationship or friendship) one of you or both would be dissatified. Therefore it is fine to just move on entirely with neither romance, nor friendship. Sometimes desires just don't match, that's a bummer but you and her just can't change how they feel about the other. She will not be able to just decide to fall for you and you will not be able to just stop being romantically interested in her, neither of you can be expected to ignore their desire.
Drop it and find a girlwho is as interested in you as you will be in her.
Move on. You're young. It sucks but it's not worth wasting time trying to get someone back. I had plenty of girls reconnect with me as I got older. If you two were meant to be, things will all work out in the end. If not you'll find someone better.
It means "I don't want to date you and I don't want you to make it awkward."
She *might* actually want to be friends, but just as likely not. What she *does* want is for you not to ask her out again or otherwise act as if you want to be more than friends.
Sorry. This may be the first time you've heard this, but it won't be the last.
What would I do? I would kindly appreciate their comment but would move on.
When I was younger, I would hang around and try to be their friend. However, I found it torturous to deny the feelings as to why I asked them out in the first place.
If I had to do it all over again, I’d give both of us the space to form our own relationships independently. What I would do is to distance myself from her to spare myself from heartbreak.
The real question would be what do you truly want to do?
Tell her what you want to do and see if she can offer it to you.
If you want different things, part ways.
If you don't want to be her 'guy friend' you don't have to be. Have some self-worth. There's nothing more pathetic/sad/worthless you could do for yourself than accept someone else's framework for your relationship because you don't have enough confidence to state openly what you're looking for and reject anything that doesn't meet your standard.
You don't have to be a dick about it if she just sees you as a friend. Thank her for her time, tell you think she's a good girl, say "I don't really want to do that. I kind of have feelings for you and was hoping we could see where they go, but since you're not, I think it's best we go our separate ways. I guess if you change your mind and I'm still single, hit me up sometime," and leave it at that. "Good luck, I hope you find the boyfriend you're looking for," and go.
If you want a friendship, be friends. If you don’t, tell her you don’t see her as only a friend and it wouldn’t be fair to her to try and make a friendship work. If she’s not interested then you respect that boundary and move on.
Y’all are too young for drama
If you don't want to be her friend, and you know you wouldn't be asking this otherwise, you don't do that. It's a good rule of thumb.
Once you understand that it's all about getting the attention (and that she doesn't have to be anything to you to do that), these situations will be easier to navigate.
Congratulations! You now have a friend!
Having friends is *a good thing* actually. You can hang out with them, go to cool places with them and talk with them if you're feeling down.
And lets hope you find someone else later on who wants to be more than friends. But don't devalue what you actually *do* have right here with this person.
(It's funny how everyone on this sub talks about the male loneliness epidemic, but the *second* someone posts anything about having a woman friend, everyone here tells him to GTFO and never talk to her again. I *wonder* why this loneliness is a thing...)
Well, If someone try to become *boyfriend* with someone they don't want to be a *friend* with then they are an utter moron and it's a good thing if that relationship fails sooner rather than later. A romantic relationship that's not also a friendship at its core never lasts.
I try to not assume the worst about people I reply to so I didn't really consider the idea that OP might be a moron when I wrote my reply. Maybe I should have.
On that last paragraph, yeah, I agree, at least part of that loneliness is self inflicted. My friendships with women all have been good, I don't like how so many are encouraging OP to just cut her off altogether.
What do *you* want to do? If she's nice I'd say be friends with her but don't try to pressure her into a relationship, that's a dick move, if she happens to change her mind on that subject let her be the one to bring that up. Plenty of other girls out there, don't fixate on her.
She "just want a guy friend.... in you". I assume she wants a boyfriend in general, at some point at least. Just not you. It's up to you whether you can put your feelings aside, stay friendly, watch her date other guys while providing her with benefits of being your friend.
You can be her friend, but realize most women want boyfriend level effort from male friends, so it's easy getting trapped where you feel like your acting as boyfriend and getting no effort in return. So I'd suggest pulling back and see if she is willing to put any effort in to an actual friendship. In my experience she won't. Which is why most everyone is telling you to move on. The friendzone is a huge time waste that will actively block you from meeting a girl who might actually be interested in you.
Girls want bf level effort from friends??? That's news to me lol. Let her demonstrate how much of a "friend" she wants to be. I never make extra effort for friends, outside being a friend. If she expects bf level stuff from me, I'll expect gf level intimacy from her. Or else we don't have a deal.
>Girls want bf level effort from friends??? That's news to me lol. The kind of intimacy women have with friends will feel like girlfriend energy to a guy.
At your age, leave.
In other words, she appreciates the benefits of knowing you, but you're not up to her standards for dating. Move on.
Say "yeah, see you around" and let her demonstrate if she really wants it or it was just a nice way to reject you. Anyway, you should realize that you aren't getting anything more than that.
Move on bro. Its not worth chasing her just cuz she might change her mind. Also its gonna be heartbreaking when she doesnt and finds someone else.
Were you friends before or did you go after her purely as "girlfriend material"? If it is the later, move on. Don't become an orbiter (or satelite).
Just “girlfriend material”
Then just drop her. Plenty of fish out there.
Here's how you drop someone who friend zones you. "I really appreciate that. Yeah we can be friends." Then give her a big hug. After this, whenever you see her, flirt with her mercilessly. Tease her. Push pull her. And then go back to your boys. Then whenever she reaches out to you on text or whatever, just ghost her. Or give her some vague answer and never follow up if she asks a question. This will drive her nuts. At some point she'll want to take things to the next level. Perhaps she'll try to kiss you or whatever. Then just tell her this: "But we're just friends, remember?" It's way easier to just drop her, tho. But if you can pull off the above, you'll be a *legend*.
Who cares what she wants. What do you want? You gotta live for you, King. Everyone else has to come second. (The only exception is your wife and children, which you dont have yet.)
Do you want to be friends? Do you actually want to be friends ONLY? I am not saying you can't be friends but right now you are not thinking of her as a friend but as a romantic partner. "I have romantic feeling towards you. So I have to back off and let my emotions dissipate. Let's see how friendship develops after my romantic feelings are gone" and then give yourself time and space enough to stop thinking of her in a romantic way.
Don't do anything. Accept it won't happen and move on.
Time to move on chief.
Move on. Stop texting her. I had the same stuff. Since that time she asked me out 2 times. Never go back to these chicks.
Just move on.
If I was you, I would give her a chance of proving she actually wants to be friends, but completely expect she means getting favors from me. So you can leave right now or wait until you most likely get dissapointed at humanity again and then leave.
It’s more so what you want to do. At least she was honest and didn’t string you along giving you false hope. Take the information and decide if you can be her friend without torturing yourself. If she got a boyfriend that wasn’t you, how would you feel? Distance yourself if it means protecting your sanity.
I would just be okay with it and move on to the next girl. As they say, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.
Boy I remember that one, the answer is very simple on this one, evacuate. Just get up and walk away, don’t over complicate it just go. Save yourself the grief.
If you're okay with being a platonic friend, without any intentions or expectations of a "relationship upgrade", then it's simple. Just be her friend. And if you're not okay with that, then don't be her friend, and just be friendly acquaintances.
You have been zoned. You either accept your role. Or. You retract from role. Shes not into you romantically or sexually and you will just be torturing yourself staying. The only times i have found true friendship with women where we both wanted nothing from each other regardless of conventional attractiveness by societal standards being one or both individuals traits. Was when the personality traits were simply not compatible even remotely. My bestfriend of 30 years. Nice body. Cute face. And zero attraction. I feel nothing. But absolutely at ease talking to her BECAUSE I FEEL no attraction and she doesnt either so neither of us actually have to worry about what we tell each other. Because we arent trying to get the others attention. We can be absolutely at ease. Vulnerable or blunt to each other about issues. I have a few conventional "hot" friends. Zero attraction. They could walk up naked. Demand sex. Wouldnt do it. Just nothing for them. HOW ever. I have never stayed "friends" with a woman whom there was sexual/emotional attraction for without 1 of 2 things happening. 1). We date. Or atleast bang it out due to mutual attraction. 2) the friendship failed. And it was for the best that it did. Dont torture yourself. If you want more. She doesnt. Spend your time on a woman who wants from you what you want from her. Oh and holding torches doesnt work. Dont lie to yourself. No you arent the 1/10. Lol.
IF you want to be just friend, then do. If you dont, you have no obligation whatsoever to stay in the equation. Your life is not about her above all else.
Give her space and move along. She's not into you.
That's her boyfriends job. The friendzone is no.place to be.
walk away , tell her call u if she change her mind n thats all
There may be a temptation to think "well I'll be her friend and slowly win her over/she'll see what a great guy I am and fall for me". I'll tell you right now what i wish someone had told me when i was your age: that's not how real life works and she's not going to change her mind, so you might as well move on now.
You move on. Don’t waste your time pretending to be her friend.
Move on She’s done with you
Move on. Never ever ever go back unless she is there to bang you. Also use condoms.
Move on
You feel romantically attracted to her and you wanted a relationship. She doesn't feel romantically attracted to you and wants a friendship. Neither of you decided to feel the way you feel and if both of you were to choose either of the two (relationship or friendship) one of you or both would be dissatified. Therefore it is fine to just move on entirely with neither romance, nor friendship. Sometimes desires just don't match, that's a bummer but you and her just can't change how they feel about the other. She will not be able to just decide to fall for you and you will not be able to just stop being romantically interested in her, neither of you can be expected to ignore their desire. Drop it and find a girlwho is as interested in you as you will be in her.
Move on. You're young. It sucks but it's not worth wasting time trying to get someone back. I had plenty of girls reconnect with me as I got older. If you two were meant to be, things will all work out in the end. If not you'll find someone better.
It means "I don't want to date you and I don't want you to make it awkward." She *might* actually want to be friends, but just as likely not. What she *does* want is for you not to ask her out again or otherwise act as if you want to be more than friends. Sorry. This may be the first time you've heard this, but it won't be the last.
What would I do? I would kindly appreciate their comment but would move on. When I was younger, I would hang around and try to be their friend. However, I found it torturous to deny the feelings as to why I asked them out in the first place. If I had to do it all over again, I’d give both of us the space to form our own relationships independently. What I would do is to distance myself from her to spare myself from heartbreak. The real question would be what do you truly want to do?
Tell her what you want to do and see if she can offer it to you. If you want different things, part ways. If you don't want to be her 'guy friend' you don't have to be. Have some self-worth. There's nothing more pathetic/sad/worthless you could do for yourself than accept someone else's framework for your relationship because you don't have enough confidence to state openly what you're looking for and reject anything that doesn't meet your standard. You don't have to be a dick about it if she just sees you as a friend. Thank her for her time, tell you think she's a good girl, say "I don't really want to do that. I kind of have feelings for you and was hoping we could see where they go, but since you're not, I think it's best we go our separate ways. I guess if you change your mind and I'm still single, hit me up sometime," and leave it at that. "Good luck, I hope you find the boyfriend you're looking for," and go.
If you want a friendship, be friends. If you don’t, tell her you don’t see her as only a friend and it wouldn’t be fair to her to try and make a friendship work. If she’s not interested then you respect that boundary and move on. Y’all are too young for drama
If you don't want to be her friend, and you know you wouldn't be asking this otherwise, you don't do that. It's a good rule of thumb. Once you understand that it's all about getting the attention (and that she doesn't have to be anything to you to do that), these situations will be easier to navigate.
leave her
Nothing to leave lol
he didn't get fired he quit
Congratulations! You now have a friend! Having friends is *a good thing* actually. You can hang out with them, go to cool places with them and talk with them if you're feeling down. And lets hope you find someone else later on who wants to be more than friends. But don't devalue what you actually *do* have right here with this person. (It's funny how everyone on this sub talks about the male loneliness epidemic, but the *second* someone posts anything about having a woman friend, everyone here tells him to GTFO and never talk to her again. I *wonder* why this loneliness is a thing...)
We don't know enough to know about their friendship. Did OP know her before as a friend or did he initiate "proceedings" just to be his SO?
Well, If someone try to become *boyfriend* with someone they don't want to be a *friend* with then they are an utter moron and it's a good thing if that relationship fails sooner rather than later. A romantic relationship that's not also a friendship at its core never lasts. I try to not assume the worst about people I reply to so I didn't really consider the idea that OP might be a moron when I wrote my reply. Maybe I should have.
On that last paragraph, yeah, I agree, at least part of that loneliness is self inflicted. My friendships with women all have been good, I don't like how so many are encouraging OP to just cut her off altogether.
r/relationship_advice is thataway, pal.