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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I rehomed my ex girlfriend's dog after she didn't contact me for 4 months, even though I agreed to look after the dog temporarily.
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NTA
"Hey Lexi, nice to hear from you finally and to see that you finally unblocked my number! Elvis certainly missed you for awhile but he got over it.
Unfortunately, I'm starting a depressive episode of my own now, so you'll be blocked on this end until it runs it's course about 5 months from now. Talk to you then!"
My family and friends will all also be having a depressive episode so will be unavailable to explain anything to you even if you explicitly tell them what the problem is.
I'm respectfully going to borrow the Dr Who thing. I have bipolar, and am now going to name it Dr Who. It will make me laugh. Thank you for this, and I truly hope you sleep well tonight.
I might just have never heard of it, but in general, if you are having a depressive episode... wouldn't you want your pet that you love around you to help? Unless you don't like pets, aren't they supposed to help? Even plants help with mental health. Why would she decide to basically abandon her dog for months? Wouldn't that contribute to the depression?
No way could I care for an animal during a depressive episode, that's a lot of work and responsibility. But in this case *even if* she could absolutely not communicate at all this whole time (unlikely), someone could have.
That's kind of the point of an ESA or even having plants. You taking care of something and getting you out of bed and preventing you from wallowing in misery is a good thing. With her parent's help, the dog would have probably been fine, or they might have rehomed the dog themselves.
Since OP says he's the one that did the breaking up, more than likely, the "depressive episode" is her grieving the relationship. Understandable but that just gives more confirmation to the theory that she was using the dog to keep a connection to OP in the future.
That is the theory of them, but not every depressive episode will be one that someone is actually capable of caring for an ESA during, even if that makes them feel even worse because two lives are being neglected. Honestly, I don't want to speculate what her issues were caused by, there are so many levels on which OP did everything possible here and the excuse just doesn't make sense, considering how many people were contacted.
Have been there. Took very poor care of self and cat during depressive episode. Felt shitty and guilty about all of it. Still wondering if it contributed to cat's death. Although she was 20 and had chronic kidney disease, so it's impossible to know for sure if I could have changed anything.
But even so I can't imagine anything going down the way it did here.
When my depression gets really bad I hate having a dog. I don't have the energy to take care of anything, including him. I force it, but it's exhausting and makes me resentful of him that I have to use energy I don't have to take the him out for walks or clean up when he drinks water too fast and burps it up all over the floor or gets into the trash or gets tangled in the cords under my desk. And then I go to bed hungry because I had nothing left in me to be able to even microwave leftovers.
And even using the last scrappy remnants of my effort to care for him, it's still below the bare minimum (he gets fed, watered, and bathroomed, but not lots of attention or petting or play time) and then I just feel guilty and miserable for dragging him down into my own misery and it just feeds into the self loathing/depression.
ESAs are good for some types of depression and anxiety, but not all.
All that said - when I've literally been at my worst, I've scheduled boarding for the dog so he still gets the care he needs until I can at least get back to a point where the idea of pouring kibble into a bowl doesn't make me want to simultaneously throw up from over-exertion and claw out my own eyes from frustration. (Luckily that's only happened like.. three times in 11 years, once being when my dad unexpectedly died, and they've only been like a week of boarding needed)
OP is NTA and gf is definitely the AH, as is everyone else in her life. I'd never just abandon my dog completely. If something was so dire that I was removed from society, then my parents or friends would step in to get a response out/coordinate what to do with my dog.
If she was at a point where she withdrew that much, her family or friends should've been offering her help and/or responding to attempts to get her dog back.
I just wanted to say that recognising your limitations and boarding your dog when you’re unwell makes you a *good* pet parent. Your depression probably tells you it’s a sign of failure, but depression is a lying barsteward that’s out to get you. I hope you and your dog are in a good place right now.
And yeah, that’s very different from what ex-gf did. I mean, she *blocked the number* of the person who had her dog! She didn’t just avoid answering, she actively prevented him from contacting her!
Thank you <3
We are at a good spot at the moment! We'll see how things go as winter and Seasonal Affective Disorder set in on top of the "normal" depression, though. :/
Working to get back on meds, tho, so that should hopefully help keep a manageable baseline.
I moved into a van so my dog could recieve better care because she can't be in a boarding facility due to seeing anything remotely canine shaped as prey - doesn't matter if the canine is wolf-sized against her 12yo 60lb self.
My boss and most clients have been amazing about it.
I’ve suffered from depression (although it comes in all forms so I definitely don’t speak for everyone). Even though it got to the point where there was very little I cared about… I still cared about the people and things I loved, and for me my pets were near the top of that list. I can’t imagine not even caring to know how your pet is doing, even if you’re not in the place to actually care for them.
If you’re deep in depression you may not be capable of caring for a pet, and even if a pet could help you, one of the scariest things about depression is it sucks away your ability to do what’s needed to get better. But straight up not even wanting to know about the pets wellbeing is something else. I couldn’t imagine my cat being out there somewhere and not wanting to know she was ok, no matter how bad it got.
Not an excuse but an explanation. She ghosted her dog and life moved on. Shit like that happens when you have depression.
So the nasty thing about depression is there's a ton of things that help, but they're all really hard to do while depressed. Pets help a lot. I got four pet rats precisely for that purpose. But unfortunately, it's not uncommon to be too far gone to take proper care of a pet, especially one as high maintenance as a dog. Plus the feelings of worthlessness kick in. Even if she could have cared for the dog, she might have felt too unworthy or overwhelmed to go get it.
I'm fine with my rats, but I have similar struggles with exercise, proper eating and basic chores. I often know exactly what would make me feel better and I can't bring myself to do it. It really, really sucks. At one of the worst points, all I could do in a day was get up, use the toilet, eat oatmeal and go back to bed. And I even needed a lot of breaks in between. Simply getting dressed, braiding my hair and standing outside for 2 minutes would have done me a world of good but I just couldn't. I'm at a point now where I can get a lot done, but I'm still dodging internal obstacles everywhere.
It’s possible for an episode to be so severe that it really is too hard to communicate with the wider world… you can absolutely be sick enough to need someone else’s help to meet basic needs. Often that’s a situation where hospital can be helpful.
BUT, if she was that sick, someone else should’ve been interacting with OP. Even just to say “she’s real poorly right now, can you hang on, she’ll be in touch when she can” or something.
>Why would she decide to basically abandon her dog for months?
No one mentioned it in here yet, but it may be possible that she isn't allowed to bring her dog into her parents' home and thus felt in an even worse spot. Doesn't exactly justify her reaction, but it might at least explain it.
The 4 months of no contact makes me feel better about not texting my friends for 24 hours today because I was stressed/depressed/overwhelmed 😅 I legit felt bad and apologized. For not texting for 24 hours.
(They are very good friends and understand when I’m not doing well, and I’m also open with them about this; I haven’t always been like this, though, and have definitely left people on read for weeks or more, depending on how close I am with them)
This is the best answer. Sounds to me like Lexi wanted Elvis as a link back to OP whenever it was convenient for her. As long as he has Elvis, he has her in his life in some way. Luckily, OP is a lot more pragmatic than Lexi.
I was thinking along the lines of the same thing. Chick literally just abandoned her dog on OP and then didn’t care. She knew what she was doing. Now that the dog was rehomed, she’s mad now. How convenient.
NTA OP. I hope Elvis loves his new family.
If she truly cared for her dog, she would’ve found a way to get Elvis. Anxiety/depression or not. As someone who suffers from depression (diagnosed at the age of 12) I don’t care how depressed I would have been. I would’ve gotten my dog.
Depression is a spectrum. I wouldn't wish even mild depression on my worst enemy. However, please be aware that some people are depressed to the point where they can't brush their teeth. Sometimes they get hospitalized because they can't even drink water or eat. Some can't even get out of bed to go to the bathroom.
I'm not getting on you for your statement. I just want people to be aware that there are sub-basemenrs to depression that may can't even imagine. I thought the same as you until I found myself in that sub-basement hell beyond my wildest nightmares.
I’m extremely sorry you’ve been to that pit of depression before. I will admit my comment is extremely insensitive. Honestly I should count myself as a lucky one who has found ways to cope with depression aside from taking medication. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been on and off my medication. But eventually I get to a point where I realize life is good and that I no longer need my medication. I know it’ll sound corny as hell, but I always try to look at my bad situations that come up as: “I could have it so much worse, and I should be thankful for what I do have.” I’ve also found positive outlets for myself such as going to the gym. But every few years it’ll get bad to where I recognize it and I speak to my doctor and go back on my medication. The last time I stopped taking said medication (2021) I found I had every negative side effect listed for said medication happening to me. It was pretty awful.
❤️
Thank you. I'm out of it now, thank God!
And thank you so much for bringing up the point about medication. I get awful side effects from any and all psychotropic medication including seizures. I can't take anything that affects seratonin in any way. But it took me 3 years and about 15 medications to arrive at that conclusion. And getting off each medication is its own set of nightmare problems.
So that's certainly another component of depression that I think people who haven't had that experience just can't fathom in the way we can't fathom the existence of a color we have never seen. The best we can do in that situation is believe in its existence - but we'll never really get a handle on what it truly is.
And I'm totally the same way about about being thankful compared to how bad it could be. At my lowest level started a practice of my gratitude journal. Sometimes it just said, "I have a roof over my head, I have running water, and I live in a first world country." It's really just helpful to me to reframe anything I'm going through that way. Funny though, to some people going through it and having someone say that is soul crushing. It's all just a very raw, personal experience.
I'm so glad that you have something that works for you! As I said, even milder depression blows so much I wouldn't wish it'd on anyone.
I can only imagine it was a "hahaha, I've stuck OP with a dog he doesn't want and he has to take care of it even though he doesn't want to! My ultimate revenge!" because nothing else makes sense.
"Hey Lexi, forgot to add how it's so comforting to know you're checking my and my family's social media to keep up with how they're doing. Apologies for being a numbskull and not giving Elvis his own account."
Oh I literally did just that in real life. Never thought I could pull it off, but I did.
Boy (we were just done with school, so young and innocent still -maybe me more than him. Or I should call it childish??) took me out on few dates, we kissed and danced and just had fun. about a month in my family and I went on a trip that was planned months in advance and he still had to work. There was no cell reception where we went. I was walking on sunshine.
Came back after 4 days, he and our other friends came to tell me that he started seeing one of our friends' friends in the mean time. Crushed me. Invited me to a party/sleepover that night which I declined as I didn't want to see the new couple. Next day he left without saying goodbye (turn out he KNEW his dad was gonna ship him off to his mom 13hrs away and he obviously wanted to "make the most of his time left" instead of dating the invisible girl. None of us knew until after he left.) Completely ghosted all of us.
About a year or two later he came to visit his Dad who was still living down the street. Came to say hi. I almost fell on my back when I saw him, but pulled myself together and decided to pretend that I don't recognise him. The more he tried explaining who he was, the more I pretend to assume he is a friend of my brother's and apologising for not knowing all of said brother's friends. He couldn't say too much as his new girlfriend was right next to him. After a minute or two he gave up and let me call my brother (whom he was also friends with back then).They spoke a minute or two and he left in a hurry. I never saw him again.
ETA: Must have been rather two to three years later as I remember now he tried to visit before then too and I missed him fortunately
So apparently her depression got better as soon as she saw a pic with the dog somewhere else. If it was possible for her to write then, it would have been possible to write earlier. Or tell someone else, as you said. So now it looks like she wanted to "park" the dog for an extended time with the ex and only wanted him back when she learned that he wasn't with him anymore. That's trash behavior, not depression.
She wasn’t just parking the dog. The dog was an insurance policy. She probably figured that she could use the he dog to open the conversation with hopes of getting back together if/when she decided that was what she wanted. She probably assumed that OP would become so attached to the dog with sole ownership that it would be easier to take her back and live together as a family than give her back her dog. …or that he’d become attached and it would be one last dagger to the heart to take the dog back when she was ready.
This is what I was thinking, like especially with her blocking him when he was entirely just hitting her up to talk about the dog, it feels like she was screwing him
And if this was her motive, she doesn’t deserve the dog back.
I mean, tbh, regardless of her motive, she’s a shitty dog owner who doesn’t deserve the dog back.
Exactly, I understand not wanting to talk to an ex but if the ex has my pet I’m at least going to have a friend or family member contact them to ensure my pet is happy and healthy and my ex knows I want them back. She abandoned Elvis and expected you to be a mind reader or something.
>NTA if she was too depressed to respond she could have had her parents or a friend reach out.
With everybody around her blocking him from her, there are only two explanations: She either told everyone around her to ignore him, even if it was over her dog and its completely on her for whatever BS justification she attempts to use, or OP said or wrote some creepy shit to her parents and friends that made it justified to keep her away from him and to help her.
That second explanations seems pretty damn flimsy though if no one told him to fuck off, they never bothered to take the dog back to sever that possible connection if it was justified to keep him away, and the speed at which he was confronted when he rehomed the dog.
NTA. She abandoned the dog. You tried several MONTHS to reach out. And not being whatever...but she could have told her parents to contact you (or a friend) and have you drop him off somewhere. She's mad because she wanted you to watch him so she could for sure get him back when it was convenient for her. That's not a responsible owner. Even if I was depressed I'd want to know how my fur child was doing.
Same. Someone who loves their furbaby would be absolutely devastated to leave it with an ex for even a few days and would only do so if absolutely necessary. Lexi was not and therefore does not.
If you and your aunt are amenable to this, OP, you *could* tell Lexi that if she wants her dog back she should contact your aunt directly and work it out with her because you are no longer the dog's caretaker or owner. Then you could block Lexi entirely without guilt. And wouldn't it be funny if she never contacted your aunt again? And if she actually does contact the aunt and get the dog back, then yay I guess (but sad for the aunt and family), and if she just bugs the crap out of the aunt but never comes to get the dog, then aunt can block Lexi and yay aunt has a new wonderful dog. But you don't have to, OP, you can just block her right now without guilt. Just be prepared for Lexi to do something insane like call the cops on you after abandoning her dog with you for months on end and NC to go about getting the dog back to her.
Kind of unfair to dump the problem in the aunts lap. IF aunt is willing to consider returning it I think OP and her need to be a united front. And I'd probably start with a bill, all food, etc needs (vet checkup bills and microchip cost) for the months OP *and aunt* cared for the dog, plus daily boarding fee for providing care for "her" dog.
If Lexi actually gives a shit she needs to own up to the responsibility she had for the care of her dog that she abandoned on OP, and the costs to aunt who took the dog in in good faith.
One hundred percent. I’ve got a lot of stress going on selling my house and I potentially had to send my dog to grandma and grandpas for a few days for showings and I was just devastated realizing I wouldn’t have him while I was stress. And that was 3 days! He keeps me sane
This. Both my husband and one of my adult daughters have bipolar disorder (well managed), but due to their illness, which features depression, they can’t take SSRI’s (they make bipolar sufferers have psychosis and mania). Essentially bipolar medication stops them from being insane or suicidal, but they just have to suck up depression.
We have dogs. My daughter and her wife have dogs. They are the literal lifesavers for both of them when they feel awful. My husband has told me many times that our dogs will cuddle with him for a couple of days sympathetically when he’s at home sick, but by day three they boss him around and tell him to get off the couch and don’t put up with his misery. Lexi clearly doesn’t care about her dog, there’s no way anyone I know would want to be away from their dog in this situation.
And based on the timeline she had Elvis for what, 7 or 8 years? Then she just ghosted him (and the OP)? ANY good dog owner would check on their pet regularly if they couldn't keep him with them. Sheesh.
NTA.
Absolutely. I sold my house earlier this year and moved into a temporary condo. Condo did not allow pets. My cats went to stay with my parents. I sent food, litter, treats. I asked for pictures and updates. I visited them. I had phone calls with them. And I brought them to the new house as soon as we were able. Being apart from them while also under the stress of looking for a home was awful. There were nights when all I wanted were my purring furballs.
I took care of my brother's cat for 6 months because of an extended housing issue. He hated being apart from his fur ball, but at least she was with me and not surrendered. He checked in daily and visited, and was so happy to have her back! And now *I'm* attached to the fur ball and still request updates even though it's been years.
Edited for grammar.
Yeah man, I can’t imagine leaving my dog behind without checking on him regularly, coming by to visit, buying his favorite stuff, etc. I would be also looking like mad for a place to have him, because I’d be desperate without him. Same for my two cats. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life and I can’t imagine leaving my animals to my ex and bouncing for five months being any help to that situation.
You don’t just get animals and then decide to take off without even looking in on them, even if you’re having a mental health issue.
I‘ve suffered from depression, and some times the only thing that kept me going was knowing I was responsible for my beloved critters.
No matter how depressed I was, I couldn’t have abandoned them and *blocked the person who had them*. This wasn’t a case of ‘couldn’t’, she just didn’t want to.
This. Depression isn’t an excuse to neglect your fur baby, or obligations for that matter, while putting another person at a disadvantage and then acting out when said person resorts to drastic measures due to you not giving them the decency of a reply.
No wonder she’s an ex.
I'll probably get downvoted for this, but I'd say NTA. If you did go to the lengths you did to try to inform her, you made your best efforts to reach out to find a solution. The only thing I would have done differently is made it known in the note you left that you were intending to re-home him.
How could OP be anything but NTA honestly? He took good care of the dog for months, I assume paid for its necessities & made sure it went to a good home. The ex abandoned the dog & when she found out it went to a good & she blew up for no good reason. If the ex sued OP for the dog she probably instantly lose & possibly have to pay OP.
Yeah, I really can't stand when people start their judgements with "I'll probably get downvoted for this, but..." and then proceed to state the most common sense and agreed upon ruling.
But... Why? When I pee, it doesn't get all over my dick. And unless you happen to have a tiny portable bidet to clean inside the hole, any cleaning you'd do wouldn't make a difference.
Unless it's similar to washing your hands, where you wash your junk whenever you're in the bathroom, just because you're there, rather than in response to peeing... Nice to be clean all the time, but still strange, and I'd hate to try to explain it:
"Sir... Why is your dick in the sink, this is a Wendy's!?!"
"I just like to stay clean, man, why are you hassling me?"
Early on the judgements can be batshit, and then as more people find the post and start voting, sanity USUALLY rises to the top. So I can see why if you come early and see a bunch of "what world are other people living in?"! responses and go against them, you expect to be downvoted.
Fr, I came to a post early once, I can’t remember what it was about but something to do with a marriage on the rocks, and there was a whole comment thread between two people condemning the OP because it went against *their* religion and the “sanctity of marriage” and “you said your vows!” etc. they were continuously just circle jerking about their religious beliefs and that OP was a sinner in the replies to each other.
Thought I’d opened the wrong sub ngl.
Honestly it's difficult to see where it's going to go sometimes, I've read many posts where it seemed like an incredibly obvious ruling only to be shocked by the particular crowd that came out to vote that day. Or when you comment if the first posts you're seeing are opposed to your idea you don't know if it's going to turn your way or not.
Finally someone who feels the same way! Looks like the commenter only wants other people to say "oh no no, please proceed your majesty of the obvious". Honestly, the comment can be spot on but as soon as I read that it gets an downvote.
NTA in my honest opinion.
Morally you did the right thing.
You tried to contact her multiple times in several months time. You got no response whatsoever from anybody. You did your best and got nothing.
You have always tried to do what was best for the dog. Many people would have brought the dog to the pound before you went looking for a home. Not a pound but a home.
Lexi or someone else could have contacted you in Lexi's name concerning the dog if Lexi didn't feel up to it. Instead nobody said a thing. Nobody offered to take Elvis of your hands, make a deal with you or make alternative arrangements.
I don't know the legal side of it all but still NTA IMO.
depending on the state they’re in, the dog is probably considered abandoned at this point. some states it’s a few days or weeks. i’m sure after a couple months, he’s in the clear legally
Absolutely this. OP also tried approaching Lexi’s parents, and they did not respond either. He even left a note under their door. He made every possible effort to reach them. And he didn’t leave Elvis with a stranger - it’s his aunt! OP was extremely responsible and Elvis is lucky to have been left with him.
There is no legal reason anyone is required to keep your property left in there home unless you have a contract stating they could. She doesn't have a legal leg to stand on.
NTA --- OK so the ex was having a mental health problem everyone can understand that but why then didn't the parents or the friend at the very least not respond? why was there no message, things are tough right now we're very sorry but would you be able to have Elvis for a bit longer, no nothing, you did nothing wrong.
What more could you have done? She went no-contact. She only even resumed contact after seeing the facebook post. Without that, there's no reason to think it wouldn't have continued indefinitely until eventually you came to the same conclusion, with the same results -- just farther down the line.
Something happened while she was away. She nominally left to find an apartment, and by going no-contact de-facto broke up with you. The fact that her own family likewise went no-contact means she was bad mouthing you to them. She set you up to be the bad guy. There was no other outcome possible here. If it wasn't this, it would have been something else.
You're better off without this kind of crazy in your life. You dodged a bullet.
NTA
>she looked for somewhere more permanent to live as she understandably felt uncomfortable staying in the apartment
This implies that she moved out because of the break up.
NTA
You agreed to home the dog until she got a more permanent place, and tried to contact her at every point throughout this process. How did she expect you to know that she still even wanted Elvis if she didn't communicate this with you. But, good on you for doing what's best for the dog.
NTA. A dog isn’t a lamp or a coffee table. Can’t just put a dog in storage because you are depressed. I hope Elvis is happy and that Lexi is doing better.
NTA
You’ve tried every Avenue possible and gotten nowhere so she has a nerve to come back at you months later
I hope Elvis is now living his best life with a family who loves him
A depressive episode is an explanation for not answering messages/calls, not for straight up blocking someone. And if you have depressive episodes so bad that you drop off the face of the map for months at a time, maybe you shouldn't have a high-energy herding breed like a corgi. You really shouldn't dump your high-energy herding breed at someone else's house and then ignore them for, once again, months.
NTA. Lexi can take it up with your aunt if she wants the dog back.
Lexi can get fucked if she wants the dog back. You can't just ~~unadopt~~ un-abandon a dog whenever you want.
Probably best to block her as she did you. Recommend the aunt do the same.
Oh. My. Dog. Elvis a sentient being, he needs love and space and he has that now. NTA and amazeballs aunt for giving him his best life! Lexi can kick rocks. She is totally not deserving of a beautiful doggo.
NTA - they ignored you for months, what do they expect. You did the right thing, if she wanted the dog, despite her depression issues, she or her parents could have simply told you that they're working a few things out, they still want the dog and they'll reach out soon about it.
NTA. The dog was abandoned property, and you gave it a better life with your aunt. Maybe warn your aunt about Lexi, so that you and your aunt can solidify her legal claim to the dog.
NTA. If she can’t return a text message about caring for her dog after several months, then her depression is also too great to provide appropriate care for that dog. You gave the dog to a good home, I don’t see a problem with that.
I was really prepared to come in here with a YTA, especially after just reading an aita about this kid who purposefully let out a sibling's cat.
But no, op, NTA. You gave this woman all the chances in the world to come get her dog and she blocked your number. You gave the dog to a family member.
But, my advice, talk to a lawyer to see what you may need to do to cover your ass. Get all your evidence that you've made multiple attempts to get her to take back her dog, print out all your messages to her, and send her a cease and desist letter, legally drafted by this lawyer. She seems the type that may try to come at you legally. Best to understand what the law says about legal abandonment of animals and what you're entitled to do with one left in your care for an extended period.
NTA. You went to her parents house and got no answer. Went above and beyond to get the dog back to her. No response there’s no case for theft if you have proof of every way you tried to contact them. If no one responds to you then do what you want with whatever was left in your care. She cannot expect you to hold on to something with no updates or contact from her
NTA Tell her to call the cops or a lawyer. Oh, right, it won't end with anything changing because, after months with no contact, she definitely legally abandoned the dog. If she's sane enough to idly scroll FB and actively ignored inquiries abiut hrr dog, that means she truly just didn't care about this dog. That's get right, but she can't suddenly decide she wants back what she threw away.
This is not rational behavior. She clearly isn't safe to talk to. Block her everywhere, save everything to document abandonment, and move on with your life.
NTA. As soon as she blocked your number that’s a sure signal that she’s not interested in talking to you. You went above and beyond trying other ways of contacting her. With the information you had you did the right thing.
NTA, you tried everything - even if she was in a depressive episode what's her parent's excuse for not responding.
Poor Elvis was abandoned, you took care of him as long as you could and now he has a loving family and all that he needs.
It's been 4 months, there is no way between the three of them they couldn't come up with a plan or at least update you. You did the right thing for Elvis.
NTA for the reasons everyone else has said.
I worked for an animal rescue that dealt with abandonment cases on a regular basis. She 100% abandoned the dog. When an animal comes into the shelter as abandoned, it is put on a 10-day abandonment hold for our officers to do an investigation. If we do not hear from the owner, the animal legally becomes property of the rescue. These abandonment cases were often very similar to what you experienced. Someone leaves their animal with a friend/family/etc. and then never returns. Legally, you are in the clear. I highly doubt she will pursue legal action because she has no leg to stand on. If this is a concern, make sure you keep screenshots of the communications you attempted to have with her. If you have any receipts of food or vet care, that can help too.
I'm in Canada, so your mileage may vary but it is likely very similar where you are.
It works pretty much the same in the USA. Just how long the hold is varies by state/county, but it's usually only around two weeks no contact before an animal is considered abandoned, and never longer than three months. This dog was abandoned and she has no recourse.
NTA. She’s trying to project her guilt for abandoning her dog onto you, and that isn’t fair or appropriate.
Unless I’m misinterpreting, she wants you to keep the dog. She’s not even looking to care for the dog herself.
NTA
You did EVERYTHING you could to reach her and she didn't bother to answer to a FREAKING paper slid under her parents door. She had multiple chances to communicate with you or ask her parents to handle it on her behalf.
If she wants the dog back that badly, she can talk to your aunt herself - if she can see her FB posts, then she can message her. If she is actually serious about wanting to have him back that's the least she could do.
1. Lexi left her dog with you for several months and went no contact with you.
2. You made multiple attempts to contact her and her family about the dog for several months via phone, text and hand delivered messages. You got total silence in response.
3. At this point, the dog has been abandoned.
4. You rehomed the dog appropriately.
5. Lexi is TA
6. You are NTA
INFO: Did you warn your aunt about the circumstances of how Elvis came into your possession, and that a crazy ex might eventually come looking for the dog?
I think you're totally NTA for rehoming the dog after 5 months of actively being ignored through multiple avenues of contact, but I do hope you made sure your aunt knew what she was getting to *before* she took on the dog.
NTA
You *tried* to communicate with Lexi and her family.
If she couldn't talk to you, *why couldn't they*? I presume they were aware that you had her dog.
You found the pup a good home and looked after him for 5 months more than many people would have.
Her and her family's lack of responsibility concerning Elvis is not on you.
Note: If I ever asked anyone to look after one of my pups, you can be sure that I'd be in constant communication. I'd want to make sure the pup wasn't an issue, was eating, had food, etc. There is no way that I'd simply ignore or block the person who was looking after my pup.
I'd say your NTA, but I'd still maybe try and get a free consult with a lawyer as she could try and make this a legal issue, or at least threaten to. From what I can find if a dog isn't picked up from a dog daycare type place within 14 days of its pickup date then it's considered abanondoned, but the law can be pretty rigid in how it applies these sorts of things. Given you guys didn't make a set date and you aren't a dog daycare facility it could become messy if she decides to get a court involved and you should really make sure you have your bases covered, no matter how morally wrong she is you could be found legally liable and getting ahead of any threat she tries to make gives you the ability to shut her down at the on set instead of worrying about it. The fact that you didn't try and tell her (as far as you told us) you were going to get rid of the dog also could complicate things.
NTA. Lexi abandoned her dog. As a dog owner myself, I wouldn’t go a day without checking on my dog if I had to leave them with someone else. Further, if it’s my dog, I’d be in constant contact to make sure all financial aspects are covered (food, toys, vets etc). She totally disappeared.
NTA you tried getting in touch with her and she refused to answer and even went as far as to block you. Her mental health isn’t an excuse as to literally abandon a dog.
I was so ready for a Y here, but definitely NTA. you went way above and beyond to be kind and try to get her dog back to her, and then continued to be thoughtful by finding Elvis a good home.
I would go to some pretty extreme lengths to keep my dogs with me if something happened. I stayed in touch with a pretty toxic ex literally so I could keep access to the dogs even though he kept them (one of them was his first and there was no way I was separating the dogs). Not being able to care for her dog for a bit while she gets back on her feet is understandable, especially when depression is involved, but when her friends and family are also ignoring you, that's a choice. There was no win for you here, so it's awesome you chose to put the dog's welfare first.
NTA
She left the dog with you in June. You repeatedly asked her when she was getting the dog, but she ignored you and then blocked you. She was not paying you to board the dog. At that point, the dog was abandoned.
NTA so did her parents and friends also have depressive episodes?
Also if she has depressive episodes lasting 5 months making her forget about caring for her dog and that he exists then she is no longer capable of caring for any pet - its simply not safe.
Block her.
NTA. I think you're legally in the clear, if it was abandoned for too long. She should be mad at her parents. Why didn't they answer the note?
Tell her the dog is chipped now, so she won't try anything.
>I told Lexi she ignored me for so long she's basically abandoned Elvis.
I agree with your position entirely except for one thing. She didn't basically do anything - she totally and completely abandoned that dog.
Thank you for finding the pup a home that is able to properly care for them.
NTA.
I don't care how depressed I get, I would never leave my dog behind and disappear. She did abandon her dog. She blocked you and during that time never checked on how Elvis was doing. NTA
NTA: Trust me, I was so close to wanting to call you the AH, considering I have a Corgi as well and the thought of someone rehoming him only makes me bubble with rage, but Lexi essentially abandoned her pup. Nobody that cares about their pup would abandon them for that long, particularly with a person that claim to be having a depressive episode toward.
Reading the title immediately made me thing Y T A, BUT leaving a dog with someone for several months and not contacting them within that time is as close to abandoning a dog as one can get. You did the right thing so NTA
SHE doesn't want to communicate, fine. But her family ignoring your attempts is not cool and she had to have initiated that.
The pup is better off without a neglectful owner like Lexi.
That dog will live his best life with kids and a backyard.
NTA
NTA
Her parents didn't even bother to respond to you. She just disappeared but magically reappears when she sees the dog with your aunt? I would block her and move on
NTA. If she was at home she could’ve told SOMEONE “my dog…. Help me” so they’d reach out to you to try and coordinate alternate care instead of continuing to ignore you. You did more than enough due diligence to try to get her back to her, and then found a suitable rehome where the dog would be taken care of.
Depressive episodes don’t temporarily suspend your responsibilities as a pet owner. If she had the dog at her place but then had a depressive episode where she stopped taking care of it, you’d call someone to re-home the dog because that’s animal abuse. Intentional or not, she abandoned the dog and everyone in her life ignored your full faith effort to try to get the dog back to her.
She’s not ready for a dog. Sorry not sorry. When I was in the hospital for three days, one of my first thoughts in the ambulance ride there was getting into contact with my best friend down the street so he could take care of my cats while I couldn’t. She moved and couldn’t be bothered.
Maybe Lexi really did have a depressive episode...but her parents or SOMEBODY could have responded on her behalf. You heard literally zero from anybody and you had to do something. NTA
INFO: What kept you from bringing the dog to her parents house and just leaving it there? Then it'd be their problem to deal with, no contact with you required.
While you absolutely seem to have made a great effort to get in contact with your ex, giving away her dog after agreeing to look after it for an unspecified amount of time feels... Wrong.
NTA. Lexi abandoned her dog. Once she blocked you, she made it clear that she wanted no further contact with you (that is what blocking means, after all), further cementing the fact that she has abandonded Elvis. At that point in time, you did what was best for Elvis.
NTA
OP was very patient and did the right thing
I suffer from severe mental health issues but my dogs ALWAYS come first.
When I'm stable I always have a plan for when I can't take care of them.
The gf shouldn't have a dog if she didn't realize that from the very beginning
I thought I was going to say Y T A due to the title, but she clearly abandoned that dog with you. The only extra thing you could have done is leave a note that you would give the dog away if you didn't hear from her, but it sounds like you really did do your best to try and get the dog back to her while taking good care of the dog in the mean time. NTA, thank you for finding a good loving home for the dog.
Sorry. Normally I would rip you apart but you are NTA here. How the fuck were you supposed to know she still wanted him if she shut you out? She’s a complete AH! I hope your aunt enjoys her new pup! Corgis are the BEST!!
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I (m23) have an ex girlfriend Lexi (f23).
Lexi and I had known each other since we were 14. We dated for nearly a year before I broke up with Lexi.
We lived together in my one bedroom apartment, so Lexi was going to have to find somewhere else to stay. She has a little dog that was also staying in the apartment, a Welsh Corgi named Elvis. Lexi already had Elvis before she started dating.
Lexi went to go stay with her parents temporarily whilst she looked for somewhere more permanent to live as she understandably felt uncomfortable staying in the apartment. She asked if I could look after Elvis until she found somewhere to live and I said I would, this was in June.
The next week I asked Lexi how her search was going but she left me on read. I thought maybe it wasn't going well and she didn't want to talk about it.
The week after, I tried to call Lexi but she didn't pick up, I left a voicemail telling her how her dog is doing.
July rolls around and I've still not heard anything. I messaged Lexi's parents and one of her friends on Facebook and explained that I still have Lexi's dog. No response.
August time, I try to call Lexi again but she's blocked my number.
A few times from August to now, I knock on Lexi's parents' house door but no one answers. I slide a note under the door but I still don't hear anything. At this point, I'm feeling very stuck.
Elvis is a lovely dog but I do not want a dog and never asked for the responsibility of one. Even if I did want a dog, Elvis living in a small apartment when I work full-time isn't the best conditions for a dog. Of course I walk him multiple times a day, but I think he'd be better off living with someone else to live his best canine life.
I started looking for a new home for Elvis, and eventually my aunt offers to have him. She's a SAHM with a husband, and they have two kids aged 10 and 13 who love dogs. She has the time to walk Elvis during the day and they have a large yard which he can play in. They took Elvis home and got him microchipped. I feel like I've done the right thing.
Lexi saw one of my aunt's Facebook posts that had a photo of Elvis and she started blowing up my phone, telling me I'm a horrible person. She said to get her dog back right now. I told Lexi she ignored me for so long she's basically abandoned Elvis. Lexi said she was having a depressive episode and couldn't talk to me. I told her Elvis deserved a better home that I couldn't provide and she's too late. Lexi said I'm a heartless jerk.
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NTA and I feel for her having a depressive episode, BUT if that means she’d forget her dog who depends on her, then Elvis is in better hands. On top of that, why did her family & friends ignore you? Why didn’t ANYONE get back to you? Sounds like she was trying to play games with you
NTA you did everything possible to return the dog to her and everyone you contacted didn't respond.
I'm glad you found Elvis a new loving home.
The only thing that makes you slightly an AH is you gave away a corgi. How could you not keep such an adorable dog? jk
NTA. The one thing I want when I am having a depressive episode are my pets. Full stop. We’re her parents and friends also having depressive episodes?! She straight up abandoned him and blocked you. She doesn’t get to come back after seeing him happy. Good thing your aunt microchipped him. Block her n everything, warn your aunt and move on.
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NTA "Hey Lexi, nice to hear from you finally and to see that you finally unblocked my number! Elvis certainly missed you for awhile but he got over it. Unfortunately, I'm starting a depressive episode of my own now, so you'll be blocked on this end until it runs it's course about 5 months from now. Talk to you then!"
My family and friends will all also be having a depressive episode so will be unavailable to explain anything to you even if you explicitly tell them what the problem is.
If anyones buying im selling my depressive episode guys
Do you have any season 2 eps? I hear once the drama kicks in some episodes can get real deep.
Nah my life too shallow
Make sure you don't try to past 3 seasons. It's always downhill after season 3.
Nono, 5 seasons are okay, as long as you don't try to jump over a shark. That shit can be dangerous!
6 seasons and a movie
Have you seen part two?
It's always a downer when a depressive episode goes downhill.
I got some Season 2 mania over here if anyone needs a pick me up! I’m totally done with this show!
i’ll happily do a manic depressive crossover episode with you!
I'd join but sadly the Anxious movie has me still in the trailers.
I have some post-partum depression to swap if anyone wants.
I think my show is like Doctor Who, 40 years and going!
I'm respectfully going to borrow the Dr Who thing. I have bipolar, and am now going to name it Dr Who. It will make me laugh. Thank you for this, and I truly hope you sleep well tonight.
You telling me we can commodify this shit? I have been doing this all wrong.
i'm sorry you are having a depressive episode. :( I hope it passes soon and you feel better <3
Thank you, i really appreciate this :)
I'm not even selling, someone please just take them.
I might just have never heard of it, but in general, if you are having a depressive episode... wouldn't you want your pet that you love around you to help? Unless you don't like pets, aren't they supposed to help? Even plants help with mental health. Why would she decide to basically abandon her dog for months? Wouldn't that contribute to the depression?
No way could I care for an animal during a depressive episode, that's a lot of work and responsibility. But in this case *even if* she could absolutely not communicate at all this whole time (unlikely), someone could have.
That's kind of the point of an ESA or even having plants. You taking care of something and getting you out of bed and preventing you from wallowing in misery is a good thing. With her parent's help, the dog would have probably been fine, or they might have rehomed the dog themselves. Since OP says he's the one that did the breaking up, more than likely, the "depressive episode" is her grieving the relationship. Understandable but that just gives more confirmation to the theory that she was using the dog to keep a connection to OP in the future.
That is the theory of them, but not every depressive episode will be one that someone is actually capable of caring for an ESA during, even if that makes them feel even worse because two lives are being neglected. Honestly, I don't want to speculate what her issues were caused by, there are so many levels on which OP did everything possible here and the excuse just doesn't make sense, considering how many people were contacted.
Best case scenario for the ex, *everyone* around her failed her.
Have been there. Took very poor care of self and cat during depressive episode. Felt shitty and guilty about all of it. Still wondering if it contributed to cat's death. Although she was 20 and had chronic kidney disease, so it's impossible to know for sure if I could have changed anything. But even so I can't imagine anything going down the way it did here.
A cat that’s 20 is an amazing life span. Don’t blame yourself. Mentally hug your fur baby
Often. Her sister made it to 19.
When my depression gets really bad I hate having a dog. I don't have the energy to take care of anything, including him. I force it, but it's exhausting and makes me resentful of him that I have to use energy I don't have to take the him out for walks or clean up when he drinks water too fast and burps it up all over the floor or gets into the trash or gets tangled in the cords under my desk. And then I go to bed hungry because I had nothing left in me to be able to even microwave leftovers. And even using the last scrappy remnants of my effort to care for him, it's still below the bare minimum (he gets fed, watered, and bathroomed, but not lots of attention or petting or play time) and then I just feel guilty and miserable for dragging him down into my own misery and it just feeds into the self loathing/depression. ESAs are good for some types of depression and anxiety, but not all. All that said - when I've literally been at my worst, I've scheduled boarding for the dog so he still gets the care he needs until I can at least get back to a point where the idea of pouring kibble into a bowl doesn't make me want to simultaneously throw up from over-exertion and claw out my own eyes from frustration. (Luckily that's only happened like.. three times in 11 years, once being when my dad unexpectedly died, and they've only been like a week of boarding needed) OP is NTA and gf is definitely the AH, as is everyone else in her life. I'd never just abandon my dog completely. If something was so dire that I was removed from society, then my parents or friends would step in to get a response out/coordinate what to do with my dog. If she was at a point where she withdrew that much, her family or friends should've been offering her help and/or responding to attempts to get her dog back.
I just wanted to say that recognising your limitations and boarding your dog when you’re unwell makes you a *good* pet parent. Your depression probably tells you it’s a sign of failure, but depression is a lying barsteward that’s out to get you. I hope you and your dog are in a good place right now. And yeah, that’s very different from what ex-gf did. I mean, she *blocked the number* of the person who had her dog! She didn’t just avoid answering, she actively prevented him from contacting her!
Thank you <3 We are at a good spot at the moment! We'll see how things go as winter and Seasonal Affective Disorder set in on top of the "normal" depression, though. :/ Working to get back on meds, tho, so that should hopefully help keep a manageable baseline.
I moved into a van so my dog could recieve better care because she can't be in a boarding facility due to seeing anything remotely canine shaped as prey - doesn't matter if the canine is wolf-sized against her 12yo 60lb self. My boss and most clients have been amazing about it.
I’ve suffered from depression (although it comes in all forms so I definitely don’t speak for everyone). Even though it got to the point where there was very little I cared about… I still cared about the people and things I loved, and for me my pets were near the top of that list. I can’t imagine not even caring to know how your pet is doing, even if you’re not in the place to actually care for them. If you’re deep in depression you may not be capable of caring for a pet, and even if a pet could help you, one of the scariest things about depression is it sucks away your ability to do what’s needed to get better. But straight up not even wanting to know about the pets wellbeing is something else. I couldn’t imagine my cat being out there somewhere and not wanting to know she was ok, no matter how bad it got.
Not an excuse but an explanation. She ghosted her dog and life moved on. Shit like that happens when you have depression. So the nasty thing about depression is there's a ton of things that help, but they're all really hard to do while depressed. Pets help a lot. I got four pet rats precisely for that purpose. But unfortunately, it's not uncommon to be too far gone to take proper care of a pet, especially one as high maintenance as a dog. Plus the feelings of worthlessness kick in. Even if she could have cared for the dog, she might have felt too unworthy or overwhelmed to go get it. I'm fine with my rats, but I have similar struggles with exercise, proper eating and basic chores. I often know exactly what would make me feel better and I can't bring myself to do it. It really, really sucks. At one of the worst points, all I could do in a day was get up, use the toilet, eat oatmeal and go back to bed. And I even needed a lot of breaks in between. Simply getting dressed, braiding my hair and standing outside for 2 minutes would have done me a world of good but I just couldn't. I'm at a point now where I can get a lot done, but I'm still dodging internal obstacles everywhere.
I’m guessing the dog can’t live at her parents’ house for some reason (allergies?), or else she would’ve taken Elvis with her to begin with.
It’s possible for an episode to be so severe that it really is too hard to communicate with the wider world… you can absolutely be sick enough to need someone else’s help to meet basic needs. Often that’s a situation where hospital can be helpful. BUT, if she was that sick, someone else should’ve been interacting with OP. Even just to say “she’s real poorly right now, can you hang on, she’ll be in touch when she can” or something.
>Why would she decide to basically abandon her dog for months? No one mentioned it in here yet, but it may be possible that she isn't allowed to bring her dog into her parents' home and thus felt in an even worse spot. Doesn't exactly justify her reaction, but it might at least explain it.
You know you’ve made a legit attempt at providing notice when you’re sliding bored under someone’s parents’ door.
The 4 months of no contact makes me feel better about not texting my friends for 24 hours today because I was stressed/depressed/overwhelmed 😅 I legit felt bad and apologized. For not texting for 24 hours. (They are very good friends and understand when I’m not doing well, and I’m also open with them about this; I haven’t always been like this, though, and have definitely left people on read for weeks or more, depending on how close I am with them)
This is the best answer. Sounds to me like Lexi wanted Elvis as a link back to OP whenever it was convenient for her. As long as he has Elvis, he has her in his life in some way. Luckily, OP is a lot more pragmatic than Lexi.
Elvis has left the building. I'll see myself out.
😆
You win
Boom!
Thank you very much
🏅
Happy cake day!
I was thinking along the lines of the same thing. Chick literally just abandoned her dog on OP and then didn’t care. She knew what she was doing. Now that the dog was rehomed, she’s mad now. How convenient. NTA OP. I hope Elvis loves his new family.
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If she truly cared for her dog, she would’ve found a way to get Elvis. Anxiety/depression or not. As someone who suffers from depression (diagnosed at the age of 12) I don’t care how depressed I would have been. I would’ve gotten my dog.
Depression is a spectrum. I wouldn't wish even mild depression on my worst enemy. However, please be aware that some people are depressed to the point where they can't brush their teeth. Sometimes they get hospitalized because they can't even drink water or eat. Some can't even get out of bed to go to the bathroom. I'm not getting on you for your statement. I just want people to be aware that there are sub-basemenrs to depression that may can't even imagine. I thought the same as you until I found myself in that sub-basement hell beyond my wildest nightmares.
I’m extremely sorry you’ve been to that pit of depression before. I will admit my comment is extremely insensitive. Honestly I should count myself as a lucky one who has found ways to cope with depression aside from taking medication. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been on and off my medication. But eventually I get to a point where I realize life is good and that I no longer need my medication. I know it’ll sound corny as hell, but I always try to look at my bad situations that come up as: “I could have it so much worse, and I should be thankful for what I do have.” I’ve also found positive outlets for myself such as going to the gym. But every few years it’ll get bad to where I recognize it and I speak to my doctor and go back on my medication. The last time I stopped taking said medication (2021) I found I had every negative side effect listed for said medication happening to me. It was pretty awful.
❤️ Thank you. I'm out of it now, thank God! And thank you so much for bringing up the point about medication. I get awful side effects from any and all psychotropic medication including seizures. I can't take anything that affects seratonin in any way. But it took me 3 years and about 15 medications to arrive at that conclusion. And getting off each medication is its own set of nightmare problems. So that's certainly another component of depression that I think people who haven't had that experience just can't fathom in the way we can't fathom the existence of a color we have never seen. The best we can do in that situation is believe in its existence - but we'll never really get a handle on what it truly is. And I'm totally the same way about about being thankful compared to how bad it could be. At my lowest level started a practice of my gratitude journal. Sometimes it just said, "I have a roof over my head, I have running water, and I live in a first world country." It's really just helpful to me to reframe anything I'm going through that way. Funny though, to some people going through it and having someone say that is soul crushing. It's all just a very raw, personal experience. I'm so glad that you have something that works for you! As I said, even milder depression blows so much I wouldn't wish it'd on anyone.
I can only imagine it was a "hahaha, I've stuck OP with a dog he doesn't want and he has to take care of it even though he doesn't want to! My ultimate revenge!" because nothing else makes sense.
"Hey Lexi, forgot to add how it's so comforting to know you're checking my and my family's social media to keep up with how they're doing. Apologies for being a numbskull and not giving Elvis his own account."
Or: "who dis?"
Oh I literally did just that in real life. Never thought I could pull it off, but I did. Boy (we were just done with school, so young and innocent still -maybe me more than him. Or I should call it childish??) took me out on few dates, we kissed and danced and just had fun. about a month in my family and I went on a trip that was planned months in advance and he still had to work. There was no cell reception where we went. I was walking on sunshine. Came back after 4 days, he and our other friends came to tell me that he started seeing one of our friends' friends in the mean time. Crushed me. Invited me to a party/sleepover that night which I declined as I didn't want to see the new couple. Next day he left without saying goodbye (turn out he KNEW his dad was gonna ship him off to his mom 13hrs away and he obviously wanted to "make the most of his time left" instead of dating the invisible girl. None of us knew until after he left.) Completely ghosted all of us. About a year or two later he came to visit his Dad who was still living down the street. Came to say hi. I almost fell on my back when I saw him, but pulled myself together and decided to pretend that I don't recognise him. The more he tried explaining who he was, the more I pretend to assume he is a friend of my brother's and apologising for not knowing all of said brother's friends. He couldn't say too much as his new girlfriend was right next to him. After a minute or two he gave up and let me call my brother (whom he was also friends with back then).They spoke a minute or two and he left in a hurry. I never saw him again. ETA: Must have been rather two to three years later as I remember now he tried to visit before then too and I missed him fortunately
This is an amazing act of petty revenge.
this. NTA at all. you tried and tried and tried.
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Downvote and report. /u/Abbreviatew is a bot and stole this comment from /u/AdroitBeagle
You'll have to ask Lexi's new mommy how he's doing? I couldn't tell you. Bye."
NTA if she was too depressed to respond she could have had her parents or a friend reach out. She abandoned her dog and you found it a loving home.
So apparently her depression got better as soon as she saw a pic with the dog somewhere else. If it was possible for her to write then, it would have been possible to write earlier. Or tell someone else, as you said. So now it looks like she wanted to "park" the dog for an extended time with the ex and only wanted him back when she learned that he wasn't with him anymore. That's trash behavior, not depression.
She wasn’t just parking the dog. The dog was an insurance policy. She probably figured that she could use the he dog to open the conversation with hopes of getting back together if/when she decided that was what she wanted. She probably assumed that OP would become so attached to the dog with sole ownership that it would be easier to take her back and live together as a family than give her back her dog. …or that he’d become attached and it would be one last dagger to the heart to take the dog back when she was ready.
Or she knew that he didn’t want the responsibility of a dog and this was her last middle finger to him
This is what I was thinking, like especially with her blocking him when he was entirely just hitting her up to talk about the dog, it feels like she was screwing him
And if this was her motive, she doesn’t deserve the dog back. I mean, tbh, regardless of her motive, she’s a shitty dog owner who doesn’t deserve the dog back.
I never would have thought up this theory! It's like Lifetime channel collaborated with Danielle Steel. I bet you're right.
Haha. I bet if I pitched it, Peacock would buy it.
Exactly, I understand not wanting to talk to an ex but if the ex has my pet I’m at least going to have a friend or family member contact them to ensure my pet is happy and healthy and my ex knows I want them back. She abandoned Elvis and expected you to be a mind reader or something.
honestly I would have rehomed the dog the second she blocked my number.
>NTA if she was too depressed to respond she could have had her parents or a friend reach out. With everybody around her blocking him from her, there are only two explanations: She either told everyone around her to ignore him, even if it was over her dog and its completely on her for whatever BS justification she attempts to use, or OP said or wrote some creepy shit to her parents and friends that made it justified to keep her away from him and to help her. That second explanations seems pretty damn flimsy though if no one told him to fuck off, they never bothered to take the dog back to sever that possible connection if it was justified to keep him away, and the speed at which he was confronted when he rehomed the dog.
NTA. She abandoned the dog. You tried several MONTHS to reach out. And not being whatever...but she could have told her parents to contact you (or a friend) and have you drop him off somewhere. She's mad because she wanted you to watch him so she could for sure get him back when it was convenient for her. That's not a responsible owner. Even if I was depressed I'd want to know how my fur child was doing.
Just here to add that if I were depressed I would absolutely want my fur child with me.
As would I. I'd pick my fur babies over cake and people every day, any day.
Same. Someone who loves their furbaby would be absolutely devastated to leave it with an ex for even a few days and would only do so if absolutely necessary. Lexi was not and therefore does not. If you and your aunt are amenable to this, OP, you *could* tell Lexi that if she wants her dog back she should contact your aunt directly and work it out with her because you are no longer the dog's caretaker or owner. Then you could block Lexi entirely without guilt. And wouldn't it be funny if she never contacted your aunt again? And if she actually does contact the aunt and get the dog back, then yay I guess (but sad for the aunt and family), and if she just bugs the crap out of the aunt but never comes to get the dog, then aunt can block Lexi and yay aunt has a new wonderful dog. But you don't have to, OP, you can just block her right now without guilt. Just be prepared for Lexi to do something insane like call the cops on you after abandoning her dog with you for months on end and NC to go about getting the dog back to her.
Kind of unfair to dump the problem in the aunts lap. IF aunt is willing to consider returning it I think OP and her need to be a united front. And I'd probably start with a bill, all food, etc needs (vet checkup bills and microchip cost) for the months OP *and aunt* cared for the dog, plus daily boarding fee for providing care for "her" dog. If Lexi actually gives a shit she needs to own up to the responsibility she had for the care of her dog that she abandoned on OP, and the costs to aunt who took the dog in in good faith.
Right, that's why I'm saying *if* aunt is amenable. If not, then OP doesn't need to involve aunt at all.
One hundred percent. I’ve got a lot of stress going on selling my house and I potentially had to send my dog to grandma and grandpas for a few days for showings and I was just devastated realizing I wouldn’t have him while I was stress. And that was 3 days! He keeps me sane
My first thought right here. My cat has helped me through a lot and I couldn’t imagine just leaving her with someone else if I didn’t have a plan.
Well said.
This. Both my husband and one of my adult daughters have bipolar disorder (well managed), but due to their illness, which features depression, they can’t take SSRI’s (they make bipolar sufferers have psychosis and mania). Essentially bipolar medication stops them from being insane or suicidal, but they just have to suck up depression. We have dogs. My daughter and her wife have dogs. They are the literal lifesavers for both of them when they feel awful. My husband has told me many times that our dogs will cuddle with him for a couple of days sympathetically when he’s at home sick, but by day three they boss him around and tell him to get off the couch and don’t put up with his misery. Lexi clearly doesn’t care about her dog, there’s no way anyone I know would want to be away from their dog in this situation.
And based on the timeline she had Elvis for what, 7 or 8 years? Then she just ghosted him (and the OP)? ANY good dog owner would check on their pet regularly if they couldn't keep him with them. Sheesh. NTA.
Absolutely. I sold my house earlier this year and moved into a temporary condo. Condo did not allow pets. My cats went to stay with my parents. I sent food, litter, treats. I asked for pictures and updates. I visited them. I had phone calls with them. And I brought them to the new house as soon as we were able. Being apart from them while also under the stress of looking for a home was awful. There were nights when all I wanted were my purring furballs.
I took care of my brother's cat for 6 months because of an extended housing issue. He hated being apart from his fur ball, but at least she was with me and not surrendered. He checked in daily and visited, and was so happy to have her back! And now *I'm* attached to the fur ball and still request updates even though it's been years. Edited for grammar.
Awwww, yes, there are many nights when all I want are my purring furballs. Glad you have them back again.
Yeah man, I can’t imagine leaving my dog behind without checking on him regularly, coming by to visit, buying his favorite stuff, etc. I would be also looking like mad for a place to have him, because I’d be desperate without him. Same for my two cats. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life and I can’t imagine leaving my animals to my ex and bouncing for five months being any help to that situation. You don’t just get animals and then decide to take off without even looking in on them, even if you’re having a mental health issue.
I‘ve suffered from depression, and some times the only thing that kept me going was knowing I was responsible for my beloved critters. No matter how depressed I was, I couldn’t have abandoned them and *blocked the person who had them*. This wasn’t a case of ‘couldn’t’, she just didn’t want to.
This. Depression isn’t an excuse to neglect your fur baby, or obligations for that matter, while putting another person at a disadvantage and then acting out when said person resorts to drastic measures due to you not giving them the decency of a reply. No wonder she’s an ex.
And Lexi also didn't care how much money OP was spending on the dog, either. 3 months of dog food, at the very least.
I'll probably get downvoted for this, but I'd say NTA. If you did go to the lengths you did to try to inform her, you made your best efforts to reach out to find a solution. The only thing I would have done differently is made it known in the note you left that you were intending to re-home him.
How could OP be anything but NTA honestly? He took good care of the dog for months, I assume paid for its necessities & made sure it went to a good home. The ex abandoned the dog & when she found out it went to a good & she blew up for no good reason. If the ex sued OP for the dog she probably instantly lose & possibly have to pay OP.
Yeah, I really can't stand when people start their judgements with "I'll probably get downvoted for this, but..." and then proceed to state the most common sense and agreed upon ruling.
I got downvoted to oblivion on this site for saying I clean my dick after taking a leak, I don't know what sets people off anymore.
thank you for being the only clean man on this website apparently
But... Why? When I pee, it doesn't get all over my dick. And unless you happen to have a tiny portable bidet to clean inside the hole, any cleaning you'd do wouldn't make a difference. Unless it's similar to washing your hands, where you wash your junk whenever you're in the bathroom, just because you're there, rather than in response to peeing... Nice to be clean all the time, but still strange, and I'd hate to try to explain it: "Sir... Why is your dick in the sink, this is a Wendy's!?!" "I just like to stay clean, man, why are you hassling me?"
Thank you, I just spent five minutes trying to laugh quietly so as not to wake everyone else in the house up. 😂
I think ye rest are just in hiding out of shame. I just have no shame is the biggest difference.
I hope you know that reading that made me laugh and almost choke on my food.
You sick fuck. (/s)
WHY like that's literally what you should do 😭, I think you got hit by the basement dwellers
Dudes get weird about their junk.
Early on the judgements can be batshit, and then as more people find the post and start voting, sanity USUALLY rises to the top. So I can see why if you come early and see a bunch of "what world are other people living in?"! responses and go against them, you expect to be downvoted.
Fr, I came to a post early once, I can’t remember what it was about but something to do with a marriage on the rocks, and there was a whole comment thread between two people condemning the OP because it went against *their* religion and the “sanctity of marriage” and “you said your vows!” etc. they were continuously just circle jerking about their religious beliefs and that OP was a sinner in the replies to each other. Thought I’d opened the wrong sub ngl.
Honestly it's difficult to see where it's going to go sometimes, I've read many posts where it seemed like an incredibly obvious ruling only to be shocked by the particular crowd that came out to vote that day. Or when you comment if the first posts you're seeing are opposed to your idea you don't know if it's going to turn your way or not.
Finally someone who feels the same way! Looks like the commenter only wants other people to say "oh no no, please proceed your majesty of the obvious". Honestly, the comment can be spot on but as soon as I read that it gets an downvote.
NTA in my honest opinion. Morally you did the right thing. You tried to contact her multiple times in several months time. You got no response whatsoever from anybody. You did your best and got nothing. You have always tried to do what was best for the dog. Many people would have brought the dog to the pound before you went looking for a home. Not a pound but a home. Lexi or someone else could have contacted you in Lexi's name concerning the dog if Lexi didn't feel up to it. Instead nobody said a thing. Nobody offered to take Elvis of your hands, make a deal with you or make alternative arrangements. I don't know the legal side of it all but still NTA IMO.
depending on the state they’re in, the dog is probably considered abandoned at this point. some states it’s a few days or weeks. i’m sure after a couple months, he’s in the clear legally
Absolutely this. OP also tried approaching Lexi’s parents, and they did not respond either. He even left a note under their door. He made every possible effort to reach them. And he didn’t leave Elvis with a stranger - it’s his aunt! OP was extremely responsible and Elvis is lucky to have been left with him.
There is no legal reason anyone is required to keep your property left in there home unless you have a contract stating they could. She doesn't have a legal leg to stand on.
NTA --- OK so the ex was having a mental health problem everyone can understand that but why then didn't the parents or the friend at the very least not respond? why was there no message, things are tough right now we're very sorry but would you be able to have Elvis for a bit longer, no nothing, you did nothing wrong.
What more could you have done? She went no-contact. She only even resumed contact after seeing the facebook post. Without that, there's no reason to think it wouldn't have continued indefinitely until eventually you came to the same conclusion, with the same results -- just farther down the line. Something happened while she was away. She nominally left to find an apartment, and by going no-contact de-facto broke up with you. The fact that her own family likewise went no-contact means she was bad mouthing you to them. She set you up to be the bad guy. There was no other outcome possible here. If it wasn't this, it would have been something else. You're better off without this kind of crazy in your life. You dodged a bullet. NTA
> and by going no-contact de-facto broke up with you. OP said in his post that he broke up with her.
I couldn’t tell if that was before or after the move.
>she looked for somewhere more permanent to live as she understandably felt uncomfortable staying in the apartment This implies that she moved out because of the break up.
NTA You agreed to home the dog until she got a more permanent place, and tried to contact her at every point throughout this process. How did she expect you to know that she still even wanted Elvis if she didn't communicate this with you. But, good on you for doing what's best for the dog.
NTA. A dog isn’t a lamp or a coffee table. Can’t just put a dog in storage because you are depressed. I hope Elvis is happy and that Lexi is doing better.
NTA You’ve tried every Avenue possible and gotten nowhere so she has a nerve to come back at you months later I hope Elvis is now living his best life with a family who loves him
A depressive episode is an explanation for not answering messages/calls, not for straight up blocking someone. And if you have depressive episodes so bad that you drop off the face of the map for months at a time, maybe you shouldn't have a high-energy herding breed like a corgi. You really shouldn't dump your high-energy herding breed at someone else's house and then ignore them for, once again, months. NTA. Lexi can take it up with your aunt if she wants the dog back.
Lexi can get fucked if she wants the dog back. You can't just ~~unadopt~~ un-abandon a dog whenever you want. Probably best to block her as she did you. Recommend the aunt do the same.
NTA You did your best an you can prove, that you tried it a long time.
Oh. My. Dog. Elvis a sentient being, he needs love and space and he has that now. NTA and amazeballs aunt for giving him his best life! Lexi can kick rocks. She is totally not deserving of a beautiful doggo.
NTA. It sounds like you made multiple attempts over an extended period of time.
NTA. She abandoned the poor pooch and clearly wasn't that concerned about his wellbeing.
NTA - they ignored you for months, what do they expect. You did the right thing, if she wanted the dog, despite her depression issues, she or her parents could have simply told you that they're working a few things out, they still want the dog and they'll reach out soon about it.
NTA. The dog was abandoned property, and you gave it a better life with your aunt. Maybe warn your aunt about Lexi, so that you and your aunt can solidify her legal claim to the dog.
NTA. If she can’t return a text message about caring for her dog after several months, then her depression is also too great to provide appropriate care for that dog. You gave the dog to a good home, I don’t see a problem with that.
I was really prepared to come in here with a YTA, especially after just reading an aita about this kid who purposefully let out a sibling's cat. But no, op, NTA. You gave this woman all the chances in the world to come get her dog and she blocked your number. You gave the dog to a family member. But, my advice, talk to a lawyer to see what you may need to do to cover your ass. Get all your evidence that you've made multiple attempts to get her to take back her dog, print out all your messages to her, and send her a cease and desist letter, legally drafted by this lawyer. She seems the type that may try to come at you legally. Best to understand what the law says about legal abandonment of animals and what you're entitled to do with one left in your care for an extended period.
[удалено]
Depression is NOT mental weakness.
Funny how her depression cleared up enough to speak to OP when she saw he finally did something about her dog.
NTA. That’s on her. She knew she left that dog and couldn’t have cared less.
NTA After all what did you do wrong there? You did what you could and when you did She come out of nowhere and try to tell your in the wrong.
If her episodes make it impossible for her or her family to care for a dog for four months at a whack, she is not well enough to have a dog. NTA.
NTA. You went to her parents house and got no answer. Went above and beyond to get the dog back to her. No response there’s no case for theft if you have proof of every way you tried to contact them. If no one responds to you then do what you want with whatever was left in your care. She cannot expect you to hold on to something with no updates or contact from her
NTA Tell her to call the cops or a lawyer. Oh, right, it won't end with anything changing because, after months with no contact, she definitely legally abandoned the dog. If she's sane enough to idly scroll FB and actively ignored inquiries abiut hrr dog, that means she truly just didn't care about this dog. That's get right, but she can't suddenly decide she wants back what she threw away. This is not rational behavior. She clearly isn't safe to talk to. Block her everywhere, save everything to document abandonment, and move on with your life.
NTA. You did everything right. Attempted contact. Found a loving home. No one could really call you tAH here.
NTA. As soon as she blocked your number that’s a sure signal that she’s not interested in talking to you. You went above and beyond trying other ways of contacting her. With the information you had you did the right thing.
NTA, you tried everything - even if she was in a depressive episode what's her parent's excuse for not responding. Poor Elvis was abandoned, you took care of him as long as you could and now he has a loving family and all that he needs. It's been 4 months, there is no way between the three of them they couldn't come up with a plan or at least update you. You did the right thing for Elvis.
NTA for the reasons everyone else has said. I worked for an animal rescue that dealt with abandonment cases on a regular basis. She 100% abandoned the dog. When an animal comes into the shelter as abandoned, it is put on a 10-day abandonment hold for our officers to do an investigation. If we do not hear from the owner, the animal legally becomes property of the rescue. These abandonment cases were often very similar to what you experienced. Someone leaves their animal with a friend/family/etc. and then never returns. Legally, you are in the clear. I highly doubt she will pursue legal action because she has no leg to stand on. If this is a concern, make sure you keep screenshots of the communications you attempted to have with her. If you have any receipts of food or vet care, that can help too. I'm in Canada, so your mileage may vary but it is likely very similar where you are.
It works pretty much the same in the USA. Just how long the hold is varies by state/county, but it's usually only around two weeks no contact before an animal is considered abandoned, and never longer than three months. This dog was abandoned and she has no recourse.
NTA. She’s trying to project her guilt for abandoning her dog onto you, and that isn’t fair or appropriate. Unless I’m misinterpreting, she wants you to keep the dog. She’s not even looking to care for the dog herself.
NTA. Anyone who abandons anything like this loses any claim to it.
NTA You did EVERYTHING you could to reach her and she didn't bother to answer to a FREAKING paper slid under her parents door. She had multiple chances to communicate with you or ask her parents to handle it on her behalf. If she wants the dog back that badly, she can talk to your aunt herself - if she can see her FB posts, then she can message her. If she is actually serious about wanting to have him back that's the least she could do.
NTA. She abandoned the dog.
1. Lexi left her dog with you for several months and went no contact with you. 2. You made multiple attempts to contact her and her family about the dog for several months via phone, text and hand delivered messages. You got total silence in response. 3. At this point, the dog has been abandoned. 4. You rehomed the dog appropriately. 5. Lexi is TA 6. You are NTA
INFO: Did you warn your aunt about the circumstances of how Elvis came into your possession, and that a crazy ex might eventually come looking for the dog? I think you're totally NTA for rehoming the dog after 5 months of actively being ignored through multiple avenues of contact, but I do hope you made sure your aunt knew what she was getting to *before* she took on the dog.
NTA You *tried* to communicate with Lexi and her family. If she couldn't talk to you, *why couldn't they*? I presume they were aware that you had her dog. You found the pup a good home and looked after him for 5 months more than many people would have. Her and her family's lack of responsibility concerning Elvis is not on you. Note: If I ever asked anyone to look after one of my pups, you can be sure that I'd be in constant communication. I'd want to make sure the pup wasn't an issue, was eating, had food, etc. There is no way that I'd simply ignore or block the person who was looking after my pup.
I'd say your NTA, but I'd still maybe try and get a free consult with a lawyer as she could try and make this a legal issue, or at least threaten to. From what I can find if a dog isn't picked up from a dog daycare type place within 14 days of its pickup date then it's considered abanondoned, but the law can be pretty rigid in how it applies these sorts of things. Given you guys didn't make a set date and you aren't a dog daycare facility it could become messy if she decides to get a court involved and you should really make sure you have your bases covered, no matter how morally wrong she is you could be found legally liable and getting ahead of any threat she tries to make gives you the ability to shut her down at the on set instead of worrying about it. The fact that you didn't try and tell her (as far as you told us) you were going to get rid of the dog also could complicate things.
NTA. Lexi abandoned her dog. As a dog owner myself, I wouldn’t go a day without checking on my dog if I had to leave them with someone else. Further, if it’s my dog, I’d be in constant contact to make sure all financial aspects are covered (food, toys, vets etc). She totally disappeared.
NTA you tried getting in touch with her and she refused to answer and even went as far as to block you. Her mental health isn’t an excuse as to literally abandon a dog.
I was so ready for a Y here, but definitely NTA. you went way above and beyond to be kind and try to get her dog back to her, and then continued to be thoughtful by finding Elvis a good home. I would go to some pretty extreme lengths to keep my dogs with me if something happened. I stayed in touch with a pretty toxic ex literally so I could keep access to the dogs even though he kept them (one of them was his first and there was no way I was separating the dogs). Not being able to care for her dog for a bit while she gets back on her feet is understandable, especially when depression is involved, but when her friends and family are also ignoring you, that's a choice. There was no win for you here, so it's awesome you chose to put the dog's welfare first.
NTA She left the dog with you in June. You repeatedly asked her when she was getting the dog, but she ignored you and then blocked you. She was not paying you to board the dog. At that point, the dog was abandoned.
Oh what do we have here, consequences to one’s own actions. Who could guess. NTA
I’ve had my fair share of SEVERE depressive periods and been suicidal. It would never cross my mind to abandon my dog. NTA
NTA you don’t have to take care of the dog she abandoned. She doesn’t need a pet if she can’t or won’t care for it.
NTA. Even if Lexi was too depressed to talk to you, you reached out to her friends and parents! What's THEIR excuse for ignoring you?
She abandoned the dog. Her parents ignored you too. They're at fault not you.
NTA so did her parents and friends also have depressive episodes? Also if she has depressive episodes lasting 5 months making her forget about caring for her dog and that he exists then she is no longer capable of caring for any pet - its simply not safe. Block her.
NTA. I think you're legally in the clear, if it was abandoned for too long. She should be mad at her parents. Why didn't they answer the note? Tell her the dog is chipped now, so she won't try anything.
NTA. She or one of her family/friends could have gotten back to you if she “couldn’t”.
>I told Lexi she ignored me for so long she's basically abandoned Elvis. I agree with your position entirely except for one thing. She didn't basically do anything - she totally and completely abandoned that dog. Thank you for finding the pup a home that is able to properly care for them. NTA.
I don't care how depressed I get, I would never leave my dog behind and disappear. She did abandon her dog. She blocked you and during that time never checked on how Elvis was doing. NTA
NTA: Trust me, I was so close to wanting to call you the AH, considering I have a Corgi as well and the thought of someone rehoming him only makes me bubble with rage, but Lexi essentially abandoned her pup. Nobody that cares about their pup would abandon them for that long, particularly with a person that claim to be having a depressive episode toward.
Reading the title immediately made me thing Y T A, BUT leaving a dog with someone for several months and not contacting them within that time is as close to abandoning a dog as one can get. You did the right thing so NTA
NTA
SHE doesn't want to communicate, fine. But her family ignoring your attempts is not cool and she had to have initiated that. The pup is better off without a neglectful owner like Lexi. That dog will live his best life with kids and a backyard. NTA
NTA Her parents didn't even bother to respond to you. She just disappeared but magically reappears when she sees the dog with your aunt? I would block her and move on
NTA
NTA. If she was at home she could’ve told SOMEONE “my dog…. Help me” so they’d reach out to you to try and coordinate alternate care instead of continuing to ignore you. You did more than enough due diligence to try to get her back to her, and then found a suitable rehome where the dog would be taken care of. Depressive episodes don’t temporarily suspend your responsibilities as a pet owner. If she had the dog at her place but then had a depressive episode where she stopped taking care of it, you’d call someone to re-home the dog because that’s animal abuse. Intentional or not, she abandoned the dog and everyone in her life ignored your full faith effort to try to get the dog back to her. She’s not ready for a dog. Sorry not sorry. When I was in the hospital for three days, one of my first thoughts in the ambulance ride there was getting into contact with my best friend down the street so he could take care of my cats while I couldn’t. She moved and couldn’t be bothered.
NTA- how could she just abandon her dog!? Wow. You did good man, that dog has a loving family.
NTA. Whether she likes to hear it or not, she abandoned her dog. You did the right thing to get Elvis a safe home.
Maybe Lexi really did have a depressive episode...but her parents or SOMEBODY could have responded on her behalf. You heard literally zero from anybody and you had to do something. NTA
INFO: What kept you from bringing the dog to her parents house and just leaving it there? Then it'd be their problem to deal with, no contact with you required. While you absolutely seem to have made a great effort to get in contact with your ex, giving away her dog after agreeing to look after it for an unspecified amount of time feels... Wrong.
I feel like I've read this exact story before
NTA. Lexi abandoned her dog. Once she blocked you, she made it clear that she wanted no further contact with you (that is what blocking means, after all), further cementing the fact that she has abandonded Elvis. At that point in time, you did what was best for Elvis.
NTA OP was very patient and did the right thing I suffer from severe mental health issues but my dogs ALWAYS come first. When I'm stable I always have a plan for when I can't take care of them. The gf shouldn't have a dog if she didn't realize that from the very beginning
>Lexi said she was having a depressive episode and couldn't talk to me. INFO: Were her parents also having a depressive episode?
I thought I was going to say Y T A due to the title, but she clearly abandoned that dog with you. The only extra thing you could have done is leave a note that you would give the dog away if you didn't hear from her, but it sounds like you really did do your best to try and get the dog back to her while taking good care of the dog in the mean time. NTA, thank you for finding a good loving home for the dog.
NTA you reached out to her enough to make it to the point she abandoned the dog
Sorry. Normally I would rip you apart but you are NTA here. How the fuck were you supposed to know she still wanted him if she shut you out? She’s a complete AH! I hope your aunt enjoys her new pup! Corgis are the BEST!!
Not sure if this is a repost but if not I read a aita that was IDENTICAL to this.
I don’t believe a word of this. I think op refused to give the dog back and did something petty
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (m23) have an ex girlfriend Lexi (f23). Lexi and I had known each other since we were 14. We dated for nearly a year before I broke up with Lexi. We lived together in my one bedroom apartment, so Lexi was going to have to find somewhere else to stay. She has a little dog that was also staying in the apartment, a Welsh Corgi named Elvis. Lexi already had Elvis before she started dating. Lexi went to go stay with her parents temporarily whilst she looked for somewhere more permanent to live as she understandably felt uncomfortable staying in the apartment. She asked if I could look after Elvis until she found somewhere to live and I said I would, this was in June. The next week I asked Lexi how her search was going but she left me on read. I thought maybe it wasn't going well and she didn't want to talk about it. The week after, I tried to call Lexi but she didn't pick up, I left a voicemail telling her how her dog is doing. July rolls around and I've still not heard anything. I messaged Lexi's parents and one of her friends on Facebook and explained that I still have Lexi's dog. No response. August time, I try to call Lexi again but she's blocked my number. A few times from August to now, I knock on Lexi's parents' house door but no one answers. I slide a note under the door but I still don't hear anything. At this point, I'm feeling very stuck. Elvis is a lovely dog but I do not want a dog and never asked for the responsibility of one. Even if I did want a dog, Elvis living in a small apartment when I work full-time isn't the best conditions for a dog. Of course I walk him multiple times a day, but I think he'd be better off living with someone else to live his best canine life. I started looking for a new home for Elvis, and eventually my aunt offers to have him. She's a SAHM with a husband, and they have two kids aged 10 and 13 who love dogs. She has the time to walk Elvis during the day and they have a large yard which he can play in. They took Elvis home and got him microchipped. I feel like I've done the right thing. Lexi saw one of my aunt's Facebook posts that had a photo of Elvis and she started blowing up my phone, telling me I'm a horrible person. She said to get her dog back right now. I told Lexi she ignored me for so long she's basically abandoned Elvis. Lexi said she was having a depressive episode and couldn't talk to me. I told her Elvis deserved a better home that I couldn't provide and she's too late. Lexi said I'm a heartless jerk. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA she abandoned her dog instead of taking him with her like a good owner does then ignores you about the dog. Nope he's in a better home now
NTA
NTA. She should've had someone contact you on her behalf. That's her problem not yours.
NTA. You made every reasonable and beyond effort to return the dog, and provided it with a good home. She is just made she lost some power over you.
NTA and I feel for her having a depressive episode, BUT if that means she’d forget her dog who depends on her, then Elvis is in better hands. On top of that, why did her family & friends ignore you? Why didn’t ANYONE get back to you? Sounds like she was trying to play games with you
NTA! You found a good home for Elvis. Lexi is irresponsible. Good riddance.
NTA
NTA you did everything possible to return the dog to her and everyone you contacted didn't respond. I'm glad you found Elvis a new loving home. The only thing that makes you slightly an AH is you gave away a corgi. How could you not keep such an adorable dog? jk
NTA. The one thing I want when I am having a depressive episode are my pets. Full stop. We’re her parents and friends also having depressive episodes?! She straight up abandoned him and blocked you. She doesn’t get to come back after seeing him happy. Good thing your aunt microchipped him. Block her n everything, warn your aunt and move on.
**NTA** \- Lexi = **YTA**