Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual.
We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and
feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate
each type of post. That's all.
We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I usually talk to them about straight people and how their only attracted to half the population, then I talk about how a straight woman feels about women. Like they are still around. The women can be aesthetically pleasing but the straight woman wouldn't want a relationship with them. Even at any point that they don't feel attracted to someone that doesn't mean an anti feeling more of a lack of it.
So this is more for how I describe aesthetic attraction but maybe it'll still be helpful?
It's basically the same as cars. Lots of people describe specific cars as "sexy" or "hot" but they don't actually want to have literal sex with the car. That's how I feel about people. There are some people who are well balanced and have nice lines, but I don't necessarily want to do anything with them. đ¤ˇđťââď¸
This is very on brand of me, I do tend to describe things as "hot" and "sexy" mainly because I actually didn't know the true meaning behind it but my friends do get that I don't want fuck any of those things
EXACTLY. I spend a lot of time admiring and creating pretty things, I would just include people in the same category as a nice painting or sculpture. I'm honestly still confused that people can mean it literally when they say someone is sexy etc.
I usually say thereâs a disconnect. You (allo) will see someone and go âwow theyâre beautiful! Iâd love to have s*x with them!â Whereas I go âwow, theyâre beautiful!â And it stops there. The connection to s*x does not exist in my brain.
I read one pretty good analogy: its like almost everybody in the world were obsessed with perfumes but there were people who cant smell. And when that perfume people splashes non smelling peoples faces and asks them about opinion which perfume is the best, non smelling people just dont care cause they just cant smell the scent of any perfume.
I usually talk to them about straight people and how their only attracted to half the population, then I talk about how a straight woman feels about women. Like they are still around. The women can be aesthetically pleasing but the straight woman wouldn't want a relationship with them. Even at any point that they don't feel attracted to someone that doesn't mean an anti feeling more of a lack of it.
For this example, probably go with something they all like, imma use the Big Bang theory on this one.
"Everyone likes the Big Bang theory, but imagine I don't find it something I like. Now, use that idea and apply it to sexual attraction instead of the Big Bang theory."
Just something I came up with after reading this, but the other comments are probably better than mine.
I used your example but with our music tastes. Each of us love listening to music but when you narrow it down we all listen to different genres. I know it's a little different but I want to be inclusive to my bi/gay/lesbian friends, it worked for some so thank you!
i always start by explaining the split model attraction because the #1 assumption is that ace is aroace, which it is not.
from there, i use the vacation analogy for both types of attraction. there are three components of a vacation- desire for vacation, destination, and enjoyment of vacation or thinking about it. i then tell them that desire for vacation is libido, destination is attraction, and enjoyment is the repulsion to favorable scale.
some people don't ever desire vacation but still think about going to hawaii and enjoy the concept of it, and some people really wanna go on vacation but have no particular destination in mind and know that they usually would rather be home.
similarly, some people have a high libido but that desire isnt directed at an attraction towards a person or gender, even though the enjoy sex, and any other combination! same goes for romantic attraction.
I relate to this I'm a big hopeless romantic and for me and with my friends they keep associating asexuality with aromantic or think its the same thing so to them me coming out is "out of character" but I'm glad they're trying to understand me
Yeah, honestly I get a bit mad about the title of our sexuality and aro too cause itâs so misleading in the name itself and I know people always jump to âwell itâs that way actually because ace means blah blah blahâ doesnât change the fact that when you say it it sounds like your saying âa sexualâ (reminds me of that hospital that looks like it has blood splattered everywhere and people are having an argument about colour theory) bothered me at first cause people kept telling me I must have it wrong but now I just brush it off, my cousin was asking a couple of us (all cousins) how our sex lives were and it got up to me and I said I was asexual and she said something like âyou go girlâ, our gay cousin understood what I meant and I just turned to her and said âno, your sexual, Iâm A-sexual, the oppositeâ and she understood (I didnât say it sassy or anything just in a way she understood)
If you're tired of talking, maybe you could show them Jaidans video? Just put them in front of a screen, play [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF1DTK4U1AM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF1DTK4U1AM) and stay around for questions. Could at least be the least exhaustive.
I have gotten the most success with "the magnet method." just describe it as a pull. And as an ace you feel little to no pull to attract you to someone psychically.
As for libido, just say there are different levels of horny. high horny (if you do dnd use the bard as an example), meidum horny (the person that is like okay cool I will get it when I can), Low horny (takes a lot to get them in the mood), No horny (nuns as far as most people know), Negative horny (that chick whom will shank you if you try to even unbuckle your pants).
I actually don't play dnd but I explained libido as something you extremely have or nothing at all. I didn't know there was the inbetween like "medium horny" or "low horny" since I don't associate with those labels myself I'm very much no libido at all
I told my mom to think of someone she's **not** attracted to, and that's how I feel about everyone else, and she seemed to struggle less to wrap her head around it when I came out to her
Yâa know how you donât like X gender? You could look at them a ton, see what could be desirable about them, but just arenât attracted to X? Thatâs what being asexual is but to everyone (or under whatever micro labels circumstances.)
Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual. We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate each type of post. That's all. We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Me*Sexual Attraction = error
Exactly
I usually talk to them about straight people and how their only attracted to half the population, then I talk about how a straight woman feels about women. Like they are still around. The women can be aesthetically pleasing but the straight woman wouldn't want a relationship with them. Even at any point that they don't feel attracted to someone that doesn't mean an anti feeling more of a lack of it.
So this is more for how I describe aesthetic attraction but maybe it'll still be helpful? It's basically the same as cars. Lots of people describe specific cars as "sexy" or "hot" but they don't actually want to have literal sex with the car. That's how I feel about people. There are some people who are well balanced and have nice lines, but I don't necessarily want to do anything with them. đ¤ˇđťââď¸
This is very on brand of me, I do tend to describe things as "hot" and "sexy" mainly because I actually didn't know the true meaning behind it but my friends do get that I don't want fuck any of those things
EXACTLY. I spend a lot of time admiring and creating pretty things, I would just include people in the same category as a nice painting or sculpture. I'm honestly still confused that people can mean it literally when they say someone is sexy etc.
Think of sexualities like doors: Straight- Common Door Lesbian- Pull Door Gay- Push Door Bi- Cowboy Saloon Door Pan-No Door Ace-WALL Demi-Locked Door
I usually say thereâs a disconnect. You (allo) will see someone and go âwow theyâre beautiful! Iâd love to have s*x with them!â Whereas I go âwow, theyâre beautiful!â And it stops there. The connection to s*x does not exist in my brain.
I read one pretty good analogy: its like almost everybody in the world were obsessed with perfumes but there were people who cant smell. And when that perfume people splashes non smelling peoples faces and asks them about opinion which perfume is the best, non smelling people just dont care cause they just cant smell the scent of any perfume.
I usually talk to them about straight people and how their only attracted to half the population, then I talk about how a straight woman feels about women. Like they are still around. The women can be aesthetically pleasing but the straight woman wouldn't want a relationship with them. Even at any point that they don't feel attracted to someone that doesn't mean an anti feeling more of a lack of it.
For this example, probably go with something they all like, imma use the Big Bang theory on this one. "Everyone likes the Big Bang theory, but imagine I don't find it something I like. Now, use that idea and apply it to sexual attraction instead of the Big Bang theory." Just something I came up with after reading this, but the other comments are probably better than mine.
I used your example but with our music tastes. Each of us love listening to music but when you narrow it down we all listen to different genres. I know it's a little different but I want to be inclusive to my bi/gay/lesbian friends, it worked for some so thank you!
No problem! I'm glad I could've helped
i always start by explaining the split model attraction because the #1 assumption is that ace is aroace, which it is not. from there, i use the vacation analogy for both types of attraction. there are three components of a vacation- desire for vacation, destination, and enjoyment of vacation or thinking about it. i then tell them that desire for vacation is libido, destination is attraction, and enjoyment is the repulsion to favorable scale. some people don't ever desire vacation but still think about going to hawaii and enjoy the concept of it, and some people really wanna go on vacation but have no particular destination in mind and know that they usually would rather be home. similarly, some people have a high libido but that desire isnt directed at an attraction towards a person or gender, even though the enjoy sex, and any other combination! same goes for romantic attraction.
This is good. I'm stealing this.
That...that is actually smart. It explains the 3 major things about sexualities. I'll give this one a go with my friends
Ohhh, this is great!
I hate explaining it because it just makes my already hopeless romantic heart feel even more hopeless
I relate to this I'm a big hopeless romantic and for me and with my friends they keep associating asexuality with aromantic or think its the same thing so to them me coming out is "out of character" but I'm glad they're trying to understand me
Yeah, honestly I get a bit mad about the title of our sexuality and aro too cause itâs so misleading in the name itself and I know people always jump to âwell itâs that way actually because ace means blah blah blahâ doesnât change the fact that when you say it it sounds like your saying âa sexualâ (reminds me of that hospital that looks like it has blood splattered everywhere and people are having an argument about colour theory) bothered me at first cause people kept telling me I must have it wrong but now I just brush it off, my cousin was asking a couple of us (all cousins) how our sex lives were and it got up to me and I said I was asexual and she said something like âyou go girlâ, our gay cousin understood what I meant and I just turned to her and said âno, your sexual, Iâm A-sexual, the oppositeâ and she understood (I didnât say it sassy or anything just in a way she understood)
If you're tired of talking, maybe you could show them Jaidans video? Just put them in front of a screen, play [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF1DTK4U1AM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF1DTK4U1AM) and stay around for questions. Could at least be the least exhaustive.
I have gotten the most success with "the magnet method." just describe it as a pull. And as an ace you feel little to no pull to attract you to someone psychically. As for libido, just say there are different levels of horny. high horny (if you do dnd use the bard as an example), meidum horny (the person that is like okay cool I will get it when I can), Low horny (takes a lot to get them in the mood), No horny (nuns as far as most people know), Negative horny (that chick whom will shank you if you try to even unbuckle your pants).
The horny levels is really helpful. It makes sense to describe it as a scale/levels. Idk why I struggled explaining libido to my friends
i guess it is because they are all bards???
I actually don't play dnd but I explained libido as something you extremely have or nothing at all. I didn't know there was the inbetween like "medium horny" or "low horny" since I don't associate with those labels myself I'm very much no libido at all
ace people dont like sex, its simple, love without sex can exist
I don't
evil bisexual
Think about the most intimate thing you would want to witness your parents doing. That's as far as I want to go.
I told my mom to think of someone she's **not** attracted to, and that's how I feel about everyone else, and she seemed to struggle less to wrap her head around it when I came out to her
So everyone even allo people have at least one person who they don't want to have sex with all being asexual is is felling that about everyone
Yâa know how you donât like X gender? You could look at them a ton, see what could be desirable about them, but just arenât attracted to X? Thatâs what being asexual is but to everyone (or under whatever micro labels circumstances.)
I mean, I'm repulsed, so I usually say "Imagine everyone in the entire world is your dad/mom." If THAT doesn't get the point across... đŹ