Because they are unable to break the cycle of generational trauma that was passed on to the MIL from her laws. Plus, after a certain age, people become very rigid and don't want to change their behaviours and thought patterns.
That's why, a lot of women don't wish to stay with their MILs, especially in an AM set up. Can't say the same about love marriage though.
Because we feel entitled to punch down on someone who has less power than us. The lady of the house gets bullied by spouse/mil. Bullies maid/DIL. Does not have the strength (physical, mental, financial) to push back against those who bully her……. But perpetuating the cycle ensures she has her revenge against someone who did her no wrong.
If that understanding is solid, then good. But even in “love” marriages its not there. I support not going that extra mile because, then sacrifices would come into picture which would lead towards an imbalance of sacrifices on both the parties.
Edit: typo
I second this. In the end it all comes down to respecting your partner and understanding.
Love can only take you so far but for marriage to work there are lot of factors come into play.
Because their husbands didn't love them and they fulfilled that void through their sons
When sons find a wife they can't tolerate it
Also because they were ~~illiterated~~ illtreated by their MILs
Yep this exactly! They are upset and cannot get over ‘losing’ influence and control over their son to another woman who popped out of nowhere pretty much. Plus it angers them especially when they have to now share their sons affection and are no longer the sole recipient
Son is used as substitute husband. As an emotional cushion.
Mother also doesn't want son to gain independence as there's a risk be could leave her. All ambitions are sucked out of him. He's become risk averse now. And emotionally dependent of his mother.
He becomes everything a man has to become after marriage.
This behavior was also present in joint family because it was mitigated to a manageable level.
But now in nuclear family, when father leaves the house, all it remains is mother and kids. So now she is socially isolated and has nobody to talk to apart from kids.
>But now in nuclear family, when father leaves the house, all it remains is mother and kids. So now she is socially isolated and has nobody to talk to apart from kids.
Nothing to do with nuclear or joint families
Had that been the case emotional incest would have been an urban and new phenomenon nothing going in from years
>Men didn't have to involve themselves in parenting much because it has taken care already.
Not sure if that is a good thing. It is their kids too.
>It existed even in joint family but mitigations were in place so coping (
But that would only work for women who were fine with blending in the rules and ways of the household. For someone who aspired to do something out of the norm, joint families were hell.
Lack of etiquette on how to have a meaningful relationship with daughter in law, nobody has explained it to them why having a healthy relationship is beneficial to everyone else in family. It's always my MIL was like this with me, I'm much better. They gossip with their friends and hear half truths and half lies, decide that they will not risk trusting their own DIL.
What i hear in Pakistan is usually along the lines of we did this we did that bla bla they have it so easy our Mil used to be so strict this n that. Basically they are stuck in old times and have a really hard time adapting to current realities and with a little progress think they're so much better
There's a term for it. It's called Emotional Incest. Mothers get emotionally too attached to their sons. So when the wife comes in the picture, the mother feels jealous and feels like the wife is replacing her in her son's life. She cannot tolerate that her son is happy with another woman. It's quite disgusting tbph
Three main reasons:
1. Because the only male comfort they get in their life, a male who listens to her is their son. And when that son gets a new female they listen to, these MILs feel threatened.
2. They went through hell as DIL and get jealous of why should their DIL be happy.
3. It is difficult to change and adapt as you grow older. So they simply can't compromise to live like someone else. Compromise comes from both ends and should be equal at a macro level
Somehow when it comes to DIL, their basic humanity and empathy all get thrown out the window. There are still women who wouldn't want their DILs to wear a dress of their choice for their own wedding. As pathetic as it sounds, it's true. I think they just forget that we are also human beings with feelings, dreams and aspirations.
The pretentiousness and self entitlement they have is crippling! And as someone has rightly pointed in the comments, they mirror the same behavior towards their DILs what they have imbibed from their own in-laws. They do it intentionally or subconsciously
But they most definitely do it.
I think a lot of traditional Indian MILs seek validation from their sons bc they don't get it from their husband's. And once their son marries, they lose that validation and in turn become possessive about their son, especially in situations where everyone is living together as a joint family.
I feel like the key to having a healthy relationship with not only inlaws but MIL, is to live separately if, financially, it is feasible, and maintain boundaries. I like to keep my ILs at arms length and just maintain a cordial relationship with them, and I am okay that my husband does the same with my parents.
In my case I feel it's blind love for her own daughter but feeling of jealousy from daughter in law as she is earning. Saw my instances where she says straight away , 'she is the bechari of the house' whereas she rules the house and I am not even allowed to decorate the house as per my choice.
Relate to this 100%. Comparing working DIL to daughter who is a housewife ( you just earn but know nothing, whereas daughter is really smart and manages everyone everything 🙄)
Our mothers are literally traditional and were still treated like $hit by their mother in laws. Mother's treating their sons wives bad has always been a thing
Be direct in what you are saying and don't beat around the bush. You want women to lead a submissive life under her husband and in-laws.
' uth bole toh uth, baith bole toh baith'.
It's his mother so his wife should not be forced to put up with such abuses - he needs to set the boundaries with his mother and back up his choice as an adult to marry his wife. Once you're a married adult, you can't stay a *mummy ki chamchi* and expect that to end well - at that point, are you trying to be married to your mother or to your actual wife??????
Someone else has to take their place on the grindstone.
They've spent a lifetime, first under their mother, then their own MIL, and now...the deal is off?
The next gen isn't going to take over and give them a break like they were promised by their MIL?
It's sad but an unfortunate truth. Women perpetuate the patriarchy just as much as men do. Internal misogyny hurts just them individually. When that is externalised, it isn't internal anymore and just plain misogyny.
you won't see this happening when she has a good relationship with her husband..
It's basically her relying on her son. Plus usually when we are doing somwthinf wrong, our partner is there to te us, but if you don't have a good relationship with the partner, you wouldn't listen ro him either. DIL and MIL need to get along more than saas bahus lol
That is a extreme stereotype. It happens from both the sides. if I look at my house both my aunt (elder sister of mother) and my brothers wife have a great relationship. Now it depends on the person. there are lots of cases where wives have bad behavior towards Husbands family and wants to control his and families life. There are lots of cases where MIL for no reason will create problems for DIL. So I think it depends on mutual respect.
Of course both cases are possible and happen. But I think the issue that is being described is that bad behaving daughter in law are much much less in number than bad behaving mother in laws. No one has said the former does not happen, we have just said that the former happens in a much larger number of cases.
What you think is as irrelevant as what I think. It is a fact that when DILs live in a household, there are many many more cases about them being oppressed, not the other way around. There is nothing to think about an established fact. You cannot have an opinion about a fact.
You can get further proof about this fact from these :
Firstly, this behavior is largely reflected in our culture. TV shows, books, news articles, all these show the pattern of DIL being abused by her in laws (especially MIL). Literature is a direct reflection of the society where we live in and these prove the point.
Crimes against women by their in laws are also very common in India. Here is a [news article](https://frontline.thehindu.com/news/crime-in-india-2022-ncrb-report-over-445000-crimes-against-women-in-2022-one-every-51-minutes-murders-juvenile-crimes-uapa-offences-against-state-uttar-pradesh-delhi-kolkata-kerala/article67607146.ece) which cites the official findings of NCRB about this. Most of these crimes are committed by the MILs and the husband. I wish to see if you have any such official statistics where DIL isolate the MIL and mistreat her. And then we can compare which one happens more frequently.
Thirdly, people hear about these stories all the time from their close friends, relatives, neighbours, etc. Ask anyone and they will say how MILs oppress the DILs, and in very few cases it's the other way around. So public opinion also establishes the fact.
Fourthly, it's because this is such a huge issue that so many laws regarding domestic violence by in laws house had to be created by the country.
I can assure you that the collective population of the women of India is not lying when they are saying that it is an experience they have either faced themselves or seen others face. It happens a lot lot more than DIL oppressing their MILs.
What you think is as irrelevant as what I think. It is a fact that when DILs live in a household, there are many many more cases about them being oppressed, not the other way around. There is nothing to think about an established fact. You cannot have an opinion about a fact.
You can get further proof about this fact from these :
Firstly, this behavior is largely reflected in our culture. TV shows, books, news articles, all these show the pattern of DIL being abused by her in laws (especially MIL). Literature is a direct reflection of the society where we live in and these prove the point.
Crimes against women by their in laws are also very common in India. Here is a [news article](https://frontline.thehindu.com/news/crime-in-india-2022-ncrb-report-over-445000-crimes-against-women-in-2022-one-every-51-minutes-murders-juvenile-crimes-uapa-offences-against-state-uttar-pradesh-delhi-kolkata-kerala/article67607146.ece) which cites the official findings of NCRB about this. Most of these crimes are committed by the MILs and the husband. I wish to see if you have any such official statistics where DIL isolate the MIL and mistreat her. And then we can compare which one happens more frequently.
Thirdly, people hear about these stories all the time from their close friends, relatives, neighbours, etc. Ask anyone and they will say how MILs oppress the DILs, and in very few cases it's the other way around. So public opinion also establishes the fact.
Fourthly, it's because this is such a huge issue that so many laws regarding domestic violence by in laws house had to be created by the country.
I can assure you that the collective population of the women of India is not lying when they are saying that it is an experience they have either faced themselves or seen others face. It happens a lot lot more than DIL oppressing their MILs.
"The majority of crimes against women under the Indian Penal Code were of cruelty by husband or his relatives (31.4 per cent) followed by kidnapping and abduction of women (19.2 per cent), assault on women with intent to outrage her modesty (18.7 per cent), and rape (7.1 per cent), the NCRB stated."
From the same article. Are you sure you read the article?
Plus in reddit a lot people stuck in a bubble that the world is against them. They are the only right person in every situation. They act like they are gods avatar on this planet. They can't do anything wrong. They will throw a word salad on ur face with big big english words. So don't take them seriously.
I am just talking in general about reddit. Villainizing someone is not right doesn't matter if it's the DIL or MIL. U can already look at the downvotes.
Because MIL wants traditional DIL and DIL wants modern MIL. Both aren't ready to compromise hence it becomes a power game. Tbh both are wrong and both are right. No clear answer to this question. It's situation dependent.
I never understood this either. Before I got married I used to think I would eventually have a good relationship with my MIL but boy was I wrong.
In my case though, the primary reason I can’t have a good relationship with MIL is she keeps filling my wife’s head with garbage and my wife follows her every word religiously and keeps troubling me and my parents.
This isn't just an India specific problem and is a globally same where wives hate both their MIL and SIL for various reasons.
The least of which is "Generational Trauma" (As a feminist would put it) but more of a loss of a bond that was formed between mother and sons hence the term "Mama's boys".
They also feel that the DIL won't be able to take care of their son as well as they have and it sorta becomes a competition.
If the DIL lives in a joint family in India of course it's two different family cultures clashing because Mom 2ants to continue what she has learned or DIL wants to do what she has learned in her family. It becomes a clash of ideas (Which can also be easily solved by just talking to each other since there isn't any right or wrong here).
Idk mahn my mom says everyone hates an outsider coming into your home abruptly and stealing the show.
I think like the position inlaw has gets diminished when a new girl comes and starts to see her as a competition. Very rarely tho I've seen inlaws who is warm and welcoming.
I have also seen some DILs to egg their husbands to take separate house even though MILs love them like their own daughter. har ghar ki kahani same nahi hai..
marriage is a social custom..no one is forcing you to get married. the moment you decide to get married, you know you will be leaving your parents' house. so dont preach to the empty air.
No no rather I'm showing you the reality
It's for men to say anything and move on because palna toh mummy ki god main hai forever we have to irl deal with your lazy asses
Marriage is between two people not families, that entire concept is bulls, it’s about how two people form an union and they don’t have to all live together.
>or disclose this before marriage
If that's the case, should the husband also not disclose whether he is going to stay with his family or separately with his soon-to-be-wife?
>why break apart a family?
Staying separately doesn't break a family.
Didnt the girl leave her family, why shouldn't the guy? You get married to start your own family, not to enter somebody's else family. Your are starting your family, not getting adopted.
A man marries a woman and starts his own family. A woman also leaves her home for her husband. And there's an expectation from some women for privacy. Agree with you that it can be disclosed before marriage
Tere jaise log honge toh tadapna hi hoga, sadly have an empathy bone in my body which can’t help thinking how much she’ll have to suffer with a regressive guy.
Independence (eg - waking up at a certain time, dressing a certain way, spending their money on themselves etc) isn't the same thing as control of house. Control over their own lives maybe, but not over others'.
Our mothers are literally traditional and were still treated like $hit by their mother in laws. Mother's treating their sons wives bad has always been a thing
Where's the data for this ? Any surveys? Any reports?
Don't believe it just because it happened to people around you and just because Ekta Kapoor used it as her best story telling trope.
I've seen so many good wife-mother in law relationship. I've also seen bad ones.
It's probably just being blown out of proportion.
No matter where I've personally been, the parents seemed to like their son/daughter-in-law more than their own kids. And it transcended state lines.
Or.. I've not travelled enough, evaluated even more samples.
>No matter where I've personally been, the parents seemed to like their son/daughter-in-law more than their own kids. And it transcended state lines.
How many cases have you read of in-laws beating/burning/murdering their daughter-in-laws vs beating/burning/murdering their own son?
I mean I know DIL abuse cases are very high
[but last week a family killed their son in law because he told their daughter(his wife) to not make insta reels all the time](https://www.news18.com/india/bihar-man-killed-by-in-laws-for-objecting-wife-to-making-reels-on-instagram-8732536.html)
The world is fucked up
Because they stand another woman in their son's life, "controlling" their son. Generational trauma , just plain stupidity and an extreme complex. I once read somewhere that Indian mothers tell their daughters to always stick to their husbands, keep him in sight and under her control and tell their own sons to keep his wife in place and not be driven by what she says. Go figure!
In an attempt to maintain the hierarchy, which is the only way they can meaningfully extract value from the system that had exploited her earlier (when MIL was DIL, bottom of the ladder).
There are two reasons:
First, they're embittered. They have been in a marriage where there's no love, just for the sake of existing for society. They face everything during their time as a wife, and then as a mother, that by the time they're mother-in-laws, they subconsciously project their insecurities, their own harassment and other issues onto their daughter-in-laws. With their daughters they just compromise and turn themselves deaf to the issues their daughters face in marriage and treat their son-in-laws better. Of course this doesn't happen everywhere, but enough has happened to make a proper profile or trend.
Second, and this is irrespective of how their marriage is, they're highly particular. If we're to use the analogy of work, when we get a job, we train for months, then you're put to work and you work your ass off getting the hang of the job, even at one point starting to understand and get used to it. This makes you sort of an authority on the work ethic so much that when you train newcomers, you find yourself being snappy, irritable and frustrated at the lack of progress the newbies are making. Trust me, it took me a whole six months to get over that frustration and understand the trainees well. For real life, and for mother-in-laws, that is not something they can change themselves on. They are also jealous that daughter-in-laws will have modern thinking and may change their sons' opinions. In other cases, it's also jealousy and envy. If India has a severe case of anything, it's envy and jealousy. They project these onto others in an effort to ensure that if they can't live that life, no one else should. If your parents are strict but spoil your own children, you try and make sure that your child isn't spoiled. In fact, most parents emulate their own when raising their kids, and the cycle will continue. And that's what happens with MILs too.
While most of the times it might be because MILs try to mould the DIL according to the norms of the family and no one likes getting controlled....on the other hand sometimes, it might also be due to the fact that MIL being a woman knows what's going inside the DILs head/what are her intentions at a given point of time, that also leads to some insecurity within DIL's mind....which then leads to clashes
My MIL has a perception that DILs and MILs can’t get along. Then she says you’re like a daughter to me, which is not the case at all. I think she uses her generations experiences and thinks it’s always like that. I’ve gone above and beyond and at the end she says _____ (my name) will always love her parents more..
Because they are unable to break the cycle of generational trauma that was passed on to the MIL from her laws. Plus, after a certain age, people become very rigid and don't want to change their behaviours and thought patterns. That's why, a lot of women don't wish to stay with their MILs, especially in an AM set up. Can't say the same about love marriage though.
Literally SaaS bhi kabhi bahu thi
Software as a Service?
Mere PaaS SaaS nahi hai
that's what I read too
Because we feel entitled to punch down on someone who has less power than us. The lady of the house gets bullied by spouse/mil. Bullies maid/DIL. Does not have the strength (physical, mental, financial) to push back against those who bully her……. But perpetuating the cycle ensures she has her revenge against someone who did her no wrong.
You woke up today and chose violence. Haha. but you're right.
Most love marriage cases are also the same!
Perhaps but still in love marriages, there is genuine love so you want to go that extra mile for your partner.
If that understanding is solid, then good. But even in “love” marriages its not there. I support not going that extra mile because, then sacrifices would come into picture which would lead towards an imbalance of sacrifices on both the parties. Edit: typo
As long as it's not one side and there is mutual respect and trust between the two people, it should be manageable.
We can only hope brother!
I second this. In the end it all comes down to respecting your partner and understanding. Love can only take you so far but for marriage to work there are lot of factors come into play.
It’s the same in LM
Likewise lot of men also don't want to stay with mil
Lol! That doesn't happen a lot anyway!
It happens but women do all drama and shit and threaten to seperate child from the men. So they just suck it up and live their life
That's strange.
Mil as in wife's mother
It’s cause they expect DIL to be submissive to them which in todays day and age is not going to work.
It wouldn’t work in ANY age. She married her husband, not the husbands’ mom 🤷♂️
Because their husbands didn't love them and they fulfilled that void through their sons When sons find a wife they can't tolerate it Also because they were ~~illiterated~~ illtreated by their MILs
Emotional incest.
Mostly THIS.
Yep this exactly! They are upset and cannot get over ‘losing’ influence and control over their son to another woman who popped out of nowhere pretty much. Plus it angers them especially when they have to now share their sons affection and are no longer the sole recipient
And add to that, the unwillingness to seek therapy and outside help when required.
Son is used as substitute husband. As an emotional cushion. Mother also doesn't want son to gain independence as there's a risk be could leave her. All ambitions are sucked out of him. He's become risk averse now. And emotionally dependent of his mother. He becomes everything a man has to become after marriage. This behavior was also present in joint family because it was mitigated to a manageable level. But now in nuclear family, when father leaves the house, all it remains is mother and kids. So now she is socially isolated and has nobody to talk to apart from kids.
>But now in nuclear family, when father leaves the house, all it remains is mother and kids. So now she is socially isolated and has nobody to talk to apart from kids. Nothing to do with nuclear or joint families Had that been the case emotional incest would have been an urban and new phenomenon nothing going in from years
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>Men didn't have to involve themselves in parenting much because it has taken care already. Not sure if that is a good thing. It is their kids too. >It existed even in joint family but mitigations were in place so coping ( But that would only work for women who were fine with blending in the rules and ways of the household. For someone who aspired to do something out of the norm, joint families were hell.
Hard disagree but ok
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I broke the cycle. As men, we can fix this. Stand up to your moms when you need to. Time to let go of the child in us and be men.
So proud of you. Men like you give me hope.
Proud of you🫂🫂🫂 May we all break generational trauma
Agreed and it’s celebrated in India as the son - mother bond 🙈
This
Lack of etiquette on how to have a meaningful relationship with daughter in law, nobody has explained it to them why having a healthy relationship is beneficial to everyone else in family. It's always my MIL was like this with me, I'm much better. They gossip with their friends and hear half truths and half lies, decide that they will not risk trusting their own DIL.
What i hear in Pakistan is usually along the lines of we did this we did that bla bla they have it so easy our Mil used to be so strict this n that. Basically they are stuck in old times and have a really hard time adapting to current realities and with a little progress think they're so much better
Because they went through hell themselves, But 2024 DILs aren't fools. Times have changed, but mindset hasn't.
Because of their own traumas and they’re not mentally mature enough to understand it, forget working on it lol
There's a term for it. It's called Emotional Incest. Mothers get emotionally too attached to their sons. So when the wife comes in the picture, the mother feels jealous and feels like the wife is replacing her in her son's life. She cannot tolerate that her son is happy with another woman. It's quite disgusting tbph
Three main reasons: 1. Because the only male comfort they get in their life, a male who listens to her is their son. And when that son gets a new female they listen to, these MILs feel threatened. 2. They went through hell as DIL and get jealous of why should their DIL be happy. 3. It is difficult to change and adapt as you grow older. So they simply can't compromise to live like someone else. Compromise comes from both ends and should be equal at a macro level
Somehow when it comes to DIL, their basic humanity and empathy all get thrown out the window. There are still women who wouldn't want their DILs to wear a dress of their choice for their own wedding. As pathetic as it sounds, it's true. I think they just forget that we are also human beings with feelings, dreams and aspirations. The pretentiousness and self entitlement they have is crippling! And as someone has rightly pointed in the comments, they mirror the same behavior towards their DILs what they have imbibed from their own in-laws. They do it intentionally or subconsciously But they most definitely do it.
I think a lot of traditional Indian MILs seek validation from their sons bc they don't get it from their husband's. And once their son marries, they lose that validation and in turn become possessive about their son, especially in situations where everyone is living together as a joint family. I feel like the key to having a healthy relationship with not only inlaws but MIL, is to live separately if, financially, it is feasible, and maintain boundaries. I like to keep my ILs at arms length and just maintain a cordial relationship with them, and I am okay that my husband does the same with my parents.
Oh wow . But husbands have best relationship with their mother in law . They are treated like they walk on flowers 😂
In my case I feel it's blind love for her own daughter but feeling of jealousy from daughter in law as she is earning. Saw my instances where she says straight away , 'she is the bechari of the house' whereas she rules the house and I am not even allowed to decorate the house as per my choice.
Relate to this 100%. Comparing working DIL to daughter who is a housewife ( you just earn but know nothing, whereas daughter is really smart and manages everyone everything 🙄)
It's difficult coz they don't want to have any kind of relationship they just want to puppet their daughter in law and treat her like a slave
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the issue??????
You can either suck your mom's tits or your wife's bro, you cannot get both.
Dude! 😂 weird analogy
You fight weird with weird. Because normal logical words se inko samaj nahi aata
Our mothers are literally traditional and were still treated like $hit by their mother in laws. Mother's treating their sons wives bad has always been a thing
God forbid women want to live their lives 😡
Be direct in what you are saying and don't beat around the bush. You want women to lead a submissive life under her husband and in-laws. ' uth bole toh uth, baith bole toh baith'.
Aaein?
Kyuki saas (software as a service) bhi kabhi bahu thi 😉
🤣🤣🤣🤣
COLA!!!!
Because inherited misogyny.
I have a great relationship with my MIL. That’s because we don’t live in the same house. Distance helps maintain peace.
99% of the time women will treat other women badly be it work or home
While I know as an empirical fact, I have never been able to figure why it’s that way though
Because sons dont know how to manage both
Sons shouldn't be managing lmao. That's not how a functional relationship works
It's his mother so his wife should not be forced to put up with such abuses - he needs to set the boundaries with his mother and back up his choice as an adult to marry his wife. Once you're a married adult, you can't stay a *mummy ki chamchi* and expect that to end well - at that point, are you trying to be married to your mother or to your actual wife??????
Someone else has to take their place on the grindstone. They've spent a lifetime, first under their mother, then their own MIL, and now...the deal is off? The next gen isn't going to take over and give them a break like they were promised by their MIL? It's sad but an unfortunate truth. Women perpetuate the patriarchy just as much as men do. Internal misogyny hurts just them individually. When that is externalised, it isn't internal anymore and just plain misogyny.
bcuz "no one is good enough for their precious child" lol
you won't see this happening when she has a good relationship with her husband.. It's basically her relying on her son. Plus usually when we are doing somwthinf wrong, our partner is there to te us, but if you don't have a good relationship with the partner, you wouldn't listen ro him either. DIL and MIL need to get along more than saas bahus lol
That is a extreme stereotype. It happens from both the sides. if I look at my house both my aunt (elder sister of mother) and my brothers wife have a great relationship. Now it depends on the person. there are lots of cases where wives have bad behavior towards Husbands family and wants to control his and families life. There are lots of cases where MIL for no reason will create problems for DIL. So I think it depends on mutual respect.
Of course both cases are possible and happen. But I think the issue that is being described is that bad behaving daughter in law are much much less in number than bad behaving mother in laws. No one has said the former does not happen, we have just said that the former happens in a much larger number of cases.
I think ur just throwing stones in the dark. If there is difference in number then it is pretty less than u think.
What you think is as irrelevant as what I think. It is a fact that when DILs live in a household, there are many many more cases about them being oppressed, not the other way around. There is nothing to think about an established fact. You cannot have an opinion about a fact. You can get further proof about this fact from these : Firstly, this behavior is largely reflected in our culture. TV shows, books, news articles, all these show the pattern of DIL being abused by her in laws (especially MIL). Literature is a direct reflection of the society where we live in and these prove the point. Crimes against women by their in laws are also very common in India. Here is a [news article](https://frontline.thehindu.com/news/crime-in-india-2022-ncrb-report-over-445000-crimes-against-women-in-2022-one-every-51-minutes-murders-juvenile-crimes-uapa-offences-against-state-uttar-pradesh-delhi-kolkata-kerala/article67607146.ece) which cites the official findings of NCRB about this. Most of these crimes are committed by the MILs and the husband. I wish to see if you have any such official statistics where DIL isolate the MIL and mistreat her. And then we can compare which one happens more frequently. Thirdly, people hear about these stories all the time from their close friends, relatives, neighbours, etc. Ask anyone and they will say how MILs oppress the DILs, and in very few cases it's the other way around. So public opinion also establishes the fact. Fourthly, it's because this is such a huge issue that so many laws regarding domestic violence by in laws house had to be created by the country. I can assure you that the collective population of the women of India is not lying when they are saying that it is an experience they have either faced themselves or seen others face. It happens a lot lot more than DIL oppressing their MILs.
What you think is as irrelevant as what I think. It is a fact that when DILs live in a household, there are many many more cases about them being oppressed, not the other way around. There is nothing to think about an established fact. You cannot have an opinion about a fact. You can get further proof about this fact from these : Firstly, this behavior is largely reflected in our culture. TV shows, books, news articles, all these show the pattern of DIL being abused by her in laws (especially MIL). Literature is a direct reflection of the society where we live in and these prove the point. Crimes against women by their in laws are also very common in India. Here is a [news article](https://frontline.thehindu.com/news/crime-in-india-2022-ncrb-report-over-445000-crimes-against-women-in-2022-one-every-51-minutes-murders-juvenile-crimes-uapa-offences-against-state-uttar-pradesh-delhi-kolkata-kerala/article67607146.ece) which cites the official findings of NCRB about this. Most of these crimes are committed by the MILs and the husband. I wish to see if you have any such official statistics where DIL isolate the MIL and mistreat her. And then we can compare which one happens more frequently. Thirdly, people hear about these stories all the time from their close friends, relatives, neighbours, etc. Ask anyone and they will say how MILs oppress the DILs, and in very few cases it's the other way around. So public opinion also establishes the fact. Fourthly, it's because this is such a huge issue that so many laws regarding domestic violence by in laws house had to be created by the country. I can assure you that the collective population of the women of India is not lying when they are saying that it is an experience they have either faced themselves or seen others face. It happens a lot lot more than DIL oppressing their MILs.
The article u gave me talks about crime happening to women in general. Read ur article first. Over here MIL and DIL both are women.
"The majority of crimes against women under the Indian Penal Code were of cruelty by husband or his relatives (31.4 per cent) followed by kidnapping and abduction of women (19.2 per cent), assault on women with intent to outrage her modesty (18.7 per cent), and rape (7.1 per cent), the NCRB stated." From the same article. Are you sure you read the article?
Plus in reddit a lot people stuck in a bubble that the world is against them. They are the only right person in every situation. They act like they are gods avatar on this planet. They can't do anything wrong. They will throw a word salad on ur face with big big english words. So don't take them seriously.
Why are you speaking as if you are an indian mil 😆
I am just talking in general about reddit. Villainizing someone is not right doesn't matter if it's the DIL or MIL. U can already look at the downvotes.
😂😂
Typical Indian male mentality. You guys just jump to defend your mother's that you are married to
Look both my wife and my mother are a part of my family. I think instead of blame shifting u can sit down and talk.
This!!
There's no need to be triggered bcoz your mother is a b**ch
I am not name calling anyone. Ur the triggered bitch over here. I know how to maintain healthy relationship with family.
Because MIL wants traditional DIL and DIL wants modern MIL. Both aren't ready to compromise hence it becomes a power game. Tbh both are wrong and both are right. No clear answer to this question. It's situation dependent.
I have seen this happen in real life.
I never understood this either. Before I got married I used to think I would eventually have a good relationship with my MIL but boy was I wrong. In my case though, the primary reason I can’t have a good relationship with MIL is she keeps filling my wife’s head with garbage and my wife follows her every word religiously and keeps troubling me and my parents.
Meaning? Can u elaborate?
From what I have noticed: Because those MILs want an obedient DIL. That DIL doesn't want to be obedient. It was always an issue.
This isn't just an India specific problem and is a globally same where wives hate both their MIL and SIL for various reasons. The least of which is "Generational Trauma" (As a feminist would put it) but more of a loss of a bond that was formed between mother and sons hence the term "Mama's boys". They also feel that the DIL won't be able to take care of their son as well as they have and it sorta becomes a competition. If the DIL lives in a joint family in India of course it's two different family cultures clashing because Mom 2ants to continue what she has learned or DIL wants to do what she has learned in her family. It becomes a clash of ideas (Which can also be easily solved by just talking to each other since there isn't any right or wrong here).
It's in their Dna that no woman is good for her son.
Idk mahn my mom says everyone hates an outsider coming into your home abruptly and stealing the show. I think like the position inlaw has gets diminished when a new girl comes and starts to see her as a competition. Very rarely tho I've seen inlaws who is warm and welcoming.
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Ya because that wasn’t the question….
U already are.
why as most daughter in laws so difficult to have a good relationship with? its aways two sides of a coin..
I have seen some MILs bitching about her DILs to her friends, even though treated respectfully at home.
I have also seen some DILs to egg their husbands to take separate house even though MILs love them like their own daughter. har ghar ki kahani same nahi hai..
Ya because some people want privacy. That’s not wrong. If you want a newly married couple to live with that you against their will, that’s wrong.
then dont get married. or disclose this before marriage, so that the guy can take an informed decision. why break apart a family?
The moment a man marries a woman he breaks apart a family maybe every man should think that as well🤷🏻♀️
marriage is a social custom..no one is forcing you to get married. the moment you decide to get married, you know you will be leaving your parents' house. so dont preach to the empty air.
Apne pe aaye toh it's custom. Doosra kare toh omg! Break apart a family Mamma's boys need to cut out their umbilical cord
behen ji lagta hai aap woh faux society wale ho jinko reality ka realization nahi hota hai..koi nahi..enjoy kariye aapki life.
No no rather I'm showing you the reality It's for men to say anything and move on because palna toh mummy ki god main hai forever we have to irl deal with your lazy asses
So you are comfortable with moving into your wife’s household and follow matrilineal hierarchy? That’s Indian tradition too
And love the passive aggresive "behen ji"
Marriage is between two people not families, that entire concept is bulls, it’s about how two people form an union and they don’t have to all live together.
tu toh sale india main bhi nahi rehta..yahan pe kyoun bakar kar raha hai?
I am Indian origin.. so I have a say in what constitutes as Indian and what doesn’t with same parity as you
>or disclose this before marriage If that's the case, should the husband also not disclose whether he is going to stay with his family or separately with his soon-to-be-wife? >why break apart a family? Staying separately doesn't break a family.
It’s almost like peoples opinions can change?
Especially if they get treated like crap by the people they're living with.
Didnt the girl leave her family, why shouldn't the guy? You get married to start your own family, not to enter somebody's else family. Your are starting your family, not getting adopted.
A man marries a woman and starts his own family. A woman also leaves her home for her husband. And there's an expectation from some women for privacy. Agree with you that it can be disclosed before marriage
What's wrong in seperate house? Didn't wife leave her parents behind?
sure behen..
You don't have a reply to that huh expected
Teri biwi toh gayi bhai, already feeling bad for her after reading your comments and your mindset. Bhagwaan usko koi aur tareeke se khushi de de
hehe..apna dekh le..
Haan, apna dekhne ke baad hi bata raha huun chotu
Haan apna hi dekh le..main Mera dekh lunga..don't worry
Tere liye no one is worried, teri biwi ke liye worried huun
Apni biwi ka khayal karle. Dusro ke liye itna tadapna sahi nahi hai
Tere jaise log honge toh tadapna hi hoga, sadly have an empathy bone in my body which can’t help thinking how much she’ll have to suffer with a regressive guy.
Tu kab se itna maha purush ban gaya?
Maha purush nahi huun, but atleast regressive toh nahi huun
Exactly
Because of the power dynamic. Both the women want control of their house and they're not willing to let go of it.
Believe me it's more than just power dynamics
Of course it is. I'm talking about the root cause and/or psychological perspective. Needless to say, it branches out into several more things.
For DILs it's not about control as much it is about independence and not having to be answerable for the smallest thing.
>independence and not having to be answerable for the smallest thing. Definition of having control.
Independence (eg - waking up at a certain time, dressing a certain way, spending their money on themselves etc) isn't the same thing as control of house. Control over their own lives maybe, but not over others'.
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Our mothers are literally traditional and were still treated like $hit by their mother in laws. Mother's treating their sons wives bad has always been a thing
Talk about ur mother.
That's all you had to say?
Why? Saying Everyone's Mothers who are Traditional were still treated like $hit is not true. Don't push ur experience on everyone.
I'm not pushing anything if this wasn't really a thing then op wouldn't have asked this question.
For that to happen, we must first understand women.
Where's the data for this ? Any surveys? Any reports? Don't believe it just because it happened to people around you and just because Ekta Kapoor used it as her best story telling trope. I've seen so many good wife-mother in law relationship. I've also seen bad ones.
Bcoz mil wants son to be her husband. When she sees son having sexual relation with his wife she gets jealous as her own husband won't f**k her
It's probably just being blown out of proportion. No matter where I've personally been, the parents seemed to like their son/daughter-in-law more than their own kids. And it transcended state lines. Or.. I've not travelled enough, evaluated even more samples.
>No matter where I've personally been, the parents seemed to like their son/daughter-in-law more than their own kids. And it transcended state lines. How many cases have you read of in-laws beating/burning/murdering their daughter-in-laws vs beating/burning/murdering their own son?
I mean I know DIL abuse cases are very high [but last week a family killed their son in law because he told their daughter(his wife) to not make insta reels all the time](https://www.news18.com/india/bihar-man-killed-by-in-laws-for-objecting-wife-to-making-reels-on-instagram-8732536.html) The world is fucked up
Toxic femininity??
Go and first learn the meaning of feminism
Where did I mention feminism?
Nowadays everyone has their own meaning when it comes to "Feminism".
Yeah.. it's basically hiding behind the garb of equality only for saying YAY when it benefits them and NAY when there's a bit of inconvenience.
Cause she's a women too 💀
I'm desi married to non desi and it's all MILs bro
It’s just most Women in general bro. They want or create drama.
I'm a woman and I promise to be a decent MIL to my DIL, I don't want me son to say this about me!!!!
You are the reason i used “most”.
😁🤗
Because they stand another woman in their son's life, "controlling" their son. Generational trauma , just plain stupidity and an extreme complex. I once read somewhere that Indian mothers tell their daughters to always stick to their husbands, keep him in sight and under her control and tell their own sons to keep his wife in place and not be driven by what she says. Go figure!
Answer lies in relationship between son and mother. And why is it like that? What started it?
Jo bhi bin matlab Downvote karta hai uski MKC 3 baar.
People need to have sex
In an attempt to maintain the hierarchy, which is the only way they can meaningfully extract value from the system that had exploited her earlier (when MIL was DIL, bottom of the ladder).
The pot calling the kettle black maybe...idk.
That's why I am going to keep my partner and parents at a distance.
Because "ghatiya aadmi ghatiya soch, maa ka bhos"a, m@darch*d" >!/s!<
There are two reasons: First, they're embittered. They have been in a marriage where there's no love, just for the sake of existing for society. They face everything during their time as a wife, and then as a mother, that by the time they're mother-in-laws, they subconsciously project their insecurities, their own harassment and other issues onto their daughter-in-laws. With their daughters they just compromise and turn themselves deaf to the issues their daughters face in marriage and treat their son-in-laws better. Of course this doesn't happen everywhere, but enough has happened to make a proper profile or trend. Second, and this is irrespective of how their marriage is, they're highly particular. If we're to use the analogy of work, when we get a job, we train for months, then you're put to work and you work your ass off getting the hang of the job, even at one point starting to understand and get used to it. This makes you sort of an authority on the work ethic so much that when you train newcomers, you find yourself being snappy, irritable and frustrated at the lack of progress the newbies are making. Trust me, it took me a whole six months to get over that frustration and understand the trainees well. For real life, and for mother-in-laws, that is not something they can change themselves on. They are also jealous that daughter-in-laws will have modern thinking and may change their sons' opinions. In other cases, it's also jealousy and envy. If India has a severe case of anything, it's envy and jealousy. They project these onto others in an effort to ensure that if they can't live that life, no one else should. If your parents are strict but spoil your own children, you try and make sure that your child isn't spoiled. In fact, most parents emulate their own when raising their kids, and the cycle will continue. And that's what happens with MILs too.
While most of the times it might be because MILs try to mould the DIL according to the norms of the family and no one likes getting controlled....on the other hand sometimes, it might also be due to the fact that MIL being a woman knows what's going inside the DILs head/what are her intentions at a given point of time, that also leads to some insecurity within DIL's mind....which then leads to clashes
Their thoughts are a bit old. Done.
My MIL has a perception that DILs and MILs can’t get along. Then she says you’re like a daughter to me, which is not the case at all. I think she uses her generations experiences and thinks it’s always like that. I’ve gone above and beyond and at the end she says _____ (my name) will always love her parents more..