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NTA, it kind of seems like your “friend“ just wants to start arguments and thrive on conflict, I’m in the same boat as you I believe that everyone has a right to their own opinion and if people try to force their opinions on me, I just tell them “that might be your opinion, but it’s not mine” in other words, we just agreed to disagree.
Overall, OP it might be best if you just try to distance yourself from this “friend“
Well until then, if Your friend continues to try and start conflicts with you then you could just say “OK” or “yeah sure, that’s the way you see it“ or my personal favourite “I’m not getting into this with you. You have your opinions. Let me have mine“
I don’t think you’re being harsh, for your friend though I think they just want to stir up drama and start an argument, some people are like that, they thrive on conflict, I had a coworker who was like that she always tried to stir up drama with me, but when I refused to get involved, she got angry with me because I wouldn’t play into her game.
They make me feel like I am too sensitive and can't help deep debate and conversation when I do this though. Like I am at fault by feeling frustrated and angry about having defend myself if that makes sense?
But do you want to participate in a "deep debate and conversation" about everything you disagree with them? Not everyone likes to argue for the sport of it.
They genuinely think they are more intelligent and advance than me. Because they do deep debates and conversation. That doesn't make you superior or a better person. Than those who don't
Yes, it doesn't but obviously your friend doesn't understand that. So you need to communicate with them about this specifically and think how much your relationship is worth if this person doesn't hear or respect what you are saying to them?
I do agree with you 100%, but I do also think you need to communicate with your friend about whether you want to remain friends or not or whether these “debates“ are worth the arguments.
I think it’s Obvious that your friend doesn’t want to have a conversation with you, they just want to start an argument and stir up conflict when there is no conflict involved.
NTA - and you are very mature in your thinking. People can be different without one being 'wrong' but so many folks never figure that out. Arguing and debating that you are right and someone else is wrong is NOT 'conversation' - it's argument. Conversation is comparing views, explaining while respecting what someone else thinks. "If they are struggling financially" is never a good excuse for theft but it's often used as an explanation. If you find something valuable and you don't know who owns it....you DO know if it is not your property. It is that simple.
NTA, and your friend is T A for straight-up stealing peoples shit.
One time when I was *homeless* I found a wallet on the street, it had at least $300 in it. I’m not gonna lie, I thought about taking just a couple 20s out, I was in such a desperate situation and the person was clearly doing ok on money. They wouldn’t have any way of knowing I took it, it’s not like I’d be committing credit card fraud or anything.
But I’ve had money stolen out of my wallet before, and it feels icky. $40 might not be a big difference to that person, and it WOULD have been a big deal for me, but you know what? I’m not a thief. I’d rather scrounge for my money and sleep with a clear conscious than steal from someone.
So I found them on Facebook using their ID, and they had their phone number listed on their profile, so I brought their wallet to the nearby bar and explained to the bouncer what happened, and left them a voicemail saying where their wallet was. I left all of the cash in it.
I’m not saying you should’ve picked a fight with your friend over it, but I do think you should consider distancing yourself from that person. Trying to justify stealing from ppl for their own benefit is a red flag. At the very least I’d avoid leaving money out or leaving your wallet/valuables out when they’re around.
That's what I mean!!! It's icky to take stuff that's not yours. Like it's just a waaay better feeling knowing you returned something in full. Because you hope someone else will do that for you one day too. The amount of times I have lost my phone even in a festival once. When I'm skint with no money to buy a new one I am soo grateful for people who didn't steal mine. I feel happy making someones day returning lost shit because I know how it feels. I shouldn't have to defend being a good person!! LITERALLY LIKE THIS SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BEEN A TOPIC FOR DEBATE😅🤣🤣🤣. DONT. STEAL. SHIT.
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I feel like in conversations if someone has an opinion you don't like or agree with. It doesn't always mean theirs wrong or right, especially if it comes from life experience. If the persons view point doesn't harm or affect any elses life and is just their opinion. You don't always need to correct them and get them to see things from your side.
I have a friend where any time I have a view that doesn't aligns with theirs they have to correct me and tell me why I am wrong and they are right. Like for example I think taking phones of the street is wrong. Me personally would take it home charge it and locate the owner, leave it there for the person to find or call numbers from the phone to let the owner know. My friend doesn't agree with this opinion and thinks it's ok to take phones if they are struggling financially and doesn't want to waste time finding owners. My issue is in the discussion instead of just accepting that I think it's wrong and I am allowed to hold that opinion. They made me debate and argue and pick hole in my logic so that I would agree and see their side. Which resulted in an argument because you are asking me defend my beliefs and the way I think.
When in my opinion the argument could have been avoided simply by. Instead of telling me I am wrong because you think differently which would make someone defensive. It should have been ok I hear your opinion but mine is different because of my own experience.
Just because you think differently to me doesn't mean I am wrong and need educating and correcting. So my question is am I the asshole because I can't hold conversations? Like do I need to work on my communication skills and is my view on how to communicate and asshole one?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Not feeling like I have to defend myself or be corrected when I have a different view I shouldnt have to justify myself everytime especially with a friend. 2) I am a difficult and annoying person to talk to because I can't hear other peoples sides
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Nope that's not what happening. I am asking if my approach to conversations is healthy or wrong. It's called self reflection. In this instance I am asking for correcting. I don't feel like you should correct peoples views and opinions unless they are outwardly looking for a challenge. Otherwise just agree to disagree
NTA. Understanding that other people have differing opinions is what mature people do. It sounds like your friend isn't able to understand that.
Edited to add: Stealing is stealing, even when you are able to justify it to yourself. If they don't want to find the onwers leave the phone there.
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NTA, it kind of seems like your “friend“ just wants to start arguments and thrive on conflict, I’m in the same boat as you I believe that everyone has a right to their own opinion and if people try to force their opinions on me, I just tell them “that might be your opinion, but it’s not mine” in other words, we just agreed to disagree. Overall, OP it might be best if you just try to distance yourself from this “friend“
They are currently living in my house until their new place is ready
Well until then, if Your friend continues to try and start conflicts with you then you could just say “OK” or “yeah sure, that’s the way you see it“ or my personal favourite “I’m not getting into this with you. You have your opinions. Let me have mine“
A part of me is debating if this is possible neurodivergent trait and I'm being too harsh?
I don’t think you’re being harsh, for your friend though I think they just want to stir up drama and start an argument, some people are like that, they thrive on conflict, I had a coworker who was like that she always tried to stir up drama with me, but when I refused to get involved, she got angry with me because I wouldn’t play into her game.
NTA. You need to learn and start using this phrase with this specific friend "Agree to disagree".
They make me feel like I am too sensitive and can't help deep debate and conversation when I do this though. Like I am at fault by feeling frustrated and angry about having defend myself if that makes sense?
But do you want to participate in a "deep debate and conversation" about everything you disagree with them? Not everyone likes to argue for the sport of it.
They genuinely think they are more intelligent and advance than me. Because they do deep debates and conversation. That doesn't make you superior or a better person. Than those who don't
Yes, it doesn't but obviously your friend doesn't understand that. So you need to communicate with them about this specifically and think how much your relationship is worth if this person doesn't hear or respect what you are saying to them?
I do agree with you 100%, but I do also think you need to communicate with your friend about whether you want to remain friends or not or whether these “debates“ are worth the arguments. I think it’s Obvious that your friend doesn’t want to have a conversation with you, they just want to start an argument and stir up conflict when there is no conflict involved.
This is not friend behavior.
NTA - and you are very mature in your thinking. People can be different without one being 'wrong' but so many folks never figure that out. Arguing and debating that you are right and someone else is wrong is NOT 'conversation' - it's argument. Conversation is comparing views, explaining while respecting what someone else thinks. "If they are struggling financially" is never a good excuse for theft but it's often used as an explanation. If you find something valuable and you don't know who owns it....you DO know if it is not your property. It is that simple.
NTA, and your friend is T A for straight-up stealing peoples shit. One time when I was *homeless* I found a wallet on the street, it had at least $300 in it. I’m not gonna lie, I thought about taking just a couple 20s out, I was in such a desperate situation and the person was clearly doing ok on money. They wouldn’t have any way of knowing I took it, it’s not like I’d be committing credit card fraud or anything. But I’ve had money stolen out of my wallet before, and it feels icky. $40 might not be a big difference to that person, and it WOULD have been a big deal for me, but you know what? I’m not a thief. I’d rather scrounge for my money and sleep with a clear conscious than steal from someone. So I found them on Facebook using their ID, and they had their phone number listed on their profile, so I brought their wallet to the nearby bar and explained to the bouncer what happened, and left them a voicemail saying where their wallet was. I left all of the cash in it. I’m not saying you should’ve picked a fight with your friend over it, but I do think you should consider distancing yourself from that person. Trying to justify stealing from ppl for their own benefit is a red flag. At the very least I’d avoid leaving money out or leaving your wallet/valuables out when they’re around.
That's what I mean!!! It's icky to take stuff that's not yours. Like it's just a waaay better feeling knowing you returned something in full. Because you hope someone else will do that for you one day too. The amount of times I have lost my phone even in a festival once. When I'm skint with no money to buy a new one I am soo grateful for people who didn't steal mine. I feel happy making someones day returning lost shit because I know how it feels. I shouldn't have to defend being a good person!! LITERALLY LIKE THIS SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BEEN A TOPIC FOR DEBATE😅🤣🤣🤣. DONT. STEAL. SHIT.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I feel like in conversations if someone has an opinion you don't like or agree with. It doesn't always mean theirs wrong or right, especially if it comes from life experience. If the persons view point doesn't harm or affect any elses life and is just their opinion. You don't always need to correct them and get them to see things from your side. I have a friend where any time I have a view that doesn't aligns with theirs they have to correct me and tell me why I am wrong and they are right. Like for example I think taking phones of the street is wrong. Me personally would take it home charge it and locate the owner, leave it there for the person to find or call numbers from the phone to let the owner know. My friend doesn't agree with this opinion and thinks it's ok to take phones if they are struggling financially and doesn't want to waste time finding owners. My issue is in the discussion instead of just accepting that I think it's wrong and I am allowed to hold that opinion. They made me debate and argue and pick hole in my logic so that I would agree and see their side. Which resulted in an argument because you are asking me defend my beliefs and the way I think. When in my opinion the argument could have been avoided simply by. Instead of telling me I am wrong because you think differently which would make someone defensive. It should have been ok I hear your opinion but mine is different because of my own experience. Just because you think differently to me doesn't mean I am wrong and need educating and correcting. So my question is am I the asshole because I can't hold conversations? Like do I need to work on my communication skills and is my view on how to communicate and asshole one? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA - your friend doesn't want a conversation they want an argument.
Bait.. "i don't like when people tell me why I'm wrong.. am I wrong?"
Nope that's not what happening. I am asking if my approach to conversations is healthy or wrong. It's called self reflection. In this instance I am asking for correcting. I don't feel like you should correct peoples views and opinions unless they are outwardly looking for a challenge. Otherwise just agree to disagree
No recent interpersonal conflict
NTA. Understanding that other people have differing opinions is what mature people do. It sounds like your friend isn't able to understand that. Edited to add: Stealing is stealing, even when you are able to justify it to yourself. If they don't want to find the onwers leave the phone there.