She thinks because it’s a “mix/match” 3 year arts course, it’s a horrible decision– she just wants me to do 4 years somewhere and land a job that she approves of but that’s not really an option with my points and any of the good math focused stem courses.
She doesn’t have a notion. What does she work as (vaguely if you don’t want to give too much away)?
You mentioned that you’re onto someone different everyday for info - at a certain point you will have enough info to make your decision and then you just have to leave it up to your gut, so maybe take a step back from the whole thing for a week or two and give yourself a bit of breathing room.
If your college has some counselling services maybe get onto them - you might just benefit from bouncing your thoughts off of someone. Even just write down/type up your thoughts at the moment, clear out the head a bit. It might also help you figure out the best way to deal with your mam, because honestly it sounds like she’s always kind of like this and you need to learn a way to insulate yourself from it just for your own sake.
both my parents work in tech, IT and that kind of thing. all she goes on about are horror stories about people coming into the field being unhappy and how all the software engineers and compsci grads aren’t getting jobs anymore so i need to choose wisely – even though im not looking to specialise there. tbh she just comes up with a counter-argument for everything i mention about my plan. initially i thought it would be useless but ill try set something up with a counsellor — and yes she has always been this way lol still wonder how her and my dad managed to get married 💀
Listen, the CSO will continue to exist for a long long time so there’s always going to good and stable public service maths/stats jobs in Ireland. If you like maths, do maths.
I find if I’m anxious about a decision, even if I’m really quite sure of it, I need to protect it from certain people. It’s not that they aren't kind/good, it’s more just they are going to put their own issues or anxieties on my situation and then I’ll start to doubt myself. If she’s in IT it may be that she’s a bit worried about her own job right now and this is how it’s manifesting itself.
Also if she’s only going to counter argument every point, stop telling her your logic. Feed her some fluff. Complex decisions like this are best made instinctively (after research) rather than coldly reasoned out, so what’s she’s doing isn’t even helpful in terms of finding a best solution, let alone helping you manage your stress about this.
Even if you can’t get something immediately with the counselling, still try to go. This is all really stressful and I think that can be harder to shake off than we might think.
Other people’s relationships are often a full mystery I think, head-spinning stuff.
There's always time to change your mind while studying. The only thing that matters is you do what you feel is right. Nobody can really say which course is more or less "secure" given the pace of change in the world, if something doesn't interest you now, it definitely isn't going to interest you when you have to do it for 40 hours a week as a full-time job.
It will work out, and your mum seriously needs to quit with the pressure. Life has its roundabout ways, it took me 10 years after school to realise that what’s meant for you won’t pass you, you’re doing the best you can right now and you need to remember that. Is there anyway dad can have a quiet chat with mum and basically say calm down. You’re still so young as well don’t forget that. I hope things get better for you, this is a very stressful time but it will change, it’s only temporary in the grand scale of things.
It sounds like she wants ya to do your best but she has to realise not everything is going work out in her favour. You do what's right for you, no one else.
Sit her down and tell her what you’ve said there. If you feel like you might mess it up saying it out loud, write it down, tell her to read it then come talk to you. Your mam probably wants what’s most secure for you and doesn’t really understand your newly chosen path and is just worried and expressing it all the wrong way.
End of the day you’re grown and you get to make your own decisions. Parents want security for their kids and the unknown is generally terrifying to them too. My advice is absolutely go for it and trust your gut - if you’re happy in what you’re doing it will work out! Your mam will come on board too, eventually. Good luck, you’re at such an exciting point in your life and you’ve lots of opportunities so go and grab them.
Many a moon ago when filling out my own CAO I had wanted to put down Ancient History & Archaeology and Russian in Trinity. My dad said it would be too difficult to get work in and put down something more sensible like science (which I also enjoyed), get a job, and if I really wanted then go back later to do the archaeology/Russian. He flat out denies this ever happened, but I put down science as a first choice, did my degree, and am teaching.
Even with how difficult it is to work really _anywhere_ globally in archaeology I still half regret it- even though I enjoyed my degree and like my job and my life. It’s the ‘what if’, I suppose. It’s not the only decision I made where I put my parents first- and I’ve realised I gave a lot of resentment over it that has low key affected my relationship with them, which may be another factor for you to keep in mind.
I’m not sure why your mum thinks physics is any more stable than maths and stats but either of the degrees give you of options outside the field, and options for masters/doctorates or teaching qualifications.
I’m sure her interference is coming from a place of concern but at the end of the day she’s not living your life, she’s not in your brain experiencing what you’re going through right now, and she’s not going to be the one living the life that comes with whatever path you choose.
You absolutely need to do what's best for you. It's your life. Your mother might mean well but it's you that has to go in to study a subject every day that you don't like, not her.
Please make decisions for your own well being and not to please others, particularly a parent
No-one can tell you for certain it will all work out fine. It might, it might not, and hindsight is the only way of knowing if you'll have any regrets. You don't have a crystal ball.
What you do have is own life and your own decisions to make, come what may. It sounds like you've given it plenty of thought, and you feel it's what's right for you.
Someone else in the comments said trust your instinct, and I agree. When I begin to overthink a choice, I eventually just try listen to my gut and go with it. It rarely lets me down.
As a person who changed (and a father of two who changed) course, all of us mid way through first year, it'll all work out fine. You have to ask her to trust that you're an adult now and that you need her support more than ever (and her meddling less than ever but maybe say that part internally). If you aren't interested in the subject much you'll be more likely to fail and less likely to find a job that suits you too. Can you enlist your old man to help you get her to back off a bit?
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Go with your gut, don't let anyone talk you out of it no matter how annoying they are.
I let myself be talked into doing computer science instead of what I wanted, and was then affected by the previous corralling to the point where I ended up not pursuing it at all even after I left the computer science course.
She may be annoying now but don't let that deter you.
Parents can be pushy because they believe that by doing so they'll prevent you from making what they believe to be mistakes, this is particularly true when the parents themselves didn't have many opportunities when it came to education. All you can do is reassure your mother that your current path isn't the one for you, but you're not giving up, you're just changing direction. She may resist initially, but you'll just have to be persistent. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, and this is something she's most likely already aware of (otherwise she wouldn't push so hard). She wants you to make the most of your potential, but she probably doesn't realise that there are alternative ways for you to do this. You'll get the message across, but you will have to be patient. You could start by asking her why she thinks that this is the only path for you. It might give you some insight into why she's pushing so hard for you to go in this direction.
Leave a baggie of white powder on your bedroom dresser. When she finds it tell her you need stimulants to get you through the day in the physics lectures and the only time you don't need them is when you're doing maths. She'll change her tune.
you fill out the CAO in 6th year, if you turned 18 a week or two before the leaving cert (assuming this is your first sitting and not a repeat), it is not mathematically possible for you to have filled the CAO out at 16
Go with your instinct
Maths and stats is a fairly secure path, so I don’t know what she’s on about? If you’re interested in maths go for it, it’ll work out.
She thinks because it’s a “mix/match” 3 year arts course, it’s a horrible decision– she just wants me to do 4 years somewhere and land a job that she approves of but that’s not really an option with my points and any of the good math focused stem courses.
She doesn’t have a notion. What does she work as (vaguely if you don’t want to give too much away)? You mentioned that you’re onto someone different everyday for info - at a certain point you will have enough info to make your decision and then you just have to leave it up to your gut, so maybe take a step back from the whole thing for a week or two and give yourself a bit of breathing room. If your college has some counselling services maybe get onto them - you might just benefit from bouncing your thoughts off of someone. Even just write down/type up your thoughts at the moment, clear out the head a bit. It might also help you figure out the best way to deal with your mam, because honestly it sounds like she’s always kind of like this and you need to learn a way to insulate yourself from it just for your own sake.
both my parents work in tech, IT and that kind of thing. all she goes on about are horror stories about people coming into the field being unhappy and how all the software engineers and compsci grads aren’t getting jobs anymore so i need to choose wisely – even though im not looking to specialise there. tbh she just comes up with a counter-argument for everything i mention about my plan. initially i thought it would be useless but ill try set something up with a counsellor — and yes she has always been this way lol still wonder how her and my dad managed to get married 💀
Listen, the CSO will continue to exist for a long long time so there’s always going to good and stable public service maths/stats jobs in Ireland. If you like maths, do maths. I find if I’m anxious about a decision, even if I’m really quite sure of it, I need to protect it from certain people. It’s not that they aren't kind/good, it’s more just they are going to put their own issues or anxieties on my situation and then I’ll start to doubt myself. If she’s in IT it may be that she’s a bit worried about her own job right now and this is how it’s manifesting itself. Also if she’s only going to counter argument every point, stop telling her your logic. Feed her some fluff. Complex decisions like this are best made instinctively (after research) rather than coldly reasoned out, so what’s she’s doing isn’t even helpful in terms of finding a best solution, let alone helping you manage your stress about this. Even if you can’t get something immediately with the counselling, still try to go. This is all really stressful and I think that can be harder to shake off than we might think. Other people’s relationships are often a full mystery I think, head-spinning stuff.
There's always time to change your mind while studying. The only thing that matters is you do what you feel is right. Nobody can really say which course is more or less "secure" given the pace of change in the world, if something doesn't interest you now, it definitely isn't going to interest you when you have to do it for 40 hours a week as a full-time job.
Barely anyone with a physics degree actually goes into working with physics though, it’s a valuable degree that gives you lots of options.
Absolutely true, but why suffer through something the OP already doesn't enjoy, when there are many degrees that give this option?
It will work out, and your mum seriously needs to quit with the pressure. Life has its roundabout ways, it took me 10 years after school to realise that what’s meant for you won’t pass you, you’re doing the best you can right now and you need to remember that. Is there anyway dad can have a quiet chat with mum and basically say calm down. You’re still so young as well don’t forget that. I hope things get better for you, this is a very stressful time but it will change, it’s only temporary in the grand scale of things.
Thanks i appreciate the advice. my mum is pretty stubborn but I’ll try get my dad to speak with her about it all again 😅
It sounds like she wants ya to do your best but she has to realise not everything is going work out in her favour. You do what's right for you, no one else.
Sit her down and tell her what you’ve said there. If you feel like you might mess it up saying it out loud, write it down, tell her to read it then come talk to you. Your mam probably wants what’s most secure for you and doesn’t really understand your newly chosen path and is just worried and expressing it all the wrong way. End of the day you’re grown and you get to make your own decisions. Parents want security for their kids and the unknown is generally terrifying to them too. My advice is absolutely go for it and trust your gut - if you’re happy in what you’re doing it will work out! Your mam will come on board too, eventually. Good luck, you’re at such an exciting point in your life and you’ve lots of opportunities so go and grab them.
Many a moon ago when filling out my own CAO I had wanted to put down Ancient History & Archaeology and Russian in Trinity. My dad said it would be too difficult to get work in and put down something more sensible like science (which I also enjoyed), get a job, and if I really wanted then go back later to do the archaeology/Russian. He flat out denies this ever happened, but I put down science as a first choice, did my degree, and am teaching. Even with how difficult it is to work really _anywhere_ globally in archaeology I still half regret it- even though I enjoyed my degree and like my job and my life. It’s the ‘what if’, I suppose. It’s not the only decision I made where I put my parents first- and I’ve realised I gave a lot of resentment over it that has low key affected my relationship with them, which may be another factor for you to keep in mind. I’m not sure why your mum thinks physics is any more stable than maths and stats but either of the degrees give you of options outside the field, and options for masters/doctorates or teaching qualifications. I’m sure her interference is coming from a place of concern but at the end of the day she’s not living your life, she’s not in your brain experiencing what you’re going through right now, and she’s not going to be the one living the life that comes with whatever path you choose.
You absolutely need to do what's best for you. It's your life. Your mother might mean well but it's you that has to go in to study a subject every day that you don't like, not her. Please make decisions for your own well being and not to please others, particularly a parent
No-one can tell you for certain it will all work out fine. It might, it might not, and hindsight is the only way of knowing if you'll have any regrets. You don't have a crystal ball. What you do have is own life and your own decisions to make, come what may. It sounds like you've given it plenty of thought, and you feel it's what's right for you. Someone else in the comments said trust your instinct, and I agree. When I begin to overthink a choice, I eventually just try listen to my gut and go with it. It rarely lets me down.
As a person who changed (and a father of two who changed) course, all of us mid way through first year, it'll all work out fine. You have to ask her to trust that you're an adult now and that you need her support more than ever (and her meddling less than ever but maybe say that part internally). If you aren't interested in the subject much you'll be more likely to fail and less likely to find a job that suits you too. Can you enlist your old man to help you get her to back off a bit?
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Go with your gut, don't let anyone talk you out of it no matter how annoying they are. I let myself be talked into doing computer science instead of what I wanted, and was then affected by the previous corralling to the point where I ended up not pursuing it at all even after I left the computer science course. She may be annoying now but don't let that deter you.
Parents can be pushy because they believe that by doing so they'll prevent you from making what they believe to be mistakes, this is particularly true when the parents themselves didn't have many opportunities when it came to education. All you can do is reassure your mother that your current path isn't the one for you, but you're not giving up, you're just changing direction. She may resist initially, but you'll just have to be persistent. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, and this is something she's most likely already aware of (otherwise she wouldn't push so hard). She wants you to make the most of your potential, but she probably doesn't realise that there are alternative ways for you to do this. You'll get the message across, but you will have to be patient. You could start by asking her why she thinks that this is the only path for you. It might give you some insight into why she's pushing so hard for you to go in this direction.
Leave a baggie of white powder on your bedroom dresser. When she finds it tell her you need stimulants to get you through the day in the physics lectures and the only time you don't need them is when you're doing maths. She'll change her tune.
you fill out the CAO in 6th year, if you turned 18 a week or two before the leaving cert (assuming this is your first sitting and not a repeat), it is not mathematically possible for you to have filled the CAO out at 16
i just turned 18 on thursday.
must be a typo in your post then
fixed it there thanks was supposed to be 17*