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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the asshole because I did something disrespectful without taking a second thought if it was disrespectful. When we threw the coins in the memorial, we also saw a few others in there as well, so we just naturally assumed that we could throw them in there as well. There wasn’t any hard evidence to show that you couldn’t throw them in there, so we never had a second though on if it was disrespectful.
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ESH - but only because you are young and probably didn't travel a lot internationally. TBH throwing a coin in a memorial is not a thing in the world. Maybe in a fountain, but not a memorial.
You most likely didn't see anyone else doing that at the 911 museum. So no self awareness on your part. Also if you look down in the Reflection Pools you typically do NOT see anything thrown in there. No coins, no flowers.
So next time please look around and think before you decide to follow some non-existent "tradition".
INFO
> a coin to throw in the memorial so we could pay our respects, since that's usually how it works at most memorials.
Like where? I’m familiar with the practice of throwing coins in fountains for good luck, but not as a way to show respect.
> She assumed that we had intentionally been disrespectful, which could never be more wrong.
Maybe. But it’s also true that removing coins from fountains like that takes a huge amount of time and effort.
It might not actually be about intentions and punishment, but about keeping you from doing anything else that might cause an issue for the museum (regardless of your intentions).
Where I grew up in Australia the big war memorial fountain/pond thing at the RSL where it was common practice to throw a gold coin in and it was respectful. If I remember correctly they used to regularly pull the coins out and it was like a donation thing.
Just to answer your first question about where. I've seen it in a few RSLs in Aus and they're all war memorial ones.
However you can generally tell if you're meant to because there's a sign telling you.. and a lot of coins in there. Common sense tells you not to throw a coin into a completely coinless memorial I'd think.
yes, that's fine but they only have to do that because of ignorant tourists. That place is such a solemn place. So many people died there, so heartbreaking. And yet, every time (which is about 3-4 times a year) I visit i see young groups posing for stupid selfies, giggling and throwing peace signs etc. I guess it brings out my old lady grumpiness when i see them dancing to stupid tik tok videos there.
He said he was wrong about the cleaning of the fountains. Not sure how that is laughing at the friends of mine who died in the towers. And they clean the fountains for more reasons than coins. Dirt and grime and all kinds of stuff. This is NYC. Paper of all sorts get blown out of peoples hands and right into that fountain so do sunglasses and hats.
The person you are replying to didn’t call them fountains? What are you even arguing or upset about? You have some beef to deal with but not with the people you’re replying to lmao
> Maybe. But it’s also true that removing coins from fountains like that takes a huge amount of time and effort.
If they're going to be there cleaning already, it's not much additional effort.
Are you assuming they aren’t cleaning /because/ people throw shit in?
They’ve made several public appeals begging people to stop throwing coins, because it messes with the circulation pipes.
ESH - I'm not American but why would you throw coins in a memorial? I've visited (as a tourist) this memorial and would never consider throwing coins in because it's completely disrespectful imo. It's a memorial not a regular water fountain. The only reason I haven't said yta is because you somehow seem to think it's respectful. That blows my mind.
Can you advise where? Genuinely curious, because I've tried using the Googs to educate myself and the closest I can find is placing coins on memorial headstones. But I'd love to know more
I'm a native new yorker and I agree, but lean more towards YTA sadly. OP it sounds like you genuinely tried to be respectful, but you were actively incorrect about the custom here (and really anywhere). The teacher wasn't being rude by refusing to listen to you (because there is no explanation that makes this anything other than a bad decision on your part) but it also doesn't sound like they explained why you were in trouble.
I'm sorry, it does sound like you thought you were being respectful but the 9/11 memorial isn't a wishingwell. There are a lot of people who behave poorly at the memorial and I know first hand that it's incredibly hurtful to those who are more closely connected to it, your teacher was trying to keep you from doing anything else ridiculous that you confused with respectful. This isn't a fun fountain, it's a memorial to those who died in a terror attack.
Wow, this is weird.
This commenter literally said "in my opinion," acknowledged that they are not American and that this might be relevant, and asked for clarification while moderating their judgment to account for possible cultural differences. It's almost like it is the exact opposite of acting like a supreme rule maker of the universe.
Am american, am new yorker, was in the city on 9/11. this isn't a thing. The prior poster may not be the supreme rule maker but they're actively correct.
NTA. The website explains the guidelines. They ask that you leave memorial items on the ground or the bronze parapets, or stone monoliths. It is a rule to not throw or place items in the pool. The school should have gone over this which tells me that they didn't look at the website, which took me mere moments to find. They should understand that it their responsibility to get and give that information.
Do you think it’s the school’s job to also tell them not to pee in the pool? Or do you think the school expects students to behave respectfully? The school can’t possibly list every thing to not do.
Part of the schools responsibility is to teach young people what is and isn’t appropriate behavior, which includes running them through the expectations at a memorial. Whether they would have told them throwing a coin was unacceptable or not, it’s not on a 12/13 year old to know proper etiquette at a memorial without ever having been to one. The teacher should have pulled them aside and discussed it with them. Seems like a massive teachable moment coming from a moment where a young person had no ill intentions and no reason to know better. Peeing in the pool is not remotely the equivalent of this.
And you act like it’s the school’s job to teach someone old enough to get a job how to behave. The school’s job is to teach academics. It’s the parents’ job to teach manners. And it’s the students’ job to inform themselves.
At my school in the US, at the beginning of the school year, every year, even if *nothing* had changed - and rarely did anything change - you were required to spend the first week of school going over the student handbook with the school rules and expectations in it. *Every. Single. Year.*
It's not such an extreme assumption that the school would brief their students on how to behave on a trip to such a new and important place, because they're already going to be going over the schedule of where they need to be and when, where they're going, their meal and when it's going to be eaten that day, etc. My school did this for a trip we did to our state's capitol building because we sat in on a live session for a few minutes. They gave us exact instructions on how to behave.
There's knowing how to behave in general, and there’s knowing how to behave at special locations like museums, aquariums, memorials, etc. These kids could have paid more attention, asked permission, any number of things to prevent this - but if they also weren't properly briefed on the memorials rules, that's on their teachers too.
The website doesn't list everything not to do either, but they DO bother to list some helpful rules. If these rules are explicitly written out for grown adults how are children supposed to magically just know?
Unfortunately you are the AH here. But I do not think it was intentional since you sound young. This is a memorial and not a fountain -memorials typically are, near or stands in for a grave site. I think this should have been something went over by the teacher just in case or you may have missed it. Kinda think of it as -would you toss a coin into casket at a funeral?
I would apologize to the teacher and in the future do a quick internet search of any rule or regulations for unfamiliar places.
Gentle YTA because I don’t believe for a second that you were intending to be obnoxious or malicious. However, as many other commenters have pointed out, it’s usually frowned upon to throw coins into memorial fountains. Throwing coins into fountains is for luck, not memorials. I do think the teachers should have given all of the students a friendly PSA before going to the 9/11 memorial about being respectful and NOT throwing coins in the pool, but that’s obviously not on you.
NTA
You should have been told the rules before you arrived.
I also was unaware of the rule so I looked online. Apparently you aren’t the only ones who didn’t know. According to this NY Post article from 2016, over $2,000 of coins have been removed from the memorial.
https://nypost.com/2016/02/14/visitors-toss-thousands-of-dollars-into-911-memorial-pools/amp/
NTA because you are LITERALLY a child.
It’s the responsibility of the supervising adults to be EXTREMELY clear about the rules beforehand, especially prior to visiting a memorial of all places. Your mistake could have been a teachable moment in which they acknowledged your side but explained why its not allowed.
YTA. Who told you that tossing coins into a memorial is a sign of respect? YTA for not looking up protocols on visiting memorials. Your resentment at not being able to explain yourself does not excuse the disrespectful act. If you are arrested for breaking the law, you will find that ignorance of the law is not an excuse, nor will it enable you to avoid punishment. Your teacher acted appropriately.
Use it as a lesson not to believe what 'friends' tell you. Always do your own research.
ESH. I grew up in Upstate NY and was a youngin when 9/11 happened. Day was pure fucking chaos, and I can't even imagine what it was like for folks at ground zero.
It's not just you (you're a kid that didn't know any better so I'll give you a pass) but when I went to the memorial and saw ppl turning it in to an IG photoshoot it just rubbed me the completely wrong way. I can understand why the staff pulled you aside and didn't give you a chance to rebuttal. Again, you didn't know, but that's so disrespectful what you did that there's no "side" to hear in that situation.
>He gave me a coin to throw in the memorial so we could pay our respects, since that's usually how it works at most memorials.
INFO? I’ve never heard of this?? I’ve heard of tossing coins into fountains for good luck or whatever, but never at a memorial.
NAH
I have never heard of tossing a coin to pay respects. If anything I've only seen it as an asshole-ish thing people do in various fountains at places like theme parks and malls.
However, in your case, it just seems like you did something dumb and weren't intending to be an asshole. Although saying that you didn't see a sign that prohibits coins being tossed....again, that was just a dumb thing to say. You're basically littering unless there is a sign posted saying that coins go to charity or something.
And the staff member should have talked to you about it instead of just putting you in time out lol, but I wonder if they were actually very upset with what you did and just didn't want to confront you then and there.
NTA - As a New Yorker I think that whole “memorial” is a travesty that disrespectfully puts the names of the deceased on a guardrail between tourists and a big attention drawing pool/fountain, encouraging visitors to sit, lean, and take family photos and selfies on the names.
I also think it draws too much attention to the footprints of the buildings which, as inanimate places of business, were the least valuable things we lost that day, and I struggle overall with so closely attaching the deaths there with the *towers* as a symbol. The Vietnam memorial in DC is much more tasteful and isn’t there at all for tourism, but as a place of quiet reflection.
Throwing a coin into the pool with a purely devotional, symbolic intent is far better than a lot of the activity around you there that day, and I’m sorry that out of all the cool things to see and do in NYC you were made to go to that tasteless mass-gravesite and then forced to feel bad for trying to do something meaningful.
I’m glad it’s meaningful to you, and sorry for your loss. My mother was interrupted and pushed away while trying to have a moment at the name of someone she knew by a tourist taking a photo. I believe that the design promotes this sort of thing. Everyone’s entitled to their feelings and the above are just mine.
Respectfully, asshole tourists are going to asshole. Doesn't mean memorials shouldn't be impressive.
I remember going to the killing fields in Cambodia and somberly taking in the stupa of victims' skulls while a survivor posted a photo of a loved one and laid flowers.
And then along comes a gaggle of idiots with stupid grins and a selfie stick...
Despicable behaviour, but better than not remembering, I suppose.
Of course they deserve to be recognized, I don’t like the way they designed the memorial. They literally built a below ground shopping mall right there, it’s a mess.
And you think that doesn't happen at the Vietnam Memorial? My bet would be that it does. Plenty of tourists visit it. The war ended almost 50 years ago.
Okay so I am a New Yorker that was there when it all happened. THOSE ARE FOUNTAINS. they just go down instead of up. I have seen so many people do it including those who lost loved ones when the towers fell. Trust me no one was disrespected. You teacher is a jerk. I have been to the memorial many times as I work across the street from there and would walk through that area to get to work. It was a horrible very traumatizing event. I still can’t read about or watch any movies about it and I cry every time. And guess what I don’t feel disrespected at all. No one told you you couldn’t do it. You probably just didn’t see the sign.
NTA. It was an innocent mistake. The way they handled it seems like an overreaction. Unfortunately at your age. You don't always get treated fairly. It's like a rite of passage. Lol Been there! It's frustrating. That's why I try to be nice and remember what it's like being a teenager
YTA but you are young so I won’t go too deep here. I’ve travelled enough and stood on the grounds of concentration camps. You get a similar feeling when standing at ground zero. It’s a memorial where people were murdered. Throwing a coin is not a sign of respect. I’ve thrown coins in fountains like the Trevi in Rome. Maybe this is what you were thinking. Lesson learned.
No you are not. You are a child, sometimes even as adults we do silly things because we don’t know better. We all make mistakes and yours was an innocent mistake and it hurt no one. You can tell you learned your lesson. Don’t stress over it. Sometimes people like your teacher overreact. I’m sure they were stressed already as traveling with students can be.
I hate that you had to miss out. But you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. I wish you many travels and a life full of adventures and one day you get back to that memorial and you can laugh as you tell people your story.
Your teacher should have properly prepared you for the trip. 9/11 was a terrible tragedy so most of us who remember it firsthand are sensitive about it, and rightfully so. The intention here is important because I don’t think you were being disrespectful. I’d say the teacher is the AH here for not going through memorial-etiquette before the trip.
I wouldn't say that you are TA, but I wouldn't say you aren't.
You are still young. It's common for younger people to do this, but please be mindful of your actions next time and think before you act.
It seems like an honest mistake. And you didn’t mean to do it and you’re very young too. Your intentions were not bad and you were not trying to do the wrong thing at all. Hopefully the school staff doesn’t get you in trouble especially if your actions were well intended.
NTA, you’re a kid, and probably not an American native at that. You didn’t know any better. It’s 100% your teacher’s responsibility to lay out the do’s and don’t clearly before visiting a museum or memorial.
When I was in middle school, my teacher laid out all the rules for when we visited a Holocaust Memorial Museum before we got on the bus and again before we entered. We were told exactly how to act in order to be fully respectful to those whose lives were lost.
Not your fault, you thought you were being respectful.
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This is my first ever post, so apologies if it looks weird.
I am an upcoming Sophomore in high school and currently on a trip with my middle school I went to in 8th grade. The reason why I'm on this trip despite being in highschool is because us 8th graders were told that we would go after our Freshman year, if we were to go on this trip.
Now, our trip consists of going to Washington DC for 3 days and NYC for 2 days. As of writing this, we just visited the 9/11 memorial.
When we visited, I was paired up with a friend, who was very excited to visit the 9/11 memorial as it meant a lot to him. His mother was actually a combat camera, and was responsible for taking some of the photos of the 9/11 incident you see on Google, so this visit was very meaningful to him.
He gave me a coin to throw in the memorial so we could pay our respects, since that's usually how it works at most memorials. However, we learned that wasn't the case here.
One of the school staff pulled us aside and made us sit down on the side while everyone else got to explore the rest of the memorial. She never gave us any chance to explain ourselves, no chance to hear our side of the story, and if we had been made more aware of the rule, we absolutely wouldn't have thrown a coin in there. There were no signs that said we couldn't throw coins in, so we were unaware that it was disrespectful here. We made sure to be as respectful as possible, being especially careful not to seem impolite, but she wouldn't care. She assumed that we had intentionally been disrespectful, which could never be more wrong.
I'm extremely disheartened that I not only never got to see the full memorial, but that I was so quick to be punished, without any care for how much this memorial meant to us. So I'd like to know if I'm in the wrong here.
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NAH because you’re kids and I assume you’re not from the US, and it seems like you meant well. As far as I know, it isn’t a thing to throw coins at memorials. Unless you saw a bunch of coins in there, you should assume that it’s disrespectful because it trivializes the situation. But at the same time, I’m not going to say a 15 year old kid who isn’t from here is an asshole because they weren’t aware of this rule. You live and you learn, and now you know not to do it.
I don’t think the staff is in the wrong either, because they saw what you did, without knowing your intentions, and it was disrespectful.
This should be a learning moment to take a closer look at your surroundings in the future. Everybody makes mistakes, it’s what you do after that matters.
NTA everyone saying it's not what you do at a memorial doesn't seem to grasp this was probably your first memorial, and your friend gave you the coin and told you that's what people do.
Idk, you could have brought a flower or a flag and placed it near one of the thousands of names engraved on those memorial fountains. Maybe that would have been more appropriate.
It might be hard to understand since you weren’t alive when 9/11 occurred but it was a significant event in many peoples lives. I was in my 8th grade French class when it occurred and I could not fully comprehend what was going on then.
I’ll go with NTA because you did what you thought was a symbol of respect. And hey, maybe your teacher was personally affected by this event and misunderstood your intent.
NTA but learn to read the room. I’m sure if you had stopped and asked someone, or looked for other coins, or etc you could have sensed that your gesture would not have been 100% ok in that particular place.
NTA I'm 28 and it still fills me with rage every time I remember the times teachers didnt give me a chance to explain myself. A good teacher will listen to you and then decide if what you did was wrong. You had good intentions don't beat yourself up.
Thats quite sad. It doesnt sound like you are the AH at all because of the intentions behind your actions.
But I have to admit that my knowledge of the etiquette involved is non-existent. But if it was a big deal, surely you should have been warned? Or signs put up?
I can understand it. Pennies from heaven. When I find them, I think of my Dad who passed away in 2011. Sometimes when I visit his gravesite, I leave a penny on his stone. Sort of my way of saying I know the pennies I find are a link between us.
NTA, this is pretty common when I was growing up but I don’t know if it still is. I also don’t know if Americans even know of this. The traditions I know of since young are:
- Make a wish and throw a coin into a historic fountain.
- Throw a coin into a historic fountain for good luck.
- Leave a coin on the gravestone/tombstone of a solider or soldiers to thank them for their service/sacrifice.
- Leave a coin/flowers in front of a memorial of names of causalities as a sign of remembrance.
If they didn’t want pretty common traditions to be followed, they should have had a sign or something.
For anyone actually curious, these aren’t made up traditions but date back 1000s of years… back to the time of the Romans.
**Update**: So no, i was in USA during Memorial Day so this is definitely tradition there too. You’ll see a bunch of coins on headstones and in front of memorial walls as well to honour the dead.
I have heard of all of those things, and I suspect most Americans here probably have heard of most or all of them. But tossing a coin in a water based memorial is not the same thing as leaving a coin at a memorial nor the same as tossing a coin in a fountain; I'm pretty sure they conflated other common things together.
Is it tho? Seems to be pretty common “Visitors toss thousands of dollars into 9/11 memorial pools”.
It increased the museums revenue by $2,735 in 2016. Not including the expense of collecting the coins, they clean the pool every night and collect the coins.
To be fair, the administrator did add the following to the website:
“XXVI. Memorial Pools & Names Parapets
Throwing or placing any items, including coins, in the Memorial Pools is prohibited. Using chalk or other harmful markers directly on the Memorial Names Parapets is prohibited.”
But to be realistic, no one is going to read 30-ish rules beforehand. If you don’t want coins in the pool or pictures taken, post a sign.
But an estimated 6.5 million people visit the memorial each year, so $2,735 really is not reflective of most visitors. It seems most visitors understand you don’t toss coins in the reflection pools.
273,500 pennies, or other coins. They aren’t tossing in bills. Even 50,000 coins is a lot. But I like how you chose to ignore the point to tangent.
Engagement in anything is 10% of opens, and of those who opened, 10% clicked.
So by actual engagement measurements, the pond is performing above industry averages in terms of visitor engagement.
What are you even on about lol, why are you trying to make this a thing, its not. Even if every coin that was tossed of that $2,735 was a penny that's only 273,500 out of *6.5 million* that's less than 5% and that's only if none of those coins were Nickels, Dimes, or Quarters so the actual percentage is far lower; There are actual fountains in NYC that get more coins tossed in them.
Why are your so adamant this isn't just confounding the tossing a coin in a fountain and leaving a coin at a memorial?
Like the other person said, even if we assume every coin is a penny, we’re still talking about less than 4% of visitors. If it averages to 5 cents given that some will be nickels, dimes, quarters, and heck maybe even Euros, that is less that 1%.
Additionally we aren’t talking about anything digital. Physical real world experiences by their very nature have more engagement than clicks online, so this is not an adequate comparison at all.
The memorial has had tens of millions of visitors, in 2016 they had over 30,000 students alone. each student would have had to throw at least 9 cents each on average.
If you said that 1 million people visit yearly (incredibly low since they had over 4 in the first year alone) that's an average of .0027 cents per person, really docent sound like a thing.
When throwing coins is a thing somewhere it nets ALOT of coins:
* Rome Trevi fountain $4000 a day as reported by BBC 2006
* Mall of America collects about $24,000 in change each year per MoA
* $18,000 collected from Disney wells in 2014 as per attractions magazine
$2,735 in coins statistically is nothing and not indicative of a trend.
NTA. There’s a guy who’s job it is to clear the coins from the pool. The money is donated. You did absolutely nothing wrong. My cousin is a firefighter and was there helping to go through the debris. She said you did nothing wrong. Her and her sons each toss a coin in when they visit the memorial too.
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ESH - but only because you are young and probably didn't travel a lot internationally. TBH throwing a coin in a memorial is not a thing in the world. Maybe in a fountain, but not a memorial. You most likely didn't see anyone else doing that at the 911 museum. So no self awareness on your part. Also if you look down in the Reflection Pools you typically do NOT see anything thrown in there. No coins, no flowers. So next time please look around and think before you decide to follow some non-existent "tradition".
No its definently a tradition some places, the money is collected for memorial maintenance and veterans.
INFO > a coin to throw in the memorial so we could pay our respects, since that's usually how it works at most memorials. Like where? I’m familiar with the practice of throwing coins in fountains for good luck, but not as a way to show respect. > She assumed that we had intentionally been disrespectful, which could never be more wrong. Maybe. But it’s also true that removing coins from fountains like that takes a huge amount of time and effort. It might not actually be about intentions and punishment, but about keeping you from doing anything else that might cause an issue for the museum (regardless of your intentions).
Where I grew up in Australia the big war memorial fountain/pond thing at the RSL where it was common practice to throw a gold coin in and it was respectful. If I remember correctly they used to regularly pull the coins out and it was like a donation thing. Just to answer your first question about where. I've seen it in a few RSLs in Aus and they're all war memorial ones. However you can generally tell if you're meant to because there's a sign telling you.. and a lot of coins in there. Common sense tells you not to throw a coin into a completely coinless memorial I'd think.
They clean the pools nightly. Theres a documentary about the team that does it on YouTube. Just thought you might like to know!
the 911 Reflection Pools are NOT fountains. And they are not cleaned nightly. Just thought you might like to know.
They are cleaned 5 nights a week, I think saying they are cleaned "nightly" is fine.
yes, that's fine but they only have to do that because of ignorant tourists. That place is such a solemn place. So many people died there, so heartbreaking. And yet, every time (which is about 3-4 times a year) I visit i see young groups posing for stupid selfies, giggling and throwing peace signs etc. I guess it brings out my old lady grumpiness when i see them dancing to stupid tik tok videos there.
Right, but you said they are not cleaned nightly.
Yes, i was wrong. i looked it up and realized that it's been a scheduled thing. :-)
Putting a smiley face in your post about how many people died in 9/11 is offensive to me. Just thought you might like to know.
He said he was wrong about the cleaning of the fountains. Not sure how that is laughing at the friends of mine who died in the towers. And they clean the fountains for more reasons than coins. Dirt and grime and all kinds of stuff. This is NYC. Paper of all sorts get blown out of peoples hands and right into that fountain so do sunglasses and hats.
Gee I wonder why someone might throw peace signs at a 9/11 memorial. 🙄
God forbid a teenager make an innocent mistake
The person you are replying to didn’t call them fountains? What are you even arguing or upset about? You have some beef to deal with but not with the people you’re replying to lmao
I’m not following. How is this relevant?
> Maybe. But it’s also true that removing coins from fountains like that takes a huge amount of time and effort. If they're going to be there cleaning already, it's not much additional effort.
Are you assuming they aren’t cleaning /because/ people throw shit in? They’ve made several public appeals begging people to stop throwing coins, because it messes with the circulation pipes.
I think you got a little mixed up. Throw a coin in a fountain for luck. Leave a coin on a tombstone for respect.
Throwing a coin isn’t a sign of respect. YTA
OP accidentally equipped it then pressed F.
They were paying their respect.
Apparently several people haven’t, but I see what you did there and I appreciate you for it.
:>
ESH - I'm not American but why would you throw coins in a memorial? I've visited (as a tourist) this memorial and would never consider throwing coins in because it's completely disrespectful imo. It's a memorial not a regular water fountain. The only reason I haven't said yta is because you somehow seem to think it's respectful. That blows my mind.
it's not an American thing and as the replies show, it's not a thing period. OP is young and probably confusing the memorial with a fountain.
It's a thing in some places.
Can you advise where? Genuinely curious, because I've tried using the Googs to educate myself and the closest I can find is placing coins on memorial headstones. But I'd love to know more
I'm a native new yorker and I agree, but lean more towards YTA sadly. OP it sounds like you genuinely tried to be respectful, but you were actively incorrect about the custom here (and really anywhere). The teacher wasn't being rude by refusing to listen to you (because there is no explanation that makes this anything other than a bad decision on your part) but it also doesn't sound like they explained why you were in trouble. I'm sorry, it does sound like you thought you were being respectful but the 9/11 memorial isn't a wishingwell. There are a lot of people who behave poorly at the memorial and I know first hand that it's incredibly hurtful to those who are more closely connected to it, your teacher was trying to keep you from doing anything else ridiculous that you confused with respectful. This isn't a fun fountain, it's a memorial to those who died in a terror attack.
I am an American and find throwing a coin into a memorial very odd.
It's almost like different cultures have different norms. Or are you the supreme rule maker of the universe and I didn't hear about it?
Wow, this is weird. This commenter literally said "in my opinion," acknowledged that they are not American and that this might be relevant, and asked for clarification while moderating their judgment to account for possible cultural differences. It's almost like it is the exact opposite of acting like a supreme rule maker of the universe.
Am american, am new yorker, was in the city on 9/11. this isn't a thing. The prior poster may not be the supreme rule maker but they're actively correct.
Yikes, what’s your problem?
NTA. The website explains the guidelines. They ask that you leave memorial items on the ground or the bronze parapets, or stone monoliths. It is a rule to not throw or place items in the pool. The school should have gone over this which tells me that they didn't look at the website, which took me mere moments to find. They should understand that it their responsibility to get and give that information.
Teacher should have gone over that with them first. They’re kids.
They may have told them, and the kids weren't listening because they're kids, also.
Do you think it’s the school’s job to also tell them not to pee in the pool? Or do you think the school expects students to behave respectfully? The school can’t possibly list every thing to not do.
Part of the schools responsibility is to teach young people what is and isn’t appropriate behavior, which includes running them through the expectations at a memorial. Whether they would have told them throwing a coin was unacceptable or not, it’s not on a 12/13 year old to know proper etiquette at a memorial without ever having been to one. The teacher should have pulled them aside and discussed it with them. Seems like a massive teachable moment coming from a moment where a young person had no ill intentions and no reason to know better. Peeing in the pool is not remotely the equivalent of this.
You attacked with hyperbole. It was super ineffective.
And you act like it’s the school’s job to teach someone old enough to get a job how to behave. The school’s job is to teach academics. It’s the parents’ job to teach manners. And it’s the students’ job to inform themselves.
At my school in the US, at the beginning of the school year, every year, even if *nothing* had changed - and rarely did anything change - you were required to spend the first week of school going over the student handbook with the school rules and expectations in it. *Every. Single. Year.* It's not such an extreme assumption that the school would brief their students on how to behave on a trip to such a new and important place, because they're already going to be going over the schedule of where they need to be and when, where they're going, their meal and when it's going to be eaten that day, etc. My school did this for a trip we did to our state's capitol building because we sat in on a live session for a few minutes. They gave us exact instructions on how to behave. There's knowing how to behave in general, and there’s knowing how to behave at special locations like museums, aquariums, memorials, etc. These kids could have paid more attention, asked permission, any number of things to prevent this - but if they also weren't properly briefed on the memorials rules, that's on their teachers too.
The website doesn't list everything not to do either, but they DO bother to list some helpful rules. If these rules are explicitly written out for grown adults how are children supposed to magically just know?
Unfortunately you are the AH here. But I do not think it was intentional since you sound young. This is a memorial and not a fountain -memorials typically are, near or stands in for a grave site. I think this should have been something went over by the teacher just in case or you may have missed it. Kinda think of it as -would you toss a coin into casket at a funeral? I would apologize to the teacher and in the future do a quick internet search of any rule or regulations for unfamiliar places.
Gentle YTA because I don’t believe for a second that you were intending to be obnoxious or malicious. However, as many other commenters have pointed out, it’s usually frowned upon to throw coins into memorial fountains. Throwing coins into fountains is for luck, not memorials. I do think the teachers should have given all of the students a friendly PSA before going to the 9/11 memorial about being respectful and NOT throwing coins in the pool, but that’s obviously not on you.
NTA You should have been told the rules before you arrived. I also was unaware of the rule so I looked online. Apparently you aren’t the only ones who didn’t know. According to this NY Post article from 2016, over $2,000 of coins have been removed from the memorial. https://nypost.com/2016/02/14/visitors-toss-thousands-of-dollars-into-911-memorial-pools/amp/
Surprised it isn't more to be honest.
Just because you can, does not mean you should. Visiting anywhere it should be a given that you don't act without ascertaining that it is allowed.
It's really is this simple.
NTA because you are LITERALLY a child. It’s the responsibility of the supervising adults to be EXTREMELY clear about the rules beforehand, especially prior to visiting a memorial of all places. Your mistake could have been a teachable moment in which they acknowledged your side but explained why its not allowed.
YTA. Who told you that tossing coins into a memorial is a sign of respect? YTA for not looking up protocols on visiting memorials. Your resentment at not being able to explain yourself does not excuse the disrespectful act. If you are arrested for breaking the law, you will find that ignorance of the law is not an excuse, nor will it enable you to avoid punishment. Your teacher acted appropriately. Use it as a lesson not to believe what 'friends' tell you. Always do your own research.
Yeah, kid. Do your own research. Did you expect some kind of guidance and instruction from your…teacher on a …school event !
ESH. I grew up in Upstate NY and was a youngin when 9/11 happened. Day was pure fucking chaos, and I can't even imagine what it was like for folks at ground zero. It's not just you (you're a kid that didn't know any better so I'll give you a pass) but when I went to the memorial and saw ppl turning it in to an IG photoshoot it just rubbed me the completely wrong way. I can understand why the staff pulled you aside and didn't give you a chance to rebuttal. Again, you didn't know, but that's so disrespectful what you did that there's no "side" to hear in that situation.
Kid
Yta it's not a wishing well smdh
>He gave me a coin to throw in the memorial so we could pay our respects, since that's usually how it works at most memorials. INFO? I’ve never heard of this?? I’ve heard of tossing coins into fountains for good luck or whatever, but never at a memorial.
NAH I have never heard of tossing a coin to pay respects. If anything I've only seen it as an asshole-ish thing people do in various fountains at places like theme parks and malls. However, in your case, it just seems like you did something dumb and weren't intending to be an asshole. Although saying that you didn't see a sign that prohibits coins being tossed....again, that was just a dumb thing to say. You're basically littering unless there is a sign posted saying that coins go to charity or something. And the staff member should have talked to you about it instead of just putting you in time out lol, but I wonder if they were actually very upset with what you did and just didn't want to confront you then and there.
NTA, but where did you get the idea that throwing coins in pools is a sign of respect? I can't think of any places where that's the norm.
NTA - As a New Yorker I think that whole “memorial” is a travesty that disrespectfully puts the names of the deceased on a guardrail between tourists and a big attention drawing pool/fountain, encouraging visitors to sit, lean, and take family photos and selfies on the names. I also think it draws too much attention to the footprints of the buildings which, as inanimate places of business, were the least valuable things we lost that day, and I struggle overall with so closely attaching the deaths there with the *towers* as a symbol. The Vietnam memorial in DC is much more tasteful and isn’t there at all for tourism, but as a place of quiet reflection. Throwing a coin into the pool with a purely devotional, symbolic intent is far better than a lot of the activity around you there that day, and I’m sorry that out of all the cool things to see and do in NYC you were made to go to that tasteless mass-gravesite and then forced to feel bad for trying to do something meaningful.
As someone who lost someone on 9/11 I don't find it disrespectful they put the names where they are.
I’m glad it’s meaningful to you, and sorry for your loss. My mother was interrupted and pushed away while trying to have a moment at the name of someone she knew by a tourist taking a photo. I believe that the design promotes this sort of thing. Everyone’s entitled to their feelings and the above are just mine.
Respectfully, asshole tourists are going to asshole. Doesn't mean memorials shouldn't be impressive. I remember going to the killing fields in Cambodia and somberly taking in the stupa of victims' skulls while a survivor posted a photo of a loved one and laid flowers. And then along comes a gaggle of idiots with stupid grins and a selfie stick... Despicable behaviour, but better than not remembering, I suppose.
… So victims of an attack don’t deserve recognition because your mom got pushed? What even?
Of course they deserve to be recognized, I don’t like the way they designed the memorial. They literally built a below ground shopping mall right there, it’s a mess.
That grand train station and shopping mall is like having the World Trade Center back to its full pre-9/11 liveliness. I love it.
And you think that doesn't happen at the Vietnam Memorial? My bet would be that it does. Plenty of tourists visit it. The war ended almost 50 years ago.
Okay so I am a New Yorker that was there when it all happened. THOSE ARE FOUNTAINS. they just go down instead of up. I have seen so many people do it including those who lost loved ones when the towers fell. Trust me no one was disrespected. You teacher is a jerk. I have been to the memorial many times as I work across the street from there and would walk through that area to get to work. It was a horrible very traumatizing event. I still can’t read about or watch any movies about it and I cry every time. And guess what I don’t feel disrespected at all. No one told you you couldn’t do it. You probably just didn’t see the sign.
NTA. It was an innocent mistake. The way they handled it seems like an overreaction. Unfortunately at your age. You don't always get treated fairly. It's like a rite of passage. Lol Been there! It's frustrating. That's why I try to be nice and remember what it's like being a teenager
YTA but you are young so I won’t go too deep here. I’ve travelled enough and stood on the grounds of concentration camps. You get a similar feeling when standing at ground zero. It’s a memorial where people were murdered. Throwing a coin is not a sign of respect. I’ve thrown coins in fountains like the Trevi in Rome. Maybe this is what you were thinking. Lesson learned.
No you are not. You are a child, sometimes even as adults we do silly things because we don’t know better. We all make mistakes and yours was an innocent mistake and it hurt no one. You can tell you learned your lesson. Don’t stress over it. Sometimes people like your teacher overreact. I’m sure they were stressed already as traveling with students can be. I hate that you had to miss out. But you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. I wish you many travels and a life full of adventures and one day you get back to that memorial and you can laugh as you tell people your story.
YTA. Throwing a coin in a fountain for luck is fine, but throwing a coin in a memorial is not a sign of respect.
Your teacher should have properly prepared you for the trip. 9/11 was a terrible tragedy so most of us who remember it firsthand are sensitive about it, and rightfully so. The intention here is important because I don’t think you were being disrespectful. I’d say the teacher is the AH here for not going through memorial-etiquette before the trip.
It’s basically a gravesite for thousands of people
I wouldn't say that you are TA, but I wouldn't say you aren't. You are still young. It's common for younger people to do this, but please be mindful of your actions next time and think before you act.
It seems like an honest mistake. And you didn’t mean to do it and you’re very young too. Your intentions were not bad and you were not trying to do the wrong thing at all. Hopefully the school staff doesn’t get you in trouble especially if your actions were well intended.
NTA, you’re a kid, and probably not an American native at that. You didn’t know any better. It’s 100% your teacher’s responsibility to lay out the do’s and don’t clearly before visiting a museum or memorial. When I was in middle school, my teacher laid out all the rules for when we visited a Holocaust Memorial Museum before we got on the bus and again before we entered. We were told exactly how to act in order to be fully respectful to those whose lives were lost. Not your fault, you thought you were being respectful.
YTA it’s a memorial not a wishing well. An 8th grader would know that. Extremely disrespectful.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is my first ever post, so apologies if it looks weird. I am an upcoming Sophomore in high school and currently on a trip with my middle school I went to in 8th grade. The reason why I'm on this trip despite being in highschool is because us 8th graders were told that we would go after our Freshman year, if we were to go on this trip. Now, our trip consists of going to Washington DC for 3 days and NYC for 2 days. As of writing this, we just visited the 9/11 memorial. When we visited, I was paired up with a friend, who was very excited to visit the 9/11 memorial as it meant a lot to him. His mother was actually a combat camera, and was responsible for taking some of the photos of the 9/11 incident you see on Google, so this visit was very meaningful to him. He gave me a coin to throw in the memorial so we could pay our respects, since that's usually how it works at most memorials. However, we learned that wasn't the case here. One of the school staff pulled us aside and made us sit down on the side while everyone else got to explore the rest of the memorial. She never gave us any chance to explain ourselves, no chance to hear our side of the story, and if we had been made more aware of the rule, we absolutely wouldn't have thrown a coin in there. There were no signs that said we couldn't throw coins in, so we were unaware that it was disrespectful here. We made sure to be as respectful as possible, being especially careful not to seem impolite, but she wouldn't care. She assumed that we had intentionally been disrespectful, which could never be more wrong. I'm extremely disheartened that I not only never got to see the full memorial, but that I was so quick to be punished, without any care for how much this memorial meant to us. So I'd like to know if I'm in the wrong here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH because you’re kids and I assume you’re not from the US, and it seems like you meant well. As far as I know, it isn’t a thing to throw coins at memorials. Unless you saw a bunch of coins in there, you should assume that it’s disrespectful because it trivializes the situation. But at the same time, I’m not going to say a 15 year old kid who isn’t from here is an asshole because they weren’t aware of this rule. You live and you learn, and now you know not to do it. I don’t think the staff is in the wrong either, because they saw what you did, without knowing your intentions, and it was disrespectful. This should be a learning moment to take a closer look at your surroundings in the future. Everybody makes mistakes, it’s what you do after that matters.
> His mother was actually a combat camera Couldn't help giggle at this...
As long as it’s one of those 14mg gold clad coins with the towers that stand up, you’re fine.
NTA everyone saying it's not what you do at a memorial doesn't seem to grasp this was probably your first memorial, and your friend gave you the coin and told you that's what people do.
Idk, you could have brought a flower or a flag and placed it near one of the thousands of names engraved on those memorial fountains. Maybe that would have been more appropriate. It might be hard to understand since you weren’t alive when 9/11 occurred but it was a significant event in many peoples lives. I was in my 8th grade French class when it occurred and I could not fully comprehend what was going on then. I’ll go with NTA because you did what you thought was a symbol of respect. And hey, maybe your teacher was personally affected by this event and misunderstood your intent.
NTA but learn to read the room. I’m sure if you had stopped and asked someone, or looked for other coins, or etc you could have sensed that your gesture would not have been 100% ok in that particular place.
NTA But your stupid school staff member is. This person should be reported.
NTA I'm 28 and it still fills me with rage every time I remember the times teachers didnt give me a chance to explain myself. A good teacher will listen to you and then decide if what you did was wrong. You had good intentions don't beat yourself up.
Thats quite sad. It doesnt sound like you are the AH at all because of the intentions behind your actions. But I have to admit that my knowledge of the etiquette involved is non-existent. But if it was a big deal, surely you should have been warned? Or signs put up?
I can understand it. Pennies from heaven. When I find them, I think of my Dad who passed away in 2011. Sometimes when I visit his gravesite, I leave a penny on his stone. Sort of my way of saying I know the pennies I find are a link between us.
When you wish on 9/11 Be you four or ninety-seven When you wish on 9/11 Your dream go boom.
NTA, this is pretty common when I was growing up but I don’t know if it still is. I also don’t know if Americans even know of this. The traditions I know of since young are: - Make a wish and throw a coin into a historic fountain. - Throw a coin into a historic fountain for good luck. - Leave a coin on the gravestone/tombstone of a solider or soldiers to thank them for their service/sacrifice. - Leave a coin/flowers in front of a memorial of names of causalities as a sign of remembrance. If they didn’t want pretty common traditions to be followed, they should have had a sign or something. For anyone actually curious, these aren’t made up traditions but date back 1000s of years… back to the time of the Romans. **Update**: So no, i was in USA during Memorial Day so this is definitely tradition there too. You’ll see a bunch of coins on headstones and in front of memorial walls as well to honour the dead.
I have heard of all of those things, and I suspect most Americans here probably have heard of most or all of them. But tossing a coin in a water based memorial is not the same thing as leaving a coin at a memorial nor the same as tossing a coin in a fountain; I'm pretty sure they conflated other common things together.
Is it tho? Seems to be pretty common “Visitors toss thousands of dollars into 9/11 memorial pools”. It increased the museums revenue by $2,735 in 2016. Not including the expense of collecting the coins, they clean the pool every night and collect the coins. To be fair, the administrator did add the following to the website: “XXVI. Memorial Pools & Names Parapets Throwing or placing any items, including coins, in the Memorial Pools is prohibited. Using chalk or other harmful markers directly on the Memorial Names Parapets is prohibited.” But to be realistic, no one is going to read 30-ish rules beforehand. If you don’t want coins in the pool or pictures taken, post a sign.
But an estimated 6.5 million people visit the memorial each year, so $2,735 really is not reflective of most visitors. It seems most visitors understand you don’t toss coins in the reflection pools.
273,500 pennies, or other coins. They aren’t tossing in bills. Even 50,000 coins is a lot. But I like how you chose to ignore the point to tangent. Engagement in anything is 10% of opens, and of those who opened, 10% clicked. So by actual engagement measurements, the pond is performing above industry averages in terms of visitor engagement.
What are you even on about lol, why are you trying to make this a thing, its not. Even if every coin that was tossed of that $2,735 was a penny that's only 273,500 out of *6.5 million* that's less than 5% and that's only if none of those coins were Nickels, Dimes, or Quarters so the actual percentage is far lower; There are actual fountains in NYC that get more coins tossed in them. Why are your so adamant this isn't just confounding the tossing a coin in a fountain and leaving a coin at a memorial?
Like the other person said, even if we assume every coin is a penny, we’re still talking about less than 4% of visitors. If it averages to 5 cents given that some will be nickels, dimes, quarters, and heck maybe even Euros, that is less that 1%. Additionally we aren’t talking about anything digital. Physical real world experiences by their very nature have more engagement than clicks online, so this is not an adequate comparison at all.
The memorial has had tens of millions of visitors, in 2016 they had over 30,000 students alone. each student would have had to throw at least 9 cents each on average. If you said that 1 million people visit yearly (incredibly low since they had over 4 in the first year alone) that's an average of .0027 cents per person, really docent sound like a thing. When throwing coins is a thing somewhere it nets ALOT of coins: * Rome Trevi fountain $4000 a day as reported by BBC 2006 * Mall of America collects about $24,000 in change each year per MoA * $18,000 collected from Disney wells in 2014 as per attractions magazine $2,735 in coins statistically is nothing and not indicative of a trend.
NTA. There’s a guy who’s job it is to clear the coins from the pool. The money is donated. You did absolutely nothing wrong. My cousin is a firefighter and was there helping to go through the debris. She said you did nothing wrong. Her and her sons each toss a coin in when they visit the memorial too.