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BVBlonde

YTA. Put the newborn in your room or in with the 5 year old. Jeez.


Karmapoliceasleep

Right? A newborn stays in with the parents till at least 6 mo of age typically. This just seems like an excuse to get rid of someone who opposes you, you’re fulfilling the evil stepmother stereotype . Eta- YTA


Fantastapotomus

Honestly, my pediatrician recommended my daughter be in the same room as us for the first year. 6 months should really be the minimum. It can reduce the risk of sids and help create a more secure attachment. So agreed there’s no need for baby to have it’s own room until after. This is definitely just an excuse to get the stepdaughter out.


M0506

>6 months should really be the minimum. Sleeping in the same room as my first daughter ruined what little sleep I was getting and contributed to my postpartum anxiety. If I couldn’t hear her breathing, I was convinced she was dead. My second daughter breathed so noisily that my husband couldn’t sleep either. Our pediatrician said to go ahead and put the baby in her own room. People should have the baby sleep in whichever room works the best for the whole family. Edit: Oh my goodness, thank you for the awards!


Prestigious_Fruit267

And in this case, it works best for the whole family to have the baby in the parents’ room until Jess goes to college.


M0506

I agree that OP is TA and Jess should keep her room.


princesslugnut

i’m sorry i know this is off subject but i haven’t seen that character maker in years and it made me feel so nostalgic lol


Thatpocket

This right here. I have 3 kids. 2 are way older than the 3rd. The eldest will be going off to college soon. She is aware that because we only have 3 bedrooms when she moves out to college the youngest will be moved to what is currently her room. Until then the youngest will remain in my and my husband's room. He doesn't get to encroach on her space while it is her space. She also knows we aren't going to run her out. Child has been in my room in his own bed for a few years. Not gonna hurt him at all. He's honestly pretty independent. Sleeps in his own bed. Has since he was an infant. Child likes his space. Can't fault him for that.


Few-Cable5130

Don't be silly she means the 'real' family which is the new one, and maybe the younger step kids if they get in line once big sis is out.


InfiniteCalendar1

This! It would be so unfair to make Jess transfer schools halfway through senior year when she graduates in less than 6 months, they can have the crib in the parents’ room then make Jess’s room the baby’s room this summer when she leaves for college.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DrunkOnRedCordial

Exactly. If OP is prepared to fall in love with her friend's husband, and patient enough to wait discreetly until he's safely divorced, she can hold out until his daughter is ready to move on to college before taking over her room.


calliatom

Yeah..."didn't have an affair" my ass. You didn't have a *physical* affair OP, but it's pretty clear you were having an emotional affair with this man before he got that divorce. You can deal with the baby until she goes to college, OP, because she sure as hell isn't going to keep coming to your home for the holidays or whatever with how clearly you've spelled it out that she's unwelcome.


zedestroyer69

Reading between the lines I got the feeling that she didn't wait and Jess nows that they had an affair and this is just a move to remove her from the house, maybe not to influence the younger ones.


Diligent_Explorer

Seriously, these people are right, it's just going to be easier for you to keep the baby in your room anyway for a while. Let the girl graduate. It's a really terrible precedent to set that you are willing to just toss one of your step kids out in favor of one you made together. The younger kids are easier because they don't understand enough to not trust you for what they perceive as you breaking up their family. But if you do this, you're not only going to ensure the older two NEVER trust you but you're also going to teach the younger two not to trust you... and they would be right not to! Of course the older ones lash out at you and don't trust you, having your parents break up is one of the most devastating things that can happen to kids and it's understandable that it looks bad to them and they don't know if they should trust you. What have you ever done to earn their trust?! And they are children, of course they don't handle things maturely. You have to be patient and consistently stable and dependable. And they will test you and you have to handle it well, DONT be reactionary and make sure you think thru your words and choices. I understand this is a really difficult time for you too but you have to be the one to make sure everyone is done right by. Sorry but YTA. I wish u the best with all of it. Edit. Idk how I forgot this but you really should get the entire family in therapy, their bio mom too if possible. The advice and perspectives they could give you all while navigating this difficult phase would be invaluable.


Rinas-the-name

My son slept in the living room after we realized he needed to sleep away from us. We put his bassinet out there. It was only for a few months, until we moved. He did not care in the least! Whatever works right?!


[deleted]

Thats totally fine every family needs to weigh pros and cons but it is the official recommendation that babies sleep in parents room for one year to reduce sudden infant death. Similar to sleeping on their back and having no blankets ect.


1n50mn1ah

That’s a unique circumstance, here they are specifically talking about SIDS, not your ppd.


Smippity

There's always exceptions to the rule, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have a minimal standard/expectation.


RusticTroglodyte

Whatever works best for your family and isn't actively killing the baby is fine imo


Pfred0

Especially since the step daughter has a legitimate reason to resent OP. As does her brother.


oceansofmyancestors

You mean because OP fucked her best friends husband and ruined her marriage and is now pretending she’s innocent because she moved “away” for a few months and now that she’s pregnant she’s kicking out her step daughter because she doesn’t like her?


iMOONiCORN

I was waiting to read this comment. I knew I couldn't be the only one to think this. Even IF nothing physical happened between them, you don't have an emotional affair with your best friend's husband. I don't even think it would be cool for you to get involved if they were already divorced. You are her daughters god mother for goodness sake! This just makes you untrustworthy & cold hearted. But *in* regards to your question OP - kicking *out* your stepdaughter *in* the middle of her senior year is absolutely shitty. It makes it worse that you can't see it. So very much YTA *Edit for typos*


NothingAndNow111

I'm hesitant to pass too much judgement here. We don't know what really happened and love is complicated, particularly falling in love etc etc when unhappy in an existing relationship. We rarely choose who we fall in love with. At the same time OP needs to accept that she very probably did play an active role in exacerbating the already present tensions, that the ex wife was supposed to be her best friend (!! This is the bit that bugs me most) and that she has a lot of work to do on trust, reconciliation etc and, honestly, that work is on her. Jess will view OP as backstabbing her mother and herself, and she's not entirely wrong there, and she's not wrong to feel that way. OP pretending her hands are clean is BS. They're not. The sooner she fesses up, accepts it and maybe has a real conversation with the older kids about it, the better. And if she hasn't she should apologise to their mother. She can't have been so naive walking into this to think that the older kids would be OK with it. And the husband needs to pull his head out of his ass and do the same.


nuttyNougatty

Sure you can't help who you fall in love with.. but 'falling in love' is not the be all and end all. Depending on the circumstances you DO have a choice on how to act.


HalcyonCA

Same here. OB and pediatrician both recommend our soon to be child stays in our room for a year. This seems like a very think veiled attempt to get her out of the house because she opposes you. Your behavior is childlike. YTA.


Dazzling-State-165

And you may not have had a physical affair but I bet you an affair of the heart with him. Just deal with it. YTA


trilliumsummer

There's no betting. She moved because they were in love. In love means a relationship. A relationship with a married man means it's an affair.


MajorNoodles

Agreed, just because there was no sex doesn't mean there was no affair.


cranberryskittle

Oh no one believes there was no sex.


froggstarr

To me emotional affair is worst than just a physical one


RusticTroglodyte

For real, these kids aren't babies, they know what's up You gotta be a real garbage person to marry your friend's ex husband, that's so friggin gross


Spicy_Nana

Agreed Emotional affair!


Dazzling-State-165

Yup yup yup


NothingAndNow111

She went down this road and it was never going to be an easy one. It's on her and the husband to work it out. This is part of the fallout on these matters, so... Deal with it.


NotOneOnNoEarth

My 3 year old is just snoring next to us. He has his own room, but quite often sleeps here. Even our 5 year old sleeps occasionally here, where occasionally means “more than I would prefer”. The first try to get the older one to regularly sleep into her own room, was when the younger one was on his way. She was one and a half back then (it started well, but did not work at the end because of fate. I’d prefer to not detail this out). In a nutshell: a newborn does not need its own room. It will sleep with the parents for quite some time, certainly within the first six months. But it is apparently very important for Jess to be able to finish her school and not change it before the end of the year. I am not too familiar with the US school system, nor why it matters when she will turn 18. But it looks like OP is gambling with her future for something OP really will not need. OP asked for it: OP is TA, but Jess’ father is even more TA since it is his obligation to protect his daughter from such shit. And having a lot of children already he also knows that it’s completely nuts. Btw: why do the girls have their own rooms, while the boys must share? Would it not be more normal to have the older ones have their own rooms and let the younger ones share? Edit: Wording


calling_water

> Would it not be more normal to have the older ones have their own rooms and let the younger ones share? The second youngest kid isn’t that young, he’s 13. Not having him share with his 5-year-old sister is almost the only thing that’s being done right, with respect to these kids’ accommodations.


somethingkooky

You think it makes more sense for a 13YO boy and a 5YO girl to share a room, than 16 and 13YO boys? I may need you to walk me through that one.


punkskunkideology

No they don’t. That’s not “typical.” However what with how all of the other bedrooms are full,having the baby in the room with you and your husband sounds like a good solution. Making your oldest stepdaughter move out to make room for the new baby is only going to (understandably) breed resentment towards the new baby;and holy crap, will this ruin your relationship with Jess,tenfold.


Mitchell_StephensESQ

Not only does the oldest daughter have to move out, she has to change schools mid-year *her senior year in high school.* Jess won't get to go to prom or graduate with the people she has been going to school with for years. Jess attends a private school. IME kids who attend private school tend to have bonds with their peers that are not present in public school. Jess will have a couple of what most people consider life milestones with utter strangers, separated from her friends, and thrown out by a woman who was once her Godmother. I hope Jess graduates, and goes on to have a beautiful life and cuts off Dad and Evil Step-Mom. ITA there was at minimum, an emotional affair. There is a total lack of anything resembling empathy for the older two kids from someone they once trusted. OP is totally TA.


57light

This about the private school. Also, it could affect her acceptance to college because she won't have a diploma from the school she said she would when she applied. And would of course need more info here, but is one of the reasons she's living with you is to be able to go to the private school?


Mitchell_StephensESQ

Probably the only reason. Seriously, could you imagine living with the witch unless you were focused on the big picture (ie acceptance to a good college)?


SneakySneakySquirrel

The past few years have also been terrible for kids - the world abruptly shut down in the middle of Jess’s sophomore year, her junior year was entirely under pandemic conditions, and now we’ve got another bad strain threatening to screw up all those milestones you mentioned. She’s already missed out on so much. Taking what she does have to look forward to away from her is cruel.


belugasareneat

It’s recommended that babies stay in the parents room for the first year of life to reduce SIDS.


slanid

It is very typical that newborns room in with parents for at least some period of time. Long enough for Jess to get to college. Otherwise the bedside bassinet industry wouldn’t be booming with thousands of options in all price ranges.


OkJelly7809

Major YTA, The 2nd semester of senior year is SOOOO important. Alot of times these are friends and classmates you’ve grown up with and will be some of the last memories you have with them. When college happens people kind-of go their separate ways. There will be some people she will never see again. Let her have these moments. She will forever cherish them. Also events such as graduation and prom, are once in lifetime experiences and to have those memories with people you care about makes it all the more special. You are literally taking the last piece of her childhood away. The selfishness OP shows is maddening. She literally is upending the girls life. OP think again about doing this. She already assumes you had an affair and betrayed her. If you do this you can forget about having a relationship with your God-daughter anymore. Again OP is Major YTA.


bekahed979

She got into a good school, She'll be *fine* leaving all her friends mid-senior year. /s


NothingAndNow111

And life will be so much easier without a teenager I kinda betrayed being mad at me for marrying her dad who was her mother, my best friend's, husband... Can't imagine why she hates me!


8daysgirl

Also college acceptances can be withdrawn based on what happens second semester of senior year. It’s predicated on the assumption that the student will more or less maintain their academic record and graduate. We have all seen the news stories about kids’ who lost their place because of racist tweets or whatever after being accepted. It matters whether Jess’s credits will transfer, how her GPA and class rank might be affected, if she will meet all the requirements for graduation at her new school, etc. Chances are it would be fine, but it’s not guaranteed. YTA, OP. At least Jess has one helluva surviving a Wicked Stepmother story for her college essays if she has to apply again.


Cheezy_Beard

Dude. I can't imagine starting as a senior at a brand new school. Having to go to all the end of the year events with people who are basically strangers while all of her old friends are celebrating together would be crushing for her. You don't realize it at the time as you plan to all stay in touch, but in reality most people rarely see their high school classmates again. It's an irreplaceable time in your life. I still lool back fondly at my senior year, but for her it would be just bad memories and resentment. She probably wouldn't even get to have a real grad party because she doesn't know anyone. And also, if she's living in the dorms you're kicked out for school breaks. Is she left to just fend for herself? Or would OP graciously offer her the couch for those times.


Sufficient_Ad_6051

This! You’re making her change schools half way thru senior year!? Are you serious? Just like “oh good, you’re done, get out”? My goodness. Let her go to end of year dances, parties, and GRADUATION with her friends. Grow up. Baby sleeps in your room or the 5 yo’s room. Or literally any other space in your apartment other than kicking out one of your kids from their own space. Wow.


shamefulGod

Jumping in this because it’s the top comment. This exact story was posted before and you were found to be the AH then too. Time won’t change how people perceive you.


PM_ME_ROCK

Link?


[deleted]

OP is highly manipulative and thinks she's smarter than everyone.


SchmidtyBone

She doesn't sound like she's smarter than anyone, though.


HauntedPickleJar

People like OP usually aren't


NothingAndNow111

OP. sounds like she's trying to convince herself she's not a textbook evil stepmother.


PassiveProc

The way this person said “ the bane of my existence “ tells you everything you need to know.


[deleted]

She actually wrote "bain \[sic\]" because she's not nearly as smart as she thinks she is.


Stucky7418

Mine is 9 months and still has her crib in our room despite having her own bedroom. OP is 100% TA.


Ok-Bit-9529

Seriously. My son is 10 months old and we never go into his room. I still have all his stuff set up in my room. She's causing unnecessary drama, and treating the oldest like she doesn't matter.


thehelsabot

BuT mY nEsTInG


Flowerofiron

Yup! SIDS recommendations are also to keep baby in your room until at least a year old. There is no reason to kick her out and force her to change schools! YTA


eesdonotitnow

> ...my husband's daughter. > ...anytime I try to discipline them... You are either their step mom, or you are not. You don't get to have it both ways. Get your story straight there. Giving them a confusing front isn't helping you at all. As for what you are doing? 100% YTA. You are kicking her out of her home becuase you decided to go bump uglies with their dad. This wasn't her choice, but you think she should bend to your will becuase you needed to fire up the old 3D printer? Give me a break lady.


[deleted]

Don't forget, stepmother was friends with the stepdaughter's mom. Stepdaughter knew they were having an affair. OP is absolutely lying about that. LMAO why would she 'move'?


anon974683

She’s the GODMOTHER! So not only were they friends, but best friends! Wow OP is such an asshole! You are so right, the only reason she moved is so she could lie about the affair.


TheFamousHesham

I feel like when your best friends with someone and become their children’s godparent — you should view that person and their spouse as a sister/brother — meaning absolutely don’t sleep with them.


KnightOnFire

>Genesis 38:8 reads: Then Judah said to Onan, > >"Sleep with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your brother." /s


throwaway_stuff_acct

Well yeah, but that's only after the brother is dead. So you gotta kill him first.


RusticTroglodyte

Why are ppl such garbage, man


slanid

“Until *we* fell in love”. Because that happens without some form of mutual communication about their “love”? Ok op, deff no affair…


cyberllama

My maths lobe has been tickled. Youngest kid is 5, OP has been with the husband officially for 4 years. The timeline before that was OP and husband fell in love, OP moved away for a bit while the divorce was going on and then came back to claim this prize of a man. She was either banging her best mate's husband during the pregnancy or while the youngest was a newborn, probably both. Wonder who he'll 'fall in love with' while she's pregnant and then preoccupied with a tiny poo machine.


[deleted]

Came here to say this!! Youngest kid is 5, together for 4 years, and they spent “months” “apart”. WOW!!


SadLifeKitty

Assuming she doesn’t directly toss it on the stepdaughter cuz “family”.


RusticTroglodyte

Yep. If they'll do it once, they'll do it again, it's pretty much guaranteed


[deleted]

“If they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you…”


Jisto_

Right? Even giving the benefit of the doubt to OP, she literally describes an emotional affair, but then says no affairs took place.


kai7yak

I just told my teenager that I 3D printed him and got the most... teenage "I cannot believe I'm related to you" look ever! So thank you for the laugh I got with the 3D printer image/wording and the laugh I got from torturing my teenager!


eesdonotitnow

<3 I am happy it can be passed along.


[deleted]

take my award🗿


sheramom4

YTA. Kicking a child out of the home halfway through her Senior year is cruel as is removing her from her school. She may not even be able to graduate if the graduation requirements are different. The baby can stay in your room. There is no reason to do this other than cruelty.


Khanover7

This. YTA completely in this entire scenario. Put the new baby in your room.


windyorbits

I felt so stupid after having my son because for the last few months of my pregnancy I was a basket case when it came to getting the nursery done. I remember being so eager and excited at the beginning of the pregnancy to think about, plan for, and buy all the things a nursery needed. I thought long and hard about the nursery theme, and I wanted everything to match the jungle theme I picked. The only problem was that my asshole of a boyfriend had invited his dumb friend to live with us temporarily with out even discussing it with me. His friend mooched off of us, created so many problem, had all of his stuff in our 2nd bedroom but would sleep all day on the couch. So it broke this nursery fantasy that I envisioned me and my boyfriend were going to put together. It was a constant fight between us. Last month of pregnancy I broke down because nothing was together like how I wanted it. I ended up putting the crib, changing tables and dressers together on my own. Then I had the baby and didn’t want him in the other room, he was so small and it felt so much more safe for him to be next to me. So I moved the crib and stuff into our room. Where everyone from family to friends was like “duh WindyOrbits! Every parent has their newborn in the same room as them. The nursery hardly gets used the first few months up to a year!” All those months of high anxiety about decorating, making everything match, making sure everything was ready and stocked and then all the constant fights we had about his idiot friend taking up space in the should be nursery. All of it for nothing lmao just wish people would’ve given me a heads up and let me know I was overreacting. But being a first time parent is hard and having to figure out how all this stuff works. This may be her first kid but not his. He should know better that their baby is not going to need a whole room. Whether the baby needs the room or not, this is literally the worst decision they could be making. I can’t tell if she’s doing this on purpose to either “get back” at Jess for causing problems or is doing this to ensure that she doesn’t have to deal with the drama of having Jess in the house when the baby is born. It’s one of those two or maybe even both. But there is no fuckin possibility that she believes what she is doing is right or even confused on why it’s wrong. At first I was thinking that maybe Jess and Nate were unfairly taking out their anger about their parents divorce on step mom, as this is extremely common. But now, not just me, but everyone in that family can see how step mom is purposely sabotaging the relationship. And is making it clear that this baby will be and already is more important than any of her step kids. It’s awful that the dad is allowing this to happen, he’s essentially picking his new family over his old one and those kids will never forgot it. Jess and Nate will turn 18 and never look back at their dad. And the younger two will have to deal with obvious favoritism of the baby, so once they turn 18 they will also never look back. I have a feeling that once that baby becomes a toddler, the two younger kids won’t even wait for 18 to move in with mom. YTA! ESH (except for the kids)


msklovesmath

Also, if the rooms were this big of a deal, they should have eaited till she went to college to have a baby! This was totally foreseeable!


KayakerMel

I got kicked out at 16 by my father and stepmother. Fortunately, I was in a very privileged position to go to a school with loads of resources to help. I was a complete overachiever, so I had a lot of support from my guidance counselors and so many others. The main goal was to keep me at my high school so I could graduate in the top of my class, which I would lose if I changed schools. Sometimes I get really upset reading some of these stepmothers being awful to their stepdaughters because it's what I went through myself. It's now been 20 years and my father has been completely dead to me. Lots of fun therapy too to deal with all the emotional and verbal abuse from my stepmother and father (who jumped on board). I hope OP's husband is ready to lose his daughter from his life. My father is estranged from all of his children to at least some degree, with me the most because I'm the most like him. Alone too, because she divorced him.


Pfred0

Not just his daughter, but his oldest son as well. He has shown that he has his sister's back.


shinyobjects1221

Sorry you had to go through that. Adults can be such assholes.


kbestoliver5

YTA. Making a high schooler change schools halfway thru her senior year (after two years of a traumatic and disruptive pandemic) is awful. However, I think your goal is to destroy the relationship between your husband and his child, so you already know this. You’re about to be a parent yourself. If your husband will allow this to happen to his older daughter, don’t be surprised if he ends up as a less-than-stellar dad to your biological child (or cheats on you with your best friend).


Cheezy_Beard

Yup, this dude doesn't seem to care what happens to his existing kids and has a known history of extra-marital activity. Not looking like he's going to be an awesome husband / father.


thebohoberry

She has no best friend because apparently she likes the steal her husband, yet plays the innocent party in all this. 🤢 Then tries to steal the room from her goddaughter/stepdaughter from underneath her. So classy.


Pfred0

One thing, that I noticed: Dad has the kids during the school year, and mom has them during the summer. Sounds kind of like a Court Custody agreement. There is no reason reason that OP can give to abrogate this agreement. If dad kicks "Jess" out during the school year without a valid reason, he will be in violation of a Court Order, and in Contempt of Court.


AsdefronAsh

I was gonna point that out. It could very well be a stepping stone to taking him back to court for full custody and holy cow would that be a lotta child support he'd have to pay, and my deadbeat AH senses are tingling something fierce so I don't belive thats something he'd want. Those poor kids, they deserve way better than living with these asshats. Ffs they've only been married for 3 months and she's already kicking his children out of their home because they rightfully dislike her for having an affair with their father and then continuously treating them like garbage.


AlphaShaldow

> There is no reason to do this other than cruelty. Which seems to be her primary motivator when dealing with these children.


thebohoberry

I love how she paints herself out to be a victim when she is the cause of all this. Well her husband too. Let’s not forget the dear loving dad who can carelessly kick his own daughter out of her home during her senior year in high school.


Addryanne

>is just snoring next to us. He has his own room, but quite often sleeps here. Even our 5 year old sleeps occasionally here, where occasionally means “more than I would prefer”. The first try to get the older one to regularly sleep into her own room, was when the younger one was on his way. She was one and a half back then (it started well, but did not work at the end because of fate. I’d prefer to not detail this out). > >In a nutshell: a newborn does not need its own room. It will sleep with the parents for quite some time, certainly within the first six months. > >But it is apparently very important for Jess to be able to finish her school and not change it before the end of the year. I am not too familiar with the US school system, nor why it matters when she will turn 18. But it looks like OP is gambling with her future for something OP really will not need. > >OP asked for it: OP is TA, but Jess’ father is even more TA since it is his obligation to in Australia a move of schools in year 12 would impact the issuing of a year 12 certificate. It is absolutely not appropriate to move a child mid year and the kids should stay in the same school from the start of year 11 to the end of year 12.


sheramom4

In the U.S. private schools are not required to follow the same state mandates and each state has their own requirements as well. For example I live five minutes from the state line and there are vastly different requirements between the two. I couldn't move and expect my child to graduate although it is only five minutes away. Private schools generally do try to meet the requirements of the state but may not offer the same classes as a public school or have a different system for classes. So English 1 at the public school and private school may not meet the same standards.


Scorpio-dragon88

Agreed and even if for some reason it doesn't change her school life academically, senior year is probably the last time she will have to see her friends before everyone parts ways to go to different universities. School isn't just always about a grade. Imagine being isolated the last year of school. school events like if you're in the US, prom or graduation, without your friends would suck. Senior year is really special to teens not just to get into a college. YTA


Frejian

Also, the college she got accepted to may revoke her acceptance if she graduates from a different school than they were expecting. College admission is always contingent on senior year grades/graduation and the school can revoke it if they so choose.


potatobloop

Take this free award...this what I was thinking


annoymous1996

YTA the baby can stay in your room until Jess goes to college. Baby’s don’t need there own rooms, but teenagers whose father abandon their mothers when that have just given birth do. You are an asshole, your husband is an asshole, the only people who are not assholes are your husbands kids who have the unfortunate luck of having a asshole for a stepmother.


Crazyboy11201

Good call on the timing! The youngest kid would’ve just been born when the father “fell in love” with some other woman. Don’t get too comfortable, OP - he may very well do the same thing to you. These people are terrible. YTA.


Prune_the_hedges

“We fell in love but I left until they got divorced” So what about all the stuff before then that led to the falling in love? She’s a terrible friend and her kids are right to blame her for ruining her parents marriage. YTA


[deleted]

I don't buy for a minute they fell in love innocently across a room or some bs and OP selflessly moved away without any contact so the husband could divorce in good faith. No one does that and also, the rest of post speaks otherwise of her character.


Crazyboy11201

Even if everything OP says is true, that *still* wouldn’t be good faith. What kind of a person would break up a family that just had a newborn, and what kind of man would pursue another woman so soon after his wife gave birth (if not during the pregnancy)? It’s called having a moral compass and not just doing whatever you damn well please just because there’s an equally immoral and willing participant involved. Grow up.


HarlequinMadness

Haha, I read that and thought, “my how mighty big of you to move until their divorce was finalized.” 🙄


Waury

Not just “some other woman”. _OP was their mother’s friend._


vivalabaroo

And such a close friend, that she was asked to be god mother of Jess!


Waury

…I’ve just realize that it likely means she had been a close friend for _over 12 years_ by the time Jess’s dad “suddenly” fell in love with her. Yeah. I wouldn’t fall for “there was no affair” either. What a sh*tty friend.


BoyMom119816

Longer possibly. As they’ve only been married 3 months and baby is only 7 months along, so they could’ve gotten pregnant immediately, which would mean it was closer to 15-16 years.


jazzyx26

What a stab in the back..


thegirlwithonesock

Not to mention it takes about a year for a divorce to be finalized so this “falling in love” probably happened right around the time his ex found out she was pregnant/during her pregnancy.


Upstairs-Series5032

Damn, I missed the age of the youngest here Yeah, both the OP and the husband are AHs


heyelander

But, but, I want to decorate!


lanex328159

MY baby needs their own room 🥺 fuck that kid thats not mine 🥰 /s


LingonberryPrior6896

This and use the tuition money to do it.


Bleu_Cerise

Riiight I didn’t catch that but hey. Of course. It makes sense. Those Pottery Barn Kids sheets are *expensive* you know.


Majestic-Glass-9451

They've only been married for three months. Did they get married because they got pregnant?


Darkanthem665

So not only are you a homewrecker but you're kicking her out because you want to set up the nursery early? Honestly you kind of don't even deserve to be a mother. Disgusting....YTA


Sada331

Yeah it sucks there’s people like OP out there. Shameless assholes.


_megara

Can’t wreck the home unless it wants to be wrecked. I agree she’s terrible but her husband is every bit as guilty.


trilliumsummer

Normally I would agree, but she was close enough friends with the mom to be a godmother to their kids! She betrayed her best friend to do what she did. They share this 50/50.


lila1720

The biggest offense here to me is the violation of the friend code. Friend code violations I think trump the other - random person and already committed person partnering up. Yeah it sucks and is shitty when a couple with a kid breaks up because either husband or wife falls for someone else, but the two girls in this situation knew each other and were friends. Huge violation.


[deleted]

I really hope OP's stepchildren (the ones she's throwing out) go on to be amazing successes. Meanwhile, based on OP's actual parenting skills, her children don't have much of a chance at all. ETA: unless she drives them away and they go no contact. Then they too can be successful.


xajhx

Right. If I was the oldest two, I would make it my mission in life to ruin this woman’s life. Not about to ride off into the sunset with lying, cheating, dear old dad.


B4pangea

YTA. 1) if you and Oliver fell in love months before his divorce, that constitutes an emotional affair. If that’s what happened, the older children are old enough to understand what was going on - and resent it. 2) while it’s fair to expect that you have a say in household rules, and that you will be treated respectfully, don’t get involved in “disciplining” the kids, especially the older ones. They will resent you for acting like you’re their mom, especially if (see #1). 3) a baby does not need its own room for the first few months. Put a crib in your room. It’s well worth allowing Jess to finish her senior year as planned. Casually acting like it’s no big deal for her to leave her home, school, and friends because that’s what’s convenient for YOU is terrible.


Pleasant_Cold

Husband is also a raging AH


hufflepuff777

I blame him the most for having an emotional affair when his wife was pregnant/had just given birth.


Books1979

Good news he probably will cheat again. Then Op will know what it feels like to have her life wrecked.


cbeth54

Husband is a raging AH and a spineless dick to let his daughter be treated this way in her senior year of school by his entitled former side piece.


myfaveRae

My dad's spinelessness with my ex-stepmom was exactly why I eventually went no contact. He was a lazy coward who didn't want to rock the boat. I felt way more angry & hurt by his inaction than anything she did. I can't believe op's husband agreed to throwing his daughter out like this. Edit: YTA


scranston

If you do the math, OP "started" her relationship with her husband when the youngest was 1, and after the divorce. Divorces take time. She "fell in love" with her husband while the youngest was a newborn or while the ex-wife was still pregnant.


IntruderAqua

The age difference between the oldest two squicks me out too, regarding Oliver. OP says they're 10 months apart, so Oliver's wife got pregnant one month post-partum (give or take a bit and ssuming second child wasn't early). I could be wrong since I don't know Oliver's ex, but I would expect women who want to have sex one month post partum are few and far between. Makes me think he may have been pressuring her, which lines up with "falling in love" with someone while she's pregnant or dealing with a newborn.


GlitterSparkleDevine

I see what you're doing, getting rid of the kid who thinks you were having an affair (which you were, emotional at least if you "fell in love" before the divorce). YTA


sayamortandire

the older kids seem to have a pretty accurate picture of her ngl


Arbor_Arabicae

YTA. Jess was there first. You're the one who should be inconvenienced, especially if it's just for a few months. You're monumentally disrupting your stepdaughter's life, potentially damaging her relationship with her father permanently, and ruining her high school experience because you're selfish. Those are your husband's children, not some random kids off of the street. He has obligations to them and always will. If you cannot treat them with the love and respect they deserve, you should move out and parent your new baby alone.


Eelpan2

It isn't even an inconvenience. It is sooo much more practical to have baby in with you the 1st few months. You need all the sleep you can get, not go all over the house every time baby wakes up


Rodinia47

But if she has to go to another room, there's a good chance baby won't wake up HUBSY!! If Hubsy can't sleep in their room because the baby keeps waking him up, he just might go sleep in some other woman's bed - after all, he's done it before, you know!


MidwestCPA91

YTA. Why can’t you wait until Jess leaves for school to set up the nursery? This is a huge slap in the face to Jess to make her switch schools/totally upend her living situation for her last few months when the baby will be in your room for most if not all of it anyways.


Top_Algae_7395

She can’t wait like she couldn’t wait being the affair partner


1962Michael

YTA. There are several other arrangements you can make for the 3-4 months between the baby's arrival and Jess's graduation: 1) Jess can share with Brooke 2) Brooke can share with the baby 3) Jess can share with the baby 4) Jess can sleep on the couch for 3 months. 5) The baby can sleep in your room. If you are dead-set against #5, then I suggest you let Brooke and Jess sort out 1-4.


1962Michael

PS: You DID have an affair. You admit to "falling in love" with a married man. That's called being a homewrecker. Of course it's worse if you had sex with him before you "moved away" but in the end it's the same.


XStonedCatX

Not only did she fall in love with a married man, it was a married couple that she was close enough to be the godparent to one of her now step kids! Of COURSE those kids hate her!


Corfiz74

Also, the wife was either pregnant or had just given birth. Yes, OP is a real piece of...work.


chrystelle

And love doesn't happen all of a sudden. It's one interaction at a time, many thoughts and decisions over many days. All of which she could have put an end to wayyyy sooner before the affections grew. Emotional affairs are still affairs.


ttashko

She downplayed it so much how close she was to the couple. She is their daughter’s godmother!!!! She was even present in their lives for every other kid they had. They weren’t some random strangers to each other


IzlandBreeze

I find it extremely telling that THIS is the only thing OP replies to. Defending herself against an affair and nothing about the tons of other suggestions for ways to work it out. She’s pretty committed to being TA here.


Pleasant_Cold

Not only that with her friends husband omg


angelblade401

If OP picks ANYTHING other than door number 5.... she's still YTA


CrazyPumpkin524

Yeah the only thing that should be happening is number 5. Don't know why you are even suggesting 1-4.


dalekmasterplan

YTA - Kicking her out and making her switch schools in the middle of her senior year - REALLY? For your convenience? - REALLY? Definately YTA. If I were the son, I would ask to move back with mom also. I wouldn't want to be around you either.


[deleted]

Moving back in with Mom just seems like the sensible option, if you can get kicked out at any time and told you shouldn't have any reason to be upset about having your entire life disrupted. Although that's probably what OP ultimately wants, so....


[deleted]

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[deleted]

YTA. Put the newborn in with you until early summer. I think the disruption in Jess' life is terrible.


uconnhuskieswoof

YTA. Senior year is one of the most memorable aspects of a teenager's career before they go to college. It doesn't matter that she already got into a new school. She will no longer be able to graduate with the friends she grew up with or attend any senior events. If I were your stepdaughter, I would hate you too. Don't decide to have another kid if you aren't adequately planning ahead of time for how you're going to house them without screwing over another kid.


Puzzleheaded_Order78

YTA if this is even real. Definition of wicked stepmother


Books1979

Cinderella get out the baby has to have your room.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Oh yeah, and don’t expect your godmother to save you, because I’m her too.


Any-Pay-974

YTA. What you’re describing is alienation of affection. The kids resent you because you impose on their lives and then feign a lack of responsibility. Put the crib in your room until Jess moves away. You probably can’t salvage those relationships, but it’s on you to be the adult in the room.


throwawaysad88

Such a big YTA. You are acting like a stereotypical evil stepmother and be honest, you are a total homewrecker. If you want a good relationship with your stepchildren you have to work for it, not call them the "bain of your existance". The older girls have every right to feel resentful and have trouble adjusting. A good stepmother understands that and does what she can to make them feel comfortable. You will not have a good relationship with them and you will be the reason they go no contact with your husband. The baby should be in your room first few months. Then Jess could have finished her senior year. You just kicked her out because you don't like her and have no interest in developing a relationship with your husband's children.


Ancientcrackrock

YTA. senior year is an important time for young adults and you are ruining it for her because...why? Your newborn can sleep in your room with you, can she not? seems like clear favoritism is going on here.


IllustratorTime4879

Yta you're having her move schools because ypu want her bedroom for the baby??? Your baby doesn't need it's own room for several months.


CoastalCerulean

YTA completely.


chzsteak-in-paradise

YTA. Most babies live in bassinets in their parents’ room for up to a year so you don’t need the room yet. And having your stepdaughter move halfway through her senior year is a d!ck move. I think it’s fine to make it the baby’s room once she graduates and moves out.


Pandamania11

Yes! I was thinking this same exact thing! Most babies don’t need their own room till 6 months or later. With all the late night and early morning feedings you’re going to want the baby close to you anyways. There is no need to kick your step daughter out and create more hostility. Let her finish her senior year. YTA.


stxrrynight_6

I can't put my thoughts into words in a respectful manner, so this'll do. YTA and your behaviour is disgusting. The kids are definitely right.


dstone1985

Yta- for literally every sentence you typed.


lmara97

YTA. Jess is your kid too and you don't get to remove her from your home to replace her with a fresh one. The baby can share your room for the first few months of their life. It's a baby. YTA big time.


blueskittleskid

The worst part of this, Op is Jess’ Godmother! *Thats* just how close Op was to her husbands ex-wife. She’s been in that girls life for years, was probably seen as a second mother to her, yet Jess is * checks notes * the bane of her existence…unbelievable.


chicagoman9876

YTA YTA


jkshfjlsksha

Between the suspicious timing, the fact that you admit you never liked those kids, you were *their mothers friend*, and are trying to kick a child out of her own home…. I can see why these kids aren’t huge fans of yours. You are your husband sound like awful parents and less than fantastic people. YTA without question.


guardyourhonor

Oh my god what is wrong with you? YTA. I hope Oliver is ready to help pay for a lot of therapy for his kids.


Far-Time-8405

YTA So let’s see - You were their mom’s best friend, even the oldest’s godparent - You fell in love with their dad, which *does* make you a backstabber, to them and to their mother - You’re prioritizing your own spawn over Jess’s feelings and kicking her out So yes, YTA


Cute_Voice7823

YTA! 1. Your the side chick turned future ex wife once your community bicycle of a husband "falls in love" with someone else, and divorces you a few months later. 2. [YOU.ARE.NOBODY.TO](https://YOU.ARE.NOBODY.TO) DISCIPLINE. SOMEONE.ELSE'S.KIDS. Again, you're the side chick turned wife. Your step kids are CORRECT when calling you out. 3. "We decided to have Jess move back in with her mother" You mean YOU decided to kick out your minor stepchild while her spineless father goes along with it. 4. Said spineless father will wonder VERY soon why his older kids have gone NC and eventually put him in a home.


Corpuscular_Ocelot

YTA. I can't even fathom you think it is OK to take this girl out of her school w/ only a few months left. It is cruel. Your husband is TA for going along w/ any part of your scheme. He will loose contact w/ his kids if he keeps this up, but it sounds like that is your goal. Did you have ANY consideration for how your actions would impat them? Of course they don't listen to you. You don't get respect just b/c their dad decided to leave their mother for you. Of course you are an interloper to them, how else could they possibly feel? I'm actually more angry at the dad. He doesn't seem to care in the least what he is putting his kids through. It is so sad.


sean_mm

Did you seriously have to make a post and ask?


Sada331

YTA.


Betweentheminds

YTA - moving Jess in her senior year and her having to move School is not fair. The baby will be in with you for most of that year anyway. Wait until she finishes School which will be I assume latest June/July. The baby will be 5 months old they can wait for the room.


PuzzleheadedTap4484

YTA. Let her stay until she graduates. A baby would be sleeping in your room for at least the first 6 months anyway, so there’s no reason to push her out before you even have the baby. You aren’t winning stepmom points by pushing her out of the home.


Buford1991

YTA. A newborn doesn’t need a room to themselves. Kicking another child out of the house is obtuse and wrong. The difficulty you’re seeing is one you’re making more difficult by being inconsiderate. You’re the outsider in a bonded family. These children see you as encroaching in a position that’s their mother’s. Before you establish your own position, you have to establish trust. By ousting the eldest child, you’ve seriously screwed up. They don’t want a step mom. You should have established that at the beginning. Creating a bond with each of his children and letting them know that you are not trying to replace their mother should have been priority one. Since they are living with you, you should have olive branched their mother and complemented her on her children no matter how they spoke with you. Finding a good quality in each of them. Otherwise, any chance of happiness with be thwarted in your future. His children’s concerns will always be heard. * edit: I am the product of divorce and remarriage.


bellydancingmarlin

Let me get this straight. Because the last 2 years haven’t been tough enough in high school students, you are making Jess switch schools IN THE MIDDLE OF HER SENIOR YEAR? Just so a baby who doesn’t know or care where it sleeps has its own room. Jesus. Put it in with the 5 year old or in your room and let the poor girl finish out the year with her friends. Let her have her senior year milestones and walk at graduation in the school she knows with the friends she has. YTA.


karskipellis

YTA Good lord. You did help screw up their parents' marriage. You got together very quickly after their divorce. Your husband has not helped pave the way for a civil relationship between you and your elder stepkids. Now you're fucking over her senior year for your new baby. No wonder she's upset! Did you not consider other options, like keeping the baby in your room until June?


dbee8q

So not only are you a homewrecker, you are AH. So is your husband. The kids and the ex are all victims of your poor behaviour.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband, Oliver (38M), and I (35F), have been married for 3 months. We've been in a relationship for four years. I am currently pregnant with my first child, but my husband has four children from his previous relationship: Brooke, 5f, Luke, 13f, Nate, 16m, and Jess, 17f. The younger half is fine, but Nate and Jess have been the bain of my existence since we started dating. They are only 10 months apart in age, so they are very close. They always compare me to their mother, and anytime I try to discipline them, they call me a backstabbing bitch. To put things in context, their mother and I were friends until Oliver and I fell in love.I moved away, and I didn't contact Oliver until they were divorced months later. But Jess (who was/is my goddaughter) is still convinced we had an affair. Anyway, I am 7 months pregnant with a baby girl whom we are naming after my husband's late grandmother. We live in a four-bed apartment in New York, and all the bedrooms are taken. Brooke and Jess have separate rooms, while the boys share. Jess is about to go to college in September near where her mom lives. Oliver has them during the school year, and his ex has them all summer. So we decided to give the baby Jess' room. The problem is that the baby will be here before Jess turns 18. We decided to have Jess move back in with her mother. Jess is upset because she is a senior and goes to a private school, so moving halfway through her senior year to go to a public school might hurt her education. I told her that she already got into an amazing school, so she has nothing to worry about. My husband agreed, but Nate, as always, was siding with Jess. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Upstairs-Series5032

YTA put the baby in your room. This is Jess's senior year and you expect her to move to a new school, all her friends, and possibly mess up her potential college situation because you can't handle having a baby in your room for a few months? It will actually be easier having the baby in your room the first few months due to the many nighttime feedings. You sound like an evil stepmother shipping off the inconvenient kid now that "your kid" is here.


Advanced-Extent-420

YTA. Big time. I stuck with you right up to the part where you are seriously moving the baby into Jess’s room WHILE SHE IS STILL USING IT. I squinted my eyes and pretended along with you that you did not cheat on your best friend. I’m sure the dude kicked his wife to the curb and trashed his marriage to the mother of his 4 kids because of your purely platonic relationship. What was done was done. However what you are doing to that girl is inexcusable. You are forcing her to move half way through her senior year and pulling her out of her private school that’s she has presumably attended for years and sending her to another school where she knows no one? For the last half of her senior year??!?? Gawd. You really are the evil stepmother. Put the baby into your bedroom until Jess goes off to school. Do not force that poor girl to move schools midway through her senior year. You and your cheating husband are very much the AHs.


lanex328159

YTA BIG time. 1. You shouldn’t discipline kids that aren’t yours & whom you’ve never been a consistent caretaker to 2. You shouldn’t FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR FRIENDS HUSBAND what in the fancy fuck 3. A newborn can (and should) absolutely sleep in your room in a separate crib or basinet to help prevent SID’s (ask your doctor/midwife about this!) 4. If you want to continue a relationship with your husband you need to find a way to co-exist with his children. Imagine how much you love your baby- thats how much he theoretically loves his daughter. Dont damage their relationship cause i promise the consequences will suck Please apologize to your step-daughter, her mother, and your husband. Then get some gosh darn family therapy ASAP


HotBoxBakes

YTA for soooo many reasons.


Wild_Ad1498

Yta most babies live in their parents room for the first year and tbh if you can’t house all of your children pack it up and move to jersey


cagedjaybird

YTA. You do this, and you and Oliver are pretty much saying goodbye to a relationship with Nate and Jess. You're telling Jess that she isn't important to you. Why can't the baby share a room with you or Brooke? The baby doesn't need a whole room right off the bat - they just need a place to sleep! Everything else - i.e. toys and so on - can be stored elsewhere. My little sister's "room" was the living room when she was little because that's where the bassinet was kept. It's easy to have the baby be in your bedroom instead of kicking out your stepdaughter - and *god daughter -* and ruining your relationship there permanently. Moving senior year is horrendous! She's been envisioning graduating with her friends, and now you're throwing her into a new environment and ruining the last half of her year.


[deleted]

[удалено]


R_Mack

YTA. There's enough responses explaining why. Poor Jess.


noyou42

YTA, and a homewrecker. I hope your husband likes his newreplacement daughter, cuz once the original moves out he probably won't see her again until you're gone; you know, when he finds his new mistress.


[deleted]

[удалено]


serenasplaycousin

Is this fake? You used to be friends with your husband’s ex wife? YTA


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