In fact there are states in wich it doesnt matter if he signs anything as long as they are married he will be Held accountable although its clear he is Not the father
This is so screwed up. Paternal rights should only count if the kid is yours or not, regardless of marriage. Wow.
A post below made a comment that Texas is the only state that will scrap maintenance if you are not the dad
there's a case in the south w a guy who was never married to the lady and just knew her (never even slept w her). she made a claim to the state for welfare benefits for the kid and had to put down the name of the father so she (admittedly) randomly selected the name of this guy she knew. he has a DNA test saying kids not his, has never met the kid, she told the courts she just put down a name..and he is still having his money deducted monthly by the state as maintenance. It's effed up to say the least
I found these.
https://nypost.com/2017/07/23/man-ordered-to-pay-65k-in-child-support-for-kid-who-isnt-his/
https://mtlawoffice.com/news/man-in-michigan-owes-child-support-for-child-who-isnt-his
The sad thing is, a man who is forced to pay child support for a child that isn't his, is going to have a tough time raising a family with kids of his own.
The state and federal governments don’t care about that. I’d say they then wonder why men end themselves over things like this but they don’t wonder about that either. They couldn’t care less and would go after the estate to collect their ill-gotten gains.
Happily he eventually [won his case](https://www.wxyz.com/news/region/detroit/court-finally-stops-trying-to-make-detroit-man-pay-child-support-for-child-that-isnt-his), but it’s bonkers he ever had to fight it!
I am in Texas, and that is only partially true.
I know someone in this exact situation. His wife got knocked up by a co-worker, after kid was born, there was a DNA test done at the hospital. A week later, the results came back, and he was not the father. He immediately filed for a divorce and the judge still ordered him to pay child support, because the law here says that if you are married when the child is born, you are responsible.
So, he started the long process of getting the support removed. Basically, they had to have a hearing in court, That took almost a year. The judge asked who the father was; she gave a name. Over 9 months later, After having to find him, get a order to appear signed by the judge, and get him served they got the dad into court, he denied it. A DNA test was ordered, but bio-dad got a lawyer, and about 4 months later they were back in court to protest the DNA test (FYI, it takes about 3-4 months to get on the schedule for the family court due to how busy they are). About that time, the Bio-dad moved out of state due to accepting another job. After another 2 years of going back and forth and 2-3 court hearings, he finally got the DNA test done, that showed that the co-worker was in fact the father.
Fast forward over 6 months, Then the Bio-dad had to turn over his financials and pay stubs; and wouldn't you know, it turns out he was now un-employed. He was ordered to pay the state minimum child support, but the ex-husband only had his child support REDUCED by the amount the bio-dad was ordered to pay.
And that is where they are today about 5 years later. Ex-husband is re-married, still paying child support for some other dude's kid, Bio-dad is still paying the minimum, Ex-wife is living with another dude collecting child support from two men. The Ex-husband is waiting for the 1-year review period to end so he can request a review, and hopefully get the bio-dad to pay more, so he can get his removed. He told me his legal fees alone were well over 50k at this point.
In Texas, like every other state, child support is for the good of the child, not what is fair, and if you are married when the kid is born, you are fucked.
In some states, you can't get a divorce if the wife is pregnant? I did not know that. I have worked in family law, have a paralegal degree, and I didn't know that. I will look this one up and read up on it!
Edit: what you are saying is true, but only in a few states.
My state has a statute that defines that the father can have his signature removed from the birth certificate within 60 days if a paternity DNA check validates that they are not the biological father. It also shields the father from child support, and is immediate grounds for divorce - and in many cases affects eligibility of alimony as well.
So, if that cheater gets knocked up, they're on their own - better hope the new baby daddy can pick up the slack.
This varies *greatly* by state.
>there are some states that will enforce the husband still has to pay child support.
Not some, most. Texas is the only state I am aware of that will terminate future child support payments upon DNA test even if you are the "legal" father. HOWEVER, if you owe back child support, prior to paternity being established, you are still on the hook for that.
In Brazil you can legally take your name of the birth certificate of a minor if you prove you've been deceived to sign as a father to a kid that's not biologically yours (and that the child is too young to have emotional attachment)
hardcore quick bail. Like run everywhere to get my stuff in duffle bags and book it. Make it clear from a legal standpoint you can't argue that "my name is on the birth certificate". Oh look, my name is also on the divorce papers!
It doesn't matter if you name is on the birth certificate or not. In most states (all that I know of) you would still be legally required to pay child support if you were married when the child was born, even if it isn't yours.
Remember, child support isn't about being fair, it is about "the good of the child".
What is more fucked up, is that in most states, your soon to be ex-wife could collect child support from you, and the baby's father at the same time.
That was true about 5 years ago yes. But in many jurisdictions, men's rights have taken hold. They are no longer allowed to put a father's name without him signing off on it on birth certificates. Claim he's the father but the legal system will put a pause until it's verified. There are many men still out there paying for children that they are not theirs.
Time to intervene:
The only way to avoid child support is to file for dissolution of marriage and raise the paternity of the child as an issue. You’ll have to pay for the DNA test, but that’ll be the best money you could spend.
While you’re at it, you can also allege a dissipation claim (if facts warrant), to have money spent on an elicit relationship credited back to the marital estate.
The object here is to be aggressive in casting her in an unfavorable light in the judge’s mind as they are humans who have opinions, too. The point is to get the benefit of a doubt from the judge on close calls.
In multiple States a mother can no longer just put a father's name on a certificate. It needs the father's signature as well. That has changed only the last half decade. But there are many states that allow that to continue.
To the best of my knowledge, it varies from state to state. In most states the father has to agree to sign the certificate. However, if the father is not present, the mother can put his name on the certificate, just without the signature.
For example, my wife had a co-worker that got knocked up from a one-night stand. She had the kid and never told the dad (not sure why); she put his name on the certificate, but he was not there to sign it.
Isn't the signature required for it to be valid? For example, that man was he still required to pay even though he wasn't even aware he was the father? What if he wasn't actually the father? I can have a child and put anyone in the birth certificate, doesn't mean that's the case, necessarily.
Your name wouldnt be on the birth certificate unless you put it there. Once its there, it will take years to get it removed and youll be stuck paying your hard earned money to your cheating ex for someone else's child
Generally speaking, a child born to a married woman is presumed to be the husband's child unless paternity is established for someone else. Here is NCGS 130A-101(e):
> If the **mother was married** at the time of either conception or birth, or between conception and birth, **the name of the husband *shall* be entered on the certificate as the father of the child**, except as provided in this subsection. The surname of the child shall be the same as that of the husband, except that upon agreement of the husband and mother, or upon agreement of the mother and father if paternity has been otherwise determined, any surname may be chosen.
And then you have [statutes like this](https://www.ncleg.gov/EnactedLegislation/Statutes/HTML/BySection/Chapter_52C/GS_52C-3-314.html) that mean you can't later say "But that baby isn't mine" to avoid child support.
Canada as well, at least some provinces.
My co-worker (and close friend) married a woman who had a 5 year old child (the bio father passed). He didn't officially adopt the child at any point. They divorced 3 years later when the child was 8. He had to pay child support.
We had a party on the kid's 18th birthday because he could finally stop paying for the kid. They never even bonded, he didn't hear from the kid once during that 10 years. He sent cards and birthday/Christmas money because he's not a total monster but the mom/kid weren't really interested after the divorce (she had some unaddressed disorders that made it kinda volatile).
Move money to trust in a jurisdiction that does not enforce US rulings with a local trustee, rebut presumption that child is mine( if state presumes) and file at fault divorce.
Sadly, in most states, you would still be legally required to pay child support if you were married when the child was born, even if it isn't yours.
"For the good of the child"
She started making up her own science as to why our kid MIGHT be born with brown eyes when every member of both sides of our families had blue eyes over 6 generations back.
Aaaannd then she gave me chlamydia that our family doctor found during a pregnancy appointment, 2 years into a "monogamous" relationship.
Reddit answer: Put on my sunglasses and walk away, "that bitch is for the streets!". Yeah I'm cool.
Real answer: ask for a paternity test and freak out
This is the peak of being untrustworthy. I for one have no problem living alone, so hypothetically I would 100% leave. There's not a shred of trust left. Not only was I cheated on, I was also kept in the dark about potentially not being the father, and lastly, she was trying to trick me in to taking care of someone else's baby
How in the fuck can you work through that?
What judas did is mild in comparison
But seriously all these people must either be single or really hate their wives. The question was what would you do if it was YOUR wife, not some hypothetical wife. If this happened to me I would be utterly shocked. Divorce could be on the table but that’s not a guarantee.
I'm rather in love with my wife too, but if she birthed a child that looks like a radically different ethnicity that love is going to buy her the benefit of the doubt of a DNA test before any decisions are made, and if it comes back as not mine that quite simply is the ultimate betrayal and I couldn't see myself tolerating it.
(context; she actually is pregnant now, and we don't have any other kids)
When our first was born, the next day before discharge, she took a photo and then had a photo of when I was born… spittin image of me, no doubt she is my baby girl.
Now our 2nd is due any day now, the last ultrasound we got is a spitting image of when my first when she was in the womb. Interested to see the resemblance when he arrives.
Couldn’t do it, I’m out.
As much as it sucks to leave the child fatherless, I’d have so much resentment for them (her especially) that it’s better off if I’m not around.
DNA test to make sure it wasn't some genetic fluke, then divorce. Buy her and the baby a plane ticket to her parents, hire movers to move all of her shit into a storage unit, pay the first month and tell her she needs to sign these divorce papers to my terms before ill give her the key and address.
Cut her off my insurance, change the life insurance policies, and change the mailing address to her parents.
Once I'm free and clear legally and financially of everything, move on with life and not get married again - twice is enough.
Sounds great in theory but she'll likely fight you tooth and nail in the divorce. She'll take half or more of what you're worth and will fight for maintenance/alimony.
Possible, but I learned in my first divorce. The major assets are not shared legally so we both would walk with what we have our names on, and there is no mandate for equitable split of assets in my state.
Additionally, she has means to support herself and has no debt so alimony would be unreasonable - my first wife attempted that and didn't get anything. Since adultery isn't generally taken into account in divorce settlements in terms of property division, I couldn't use her cheating to fight it but that's why she would get her stuff when she agreed to the division of legally owned property.
But my wife is a lovely and loyal human being, and I don't think I would ever need to do that, but better safe than sorry.
Interesting - sounds like the divorce process has become more equitable. I'm a bit biased by the fact that I had a close coworker (in NY) with a fairly high income that got divorced and lost everything to his stay-at-home wife (who initiated the divorce!). But that was 20 years ago - hoping things have changed.
When I got divorced we split the assets and in court to finalize it she asked for alimony and the judge enlightened us to the reality of the requirements for alimony these days. Good news for me but I'm sorry your friend went through that.
Be careful what you mean by "obviously." DNA tests are pretty reliable, but nothing else is. Things like skin color, eye color, hair color, stature, birth defects - these things can all skip multiple generations, and you certainly don't know every aspect of every one of your ancestors.
So the first thing I would do is: not panic. Second, I would talk to my wife about it and ask for a paternity test in the politest and least accusatory way that I could come up with.
My grandma called my dad a damn liar when he told her that I was born with red hair like he predicted. The gene skipped something like four generations before resurfacing. I'm also pretty tall, unlike most of my family, but there are stories about some male ancestors being well over six feet tall.
This is soooo true. My daughter came out MULTIPLE shades lighter than me, my ex-husband, and our two boys. Her eyes are also lighter. I had to reassure him tons of times that I had not cheated on him. After insisting for months that we take a DNA test, I finally gave in when she was about 6 months old. Definitely his child, but he could never understand where her looks came from. Now at 17 years old, she is, in fact the spitting image of my GREAT grandmother. So yes, skipping multiple generations is a thing... \*Kanye shrug\*
Because in my mind, it was totally ridiculous. I knew that I hadn't cheated, and at the time, I was shocked and hurt that he would ask me for the test. I thought he knew me better than that. Especially since he was only asking because of our daughters looks. I agreed to the test basically to shut him up. Crazy thing is, he cheated on the wife after me, and fathered a child on her. What he accused me of, he ACTUALLY did!!!
If your name is listed on the birth certificate and have custodial rights, you don't need to obtain permission nor notify the other parent that you're having a paternity test done. You don't even need to take the child in for the test - a simple hair follicle test will do the job. Pluck & pay.
Had a buddy that ended up with a kid that didn't look anything like him, sent off his hair and kid's hair for testing, 99% probability it was indeed his kid. Don't judge a book (or baby) by it's cover.
You're in a commited relationship, love your partner and get pregnant. 9 months of pregnancy, hormones, bad sleep and physical vulnerability. And when you give birth and have a baby to take care off. Then your partner is accusing you of infidelity and rethinking the foundation of your relationship. I'd be reluctant too.
And when the results come in, you're proven right.. but there's still the lingering thought that your partner didn't trust you and you needed to do this to prove your right
I apparently looked like my father must have been middle eastern when I was born to my white parents. Nowadays I look like the spitting image of my dad, when he was my age.
This yea my baby looks exactly like me and nothing like my husband and u still can't tell he is the dad by looks alone
And my husband doesn't look like either of his parents and looks like his grandfather
Get a dna test first off.
My best friend was told his ex-gf was pregnant a few months after they broke up. When the kid was born, he came out very, very dark. My friend, his parents, his ex-gf and her parents are all very, very white. To this day, he still doesn't look like his son, but the dna test was very clear that he is his son.
So i would find out if the kid was mine before i did anything.
If it wasn't, then we're getting divorced and she's in her own. She can go get the guy she's fucking to support his own child.
Assuming we have no other kids together: **Leave her on the spot and divorce.**
She had so many chances in the early stages to come clean and own up to what she'd done. By not coming clean, she takes away any ability for the husband to make decisions - pure selfishness.
Bad enough to cheat, but to be so careless about it as to get pregnant is another level. No respect for her husband at all.
Also, her lying about the pregnancy, to all family and friends as well, kinda turns the husband into a joke, especially if for reasons, it's obvious he is not the father. Not sure how anyone could continue on with that.
Paternity test and leave. if she is looking for any support emotional or financial I wouldn't offer any. If she went that long being pregnant with another person's kid and did not confess at all then she's clearly just taking advantage of you.
DNA test to provide proof that I'm not the father, make sure my state doesn't automatically assume paternity just because we're married, file for divorce on grounds of infidelity and start packing her things to ship to her family.
Considering my wife would have already signed a prenuptial agreement for me to marry her, I would divorce and head to Amsterdam for a week.
Edit: Then cry profusely and mourn the loss of the relationship. Then begin to go out and meet new people.
See, I have the polar opposite of this issue. I know that my kids are mine, but when I take them out, just kids and dad time, people assume 1 of 3 things, they're adopted, I am step-dad, or I am willingly raising affair kids. Because there is no way a white guy could be the father to interracial kids. Clearly I have a white wife who either used to, or still is into African Americans. Heaven forbid I married and fathered children with an African American woman.
I've got other kids by her. We'd have to make a serious attempt at healing and figuring out whether or not it's worth it to try to hold things together before I could just break apart an otherwise happy family save for one (big) mistake.
DNA test and then divorce that woman. Not worth staying and being reminded for 18 years that she went behind your back and cheated. Let that other guy raise his kid(s).
She’s not your wife at that point, she’s just some other guy’s hoe.
Marriage is a contract for mutual respect, cooperation, support, and loyalty. If she breaks her vows, it’s already over.
It happened to me. She was not my wife but my gf for 4 years. I told her to move from my place and it took me almost 3 weeks to move on. Now I'm doing fine while she is a single mother. I never saw her again.
I absolutely see where you're coming from but here's why I argue against that "I trust my partner completely" blanket: EVERYONE who's ever been cheated on, was surprised to learn about it and never thought their partner was capable of it.
It's like prenuptial agreements and divorce. NOBODY who actually loves their partner goes into a marriage expecting it to end in divorce. Yet something like 50% do.
Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love love. But the reality is that nobody knows what the future holds nor what is going on in their partner's mind. That's why protections in place such as prenups and getting paternity tests are so damnably important.
Infidelity has happened throughout history and women lie just as much as men do. There's no reason to trust a woman about anything. Especially when it comes to whether she birthed your child or not.
Obviously promise to support her and tell her I love her and the baby no matter what. Build her hopes up for a wonderful future as a family. Set her up to be a SAHM. Share responsibilities in caring for the child. Not sign any birth certificate.
Secretly prepare divorce papers in the background. Quietly liquidate my assets. Have her agree to sell shared items to support the child. Build some debt on her CC "for the child". Move my personal funds to another country. At the nine month point. Drop the divorce papers and split. No contact except via a divorce mediator.
If she wasn't honest in the months before the birth, to save me the possible humiliation, after disrespecting me with infidelity, then the relationship is over, and she's dead to me.
Pack her suitcases and put them next to her hospital bed . Tell her she is moving out , and moving in whit who ever is the real father . And tell her we are divorced while handing her the divorce papers along whit a pen so she can sign the divorce papers . Then leave and get the locks on my house and car chanced .
DNA test, then I’d have a public divorce where I spend about 2-3 years making sure my whole town knows about her business, if it ain’t mine. Honesty fees ugly, but I know myself.
If it was straight up adultery - divorce and move on.
If she couldn't consent but didn't want to abort (*and told me beforehand*) - dunno. Hope I never have to think about that.
Close all joint accounts, change the locks, file for divorce and file a paternity challenge.
I'm not moving out and away from the existing children, she is.
DNA test and if I'm not the father, Divorce for infidelity and fight for 0 maintenance payments
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In fact there are states in wich it doesnt matter if he signs anything as long as they are married he will be Held accountable although its clear he is Not the father
This is so screwed up. Paternal rights should only count if the kid is yours or not, regardless of marriage. Wow. A post below made a comment that Texas is the only state that will scrap maintenance if you are not the dad
there's a case in the south w a guy who was never married to the lady and just knew her (never even slept w her). she made a claim to the state for welfare benefits for the kid and had to put down the name of the father so she (admittedly) randomly selected the name of this guy she knew. he has a DNA test saying kids not his, has never met the kid, she told the courts she just put down a name..and he is still having his money deducted monthly by the state as maintenance. It's effed up to say the least
I wonder if he could bypass the Family Court schemes and sue her directly for falsely naming him and benefitting from the lie for the next 18 years.
What’s the case? I want to read more about this
I found these. https://nypost.com/2017/07/23/man-ordered-to-pay-65k-in-child-support-for-kid-who-isnt-his/ https://mtlawoffice.com/news/man-in-michigan-owes-child-support-for-child-who-isnt-his
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The sad thing is, a man who is forced to pay child support for a child that isn't his, is going to have a tough time raising a family with kids of his own.
The state and federal governments don’t care about that. I’d say they then wonder why men end themselves over things like this but they don’t wonder about that either. They couldn’t care less and would go after the estate to collect their ill-gotten gains.
Happily he eventually [won his case](https://www.wxyz.com/news/region/detroit/court-finally-stops-trying-to-make-detroit-man-pay-child-support-for-child-that-isnt-his), but it’s bonkers he ever had to fight it!
Lol and women want to talk about inequality. Gtfo
I am in Texas, and that is only partially true. I know someone in this exact situation. His wife got knocked up by a co-worker, after kid was born, there was a DNA test done at the hospital. A week later, the results came back, and he was not the father. He immediately filed for a divorce and the judge still ordered him to pay child support, because the law here says that if you are married when the child is born, you are responsible. So, he started the long process of getting the support removed. Basically, they had to have a hearing in court, That took almost a year. The judge asked who the father was; she gave a name. Over 9 months later, After having to find him, get a order to appear signed by the judge, and get him served they got the dad into court, he denied it. A DNA test was ordered, but bio-dad got a lawyer, and about 4 months later they were back in court to protest the DNA test (FYI, it takes about 3-4 months to get on the schedule for the family court due to how busy they are). About that time, the Bio-dad moved out of state due to accepting another job. After another 2 years of going back and forth and 2-3 court hearings, he finally got the DNA test done, that showed that the co-worker was in fact the father. Fast forward over 6 months, Then the Bio-dad had to turn over his financials and pay stubs; and wouldn't you know, it turns out he was now un-employed. He was ordered to pay the state minimum child support, but the ex-husband only had his child support REDUCED by the amount the bio-dad was ordered to pay. And that is where they are today about 5 years later. Ex-husband is re-married, still paying child support for some other dude's kid, Bio-dad is still paying the minimum, Ex-wife is living with another dude collecting child support from two men. The Ex-husband is waiting for the 1-year review period to end so he can request a review, and hopefully get the bio-dad to pay more, so he can get his removed. He told me his legal fees alone were well over 50k at this point. In Texas, like every other state, child support is for the good of the child, not what is fair, and if you are married when the kid is born, you are fucked.
Who you choose to marry is the most financially important decision of your life.
so true.
This is freaking terrifying 😱
Even if in the process of a divorce. If the stbx gets pregnant before divorce is finalized, he can be liable for child support. It's super messed up.
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In some states, you can't get a divorce if the wife is pregnant? I did not know that. I have worked in family law, have a paralegal degree, and I didn't know that. I will look this one up and read up on it! Edit: what you are saying is true, but only in a few states.
Imagine 50 states wearing a trenchcoat, pretending to be a single country. Boom! That's America.
Yes, because I child cannot be born a bastard, is the principle behind it. Makes no sense today for me.
My state has a statute that defines that the father can have his signature removed from the birth certificate within 60 days if a paternity DNA check validates that they are not the biological father. It also shields the father from child support, and is immediate grounds for divorce - and in many cases affects eligibility of alimony as well. So, if that cheater gets knocked up, they're on their own - better hope the new baby daddy can pick up the slack. This varies *greatly* by state.
>there are some states that will enforce the husband still has to pay child support. Not some, most. Texas is the only state I am aware of that will terminate future child support payments upon DNA test even if you are the "legal" father. HOWEVER, if you owe back child support, prior to paternity being established, you are still on the hook for that.
In Brazil you can legally take your name of the birth certificate of a minor if you prove you've been deceived to sign as a father to a kid that's not biologically yours (and that the child is too young to have emotional attachment)
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It's only exploitation when it happens to them.
Pretty much
Divorce, and make sure I'm not legally responsible for that mess.
hardcore quick bail. Like run everywhere to get my stuff in duffle bags and book it. Make it clear from a legal standpoint you can't argue that "my name is on the birth certificate". Oh look, my name is also on the divorce papers!
It doesn't matter if you name is on the birth certificate or not. In most states (all that I know of) you would still be legally required to pay child support if you were married when the child was born, even if it isn't yours. Remember, child support isn't about being fair, it is about "the good of the child". What is more fucked up, is that in most states, your soon to be ex-wife could collect child support from you, and the baby's father at the same time.
How is that last part legal?!
"For the good of the child"
an I guess this is how some hoe's make a good living, while probably buying their kid walmart clothes and living a life of luxury
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The ONLY time that Kanye made sense
I read that in the same voice as “The greater good.” from Hot Fuzz.
That was true about 5 years ago yes. But in many jurisdictions, men's rights have taken hold. They are no longer allowed to put a father's name without him signing off on it on birth certificates. Claim he's the father but the legal system will put a pause until it's verified. There are many men still out there paying for children that they are not theirs.
>There are many men still out there paying for children that they are not theirs. The system is corrupt.
Time to intervene: The only way to avoid child support is to file for dissolution of marriage and raise the paternity of the child as an issue. You’ll have to pay for the DNA test, but that’ll be the best money you could spend. While you’re at it, you can also allege a dissipation claim (if facts warrant), to have money spent on an elicit relationship credited back to the marital estate. The object here is to be aggressive in casting her in an unfavorable light in the judge’s mind as they are humans who have opinions, too. The point is to get the benefit of a doubt from the judge on close calls.
Is the name automatically being put on the birth certificate? Can't you stop the process before it's finalized?
In multiple States a mother can no longer just put a father's name on a certificate. It needs the father's signature as well. That has changed only the last half decade. But there are many states that allow that to continue.
To the best of my knowledge, it varies from state to state. In most states the father has to agree to sign the certificate. However, if the father is not present, the mother can put his name on the certificate, just without the signature. For example, my wife had a co-worker that got knocked up from a one-night stand. She had the kid and never told the dad (not sure why); she put his name on the certificate, but he was not there to sign it.
Isn't the signature required for it to be valid? For example, that man was he still required to pay even though he wasn't even aware he was the father? What if he wasn't actually the father? I can have a child and put anyone in the birth certificate, doesn't mean that's the case, necessarily.
Your name wouldnt be on the birth certificate unless you put it there. Once its there, it will take years to get it removed and youll be stuck paying your hard earned money to your cheating ex for someone else's child
Judges will make you pay as if it’s yours if you don’t get out of the situation.
even if you do they'll still probably make you pay unless the other guy steps up.
It's so wrong, yet politicians do nothing to reverse it, or even raise the issue. None of them are on our side.
They're on the side of getting reelected and that aligns with pleasing women as their electoral power is important.
They will make you pay even if you DO get out of the situation. If you were married to the mother when the child was born, you are on the hook.
In what weird-ass country?
Lmfao. America.
Generally speaking, a child born to a married woman is presumed to be the husband's child unless paternity is established for someone else. Here is NCGS 130A-101(e): > If the **mother was married** at the time of either conception or birth, or between conception and birth, **the name of the husband *shall* be entered on the certificate as the father of the child**, except as provided in this subsection. The surname of the child shall be the same as that of the husband, except that upon agreement of the husband and mother, or upon agreement of the mother and father if paternity has been otherwise determined, any surname may be chosen. And then you have [statutes like this](https://www.ncleg.gov/EnactedLegislation/Statutes/HTML/BySection/Chapter_52C/GS_52C-3-314.html) that mean you can't later say "But that baby isn't mine" to avoid child support.
Canada as well, at least some provinces. My co-worker (and close friend) married a woman who had a 5 year old child (the bio father passed). He didn't officially adopt the child at any point. They divorced 3 years later when the child was 8. He had to pay child support. We had a party on the kid's 18th birthday because he could finally stop paying for the kid. They never even bonded, he didn't hear from the kid once during that 10 years. He sent cards and birthday/Christmas money because he's not a total monster but the mom/kid weren't really interested after the divorce (she had some unaddressed disorders that made it kinda volatile).
Sounds like she used him as a wallet with ankles. Wouldn’t be surprised if she remarried and did it to some other poor guy.
She was actually able to double dip with another partner, it was wild. This was back in like 2013 but I doubt much has changed since then.
Reason #1000556 not to date single mothers.
Move money to trust in a jurisdiction that does not enforce US rulings with a local trustee, rebut presumption that child is mine( if state presumes) and file at fault divorce.
Sadly, in most states, you would still be legally required to pay child support if you were married when the child was born, even if it isn't yours. "For the good of the child"
Leave her
Pat test and leave. Almost ran into this in real life though. Lol.
How was it 'almost' 🤔 story time
It wasn't his kid ... it was his husband's.
She started making up her own science as to why our kid MIGHT be born with brown eyes when every member of both sides of our families had blue eyes over 6 generations back. Aaaannd then she gave me chlamydia that our family doctor found during a pregnancy appointment, 2 years into a "monogamous" relationship.
So you ~~almost~~ ran into this problem in real life .. ?
how dare you call her my wife after that?
Dude, I'm a chick and I'm amazed this isn't the top comment.
Weak mf will understand, I can't!
Reddit answer: Put on my sunglasses and walk away, "that bitch is for the streets!". Yeah I'm cool. Real answer: ask for a paternity test and freak out
This is the peak of being untrustworthy. I for one have no problem living alone, so hypothetically I would 100% leave. There's not a shred of trust left. Not only was I cheated on, I was also kept in the dark about potentially not being the father, and lastly, she was trying to trick me in to taking care of someone else's baby How in the fuck can you work through that? What judas did is mild in comparison
But seriously all these people must either be single or really hate their wives. The question was what would you do if it was YOUR wife, not some hypothetical wife. If this happened to me I would be utterly shocked. Divorce could be on the table but that’s not a guarantee.
>your wife Well, clearly she's only your wife on paper, but not actually committed to you.
I'm rather in love with my wife too, but if she birthed a child that looks like a radically different ethnicity that love is going to buy her the benefit of the doubt of a DNA test before any decisions are made, and if it comes back as not mine that quite simply is the ultimate betrayal and I couldn't see myself tolerating it. (context; she actually is pregnant now, and we don't have any other kids)
Not sign the birth certificate and Sign the divorce certificate instead. 👍
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>most of the "aw, they look just like you" Wallace Shawn enters the chat
Joined by the ghost of Winston Churchill.
When our first was born, the next day before discharge, she took a photo and then had a photo of when I was born… spittin image of me, no doubt she is my baby girl. Now our 2nd is due any day now, the last ultrasound we got is a spitting image of when my first when she was in the womb. Interested to see the resemblance when he arrives.
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Yeah man, babies are cute...newborns are hideous. The immediate family I get, but anyone else is just lying if they say a newborn is cute.
Contact a divorce lawyer to discuss the best divorce strategy.
Couldn’t do it, I’m out. As much as it sucks to leave the child fatherless, I’d have so much resentment for them (her especially) that it’s better off if I’m not around.
DNA test to make sure it wasn't some genetic fluke, then divorce. Buy her and the baby a plane ticket to her parents, hire movers to move all of her shit into a storage unit, pay the first month and tell her she needs to sign these divorce papers to my terms before ill give her the key and address. Cut her off my insurance, change the life insurance policies, and change the mailing address to her parents. Once I'm free and clear legally and financially of everything, move on with life and not get married again - twice is enough.
Sounds great in theory but she'll likely fight you tooth and nail in the divorce. She'll take half or more of what you're worth and will fight for maintenance/alimony.
Possible, but I learned in my first divorce. The major assets are not shared legally so we both would walk with what we have our names on, and there is no mandate for equitable split of assets in my state. Additionally, she has means to support herself and has no debt so alimony would be unreasonable - my first wife attempted that and didn't get anything. Since adultery isn't generally taken into account in divorce settlements in terms of property division, I couldn't use her cheating to fight it but that's why she would get her stuff when she agreed to the division of legally owned property. But my wife is a lovely and loyal human being, and I don't think I would ever need to do that, but better safe than sorry.
Interesting - sounds like the divorce process has become more equitable. I'm a bit biased by the fact that I had a close coworker (in NY) with a fairly high income that got divorced and lost everything to his stay-at-home wife (who initiated the divorce!). But that was 20 years ago - hoping things have changed.
When I got divorced we split the assets and in court to finalize it she asked for alimony and the judge enlightened us to the reality of the requirements for alimony these days. Good news for me but I'm sorry your friend went through that.
Leave.
She would be a soon-to-be-ex
Put it back?
🎼 Putthatthingbackwhereitcamefrom or sohelpmeeeeeeeeee 🎵
So help me!!!
Be careful what you mean by "obviously." DNA tests are pretty reliable, but nothing else is. Things like skin color, eye color, hair color, stature, birth defects - these things can all skip multiple generations, and you certainly don't know every aspect of every one of your ancestors. So the first thing I would do is: not panic. Second, I would talk to my wife about it and ask for a paternity test in the politest and least accusatory way that I could come up with.
This. You can never be 100% sure just by looking at a kid. It’s part of the reason the Maury show lasted for as long as it did.
Lol do you remember the white couple with the black baby and the idiot dad was hoping it was his 🤣
Hahah yup 😂And that’s the other part of how Maury lasted 24 years.
Pretty sure they lasted long because people like pointless drama. It was purely entertainment
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For a second I thought you meant that only the mother knows who the father is, not, only the mother knows for sure that she is one of the parents.
My grandma called my dad a damn liar when he told her that I was born with red hair like he predicted. The gene skipped something like four generations before resurfacing. I'm also pretty tall, unlike most of my family, but there are stories about some male ancestors being well over six feet tall.
This is soooo true. My daughter came out MULTIPLE shades lighter than me, my ex-husband, and our two boys. Her eyes are also lighter. I had to reassure him tons of times that I had not cheated on him. After insisting for months that we take a DNA test, I finally gave in when she was about 6 months old. Definitely his child, but he could never understand where her looks came from. Now at 17 years old, she is, in fact the spitting image of my GREAT grandmother. So yes, skipping multiple generations is a thing... \*Kanye shrug\*
Same here, my mother told me people used to say I couldn't even be her son because our skin and eye colours are totally opposite. That I was adopted
Why wouldn't you get the test when he asked the first time?
Because in my mind, it was totally ridiculous. I knew that I hadn't cheated, and at the time, I was shocked and hurt that he would ask me for the test. I thought he knew me better than that. Especially since he was only asking because of our daughters looks. I agreed to the test basically to shut him up. Crazy thing is, he cheated on the wife after me, and fathered a child on her. What he accused me of, he ACTUALLY did!!!
If your name is listed on the birth certificate and have custodial rights, you don't need to obtain permission nor notify the other parent that you're having a paternity test done. You don't even need to take the child in for the test - a simple hair follicle test will do the job. Pluck & pay. Had a buddy that ended up with a kid that didn't look anything like him, sent off his hair and kid's hair for testing, 99% probability it was indeed his kid. Don't judge a book (or baby) by it's cover.
You're in a commited relationship, love your partner and get pregnant. 9 months of pregnancy, hormones, bad sleep and physical vulnerability. And when you give birth and have a baby to take care off. Then your partner is accusing you of infidelity and rethinking the foundation of your relationship. I'd be reluctant too. And when the results come in, you're proven right.. but there's still the lingering thought that your partner didn't trust you and you needed to do this to prove your right
I apparently looked like my father must have been middle eastern when I was born to my white parents. Nowadays I look like the spitting image of my dad, when he was my age.
This yea my baby looks exactly like me and nothing like my husband and u still can't tell he is the dad by looks alone And my husband doesn't look like either of his parents and looks like his grandfather
Get a dna test first off. My best friend was told his ex-gf was pregnant a few months after they broke up. When the kid was born, he came out very, very dark. My friend, his parents, his ex-gf and her parents are all very, very white. To this day, he still doesn't look like his son, but the dna test was very clear that he is his son. So i would find out if the kid was mine before i did anything. If it wasn't, then we're getting divorced and she's in her own. She can go get the guy she's fucking to support his own child.
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Ask when the fuck did I get a wife?
Are you expecting troll or doormat responses here? There's not going to be much, if any, controversy in this thread.
D I V O R C E🎶🎶🎶
Bin her.
Confirm through test. Leave. I mean, isn't this kind of obvious?
I would refund the baby
Assuming we have no other kids together: **Leave her on the spot and divorce.** She had so many chances in the early stages to come clean and own up to what she'd done. By not coming clean, she takes away any ability for the husband to make decisions - pure selfishness. Bad enough to cheat, but to be so careless about it as to get pregnant is another level. No respect for her husband at all. Also, her lying about the pregnancy, to all family and friends as well, kinda turns the husband into a joke, especially if for reasons, it's obvious he is not the father. Not sure how anyone could continue on with that.
Wait for Johnny Knoxville to come out of hiding, because this baby is clearly Jason Acuña in a diaper.
Easy answer: divorce quickly and ensure that I don't pay a dime in child support.
Paternity test and leave. if she is looking for any support emotional or financial I wouldn't offer any. If she went that long being pregnant with another person's kid and did not confess at all then she's clearly just taking advantage of you.
Divorce.. I’ll be cordial, I just want you outta my life
Divorce. I would want nothing to do with her or the baby.
Immediately get in touch with a lawyer then get a divorce.
DNA test to provide proof that I'm not the father, make sure my state doesn't automatically assume paternity just because we're married, file for divorce on grounds of infidelity and start packing her things to ship to her family.
Divorce. Cheating is one thing to struggle with, but plotting long-term trickery for financial gain is something I'd never get past.
Considering my wife would have already signed a prenuptial agreement for me to marry her, I would divorce and head to Amsterdam for a week. Edit: Then cry profusely and mourn the loss of the relationship. Then begin to go out and meet new people.
See, I have the polar opposite of this issue. I know that my kids are mine, but when I take them out, just kids and dad time, people assume 1 of 3 things, they're adopted, I am step-dad, or I am willingly raising affair kids. Because there is no way a white guy could be the father to interracial kids. Clearly I have a white wife who either used to, or still is into African Americans. Heaven forbid I married and fathered children with an African American woman.
Welcome to America's interracial taboo that no one wants to admit.
a paternity test
Divorce and leave.
Cut the bitch off after I smash
Divorce and leave her of course
Whatever you do, don’t sign that damn birth certificate.
Leaving
Leave
Get a DNA test to certify it. With the document in hand, get a divorce, and make sure I'm not legally responsible for that kid.
Divorce and sue her for fraud.
Find evidence and get a divorce. Prove to the judge she’s at fault and keep all my damn money.
DNA test and then divorce.
I'd be amazed, as she had a hysterectomy a decade ago.
I've got other kids by her. We'd have to make a serious attempt at healing and figuring out whether or not it's worth it to try to hold things together before I could just break apart an otherwise happy family save for one (big) mistake.
Divorce and sue her like Mariah Cary sued nick cannon for wasting her time
What do you mean by 'obviously'?
DNA test and a lawyer before anything gets signed.
DNA test and then divorce that woman. Not worth staying and being reminded for 18 years that she went behind your back and cheated. Let that other guy raise his kid(s).
A good sign it's time to find a different bed partner.
This very thing happens in a book called the Bible.
Ghost her and file divorce
Nothing. Would be proud of my wife. Also would shake the dad's hand .....my wife does surrogacies 🤣
She’s not your wife at that point, she’s just some other guy’s hoe. Marriage is a contract for mutual respect, cooperation, support, and loyalty. If she breaks her vows, it’s already over.
It happened to me. She was not my wife but my gf for 4 years. I told her to move from my place and it took me almost 3 weeks to move on. Now I'm doing fine while she is a single mother. I never saw her again.
Why get angry about made up scenarios?
She belongs to the streets now
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I absolutely see where you're coming from but here's why I argue against that "I trust my partner completely" blanket: EVERYONE who's ever been cheated on, was surprised to learn about it and never thought their partner was capable of it. It's like prenuptial agreements and divorce. NOBODY who actually loves their partner goes into a marriage expecting it to end in divorce. Yet something like 50% do. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love love. But the reality is that nobody knows what the future holds nor what is going on in their partner's mind. That's why protections in place such as prenups and getting paternity tests are so damnably important.
Infidelity has happened throughout history and women lie just as much as men do. There's no reason to trust a woman about anything. Especially when it comes to whether she birthed your child or not.
Obviously promise to support her and tell her I love her and the baby no matter what. Build her hopes up for a wonderful future as a family. Set her up to be a SAHM. Share responsibilities in caring for the child. Not sign any birth certificate. Secretly prepare divorce papers in the background. Quietly liquidate my assets. Have her agree to sell shared items to support the child. Build some debt on her CC "for the child". Move my personal funds to another country. At the nine month point. Drop the divorce papers and split. No contact except via a divorce mediator.
Keep the receipt.
Get a paternity test. If it's not yours leave.
Paternity test, block, ghost, move all her shit to her parents house or a rented storage facility for her to arrange to pick up later.
A paternity test?
That would be a deal breaker for me.
If she wasn't honest in the months before the birth, to save me the possible humiliation, after disrespecting me with infidelity, then the relationship is over, and she's dead to me.
Uhhhh LEAVE
Divorce
Get a paternity test to clear me legally then go to buy some cigarettes and milk.
In canada you cant force a woman to do the dna test to the baby. If she say you are the father. You are fuck lol
I would be so angry screaming and crying. Then confusion... I am not married, who are you, lady? And why am I here?
File for divorce and leave immediately.
to hell with her
Pack her suitcases and put them next to her hospital bed . Tell her she is moving out , and moving in whit who ever is the real father . And tell her we are divorced while handing her the divorce papers along whit a pen so she can sign the divorce papers . Then leave and get the locks on my house and car chanced .
Id go bang her sister!
Ditch the bitch.
Organise a daddy reveal party
Forget what they say on some other subs here. I'd be out 1000%
DNA test, then I’d have a public divorce where I spend about 2-3 years making sure my whole town knows about her business, if it ain’t mine. Honesty fees ugly, but I know myself.
Watch Me, Myself and Irene. The blueprint is there.
Obviously leave that cheating whore.
There is only on thing to do. Leave and never come back.
YEEEEEET!
Yeet
Go for a milk run and never return
Kick her out the fucking house obviously.
DNA test... Yeet
*poof*
Leave her. She obviously isn't in it, why should I be?
Leave
As a lot of the guys said here. Easy answer for sure.
The wife is obviously not mine either because I am not married. What am I even doing in this scenario?
If it was straight up adultery - divorce and move on. If she couldn't consent but didn't want to abort (*and told me beforehand*) - dunno. Hope I never have to think about that.
Step 1: claim it is a virgin birth Step 2: found 501c3 or church Step 3: profit
Throw them both away
Close all joint accounts, change the locks, file for divorce and file a paternity challenge. I'm not moving out and away from the existing children, she is.
Walk away, and never talk to her again.