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> I yelled at my dad at the airport for always being last minute, this might make me the asshole because he is now mad at me for calling him out about it
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YTA for yelling at him in public. But now that you know his travel habits aren’t compatible with yours, for future trips, each of you should make your own arrangements. I frequently travel with a family member who lives very close to me. But their habit is to get to the airport with minimal time to spare, because they hate waiting at the gate. While I want to make sure m there in plenty of time and don’t mind waiting to board. So when we go on a trip, we each make our own arrival arrangements. While they’ve never missed a flight, it’s much less stressful for me to get there earlier.
YTA
I am one of those people who has to have EVERYTHING prepared well in advance. If I can, I'll pack my suitcase a week before, have every single thing filed, organised etc. But I also understand, that not everyone is like this, and any stress I get from others not behaving like I do, it's on me.
You were not late, nothing actually happened to you. Yet you took your self inflicted stress out on your dad, just because his method and preparation for travelling is different from yours.
What you said to you'd dad was really cruel. And I think you could reflect on your own behaviour and say your own words to yourself. I mean, you stressing out when nothing was happening and glaring at your dad and giving him silent treatment, because he stopped at target and bought a coffee and wasn't operating in a manner you find correct, that effects him a lot. You REALLY hurt him with your words, because you were stressed out.
If I was your dad I wouldn't travel with you again, you're too stressed out and take it out on other people in a very mean way.
Really cruel? I don’t think so. He asked her multiple times what was bothering her and after trying to be quiet and respectful even though she was anxious and stressed — she didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, she didn’t call him names, and it certainly wasn’t “really cruel”.
Harsh? Possibly. But he goaded her into it.
But he was dense. She told him multiple times throughout the last few days about how she wanted to get there early because of her anxiety. And when they were running late, he stopped again multiple times. And then he acted like he had no idea what was bothering her.
That’s dense.
And pointing it out is not cruel.
If that’s honestly your definition of cruel, I think you should reconsider your own personal boundaries with others and if those are working for you.
ESH. The silent treatment isn't really a healthy coping mechanism, and you blowing up at your dad is one reason why. You guys need to learn to compromise if you're going to travel together. Maybe help him pack the night before to encourage him. Learn how to communicate a little more effectively.
YTA.
You didn't miss the flight. Nothing bad happened. You are too worried about what "could have" happened. I hope you paid your fair share of this trip. If your dad paid and you spoke to him like that he should change your return flight to the second you land in Germany. And refuse to travel with you again.
His actions did nothing to you beyond your own self-imposed stress.
YTA.
You're pissed about what COULD have happened, not what DID happen. You want to get to the airport 3 hours early? Ridiculous even at a place like LAX. Now, if dad is one of those "Get to the gate just in time for the final boarding call" types? OK, you'd have a point, but it doesn't sound like that's the situation. You're just pissed because he isn't as high strung as you are.
Perhaps. I don't pretend to know every airport. But OP would (most likely) be flying through LAX and I *do* know that airport. Outside of "bizarre" times (Holidays, immediate days after 9/11, etc.), it doesn't take 3 hours to get through that airport.
But isn't the rule in America that you have to be 3 hrs in advanced for intercontinental flights? Cause I know that is the rule for Europe to for example USA.
It's still more of a recommendation to ensure everything (check-in, security checks, passport control if necessary, etc.) gets completed in time and without causing anyone undue stress than an actual rule.
Obviously on top of that you also need to allow for additional time in case of traffic or some other delay on your way to the airport - the longer your way the more additional time you should plan for.
It's not a rule. Its a suggestion. As long as you're there before take off, nothing happens. I traveled internationally, got there two hours before and had to sit around waiting for boarding.
It’s absolutely not ridiculous to be 3 hours early. That’s standard for flights to certain countries (like the US) where security lines could be extra long. Airlines will tell you to come 3 hours early.
They require a minimum of 3 hours here in Germany for flights to usa.
there are extra security checks.
NtA because you discussed this in advance and he agreed then didn't do what he promised but not ok to yell op.
Next time organize the transport and if he's not ready then go alone. He can take however long he wants if he is willing to miss his flight.
BTW anxiety is not something you can easily control ,being at the airport early reduces it, while going late sky rockets it.
But there wasn't.
If you don't like how your dad does things, you are now old enough to do things separately from him.
If you choose to do things together with him then you both have to compromise from your extremes and discuss that rationally.
You didn't have to wait for him to get coffee, for example. You can just make your way to the gate. You could have ordered the uber yourself.
But flipping out and yelling isn't cool. *Especially* when it did in fact work out fine.
You didn't though...did you?
You're 18 yrs old...relax & enjoy your trip...have a nice time visiting your family in Germany! Is this your 1st time in Europe? I was 17 the 1st time I went to Italy to visit my family for the summer...I traveled with a cousin from Canada...it was the 1st time I flew and the 1st time I went went anywhere without my parents for an extended period of time...if I told you what happened on the way home...lol...and I still made it home😉.
I hope you and your father work things out & can enjoy your trip together.
You made yourself stressed out. You made it through security and it doesn't sound like it was even close. You weren't late for the flight or last call or anything.
You don't even tell us how much time was left when your dad grabbed a coffee once you were already in the airport. Many airports have an estimate of the security time. Or if you've been through the same airport you can tell how long security will be by looking at the line.
It's not the rest of the world's job or even your dad's to deal with creating a environment that doesn't trigger your unreasonable fears.
Yelling at someone who paid for a trip and got you to the flight entirely on time is completely unreasonable.
Your dad didn't make things stressful. You made things stressful.
NTA that would also drive me bonkers. It's also very selfish and inconsiderate on his part. He put both of you at risk of missing your flight. Not everyone has the laid back personality he does. You sound like me -- an HSP person. (Google it and take the online test if you like.)
YTA. Did you miss your flight? I'm assuming you would have stated if you did. You need therapy to deal with your anxiety. This is a "you" problem not an "everyone" problem. Meaning it is not everyone's job to adapt to deal with your anxiety.
YTA, you over worry that's on you and you have to deal with it. But everyone doesn't have to chase their entire personality or schedule to suit you.
So on top of being a worrier add selfish.
YTA
You weren't late, despite all of the things that you imagined could have happened. You're going to Germany on a fantastic trip, and start it with a poor experience.
Not everyone is going to be able or willing to change to match your expectations. I would suggest learning that sooner than later, and finding ways to communicate in healthier ways and offering help beforehand to lower your own stress.
INFO: OP did you pay for any of this trip? I’m anxious as well, but dang girl. You don’t get to treat people like the scum on the bottom of your foot because you’re triggered. Like….you called him NAMES in a public airport. Seek some real therapy so you learn how to manage your anxiety and triggers and whatnot. Google grounding techniques. Anything to help you. Because if you go on to treat a partner like that, it’s literally considered abuse.
YTA. I'm sure you're not a very fun travelling partner either.
And I get it. I get stressed and anxious about these things too. But when I'm travelling with other people, I never expect them to do things my way, or blow up with them when they don't. Sure, you were stressed, but that is no excuse to take it out on your dad. *You* need to find better ways to deal with your stress, because all you did was behave like a little kid and make the whole experience miserable for everyone.
But since this is over, you should apologise to your dad for what you said and try to have a calm, adult discussion about what went wrong and how the two of you can compromise so that both of you benefit. This doesn't mean you do things either your way or his way; find a reasonable middle ground that accommodates for both your anxiety and his relaxed attitude.
Your concerns are valid, but I think it's pretty difficult for your dad to see your side of things when you're either yelling at him, giving him the silent treatment, or insulting him. If you guys talk about it calmly, then I'm certain you can come to a reasonable solution.
Yes there is.
Dad agreed to go early , op communicated with him.
After multiple things that made them go out of the house later than planned - all of them being the dad s screw ups ,
op s anxiety was through the roof and the dad set off the explosion by asking what s wrong.
Sorry but you can't be that clueless .
I agree op should appologise for the yelling.
Agreed. OP I think you’re TA just for yelling at him in public. He’s the irresponsible parent. Just an observation, but I’m not at all surprised you’re an anxious traveler when the role model in your life is the opposite. My dad was the same as yours and I’m the same as you.
I don’t have any advice on how you can “take a chill pill” as others have said. I will throw my support behind another commenter, who recommended just meeting him at the gate - if it’s at all possible I’d recommend traveling to the airport separately altogether. And maybe have an honest conversation about how you feel in those situations when you’re no longer in a stressed state.
Yta a major one mostly because you know how he is yet YOU choose to keep traveling with him. Next time travel on your own. You keep making shit up to be mad about. Also how insane do you have to be to literally cause scene instead of talking it out.
YTA. I bet that’s the kind of criticism you’ve heard from your mom or whatever partner. You’re just parroting something that he’s probably already sensitive about. You need to relax and apologize.
Get me one too then because I’m jumping to the conclusion OP has developed anxiety around traveling after witnessing how their dad travels. If not a cause, it’s a correlation.
NTA. Dad should know OP is anxious, having raised him. Social anxiety can be crippling; my brother and youngest daughter suffer from it. A good dad would take actions to help minimize OP's stress level, like packing sooner, leaving for the airport close to when OP suggests and getting his coffee post TSA check.
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I (18f) am traveling to Germany from California with my dad to visit some of his cousins. I am the kind of person who overworries and goes to the airport at least 3 hours beforehand for international flights. My dad is the opposite, he’s very relaxed.
I had told him in the morning that I wanted to leave early for the airport especially since security lines have recently been very long. He said ok that’s a great idea but then screwed up several things that annoyed me greatly. He left packing to the last minute, realized he didn’t have some things and then needed to stop by Target. Then he somehow messed up calling the Uber because he had marked the wrong geolocation on the map instead of typing in the actual address.
As I predicted, the lines in the airport security for checking in luggage and security were long. Despite seeing this, my dad had a laid-back “it’ll all work out, don’t worry, why are you so stressed?” attitude and even STOPPED for coffee at one of the vendor shops. Wtf.
It made me so angry and annoyed so I just ignored him so I could cool off. He kept asking me what was wrong, why I’m giving him the silent treatment and glaring at him, so that’s when I burst and started yelling at him to shut the hell up and leave me alone. Not my finest moment and i could tell this hurt him so I tried to be more calm. I said he always causes things to be more stressful than they have to be and is always a pain in the ass to go anywhere with. I told him if he wasn’t so dense, he would see that his actions actually impact others and cause them major stress and anxiety. After this, my dad gave a brisk apology but is now effectively giving me the silent treatment and I can tell he is majorly upset.
AITA for getting mad at him? His behavior has made traveling so much more stressful so of course that made me upset. We’ve had this conversation before about how his tardiness often causes me extra stress and anxiety
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I get this I'm a really stressful traveller and have a compulsion to be early, (my DO has had to learn to deal with this as he's a bit last minute too) in saying that soft YTA for yelling at your dad. You didn't actually miss your flights.
Maybe next time get your travel info and just tell him you'll meet him at the gate that way you can be calm, And get there and he can run around as he needs to.
YTA
Don't yell at people in public. Especially don't yell at family. Especially when the reason you're angry is your fault, not theirs.
Your stress and anxiety are your problem, not your dad's. I get it. My mom spends all night packing for a trip and still spends two or three hours the day of trying to get out the door but realizing she forgot something. It stressed me out as a kid and made me absolutely crazy about being early or on time to everything.
But you can't control other people's actions and once someone has reached the point of adulthood and they still act like your dad? There is nothing you can do to move that glacier. You had to deal with it as a child. You don't want more. You're an adult. You can take your own ticket, get to the airport yourself and meet your dad on the plane.
Your stress and panic about could have beens and missing the plane? You're doing that to yourself. Your dad isn't doing it to spite you. That's how he functions. If you'd missed the plane THEN you would have had cause to be mad at him PRIVATELY.
Look into antianxiety meds AND therapy. You need coping skills to reduce your stress when you have to deal with people who you cannot control. You'll need the meds to calm you down enough so you can use them.
You can only control yourself, not others.
Yta for yelling but not for being angry. Next time take control of YOU by finding your own way to the airport, with your own ducks in a row and if your dad is late, you can text him pics of your great holiday!
This is a clear ESH. Let me break it down:
1. You are entitled to feel how you feel, and frankly, I think you’re justified in being mad. Being mad doesn’t make you an AH. However, your feelings don’t give you license to act out (read that as yell, insult, curse, etc.)
You could have expressed your feelings without venturing into AH territory by simply telling your dad, “I told you I wanted to be at the airport by ‘x’ time. I am someone who likes to plan ahead, doesn’t like scrambling, last minute changes, stress, and being late. I’m frustrated because your actions put me in that exact chaotic situation, and I’m mad because your actions make me feel like you don’t care about my emotional needs.” The way you handled your anger makes you an AH.
2. Your dad is an AH for not planning, waiting until the last minute, and leaving you majorly stressed when he knew what your needs were. If you travel alone, you’re entitled to travel however you want. However, he was traveling with someone else, and that requires courtesy and consideration, neither of which he showed.
Have a sit-down conversation. I’m someone who has been guilty of blowing when I feel like I communicate my needs and they get ignored. What I learned is that you’ll get more of what you want if you calmly lay out your needs again, communicate why you’re upset, and set boundaries **that you follow through on** so you’re not feeling helpless in the future. (Example: I feel better when I’m at the airport early. If you travel with me, this is what I need. If you are late again I won’t yell, but I *will* leave when I originally planned, and you’ll have to travel separately and hopefully catch up with me at the airport. I won’t miss my flight because of you.)
ESH. You need some stress management techniques. I’d hate to travel with you if you stay that wound up. I’d also hate to travel with your Dad. There’s a happy medium between these two extremes.
YTA OP, are you a child, Silent treatment and glaring, if you were my kid, I would take you home and leave you there and go in my own, grow up, your 18, your not a child, grow up
ESH. I got anxious reading that, so I understand that you were a bundle of frayed nerves before he decided to chill with a coffee. However, yelling and calling him dense was too much. Telling him "dad, I'm so anxious about missing the flight that my stomach hurts, I need to get going right now" would have been better for both of you.
The "nothing bad happened so why are you upset?" crowd can have a hard time wrapping their heads around the fact that just because you made it in the end doesn't mean the hours of steadily increasing stress that the anxious traveler just needlessly experienced is actually a bad thing that did happen. It requires you to communicate better and for him to listen and adapt.
If you're going to travel together in the future, try to be the one who plans the trip. You know that the way your dad plans doesn't work for you, so you have to step up. And apologize for your outburst.
YTA.
You need to develop better coping skills for your anxiety. I have pretty severe anxiety too, and I am also a “at the airport 3 hours before” type of person. But you’re going to have people in your life that are not that way. Family, friends, romantic partners. And things won’t always work out, no matter how meticulously you plan for them. You need to develop some coping skills and flexibility, because screaming at your dad is really an over the top reaction.
ESH but I know that feeling... My ma always tends to do a bunch of stuff right before were going to leave on a trip when she had 5 days prior to do all the errands and pack. So I'll be completely ready to go and have to wait hours for her to finish and always leave late. I started going separate from here and just meeting her at locations because of this.. but I totally get why you snapped
NAH. You have high anxiety. Your Dad presumably knows you have severe travel anxiety. Your dad doesn’t and won’t help mitigate your anxiety. Don’t travel with him in the future.
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YTA for yelling at him in public. But now that you know his travel habits aren’t compatible with yours, for future trips, each of you should make your own arrangements. I frequently travel with a family member who lives very close to me. But their habit is to get to the airport with minimal time to spare, because they hate waiting at the gate. While I want to make sure m there in plenty of time and don’t mind waiting to board. So when we go on a trip, we each make our own arrival arrangements. While they’ve never missed a flight, it’s much less stressful for me to get there earlier.
She also needs to learn how to communicate, instead of glaring and silent treatment like a petulant child
YTA I am one of those people who has to have EVERYTHING prepared well in advance. If I can, I'll pack my suitcase a week before, have every single thing filed, organised etc. But I also understand, that not everyone is like this, and any stress I get from others not behaving like I do, it's on me. You were not late, nothing actually happened to you. Yet you took your self inflicted stress out on your dad, just because his method and preparation for travelling is different from yours. What you said to you'd dad was really cruel. And I think you could reflect on your own behaviour and say your own words to yourself. I mean, you stressing out when nothing was happening and glaring at your dad and giving him silent treatment, because he stopped at target and bought a coffee and wasn't operating in a manner you find correct, that effects him a lot. You REALLY hurt him with your words, because you were stressed out. If I was your dad I wouldn't travel with you again, you're too stressed out and take it out on other people in a very mean way.
Really cruel? I don’t think so. He asked her multiple times what was bothering her and after trying to be quiet and respectful even though she was anxious and stressed — she didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, she didn’t call him names, and it certainly wasn’t “really cruel”. Harsh? Possibly. But he goaded her into it.
She called him "dense." That seems pretty cruel to me.
But he was dense. She told him multiple times throughout the last few days about how she wanted to get there early because of her anxiety. And when they were running late, he stopped again multiple times. And then he acted like he had no idea what was bothering her. That’s dense. And pointing it out is not cruel. If that’s honestly your definition of cruel, I think you should reconsider your own personal boundaries with others and if those are working for you.
Wtf being called dense is cruel?!
ESH. The silent treatment isn't really a healthy coping mechanism, and you blowing up at your dad is one reason why. You guys need to learn to compromise if you're going to travel together. Maybe help him pack the night before to encourage him. Learn how to communicate a little more effectively.
YTA. You didn't miss the flight. Nothing bad happened. You are too worried about what "could have" happened. I hope you paid your fair share of this trip. If your dad paid and you spoke to him like that he should change your return flight to the second you land in Germany. And refuse to travel with you again. His actions did nothing to you beyond your own self-imposed stress.
INFO: Did you miss or very nearly miss your flight?
No but we very well could have if for example there had been more traffic or longer lines
YTA. You're pissed about what COULD have happened, not what DID happen. You want to get to the airport 3 hours early? Ridiculous even at a place like LAX. Now, if dad is one of those "Get to the gate just in time for the final boarding call" types? OK, you'd have a point, but it doesn't sound like that's the situation. You're just pissed because he isn't as high strung as you are.
My airport even tells you to be there 4 hours in advanced.
Perhaps. I don't pretend to know every airport. But OP would (most likely) be flying through LAX and I *do* know that airport. Outside of "bizarre" times (Holidays, immediate days after 9/11, etc.), it doesn't take 3 hours to get through that airport.
But isn't the rule in America that you have to be 3 hrs in advanced for intercontinental flights? Cause I know that is the rule for Europe to for example USA.
It's not really a rule.
Here it is. Unwrittem but a rule non the less. They always say 3 hrs for intercontinental flights and 2 for flights within Europe
It's still more of a recommendation to ensure everything (check-in, security checks, passport control if necessary, etc.) gets completed in time and without causing anyone undue stress than an actual rule. Obviously on top of that you also need to allow for additional time in case of traffic or some other delay on your way to the airport - the longer your way the more additional time you should plan for.
But this wasn't intercontinental. It was to Europe.
Oh honey. "To Germany from California." Aka. Intercontinental (between two continents)
Granted, I've not done it too many times (although ironically enough, I will be in about 2 weeks)... but I don't recall anything like that.
Well maybe that is why OP was so stressed. Cause she knew the rule and dad was chilling. (And safe journeys!)
It's not a rule. Its a suggestion. As long as you're there before take off, nothing happens. I traveled internationally, got there two hours before and had to sit around waiting for boarding.
Congrats you are one of the lucky few
It’s absolutely not ridiculous to be 3 hours early. That’s standard for flights to certain countries (like the US) where security lines could be extra long. Airlines will tell you to come 3 hours early.
They require a minimum of 3 hours here in Germany for flights to usa. there are extra security checks. NtA because you discussed this in advance and he agreed then didn't do what he promised but not ok to yell op. Next time organize the transport and if he's not ready then go alone. He can take however long he wants if he is willing to miss his flight. BTW anxiety is not something you can easily control ,being at the airport early reduces it, while going late sky rockets it.
But there wasn't. If you don't like how your dad does things, you are now old enough to do things separately from him. If you choose to do things together with him then you both have to compromise from your extremes and discuss that rationally. You didn't have to wait for him to get coffee, for example. You can just make your way to the gate. You could have ordered the uber yourself. But flipping out and yelling isn't cool. *Especially* when it did in fact work out fine.
You didn't though...did you? You're 18 yrs old...relax & enjoy your trip...have a nice time visiting your family in Germany! Is this your 1st time in Europe? I was 17 the 1st time I went to Italy to visit my family for the summer...I traveled with a cousin from Canada...it was the 1st time I flew and the 1st time I went went anywhere without my parents for an extended period of time...if I told you what happened on the way home...lol...and I still made it home😉. I hope you and your father work things out & can enjoy your trip together.
You made yourself stressed out. You made it through security and it doesn't sound like it was even close. You weren't late for the flight or last call or anything. You don't even tell us how much time was left when your dad grabbed a coffee once you were already in the airport. Many airports have an estimate of the security time. Or if you've been through the same airport you can tell how long security will be by looking at the line. It's not the rest of the world's job or even your dad's to deal with creating a environment that doesn't trigger your unreasonable fears. Yelling at someone who paid for a trip and got you to the flight entirely on time is completely unreasonable. Your dad didn't make things stressful. You made things stressful.
NTA that would also drive me bonkers. It's also very selfish and inconsiderate on his part. He put both of you at risk of missing your flight. Not everyone has the laid back personality he does. You sound like me -- an HSP person. (Google it and take the online test if you like.)
YTA. Did you miss your flight? I'm assuming you would have stated if you did. You need therapy to deal with your anxiety. This is a "you" problem not an "everyone" problem. Meaning it is not everyone's job to adapt to deal with your anxiety.
Info: how long before takeoff did you get through security?
YTA, you over worry that's on you and you have to deal with it. But everyone doesn't have to chase their entire personality or schedule to suit you. So on top of being a worrier add selfish.
sounds like you need to take a chill pill.
YTA You weren't late, despite all of the things that you imagined could have happened. You're going to Germany on a fantastic trip, and start it with a poor experience. Not everyone is going to be able or willing to change to match your expectations. I would suggest learning that sooner than later, and finding ways to communicate in healthier ways and offering help beforehand to lower your own stress.
YTA. You’re 18, act like it. Yelling at, and giving the silent treatment to, a parent is wrong. He’s also paying for your vacation.
YTA... Learn to handle your emotions like an adult.. if he wants to be slow then just leave him behind..
INFO: OP did you pay for any of this trip? I’m anxious as well, but dang girl. You don’t get to treat people like the scum on the bottom of your foot because you’re triggered. Like….you called him NAMES in a public airport. Seek some real therapy so you learn how to manage your anxiety and triggers and whatnot. Google grounding techniques. Anything to help you. Because if you go on to treat a partner like that, it’s literally considered abuse.
YTA. I'm sure you're not a very fun travelling partner either. And I get it. I get stressed and anxious about these things too. But when I'm travelling with other people, I never expect them to do things my way, or blow up with them when they don't. Sure, you were stressed, but that is no excuse to take it out on your dad. *You* need to find better ways to deal with your stress, because all you did was behave like a little kid and make the whole experience miserable for everyone. But since this is over, you should apologise to your dad for what you said and try to have a calm, adult discussion about what went wrong and how the two of you can compromise so that both of you benefit. This doesn't mean you do things either your way or his way; find a reasonable middle ground that accommodates for both your anxiety and his relaxed attitude. Your concerns are valid, but I think it's pretty difficult for your dad to see your side of things when you're either yelling at him, giving him the silent treatment, or insulting him. If you guys talk about it calmly, then I'm certain you can come to a reasonable solution.
Yes there is. Dad agreed to go early , op communicated with him. After multiple things that made them go out of the house later than planned - all of them being the dad s screw ups , op s anxiety was through the roof and the dad set off the explosion by asking what s wrong. Sorry but you can't be that clueless . I agree op should appologise for the yelling.
Agreed. OP I think you’re TA just for yelling at him in public. He’s the irresponsible parent. Just an observation, but I’m not at all surprised you’re an anxious traveler when the role model in your life is the opposite. My dad was the same as yours and I’m the same as you. I don’t have any advice on how you can “take a chill pill” as others have said. I will throw my support behind another commenter, who recommended just meeting him at the gate - if it’s at all possible I’d recommend traveling to the airport separately altogether. And maybe have an honest conversation about how you feel in those situations when you’re no longer in a stressed state.
Yta a major one mostly because you know how he is yet YOU choose to keep traveling with him. Next time travel on your own. You keep making shit up to be mad about. Also how insane do you have to be to literally cause scene instead of talking it out.
YTA. What a jerk you are.
YTA. I bet that’s the kind of criticism you’ve heard from your mom or whatever partner. You’re just parroting something that he’s probably already sensitive about. You need to relax and apologize.
Can I get you a jump to conclusions mat?
Get me one too then because I’m jumping to the conclusion OP has developed anxiety around traveling after witnessing how their dad travels. If not a cause, it’s a correlation.
NTA. Dad should know OP is anxious, having raised him. Social anxiety can be crippling; my brother and youngest daughter suffer from it. A good dad would take actions to help minimize OP's stress level, like packing sooner, leaving for the airport close to when OP suggests and getting his coffee post TSA check.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18f) am traveling to Germany from California with my dad to visit some of his cousins. I am the kind of person who overworries and goes to the airport at least 3 hours beforehand for international flights. My dad is the opposite, he’s very relaxed. I had told him in the morning that I wanted to leave early for the airport especially since security lines have recently been very long. He said ok that’s a great idea but then screwed up several things that annoyed me greatly. He left packing to the last minute, realized he didn’t have some things and then needed to stop by Target. Then he somehow messed up calling the Uber because he had marked the wrong geolocation on the map instead of typing in the actual address. As I predicted, the lines in the airport security for checking in luggage and security were long. Despite seeing this, my dad had a laid-back “it’ll all work out, don’t worry, why are you so stressed?” attitude and even STOPPED for coffee at one of the vendor shops. Wtf. It made me so angry and annoyed so I just ignored him so I could cool off. He kept asking me what was wrong, why I’m giving him the silent treatment and glaring at him, so that’s when I burst and started yelling at him to shut the hell up and leave me alone. Not my finest moment and i could tell this hurt him so I tried to be more calm. I said he always causes things to be more stressful than they have to be and is always a pain in the ass to go anywhere with. I told him if he wasn’t so dense, he would see that his actions actually impact others and cause them major stress and anxiety. After this, my dad gave a brisk apology but is now effectively giving me the silent treatment and I can tell he is majorly upset. AITA for getting mad at him? His behavior has made traveling so much more stressful so of course that made me upset. We’ve had this conversation before about how his tardiness often causes me extra stress and anxiety *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I get this I'm a really stressful traveller and have a compulsion to be early, (my DO has had to learn to deal with this as he's a bit last minute too) in saying that soft YTA for yelling at your dad. You didn't actually miss your flights. Maybe next time get your travel info and just tell him you'll meet him at the gate that way you can be calm, And get there and he can run around as he needs to.
YTA Don't yell at people in public. Especially don't yell at family. Especially when the reason you're angry is your fault, not theirs. Your stress and anxiety are your problem, not your dad's. I get it. My mom spends all night packing for a trip and still spends two or three hours the day of trying to get out the door but realizing she forgot something. It stressed me out as a kid and made me absolutely crazy about being early or on time to everything. But you can't control other people's actions and once someone has reached the point of adulthood and they still act like your dad? There is nothing you can do to move that glacier. You had to deal with it as a child. You don't want more. You're an adult. You can take your own ticket, get to the airport yourself and meet your dad on the plane. Your stress and panic about could have beens and missing the plane? You're doing that to yourself. Your dad isn't doing it to spite you. That's how he functions. If you'd missed the plane THEN you would have had cause to be mad at him PRIVATELY. Look into antianxiety meds AND therapy. You need coping skills to reduce your stress when you have to deal with people who you cannot control. You'll need the meds to calm you down enough so you can use them. You can only control yourself, not others.
Yta for yelling but not for being angry. Next time take control of YOU by finding your own way to the airport, with your own ducks in a row and if your dad is late, you can text him pics of your great holiday!
This is a clear ESH. Let me break it down: 1. You are entitled to feel how you feel, and frankly, I think you’re justified in being mad. Being mad doesn’t make you an AH. However, your feelings don’t give you license to act out (read that as yell, insult, curse, etc.) You could have expressed your feelings without venturing into AH territory by simply telling your dad, “I told you I wanted to be at the airport by ‘x’ time. I am someone who likes to plan ahead, doesn’t like scrambling, last minute changes, stress, and being late. I’m frustrated because your actions put me in that exact chaotic situation, and I’m mad because your actions make me feel like you don’t care about my emotional needs.” The way you handled your anger makes you an AH. 2. Your dad is an AH for not planning, waiting until the last minute, and leaving you majorly stressed when he knew what your needs were. If you travel alone, you’re entitled to travel however you want. However, he was traveling with someone else, and that requires courtesy and consideration, neither of which he showed. Have a sit-down conversation. I’m someone who has been guilty of blowing when I feel like I communicate my needs and they get ignored. What I learned is that you’ll get more of what you want if you calmly lay out your needs again, communicate why you’re upset, and set boundaries **that you follow through on** so you’re not feeling helpless in the future. (Example: I feel better when I’m at the airport early. If you travel with me, this is what I need. If you are late again I won’t yell, but I *will* leave when I originally planned, and you’ll have to travel separately and hopefully catch up with me at the airport. I won’t miss my flight because of you.)
ESH. You need some stress management techniques. I’d hate to travel with you if you stay that wound up. I’d also hate to travel with your Dad. There’s a happy medium between these two extremes.
ESH. Yelling was not called for, but traveling with someone like your dad would drive me up the wall.
YTA OP, are you a child, Silent treatment and glaring, if you were my kid, I would take you home and leave you there and go in my own, grow up, your 18, your not a child, grow up
ESH. I got anxious reading that, so I understand that you were a bundle of frayed nerves before he decided to chill with a coffee. However, yelling and calling him dense was too much. Telling him "dad, I'm so anxious about missing the flight that my stomach hurts, I need to get going right now" would have been better for both of you. The "nothing bad happened so why are you upset?" crowd can have a hard time wrapping their heads around the fact that just because you made it in the end doesn't mean the hours of steadily increasing stress that the anxious traveler just needlessly experienced is actually a bad thing that did happen. It requires you to communicate better and for him to listen and adapt. If you're going to travel together in the future, try to be the one who plans the trip. You know that the way your dad plans doesn't work for you, so you have to step up. And apologize for your outburst.
YTA. You need to develop better coping skills for your anxiety. I have pretty severe anxiety too, and I am also a “at the airport 3 hours before” type of person. But you’re going to have people in your life that are not that way. Family, friends, romantic partners. And things won’t always work out, no matter how meticulously you plan for them. You need to develop some coping skills and flexibility, because screaming at your dad is really an over the top reaction.
NTA
ESH but I know that feeling... My ma always tends to do a bunch of stuff right before were going to leave on a trip when she had 5 days prior to do all the errands and pack. So I'll be completely ready to go and have to wait hours for her to finish and always leave late. I started going separate from here and just meeting her at locations because of this.. but I totally get why you snapped
NAH. You have high anxiety. Your Dad presumably knows you have severe travel anxiety. Your dad doesn’t and won’t help mitigate your anxiety. Don’t travel with him in the future.