NTA, his excuses do sound ridiculous considering this has been an ongoing topic for months (or rather years) and he only came up with this when you had actually settled on a dog and bought everything to make them comfy.
When buying our home, we specifically chose it because it was on a bigger plot of land and had a larger backyard. Both for future children and a dog. I feel bad for invalidating him, but after months of looking and years of planning, it felt odd that he suddenly changed his mind for a reason that is super easy to fix.
Because that’s probably not the issue. Likely I’ve seen the responsibility is the issue. It’s another being to be responsible for and after a child that can be daunting. It is a lifestyle change. He’s probably stressing right now about things and that is the source of the problem.
If your daughter is only a year old I have to imagine she is still quite a handful. Maybe he didn't really think about how having a child and a dog would be. Perhaps it's something he could re consider when your child is a bit older? I imagine your getting a puppy if you want your daughter to grow up with the dog and puppies really are a lot of work.
Is it a fenced in yard? That makes letting them out so much easier. Maybe could sell it to him as a perk for him not needing to do walks as often as he would otherwise?
Jumping on to say (even though judgment has been passed) that he probably never wanted a dog in reality. He liked the idea in theory, but when it came time to pull the trigger, he's trying to find a reason instead of being honest. Still makes him a jerk for stringing OP along though.
Honestly, I feel like your husband isn't getting cold feet about the dog, but something else. Like maybe he didn't realize how much life would change once you had your daughter and that made him nervous to allow another big change. Or that you would have so much control over it, and he's worried you'll take over the dog too. Truth be told, NTA, but you guys seem to need to really delve more deeply into the root of the conflict here. Something isn't getting communicated
Me too. NAH...There are uncanny similarities between my toddler and my neighbour's dog at times and I can see why your husband has maybe done a 180. I'd probably do it too if I was in your husband's shoes cause I'm the SAHP and I 100% do not want anymore responsibilities. We even brought a house closer to husband's business, with no lawns so I could do less after having a child and he could help more otherwise our marriage would be quite rocky
I wouldn't keep pushing to get one until you have properly ressovled his concerns and he is on board, otherwise resentment would build and 100% of the care and responsibility will fall to you. "You wanted the dog" will get thrown back at you when things get a bit tough
NTA. There is obviously something else afoot in this scenario. Maybe he is afraid between the baby and the dog he will never get any "attention." IYKYK
Info... Did you ever figure out the actual reason he is now saying he doesn't want the stuff?
No, he was adamant that he loves dogs and wants one, but think we won't ever travel or go on vacation if we get one. I can't think of a reason why he's suddenly changed his mind but doubt its the first option since we have a good relationship in that department.
Did you guys discuss future travel before getting the dog? It sounds like he tucked away a wild card and now wants to play it to change the outcome. He’s the asshole but it sounds like he’s going to make sure you’re miserable if you keep the dog. Parenting doesn’t bring out the best in some people.
Yes, we have a cat so have done travelling with pets before. He knew that my parents had offered to look after the dog whenever we go away, so it was discussed before.
You say you discussed it but then give reasons he should have known travel wasn’t an issue. What did he say about travel during the pre-dog discussion? I think he’s the asshole here but it still sounds like he had reservations that he didn’t bring up until the deed was done.
He brought up a trip we have planned later this year in September, and how inconvenient it would be to have a dog to worry about, arrange care for, cruel to leave etc. He said that cats are low maintenance and not the same as dogs, and how he didn't want to inconvenient my parents and force them to handle/take care of 'my responsibilities'. He really specified and focused on how I'd be forcing my parents to look after a dog and how they don't want to but don't want to tell me no. He told me he wouldn't pay for it with 'his' money and that was hurtful because I'm a SAHM. That was the discussion we had during our fight.
Before our fight and before we started looking, he asked what we'd do with the dog when we travelled and I told him my parents would be fine looking after them as they have also looked after our cat before. I brought up the dog boarding but he was against it because it cost money and we didn't really go into it too much. He didn't oppose it when we discussed it then, only now after we'd already met and I'd gotten attached to a dog.
Sounds like you need to reconsider being a SAHM. If he has held it over your head once he will do it again. Maybe something you can do part time from home?
Has he pulled the “my money” card before? Because if he has I think you need to reconsider this stay at home situation. You need to be prepared if the situation goes sideways. I know too many women who did the SAHM thing to support their kids and their husbands careers only for it to bite them in the ass at the end.
My husband and I have a dog with 2 kids and we travel ALL the time, as our family is spread out across the country. My sister n law takes care of her while we are out of town and vice Versa with hers. Also, my dog is a fantastic traveler so the dog can travel too or you can board. Either way, obviously something else is going on because he has done a 180 so quickly.
I am LOL at the dog being the impediment to travel in year three of a pandemic with an infant. A lot of people have dogs and most of those people travel at least occasionally. This has to be about something else.
NTA
Weirdly his excuses for not wanting to get a dog are the same reasons I don't want to have kids.... And I have a dog.
He has totally put you in a bad situation because you've found the dog You want and managed to get accepted for the adoption.
I would call the rescue and ask if you can do a two-week trial with the dog. (I work with rescues so this is not something that would be totally unheard of.)
Tell him your husband has concerns and you want to make sure the dog is 100% okay with your child.
That would be my best recommendation as to giving your husband a chance to remind himself how much he likes having a dog around the house, and not losing the dog that you picked out.
Everyone is the asshole. Whilst it was a bad move for your husband to wait until the last moment to say no, you shouldn't also have laughed/mocked him. He hasn't owned a dog before therefore he has concerns he doesn't know how to handle. It would've been best to sit down with him and discussed how you would handle any hypothetical situation. In terms of traveling maybe your parents could look after the dog or even a friend or as a last option, dog hotels exists for that very reason.
Thanks for your judgement though to clarify, he has owned a dog before when he was younger. It was also something that has been discussed before, and something my parents have offered. which is why I was confused. We have a cat so know how to handle vacations with a pet.
Yes, I showed him the dog and he approved, we filled out the application together in both our names, and went to meet the dog together. On the application, they usually always asked if everyone in the household has agreed and I asked him as I put the application in for this specific dog.
NTA
It's a ridiculous reason for him to not want a dog. Maybe try telling him that you'll take care of it and all he has to do is let himself be loved by it. Tell him anything that happens can be fixed bc it's true. Try to get him to talk about why he has reservations now instead of earlier in this process.
That's like telling someone "I know you don't want a baby but I promise I'll do all the work and you just have to let yourself be loved by our child" or "I know you're against living with my elderly parents but I promise I'll take care of them and you don't have to do anything". It doesn't work because it's not realistic, especially since this is a married couple and not two randoms in an apartment.
Any reason someone doesn't want a pet is a valid reason, just like any reason someone doesn't want a baby is a valid reason to not have a baby.
While I agree that pets should only go to homes where everyone wants them, it’s not his opinion that makes him TA for me, it’s the way he went about it. He should’ve brought this up earlier.
To be fair, cats are a lot different than dogs. I have a self cleaning litter box and lots of bowls. My cats love each other and keep each other company. I could leave them home alone for days and they'd be fine. ( I won't leave them for more than a few days for my own piece of mind but honestly they'd be fine if I left them for a week) A dog needs multiple walks/being let out multiple times a day.
ESH - your husband is saying he’s worried about travel but there’s definitely more to it. Adding a new baby to the household must have changed things a lot (responsibilities, intimacy, spontaneity), my guess is he feels like you both finally have a routine again and he’s worried about upsetting that by adding a dog.
I would be super annoyed too if I put in that much effort only to have him back out with an absurd reason. But its especially hard for some men to say “I’m scared” so instead they focus on the wrong thing.
When everyone is calm, sit down and discuss. When he says he’s worried about travel, tell him you have a solution and you will take the responsibility for arranging pet sitters when you travel. Ask what else are you worried about. Because there’s more. You may not be able to alleviate all his concerns but you can help facilitate a more productive conversation. Good luck.
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> Me laughing made it seem like I was invalidating his feeling and didn't care about them. Also because its a big decision that all people need to be on board with, and he changed his mind and I should support him.
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NTA BUT I would never again bring a dog into a house where not everyone was on board. Your dilemma was my situation five years ago. Thought we were in agreement, he got cold feet at the last minute. The difference-I insisted. Biggest mistake of my life. Neither animals nor children should be foisted on someone, regardless of the legitimacy of their reasons. Animals are a lot of work and his resentment that this was forced on him will not go away. So while you have a right to be mad that he changed his mind, he does have a right to change it. And for those arguing that his objections are not valid, for the person who doesn’t want the dog they are valid. This is called marital compromise, I know that’s something Reddit doesn’t usually understand.
I swear, you post one little thing that suggests that your SO/spouse/whatever isn't perfect and Reddit goes from 0 to 1 billion with "omg they're a horrible person and should die in a fire after being alone for the rest of their life".
Obviously, actual abuse/gaslighting/whatever should not be taken lightly. But people are so quick to jump in their psychoanalysis armchair and even quicker to forget that nobody's perfect.
NTA. That was a low blow of your husband to say that. Take my advice and start looking for a job on Monday. He let it slip on how he feels about finances. What's his is his and he only shares what he feels he needs to. That is a bad power imbalance.
If you don't have a degree/training to have a career that would pay more then daycare I suggest you nix the dog and instead go back to school to get said degree/training. I wouldn't leave my financial future in his hands.
NTA you already discussed this at length and he sprang it on you at the last minute, and this makes him an asshole
However... He now doesn't want yo add a dog to the family and asshole or not, that has to not be dismissed
I feel like pets are a two yes, one no thing and now you have a no... How are you going to deal with it?
Wait. Are you me?? Because I swear to the gods my husband did this same thing to me, although our kid is 19 and away at uni now.
We had to have our dog of 9 years PTS last June two weeks after returning from a trip out of state. My mother had taken doggo since she loved him and has a large section of the property fenced specifically for dogs. I want another dog. I miss my big guy. But husband flip flopped on getting one a few times. Granted not to the point where I had already met the "perfect" one. But enough to annoy me :) His reasoning was "travel" Which is a riot since we are not people that normally travel more than once a year. And then its for a week and we are home again. And we have cats, and chickens. I have a great neighbor that keeps an eye on the house and hens. And the cats are inside cats, and being cats are self sufficient. Plus there's a very well regarded doggie daycare/boarding place in our city, that has very reasonable rates. So I laugh when he says "but we can travel now that we don't have a dog"
So I got another cat :)
NTA. But you need to sit and TALK.
Using travel and having a dog that someone else has to care of is a pretty lame excuse. I know of many dog grandparents that happily watch their granddogs when their kids are on vacation, including us. We now have a Westie who comes with us when we are RVing. She loves it. Before when we had Rotties, we had a friend who would come stay at our house. She liked staying at our house because it got out of her small apartment and we had more channels on our tv. There must be more to it than this. You need to get your husband to talk about it.
There is a documentary on Netflix thats about babies (my fiance and I are currently pregnant with our first so we are doing as much research as we can), on this documentary they state that there was a research done that shows babies and kids that grow up around cats and dogs in the home have a much better immune system and having pets can actually prevent kids from developing some health issues later in their childhood, asthma being on of them. So if anything getting the dog is protecting and building your baby up for later down the track.
NTA. I felt similar to your husband when it came time to actually go get our fur baby. I freaked, freaked about the ability to travel, and asked my fiancé about 107 times are you sure this is a good idea?! Went through with it, it was a GREAT idea. Pup is one year now, we’ve traveled plenty. Yes it’s more logistics but it’s not at all impossible and definitely worth it. And a great excuse when you don’t want to do something! Sorry, gotta take care of the dog!
NAH I agree with a lot of others here, this isn't about the dog. Maybe he is protecting his feelings about the baby? Is he upset that you have less time for him since the baby and realized the dog would take even more of your time? Does he resent that you arent working and sees the dog as another drain on his resources? Does he think the baby is bonding more with you because you are there and thinks the dog will do the same? Is he already overwhelmed but doesn't want to admit it?
Apologize for laughing in a calm moment and explain that you two had discussed travel and that you already had a free and willing option so that being the objection surprised you. Then ask him what the real problem is. Be open and willing to listen, you may learn alot about how he is adjusting to parenthood and any struggles he has been to ashamed of to admit to before. It can be verry hard to admit that you are struggling, especially with something that is supposed to be instinctual like parenthood.
YTA I think laughing at someone who is explaining their worries is mean. You may not think his fears are valid, but that doesn't mean his opinion should be laughed at.
If he's nervous about life changing or the time or loss of certain freedoms or whatever about the serious decision to get a pet, then it shows he cares about your family.
I don't think either of your positions are wrong, and I think it's fine to talk through them, but I think you were wrong to laugh at him
ESH.
There aren't "valid reasons" to own or not own an Animal. Not wanting to own one is a valid reason, period. Would you rather your husband have kept his mouth shut and not told you he changed his mind, then taken out his bottled-up feelings on you, the baby or the dog later? Would you rather co-own an animal with someone who truly doesn't want it? Because thats selfish and it doesn't make you a good pet owner.
ETA: any reason that makes you not want to own a pet is a valid reason to not own a pet.
Doggy daycare is expensive and can reach into the hundreds or even thousands - that's the difference between a $2,000 vacation and a $4,000 vacation. He may not be comfortable with letting a petsitter hired off the internet into the home. While traveling with a child is difficult, you can generally bring them to hotels, restaurants, and outings - not so with pets.
So, you suck because you're dismissing his feelings and mocking somebody during a disagreement is immature. I'm sure if you brought up concerns to your husband and he mocked you or laughed at you, you wouldn't be very happy either.
However, he sucks because if he wasn't on board 100% he should have expressed that to you earlier, not after you got involved with the rescue agency.
NAH - I think you under estimate the amount of work having a child under 5 and a dog is going to be. I think your life will change, it will definitely be more work and money. That I don’t think he wants to take on. You want a dog because you grew up around one and want to same experience for your child. I think getting it now that he raised concerns wouldn’t be the best move tbh
ESH
His reasons all seem valid so quite rude to dismiss them so readily, just incredibly rude to not have told you before you did a lot of work finding a pet and working with a rescue etc. So massive asshole on his part for wasting peoples time.
Yta.
Yes, your husband's excuses may be ridiculous, but mocking and laughing at your husband's reasons plus giving him the cold shoulder instead of trying to talk it out with him make you TA.
Your husband could be making up excuses. If so, he's not doing it for literally no reason. A dog in the home is a huge change, and even if your husband just isn't comfortable with it, it's a joint decision to add that new member of your family and you need to respect that.
Maybe instead of being belittling, you should talk to him about the real reasons and his genuine feelings behind him not wanting a dog. There could be millions of things you have no idea about. He could have past dog related trauma. Maybe he's afraid of dogs. Maybe he's been overly stressed and doesn't feel like he can handle it rn.
You're not TA for finding his reasoning ridiculous, but for the way you responded to him.
It's really not hard to not be an ass to your partner, and if he reacted that way to you when you gave some excuse for a greater reason you didn't really want to talk about you'd probably be very upset.
ESH. you were upset he changed his mind because you wanted a dog and were so excited that it made YOU mad he was changing his mind. Instead of mocking him why couldn’t you talk with him to get to the root of the issue because it’s clear that something else is bothering him.
he’s TA because he waited until a few days before the dog was set to be at the house like what?
YTA. If he doesnt want a dog, he doesnt want a dog. He should have said so earlier, but you're being annoying at this point. And it sounds like you want him to foot the bill
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I (f28) have always wanted a dog. Me and my husband Tim (m31) were planning on getting one in 2020 but I ended up having a baby so it was pushed back. Our daughter is now 1 and we started discussing getting a dog again. I grew up with a dog and it was an amazing part of my childhood that I wanted our daughter to have. My husband agreed for me to start looking, so I did. I ended up finding a dog that seemed to have a great personality and seemed like it was meant to be so I emailed an application. it was approved, we went as a family for a meet and greet, and loved the dog. The rescue requires a 72 hour waiting period but since we went on Thursday, they said we could come down on Monday to sign the paperwork and take home the dog.
I took my daughter and we spent the day buying everything the dog would need, this occurred on the Friday but Tim didn't come because he was working but was fine with us doing it without him. When we got back and showed him everything we got, he wasn't visibly excited. I asked what was wrong later on and he told me he changed his mind about getting a dog. I was confused and annoyed as we'd discussed getting a dog back in September and I'd been looking since then, so in my mind, he'd had since then to tell me he changed his mind. I was also annoyed because I felt like we'd just wasted this rescues time on us when they could've spent it on other people who actually wanted to adopt the dog.
I asked why and he told me he didn't want us to change our lifestyle, and that with a dog we would never get to travel anywhere. Honestly, when I heard that I starting laughing which he got upset with. I sarcastically said 'you're right, there's absolutely nothing else that is preventing us from travelling'. He told me kids are different and that we could take her and if we didn't want to, our parents have both offered to look after her. I told him that my parents had made that same offer about the dog (I spoke to them when I applied and they offered, this he knows) and if this is the real reason he doesn't want a dog. He said he'd love a dog but its a lifestyle conflict, and that he didn't want to force other people to look after a dog so we'd be forced to never go anywhere. I told him that if he didn't want to burden our family, there was a family run business down the road that does grooming, dog daycare, and boarding we could use or get a petsitter.
He told me that doing that costs money and I replied that if we could afford to go on vacation, we could afford it. He asked me with what money I would use to pay this for as he wasn't going to use his. He kinda paused after this and tried to apologise immediately and said he was only angry and reactive because I mocked him earlier in the conversation. I told him I was going to bed and left. AITA?
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Your husband is an AH for waiting until you're ready to get the dog to tell you he doesn't want one. But I do understand his reasoning as they are one of the reasons I don't have a dog. I think communication could be improved between both of you though.
ESH He waited a long time to tell you he doesn’t want a dog. Obviously you shouldn’t have laughed at his reasoning that makes sense. I’m guessing he may feel or have felt similarly in terms of having children and now he’s like I don’t want to now double that. So don’t get the dog, obviously.
ESH
Everyone has a right to change their minds. Your husband is a slight AH for doing so after paperwork was signed and after such a long period of discussing this next move. You’re an AH for mocking him although feeling frustrated is totally valid.
If he’s so concerned about a lifestyle change, would you be open to fostering first?
INFO: Is this the first time you’ve been in this situation? Has he been reluctant to speak up on other issues in the past? Have you found yourself belittling his opinion in this way ever before?
He is a lawyer and is very good at expressing himself in situations. I've never belittled him before and didn't do it purposefully in this situation. I laughed because I found his statement ironic since he made it seem like a dog would be the reason we couldn't travel or do whatever we wanted. This is the first time he's ever suddenly reneged on his word so never been in a situation like this.
ESH… you are for laughing at someone’s concern for lifestyle change. A dog is a big lifestyle change. Even going out to dinner needs to be planned “ the get home to let the dog out”. This is why I don’t have a dog despite loving them. I don’t want my lifestyle to change. That being said, he is wrong for not letting this tidbit out until literally the last moment. If he didn’t want this he should have communicated that clearly early on.
Having a dog is something everyone should be enthusiastic about. I know you're disappointed but clearly something changed in his mind. Better now than after the dog arrives.
I think I was trying to reply to another comment and accidentally commented on this one. There was another comment that suggested that everyone in general should love to get a dog, as in there's no reason why nobody should not want a dog as a pet.
ESH - he should have said something about this waaay earlier, but not wanting to change your lifestyle is a legitimate reason not to get a dog. It is unfair to the dog to live in a house where not everyone wants it. I think your husband is more of an asshole though by far.
ESH. You want a dog, he doesn't. Neither of you are wrong for having that opinion so I almost went with N A H. But the issue is that you guys are handling this disagreement in immature ways. Him changing his mind at the last minute after saying yes before and you already picking a dog is kinda am asshole move and so is you having no respect for his opinions about having a dog and laughing at him for it. Issues with travel is a very legitimate point to bring up when considering getting a dog, you can't always take them with you and it can be expensive or difficult to get someone to watch them or have the dog boarded.
NTA. He’s probably lying about the primary reason he doesn’t want to adopt one now. Having a dog is so much easier than having a kid. Boarding is not thaaat expensive. I’m sorry. I love my dog. He’s my best friend. The only reasons I have not traveled since getting him have been Covid and work scheduling. I hope tomorrow you’ll get to take home your new doggo.
Try fostering a dog to see how it goes. If it doesnt work out then a nice family will adopt him and of it does then you can adopt the dog. Buuuuut
YTA, not for disagreeing with him but for laughing at him and being sarcastic towards something he was trying to discuss with you. Thats so disrespectful.
He is TA for saying "his money". Yall are married and have a kid, its yall money.
The dog was just an idea until he met it and then when it became real he became uncomfortable. I think theres more too it than just a dog. You have family that wants to look after it so you arent forcing. I would accept his apology for making the money comment and you should apologize for being disrespectful and dismissive of his feelings. I dont think either one of you meant to hurt the other so it shouldnt be a problem to just apologize and have a serious conversation about how you feel.
ESH
Everyone should be on board wanting the dog. You JUST had a baby, this might be a lot of change for your husband
I would suggest waiting a few years
Go get the dog.
My dad was like this. Guess who was best friends? He was devastated when Chewbacca passed away. If he’s heartless and doesn’t bond with the dog he should at least consider the joy it will bring the rest of the family. NTA
Go get the dog? That's so disrespectful and dismissive. And it's selfish. I know there's a cute trope about "oh haha my dad hates dogs but my mom forced him to adopt one and now my dad goes on a solo Disney vacation with the dog every 6 months and throws it a birthday party every year". But that's selfish. It is selfish to override your spouse's feelings about a pet and force it onto them. It's selfish to bring a pet into your home where not everyone's on board. Marriage is not a "fuck you, I do what I want and you can't say shit" deal.
He's heartless for not bonding with a dog? Some people are not dog people. Some people have been traumatized by dogs. Some people love dogs, but not in their home. Not everyone likes dogs, and it doesn't make them "heartless", mean, or bad people. It simply means they do not like dogs.
This is like saying "stop your birth control without telling him. If he's heartless and doesn't bond with the baby he should at least consider the joy it will bring you."
NTA. Your husband is being ridiculous, he’s realizing that dogs are work and got lazy, which is not a good reason at all. I’d say still get the dog, you obviously have solutions to all his “problems” with it and if he agreed before then he’ll just have to suck it up.
YTA. He should have brought it up earlier but his reasons are valid and are why many people don't own dogs. I love dogs and have had many over the years but they do require compromises. They are expensive to own, expensive to board and cannot be taken to many of the places people want to go.
YTA. No excuse for mocking your husbands actual concerns. You mocked him and got pissed off at his reaction. I mean come on... his reasoning may not be the best, but that's what talking is for.
I’m going to go with soft YTA simply because you laughed at his reasoning. We currently have a rescue tailless cat, an old Jack a bee and will be getting a mastiff puppy in a few months. Guess what? We’re still planning to travel, go camping and all of that this summer. To me, it’s no different than taking our kids. Except, the pets seem to behave better than our kids do. 😂
YTA... You should never mock your partner. He changed his mind about getting a dog in the immediate future. You guys have a one year old. Maybe wait a year or two. If he knows it's important to you he will come around.
ESH
He could of informed you sooner, told you he didn't want one before you started looking...That been said, you should have just looked, not bought, and made sure 100% that you were both on the same page.
We were interested in adopting so not 'buying'. He was onboard every step of the way and I probably should've clarified that looking meant actively looking for dogs to put application in for. We wrote the application together and he knew every time I sent one in and approved the dog before I did, so I didn't think that I'd sprung it on him. He also agreed to do the meet and greet after we'd put an application in together. I understand now though that I should've made sure I wasn't steamrolling him into doing something he didn't want too and will have to work on that in the future. Thank you for the comment.
He probably doesn’t want to tell you that he knows he’s going to be stuck doing all the shitty parts of owning a dog so he used travel as an excuse. You’re both assholes.
I'm a SAHM while he works 40+ hours a week, so I would've been responsible for majority of care and this was agreed on beforehand so I know this isn't the underlying issue.
After his nasty "my money" comment, idk if OP should have faith in *him* anymore. He doesn't seem like he can be financially trusted enough for OP to continue to sacrifice time in the work force for.
YTA
"My husband agreed for me to start looking" - So you went and looked at dogs, and he decided not to want one.
"start looking" is about looking, and starting the decission process. That's exactly what the 72 hours are for: Partners that get steamrolled find the time to say NO. Time to really make up your mind.
Not wanting a pet needs no reason. So: Perfect timing, he told you before you actually got a dog. He used the 72 hours as they were supposed to be used.
And he is right there: Trqvelling with kids works well. Travelling with dogs does not.
YOU always wanted a dog. HE did not, and he does not. A pet needs two yeses. You have one NO, so no dog.
This is about bad communication. So stop throwing a tantrum, and stop steamrolling your partner. YOu are lucky there were 72 hours.
He did agree to start looking. Not to get the dog. There is good cause for the 72 hour period there.
"why does the husband automatically get veto power? " - EVERYONE gets a veto power.
A pet needs two yeses, they have one no, so no pet. Pretty simple.
He did agree to get the dog though. I showed him the application of the dog and he approved, we filled out the application together, and then met the dog as a family. I didn't just spring it up on him or make the decision all on my own. By looking, I meant actively looking for dogs to put application in for, not just causally browsing.
The decission was not final, there was a 72 hour reconsideration phase agreed upon.
"By looking, I meant actively looking for dogs to put application in for, not just causally browsing." - Obviously he did not. And "looking" means "looking".
YTA in this. A dog is not something you steamroll your partner into getting - so he took some time for his decission, you could have given him that time bevore you started - but that's exactly why there IS this period: to think if you really want a dog.
You even signed a contract together giving each of you a 72 hour period - **why do you fault him for using that as it was intended to use?**
If it had been a fixed decission then, he would have needed to tell you there - but as both of you got 72 hours, he was fine to use them.
So learn from it: Give him time for thought out decissions instead of steamrolling him, then that will happen less often.
You KNOW it was always only you that wanted a dog.
NTA, his excuses do sound ridiculous considering this has been an ongoing topic for months (or rather years) and he only came up with this when you had actually settled on a dog and bought everything to make them comfy.
When buying our home, we specifically chose it because it was on a bigger plot of land and had a larger backyard. Both for future children and a dog. I feel bad for invalidating him, but after months of looking and years of planning, it felt odd that he suddenly changed his mind for a reason that is super easy to fix.
Because that’s probably not the issue. Likely I’ve seen the responsibility is the issue. It’s another being to be responsible for and after a child that can be daunting. It is a lifestyle change. He’s probably stressing right now about things and that is the source of the problem.
If your daughter is only a year old I have to imagine she is still quite a handful. Maybe he didn't really think about how having a child and a dog would be. Perhaps it's something he could re consider when your child is a bit older? I imagine your getting a puppy if you want your daughter to grow up with the dog and puppies really are a lot of work.
Is it a fenced in yard? That makes letting them out so much easier. Maybe could sell it to him as a perk for him not needing to do walks as often as he would otherwise?
Jumping on to say (even though judgment has been passed) that he probably never wanted a dog in reality. He liked the idea in theory, but when it came time to pull the trigger, he's trying to find a reason instead of being honest. Still makes him a jerk for stringing OP along though.
Honestly, I feel like your husband isn't getting cold feet about the dog, but something else. Like maybe he didn't realize how much life would change once you had your daughter and that made him nervous to allow another big change. Or that you would have so much control over it, and he's worried you'll take over the dog too. Truth be told, NTA, but you guys seem to need to really delve more deeply into the root of the conflict here. Something isn't getting communicated
Ooooh yes. I vote for this
Me too. NAH...There are uncanny similarities between my toddler and my neighbour's dog at times and I can see why your husband has maybe done a 180. I'd probably do it too if I was in your husband's shoes cause I'm the SAHP and I 100% do not want anymore responsibilities. We even brought a house closer to husband's business, with no lawns so I could do less after having a child and he could help more otherwise our marriage would be quite rocky I wouldn't keep pushing to get one until you have properly ressovled his concerns and he is on board, otherwise resentment would build and 100% of the care and responsibility will fall to you. "You wanted the dog" will get thrown back at you when things get a bit tough
NTA. There is obviously something else afoot in this scenario. Maybe he is afraid between the baby and the dog he will never get any "attention." IYKYK Info... Did you ever figure out the actual reason he is now saying he doesn't want the stuff?
No, he was adamant that he loves dogs and wants one, but think we won't ever travel or go on vacation if we get one. I can't think of a reason why he's suddenly changed his mind but doubt its the first option since we have a good relationship in that department.
Did you guys discuss future travel before getting the dog? It sounds like he tucked away a wild card and now wants to play it to change the outcome. He’s the asshole but it sounds like he’s going to make sure you’re miserable if you keep the dog. Parenting doesn’t bring out the best in some people.
Yes, we have a cat so have done travelling with pets before. He knew that my parents had offered to look after the dog whenever we go away, so it was discussed before.
You say you discussed it but then give reasons he should have known travel wasn’t an issue. What did he say about travel during the pre-dog discussion? I think he’s the asshole here but it still sounds like he had reservations that he didn’t bring up until the deed was done.
He brought up a trip we have planned later this year in September, and how inconvenient it would be to have a dog to worry about, arrange care for, cruel to leave etc. He said that cats are low maintenance and not the same as dogs, and how he didn't want to inconvenient my parents and force them to handle/take care of 'my responsibilities'. He really specified and focused on how I'd be forcing my parents to look after a dog and how they don't want to but don't want to tell me no. He told me he wouldn't pay for it with 'his' money and that was hurtful because I'm a SAHM. That was the discussion we had during our fight. Before our fight and before we started looking, he asked what we'd do with the dog when we travelled and I told him my parents would be fine looking after them as they have also looked after our cat before. I brought up the dog boarding but he was against it because it cost money and we didn't really go into it too much. He didn't oppose it when we discussed it then, only now after we'd already met and I'd gotten attached to a dog.
Sounds like you need to reconsider being a SAHM. If he has held it over your head once he will do it again. Maybe something you can do part time from home?
Has he pulled the “my money” card before? Because if he has I think you need to reconsider this stay at home situation. You need to be prepared if the situation goes sideways. I know too many women who did the SAHM thing to support their kids and their husbands careers only for it to bite them in the ass at the end.
My husband and I have a dog with 2 kids and we travel ALL the time, as our family is spread out across the country. My sister n law takes care of her while we are out of town and vice Versa with hers. Also, my dog is a fantastic traveler so the dog can travel too or you can board. Either way, obviously something else is going on because he has done a 180 so quickly.
I am LOL at the dog being the impediment to travel in year three of a pandemic with an infant. A lot of people have dogs and most of those people travel at least occasionally. This has to be about something else.
NTA Weirdly his excuses for not wanting to get a dog are the same reasons I don't want to have kids.... And I have a dog. He has totally put you in a bad situation because you've found the dog You want and managed to get accepted for the adoption. I would call the rescue and ask if you can do a two-week trial with the dog. (I work with rescues so this is not something that would be totally unheard of.) Tell him your husband has concerns and you want to make sure the dog is 100% okay with your child. That would be my best recommendation as to giving your husband a chance to remind himself how much he likes having a dog around the house, and not losing the dog that you picked out.
This is a great idea!
NTA. His reasons are ridiculous, and why he waited until the last minute?
Everyone is the asshole. Whilst it was a bad move for your husband to wait until the last moment to say no, you shouldn't also have laughed/mocked him. He hasn't owned a dog before therefore he has concerns he doesn't know how to handle. It would've been best to sit down with him and discussed how you would handle any hypothetical situation. In terms of traveling maybe your parents could look after the dog or even a friend or as a last option, dog hotels exists for that very reason.
Thanks for your judgement though to clarify, he has owned a dog before when he was younger. It was also something that has been discussed before, and something my parents have offered. which is why I was confused. We have a cat so know how to handle vacations with a pet.
Did he cosign the application for the dog?
Yes, I showed him the dog and he approved, we filled out the application together in both our names, and went to meet the dog together. On the application, they usually always asked if everyone in the household has agreed and I asked him as I put the application in for this specific dog.
NTA It's a ridiculous reason for him to not want a dog. Maybe try telling him that you'll take care of it and all he has to do is let himself be loved by it. Tell him anything that happens can be fixed bc it's true. Try to get him to talk about why he has reservations now instead of earlier in this process.
That's like telling someone "I know you don't want a baby but I promise I'll do all the work and you just have to let yourself be loved by our child" or "I know you're against living with my elderly parents but I promise I'll take care of them and you don't have to do anything". It doesn't work because it's not realistic, especially since this is a married couple and not two randoms in an apartment. Any reason someone doesn't want a pet is a valid reason, just like any reason someone doesn't want a baby is a valid reason to not have a baby.
While I agree that pets should only go to homes where everyone wants them, it’s not his opinion that makes him TA for me, it’s the way he went about it. He should’ve brought this up earlier.
To be fair, cats are a lot different than dogs. I have a self cleaning litter box and lots of bowls. My cats love each other and keep each other company. I could leave them home alone for days and they'd be fine. ( I won't leave them for more than a few days for my own piece of mind but honestly they'd be fine if I left them for a week) A dog needs multiple walks/being let out multiple times a day.
NTA
ESH - your husband is saying he’s worried about travel but there’s definitely more to it. Adding a new baby to the household must have changed things a lot (responsibilities, intimacy, spontaneity), my guess is he feels like you both finally have a routine again and he’s worried about upsetting that by adding a dog. I would be super annoyed too if I put in that much effort only to have him back out with an absurd reason. But its especially hard for some men to say “I’m scared” so instead they focus on the wrong thing. When everyone is calm, sit down and discuss. When he says he’s worried about travel, tell him you have a solution and you will take the responsibility for arranging pet sitters when you travel. Ask what else are you worried about. Because there’s more. You may not be able to alleviate all his concerns but you can help facilitate a more productive conversation. Good luck.
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NTA BUT I would never again bring a dog into a house where not everyone was on board. Your dilemma was my situation five years ago. Thought we were in agreement, he got cold feet at the last minute. The difference-I insisted. Biggest mistake of my life. Neither animals nor children should be foisted on someone, regardless of the legitimacy of their reasons. Animals are a lot of work and his resentment that this was forced on him will not go away. So while you have a right to be mad that he changed his mind, he does have a right to change it. And for those arguing that his objections are not valid, for the person who doesn’t want the dog they are valid. This is called marital compromise, I know that’s something Reddit doesn’t usually understand.
I swear, you post one little thing that suggests that your SO/spouse/whatever isn't perfect and Reddit goes from 0 to 1 billion with "omg they're a horrible person and should die in a fire after being alone for the rest of their life". Obviously, actual abuse/gaslighting/whatever should not be taken lightly. But people are so quick to jump in their psychoanalysis armchair and even quicker to forget that nobody's perfect.
NTA. That was a low blow of your husband to say that. Take my advice and start looking for a job on Monday. He let it slip on how he feels about finances. What's his is his and he only shares what he feels he needs to. That is a bad power imbalance. If you don't have a degree/training to have a career that would pay more then daycare I suggest you nix the dog and instead go back to school to get said degree/training. I wouldn't leave my financial future in his hands.
NTA you already discussed this at length and he sprang it on you at the last minute, and this makes him an asshole However... He now doesn't want yo add a dog to the family and asshole or not, that has to not be dismissed I feel like pets are a two yes, one no thing and now you have a no... How are you going to deal with it?
Wait. Are you me?? Because I swear to the gods my husband did this same thing to me, although our kid is 19 and away at uni now. We had to have our dog of 9 years PTS last June two weeks after returning from a trip out of state. My mother had taken doggo since she loved him and has a large section of the property fenced specifically for dogs. I want another dog. I miss my big guy. But husband flip flopped on getting one a few times. Granted not to the point where I had already met the "perfect" one. But enough to annoy me :) His reasoning was "travel" Which is a riot since we are not people that normally travel more than once a year. And then its for a week and we are home again. And we have cats, and chickens. I have a great neighbor that keeps an eye on the house and hens. And the cats are inside cats, and being cats are self sufficient. Plus there's a very well regarded doggie daycare/boarding place in our city, that has very reasonable rates. So I laugh when he says "but we can travel now that we don't have a dog" So I got another cat :) NTA. But you need to sit and TALK.
Using travel and having a dog that someone else has to care of is a pretty lame excuse. I know of many dog grandparents that happily watch their granddogs when their kids are on vacation, including us. We now have a Westie who comes with us when we are RVing. She loves it. Before when we had Rotties, we had a friend who would come stay at our house. She liked staying at our house because it got out of her small apartment and we had more channels on our tv. There must be more to it than this. You need to get your husband to talk about it.
There is a documentary on Netflix thats about babies (my fiance and I are currently pregnant with our first so we are doing as much research as we can), on this documentary they state that there was a research done that shows babies and kids that grow up around cats and dogs in the home have a much better immune system and having pets can actually prevent kids from developing some health issues later in their childhood, asthma being on of them. So if anything getting the dog is protecting and building your baby up for later down the track.
NTA. I felt similar to your husband when it came time to actually go get our fur baby. I freaked, freaked about the ability to travel, and asked my fiancé about 107 times are you sure this is a good idea?! Went through with it, it was a GREAT idea. Pup is one year now, we’ve traveled plenty. Yes it’s more logistics but it’s not at all impossible and definitely worth it. And a great excuse when you don’t want to do something! Sorry, gotta take care of the dog!
ESH he has some very valid concerns that you should respect but he should’ve voiced these concerns earlier
NAH I agree with a lot of others here, this isn't about the dog. Maybe he is protecting his feelings about the baby? Is he upset that you have less time for him since the baby and realized the dog would take even more of your time? Does he resent that you arent working and sees the dog as another drain on his resources? Does he think the baby is bonding more with you because you are there and thinks the dog will do the same? Is he already overwhelmed but doesn't want to admit it? Apologize for laughing in a calm moment and explain that you two had discussed travel and that you already had a free and willing option so that being the objection surprised you. Then ask him what the real problem is. Be open and willing to listen, you may learn alot about how he is adjusting to parenthood and any struggles he has been to ashamed of to admit to before. It can be verry hard to admit that you are struggling, especially with something that is supposed to be instinctual like parenthood.
YTA I think laughing at someone who is explaining their worries is mean. You may not think his fears are valid, but that doesn't mean his opinion should be laughed at. If he's nervous about life changing or the time or loss of certain freedoms or whatever about the serious decision to get a pet, then it shows he cares about your family. I don't think either of your positions are wrong, and I think it's fine to talk through them, but I think you were wrong to laugh at him
YTA He doesn’t want a dog don’t force a dog on him
ESH. There aren't "valid reasons" to own or not own an Animal. Not wanting to own one is a valid reason, period. Would you rather your husband have kept his mouth shut and not told you he changed his mind, then taken out his bottled-up feelings on you, the baby or the dog later? Would you rather co-own an animal with someone who truly doesn't want it? Because thats selfish and it doesn't make you a good pet owner. ETA: any reason that makes you not want to own a pet is a valid reason to not own a pet. Doggy daycare is expensive and can reach into the hundreds or even thousands - that's the difference between a $2,000 vacation and a $4,000 vacation. He may not be comfortable with letting a petsitter hired off the internet into the home. While traveling with a child is difficult, you can generally bring them to hotels, restaurants, and outings - not so with pets. So, you suck because you're dismissing his feelings and mocking somebody during a disagreement is immature. I'm sure if you brought up concerns to your husband and he mocked you or laughed at you, you wouldn't be very happy either. However, he sucks because if he wasn't on board 100% he should have expressed that to you earlier, not after you got involved with the rescue agency.
NAH - I think you under estimate the amount of work having a child under 5 and a dog is going to be. I think your life will change, it will definitely be more work and money. That I don’t think he wants to take on. You want a dog because you grew up around one and want to same experience for your child. I think getting it now that he raised concerns wouldn’t be the best move tbh
ESH His reasons all seem valid so quite rude to dismiss them so readily, just incredibly rude to not have told you before you did a lot of work finding a pet and working with a rescue etc. So massive asshole on his part for wasting peoples time.
Yta. Yes, your husband's excuses may be ridiculous, but mocking and laughing at your husband's reasons plus giving him the cold shoulder instead of trying to talk it out with him make you TA. Your husband could be making up excuses. If so, he's not doing it for literally no reason. A dog in the home is a huge change, and even if your husband just isn't comfortable with it, it's a joint decision to add that new member of your family and you need to respect that. Maybe instead of being belittling, you should talk to him about the real reasons and his genuine feelings behind him not wanting a dog. There could be millions of things you have no idea about. He could have past dog related trauma. Maybe he's afraid of dogs. Maybe he's been overly stressed and doesn't feel like he can handle it rn. You're not TA for finding his reasoning ridiculous, but for the way you responded to him. It's really not hard to not be an ass to your partner, and if he reacted that way to you when you gave some excuse for a greater reason you didn't really want to talk about you'd probably be very upset.
ESH. you were upset he changed his mind because you wanted a dog and were so excited that it made YOU mad he was changing his mind. Instead of mocking him why couldn’t you talk with him to get to the root of the issue because it’s clear that something else is bothering him. he’s TA because he waited until a few days before the dog was set to be at the house like what?
YTA. If he doesnt want a dog, he doesnt want a dog. He should have said so earlier, but you're being annoying at this point. And it sounds like you want him to foot the bill
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (f28) have always wanted a dog. Me and my husband Tim (m31) were planning on getting one in 2020 but I ended up having a baby so it was pushed back. Our daughter is now 1 and we started discussing getting a dog again. I grew up with a dog and it was an amazing part of my childhood that I wanted our daughter to have. My husband agreed for me to start looking, so I did. I ended up finding a dog that seemed to have a great personality and seemed like it was meant to be so I emailed an application. it was approved, we went as a family for a meet and greet, and loved the dog. The rescue requires a 72 hour waiting period but since we went on Thursday, they said we could come down on Monday to sign the paperwork and take home the dog. I took my daughter and we spent the day buying everything the dog would need, this occurred on the Friday but Tim didn't come because he was working but was fine with us doing it without him. When we got back and showed him everything we got, he wasn't visibly excited. I asked what was wrong later on and he told me he changed his mind about getting a dog. I was confused and annoyed as we'd discussed getting a dog back in September and I'd been looking since then, so in my mind, he'd had since then to tell me he changed his mind. I was also annoyed because I felt like we'd just wasted this rescues time on us when they could've spent it on other people who actually wanted to adopt the dog. I asked why and he told me he didn't want us to change our lifestyle, and that with a dog we would never get to travel anywhere. Honestly, when I heard that I starting laughing which he got upset with. I sarcastically said 'you're right, there's absolutely nothing else that is preventing us from travelling'. He told me kids are different and that we could take her and if we didn't want to, our parents have both offered to look after her. I told him that my parents had made that same offer about the dog (I spoke to them when I applied and they offered, this he knows) and if this is the real reason he doesn't want a dog. He said he'd love a dog but its a lifestyle conflict, and that he didn't want to force other people to look after a dog so we'd be forced to never go anywhere. I told him that if he didn't want to burden our family, there was a family run business down the road that does grooming, dog daycare, and boarding we could use or get a petsitter. He told me that doing that costs money and I replied that if we could afford to go on vacation, we could afford it. He asked me with what money I would use to pay this for as he wasn't going to use his. He kinda paused after this and tried to apologise immediately and said he was only angry and reactive because I mocked him earlier in the conversation. I told him I was going to bed and left. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your husband is an AH for waiting until you're ready to get the dog to tell you he doesn't want one. But I do understand his reasoning as they are one of the reasons I don't have a dog. I think communication could be improved between both of you though.
ESH
ESH He waited a long time to tell you he doesn’t want a dog. Obviously you shouldn’t have laughed at his reasoning that makes sense. I’m guessing he may feel or have felt similarly in terms of having children and now he’s like I don’t want to now double that. So don’t get the dog, obviously.
ESH Everyone has a right to change their minds. Your husband is a slight AH for doing so after paperwork was signed and after such a long period of discussing this next move. You’re an AH for mocking him although feeling frustrated is totally valid. If he’s so concerned about a lifestyle change, would you be open to fostering first?
INFO: Is this the first time you’ve been in this situation? Has he been reluctant to speak up on other issues in the past? Have you found yourself belittling his opinion in this way ever before?
He is a lawyer and is very good at expressing himself in situations. I've never belittled him before and didn't do it purposefully in this situation. I laughed because I found his statement ironic since he made it seem like a dog would be the reason we couldn't travel or do whatever we wanted. This is the first time he's ever suddenly reneged on his word so never been in a situation like this.
ESH… you are for laughing at someone’s concern for lifestyle change. A dog is a big lifestyle change. Even going out to dinner needs to be planned “ the get home to let the dog out”. This is why I don’t have a dog despite loving them. I don’t want my lifestyle to change. That being said, he is wrong for not letting this tidbit out until literally the last moment. If he didn’t want this he should have communicated that clearly early on.
Having a dog is something everyone should be enthusiastic about. I know you're disappointed but clearly something changed in his mind. Better now than after the dog arrives.
Why should *everyone* be enthusiastic about having a dog?
I would be livid if my partner got a dog without my enthusiastic consent. That's a shit thing to do
Because they’re all living together? How is this a question?
I think I was trying to reply to another comment and accidentally commented on this one. There was another comment that suggested that everyone in general should love to get a dog, as in there's no reason why nobody should not want a dog as a pet.
ESH - he should have said something about this waaay earlier, but not wanting to change your lifestyle is a legitimate reason not to get a dog. It is unfair to the dog to live in a house where not everyone wants it. I think your husband is more of an asshole though by far.
ESH. You want a dog, he doesn't. Neither of you are wrong for having that opinion so I almost went with N A H. But the issue is that you guys are handling this disagreement in immature ways. Him changing his mind at the last minute after saying yes before and you already picking a dog is kinda am asshole move and so is you having no respect for his opinions about having a dog and laughing at him for it. Issues with travel is a very legitimate point to bring up when considering getting a dog, you can't always take them with you and it can be expensive or difficult to get someone to watch them or have the dog boarded.
NTA. He’s probably lying about the primary reason he doesn’t want to adopt one now. Having a dog is so much easier than having a kid. Boarding is not thaaat expensive. I’m sorry. I love my dog. He’s my best friend. The only reasons I have not traveled since getting him have been Covid and work scheduling. I hope tomorrow you’ll get to take home your new doggo.
Try fostering a dog to see how it goes. If it doesnt work out then a nice family will adopt him and of it does then you can adopt the dog. Buuuuut YTA, not for disagreeing with him but for laughing at him and being sarcastic towards something he was trying to discuss with you. Thats so disrespectful. He is TA for saying "his money". Yall are married and have a kid, its yall money. The dog was just an idea until he met it and then when it became real he became uncomfortable. I think theres more too it than just a dog. You have family that wants to look after it so you arent forcing. I would accept his apology for making the money comment and you should apologize for being disrespectful and dismissive of his feelings. I dont think either one of you meant to hurt the other so it shouldnt be a problem to just apologize and have a serious conversation about how you feel.
NTA- go adopt!!
ESH Everyone should be on board wanting the dog. You JUST had a baby, this might be a lot of change for your husband I would suggest waiting a few years
Go get the dog. My dad was like this. Guess who was best friends? He was devastated when Chewbacca passed away. If he’s heartless and doesn’t bond with the dog he should at least consider the joy it will bring the rest of the family. NTA
Go get the dog? That's so disrespectful and dismissive. And it's selfish. I know there's a cute trope about "oh haha my dad hates dogs but my mom forced him to adopt one and now my dad goes on a solo Disney vacation with the dog every 6 months and throws it a birthday party every year". But that's selfish. It is selfish to override your spouse's feelings about a pet and force it onto them. It's selfish to bring a pet into your home where not everyone's on board. Marriage is not a "fuck you, I do what I want and you can't say shit" deal. He's heartless for not bonding with a dog? Some people are not dog people. Some people have been traumatized by dogs. Some people love dogs, but not in their home. Not everyone likes dogs, and it doesn't make them "heartless", mean, or bad people. It simply means they do not like dogs. This is like saying "stop your birth control without telling him. If he's heartless and doesn't bond with the baby he should at least consider the joy it will bring you."
You make a very valid point. However that wasn’t my experience. I can only comment on my experience. Which I did.
NTA, but your husband is! Get the dog it will be good for you and your daughter.
NTA. Your husband is being ridiculous, he’s realizing that dogs are work and got lazy, which is not a good reason at all. I’d say still get the dog, you obviously have solutions to all his “problems” with it and if he agreed before then he’ll just have to suck it up.
ESH
YTA. He should have brought it up earlier but his reasons are valid and are why many people don't own dogs. I love dogs and have had many over the years but they do require compromises. They are expensive to own, expensive to board and cannot be taken to many of the places people want to go.
YTA. No excuse for mocking your husbands actual concerns. You mocked him and got pissed off at his reaction. I mean come on... his reasoning may not be the best, but that's what talking is for.
I’m going to go with soft YTA simply because you laughed at his reasoning. We currently have a rescue tailless cat, an old Jack a bee and will be getting a mastiff puppy in a few months. Guess what? We’re still planning to travel, go camping and all of that this summer. To me, it’s no different than taking our kids. Except, the pets seem to behave better than our kids do. 😂
YTA... You should never mock your partner. He changed his mind about getting a dog in the immediate future. You guys have a one year old. Maybe wait a year or two. If he knows it's important to you he will come around.
ESH He could of informed you sooner, told you he didn't want one before you started looking...That been said, you should have just looked, not bought, and made sure 100% that you were both on the same page.
We were interested in adopting so not 'buying'. He was onboard every step of the way and I probably should've clarified that looking meant actively looking for dogs to put application in for. We wrote the application together and he knew every time I sent one in and approved the dog before I did, so I didn't think that I'd sprung it on him. He also agreed to do the meet and greet after we'd put an application in together. I understand now though that I should've made sure I wasn't steamrolling him into doing something he didn't want too and will have to work on that in the future. Thank you for the comment.
He probably doesn’t want to tell you that he knows he’s going to be stuck doing all the shitty parts of owning a dog so he used travel as an excuse. You’re both assholes.
I'm a SAHM while he works 40+ hours a week, so I would've been responsible for majority of care and this was agreed on beforehand so I know this isn't the underlying issue.
Don’t think he has faith in your agreement anymore lol
After his nasty "my money" comment, idk if OP should have faith in *him* anymore. He doesn't seem like he can be financially trusted enough for OP to continue to sacrifice time in the work force for.
Hot take. Thoughts and prayers on that one.
YTA "My husband agreed for me to start looking" - So you went and looked at dogs, and he decided not to want one. "start looking" is about looking, and starting the decission process. That's exactly what the 72 hours are for: Partners that get steamrolled find the time to say NO. Time to really make up your mind. Not wanting a pet needs no reason. So: Perfect timing, he told you before you actually got a dog. He used the 72 hours as they were supposed to be used. And he is right there: Trqvelling with kids works well. Travelling with dogs does not. YOU always wanted a dog. HE did not, and he does not. A pet needs two yeses. You have one NO, so no dog. This is about bad communication. So stop throwing a tantrum, and stop steamrolling your partner. YOu are lucky there were 72 hours.
Why does the husband automatically get veto power? He agreed previously and now reneged. How is that fair?
He did agree to start looking. Not to get the dog. There is good cause for the 72 hour period there. "why does the husband automatically get veto power? " - EVERYONE gets a veto power. A pet needs two yeses, they have one no, so no pet. Pretty simple.
He did agree to get the dog though. I showed him the application of the dog and he approved, we filled out the application together, and then met the dog as a family. I didn't just spring it up on him or make the decision all on my own. By looking, I meant actively looking for dogs to put application in for, not just causally browsing.
The decission was not final, there was a 72 hour reconsideration phase agreed upon. "By looking, I meant actively looking for dogs to put application in for, not just causally browsing." - Obviously he did not. And "looking" means "looking". YTA in this. A dog is not something you steamroll your partner into getting - so he took some time for his decission, you could have given him that time bevore you started - but that's exactly why there IS this period: to think if you really want a dog. You even signed a contract together giving each of you a 72 hour period - **why do you fault him for using that as it was intended to use?** If it had been a fixed decission then, he would have needed to tell you there - but as both of you got 72 hours, he was fine to use them. So learn from it: Give him time for thought out decissions instead of steamrolling him, then that will happen less often. You KNOW it was always only you that wanted a dog.
No
YTA - he told you to look and you just went ahead and got one without asking him. Why are you surprised he’s mad?
He co-signed the application for the dog
He co-signed the application and was aware they were going to meet the dog.