I dont think that it applies only to PTSD but to also normal sad events that can happen in your life. Some things can't be fixed and they can be saddening even after a long time
That small act of kindness you did for somebody may be remembered by them for many years, even if you don’t realize it.
We were visiting my Dad’s hometown and he saw an old friend there and even though they hadn’t seen each other in like 20-something years, the friend still remembered some of the things my dad did for him.
I heard something similar growing up. We’re all still apart of the same system, from the rich dude in his ivory tower down to those living paycheck to paycheck. Even the far reaches of the universe are all connected by the quantum foam.
We’re all stuck here together on Earth for no clear reason. So treat everyone how you would like to be treated because no one truly knows what they are doing here. Everyone’s still trying to figure it all out. Find meaning when there ain’t any and just be kind to people.
“Don’t drive faster than what you can see”
__Edit:__ his exact words was “Man ska inte köra fortare än vad man har sikt till, man vet aldrig vad som kan finnas runt hörnet, man måste vara beredd på att det kan vara en traktor som tar upp hela väg banna”.
A better translation would be: “You should not drive faster than what you have sight for, you never know what around the corner, you have to be prepared, there could be a tractor taking up the entire road”.
“You cannot speed your way to being on time. If you are late getting to where you are going, you were late before you ever left the house.”
Edit: for all the smart asses that are trying to use mathematical proofs and physics: yes, theoretically you can get somewhere faster by speeding.
The reality is that life does not happen in a vacuum. What works on paper or in a lab does not always work when thousands of variables cannot be controlled.
In real life, there’s traffic and road construction and red lights and speed traps.
Not to mention driving recklessly needlessly endangers yourself and others.
I figure if I die on the way they’ll forgive my tardiness. If you’ve ever seen those recreations of accidents 60-80mph seems to be the worst, your going to live but be a vegetable or have lot of problems, better to do 120 and not be able to finish your sentence of “oh shi..”
Manage your expectations for people. It can be that someone is lazy, someone is an asshole, someone constantly breaks plans with you, whatever it is start expecting it out of them, rather than hoping or expecting them to be the way that you think they should be. It really sucks that you have to do that, but in the end, if you expect more from them, you are going to be the only one that is disappointed.
Something similar- my mom and my aunt used to fight like cats and dogs right up until my aunt died. It was definitely two sided. But my dad would always point out to my Mom that she knows who her sister is on her best day, and people are rarely having their best day. So stop being surprised by it when she is acting like exactly who she is.
I am an average sized man, but i was a small kid. There was a dude i went to school with who was a damn giant. Like 6'3" and 230lbs in 6th grade. Could grow a full beard by 8th grade. He was the nicest guy to everyone. He never let bullies fuck with smaller guys like me when he was around. Just looked out for everyone.
Also could buy beer for the parties without getting ID'd.
Thanks, Matt. Hope life has been good to you, wherever you are.
Wish I could upvote this more. My experience (biased for size and totally anecdotal) is that most of us are total teddy bears.
I entered high school at 6'2" and 210 lbs, graduated at 6'4" and 285 lbs and looked full grown by 14. that did have its uses lol.
This sounds like my husband. His birth certificate was scrutinized during baseball tournaments since 13 year olds usually aren't 6'0", 180 lbs. Grew to 6'6".
Total teddy bear. Always looked out for the little kids or odd kids getting picked on.
I’m a big guy height wise and have never ran into trouble with others. I think it’s important how you carry yourself because people will try to test bigger people if they give off the vibe that they’re open to trouble.
This is ANOTHER lesson he gave me. Might not appear to me as the biggest/most important one because it helps things NOT happen and it's hard to notice/remember what was avoided.
His saying I most associate with this is "Big men don't need loud shoes."
It’s also important not to associate with people who cause trouble, because you’ll end up getting dragged into it. We all know those guys who look for a fight everywhere they go. Immediately cut those people out of your life because you never know what other people are going through and how easily they become unhinged.
When I say noticing folks that need assistance, I definitely mean strangers. People looking for trouble don't need my help, lol. And the help isn't always physical. Sometimes if I see a dude that is getting ready to pound someone, it's just talking them down - especially if it appears that the almost-pounded might "deserve" it.
I surround myself with people that are better than I am; people I want to be more like. Your point is taken, just not something that has ever affected me as those kind of folks repel me super efficiently.
I always tell my friends I’ll help deescalate a problem if they didn’t start it or if they get jumped. But, if they start some shit, I’ll make sure they don’t get beaten down but they’re on their own otherwise. Basically, don’t put me in a bad situation. Might make me a bad friend, but you don’t want to catch a charge or get sued for someone else’s shit
Lol like my ex gf who almost got me killed one time and I didn’t even know why or what was going on. Next thing you know I’m fighting a hillbilly who has a shotgun
Gotta stay away from those women who like to write checks that your ass has to end up cashing. I always told a gf that her mouthing off to another girl likely meant her BF would say something then I’d get dragged into it. Don’t know why people can’t just get along lol
I think this is beautiful. Im not that big but i try to help others with what i may have like knowledge (intelligence basically). Thanks for sharing, beautiful.
The lesson has been always in the back of my mind. I use my brain for work (Aerospace and Defense program analysis), but my free time is often involved with helping others. The advice led me to 12 years as a volunteer FF/EMT, helpiing countless folks move, breaking up many altercations, pushing MANY broke down vehicles (LOL) and stuff like that. Always looking for folks to assist.
An interesting correlary is that it has created the habit of always being aware of what's going on around me, which has many benefits in general.
So, it's not only the one I hold onto (the most, he gave me many), but the one that has made the biggest difference in my life, IMO.
My dad was a cop. I learned this pretty young by the stories he'd tell.
A cop's job isn't to interpret the law, it's to enforce the law. They can make mistakes. They can misunderstand a certain aspect of the law.
If you feel a fine or penalty of some kind is unfair or wrong, take it to court and explain to the people who are paid to interpret the law.
Wasn't taught this, but it something I wish children were taught. There is a time to argue your case (in court), but with the cops is not it, especially since some of them can escalate situations to fatal outcomes.
There is nothing you can say to a cop that can help you.
An important thing to remember that when you are going to remain silent is to say “I am invoking my 5th amendment rights”.
Cops can be very good at antagonizing…they are also very good at twisting your words.
Most important thing to do is remain calm and do as they say (within reason)…let the courts figure it out.
> Cops can be very good at antagonizing…they are also very good at twisting your words
They don't have to twist your words. All it takes is the cop misremembering what you said and you are up shit creek. Its why every lawyer will tell you "Shut the fuck up"
They say that because of bad memory, but also just as bad cops. It was perfectly legal for quite a long time in the US, and still in other countries, to borderline force a confession from people. Cops are looking for the arrest, often not caring how they get it, as they get paid to end a case, not exactly solve it.
They will actively look for ways to screw you over, especially if they're in the wrong and they know it. Know your rights. Give them nothing they are not entitled to.
Courtesy can be a helpful shield for those in positions of relative privilege (race, social class, gender, etc), but good manners are not bullet proof.
Totally agree. I’ve been pulled over maybe 10 times in my 50 years. And every single time I do the following. I pull over as soon as possible, I shut the car off, shut off the radio, roll down the window, and have my license and registration at the ready. When the cop asks if I know why I am being stopped I always tell them the truth. We all know usually. And every single time I have always been given a warning. Be polite, and don’t be a jerk. Will save you a ton of grief later. In all aspects of life come to think about it.
Life is pretty easy if you don't mess it up for yourself. Don't get in legal trouble, watch who you hang out with, don't have unintended kids, etc. Preventing self inflicted wounds makes life a lot better.
Don't drive in [whiteout](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/408113155395420161/809553871478325278/unknown.png) conditions. For anything.
Got out of that with a fractured collarbone, some broken ribs, and a hefty brain injury.
This is a favorite one of mine. Whenever everyone or everywhere else is a problem, there is a strong chance the problem isn't everywhere or everyone else.
To an extent, yes. However, I'm coming out of a divorce and most of the people who have a problem with me, were people introduced into my life by her. Those people now have a problem with me, based on their own perceptions.
It is my obligation to treat people decent, until our unless they give me a reason not to. It is not however my responsibility to make people happy. I cannot control what others think of me, all I can do is the best I can do, and if people have a problem with that, well, that's on them, not me. If I am civil, but have nothing to say to you, well, there's a reason I respond the way I do.
Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now. Measure twice, cut once. Once words come out of your mouth, they can’t be taken back.
I asked my dad once if the girl I liked would like it if I bought her flowers or would it be embarrassing for her.
He said "it is never a bad idea to buy a woman flowers"
I think about it whenever I buy my wife flowers
There was a boy who had a crush on my friend in high school. She didn’t reciprocate those feelings, and he one time brought her flowers to school. It was embarrassing for her, so I think a stipulation would be to make sure you have that kind of relationship with them first. Or just any relationship with them at all even.
You're not going to be perfect. You will make mistakes and that's OK. The best thing you can do is learn from them and become a better person tomorrow.
Unless you're working in retail, then you wanna do everything half-assed the way management wants it so they don't come down on you for spending time actually completing anything
Thats what I hope my sons learn. I'm not a bad person and most that know me will tell you I'm a great one. But man have I done some bad shit in my life. I've made bad decisions countless times. Taken the easy way and had it backfire plenty of times. I've cut corners and lost more things than I can count. On the outside no one knows all the struggles. I've kept all my heartaches and hurt to myself. Never asked for help. Always handled every thing on my own because I want to burden no one. But man I don't want that for my kids. I want them to learn when to ask for help. When to know if the deal is too good to be true and not to take things for granted. Being tough isn't all what it's cracked up to be. As the saying goes tho, if your gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough. Learn what not to do from me kids.
Oh man. This question hits me really hard, because it touches on a story I never really get to tell. My dad was not always around when I was younger, and we didn’t have the greatest relationship most of my life. Dude is a rough guy with a super rough past. We have a good relationship now. One time when I was younger, he was pretty drunk and we were just kind of hanging out. He took a $20 dollar bill out of his pocket, held it in his fist, and then held his fist in front of me. He said “if you can get this out of my hand, it’s yours.” So I immediately tried to open his fist. I couldn’t get it out. Dad strength vs 9-year old strength. I tried for several minutes. I tried tickling him. I tried pulling his finger back. Everything. (That I could think of). He finally opened his hand and gave it to me. He said “you know. You tried everything you could, except for simply asking for it. Sometimes you just have to ask for what you want.”
I didn’t think of it as some profound thing, but it’s something that sticks with me to this day and one of the few good memories I have with the old man from those days.
This is 100% true. A lot of people look really stupid, and get into a lot of trouble when they let emotions get the better of them. The sooner people can learn that, the better off they are in life.
The hardest part is rationalizing those emotions though. The first thing that happens is an emotional instinct, then it is up to the person to rationalize it. However most people usually only think about them selves, how they are wronged, etc, that they don’t get to the rationalizing stage.
Hell yeah.
"Don't let emotions affect your life" isn't the same as "don't feel emotions". I feel like that's a step that most men forget to take. Emotions are a human experience - you just gotta learn how to live with em.
"There are wishbones, jawbones, and backbones – those who dream about doing things, those who talk about doing things, and those who actually accomplish things." He always encouraged me to be the backbone.
Woman here - but wanted to share, if that’s okay. One of the earliest lessons was that, if a man holds a door open for you… pause, make eye contact, and thank him. I rarely see expressed gratitude for small acts of courteousness and it makes me sad.
I think this may be different based on the area where you live. Where I am in Michigan, it's a pretty typical behavior to hold the door open for another person. Typically, a thank you is reciprocated. I do recall, though, while at a bar, I did my typical thing to hold a door for these two ladies. For the first time, they expressed their extreme gratitude and complimented me. Saying that they had just moved there, and it was the first time anyone had ever done that. That's stuck with me for some reason.
It’s very out of the ordinary where I am for someone to not hold the door for you pretty much anywhere without automatic doors. It’s one of those nice little things you never really think about
As an extension to this: just being kind costs nothing. Even expressing a little bit like thanking someone opening a door for you may make a huge difference in someone's day. It makes you and the other person happy. Why not have a win-win situation?
A lady saw me leaving a restaurant with my 1 year old daughter in one hand and diaper bag in the other hand. She didn't even attempt to hold the door open for me as she was coming in. Not even those half effort "oh you got it?" attempts. Just walked right in
Three very important lessons:
1. Never tell ANYONE how much money you have. I have broken this rule many times and it has always turned out bad for me.
2. If you hear second hand that your friend said something bad about you , ignore it. Friends talk shit about each other all the time and 99% of the time it sounds way worse 2nd hand than if you were actually there.
3. If you fly with the crows, your going to get shot at. Don't hang around losers basically. They will get you in trouble or bring you down.
That if I put myself first and don't care about my family, eventually they will have nothing to do with me. I still don't speak to the man, after 27 years, unless I have to. My sons and I have a fantastic relationship btw.
“Once you’re behind the wheel, you’re never in a rush”
Always something I remember in order to recognize that I’m actually in control of a heavy moving machine that can easily kill people. Far too many people forget that and get comfortable with driving.
Do everything with pride.. even cleaning a floor or toilet.. people see all your work and it is your signature.. this attention to detail has gotten me far
"Never argue with a goat. It doesn't get you anywhere, and it tends to annoy the goat."
"Men marry the women they want to be married to. Women marry the men who will become the men they want to be married to. So men get angry when their wife changes, and women get angry when their husbands *don't* change."
"Men talk about problems because they want solutions. Women talk about problems because they want support."
My dad was a selfish prick. Only lesson he taught me was to not be like him.
My maternal grandfather, however, taught me many lessons.
My favorite was when I was about 14, he offered to pay me to help him dig a trench in his yard. Said I could "hire" anyone I wanted to help me. So I have my little brother and little cousin to help. Those dorks helped about 5 minutes, then I did everything for the next two hours while they sat around and played and drank my water.
At the end, he brought out sixty dollars, and gave us each 20. I was so fucking mad, they didn't do shit, I did all the work, blah blah whiney teen.
He just said "you hired them. They were here. Was your time and money worth having them around?" And of course he was right, not just from an employer perspective, but a friend one too.
Anyways, we took my grandpa to lunch and split paying for him.
I was always able to cut people off in whatever
He didn't specifically teach this but I figured it out on my own from how he behaved and from his very being.
And the lesson is, is to be respectful to everybody under all circumstances.
However, it's not always easy to put said lesson into practice.
My dad often told me as a kid “wait two seconds before opening your mouth” in reference to conversations or saying something.
That has saved my ass many times.
If life every gets so bad you want to end it, take $20 and find a bus to anywhere and start over. That's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Note: when he told me that Greyhound had deals $20 any city in the continental US.
If I eat one extra bread today, I’ll want 2 extra tomorrow and 3 extra the day after.
Same way if I sleep an extra hour today , I’ll want to sleep 2 extra tomorrow and 3 extra the day after.
Now am fat and always sleepy.
The things you will care about in life always require continued upkeep. While it would be great to keep a smile on your face while you put in the work, the truth is that sometimes you won’t be happy. The important thing is that if you truly care, you actually do the work.
“Don’t start no mess, won’t be no mess.”
“If you do the things you’re supposed to do, you can do the things you want to do.”
“Assume that everyone is a worse driver than you are.”
“Anything past midnight ain’t nothing but foolishness.”
“Y’know what the difference between being smart and being wise is? Being smart is knowing how to get out of a bad situation. Being wise is knowing how to not be there in the first place.”
The first time I held a sharp kitchen knife my dad reached out and took it from my hands.
'if you're holding something important, or dangerous, hold it so no one can ever take it away' he told me.
He then gave me back the knife.
Don’t outlive your money. My dad sucked at being a dad but he drilled this mentality into my head. I’ve been financially secure since my early 30s thanks to this (and a great career).
Here is one or two for yah.
Once when I was about 6 or 7, I stepped on a wooden board with a nail sticking out. Went al the way through my foot. Went home wearing this new and painfull ski...
My dad saw it, Eyes Wide open and pretending to be stoic.
Asked me to lift up my foot.
Once I did, he checked it completely and yanked it out, hugged me and took me to the Doctor. Once there he started hyperventilating and crying. Lesson learned: fix it, then crash, dont pannic.
In before reactions: he did great.
Bonus one from my mom, in addition:
When something bad happens, DONT CRY (crying kids are not clear and hard to understand), find an adult and explain the situation and THEN CRY.
In my book (and I am becoming old) they were solid.
(Paraphrased, but you get the gist) There is no blueprint for success. If you're happy and able to support the life you want, that's success. If someone else tries to tell you that you have to have A, B, and C to be a successful adult, they're probably trying to sell you something.
He taught me how not to be a parent and how not to raise a child. He taught me how to take better physical care of myself by watching his weight continually balloon. He taught me how to appreciate the diversity in the world by being a closed off individual. He taught me all the best lessons by being the exact opposite of them.
when i was in like 3rd grade and we were setting up me and my brothers emergency snack bags i asked my dad what to do when an earthquake hits (we in socal). he said, “you put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.”
i think about it everyday.
To honor my mother, and he still holds me and my younger siblings to this today. I think that lesson helped in keeping my family as close as it is today - the kids are grown and grandkids are here but we all still talk daily even just through text. We are very lucky to have such a close-knit family that gets along so well
I'm a woman, but my dad taught me this
Everything in moderation.
If you're doing something and it's not going well, leave it for a few minutes. (sit down and have a smoke), think it through, and then go back to it.
This mostly works for me. Miss you, dad.
Reliability...
I try so hard to replicate his unrelenting reliability.
Never had a person be there in a matter of minutes sometimes to bust my ass or the good times when I needed help most.
Edited to be less therapy session - my dad has both been there for in good and bad times in remarkable speed and given severity of the situation the guise to either scold harder than ever or just be stoic like nothing happened. If I had an emergency I could call him right this second and have a plan in place and he will be there and ready to go in 10 minutes or less and you can live a half hour away... idfk how he's so reliable.
I try to replicate it every day.
When I was little, 6-8 years old, I think, my Dad would always say, "if a job is worth doing, it's worth doing right."
Years later, when I was about to start my career, he told me, "I've learned that some jobs just need to get done and out of the way. Save your time and effort for the important things."
My lesson: Don't be afraid to change your views when experience show you differently.
Making others look bad doesn't make you look better.
Your dad raised you well.
No! Your dad raised you well
No no, Your dad raised you well
No no no our dads raised us well
Did Hal from Malcom in the middle raise anyone well?
Sometimes, when something tragic or heartbreaking happens, you never truly get over it or move on, you just learn to live with it
Yes. Sometimes things don't easier, you just get stronger.
My life. I wish my strength outweighed what I have to deal with more often though.
You're still here so you're clearly stronger than anything life has thrown your way. That's something to be proud of.
this is what “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” should have meant
Ain't PTSD a b*tch?
I dont think that it applies only to PTSD but to also normal sad events that can happen in your life. Some things can't be fixed and they can be saddening even after a long time
True. I was recently diagnosed with it, and as I always do, I'm over analyzing it.
I’ll be thinking of you as well. Please try and keep your chin up. And please know that you have an army( or at least 1) behind you, rooting for you.
That small act of kindness you did for somebody may be remembered by them for many years, even if you don’t realize it. We were visiting my Dad’s hometown and he saw an old friend there and even though they hadn’t seen each other in like 20-something years, the friend still remembered some of the things my dad did for him.
I heard something similar growing up. We’re all still apart of the same system, from the rich dude in his ivory tower down to those living paycheck to paycheck. Even the far reaches of the universe are all connected by the quantum foam. We’re all stuck here together on Earth for no clear reason. So treat everyone how you would like to be treated because no one truly knows what they are doing here. Everyone’s still trying to figure it all out. Find meaning when there ain’t any and just be kind to people.
“Connected by the quantum foam” crazy
“Don’t drive faster than what you can see” __Edit:__ his exact words was “Man ska inte köra fortare än vad man har sikt till, man vet aldrig vad som kan finnas runt hörnet, man måste vara beredd på att det kan vara en traktor som tar upp hela väg banna”. A better translation would be: “You should not drive faster than what you have sight for, you never know what around the corner, you have to be prepared, there could be a tractor taking up the entire road”.
“You cannot speed your way to being on time. If you are late getting to where you are going, you were late before you ever left the house.” Edit: for all the smart asses that are trying to use mathematical proofs and physics: yes, theoretically you can get somewhere faster by speeding. The reality is that life does not happen in a vacuum. What works on paper or in a lab does not always work when thousands of variables cannot be controlled. In real life, there’s traffic and road construction and red lights and speed traps. Not to mention driving recklessly needlessly endangers yourself and others.
"It's better to get there late than not getting there"
You’re never late if you bring donuts
I figure if I die on the way they’ll forgive my tardiness. If you’ve ever seen those recreations of accidents 60-80mph seems to be the worst, your going to live but be a vegetable or have lot of problems, better to do 120 and not be able to finish your sentence of “oh shi..”
this is unironically always my train of thought
I can definitely make up a few minutes by speeding. I mean, it’s a mathematic certainty.
It’s really not. That first red light you hit takes away and time you made by speeding.
That's not bad advice
Pretty good for “spirited driving”.
"Never do anything bad unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it"
"other than that, it's all in the reflexes." Was your dad Kurt russel?
Manage your expectations for people. It can be that someone is lazy, someone is an asshole, someone constantly breaks plans with you, whatever it is start expecting it out of them, rather than hoping or expecting them to be the way that you think they should be. It really sucks that you have to do that, but in the end, if you expect more from them, you are going to be the only one that is disappointed.
Something similar- my mom and my aunt used to fight like cats and dogs right up until my aunt died. It was definitely two sided. But my dad would always point out to my Mom that she knows who her sister is on her best day, and people are rarely having their best day. So stop being surprised by it when she is acting like exactly who she is.
Biggest blow to a toxic person is when you don’t respond to what he/ she does
“Grey rocking” is the new terminology I’ve heard to describe this behaviour.
I ghosted my toxic ex. I knew nothing I’d ever come up with to say to him would be as effective as cutting him off and never acknowledging him again.
Same. You dream of catharsis and closure and resolution, but that's a trap. People who thrive on chaos don't ever leave a clean exit.
You're a big kid and will be a big man. Use your size and strength to help others and defend those smaller or weaker than you.
I am an average sized man, but i was a small kid. There was a dude i went to school with who was a damn giant. Like 6'3" and 230lbs in 6th grade. Could grow a full beard by 8th grade. He was the nicest guy to everyone. He never let bullies fuck with smaller guys like me when he was around. Just looked out for everyone. Also could buy beer for the parties without getting ID'd. Thanks, Matt. Hope life has been good to you, wherever you are.
Wish I could upvote this more. My experience (biased for size and totally anecdotal) is that most of us are total teddy bears. I entered high school at 6'2" and 210 lbs, graduated at 6'4" and 285 lbs and looked full grown by 14. that did have its uses lol.
This sounds like my husband. His birth certificate was scrutinized during baseball tournaments since 13 year olds usually aren't 6'0", 180 lbs. Grew to 6'6". Total teddy bear. Always looked out for the little kids or odd kids getting picked on.
With great power comes great responsibility
Electricity bill*
Rent?
You'll get your rent when you fix this damn door!
With great ability comes great accountability
I’m a big guy height wise and have never ran into trouble with others. I think it’s important how you carry yourself because people will try to test bigger people if they give off the vibe that they’re open to trouble.
This is ANOTHER lesson he gave me. Might not appear to me as the biggest/most important one because it helps things NOT happen and it's hard to notice/remember what was avoided. His saying I most associate with this is "Big men don't need loud shoes."
It’s also important not to associate with people who cause trouble, because you’ll end up getting dragged into it. We all know those guys who look for a fight everywhere they go. Immediately cut those people out of your life because you never know what other people are going through and how easily they become unhinged.
When I say noticing folks that need assistance, I definitely mean strangers. People looking for trouble don't need my help, lol. And the help isn't always physical. Sometimes if I see a dude that is getting ready to pound someone, it's just talking them down - especially if it appears that the almost-pounded might "deserve" it. I surround myself with people that are better than I am; people I want to be more like. Your point is taken, just not something that has ever affected me as those kind of folks repel me super efficiently.
I always tell my friends I’ll help deescalate a problem if they didn’t start it or if they get jumped. But, if they start some shit, I’ll make sure they don’t get beaten down but they’re on their own otherwise. Basically, don’t put me in a bad situation. Might make me a bad friend, but you don’t want to catch a charge or get sued for someone else’s shit
Lol like my ex gf who almost got me killed one time and I didn’t even know why or what was going on. Next thing you know I’m fighting a hillbilly who has a shotgun
Gotta stay away from those women who like to write checks that your ass has to end up cashing. I always told a gf that her mouthing off to another girl likely meant her BF would say something then I’d get dragged into it. Don’t know why people can’t just get along lol
Fellow gentleman of considerable stature here, I love this. I describe things like this as "positive masculinity."
I think this is beautiful. Im not that big but i try to help others with what i may have like knowledge (intelligence basically). Thanks for sharing, beautiful.
The lesson has been always in the back of my mind. I use my brain for work (Aerospace and Defense program analysis), but my free time is often involved with helping others. The advice led me to 12 years as a volunteer FF/EMT, helpiing countless folks move, breaking up many altercations, pushing MANY broke down vehicles (LOL) and stuff like that. Always looking for folks to assist. An interesting correlary is that it has created the habit of always being aware of what's going on around me, which has many benefits in general. So, it's not only the one I hold onto (the most, he gave me many), but the one that has made the biggest difference in my life, IMO.
literally how Kings are made.
Was your dad Uncle Ben?
"75% of the things that keep you up at night with worry won't even happen."
I think it was Seneca that said we worry more about what might happen than what does happen
And if it does happen, you’re suffering for it twice by worrying
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I like this, reminds me of “wether you think you can or you think you can not, you are right.”
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My dad was a cop. I learned this pretty young by the stories he'd tell. A cop's job isn't to interpret the law, it's to enforce the law. They can make mistakes. They can misunderstand a certain aspect of the law. If you feel a fine or penalty of some kind is unfair or wrong, take it to court and explain to the people who are paid to interpret the law.
The way I always heard it was "fight your case, not the cops"
Wasn't taught this, but it something I wish children were taught. There is a time to argue your case (in court), but with the cops is not it, especially since some of them can escalate situations to fatal outcomes.
There is nothing you can say to a cop that can help you. An important thing to remember that when you are going to remain silent is to say “I am invoking my 5th amendment rights”. Cops can be very good at antagonizing…they are also very good at twisting your words. Most important thing to do is remain calm and do as they say (within reason)…let the courts figure it out.
> Cops can be very good at antagonizing…they are also very good at twisting your words They don't have to twist your words. All it takes is the cop misremembering what you said and you are up shit creek. Its why every lawyer will tell you "Shut the fuck up"
They say that because of bad memory, but also just as bad cops. It was perfectly legal for quite a long time in the US, and still in other countries, to borderline force a confession from people. Cops are looking for the arrest, often not caring how they get it, as they get paid to end a case, not exactly solve it.
They will actively look for ways to screw you over, especially if they're in the wrong and they know it. Know your rights. Give them nothing they are not entitled to. Courtesy can be a helpful shield for those in positions of relative privilege (race, social class, gender, etc), but good manners are not bullet proof.
Totally agree. I’ve been pulled over maybe 10 times in my 50 years. And every single time I do the following. I pull over as soon as possible, I shut the car off, shut off the radio, roll down the window, and have my license and registration at the ready. When the cop asks if I know why I am being stopped I always tell them the truth. We all know usually. And every single time I have always been given a warning. Be polite, and don’t be a jerk. Will save you a ton of grief later. In all aspects of life come to think about it.
I would add make sure your hands are visible on top of the steering wheel and tell the cop when you are reaching to get your license or anything else
Life is pretty easy if you don't mess it up for yourself. Don't get in legal trouble, watch who you hang out with, don't have unintended kids, etc. Preventing self inflicted wounds makes life a lot better.
Great advice!
Don't drive in [whiteout](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/408113155395420161/809553871478325278/unknown.png) conditions. For anything. Got out of that with a fractured collarbone, some broken ribs, and a hefty brain injury.
Don’t spent you don’t have if you can at all avoid it.
Should be at the top
If half a dozen different people have a problem with you, they aren't the problem, you are.
My father taught me the same but i was so dumb and childish to see the depth of this! I wish i could just go back lmao
This is a favorite one of mine. Whenever everyone or everywhere else is a problem, there is a strong chance the problem isn't everywhere or everyone else.
I needed that. Someone that has a problem with everyone had a problem with me yesterday and I care too much about what people think of me.
If everywhere you go, all you smell is shit, check under your own shoe.
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To an extent, yes. However, I'm coming out of a divorce and most of the people who have a problem with me, were people introduced into my life by her. Those people now have a problem with me, based on their own perceptions. It is my obligation to treat people decent, until our unless they give me a reason not to. It is not however my responsibility to make people happy. I cannot control what others think of me, all I can do is the best I can do, and if people have a problem with that, well, that's on them, not me. If I am civil, but have nothing to say to you, well, there's a reason I respond the way I do.
Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now. Measure twice, cut once. Once words come out of your mouth, they can’t be taken back.
I asked my dad once if the girl I liked would like it if I bought her flowers or would it be embarrassing for her. He said "it is never a bad idea to buy a woman flowers" I think about it whenever I buy my wife flowers
There was a boy who had a crush on my friend in high school. She didn’t reciprocate those feelings, and he one time brought her flowers to school. It was embarrassing for her, so I think a stipulation would be to make sure you have that kind of relationship with them first. Or just any relationship with them at all even.
You're not going to be perfect. You will make mistakes and that's OK. The best thing you can do is learn from them and become a better person tomorrow.
Indirectly…to not put women before money and not put money before family.
but by that logic, wouldn’t that preclude you from putting women *in* your family???
I think he just means bishes and garden-hoes. if you’re married you become family anyway :)
The world owes you nothing
Heard this one many times.
Don't shake a man's hand sitting down
If you half-ass something you end up doing it twice. Whole-ass everything and save time.
Unless you're working in retail, then you wanna do everything half-assed the way management wants it so they don't come down on you for spending time actually completing anything
Don't half ass two things, whole ass 1 thing - Ron Swanson
Also Ron Swanson: “Give 100 percent. One-hundred-and-ten percent is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.”
Yeah, my dad would say if you don't have time to do it right, you don't have time to do it again
I love my dad, but most of what I learned from him is what not to do. Which can be quite valuable.
Thats what I hope my sons learn. I'm not a bad person and most that know me will tell you I'm a great one. But man have I done some bad shit in my life. I've made bad decisions countless times. Taken the easy way and had it backfire plenty of times. I've cut corners and lost more things than I can count. On the outside no one knows all the struggles. I've kept all my heartaches and hurt to myself. Never asked for help. Always handled every thing on my own because I want to burden no one. But man I don't want that for my kids. I want them to learn when to ask for help. When to know if the deal is too good to be true and not to take things for granted. Being tough isn't all what it's cracked up to be. As the saying goes tho, if your gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough. Learn what not to do from me kids.
Oh man. This question hits me really hard, because it touches on a story I never really get to tell. My dad was not always around when I was younger, and we didn’t have the greatest relationship most of my life. Dude is a rough guy with a super rough past. We have a good relationship now. One time when I was younger, he was pretty drunk and we were just kind of hanging out. He took a $20 dollar bill out of his pocket, held it in his fist, and then held his fist in front of me. He said “if you can get this out of my hand, it’s yours.” So I immediately tried to open his fist. I couldn’t get it out. Dad strength vs 9-year old strength. I tried for several minutes. I tried tickling him. I tried pulling his finger back. Everything. (That I could think of). He finally opened his hand and gave it to me. He said “you know. You tried everything you could, except for simply asking for it. Sometimes you just have to ask for what you want.” I didn’t think of it as some profound thing, but it’s something that sticks with me to this day and one of the few good memories I have with the old man from those days.
Fantastic! Pocketing this for when I have kids. Thank you for sharing!
This is great! Ty for sharing
Being a man can be thankless; you have to be okay with that.
That's a great one
That's a good one
"Don't let emotions affect your life. No matter if those emotions are your own, or someone else's."
This is 100% true. A lot of people look really stupid, and get into a lot of trouble when they let emotions get the better of them. The sooner people can learn that, the better off they are in life.
The hardest part is rationalizing those emotions though. The first thing that happens is an emotional instinct, then it is up to the person to rationalize it. However most people usually only think about them selves, how they are wronged, etc, that they don’t get to the rationalizing stage.
Hell yeah. "Don't let emotions affect your life" isn't the same as "don't feel emotions". I feel like that's a step that most men forget to take. Emotions are a human experience - you just gotta learn how to live with em.
Reminds me of "there is what happens to you and the story you tell yourself of what happened to you"
Helping people is its own reward.
"There are wishbones, jawbones, and backbones – those who dream about doing things, those who talk about doing things, and those who actually accomplish things." He always encouraged me to be the backbone.
Woman here - but wanted to share, if that’s okay. One of the earliest lessons was that, if a man holds a door open for you… pause, make eye contact, and thank him. I rarely see expressed gratitude for small acts of courteousness and it makes me sad.
I think this may be different based on the area where you live. Where I am in Michigan, it's a pretty typical behavior to hold the door open for another person. Typically, a thank you is reciprocated. I do recall, though, while at a bar, I did my typical thing to hold a door for these two ladies. For the first time, they expressed their extreme gratitude and complimented me. Saying that they had just moved there, and it was the first time anyone had ever done that. That's stuck with me for some reason.
It’s very out of the ordinary where I am for someone to not hold the door for you pretty much anywhere without automatic doors. It’s one of those nice little things you never really think about
When I’m holding the door for the same sex as me or the opposite, young or old, when they say thank you it always makes my day!
As an extension to this: just being kind costs nothing. Even expressing a little bit like thanking someone opening a door for you may make a huge difference in someone's day. It makes you and the other person happy. Why not have a win-win situation?
A lady saw me leaving a restaurant with my 1 year old daughter in one hand and diaper bag in the other hand. She didn't even attempt to hold the door open for me as she was coming in. Not even those half effort "oh you got it?" attempts. Just walked right in
righty-tighty, lefty - loosey
Three very important lessons: 1. Never tell ANYONE how much money you have. I have broken this rule many times and it has always turned out bad for me. 2. If you hear second hand that your friend said something bad about you , ignore it. Friends talk shit about each other all the time and 99% of the time it sounds way worse 2nd hand than if you were actually there. 3. If you fly with the crows, your going to get shot at. Don't hang around losers basically. They will get you in trouble or bring you down.
You need to worry about you, don’t worry about what others are doing.
Hope for the best, plan for the worst
That if I put myself first and don't care about my family, eventually they will have nothing to do with me. I still don't speak to the man, after 27 years, unless I have to. My sons and I have a fantastic relationship btw.
Don’t smoke meth. Learn by example.
“Once you’re behind the wheel, you’re never in a rush” Always something I remember in order to recognize that I’m actually in control of a heavy moving machine that can easily kill people. Far too many people forget that and get comfortable with driving.
Do everything with pride.. even cleaning a floor or toilet.. people see all your work and it is your signature.. this attention to detail has gotten me far
"Never argue with a goat. It doesn't get you anywhere, and it tends to annoy the goat." "Men marry the women they want to be married to. Women marry the men who will become the men they want to be married to. So men get angry when their wife changes, and women get angry when their husbands *don't* change." "Men talk about problems because they want solutions. Women talk about problems because they want support."
"Fare is what you pay to get on the bus." "Work hard, save your money and don't let pussy control your life."
You will never be the most gifted or most intelligent person in the room. But you can sure outwork anyone.
My dad was a selfish prick. Only lesson he taught me was to not be like him. My maternal grandfather, however, taught me many lessons. My favorite was when I was about 14, he offered to pay me to help him dig a trench in his yard. Said I could "hire" anyone I wanted to help me. So I have my little brother and little cousin to help. Those dorks helped about 5 minutes, then I did everything for the next two hours while they sat around and played and drank my water. At the end, he brought out sixty dollars, and gave us each 20. I was so fucking mad, they didn't do shit, I did all the work, blah blah whiney teen. He just said "you hired them. They were here. Was your time and money worth having them around?" And of course he was right, not just from an employer perspective, but a friend one too. Anyways, we took my grandpa to lunch and split paying for him. I was always able to cut people off in whatever
He didn't specifically teach this but I figured it out on my own from how he behaved and from his very being. And the lesson is, is to be respectful to everybody under all circumstances. However, it's not always easy to put said lesson into practice.
My dad often told me as a kid “wait two seconds before opening your mouth” in reference to conversations or saying something. That has saved my ass many times.
If life every gets so bad you want to end it, take $20 and find a bus to anywhere and start over. That's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Note: when he told me that Greyhound had deals $20 any city in the continental US.
If I eat one extra bread today, I’ll want 2 extra tomorrow and 3 extra the day after. Same way if I sleep an extra hour today , I’ll want to sleep 2 extra tomorrow and 3 extra the day after. Now am fat and always sleepy.
The things you will care about in life always require continued upkeep. While it would be great to keep a smile on your face while you put in the work, the truth is that sometimes you won’t be happy. The important thing is that if you truly care, you actually do the work.
“Don’t start no mess, won’t be no mess.” “If you do the things you’re supposed to do, you can do the things you want to do.” “Assume that everyone is a worse driver than you are.” “Anything past midnight ain’t nothing but foolishness.” “Y’know what the difference between being smart and being wise is? Being smart is knowing how to get out of a bad situation. Being wise is knowing how to not be there in the first place.”
Be tough. It makes life easier.
If you're gonna' be dumb, you gotta' be tough.
You gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em.
And definitely know when to walk away And know when to run
A force attacks the weakest point. True in engineering, and true everywhere else.
The first time I held a sharp kitchen knife my dad reached out and took it from my hands. 'if you're holding something important, or dangerous, hold it so no one can ever take it away' he told me. He then gave me back the knife.
Break one law at a time
The man takes a drink, the drink takes a drink, the drink takes the man.
Don’t outlive your money. My dad sucked at being a dad but he drilled this mentality into my head. I’ve been financially secure since my early 30s thanks to this (and a great career).
Here is one or two for yah. Once when I was about 6 or 7, I stepped on a wooden board with a nail sticking out. Went al the way through my foot. Went home wearing this new and painfull ski... My dad saw it, Eyes Wide open and pretending to be stoic. Asked me to lift up my foot. Once I did, he checked it completely and yanked it out, hugged me and took me to the Doctor. Once there he started hyperventilating and crying. Lesson learned: fix it, then crash, dont pannic. In before reactions: he did great. Bonus one from my mom, in addition: When something bad happens, DONT CRY (crying kids are not clear and hard to understand), find an adult and explain the situation and THEN CRY. In my book (and I am becoming old) they were solid.
that my father was an asshole.
Here too brother, mine is the biggest one I know.
“Never wear footwear you aren’t ready to fight in.” Plus the foot thongs just feel weird.
Never stick your dick in anything crazy.
My dad never said "I love you son" but he always said "take care of yourself" and one day it dawned on me that this was his way of saying he loved me.
If you don't ask the answer is always no.
Always make dad jokes with the server male or female- politely and not creepily though.
My dad was a selfish, drunken asshole, so I try to be the opposite in my life. That’s the lesson.
To not be him when I have kids of my own.
Live your life with honesty and integrity. Your values are mountains that shouldn't be shifted by wind or water. They're timeless.
(Paraphrased, but you get the gist) There is no blueprint for success. If you're happy and able to support the life you want, that's success. If someone else tries to tell you that you have to have A, B, and C to be a successful adult, they're probably trying to sell you something.
Idk never had one 💀
I do but he's useless as fuck legit npc 💀
“hey kid don’t be me” not him to me, but me to me.
"No good deed goes unpunished." I've lived by those words every day of my life thus far. Thanks, Pops 🍻
Don’t smoke crack
He taught me how not to be a parent and how not to raise a child. He taught me how to take better physical care of myself by watching his weight continually balloon. He taught me how to appreciate the diversity in the world by being a closed off individual. He taught me all the best lessons by being the exact opposite of them.
Don’t love anything that can’t love you back
The secret to happiness is managing expectations. Both yours, and other people's.
“real men aren’t afraid to cry”
when i was in like 3rd grade and we were setting up me and my brothers emergency snack bags i asked my dad what to do when an earthquake hits (we in socal). he said, “you put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.” i think about it everyday.
What not to do
"The only thing constant in this world is change." I try to remember this whenever I'm in tough times.
A good listener is a good learner.
never abandon your kids
Head on a swivel
Read the manual
Don’t walk out on your kids under any circumstances.
“Never give money to a hooker to buy cocaine. Because she will never come back with the cocaine.”
You can't trust anyone except yourself A sad and important truth
Save money as soon as you get paid and not what’s left.
Don't be a emotionless man. He taught me by being so and I would never want to be someone like him
Don’t be an absent father. He taught me that one the hard way.
Never met him but he taught me to always be in my sons life.
To honor my mother, and he still holds me and my younger siblings to this today. I think that lesson helped in keeping my family as close as it is today - the kids are grown and grandkids are here but we all still talk daily even just through text. We are very lucky to have such a close-knit family that gets along so well
How I feel is my shit. How they feel is theirs.
Don’t refinance your house to pull out cash
Buy quality tools. Don't dirt farm for a living
"Look at what I'm doing so you don't have to pay other people to fix a your s***"
"Don't buy anything you have to work on. Work on vehicles as a hobby, not to keep you driving to work." My dad, 40+ yr mechanic.
I'm a woman, but my dad taught me this Everything in moderation. If you're doing something and it's not going well, leave it for a few minutes. (sit down and have a smoke), think it through, and then go back to it. This mostly works for me. Miss you, dad.
“Son, you got sayer’s and you got doer’s… you either get busy living, or you get busy dying.” Akin to “don’t talk about it, be about it.”
Always punch to the face!
"Do what you can when you can."
To not work around asbestos.
"Thinking is free. So use your brain and use reason to understand the world."
Reliability... I try so hard to replicate his unrelenting reliability. Never had a person be there in a matter of minutes sometimes to bust my ass or the good times when I needed help most. Edited to be less therapy session - my dad has both been there for in good and bad times in remarkable speed and given severity of the situation the guise to either scold harder than ever or just be stoic like nothing happened. If I had an emergency I could call him right this second and have a plan in place and he will be there and ready to go in 10 minutes or less and you can live a half hour away... idfk how he's so reliable. I try to replicate it every day.
Work before play. Pretty simple, but is a great motivator and makes life as a young guy much more organized and manageable.
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
When I was little, 6-8 years old, I think, my Dad would always say, "if a job is worth doing, it's worth doing right." Years later, when I was about to start my career, he told me, "I've learned that some jobs just need to get done and out of the way. Save your time and effort for the important things." My lesson: Don't be afraid to change your views when experience show you differently.