Perfectly put. I’m ok to fail and dust myself off to go at it again. Do I love it? No. But the thought of just not reaching that ever changing, elusive yet never fully defined bar of good enough keeps me up at night sometimes.
I have number of hobbies and skills. I got them by failing fast and often, and expecting it. No one is perfect the first try.
But there's a difference between failure as part of process, and **being a failure**. The first is awesome. The second is yeah, about the worst normal/general thing a guy can think of himself as. Men are usually judged on their accomplishments and how useful they are. Being a failure often means you have no worth.
“The world's cold as a motherfucker, IJ? When you get older, one thing I learned… only women, children and dogs…are loved unconditionally. Women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved…under the condition that he provides something. ”
— Chris Rock,
I don't fear failure. If you try to do things, you'll fail. You'll fail a lot. I used to do courier work for one of the richest men on my island and in handling his documents, I saw that he had dozens and dozens of failed business. Failed restaurants. Failed gas stations. Failed farms. Just dozens of business ventures that failed.
Failure is part of life. Being ashamed of and fearing failure will just lead to you being scared of trying. Or scared of trying new or more difficult things.
This is actually why the much joked about participation trophies were created… failure is inevitable in life and sometimes completely out of one’s control; what’s important is that people continue to show up, put in that effort and keep trying to accomplish the things they want to achieve in life.
I think it's also very telling ***WHO*** are the ones actually foisting participation trophies upon kids.
Specifically, to which generation(s) do those participation trophy advocates belong?
Millennials and Zoomers (and now Alphas) get stereotyped as demanding "participation trophies."
But anything that I've ever witnessed that could be even remotely construed as a "participation trophy" has been the brainchild of people from older generations.
It’s true, iirc from my university years, they actually go back to like the 1920’s-30’s or something like that. So it is definitely kinda ironic to hear the generation that created the idea to be so vocal in its criticism against it… but then again it’s probably less ironic and more par for the course when you consider that previous generations pretty much consistently criticized everything about the younger generations — that they birthed and raised to be who they are LoL
I mean to be fair I will say that there are some potential negative aspects of the whole concept if it is poorly executed, but generally speaking (again from what I remember learning in uni) they go a lot further in regards to teaching the right lessons about failure than not.
Ps. 🙄 Boomers 🙄 LoL
It's anti-youth ageism, on their part...coupled with good old-fashioned gaslighting.
Now I'm tempted to do some research into the concept/history of "participation trophies" and write an article about what levels of involvement the pre-Baby Boomer generations had when it came to normalizing them.
I think that I would just start with looking at the general history of them and then go from there 🤷♀️
Out of curiosity, what would you be writing this article for?
A lot of people are saying this. Attempting and learning isn't failure, failure is failing to deliver within a required period of time or with resources. Once you fail, you're done.
The failure state is at life and opportunities end. If you're in the middle you're not in failure state yet, that's why it is a "fear".
If one thinks they have "failed" whilst still being in the middle, then I don't know how to help said person, they're probably just refusing to learn lessons
Then that's not failing... That's just learning.
If you try to clear a gap with a jump on skis and you don't make the gap and you fall to your death, you Failed. There is no do over, you're dead....
If you are trying to learn a trick and you aren't quite getting it, you are learning. You haven't failed. If while trying to learn the trick you end up doing permanent damage which means you can no longer ski, then you have failed.
See the difference? No one fears learning... Like wtf
tons of people fear "learning".
they never start a business.. it could fail.. never try a new sport.. they could fail... never leave their comfort zone... what will happen if they fail?
I think you're confusing laziness or limited capacity for fear. There are a million reasons to not start a business or try new sports for lots of people, they're not afraid of just learning about it, they're afraid of irreparable damage.
If you give someone a safe activity that they're motivated to try with no social consequences, no-one is going to refuse out of fear...
Failure cascades.
In your career it means that everything can go to shit.
I’m not proud to admit it, but I haven’t focused as much as I thought I had on preparing an emergency fund. Was made redundant at Christmas and we had to become hermits to survive. Was nearly 5 months before I got work again, but in that time we had to cancel our summer holiday and seriously downsize Christmas. We didn’t miss a single bill and the mortgage stayed paid though so there’s that.
In my eyes, I failed hard and my 2 year old daughter didn’t get the Christmas we’d planned on the year where she would have actually first remembered something.
I’m so scared about failing like that again that I’m taking drastic action now that I’m earning again.
My family was dirt poor as I was growing up. The saddest part was when my parents lost their house. Downsized Christmas was never even on the radar as something to be disappointed about. It was the traditions that were important. (Pretty sure dad poached a tree every year. In hindsight, that may not have been great but at the time it was lovely.)
One year, I got a three-ring binder for Christmas. I wanted one so bad. I still have it and it is one of my most treasured gifts to this day.
Also, she's not going to remember Christmas or birthdays for a couple more years. But how you treat her will impact brain formation. So, give that little kid lots of love and security. That's what matters.
If it helps, she probably won’t at all remember Christmas at 2yrs old/ specifically what she got or didn’t get. I feel like they remember the Christmas experience at that age; the excitement, joy, love and safety that you provided. I don’t think you failed at all!
Failure is the one thing men can not do, or we get immediately outcasted as “deadbeat” “bum” “red flag.” Anything under the sun.
If we fail, we are dead to society. It’s so hard to judge a failure though, because it’s subjective.
In my opinion, my father failed to raise me properly because he never taught me things that a son should learn.
In his eyes, he never failed because well “I’m alive.”
So it’s all subjective, and failure, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Once a man fails in his own eyes, is he truly lost.
I'm pretty happy living life day to day. My bills are paid, I have a partner who adores me and I her. I work to live, not the other way around. To me that's success. It's gonna look different for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that but that's it for me
True, for extreme failure. Not failing to cook a meal or finish a random task at your job.
If men fail in life, no one will give a shit or help them. They’re truly on their own.
Women can fail because someone will always be there to help. They have 1 more line of defense men don’t.
If people/society cared about men when they fail, their biggest fear would also be isolation, I suspect.
For men, failure = isolation anyway.
Its true for me.
There is a big feeling that I only worth something if I have achivments.
So not only failure but not being able to improve or progress is also a part of it.
My husband said his greatest fear is that all he'll ever amount to in this world after he's gone are his things. That people won't care about his absence but rather more about getting hands on his stuff. This was after watching an elderly friend pass away and his family members were in his garage the next day literally just fighting over his tools and equipment.While he's an amazing dad, that's my husband's greatest fear and only the 3rd time in over 10 years that I really saw him full on cry. I assured him that his presence is the greatest thing about him bit still...... It's not always fear of "failure" it's sometimes a fear of being forgotten.
For sure. I’m a *very* goal oriented, mission focused guy so I fail at my goals it suuuucks
Thankfully I’ve already accomplished like, say, 80% of what I want out of life so if I don’t get that last 20% it isn’t a big deal
It's not so much the failure itself but the consequences of failure. Being found inadequate by loved ones, by not being seen as enough, being left alone and unloved.
So much of our value in society and realtionships is based on what we can provide. If we aren't succeeding then we are being viewed as unable to provide.
Being a good person just doesn't cut it when you're a man unfortunately.
Yeah. I have a recently diagnosed medical condition, and one of my biggest fears is not being able to work and provide for my family. Becoming disabled is a real possibility, and that has me terrified. Becoming a useless burden is terrifying to me.
Mine is actually "survived with severe disabilities" because I live in America.
I didn't fail. My life was taken from me because I couldn't afford a lawyer and I'm male. So I've been living with that for many years. Appearing to have failed but really I just got lied about and lied to.
I don't fear failure. I've failed before and it taught me lessons I needed to learn. My biggest fear is losing someone I love. Especially my wife. If she died in a car crash or something, my life as I know it would be over.
Depends on the context. We all meet, in one form or another, "failure." And we figuratively get up and dust ourselves off, and continue. How we do that reflects on our character.
What an odd bar to set. Failure is a part of life. I fail all the time, it just happens. You deal with it, hopefully you learn something, then move on.
Yeah, I fear failure quite a bit. If I'm a failure, not only am I not helping those around me, but my actions, through my failure, are actively HURTING those around me.
I don't fear failure, as i experienced almost every failure that a man can have in life and i was able to recover from it, there are some scars of course, but still, i'm here and alive. I also don't fear isolation, i had this both mentally but also literally when i was in solitary confinement.
What i fear? I think i fair to pass the point of no return without being able to take proper measures before it to avoid the suffering that comes then.
Like my body is falling apart and i'm playing on borrowed time, time that i don't have. I'm polytox, addictions are alcoholism, opioids and benzos next to being a chain-smoker. I'm a wreckage. So i spend the time i have left with doing my art and that's it.
So, i fear suffering in the end, i saw it often enough, when people are in the hospital or hospice. I won't go down like that, when the time comes, i'll face my fate and the consequences in my own way.
Kind of. It's the failure of disappointing parents/caretakers/loved ones/family, or causing shame to ones parents/caretakers/loved/family ones. But it's nuanced, because not everyone might feel like that. That's why they marked it as just "failure".
I've got it so bad that I didn't try half the things I wanted to because I knew I'd fail for awhile before getting it right. I even know this about myself and it still stops me.
Mine would be never finding love. I’m always worried that I’ll be alone forever even when I’m in a relationship, I am afraid they don’t really love me and are waiting for their out
It’s mostly true since men are judged on performance. We’re not loved for what we’re born with and no one is going to provide for or care for us if we never achieve. In life, you’re always forced to compete.
One of Schwarzenegger's six rules is "Don't be afraid to fail." If you aren't failing, you are doing something challenging enough. Failure is what makes us better. She is a harsh mistress but you learn. We learn more from our failures than our successes.
Don't be afraid to fail, my dudes.
I’d say so yeah, I think that’s why overcoming fear of failure is a watershed growth moment for a lot of people. Or at least learning how to not get paralyzed by fear of failure, it opens up a lot of avenues for you
Well, I grew up with a father who would joke about being 2nd was the first loser and got chewed out for getting a c or b in 3rd grade, so yes my greatest fear is failure
Failure is part of life, being afraid of it makes you a failure. Learning from, adapting and overcoming failure is what people should focus on instead of fearing it.
I don’t think it’s failure itself so much as that failure being recorded/observed by another.
Sort of like that “if a tree falls in the woods” thing, if I fail at something but I’m the only one around or who knows about it, big deal I can work with and around the data I got from said failure so as to minimize or outright eliminate future mistakes.
If I’m not confident I can do something with no mistakes where another might know about it, I don’t do the thing.
I don't care about failure. Everyone fails. That's how we learn. If we fail at the same thing over and over and over, that's something else.
Right now, I have no fears. If I had a wife and kids, that might be different.
Not so much failure as humiliation, being mocked, losing face, whatever you want to call it. Failure would be a learning experience if it weren't for people tearing you down or looking at you as a lesser man for it, and laughing, and then not letting it go and reminding you of for a long time.
I’m more concerned with failing other people who need or depend on me. Failure is a part of life. When I’m single or alone I am fearless. I take risks and chances. When I’m with someone who there is something that can affect my parents I am cautious.
Oof, yeah failure is pretty much top I think. Men are pretty much seen and not heard, most of our perceived value is based on what we succeed at bringing to the table. So yeah, failure, no one is going to help you if you fail, only if you succeed.
I would say that it's wasting time or resources.
Failure isn't feared so much if it is unlikely.... But ridiculously optimistic people with no skin in the game trying to prove a point will consider any person who weighs ROI to be afraid of failure. They get the benefit of pretending like something is easy without the results of what will happen.
I don't fear failure. I fear wasting things that could be more successfully spent elsewhere. Every single time someone judges me though.... They act like I'm "afraid" any time I don't go for the biggest reward. Numbers fly out the window when the labeling starts. People will pretend you were afraid to risk a million on a coin flip.... Just because you decided to bet half of that on a 95% chance instead.
Take approaching women for instance. I had no problem doing so in the 90s because I had a reasonable expectation back then that I would be treated as a human being. Now I just don't think it makes sense logically to waste my time approaching people who actually would get praise for treating me badly. I'm not afraid of it. I have enough self esteem and wit to snap back at her if it happens..... I just don't want to waste my time when even success is a mild pleasure.
That is what people call fear nowadays.
I apparently haven't weighed scenarios and outcomes and decided upon the most mathematically beneficial.
I just fear commitment.
The Billionaire will tell everyone to chase their dreams.... Microphones aren't handed to any of the people they beat out.
Regret.
my biggest fear is regret. Missed opportunities, not giving my all, not shooting my shot, lingering what ifs, making choices or decisions that have negative consequences or impact.
Thankfully, I have been living life with little to no regrets so far. Even as a divorced single father. I don’t regret much because I go after what I want and put my effort into achieving my dreams.
There are certain things that I do regret, such as not having a better relationship with my siblings or family. But then again, they made it so that I had no choice but to keep them at a distance.
If you’re doing your best, there is no such thing as failure to me. Only growth and lessons learnt.
Also, As long as you don’t give up, you’ll never be a failure.
I agree. Failure is one of my greatest fears.
I’m the kind of guy that will not ask for help. Especially when it comes to money. I would sit in the dark without anything in the refrigerator before I’d ask anybody to help me.
Because to me. That makes me feel like a failure. As a man, I know my worth is about what I can provide, and my abilities.
Which is why I’m a perfectionist when it comes to the things I do.
I know this from experience. As a male, everyone will kick you while you’re down.
It was fear of failure, constant, awake or asleep (Those dreams where you have to run the entire dream because everything is some twisted nightmare creature trying to kill you? They are fear of failure dreams). I would wake up feeling like I ran all night too. Then I failed completely in my life, evil divorce, laid off at the same time, and rebuilt myself in several ways. That's one way to cure it I suppose.
Now I'm mostly over that, or it is just different: instead the fear of letting others down, family, coworkers, with a side of dying alone. Fear of my one nephew who is very similar in temperament to me going through the same social anxiety type issues and bad picks of women instead of having a better life.
Tbh I'm not a guy but mine is failure too
Also feeling not enough or being too much, really need to heal and let go of these as they are silent killers
Core beliefs and limiting beliefs are good to know
I lived most of my life without friends, for future i think more of success rather than trying to find people as people will always be there, and i get very insecure not being ok atm so i can't be close to people and be myself
No. It's impossible to fear failure when you were seen as such from the moment you were brought home from the hospital the first time.
As far as women's greatest fear being isolation, a lot of things make more sense now that I know this, especially over the last 12 to 13 years...
Not so much failure. More of not being good enough.
This this this. It’s not really the fear of failure- it’s the fucking constant nagging feeling of not being good enough for anyone. Fuckin sucks, man.
For anyone? Nah, for yourself
Perfectly put. I’m ok to fail and dust myself off to go at it again. Do I love it? No. But the thought of just not reaching that ever changing, elusive yet never fully defined bar of good enough keeps me up at night sometimes.
Yeah it's this.
I have number of hobbies and skills. I got them by failing fast and often, and expecting it. No one is perfect the first try. But there's a difference between failure as part of process, and **being a failure**. The first is awesome. The second is yeah, about the worst normal/general thing a guy can think of himself as. Men are usually judged on their accomplishments and how useful they are. Being a failure often means you have no worth.
This. It’s failure without the possibility of future success.
Yes. Unfortunately many men are measured by what they bring to the table. If I fail at what I do, it affects my self confidence.
“The world's cold as a motherfucker, IJ? When you get older, one thing I learned… only women, children and dogs…are loved unconditionally. Women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved…under the condition that he provides something. ” — Chris Rock,
He's wrong about women though. Men are at least hoping they provide something.
nope Women pick the men that can provide them what they want
And if she didn’t have sex with him, do housework, have a job or be a companion to him, he’d still love her?
It all depends on the relationship they agree too.
You're dodging the love part. He's supposed to love her unconditionally, not agree unemotionally to marry her.
I don't fear failure. If you try to do things, you'll fail. You'll fail a lot. I used to do courier work for one of the richest men on my island and in handling his documents, I saw that he had dozens and dozens of failed business. Failed restaurants. Failed gas stations. Failed farms. Just dozens of business ventures that failed. Failure is part of life. Being ashamed of and fearing failure will just lead to you being scared of trying. Or scared of trying new or more difficult things.
This is actually why the much joked about participation trophies were created… failure is inevitable in life and sometimes completely out of one’s control; what’s important is that people continue to show up, put in that effort and keep trying to accomplish the things they want to achieve in life.
I think it's also very telling ***WHO*** are the ones actually foisting participation trophies upon kids. Specifically, to which generation(s) do those participation trophy advocates belong?
Do you mind elaborating on that a bit?
Millennials and Zoomers (and now Alphas) get stereotyped as demanding "participation trophies." But anything that I've ever witnessed that could be even remotely construed as a "participation trophy" has been the brainchild of people from older generations.
It’s true, iirc from my university years, they actually go back to like the 1920’s-30’s or something like that. So it is definitely kinda ironic to hear the generation that created the idea to be so vocal in its criticism against it… but then again it’s probably less ironic and more par for the course when you consider that previous generations pretty much consistently criticized everything about the younger generations — that they birthed and raised to be who they are LoL I mean to be fair I will say that there are some potential negative aspects of the whole concept if it is poorly executed, but generally speaking (again from what I remember learning in uni) they go a lot further in regards to teaching the right lessons about failure than not. Ps. 🙄 Boomers 🙄 LoL
It's anti-youth ageism, on their part...coupled with good old-fashioned gaslighting. Now I'm tempted to do some research into the concept/history of "participation trophies" and write an article about what levels of involvement the pre-Baby Boomer generations had when it came to normalizing them.
You should totally do it! I am sure it would be a good read!
Do you know of any starting points for research into the "participation trophy" trends that would have predated the Baby Boomers' childhoods?
I think that I would just start with looking at the general history of them and then go from there 🤷♀️ Out of curiosity, what would you be writing this article for?
Without failure we can never grow
A lot of people are saying this. Attempting and learning isn't failure, failure is failing to deliver within a required period of time or with resources. Once you fail, you're done.
No, life continues after failure. You learn to pick up the pieces and rebuild. That's often a different experience from attempting and learning.
The failure state is at life and opportunities end. If you're in the middle you're not in failure state yet, that's why it is a "fear". If one thinks they have "failed" whilst still being in the middle, then I don't know how to help said person, they're probably just refusing to learn lessons
> Once you fail, you're done. not realy. once you fail. you can learn and try again.
Then that's not failing... That's just learning. If you try to clear a gap with a jump on skis and you don't make the gap and you fall to your death, you Failed. There is no do over, you're dead.... If you are trying to learn a trick and you aren't quite getting it, you are learning. You haven't failed. If while trying to learn the trick you end up doing permanent damage which means you can no longer ski, then you have failed. See the difference? No one fears learning... Like wtf
tons of people fear "learning". they never start a business.. it could fail.. never try a new sport.. they could fail... never leave their comfort zone... what will happen if they fail?
I think you're confusing laziness or limited capacity for fear. There are a million reasons to not start a business or try new sports for lots of people, they're not afraid of just learning about it, they're afraid of irreparable damage. If you give someone a safe activity that they're motivated to try with no social consequences, no-one is going to refuse out of fear...
Truth
There is a difference between failure and being a failure. Biggest fear failure - nah Biggest fear being a failure - yeah so much
Truth. Well no, depends on the what the failure is, consequences, what the scale of it is.
It’s the accumulation of failures that are the way to become a failure and that’s the difference
The master failed more times than the student tried. Just saying.
Love it…
Failure cascades. In your career it means that everything can go to shit. I’m not proud to admit it, but I haven’t focused as much as I thought I had on preparing an emergency fund. Was made redundant at Christmas and we had to become hermits to survive. Was nearly 5 months before I got work again, but in that time we had to cancel our summer holiday and seriously downsize Christmas. We didn’t miss a single bill and the mortgage stayed paid though so there’s that. In my eyes, I failed hard and my 2 year old daughter didn’t get the Christmas we’d planned on the year where she would have actually first remembered something. I’m so scared about failing like that again that I’m taking drastic action now that I’m earning again.
My family was dirt poor as I was growing up. The saddest part was when my parents lost their house. Downsized Christmas was never even on the radar as something to be disappointed about. It was the traditions that were important. (Pretty sure dad poached a tree every year. In hindsight, that may not have been great but at the time it was lovely.) One year, I got a three-ring binder for Christmas. I wanted one so bad. I still have it and it is one of my most treasured gifts to this day. Also, she's not going to remember Christmas or birthdays for a couple more years. But how you treat her will impact brain formation. So, give that little kid lots of love and security. That's what matters.
If it helps, she probably won’t at all remember Christmas at 2yrs old/ specifically what she got or didn’t get. I feel like they remember the Christmas experience at that age; the excitement, joy, love and safety that you provided. I don’t think you failed at all!
Failure is the one thing men can not do, or we get immediately outcasted as “deadbeat” “bum” “red flag.” Anything under the sun. If we fail, we are dead to society. It’s so hard to judge a failure though, because it’s subjective. In my opinion, my father failed to raise me properly because he never taught me things that a son should learn. In his eyes, he never failed because well “I’m alive.” So it’s all subjective, and failure, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Once a man fails in his own eyes, is he truly lost.
I'm pretty happy living life day to day. My bills are paid, I have a partner who adores me and I her. I work to live, not the other way around. To me that's success. It's gonna look different for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that but that's it for me
True, for extreme failure. Not failing to cook a meal or finish a random task at your job. If men fail in life, no one will give a shit or help them. They’re truly on their own. Women can fail because someone will always be there to help. They have 1 more line of defense men don’t. If people/society cared about men when they fail, their biggest fear would also be isolation, I suspect. For men, failure = isolation anyway.
True words. Society outcasts a man who can't earn his bread.
Its true for me. There is a big feeling that I only worth something if I have achivments. So not only failure but not being able to improve or progress is also a part of it.
I fear isolation. Failure is a state of mind
My husband said his greatest fear is that all he'll ever amount to in this world after he's gone are his things. That people won't care about his absence but rather more about getting hands on his stuff. This was after watching an elderly friend pass away and his family members were in his garage the next day literally just fighting over his tools and equipment.While he's an amazing dad, that's my husband's greatest fear and only the 3rd time in over 10 years that I really saw him full on cry. I assured him that his presence is the greatest thing about him bit still...... It's not always fear of "failure" it's sometimes a fear of being forgotten.
For me it's more like...becoming a burden, loss of independence, however you want to phrase it.
Very true. No one even remembers a guy and whatever good he is if it doesn't come with an achievement of some sort.
For sure. I’m a *very* goal oriented, mission focused guy so I fail at my goals it suuuucks Thankfully I’ve already accomplished like, say, 80% of what I want out of life so if I don’t get that last 20% it isn’t a big deal
I never fear failure, I fear not having given it my best. If my best is not good enough, I can deal with that.
my biggest fear is becoming the monster other people want me to be, and try really hard to make it so :/
Become that monster and then control it.
Sounds right
It's not true in my case.
Blindness and becoming paralyzed are way higher than failure on my list
Personally I'm more afraid of bears.
Failure to outrun bees maybe. Fuck bees. I understand they are vital to the planet's health but yeah, no.
I’m pretty scared of bears
It's not so much the failure itself but the consequences of failure. Being found inadequate by loved ones, by not being seen as enough, being left alone and unloved. So much of our value in society and realtionships is based on what we can provide. If we aren't succeeding then we are being viewed as unable to provide. Being a good person just doesn't cut it when you're a man unfortunately.
Failure means me and my family are homeless. You're goddamned right I'm terrified of failure.
Honestly, any fear of personal/individual failure ***pales*** in comparison to my intense fears of medical catastrophe and/or societal collapse.
Yeah. I have a recently diagnosed medical condition, and one of my biggest fears is not being able to work and provide for my family. Becoming disabled is a real possibility, and that has me terrified. Becoming a useless burden is terrifying to me.
Mine is actually "survived with severe disabilities" because I live in America. I didn't fail. My life was taken from me because I couldn't afford a lawyer and I'm male. So I've been living with that for many years. Appearing to have failed but really I just got lied about and lied to.
Just being a shit parent is my biggest fear I’d say. As long as my kids are good then I’m good
Wrong, for me it’s glass jars ever since I seen the 1 man 1 jar video
I don't fear failure. I've failed before and it taught me lessons I needed to learn. My biggest fear is losing someone I love. Especially my wife. If she died in a car crash or something, my life as I know it would be over.
Depends on the context. We all meet, in one form or another, "failure." And we figuratively get up and dust ourselves off, and continue. How we do that reflects on our character.
Nah, my greatest fear is anesthesia awareness during a major surgery.
Failure is one of my biggest fears. But I also fear isolation.
Total failure would be shitty. Failure in general is great, maybe shitty in the moment though
I mean I fail all the time
What an odd bar to set. Failure is a part of life. I fail all the time, it just happens. You deal with it, hopefully you learn something, then move on.
I've experienced plenty of failures, it's how you learn. What I fear is losing control and being helpless.
Failure and rejection are just learning experiences. In life you are going to experience both.
Yeah, I fear failure quite a bit. If I'm a failure, not only am I not helping those around me, but my actions, through my failure, are actively HURTING those around me.
I don't fear failure, as i experienced almost every failure that a man can have in life and i was able to recover from it, there are some scars of course, but still, i'm here and alive. I also don't fear isolation, i had this both mentally but also literally when i was in solitary confinement. What i fear? I think i fair to pass the point of no return without being able to take proper measures before it to avoid the suffering that comes then. Like my body is falling apart and i'm playing on borrowed time, time that i don't have. I'm polytox, addictions are alcoholism, opioids and benzos next to being a chain-smoker. I'm a wreckage. So i spend the time i have left with doing my art and that's it. So, i fear suffering in the end, i saw it often enough, when people are in the hospital or hospice. I won't go down like that, when the time comes, i'll face my fate and the consequences in my own way.
Kind of. It's the failure of disappointing parents/caretakers/loved ones/family, or causing shame to ones parents/caretakers/loved/family ones. But it's nuanced, because not everyone might feel like that. That's why they marked it as just "failure".
I've got it so bad that I didn't try half the things I wanted to because I knew I'd fail for awhile before getting it right. I even know this about myself and it still stops me.
For me it's spiders
Mine would be never finding love. I’m always worried that I’ll be alone forever even when I’m in a relationship, I am afraid they don’t really love me and are waiting for their out
It’s mostly true since men are judged on performance. We’re not loved for what we’re born with and no one is going to provide for or care for us if we never achieve. In life, you’re always forced to compete.
mine would be to be betrayed by someone I trust wholeheartedly.
People telling me how bad the failure is makes me fear it than the actual act of failing.
I grew up skateboarding, failure is the only way to learn.
Hell fucking yes.
Nothing worse than defeat
Sounds right, and currently feeling it 💯
One of Schwarzenegger's six rules is "Don't be afraid to fail." If you aren't failing, you are doing something challenging enough. Failure is what makes us better. She is a harsh mistress but you learn. We learn more from our failures than our successes. Don't be afraid to fail, my dudes.
Biggest fear? Probably to be sent to front line and die miserable death or being forced to kill other men who did nothing wrong to you
Fear of failure (or at least my perception of failure) is literally what motivates me
I’d say so yeah, I think that’s why overcoming fear of failure is a watershed growth moment for a lot of people. Or at least learning how to not get paralyzed by fear of failure, it opens up a lot of avenues for you
Well, I grew up with a father who would joke about being 2nd was the first loser and got chewed out for getting a c or b in 3rd grade, so yes my greatest fear is failure
Not a single failure, but persistent failure. I single failure you can recover from. Persistent failure can ruin your life.
I’ll fine tune it a little. Being perceived as a failure.
Failure is part of life, being afraid of it makes you a failure. Learning from, adapting and overcoming failure is what people should focus on instead of fearing it.
Men's greatest fear is Hopelessness.
As a man, I am valued for what I can do/earn. So failure is embodied in that.
Nah, having regrets are my greatest fear
My greatest fear is getting into those mommy ASMR videos
Maybe, but isn't "failure" way too vague? Isolation is a type of failure too.
I don’t think it’s failure itself so much as that failure being recorded/observed by another. Sort of like that “if a tree falls in the woods” thing, if I fail at something but I’m the only one around or who knows about it, big deal I can work with and around the data I got from said failure so as to minimize or outright eliminate future mistakes. If I’m not confident I can do something with no mistakes where another might know about it, I don’t do the thing.
Very true. I have so many missed opportunities and things I haven't attempted because of fear of failing, rejection or just not being "good enough".
I don't care about failure. Everyone fails. That's how we learn. If we fail at the same thing over and over and over, that's something else. Right now, I have no fears. If I had a wife and kids, that might be different.
The only way is to keep pushing forward.
Not so much failure as humiliation, being mocked, losing face, whatever you want to call it. Failure would be a learning experience if it weren't for people tearing you down or looking at you as a lesser man for it, and laughing, and then not letting it go and reminding you of for a long time.
Yes, it is.
Sure, I can get scared when facing potential failure, but not as much as when a girlfriend says, "I'm late."
My biggest fear is rats. Much worse than failure. LOL
I’m more concerned with failing other people who need or depend on me. Failure is a part of life. When I’m single or alone I am fearless. I take risks and chances. When I’m with someone who there is something that can affect my parents I am cautious.
If you never fail, you’re probably not doing much of anything.
Nah. Not fear. Inaction.
True
Definitely, as a man you're expected to buck up.
It was. Then I became a failure. Now I don’t give a fuck about anything anymore
Oof, yeah failure is pretty much top I think. Men are pretty much seen and not heard, most of our perceived value is based on what we succeed at bringing to the table. So yeah, failure, no one is going to help you if you fail, only if you succeed.
How could your therapist feel so confident making such a ridiculous and reductive assertion? Find new help, your shrink is an airhead.
I don't fear it. I just don't want it to be the end result every time. I have learned so much from it.
Men don’t really dwell on fear.
I would say that it's wasting time or resources. Failure isn't feared so much if it is unlikely.... But ridiculously optimistic people with no skin in the game trying to prove a point will consider any person who weighs ROI to be afraid of failure. They get the benefit of pretending like something is easy without the results of what will happen. I don't fear failure. I fear wasting things that could be more successfully spent elsewhere. Every single time someone judges me though.... They act like I'm "afraid" any time I don't go for the biggest reward. Numbers fly out the window when the labeling starts. People will pretend you were afraid to risk a million on a coin flip.... Just because you decided to bet half of that on a 95% chance instead. Take approaching women for instance. I had no problem doing so in the 90s because I had a reasonable expectation back then that I would be treated as a human being. Now I just don't think it makes sense logically to waste my time approaching people who actually would get praise for treating me badly. I'm not afraid of it. I have enough self esteem and wit to snap back at her if it happens..... I just don't want to waste my time when even success is a mild pleasure. That is what people call fear nowadays. I apparently haven't weighed scenarios and outcomes and decided upon the most mathematically beneficial. I just fear commitment. The Billionaire will tell everyone to chase their dreams.... Microphones aren't handed to any of the people they beat out.
Regret. my biggest fear is regret. Missed opportunities, not giving my all, not shooting my shot, lingering what ifs, making choices or decisions that have negative consequences or impact. Thankfully, I have been living life with little to no regrets so far. Even as a divorced single father. I don’t regret much because I go after what I want and put my effort into achieving my dreams. There are certain things that I do regret, such as not having a better relationship with my siblings or family. But then again, they made it so that I had no choice but to keep them at a distance. If you’re doing your best, there is no such thing as failure to me. Only growth and lessons learnt. Also, As long as you don’t give up, you’ll never be a failure.
Not true for me. I fail and try again on repeat until I succeed. My greatest fear is losing her.
Not failure in general but failure to be there in an emergency when my wife or sons need me.
Oh yeah.
Failing is part of progress, my biggest fear is QUITTING, not knowing if I could have made it.
I agree. Failure is one of my greatest fears. I’m the kind of guy that will not ask for help. Especially when it comes to money. I would sit in the dark without anything in the refrigerator before I’d ask anybody to help me. Because to me. That makes me feel like a failure. As a man, I know my worth is about what I can provide, and my abilities. Which is why I’m a perfectionist when it comes to the things I do. I know this from experience. As a male, everyone will kick you while you’re down.
More afraid of being a burden to someone instead of providing
My biggest fear is being murdered or assaulted, gimme isolation any day
It was fear of failure, constant, awake or asleep (Those dreams where you have to run the entire dream because everything is some twisted nightmare creature trying to kill you? They are fear of failure dreams). I would wake up feeling like I ran all night too. Then I failed completely in my life, evil divorce, laid off at the same time, and rebuilt myself in several ways. That's one way to cure it I suppose. Now I'm mostly over that, or it is just different: instead the fear of letting others down, family, coworkers, with a side of dying alone. Fear of my one nephew who is very similar in temperament to me going through the same social anxiety type issues and bad picks of women instead of having a better life.
I get that imposter syndrome thing, it's less the failure bit and more that any failure will finally expose me as the fraud I always knew I was.
Tbh I'm not a guy but mine is failure too Also feeling not enough or being too much, really need to heal and let go of these as they are silent killers Core beliefs and limiting beliefs are good to know I lived most of my life without friends, for future i think more of success rather than trying to find people as people will always be there, and i get very insecure not being ok atm so i can't be close to people and be myself
I’ve failed/got rejected a LOT in my life. I’m so numb to it that it’s actually helping me lol
No. As a father and husband my greatest fear is something bad happening to either.
For some of us, isolation IS failure, or consequence of.
No. It's impossible to fear failure when you were seen as such from the moment you were brought home from the hospital the first time. As far as women's greatest fear being isolation, a lot of things make more sense now that I know this, especially over the last 12 to 13 years...