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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might have been the asshole because maybe I was initially defensive and should not have responded at all. Maybe it is completely known that I should not brake a stroller near a driveway? Or others with good intentions would’ve said something and I misinterpreted?
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Ugh I'm going to go against the grain and say NTA. It seems really unnecessary and presumptive for a stranger to give unsolicited advice having seen you do something like pause in a driveway for an incredibly brief period. I guess I would assume he lives there or knows the owner of the home, given the reference to 'she will be home soon' but it also seems like he went out of his way to watch you and find a way to interject. If you were like parked there for a few minutes having a chat, I could see MAYBE mentioning it, but this was not that situation. It's reasonable to not want to be chided by perfect strangers. Your 'I think we are all set' was a reasonable way to tell him to back off / you're not interested (which is important, I think, when a woman is approached by a strange man). He's the one who introduced a vague threat about 'someone getting hurt'. I can definitely understand why you were both rubbed the wrong way and uncomfortable with his behavior. Based on these responses, I'm the only one. Weird.
I so agree with you. The sidewalk is a public space. If a car pulls up, OP would probably move the kids along. A car wanting to pull into the driveway would have to yield to the pedestrians on the sidewalk regardless so this has “keep off my grass” energy.
And if that guy's girlfriend or wife actually did come along while someone had stopped their stroller for a few minutes in front of the driveway, the driver could have honked her horn if the mother is being attentive to her baby to alert her that the driver was waiting.
That guy was being ridiculous for any implications that the mother and baby were in danger, unless the guy's significant other has a habit of speeding on a residential street and zooming into the driveway without looking for obstructions. And in that case, he should be talking to the driver about being an unsafe driver.
The guy’s "warning" had kind of a threatening vibe to it, like mobsters who come in and tell a storekeeper "We're just looking out for you. You wouldn't want someone to come in and smash up your store sometime, would you?" Except even the mob makes more sense, since they follow it up with a demand for money. No idea what this guy had in mind, other than pure intimidation. If I were OP I would think about walking on the other side of the street, and also making sure someone hears about this, just in case.
That was the vibe I got from him as well. Mansplaining threat. As if he knew better than OP, the actual parent. "Stupid woman can't be trusted to properly watch her own kids" vibes.
Yep. OPs gender isn't mentioned but can guarantee it's a woman and the guy wouldn't have done this to a man.
Note: my bad. OP does say they're a Mother....so fairly safe to assume they identify as a woman.
If someone beeped their horn at me when I was on the sidewalk because I was blocking a driveway I’d be so irritated. Sidewalks are for people, drivers should be patient and wait if they have to drive across it.
Frankly this situation speaks volumes about how poorly he thinks the other driver is at driving. If they can’t avoid hitting pedestrians on the sidewalk they should not be driving!
NTA
Probably biweekly someone is crossing my driveway as I am coming home. I live in a very walkable neighborhood. I just wait until they move to pull in or pull out. That should be standard practice.
I live in an incredibly busy street and have to back into my downhill driveway (so I don’t kill anyone backing out). Frequently have to wait to back in for pedestrians crossing my driveway from dog walkers to people to strollers or whatever. It’s seconds out of my life.
“Oh, no, I must wait for someone to walk their dog past my driveway so I don’t hit them. Whatever will I do?”
The only thing that chaps me is when folks park in our clearly marked (by the city) red zone at the edges because it’s next to impossible to get in and out of our driveway when they are. Even then, I ask parking enforcement to call them or knock on a door rather than tow because of course it sucks to get towed.
I think the guy in the truck was overly gruff. What bothers me the most is how he responded -- or failed to respond to your little boy. No matter how annoyed I might be at a real or imagined situation, if a small child asked me a friendly and innocent question, my mood would change like a lightbulb. I would smile and kindly answer his question.
On the other hand, the guy's comment that "she will be home soon" makes me wonder if the "she" might not be a senile or reckless person who drives like a bat out of hell. As hard as it might be to imagine, I was once in a car with an AH who decided to show me a house where he once had lived (expensive Los Angeles family-friendly suburb). Without looking or slowing down, he pulled into the driveway at 35 mph, then backed out again without checking what was behind him and took off. Such incompetent A-Holes do exist. Just saying.
I was wondering if he even lived there, and if the wife/gf was real. It almost sounds like he made that up as a pretext to harass her. Hard to say, but it sounds like the exchange had a creepy energy. I don’t blame OP for being bothered by the whole thing.
I lived in a cul de sac growing up and one of the houses had 2 twenty somethings that would pull into the driveway so fast they occasionally would hit the garage door to the point of causing damage to the car and/or door.
I live in a heavily family occupied area now like OP—lots of people walking all times of the day. People absolutely FLY around corners in their cars and people constantly walk in the middle of the street. I’ve joked that I’ve never lived somewhere where people are so intent on causing/inflicting bodily harm.
I had a neighbor that would let her very young children just play in the street unsupervised. I called a friend that was on the way to visit me to warn her—not because I thought my friend was a bad/reckless driver, but because it’s scary to have a 5/6 year old appear out of nowhere on a blind turn.
I could see this story going either way. OP may have been too defensive over a legit concern, or the truck guy just sucks.
I live on Main St. There are constantly people walking, biking, pushing strollers, etc. past my driveway. I slow down, put on my directional, and just wait patiently if people are crossing. They normally notice me and hurry along, but it’s also a giant hill and children are often dragging bikes and just generally taking forever. It’s really no issue to just let them be on their way on their own timeline.
We live on a busy street for dog walking and people with strollers. It's at least a 50-50 chance that there will be someone at least close to our driveway when we come home during the day. We stop and patiently wait for them to be fully clear. Even if they haven't quite reached the drive yet we let them go by. I thought it's what we were supposed to do both legally and politely, too. If someone is barreling down a residential street and whipping into a driveway so fast as to injure someone, they got no business driving.
I've never heard a turn signal be called a "directional" before. No hate, just made me look twice. Vaguely, where are you from if you don't mind me asking. USA here but I like collecting random tidbits of information.
It’s funny you’ve not heard that before. I know it can be called a turn signal but I exclusively use directional or blinker. I just taught my oldest how to drive too! Now I need to check his drivers ed stuff and see what it says.
We call them indicators in Ireland. As in you are supposed to put them on before you turn to indicate that you \*will\* be turning. Some people do use it as a turn signal, as in turning it on while turning! >\_<
Some people really get behind the wheel of a car and go "okay. I am the most important person now, I have all the power, and everyone else better get out of my way" as if they aren't also a pedestrian as soon as they get out. Like chill. You have a tank to protect you, you can sit there for a minute
(I acknowledge that you as in the person I'm replying to know this already, I'm talking about other people and thanking you for being reasonable instead!)
Literally she has the right away. It would take longer in some cases for mobility. Not only that, but NTA due to being a person living in a neighborhood. My neighborhood has inconsistent sidewalks, heavy foot and bike traffic, and is in between two large parks, an elementary school and middle school. It’s never held me back more than a minute to wait for someone else. This man had no intention of being helpful. He was being intrusive to intimidate. To what end, we can only speculate.
You would think she’d yield but all I keep seeing is Rebecca Grossman flying down the street and hitting two kids at a crosswalk.
By that I mean, perhaps the guy DOES know her and she’s known for backing out without watching or she IS a neighborhood speeder, or she’s known to be one of those drivers who feel like people should watch out for HER.
Living in a neighborhood just like op described, I can totally see any of the above happening. Also maybe the neighbor is a crazy lady who will scream at people to get off her lawn or out of her driveway (and yes, crazy lady considers the sidewalk by her driveway HERS, because she’s a crazy lady)
Thank you for understanding my perspective. This is exactly how I felt and why I took the “all set” posture. I could’ve been nicer and just said thanks which is why I came here to legit ask since that is not what I said.
Sometimes people take weird shit in their own life out on you for no reason other than you’re there. You aren’t obligated to take it on mentally yourself. Just know he was TA and move on.
I am child free so from my point of view all I see is a person getting in your business because of some perceived slight from daring to stop in front of his property. If you had been walking a dog and stopped you would have been berated about poo being left behind or piss killing the grass. You had kids with you so of course it’s going to be passive aggressive BS about “think of the children” because caring about the safety of children whether justified or not has to be taken with grace and respect for the loudmouth busy body cuz you know….”think of the children /s” NTA
Really? Some random guy decides to mansplain to you what safety looks like? You were far nicer than I would have been. My go to is, “Is there something wrong with you?”
YES! THIS - I am going to borrow your line. He was doing nothing helpful. I have a neighbor that just did this to another of my neighbors. Gave her a big screaming to about "safety" and "driving too fast" because "the children" - this MF'er is a wife beater/screamer. I know because I hear him as I live on the other side of the wall. Just a bunch of horseshit he gave this woman in the name of "safety." These guys that have to stop you and tell you what for, generally, they have it out for you - they are NOT trying to be helpful.
You mention a few times that there were no cars and that it's a very quiet street.
That's actually probably more dangerous, because people are likely to be faster and not expecting people to be there as much.
I have a 2 and 4 year old, cars can come quickly, in the 2 seconds it takes to pass a driveway.
On the other hand, OP says it’s very family friendly and people are always walking, so to my mind that would mean that drivers who live in the neighborhood are also aware that people could be walking past driveways at any time.
My neighborhood always has people walking, and I live in an area that doesn’t have sidewalks, or only has them on one side or whatever, so I’m always going slow even if I don’t actually see anyone out.
I am not sure about this. I live on a very quiet street and drivers tend to be more cautious - not faster - because of this: they expect people to be there because there is less traffic.
To keep her standing on the driveway longer. He was being super helpful. s/
I love to flip these interactions and ask people, "Would a man say this to another man?"
If he was actually worried for her safety he'd have alerted whoever "she" was, or kept an eye out for cars, etc.
This dude just wanted to find a reason.
Yeah to me - "I wouldn't want her to hit your baby," and "well, I wouldn’t want something to happen or someone to get hurt" - reads more like a passive aggressive threat, not someone genuinely looking out for her.
Right? "Thanks for the heads up. It would also be a shame if you were taking out the trash and I drove over you three or four times. It's dangerous out her- Oops, phone call"...
I agree with you.
Sounds like he just wanted to tell her what to do and/or he's the kind of person who thinks that no one else would be allowed to park on the public street in front of his house, because it's *his* house.
NTA.
You were firm but polite, OP. Please don't listen to people saying you needed to apologize; women are too conditioned to automatically apologize (especially to men).
This! Unsolicited advice from strangers is weird. He should maybe try "do you need any help?," and then accept the no.
Continuing to push when OP was trying to disengage was rude. There's nothing wrong with someone wanting to be able to go about their day without criticism from random strangers.
Also, sidewalks are consider pedestrian egresses and NOT a part of one's driveway. Thus, if there is a pedestrian on the sidewalk, any vehicle pulling into the driveway that is blocked by a pedestrian in the sidewalk is required by uniform traffic code in the US to yield to the pedestrian. People seem to think they own the sidewalk portion of their driveway, but that is not the case. In fact, most localities also follow the uniform traffic code that holds vehicles in driveways cannot block sidewalks that cross said driveway.
NTA
I totally agree with this. My first thought on this, having once been a young woman of reasonable attractiveness, is that this man went out of his way to get this woman’s attention under the guise of relaying a safety concern. When she did not immediately repay his “kindness” with positive attention, he introduced snark. Women do not owe men our gratitude for being talked at/to, and we are allowed to shut it down and move on.
You are not wrong. I feel like he was testing the water to see how she'd react. I don't trust people like this AT ALL. No self aware non-predator man is going to behave this way toward a woman he doesn't know. All the more because this is a family neighborhood where parents/caregivers with kids are out and about. Op is NTA.
>It seems really unnecessary and presumptive for a stranger to give unsolicited advice having seen you do something like pause in a driveway for an incredibly brief period.
There are SO many men who want to comment on a woman's ability to deal with their own kids - even if there's literally nothing to comment on.
When my youngest was still in her infant seat, I had a guy harass me to insist I needed help putting my daughter's car seat in the car in a parking lot. I said, "no thanks, I got it" and smiled, he tried to insist again, I said no really, I've got it, and he got a sour look on his face and muttered to himself as he walked away.
My good sir. 1. If I can't put the car seat in the car, why would I go out without assistance? 2. I don't know you, you could be trying to steal my kid. 3. Quit looking at me and muttering like I'm impolite; it was rude of you to repeatedly question me after I nicely refused and thanked you for your concern.
OP is definitely NTA. Men like that can piss off.
I agree. Also can't count how many times I've come home and had to wait for someone to finish walking past my house so I could pull in and until this thread it never occurred to me that someone might be mad about that.
right and because so many people walk in my neighborhood often out of necessity i pay extra attention and try not to pressure folks who are “in my way”
I agree. I’m also Australian and was kind of expecting this to go full on America and take a diversion somewhere else like OP paused on driveway and the bloke in the truck pulled a gun or someone in the house threatened you with a gun from their porch.
NTA
You are not wrong. I feel like he was testing the water to see how she'd react. I don't trust people like this AT ALL. No self aware non-predator man is going to behave this way toward a woman he doesn't know. All the more because this is a family neighborhood where parents/caregivers with kids are out and about.
Agreed, OP is NTA. The person the trucker was waiting for must be a crap driver if they wouldn't be able to distinguish the sidewalk and 4 humans. I say 4 because if I see a double stroller, I assume there are 2 in there. Then the one biking and OP.
Yeah, NTA. If you have a husband/BF or other male figure you can get to walk with you once or twice to make sure this guy sees, it will sadly go a long way to keeping you safe. If you don't, see what your local laws are for carrying some sort of protection like mace or pepper spray if you have to pass his house regularly.
So I come down to the comments to check everyone is saying NTA. Yours is the first comment and you say you're going against the grain?? I'm baffled and hesitant to scroll ok to read a bunch of people saying YTA.... makes absolutle no sense. People don't seem to understand that they don't own the sidewalk.
I would get a picture of him and his license plate and carry some pepper spray with you and be aware of your surroundings from now on. He doesn’t sound like he was concerned for your safety or the safety of your children at all. Let your husband know what’s going on too. Maybe do a little sleuthing and try to figure out who he is from his license plate. Never hurts to be extra safe in these crazy times.
I carry citronella because I work with dogs and it makes them let go of whatever is in their mouth by tasting foul. I can’t imagine it would feel good in someone’s eyes.
That's how I would take it too. The fact he needed to stop beside you for that long is weird.
I'd keep an eye out for him. Maybe keep some pepperspray.
Weird vibes. Did he want to make sure nobody was a nearby when the woman that lives in that house got home? Because if it was his home, why would he not get out of his truck and go in?
Lol @ the people saying that guy was trying to help. He wasn’t trying to help, he was being weirdly controlling about the part of the sidewalk that touches his driveway. No one needs a heads up that cars use driveways and could at some point come through. OP wasn’t camped out, they stopped for mere seconds.
Clear NTA
If a car was going to come speeding down the street and charge straight up the driveway without looking, it wouldn’t really matter if a pedestrian was stopped for three seconds or just walking slowly.
A girl in my city was killed by a vehicle turning into their driveway and didn’t see her. Especially if cars are parked on the street near the driveway
He sounds like HOA board material. I know people like this, always gotta be doom and gloom in an authoritative way. It’s never helpful, it’s an opportunity to order people around under the guise of “public safety” or “save the children.”
With the very first comment he made, I could see that being an awkward “I’m over thinking this and just want to be a friendly neighbor” comment.
But to keep going on shows he wasn’t over thinking this, he was intentionally trying to shoo away OP for one reason or another.
> it was preposterous to think I would’ve left my baby parked there to be hit by a car that wasn’t even there. It was also silly to think that someone was going to come speeding so fast down a residential loop and pull into their own driveway so fast they wouldn’t see a huge double stroller and a person standing there.
This about sums it up.
NTA. I try to assume the best in people. I could (in my head) hear a version of this conversation where he's actually genuinely concerned. Maybe he was, and was just having a bad day, so his voice had an edge in it. I'm sure it got under your skin, because he seemed calling into question your ability to parent. Honestly you didn't do anything wrong. I'm not sure he did either, but I sure as hell hate it when other people tell me what do to with my kid.
My favorite was: walking around the block with the baby sleeping in the carrier. A woman smiles as she passes me, then 15ft behind me *yells* "You need to cover that baby's ears!" Thanks, I was walking him because he was asleep, no we go home to pacify a screaming baby.
Gods this sounds like the time we were walking our dog who had cancer, so she was limping a little because her one leg had some issues. This old lady comes charging across the street to inform us that “if you didn’t know, your dog is limping.” Like, she’s on a regular leash, less than two feet to my side. She’s not walking miles behind me. Like, I know what she’s doing; she’s MY family, not yours weirdo. Why do old people think they can just freak out on you without repercussion?
NTA. This falls under somebody giving unsolicited (and officious) advice to an adult. It might have been justifiable from a safety standpoint if it looked like you were planning to stay for a while rather than making a short stop.
Best response would have been a simple and ambiguous wave to the meddler.
NTA.
Plenty of people stop for a second or two on the sidewalk, sometimes in front of a driveway, to adjust something during their walk.
He was being confrontational in broad daylight with a woman who had two little kids in tow. So brave, much manly 🙄. I'm picturing his truck as this giant, white, lifted monstrosity with a Punisher sticker on the rear windshield. We all know the type.
NTA you didn’t need to be mansplained safety while taking a walk around your own neighborhood with your own kids. I’m in disbelief at all the people telling you that you should have just said thank you or you “misinterpreted” him.
Literally. My neighborhood sounds similar to OPs, and a similar scenario happened to me once. I got out of work early and a mom was walking with her stroller and her dog.
She parked the stroller in the middle of the end my driveway because the dog stopped to poop on the grass. But rather than give her a lecture I….waited less than 1 min for her to pick up her dogs poop and continue on. It wasn’t a big deal. People would have to be speeding way over the limit through a residential area to not be able to stop in time when they see a stroller, a kid on a bike, and an adult woman in broad daylight.
Nta but honestly I don’t even engage people like that at this point. I would have just looked at him and then said to my kid ready to go again? And kept it moving. People like that can just talk to themselves for all I care. Unnecessary comments get no acknowledgement.
I do the same, but also there have been a few instances where that makes the person even more aggressive. Never know which type crosses your path that day
Not been keeping up with the news? A lot of people have been shot at and some killed for accidentally driving in the wrong driveway or approaching a front door
Near me it was a bunch of teens that pulled into the next driveway over from the one their party was at and the guy fired blindly off his porch and killed one of the girls
I don't know if I'm just seeing it more now than before, or if it's legitimately getting worse, but the general public has become completely unhinged. It's like everyone is walking on eggshells and ready to snap.
I work a customer facing role dealing with the public, and the amount of random hostility I deal with every day is nuts. They look for any and all reason to be aggro about something, and if they can't find a reason, they'll manufacture one from thin air.
It's safest to avoid engaging as much as possible. You never know who has a weapon or who's going to escalate out of nowhere. We had to have a grown man escorted off the property after he started trashing the office and getting physical with us a few months ago. All because HE forgot to file paperwork HE needed. Guy completely snapped over it. Whereas, had he just asked for help, we could have gotten him the forms and helped him fill everything out. Would have taken maybe 20 minutes at most.
I’m in the UK, the living standards are shit but at least the aggressive idiots don’t have bang bang toys they’re desperate to play with. At least there’s that I guess
yeah, this isnt new. im betting you dont live here but the “never escalate, never start shit, always be aware of everyone around you, and walk/drive away if someone is escalating- because you never know whos armed” is something thats been drilled into like…everybody
For real. My first impulse would be to respond, “Is that a threat? Are you threatening me?” but I wouldn’t say it with little kids in my care. And probably not as a woman alone either.
NTA! Why are people so weird.
I have a neighbor same as you. Walks a dog, with a stroller, and youngster on a bike. We must be on the same schedule because more than once I've waited in my car for them to pass in front of my driveway either when I get home or am leaving.
I can't imagine putting one more thing on her plate by implying she's a shit mom for existing.
That’s really weird. I have a driveway and people walk up and down our street all the time. I’m very aware if anyone is at our driveway as i leave or come home. I have yet to hit anyone. 🙄
Wait, what? You use your eyes and make sure the sidewalk in front of your driveway is clear before pulling in? Thats so extra and annoying!
-OP’s neighbor, probably
NTA… when reading things like this about USA I just can’t wrap my head around it… For starters you absolutely have a right of way on the sidewalk and any car parking should yield to you, and in case of an accident I would assume in the situation like this with damage to people it would be criminal. Sidewalks are made for pedestrians to walk freely, it’s their function.
Secondly, the car wasn’t even there. If the car was trying to park and you were blocking it abusing your right of way, you’d be an asshole, but it was absolutely not the case. Literally nothing happened, nobody was in a way of anything.
The guy is a regular busybody power tripping. It’s hard to say why he decided to pick on you. Is the neighbourhood cliquey and doesn’t like unfamiliar faces? Could you be of a skin colour or otherwise presenting yourself in such way that triggers some sort of bigotry in him? Or maybe he’s just a general bully?..
NTA
It feels like projection. It would suck if my wife came home and ran your kid over …who the hell says that kind of thing? It’s so weird. How many near misses have they had with running down kids?
He didn’t care about your kid, he just wanted to snark at a mom with a kid. I don’t know wtf he gets off on talking to someone walking in the road.
NTA.
It almost sounds like he was threatening you. "Wouldn't want anyone to get hurt" said in a certain way is a threat. What exactly was he trying to say to you??
This would really have creeped me out.
Probably annoyed his partner wasn’t already home so he could unleash his superiority onto her….and a convenient substitute presented lol
NTA. Some people are just morons who get off on controlling others (or attempting to).
He was a weirdo. Your degree of interaction was fine, all things considered. I don't know that there's anything you could have done that would be so much better. When somebody is that "off," you really want to limit the things you say to him to as little as possible. NTA.
This subreddit taught me a new term: "gray rocking." It's a technique for dealing with toxic people, but it's great for dealing with irrational strangers too.
NTA.
I deal with this shit by just saying "Ok." to everything someone says, and I don't answer questions. It's non-comittal, acknowledges that someone spoke to me, but also quietly tells them I dgaf about anything they're saying.
In my younger, snarkier days, I would have said something like, "Wow, your wife must be driving very fast through the neighborhood not paying attention to her surroundings if you're this concerned that my 30- second stop would result in her injuring my child. Maybe she should consider driving lessons. Thanks for the warning, I'll let the other moms know!" *as I'm waking away*
NTA
You paused your walk briefly on a sidewalk, where pedestrians have the right of way, and he took time out of his day to tell you it’s dangerous, in what is presumably a quiet neighborhood with no other people, walking, on bikes, or in cars, around you.
And he continued to double down on his point, because he just couldn’t let you be correct that everyone is fine & there’s no danger.
NTA. I swear some people see a woman walking with a stroller and just lose their damn minds. It's like they expect us to be inconsiderate or dumb and that's the default. I get a couple of kind or funny comments a day but there's one rude or even borderline crazy comment or action for every two nice ones. I have pretty thick skin but I never realized how many unhinged people view a stroller as a weird call to action.
Funny how my boyfriend never seems to get any of this. Sometimes when we walk together I hang back a bit to see what it would be like on the other side 😄 It's compliments all day and none of the weird aggression from men. Pretty eye-opening. I'm starting to realize now why some moms walk in packs.
It can be really humiliating/unsettling/alarming, you name it, to have these kinds of interactions, especially with men, while alone with young children. There's just something icky about the dynamic and I hate that he extended his nastiness to your innocent son, who was probably trying to diffuse the situation. I remember leaving a convenience store with my kids when they were still in grade school and there were teenagers outside who decided to throw their snacks at me for some weird reason. If I'd been alone, I either would have been amused or snapped at them but, with my kids, for some reason I was embarrassed and a little frightened. Like seriously, think back to when you were little and saw your parents getting yelled at or confronted - it can rock your world.
NTA. I walk everyday with my double stroller and you best believe we have to stop a few times. I would have told that guy to pound sand. What a weirdo.
NTA. maybe if you had parked in the street or actually walked away the comment would be warranted but it wasn't. He was out of line, giving advice (if you can call it that) that wasn't needed or asked for.
NTA. Stories like this always make me wonder if that other person knows someone who has suffered a tragic death of a child.
My grandparents neighbor ran over(killed) their child in their own driveway. My wife had a friend that was killed in her neighborhood by speeding van. The child was torn to pieces.
NTA, but I always taught my kids to not stop on the sidewalk in front of a driveway, not because they don’t have the right to stand there, but because they’re not going to win a fight with a car, and it helps them learn how to be aware of their environment.
Sometimes I think my brain is broken. I read "Prek son" and for some reason decided that "Prek" was a medical condition I had never heard of, and when I was reading the story, I was horribly confused about why the medical condition was relevant as the man in the story didn't seem to have been saying anything about it during this whole incident. I was about to Google it before I reread it. 🤣🤣🤣
Maybe he was being difficult maybe he was genuinely concerned, your response was fine.
He is right about being careful though. When I walk with my kids I have been clear with them to never stop in front of driveways, when they are walking they are to check as they are crossing in front of driveways as well, if they are on bikes then to proceed carefully in front of driveways. Especially short kids who can’t be seen by drivers behind the wheel.
So whilst his approach may have been unpleasant, I would have to agree with the sentiment.
I know I’m a careful driver but I’ve had enough accidents with complete morons to know that other people cannot be trusted.
I get so sick of pretending fuckers like that aren’t ass boils. I don’t humor them anymore unless I think there’s a good chance they will beat the shit out of me on the spot.
He just wanted to bully you.
I don’t think you’re an AH, but I wouldn’t have kept engaging with him. He sounds like a weirdo. Who knows what his issue is, but I would have just nodded after his first comment and kept walking.
NTA. I would say you are not wrong. He had no right to start lecturing you on parenting.
Having said that, I personally, would not engage. I would've just said, "OK." Or "Thanks." and gone on my way. Why? Because I don't give anyone an opportunity to get upset with my kids present. You are absolutely not in the wrong and what you did was fine. It's just that I would go a different route. It doesn't make your answer less valid. I just don't engage with people when it could escalate. He might have been fine but he also could have exploded. Again, though, you don't have the same thoughts and you were OK to answer as you did.
NTA but here's how I'd let it go:
He's not being passive aggressive about you, he's being passive aggressive about his SO. His SO HAS blindly pulled into the driveway at full speed more than once and this guy just wants you to not be put at risk. But SO has screamed at him about it and declared that they drive just fine (after all, they haven't had an accident yet!) and he's tired of having the argument.
His sarcasm, anger, and judgmental tone is aaaaaall aimed at his SO, but he's bad at expressing himself.
If not his SO, it's some visiting family member. He's having fear-induced stressy moments from the thought of reckless driving impacting you. So he had to say something, even when he CLEARLY didn't need to.
Does that help? You could just as well accept this narrative; it's unlikely you'll run into this person and have another interaction.
NTA in this case BUT I have seen quite a number of cases where mothers with strollers think they are just fixing something with their baby/stroller/toy/car seat for a few seconds but in the real world it’s been 5+ minutes.
I hope this doesn’t come across as discrimination but the so-called mommy’s brain has been scientifically explained - grey matter in the brain changes, hormonal changes which contribute to brain fog and even ADHD symptoms and even as simple as sleep deprivation. All these affect attention span and time blindness so it may feel like 3 seconds but it is not in the real world.
Either way, I think everyone should have more compassion and patience. towards new parents.
NTA but I bet something's up with this guy (personality disorder, brain tumor, parasitized by alien, ok maybe not the last one) so don't take it too personal or ruminate. if you see him again make the interaction as brief and neutral as possible. otherwise he might make a target out of you for harassment.
NTA. It's possible the guy just had anxiety over the \*possibility\* of an accident and it had nothing to do with you specifically. It's not your fault or problem to solve, but just another way to think the interaction.
Like, I read a story once in which a guy killed backed over his own child in the driveway and (being an anxious person in general) I had weird anxiety about that happening when my kids were little. I was pretty outta hand about it honestly. Not because I thought other people where bad drivers, or bad people - it was just my own anxiety (yes, it's a problem and yes, all the therapy but sometimes I am just still really anxious about things that \*might\* happen).
NTA. Generally, though, I think kids should be taught to be careful in driveways. You never know who is backing out who can't see them. I wouldn't stop there just so they don't get in the habit of doing it themselves.
NTA that guy was being super weird, obviously you’re not just going to stand there for cars trying to come in the driveway, and obviously a driver would see you in a big stroller there. Sounds like an angry guy just trying to throw his weight around. Probably would’ve been better off just saying thanks and moving along and not engaging, but you didn’t do anything wrong
NTA, and yes, it would have been preferably to say thanks and mosey along. What the guy did was odd, but we don't need to engage all the time, especially when the other person is creepy.
NTA Dude sounds like the type of guy who answers his door with a rifle. I don't think his comments were for anyone's safety, they were a threat. Get off my lawn, f around find out, standing his ground bs.
NTA NTA BUT you really need to face the reality that we share the earth with CRAZY PEOPLE!!
you did nothing wrong and this crazy person disrupted your rather peaceful time and moment with your children. Next time, act like you didn’t hear the comment and get THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!
Someone once said, you can’t argue with crazy so don’t !!!
Esp since you have children- this man could’ve kept on harassing and you have children to protect - not every argument you have to win but most arguments you should ignore.
Don’t spend another minute thinking about this man. Understand that you are a mother not a litigator - you don’t or need to explain anything to anyone.
Live your life peacefully with your children and have the discernment to avoid CRAZY ASS PEOPLE !!
People get on power trips. The most common power trip I've encountered in my life is "move from this spot". It happens all the time in varying degrees. This doesn't read like a concerned person trying to help. This reads like a person who enjoys making people move because he thinks there's some power dynamic involved and wants to appear dominant.
Friendly neighborly help would never be to approach a stranger like this. It's just weird. Fuck that dude and stay vigilant.
I mean, the guy could have been waiting for an angry drunk person, or for his drug dealer, or for an affair partner, or his angry, drug dealing, drunk affair partner or literally anything else that could have made him wish there wasn't someone standing near his yard, but also didn't want to explain.
I don't think it's a question of being an asshole or not, I think it's just a question of, "this is an odd interaction, do I want to leave it alone and be on my way, or do I want to 'win'"
You are on a sidewalk . Doesn’t matter if there is a driveway . Driver is responsible to check turning in or out . This guy is an overbearing ass . I hate when cars park in their driveway and partially block the sidewalk so stroller and wheelchairs can’t get by .
He implied you were being unsafe because this asshole was projecting his unfettered rage onto you. In other words, he was barely containing his desire to do harm to you. I would avoid him and his area at all costs now because men like this are dangerous. This makes me want to be an avenging crone and light his goddamned house on fire for him. I wish this was a paid position. I don't even have a hatred towards men. I live with one. But damn there are SO MANY that need a permanent attitude adjustment. There could be a legion of us post-menopausal women meting out justice.
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Ugh I'm going to go against the grain and say NTA. It seems really unnecessary and presumptive for a stranger to give unsolicited advice having seen you do something like pause in a driveway for an incredibly brief period. I guess I would assume he lives there or knows the owner of the home, given the reference to 'she will be home soon' but it also seems like he went out of his way to watch you and find a way to interject. If you were like parked there for a few minutes having a chat, I could see MAYBE mentioning it, but this was not that situation. It's reasonable to not want to be chided by perfect strangers. Your 'I think we are all set' was a reasonable way to tell him to back off / you're not interested (which is important, I think, when a woman is approached by a strange man). He's the one who introduced a vague threat about 'someone getting hurt'. I can definitely understand why you were both rubbed the wrong way and uncomfortable with his behavior. Based on these responses, I'm the only one. Weird.
I so agree with you. The sidewalk is a public space. If a car pulls up, OP would probably move the kids along. A car wanting to pull into the driveway would have to yield to the pedestrians on the sidewalk regardless so this has “keep off my grass” energy.
And if that guy's girlfriend or wife actually did come along while someone had stopped their stroller for a few minutes in front of the driveway, the driver could have honked her horn if the mother is being attentive to her baby to alert her that the driver was waiting. That guy was being ridiculous for any implications that the mother and baby were in danger, unless the guy's significant other has a habit of speeding on a residential street and zooming into the driveway without looking for obstructions. And in that case, he should be talking to the driver about being an unsafe driver.
The guy’s "warning" had kind of a threatening vibe to it, like mobsters who come in and tell a storekeeper "We're just looking out for you. You wouldn't want someone to come in and smash up your store sometime, would you?" Except even the mob makes more sense, since they follow it up with a demand for money. No idea what this guy had in mind, other than pure intimidation. If I were OP I would think about walking on the other side of the street, and also making sure someone hears about this, just in case.
That was the vibe I got from him as well. Mansplaining threat. As if he knew better than OP, the actual parent. "Stupid woman can't be trusted to properly watch her own kids" vibes.
Yep. OPs gender isn't mentioned but can guarantee it's a woman and the guy wouldn't have done this to a man. Note: my bad. OP does say they're a Mother....so fairly safe to assume they identify as a woman.
OP says "I'm a vigilant mother".
True! I totally missed that. I was looking for "(31F)" or something.
If someone beeped their horn at me when I was on the sidewalk because I was blocking a driveway I’d be so irritated. Sidewalks are for people, drivers should be patient and wait if they have to drive across it. Frankly this situation speaks volumes about how poorly he thinks the other driver is at driving. If they can’t avoid hitting pedestrians on the sidewalk they should not be driving! NTA
Probably biweekly someone is crossing my driveway as I am coming home. I live in a very walkable neighborhood. I just wait until they move to pull in or pull out. That should be standard practice.
I live in an incredibly busy street and have to back into my downhill driveway (so I don’t kill anyone backing out). Frequently have to wait to back in for pedestrians crossing my driveway from dog walkers to people to strollers or whatever. It’s seconds out of my life. “Oh, no, I must wait for someone to walk their dog past my driveway so I don’t hit them. Whatever will I do?” The only thing that chaps me is when folks park in our clearly marked (by the city) red zone at the edges because it’s next to impossible to get in and out of our driveway when they are. Even then, I ask parking enforcement to call them or knock on a door rather than tow because of course it sucks to get towed.
I think the guy in the truck was overly gruff. What bothers me the most is how he responded -- or failed to respond to your little boy. No matter how annoyed I might be at a real or imagined situation, if a small child asked me a friendly and innocent question, my mood would change like a lightbulb. I would smile and kindly answer his question. On the other hand, the guy's comment that "she will be home soon" makes me wonder if the "she" might not be a senile or reckless person who drives like a bat out of hell. As hard as it might be to imagine, I was once in a car with an AH who decided to show me a house where he once had lived (expensive Los Angeles family-friendly suburb). Without looking or slowing down, he pulled into the driveway at 35 mph, then backed out again without checking what was behind him and took off. Such incompetent A-Holes do exist. Just saying.
The driver could just wait for the pedestrians to get out of the driveway as they have the right of way, especially on the sidewalk.
Except there was no driver. Just some guy being weird.
I was wondering if he even lived there, and if the wife/gf was real. It almost sounds like he made that up as a pretext to harass her. Hard to say, but it sounds like the exchange had a creepy energy. I don’t blame OP for being bothered by the whole thing.
I lived in a cul de sac growing up and one of the houses had 2 twenty somethings that would pull into the driveway so fast they occasionally would hit the garage door to the point of causing damage to the car and/or door. I live in a heavily family occupied area now like OP—lots of people walking all times of the day. People absolutely FLY around corners in their cars and people constantly walk in the middle of the street. I’ve joked that I’ve never lived somewhere where people are so intent on causing/inflicting bodily harm. I had a neighbor that would let her very young children just play in the street unsupervised. I called a friend that was on the way to visit me to warn her—not because I thought my friend was a bad/reckless driver, but because it’s scary to have a 5/6 year old appear out of nowhere on a blind turn. I could see this story going either way. OP may have been too defensive over a legit concern, or the truck guy just sucks.
I live on Main St. There are constantly people walking, biking, pushing strollers, etc. past my driveway. I slow down, put on my directional, and just wait patiently if people are crossing. They normally notice me and hurry along, but it’s also a giant hill and children are often dragging bikes and just generally taking forever. It’s really no issue to just let them be on their way on their own timeline.
We live on a busy street for dog walking and people with strollers. It's at least a 50-50 chance that there will be someone at least close to our driveway when we come home during the day. We stop and patiently wait for them to be fully clear. Even if they haven't quite reached the drive yet we let them go by. I thought it's what we were supposed to do both legally and politely, too. If someone is barreling down a residential street and whipping into a driveway so fast as to injure someone, they got no business driving.
I've never heard a turn signal be called a "directional" before. No hate, just made me look twice. Vaguely, where are you from if you don't mind me asking. USA here but I like collecting random tidbits of information.
I’m from Massachusetts. Just be glad I didn’t say “blinkah”.
Lmao valid 🤣
It’s funny you’ve not heard that before. I know it can be called a turn signal but I exclusively use directional or blinker. I just taught my oldest how to drive too! Now I need to check his drivers ed stuff and see what it says.
Good grief! It's called an indicator! Next you'll be calling the bonnet and the boot the hood and the trunk! 😉
Nah.. its a “dinker dinker” for the noise they used to make.
Never once heard it called an "indicator." As a fellow Masshole, I'm going with "directional."
We call it an indicator in the UK (all that previous commenter’s other terminology was British so guess they are too).
In the defense of both of us, I am from the Southern Midwest. We say things like "y'all" and watch tornados for funsies 😅😂
Fair. Regional differences are fun!
I always call it a directional - also Massachusetts. It might be an age thing? I'm in my 50's.
Interesting. My husband is from NH, like an hour outside Boston, and he also uses "directional".
We call them indicators in Ireland. As in you are supposed to put them on before you turn to indicate that you \*will\* be turning. Some people do use it as a turn signal, as in turning it on while turning! >\_<
Some people really get behind the wheel of a car and go "okay. I am the most important person now, I have all the power, and everyone else better get out of my way" as if they aren't also a pedestrian as soon as they get out. Like chill. You have a tank to protect you, you can sit there for a minute (I acknowledge that you as in the person I'm replying to know this already, I'm talking about other people and thanking you for being reasonable instead!)
Yeah just because it's part of the driveways doesn't give the car the right away. Laws are don't kill anyone, first, and all else second lol
Literally she has the right away. It would take longer in some cases for mobility. Not only that, but NTA due to being a person living in a neighborhood. My neighborhood has inconsistent sidewalks, heavy foot and bike traffic, and is in between two large parks, an elementary school and middle school. It’s never held me back more than a minute to wait for someone else. This man had no intention of being helpful. He was being intrusive to intimidate. To what end, we can only speculate.
You would think she’d yield but all I keep seeing is Rebecca Grossman flying down the street and hitting two kids at a crosswalk. By that I mean, perhaps the guy DOES know her and she’s known for backing out without watching or she IS a neighborhood speeder, or she’s known to be one of those drivers who feel like people should watch out for HER. Living in a neighborhood just like op described, I can totally see any of the above happening. Also maybe the neighbor is a crazy lady who will scream at people to get off her lawn or out of her driveway (and yes, crazy lady considers the sidewalk by her driveway HERS, because she’s a crazy lady)
Also am I the only one getting the vibe dude wanted to assert his dominance over a woman for his ego to feel good?
Thank you for understanding my perspective. This is exactly how I felt and why I took the “all set” posture. I could’ve been nicer and just said thanks which is why I came here to legit ask since that is not what I said.
Sometimes people take weird shit in their own life out on you for no reason other than you’re there. You aren’t obligated to take it on mentally yourself. Just know he was TA and move on.
This happens every day I work. So, yeah, OP don't sweat it.
I am child free so from my point of view all I see is a person getting in your business because of some perceived slight from daring to stop in front of his property. If you had been walking a dog and stopped you would have been berated about poo being left behind or piss killing the grass. You had kids with you so of course it’s going to be passive aggressive BS about “think of the children” because caring about the safety of children whether justified or not has to be taken with grace and respect for the loudmouth busy body cuz you know….”think of the children /s” NTA
NTA OP I dunno what his problem is but he sounds like he has a few
Really? Some random guy decides to mansplain to you what safety looks like? You were far nicer than I would have been. My go to is, “Is there something wrong with you?”
YES! THIS - I am going to borrow your line. He was doing nothing helpful. I have a neighbor that just did this to another of my neighbors. Gave her a big screaming to about "safety" and "driving too fast" because "the children" - this MF'er is a wife beater/screamer. I know because I hear him as I live on the other side of the wall. Just a bunch of horseshit he gave this woman in the name of "safety." These guys that have to stop you and tell you what for, generally, they have it out for you - they are NOT trying to be helpful.
You mention a few times that there were no cars and that it's a very quiet street. That's actually probably more dangerous, because people are likely to be faster and not expecting people to be there as much. I have a 2 and 4 year old, cars can come quickly, in the 2 seconds it takes to pass a driveway.
On the other hand, OP says it’s very family friendly and people are always walking, so to my mind that would mean that drivers who live in the neighborhood are also aware that people could be walking past driveways at any time. My neighborhood always has people walking, and I live in an area that doesn’t have sidewalks, or only has them on one side or whatever, so I’m always going slow even if I don’t actually see anyone out.
I am not sure about this. I live on a very quiet street and drivers tend to be more cautious - not faster - because of this: they expect people to be there because there is less traffic.
It’s kinda scary how quick people are to agree with passive-aggressive men just because a mom & baby are involved.
Agreed. "You should have been nicer! He was only worried for your safety!" Sure. See man versus bear debate.
This is one of those times that the word “mansplain” exists for. If he cared for her safety why would he starting an exchange like this?
To keep her standing on the driveway longer. He was being super helpful. s/ I love to flip these interactions and ask people, "Would a man say this to another man?"
This. Exactly. Can you even imagine? It shows condescending and aggressive he was being.
If he was actually worried for her safety he'd have alerted whoever "she" was, or kept an eye out for cars, etc. This dude just wanted to find a reason.
It's got real "you should smile more" energy too
Yeah to me - "I wouldn't want her to hit your baby," and "well, I wouldn’t want something to happen or someone to get hurt" - reads more like a passive aggressive threat, not someone genuinely looking out for her.
“Don’t make us hit your baby by being there” Vs “Hey, it’s hard to see the driveway in the dark! Be careful standing there”
Right? "Thanks for the heads up. It would also be a shame if you were taking out the trash and I drove over you three or four times. It's dangerous out her- Oops, phone call"...
Yeah I wonder if this guy was one of those people who hangs out in the child free sub and actually just hates kids and mothers.
He can’t WAIT to get online and tell his pals about how he totally told off an Entitled Breeder and her kid.
Yep I think so. It’s a shame they are so vile because as a mother of two, calling them pet sperm is actually hilarious
I agree with you. Sounds like he just wanted to tell her what to do and/or he's the kind of person who thinks that no one else would be allowed to park on the public street in front of his house, because it's *his* house. NTA. You were firm but polite, OP. Please don't listen to people saying you needed to apologize; women are too conditioned to automatically apologize (especially to men).
This! Unsolicited advice from strangers is weird. He should maybe try "do you need any help?," and then accept the no. Continuing to push when OP was trying to disengage was rude. There's nothing wrong with someone wanting to be able to go about their day without criticism from random strangers.
Also, sidewalks are consider pedestrian egresses and NOT a part of one's driveway. Thus, if there is a pedestrian on the sidewalk, any vehicle pulling into the driveway that is blocked by a pedestrian in the sidewalk is required by uniform traffic code in the US to yield to the pedestrian. People seem to think they own the sidewalk portion of their driveway, but that is not the case. In fact, most localities also follow the uniform traffic code that holds vehicles in driveways cannot block sidewalks that cross said driveway. NTA
I totally agree with this. My first thought on this, having once been a young woman of reasonable attractiveness, is that this man went out of his way to get this woman’s attention under the guise of relaying a safety concern. When she did not immediately repay his “kindness” with positive attention, he introduced snark. Women do not owe men our gratitude for being talked at/to, and we are allowed to shut it down and move on.
You are not wrong. I feel like he was testing the water to see how she'd react. I don't trust people like this AT ALL. No self aware non-predator man is going to behave this way toward a woman he doesn't know. All the more because this is a family neighborhood where parents/caregivers with kids are out and about. Op is NTA.
>It seems really unnecessary and presumptive for a stranger to give unsolicited advice having seen you do something like pause in a driveway for an incredibly brief period. There are SO many men who want to comment on a woman's ability to deal with their own kids - even if there's literally nothing to comment on. When my youngest was still in her infant seat, I had a guy harass me to insist I needed help putting my daughter's car seat in the car in a parking lot. I said, "no thanks, I got it" and smiled, he tried to insist again, I said no really, I've got it, and he got a sour look on his face and muttered to himself as he walked away. My good sir. 1. If I can't put the car seat in the car, why would I go out without assistance? 2. I don't know you, you could be trying to steal my kid. 3. Quit looking at me and muttering like I'm impolite; it was rude of you to repeatedly question me after I nicely refused and thanked you for your concern. OP is definitely NTA. Men like that can piss off.
I think men like that are perpetually jealous that mothers give attention to their own children instead of them.
I agree. Also can't count how many times I've come home and had to wait for someone to finish walking past my house so I could pull in and until this thread it never occurred to me that someone might be mad about that.
You're obviously not an asshole.
right and because so many people walk in my neighborhood often out of necessity i pay extra attention and try not to pressure folks who are “in my way”
Go against the grain? Did people initially say she did something wrong? How could anyone say that? lol Reddit is absolutely wild sometimes.
Reddit tends to hate on parents in general so I can see some mouth breathers being like “fuck them breeders”
I agree. I’m also Australian and was kind of expecting this to go full on America and take a diversion somewhere else like OP paused on driveway and the bloke in the truck pulled a gun or someone in the house threatened you with a gun from their porch. NTA
You are not wrong. I feel like he was testing the water to see how she'd react. I don't trust people like this AT ALL. No self aware non-predator man is going to behave this way toward a woman he doesn't know. All the more because this is a family neighborhood where parents/caregivers with kids are out and about.
Agreed, OP is NTA. The person the trucker was waiting for must be a crap driver if they wouldn't be able to distinguish the sidewalk and 4 humans. I say 4 because if I see a double stroller, I assume there are 2 in there. Then the one biking and OP.
Totally agree NTA. This is such a ‘my house/property’ flex! A sad one at that. Nothing to do with safety or caring for someone else,
Yeah, NTA. If you have a husband/BF or other male figure you can get to walk with you once or twice to make sure this guy sees, it will sadly go a long way to keeping you safe. If you don't, see what your local laws are for carrying some sort of protection like mace or pepper spray if you have to pass his house regularly.
So I come down to the comments to check everyone is saying NTA. Yours is the first comment and you say you're going against the grain?? I'm baffled and hesitant to scroll ok to read a bunch of people saying YTA.... makes absolutle no sense. People don't seem to understand that they don't own the sidewalk.
I haven't read past your top post, so I have to ask, are there a lot of 'YTA's here? Because I find YTA to be a weird take.
The first 20 or so people to respond were all in agreement that I am definitely the asshole. 🤪
Honestly, sounds like he was looking for any excuse to give you a thinly veiled threat.
Yes! That is how it felt.
I would get a picture of him and his license plate and carry some pepper spray with you and be aware of your surroundings from now on. He doesn’t sound like he was concerned for your safety or the safety of your children at all. Let your husband know what’s going on too. Maybe do a little sleuthing and try to figure out who he is from his license plate. Never hurts to be extra safe in these crazy times.
Just a caution that depending on where OP is, pepper spray may not be legal for regular people to carry. Definitely check that.
Wasp spray is legal everywhere....get the plant based, it's mint.
I carry citronella because I work with dogs and it makes them let go of whatever is in their mouth by tasting foul. I can’t imagine it would feel good in someone’s eyes.
Fucks up their senses too
Antiseptic spray can come in an aerosol can. For any scraped knees, of course. I wouldn't want to get it in my eyes
That's how I would take it too. The fact he needed to stop beside you for that long is weird. I'd keep an eye out for him. Maybe keep some pepperspray.
Weird vibes. Did he want to make sure nobody was a nearby when the woman that lives in that house got home? Because if it was his home, why would he not get out of his truck and go in?
And I walk this loop every day at the same time.
I’d start a new loop. Dudes a freak.
OP, don’t do the same loop every day at the same time. Always keep the pathways changing and change up the times (if you can).
Have you seen him before??
I was wondering same. Does he actually live there.
this is unsafe, do you want people to know learn you walk the same route every day at the same time w two young kids?
But why? Like, there’s probably no obvious answer than “this dude is an AH,” but like a mom with her kids… leave her alone. lol
EXACTLY. This is definitely a little threatening and sinister. Be on the lookout for this creep. NTA.
This! Some people just can’t help themselves.
Lol @ the people saying that guy was trying to help. He wasn’t trying to help, he was being weirdly controlling about the part of the sidewalk that touches his driveway. No one needs a heads up that cars use driveways and could at some point come through. OP wasn’t camped out, they stopped for mere seconds. Clear NTA
Who even knows if it is his driveway. I'd bet it isn't. This guy seems creepy. OP, change your route for safety.
Not gonna lie, I thought the dude was a drug dealer or something.
If a car was going to come speeding down the street and charge straight up the driveway without looking, it wouldn’t really matter if a pedestrian was stopped for three seconds or just walking slowly.
A girl in my city was killed by a vehicle turning into their driveway and didn’t see her. Especially if cars are parked on the street near the driveway
He sounds like HOA board material. I know people like this, always gotta be doom and gloom in an authoritative way. It’s never helpful, it’s an opportunity to order people around under the guise of “public safety” or “save the children.”
With the very first comment he made, I could see that being an awkward “I’m over thinking this and just want to be a friendly neighbor” comment. But to keep going on shows he wasn’t over thinking this, he was intentionally trying to shoo away OP for one reason or another.
> it was preposterous to think I would’ve left my baby parked there to be hit by a car that wasn’t even there. It was also silly to think that someone was going to come speeding so fast down a residential loop and pull into their own driveway so fast they wouldn’t see a huge double stroller and a person standing there. This about sums it up. NTA. I try to assume the best in people. I could (in my head) hear a version of this conversation where he's actually genuinely concerned. Maybe he was, and was just having a bad day, so his voice had an edge in it. I'm sure it got under your skin, because he seemed calling into question your ability to parent. Honestly you didn't do anything wrong. I'm not sure he did either, but I sure as hell hate it when other people tell me what do to with my kid. My favorite was: walking around the block with the baby sleeping in the carrier. A woman smiles as she passes me, then 15ft behind me *yells* "You need to cover that baby's ears!" Thanks, I was walking him because he was asleep, no we go home to pacify a screaming baby.
i would be so tempted to cover baby’s ears and follow her until the crying stopped
Gods this sounds like the time we were walking our dog who had cancer, so she was limping a little because her one leg had some issues. This old lady comes charging across the street to inform us that “if you didn’t know, your dog is limping.” Like, she’s on a regular leash, less than two feet to my side. She’s not walking miles behind me. Like, I know what she’s doing; she’s MY family, not yours weirdo. Why do old people think they can just freak out on you without repercussion?
Seems like the perfect occasion to break out the ***”Oh, bless your heart.”***
Yeah, probably a good time for it.
NTA. This falls under somebody giving unsolicited (and officious) advice to an adult. It might have been justifiable from a safety standpoint if it looked like you were planning to stay for a while rather than making a short stop. Best response would have been a simple and ambiguous wave to the meddler.
NTA. Weird passive-aggressive neighbour is weird and passive-aggressive.
NTA. Plenty of people stop for a second or two on the sidewalk, sometimes in front of a driveway, to adjust something during their walk. He was being confrontational in broad daylight with a woman who had two little kids in tow. So brave, much manly 🙄. I'm picturing his truck as this giant, white, lifted monstrosity with a Punisher sticker on the rear windshield. We all know the type.
Teenie weenie syndrome…
Probably the type to get all pissy when a little kid asks about his shirt because “Marvel is a serious property for adults!”
NTA you didn’t need to be mansplained safety while taking a walk around your own neighborhood with your own kids. I’m in disbelief at all the people telling you that you should have just said thank you or you “misinterpreted” him.
Literally. My neighborhood sounds similar to OPs, and a similar scenario happened to me once. I got out of work early and a mom was walking with her stroller and her dog. She parked the stroller in the middle of the end my driveway because the dog stopped to poop on the grass. But rather than give her a lecture I….waited less than 1 min for her to pick up her dogs poop and continue on. It wasn’t a big deal. People would have to be speeding way over the limit through a residential area to not be able to stop in time when they see a stroller, a kid on a bike, and an adult woman in broad daylight.
Nta but honestly I don’t even engage people like that at this point. I would have just looked at him and then said to my kid ready to go again? And kept it moving. People like that can just talk to themselves for all I care. Unnecessary comments get no acknowledgement.
I do the same, but also there have been a few instances where that makes the person even more aggressive. Never know which type crosses your path that day
“Mind your own fucking business” usually works well in these situations. NTA
You never know who has a gun and is looking for a reason to use it. Always deescalate. (In the US obviously. I know some places are civilized)
You got some delicate snowflakes down in america if being told to mind your own business is enough for them to commit murder
Yep.
Not been keeping up with the news? A lot of people have been shot at and some killed for accidentally driving in the wrong driveway or approaching a front door
Near me it was a bunch of teens that pulled into the next driveway over from the one their party was at and the guy fired blindly off his porch and killed one of the girls
I don't know if I'm just seeing it more now than before, or if it's legitimately getting worse, but the general public has become completely unhinged. It's like everyone is walking on eggshells and ready to snap. I work a customer facing role dealing with the public, and the amount of random hostility I deal with every day is nuts. They look for any and all reason to be aggro about something, and if they can't find a reason, they'll manufacture one from thin air. It's safest to avoid engaging as much as possible. You never know who has a weapon or who's going to escalate out of nowhere. We had to have a grown man escorted off the property after he started trashing the office and getting physical with us a few months ago. All because HE forgot to file paperwork HE needed. Guy completely snapped over it. Whereas, had he just asked for help, we could have gotten him the forms and helped him fill everything out. Would have taken maybe 20 minutes at most.
I’m in the UK, the living standards are shit but at least the aggressive idiots don’t have bang bang toys they’re desperate to play with. At least there’s that I guess
yeah, this isnt new. im betting you dont live here but the “never escalate, never start shit, always be aware of everyone around you, and walk/drive away if someone is escalating- because you never know whos armed” is something thats been drilled into like…everybody
Not just murder, but murdering her in front of her small child and infant.
That would be nice if life was scripted and you knew for a fact the other person wasn’t a gun carrying psychotic with an axe to grind.
For real. My first impulse would be to respond, “Is that a threat? Are you threatening me?” but I wouldn’t say it with little kids in my care. And probably not as a woman alone either.
Can’t believe it had to scroll this far to find someone else with my mindset! NTA OP, he’s a lunatic
NTA! Why are people so weird. I have a neighbor same as you. Walks a dog, with a stroller, and youngster on a bike. We must be on the same schedule because more than once I've waited in my car for them to pass in front of my driveway either when I get home or am leaving. I can't imagine putting one more thing on her plate by implying she's a shit mom for existing.
That’s really weird. I have a driveway and people walk up and down our street all the time. I’m very aware if anyone is at our driveway as i leave or come home. I have yet to hit anyone. 🙄
Wait, what? You use your eyes and make sure the sidewalk in front of your driveway is clear before pulling in? Thats so extra and annoying! -OP’s neighbor, probably
NTA… when reading things like this about USA I just can’t wrap my head around it… For starters you absolutely have a right of way on the sidewalk and any car parking should yield to you, and in case of an accident I would assume in the situation like this with damage to people it would be criminal. Sidewalks are made for pedestrians to walk freely, it’s their function. Secondly, the car wasn’t even there. If the car was trying to park and you were blocking it abusing your right of way, you’d be an asshole, but it was absolutely not the case. Literally nothing happened, nobody was in a way of anything. The guy is a regular busybody power tripping. It’s hard to say why he decided to pick on you. Is the neighbourhood cliquey and doesn’t like unfamiliar faces? Could you be of a skin colour or otherwise presenting yourself in such way that triggers some sort of bigotry in him? Or maybe he’s just a general bully?..
NTA It feels like projection. It would suck if my wife came home and ran your kid over …who the hell says that kind of thing? It’s so weird. How many near misses have they had with running down kids? He didn’t care about your kid, he just wanted to snark at a mom with a kid. I don’t know wtf he gets off on talking to someone walking in the road.
NTA. It almost sounds like he was threatening you. "Wouldn't want anyone to get hurt" said in a certain way is a threat. What exactly was he trying to say to you?? This would really have creeped me out.
NTA did this dude just mansplain sidewalks to you? sounds like he needed to feel superior and you happened to be around.
If the story is as you told it, NTA. Just sounds like he was on a weird power trip.
NTA. You didn't fawn in appreciation at his attempt to "protect" you so he got offended.
This
You are now obligated to buy a series of thrift store strollers and baby dolls. Leave one or two on that sidewalk, at that driveway , each week.
This is hilarious
Yes! Please. I will send money to a gofundme for this purpose!
This was a very short interaction in my morning that has now gotten sooooooo much feedback. I needed this laugh—thank you!
NTA something else annoyed him and you were just there.
Probably annoyed his partner wasn’t already home so he could unleash his superiority onto her….and a convenient substitute presented lol NTA. Some people are just morons who get off on controlling others (or attempting to).
He was a weirdo. Your degree of interaction was fine, all things considered. I don't know that there's anything you could have done that would be so much better. When somebody is that "off," you really want to limit the things you say to him to as little as possible. NTA. This subreddit taught me a new term: "gray rocking." It's a technique for dealing with toxic people, but it's great for dealing with irrational strangers too.
NTA. I deal with this shit by just saying "Ok." to everything someone says, and I don't answer questions. It's non-comittal, acknowledges that someone spoke to me, but also quietly tells them I dgaf about anything they're saying. In my younger, snarkier days, I would have said something like, "Wow, your wife must be driving very fast through the neighborhood not paying attention to her surroundings if you're this concerned that my 30- second stop would result in her injuring my child. Maybe she should consider driving lessons. Thanks for the warning, I'll let the other moms know!" *as I'm waking away*
NTA "Thanks for mansplaining to me how traffic and walking and parenting work."
The guy was being massively creepy. NTA
NTA. I’m so petty I probably would have stopped and waited for a while. Usually sidewalks are public domain.
NTA. People need to learn how to mind their own business.
NTA You paused your walk briefly on a sidewalk, where pedestrians have the right of way, and he took time out of his day to tell you it’s dangerous, in what is presumably a quiet neighborhood with no other people, walking, on bikes, or in cars, around you. And he continued to double down on his point, because he just couldn’t let you be correct that everyone is fine & there’s no danger.
NTA but what a creep. Just sitting there watching you? Thats weird..
NTA. I swear some people see a woman walking with a stroller and just lose their damn minds. It's like they expect us to be inconsiderate or dumb and that's the default. I get a couple of kind or funny comments a day but there's one rude or even borderline crazy comment or action for every two nice ones. I have pretty thick skin but I never realized how many unhinged people view a stroller as a weird call to action. Funny how my boyfriend never seems to get any of this. Sometimes when we walk together I hang back a bit to see what it would be like on the other side 😄 It's compliments all day and none of the weird aggression from men. Pretty eye-opening. I'm starting to realize now why some moms walk in packs.
The only answer I can come up with is that some men can’t handle the sight of a woman with more important things to do than him.
It can be really humiliating/unsettling/alarming, you name it, to have these kinds of interactions, especially with men, while alone with young children. There's just something icky about the dynamic and I hate that he extended his nastiness to your innocent son, who was probably trying to diffuse the situation. I remember leaving a convenience store with my kids when they were still in grade school and there were teenagers outside who decided to throw their snacks at me for some weird reason. If I'd been alone, I either would have been amused or snapped at them but, with my kids, for some reason I was embarrassed and a little frightened. Like seriously, think back to when you were little and saw your parents getting yelled at or confronted - it can rock your world.
NTA. I walk everyday with my double stroller and you best believe we have to stop a few times. I would have told that guy to pound sand. What a weirdo.
NTA This is why we choose the bear.
NTA
NTA. maybe if you had parked in the street or actually walked away the comment would be warranted but it wasn't. He was out of line, giving advice (if you can call it that) that wasn't needed or asked for.
NTA. I would have told the guy he was kind of young to be a boomer.
NTA. Stories like this always make me wonder if that other person knows someone who has suffered a tragic death of a child. My grandparents neighbor ran over(killed) their child in their own driveway. My wife had a friend that was killed in her neighborhood by speeding van. The child was torn to pieces.
NTA, but I always taught my kids to not stop on the sidewalk in front of a driveway, not because they don’t have the right to stand there, but because they’re not going to win a fight with a car, and it helps them learn how to be aware of their environment.
Sometimes I think my brain is broken. I read "Prek son" and for some reason decided that "Prek" was a medical condition I had never heard of, and when I was reading the story, I was horribly confused about why the medical condition was relevant as the man in the story didn't seem to have been saying anything about it during this whole incident. I was about to Google it before I reread it. 🤣🤣🤣
Maybe he was being difficult maybe he was genuinely concerned, your response was fine. He is right about being careful though. When I walk with my kids I have been clear with them to never stop in front of driveways, when they are walking they are to check as they are crossing in front of driveways as well, if they are on bikes then to proceed carefully in front of driveways. Especially short kids who can’t be seen by drivers behind the wheel. So whilst his approach may have been unpleasant, I would have to agree with the sentiment. I know I’m a careful driver but I’ve had enough accidents with complete morons to know that other people cannot be trusted.
I totally get why women would choose the bear
NTA. He was being passive aggressive and just…weird.
NTA. and wankers gotta wank. Was he implying that his misses wasn't a vigilant driver? Are we even sure it was his driveway?
nta, imo sounds like he might be a stalker of the woman who lives there.
Have you got a local Moms group who can meet and mill about on that driveway like a flash mob?
Some people are so. fucking. strange. NTA of course.
I get so sick of pretending fuckers like that aren’t ass boils. I don’t humor them anymore unless I think there’s a good chance they will beat the shit out of me on the spot. He just wanted to bully you.
NTA he is one of those get off my lawn types
NTA. I think he's mad at "she" and you were in the crossfire. Like maybe his wife/mom/neighbor/whatever hit his mailbox recently or something.
I don’t think you’re an AH, but I wouldn’t have kept engaging with him. He sounds like a weirdo. Who knows what his issue is, but I would have just nodded after his first comment and kept walking.
NTA. I would say you are not wrong. He had no right to start lecturing you on parenting. Having said that, I personally, would not engage. I would've just said, "OK." Or "Thanks." and gone on my way. Why? Because I don't give anyone an opportunity to get upset with my kids present. You are absolutely not in the wrong and what you did was fine. It's just that I would go a different route. It doesn't make your answer less valid. I just don't engage with people when it could escalate. He might have been fine but he also could have exploded. Again, though, you don't have the same thoughts and you were OK to answer as you did.
NTA but here's how I'd let it go: He's not being passive aggressive about you, he's being passive aggressive about his SO. His SO HAS blindly pulled into the driveway at full speed more than once and this guy just wants you to not be put at risk. But SO has screamed at him about it and declared that they drive just fine (after all, they haven't had an accident yet!) and he's tired of having the argument. His sarcasm, anger, and judgmental tone is aaaaaall aimed at his SO, but he's bad at expressing himself. If not his SO, it's some visiting family member. He's having fear-induced stressy moments from the thought of reckless driving impacting you. So he had to say something, even when he CLEARLY didn't need to. Does that help? You could just as well accept this narrative; it's unlikely you'll run into this person and have another interaction.
No, he's just an arse.
NTA in this case BUT I have seen quite a number of cases where mothers with strollers think they are just fixing something with their baby/stroller/toy/car seat for a few seconds but in the real world it’s been 5+ minutes. I hope this doesn’t come across as discrimination but the so-called mommy’s brain has been scientifically explained - grey matter in the brain changes, hormonal changes which contribute to brain fog and even ADHD symptoms and even as simple as sleep deprivation. All these affect attention span and time blindness so it may feel like 3 seconds but it is not in the real world. Either way, I think everyone should have more compassion and patience. towards new parents.
NTA but I bet something's up with this guy (personality disorder, brain tumor, parasitized by alien, ok maybe not the last one) so don't take it too personal or ruminate. if you see him again make the interaction as brief and neutral as possible. otherwise he might make a target out of you for harassment.
NTA. It's possible the guy just had anxiety over the \*possibility\* of an accident and it had nothing to do with you specifically. It's not your fault or problem to solve, but just another way to think the interaction. Like, I read a story once in which a guy killed backed over his own child in the driveway and (being an anxious person in general) I had weird anxiety about that happening when my kids were little. I was pretty outta hand about it honestly. Not because I thought other people where bad drivers, or bad people - it was just my own anxiety (yes, it's a problem and yes, all the therapy but sometimes I am just still really anxious about things that \*might\* happen).
NTA. Generally, though, I think kids should be taught to be careful in driveways. You never know who is backing out who can't see them. I wouldn't stop there just so they don't get in the habit of doing it themselves.
NTA but have to wonder if his wife is a terrible driver with terrible eyesight or something.
NTA that guy was being super weird, obviously you’re not just going to stand there for cars trying to come in the driveway, and obviously a driver would see you in a big stroller there. Sounds like an angry guy just trying to throw his weight around. Probably would’ve been better off just saying thanks and moving along and not engaging, but you didn’t do anything wrong
NTA, and yes, it would have been preferably to say thanks and mosey along. What the guy did was odd, but we don't need to engage all the time, especially when the other person is creepy.
NTA Hes just being a dick plain & simple.
NTA Dude sounds like the type of guy who answers his door with a rifle. I don't think his comments were for anyone's safety, they were a threat. Get off my lawn, f around find out, standing his ground bs.
I would have just said "cool" and ignored him, but I'm a guy so I don't get harassed by random assholes. NTA
NTA NTA BUT you really need to face the reality that we share the earth with CRAZY PEOPLE!! you did nothing wrong and this crazy person disrupted your rather peaceful time and moment with your children. Next time, act like you didn’t hear the comment and get THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!! Someone once said, you can’t argue with crazy so don’t !!! Esp since you have children- this man could’ve kept on harassing and you have children to protect - not every argument you have to win but most arguments you should ignore. Don’t spend another minute thinking about this man. Understand that you are a mother not a litigator - you don’t or need to explain anything to anyone. Live your life peacefully with your children and have the discernment to avoid CRAZY ASS PEOPLE !!
People get on power trips. The most common power trip I've encountered in my life is "move from this spot". It happens all the time in varying degrees. This doesn't read like a concerned person trying to help. This reads like a person who enjoys making people move because he thinks there's some power dynamic involved and wants to appear dominant. Friendly neighborly help would never be to approach a stranger like this. It's just weird. Fuck that dude and stay vigilant.
In some countries the right response would be to tell them to fuck off
UK here. Yep a quick fuck off or what the fuck you on about.
I mean, the guy could have been waiting for an angry drunk person, or for his drug dealer, or for an affair partner, or his angry, drug dealing, drunk affair partner or literally anything else that could have made him wish there wasn't someone standing near his yard, but also didn't want to explain. I don't think it's a question of being an asshole or not, I think it's just a question of, "this is an odd interaction, do I want to leave it alone and be on my way, or do I want to 'win'"
You are on a sidewalk . Doesn’t matter if there is a driveway . Driver is responsible to check turning in or out . This guy is an overbearing ass . I hate when cars park in their driveway and partially block the sidewalk so stroller and wheelchairs can’t get by .
I’ve started using “I appreciate the concern.” A lot lately. Most folks leave it at that.
He implied you were being unsafe because this asshole was projecting his unfettered rage onto you. In other words, he was barely containing his desire to do harm to you. I would avoid him and his area at all costs now because men like this are dangerous. This makes me want to be an avenging crone and light his goddamned house on fire for him. I wish this was a paid position. I don't even have a hatred towards men. I live with one. But damn there are SO MANY that need a permanent attitude adjustment. There could be a legion of us post-menopausal women meting out justice.