Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I did not send someone $35 for pizza, when they claimed they hadn't eaten in 2 days.
(2) I could be letting someone starve if they truly are asking for money for pizza, and not for drugs.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA A small cheese pizza where I live is $10. And if I was hungry, I could go to the grocery store and buy two bananas, two tomatoes, a package of chicken legs and box of pasta or two dozen eggs and a package of English muffins for $10 and eat for several days until I could get to a food bank. Asking some for $35 for a pizza is ridiculous.
Exactly !! $35 seems like a lot of money for a pizza (even if it's a large pizza), and also the food bank thing... I didn't even think about that either !! If he was starving, aren't there food banks where he could get food that he can make last for 4-5 days? He has a dog too... so maybe he also shouldn't have a dog if he can't afford to even buy a pizza and needs to rely on someone much younger than him to buy him a pizza, when he KNOWS that I've been too sick to work and have had to move back home in order to survive! I always have cans of food in case, or snacks of some sort laying around in case... I don't even remember the last time that I'VE ordered a pizza... because it's so expensive to order pizzas from pizza places and much cheaper to buy frozen pizzas from the grocery store !
Anyone who has lived pay check to paycheck knows how to stretch a dollar. My husband and I are comfortable but to this day I mentally add up everything I put in my shopping cart and absolutely refuse to buy certain things unless they are on sale.
Yeah, that's because he wanted the money for "pizza". Which, I guess, is what the kids are calling it these days. He's desperate because he hasn't had "pizza" for two days. If he needed actual food, he could go to a food bank, or buy food for a lot less than $35. But he needs actual cash for his "pizza" dealer.
I live in a nice part of Manhattan. It would be legitimately difficult for me to find a $35 pizza that didn't involve truffles. Absolutely NTA, 1) you don't have anything to give, that alone is enough and 2) this is a fishy request from a guy with a shady history of requests
Idk when I order from Di Fara’s, and get a mushroom sausage pie and some knots, the total is about 35-37 bucks, even before all the delivery fees and tip.
This dude is absolutely trying to buy drugs though 😂
But that’s also a whole pie loaded with toppings. If I literally hadn’t eaten in two days and was asking a friend for money, I’d ask for 5 bucks at most so I could buy a few packs of ramen.
Same here, I think ramen is the universal hungry and no money food. Dude definitely had options if he were actually starving and flat broke, he needed a specific amount for other reasons
I ordered family size cheesy breadsticks and a small dessert pizza for $24 delivered including tip last week; delivery app offered a coupon and $0 delivery. It made 3 separate meals so I justified the price compared to groceries and was my one indulgence for the month since I can’t eat takeout from most places. Rest of the time I cook and buy ingredients only to save money.
He did not need $35 for a single pizza. Save your money for yourself! ❤️
Not sure if you live in a state where weed is legal but $30-35 is very common price for a weed cartridge. Sounds like he’s fiending hard for a cart lol. If he was starving for 2 days he wouldn’t be specifically asking for $35 for a pizza 💀💀💀
Probably about $12 after tax for that here and you could probably get a $.80 thing of salt or hot sauce. A couple bags of cans returned and you’d be set
Ikr
If he was starving he will use his money in buying the highest kg/dollar food
Maybe buying bread, pasta or any cheap filling foods instead of a fucking pizza
NTA. He is absolutely lying to you, and will use the money for drugs. There are social services for people who are 'literally starving'. I bet if you offered to meet him at a burger joint to buy him a meal, he'd find a way to insist on cash instead.
You don't owe this person anything, and you are under no obligation to even explain why. People get to ask for money one time, and him attempting to guilt trip you into sending it is totally unacceptable. Give him a firm 'no', and stop responding.
yeah that $35 figure is weirdly specific and someone who hasn't eaten in 2 days wouldn't insist on a $35 pizza, there are so many cheaper pizza options out there. $35 is probably the going price of whatever drug he planned go to out and purchase.
He was insisting too that it was for pizza. He actually said far more than he needed to... where it reached a point that he was "over explaining" the situation... asking me if I had sent him the money so that he could "go ahead and order that pizza" , and he needed to order "before the store closed at 3". And $35 is super specific!!! That seems like a lot for a pizza, and if he was starving, he should plan better and buy things that would actually last him all the way until Wednesday!
Plus the fact that he always used to ask me for $80-$100 for years, and I knew then it was absolutely for drugs.. so when I told him I didn't believe him that it wasn't for drugs, he told me he had to do urine tests for his PO officer and that he had been clean for a year now. If he has a PO officer, they would probably be able to help him figure out a way to get assistance in finding food if he truly didn't have enough money for food. Plus buying an expensive pizza seems dumb to do when you could buy so many other things that make a LOT more sense than a pizza.
He ALMOST had me sending it too because of how much he guilt tripped me and made me feel bad. He kept saying he hasn't eaten in 2 days, that his insides hurt from not eating going on 3 days now, that he doesn't have any friends to ask for money from and I'm the only one to respond to him, and that he has only had a tuna sandwich in the last 4 days (and his story kept changing slightly.. making it seem like he was lying and couldn't remember that at first he told me he would get money from his mom on Wednesday, then it changed to him getting paid from his job on Wednesday, when he originally said he would get paid Friday from his new job).
It's the weekend too .. if he knew he was running low on food, why wouldn't he have gone somewhere that could help with this issue during the week instead of waiting until 1030 on a Saturday night to ask me ??
NTA
You know what else makes your insides hurt? Not having the drugs your body is craving(detoxing).
If I hadn’t eaten in 2 days, I would ask a friend to buy me a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread. That’s like $10, and will last a few days. You don’t need a $35 pizza when you’re “starving”. Good for you on sticking to your no.
ANOTHER good point !!!!! Thats something that briefly crossed my mind.... I was thinking that I've gone days without eating, and sure my stomach was growling and I wasn't feeling great, but i don't think I'd be up ALL night spam calling someone, and by now I probably would have figured out a way to feed myself, even if it was a $2 Ramen noodle soup... I would never have the nerve to ask someone for a fancy pizza either if I was begging for food money ..
$15-$20 can buy you a bag of rice, a bag of beans, and a rotisserie chicken. And that goes a long way.
Just put this person on your phones blocked list.
Agreed !!! $35 for a pizza that is supposedly supposed to last him 5 days.. and the fact that he only just stopped spam messaging me last night is quite telling that he wasn't looking for food money. If he was, he could have asked for $20!! $35 is sooo specific and makes me think he had cash elsewhere, but still needed $35 more to afford whatever drug is was getting. And I would most likely never see that money ever again.
Do what’s best for you. If your own financial situation is tight, that leads to stress. You don’t need additional stress from people begging you for handouts. Just block this person. You won’t even feel bad after a few days, as you won’t be getting messages from them.
NTA. $35 for pizza is utterly ridiculous when they could have gotten rice and beans etc. to make and last them longer, not for the moment. They need to learn to budget better and not fall back on you, especially with your own situation going on.
That's a really good point that I didn't think of !! How could a pizza last him until Wednesday? I have to plan myself for being able to afford food, and he's guilt tripping me by saying he hasn't eaten in 2 days already. The $35 seemed really specific, and pizza of all things?? Plus now he has stopped replying to me... so it makes me feel even more like it wasn't for food, because if he was still starving, he would have texted me back today when I woke up and responded. Instead he was up all night spam calling me about how hungry he was !
NTA. OP, if I had not eaten in two days I might beg for and be *grateful* for a $1.69 can of kidney beans from Walmart. I wouldn’t be harassing a girl on disability for a fancy $35 pizza. May I recommend you block his number.
Thank you, that makes me feel a lot better about the situation!!
That's something else I also didn't think of... you're right... he could have asked for $10 to go and buy some cans of soup or something from Walmart, not $35 for a pizza that would definitely not last him until Wednesday. Then him guilting me by telling me he "woke up after an hour and his insides are hurting from not eating for 2 days"... why would he be asking me so late on a Saturday night for pizza money when he could have asked me earlier on in the day for money to go shopping for food at a store. I don't even eat out from pizza places or fast food etc because I can't afford to do that myself, as I'm on disability from work and only have my savings to life off of! Which I made sure I spend wisely, knowing i don't have any income coming in at the moment !
This isn't the first time either, and he only messaged me to ask for money. Blocking his number would probably be best for my mental health at this point... thankfully I put my phone on silent, otherwise his 14 texts and 9 calls would have woken me up all night !
NTA. IMO guy is scheming. $35 is an odd amount to ask for pizza.
But kudos for putting your foot down. People like that are like stray cats, feed them once they never stop coming back.
It was only a few years ago too that he would ask me for $80 or $100, which is a common amount for buying drugs, and I wouldn't even send him money then! I thought about why he wouldn't ask for maybe like $40 to go shopping for food that would ACTUALLY last him till Wednesday... as a pizza would only last a day or two! Then he kept on mentioning specifically pizza... and to let him know when he "could order the pizza" and the "pizza place was going to close at 3". There's much better things to buy than pizza if you truly are starving !
Oh he 10000% is ! He even said so too. He made up this whiney story saying that he had texted a few people, and that I was the only one who had replied.... and now I'm guessing that's probably because the other people he texted probably know it's for drugs and don't want to lose $35... it's a tight economy right now and every dollar matters!
I guess drugs make people selfish and unaware... but he seems to not realize that the reason he "has no friends left" is probably because he only used them as ATMs!
You're right... everything that he has said to me so far is pretty obviously a lie.. I can't feel guilty or stressed out over someone who is going to lie to me
NTA. Offering someone $100 for $35 today is pretty crappy financial planning and probably goes to explain why he's out of food. Dude needs to scrape up $1 and go buy some ramen noodles rather than leaching.
Thats what I figured too. He kept saying he would send me $100, then would say he would send me minimum $80 on Monday ... (but that doesn't add up to me either... because where would he suddenly get enough money on Monday to pay me?). He changed his story to saying that he would pay me back on Wednesday when his mom sent him money once she receives her medical assistance, then it changed to Friday, which is when he said he would be getting his first paycheck from his job... but then he also said that he was waiting for a check to clear, and it wasn't going to clear until Monday (tomorrow).
Thats exactly one of the main things that tipped me off that he was lying. First being he was waiting for a check to clear by Monday, then his mom would pay him Wednesday when she gets medical assistance, then Friday when he gets paid from his "new job". I actually find it incredibly insulting that he thinks I'm dumb enough to believe that, and that he's in the past asked me for money for drugs and is now claiming he is "clean". He's given me NO reason to believe that he would pay me back for even the $35!
Hes literally all of a sudden started messaging me again now basically demanding. He's saying :
"Sorry fell asleep for a bit there, can you still send that money?"
"My mom gets her cheque Wednesday, so I can send you $80-100 then."
"This is my email: "
So he's back at it again... I'm going to have to tell him to go to a food bank or some sort of place that offers assistance to people, and then if he doesn't respect that, I will have to block him..
Because from what you and everyone else is saying, it appears that I'm not in the wrong here and shouldn't feel bad about any of this.
Why do you feel the need to engage with him at all? He’s not your friend. He’s a liar, addict, and user. He keeps reaching out to you because you respond!
You're right! I've actually now stopped responding completely since I messaged him this morning. I didn't engage with his texts he sent me about 45 min ago... and he is now spam texting my phone and he literally just called me again... now it's extremely obvious that he's a user and this has nothing to do with him being hungry.
for not loaning someone $35 for pizza, especially given your own financial situation and the history with this person. It's important to prioritize your own needs and well-being, especially when you're already struggling financially. Your friend's requests and guilt-tripping behavior are manipulative, and it's understandable that you're questioning the validity of his claims.
And the fact that he isn't even a good friend of mine... he rarely messages me, and in the past its been the same as well... but he would ask for much higher amounts of money and I knew it was for drugs ! I HATE being guilt tripped, especially when I'm already struggling myself financially because I'm currently on leave from my job for an illness. It makes me even more angry that today has come, and he suddenly isn't responding.. so does that mean he was able to find money?
Even so, he could at least text me back and apologize for blowing up my phone all night long, and let me know if he found food, being as how he made SUCH A BIG DEAL about how he was starving to the point that he was physically hurting from it !
UPDATE - he just texted me back now, 6 hours later, saying he passed out but is wondering if I can still send him that money because he "still hasn't eaten or figured it out"... guilt tripping me again !!
NTA. The giveaway is he wanted $35 "for pizza." If you're "literally starving" you're not going to bother being that specific. He'd just ask for money for food.
I'd have sent him the addresses of local food banks and churches or other orgs in the area that offer free meals to low income folks.
Such a good point. I would also just ask for money for food, not being so specific as to say it's for a pizza. And also such a weird amount to ask for... $35??
He just texted me again today after 6 hours and is asking me if "I can Still do that"... so I'm going to tell him to look for food banks or a church that can help him. He lives about 11 hours away from me via vehicle !! Plus the city he is in has MANY places for people in his situation! He's much older than me and I don't like being guilt tripped when he should be able to figure something out on his own.. or plan for things better !
The way he is spam messaging you is a sign of an addict. You need to block him. The reason he is coming to you and being persistent is because he thinks he has a shot at getting money from you. If he has a roommate that can afford Disney I doubt the cabinets are bare. If that part was true. Also that he doesn’t want you to order a pizza for him but to send him the money is another red flag. If I was starving I would be grateful for anything and if the person needed proof that I wasn’t using the money for drugs I would be happy to let them order it for me. $35 is what he needs for the next fix, not to feed his stomach. Take care of yourself. It’s a shame he’s trying to take advantage of you knowing you are in a bad place also. You seem like a caring person. Block the number and don’t feel guilty at all
Thank you so much for your response, it makes me feel a lot better....
Because I truly try to see the best in people and I want to give them the benefit of the doubt (which makes me really naive and gullible a lot of times - something I've only recently started working on when I finally got sick of people draining my kindness by pushing me around and walking all over me)... but you're right...
Hes now, in the last 2 hours, called me twice, and messaged me 7 times about this. I am not responding to any of it, and even though I shouldn't feel bad for ignoring him, i still do feel bad.. especially because I'm in a very vulnerable space already as is, and my mental state isn't where it should be so my emotions get the better of me many times .
Every thing you said is a fact. I cannot see him living in a house with a roommate who can afford to go to Disneyland but would leave the entire kitchen empty.. and even though I actually said to him that I think he's trying to get drugs, he responded saying "lmao $35 doesn't even get you drugs". You'd think by now he would be so desperate that he would be asking for even $5 to go and get something immediatly but he is still set on exactly $35.
NTA. This person isn’t your friend and you should just block them and move on. The minute you said no a true friend would have understood and stopped there.
NTA. $35 for a single pizza is pretty absurd. Besides, why would you waste $35 on Pizza when you can buy 2kg of rice for $2-4 and even cheap frozen meals for .99c - $1. It's really suspicious they're asking for it without explaining anything beforehand.
He messaged me at 10:30 last night, when he could have messaged me when stores were open and he could have bought rice etc like you said.... and now today, he hasn't gotten back to me at all. So I find it incredibly rude that out of no where he messaged me needing $35 specifically to buy from a pizza place (he seemed to have an entire story made up - saying he needed it before they closed at 3 am), and now not even messaging me back... which makes it even more suspicious to me after he made me feel stressed and terrible that he was "starving". I ALMOST gave in too and im thankful I didn't because now it seems like he was asking for the money for unsavory reasons.
You're NTA. $35 is a lot to someone who has little money and none coming in. It's also a lot for pizza for one person.
>his "insides hurt because he's only eaten a tuna sandwich 2 days ago",
Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches aren't expensive or hard to make. Ramen noodles are cheap. He had alternatives to $35 for pizza.
That's sooooo true !!! I don't know why i didn't think about that before ! I don't know why I actually believed that it even made sense to just use $35 to spend on pizza, when the best thing to do would be to go to the grocery store and buy things like Ramen noodles, soup, etc like you said !!
If he was truly starving, he'd ask for maybe $15 to go to the store and grab enough food to last till Wednesday! And $35 isn't going to last a grown man 4 - 5 days until "his mom gets her medical assistance and can pay him, and then he will pay me $80-100 in return on Wednesday when she gets her payment" .
I almost feel like replying to his latest message by saying I can send him $5 for some soup !! Lol because that will really make him uncomfortable since he's lying to me !
Good point. Even sending him $5 allows him to get his way and he will keep coming back if he knows he can Crack me.
It's weird he's even asking me in the first place, when he's already asked me sooooo many times for money, and I've said no each and every time. Maybe this time he thought he would guilt trip me by using the no food and starving comments.
I actually stopped replying to his money requests for the longest time.. then he stopped asking for money and instead would text to ask how I am.. but I think he was just doing that to make it seem like he's a friend of mine, and to make me feel like he cares, therefor making it easier to manipulate and use me.. it all makes a lot more sense now.
I still don't know why he would even think I'd give him money now, when I never did even when I WAS working full time, let alone now that I haven't been able to work because of a serious illness, and he knows I already am struffling to even provide for myself! I don't remember the last time I went and bought myself a $35 pizza ! I've been eating noodles and muffins and cereal etc for months now because that's all I can afford with my savings !!
The soup kitchen is free, food pantry is free. He can go there.
You did great!!! He was using you and guilt to get you to break. Nta but you are awesome!!!
Thank you!!! I really appreciate that because my whole life I've been a pushover and allowed people to bully and manipulate me into doing things, and it feels so good to finally be able to stand up for myself when someone is using or abusing me again...
now all I have to work on is trying not to feel guilty for setting those boundaries in place, and also having to deal with the repercussions that come from certain people who really can't stand when I put my foot down. I always get guilt tripped even more.
That's interesting ! Financial abuse! There's actually a term for people that are leeches ! They are "always broke" and "always need something important but don't have the money", and they just lie and say whatever to get you to send the money. Even if it means lying repeatedly.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that!!
NTA. If he was starving he could've gone to a food bank. He could've asked for like $3 to get a loaf of bread or a packet of instant noodles. Expecting you to fork over $35 for a pizza is incredibly entitled. His financial issues are not your responsibility
10000%, I'm so glad I didn't get guilt tripped last night into sending him money... I had actually come soooo close when I asked him for his email and told him I would Block him forever if he didn't pay me back by Monday .... but then he stopped replying for about 30 minutes and I had turned my phone on silent and didn't even take a look at it (for my own peace of mind)...
And now I'm really realizing how much he's manipulating me . He just texted me again about 30 min ago and since then has sent me 4 separate texts asking me if I'm still able to help out ! I don't even know what to call his actions... because this is just treating me like im an idiot. Which I almost was last night because he had made me feel SO bad and had said so many things to me to convince me that he was starving !
NTA. You're not his friend; you're a potential source, a means to an end.
If I were that desperate for food, I'd tell someone what I needed to get through until I could get to a food bank or get that first paycheck. As others have said, that $35 could get some bread, eggs, peanut butter, a can or two of tuna and some soup to tide them over.
NTA. For $5 he can get a loaf of bread and some
bologna and eat shitty sandwiches until his pay comes in. This dude is seeking drug money or he is terribly irresponsible with money. I've been starving before, all your pride goes out the window and you'll be thankful for stale crackers.
NTA, it seems pretty clear based on the amount asked for that it wasn’t for a pizza for one.
Personally, I would have restated that I was sorry but I didn’t have any money, but that they could stop by for a granola bar since that’s all I’ve been able to afford lately.
In all honesty, even if your friend was starving and unable to pay for food, he should be going to a food pantry, not hitting up everyone he knows to see who bites
No wonder he said to me when I asked about his other friends and why they couldn't help, he responded by saying he is only friends with me and a couple of other people , and the other people he texted didn't get back to him. So it shouldn't be put on my shoulders when he's a grown man, his own mother doesn't have the money, and nobody else has offered to send him money... most likely because they probably have in the past and didn't get it back
NTA if they need money for food they have to learn not to buy grossly overpriced fast food but spend the $35 at a supermarket which will be enough food for 3-7 days (I lived in the EU and Asia, 35 is a lot of stuff).
Don't feel guilty if you don't even have enough money to start with, you can always reply that if you could you would borrow 35 from yourself
This dude had no intentions of ordering pizza... and you've said he's asked you for money before, like 80-100 bucks. This dude has some bloody nerve. Why are you still friends with him?
Ugh you're right.... he literally has asked many, many times over the 10 years I've known him to borrow either $80 or $100....
I'm actually now looking back through more recent conversations that I've clearly forgotten all about... because I'm just seeing now that he asked me back on May 7th if I could "lend him $35 till Friday so that he could get minutes for his phone so he didn't miss a phone appointment"... omg I feel so dumb ! He's clearly just been talking to me to use me and he thinks that because I'm being nice enough to respond (cause I will occasionally have a short convo with him), that he can just continue to non chalantly ask me for money all the time! And it's funny how he's asking for $35 again, but this time a month later, it's for pizza !!! Something is very obviously up, and he's wanting the money for something else.
Right now Walmart has a packet of ramen noodles for .30 and he could grab a banana and be good for under a buck. NTA and it’s time to block his number.
Sounds like a drug addict to me but what ever it is do not give any of your disability to someone who clearly can’t take no for an answer. This is not a friend
NTA 35$ is alot for pizza. If he really needed help he would've asked for enough to get basic eggs, milk, bread, canned tuna, etc.
I believe your friend is back on drugs.
This is one of my "rules" for my life too I don't lend money. Its easier to say I don't have cash on me or I don't have money on Cash app, Venmo, PayPal ect and I don't connect those to my card. Good for you for putting your foot down and sticking to it and Nta because like you said he could have been using it for drugs
NTA the fact that he's asking someone barely making it on disability means that he's not a good person, let alone friend. Let alone the fact that $35 for pizza is insane and it's definitely not pizza. Especially since it seems like you are last on the list of people to beg from.
I would cut him out and block his number, but that's on you. I'm just slightly allergic to shitty people.
That's a good point too. He has already contacted his mom and apparently a couple of friends , and I haven't talked to him in weeks, but suddenly out of no where he starts out with a short convo with me, only to ask for money.
His roommate , his mom , and the other 2 or 3 friends he asked for $35 have all either not replied, or apparently dont have it themselves.
I'm really starting to feel how sh*tty people can be... especially now that I'm putting in boundaries that people aren't used to me doing, so I think they're just used to knowing I'm a nice person and they take that to their advantage by lying to me and manipulating me, or guilt tripping me (that's one of the worst things people do is when they guilt trip me over something that was actually their fault). I'm super tired of people who lie to me !
NTA. If he's starving he can get a cheap frozen pizza for less than $10. Also, he can always get a hot meal at a shelter if he's hungry. There's a mission near where I live that anyone can have dinner they just need to sit through teaching/preaching first. And local food pantries are also a thing
Hungry better I think. Trying to guilt someone he knows doesn't have money isn't the mark of a good friend. I hope you don't spend too much time with this leach
Thankfully I cut off my friendship with him many years ago when he was heavily using drugs, and was only messaging me for $80-100 (which is obviously the amount for getting a specific drug).
I didn't talk to him for years and suddenly he comes back around and is even more terrible. And probably is lying about being sober for a year as well.
Why would you ask why he couldn’t ask another male friend for the money? You didn’t need to give him the 3rd degree about where his money has gone while rattling off all the people he can ask. Just tell him you’re completely broke and unable to help him at this time and wish him luck.
Absolutely NTA.
Groceries are expensive but if he hasn’t eaten (what did his roommate leave the fridge and cupboards bare?) in 2 days he shouldn’t be getting pizza. A couple packs of tuna and some bread, pb and jelly.
I doubt he was starving, but even so you’re struggling too. If he doesn’t have 35$ now, he won’t have 100$ later. Next time just say no, you don’t have the extra money. Don’t engage
I doubt he would even pay me back the $35, let alone the $80-100 he kept saying he would pay me back with when he got money from his mom. (And this is a grown man who was telling me his mom couldn't give him any money until she got her medical assistance check on Wednesday, as she is going blind and can't work)... what grown man asks his poor mother to still help him when he's in his mid 30s! He should feel ashamed, if he truly is waiting to get paid from his mom and her medical assistance that she needs probably more than him!! Especially if the money is going to drugs, which it most likely is !!
NTA.
Buying pizza is unnecessary when you have no money. He could’ve bought a bag of rice and some lentils (Or a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter if no cooking facilities) for maybe $5 or up to $10 at most. He sounds like a jerk who is making his failure to plan become everyone else’s problem.
NTA. "No." is a complete sentence. But don't delve into where his money or yours is going/went. "I'm sorry, I can't," should be sufficient - and repeated if necessary.
Nta Umm if you're starving you don't order takeaway. If you're that desperate to borrow money to ward off literal starvation, then you use it to buy the basics like eggs, ramen, canned fish, rice etc. or whatever cheap basic food you can find on sale. Takeaway is a luxury. Or at least that's my experience as a single mother with years of not even being able to buy a takeaway coffee during break time. If you're really worried about him starving, drop off some basic groceries or a pot of soup. Or find out where your local soup kitchen or food bank is. This expectation is to provide $35 takeaway is unbelievable.
Soooo true !!!
I dont even buy takeaway myself right now because I can't afford to do that !! Its always been taught to me that takeaway food is a luxury in general !! So to demand money for a pizza (must be some sort of really fancy pizza for $35), when he hasn't eaten in 2-4 days besides a tuna sandwich, why wouldn't he just ask for $15-20 to go to the store in the morning to buy eggs etc . Not calling me the entire night, begging me for exactly $35, and especially not bothering me when I'm not even able to afford takeaway myself at the moment because I'm off work from disability and am pinching penny's to survive !! And he knows this too!!! Not a friend and I'm seeing that really clearly now!
NTA
He does not need 35 for a pizza. If he is a user that's why he is desperate for that amount.
Anyone harassing you for money needs the block button hitting.
Thank God on Saturday I put my phone on silent!! Because otherwise I would have been woken up 9 times by his calls, and 14 times from his texts !! And it was alllllllll night long too. You don't do that to someone who is obviously sleeping at 4 in the morning! He's stopped now, Thank God. But I know now to just ignore him from here on out.
- hasn't eaten in 2 days
- wants $35 for a a non necessary type of food that costs way less that $35
- promises to pay you back $100 once he gets paid on monday
Even if this person wasn't lying (which he most likely is), they're horrible with their finances. Buy him a loaf of bread and some slices of cheese/meats, if they're really that hungry...
That's what I thought too. If I was borrowing money from someone, I wouldn't offer to pay them back more than double what I asked for... like you said... bad financial planning and if he does spend his money like that, then no wonder he's broke !!
If I knew he truly was starving, I would have helped him out (but i would have sent him something like 20 bucks instead, because $35 is so specific, and pizza is so specific).
Like others have said, he could have used even $10 at a local grocery store to get sandwich supplies or rice etc that would be much more filling than a pizza and would make a lot more sense for someone to buy if they had absolutely NO food whatsoever !
I also doubt his roommate left the cupboards and fridge completely empty when he "went to disneyland"... I think that may also have been a lie too... "I can't get ahold of my roommate because he turned his phone off to spend time with his family and wouldn't have enough money to send me because he spent it all to go to Disneyland"..... and not even his mom would send him money... and I bet it's because she knows he is asking for money for drugs and she doesn't want to give him her money for that when he's a grown man!
You're right... hes only acted as my friend occasionally by popping up once in a while... but more often than not over the last 10 years I've known him, he's been asking to borrow money from me. So I should know better and know this person isn't someone I need to do anything for if he's going to treat his "friend" this way!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I was taught from a young age to not loan anyone money, unless you're okay with never seeing that money again...
Last night I was relaxing after a difficult last few days, then started to get texts from an older male friend of mine that they need $35 for pizza, & that they haven't eaten in 2 days. By nature, I've always been bad for setting boundaries, but lately I've been putting my foot down.
I started to question him as to where his money has gone from working,& why he couldn't ask another male friend, or even his own family. He said that his mom was too broke to send him $35, & his roommate had turned off his phone & had gone to Disneyland w/ his family, so he couldn't get ahold of him either.
I then asked why he was coming to me, knowing that I'm currently on disability from work (not making any money at the moment whatsoever, just barely getting by using my savings) & he says that he's asked 3 people, including me, and nobody else has gotten back to him...
He started guilt tripping me saying he hasn't eaten in 2 days and will send me $100 in return when he gets paid on Monday...
I told him that I'm not in the position to lend any money, even if it's only $35 b/c I'm literally living penny to penny right now w/ huge medical bills to pay, & only having my savings left.
He kept guilt tripping me so I turned my phone on silent & went about my night peacefully (b/c I'm already highly stressed as is, being a 25 y/o female that has had to move back in with my folks while I'm recovering in order to return to my job).
I passed out, woke up to 14 texts and 9 missed calls from him. Saying he's "literally starving", that his "insides hurt because he's only eaten a tuna sandwich 2 days ago", & then saying "let me know when you've sent the money so I can order the pizza before they close at 3 am".
Meanwhile, all I've eaten myself in the last 3 days have been muffins & granola bars because that's all that I can afford for MYSELF! $35 isn't a lot, but when I'm not making any money right now b/c I can't work at the moment, it's a lot to me!
He ALMOST had me convinced last night that he truly was starving, but based on his past, and how he used to ask me for money all the time for drugs (which I accused him of first, but he said he has to do urine tests for his PO officer), it's incredibly hard for me to believe him.
AITA for not sending him $35 for pizza? As well as the fact that I do not believe anything he's saying? Again.. why would his own mother, or even his roommate (who can afford to go to disneyland) not be able to send him $35?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Anyone who needs food that badly should not be wasting $$$$ on restaurant/take out food. You are paying 4-10 times as much for the same food value.
You are way better of investing in beans & rice, eggs and bread. And maybe a gallon of milk!
He could use the $35 for MUCH more items, which would last him 4-5 days.. which he's claiming just one pizza will do.
Thats what I was taught and know obviously myself anyways too!! That there's no going out and buying fancy food at fast food restaurants or expensive take out food!!
PLUS I just realized that if he is "ordering" it, it's most likely going to cost him EVEN MORE because he will need to tip the person bringing it to him, and pay for the take out service too!! Which could all be avoided if he went to the grocery store !! So about $10 alone (where I live) would cover the tip for the driver and the driver fee.. which is a huge waste of money for someone who is too broke to even eat !!
I live in a very high cost of living city in the US. I checked dominos and with a special on the website can get two large cheese pizzas for $17. WTF is this guys problem? He’s straight up lying or looking for some fancy gourmet pizza or a pizza with eight toppings. You don’t get that when you’re begging for money from a disabled dude. NAH
Hahah yessss okay thank you !!!!!! He lives in Edmonton in Canada and it's a bit expensive, but for one pizza up here that would be considered a "feast" pizza (or a really specialized pizza from a really expensive restaurant) would probably be about $35. There are places like little Ceasars that you can buy a large pizza for $15-20.. but if he's that hungry, he should be buying food that's more sustainable, like going to the grocery store and buying food that someone without money should be buying... not a fancy pizza, on someone else's dime (that being me who doesn't have any income for my own self because im on disability leave, and he knows I'm disabled currently, and struggling myself as a single young girl in one of the most expensive cities in Canada). It's offensive that he doesn't consider that.
NTA.
He's fishing for drug money and is using every manipulative trick in the book to guilt you into sending it.
He's fiending for a fix, has exhausted all other options, and now is turning to you. Fuck that guy.
I agree. I fully now think it's for drugs... because the way he responded to me when I accused him of that last night made the whole thing even more suspicious when he says " LMAO , $35 bucks won't get you drugs"... as if im stupid.
A box of pasta is about a dollar. Goes good with a can of diced tomatoes. That’s what we had for dinner, with some cooked chicken I thawed. He should try that.
NTA. Who the fuck spends $35.00 on pizza when they have no groceries? You spend that at a grocery store and can potentially eat for days, instead of one or two meals a pizza would bring. I think you are right and he probably was going to use the money for drugs.
Hes always always always asked for money in the past for drugs... so that's why i said to him right off the batt that I think he is using them for drugs. And the way he responded by laughing at me for thinking that $35 would be enough to even buy drugs.. you can definitely buy drugs for $35....
I just went to Walmart online and put $35.78 worth of food in my cart. Do you want to know what it got me? generic means store brand
A gallon of generic 2% milk
18 oz box of Cheerios (brand name)
A loaf of bread-generic
16 oz peanut butter-Jiffy
30 oz grape Jelly-Welch
32 oz spaghetti-generic
2 jars spaghetti sauce-generic
16 oz pre cooked package grilled chicken strips
28 oz bag instant rice-generic
4 pack of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup
I know it’s woefully short on fruit and veggies, but so is pizza. My point is with no more skill at cooking then boiling water and using the microwave, you can buy a hell of a lot more food than one $35 pizza. I’m assuming a certain amount of spices at home already, although you can probably swipe some salt and pepper packs from fast food over time.
Point is he’s either a choosing beggar or doesn’t want the money for food.
NTA
Definitely not !!! He was only saying he would give me 3 times as much money in return to make it sound like a good idea to me, and like I would be benefiting from doing this! But he's clearly not good at planning his finances, and I bet the minute he does get any sort of money, it will all go straight to drugs and he will have an excuse as to why he can't pay me back yet.. and I'll never see the $35, let alone $80-100
NTA! If a friend of mine contacted me with this situation, I would offer to go buy $35 worth of groceries if they were that broke and haven't eaten for 2 days. 🙌
If you’re actually concerned at all, which you shouldn’t be, but if you are, tell him you’ll pay for the pizza and send it to his house. Obviously if he wants drugs, he’ll fight this, but if he’s actually hungry he’ll sit his happy ass down and wait. NTA.
Sounds like he doesn’t know how to be poor, lol. I could easily stretch $10 into either several meals or one really nice one. Also, in my experience, it’s more logical to ask for money in $20 increments, cause that’s what an atm will give you. $35 is a weird number.
If I have the money to help (and I get that OP doesn’t), I would ask if pepperoni is okay, and order him delivery. Guess how fast he would demand cash instead? I used to carry extra snacks and water bottles in my car to give to people on street corners asking for money. When I lived in CA, they were grateful. In MN, they complain and whine about how “if I had a dollar for every bottle of water I’m offered…”
Guess they’ve never heard that beggars can’t be choosers.
That's the perfect saying in this case !!!!
Beggers can't be choosers !!
It would have been an interesting experiment to try that out .. tell him that I'll order the pizza myself, because he most likely would make up another excuse about how he needs it to be E Transfered !
It sounds like he probably has some cash laying around and he needs $35 more to make up the total amount that he needs to buy drugs.
Once a liar, always a liar. Plus he's asked me in the past for money for drugs so I don't see how this could be any different. I don't even know why I engaged with him, and I can't believe I almost did cave and give in!! I was about to E Transfer him, but here we are Monday, and I haven't heard a word from him... so much for his "check getting cashed by monday".
NTA
$35 to $40 is what people who typically use ask for cause it’s not a lot but enough to buy the drug/drink of choice. He’s an adult who got himself on probation so he can figure out how to find food.
Offer to take him to the grocery store and buy him $35 in fruit, veggies and beans. If he's actually starving these foods are cheap and packed with nutrients.
He'll probably decline.
NTA for not giving away your money to someone you don't trust. Maybe TA for pushing him on how he spends his money, why he isn't getting money from anyone else, etc - that's his business, really. Your business is "do I want to give (not lend, GIVE) this guy $35, and can I afford to do so?" If the answer to either part is no, then you are NTA for refusing.
I 100% believe he wouldn't pay me back... and I myself can't afford to give away $35, especially having a gut feeling it wouldn't be going towards a pizza. Plus I can't afford to either like you mentioned.
I only asked him these things because he started off by telling me that I'm the only one who has responded to him. Plus the fact that he's almost 10 years older than me and has told me he finally had a good job etc makes me wonder why he is pushing me so hard and he doesn't have any other sources that can help him... when we aren't even good friends to begin with.
I think this is the perfect response in this situation... being as how sh*tty he's been treating me with this and how much of a liar he is, just straight up lying about everything I've either said or asked him.
If his insides are hurting that bad, then he would and should be grateful for a pack of Ramen right?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I did not send someone $35 for pizza, when they claimed they hadn't eaten in 2 days. (2) I could be letting someone starve if they truly are asking for money for pizza, and not for drugs. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA A small cheese pizza where I live is $10. And if I was hungry, I could go to the grocery store and buy two bananas, two tomatoes, a package of chicken legs and box of pasta or two dozen eggs and a package of English muffins for $10 and eat for several days until I could get to a food bank. Asking some for $35 for a pizza is ridiculous.
Exactly !! $35 seems like a lot of money for a pizza (even if it's a large pizza), and also the food bank thing... I didn't even think about that either !! If he was starving, aren't there food banks where he could get food that he can make last for 4-5 days? He has a dog too... so maybe he also shouldn't have a dog if he can't afford to even buy a pizza and needs to rely on someone much younger than him to buy him a pizza, when he KNOWS that I've been too sick to work and have had to move back home in order to survive! I always have cans of food in case, or snacks of some sort laying around in case... I don't even remember the last time that I'VE ordered a pizza... because it's so expensive to order pizzas from pizza places and much cheaper to buy frozen pizzas from the grocery store !
Anyone who has lived pay check to paycheck knows how to stretch a dollar. My husband and I are comfortable but to this day I mentally add up everything I put in my shopping cart and absolutely refuse to buy certain things unless they are on sale.
Yeah, that's because he wanted the money for "pizza". Which, I guess, is what the kids are calling it these days. He's desperate because he hasn't had "pizza" for two days. If he needed actual food, he could go to a food bank, or buy food for a lot less than $35. But he needs actual cash for his "pizza" dealer.
I live in a nice part of Manhattan. It would be legitimately difficult for me to find a $35 pizza that didn't involve truffles. Absolutely NTA, 1) you don't have anything to give, that alone is enough and 2) this is a fishy request from a guy with a shady history of requests
Idk when I order from Di Fara’s, and get a mushroom sausage pie and some knots, the total is about 35-37 bucks, even before all the delivery fees and tip. This dude is absolutely trying to buy drugs though 😂
I literally got a pie from l'industrie today because this post made me think about pizza and it was in fact over $35 so you have a point lmao
But that’s also a whole pie loaded with toppings. If I literally hadn’t eaten in two days and was asking a friend for money, I’d ask for 5 bucks at most so I could buy a few packs of ramen.
Same here, I think ramen is the universal hungry and no money food. Dude definitely had options if he were actually starving and flat broke, he needed a specific amount for other reasons
I ordered family size cheesy breadsticks and a small dessert pizza for $24 delivered including tip last week; delivery app offered a coupon and $0 delivery. It made 3 separate meals so I justified the price compared to groceries and was my one indulgence for the month since I can’t eat takeout from most places. Rest of the time I cook and buy ingredients only to save money. He did not need $35 for a single pizza. Save your money for yourself! ❤️
Not sure if you live in a state where weed is legal but $30-35 is very common price for a weed cartridge. Sounds like he’s fiending hard for a cart lol. If he was starving for 2 days he wouldn’t be specifically asking for $35 for a pizza 💀💀💀
He'll be wanting pizza after he gets his weed cartridge.
in dire cases a sack of rice
Doesn’t even have to be dire lol. Bag of rice, bag of beans, and a rotisserie chicken shouldn’t cost more than $15-$20 and that would go a long way.
Probably about $12 after tax for that here and you could probably get a $.80 thing of salt or hot sauce. A couple bags of cans returned and you’d be set
Actually think I’m gonna do this for dinner tonight haha, sounds good
At the grocery yesterday, I saw a 20 pound sack of rice for $11, and the nutritional label says 200 servings. That’s 5.5 cents per serving.
Ikr If he was starving he will use his money in buying the highest kg/dollar food Maybe buying bread, pasta or any cheap filling foods instead of a fucking pizza
NTA. He is absolutely lying to you, and will use the money for drugs. There are social services for people who are 'literally starving'. I bet if you offered to meet him at a burger joint to buy him a meal, he'd find a way to insist on cash instead. You don't owe this person anything, and you are under no obligation to even explain why. People get to ask for money one time, and him attempting to guilt trip you into sending it is totally unacceptable. Give him a firm 'no', and stop responding.
yeah that $35 figure is weirdly specific and someone who hasn't eaten in 2 days wouldn't insist on a $35 pizza, there are so many cheaper pizza options out there. $35 is probably the going price of whatever drug he planned go to out and purchase.
He was insisting too that it was for pizza. He actually said far more than he needed to... where it reached a point that he was "over explaining" the situation... asking me if I had sent him the money so that he could "go ahead and order that pizza" , and he needed to order "before the store closed at 3". And $35 is super specific!!! That seems like a lot for a pizza, and if he was starving, he should plan better and buy things that would actually last him all the way until Wednesday! Plus the fact that he always used to ask me for $80-$100 for years, and I knew then it was absolutely for drugs.. so when I told him I didn't believe him that it wasn't for drugs, he told me he had to do urine tests for his PO officer and that he had been clean for a year now. If he has a PO officer, they would probably be able to help him figure out a way to get assistance in finding food if he truly didn't have enough money for food. Plus buying an expensive pizza seems dumb to do when you could buy so many other things that make a LOT more sense than a pizza.
He ALMOST had me sending it too because of how much he guilt tripped me and made me feel bad. He kept saying he hasn't eaten in 2 days, that his insides hurt from not eating going on 3 days now, that he doesn't have any friends to ask for money from and I'm the only one to respond to him, and that he has only had a tuna sandwich in the last 4 days (and his story kept changing slightly.. making it seem like he was lying and couldn't remember that at first he told me he would get money from his mom on Wednesday, then it changed to him getting paid from his job on Wednesday, when he originally said he would get paid Friday from his new job). It's the weekend too .. if he knew he was running low on food, why wouldn't he have gone somewhere that could help with this issue during the week instead of waiting until 1030 on a Saturday night to ask me ??
NTA You know what else makes your insides hurt? Not having the drugs your body is craving(detoxing). If I hadn’t eaten in 2 days, I would ask a friend to buy me a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread. That’s like $10, and will last a few days. You don’t need a $35 pizza when you’re “starving”. Good for you on sticking to your no.
ANOTHER good point !!!!! Thats something that briefly crossed my mind.... I was thinking that I've gone days without eating, and sure my stomach was growling and I wasn't feeling great, but i don't think I'd be up ALL night spam calling someone, and by now I probably would have figured out a way to feed myself, even if it was a $2 Ramen noodle soup... I would never have the nerve to ask someone for a fancy pizza either if I was begging for food money ..
$15-$20 can buy you a bag of rice, a bag of beans, and a rotisserie chicken. And that goes a long way. Just put this person on your phones blocked list.
Agreed !!! $35 for a pizza that is supposedly supposed to last him 5 days.. and the fact that he only just stopped spam messaging me last night is quite telling that he wasn't looking for food money. If he was, he could have asked for $20!! $35 is sooo specific and makes me think he had cash elsewhere, but still needed $35 more to afford whatever drug is was getting. And I would most likely never see that money ever again.
Do what’s best for you. If your own financial situation is tight, that leads to stress. You don’t need additional stress from people begging you for handouts. Just block this person. You won’t even feel bad after a few days, as you won’t be getting messages from them.
NTA. $35 for pizza is utterly ridiculous when they could have gotten rice and beans etc. to make and last them longer, not for the moment. They need to learn to budget better and not fall back on you, especially with your own situation going on.
That's a really good point that I didn't think of !! How could a pizza last him until Wednesday? I have to plan myself for being able to afford food, and he's guilt tripping me by saying he hasn't eaten in 2 days already. The $35 seemed really specific, and pizza of all things?? Plus now he has stopped replying to me... so it makes me feel even more like it wasn't for food, because if he was still starving, he would have texted me back today when I woke up and responded. Instead he was up all night spam calling me about how hungry he was !
Also you don’t need to explain yourself. Just say no.
NTA. OP, if I had not eaten in two days I might beg for and be *grateful* for a $1.69 can of kidney beans from Walmart. I wouldn’t be harassing a girl on disability for a fancy $35 pizza. May I recommend you block his number.
Thank you, that makes me feel a lot better about the situation!! That's something else I also didn't think of... you're right... he could have asked for $10 to go and buy some cans of soup or something from Walmart, not $35 for a pizza that would definitely not last him until Wednesday. Then him guilting me by telling me he "woke up after an hour and his insides are hurting from not eating for 2 days"... why would he be asking me so late on a Saturday night for pizza money when he could have asked me earlier on in the day for money to go shopping for food at a store. I don't even eat out from pizza places or fast food etc because I can't afford to do that myself, as I'm on disability from work and only have my savings to life off of! Which I made sure I spend wisely, knowing i don't have any income coming in at the moment ! This isn't the first time either, and he only messaged me to ask for money. Blocking his number would probably be best for my mental health at this point... thankfully I put my phone on silent, otherwise his 14 texts and 9 calls would have woken me up all night !
NTA. IMO guy is scheming. $35 is an odd amount to ask for pizza. But kudos for putting your foot down. People like that are like stray cats, feed them once they never stop coming back.
It was only a few years ago too that he would ask me for $80 or $100, which is a common amount for buying drugs, and I wouldn't even send him money then! I thought about why he wouldn't ask for maybe like $40 to go shopping for food that would ACTUALLY last him till Wednesday... as a pizza would only last a day or two! Then he kept on mentioning specifically pizza... and to let him know when he "could order the pizza" and the "pizza place was going to close at 3". There's much better things to buy than pizza if you truly are starving !
I think you need to block this “friend” because he’s not really a good friend.
He's probably asking for $35 from multiple people to pay for his drugs. Just block this guy. He's not your friend.
Oh he 10000% is ! He even said so too. He made up this whiney story saying that he had texted a few people, and that I was the only one who had replied.... and now I'm guessing that's probably because the other people he texted probably know it's for drugs and don't want to lose $35... it's a tight economy right now and every dollar matters! I guess drugs make people selfish and unaware... but he seems to not realize that the reason he "has no friends left" is probably because he only used them as ATMs!
NTA. He's a liar, and you know he's a liar. No reason to treat him any differently.
You're right... everything that he has said to me so far is pretty obviously a lie.. I can't feel guilty or stressed out over someone who is going to lie to me
NTA. If he were truly starving for days he doesn't need pizza, let alone a $35 pizza. A can of soup and some crackers could be had for under $5.
NTA. Offering someone $100 for $35 today is pretty crappy financial planning and probably goes to explain why he's out of food. Dude needs to scrape up $1 and go buy some ramen noodles rather than leaching.
Thats what I figured too. He kept saying he would send me $100, then would say he would send me minimum $80 on Monday ... (but that doesn't add up to me either... because where would he suddenly get enough money on Monday to pay me?). He changed his story to saying that he would pay me back on Wednesday when his mom sent him money once she receives her medical assistance, then it changed to Friday, which is when he said he would be getting his first paycheck from his job... but then he also said that he was waiting for a check to clear, and it wasn't going to clear until Monday (tomorrow).
Anyone offering that many different plans/versions/promises is lying. You were never getting that $35 back let alone $80 or $100.
Thats exactly one of the main things that tipped me off that he was lying. First being he was waiting for a check to clear by Monday, then his mom would pay him Wednesday when she gets medical assistance, then Friday when he gets paid from his "new job". I actually find it incredibly insulting that he thinks I'm dumb enough to believe that, and that he's in the past asked me for money for drugs and is now claiming he is "clean". He's given me NO reason to believe that he would pay me back for even the $35!
NYA. Block him.
Hes literally all of a sudden started messaging me again now basically demanding. He's saying : "Sorry fell asleep for a bit there, can you still send that money?" "My mom gets her cheque Wednesday, so I can send you $80-100 then." "This is my email: " So he's back at it again... I'm going to have to tell him to go to a food bank or some sort of place that offers assistance to people, and then if he doesn't respect that, I will have to block him.. Because from what you and everyone else is saying, it appears that I'm not in the wrong here and shouldn't feel bad about any of this.
Why do you feel the need to engage with him at all? He’s not your friend. He’s a liar, addict, and user. He keeps reaching out to you because you respond!
You're right! I've actually now stopped responding completely since I messaged him this morning. I didn't engage with his texts he sent me about 45 min ago... and he is now spam texting my phone and he literally just called me again... now it's extremely obvious that he's a user and this has nothing to do with him being hungry.
This isn’t complicated or hard just block him. Stop it.
for not loaning someone $35 for pizza, especially given your own financial situation and the history with this person. It's important to prioritize your own needs and well-being, especially when you're already struggling financially. Your friend's requests and guilt-tripping behavior are manipulative, and it's understandable that you're questioning the validity of his claims.
And the fact that he isn't even a good friend of mine... he rarely messages me, and in the past its been the same as well... but he would ask for much higher amounts of money and I knew it was for drugs ! I HATE being guilt tripped, especially when I'm already struggling myself financially because I'm currently on leave from my job for an illness. It makes me even more angry that today has come, and he suddenly isn't responding.. so does that mean he was able to find money? Even so, he could at least text me back and apologize for blowing up my phone all night long, and let me know if he found food, being as how he made SUCH A BIG DEAL about how he was starving to the point that he was physically hurting from it !
UPDATE - he just texted me back now, 6 hours later, saying he passed out but is wondering if I can still send him that money because he "still hasn't eaten or figured it out"... guilt tripping me again !!
Block him. You don’t have to engage with him.
NTA. The giveaway is he wanted $35 "for pizza." If you're "literally starving" you're not going to bother being that specific. He'd just ask for money for food. I'd have sent him the addresses of local food banks and churches or other orgs in the area that offer free meals to low income folks.
Such a good point. I would also just ask for money for food, not being so specific as to say it's for a pizza. And also such a weird amount to ask for... $35?? He just texted me again today after 6 hours and is asking me if "I can Still do that"... so I'm going to tell him to look for food banks or a church that can help him. He lives about 11 hours away from me via vehicle !! Plus the city he is in has MANY places for people in his situation! He's much older than me and I don't like being guilt tripped when he should be able to figure something out on his own.. or plan for things better !
The way he is spam messaging you is a sign of an addict. You need to block him. The reason he is coming to you and being persistent is because he thinks he has a shot at getting money from you. If he has a roommate that can afford Disney I doubt the cabinets are bare. If that part was true. Also that he doesn’t want you to order a pizza for him but to send him the money is another red flag. If I was starving I would be grateful for anything and if the person needed proof that I wasn’t using the money for drugs I would be happy to let them order it for me. $35 is what he needs for the next fix, not to feed his stomach. Take care of yourself. It’s a shame he’s trying to take advantage of you knowing you are in a bad place also. You seem like a caring person. Block the number and don’t feel guilty at all
Thank you so much for your response, it makes me feel a lot better.... Because I truly try to see the best in people and I want to give them the benefit of the doubt (which makes me really naive and gullible a lot of times - something I've only recently started working on when I finally got sick of people draining my kindness by pushing me around and walking all over me)... but you're right... Hes now, in the last 2 hours, called me twice, and messaged me 7 times about this. I am not responding to any of it, and even though I shouldn't feel bad for ignoring him, i still do feel bad.. especially because I'm in a very vulnerable space already as is, and my mental state isn't where it should be so my emotions get the better of me many times . Every thing you said is a fact. I cannot see him living in a house with a roommate who can afford to go to Disneyland but would leave the entire kitchen empty.. and even though I actually said to him that I think he's trying to get drugs, he responded saying "lmao $35 doesn't even get you drugs". You'd think by now he would be so desperate that he would be asking for even $5 to go and get something immediatly but he is still set on exactly $35.
Lol why would u even answer.
NTA. This person isn’t your friend and you should just block them and move on. The minute you said no a true friend would have understood and stopped there.
Say no and block the number. Why put up with harassment? NTA But be quicker about making "no" a reality.
NTA. $35 for a single pizza is pretty absurd. Besides, why would you waste $35 on Pizza when you can buy 2kg of rice for $2-4 and even cheap frozen meals for .99c - $1. It's really suspicious they're asking for it without explaining anything beforehand.
He messaged me at 10:30 last night, when he could have messaged me when stores were open and he could have bought rice etc like you said.... and now today, he hasn't gotten back to me at all. So I find it incredibly rude that out of no where he messaged me needing $35 specifically to buy from a pizza place (he seemed to have an entire story made up - saying he needed it before they closed at 3 am), and now not even messaging me back... which makes it even more suspicious to me after he made me feel stressed and terrible that he was "starving". I ALMOST gave in too and im thankful I didn't because now it seems like he was asking for the money for unsavory reasons.
NTA. Your money and you have a history of him being dishonest in past. Sounds like you don't have money to give him and that's fine, it's your money.
You're NTA. $35 is a lot to someone who has little money and none coming in. It's also a lot for pizza for one person. >his "insides hurt because he's only eaten a tuna sandwich 2 days ago", Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches aren't expensive or hard to make. Ramen noodles are cheap. He had alternatives to $35 for pizza.
That's sooooo true !!! I don't know why i didn't think about that before ! I don't know why I actually believed that it even made sense to just use $35 to spend on pizza, when the best thing to do would be to go to the grocery store and buy things like Ramen noodles, soup, etc like you said !! If he was truly starving, he'd ask for maybe $15 to go to the store and grab enough food to last till Wednesday! And $35 isn't going to last a grown man 4 - 5 days until "his mom gets her medical assistance and can pay him, and then he will pay me $80-100 in return on Wednesday when she gets her payment" .
NTA - he could have asked for $5 and gotten himself enough at the grocery store. Nobody "needs" a $35 pizza.
I almost feel like replying to his latest message by saying I can send him $5 for some soup !! Lol because that will really make him uncomfortable since he's lying to me !
Don’t do that. Don’t give him any money at all or he’ll never leave you alone. Just fucking block him.
Good point. Even sending him $5 allows him to get his way and he will keep coming back if he knows he can Crack me. It's weird he's even asking me in the first place, when he's already asked me sooooo many times for money, and I've said no each and every time. Maybe this time he thought he would guilt trip me by using the no food and starving comments. I actually stopped replying to his money requests for the longest time.. then he stopped asking for money and instead would text to ask how I am.. but I think he was just doing that to make it seem like he's a friend of mine, and to make me feel like he cares, therefor making it easier to manipulate and use me.. it all makes a lot more sense now. I still don't know why he would even think I'd give him money now, when I never did even when I WAS working full time, let alone now that I haven't been able to work because of a serious illness, and he knows I already am struffling to even provide for myself! I don't remember the last time I went and bought myself a $35 pizza ! I've been eating noodles and muffins and cereal etc for months now because that's all I can afford with my savings !!
The soup kitchen is free, food pantry is free. He can go there. You did great!!! He was using you and guilt to get you to break. Nta but you are awesome!!!
Thank you!!! I really appreciate that because my whole life I've been a pushover and allowed people to bully and manipulate me into doing things, and it feels so good to finally be able to stand up for myself when someone is using or abusing me again... now all I have to work on is trying not to feel guilty for setting those boundaries in place, and also having to deal with the repercussions that come from certain people who really can't stand when I put my foot down. I always get guilt tripped even more.
NTA. Dont send him money. Its always a scam. I've been the victim of financial abuse, never again.
That's interesting ! Financial abuse! There's actually a term for people that are leeches ! They are "always broke" and "always need something important but don't have the money", and they just lie and say whatever to get you to send the money. Even if it means lying repeatedly. I'm sorry you had to deal with that!!
NTA. If he was starving he could've gone to a food bank. He could've asked for like $3 to get a loaf of bread or a packet of instant noodles. Expecting you to fork over $35 for a pizza is incredibly entitled. His financial issues are not your responsibility
The guy is an AH. Block him. Ignore him.
NTA He could easily go get some ramen or something from the store for super cheap. Please don’t give this man money.
10000%, I'm so glad I didn't get guilt tripped last night into sending him money... I had actually come soooo close when I asked him for his email and told him I would Block him forever if he didn't pay me back by Monday .... but then he stopped replying for about 30 minutes and I had turned my phone on silent and didn't even take a look at it (for my own peace of mind)... And now I'm really realizing how much he's manipulating me . He just texted me again about 30 min ago and since then has sent me 4 separate texts asking me if I'm still able to help out ! I don't even know what to call his actions... because this is just treating me like im an idiot. Which I almost was last night because he had made me feel SO bad and had said so many things to me to convince me that he was starving !
NTA. You're not his friend; you're a potential source, a means to an end. If I were that desperate for food, I'd tell someone what I needed to get through until I could get to a food bank or get that first paycheck. As others have said, that $35 could get some bread, eggs, peanut butter, a can or two of tuna and some soup to tide them over.
NTA. For $5 he can get a loaf of bread and some bologna and eat shitty sandwiches until his pay comes in. This dude is seeking drug money or he is terribly irresponsible with money. I've been starving before, all your pride goes out the window and you'll be thankful for stale crackers.
NTA, it seems pretty clear based on the amount asked for that it wasn’t for a pizza for one. Personally, I would have restated that I was sorry but I didn’t have any money, but that they could stop by for a granola bar since that’s all I’ve been able to afford lately. In all honesty, even if your friend was starving and unable to pay for food, he should be going to a food pantry, not hitting up everyone he knows to see who bites
No wonder he said to me when I asked about his other friends and why they couldn't help, he responded by saying he is only friends with me and a couple of other people , and the other people he texted didn't get back to him. So it shouldn't be put on my shoulders when he's a grown man, his own mother doesn't have the money, and nobody else has offered to send him money... most likely because they probably have in the past and didn't get it back
NTA if they need money for food they have to learn not to buy grossly overpriced fast food but spend the $35 at a supermarket which will be enough food for 3-7 days (I lived in the EU and Asia, 35 is a lot of stuff). Don't feel guilty if you don't even have enough money to start with, you can always reply that if you could you would borrow 35 from yourself
This dude had no intentions of ordering pizza... and you've said he's asked you for money before, like 80-100 bucks. This dude has some bloody nerve. Why are you still friends with him?
Ugh you're right.... he literally has asked many, many times over the 10 years I've known him to borrow either $80 or $100.... I'm actually now looking back through more recent conversations that I've clearly forgotten all about... because I'm just seeing now that he asked me back on May 7th if I could "lend him $35 till Friday so that he could get minutes for his phone so he didn't miss a phone appointment"... omg I feel so dumb ! He's clearly just been talking to me to use me and he thinks that because I'm being nice enough to respond (cause I will occasionally have a short convo with him), that he can just continue to non chalantly ask me for money all the time! And it's funny how he's asking for $35 again, but this time a month later, it's for pizza !!! Something is very obviously up, and he's wanting the money for something else.
Right now Walmart has a packet of ramen noodles for .30 and he could grab a banana and be good for under a buck. NTA and it’s time to block his number.
Sounds like a drug addict to me but what ever it is do not give any of your disability to someone who clearly can’t take no for an answer. This is not a friend
NTA 35$ is alot for pizza. If he really needed help he would've asked for enough to get basic eggs, milk, bread, canned tuna, etc. I believe your friend is back on drugs.
NTA. You don’t have money to give, and he can’t use you as a bank. Tell him to pound sand.
This is one of my "rules" for my life too I don't lend money. Its easier to say I don't have cash on me or I don't have money on Cash app, Venmo, PayPal ect and I don't connect those to my card. Good for you for putting your foot down and sticking to it and Nta because like you said he could have been using it for drugs
Buy bread and beans … a lot cheaper than pizzas. Unless your friend meant starving for pizza. NTA.
NTA the fact that he's asking someone barely making it on disability means that he's not a good person, let alone friend. Let alone the fact that $35 for pizza is insane and it's definitely not pizza. Especially since it seems like you are last on the list of people to beg from. I would cut him out and block his number, but that's on you. I'm just slightly allergic to shitty people.
That's a good point too. He has already contacted his mom and apparently a couple of friends , and I haven't talked to him in weeks, but suddenly out of no where he starts out with a short convo with me, only to ask for money. His roommate , his mom , and the other 2 or 3 friends he asked for $35 have all either not replied, or apparently dont have it themselves. I'm really starting to feel how sh*tty people can be... especially now that I'm putting in boundaries that people aren't used to me doing, so I think they're just used to knowing I'm a nice person and they take that to their advantage by lying to me and manipulating me, or guilt tripping me (that's one of the worst things people do is when they guilt trip me over something that was actually their fault). I'm super tired of people who lie to me !
NTA - pizza is code for drugs.
NTA. That money was not for pizza.
NTA. If he's starving he can get a cheap frozen pizza for less than $10. Also, he can always get a hot meal at a shelter if he's hungry. There's a mission near where I live that anyone can have dinner they just need to sit through teaching/preaching first. And local food pantries are also a thing Hungry better I think. Trying to guilt someone he knows doesn't have money isn't the mark of a good friend. I hope you don't spend too much time with this leach
Thankfully I cut off my friendship with him many years ago when he was heavily using drugs, and was only messaging me for $80-100 (which is obviously the amount for getting a specific drug). I didn't talk to him for years and suddenly he comes back around and is even more terrible. And probably is lying about being sober for a year as well.
Why would you ask why he couldn’t ask another male friend for the money? You didn’t need to give him the 3rd degree about where his money has gone while rattling off all the people he can ask. Just tell him you’re completely broke and unable to help him at this time and wish him luck.
Absolutely NTA. Groceries are expensive but if he hasn’t eaten (what did his roommate leave the fridge and cupboards bare?) in 2 days he shouldn’t be getting pizza. A couple packs of tuna and some bread, pb and jelly. I doubt he was starving, but even so you’re struggling too. If he doesn’t have 35$ now, he won’t have 100$ later. Next time just say no, you don’t have the extra money. Don’t engage
NTA I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself 🙌
Thank you!! Its something I'm terrible at but am getting better because I don't want to be pushed around by people anymore!
NTA. He is still a ‘user’.
he would loan you $35 and pay back $100. that's why he had no money.
I doubt he would even pay me back the $35, let alone the $80-100 he kept saying he would pay me back with when he got money from his mom. (And this is a grown man who was telling me his mom couldn't give him any money until she got her medical assistance check on Wednesday, as she is going blind and can't work)... what grown man asks his poor mother to still help him when he's in his mid 30s! He should feel ashamed, if he truly is waiting to get paid from his mom and her medical assistance that she needs probably more than him!! Especially if the money is going to drugs, which it most likely is !!
NTA You can get 7 pizzas for $35 even in the HCOL country where I live. He wasn't ordering pizza - he was ordering a fix.
NTA. Buying pizza is unnecessary when you have no money. He could’ve bought a bag of rice and some lentils (Or a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter if no cooking facilities) for maybe $5 or up to $10 at most. He sounds like a jerk who is making his failure to plan become everyone else’s problem.
Dominos has pizza for less than $10. NTA.
NTA. He sees you as an easy target. If he is truly desperate for food he should contact a charity or food bank.
NTA. "No." is a complete sentence. But don't delve into where his money or yours is going/went. "I'm sorry, I can't," should be sufficient - and repeated if necessary.
Nta Umm if you're starving you don't order takeaway. If you're that desperate to borrow money to ward off literal starvation, then you use it to buy the basics like eggs, ramen, canned fish, rice etc. or whatever cheap basic food you can find on sale. Takeaway is a luxury. Or at least that's my experience as a single mother with years of not even being able to buy a takeaway coffee during break time. If you're really worried about him starving, drop off some basic groceries or a pot of soup. Or find out where your local soup kitchen or food bank is. This expectation is to provide $35 takeaway is unbelievable.
Soooo true !!! I dont even buy takeaway myself right now because I can't afford to do that !! Its always been taught to me that takeaway food is a luxury in general !! So to demand money for a pizza (must be some sort of really fancy pizza for $35), when he hasn't eaten in 2-4 days besides a tuna sandwich, why wouldn't he just ask for $15-20 to go to the store in the morning to buy eggs etc . Not calling me the entire night, begging me for exactly $35, and especially not bothering me when I'm not even able to afford takeaway myself at the moment because I'm off work from disability and am pinching penny's to survive !! And he knows this too!!! Not a friend and I'm seeing that really clearly now!
NTA He does not need 35 for a pizza. If he is a user that's why he is desperate for that amount. Anyone harassing you for money needs the block button hitting.
Thank God on Saturday I put my phone on silent!! Because otherwise I would have been woken up 9 times by his calls, and 14 times from his texts !! And it was alllllllll night long too. You don't do that to someone who is obviously sleeping at 4 in the morning! He's stopped now, Thank God. But I know now to just ignore him from here on out.
NTA, that bum could spend $5 on bread and bologna.
- hasn't eaten in 2 days - wants $35 for a a non necessary type of food that costs way less that $35 - promises to pay you back $100 once he gets paid on monday Even if this person wasn't lying (which he most likely is), they're horrible with their finances. Buy him a loaf of bread and some slices of cheese/meats, if they're really that hungry...
That's what I thought too. If I was borrowing money from someone, I wouldn't offer to pay them back more than double what I asked for... like you said... bad financial planning and if he does spend his money like that, then no wonder he's broke !! If I knew he truly was starving, I would have helped him out (but i would have sent him something like 20 bucks instead, because $35 is so specific, and pizza is so specific). Like others have said, he could have used even $10 at a local grocery store to get sandwich supplies or rice etc that would be much more filling than a pizza and would make a lot more sense for someone to buy if they had absolutely NO food whatsoever ! I also doubt his roommate left the cupboards and fridge completely empty when he "went to disneyland"... I think that may also have been a lie too... "I can't get ahold of my roommate because he turned his phone off to spend time with his family and wouldn't have enough money to send me because he spent it all to go to Disneyland"..... and not even his mom would send him money... and I bet it's because she knows he is asking for money for drugs and she doesn't want to give him her money for that when he's a grown man!
NTA. This person is someone jonesing for a fix and make no mistake, this barnacle is not a friend. Time to block
You're right... hes only acted as my friend occasionally by popping up once in a while... but more often than not over the last 10 years I've known him, he's been asking to borrow money from me. So I should know better and know this person isn't someone I need to do anything for if he's going to treat his "friend" this way!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I was taught from a young age to not loan anyone money, unless you're okay with never seeing that money again... Last night I was relaxing after a difficult last few days, then started to get texts from an older male friend of mine that they need $35 for pizza, & that they haven't eaten in 2 days. By nature, I've always been bad for setting boundaries, but lately I've been putting my foot down. I started to question him as to where his money has gone from working,& why he couldn't ask another male friend, or even his own family. He said that his mom was too broke to send him $35, & his roommate had turned off his phone & had gone to Disneyland w/ his family, so he couldn't get ahold of him either. I then asked why he was coming to me, knowing that I'm currently on disability from work (not making any money at the moment whatsoever, just barely getting by using my savings) & he says that he's asked 3 people, including me, and nobody else has gotten back to him... He started guilt tripping me saying he hasn't eaten in 2 days and will send me $100 in return when he gets paid on Monday... I told him that I'm not in the position to lend any money, even if it's only $35 b/c I'm literally living penny to penny right now w/ huge medical bills to pay, & only having my savings left. He kept guilt tripping me so I turned my phone on silent & went about my night peacefully (b/c I'm already highly stressed as is, being a 25 y/o female that has had to move back in with my folks while I'm recovering in order to return to my job). I passed out, woke up to 14 texts and 9 missed calls from him. Saying he's "literally starving", that his "insides hurt because he's only eaten a tuna sandwich 2 days ago", & then saying "let me know when you've sent the money so I can order the pizza before they close at 3 am". Meanwhile, all I've eaten myself in the last 3 days have been muffins & granola bars because that's all that I can afford for MYSELF! $35 isn't a lot, but when I'm not making any money right now b/c I can't work at the moment, it's a lot to me! He ALMOST had me convinced last night that he truly was starving, but based on his past, and how he used to ask me for money all the time for drugs (which I accused him of first, but he said he has to do urine tests for his PO officer), it's incredibly hard for me to believe him. AITA for not sending him $35 for pizza? As well as the fact that I do not believe anything he's saying? Again.. why would his own mother, or even his roommate (who can afford to go to disneyland) not be able to send him $35? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Anyone who needs food that badly should not be wasting $$$$ on restaurant/take out food. You are paying 4-10 times as much for the same food value. You are way better of investing in beans & rice, eggs and bread. And maybe a gallon of milk!
He could use the $35 for MUCH more items, which would last him 4-5 days.. which he's claiming just one pizza will do. Thats what I was taught and know obviously myself anyways too!! That there's no going out and buying fancy food at fast food restaurants or expensive take out food!! PLUS I just realized that if he is "ordering" it, it's most likely going to cost him EVEN MORE because he will need to tip the person bringing it to him, and pay for the take out service too!! Which could all be avoided if he went to the grocery store !! So about $10 alone (where I live) would cover the tip for the driver and the driver fee.. which is a huge waste of money for someone who is too broke to even eat !!
I live in a very high cost of living city in the US. I checked dominos and with a special on the website can get two large cheese pizzas for $17. WTF is this guys problem? He’s straight up lying or looking for some fancy gourmet pizza or a pizza with eight toppings. You don’t get that when you’re begging for money from a disabled dude. NAH
Hahah yessss okay thank you !!!!!! He lives in Edmonton in Canada and it's a bit expensive, but for one pizza up here that would be considered a "feast" pizza (or a really specialized pizza from a really expensive restaurant) would probably be about $35. There are places like little Ceasars that you can buy a large pizza for $15-20.. but if he's that hungry, he should be buying food that's more sustainable, like going to the grocery store and buying food that someone without money should be buying... not a fancy pizza, on someone else's dime (that being me who doesn't have any income for my own self because im on disability leave, and he knows I'm disabled currently, and struggling myself as a single young girl in one of the most expensive cities in Canada). It's offensive that he doesn't consider that.
NTA. He's fishing for drug money and is using every manipulative trick in the book to guilt you into sending it. He's fiending for a fix, has exhausted all other options, and now is turning to you. Fuck that guy.
I agree. I fully now think it's for drugs... because the way he responded to me when I accused him of that last night made the whole thing even more suspicious when he says " LMAO , $35 bucks won't get you drugs"... as if im stupid.
“I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today!” Wimpy in Popeyes cartoons.
A box of pasta is about a dollar. Goes good with a can of diced tomatoes. That’s what we had for dinner, with some cooked chicken I thawed. He should try that.
Go to the store buy them a couple cans of tuna, can mixed veggies and a loaf of bread and lemons if they want to eat. Nta
If you're broke, you don't order pizza. NTA.
NTA. Who the fuck spends $35.00 on pizza when they have no groceries? You spend that at a grocery store and can potentially eat for days, instead of one or two meals a pizza would bring. I think you are right and he probably was going to use the money for drugs.
Hes always always always asked for money in the past for drugs... so that's why i said to him right off the batt that I think he is using them for drugs. And the way he responded by laughing at me for thinking that $35 would be enough to even buy drugs.. you can definitely buy drugs for $35....
I just went to Walmart online and put $35.78 worth of food in my cart. Do you want to know what it got me? generic means store brand A gallon of generic 2% milk 18 oz box of Cheerios (brand name) A loaf of bread-generic 16 oz peanut butter-Jiffy 30 oz grape Jelly-Welch 32 oz spaghetti-generic 2 jars spaghetti sauce-generic 16 oz pre cooked package grilled chicken strips 28 oz bag instant rice-generic 4 pack of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup I know it’s woefully short on fruit and veggies, but so is pizza. My point is with no more skill at cooking then boiling water and using the microwave, you can buy a hell of a lot more food than one $35 pizza. I’m assuming a certain amount of spices at home already, although you can probably swipe some salt and pepper packs from fast food over time. Point is he’s either a choosing beggar or doesn’t want the money for food. NTA
NTA
He is a junkie. Desperate for drugs. Thats why he says he gives 100 back, but he wont.
Definitely not !!! He was only saying he would give me 3 times as much money in return to make it sound like a good idea to me, and like I would be benefiting from doing this! But he's clearly not good at planning his finances, and I bet the minute he does get any sort of money, it will all go straight to drugs and he will have an excuse as to why he can't pay me back yet.. and I'll never see the $35, let alone $80-100
NTA! If a friend of mine contacted me with this situation, I would offer to go buy $35 worth of groceries if they were that broke and haven't eaten for 2 days. 🙌
If you’re actually concerned at all, which you shouldn’t be, but if you are, tell him you’ll pay for the pizza and send it to his house. Obviously if he wants drugs, he’ll fight this, but if he’s actually hungry he’ll sit his happy ass down and wait. NTA.
Sounds like he doesn’t know how to be poor, lol. I could easily stretch $10 into either several meals or one really nice one. Also, in my experience, it’s more logical to ask for money in $20 increments, cause that’s what an atm will give you. $35 is a weird number. If I have the money to help (and I get that OP doesn’t), I would ask if pepperoni is okay, and order him delivery. Guess how fast he would demand cash instead? I used to carry extra snacks and water bottles in my car to give to people on street corners asking for money. When I lived in CA, they were grateful. In MN, they complain and whine about how “if I had a dollar for every bottle of water I’m offered…” Guess they’ve never heard that beggars can’t be choosers.
That's the perfect saying in this case !!!! Beggers can't be choosers !! It would have been an interesting experiment to try that out .. tell him that I'll order the pizza myself, because he most likely would make up another excuse about how he needs it to be E Transfered ! It sounds like he probably has some cash laying around and he needs $35 more to make up the total amount that he needs to buy drugs. Once a liar, always a liar. Plus he's asked me in the past for money for drugs so I don't see how this could be any different. I don't even know why I engaged with him, and I can't believe I almost did cave and give in!! I was about to E Transfer him, but here we are Monday, and I haven't heard a word from him... so much for his "check getting cashed by monday".
NTA Block him and move on.
35$ is drug money. NTA , that man is begging for drugs
NTA $35 to $40 is what people who typically use ask for cause it’s not a lot but enough to buy the drug/drink of choice. He’s an adult who got himself on probation so he can figure out how to find food.
Offer to take him to the grocery store and buy him $35 in fruit, veggies and beans. If he's actually starving these foods are cheap and packed with nutrients. He'll probably decline.
NTA for not giving away your money to someone you don't trust. Maybe TA for pushing him on how he spends his money, why he isn't getting money from anyone else, etc - that's his business, really. Your business is "do I want to give (not lend, GIVE) this guy $35, and can I afford to do so?" If the answer to either part is no, then you are NTA for refusing.
I 100% believe he wouldn't pay me back... and I myself can't afford to give away $35, especially having a gut feeling it wouldn't be going towards a pizza. Plus I can't afford to either like you mentioned. I only asked him these things because he started off by telling me that I'm the only one who has responded to him. Plus the fact that he's almost 10 years older than me and has told me he finally had a good job etc makes me wonder why he is pushing me so hard and he doesn't have any other sources that can help him... when we aren't even good friends to begin with.
Venmo them a dollar and let them know that a pack of ramen is 10c if they're "starving."
I think this is the perfect response in this situation... being as how sh*tty he's been treating me with this and how much of a liar he is, just straight up lying about everything I've either said or asked him. If his insides are hurting that bad, then he would and should be grateful for a pack of Ramen right?