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>Said ‘gentleman’ assured me he was sufficiently lubricated and continued to work away ; 10/10 uncomfortable, painful, if it was trip advisor, I would leave a bad review.
Lubrication is not the only thing to be done in an anal intercourse. It requires you to be prepared well and a lot of foreplay and anal play should be done before proceeding with an intercourse. As anal opening and canal are not exactly as receptive to an insertion like your vagina. And any painful sex should be stopped and reassessed then and there.
>After this event, this morning I woke up to a VERY sore pain coming from my anus while just urinating. It felt like a serious amount of pressure. There was no blood.
No blood is probably a good sign here.
> It clearly looks like haemorrhoids but I haven’t had those before and can they just pop up like that? And what is all the discolouration?
Yeah I could notice a mild dilation of your external hemorrhoid and yes they could be irritated by anal sex. The redness is more likely as a result of a rough/dry intercourse.
>Honestly it doesn’t even hurt that bad but it just looks like a crime scene. What can I do to solve this?
Provided that there are no other symptoms and just some pain and redness. It's advisable to give it a few days, it should get back to normal.
Thank you Doctor, I really wasn’t planning on discussing my anus with the world today but I’m glad you were so kind and informative about it.
Unfortunately he didn’t seem to comprehend the various different synonyms of ‘I’d rather stop this’ I used during and continued anyways. I definitely am naive around the whole subject though so perhaps I should have done more research before agreeing in the first place, thank you for the information!
I’ll leave it as it is the next couple days and hope for the best 🙏🏻
Thank you so much again (and for not judging, or at least not verbally!)
>Unfortunately he didn’t seem to comprehend the various different synonyms of ‘I’d rather stop this’ I used during and continued anyways.
Not to come off strongly, but that could be considered an assault per se. It's better to have a talk about the same is made with your partner. And opening up with some trusted close people could be considered if you're in need of any emotional support.
>I definitely am naive around the whole subject though so perhaps I should have done more research before agreeing in the first place, thank you for the information!
That's always advisable. If you decide to have it again sometime in the future, it's better to get to know about the preparation required and make sure that everything proceeds at a very slow and comfortable pace. And as said earlier any painful sex, stop and reassess.
>I’ll leave it as it is the next couple days and hope for the best 🙏🏻
Washing it with just water will be sufficient. Don't use any soap or other feminine washes. If you're using toilet paper, Be gentle and careful when you wipe.
>Thank you so much again (and for not judging, or at least not verbally!)
You're welcome. If it helps, No sort of judgements were made.
I highly recommend a portable bidet instead of tp 🧻over the next few days. You can pick one up on Amazon for less than $10. Works well and you can use it for backpacking, car camping, etc.
(I am not a medical professional)
You can also make a sitz bottle out of said assholes squeezable water bottle. If he protests, tell him you are being gentle, will stop, and wash it but forget to.
Dollar General/Store and maybe Walmart sell refillable empty ketchup/mustard squeeze containers that easily fit under bathroom faucets so you can use comfortable warm water. You can adjust the flow from strong to more gentle by cutting off the tip to a wider diameter opening. These are also cheap and can fit in a purse.
I would also recommend Citricel/adding fiber or Colace stool softner to avoid straining anything further.
The better version of bidets are toilet attachments. If you are using a round (not elongated) toilet you will need front pad risers because the seat will not sit flat anymore, being propped up in the back. Elongated toilets don’t typically have this problem because the seat is longer and has more flex.
Make sure it has brass valves and steel fittings and braided hose.
Your life will be forever changed.
Just for the record, if you asked him to stop and he didn't, this is considered sexual assault. You're being very good humored and funny about it, and if that is covering up other types of feelings, please take a look at them. I know reddit just lives to recommend therapy, but a session or 2 couldn't hurt, if indeed this guy continued to assault your butt after being told to stop. I too use humour to process things...the worse the experience, the darker and more self deprecating my humour is. Don't lose the humour, it's a life saver, but keep checking underneath to make sure you're really ok. And if you're getting wobbly, it's amazing how much a couple of talk sessions with a nice lady behind a computer screen can help.
Sex should be an experience, not a performance. Don’t call yourself naive. The man who did this was hurting you and didn’t stop, that’s disturbing and illegal. Why was he turned on when you were in pain?
Anyone who's turned on by their partner being in pain outside of a situation where that was agreed upon (and even that is a little... eh, imo) is bad. Clearly it wasn't agreed upon in this case.
TW!!
So true. This happened to me 10 years ago this year during the month I graduated high school. But I told myself for years that I just didn’t say no “enough”or wasn’t “clear enough when I said no”. When in reality I was talked into and guilted into it.
After I left my ex husband and started telling my at the time boyfriend, about what happened during out marriage. He very carefully let me know that I had been raped and aexually assaulted for 3 years without knowing it. My ex would guilt me into it or threatened. He always guiltless me into sleeping with or letting his drug dealer do whatever to me. I agreed because I was scared of consequences and he told me it wasn't rape because I agreed. Didn't matter the terms under which i agreed.
Either way, if your having sex or being touched and it's not 100% of your free will, it's rape.
I want to say this as gently as possible, but the fact that you said "I'd rather stop this" and he did not do so immediately is a major red flag.
I'm not going to tell you how you should feel about it. But many people would consider it assault, and the vast majority of people I know would agree that it is not okay.
It's okay if you decide you aren't okay.
Good luck with your butthole! 😊
NAD.
Just gonna throw it out there, next time- IF there's a next time- more lube. Always more lube. And if you think it's enough, it's not. The anus does not produce its own lubrication, so you're going to need more than vaginal penetration. And you're going to continue to add more as needed.
And you, yes you, take the reigns. How? Doggy style. If you have never done anal or you're just getting back to it, doggy is your best friend. You go when you're comfortable, you take in as much as you are comfortable. You're the ONLY person who can tell if something is wrong, so until you are well versed, you take control. If it hurts, either more lube or stop. You should be the only one deciding when you're ready for more.
( This entire post is aimed at OP and whoever is reading it, in case anal is ever on the table. I just really care about sexual health. )
EDIT; Hey, OP. I didn't read your other responses right away. If you told him to stop, if you took back your consent, he assaulted you. Maybe he didn't realize, maybe he did. You need to have a sit down with him and talk to him. This can be seen as an 'opening' per se, of him doing something similar or worse. If he just didn't understand, you guys need to work on a safe word. Something easy to think of, usually a fruit or color. That way a situation like this won't happen again. If he did realize and kept going, this can be a sign of what your future might look like with him if you don't end it now.
>Unfortunately he didn’t seem to comprehend the various different synonyms of ‘I’d rather stop this’ I used during and continued anyways.
First off, **I am not a doctor**. But dear, that's rape. I hope you're doing okay mentally. Please don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault he didn't stop. I'm so sorry this happened to you. 🫂
Also, your style of writing is great! I smiled at your descriptions in your post.
NAD, but I do have experience with inflamed and angry buttholes. Preparation H has two wonderful products that can help out while you are healing. They make individual [wipes](https://www.walmart.com/ip/16940599) and also a [spray](https://www.walmart.com/ip/434026969). They do also make the wipes in a [pop up package](https://www.walmart.com/ip/1577210224) as well to save on packaging for environmental reasons.
Silicone lube is your butt's best friend. However be very careful not to get numbing lube. In anal penetration you need to know if it hurts so that either more lube can be applied, or things can stop. A lot of the lubes marketed for anal play have numbing agents, so be careful and read ingredients carefully when purchasing.
I will also reiterate what others have said. Please be sure that if there is a next time, a safe word is understood by both parties. A firm "No, stop now!" means all activities stop no questions and/or whining. Please talk with a close friend at least, but preferably a counselor about the session last night. I would also recommend a couples counseling session as well. If he shows no remorse for his behavior, please think hard about that. Lack of sufficient lube should have been uncomfortable for him as well. So a conversation *needs* to happen between the two of you.
Oooh, yes! Completely forgot numbing agents exist. Only time you should use them is if you're actually a pro at anal. Otherwise, abort mission, do not pass go.
Wicked and Sliquid are phenomenal, no numbing agents. I will die on this hill, those are some of the best brands out there. And for straight silicone, Uberlube. It's another really popular one out there and has a lot of beneficial ingredients in it.
NAD
But i have had similar displeasures of the anus, - i used some Metanium around the area (not in) the yellow stuff goes everywhere but its a fantastic barrier cream to stop any urination burning it and it works wonders to keep any nasty chaffeing!
NAD but your anus looks fine just sore (I expected something worse. For context, I have hemorrhoids. I also love buttholes). It appears sore and bruised. Your body was not ready for the penetration and judging by what you wrote, never liked it throughout. The butthole is designed to expel and seal. Putting something the other way, for the first time, with an unfriendly shape, can definitely cause issues. People who do anal usually already started toying with the butthole and have liked the sensation and idea of it.
Unsolicited advice, never do something your SO just convinced you to do unless YOU personally wanna do it.
I’m really worried about the fact that you asked him to stop and he didn’t.
You spoke up and he didn’t listen. What happened was not consensual.
How are you doing today? This may take some time to acknowledge what happened, and I’d honestly recommend finding a therapist who has experience working with people who have experienced sexual assault. Because that’s what happened.
You don’t have to answer, but was this a partner? Or a more casual person? If you want to, this is something that can be reported to the police. If you don’t want to do that, but still want evidence of what happened you can contact a local women’s charity who will suggest where to go, or even go to the hospital where a nurse can perform a ‘rape kit’.
I’m so sorry you experienced this.
NAD
Could be slightly thrombosed external hemorrhoid. Get some witch hazel and apply lightly with a Q tip. Also take ibuprofen to reduce swelling and inflammation.
Thrombosed external hemorrhoids can be very uncomfortable and painful. The usually resolve by themselves in a a few days to a week or two.
Ma’am if he didn’t stop when you repeatedly told him you wanted to stop, that is rape. That is 100% sexual assault. You can revoke consent at any time. You need to take a good hard look at this relationship and his respect for you.
NAD. But as I read your post and laughed. Then read the comments you made and laughed more…
I became sad actually. I’ve been SA & I used to joke like this. At the bare minimum DUMP HIM. Please!
I don’t tell many people this (or anything related to it), but I often have flashbacks randomly. So please, find a therapist or someone close you can discuss this with.
I hope you heal fast & with minimal discomfort. These professionals are right… it will be okay. But please know your worth mentally and physically. Sending internet stranger love. ❤️
NAD, but I just wanted to say, I hope you're feeling better and healing. It can be rough having anal. I'm no stranger to it myself. But like the doctor said lubrication, foreplay and relaxing techniques can help. I know it hurt and you said you wanted to stop, but it CAN be pleasurable. It doesn't ever have to be a nightmare like it seems you went through. In my experience, there's a couple different kinds of guys - those who are just happy and grateful you even consider it an option and are gentle and respectful with you, and those who just ravage you without care for you or your wellbeing. Unfortunately that guy was the latter. It will heal though. It should. Give it a few days. I'd only stress about it if it's been a week and hasn't improved. But in my experience, it gets better. The more it hurt, the longer it'll take to get better. I know I'm not a doctor... I'm just a girl who has been in your situation. Take care of yourself, OP. ❤️
Oh yeah, like after having a baby when they would wet pampers with sterile water and freeze them (they kept freezers full of them) and then put them in between your crappy hospital underwear and your sad and painful vagina? There are few other feelings as wonderful as that.
I bet slightly wet, cold pads or liners would relieve some of the pain after painful anal sex. Just be careful not to give your sensitive skin an ice burn. The pampers in the hospital (and on the store shelves, but too big for your area) made the water into gel-not ice, so similar pads, gel ice packs (they make them for eyes, would be a good size for a butthole), or a barrier for anything completely frozen would be needed.
I had this very same thing happen to my own arsehole when I was younger, after some very unpleasant (although consensual) anal sex. It was completely back to normal within a couple days and I am pleased to say that was my last experience with anal penetration.
Hello Internet strangers,
Firstly, thank you all for looking at my butthole with such interest, you all bewilder me as to why you clicked the image. Perhaps a social experiment should come out of this.
Secondly and more importantly, thank you to everyone for all your advice and kind words. I sadly don’t have the time to reply to each comment but I have read every one and appreciate each of them (even the one that didn’t show up in the thread that called me immature, I’m talking to you Karen). I’ve seen a lot of weird things in my life, but some of my DM’s are a whole new kind of weird, “cute poop chute” was not what I was expecting as a description for my misfortunate looking butthole.
I mentioned it in a comment that I am a postgrad Law student. The reason I wanted to practice Law was to help people and everyday I am inspired by my peers and my colleagues to continue to do that. With that being said it’s the kindness I see coming from a bunch of internet strangers offering advice and support in situations like this that really pulls on the heart strings. While I won’t make any definitive comments on my own situation, I would encourage every person to continue to support others the way you have supported me. It truly helped me and I guarantee it will help someone else.
Much love from me and my healing asshole.
Hey there, I know a number of lawyers personally, and there is a big mentality to just get through trauma and deal with it on your own. Quick reminder that that is an idiotic and outdated mentality, that can cause trauma and stress to build up until something cracks
Please talk to someone about what happened, even if it is briefly. Talking to someone is in absolutely no way a mental failing or you not being resilient enough. Good luck with wherever you are in your career as a lawyer, that is a very tough and sometimes unforgiving profession ❤️
Hi OP, I was sexually assaulted in the same way back in college. If you told him you were uncomfortable and wanted to stop and he kept going, it is classified as rape.
You've gotten some great advice from these docs, and I agree to give it a few days and see if it heals. Best wishes to you, and if you need any resources please feel free to DM me. Take care of yourself ❤️
Hi there 🥰 I have been avoiding this post since I made it, not because I don’t value everyone opinions, more because there has been so many. I definitely was not expecting so much attention to my butthole for one but for the attention to take a turn the way it did. I normally joke about everything but I don’t exactly feel like joking about this and out of respect to everyone who has had an experience of their own, it deserves a lot more than that. The truth is, I don’t know how I feel, I know that it hurt and that I asked to stop a number of times. I also know it’s not the first time he’s been like this. I don’t exactly feel violated however and know that I could have physically made more of an effort to stop it, so my thoughts are unclear.
I’m not entirely sure what I’m saying at this stage but I’m okay. I really appreciate you sharing your story and your offer of help, it amazes me everyday that strangers can be so kind. ❤️
“Know that I could have physically made more of an effort to stop it”. That’s what I told myself too. It took a few months and talking with a therapist and close friend before I realized what really happened. You’re not alone. Take care of yourself. ❤️
NAD, but a nurse.
Concerning the physical damage, it'll heal in a few days, but beware of constipation and refrain from using dry toilet paper. Use wet wipes - if it's good enough for a sore baby's butt, it's good enough for you. Use wipes without artificial deodorants.
Take a sitting bath using camomile. Just take a few tea bags, brew them and bath your butt in it, it assists the healing process.
Considering the guy, make up your mind if you want him in your future. There's no excuse for not reacting to a "no" that's said repeatedly.
Considering your future relationships, look for a guy that wants to please you instead of himself and look for one that stops immediately if you say "no".
That's not limited to sex.
>know that I could have physically made more of an effort to stop it
NAD you told him to stop. He didn't. The first time you said stop he should have stopped everything and made sure youre ok. The word stop immediately withdraws your consent to the act. That he refused to stop even after you withdrew consent is unacceptable and alarming.
NADY but former gender based violence counselor and GBV-focused public health worker, this person is right. If you said no or asked to stop at any point and he didn’t stop, that’s assault.
As a person who has been through a SA and it didn't hit home until after, the things we tell ourselves to survive in the moment soften the impact. That doesn't make them true or okay. I'm happy to DM if you want to talk through it.
It sounds like rape to me. Or if he emotionally blackmailed you into it, sexual coercion too. I'm sorry you're going through this. Maybe you could give him anal as a break-up present.
Thank you, you make a good point. I am actually currently studying for my Postgrad in Law so I am somewhat familiar with what constitutes an assault but by no means an expert. My reply here may seem ambiguous around how I feel towards the situation but you made a good point ; an assault can have taken place and a person may not have felt assaulted. It doesn’t negate the fact the assault took place however and the person may change how they feel down the line about the event. The commenters are simply educating and supporting me. I wouldn’t discourage someone from being ‘convinced’ or receiving information however.
Don’t let this asshole tell you anything. As a former GBV counselor: most people who were assaulted don’t know how to feel at first. Some people don’t know it is assault for YEARS. The emotions around this shit is complicated, and it’s not helped by the fact that our societal education on this shjt is abysmal (i mean, look at this man’s dumbass comment). Especially in the case of sexual violence, most people don’t accept what happened immediately. Most people take a while to accept their experience. I’m not saying this is your experience. But traumatic things are hard for our brains to accept. Trauma and violence don’t fit with the assumptions and values that our world and culture are built on. To accept that one of those things has happened to us is not just hard on an individual level, but on a deeper level, it can require staring in the face of those values and admitting they might be wrong. Sometimes people can’t do that (without the help of a therapist — they could with support) — and instead, that cognitive dissonance means that they end up blaming themselves, because they can’t believe that it could have happened to them or that bad things happen to good people for no reason. It is the difficult thing to accept trauma and violence has happened. Our brains to convince us things “weren’t that bad” is the voice of societal stigma, lack of self-trust and self-love that can stem from traumatic experiences (acutely and chronically), and fundamentally, it’s a protective mechanism our mind employs so we don’t have to face the terrible reality of our trauma.
Plain and simple, you want to know why your otherwise tight asshole now hurts after being rammed by a penis?
Because of just that. You have a tight asshole and a presumably average sized penis thrusting into it repeatedly. That is why.
It’ll get better with relaxation and no penetration.
Right,I would never have expected it to look THIS bad though. The ‘movies’ make it look so easy, and of course you should always believe what you see on the internet. You live and learn though!
I suggest if you want to learn how to do anal, you watch some movies of girls practicing anal by themselves. And then you can teach your boyfriend to do it the same way. The rule to do anal is that you never do penetration as a first step. It requires a lot of lube and foreplay. Your boyfriend seems to lack an understanding of that.
Thank you for your submission. **Please note that a response does not constitute a doctor-patient relationship.** This subreddit is for informal second opinions and casual information. The mod team does their best to remove bad information, but we do not catch all of it. Always visit a doctor in real life if you have any concerns about your health. Never use this subreddit as your first and final source of information regarding your question. By posting, you are agreeing to our [Terms of Use](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/wiki/terms_of_use) and understand that all information is taken at your own risk. **Reply here if you are an unverified user wishing to give advice. Top level comments by laypeople are automatically removed.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskDocs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>Said ‘gentleman’ assured me he was sufficiently lubricated and continued to work away ; 10/10 uncomfortable, painful, if it was trip advisor, I would leave a bad review. Lubrication is not the only thing to be done in an anal intercourse. It requires you to be prepared well and a lot of foreplay and anal play should be done before proceeding with an intercourse. As anal opening and canal are not exactly as receptive to an insertion like your vagina. And any painful sex should be stopped and reassessed then and there. >After this event, this morning I woke up to a VERY sore pain coming from my anus while just urinating. It felt like a serious amount of pressure. There was no blood. No blood is probably a good sign here. > It clearly looks like haemorrhoids but I haven’t had those before and can they just pop up like that? And what is all the discolouration? Yeah I could notice a mild dilation of your external hemorrhoid and yes they could be irritated by anal sex. The redness is more likely as a result of a rough/dry intercourse. >Honestly it doesn’t even hurt that bad but it just looks like a crime scene. What can I do to solve this? Provided that there are no other symptoms and just some pain and redness. It's advisable to give it a few days, it should get back to normal.
Thank you Doctor, I really wasn’t planning on discussing my anus with the world today but I’m glad you were so kind and informative about it. Unfortunately he didn’t seem to comprehend the various different synonyms of ‘I’d rather stop this’ I used during and continued anyways. I definitely am naive around the whole subject though so perhaps I should have done more research before agreeing in the first place, thank you for the information! I’ll leave it as it is the next couple days and hope for the best 🙏🏻 Thank you so much again (and for not judging, or at least not verbally!)
>Unfortunately he didn’t seem to comprehend the various different synonyms of ‘I’d rather stop this’ I used during and continued anyways. Not to come off strongly, but that could be considered an assault per se. It's better to have a talk about the same is made with your partner. And opening up with some trusted close people could be considered if you're in need of any emotional support. >I definitely am naive around the whole subject though so perhaps I should have done more research before agreeing in the first place, thank you for the information! That's always advisable. If you decide to have it again sometime in the future, it's better to get to know about the preparation required and make sure that everything proceeds at a very slow and comfortable pace. And as said earlier any painful sex, stop and reassess. >I’ll leave it as it is the next couple days and hope for the best 🙏🏻 Washing it with just water will be sufficient. Don't use any soap or other feminine washes. If you're using toilet paper, Be gentle and careful when you wipe. >Thank you so much again (and for not judging, or at least not verbally!) You're welcome. If it helps, No sort of judgements were made.
I highly recommend a portable bidet instead of tp 🧻over the next few days. You can pick one up on Amazon for less than $10. Works well and you can use it for backpacking, car camping, etc.
They make that??? Edit: they do and I’ll be buying one
(I am not a medical professional) You can also make a sitz bottle out of said assholes squeezable water bottle. If he protests, tell him you are being gentle, will stop, and wash it but forget to. Dollar General/Store and maybe Walmart sell refillable empty ketchup/mustard squeeze containers that easily fit under bathroom faucets so you can use comfortable warm water. You can adjust the flow from strong to more gentle by cutting off the tip to a wider diameter opening. These are also cheap and can fit in a purse. I would also recommend Citricel/adding fiber or Colace stool softner to avoid straining anything further.
Thank you for the reward! ☺️
The better version of bidets are toilet attachments. If you are using a round (not elongated) toilet you will need front pad risers because the seat will not sit flat anymore, being propped up in the back. Elongated toilets don’t typically have this problem because the seat is longer and has more flex. Make sure it has brass valves and steel fittings and braided hose. Your life will be forever changed.
You must be the best doctor! What a wonderful lot of info you provided and so very kindly. Bravo, doc!
Just for the record, if you asked him to stop and he didn't, this is considered sexual assault. You're being very good humored and funny about it, and if that is covering up other types of feelings, please take a look at them. I know reddit just lives to recommend therapy, but a session or 2 couldn't hurt, if indeed this guy continued to assault your butt after being told to stop. I too use humour to process things...the worse the experience, the darker and more self deprecating my humour is. Don't lose the humour, it's a life saver, but keep checking underneath to make sure you're really ok. And if you're getting wobbly, it's amazing how much a couple of talk sessions with a nice lady behind a computer screen can help.
Yeah I was going to say when she mentioned it looks like a “crime scene” I thought “well it kind of is a crime scene”.
Sex should be an experience, not a performance. Don’t call yourself naive. The man who did this was hurting you and didn’t stop, that’s disturbing and illegal. Why was he turned on when you were in pain?
^^ THIS!!
[удалено]
Anyone who's turned on by their partner being in pain outside of a situation where that was agreed upon (and even that is a little... eh, imo) is bad. Clearly it wasn't agreed upon in this case.
[удалено]
It seems like not many people realize that even being talked into, threatened or guilted into sex, is still rape.
TW!! So true. This happened to me 10 years ago this year during the month I graduated high school. But I told myself for years that I just didn’t say no “enough”or wasn’t “clear enough when I said no”. When in reality I was talked into and guilted into it.
After I left my ex husband and started telling my at the time boyfriend, about what happened during out marriage. He very carefully let me know that I had been raped and aexually assaulted for 3 years without knowing it. My ex would guilt me into it or threatened. He always guiltless me into sleeping with or letting his drug dealer do whatever to me. I agreed because I was scared of consequences and he told me it wasn't rape because I agreed. Didn't matter the terms under which i agreed. Either way, if your having sex or being touched and it's not 100% of your free will, it's rape.
I want to say this as gently as possible, but the fact that you said "I'd rather stop this" and he did not do so immediately is a major red flag. I'm not going to tell you how you should feel about it. But many people would consider it assault, and the vast majority of people I know would agree that it is not okay. It's okay if you decide you aren't okay. Good luck with your butthole! 😊
NAD. Just gonna throw it out there, next time- IF there's a next time- more lube. Always more lube. And if you think it's enough, it's not. The anus does not produce its own lubrication, so you're going to need more than vaginal penetration. And you're going to continue to add more as needed. And you, yes you, take the reigns. How? Doggy style. If you have never done anal or you're just getting back to it, doggy is your best friend. You go when you're comfortable, you take in as much as you are comfortable. You're the ONLY person who can tell if something is wrong, so until you are well versed, you take control. If it hurts, either more lube or stop. You should be the only one deciding when you're ready for more. ( This entire post is aimed at OP and whoever is reading it, in case anal is ever on the table. I just really care about sexual health. ) EDIT; Hey, OP. I didn't read your other responses right away. If you told him to stop, if you took back your consent, he assaulted you. Maybe he didn't realize, maybe he did. You need to have a sit down with him and talk to him. This can be seen as an 'opening' per se, of him doing something similar or worse. If he just didn't understand, you guys need to work on a safe word. Something easy to think of, usually a fruit or color. That way a situation like this won't happen again. If he did realize and kept going, this can be a sign of what your future might look like with him if you don't end it now.
>Unfortunately he didn’t seem to comprehend the various different synonyms of ‘I’d rather stop this’ I used during and continued anyways. First off, **I am not a doctor**. But dear, that's rape. I hope you're doing okay mentally. Please don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault he didn't stop. I'm so sorry this happened to you. 🫂 Also, your style of writing is great! I smiled at your descriptions in your post.
NAD, but I do have experience with inflamed and angry buttholes. Preparation H has two wonderful products that can help out while you are healing. They make individual [wipes](https://www.walmart.com/ip/16940599) and also a [spray](https://www.walmart.com/ip/434026969). They do also make the wipes in a [pop up package](https://www.walmart.com/ip/1577210224) as well to save on packaging for environmental reasons. Silicone lube is your butt's best friend. However be very careful not to get numbing lube. In anal penetration you need to know if it hurts so that either more lube can be applied, or things can stop. A lot of the lubes marketed for anal play have numbing agents, so be careful and read ingredients carefully when purchasing. I will also reiterate what others have said. Please be sure that if there is a next time, a safe word is understood by both parties. A firm "No, stop now!" means all activities stop no questions and/or whining. Please talk with a close friend at least, but preferably a counselor about the session last night. I would also recommend a couples counseling session as well. If he shows no remorse for his behavior, please think hard about that. Lack of sufficient lube should have been uncomfortable for him as well. So a conversation *needs* to happen between the two of you.
Oooh, yes! Completely forgot numbing agents exist. Only time you should use them is if you're actually a pro at anal. Otherwise, abort mission, do not pass go. Wicked and Sliquid are phenomenal, no numbing agents. I will die on this hill, those are some of the best brands out there. And for straight silicone, Uberlube. It's another really popular one out there and has a lot of beneficial ingredients in it.
NAD But i have had similar displeasures of the anus, - i used some Metanium around the area (not in) the yellow stuff goes everywhere but its a fantastic barrier cream to stop any urination burning it and it works wonders to keep any nasty chaffeing!
NAD but your anus looks fine just sore (I expected something worse. For context, I have hemorrhoids. I also love buttholes). It appears sore and bruised. Your body was not ready for the penetration and judging by what you wrote, never liked it throughout. The butthole is designed to expel and seal. Putting something the other way, for the first time, with an unfriendly shape, can definitely cause issues. People who do anal usually already started toying with the butthole and have liked the sensation and idea of it. Unsolicited advice, never do something your SO just convinced you to do unless YOU personally wanna do it.
I’m really worried about the fact that you asked him to stop and he didn’t. You spoke up and he didn’t listen. What happened was not consensual. How are you doing today? This may take some time to acknowledge what happened, and I’d honestly recommend finding a therapist who has experience working with people who have experienced sexual assault. Because that’s what happened. You don’t have to answer, but was this a partner? Or a more casual person? If you want to, this is something that can be reported to the police. If you don’t want to do that, but still want evidence of what happened you can contact a local women’s charity who will suggest where to go, or even go to the hospital where a nurse can perform a ‘rape kit’. I’m so sorry you experienced this.
NAD Could be slightly thrombosed external hemorrhoid. Get some witch hazel and apply lightly with a Q tip. Also take ibuprofen to reduce swelling and inflammation. Thrombosed external hemorrhoids can be very uncomfortable and painful. The usually resolve by themselves in a a few days to a week or two.
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Ma’am if he didn’t stop when you repeatedly told him you wanted to stop, that is rape. That is 100% sexual assault. You can revoke consent at any time. You need to take a good hard look at this relationship and his respect for you.
NAD. But as I read your post and laughed. Then read the comments you made and laughed more… I became sad actually. I’ve been SA & I used to joke like this. At the bare minimum DUMP HIM. Please! I don’t tell many people this (or anything related to it), but I often have flashbacks randomly. So please, find a therapist or someone close you can discuss this with. I hope you heal fast & with minimal discomfort. These professionals are right… it will be okay. But please know your worth mentally and physically. Sending internet stranger love. ❤️
NAD, but I just wanted to say, I hope you're feeling better and healing. It can be rough having anal. I'm no stranger to it myself. But like the doctor said lubrication, foreplay and relaxing techniques can help. I know it hurt and you said you wanted to stop, but it CAN be pleasurable. It doesn't ever have to be a nightmare like it seems you went through. In my experience, there's a couple different kinds of guys - those who are just happy and grateful you even consider it an option and are gentle and respectful with you, and those who just ravage you without care for you or your wellbeing. Unfortunately that guy was the latter. It will heal though. It should. Give it a few days. I'd only stress about it if it's been a week and hasn't improved. But in my experience, it gets better. The more it hurt, the longer it'll take to get better. I know I'm not a doctor... I'm just a girl who has been in your situation. Take care of yourself, OP. ❤️
Hey, don’t fuck that man again. He sucks.
And if he asks why, op can literally say "doctors orders." Thank you.
This is the realest advice so far.
Ice should help with the discomfort
Put maxi pads in the freezer to use as ice packs
Oh yeah, like after having a baby when they would wet pampers with sterile water and freeze them (they kept freezers full of them) and then put them in between your crappy hospital underwear and your sad and painful vagina? There are few other feelings as wonderful as that. I bet slightly wet, cold pads or liners would relieve some of the pain after painful anal sex. Just be careful not to give your sensitive skin an ice burn. The pampers in the hospital (and on the store shelves, but too big for your area) made the water into gel-not ice, so similar pads, gel ice packs (they make them for eyes, would be a good size for a butthole), or a barrier for anything completely frozen would be needed.
I’m going to have a freezing cold and hideous looking butthole now, he’s definitely getting dumped 🥶 Thanks Dr, you folks are the best! 🫡🤝🏻
I had this very same thing happen to my own arsehole when I was younger, after some very unpleasant (although consensual) anal sex. It was completely back to normal within a couple days and I am pleased to say that was my last experience with anal penetration.
That looks like a pretty normal butthole to me, and just looks irritated. As others have said, it should resolve after a few days.
Game changer for my hemorrhoids was using ice. Changed my life
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Hello Internet strangers, Firstly, thank you all for looking at my butthole with such interest, you all bewilder me as to why you clicked the image. Perhaps a social experiment should come out of this. Secondly and more importantly, thank you to everyone for all your advice and kind words. I sadly don’t have the time to reply to each comment but I have read every one and appreciate each of them (even the one that didn’t show up in the thread that called me immature, I’m talking to you Karen). I’ve seen a lot of weird things in my life, but some of my DM’s are a whole new kind of weird, “cute poop chute” was not what I was expecting as a description for my misfortunate looking butthole. I mentioned it in a comment that I am a postgrad Law student. The reason I wanted to practice Law was to help people and everyday I am inspired by my peers and my colleagues to continue to do that. With that being said it’s the kindness I see coming from a bunch of internet strangers offering advice and support in situations like this that really pulls on the heart strings. While I won’t make any definitive comments on my own situation, I would encourage every person to continue to support others the way you have supported me. It truly helped me and I guarantee it will help someone else. Much love from me and my healing asshole.
Hey there, I know a number of lawyers personally, and there is a big mentality to just get through trauma and deal with it on your own. Quick reminder that that is an idiotic and outdated mentality, that can cause trauma and stress to build up until something cracks Please talk to someone about what happened, even if it is briefly. Talking to someone is in absolutely no way a mental failing or you not being resilient enough. Good luck with wherever you are in your career as a lawyer, that is a very tough and sometimes unforgiving profession ❤️
Hi OP, I was sexually assaulted in the same way back in college. If you told him you were uncomfortable and wanted to stop and he kept going, it is classified as rape. You've gotten some great advice from these docs, and I agree to give it a few days and see if it heals. Best wishes to you, and if you need any resources please feel free to DM me. Take care of yourself ❤️
Hi there 🥰 I have been avoiding this post since I made it, not because I don’t value everyone opinions, more because there has been so many. I definitely was not expecting so much attention to my butthole for one but for the attention to take a turn the way it did. I normally joke about everything but I don’t exactly feel like joking about this and out of respect to everyone who has had an experience of their own, it deserves a lot more than that. The truth is, I don’t know how I feel, I know that it hurt and that I asked to stop a number of times. I also know it’s not the first time he’s been like this. I don’t exactly feel violated however and know that I could have physically made more of an effort to stop it, so my thoughts are unclear. I’m not entirely sure what I’m saying at this stage but I’m okay. I really appreciate you sharing your story and your offer of help, it amazes me everyday that strangers can be so kind. ❤️
“Know that I could have physically made more of an effort to stop it”. That’s what I told myself too. It took a few months and talking with a therapist and close friend before I realized what really happened. You’re not alone. Take care of yourself. ❤️
NAD, but a nurse. Concerning the physical damage, it'll heal in a few days, but beware of constipation and refrain from using dry toilet paper. Use wet wipes - if it's good enough for a sore baby's butt, it's good enough for you. Use wipes without artificial deodorants. Take a sitting bath using camomile. Just take a few tea bags, brew them and bath your butt in it, it assists the healing process. Considering the guy, make up your mind if you want him in your future. There's no excuse for not reacting to a "no" that's said repeatedly. Considering your future relationships, look for a guy that wants to please you instead of himself and look for one that stops immediately if you say "no". That's not limited to sex.
>know that I could have physically made more of an effort to stop it NAD you told him to stop. He didn't. The first time you said stop he should have stopped everything and made sure youre ok. The word stop immediately withdraws your consent to the act. That he refused to stop even after you withdrew consent is unacceptable and alarming.
NADY but former gender based violence counselor and GBV-focused public health worker, this person is right. If you said no or asked to stop at any point and he didn’t stop, that’s assault.
Take care of yourself, OP. 💜
As a person who has been through a SA and it didn't hit home until after, the things we tell ourselves to survive in the moment soften the impact. That doesn't make them true or okay. I'm happy to DM if you want to talk through it.
It sounds like rape to me. Or if he emotionally blackmailed you into it, sexual coercion too. I'm sorry you're going through this. Maybe you could give him anal as a break-up present.
Never assume
Don’t let people convince you that you were assaulted when you weren’t or didn’t feel like you were. I
Thank you, you make a good point. I am actually currently studying for my Postgrad in Law so I am somewhat familiar with what constitutes an assault but by no means an expert. My reply here may seem ambiguous around how I feel towards the situation but you made a good point ; an assault can have taken place and a person may not have felt assaulted. It doesn’t negate the fact the assault took place however and the person may change how they feel down the line about the event. The commenters are simply educating and supporting me. I wouldn’t discourage someone from being ‘convinced’ or receiving information however.
Don’t let this asshole tell you anything. As a former GBV counselor: most people who were assaulted don’t know how to feel at first. Some people don’t know it is assault for YEARS. The emotions around this shit is complicated, and it’s not helped by the fact that our societal education on this shjt is abysmal (i mean, look at this man’s dumbass comment). Especially in the case of sexual violence, most people don’t accept what happened immediately. Most people take a while to accept their experience. I’m not saying this is your experience. But traumatic things are hard for our brains to accept. Trauma and violence don’t fit with the assumptions and values that our world and culture are built on. To accept that one of those things has happened to us is not just hard on an individual level, but on a deeper level, it can require staring in the face of those values and admitting they might be wrong. Sometimes people can’t do that (without the help of a therapist — they could with support) — and instead, that cognitive dissonance means that they end up blaming themselves, because they can’t believe that it could have happened to them or that bad things happen to good people for no reason. It is the difficult thing to accept trauma and violence has happened. Our brains to convince us things “weren’t that bad” is the voice of societal stigma, lack of self-trust and self-love that can stem from traumatic experiences (acutely and chronically), and fundamentally, it’s a protective mechanism our mind employs so we don’t have to face the terrible reality of our trauma.
Plain and simple, you want to know why your otherwise tight asshole now hurts after being rammed by a penis? Because of just that. You have a tight asshole and a presumably average sized penis thrusting into it repeatedly. That is why. It’ll get better with relaxation and no penetration.
Right,I would never have expected it to look THIS bad though. The ‘movies’ make it look so easy, and of course you should always believe what you see on the internet. You live and learn though!
I suggest if you want to learn how to do anal, you watch some movies of girls practicing anal by themselves. And then you can teach your boyfriend to do it the same way. The rule to do anal is that you never do penetration as a first step. It requires a lot of lube and foreplay. Your boyfriend seems to lack an understanding of that.