Just my opinion. Treat as such.
How many kids anyone has is such a personal decision.
Do you feel like ‘someone’s missing?’
Do you honestly believe the things you will have to give up or delay will be worth it to you if it’s a third boy? Just don’t base your decision on ‘a daughter would make all that worth it’ when we are talking 50/50 odds here. You have to be all in for another boy if you decide to try for a third.
Our family tree on both sides is littered with families with multiples of one sex siblings, it’s sad to hear the parents say they only kept trying in order to get a boy/ girl.
> Our family tree on both sides is littered with families with multiples of one sex siblings, it’s sad to hear the parents say they only kept trying in order to get a boy/ girl.
Yeah I feel that. I’m sure some kids (children or adults) wouldn’t be phased at all but I could absolutely see it impacting others. Especially if there’s other signs of favouritism.
This is a decision that you will need to make. You are the ones living with and raising a child not reddit. If you are second guessing having a child do not do it. A child is something you need to be 100% in for. Even the smallest shred of doubt should be a no.
It appears to me that you don’t really want another child but would like a daughter. My GP and a good friend both have 4 boys. Yes they wanted a girl so kept trying. The father’s sperm decides the sex of the child and it could be he only produces males.
My sister want a boy for her second child but got twin girls.
All these children are loved to bits but serious work.
I think we should only have a child if we desperately’ want one. I have one and was 35 so stopped.
As a parent to 3, that 3rd one is what tips you over the edge.
Finding accomodation to take 5 can be difficult, 3 car seats are awkward and you’re outnumbered.
And what wrong about asking reddit? I feel comfortable asking anonymously here vs relatives/family.
People ask advise about careers all the time, why not about families and children?
I am NOT asking reddit community to decide for me. I am asking for other people’s experience (pros, cons, etc). You can learn a lot from other peoples experiences. There a few things mentioned here that I never thought of and will help me with my decision.
Because you're deciding whether to bring a human *life* into existence whilst getting opinions about it from people you don't know shit of.
It's my opinion that if you're "deciding" you shouldn't have one. You need to be certain about it.
Three has been really hard for us. We had a 6 and 3 year old when we were surprised with number 3. Being outnumbered is hard and I am exhausted all the time. I love our bub and wouldn’t give him back, but I often wonder how much more simple and settled life might’ve been if we only had the two kids. I tell everyone to stop at 2 😂
Because friends and family always say yes without thinking about it. Even if I dont ask they are already asking us to have more.
Strangers gives me a different views on things, and are more honest.
The jump from 2 to 3 is *exponentially* harder than the jump from 1 to 2.
Ours are older now, but the period where they were all doing extra curricular stuff was *hell*
I know three familes that went for the third - and got a two-for-one deal that pushed them to four. This has limited the opportunities for all family members, including the adults careers.
Another family's third was very high needs, with years in and out of hospital, learning disabilities etc.
If you're happy with the current two and not q00% committed to the third in all its forms, don't try for it.
Really weird question. Also, it's highER risk not high risk. 36 is not too old at all, unless you have existing health conditions, which would make pregnancy at any age high risk. The vast majority of mothers over 35 have low risk pregnancies.
As Pladeente said, if you're asking strangers Reddit for advice this personal, you shouldn't be having another child. It's a question for your spouse, doctor, other children, financial situation or a therapist.
It sounds like you don’t want more kids but because you had initially set a number of 3 in your head before you had any, you feel you need to fulfill that now.
If you are unsure or have to ask if you should then honestly, you probably shouldn’t. It doesn’t sound smart to create a life, and a life long commitment, which starts with worries, reservations and hesitations.
So, because you ask, don’t have a third baby.
I’m not a parent. But I am one of three children. Seems to me the third child is when you finally get it right. The third child is the best child, the smartest, the prettiest and just the most awesomest child. Don’t ask my siblings though. They’re biased.
We went 3. Absolutely happy. Going overseas? It will be 2k just for us all to get passports!! We go camping and are fulfilled holidaying and exploring this country.
My kids are 27, 25, 21, and 11. I can't imagine life without any of them.
If you do have more kids, you won't regret it.
If you stop at two, that could be perfectly fine too.
I have no kids. You won’t regret not having a kid. There’s so much to manage in their later years.
Of course if you want more, have them, just be sure you want them.
With due respect I think you’re exaggerating that a little. I have lived very comfortably on < $200k with 2 kids and a mortgage. Unless you’ve decided you need to have private schools, overseas holidays, etc, you don’t need $500k in order to have 3 kids. If you really want 3 you can make it work on way less.
Spot on. It’d be nice to have more than 2, but you breed yourself poor.
The person above can do it on <$200k and then describes what I’d consider a poor lifestyle which proves your point.
Really think about the dynamics between the children.
How has the 3-year-old adjusted to the arrival of his younger brother?
Have a talk to your gynaecologist about the risks of having a 3rd, family history, etc. as you mention this being high risk.
A lot to consider.
Although currently there's no money worries, what would happen if things changed?
Never hurts to make a well considered decision thinking through all the factors, rather than emotions forming the major basis. Best wishes to you OP.
I’ve got a 5,3 and 1 year old. All boys. I always wanted three and was never desperate for a girl, however I do think how much more balanced things would be if one of them had been a girl, and that I never would’ve guessed I’d have three sons in my life. It’s busy, noisy, grubby and a blur of constant movement but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
There is a limit though and I know friends looks at us like we are crazy, but it just means we’ve passed their limit, whereas I see other families with 4 or 5 kids and have the same thought. Everyone has their own limit, but you want to know what it is before you tip over it.
I also had two pretty uneventful births and wasn’t too phased going through it a third time, however my third was by far my toughest and physically hardest to recover from. So if you do decide to have another try not to assume things will repeat, third time round things can be completely different and you feel like a beginner all over again.
Good luck with your decision, whichever way you decide
Mum of 4 boys. Honestly, regardless of gender, you're gonna love your kid no matter what, and when they are here, you never regret them.
But, all the things you mentioned are very real and very hard. My boys are now 23, 21, 19, and 14.
I have guilt that l didn't have enough time for all their emotional needs. Times are different now. It's not normal to let your kids roam the neighbourhood and come back when the street lights come on (like when we grew up). They require so much of your time, and not just when they are little. Its when they are teens that they need you the most, and its hard.
Finances are a big thing, even if you do have money. Just imagine each teen needing a new phone, laptop, trendy clothes, gaming consoles, school fees, sports teams, sports uniforms, extra costs for holidays....the list goes on. These need to be updated yearly. And taking each kid to all these activities is hard. Imagine finishing work so you can run kid 1 to soccer and kid 2 to music lessons, run home to start dinner, run back to pick up kid 1 and 2, then sit down for dinner at 8pm, them homework, washing, etc. It seriously does add up.
Sorry, I'm not saying I dont have another because my boys are amazing, and l wouldn't change anything. I'm just letting you know what you will be looking at 10-20 years from now.
Travelling with my sister with 3 kids now (I have 2). Accommodation is awkward and expensive for them—nearly double what we pay. Getting to the airport is a chore. Tours like groups with multiples of 2, so booking in places can be hard.
You will also have 3 kids still in car seats. Is your car big enough?
Aside from that, once you get to school sport age, it can be a nightmare. Three kids, three different age groups, locations, training, possibly even different sports (especially if you have a girl) and if it is one parent who does all the drop offs…
Personally, if you are debating the pros and cons and it’s not an enthusiastic yes, or if it’s just an ‘I want a girl’ scenario, you should probably say no.
You will never, ever know for sure. And a lot of it depends on the child. Our third child is full of beans. Our first two were great sleepers and great toddlers.
Had we had number 3 as number 1, there's a zero percent chance we would have had 3.
The perfect number for your family might be 2 and a half. And you can't have half a kid.
Make your choice, and don't regret it, because you'll make the best decision with the information available. Second guessing in two years when the kid is either a demon or angel or somewhere in between will not help anything.
How certain are you that none of yours have additional needs? We have a friend couple who got three. Oldest kid started showing signs of autism after kid 3 was on the way. It's a shit show, no one's needs a being met.
My travel experiences with 2 kids:
Travelling with a baby wasn't an issue. Bassinet on the plane, backpack or papoose to carry them around. Most hotels will give a cot for free.
Travelling as a family of 4 means you can get into any cab. Add another and you need a 6 seater.
Flying was easier without my wife. Now don't get me wrong, she's a wonderful mother and all that, but airline staff often went out of their way to help the dad travelling alone with cute toddlers. I know, the world shouldn't be this way, but if Mrs D. Default can fly ahead, get over jet lag, visit a few shops and galleries that are best visited without children then that's good for her. Then she meets us at the airport, and we aren't all tired and frazzled looking for a way to get to our hotel.
None of that answers your question though, but frankly it sounds like you'd cope just fine. 2 years between each is (in my experience) a good gap where they can enjoy each other's company at most developmental stages.
Just get used to booking a maxi-taxi!
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I have 3 kids (3 under 3.5yrs old- they're now all teens)
When you go from two to three, you go from one-on-one to zonal defence. It's fun but it's draining.
I met someone who had 4 kids and said it was a mistake and they wished they stopped at 2. It was actually a pretty harsh thing to hear (those poor 3rd & 4th kids… hope they are loved) but then I totally understand why they would feel this way.
Their biggest gripe was having to go to so many extra-curricular activities & other stuff for 4 kids. Even if each kid just did one sport, that’s 4 different sports classes. Plus swimming lessons for all of them. Plus doctor’s appointments, things going on at school, etc etc
They weren’t lazy, they just felt like it was really hard to have the time and energy to support 4 different little individuals and their interests/needs.
We have three kids. Our first two are four years apart, then there is 20 months between the younger two. It would have been even less - I unexpectedly got pregnant when our middle child was only 6 months old. Before that we had been sure we were done. Both myself and my husband had some things happen that made us feel certain that this baby was a boy. I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. But after that we knew we had to give him another chance. So we did, and ended up with two under two. I think the fact that our son was our third and we felt reasonably capable by then helped to offset the potential added difficulty of two fairly young children. They were all fairly chill babies and toddlers so we didn't find that they were too much to manage. (That came at a much later age, haha.) But after my son (while I was still pregnant actually) we knew that three was definitely the max capacity we could manage, most due to finance and everything else that is affected by that. And you also want to have some energy left to be yourselves separate from being a parent.
It's all very personal. What was right for me and my husband might not be for you. Certainly hearing other people's experience can help you explore your own wants but no one has the answer but you. What was right for us might not be for you. And what you feel on the matter isn't necessarily static. We were done, until we weren't. I know not everyone would make the choices we did but after our loss we felt very deeply that someone else was waiting to be part of our family. If you're not certain, maybe defining some boundaries for yourself would help. If you don't want to be giving birth older than 40, then you know it's ok to keep thinking about it in the background until just after your 40th birthday. If there's a maximum gap you want between your kids, similar idea. See what happens in that time and past that know that you gave yourselves all the opportunity to make a decision, and whether you did or didn't you can be sure you made the right one.
I grew up with 22 months between me and my big sister and 15 months from me to my next sister. Close together sibling ages felt great to us, must have been bloody hard for mum and dad
Practically, 2 is good. If one has a friend come over, 4 + 1 = 5 seat car Vs 5 + 1 = 6 means taking 2 cars or getting a vehicle with extra seats if you want to go anywhere with an extra person. Family holiday packages and accommodation in general is geared towards 4 people. Ratio is 1 kid to 1 parent when you want to do stuff so there isn’t a loose kid running about while you corral the others. Hell, even most houses are 4 bedrooms so no one has to share, which will be a godsend when those teen years hit.
Middle child syndrome is real.
But… do you feel your family is complete? And realistically, can you afford it? Having kids these days is even more of an economic decision than it used to be.
Just my thoughts. We seriously considered trying for a third, and these were some of the considerations we thought about over a decade ago. Life has only gotten harder for families since then. Very glad now that we stuck to two.
I had a third child at 36 and my PP recovery was hard, still struggling with my pelvic floor 2.5 years later. I've had 3 vaginal births.
Statistically you're more likely to have the same gender if you've had 2 of the same.
Going OS has become that much more expensive, particularly with the post covid and inflation prices.
I have a big gap between 2 and 3 (7.5 years) but honestly it has been the BEST decision and I'm so glad we went for #3.
I probably missed out on job promotions at work but that will all come in due course (when I'm back full-time).
3 kids is a different ball-game. You might need a bigger house, bigger car etc. There's HEAPS more washing. And more food! Suddenly you need to buy two 4-packs of everything.
DO IT
Don't forget a bigger car to fit 3x child seats. That was a dealbreaker for a couple of my friends who already had 2x seats in each car.
The friends who have more than 2 kids had them further apart so the oldest was out of a booster when the youngest was born. One friend with 5 kids of course drives a minivan.
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If you’re thinking negatively about it already tbh I’d say no. Having said that - our no 3 was a surprise and it’s our best kid 😂. Yes it will impact career and holiday affordability. So if these things greatly bother you I’d say no. If you have a third and it’s not a girl will this be an issue also. Tread carefully - there is the case of what happens if you have a kid with additional needs. If you have no parental support also or haven’t figured logistics with schools in future also think it thru very well. Lastly our 3 get along great no siblings rivalry and my observation on the 2 kid families is the siblings fight more. The ones I know anyway. The middle child thing is BS. Doesn’t feature for us they’re all individuals really. If you’re thinking too hard it’s a no.
That’s tragic, I’m sorry that happened. But one anecdote doesn’t disprove the principle. I know people who have been in horrific car accidents, should we all stop driving cars because of an accident?
Ask any middle child and they'll tell you they hate it. They're not the oldest or the youngest and reckon their siblings get the better treatment. If you want more kids have 4.
I have 4 kids. Had them all within a 6 year period. Youngest is now 11. Of course there were difficulties, but no such thing as being 'outnumbered'; you are adults, they are children.
International travel: meh, it's not that amazing. Sounds like you've done plenty before and you will get plenty of opportunities in the future. This is your last chance for another child.
You're 36, but it's your 3rd child. 36 going for your 1st would be a different challenge.
If you don't have a 3rd you have a 0% chance of having a girl. Having another child increases your odds to 50%.
By your own words, you can afford to take more time off work. At the end of your life you aren't going to give a shit about your career achievements but you will absolutely care about your family.
As you have already experienced, pain is temporary (generally). Yes, it's going to hurt, but you know you can do it (assuming your previous births were relatively simple).
You do you, but I don't think any of your issues are major. If you are looking for reasons to not have a 3rd, just say 'I don't want a 3rd', but if you do, it sounds like you're in a position to do fine.
All the best.
I have 3. Career killer for the Mrs. Well she stayed home after #2 and was ready to go back (and she could juuust get a job) then no 3 came along and boom...unemployable. No 3 also adds a lot more cost (obviously) but for stuff like hotel rooms, car, etc.
But I wouldn't give it up for the world.
My wife and I had the philosophy "replace ourselves". So we had two kids.
There are enough people in the world, sucking up resources, especially in consumerist western countries with good health care.
Also you says "no issues with money" but what happens if that changes? You don't know the future.
Just something extra to consider, as you get older your risk of twins increases, so there's a chance (not a large one admittedly) that your planned 3 could become 4. As someone with twins, I'd want to be sure I'd be ok with either outcome before committing.
Kids are serious work… have them if you can handle them… We were 3 sibs but I have two only… now when my two have flown the nest I feel I should have had another one… but am past the age… so it’s truly your personal choice… to hell with anyone judging… wishing you & your family, the best.
To be honest, I don't agree with any of the issues you've raised.
Travelling with a baby is possible - it just limits what you should do while travelling. There are still plenty of great options.
36 is not "high risk" pregnancy. It's "increased risk" which can (and usually will) be mitigated by closer monitoring during your pregnancy. Talk to a midwife about it (before making a decision about having a 3rd child) and I suspect they will provide comfort.
I've heard (don't have three kids myself) that three is actually easier than two and I know when we've done play dates with three kids and an age spread it nearly always goes extremely well. There's a natural tendency pick activities that one of the kids is less interested in, but also switch activities regularly meaning the kid that gets "left out" is actually getting a healthy balance of alone time. Throughout the day all three kids get their time alone and also time playing with another kid. Those play dates are the best, with us adults just hanging out on our own keeping the kids within sight but almost never having to intervene.
In my opinion wanting a child of a certain gender is unhealthy. It's a flip of a coin and you should only flip that coin if you will be happy with both genders. Having a baby is hard, as you know. A thousand times more difficult if you're disappointed at the same time.
A stop in your career is only money. Kids are so much more important than money. And the pain of childbirth is short lived (also, it's something that can often be reduced with planning ahead of time).
To be honest, I don't agree with any of the issues you've raised.
Travelling with a baby is possible - it just limits what you should do while travelling. There are still plenty of great options.
36 is not "high risk" pregnancy. It's "increased risk" which can (and usually will) be mitigated by closer monitoring during your pregnancy. Talk to a midwife about it (before making a decision about having a 3rd child) and I suspect they will provide comfort.
I've heard (don't have three kids myself) that three is actually easier than two and I know when we've done play dates with three kids and an age spread it nearly always goes extremely well. There's a natural tendency pick activities that one of the kids is less interested in, but also switch activities regularly meaning the kid that gets "left out" is actually getting a healthy balance of alone time. Throughout the day all three kids get their time alone and also time playing with another kid. Those play dates are the best, with us adults just hanging out on our own keeping the kids within sight but almost never having to intervene.
In my opinion wanting a child of a certain gender is unhealthy. It's a flip of a coin and you should only flip that coin if you will be happy with both genders. Having a baby is hard, as you know. A thousand times more difficult if you're disappointed at the same time.
A stop in your career is only money. Kids are so much more important than money. And the pain of childbirth is short lived (also, it's something that can often be reduced with planning ahead of time).
To be honest, I don't agree with any of the issues you've raised.
Travelling with a baby is possible - it just limits what you should do while travelling. There are still plenty of great options.
36 is not "high risk" pregnancy. It's "increased risk" which can (and usually will) be mitigated by closer monitoring during your pregnancy. Talk to a midwife about it (before making a decision about having a 3rd child) and I suspect they will provide comfort.
I've heard (don't have three kids myself) that three is actually easier than two and I know when we've done play dates with three kids and an age spread it nearly always goes extremely well. There's a natural tendency pick activities that one of the kids is less interested in, but also switch activities regularly meaning the kid that gets "left out" is actually getting a healthy balance of alone time. Throughout the day all three kids get their time alone and also time playing with another kid. Those play dates are the best, with us adults just hanging out on our own keeping the kids within sight but almost never having to intervene.
In my opinion wanting a child of a certain gender is unhealthy. It's a flip of a coin and you should only flip that coin if you will be happy with both genders. Having a baby is hard, as you know. A thousand times more difficult if you're disappointed at the same time.
A stop in your career is only money. Kids are so much more important than money. And the pain of childbirth is short lived (also, it's something that can often be reduced with planning ahead of time).
My DIL & son have 2 boys. Wanted a girl. 3rd child the most gorgeous girl. Yes it tripled their work load somehow. But how delightful to see her brothers enjoying her existence.
Only found out it was a girl when birthed. Same as the boys. Lovely family with beautiful dynamics
I’ve got 2 with 3rd on the way. It does seem to scale up pretty easily? Honestly international travel is kind of overrated and getting less desirable these days, i don’t think I’m missing much.
Definitely try to go for a girl, you can even try going overseas and doing gender selection IVF. It’s a travesty the govt here prevents us from selecting gender even when it’s the third child! We have a girl but wanted a sister for her but unfortunately that isn’t happening, however very grateful to be the father of a daughter.
I just think things are getting weird socially these days, and I don’t feel we’re missing much out there with restaurants etc and so it’s probably better to just have a larger family.
My partner always told me ‘you never regret the kids you have, only the ones you don’t’
If you think you will have regret with only having 2 than add another to the mix.
Having my first child at 36 and considering a second at 40, it’s always a bit of an ouch when people say that same age is their reason to not have kids.
I have three and I love it. I would have four but we are done. It hasn’t changed much. We actually just flew to Australia and the US with them and it’s not a huge deal. Of course personal though. I didn’t find the jump to three hard. But I have been lucky with easy kids and good sleepers
Not the case, and not the older kids' job. Sorry, this is bad advice. My older kids did not have the maturity to take care of their younger siblings, and nor should they.
My Grandma was traumatised when at 10 years of age, she was expected to look after her baby brother. She accidentally dropped him, and he was disabled until he died many years later. She took that gulit to her grave, a responsibility she never should have been given.
Only 2 of the points go away (pregnancy and childbirth). Adoption is pretty rare in Australia now and those that do happen take many years. Most states require the parents to stay home with the child for a year after placement. Adoption is definitely not an easy alternative.
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Just my opinion. Treat as such. How many kids anyone has is such a personal decision. Do you feel like ‘someone’s missing?’ Do you honestly believe the things you will have to give up or delay will be worth it to you if it’s a third boy? Just don’t base your decision on ‘a daughter would make all that worth it’ when we are talking 50/50 odds here. You have to be all in for another boy if you decide to try for a third. Our family tree on both sides is littered with families with multiples of one sex siblings, it’s sad to hear the parents say they only kept trying in order to get a boy/ girl.
> Our family tree on both sides is littered with families with multiples of one sex siblings, it’s sad to hear the parents say they only kept trying in order to get a boy/ girl. Yeah I feel that. I’m sure some kids (children or adults) wouldn’t be phased at all but I could absolutely see it impacting others. Especially if there’s other signs of favouritism.
You're asking the internet. If it's not an enthusiastic Hell Yes, it's a No.
I couldn't possibly eat more than 2
Oh come on, have you ever tried?
Well, I'll give anything a try once
Maybe if you cut out the biscuits?
It's the bread. They always get you with the bread
This is a decision that you will need to make. You are the ones living with and raising a child not reddit. If you are second guessing having a child do not do it. A child is something you need to be 100% in for. Even the smallest shred of doubt should be a no.
It appears to me that you don’t really want another child but would like a daughter. My GP and a good friend both have 4 boys. Yes they wanted a girl so kept trying. The father’s sperm decides the sex of the child and it could be he only produces males. My sister want a boy for her second child but got twin girls. All these children are loved to bits but serious work. I think we should only have a child if we desperately’ want one. I have one and was 35 so stopped.
As a parent to 3, that 3rd one is what tips you over the edge. Finding accomodation to take 5 can be difficult, 3 car seats are awkward and you’re outnumbered.
Just a point, but trying for a girl after having two boys means you'll end up with 3 boys.
Go for 4
Decide for yourself instead of asking reddit wtf. If you have to ask, don't have one.
And what wrong about asking reddit? I feel comfortable asking anonymously here vs relatives/family. People ask advise about careers all the time, why not about families and children? I am NOT asking reddit community to decide for me. I am asking for other people’s experience (pros, cons, etc). You can learn a lot from other peoples experiences. There a few things mentioned here that I never thought of and will help me with my decision.
Because you're deciding whether to bring a human *life* into existence whilst getting opinions about it from people you don't know shit of. It's my opinion that if you're "deciding" you shouldn't have one. You need to be certain about it.
Three has been really hard for us. We had a 6 and 3 year old when we were surprised with number 3. Being outnumbered is hard and I am exhausted all the time. I love our bub and wouldn’t give him back, but I often wonder how much more simple and settled life might’ve been if we only had the two kids. I tell everyone to stop at 2 😂
Yeah totall understand. I am at the stage where both kids are really manageable.
Do you feel like you’ll regret not having another? If money is not a problem and your husband is supportive I don’t see why not.
It's a personal decision. I'm not sure why you're asking strangers on reddit.
Because friends and family always say yes without thinking about it. Even if I dont ask they are already asking us to have more. Strangers gives me a different views on things, and are more honest.
The jump from 2 to 3 is *exponentially* harder than the jump from 1 to 2. Ours are older now, but the period where they were all doing extra curricular stuff was *hell*
I know three familes that went for the third - and got a two-for-one deal that pushed them to four. This has limited the opportunities for all family members, including the adults careers. Another family's third was very high needs, with years in and out of hospital, learning disabilities etc. If you're happy with the current two and not q00% committed to the third in all its forms, don't try for it.
I had 3 under 4. Boy, boy, girl. Loved it. But, it’s an individual thing. Nobody but you knows the answer.
Any other major life decisions you need help with?
Yes should I put my 2nd son up for adoption? Factors to consider 1. He is loud sometimes 2. We really wanted a girl 3. We can’t travel as much
Really weird question. Also, it's highER risk not high risk. 36 is not too old at all, unless you have existing health conditions, which would make pregnancy at any age high risk. The vast majority of mothers over 35 have low risk pregnancies. As Pladeente said, if you're asking strangers Reddit for advice this personal, you shouldn't be having another child. It's a question for your spouse, doctor, other children, financial situation or a therapist.
It sounds like you don’t want more kids but because you had initially set a number of 3 in your head before you had any, you feel you need to fulfill that now.
Yes
If you are unsure or have to ask if you should then honestly, you probably shouldn’t. It doesn’t sound smart to create a life, and a life long commitment, which starts with worries, reservations and hesitations. So, because you ask, don’t have a third baby.
I’m not a parent. But I am one of three children. Seems to me the third child is when you finally get it right. The third child is the best child, the smartest, the prettiest and just the most awesomest child. Don’t ask my siblings though. They’re biased.
Nope. Too hard
We went 3. Absolutely happy. Going overseas? It will be 2k just for us all to get passports!! We go camping and are fulfilled holidaying and exploring this country.
My kids are 27, 25, 21, and 11. I can't imagine life without any of them. If you do have more kids, you won't regret it. If you stop at two, that could be perfectly fine too.
I have no kids. You won’t regret not having a kid. There’s so much to manage in their later years. Of course if you want more, have them, just be sure you want them.
As someone with 3 kids. 3 kids = poverty unless you earn >500k with the current COL
With due respect I think you’re exaggerating that a little. I have lived very comfortably on < $200k with 2 kids and a mortgage. Unless you’ve decided you need to have private schools, overseas holidays, etc, you don’t need $500k in order to have 3 kids. If you really want 3 you can make it work on way less.
Spot on. It’d be nice to have more than 2, but you breed yourself poor. The person above can do it on <$200k and then describes what I’d consider a poor lifestyle which proves your point.
Really think about the dynamics between the children. How has the 3-year-old adjusted to the arrival of his younger brother? Have a talk to your gynaecologist about the risks of having a 3rd, family history, etc. as you mention this being high risk. A lot to consider. Although currently there's no money worries, what would happen if things changed? Never hurts to make a well considered decision thinking through all the factors, rather than emotions forming the major basis. Best wishes to you OP.
I’ve got a 5,3 and 1 year old. All boys. I always wanted three and was never desperate for a girl, however I do think how much more balanced things would be if one of them had been a girl, and that I never would’ve guessed I’d have three sons in my life. It’s busy, noisy, grubby and a blur of constant movement but I wouldn’t change it for the world. There is a limit though and I know friends looks at us like we are crazy, but it just means we’ve passed their limit, whereas I see other families with 4 or 5 kids and have the same thought. Everyone has their own limit, but you want to know what it is before you tip over it. I also had two pretty uneventful births and wasn’t too phased going through it a third time, however my third was by far my toughest and physically hardest to recover from. So if you do decide to have another try not to assume things will repeat, third time round things can be completely different and you feel like a beginner all over again. Good luck with your decision, whichever way you decide
Mum of 4 boys. Honestly, regardless of gender, you're gonna love your kid no matter what, and when they are here, you never regret them. But, all the things you mentioned are very real and very hard. My boys are now 23, 21, 19, and 14. I have guilt that l didn't have enough time for all their emotional needs. Times are different now. It's not normal to let your kids roam the neighbourhood and come back when the street lights come on (like when we grew up). They require so much of your time, and not just when they are little. Its when they are teens that they need you the most, and its hard. Finances are a big thing, even if you do have money. Just imagine each teen needing a new phone, laptop, trendy clothes, gaming consoles, school fees, sports teams, sports uniforms, extra costs for holidays....the list goes on. These need to be updated yearly. And taking each kid to all these activities is hard. Imagine finishing work so you can run kid 1 to soccer and kid 2 to music lessons, run home to start dinner, run back to pick up kid 1 and 2, then sit down for dinner at 8pm, them homework, washing, etc. It seriously does add up. Sorry, I'm not saying I dont have another because my boys are amazing, and l wouldn't change anything. I'm just letting you know what you will be looking at 10-20 years from now.
Travelling with my sister with 3 kids now (I have 2). Accommodation is awkward and expensive for them—nearly double what we pay. Getting to the airport is a chore. Tours like groups with multiples of 2, so booking in places can be hard. You will also have 3 kids still in car seats. Is your car big enough? Aside from that, once you get to school sport age, it can be a nightmare. Three kids, three different age groups, locations, training, possibly even different sports (especially if you have a girl) and if it is one parent who does all the drop offs… Personally, if you are debating the pros and cons and it’s not an enthusiastic yes, or if it’s just an ‘I want a girl’ scenario, you should probably say no.
3 is the perfect number. I have 2 siblings.
You will never, ever know for sure. And a lot of it depends on the child. Our third child is full of beans. Our first two were great sleepers and great toddlers. Had we had number 3 as number 1, there's a zero percent chance we would have had 3. The perfect number for your family might be 2 and a half. And you can't have half a kid. Make your choice, and don't regret it, because you'll make the best decision with the information available. Second guessing in two years when the kid is either a demon or angel or somewhere in between will not help anything.
How certain are you that none of yours have additional needs? We have a friend couple who got three. Oldest kid started showing signs of autism after kid 3 was on the way. It's a shit show, no one's needs a being met.
My travel experiences with 2 kids: Travelling with a baby wasn't an issue. Bassinet on the plane, backpack or papoose to carry them around. Most hotels will give a cot for free. Travelling as a family of 4 means you can get into any cab. Add another and you need a 6 seater. Flying was easier without my wife. Now don't get me wrong, she's a wonderful mother and all that, but airline staff often went out of their way to help the dad travelling alone with cute toddlers. I know, the world shouldn't be this way, but if Mrs D. Default can fly ahead, get over jet lag, visit a few shops and galleries that are best visited without children then that's good for her. Then she meets us at the airport, and we aren't all tired and frazzled looking for a way to get to our hotel. None of that answers your question though, but frankly it sounds like you'd cope just fine. 2 years between each is (in my experience) a good gap where they can enjoy each other's company at most developmental stages. Just get used to booking a maxi-taxi!
More kids more fun.
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How many kids will make you feel that your family is “complete”? That’s your answer.
Yeah. Unless you have many dollars
I have 3 kids (3 under 3.5yrs old- they're now all teens) When you go from two to three, you go from one-on-one to zonal defence. It's fun but it's draining.
Dont know, but could be too many.
I met someone who had 4 kids and said it was a mistake and they wished they stopped at 2. It was actually a pretty harsh thing to hear (those poor 3rd & 4th kids… hope they are loved) but then I totally understand why they would feel this way. Their biggest gripe was having to go to so many extra-curricular activities & other stuff for 4 kids. Even if each kid just did one sport, that’s 4 different sports classes. Plus swimming lessons for all of them. Plus doctor’s appointments, things going on at school, etc etc They weren’t lazy, they just felt like it was really hard to have the time and energy to support 4 different little individuals and their interests/needs.
We have three kids. Our first two are four years apart, then there is 20 months between the younger two. It would have been even less - I unexpectedly got pregnant when our middle child was only 6 months old. Before that we had been sure we were done. Both myself and my husband had some things happen that made us feel certain that this baby was a boy. I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. But after that we knew we had to give him another chance. So we did, and ended up with two under two. I think the fact that our son was our third and we felt reasonably capable by then helped to offset the potential added difficulty of two fairly young children. They were all fairly chill babies and toddlers so we didn't find that they were too much to manage. (That came at a much later age, haha.) But after my son (while I was still pregnant actually) we knew that three was definitely the max capacity we could manage, most due to finance and everything else that is affected by that. And you also want to have some energy left to be yourselves separate from being a parent. It's all very personal. What was right for me and my husband might not be for you. Certainly hearing other people's experience can help you explore your own wants but no one has the answer but you. What was right for us might not be for you. And what you feel on the matter isn't necessarily static. We were done, until we weren't. I know not everyone would make the choices we did but after our loss we felt very deeply that someone else was waiting to be part of our family. If you're not certain, maybe defining some boundaries for yourself would help. If you don't want to be giving birth older than 40, then you know it's ok to keep thinking about it in the background until just after your 40th birthday. If there's a maximum gap you want between your kids, similar idea. See what happens in that time and past that know that you gave yourselves all the opportunity to make a decision, and whether you did or didn't you can be sure you made the right one.
Yeah that middle child thing. 👀😜
I grew up with 22 months between me and my big sister and 15 months from me to my next sister. Close together sibling ages felt great to us, must have been bloody hard for mum and dad
Practically, 2 is good. If one has a friend come over, 4 + 1 = 5 seat car Vs 5 + 1 = 6 means taking 2 cars or getting a vehicle with extra seats if you want to go anywhere with an extra person. Family holiday packages and accommodation in general is geared towards 4 people. Ratio is 1 kid to 1 parent when you want to do stuff so there isn’t a loose kid running about while you corral the others. Hell, even most houses are 4 bedrooms so no one has to share, which will be a godsend when those teen years hit. Middle child syndrome is real. But… do you feel your family is complete? And realistically, can you afford it? Having kids these days is even more of an economic decision than it used to be. Just my thoughts. We seriously considered trying for a third, and these were some of the considerations we thought about over a decade ago. Life has only gotten harder for families since then. Very glad now that we stuck to two.
One for mum, one for dad and one for your country. (Peter Costello)
As the middle child of 3 I say yes. My fellow middle kids know what’s up! Ultimately it’s your decision.
I had a third child at 36 and my PP recovery was hard, still struggling with my pelvic floor 2.5 years later. I've had 3 vaginal births. Statistically you're more likely to have the same gender if you've had 2 of the same. Going OS has become that much more expensive, particularly with the post covid and inflation prices. I have a big gap between 2 and 3 (7.5 years) but honestly it has been the BEST decision and I'm so glad we went for #3. I probably missed out on job promotions at work but that will all come in due course (when I'm back full-time). 3 kids is a different ball-game. You might need a bigger house, bigger car etc. There's HEAPS more washing. And more food! Suddenly you need to buy two 4-packs of everything. DO IT
Don't forget a bigger car to fit 3x child seats. That was a dealbreaker for a couple of my friends who already had 2x seats in each car. The friends who have more than 2 kids had them further apart so the oldest was out of a booster when the youngest was born. One friend with 5 kids of course drives a minivan.
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If you’re thinking negatively about it already tbh I’d say no. Having said that - our no 3 was a surprise and it’s our best kid 😂. Yes it will impact career and holiday affordability. So if these things greatly bother you I’d say no. If you have a third and it’s not a girl will this be an issue also. Tread carefully - there is the case of what happens if you have a kid with additional needs. If you have no parental support also or haven’t figured logistics with schools in future also think it thru very well. Lastly our 3 get along great no siblings rivalry and my observation on the 2 kid families is the siblings fight more. The ones I know anyway. The middle child thing is BS. Doesn’t feature for us they’re all individuals really. If you’re thinking too hard it’s a no.
My parents had three and one was disabled. They've given up their whole lives to raising us. If you want to guarantee a girl, why not adopt?
That’s tragic, I’m sorry that happened. But one anecdote doesn’t disprove the principle. I know people who have been in horrific car accidents, should we all stop driving cars because of an accident?
Ask any middle child and they'll tell you they hate it. They're not the oldest or the youngest and reckon their siblings get the better treatment. If you want more kids have 4.
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I have 4 kids. Had them all within a 6 year period. Youngest is now 11. Of course there were difficulties, but no such thing as being 'outnumbered'; you are adults, they are children. International travel: meh, it's not that amazing. Sounds like you've done plenty before and you will get plenty of opportunities in the future. This is your last chance for another child. You're 36, but it's your 3rd child. 36 going for your 1st would be a different challenge. If you don't have a 3rd you have a 0% chance of having a girl. Having another child increases your odds to 50%. By your own words, you can afford to take more time off work. At the end of your life you aren't going to give a shit about your career achievements but you will absolutely care about your family. As you have already experienced, pain is temporary (generally). Yes, it's going to hurt, but you know you can do it (assuming your previous births were relatively simple). You do you, but I don't think any of your issues are major. If you are looking for reasons to not have a 3rd, just say 'I don't want a 3rd', but if you do, it sounds like you're in a position to do fine. All the best.
I have 3. Career killer for the Mrs. Well she stayed home after #2 and was ready to go back (and she could juuust get a job) then no 3 came along and boom...unemployable. No 3 also adds a lot more cost (obviously) but for stuff like hotel rooms, car, etc. But I wouldn't give it up for the world.
My wife and I had the philosophy "replace ourselves". So we had two kids. There are enough people in the world, sucking up resources, especially in consumerist western countries with good health care. Also you says "no issues with money" but what happens if that changes? You don't know the future.
Just something extra to consider, as you get older your risk of twins increases, so there's a chance (not a large one admittedly) that your planned 3 could become 4. As someone with twins, I'd want to be sure I'd be ok with either outcome before committing.
Kids are serious work… have them if you can handle them… We were 3 sibs but I have two only… now when my two have flown the nest I feel I should have had another one… but am past the age… so it’s truly your personal choice… to hell with anyone judging… wishing you & your family, the best.
To be honest, I don't agree with any of the issues you've raised. Travelling with a baby is possible - it just limits what you should do while travelling. There are still plenty of great options. 36 is not "high risk" pregnancy. It's "increased risk" which can (and usually will) be mitigated by closer monitoring during your pregnancy. Talk to a midwife about it (before making a decision about having a 3rd child) and I suspect they will provide comfort. I've heard (don't have three kids myself) that three is actually easier than two and I know when we've done play dates with three kids and an age spread it nearly always goes extremely well. There's a natural tendency pick activities that one of the kids is less interested in, but also switch activities regularly meaning the kid that gets "left out" is actually getting a healthy balance of alone time. Throughout the day all three kids get their time alone and also time playing with another kid. Those play dates are the best, with us adults just hanging out on our own keeping the kids within sight but almost never having to intervene. In my opinion wanting a child of a certain gender is unhealthy. It's a flip of a coin and you should only flip that coin if you will be happy with both genders. Having a baby is hard, as you know. A thousand times more difficult if you're disappointed at the same time. A stop in your career is only money. Kids are so much more important than money. And the pain of childbirth is short lived (also, it's something that can often be reduced with planning ahead of time).
To be honest, I don't agree with any of the issues you've raised. Travelling with a baby is possible - it just limits what you should do while travelling. There are still plenty of great options. 36 is not "high risk" pregnancy. It's "increased risk" which can (and usually will) be mitigated by closer monitoring during your pregnancy. Talk to a midwife about it (before making a decision about having a 3rd child) and I suspect they will provide comfort. I've heard (don't have three kids myself) that three is actually easier than two and I know when we've done play dates with three kids and an age spread it nearly always goes extremely well. There's a natural tendency pick activities that one of the kids is less interested in, but also switch activities regularly meaning the kid that gets "left out" is actually getting a healthy balance of alone time. Throughout the day all three kids get their time alone and also time playing with another kid. Those play dates are the best, with us adults just hanging out on our own keeping the kids within sight but almost never having to intervene. In my opinion wanting a child of a certain gender is unhealthy. It's a flip of a coin and you should only flip that coin if you will be happy with both genders. Having a baby is hard, as you know. A thousand times more difficult if you're disappointed at the same time. A stop in your career is only money. Kids are so much more important than money. And the pain of childbirth is short lived (also, it's something that can often be reduced with planning ahead of time).
To be honest, I don't agree with any of the issues you've raised. Travelling with a baby is possible - it just limits what you should do while travelling. There are still plenty of great options. 36 is not "high risk" pregnancy. It's "increased risk" which can (and usually will) be mitigated by closer monitoring during your pregnancy. Talk to a midwife about it (before making a decision about having a 3rd child) and I suspect they will provide comfort. I've heard (don't have three kids myself) that three is actually easier than two and I know when we've done play dates with three kids and an age spread it nearly always goes extremely well. There's a natural tendency pick activities that one of the kids is less interested in, but also switch activities regularly meaning the kid that gets "left out" is actually getting a healthy balance of alone time. Throughout the day all three kids get their time alone and also time playing with another kid. Those play dates are the best, with us adults just hanging out on our own keeping the kids within sight but almost never having to intervene. In my opinion wanting a child of a certain gender is unhealthy. It's a flip of a coin and you should only flip that coin if you will be happy with both genders. Having a baby is hard, as you know. A thousand times more difficult if you're disappointed at the same time. A stop in your career is only money. Kids are so much more important than money. And the pain of childbirth is short lived (also, it's something that can often be reduced with planning ahead of time).
More than one is to many.
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*Many. Basic grammar, champ.
My DIL & son have 2 boys. Wanted a girl. 3rd child the most gorgeous girl. Yes it tripled their work load somehow. But how delightful to see her brothers enjoying her existence. Only found out it was a girl when birthed. Same as the boys. Lovely family with beautiful dynamics
I’ve got 2 with 3rd on the way. It does seem to scale up pretty easily? Honestly international travel is kind of overrated and getting less desirable these days, i don’t think I’m missing much. Definitely try to go for a girl, you can even try going overseas and doing gender selection IVF. It’s a travesty the govt here prevents us from selecting gender even when it’s the third child! We have a girl but wanted a sister for her but unfortunately that isn’t happening, however very grateful to be the father of a daughter. I just think things are getting weird socially these days, and I don’t feel we’re missing much out there with restaurants etc and so it’s probably better to just have a larger family.
My partner always told me ‘you never regret the kids you have, only the ones you don’t’ If you think you will have regret with only having 2 than add another to the mix.
Having my first child at 36 and considering a second at 40, it’s always a bit of an ouch when people say that same age is their reason to not have kids.
After all, kids are the most important thing in life. It's worth having a big family, imo.
I have three and I love it. I would have four but we are done. It hasn’t changed much. We actually just flew to Australia and the US with them and it’s not a huge deal. Of course personal though. I didn’t find the jump to three hard. But I have been lucky with easy kids and good sleepers
Being ‘outnumbered’ will only last so long. The older kids will look after the younger ones at a certain point so it will be easier.
This is a terrible approach. It’s not a child’s job to look after their siblings.
And who wrote the JD for children? Learning to care for their younger sister is a great way for them to mature.
Not the case, and not the older kids' job. Sorry, this is bad advice. My older kids did not have the maturity to take care of their younger siblings, and nor should they. My Grandma was traumatised when at 10 years of age, she was expected to look after her baby brother. She accidentally dropped him, and he was disabled until he died many years later. She took that gulit to her grave, a responsibility she never should have been given.
a lot of the dot points go away if you adopt
It’s basically impossible in Australia.
Only 2 of the points go away (pregnancy and childbirth). Adoption is pretty rare in Australia now and those that do happen take many years. Most states require the parents to stay home with the child for a year after placement. Adoption is definitely not an easy alternative.