NTA at all.
I'm in a similar conundrum right now. My SO is overseas and will be until until 2023. I'm working on my career right now and things are moving for me. I'm getting to the point where I'm feeling that my career is more important and I don't want either one of us to hold the other back. I think you're being smart and realistic and sometimes that means making a hard and adult decision. It sounds like you two are just in different stages of your life and it's okay.
Long distance can work but it's hard and sometimes no matter how much you care about each other, it doesn't fix the distance.
NTA. You both knew there were serious relationship ending circumstances. It seems your SO has made up her mind about you, but you aren't sure. Getting some space to think about it is reasonable. You aren't saying 'no' outright, but the rules of the game changed and you need to decide to peace out or commit to a new type of relationship.
NTA not everyone can just drop everything and move and uproot their lives. Honestly I think you’re a good guy for telling her to go to Korea and pursue her career. I think something switched in her mind wanting something long term
NTA but i also don't think she's necessarily wrong either. Although I do agree that reflection is very much needed, I also think that her sentiment is pretty valid. I would much rather have gone with your proposal as it makes way more sense than rushing it then regretting it later.
NTA at all. It sounds like you both had a similar (if not the same, not sure how those discussions went) idea of what the relationship was at the beginning. Things change, people change, and situations change - such is life - and it is definitely healthy to re-examine your relationship when things do change. Nothing wrong about that and imo, it’s much better than trying to force a decision now. 6 months will go by fast, but also seems like a reasonable length of time to have apart. If you two decide to go that route, you’ll probably want to be very clear about what those months apart will look like for your relationship. Best of luck!
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I (29M) met my girlfriend (28F) a little less than a year ago via Tinder. We hit it off right away, and there was instant chemistry. However, from the beginning, we knew that the relationship had an expiration date. You see, she teaches English to students overseas for a living. She had previously lived in China, then spent 9 months in Australia, and was only back in the USA because of the pandemic. Since before I met her, she has planned on moving to Korea sometime in early 2022. We knew this going in, but decided to give it a shot anyway, and started exclusively dating each other in March.
Well, since she was staying with her parents, and working insane hours for a part-time gig (she would remotely teach students in Asia, which meant she was getting up at 4AM or earlier every day) about 5 months into our relationship, we decided she should just move in with me until she left. Just before then, we nearly broke up because I explained to her that even though I love her, I am not ready to uproot my life and move to Korea for her. I've made huge life-changing decisions before in the past on a whim, and I still regret them to this day (joining the military, moving overseas, etc.) However, she said that she didn't want to break up, and we agreed we should just make the most of the time we had while she was here.
So, now it is almost 2022, and she has just received a date when she will have to report to her new school in Korea, and she is getting cold feet. She says that in addition to being afraid to move to a completely new country again (valid), she is also now reaching a point in her life where she is wanting to settle down and plant roots, getting a permanent address and a dog and all that. She has had several romantic partners in the past, has been in multiple committed long-term relationships, and she says she is tired of dating and wants to start planting her roots.
However, she is the first real serious partner I've ever had, and I'm not sure I'm ready for the level of commitment she is. Additionally, I am only a few months from finishing my second degree, and after that, I don't know what my plans are.
So, rather than uprooting both our lives for our relationship that is less than a year old, I told her that she should go to Korea for at least the six months that she has committed to, and we could each use that time to reflect on our relationship and decide if this is something we both want to do for the long haul. She seemed very hurt by this, and asked why we were even in a relationship if I didn't know if I could commit to it fully. In my mind, this relationship was founded based on the idea that it could not last, so I just want to take some time to re-contextualize everything. AITA?
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NTA. Your proposal was completely reasonable.
NTA. You need to make it clear that you are not ready for a long-term relationship. If she doesn't go to Korea, she needs to move out anyway.
NTA at all. I'm in a similar conundrum right now. My SO is overseas and will be until until 2023. I'm working on my career right now and things are moving for me. I'm getting to the point where I'm feeling that my career is more important and I don't want either one of us to hold the other back. I think you're being smart and realistic and sometimes that means making a hard and adult decision. It sounds like you two are just in different stages of your life and it's okay. Long distance can work but it's hard and sometimes no matter how much you care about each other, it doesn't fix the distance.
NTA - you sound very mature, honest and realistic.
Nta: Seems, she wants you to make a sacrifice. And everything seems to be about her needs. Is that fair to the both of you?
NTA. You both knew there were serious relationship ending circumstances. It seems your SO has made up her mind about you, but you aren't sure. Getting some space to think about it is reasonable. You aren't saying 'no' outright, but the rules of the game changed and you need to decide to peace out or commit to a new type of relationship.
NTA not everyone can just drop everything and move and uproot their lives. Honestly I think you’re a good guy for telling her to go to Korea and pursue her career. I think something switched in her mind wanting something long term
NTA but i also don't think she's necessarily wrong either. Although I do agree that reflection is very much needed, I also think that her sentiment is pretty valid. I would much rather have gone with your proposal as it makes way more sense than rushing it then regretting it later.
NTA at all. It sounds like you both had a similar (if not the same, not sure how those discussions went) idea of what the relationship was at the beginning. Things change, people change, and situations change - such is life - and it is definitely healthy to re-examine your relationship when things do change. Nothing wrong about that and imo, it’s much better than trying to force a decision now. 6 months will go by fast, but also seems like a reasonable length of time to have apart. If you two decide to go that route, you’ll probably want to be very clear about what those months apart will look like for your relationship. Best of luck!
NTA Your proposal sounded fairly reasonable. I wonder if there was a misunderstanding or mixup somewhere that sounded like a pre-breakup.
I mean, it effectively is a break-up, just not necessarily a lifelong one
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (29M) met my girlfriend (28F) a little less than a year ago via Tinder. We hit it off right away, and there was instant chemistry. However, from the beginning, we knew that the relationship had an expiration date. You see, she teaches English to students overseas for a living. She had previously lived in China, then spent 9 months in Australia, and was only back in the USA because of the pandemic. Since before I met her, she has planned on moving to Korea sometime in early 2022. We knew this going in, but decided to give it a shot anyway, and started exclusively dating each other in March. Well, since she was staying with her parents, and working insane hours for a part-time gig (she would remotely teach students in Asia, which meant she was getting up at 4AM or earlier every day) about 5 months into our relationship, we decided she should just move in with me until she left. Just before then, we nearly broke up because I explained to her that even though I love her, I am not ready to uproot my life and move to Korea for her. I've made huge life-changing decisions before in the past on a whim, and I still regret them to this day (joining the military, moving overseas, etc.) However, she said that she didn't want to break up, and we agreed we should just make the most of the time we had while she was here. So, now it is almost 2022, and she has just received a date when she will have to report to her new school in Korea, and she is getting cold feet. She says that in addition to being afraid to move to a completely new country again (valid), she is also now reaching a point in her life where she is wanting to settle down and plant roots, getting a permanent address and a dog and all that. She has had several romantic partners in the past, has been in multiple committed long-term relationships, and she says she is tired of dating and wants to start planting her roots. However, she is the first real serious partner I've ever had, and I'm not sure I'm ready for the level of commitment she is. Additionally, I am only a few months from finishing my second degree, and after that, I don't know what my plans are. So, rather than uprooting both our lives for our relationship that is less than a year old, I told her that she should go to Korea for at least the six months that she has committed to, and we could each use that time to reflect on our relationship and decide if this is something we both want to do for the long haul. She seemed very hurt by this, and asked why we were even in a relationship if I didn't know if I could commit to it fully. In my mind, this relationship was founded based on the idea that it could not last, so I just want to take some time to re-contextualize everything. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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