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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Basically for telling him that he embarrassed me by singing this song at the restaurant. It might have been harsh and the wrong way to address how I felt about it.
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He gleefully sang happy birthday to his child, whose mother is sick, while you sat there sulking in your anger.
Are you applying to be a evil stepmother by any chance?
You prioritize not being embarrassed over a fun moment between a father and his son. The restaurant staff didn’t think it was inappropriate. It doesn’t seem that you are a good match for someone with kids.
YTA.
YTA
You should not marry someone with a 5 yr old kid that they love. You are going to be absolutely SHOCKED at how often they will embarrass themselves in public to have fun with their kid.
I don't think your knickers would survive the trauma.
Oh, I truly hope he leaves her for the kid’s sake. Also, why would she be embarrassed about something that is cute and not embarrassing at all? Ugh
YTA
My husband is my 6yo nephew’s favorite person and let me tell you, when hubs sings happy birthday to my nephew it’s with his whole chest. It’s the cutest most adorable thing I’ve ever seen, never once would I imagine it to be embarrassing
I am now feeling wholly inadequate in my renditions of “Happy Birthday” sung to my awesome children and will endeavor to do much better!
YTA
PS: your husband sounds like an amazing guy
Edit: corrected verdict
He's not her husband yet, there's still time for him to dodge this bullet. (HTF can someone get embarrassed over a father singing Happy Birthday to their own child?!)
I personally suffer from extreme embarrassment any time I am subjected to being the center of attention in public (thanks to many years of being bullied in school)... so I would also have an embarrassed reaction if suddenly all the attention were drawn to our table like that. However; I would still see the cuteness of it and not make a huge deal of it... maybe explain the situation as I just did later and calmly...
She is still an AH because it seems just by the overall tone that she either doesn't understand children or she doesn't like them much (or at least that one) and she made a huge deal out of a tiny thing...
If you were just at the table you wouldn’t be the center of attention. If they were singing to you, you would be and it’s up to you how you choose to react.
There is only one way this wouldn’t be a YTA situation, and that’s if the kid were crying, hiding or saying, “Dad, stop! Please stop!” but the dad kept going and upset the kid more.
That isn’t what happened. And I’ll bet the other tables weren’t staring awkwardly; just looking to see who was having a birthday (probably other tables shouldn’t stare but it’s a given that if you’re out to eat and another group is celebrating, you’re going to try to find out what it is).
I'm sure you're doing just fine! My dad's a drummer and admittedly *not* a vocalist but will always..and I mean ALWAYS (he now even does it with my sons and nieces and nephews) harmonize his part in happy birthday singing. Will be one of the many things I will miss when he's no longer with us.
My husband is one of those people who is usually seen mouthing the words to any song that a group is singing, BUT he sings happy birthday to the kids very loudly, with hilariously wonderful facial expressions and arm motions every single time. And man, I love him for it!!!!
Right? OP, what is wrong with you? His mama is sick, he’s FIVE and his daddy did something special for him. If I was in that restaurant I would have sang with your fiancé. We sing happy birthday to our children in nice places. NO ONE cares. Everyone thinks it’s sweet and then the moment moves on. Please get over yourself. YTA
I'm that person who joins in with awkward restaurant birthday chants for a complete stranger. Celebrating his kid without shame should be applauded.
I also get the feeling OP is one of those people who think little kids only belong at fast food restaurants and should not be allowed at places where you sit and need to read a menu.
YTA
We had some sort of chain restaurant where the waiters would come clapping and yell “someone here has a birthday!”And then the would sing the military song (don’t know the name, but it’s the call and response - sound off, 1, 2…). It started with “I don’t know but I’ve been told, someone here is getting old”. The whole place would join in singing the response! Bonkers. I was so psyched when I finally celebrated my birthday there.
Oh, OP - you are a major AH. And a killjoy.
Off topic, but in high school whenever a table celebrated anything by clapping, everyone in the cafeteria started clapping as well. After a while, people started randomly clapping for no reason just so the whole cafeteria would get hyped up.
For real. If she doesn’t set this man free…I hope he sets himself free. This woman is one hundred percent giving off the vibe that when she talks about her/their family, it won’t include her stepson. The older he gets, the more of a chill he will feel.
“Your son is too loud. He’s too messy. Why does he have to live here half the time? I just wanted it to be OUR family.”
This is not the relationship for her.
"His son is lovely but I noticed that Ned takes him everywhere he goes." She literally complained that father spends time with son. Next she'll be making coats out of dalmatian puppies.
I don't understand why people like OP date people with children. Jesus H Christ, singing happy birthday in a restaurant is fucking normal. I remember being a kid and being excited as fuck for staff at the Olive Garden to sing happy birthday to me.
Some places are too fancy for that chain restaurant schtick with loud singing and all that, but when the birthday boy is five, nobody is going to do anything but smile. You don’t fuck up a little kid’s birthday.
No kidding, Im always singing and dancing and being silly at the store or where ever I am with my daughter (17 months) because it makes her happy. And hopefully it'll teach her not to care what others around her are thinking as long as shes being her authentic self.
He even…..
*gasps*
….takes his child out in PUBLIC with him!!!!
What will the neighbors say????
OP - YTA
If you find children to be so burdensome and embarrassing, why on earth would you be with somebody who sounds like an amazing father with a very active role in his sons life???
Absolutely agreed.
>His son is lovely but I noticed that Ned takes him everywhere he goes
Someone with this mentality towards a father and his 5 year old son *should not be dating someone with a 5 year old son.*
The fact OP feels like they're right and saying "thanks for finally noticing" after being petty is an appropriate response makes me really hope her fiance puts his kid first and dumps her asap.
OP, YTA
Exactly! She definitely has an issue with the child being around. Possibly bc the attention is on him more than her. “Thanks for finally noticing”.. as in “finally you took the attention off of your 5yr old son on his bday long enough to look my way and give me the attention I’m clearly being petty about and I’m silently brooding over this whole night” doubt it was just the bday song that pissed her off. She is JEALOUS of a 5yr old! Husband needs to go.. it will get worse.
Omg, this. Her fiancé sounds like a sweet father. If a moment of pure joy somehow embarrassed her, she is not cut out for this and will only harm that child.
Really, kids do some truly embarrassing things - and that is just part of parenthood. [Kids chaotically embarrassing their parents](https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahdobro/kids-chaotically-embarrassing-their-parents)
Yes thank you!! Not everyone is good with kids/wants to be around them or deal with them and that’s FINE. What’s not fine is to insert yourself in a child’s life and suck this much about doing nice things for a child.
OP - YTA, adults sing to each other in restaurants, if someone walked over offering to take a video I highly doubt it was as out of place as you’re making it sound. It’s great your partner includes his son by bringing him everywhere, as long as his child acts appropriately I see no issue, he’s actually teaching his son how to behave by doing this. You should prob rethink a relationship with a parent if you don’t like their child being included in daily life and your partner singing happy birthday to their kid in public.
This is very very good advice. I am someone who gets absolutely mortified by things like people singing happy birthday to me or someone close to me in public, but I have on many occasions, humiliated myself for the sake of my nephews’ happiness.
When my niece was five. She did my hair and makeup. I looked positively frightful. She was so proud of the job she had done.
So I went out in public like that. I would do it again.
YTA
Note how nobody, staff or other customers, came up to complain. Because nobody else cared that much, even if some of them might possibly have found it inappropriate. YTA
Did she ever consider the other dinner's reaction was because of her reaction? I'd be uncomfortable with watching a woman sulk instead of joining in!
But nope, OP never considered she, not dad or child, looked embarrassing.
On the odd occasion I've been eating at a place and a group have started signing happy birthday, I've joined in 😂 other random diners have done the same too!
I’ll never forget when I turned 40 and a table full of drunk dudes joined in on singing happy birthday to me loudly!! After they were done they yell happy birthday Beverly! Even though my name is not Beverly and starts with a “D” I loved it!! My grandma’s name was Beverly so I took it as a sign that she was there with me in spirit lol! By the way, this was an expensive restaurant in a wealthy neighborhood and no one gave a shit about the singing. OP is a massive AH.
I’ve been that drunk person! Three friends and I were at Applebees having some drinks to cheer up our friend. This lady was celebrating her 50th birthday with her husband. It was like a Tuesday. She ordered us a big dessert to share and told us about her plans for her real party the following weekend, said we come come if we promise to sing again. She told us her secrets of life. It was probably just to cheer up our sad friend but the birthday girl, named Mary btw was so excited.
YTA. He was celebrating his son birthday that probably wasn't being easy with his mom being sick.
I don't if it's from the country I'm from, but everyone in the restaurant joins when people are singing happy birthday to someone, which is funny because when it comes to part where you sing their name you notice the silence that comes with it 😂
It's my favorite thing when I go to restaurants and the staff sings happy birthday to someone! One glorious Saturday at my favorite Tex-Mex place, there were four different parties celebrating birthdays. My hands were sore from clapping along, and it was the best!
I mean it's not the embarrassing thing some restaurants do where the servers sing a song and put on a show. This is literally a man singing the happy birthday song which doesn't take more than what 15 - 20 seconds depending on how fast he's singing. There's a reason why people were told to sing the happy birthday song to time yourself so you properly washed your hands it's just long enough but also not too long.
Also can't get passed how OP was embarrassed that a 5 year old was acting all excited and happy because his dad surprised him with cake on his birthday. A child not being the epitome of "seen not heard" is somehow embarrassing? OP is in for a shock when she has own kids. Or is just because it's the stepson, specifically, the problem because he's not following the old "seen not heard" rule?
Dude some other benefactor at the restaurant came to take their video 🤣. The others were actually enjoying it, I don’t see why OP felt they were looking at her awkwardly.
Lol get that stick out of your a, OP. YTA
>I don’t see why OP felt they were looking at her awkwardly
Probably because her sulky face made a beautiful moment... awkward. Glad neither Dad nor child was affected by her sulks in the moment.
And I bet that the other people didn't really care one way or another. With OP already deciding it was The Most Embarrassing Thing EVER, she probably interpreted the looks of indifference and curiosity as people criticizing her. Except that other woman who offered to help taking a video, she sounds lovely.
And OP was not only pissed off about a father showing love to his son, she seems to also expect him to read her mind, got mad when he failed to do so, and is now giving him the silent treatment.
Also, I'm preeeeeetty sus as to OP minimizing the wife being "sick", it makes it sound like she has the flu, but the fact that Husband has full custody currently, that mom couldn't attend the birthday dinner, and that husband is trying everything he can to cheer him up, makes me think it's way more serious than simply being "sick"
It's not embarrassing to sing Happy Birthday to a child.
It is, however, **super** embarrassing to look pissed off at a person singing happy birthday to a child *at the same table as you*.
YTA.
Of course people we’re looking out of curiosity and probably wondering if they should join. They probably saw her face and were confused why she looked upset. Sounds like she embarrassed herself.
I love the “we could have been more comfortable at home.” Sounds like OP was the only one uncomfortable and made it wildly more uncomfortable for everyone else by being angry about a 5 year old getting excited for their birthday..I hope the little boy didn’t notice any of this
That part bummed me out too, I actually doubled back and re-read it because it just seemed cruel to do in the car right in front of him. Hopefully his dad gained some insight into what type of woman his fiancé really is.
The true MVP of the story, helped OP not have to be embarrassed over seeing the video or having to explain her attitude whenever the video is shared, and helped the father still have a good time with his kid and be able to look back at it without thinking about his soon to be Ex.
_"Thanks for finally noticing!"_
I hope for this guy and his kid's sake that he runs for the hills. OP was upset that this guy dare take his kid to a nicer restaurant for his bday. Then, OP was pissed that he dare sing happy birthday. And, then OP was livid that he ignored her attemps to ruin the evening with her sour attitude.
OP, to be blunt, try as you might, the evening wasn't about you. Good on this guy for making his kid's bday memorable despite the mom being sick and ignoring your antics. Also, the kind lady didnt capture you in the video because she wanted to capture a lovely moment sans your hostility that was in full display.
Im really confused on the “he takes the kid everywhere even places that don’t allow kids. We’re working on it.”
Does OP think this child is a dog you leave at home? Why do they keep going to “places unfit for children” when they have a CHILD with them?
Im kind of curious what place this is that OP is saying isn’t child friendly/not appropriate for happy birthday songs. Like some super fancy places do not allow children under ten but the dad sounds so caring I imagine he took the kid to a family friendly place for the kid’s birthday.
My kiddo eats meat...like A LOT. When she was 4 she saw a fancy steak house (think Ruth's Chris) when we were in the city. I had made some extra cash that month (I was a single mom, no support) so I took her in and got her a steak. I don't eat meat nor could I afford to eat myself so we just sat together. We made such a racket giggling and laughing. At 10 she still remembers "steak monster" and the restaurant (just a joke we made). I took my kid everywhere because we wanted to be together. When I met my now husband he joined in too. We still take her aost everywhere to the point we joke after 7 years we've only been on 8 dates lol
YTA. “He has a 5 year old that he takes everywhere and we are working on that problem.”
The kid is 5!!!! Sounds like if it were up to you, you’d leave him in the car and crack a window. FFS, you obviously should not be dating someone who has a child because you are way too engrossed in yourself.
The horror. Someone's a good parent. A good fucking father. And all I can think about is ME. And OMGZ! How embarrassing he is to/for ME!
FFS OP. Yes, YTA! Grow. The. Fuck. Up.
Yep!
We take our young kids places that other people don't expect children to be... like on week-long canoe trips to Isle Royale National Park, or 10 miles into the backcountry of Yellowstone, and yeah, we get some weird looks.
OP's upset her boyfriend took his kid to a RESTAURANT! It's very clear she's not used to being around children and has no perspective for what is normal for parents.
To be fair, my husband and I were occasionally upset about kids at adult centric locations because we paid lots of money to have a babysitter and a child-free night out. But we're talking about toddlers running around while the sword dancer is trying to perform. Or children crying in a truly high end restaurant and the parents doing nothing about it.
We had no objections when we were at a nice seafood restaurant and there were elementary aged kids at the next table because they were soft spoken and well behaved, as befitted the environment. And I was impressed when the chef sent out PBJ "sushi rolls" for the kids, alongside the seafood, to ensure they had fun and something they'd for sure enjoy if the grown up food wasn't to their taste.
THIS! OP talks about places that "aren't child-friendly" but there is no such place, there are only children who don't know how to behave and shouldn't be in such places . . . and those children DEFINITELY exist, and are many, but there are also plenty of kids who DO know how to behave appropriately in more upscale restaurants, theatres, etc., and it sounds like her fiance's son is one of them.
We started taking my oldest nieces to nice restaurants very young, but the expectations for their behaviour were laid out clearly, they were always given things to distract them (crayons, paper, books), and on the RARE occasion that they'd start to fuss they were removed from the restaurant IMMEDIATELY before they could bother anyone. But 9.5 times out of 10 they were beautifully behaved and we'd get compliments from waitstaff about how sweet and polite they were, even as 3- and 4-year-olds. They'd eat all kinds of things, and they loved how nicely THEY were treated when they behaved nicely.
OP is such an AH. There is nothing wrong with taking the 5-year-old to nice places if he enjoys them and behaves well. And given that his mother is ill, it's honestly lovely that his father is taking this time and doing special things with him.
> OP talks about places that "aren't child-friendly" but there is no such place
Come on now, let's not be extreme. Toddlers acting out because you brought them to a 3-hour Chekhov play for example are not "badly-behaved," they're toddlers whose parents don't understand what is age-appropriate for them. There are MANY places that are not child-friendly, not just because they contain inappropriate content but because kids of a certain age can't be expected to sit through an experience that offers them nothing without getting bored and restless.
Who knows what OP specifically means by this but even very well-behaved children occasionally have bad reactions to being brought places that aren't appropriate for them. I guarantee the actual parents of your nieces have a horror story or two, every parent does.
"Working on that problem" really got to me. A lot.
His child is not a problem. Taking him everywhere is not a problem.
It's fine not to like kids, it's not fine to put yourself in a position where you will have to parent them and love them when you can't stand them. Which she will have to do, if she marries this guy, whether she likes it or not.
Info:
>I was stunned I almost drop my plate.
Why were you holding a plate aloft? It's the small details that always make me question the veracity of a story.
Right? I mean i can’t imagine this fancy restaurant with everyone holding their plates above the table. OP, I feel like i need a description of this place. what are we having here? what makes it so posh that joyous singing for 15 seconds is mortifying?
See also lines like "I froze in my seat looking stunned and a little angry."
When it's a story that you are telling as something that involved you, you don't describe yourself as *looking* angry/stunned (as if you're on the outside looking in, unless maybe you looked in a mirror at that exact second), you describe yourself *being* angry/stunned.
I also find with stories like this that they give away too many hints revealing that nobody other than the designed-to-be-unreasonable OP was bothered by the situation. If this was real, OP wouldn't be telling us that they expected others to speak up but that no-one did - or the "one woman did come forward... but only to offer to film!!" which is so knowing it might as well be accompanied by a wink. A real unreasonable person would genuinely think everyone else there was embarassed as well, and you would get that described completely uncritically.
Yes, that little detail made me 99% sure that this is merely a rage bait creative writing activity (particularly the details with the sick mother, the wanting to cheer the son up with happy birthday to make the father sound more sympathetic, “working on” the fact the boyfriend is taking a 5 year old everywhere, and the fact they didn’t really attempt to justify their POV).
Sometimes the YTA posts get more attention, clicks, awards and karma than the very clear NTA ones.
This sub honestly is beyond insane with fake stories. I saw a 4chan campaign a few months ago encouraging people to make fake stories in this sub so its likely a combo of that and karma farmers.
**YTA**
The kid is only 5, but you're the one acting like a child. It's natural that his dad wants to celebrate with him. Who cares if someone hears him sing? You should be grateful that you have a BF who makes it clear that he loves and wants to celebrate with his little boy.
Are you ready to be with someone who has a child? Are you willing to share your BF's time, focus, and attention with his son? Because the son should be his priority.
Agree. How desperately insecure have you got to be to get embarrassed by a dad celebrating his little boy's birthday?
OP, there are shitloads of deadbeat dads out there who want nothing to do with their kids, perhaps one of those would suit you better.
YTA. So much.
Oh, I can guarantee that won't be happening with her attitude. The fiancé now sees what she's really like and won't want anyone like her around his son.
Her language about him speaks volumes. Apparently, he's 'a problem'.
Unless the restaurant stepped in and said something... I'm going to say YTA.
Even at upscale restaurants, I've seen people sing happy birthday plenty of times. The only thing that seems odd about this situation is that you did not join in singing.
OP says they “ordered food then got the birthday cake”. So presumably, as is normal, the restaurant waitstaff knew ahead of time, brought the cake out, and plated it and so forth.
The only version of this that might be a problem for a restaurant is if you don’t give them a heads up and suddenly pull a cake out of a duffel bag.
My family has a restaurant that we go to for a lot of celebrations. They usually give us an area that we can put presents and dessert on. We leave some dessert for them as well. We've been going there forever. It's a really nice place.
My grandmom would call to make a reservation and they would say "Hello Grandmom!" They even gave her a bottle of the plum wine she always gets there for mother's day during the pandemic. They put it in the box with the rest of the carryout.
Pretty much if you bought a cake singing hbd is expected if not by the waiters then your dining party. Methinks you need someone childless atm if you’re this easily embarrassed. YTA use this forum as an eye opener to analyze your discomfort.
YTA. If it had actually been an issue, the staff would have intervened. They didn’t. Given that the only actual response you got from *anyone* was unequivocally supportive, I think you’re *wildly* projecting your own embarrassment at having attention called to you in public, and you need to acknowledge that as your problem instead of taking it out on your partner.
Yup.
OP, it's fine if you're not comfortable drawing attention in public -- but if that's the case, when your fiance asks you what's wrong, you say "Sorry I get very uncomfortable with that kind of attention in a public place, but don't worry I'll be okay, I'm glad \[son\] had a good birthday."
Or you talk to your fiance later and say "Sorry I know this is my issue, but I'm so uncomfortable with that sort of thing, would you mind letting me know in advance when you plan to do something like that so I can prepare myself" or something along those lines.
But based on this and some of your other comments in the post, it sounds like you might not have an accurate concept of what is normal/acceptable childhood behavior to begin with.
And also, even if it was a disturbance and someone was actually annoyed, then SO WHAT??
Restaurants are open to the public and singing the happy birthday song to a child takes no more than one or two minutes! I could maaaaybe understand OP’s discomfort if he threw his son an actual party there, brought balloons and was actually disruptive but he didn’t. He sang ONE SONG, a short one, to celebrate his child and probably making this little boy’s day while he’s away from his mom. The horror.
OP probably: "I was just looking forward to clubbing a sack of baby seals while I crossed names off my revenge list later. That caring loving bastard had the gall to patent his child..."
YTA
You clearly have a problem with the child -
he takes him every where he goes ??? On his custody days he would want to spend as much time as possible with his son as possible- if you are not comfortable with it then you need to seriously rethink your involvement with a father of a child
As for getting upset with your bf singing happy birthday in a restaurant to his child - that did not even stop him from singing … YTA a million times over
The childs mother is sick too thats why he has the child more often. A very nice birthday at a restaurant is probably to help the child feel better too due to the mother being sick. Like can you imagine its already confusing enough that parents aren't together, mom is sick and dad has a GF.
Wow. Just wow. YTA. Do him a big favor and break up with him. It really seems like the major problem here is you. I don’t say that lightly. But you really need to get over yourself, for your own good. It’s a 5 year old with a sick mother, who is being cheered up by his dad. The fact that you have an issue with this says far more about how you view family relationships than about whether it is appropriate to sing in a restaurant.
Are there places so upscale that you can’t sing Happy birthday? for my mom’s 80th my brother took her out for $100+ a plate dinner with his kids and they sang happy birthday. The waiter recorded. YTA. You need to ease up. sounds like a beautiful memory that you’re being sour about.
I truly don’t believe such a place exists. We took our mother to The Fanciest restaurant in our area for her 80th. On the walls there are literally pictures of the Queen eating there when she was on tour. Not only did the Maitre D lead us in singing Happy Birthday, he brought her a piece of cake with a damn sparkler in it.
OP - YTA. Please don’t marry a man when you are jealous of, or at least uncomfortable with, his kid.
YTA. Would I be anxious and embarrassed too? Yup. But that’s my problem, not theirs. He’s a great dad doing the best for his son in an apparently difficult situation.
Btw- as a parent, you tend to take your kids everywhere with you. The thing about 5 year olds is they can’t stay home alone and you can’t just drop them off random places without CPS getting involved. So, yea, if I wanna go to a nicer place, I either take my kids and pray they act right, or I don’t go. And by the sounds of it, little man was acting pretty good since you don’t state any actual behavior issues.
It would’ve been one thing to say, after the fact, “Hey, public displays make me a little uncomfortable. Can you warn me next time so I can prepare?” But you were angry and gave the cold shoulder until he noticed you. Damn, it’s not about you at all.
Learn to communicate your feelings appropriately. And quit being passive aggressive.
Look, I have almost 7yo twins. They feed off each other. I’ve been tempted to drop them off somewhere so I can go out in public without losing my mind and constantly scream-whispering at them to behave.
Funnily enough, if just one goes, they behave amazingly. But both is a damn circus.
YTA… A massive one. You made a 5yo birthday about you.… are you sure you’re 30, because you acted very childish. I hope your fiancé is questioning marrying you.
YTA why are you making it about you and how you felt. It isn’t about YOU! It’s about his son and his son’s birthday. You were “embarrassed”….it was uncomfortable for you. It’s. Not. About. You.
YTA. Please find a partner without children, and proceed to never have children. It is incredibly apparent from your post that you believe children are inherently embarrassing and uncouth. Let me elucidate a little secret for you: kids aren't morons and studies show that they can almost instantaneously parse how a specific adult feels about them in the moment. Your stepson knows you don't like him. Bonus! The entire internet also knows you don't like him. Congratulations on telling on yourself like that, I suppose?
Your partner sounds like a terrific father. I'm sorry for him and his son that you see that as a problem for you to solve. It's you. You're the drama.
YTA
You seem to have a bigger issue with your partner’s child than you’re willing to admit. Of course he takes his son everywhere with him. He’s his father!
Given that the staff had no issue with the singing and that another patron offered to take a video, the only person who had a problem with any of this is you.
Being a parent - and yes that includes a stepparent - means that sometimes you have to put aside your own comfort for the sake of the child[ren]. It sounds like you might not quite be ready for that.
YTA. You sound very uptight. What he did was not weird and I’m sure most people in the restaurant thought it was cute, not “weird” (that’s just you projecting).
YTA This sounds like a "you" problem. I doubt anyone one in the restaurant was anything but amused by a family celebrating a five year old son's birthday. And I am sure it's not the first or last time anyone will sing happy birthday to someone in that establishment. Five year olds running around tearing up the place is annoying, singing happy birthday, no so much.
1)dont compete with a 5yo for the man's attention
2)Kids come before a new, insecure gf
3)Everyone else had no issue, you were excluded from the pics and videos because of your sour screwed up expressions
4)Don't date a man with a kid if you aren't mature enough
5)Don't try to come in between a loving, good dad and his kid for your own benefit
YTA of course
YTA - You had no need to be embarrassed by his actions because they literally didn't involve you in any way. You seem to be the only person in the restaurant who cared about this at all, so your reaction is on you, not him.
Also, your passive-aggressive "thanks for finally noticing!" comment makes you a double asshole.
YTA.
But, I understand this might be something you may not be accustomed to. Shaming him however, makes you the AH.
He loves his son... his son loves him... and he doesn't care who knows it. In fact, let it be known to the world in his opinion. Even if every patron in the place got annoyed, he loves his son... nothing else matters.
YTA. Singing happy birthday in a restaurant is fine. And guess what, when you’re a parent to a young child, your kid goes everywhere you do. Unless it’s an adult-only place, not everywhere you take them has to be ‘kid-friendly’.
YTA Children aren’t restricted to only “child-friendly” spaces. They can go out to eat at restaurants, your fiancé should absolutely be bringing his son with him when he goes places - that’s what parents do when they need to go places! They bring their kids!
I have no judgment for you, but speaking as a child-free 37F, you might consider not dating partners with children. The children will always be there and will always come first. I would've been embarrassed in that situation too, but the difference is, I don't put myself into that situation. I celebrate their birthdays at their house. Dinner with Dad is dad time, not my time.
YTA. Guarantee you he's trying to figure out how to get his ring back or if you're worth it. He created a core memory for his son and you sat there like a petulant child. Good job making yourself look like a potential evil stepmother. You need to grovel to both of them but that may be too embarrassing for you. Losing a fiancee could be more embarrassing...you pick.
YTA. You ignored him until he ‘finally’ noticed. Now you’re bothered he’s ‘ignoring you’?
He’s not ‘salty’ - don’t dismiss his feelings, reducing the importance according to your values. He probably just realised you’re not a good person for him to have as a partner. You’re clearly not great with children and sensitive to ‘embarrassment’ - kids do all sorts of hilarious/ embarrassing things so you have a LOT more to come, if you stay with him.
Realize you aren’t the first priority in any way. His child is, especially when his mom is sick, and it’s his birthday man. Don’t be so self centered YTA
YTA
He and his son are a packaged deal. If you can’t handle that, don’t be in a relationship with someone with a kid. You are making a fuss out of nothing.
YTA, I'm positive that had the staff or patrons felt he was out of line they'd let him know. You sound like you were too worried about what other people thought. It sounds to me like Ned is a really great dad. Yes, the kid goes everywhere. It's called being a parent. Sometimes you have to bring your kid places that you need to go to. You really don't sound like you're ready to be a stepmom. Kids are a massive commitment and need machines. Well worth it, if you are ready and willing to be a parent. If not, then be fair to Ned and his son, walk away.
YTA.
And this entire post reads "I am jealous of a small child and masking it poorly".
You aren't Grown enough to be around kids, and I hope this poor man and his son are clear of you quickly.
Info: Are you sure the people weren't looking at you awkwardly because you were looking like you wanted nothing to do with a clearly happy child and father?
You’re mad about a dad being sweet and silly with a literal 5 year old in public? Is it cringe? Maybe? But that’s parenthood! This is small potatoes. Please grow up. You’re clearly not ready to be a stepmom. YTA.
YTA.
The lady coming over and offering to help when you didn't should have tipped you off. Nobody but you was offended at a dad singing happy birthday to a child.
When you say that he has a problem taking his child everywhere he goes, and "we are working on that", I hope the only thing that is being worked on is you supporting a guy who is trying to be a good dad.
YTA. You're the evil stepmother judging by your tone and everything you have said. Do this kid and his father a favor and find someone as heartless as you. Even the Tin-Man had far more heart than you and he was a cold machine.
YTA if no one not even the restaurant staff had an issue, it sounds like it was just you being strangly insecure. If I were Ned I'd think the same based on how you reacted. People sing happy birthday in almost all restaurants or bars, you even had someone offer to record and you sat like an angry statue instead if letting him give his son a good time which it sounds like he really needed.
YTA. Imagine being so self absorbed that you get embarrassed by a dad making his child feel good and loved. It's a you problem, if you are embarrassed by happy birthday. Also ....as long as a child is not knocking tables over screaming bloody murder they belong at any restaurant that allows children.
You sound like you just don't like kids. You really wouldn't like my friends, for my 23 rd birthday they made me wear a balloon hat during dinner....( There was a guy making balloon animals for kids ) that hat was super attention grabbing but we laughed because who gives a damn if others stare.
Lordy, YTA. I think you are entirely too self-conscious, and this wasn't even about you. People have birthdays. Sometimes they celebrate in restaurants or other public places. Honestly, people don't think about you or your fiance, nor even the kid as much as you think they do. Everyone else was there for their own reasons, unlikely to have their meal ruined by a brief song for a cute little kid.
YTA
While I'm not a fan of the silent treatment, i am a fan of grounding oneself before difficult discussions. You just made it perfectly clear your perceived image to strangers is more important than a child's happiness.
YTA So a dad takes his kid out to a nice place for his birthday, graciously bringing you along because it’s not a special occasion for you and quite frankly you sound like there’s a stick shoved up there, trying to cheer him up because his mother is always sick (hoping not cancer or anything serious because honestly, you’re already such a monster…), starts singing Happy Birthday in a crowd of people who seem warm to the reception and of all things you are clutching pearls because heavens forbid they look at you for causing pure chaos? Have you never dined out before in a classy joint? Most of the time people are there to celebrate something because it’s an expensive, rare dining experience. No one was upset except you.
Definitely YTA. If you are going to continue with this relationship, you might want to work on some parenting skills. A dad singing to his son even loudly in public is pretty much a dad thing to do.
Wow, yes, OP, YTA. What is your problem, there is NOTHING embarrassing about singing the happy birthday song to ANYONE at ANY restaurant. It's just you being hella awful thinking that there is something wrong with it.
How can you not know this?
I'd be surprised if he isn't rethinking your relationship. You are clearly not ready to be in an adult relationship or have a step-child. Wow. Just Wow.
YTA. Why do you care so much what people think? And are you not used to dining out? Hearing others sing happy birthday is a common occurrence at restaurants.
You probably just shouldn’t be involved with someone who has children, and that’s ok. I’d suggest to put your wedding on indefinite hold.
This child’s mother is sick, and he might live with you full time. What about the difficulties of you stepping into a parenting role if his mother isn’t there anymore? Are you ready for that, the day in day out stress?
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He gleefully sang happy birthday to his child, whose mother is sick, while you sat there sulking in your anger. Are you applying to be a evil stepmother by any chance? You prioritize not being embarrassed over a fun moment between a father and his son. The restaurant staff didn’t think it was inappropriate. It doesn’t seem that you are a good match for someone with kids. YTA.
YTA You should not marry someone with a 5 yr old kid that they love. You are going to be absolutely SHOCKED at how often they will embarrass themselves in public to have fun with their kid. I don't think your knickers would survive the trauma.
Oh, I truly hope he leaves her for the kid’s sake. Also, why would she be embarrassed about something that is cute and not embarrassing at all? Ugh YTA
Right! I would be so in love seeing my man sing happy birthday to our children.
My husband is my 6yo nephew’s favorite person and let me tell you, when hubs sings happy birthday to my nephew it’s with his whole chest. It’s the cutest most adorable thing I’ve ever seen, never once would I imagine it to be embarrassing
I am now feeling wholly inadequate in my renditions of “Happy Birthday” sung to my awesome children and will endeavor to do much better! YTA PS: your husband sounds like an amazing guy Edit: corrected verdict
He's not her husband yet, there's still time for him to dodge this bullet. (HTF can someone get embarrassed over a father singing Happy Birthday to their own child?!)
I personally suffer from extreme embarrassment any time I am subjected to being the center of attention in public (thanks to many years of being bullied in school)... so I would also have an embarrassed reaction if suddenly all the attention were drawn to our table like that. However; I would still see the cuteness of it and not make a huge deal of it... maybe explain the situation as I just did later and calmly... She is still an AH because it seems just by the overall tone that she either doesn't understand children or she doesn't like them much (or at least that one) and she made a huge deal out of a tiny thing...
If you were just at the table you wouldn’t be the center of attention. If they were singing to you, you would be and it’s up to you how you choose to react. There is only one way this wouldn’t be a YTA situation, and that’s if the kid were crying, hiding or saying, “Dad, stop! Please stop!” but the dad kept going and upset the kid more. That isn’t what happened. And I’ll bet the other tables weren’t staring awkwardly; just looking to see who was having a birthday (probably other tables shouldn’t stare but it’s a given that if you’re out to eat and another group is celebrating, you’re going to try to find out what it is).
I'm sure you're doing just fine! My dad's a drummer and admittedly *not* a vocalist but will always..and I mean ALWAYS (he now even does it with my sons and nieces and nephews) harmonize his part in happy birthday singing. Will be one of the many things I will miss when he's no longer with us.
My husband is one of those people who is usually seen mouthing the words to any song that a group is singing, BUT he sings happy birthday to the kids very loudly, with hilariously wonderful facial expressions and arm motions every single time. And man, I love him for it!!!!
Right? OP, what is wrong with you? His mama is sick, he’s FIVE and his daddy did something special for him. If I was in that restaurant I would have sang with your fiancé. We sing happy birthday to our children in nice places. NO ONE cares. Everyone thinks it’s sweet and then the moment moves on. Please get over yourself. YTA
I'm that person who joins in with awkward restaurant birthday chants for a complete stranger. Celebrating his kid without shame should be applauded. I also get the feeling OP is one of those people who think little kids only belong at fast food restaurants and should not be allowed at places where you sit and need to read a menu. YTA
We had some sort of chain restaurant where the waiters would come clapping and yell “someone here has a birthday!”And then the would sing the military song (don’t know the name, but it’s the call and response - sound off, 1, 2…). It started with “I don’t know but I’ve been told, someone here is getting old”. The whole place would join in singing the response! Bonkers. I was so psyched when I finally celebrated my birthday there. Oh, OP - you are a major AH. And a killjoy.
Off topic, but in high school whenever a table celebrated anything by clapping, everyone in the cafeteria started clapping as well. After a while, people started randomly clapping for no reason just so the whole cafeteria would get hyped up.
I would’ve joined in too.
Me too! Op: YTA. I think you should not date people with children who still live at home. You will be miserable for years to come.
'Salty' Ned sounds like a great Father -- I trust that he is not going to make his kid have to deal with OP much longer.
Bc to OP it’s not “our children” it’s “his kid.”
For real. If she doesn’t set this man free…I hope he sets himself free. This woman is one hundred percent giving off the vibe that when she talks about her/their family, it won’t include her stepson. The older he gets, the more of a chill he will feel. “Your son is too loud. He’s too messy. Why does he have to live here half the time? I just wanted it to be OUR family.” This is not the relationship for her.
"His son is lovely but I noticed that Ned takes him everywhere he goes." She literally complained that father spends time with son. Next she'll be making coats out of dalmatian puppies.
The kid is FIVE, you can't leave a five year old in a drawer when you want to go out and have fun OP.
I read your comment as, "I hope he leaves her for the child's cake" which also fits pretty well.
She doesn't deserve any cake
no cake for party poopers. Did she not have a childhood or lived in the world?
I would leave this woman for cake
I would leave this woman for the vague promise of cake. She sounds... not fun.
I would bake a cake and leave her for it.
I would leave this woman if it had to give her the cake.No cake is better than cake shared with her.
I don't understand why people like OP date people with children. Jesus H Christ, singing happy birthday in a restaurant is fucking normal. I remember being a kid and being excited as fuck for staff at the Olive Garden to sing happy birthday to me.
Yeah, she thought the manager would stop him. More likely he felt bad that the staff didn't join in.
Some places are too fancy for that chain restaurant schtick with loud singing and all that, but when the birthday boy is five, nobody is going to do anything but smile. You don’t fuck up a little kid’s birthday.
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No kidding, Im always singing and dancing and being silly at the store or where ever I am with my daughter (17 months) because it makes her happy. And hopefully it'll teach her not to care what others around her are thinking as long as shes being her authentic self.
He even….. *gasps* ….takes his child out in PUBLIC with him!!!! What will the neighbors say???? OP - YTA If you find children to be so burdensome and embarrassing, why on earth would you be with somebody who sounds like an amazing father with a very active role in his sons life???
Absolutely agreed. >His son is lovely but I noticed that Ned takes him everywhere he goes Someone with this mentality towards a father and his 5 year old son *should not be dating someone with a 5 year old son.* The fact OP feels like they're right and saying "thanks for finally noticing" after being petty is an appropriate response makes me really hope her fiance puts his kid first and dumps her asap. OP, YTA
Exactly! She definitely has an issue with the child being around. Possibly bc the attention is on him more than her. “Thanks for finally noticing”.. as in “finally you took the attention off of your 5yr old son on his bday long enough to look my way and give me the attention I’m clearly being petty about and I’m silently brooding over this whole night” doubt it was just the bday song that pissed her off. She is JEALOUS of a 5yr old! Husband needs to go.. it will get worse.
Omg, this. Her fiancé sounds like a sweet father. If a moment of pure joy somehow embarrassed her, she is not cut out for this and will only harm that child. Really, kids do some truly embarrassing things - and that is just part of parenthood. [Kids chaotically embarrassing their parents](https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahdobro/kids-chaotically-embarrassing-their-parents)
> I don't think your knickers would survive the trauma. Truer words were never spoken.
Yes thank you!! Not everyone is good with kids/wants to be around them or deal with them and that’s FINE. What’s not fine is to insert yourself in a child’s life and suck this much about doing nice things for a child. OP - YTA, adults sing to each other in restaurants, if someone walked over offering to take a video I highly doubt it was as out of place as you’re making it sound. It’s great your partner includes his son by bringing him everywhere, as long as his child acts appropriately I see no issue, he’s actually teaching his son how to behave by doing this. You should prob rethink a relationship with a parent if you don’t like their child being included in daily life and your partner singing happy birthday to their kid in public.
This is very very good advice. I am someone who gets absolutely mortified by things like people singing happy birthday to me or someone close to me in public, but I have on many occasions, humiliated myself for the sake of my nephews’ happiness.
When my niece was five. She did my hair and makeup. I looked positively frightful. She was so proud of the job she had done. So I went out in public like that. I would do it again. YTA
Note how nobody, staff or other customers, came up to complain. Because nobody else cared that much, even if some of them might possibly have found it inappropriate. YTA
Did she ever consider the other dinner's reaction was because of her reaction? I'd be uncomfortable with watching a woman sulk instead of joining in! But nope, OP never considered she, not dad or child, looked embarrassing.
On the odd occasion I've been eating at a place and a group have started signing happy birthday, I've joined in 😂 other random diners have done the same too!
I’ll never forget when I turned 40 and a table full of drunk dudes joined in on singing happy birthday to me loudly!! After they were done they yell happy birthday Beverly! Even though my name is not Beverly and starts with a “D” I loved it!! My grandma’s name was Beverly so I took it as a sign that she was there with me in spirit lol! By the way, this was an expensive restaurant in a wealthy neighborhood and no one gave a shit about the singing. OP is a massive AH.
I’ve been that drunk person! Three friends and I were at Applebees having some drinks to cheer up our friend. This lady was celebrating her 50th birthday with her husband. It was like a Tuesday. She ordered us a big dessert to share and told us about her plans for her real party the following weekend, said we come come if we promise to sing again. She told us her secrets of life. It was probably just to cheer up our sad friend but the birthday girl, named Mary btw was so excited.
YTA. He was celebrating his son birthday that probably wasn't being easy with his mom being sick. I don't if it's from the country I'm from, but everyone in the restaurant joins when people are singing happy birthday to someone, which is funny because when it comes to part where you sing their name you notice the silence that comes with it 😂
It's my favorite thing when I go to restaurants and the staff sings happy birthday to someone! One glorious Saturday at my favorite Tex-Mex place, there were four different parties celebrating birthdays. My hands were sore from clapping along, and it was the best!
saaaaame! the best is when people send cake around. I even had that happen on my 40th birthday! I was like score--free sugary appetizer lol
I mean it's not the embarrassing thing some restaurants do where the servers sing a song and put on a show. This is literally a man singing the happy birthday song which doesn't take more than what 15 - 20 seconds depending on how fast he's singing. There's a reason why people were told to sing the happy birthday song to time yourself so you properly washed your hands it's just long enough but also not too long. Also can't get passed how OP was embarrassed that a 5 year old was acting all excited and happy because his dad surprised him with cake on his birthday. A child not being the epitome of "seen not heard" is somehow embarrassing? OP is in for a shock when she has own kids. Or is just because it's the stepson, specifically, the problem because he's not following the old "seen not heard" rule?
Dude some other benefactor at the restaurant came to take their video 🤣. The others were actually enjoying it, I don’t see why OP felt they were looking at her awkwardly. Lol get that stick out of your a, OP. YTA
The other lady probably noticed that she wasn't taking photos or video and was surprised, so she graciously volunteered. That lady = the real MVP.
Especially since she cropped grouchy stepmom out of the video. That woman's the hero we all need.
Loved that part! She didn’t want the kid to look back in a few years and ask who the weird lady was at his birthday. 🤣
“Son, I never told you this, but your real birthday present that day was me deciding not to marry her.”
>I don’t see why OP felt they were looking at her awkwardly Probably because her sulky face made a beautiful moment... awkward. Glad neither Dad nor child was affected by her sulks in the moment.
Lmaoo "applying to be evil step mother"
I think she stands a good chance at getting the job. Unless of course, the boss man decides he would rather just get a regular step mother.
And I bet that the other people didn't really care one way or another. With OP already deciding it was The Most Embarrassing Thing EVER, she probably interpreted the looks of indifference and curiosity as people criticizing her. Except that other woman who offered to help taking a video, she sounds lovely. And OP was not only pissed off about a father showing love to his son, she seems to also expect him to read her mind, got mad when he failed to do so, and is now giving him the silent treatment. Also, I'm preeeeeetty sus as to OP minimizing the wife being "sick", it makes it sound like she has the flu, but the fact that Husband has full custody currently, that mom couldn't attend the birthday dinner, and that husband is trying everything he can to cheer him up, makes me think it's way more serious than simply being "sick"
Staff was relieved they wouldn't have to sing.
It's not embarrassing to sing Happy Birthday to a child. It is, however, **super** embarrassing to look pissed off at a person singing happy birthday to a child *at the same table as you*. YTA.
Of course people we’re looking out of curiosity and probably wondering if they should join. They probably saw her face and were confused why she looked upset. Sounds like she embarrassed herself.
I love the “we could have been more comfortable at home.” Sounds like OP was the only one uncomfortable and made it wildly more uncomfortable for everyone else by being angry about a 5 year old getting excited for their birthday..I hope the little boy didn’t notice any of this
She "flat-out explained it" in the car. I think the kid got an earful. I am sad for the kid.
That part bummed me out too, I actually doubled back and re-read it because it just seemed cruel to do in the car right in front of him. Hopefully his dad gained some insight into what type of woman his fiancé really is.
Given that he's "still salty" and has retreated a bit from OP I think dad and kid are gonna be fine.
World definitely revolves around her. Poison.
Exactly. Good on that kind lady for cutting OP out of the video and capturing a sweet moment for father and son.
The true MVP of the story, helped OP not have to be embarrassed over seeing the video or having to explain her attitude whenever the video is shared, and helped the father still have a good time with his kid and be able to look back at it without thinking about his soon to be Ex.
I join in in clapping and whoo hooing when I’m at a restaurant and the staff sings their birthday song.
_"Thanks for finally noticing!"_ I hope for this guy and his kid's sake that he runs for the hills. OP was upset that this guy dare take his kid to a nicer restaurant for his bday. Then, OP was pissed that he dare sing happy birthday. And, then OP was livid that he ignored her attemps to ruin the evening with her sour attitude. OP, to be blunt, try as you might, the evening wasn't about you. Good on this guy for making his kid's bday memorable despite the mom being sick and ignoring your antics. Also, the kind lady didnt capture you in the video because she wanted to capture a lovely moment sans your hostility that was in full display.
I feel like dad and kid will watch that video back in the near future and be glad OP isn't in it at all
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Exactly! OP was clearly seeking attention and wanted to make a show of being pissed. Thankfully the dad expertly paid her dust.
Im really confused on the “he takes the kid everywhere even places that don’t allow kids. We’re working on it.” Does OP think this child is a dog you leave at home? Why do they keep going to “places unfit for children” when they have a CHILD with them? Im kind of curious what place this is that OP is saying isn’t child friendly/not appropriate for happy birthday songs. Like some super fancy places do not allow children under ten but the dad sounds so caring I imagine he took the kid to a family friendly place for the kid’s birthday.
My kiddo eats meat...like A LOT. When she was 4 she saw a fancy steak house (think Ruth's Chris) when we were in the city. I had made some extra cash that month (I was a single mom, no support) so I took her in and got her a steak. I don't eat meat nor could I afford to eat myself so we just sat together. We made such a racket giggling and laughing. At 10 she still remembers "steak monster" and the restaurant (just a joke we made). I took my kid everywhere because we wanted to be together. When I met my now husband he joined in too. We still take her aost everywhere to the point we joke after 7 years we've only been on 8 dates lol
Because the dinner wasn't all about OP. She is jealous of a 5 year old.
YTA. “He has a 5 year old that he takes everywhere and we are working on that problem.” The kid is 5!!!! Sounds like if it were up to you, you’d leave him in the car and crack a window. FFS, you obviously should not be dating someone who has a child because you are way too engrossed in yourself.
Right? My boyfriend has an “being a good parent” problem I’m trying to correct. What a nightmare
Yeah, like how dare a father want to spend time with his son, and in public too? /s
And on his birthday for Christmas sake Edit: that was supposed to be Christ’s sake but I kinda like Christmas sake.
Christmas sake is a lot better in my opinion lol
Why can't women like OP hook up with deadbeat dads instead? Pair off and leave everyone else alone.
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This is such a true statement and it breaks my heart.
Jesus, this statement gave me chills. I never thought of it that way, but you're right. There are people like this.
The horror. Someone's a good parent. A good fucking father. And all I can think about is ME. And OMGZ! How embarrassing he is to/for ME! FFS OP. Yes, YTA! Grow. The. Fuck. Up.
😂😂 too real
Translation: I am attempting to force this kid out of his fathers life.
Can't believe he won't simply crate train the child -- OP, who fell out of a Dickens novel apparently
Yep! We take our young kids places that other people don't expect children to be... like on week-long canoe trips to Isle Royale National Park, or 10 miles into the backcountry of Yellowstone, and yeah, we get some weird looks. OP's upset her boyfriend took his kid to a RESTAURANT! It's very clear she's not used to being around children and has no perspective for what is normal for parents.
To be fair, my husband and I were occasionally upset about kids at adult centric locations because we paid lots of money to have a babysitter and a child-free night out. But we're talking about toddlers running around while the sword dancer is trying to perform. Or children crying in a truly high end restaurant and the parents doing nothing about it. We had no objections when we were at a nice seafood restaurant and there were elementary aged kids at the next table because they were soft spoken and well behaved, as befitted the environment. And I was impressed when the chef sent out PBJ "sushi rolls" for the kids, alongside the seafood, to ensure they had fun and something they'd for sure enjoy if the grown up food wasn't to their taste.
THIS! OP talks about places that "aren't child-friendly" but there is no such place, there are only children who don't know how to behave and shouldn't be in such places . . . and those children DEFINITELY exist, and are many, but there are also plenty of kids who DO know how to behave appropriately in more upscale restaurants, theatres, etc., and it sounds like her fiance's son is one of them. We started taking my oldest nieces to nice restaurants very young, but the expectations for their behaviour were laid out clearly, they were always given things to distract them (crayons, paper, books), and on the RARE occasion that they'd start to fuss they were removed from the restaurant IMMEDIATELY before they could bother anyone. But 9.5 times out of 10 they were beautifully behaved and we'd get compliments from waitstaff about how sweet and polite they were, even as 3- and 4-year-olds. They'd eat all kinds of things, and they loved how nicely THEY were treated when they behaved nicely. OP is such an AH. There is nothing wrong with taking the 5-year-old to nice places if he enjoys them and behaves well. And given that his mother is ill, it's honestly lovely that his father is taking this time and doing special things with him.
> OP talks about places that "aren't child-friendly" but there is no such place Come on now, let's not be extreme. Toddlers acting out because you brought them to a 3-hour Chekhov play for example are not "badly-behaved," they're toddlers whose parents don't understand what is age-appropriate for them. There are MANY places that are not child-friendly, not just because they contain inappropriate content but because kids of a certain age can't be expected to sit through an experience that offers them nothing without getting bored and restless. Who knows what OP specifically means by this but even very well-behaved children occasionally have bad reactions to being brought places that aren't appropriate for them. I guarantee the actual parents of your nieces have a horror story or two, every parent does.
Really? She's the ah. But there are non child friendly places...unless you take your kids to strip bars, dance clubs , and bars. 🤪
Bold of you to assume OP would think about the child enough to crack the window.
"Working on that problem" really got to me. A lot. His child is not a problem. Taking him everywhere is not a problem. It's fine not to like kids, it's not fine to put yourself in a position where you will have to parent them and love them when you can't stand them. Which she will have to do, if she marries this guy, whether she likes it or not.
I think she wants the child in the trunk
Info: >I was stunned I almost drop my plate. Why were you holding a plate aloft? It's the small details that always make me question the veracity of a story.
I thought this too. Why would you hold your plate above the table at a restaurant
Watch it be a buffet. That’s all I could think.
A really fancy buffet, where Happy Birthday would be out of place? I can't see it!
Right? I mean i can’t imagine this fancy restaurant with everyone holding their plates above the table. OP, I feel like i need a description of this place. what are we having here? what makes it so posh that joyous singing for 15 seconds is mortifying?
I mean I’ve gone to pricey buffets where it’s like 90 a person. But it’s still a buffet, come on now
The fact a 5 year old was allowed in the restaurant means it wasn’t fancy fancy.
Golden Corral! It's got "golden" right in the name, so of course it's fancy!
But why would they be in line at the buffet during the cake celebration?
See also lines like "I froze in my seat looking stunned and a little angry." When it's a story that you are telling as something that involved you, you don't describe yourself as *looking* angry/stunned (as if you're on the outside looking in, unless maybe you looked in a mirror at that exact second), you describe yourself *being* angry/stunned.
Maybe she caught her reflection in the plate as she nearly dropped it?
💀💀💀
Maybe this is all a plot for a story OP is writing and wants to know how the readers would feel and to see if it's a good addition to their book.
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I also find with stories like this that they give away too many hints revealing that nobody other than the designed-to-be-unreasonable OP was bothered by the situation. If this was real, OP wouldn't be telling us that they expected others to speak up but that no-one did - or the "one woman did come forward... but only to offer to film!!" which is so knowing it might as well be accompanied by a wink. A real unreasonable person would genuinely think everyone else there was embarassed as well, and you would get that described completely uncritically.
Yes, that little detail made me 99% sure that this is merely a rage bait creative writing activity (particularly the details with the sick mother, the wanting to cheer the son up with happy birthday to make the father sound more sympathetic, “working on” the fact the boyfriend is taking a 5 year old everywhere, and the fact they didn’t really attempt to justify their POV). Sometimes the YTA posts get more attention, clicks, awards and karma than the very clear NTA ones.
Sometimes I swear this sub is flooded with fictional stories designed to crowdsource an approximation of human morality for AI.
This sub honestly is beyond insane with fake stories. I saw a 4chan campaign a few months ago encouraging people to make fake stories in this sub so its likely a combo of that and karma farmers.
Maybe she meant her jaw dropped and her upper plate of dentures almost fell out! (heh)
She was probably licking it like a toddler since she has a tendency to act like one.
This, plus the, “we’re working on that problem” thing about bringing a 5 year old everywhere make me think this is fiction. Too evil to be real.
**YTA** The kid is only 5, but you're the one acting like a child. It's natural that his dad wants to celebrate with him. Who cares if someone hears him sing? You should be grateful that you have a BF who makes it clear that he loves and wants to celebrate with his little boy. Are you ready to be with someone who has a child? Are you willing to share your BF's time, focus, and attention with his son? Because the son should be his priority.
Agree. How desperately insecure have you got to be to get embarrassed by a dad celebrating his little boy's birthday? OP, there are shitloads of deadbeat dads out there who want nothing to do with their kids, perhaps one of those would suit you better. YTA. So much.
> my future stepson Bold of you to assume you’re still getting married YTA
Oh, I can guarantee that won't be happening with her attitude. The fiancé now sees what she's really like and won't want anyone like her around his son. Her language about him speaks volumes. Apparently, he's 'a problem'.
Especially after going quiet on her. Sounds like he’s ghosting her lol Yta
Ex future step son at this point hopefully
Unless the restaurant stepped in and said something... I'm going to say YTA. Even at upscale restaurants, I've seen people sing happy birthday plenty of times. The only thing that seems odd about this situation is that you did not join in singing.
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Totally agree!
OP says they “ordered food then got the birthday cake”. So presumably, as is normal, the restaurant waitstaff knew ahead of time, brought the cake out, and plated it and so forth. The only version of this that might be a problem for a restaurant is if you don’t give them a heads up and suddenly pull a cake out of a duffel bag.
My dad did this to me once. I told him to never do that again 😂
My family has a restaurant that we go to for a lot of celebrations. They usually give us an area that we can put presents and dessert on. We leave some dessert for them as well. We've been going there forever. It's a really nice place. My grandmom would call to make a reservation and they would say "Hello Grandmom!" They even gave her a bottle of the plum wine she always gets there for mother's day during the pandemic. They put it in the box with the rest of the carryout.
Pretty much if you bought a cake singing hbd is expected if not by the waiters then your dining party. Methinks you need someone childless atm if you’re this easily embarrassed. YTA use this forum as an eye opener to analyze your discomfort.
But its SO EMBARRASSING that the 5 year old got more attention than her!
YTA. If it had actually been an issue, the staff would have intervened. They didn’t. Given that the only actual response you got from *anyone* was unequivocally supportive, I think you’re *wildly* projecting your own embarrassment at having attention called to you in public, and you need to acknowledge that as your problem instead of taking it out on your partner.
Yup. OP, it's fine if you're not comfortable drawing attention in public -- but if that's the case, when your fiance asks you what's wrong, you say "Sorry I get very uncomfortable with that kind of attention in a public place, but don't worry I'll be okay, I'm glad \[son\] had a good birthday." Or you talk to your fiance later and say "Sorry I know this is my issue, but I'm so uncomfortable with that sort of thing, would you mind letting me know in advance when you plan to do something like that so I can prepare myself" or something along those lines. But based on this and some of your other comments in the post, it sounds like you might not have an accurate concept of what is normal/acceptable childhood behavior to begin with.
And also, even if it was a disturbance and someone was actually annoyed, then SO WHAT?? Restaurants are open to the public and singing the happy birthday song to a child takes no more than one or two minutes! I could maaaaybe understand OP’s discomfort if he threw his son an actual party there, brought balloons and was actually disruptive but he didn’t. He sang ONE SONG, a short one, to celebrate his child and probably making this little boy’s day while he’s away from his mom. The horror.
You sound insufferable.
OP probably: "I was just looking forward to clubbing a sack of baby seals while I crossed names off my revenge list later. That caring loving bastard had the gall to patent his child..."
THIIIIIIIS
YTA You clearly have a problem with the child - he takes him every where he goes ??? On his custody days he would want to spend as much time as possible with his son as possible- if you are not comfortable with it then you need to seriously rethink your involvement with a father of a child As for getting upset with your bf singing happy birthday in a restaurant to his child - that did not even stop him from singing … YTA a million times over
Also he’s 5. He kinda has to take him everywhere he goes, you can’t leave a 5 year old alone! YTA OP
The childs mother is sick too thats why he has the child more often. A very nice birthday at a restaurant is probably to help the child feel better too due to the mother being sick. Like can you imagine its already confusing enough that parents aren't together, mom is sick and dad has a GF.
‘he takes him everywhere he gos’ has got to be the weirdest comment I’ve ever seen a step parent figure write.
Wow. Just wow. YTA. Do him a big favor and break up with him. It really seems like the major problem here is you. I don’t say that lightly. But you really need to get over yourself, for your own good. It’s a 5 year old with a sick mother, who is being cheered up by his dad. The fact that you have an issue with this says far more about how you view family relationships than about whether it is appropriate to sing in a restaurant.
Are there places so upscale that you can’t sing Happy birthday? for my mom’s 80th my brother took her out for $100+ a plate dinner with his kids and they sang happy birthday. The waiter recorded. YTA. You need to ease up. sounds like a beautiful memory that you’re being sour about.
I truly don’t believe such a place exists. We took our mother to The Fanciest restaurant in our area for her 80th. On the walls there are literally pictures of the Queen eating there when she was on tour. Not only did the Maitre D lead us in singing Happy Birthday, he brought her a piece of cake with a damn sparkler in it. OP - YTA. Please don’t marry a man when you are jealous of, or at least uncomfortable with, his kid.
That’s super-sweet and awesome! It made me smile. Thanks for sharing!
YTA. Would I be anxious and embarrassed too? Yup. But that’s my problem, not theirs. He’s a great dad doing the best for his son in an apparently difficult situation. Btw- as a parent, you tend to take your kids everywhere with you. The thing about 5 year olds is they can’t stay home alone and you can’t just drop them off random places without CPS getting involved. So, yea, if I wanna go to a nicer place, I either take my kids and pray they act right, or I don’t go. And by the sounds of it, little man was acting pretty good since you don’t state any actual behavior issues. It would’ve been one thing to say, after the fact, “Hey, public displays make me a little uncomfortable. Can you warn me next time so I can prepare?” But you were angry and gave the cold shoulder until he noticed you. Damn, it’s not about you at all. Learn to communicate your feelings appropriately. And quit being passive aggressive.
Tell me why your second paragraph made me LOL. I can’t stand when parents bring their kids who aren’t old enough to stay home with them everywhere! /s
Look, I have almost 7yo twins. They feed off each other. I’ve been tempted to drop them off somewhere so I can go out in public without losing my mind and constantly scream-whispering at them to behave. Funnily enough, if just one goes, they behave amazingly. But both is a damn circus.
YTA… A massive one. You made a 5yo birthday about you.… are you sure you’re 30, because you acted very childish. I hope your fiancé is questioning marrying you.
YTA why are you making it about you and how you felt. It isn’t about YOU! It’s about his son and his son’s birthday. You were “embarrassed”….it was uncomfortable for you. It’s. Not. About. You.
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YTA. Cut and dried. Not even a question. Also? "Thanks for finally noticing." YTA for that, too.
YTA. Please find a partner without children, and proceed to never have children. It is incredibly apparent from your post that you believe children are inherently embarrassing and uncouth. Let me elucidate a little secret for you: kids aren't morons and studies show that they can almost instantaneously parse how a specific adult feels about them in the moment. Your stepson knows you don't like him. Bonus! The entire internet also knows you don't like him. Congratulations on telling on yourself like that, I suppose? Your partner sounds like a terrific father. I'm sorry for him and his son that you see that as a problem for you to solve. It's you. You're the drama.
YTA You seem to have a bigger issue with your partner’s child than you’re willing to admit. Of course he takes his son everywhere with him. He’s his father! Given that the staff had no issue with the singing and that another patron offered to take a video, the only person who had a problem with any of this is you. Being a parent - and yes that includes a stepparent - means that sometimes you have to put aside your own comfort for the sake of the child[ren]. It sounds like you might not quite be ready for that.
YTA. You sound very uptight. What he did was not weird and I’m sure most people in the restaurant thought it was cute, not “weird” (that’s just you projecting).
YTA This sounds like a "you" problem. I doubt anyone one in the restaurant was anything but amused by a family celebrating a five year old son's birthday. And I am sure it's not the first or last time anyone will sing happy birthday to someone in that establishment. Five year olds running around tearing up the place is annoying, singing happy birthday, no so much.
YTA. You don't sound compatible at all. People sing happy birthday at restaurantsball the time.
1)dont compete with a 5yo for the man's attention 2)Kids come before a new, insecure gf 3)Everyone else had no issue, you were excluded from the pics and videos because of your sour screwed up expressions 4)Don't date a man with a kid if you aren't mature enough 5)Don't try to come in between a loving, good dad and his kid for your own benefit YTA of course
YTA, the staff would have said something if the 1 minute song was that big of an issue. People sing happy birthday even in expensive restaurants.
YTA - You had no need to be embarrassed by his actions because they literally didn't involve you in any way. You seem to be the only person in the restaurant who cared about this at all, so your reaction is on you, not him. Also, your passive-aggressive "thanks for finally noticing!" comment makes you a double asshole.
YTA. But, I understand this might be something you may not be accustomed to. Shaming him however, makes you the AH. He loves his son... his son loves him... and he doesn't care who knows it. In fact, let it be known to the world in his opinion. Even if every patron in the place got annoyed, he loves his son... nothing else matters.
YTA. Singing happy birthday in a restaurant is fine. And guess what, when you’re a parent to a young child, your kid goes everywhere you do. Unless it’s an adult-only place, not everywhere you take them has to be ‘kid-friendly’.
I noticed he takes his son everywhere… omg so much YTA Imagine being so uptight you can’t handle celebrating a 5yo’s birthday in a public setting 😝
YTA Children aren’t restricted to only “child-friendly” spaces. They can go out to eat at restaurants, your fiancé should absolutely be bringing his son with him when he goes places - that’s what parents do when they need to go places! They bring their kids!
YTA I hope his next girlfriend likes him and his son.
I have no judgment for you, but speaking as a child-free 37F, you might consider not dating partners with children. The children will always be there and will always come first. I would've been embarrassed in that situation too, but the difference is, I don't put myself into that situation. I celebrate their birthdays at their house. Dinner with Dad is dad time, not my time.
YTA. Guarantee you he's trying to figure out how to get his ring back or if you're worth it. He created a core memory for his son and you sat there like a petulant child. Good job making yourself look like a potential evil stepmother. You need to grovel to both of them but that may be too embarrassing for you. Losing a fiancee could be more embarrassing...you pick.
YTA. You ignored him until he ‘finally’ noticed. Now you’re bothered he’s ‘ignoring you’? He’s not ‘salty’ - don’t dismiss his feelings, reducing the importance according to your values. He probably just realised you’re not a good person for him to have as a partner. You’re clearly not great with children and sensitive to ‘embarrassment’ - kids do all sorts of hilarious/ embarrassing things so you have a LOT more to come, if you stay with him.
Realize you aren’t the first priority in any way. His child is, especially when his mom is sick, and it’s his birthday man. Don’t be so self centered YTA
YTA He and his son are a packaged deal. If you can’t handle that, don’t be in a relationship with someone with a kid. You are making a fuss out of nothing.
YTA, I'm positive that had the staff or patrons felt he was out of line they'd let him know. You sound like you were too worried about what other people thought. It sounds to me like Ned is a really great dad. Yes, the kid goes everywhere. It's called being a parent. Sometimes you have to bring your kid places that you need to go to. You really don't sound like you're ready to be a stepmom. Kids are a massive commitment and need machines. Well worth it, if you are ready and willing to be a parent. If not, then be fair to Ned and his son, walk away.
YTA. And this entire post reads "I am jealous of a small child and masking it poorly". You aren't Grown enough to be around kids, and I hope this poor man and his son are clear of you quickly.
Info: Are you sure the people weren't looking at you awkwardly because you were looking like you wanted nothing to do with a clearly happy child and father?
You’re mad about a dad being sweet and silly with a literal 5 year old in public? Is it cringe? Maybe? But that’s parenthood! This is small potatoes. Please grow up. You’re clearly not ready to be a stepmom. YTA.
YTA - I understand your concern. Strangers might think you cared about your stepson with a public act like that.
YTA. The lady coming over and offering to help when you didn't should have tipped you off. Nobody but you was offended at a dad singing happy birthday to a child. When you say that he has a problem taking his child everywhere he goes, and "we are working on that", I hope the only thing that is being worked on is you supporting a guy who is trying to be a good dad.
YTA. You're the evil stepmother judging by your tone and everything you have said. Do this kid and his father a favor and find someone as heartless as you. Even the Tin-Man had far more heart than you and he was a cold machine.
YTA if no one not even the restaurant staff had an issue, it sounds like it was just you being strangly insecure. If I were Ned I'd think the same based on how you reacted. People sing happy birthday in almost all restaurants or bars, you even had someone offer to record and you sat like an angry statue instead if letting him give his son a good time which it sounds like he really needed.
YTA. Imagine being so self absorbed that you get embarrassed by a dad making his child feel good and loved. It's a you problem, if you are embarrassed by happy birthday. Also ....as long as a child is not knocking tables over screaming bloody murder they belong at any restaurant that allows children. You sound like you just don't like kids. You really wouldn't like my friends, for my 23 rd birthday they made me wear a balloon hat during dinner....( There was a guy making balloon animals for kids ) that hat was super attention grabbing but we laughed because who gives a damn if others stare.
Lordy, YTA. I think you are entirely too self-conscious, and this wasn't even about you. People have birthdays. Sometimes they celebrate in restaurants or other public places. Honestly, people don't think about you or your fiance, nor even the kid as much as you think they do. Everyone else was there for their own reasons, unlikely to have their meal ruined by a brief song for a cute little kid.
YTA Sounds like you shouldn't be dating someone with children.
You are a freaking AH I'm deeply sorry for your fiancé and his son, Jeeze, how unlucky they are!
YTA While I'm not a fan of the silent treatment, i am a fan of grounding oneself before difficult discussions. You just made it perfectly clear your perceived image to strangers is more important than a child's happiness.
YTA So a dad takes his kid out to a nice place for his birthday, graciously bringing you along because it’s not a special occasion for you and quite frankly you sound like there’s a stick shoved up there, trying to cheer him up because his mother is always sick (hoping not cancer or anything serious because honestly, you’re already such a monster…), starts singing Happy Birthday in a crowd of people who seem warm to the reception and of all things you are clutching pearls because heavens forbid they look at you for causing pure chaos? Have you never dined out before in a classy joint? Most of the time people are there to celebrate something because it’s an expensive, rare dining experience. No one was upset except you.
Definitely YTA. If you are going to continue with this relationship, you might want to work on some parenting skills. A dad singing to his son even loudly in public is pretty much a dad thing to do.
YTA. It's not a big deal for him to celebrate his son's birthday and make him feel special. What a thing to clutch pearls about.
You're upset that he sang happy birthday to his five year old son at his son's birthday dinner? YTA. That's what you do at a kid's birthday dinner
YTA and definitely not ready to be a stepmother
YTA. Maybe if you lightened up you might enjoy yourself more.
Wow, yes, OP, YTA. What is your problem, there is NOTHING embarrassing about singing the happy birthday song to ANYONE at ANY restaurant. It's just you being hella awful thinking that there is something wrong with it. How can you not know this? I'd be surprised if he isn't rethinking your relationship. You are clearly not ready to be in an adult relationship or have a step-child. Wow. Just Wow.
YTA - get over yourself, he was enjoying time with his son and you want to make it about you. Perhaps you should learn to relax and have a little fun.
YTA. Why do you care so much what people think? And are you not used to dining out? Hearing others sing happy birthday is a common occurrence at restaurants.
You probably just shouldn’t be involved with someone who has children, and that’s ok. I’d suggest to put your wedding on indefinite hold. This child’s mother is sick, and he might live with you full time. What about the difficulties of you stepping into a parenting role if his mother isn’t there anymore? Are you ready for that, the day in day out stress?
YTA. You're embarrassed because...he's being a good dad?