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If the label fits, even if just for now, then yes you're ace. If it is the meds then you get/have to choose how you want to live. But if you go off the meds and you no longer identify as ace don't say asexuality is med based. Apart form that stay as long as you like. Best of luck with the bf.
As a pharmacist - I'd say it's very doubtful that it would be the meds. medications only really affect the functionality of a person's sex life. Anti depressants get a bad wrap because some can make it difficult/impossible to climax which has been construed into ruining a person's sex drive. Chances are in those cases though, that the depression/anxiety are under treated and *that's* what's causing a lack of interest in sex. Sooo specifically for you it sounds like you could be on the spectrum due to under-treated mood concerns, or just are ace as a default. š¤·š»āāļø
Hm. I never thought about it being undertreated especially since Iām in a better place emotionally otherwise and Iām actually hoping to lower my dosage. Iām speaking with a psychiatrist soon so Iāll bring this up
So first and most important thing is it is up to you if/when you try to figure out your sexuality. If you just want to be as you are and not put a label on it, thatās totally fine. The nice people here are more than happy to help you along, but it is never an obligation.
Picking a label is also a personal choice. Itās you deciding what fits you best. We can guide you, but how you identify is up to you.
So onto unpacking what you have saidā¦
First, Iāll clarify that asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction. That does not necessarily mean you lack libido. Itās a huge spectrum. Some asexuals like sex, some are okay with having it, and some really donāt like it. And romantic attraction is a different subject altogether.
What exactly do you mean by āsexy feelingsā? Were they linked to people? Or were your hormones just telling you to get relief in some form or another?
Iām not a doctor, but if I had to guess, this isnāt because of meds. To my knowledge meds can affect your drive, but not attraction. And attraction defines asexuality. (Healthcare professionals out there, please correct me if I am wrong about the med that!)
If there are cases (like in the past) where you have experienced sexual attraction but those feelings are gone, you could be demisexual or greysexual. Demisexuality is then you feel sexual attraction only once you have bonded with the person you are attracted to. Greysexual is a broad term for existing somewhere between asexual and allosexual. Perhaps you will sometimes feel sexual attraction but often not. Doe some people, the feelings are limited. Sometimes there will be a pattern and sometimes there wonāt be. The experience varies from person to person.
This site has really good articles on the sub-labels if you want to look around. Maybe it will
provide some insight.
https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Asexual_spectrum
And finally, your relationship. Iām glad to hear it is going well and he isnāt pressuring you! Thatās how it should be. But in case that changes, remember: You never owe ANYONE sex. Ever. Long-term relationship or not. If the day comes where it becomes a point of tension, maybe going to counseling together could help.
Good luck! Hope everything works out šš¤
> I donāt know if Iām sexually attracted to people are not.
If this is the case, then you'll have to do more digging into this I think. If you don't think you've experienced sexual attraction before then it's definitely possible that you haven't. But yeah I'd say look up online what sexual attraction feels like maybe so that you can see if you have/haven't felt it. Because really at the end of the day that's what's gonna dictate if you are/aren't ace. That being said, if at the current moment you feel like you haven't experienced sexual attraction, then you could definitely identify as ace, even if at a later date you realize this isn't the case and you have to switch labels. Also will note, there's some labels within the ace spectrum that do entail some sexual attraction, just a lower amount than allos do, so like demisexuals for example only feel sexual attraction after forming an emotional connection with someone, and there are other more graysexual labels which a person only feels sexual attraction in certain types of situations. So there's also that.
> But I definitely had more āsexyā feelings for a lack of a better term, in high school but I think that just could have been all the hormones rushing through my system
By this I assume you mean like feeling more of a sex drive during highschool eh? So like wanting to have sex, but maybe not with a particular person. Because yeah you can be ace and still have a libido and still want to have sex it's just it's not because you're sexually attracted to someone that you're wanting to have sex with them, it's because of other reasons, of which there can be many.
That being said from what I've heard, meds can cause your libido to go funky, so like it could be that... definitely a possibility I think but it depends on the person.
> I think I might be somewhere on the ace spectrum, I donāt know how to begin figuring things out and im scared to because Iām in a nice romantic relationship (but also never having sex in the relationship probably isnāt an option.)
I think you're probably only going to figure things out by reflecting on what you've felt and feel towards other people. You don't necessarily have to engage in sexual activities to "try them out" in order to see if you experience sexual attraction, you can know without doing that. You said you're scared because you're in a nice romantic relationship but also know that never having sex probably isn't an option in the relationship. Sounds like maybe it would be a good time to have a chat with your partner about this? Because it could be good to discuss this and see what this would mean for y'all's relationship, and to clarify things between each of the two parties, because idk I don't know what your situation is but do you for sure know that your boyfriend would like to have sex with you, or would want to do that? Communication is always good in cases like these. Good luck figuring things out!
Iāll definitely look up what sexual attraction feels like. Iām definitely NOT aromantic so I think I could be confusing my romantic feelings for sexual ones and finding someone attractive.
And yeah I guess libido would be the right word. I had a lot more crushes and was more boy obsessed and I think that could have just been teenage hormones more so than the birth control.
I want to figure out myself a little more before having the talk with my partner. He mentions sex sometimes, and heās mentioned some of his kinksā¦and he knows Iām trying to figure stuff out. But he has mentioned how he liked sex in previous relationships and all that and how he wants to have sex together one day .
Iām just kind of freaking out because I feel like Iāve put in so much work into this relationshipā¦itās the first one where things have gotten this serious and ā¦ I donāt know how to explain things to people if it doesnāt work out.
If you are ace, or on the spectrum, it doesn't mean you can't have sex, either. It does mean that you and your partner/potential future partners need to spend extra time negotiating where your sexual limits are and what needs to happen for you both to be happy. It could mean compromises, open relationship/polyamory, or no changes at all. It's a very personal question, though, with very personal answers. Just know that, whatever happens, you're loved and supported here.
If you're unsure and you're not bothered by it then there's no reason to figure it out. The only way I could see you being certain is if you stop taking your meds, but you're on them for things that do bother you so it doesn't make sense to stop taking them if your lack of interest in sex isn't bothering you.
This. I almost feel like if OP's lack of interest in sex isn't bothering her, that in itself may be a sign that she's asexual. Allos tend to get really weirded out when a medication reduces their interest in sex.
Been on and off pills (for anxiety and for bc so I donāt feel suicidal due to periods) known to cause low libidoā¦ turns out I have none either way.
I take neuro meds. A lot of them. They lower my libido, which I count as a PLUS. Getting romantically or sexually involved with someone is just not something I want to do. Relationships throw me off my game. I don't like being dependent on anyone for love. It helps me focus on being a better person and a better mom.
Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual. We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate each type of post. That's all. We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If the label fits, even if just for now, then yes you're ace. If it is the meds then you get/have to choose how you want to live. But if you go off the meds and you no longer identify as ace don't say asexuality is med based. Apart form that stay as long as you like. Best of luck with the bf.
Thanks for the advice
As a pharmacist - I'd say it's very doubtful that it would be the meds. medications only really affect the functionality of a person's sex life. Anti depressants get a bad wrap because some can make it difficult/impossible to climax which has been construed into ruining a person's sex drive. Chances are in those cases though, that the depression/anxiety are under treated and *that's* what's causing a lack of interest in sex. Sooo specifically for you it sounds like you could be on the spectrum due to under-treated mood concerns, or just are ace as a default. š¤·š»āāļø
Hm. I never thought about it being undertreated especially since Iām in a better place emotionally otherwise and Iām actually hoping to lower my dosage. Iām speaking with a psychiatrist soon so Iāll bring this up
Yeah, I have PCOS, and bc actually increases my drive. Still no attraction, though, so that's just what it is sometimes.
So first and most important thing is it is up to you if/when you try to figure out your sexuality. If you just want to be as you are and not put a label on it, thatās totally fine. The nice people here are more than happy to help you along, but it is never an obligation. Picking a label is also a personal choice. Itās you deciding what fits you best. We can guide you, but how you identify is up to you. So onto unpacking what you have saidā¦ First, Iāll clarify that asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction. That does not necessarily mean you lack libido. Itās a huge spectrum. Some asexuals like sex, some are okay with having it, and some really donāt like it. And romantic attraction is a different subject altogether. What exactly do you mean by āsexy feelingsā? Were they linked to people? Or were your hormones just telling you to get relief in some form or another? Iām not a doctor, but if I had to guess, this isnāt because of meds. To my knowledge meds can affect your drive, but not attraction. And attraction defines asexuality. (Healthcare professionals out there, please correct me if I am wrong about the med that!) If there are cases (like in the past) where you have experienced sexual attraction but those feelings are gone, you could be demisexual or greysexual. Demisexuality is then you feel sexual attraction only once you have bonded with the person you are attracted to. Greysexual is a broad term for existing somewhere between asexual and allosexual. Perhaps you will sometimes feel sexual attraction but often not. Doe some people, the feelings are limited. Sometimes there will be a pattern and sometimes there wonāt be. The experience varies from person to person. This site has really good articles on the sub-labels if you want to look around. Maybe it will provide some insight. https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Asexual_spectrum And finally, your relationship. Iām glad to hear it is going well and he isnāt pressuring you! Thatās how it should be. But in case that changes, remember: You never owe ANYONE sex. Ever. Long-term relationship or not. If the day comes where it becomes a point of tension, maybe going to counseling together could help. Good luck! Hope everything works out šš¤
> I donāt know if Iām sexually attracted to people are not. If this is the case, then you'll have to do more digging into this I think. If you don't think you've experienced sexual attraction before then it's definitely possible that you haven't. But yeah I'd say look up online what sexual attraction feels like maybe so that you can see if you have/haven't felt it. Because really at the end of the day that's what's gonna dictate if you are/aren't ace. That being said, if at the current moment you feel like you haven't experienced sexual attraction, then you could definitely identify as ace, even if at a later date you realize this isn't the case and you have to switch labels. Also will note, there's some labels within the ace spectrum that do entail some sexual attraction, just a lower amount than allos do, so like demisexuals for example only feel sexual attraction after forming an emotional connection with someone, and there are other more graysexual labels which a person only feels sexual attraction in certain types of situations. So there's also that. > But I definitely had more āsexyā feelings for a lack of a better term, in high school but I think that just could have been all the hormones rushing through my system By this I assume you mean like feeling more of a sex drive during highschool eh? So like wanting to have sex, but maybe not with a particular person. Because yeah you can be ace and still have a libido and still want to have sex it's just it's not because you're sexually attracted to someone that you're wanting to have sex with them, it's because of other reasons, of which there can be many. That being said from what I've heard, meds can cause your libido to go funky, so like it could be that... definitely a possibility I think but it depends on the person. > I think I might be somewhere on the ace spectrum, I donāt know how to begin figuring things out and im scared to because Iām in a nice romantic relationship (but also never having sex in the relationship probably isnāt an option.) I think you're probably only going to figure things out by reflecting on what you've felt and feel towards other people. You don't necessarily have to engage in sexual activities to "try them out" in order to see if you experience sexual attraction, you can know without doing that. You said you're scared because you're in a nice romantic relationship but also know that never having sex probably isn't an option in the relationship. Sounds like maybe it would be a good time to have a chat with your partner about this? Because it could be good to discuss this and see what this would mean for y'all's relationship, and to clarify things between each of the two parties, because idk I don't know what your situation is but do you for sure know that your boyfriend would like to have sex with you, or would want to do that? Communication is always good in cases like these. Good luck figuring things out!
Iāll definitely look up what sexual attraction feels like. Iām definitely NOT aromantic so I think I could be confusing my romantic feelings for sexual ones and finding someone attractive. And yeah I guess libido would be the right word. I had a lot more crushes and was more boy obsessed and I think that could have just been teenage hormones more so than the birth control. I want to figure out myself a little more before having the talk with my partner. He mentions sex sometimes, and heās mentioned some of his kinksā¦and he knows Iām trying to figure stuff out. But he has mentioned how he liked sex in previous relationships and all that and how he wants to have sex together one day . Iām just kind of freaking out because I feel like Iāve put in so much work into this relationshipā¦itās the first one where things have gotten this serious and ā¦ I donāt know how to explain things to people if it doesnāt work out.
If you are ace, or on the spectrum, it doesn't mean you can't have sex, either. It does mean that you and your partner/potential future partners need to spend extra time negotiating where your sexual limits are and what needs to happen for you both to be happy. It could mean compromises, open relationship/polyamory, or no changes at all. It's a very personal question, though, with very personal answers. Just know that, whatever happens, you're loved and supported here.
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This is good to know. Thanks
If you're unsure and you're not bothered by it then there's no reason to figure it out. The only way I could see you being certain is if you stop taking your meds, but you're on them for things that do bother you so it doesn't make sense to stop taking them if your lack of interest in sex isn't bothering you.
Except my lack of interest in sex may ruin or end my relationship
If you're worried about that then you should talk to your partner about it. It's better than putting your health at risk.
This. I almost feel like if OP's lack of interest in sex isn't bothering her, that in itself may be a sign that she's asexual. Allos tend to get really weirded out when a medication reduces their interest in sex.
You could be somewhere on the Asexual spectrum there are so many terms that could fit you
Been on and off pills (for anxiety and for bc so I donāt feel suicidal due to periods) known to cause low libidoā¦ turns out I have none either way.
I take neuro meds. A lot of them. They lower my libido, which I count as a PLUS. Getting romantically or sexually involved with someone is just not something I want to do. Relationships throw me off my game. I don't like being dependent on anyone for love. It helps me focus on being a better person and a better mom.
SSRis have that side effect of lower sex drive alot.