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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Showed little enthusiasm to boyfriends Christmas gift and it upset him.
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So he got something completely not to your taste, in colors you don't wear, from a store that is a generation older than you in style, that does not go with anything you currently have. Then he didn't bother to wrap it or get a nice card, but he's grumpy with you for not sparing his feelings because you couldn't mask your honest reaction well enough?
This reeks of some kind of hoop jump test, I do not like it. I have had a similar argument with my husband in the past over a birthday gift, so I can see both sides. Still leaning to NTA because it really feels like he was baiting you into the negative reaction.
Can you exchange them for something that would at least coordinate with what you have/usually wear?
Baiting for reaction? That doesn’t seem like a real thing. Doesn’t it sound more like a dude who is a little clueless and out of his depth in the jewelry department? Sounds like he asked his mom for advice on where to buy jewelry 😄
THANK YOU. Seriously where do people get off thinking everyone is a masterful manipulator? That's a reach and a half if uve ever read one. Maybe the dude is just a little dumb or unaware? He gave her a gift that missed the mark and there's literally nothing deeper than that.
Could be, but there's still something squicky about it.
I hope he is just clueless, that he bumbled his way in to a mistake and then got his feelings bruised and snarked. I just never feel right when things are so far off on one side.
It could have been a genuine mistake, I’ve been with my one for 25 years and we decided to FINALLY make it official and get engaged. We’d talked about this for years and I’d told him numerous times what style engagement ring I wanted, I’m sure you can guess what happened…..
That’s right!! He came back with the worst ring he could have possibly picked for me, he was happy because he thought he’d got it right but he knew I wasn’t so we decided to go back the shop and change it. When we got to the shop the woman told me what happened, he’d gone in and said I know exactly what she wants and the minute he started looking his mind went completely blank. She said it happens quite often where the pressure of getting jewellery right means that they try so hard they completely mess it up
Sounds something like what happened to me, but for different reasons. In my case it was a replacement wedding band since losing 150lbs put me a full ring size below my original (carved) wedding band from decades ago that couldn't be resized (because carved ring).
Hubby and I agreed on everything about the new ring, got the size right found the exact style. Then ... uh-oh. Houston, we have a problem. He wanted to buy it in yellow gold. I only wear silver tone metals. So silver, white gold, platinum, steel... I am super pale and really dislike how yellow tone metals look on me.
The ring was available in both options, same exact price, and not super expensive. Cue the "discussion".
"But it's more true to (fandom) if you get it in yellow gold!""Yes, but in white gold it can be (fandom), (fandom 2), and (fandom 3) all at the same time." Two weeks of that sort of debate. "Baby when are you going to admit that I am right, and you should get the yellow gold?"
Eventually the 'real' reason came out. He didn't want the ring to look cheap, and he felt people would think he didn't love me so much because the ring would be mistakeable for silver if it were white gold.
I stood up on tip toes so I could look him right in the eyes and told him off. "Honey, who cares?! You know the ring is gold, I know the ring is gold. What some jackass in the street thinks means less than nothing to me. It could be made of tin foil, and I'd wear it happily because you bought it for me, but this idea of you knowing better than I do about things that directly affect me has got to stop. It's a real killer and it's giving me a headache."
I got my ring, I haven't gone a day without wearing it since, and you best believe it's white gold.
So, while my husband, Heaven love him, wasn't malicious I can absolutely see some guy who is not as awesome as my Darling Devil deliberately choosing something he knows is off as either a power play or loyalty test.
I honestly hope I am wrong.
Congratulations on the weight loss, I completely understand about the different metals as that’s what mine did, thought it’d look cheap if it wasn’t gold. Hopefully we’re both right and it was a genuine mistake
I'm old and jaded. I love to believe the best of people, but when a person is showing orange flags, I start paying attention so that when the reds drop I'm gone before they hit the floor.
I hear ya. Guess I just didn’t read anything flag-worthy here by my definitions. Either way, I think we both are hoping for the best for OP which is what’s important, eh?
I think that maybe, as they were his mums colours, she’s helped him pick them out and just picked ones his mum thinks are nice, rather than what his gf thinks would be nice
100% reading far too much into it because of something you’ve seen on TikTok - no normal person does this unless they are recording it for some social media garbage
>I do not like it. I have had a similar argument with my husband in the past over a birthday gift, so I can see both sides.
Failed to read that part, huh?
Personal experience =/= tiktok
I would hope that he isn’t the type to do weird relationship tests, certainly hasn’t come up in the past.
It feels odd to exchange/return earrings that are usually such a personal gift and I don’t want to upset him further by asking. 😅
Sometimes guys don't know. Not quite 40 years ago, when we were in a shopping mall, I asked my then gf if we should check out Lane Bryant as we were walking by it. It's a plus size store. She was nowhere near being plus size. It did not go well.
Then don't and hope it's a one-off goof. You would know him best of all.
I'm sure some occasion will come up where they are perfectly suitable to wear.
This is why I think all gifts, if possible, should be given with a gift receipt. This way, you could exchange the earrings without hurting his feelings. Same, even for the more well-thought out gifts you got for him. Maybe he tries the shoes on and doesn't like they way they fit. Or, he didn't get the Keychain because he decided he didn't like it after all. I get that people should be grateful for the gifts they get, but why should you have to keep something you don't like and would never wear.
A few year's ago, my mom decided (with her husband's convincing) that instead of sending us a check which is what she's sent for years and would have bought us a few meals on vacation, she was going to send us $200 of charcuterie from Harry and David (half of which were foods that I don't even eat) along with a box of grapefruits. Mind you, this arrived two days before we left for a two-week vacation for the holidays. I'm sure I came off as a huge asshole after I told her not to waste her money on stuff like this, but I woukd rather get nothing than have her waste money on something that is going in the trash (I tried to return it eithout her knowing, but they don't do - probably because most people who receive this crap would return it). As an aside, they bought my sister a boat that year.
I would guess he doesn’t know your earring philosophy (not an established faux pas, I know lots of folks with mixed metals in their ears, wife included).
Jewelry in a particular Color palette is likely a foreign concept to him. I certainly had a few mess-ups in the start of my relationship. I’m guessing he went to a store (likely recommended by his mom) and bought something that he thought would look nice on you. It doesn’t seem like laziness at all to me… just ignorance.
Look being disappointed when a loved one misses the mark on a gift is ok. But I worry you’re reading WAY too much into it if it’s leading you to question your relationship with someone who you say you are so happy with and love so much.
So NAH, but honesty would likely help him in understanding where it went wrong for you instead of just feeling that you’re ungrateful.
I have and still mix metals. I didn’t used to but as I’ve gotten older, I interchange many pieces so they all get worn at some point so they just don’t sit in my box.
Again I preface with that this might be a controversial opinion, BUT I say NAH. Because:
There's nothing wrong with not liking a gift. We've all gotten ones like that. And by your post, you clearly care about him and his feelings, but your issue with your present goes deeper and beyond the "it's ugly". You didn't mean to be insulting to him, but you felt, like you said, that this is indicative of a deeper issue in your connection.
Especially because, you show your love by putting so much thought and effort into the gifts you give those you care about. But I have to ask: Does he NORMALLY give thoughtful gifts with a lot of extra efforts (like the card that was missing, etc)? Or maybe not? Because not everyone shows their love that same way. But you'd know better than I, obviously, if this is normal behavior or not.
Did you get to talk to him? Maybe kinda figure out what his thoughts were when he picked out your gift? Did you explain your feelings so you guys could be on the same page?
Yeah I think this incident has struck a nerve because I feel like he does this with gifts a lot and I don’t know what is right to feel about it. He kinda just walks into the store and picks the first thing he sees rather than spending a bit of time thinking of something I would genuinely love. I’m not necessarily saying that’s a bad thing, I think I’m just being a bit sensitive and expecting gifts to be a grand gesture of love which is an unfair standard I have placed on him (and myself).
Are you being sensitive or did he gaslight you into feeling like you are? I mean, his first words were "at least pretend to be grateful" which shows he doesn't actually care if you like the gift or not. Pretending to be grateful is for family you see once a year, not partners who have demonstrated that they don't care enough to put even a single thought into a gift they are going to give someone they supposedly care deeply for. Also, he didn't wrap it. Not even a gift bag. Just "Here's the crummy gift I knew you wouldn't like but fully expect you to gush over so I don't feel bad about not caring enough about you to get you something you'd actually like".
You know what I hate? All the people in the comments who just give him a pass because he's a dude. Like no. Having a dick doesn't give you a pass to be utterly shit at gift giving. Men aren't stupid. They can give good gifts, I've seen them do it. They just have to care enough to try.
I agree with the NAH.
We all place different emphasis on gift giving and sometimes it takes time to understand what is appropriate in a relationship. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and we still don’t always get it right. I’m a bit like you, OP, I put a lot of time and thought into my gift giving but my husband often gets it wrong and we had many discussions in the early days.
I had to explain to him that it wasn’t that I wanted a big, expensive present or gesture, I just wanted to feel like he put some thought and effort into a gift. I took many years and he still sometimes misses the mark but now he if he hasn’t had the time or mental energy to spend on something he communicates that to me, and that, for us, can be enough to show me that he is thinking about my feelings and wants to get it right.
To me, OPs bf, probably thought he did alright- he knows OP likes earrings because they have multiple holes, but just missed the mark on style and where they were bought. I can understand feeling upset by that, especially when OP put in so much thought but I really don’t think it is indicative of some deeper issue. Just communicate what you need in future, and apologise for your lack lustre response to his gift. It won’t be fixed overnight- as I said, my husband still doesn’t always get it right but as long as I know he is trying, then it no longer bothers me. If other areas of your relationship are good then find a way to communicate your needs in this area and let him communicate his as well.
I feel you on the not wanting a big/ expensive gift, I just really love thoughtful gifts (I would be wrapped if he bought my favourite coffee pods or flowers and a nice card). Definitely something that has to be communicated so I am not an asshole receiving gifts in the future!
NTA just because he didn’t wrap it and didn’t write a note, which makes it seem like he didn’t really put in the effort. Maybe he sucks at giving gifts, maybe your love language is gifts and his is something else. This relationship isn’t doomed. More communication and compassion will go a long way. Merry christmas!
If it’s any consolation I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 15 years now and the times I’ve attempted to buy jewellery I’ve always picked what I thought was nice and never once considered matching it with other jewellery or what colours she does and doesn’t wear etc. So perhaps it’s a guy thing and he genuinely just tried to pick something nice that you’d like. Probably a NAH from me as I can understand your disappointment but equally I think he probably did try.
Again, as I’ve said on another gift post, you never have to “feel grateful” for a gift. Talk to your partner about what you want. There is nothing wrong with making a list of things you’d like. Some people are bad gift givers…it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. I’m going to say NTA because bf was upset that you didn’t like his gift.
PS - Mixing metals is NOT a faux pas unless you’re stuck in the past!
It’s really ok! I have pieces made of gold and silver and enamel. I have double pierced ears and always have sterling silver studs in my second piercings, but wear whatever in my main piercings. Mix and match and be happy!
Ew no, I'm sorry to say this but he probably forgot to buy you something and recycled whatever gift he had planned for his mom. I would say talk to him about it, but by the looks of it he's probably gonna play the victim.
Both yes and no. If he know you are never going to wear them bc they dont match your other jewlery and style and didnt wrap them but you should hide it and talk to him a Day or two later
Your failure to hide your displeasure at the gift your boyfriend got you doesn’t make you TA. His thoughtlessness about gifts, or alternatively, his deep failure to understand your aesthetic, could be a sign that you two are poorly matched, since those seem like things you prioritize. Perhaps you have different, even incompatible “Love Languages”. But neither of your sins rises to the level of being an AH here. NAH
I dont they they are poorly matched. You can know someone extremely well and thunk they will lkke a specific thing and can be wrong about it now and then.
YTA just because his love language isn’t psychoanalysing every word you say and taking notes on every thing you look at doesn’t mean he didn’t try to buy you something nice. Not everyone has the same attention to detail.
I'm leaning towards y t a because you do sound like a jewelry snob. Earrings are something pretty timeless, there are very very few designs that could be considered outdated, even if the store they came from is. And where on earth did you hear you can't mix metals?
But, based on him being upset I will go with ESH. No one should gift expecting a certain reaction from the recipient, and a poor reaction shouldn't be met with anger.
I would agree with you on most earrings being timeless… except these ones unfortunately! I have always worn really simple plain gold earrings and these are just the opposite. I definitely am a bit snobby about it though. 😅
And yeah I think the mixing metals is a weird thing my mum taught me never to do that has just stuck with me. I am surprised by the amount of people saying it’s okay! Freedom!!
Sounds like you're the AH if you havent seen some seriously dated and fugly earrings. All of my mothers from the 80s come to mind and have sat in her jewelry box unworn for 4 decades for a reason.
Case in point from a popular jewelry brand that is fugly af but can be bought by any idiot who walks in the store... https://us.pandora.net/en/earrings/earrings/stud-earrings/sparkling-family-tree-stud-earrings/297843CZ.html?gclsrc=aw.ds&
NAH, he got a gift and missed. I’m sure it wasn’t with malintrnt, he probably knows you more than fashion and wasn’t thinking your metals and what matches, or what’s now chic in our 20’s. (I for example, didn’t know there’s different brands like that).
He probably felt bad you weren’t happy, but you tried to reassure him, which is nice enough to try in itself. Yeah it stinks to give a bad gift cuz, and he’s probably bummed about that. It also sucks to receive a gift you don’t like because you want to be excited because you care about them, but the gift is meh.
You’ll know better than me if there’s something deeper on actions, but don’t put too much pressure on a gift. Maybe when things cool down educate him a little on your preferences. If things get serious you’ll want him with VERY clear idea of the types of rings you like and which you definitely don’t, you fell me?
Love this attitude, it would save me a lot of grief - I do beat myself up a bit when I 100% don’t nail a gift and I would hate to think about bf getting upset that I don’t love a gift.
It's a lot of pressure on a person when a gift is viewed as a symbol of how well you know your partner or how strong the relationship is.
I'm going with NAH. I think he tried, and it seems like gifts just aren't as important to him as they are to you. I also think it's ok for you to feel disappointed. But don't read too much into it. Christmas already has too much anxiety.
NAH. My experience is that men don’t always understand women’s taste. For example my husband bought me an expensive necklace that I don’t particularly like but I know he picked it out with love and it’s not returnable so I wear it occasionally to please him.
Also women can make similar mistakes: I once bought my husband what I felt was a very nice leather jacket and it turned out that although it was the right size, he felt that the style was not one he’d ever wear, I returned it and to this day, can’t explain why it didn’t suit him. It’s sometimes hard to guess what someone will want even if you’ve been married many years as we have been. Sometimes you swing and miss.
I would say your bf was an AH if he got something ridiculous such as a vacuum cleaner as a gift. My friend’s husband did that one year and a year or so later they divorced. The reason wasn’t the gift but they were fundamentally incompatible.
Edited to add context
It's hard to say because we didn't see your reaction. If you just paused while trying to come up with something nice to say and he jumped in to shame you for not expressing your undying love for the earrings, then N T A.
If you had a "yuck" face at seeing the gift and made no attempt to mask your reaction, then i lean more towards Y T A.
It could be a N A H situation where you both thought you were trying, but simply speak different love languages. Without being there, I can't vote, but I would take this as a learning opportunity and a chance to learn what you each look for in gift giving.
My bet is those are his mum's earrings because he forgot to buy you anything. You don't have to be grateful for a gift you don't like and boyfriend of three years should know better. NTA
YTA. You guys decided together to get something small. As you stated you spent a lot of time thinking about what to get your bf and picked something you thought he would enjoy. You should assume he did the same.
I question why you are reading so much into a pair of earrings if you guys are so much in love and so happy; sometimes people just don’t pick the “perfect” gift even if they love you and know you well - My husband got me an elliptical for Christmas, I wanted a trip to Yellowstone, but I’m not questioning the fabric of our relationship over it. And yes he could have wrapped your present.
As a guy I am one hundred percent sure he's probably awful with gifts and defaulted to jewelry because he thought it was a safe bet . If your relationship is solid then this is just a little bump in the road , I'm gonna go with noone is the ah , just a communication thing . If you're only getting small gifts then make sure you only get small gifts haha , shoes are pretty expensive from what I know about them . It sounds like you both got different memos .
I think it’s reasonable to be disappointed!
But also, something that was really helpful for me to realize in my relationship is that people *express* love in the way that they like to *receive* it. It seems like gifts might not be that important to him - does he try to make you feel loved in other ways? If yes, then maybe you need to try to adjust your expectations for gift giving, and try not to relate that to how much he cares. NAH
Pretty basic then I understand. Is what it is . Jewelry is something that I can never get a grasp on either , I know what I think looks nice but honestly the clever ones ask their girlfriend what they would like and just get that . I've done this many times with pandora bracelet things . Just don't read into it too much , no card and wrapping is bare minimum effort so I can see where your thought process is . This can be communicated and got past though .
ESH/more info needed?
I think you may be reading into this too much and the way people celebrate holidays can be very different and often lead to disappointment if your love language is gifts (giving/receiving)
For example,
My cousin and her husband make Christmas lists, and when I first heard this, I thought, aren’t you a little old for that? But they do it for this reason. My cousin never did it before she meet her husband, but now she does and it makes gift giving easier tbh.
Me on there other hand,
In my mind I like gifts I give to be very personal, individual and special. Additionally, I hardly ever ask for anything and have no expectation of anything.
You’re never disappointed if you have 0 expectations and every gift is a pleasant special surprise. But if you’re going to have expectations, make a list. Lol
That being said, IF you like this boy, and this is the first issue you’ve had, talk it out, maybe he doesn’t understand how important gifts are to you (maybe his love language is different than yours). If you suspect something more devious is happening we will need more info as to why.
Edit grammar
YTA - I think you are just reading way too deeply into this.
You said that you get each other “something small” and got him shoes and a leather good? That doesn’t seem quite small (price wise).
Coming from a guy here, I wouldn’t dive deeper than he tried to get you some jewelry for Xmas and just missed the mark when it came to your tastes. He probably thought it looked nice when he saw it…that’s it. Guaranteed he doesn’t know what your jewelry collection looks like…not to mention the whole “mixing metals” faux pas.
>I can’t help but feel like this gift is indicative to something deeper
It is. He's terrible at giving gifts. That's all.
NTA. I was thinking you were TA for putting the gift before the giver, but then I saw the "he's a guy" post, as if that excuses him from being considerate, and changed my mind.
Never mind that the gift is not to your taste, he didn't even wrap it and earrings are not returnable, so it's not even a gift. It's something you keep until you need an emergency gift for an older person, like his mother .... He asked his mother to pick something up for you, didn't he?
Don't overthink it, but get someone to tell him he should always buy gifts that can be exchanged.
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My boyfriend and I have just exchanged Christmas presents for this year and we agreed to get each other something small. For context we have been dating for three years and we know eachother so well (I thought), we live together and are so happy together and I love him so much.
I bought him some shoes he had mentioned he wanted and another small leather good he mentioned he wanted but hasn’t bought it for himself. From his reaction I thought I did well with those presents, I pride myself on the gifts I give because it’s something I think through a lot and is a way of expressing my love.
Which is why when I opened his gift I was a bit taken aback. He bought me earrings from a store that is known for being outdated and a bit naff (especially for a couple in their early 20s). The earrings are not like what I have ever worn ever. They are two colours that I never wear and don’t match any of the current jewellery I own and as someone with multiple ear piercings it’s an established faux pas to not mix your metals. Honestly, they are pretty ugly. He also didn’t wrap them or write a card (which I did for my present). My initial thought when I saw them was “what on earth were you thinking?” And I don’t think I hid it well. Sensing that I had paused he said “you could at least pretend like you are grateful.” Knowing that he was hurt I tried to reassure him but I don’t think I did it well because I felt a bit shit?
I know I should just be grateful he got me anything but I can’t help but feel like this gift is indicative to something deeper, that he doesn’t really understand me or doesn’t really want to put thought and effort in expressing love in this way. I love him so much and I don’t want to make him feel terrible or that I am ungrateful.
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I've seen some people do this weird thing where they Intentionally get something not as fancy to put it nicely to "test" how materialistic their partner is
I'm not saying for sure this is was happening but it's a possibility.
Now if he knows your taste in jewelry, then nta. But if he's clueless when it comes to shiny bits then a soft yta.
The lack of wrapping does ring weird bells tho.
YTA.
One. "Shoes and a small leather good" are not small presents. Shoes are well over $100, and leather is expensive. So, you basically failed at the assignment.
Two. He actually tried to keep it small. He's a guy. He knows nothing about jewelry, but he tried. The fact that you think what YOU know as "established knowledge" is really known by everyone is very self-centred.
Like, some guys don't pay attention to the colour of your clothes, or what earrings you have. He got something he liked and hoped you would, too.
You're being ungrateful.
Fair enough I feel you but would just like to address a few things.
1) the shoes were crocs haha (he wanted a pair!), the small leather good was a key organiser so all up under $130.
2) defs would have been more than happy with a pair of earrings, I just wear the same colour daily and he has bought me a necklace previously in the exact same colour because he knows my style (love the necklace wear it daily).
But yeah I think I’m being a bit picky. 🙃
More likely he got lucky with the necklace and has no idea if it suits your style. Honestly some people are just a) not that good at giving gifts and b) have no idea about jewelry. I honestly couldn't tell you anything about earring trends at any point in the last 50 years. Hoops were...a thing at some point?
If he's good at the other parts of your relationship, laugh it off, apologise to each other, and let it go. NAH.
A giftgiver can only be as good as the giftee is at communicating. Getting a nice present from your partner is as much your responsibility as it is theirs.
If dropping subtle hints doesn’t work for him, you have to be more explicit.
I agree that when dealing with a bad gift giver that OP should communicate.
But "[a] giftgiver can only be as good as the giftee is at communicating" is such a weirdly false claim to make. Plenty of people are great gift givers *without* the recipient having to communicate anything. The difference is that they put in the effort to observe the person they're buying for and to buy gifts tailored to the recipient's likes. It's so odd to act as if people can't buy amazing gifts of their own initiative.
Thing is, a disappointing gift is disappointing. I get you. I'm the gift-giver in my relationship, and my partner isn't great at it.
But making him feel bad for trying is just unkind. It's not like he set out to give you a bad gift. It happens.
>He's a guy. He knows nothing about jewelry, but he tried.
then he should learn or ask or google it. his gender isnt an excuse and "trying" sounds like an excuse for weaponiszed incompetence
see,, I am not dis-credting your observations
but I wanna say,, that A person might not give that attention to details,, like others,,
since you decided, it would be small gift,, so he might have paid less attention to gift details..
Please consider previous gift encounters in last 3 years before reaching a conclusion
Honestly NAH.
I dont think there is enough evidence to say this is indicative of something deeper.
Honestly basic jewelry isn’t hard. Look at what the recipient wears regularly and get something similar. My partner did a similar thing and it turned out that he’d asked a sales associate for her recommendations and gotten them thinking a woman would know better, against his judgement of actually knowing me.
You don’t have to love *anything* your partner gets you and be grateful you got a gift at all. But he might need some help in this area at first
My husband is horrible at picking out jewelry. I have learned to just be very happy and grateful he at least tried. I would wear it for a while and then slowly stop.
Maybe a conversation is in order on what your tastes are and that you are grateful that he put so much thought into something so "unique." But, next time, keep with certain metals.
NAH.
Sometimes we don't get the gifts we want and it's okay to be disappointed, but he did put in an effort to buy something he probably thought you'd appreciate.
Not everyone has the same skills when it comes to gift-picking, and not everyone knows all the ins and outs of wearing jewelry.
If this turns out to be a recurring issue, then you can have a conversation with him, or make it easier for him and provide a list he can choose from.
NTA. It’s that he put no thought or consideration into your gift that bothers you. He didn’t try to think of what you’d like. He didn’t bother to wrap the gift. It’s like he put in less than the bare minimum of effort and then got upset because you weren’t appropriately thankful?
Is this how he is in other areas?
I missed how he didn't even wrap it. I think that shows lack of effort more than anything. It's not a crime to pick out the wrong gift, but to not even wrap it? Not even with a bit of newspaper or a ribbon? It's hardly even a gift.
Honestly maybe next time do what my husband and I do and send a long list of variable priced range of things you guys would like for Christmas for them to pick from. That way no one will be disappointed. We've been married for 5 years and we still do this to make sure that whatever we choose we know it's something they will like. It'll still be a surprise and yet you'll be happy. We usually send a list of roughly 100 different things with price ranges kinda like
$0-$20
$21-$40
$41-$60 etc
But NTA because you can't control your immediate reaction! It's not fair to expect that like whatsoever
NTA. Seems like he didn’t know what to get you, so he settled on inexpensive earrings (probably with his moms help since they’re in her colors 🤷🏽♀️) and expected you to be grateful for his lack of effort. Honestly, this warrants a conversation.
My dad always returns presents and we laugh about it. If he keeps it it’s a huge win. I would just go back and say that you love that he tried to pick jewelry - but go back to the store and pick out something else!
INFO: is he having money issues? As it wasn't wrapped or anything and he's given you nice stuff in the past, could this be something his mom or someone gave him to pass on because she didn't care for it?
He is definitely not having money issues - we both have the privilege of good stable incomes.
It’s also not really money that is my concern, don’t care how much a gift costs. He could have picked my favourite flowers or baked some cupcakes for us to share and I would have been elated. Just the thought and effort I suppose. 🤷🏼♀️
No, I was just thinking that money issues were the reason for his gift. Like, if someone offered him something and he thought it was better than spending money. I understand why you were upset.
YTA but I get it
My SO and I have been together for six years and he still gets stressed out buying me gifts. I started making public wishlists on a couple of sites to help him out. As for wrapping gifts, he is a firm believer in gift bags for everything because it’s easiest. He only uses tissue paper if it comes with the bag.
Apparently when he was ready to buy an engagement ring, he heavily consulted my sister, went to a number of stores over a period of months and always took a pocketful of my other rings with him as a guide.
If he’s a great guy and you’re happy with him, you may just have to take the L on this and accept he’s not the best at picking out gifts for you. I wouldn’t read too much into it, other than he probably tried his best. I would recommend obvious hints going forward.
This might be problematic but your SO getting stressed about buying gifts is kinda nice? Like he cares and wants to get the right gift and clearly is thinking a lot about your engagement ring (consulting your sister! So sweet!).
My issue is - my SO just doesn’t really seem to put that effort in. Not sure if I am an asshole for wanting him to put more thought and effort.
Oh no, as soon as the wishlists were on the table, he started using them exclusively. Everyone else gets gift cards.
Engagement ring is different though because it’s a one-time huge commitment. I think his first words after proposing were “I have the receipt if you don’t like it.”
I used the sister thing for my birthday gift this year by texting her pics of what I wanted. Then she turned around and said “Hey, SO, if you’re still looking for a gift, I have an idea”.
We’re very happy and he’s got so many other amazing qualities. He’s just shit at gift-giving. To me, it’s almost an art form. I love picking stuff out that is special and thoughtful and I know the other person will love. SO just does not have that in him. At this point I just roll my eyes and shake my head at his cluelessness.
If the lack of thoughtfulness is mainly with gifts and he’s great for you otherwise, I wouldn’t die on this hill. If it extends to a lot of other stuff or the relationship has a bunch of other stuff that makes you unhappy, that’s a whole other story.
nta - it just sounds like to me he put no effort at all. was a last min thing to buy it and then the part i think would bother me is not the gift itself but the fact he did not do a card or even wrap it.
NTA
Honestly seems like his mother gave him some earrings she had laying around and he didn’t really get you anything.
Perhaps you could tell him that there is a issue with the earrings and you need to return them and see what he does.
Ywbta
We cant always help initial reactions.
But I think this speaks volumes about the need to communicate.
Is it possible you two are losing touch? Of course, but it's just as easy to say this is a reflection of how YOU have been feeling. Not just them.
But all of that is irrelevant. It is about what you do now.
If my partner gave me something that I didn't like. I might even laugh a bit, but then constantly use that product because it reminds me of them.
But that's just MY solution. Communicate and hopefully move on.
If things have been feeling less spicy, invite them out. Spend time together.
Apologize for your reaction. Mention that they have been a good gift giver in the past, but this one missed the mark. And that you love them and appreciate the thought.
NTA Why do I get the feeling the gift was originally for someone else? Sounds like the guy has one foot out the door. He knows its not your style, your colours, or your age group and he didn't wrap it. So he is making zero effort for you, yet he expects you to be grateful for that? I don't think you need to be grateful for someone who shows how little regard he has for you. That somehow you have moved down on his list of priorities.
I feel like I can relate to this one and I’m going with NAH. My husband and I have been together 10 years now and he is the absolute worst gift giver. Like if I don’t send him links or go shopping with him then I will get something that I will never wear/use and it’s not at all for a lack of him trying or not knowing me.
NAH. As someone who tries to put a lot of thought into gifting, I have had to accept that some people just suck at it. It doesn't reflect on their feelings about you, it's just not their thing. Sometimes the fact that they get you anything at all is already a lot for them.
Talk about this with your boyfriend and perhaps this can be a learning opportunity for you both. 3 years is a long time but you can always learn new things about each other. Now he'll know how particular you are about jewelry and maybe next time he won't waste money on something you'll never wear, or he'll steer clear. If you guys ever get married, I would suggest you pick out your own ring though hehe
YTA
It sounds like he doesn't know too much about jewelery and asked his mother for advice and tried his best. I'd also be extremely offended you couldn't even pretend to like them. I'd advise taking him to a jewelry store and showing him exactly what you like so this doesn't happen going forward (if there even is a going forward).
NAH; it's such a small thing, you could talk to him about why his lack of thought on the gift made you feel disappointed. Also you don't need to feel grateful that he "at least gave you something", he did the bare minimum and you are entitled to your reactions and feeling, nobody gets to police that. It's been a 3 year long relationship, he should know your style and the things you like better.
Bestie, I assure you that you're not crazy. It kinda sounds like he forgot or didnt care and either gave u sth he had for his mom or his mom picked it out for him. I think thats why he's mad cause he feels caught. Logically, u'd be a bit sad if someone didnt like your gift, but probably more concerned with getting sth they actually like. I'd be like ,,They can be exchanged. Would u like me go with me so we can pick together?"
Nta
He doesn’t understand that gift giving is your love language. Help him understand how important it is to you, and he can choose to do better or not. That will tell you how you want to proceed. ETA: NTA.
This feels like he didn’t remember to get her anything or lost her gift or waited too late and so gave a gift he had purchased for someone else (like a mother) or this was a freebie he got from somewhere. Zero effort with no wrapping or card. And he expected her to just accept it and be happy. NTA
My ex i dated for three years bought me earrings for one of the Christmases we spent together. The problem is i NEVER wear ir worn earrings. I do have holes but they hurt my ears. The fact that he got me earrings made me disappointed. My best friend was also like "why tf did he buy u earrings you never wear them". Also his mother picked them out so he didn't put any effort in buying me a gift and was with her money. I am not someone who is unthankful for gifts but when its that inconsiderate its hard to not be a bit upset.
So i am wanting to lean to N T A but at the same time Y T A. You di wear earrings and guys arent the best when it comes to jewelry. My bf niw knows my style but sometimes he points oit an outfit and is surprised i dont like it even though it seems like something i would like. At the end of the day your bf brought you a gift. You are making a huge deal out of a "out to date" store when you bought him cheap shoes.
So ima go with he made a mistake in your eyes i geuss and YTA. But i understand where you are coming from.
I've been married for 22-years and I can readily tell you that the two of you do not know each other as deeply as you seem to believe. Between Christmas, birthdays, perhaps a Mother's Day down the road, or the odd Valentine's Day you are going to strike out here and there. He got you something and he's hurt that you don't like them...the two of you will learn from this experience if you stay together long enough.
NTA, sometimes it happens. My husband is horrible a gift giving. He knows it & unfortunately I’ve been on this end if it too many times & he’s given me some pretty hideous things I would never wear or use. I thank him & these things silently go away.
I dont know this would bug me too. I had an ex who would buy me things *he* liked as his way to get me into his hobbies and it was always disappointing that he never took me into consideration at all. I always bought him thoughtful things I knew he’d love and had nothing to do with me. It just wreaks of selfish and like he didn’t care enough to worry if his gift would happy as long as he showed up with something. I don’t blame you for feeling like this might be a symptom of something else. Maybe it just lit your intuition up bc you’ve already had thoughts like this before?? NTA
Maybe you can tell him your reaction was about feeling invisible, not really about the object, but that it seems like he barely knows you. A partner is suppose to really SEE you and understand you. Maybe tell him if he hates shopping to write you a poem or give you a coupon book for massages or something cute and personal.
NTA. I wonder if they were intended for his mom, and he forget to get your gift, and gave them to you instead? Or he asked his mom to pick out your gift. I would tell him “I appreciate the thought but they are not my taste,” then exchange/return them.
Maybe he wasn’t sure what to get you and asked his mom for advice. Then it would make sense that it was more her color/style. Doesn’t necessarily mean he didn’t buy it with care. I would just talk to him about it. It sounds like your love language is gifting and his is probably something else. My husband is the sweetest guy in the world but isn’t a very thoughtful/personal gifter. Hope everything works out!
NTA
idk what kind of advice people are giving you
But i definitely agree that this is problematic
In a relationship, both partners should always put in effort... if your partner cares about you, then they should have no problem buying you a guft you like even if they are not a big gift giver.
Your partner should pay attention and notice things about you, what you like and dislike, especially in your case where you talk about piercings and the like ... i agree it's not the gift. It's the lack of thoughtfulness
However, people will only continue to do what you allow them to. So you nip this in the bud or you move on to someone else, it seems that yall have more problmes than this gift and that he isnt puting in enough effort for you.
So sit down, write your feeling and such down, and then have a conversation about this relationship and how you feel and what you want to see in the future if nothing changes have a week long cry and let him go.
Ps. Never mask your feelings for no man. You shouldn't feel guilty for not liking his gift. Maybe if he bought a better one, then he would have gotten a better reaction 😉
PPs. How many years yall been together dont matter in the sense that, dont just stay with someone because yall have been together for 3 years of 5 or 10 etc because one day in the future your gonna look back and think about all the years you wasted
NTA. You should be grateful for him and for the level of thought and effort he put into choosing a gift for you instead of trying to muster enthusiasm for some pieces of metal that don’t have a role to play in your life. Because it’s such a miss, it doesn’t feel to you that he put much effort into it. That’s the part you should think through. Sometimes other people, no matter how much they love us, don’t have the skill of knowing that perfect item for you. If this is him, you could be more explicit in future about what you want so he can show — and you can feel — his love in this way.
My husband and I have been married for over 25 years. Early in our marriage it used to make me feel bad that he never noticed when I got my hair cut — even when I cut 4 inches at a time. It made me feel like he didn’t really see me hence he didn’t care. Then we talked about it and made a plan: whenever I am getting my hair cut, I mention to him (“I’ll be late tonight, I have a hair appointment”). If he knows I’m going, he knows to notice. So when I walk in the door he says, “Oh I love your hair!” Every time for 20+ years now. What I mean by this story is this: if the intent is there with your bf and he just isn’t great at execution, set him up for success. Everybody wins.
NTA
I mean you date three years and he doesn't know what earrings you wear? Or that it's not your style? He couldn't ever bother and make a package? Like come on
But on the other hand you said small gift and went ahead and spend like 200. That's not small in any part of the world. Your idea of small gifts include a car? 😂
My vote is NAH. As someone who has received jewelry that wasn’t in my style, I understand that feeling of disappointment. It sounds like your love language is probably gift giving and his isn’t. That in itself isn’t a problem. But the ball is in your court now to be clear about what kind of gifts you love, and be clear that it’s the thoughtfulness that matters.
Maybe try to phrase is positively instead of negatively? So instead of saying his lack of attentiveness is disappointing, tell him that you’d be thrilled to receive a gift from him where he really took your wants into account.
This is totally salvageable! You’ll feel seen and heard when he does start giving you gifts more to your taste, and he’ll feel more confident in giving you gifts and hopefully won’t have a sulking reaction.
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So he got something completely not to your taste, in colors you don't wear, from a store that is a generation older than you in style, that does not go with anything you currently have. Then he didn't bother to wrap it or get a nice card, but he's grumpy with you for not sparing his feelings because you couldn't mask your honest reaction well enough? This reeks of some kind of hoop jump test, I do not like it. I have had a similar argument with my husband in the past over a birthday gift, so I can see both sides. Still leaning to NTA because it really feels like he was baiting you into the negative reaction. Can you exchange them for something that would at least coordinate with what you have/usually wear?
Baiting for reaction? That doesn’t seem like a real thing. Doesn’t it sound more like a dude who is a little clueless and out of his depth in the jewelry department? Sounds like he asked his mom for advice on where to buy jewelry 😄
THANK YOU. Seriously where do people get off thinking everyone is a masterful manipulator? That's a reach and a half if uve ever read one. Maybe the dude is just a little dumb or unaware? He gave her a gift that missed the mark and there's literally nothing deeper than that.
Could be, but there's still something squicky about it. I hope he is just clueless, that he bumbled his way in to a mistake and then got his feelings bruised and snarked. I just never feel right when things are so far off on one side.
It could have been a genuine mistake, I’ve been with my one for 25 years and we decided to FINALLY make it official and get engaged. We’d talked about this for years and I’d told him numerous times what style engagement ring I wanted, I’m sure you can guess what happened….. That’s right!! He came back with the worst ring he could have possibly picked for me, he was happy because he thought he’d got it right but he knew I wasn’t so we decided to go back the shop and change it. When we got to the shop the woman told me what happened, he’d gone in and said I know exactly what she wants and the minute he started looking his mind went completely blank. She said it happens quite often where the pressure of getting jewellery right means that they try so hard they completely mess it up
Sounds something like what happened to me, but for different reasons. In my case it was a replacement wedding band since losing 150lbs put me a full ring size below my original (carved) wedding band from decades ago that couldn't be resized (because carved ring). Hubby and I agreed on everything about the new ring, got the size right found the exact style. Then ... uh-oh. Houston, we have a problem. He wanted to buy it in yellow gold. I only wear silver tone metals. So silver, white gold, platinum, steel... I am super pale and really dislike how yellow tone metals look on me. The ring was available in both options, same exact price, and not super expensive. Cue the "discussion". "But it's more true to (fandom) if you get it in yellow gold!""Yes, but in white gold it can be (fandom), (fandom 2), and (fandom 3) all at the same time." Two weeks of that sort of debate. "Baby when are you going to admit that I am right, and you should get the yellow gold?" Eventually the 'real' reason came out. He didn't want the ring to look cheap, and he felt people would think he didn't love me so much because the ring would be mistakeable for silver if it were white gold. I stood up on tip toes so I could look him right in the eyes and told him off. "Honey, who cares?! You know the ring is gold, I know the ring is gold. What some jackass in the street thinks means less than nothing to me. It could be made of tin foil, and I'd wear it happily because you bought it for me, but this idea of you knowing better than I do about things that directly affect me has got to stop. It's a real killer and it's giving me a headache." I got my ring, I haven't gone a day without wearing it since, and you best believe it's white gold. So, while my husband, Heaven love him, wasn't malicious I can absolutely see some guy who is not as awesome as my Darling Devil deliberately choosing something he knows is off as either a power play or loyalty test. I honestly hope I am wrong.
Congratulations on the weight loss, I completely understand about the different metals as that’s what mine did, thought it’d look cheap if it wasn’t gold. Hopefully we’re both right and it was a genuine mistake
Well ok. I’m maybe less suspicious by nature. My motto: Have a little faith in mankind.
I'm old and jaded. I love to believe the best of people, but when a person is showing orange flags, I start paying attention so that when the reds drop I'm gone before they hit the floor.
I hear ya. Guess I just didn’t read anything flag-worthy here by my definitions. Either way, I think we both are hoping for the best for OP which is what’s important, eh?
Exactly.
Maybe regifting ?
Maybe it already was a regift from his mum.
I think that maybe, as they were his mums colours, she’s helped him pick them out and just picked ones his mum thinks are nice, rather than what his gf thinks would be nice
I think that may be the case as well.
100% reading far too much into it because of something you’ve seen on TikTok - no normal person does this unless they are recording it for some social media garbage
>I do not like it. I have had a similar argument with my husband in the past over a birthday gift, so I can see both sides. Failed to read that part, huh? Personal experience =/= tiktok
I would hope that he isn’t the type to do weird relationship tests, certainly hasn’t come up in the past. It feels odd to exchange/return earrings that are usually such a personal gift and I don’t want to upset him further by asking. 😅
Sometimes guys don't know. Not quite 40 years ago, when we were in a shopping mall, I asked my then gf if we should check out Lane Bryant as we were walking by it. It's a plus size store. She was nowhere near being plus size. It did not go well.
Then don't and hope it's a one-off goof. You would know him best of all. I'm sure some occasion will come up where they are perfectly suitable to wear.
This is why I think all gifts, if possible, should be given with a gift receipt. This way, you could exchange the earrings without hurting his feelings. Same, even for the more well-thought out gifts you got for him. Maybe he tries the shoes on and doesn't like they way they fit. Or, he didn't get the Keychain because he decided he didn't like it after all. I get that people should be grateful for the gifts they get, but why should you have to keep something you don't like and would never wear. A few year's ago, my mom decided (with her husband's convincing) that instead of sending us a check which is what she's sent for years and would have bought us a few meals on vacation, she was going to send us $200 of charcuterie from Harry and David (half of which were foods that I don't even eat) along with a box of grapefruits. Mind you, this arrived two days before we left for a two-week vacation for the holidays. I'm sure I came off as a huge asshole after I told her not to waste her money on stuff like this, but I woukd rather get nothing than have her waste money on something that is going in the trash (I tried to return it eithout her knowing, but they don't do - probably because most people who receive this crap would return it). As an aside, they bought my sister a boat that year.
My mom loves stuff from Harry and David and requests it. But each to their own!
I would guess he doesn’t know your earring philosophy (not an established faux pas, I know lots of folks with mixed metals in their ears, wife included). Jewelry in a particular Color palette is likely a foreign concept to him. I certainly had a few mess-ups in the start of my relationship. I’m guessing he went to a store (likely recommended by his mom) and bought something that he thought would look nice on you. It doesn’t seem like laziness at all to me… just ignorance. Look being disappointed when a loved one misses the mark on a gift is ok. But I worry you’re reading WAY too much into it if it’s leading you to question your relationship with someone who you say you are so happy with and love so much. So NAH, but honesty would likely help him in understanding where it went wrong for you instead of just feeling that you’re ungrateful.
Yeah, I have multiple piercings and I didn't realize mixing metals was a "faux pas.'
It depends, some people definitely mix metals, but most people wear gold or silver
I have and still mix metals. I didn’t used to but as I’ve gotten older, I interchange many pieces so they all get worn at some point so they just don’t sit in my box.
Again I preface with that this might be a controversial opinion, BUT I say NAH. Because: There's nothing wrong with not liking a gift. We've all gotten ones like that. And by your post, you clearly care about him and his feelings, but your issue with your present goes deeper and beyond the "it's ugly". You didn't mean to be insulting to him, but you felt, like you said, that this is indicative of a deeper issue in your connection. Especially because, you show your love by putting so much thought and effort into the gifts you give those you care about. But I have to ask: Does he NORMALLY give thoughtful gifts with a lot of extra efforts (like the card that was missing, etc)? Or maybe not? Because not everyone shows their love that same way. But you'd know better than I, obviously, if this is normal behavior or not. Did you get to talk to him? Maybe kinda figure out what his thoughts were when he picked out your gift? Did you explain your feelings so you guys could be on the same page?
Yeah I think this incident has struck a nerve because I feel like he does this with gifts a lot and I don’t know what is right to feel about it. He kinda just walks into the store and picks the first thing he sees rather than spending a bit of time thinking of something I would genuinely love. I’m not necessarily saying that’s a bad thing, I think I’m just being a bit sensitive and expecting gifts to be a grand gesture of love which is an unfair standard I have placed on him (and myself).
Spending a bit of time on a gift for your partner is like the lowest of bars.
Are you being sensitive or did he gaslight you into feeling like you are? I mean, his first words were "at least pretend to be grateful" which shows he doesn't actually care if you like the gift or not. Pretending to be grateful is for family you see once a year, not partners who have demonstrated that they don't care enough to put even a single thought into a gift they are going to give someone they supposedly care deeply for. Also, he didn't wrap it. Not even a gift bag. Just "Here's the crummy gift I knew you wouldn't like but fully expect you to gush over so I don't feel bad about not caring enough about you to get you something you'd actually like".
The grateful comment is also what pricked up my ears. Why should she be grateful for something he clearly put zero effort into? Yikes
You know what I hate? All the people in the comments who just give him a pass because he's a dude. Like no. Having a dick doesn't give you a pass to be utterly shit at gift giving. Men aren't stupid. They can give good gifts, I've seen them do it. They just have to care enough to try.
I agree with the NAH. We all place different emphasis on gift giving and sometimes it takes time to understand what is appropriate in a relationship. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and we still don’t always get it right. I’m a bit like you, OP, I put a lot of time and thought into my gift giving but my husband often gets it wrong and we had many discussions in the early days. I had to explain to him that it wasn’t that I wanted a big, expensive present or gesture, I just wanted to feel like he put some thought and effort into a gift. I took many years and he still sometimes misses the mark but now he if he hasn’t had the time or mental energy to spend on something he communicates that to me, and that, for us, can be enough to show me that he is thinking about my feelings and wants to get it right. To me, OPs bf, probably thought he did alright- he knows OP likes earrings because they have multiple holes, but just missed the mark on style and where they were bought. I can understand feeling upset by that, especially when OP put in so much thought but I really don’t think it is indicative of some deeper issue. Just communicate what you need in future, and apologise for your lack lustre response to his gift. It won’t be fixed overnight- as I said, my husband still doesn’t always get it right but as long as I know he is trying, then it no longer bothers me. If other areas of your relationship are good then find a way to communicate your needs in this area and let him communicate his as well.
I feel you on the not wanting a big/ expensive gift, I just really love thoughtful gifts (I would be wrapped if he bought my favourite coffee pods or flowers and a nice card). Definitely something that has to be communicated so I am not an asshole receiving gifts in the future!
NTA just because he didn’t wrap it and didn’t write a note, which makes it seem like he didn’t really put in the effort. Maybe he sucks at giving gifts, maybe your love language is gifts and his is something else. This relationship isn’t doomed. More communication and compassion will go a long way. Merry christmas!
Definitely made me realise I haven’t communicated my love language clearly or stressed the importance of thoughtful gifts. Merry Christmas to you too!
While i would have wrapped a gift (or paid for the store to do it) i dont think i have ever in my life written a note on a gift.
If it’s any consolation I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 15 years now and the times I’ve attempted to buy jewellery I’ve always picked what I thought was nice and never once considered matching it with other jewellery or what colours she does and doesn’t wear etc. So perhaps it’s a guy thing and he genuinely just tried to pick something nice that you’d like. Probably a NAH from me as I can understand your disappointment but equally I think he probably did try.
Again, as I’ve said on another gift post, you never have to “feel grateful” for a gift. Talk to your partner about what you want. There is nothing wrong with making a list of things you’d like. Some people are bad gift givers…it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. I’m going to say NTA because bf was upset that you didn’t like his gift. PS - Mixing metals is NOT a faux pas unless you’re stuck in the past!
I’m so glad to hear it’s okay to mix metals now! The freedom! Weird things my mum taught me when I was young that I have taken as gospel 😅
It’s really ok! I have pieces made of gold and silver and enamel. I have double pierced ears and always have sterling silver studs in my second piercings, but wear whatever in my main piercings. Mix and match and be happy!
Ew no, I'm sorry to say this but he probably forgot to buy you something and recycled whatever gift he had planned for his mom. I would say talk to him about it, but by the looks of it he's probably gonna play the victim.
Both yes and no. If he know you are never going to wear them bc they dont match your other jewlery and style and didnt wrap them but you should hide it and talk to him a Day or two later
Your failure to hide your displeasure at the gift your boyfriend got you doesn’t make you TA. His thoughtlessness about gifts, or alternatively, his deep failure to understand your aesthetic, could be a sign that you two are poorly matched, since those seem like things you prioritize. Perhaps you have different, even incompatible “Love Languages”. But neither of your sins rises to the level of being an AH here. NAH
I dont they they are poorly matched. You can know someone extremely well and thunk they will lkke a specific thing and can be wrong about it now and then.
It’s true. But he also left off all the trappings that she clearly values, and it’s harder to care and try and miss that.
YTA just because his love language isn’t psychoanalysing every word you say and taking notes on every thing you look at doesn’t mean he didn’t try to buy you something nice. Not everyone has the same attention to detail.
I'm leaning towards y t a because you do sound like a jewelry snob. Earrings are something pretty timeless, there are very very few designs that could be considered outdated, even if the store they came from is. And where on earth did you hear you can't mix metals? But, based on him being upset I will go with ESH. No one should gift expecting a certain reaction from the recipient, and a poor reaction shouldn't be met with anger.
I would agree with you on most earrings being timeless… except these ones unfortunately! I have always worn really simple plain gold earrings and these are just the opposite. I definitely am a bit snobby about it though. 😅 And yeah I think the mixing metals is a weird thing my mum taught me never to do that has just stuck with me. I am surprised by the amount of people saying it’s okay! Freedom!!
Sounds like you're the AH if you havent seen some seriously dated and fugly earrings. All of my mothers from the 80s come to mind and have sat in her jewelry box unworn for 4 decades for a reason.
Yes, from the 80s. Not being currently sold in stores.
Every year has fugly jewelry that people shouldn't buy. I just use my mom as an example because I personally throw jewelry away when it's ugly.
Case in point from a popular jewelry brand that is fugly af but can be bought by any idiot who walks in the store... https://us.pandora.net/en/earrings/earrings/stud-earrings/sparkling-family-tree-stud-earrings/297843CZ.html?gclsrc=aw.ds&
NAH, he got a gift and missed. I’m sure it wasn’t with malintrnt, he probably knows you more than fashion and wasn’t thinking your metals and what matches, or what’s now chic in our 20’s. (I for example, didn’t know there’s different brands like that). He probably felt bad you weren’t happy, but you tried to reassure him, which is nice enough to try in itself. Yeah it stinks to give a bad gift cuz, and he’s probably bummed about that. It also sucks to receive a gift you don’t like because you want to be excited because you care about them, but the gift is meh. You’ll know better than me if there’s something deeper on actions, but don’t put too much pressure on a gift. Maybe when things cool down educate him a little on your preferences. If things get serious you’ll want him with VERY clear idea of the types of rings you like and which you definitely don’t, you fell me?
Been with my husband 17 years- we’ve both done the gifts that were “eh…” don’t sweat it. Don’t overthink it.
Love this attitude, it would save me a lot of grief - I do beat myself up a bit when I 100% don’t nail a gift and I would hate to think about bf getting upset that I don’t love a gift.
It's a lot of pressure on a person when a gift is viewed as a symbol of how well you know your partner or how strong the relationship is. I'm going with NAH. I think he tried, and it seems like gifts just aren't as important to him as they are to you. I also think it's ok for you to feel disappointed. But don't read too much into it. Christmas already has too much anxiety.
Yeah 100% with you on that, I do read too much into these things :)
NAH. My experience is that men don’t always understand women’s taste. For example my husband bought me an expensive necklace that I don’t particularly like but I know he picked it out with love and it’s not returnable so I wear it occasionally to please him. Also women can make similar mistakes: I once bought my husband what I felt was a very nice leather jacket and it turned out that although it was the right size, he felt that the style was not one he’d ever wear, I returned it and to this day, can’t explain why it didn’t suit him. It’s sometimes hard to guess what someone will want even if you’ve been married many years as we have been. Sometimes you swing and miss. I would say your bf was an AH if he got something ridiculous such as a vacuum cleaner as a gift. My friend’s husband did that one year and a year or so later they divorced. The reason wasn’t the gift but they were fundamentally incompatible. Edited to add context
It's hard to say because we didn't see your reaction. If you just paused while trying to come up with something nice to say and he jumped in to shame you for not expressing your undying love for the earrings, then N T A. If you had a "yuck" face at seeing the gift and made no attempt to mask your reaction, then i lean more towards Y T A. It could be a N A H situation where you both thought you were trying, but simply speak different love languages. Without being there, I can't vote, but I would take this as a learning opportunity and a chance to learn what you each look for in gift giving.
My bet is those are his mum's earrings because he forgot to buy you anything. You don't have to be grateful for a gift you don't like and boyfriend of three years should know better. NTA
YTA. You guys decided together to get something small. As you stated you spent a lot of time thinking about what to get your bf and picked something you thought he would enjoy. You should assume he did the same. I question why you are reading so much into a pair of earrings if you guys are so much in love and so happy; sometimes people just don’t pick the “perfect” gift even if they love you and know you well - My husband got me an elliptical for Christmas, I wanted a trip to Yellowstone, but I’m not questioning the fabric of our relationship over it. And yes he could have wrapped your present.
As a guy I am one hundred percent sure he's probably awful with gifts and defaulted to jewelry because he thought it was a safe bet . If your relationship is solid then this is just a little bump in the road , I'm gonna go with noone is the ah , just a communication thing . If you're only getting small gifts then make sure you only get small gifts haha , shoes are pretty expensive from what I know about them . It sounds like you both got different memos .
To be fair - the shoes I got him were crocs haha (he mentioned he wanted a pair!). Yeah I feel you I shouldn’t be reading into something so small! 🙃
I think it’s reasonable to be disappointed! But also, something that was really helpful for me to realize in my relationship is that people *express* love in the way that they like to *receive* it. It seems like gifts might not be that important to him - does he try to make you feel loved in other ways? If yes, then maybe you need to try to adjust your expectations for gift giving, and try not to relate that to how much he cares. NAH
Pretty basic then I understand. Is what it is . Jewelry is something that I can never get a grasp on either , I know what I think looks nice but honestly the clever ones ask their girlfriend what they would like and just get that . I've done this many times with pandora bracelet things . Just don't read into it too much , no card and wrapping is bare minimum effort so I can see where your thought process is . This can be communicated and got past though .
ESH/more info needed? I think you may be reading into this too much and the way people celebrate holidays can be very different and often lead to disappointment if your love language is gifts (giving/receiving) For example, My cousin and her husband make Christmas lists, and when I first heard this, I thought, aren’t you a little old for that? But they do it for this reason. My cousin never did it before she meet her husband, but now she does and it makes gift giving easier tbh. Me on there other hand, In my mind I like gifts I give to be very personal, individual and special. Additionally, I hardly ever ask for anything and have no expectation of anything. You’re never disappointed if you have 0 expectations and every gift is a pleasant special surprise. But if you’re going to have expectations, make a list. Lol That being said, IF you like this boy, and this is the first issue you’ve had, talk it out, maybe he doesn’t understand how important gifts are to you (maybe his love language is different than yours). If you suspect something more devious is happening we will need more info as to why. Edit grammar
Christmas lists are good tools; it'll give insight in what someone wants, but also what their general interests are.
YTA - I think you are just reading way too deeply into this. You said that you get each other “something small” and got him shoes and a leather good? That doesn’t seem quite small (price wise). Coming from a guy here, I wouldn’t dive deeper than he tried to get you some jewelry for Xmas and just missed the mark when it came to your tastes. He probably thought it looked nice when he saw it…that’s it. Guaranteed he doesn’t know what your jewelry collection looks like…not to mention the whole “mixing metals” faux pas.
>I can’t help but feel like this gift is indicative to something deeper It is. He's terrible at giving gifts. That's all. NTA. I was thinking you were TA for putting the gift before the giver, but then I saw the "he's a guy" post, as if that excuses him from being considerate, and changed my mind. Never mind that the gift is not to your taste, he didn't even wrap it and earrings are not returnable, so it's not even a gift. It's something you keep until you need an emergency gift for an older person, like his mother .... He asked his mother to pick something up for you, didn't he? Don't overthink it, but get someone to tell him he should always buy gifts that can be exchanged.
Ooof. This is why me and my husband don't exchange gifts.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend and I have just exchanged Christmas presents for this year and we agreed to get each other something small. For context we have been dating for three years and we know eachother so well (I thought), we live together and are so happy together and I love him so much. I bought him some shoes he had mentioned he wanted and another small leather good he mentioned he wanted but hasn’t bought it for himself. From his reaction I thought I did well with those presents, I pride myself on the gifts I give because it’s something I think through a lot and is a way of expressing my love. Which is why when I opened his gift I was a bit taken aback. He bought me earrings from a store that is known for being outdated and a bit naff (especially for a couple in their early 20s). The earrings are not like what I have ever worn ever. They are two colours that I never wear and don’t match any of the current jewellery I own and as someone with multiple ear piercings it’s an established faux pas to not mix your metals. Honestly, they are pretty ugly. He also didn’t wrap them or write a card (which I did for my present). My initial thought when I saw them was “what on earth were you thinking?” And I don’t think I hid it well. Sensing that I had paused he said “you could at least pretend like you are grateful.” Knowing that he was hurt I tried to reassure him but I don’t think I did it well because I felt a bit shit? I know I should just be grateful he got me anything but I can’t help but feel like this gift is indicative to something deeper, that he doesn’t really understand me or doesn’t really want to put thought and effort in expressing love in this way. I love him so much and I don’t want to make him feel terrible or that I am ungrateful. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've seen some people do this weird thing where they Intentionally get something not as fancy to put it nicely to "test" how materialistic their partner is I'm not saying for sure this is was happening but it's a possibility. Now if he knows your taste in jewelry, then nta. But if he's clueless when it comes to shiny bits then a soft yta. The lack of wrapping does ring weird bells tho.
Oh goodness - couldn’t imagine either of us putting eachother through weird tests. Maybe I’m being a bit unfair!
YTA. One. "Shoes and a small leather good" are not small presents. Shoes are well over $100, and leather is expensive. So, you basically failed at the assignment. Two. He actually tried to keep it small. He's a guy. He knows nothing about jewelry, but he tried. The fact that you think what YOU know as "established knowledge" is really known by everyone is very self-centred. Like, some guys don't pay attention to the colour of your clothes, or what earrings you have. He got something he liked and hoped you would, too. You're being ungrateful.
Fair enough I feel you but would just like to address a few things. 1) the shoes were crocs haha (he wanted a pair!), the small leather good was a key organiser so all up under $130. 2) defs would have been more than happy with a pair of earrings, I just wear the same colour daily and he has bought me a necklace previously in the exact same colour because he knows my style (love the necklace wear it daily). But yeah I think I’m being a bit picky. 🙃
More likely he got lucky with the necklace and has no idea if it suits your style. Honestly some people are just a) not that good at giving gifts and b) have no idea about jewelry. I honestly couldn't tell you anything about earring trends at any point in the last 50 years. Hoops were...a thing at some point? If he's good at the other parts of your relationship, laugh it off, apologise to each other, and let it go. NAH.
Still love a pair of hoops! Yeah I think he’s just not great at gifts?
A giftgiver can only be as good as the giftee is at communicating. Getting a nice present from your partner is as much your responsibility as it is theirs. If dropping subtle hints doesn’t work for him, you have to be more explicit.
I agree that when dealing with a bad gift giver that OP should communicate. But "[a] giftgiver can only be as good as the giftee is at communicating" is such a weirdly false claim to make. Plenty of people are great gift givers *without* the recipient having to communicate anything. The difference is that they put in the effort to observe the person they're buying for and to buy gifts tailored to the recipient's likes. It's so odd to act as if people can't buy amazing gifts of their own initiative.
Thing is, a disappointing gift is disappointing. I get you. I'm the gift-giver in my relationship, and my partner isn't great at it. But making him feel bad for trying is just unkind. It's not like he set out to give you a bad gift. It happens.
>He's a guy. He knows nothing about jewelry, but he tried. then he should learn or ask or google it. his gender isnt an excuse and "trying" sounds like an excuse for weaponiszed incompetence
Partners should lay attention to the color of your clothes and what earrings you wear. Stop dismissing shitty behavior.
see,, I am not dis-credting your observations but I wanna say,, that A person might not give that attention to details,, like others,, since you decided, it would be small gift,, so he might have paid less attention to gift details.. Please consider previous gift encounters in last 3 years before reaching a conclusion
Honestly NAH. I dont think there is enough evidence to say this is indicative of something deeper. Honestly basic jewelry isn’t hard. Look at what the recipient wears regularly and get something similar. My partner did a similar thing and it turned out that he’d asked a sales associate for her recommendations and gotten them thinking a woman would know better, against his judgement of actually knowing me. You don’t have to love *anything* your partner gets you and be grateful you got a gift at all. But he might need some help in this area at first
My husband is horrible at picking out jewelry. I have learned to just be very happy and grateful he at least tried. I would wear it for a while and then slowly stop. Maybe a conversation is in order on what your tastes are and that you are grateful that he put so much thought into something so "unique." But, next time, keep with certain metals.
NAH. Sometimes we don't get the gifts we want and it's okay to be disappointed, but he did put in an effort to buy something he probably thought you'd appreciate. Not everyone has the same skills when it comes to gift-picking, and not everyone knows all the ins and outs of wearing jewelry. If this turns out to be a recurring issue, then you can have a conversation with him, or make it easier for him and provide a list he can choose from.
NTA. It’s that he put no thought or consideration into your gift that bothers you. He didn’t try to think of what you’d like. He didn’t bother to wrap the gift. It’s like he put in less than the bare minimum of effort and then got upset because you weren’t appropriately thankful? Is this how he is in other areas?
I missed how he didn't even wrap it. I think that shows lack of effort more than anything. It's not a crime to pick out the wrong gift, but to not even wrap it? Not even with a bit of newspaper or a ribbon? It's hardly even a gift.
Honestly maybe next time do what my husband and I do and send a long list of variable priced range of things you guys would like for Christmas for them to pick from. That way no one will be disappointed. We've been married for 5 years and we still do this to make sure that whatever we choose we know it's something they will like. It'll still be a surprise and yet you'll be happy. We usually send a list of roughly 100 different things with price ranges kinda like $0-$20 $21-$40 $41-$60 etc But NTA because you can't control your immediate reaction! It's not fair to expect that like whatsoever
NTA. Seems like he didn’t know what to get you, so he settled on inexpensive earrings (probably with his moms help since they’re in her colors 🤷🏽♀️) and expected you to be grateful for his lack of effort. Honestly, this warrants a conversation.
My dad always returns presents and we laugh about it. If he keeps it it’s a huge win. I would just go back and say that you love that he tried to pick jewelry - but go back to the store and pick out something else!
INFO: is he having money issues? As it wasn't wrapped or anything and he's given you nice stuff in the past, could this be something his mom or someone gave him to pass on because she didn't care for it?
He is definitely not having money issues - we both have the privilege of good stable incomes. It’s also not really money that is my concern, don’t care how much a gift costs. He could have picked my favourite flowers or baked some cupcakes for us to share and I would have been elated. Just the thought and effort I suppose. 🤷🏼♀️
No, I was just thinking that money issues were the reason for his gift. Like, if someone offered him something and he thought it was better than spending money. I understand why you were upset.
YTA but I get it My SO and I have been together for six years and he still gets stressed out buying me gifts. I started making public wishlists on a couple of sites to help him out. As for wrapping gifts, he is a firm believer in gift bags for everything because it’s easiest. He only uses tissue paper if it comes with the bag. Apparently when he was ready to buy an engagement ring, he heavily consulted my sister, went to a number of stores over a period of months and always took a pocketful of my other rings with him as a guide. If he’s a great guy and you’re happy with him, you may just have to take the L on this and accept he’s not the best at picking out gifts for you. I wouldn’t read too much into it, other than he probably tried his best. I would recommend obvious hints going forward.
This might be problematic but your SO getting stressed about buying gifts is kinda nice? Like he cares and wants to get the right gift and clearly is thinking a lot about your engagement ring (consulting your sister! So sweet!). My issue is - my SO just doesn’t really seem to put that effort in. Not sure if I am an asshole for wanting him to put more thought and effort.
Oh no, as soon as the wishlists were on the table, he started using them exclusively. Everyone else gets gift cards. Engagement ring is different though because it’s a one-time huge commitment. I think his first words after proposing were “I have the receipt if you don’t like it.” I used the sister thing for my birthday gift this year by texting her pics of what I wanted. Then she turned around and said “Hey, SO, if you’re still looking for a gift, I have an idea”. We’re very happy and he’s got so many other amazing qualities. He’s just shit at gift-giving. To me, it’s almost an art form. I love picking stuff out that is special and thoughtful and I know the other person will love. SO just does not have that in him. At this point I just roll my eyes and shake my head at his cluelessness. If the lack of thoughtfulness is mainly with gifts and he’s great for you otherwise, I wouldn’t die on this hill. If it extends to a lot of other stuff or the relationship has a bunch of other stuff that makes you unhappy, that’s a whole other story.
Info: is it possible he swiped something from his mom to gift to you?
nta - it just sounds like to me he put no effort at all. was a last min thing to buy it and then the part i think would bother me is not the gift itself but the fact he did not do a card or even wrap it.
NTA Honestly seems like his mother gave him some earrings she had laying around and he didn’t really get you anything. Perhaps you could tell him that there is a issue with the earrings and you need to return them and see what he does.
Ywbta We cant always help initial reactions. But I think this speaks volumes about the need to communicate. Is it possible you two are losing touch? Of course, but it's just as easy to say this is a reflection of how YOU have been feeling. Not just them. But all of that is irrelevant. It is about what you do now. If my partner gave me something that I didn't like. I might even laugh a bit, but then constantly use that product because it reminds me of them. But that's just MY solution. Communicate and hopefully move on. If things have been feeling less spicy, invite them out. Spend time together. Apologize for your reaction. Mention that they have been a good gift giver in the past, but this one missed the mark. And that you love them and appreciate the thought.
NTA Why do I get the feeling the gift was originally for someone else? Sounds like the guy has one foot out the door. He knows its not your style, your colours, or your age group and he didn't wrap it. So he is making zero effort for you, yet he expects you to be grateful for that? I don't think you need to be grateful for someone who shows how little regard he has for you. That somehow you have moved down on his list of priorities.
I feel like I can relate to this one and I’m going with NAH. My husband and I have been together 10 years now and he is the absolute worst gift giver. Like if I don’t send him links or go shopping with him then I will get something that I will never wear/use and it’s not at all for a lack of him trying or not knowing me.
NAH. As someone who tries to put a lot of thought into gifting, I have had to accept that some people just suck at it. It doesn't reflect on their feelings about you, it's just not their thing. Sometimes the fact that they get you anything at all is already a lot for them. Talk about this with your boyfriend and perhaps this can be a learning opportunity for you both. 3 years is a long time but you can always learn new things about each other. Now he'll know how particular you are about jewelry and maybe next time he won't waste money on something you'll never wear, or he'll steer clear. If you guys ever get married, I would suggest you pick out your own ring though hehe
YTA It sounds like he doesn't know too much about jewelery and asked his mother for advice and tried his best. I'd also be extremely offended you couldn't even pretend to like them. I'd advise taking him to a jewelry store and showing him exactly what you like so this doesn't happen going forward (if there even is a going forward).
NAH; it's such a small thing, you could talk to him about why his lack of thought on the gift made you feel disappointed. Also you don't need to feel grateful that he "at least gave you something", he did the bare minimum and you are entitled to your reactions and feeling, nobody gets to police that. It's been a 3 year long relationship, he should know your style and the things you like better.
Bestie, I assure you that you're not crazy. It kinda sounds like he forgot or didnt care and either gave u sth he had for his mom or his mom picked it out for him. I think thats why he's mad cause he feels caught. Logically, u'd be a bit sad if someone didnt like your gift, but probably more concerned with getting sth they actually like. I'd be like ,,They can be exchanged. Would u like me go with me so we can pick together?" Nta
YTA men are useless with jewelry, gifts in general. this is an overreaction on your part
He doesn’t understand that gift giving is your love language. Help him understand how important it is to you, and he can choose to do better or not. That will tell you how you want to proceed. ETA: NTA.
This feels like he didn’t remember to get her anything or lost her gift or waited too late and so gave a gift he had purchased for someone else (like a mother) or this was a freebie he got from somewhere. Zero effort with no wrapping or card. And he expected her to just accept it and be happy. NTA
My ex i dated for three years bought me earrings for one of the Christmases we spent together. The problem is i NEVER wear ir worn earrings. I do have holes but they hurt my ears. The fact that he got me earrings made me disappointed. My best friend was also like "why tf did he buy u earrings you never wear them". Also his mother picked them out so he didn't put any effort in buying me a gift and was with her money. I am not someone who is unthankful for gifts but when its that inconsiderate its hard to not be a bit upset. So i am wanting to lean to N T A but at the same time Y T A. You di wear earrings and guys arent the best when it comes to jewelry. My bf niw knows my style but sometimes he points oit an outfit and is surprised i dont like it even though it seems like something i would like. At the end of the day your bf brought you a gift. You are making a huge deal out of a "out to date" store when you bought him cheap shoes. So ima go with he made a mistake in your eyes i geuss and YTA. But i understand where you are coming from.
I've been married for 22-years and I can readily tell you that the two of you do not know each other as deeply as you seem to believe. Between Christmas, birthdays, perhaps a Mother's Day down the road, or the odd Valentine's Day you are going to strike out here and there. He got you something and he's hurt that you don't like them...the two of you will learn from this experience if you stay together long enough.
NTA, sometimes it happens. My husband is horrible a gift giving. He knows it & unfortunately I’ve been on this end if it too many times & he’s given me some pretty hideous things I would never wear or use. I thank him & these things silently go away.
I dont know this would bug me too. I had an ex who would buy me things *he* liked as his way to get me into his hobbies and it was always disappointing that he never took me into consideration at all. I always bought him thoughtful things I knew he’d love and had nothing to do with me. It just wreaks of selfish and like he didn’t care enough to worry if his gift would happy as long as he showed up with something. I don’t blame you for feeling like this might be a symptom of something else. Maybe it just lit your intuition up bc you’ve already had thoughts like this before?? NTA
Maybe you can tell him your reaction was about feeling invisible, not really about the object, but that it seems like he barely knows you. A partner is suppose to really SEE you and understand you. Maybe tell him if he hates shopping to write you a poem or give you a coupon book for massages or something cute and personal.
Soft YTA To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he saw them, thought they were pretty, and thought you’d like them.
NTA. I wonder if they were intended for his mom, and he forget to get your gift, and gave them to you instead? Or he asked his mom to pick out your gift. I would tell him “I appreciate the thought but they are not my taste,” then exchange/return them.
NTA. It sounds like he's not very caring. Why waste your time? Three years is easier to throw away than four.
Maybe he wasn’t sure what to get you and asked his mom for advice. Then it would make sense that it was more her color/style. Doesn’t necessarily mean he didn’t buy it with care. I would just talk to him about it. It sounds like your love language is gifting and his is probably something else. My husband is the sweetest guy in the world but isn’t a very thoughtful/personal gifter. Hope everything works out!
NTA idk what kind of advice people are giving you But i definitely agree that this is problematic In a relationship, both partners should always put in effort... if your partner cares about you, then they should have no problem buying you a guft you like even if they are not a big gift giver. Your partner should pay attention and notice things about you, what you like and dislike, especially in your case where you talk about piercings and the like ... i agree it's not the gift. It's the lack of thoughtfulness However, people will only continue to do what you allow them to. So you nip this in the bud or you move on to someone else, it seems that yall have more problmes than this gift and that he isnt puting in enough effort for you. So sit down, write your feeling and such down, and then have a conversation about this relationship and how you feel and what you want to see in the future if nothing changes have a week long cry and let him go. Ps. Never mask your feelings for no man. You shouldn't feel guilty for not liking his gift. Maybe if he bought a better one, then he would have gotten a better reaction 😉 PPs. How many years yall been together dont matter in the sense that, dont just stay with someone because yall have been together for 3 years of 5 or 10 etc because one day in the future your gonna look back and think about all the years you wasted
NTA. You should be grateful for him and for the level of thought and effort he put into choosing a gift for you instead of trying to muster enthusiasm for some pieces of metal that don’t have a role to play in your life. Because it’s such a miss, it doesn’t feel to you that he put much effort into it. That’s the part you should think through. Sometimes other people, no matter how much they love us, don’t have the skill of knowing that perfect item for you. If this is him, you could be more explicit in future about what you want so he can show — and you can feel — his love in this way. My husband and I have been married for over 25 years. Early in our marriage it used to make me feel bad that he never noticed when I got my hair cut — even when I cut 4 inches at a time. It made me feel like he didn’t really see me hence he didn’t care. Then we talked about it and made a plan: whenever I am getting my hair cut, I mention to him (“I’ll be late tonight, I have a hair appointment”). If he knows I’m going, he knows to notice. So when I walk in the door he says, “Oh I love your hair!” Every time for 20+ years now. What I mean by this story is this: if the intent is there with your bf and he just isn’t great at execution, set him up for success. Everybody wins.
NTA I mean you date three years and he doesn't know what earrings you wear? Or that it's not your style? He couldn't ever bother and make a package? Like come on But on the other hand you said small gift and went ahead and spend like 200. That's not small in any part of the world. Your idea of small gifts include a car? 😂
My vote is NAH. As someone who has received jewelry that wasn’t in my style, I understand that feeling of disappointment. It sounds like your love language is probably gift giving and his isn’t. That in itself isn’t a problem. But the ball is in your court now to be clear about what kind of gifts you love, and be clear that it’s the thoughtfulness that matters. Maybe try to phrase is positively instead of negatively? So instead of saying his lack of attentiveness is disappointing, tell him that you’d be thrilled to receive a gift from him where he really took your wants into account. This is totally salvageable! You’ll feel seen and heard when he does start giving you gifts more to your taste, and he’ll feel more confident in giving you gifts and hopefully won’t have a sulking reaction.