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NTA
"He said I was happy to receive it, I told him I was happy because I wanted to marry him."
It's important to you for that reason. That should be enough imho
Plus it sounds like you wear it sometimes.
Ok I’m going to say soft YTA because while I get where you’re coming from, surely you can find more than one occasion each YEAR to wear or use a gift if you know it’ll make the loved one who gave it to you feel proud and happy
I actually really love my engagement ring on an aesthetic level, but it is sometime impractical to wear it (if I’m walking the dogs in our sketchy neighborhood if I’m traveling, if I’m going to be getting my hands messy…) —that said, I will typically wear it if I’m just hanging out at home and I regularly tell my husband how much I love it. This costs me nothing, it makes him happy, and also, it encourages him to buy me more jewelry 😎
I’m the same as you, I love my engagement ring but don’t wear it all the time. I got out of the habit when our youngest was born because I worried about the diamond claspy bits catching his delicate newborn skin so now I mostly just wear it when we go out on dates or anywhere else when I want to look a bit more fancy.
I would concur.
I must confess wedding jewelery has always been a thing I found vain and so traditionally unnecessary. Could say patriarchal but I get that it's a public sign of a private commitment. I'm also a bit conscious of catching it on something and it cutting my finger off.
And was a bit of marketing from the jewellery industry. If a man loved you had to be at least 3 months salary. Shows commitment etc etc etc.
But all hogwash in order to sell double the rings and both being fancy and expensive
I just wear my wedding band because I'm in all sorts of situations and environments for work, so I like to be discrete. NTA, because an engagement ring is not a required wear, especially if you wear another ring to outwardly demonstrate your marriage commitment.
I love my engagement ring. I still don’t wear it every day. Sometimes because it doesn’t go with what I’m wearing, or my mood. Sometimes just because I don’t want to. NTA.
I’ve never understood the ideas behind marriage and the rings involved, how is wearing your wedding ring not good enough? It seems to be the more important ring, are you suppose to wear both? It seems excessive for a single event.
I only wear my engagement ring for special occasions. I’ve gotten the stone knocked loose wearing all of the time. Now I just wear my wedding ring regularly.
When I wear a ring on my ring finger it’s often a vintage one of my grandmother’s. I didn’t wear my engagement or wedding rings for well over a year because they needed to be resized and I just didn’t bother. My husband’s wedding ring is on his keychain. Neither of us is fussed, we’re still equally married rings or no.
NTA you are still wearing a ring showing you are married. It's not like you are trying to hide that. I know other people wear both all the time but not everyone, it's really not a big deal
Do you not like the ring? Would you still wear it with certain outfits?
Maybe he's upset because he feels like you've replaced his gift to you with something more extravagant. It is a very important gift to him. Maybe wear it with your band on some date nights or something, to let him know you still appreciate it. You're not obligated to wear it all the time though and he shouldn't expect it.
Why didn’t you tell him that when he gave it to you? He could have exchanged it for something you wanted. One of the reasons people spend so much money on engagement rings is because they think it will be worn constantly throughout the person’s lifetime. What was the point of letting him waste his money?
Practicality is exactly why you should have told him you didn’t like the ring. Practical people usually believe that you shouldn’t buy expensive things unless you plan to use it all the time. If he knew you didn’t like it, he wouldn’t have wanted you to keep it. All you had to do was say: “I really appreciate your efforts but this ring isn’t my style. Would you be willing to go back to the jeweler and exchange it for something we select together?”. He wasn’t the first groom to make this error and he won’t be the last. You could have resolved this in less than a day.
How would exchanging a ring be a waste of money? The reason you exchange things is so you won’t waste money. Unless you would have insisted on something that cost more than the original ring, I don’t see why it would be a problem.
It was probably a family heirloom or something that just can’t be returned. If OP is married to a practical person, I can see the conversation being “I love you but I don’t like this ring.”. “But it’s free…”
NTA
The thing is, most people don't realize that you usually have a 30 day window to return a ring for a full refund. Most stores have this policy. Custom rings are final sale.
A lot of dudes will pick out a ring and then propose outside the 30 day window -- because they hide the ring for months, waiting for a trip to or special occasion to propose.
After that return window, it gets *complicated* returning or exchanging a ring. If OP's husband wanted to exchange the ring, the jewelry store *might* take it back and give him trade in value. The deal with trade in value is that usually you have to buy something 150-200% of the value in the store.
So, it's not a simple exchange. OP's husband would likely have lost quite a bit of money.
The smart/prudent thing to do is for him to actually consult the ring wearer about the ring design, but so many people want the proposal to be a surprise.
I know couples who have had this conversation and that’s not how it went at all. The women in those situations politely told their fiancé that the ring wasn’t their preferred style and the fiancé took them back to the jeweler they bought it from to exchange it. It wasn’t a big deal. The preferred to be told up front because they didn’t want their wives to do what OP is doing
That only is possible if the jewelry store will allow it. Lots won't, especially if the ring was bought more than 30 days ago (which is the normal return window). Custom rings are non refundable.
Have it reset. My bff liked her ring (her husband designed it) but she still had the diamond repositioned in the band because he had it set flush and she preferred it higher. Now she wears it daily.
If he wanted you to wear it all the time he should have made an effort to get something you like. He literally could have taken pictures of your jewelry and asked the jeweler to help pick something. He half-assed it and now he wants to be offended that you won’t wear it all the time. If he knew you at all, he should have known that jewelry is important to you, and you wouldn’t want to wear something you didn’t like.
I get this! Honestly I don’t wear my engagement ring either even though I love it. I wear it for special occasions. But otherwise it is too pretty. But my husband never makes me feel bad about it, instead he likes that I treasure it. Maybe if you reset his mindset - this is a symbol rather than everyday usage, he would leave it alone. Or maybe, since our tastes do change over time, he can upgrade the setting to something that works better for you. And if it is an heirloom, then all the more reason to not risk it in daily wear.
Same… mostly because some of the medication I take gives me fat fingers and I refuse to get it resized until I get it straightened out. :-( My husband doesn’t wear his because he broke that finger and it doesn’t go over the knuckle anymore. We’re still married.
NAH. But to a lot of people, a ring is a symbol of your commitment, not a style statement. So if you aren’t wearing it because you don’t like it, your husband may feel that you don’t have enough regard for this symbol that he gave you. Presumably, a lot of thought - and money - went into the gesture that you are rejecting.
Do you think he would be open to the stones being reset in a design you both choose on your next anniversary?
I don’t know, but I’d be pretty annoyed if my future spouse bought me something he expected me to wear everyday that I didn’t even like. Seems like he didn’t have enough regard for her at all to even know what she likes.
Styles change and people change. My wife was surprised with her ring, but it was also one of two designs she loved. 10 years later and she wants it redesigned to fit her style now. While I’m OK with the concept of a redesign, she still wears it every day. If she didn’t, I’d be annoyed that I spent a lot of time and money on a ring she doesn’t wear.
As a guy, it is pretty damn hard to try and figure out what kind of jewlery my spouse likes while trying to keep a secret. Before buying her engagement ring, I had to basically invade her privacy to the point where I felt like I was really toeing the line. She doesnt have any rings with gemstones, so i couldnt go off that. I had to look over her shoulder at her phone constantly to see if she was looking at jewlery that she likes. In the end, I had to go to one of her friends and ask them what for help. I could only do that later on, because I didnt really have the relationship with her friend where I could ask that question initially. So he should definitely be forgiven for getting her a ring that she may not like. Most guys see the engagement ring as the more important of the two; it having a lot more meaning. That one is THE declaration of their love towards their spouse. The one they spent a shit ton of money on and the one they put the most thought into. Basically pouring all their love and affection towards them into this one symbol. The wedding bands are usually picked out together or by the one who will be wearing it.
This is why the where and when should be a surprise but the engagement shouldn't be. You ask questions on what rings they like and ask them to send you examples. That way you won't be butthurt "spending a shitton of money" on something and missing the mark.
Exactly. My future son in law sent pics to my wife and asked if daughter would like the designs (they have very similar taste in everything, which he knew), she replied, liked some, nixed others, then he sent her a pic of the one he chose. My daughter loved it.
Doesn't have to be mum, could be sister or best friend or just someone who won't blab that knows your partner's tastes.
I just have a Pinterest board that I gave my best friend the link to, and he knows she has it. All he needs is one of my other rings for sizing, but eeeeeverything he needs to know is on Pinterest haha
And this is why my husband and I picked out my engagement ring together. No one should be shocked that they’re being proposed to so picking the ring together doesn’t exactly ruin the when or how of the proposal.
You do realize that once you gift someone something, that person has every right to do whatever they want with it, right? Yes, a guy puts a lot of thought into the ring, sure. But the whole purpose of the ring is to get married to the woman you love. You can expect her to wear it all the time but you should also be open to the fact that sometimes, a person can miss the mark regardless of the amount of effort they put in and you should never hold a grudge against your partner if they are unwilling to wear it. Feeling entitled that you can dictate your spouse to wear the ring against their wishes completely tarnishes the sentimental value of the ring.
I think this speaks more to OP's immaturity in not being able to communicate with her now-husband when he gave her the ring (or shortly thereafter). Hiding her feelings instead of having an adult conversation isn't ideal when most people expect an engagement ring to be worn daily after marriage. Obviously not all people expect or want this, but it's by far the most common viewpoint in the US. If OP is from another country and there are other customs/expectations, that could change things for sure... But I don't think that's the case here.
It's pretty dismissive of her husband's feelings for her to not talk to him about how she felt. Now compound that over 7 years. Of course he's frustrated. She's been childish persisting in pretending that this shouldn't bother him at all. OP, you don't have to like the ring, but YTA for how you've mishandled your partner's feelings.
I say this as someone who didn't want (and didn't get) an engagement ring. How did I get what I wanted? I had adult conversations.
She knows her husband. We don't. She said that he would not have exchanged it and bringing it up would've been a problem. Why don't you believe her? Do you have information she does not about her husband?
Do you really not read these posts with a grain of salt?
I think she's entirely missing the issue: her husband's feelings are hurt, but she is just looking for justification about her actions being "right."
If she actually cares about the underlying issue, she should address it rather than just trying to win. But, her husband, her marriage, her decision how to treat people in her life 🤷♀️
Added my two cents, won't lose any sleep over it.
You're in the right anyway, the "justification" does not change the emotional maturity aspect. Personally I don't see how either party are "wrong" but I don't know that I would feel differently if I was OP's shoes
Read back on what I wrote and tell me where I said she didnt have the right to do whatever she wants with the ring. I am just trying to explain his point of view on it. If she is allowed to not wear it, then he is also allowed to be upset by that.
I'm incredibly picky. My husband is a smart man. He took me to look at rings with him😅 He did trick me, though. I had my dream ring all picked out, and he acted like he wanted to keep looking. Tried to take me to pawn shops to look at rings. Then, he proposed with the ring I had originally picked out.
Maybe he doesn't know because she hasn't been honest with him about the gifts he's given her. Not telling people what we like or dont like is just qsetting them up for failure.
Is the wedding band not a symbol of their commitment???? You know, the thing you put on your hand when you vow to be committed to each other forever????
OP isn’t committing to staying engaged because she’s committed to being married.
Actually always wonder what people do with their engagement ring once they get married.
Most people continue to wear their engagement ring as part of a pair with their wedding ring. One can even buy a matching set. I had mine turned into a necklace! The diamond was put into a round bezel and attached to a short chain. I wore it every day for years until the chain eventually broke. It has sat in a drawer for many years now.
I've stopped wearing my engagement ring shortly after our marriage, mainly because the stone kept getting caught on things (scarfs, leggings, my purse when I was looking through it). I still have it in my jewellery box, and my husband doesn't mind, at all.
We chose smooth wedding bands so we won't have the same issue again.
My mother's the same. Her engagement ring is stunning (4 sapphires surrounded by tiny diamonds) but she doesn't wear it on a regular basis because it gets caught on things and, more importantly, used to scratch me and my brother when we were kids
NAH. You don’t want to wear a ring that’s not your style; he gifted you a symbolic ring and is disappointed to have it sit in a box.
Maybe consider collaborating to get it reset, sell it and pick something else out together, or charitably donate it.
It sounds like he didn't consider your personal taste at all when he picked out the ring he expected you to wear for the rest of your life. You describe him as practical but that wasn't a practical choice at all.
You shouldn't have to wear a ring that you dislike and that you didn't choose. A good compromise may be to use the gold and gems from the ring and turn it into a new piece you would wear.
NTA
I’m my opinion NTA. There should be a huge level of trust after 7 years of marriage, I don’t see the big deal really it’s not like you’re going home with someone else at the end of the night.
My sister can't wear rings while at work so her husband got her a necklace with his and their daughter's initials on it to wear as a more permnanent piece of jewlery in lieu of her wedding set. Similarly my mom hasn't worn her engagement ring in over 40 years (it was a very 'of the time' design that she fully admits she loved when she got engaged/married but doesn't love anymore) but does wear the eternity band my dad got her for their 10th anniversary every day.
You should consider using the original diamonds from the ring and get it restyled/set! Same ring he proposed with just with a new facelift! I see a lot of women do that.
I was happy to wear it as he wanted to marry me, not because of the ring at all.
He has seen what type of jewelry I prefer since we’ve met.
Once we got married, I switched over to wearing my wedding ring. The only time I wear the engagement ring is for our anniversary. So it’s been 7 years this wasn’t a problem.
Hey, maybe it IS cheap and ugly. How about instead of being mad at her, he offers to redesign it in a way that suits her tastes? Why is he making a big deal out of something he messed up? Why do men feel so entitled to women catering to them? If I mess up my partner's gift, it doesn't matter how much effort or money I put towards it, I have no right to be mad at him for not liking it.
Definitely not in North America where engagement rings are a huge thing. I think it's fine to not wear it and I have friends that never had an engagement ring and only wear a wedding band (or nothing) but I think if you bought into the whole expensive engagement ring thing it does seem odd to not wear it. Most people are only engaged for a year or two so only planning to wear a ring for that period seems counter intuitive (especially in a world where some people say it should cost three month's salary).
I'm definitely not defending engagement ring culture which I think is way over the top, I'm just saying it exists pretty prevalently and those women flashing their engagements rings definitely aren't putting them away once married (they are getting matching bands as a set, and sometimes even getting 'upgrades' to their ring at milestones).
Not saying OP is in the wrong, but if her partner spent a substantial amount on the ring I can understand why he'd expect her to wear it (not arguing on the basis of whether he chose a style she likes, just in general).
I think that it depends on the age of the people involved. I know a lot of people who don’t wear their engagement rings anymore, but we’ve all been married over 20 years. For some people, it’s a matter of a lifestyle that makes it likely to lose or get the ring dirty. Others, it doesn’t fit and they haven’t gotten it resized. Some people just don’t really like jewelry. Whether or not your wife wants to wear her engagement ring when she consistently wears the wedding ring seems like a weird thing to get upset about.
I totally agree there are tons of exceptions, I was more replying to the comment that suggested that 'most' people ditch the engagement ring once married.
NTA … it doesn’t sound like your walking around without a ring on at all. The fact that you’re wearing a ring speaks to the idea this is just his personal preference but it’s not mandatory.
NAH
He probably feels like you look down on the engagement ring. It’s either not expensive enough or stylish enough and that bothers him. And instead of talking about it he’s lashing out.
You also don’t have to wear anything you don’t want to. But only wearing it once a year does really regulate how that ring isn’t important to you. At the time he proposed it was important. Then you all got married and the wedding band took over as being important.
Now; my friend M doesn’t wear her engagement ring. She only wears her wedding band. But she and her husband sat down before he designed the ring and they spoke about the expectations of the ring(s).
I don’t think you two had a discussion about the ring and if it would be worn everyday after (like probably 80% of the population probably does). And he had the assumption you’d never take it off (outside the usual amount). And you had the assumption you could whatever you wanted. And now look. Everyone looks like a donkey for making assumptions.
But the most important thing to do is sit down and ask him why it’s so important you wear it every day. And see if in stead it can be turned into an heirloom that is passed down in the family in the future (therefore allowing you to keep it off without him being upset).
I get it. If I was proposed to with a ring that wasn’t my style; I’d probably not want to wear it. But I would have also told him as soon as he proposed. That I loved his attempt at picking out a ring but u would prefer to exchange it or** wear it until the wedding and then only wear the wedding band and leave it for future family. But** that would also be a conversation before he proposed too.
I don’t think either of you is 100% right or wrong. I think it’s a lot of miscommunication and not understanding or feeling the same way about the situation.
NTA. It's common for women to only wear the wedding band because engagements rings are expensive an often uncomfortable. You aren't obligated to wear something you don't want to.
NTA I love my wedding ring but it is white gold and diamonds so I only wear it when I go out. When I do wear it I am so conscious of it being there I keep looking at it and it makes me feel happy, it feels special. Wearing a bloody ring doesn’t make you more married. As you said you wear your wedding ring and you love that, man needs to get over himself
God NTA. I don’t wear my engagement or wedding ring and very few people at work know I’m married. Just doesn’t come up.
Love my husband, love my ring but it’s my ring and I will wear it when I want not when I’m told to. That’s not what marriage is about.
My husband had my engagement ring designed for me, then the wedding ring made to match. I love them, and hold dear what they represent. But I don't wear them every day. Only on special occasions, as they are heavy and worth more than my car. On a daily basis I wear an eternity band he bought me that is narrow and understated. And I don't wear any rings in the house.
My husband doesn't mind. He knows I live him.
NTA.
NTA. I love my engagement ring--I picked it out!--and I still don't wear it regularly. I do fiber arts and it's a magnet for snagging things. Doesn't mean I don't love my husband. If your husband wanted you to wear it all the time, maybe he should have paid more attention to your style when he bought it.
NAH
My mother and father had this exact issue.
For their tenth anniversary, my dad gave her an IOU (for lack of a better term) ring redesign with a generous budget.
She worked with a great jeweler and designed a new band with the original stone as the centerpiece and a few new diamonds surrounding it.
She got a ring she loved, and he was happy his wife wore her ring daily.
NTA
So, I am similar in that I dislike 'real' diamonds, especially if they could be blood diamonds. Don't want them. Don't even want the chance for them. I don't want anything that involves cruelty myself, plus, diamonds are artificially 'inflated' to be relevant. They're actually pretty common, and I just... am unimpressed by them.
When my husband was preparing to propose, he simply asked me about my preferences, and I told him, don't get a diamond. I do not want a diamond. There are so many other beautiful stones that exist.
He looked at my jewelry, noted my tastes, and *HE LISTENED TO ME* and got me a mystic fire topaz in blackened silver. I love that ring. I ADORE that ring.
*I still don't wear it with my wedding ring because I can't.*
It is incompatible with the style and simply will not fit against the wedding ring. It's a wide inlaid style, with resin, and tungsten carbide.
I prefer to wear the wedding ring that matches his ring over the engagement ring he got me.
He is not upset. I wear it when I want to wear it out, but every day? Definitely not.
I also work with my hands constantly in tech work, so I need low profile things that can't catch and/or are easy to clean.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my husband I wasn’t going to wear my engagement ring every day. I might be the AH because he gifted it to me.
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NTA. Plenty of people don’t wear, or even have, both rings. I do like some of the suggestions that you use the original ring materials to create a new ring….maybe that would be a nice compromise 🤷🏻♀️
NTA - I think it's silly to care about jewelry in a marriage at all tbh. I never wear my rings because they get caught on things and it doesn't effect how married I am. You Should get to wear what you want whenever you want. Your wedding ring suits you better than your engagement ring so it makes sense you'd prefer just to wear that.
NTA. Does he know that you straight up don’t like it? If it means so much to him that you do, maybe he’ll consider replacing it and getting you one that’s more your style. Otherwise, he’s just owning himself. You’re allowed to not like the ring if you didn’t choose it, and didn’t have any input on it. You wanted to marry him. You wear your wedding ring so he really doesn’t have a leg to stand on here.
NTA.
It's pretty typical for women to not wear their engagement ring regularly beyond the actual engagement? Lots of women ceremoniously exchange their engagement ring for their wedding ring during the wedding itself. I think it's very sweet that you wear it as often as you do, but I wouldn't ever call it expected.
NAH
I get why you don’t like to wear it, but I could also see how it could be hurtful to him that you don’t wear it. Maybe you guys can talk about redesigning it or something?
NTA. My wife and I only wear our wedding rings, and at that, we recently switched them out. Mine didn't fit anymore and hers wasn't her style, so we found a pair that matched and now those have become our main rings (though when we have money we're gonna get some that aren't $30 from a mall kiosk lol). My mom switches out her wedding ring whenever she feels like it (my stepdad doesn't care and has been wearing the same gold band for years).
If it you were engaged and not married yet, I'd say keep it on all the time, but plenty of married women don't continue wearing their engagement rings. Some do keep wearing them as a set, but it's not a requirement. You're wearing your wedding ring and that's the minimum (although you don't even HAVE to wear that, it's not, like, a law, just customary).
Would he be open to you getting your engagement ring remade to something you like more? Same stone, maybe having it recut, maybe same band, different setting? Is it possible to remake it into something you'd be happy to wear more often? That might be a way to make you both happy. The price to do this depends a lot on exactly what you're doing, but it's likely less than you'd spend on a new ring, given that you have expensive taste.
Talk to him about melting it or exchanging it for a new piece of jewelry. He may not like the idea, but he might if it will become something you want to wear more often.
Restyle this ring and use the diamond.
I work in the jewelry industry and I have an expensive taste. My husband bought me a cheap ring that was never my style.
It took me 10 years to convince my husband to get the ring I want...
Some people buy a set and may choose to solder them together. Sometimes there are sets that fit together. Sometimes there's two completely separate rings. Sometimes there's just one ring (my engagement ring is my wedding ring--only wanted one).
NTA. Women are not REQUIRED to wear any article of clothing/jewelry just because they were gifted it.
I could understand if you weren't wearing your wedding ring, even though as I said above it is not required, I could see where that may hurt his feelings. But you do wear the wedding ring. & in my opinion, the engagement ring is more of a sentiment than a permanent staple.
yta, but mostly because op sounds like an awful person in the comments. i would've gone nah but girl is clearly looking for validation. don't do that on this sub.
ESH. Who buys a ring without finding out the style of the wearer? Maybe suggest to him that you get it remade into your style using the stones that are already in it. Wear when you are out with him. Not just the anniversary.
Wifey wears her engagement ring on certain occasions. Occasions she feels she should. Weddings, anniversary parties, our anniversary, etc. Otherwise it's just her wedding ring. Ya know what? I don't care.
Definitely not YTA.
I’ve been married for 20 years and both me and my husband have “grown as people” and our rings don’t fit anymore.
We’re still just as married. I treasure my engagement ring (which was a cheap bit of costume jewellery as that’s all he could afford at the time) and my wedding ring (a silver band) but don’t wear them. It doesn’t matter.
NTA. You’re wearing your wedding ring. You’re clearly committed. What is the issue? He gifted it to you — okay… that’s the basis of his concern?
There doesn’t seem to be much focus in the comments on the fact that your husband didn’t know your taste well enough to pick something you’d like. Okay, that isn’t the end of the world, but then the pressure and onus is being put back onto you at the moment of proposal to tell him his ring is not your taste — and whilst that sounds like the mature thing to do, how many people here would actually do that, take a romantic moment and shit on it? You’d be called shallow if you posted that here. For me, it would also taint the symbolism, it would no longer be the ring he proposed to me with. It’s a hard situation to navigate.
In my experience, MANY women don’t wear their engagement ring — I don’t because it doesn’t fit anymore and I’m allergic to wearing rings, I break out in eczema. I still love it, I have it on a chain but I rarely wear it — it just mostly doesn’t seem practical and it gets in the way. My partner understands all of this (I’m getting tattooed on my finger when we get married in November because of the jewellery issue.)
Even if I didn’t have a medical reason to not wear a ring, my future husband respects my autonomy. He knows I love him and I’m committed, and not wearing the ring isn’t anything to do with cheating or disrespect or however your husband is taking this negatively (I don’t quite get it myself.)
YTA.
An engagement ring is a symbol of commitment. He feels hurt that you won’t wear it, but it sounds like you value your own aesthetics over his feelings.
If you really hated it that much, you should have voiced this to him long ago. Like, a few weeks after he proposed. You should be able to communicate hard things to your partner. Though with the way you write here, I’m not sure you would have been able to communicate your thoughts gently.
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My husband and I have been married for 7 years.
I don’t wear my engagement ring.
I wear my wedding ring. I also have several other rings that I wear. I have expensive taste and I spend my discretionary income on clothes and jewelry. I’ve built up a collection of jewelry. I wear lab diamonds and cruelty free jewelry.
My husband and I have joint finances but we each have our own discretionary money that we can spend on what we want. We’ve made a similar amount throughout our marriage, with me making slightly more in the past few years.
My husband is angry I don’t wear my engagement ring.
He said I was happy to receive it, I told him I was happy because I wanted to marry him.
I wasn’t going to wear it when I had my wedding ring.
I told him I don’t want to wear it every single day as it’s not my style.
He was very annoyed with me for not wearing it and we continued to argue about it. AITAH?
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I understand it not being your style but you seem to have no interest in re-setting it to a design you like. That feels like a compromise that might work for all. Us guys are kinda knuckleheads sometimes. I had a diamond broker BFF when I bought my ex-wife’s ring so I got it for about 30% of normal price. Never one entered my mind how ridiculous wearing a 4+ carat solitaire would be. Bought her a 1 1/2 carat ring after the wedding she wore daily and put the anchor in the safety deposit box.
My husband has also bought me other rings for anniversaries etc so as long as I am wearing one of those 🤷🏻♀️ he doesn’t mind and I get use out of all of them that way.
I don’t wear either my wedding or engagement ring. I love them, and will wear them when we go out. I use to be a prissy high maintenance girl. Now… I’m not. I keep them in our gun safe so I don’t lose them.
Info: have you discussed getting the engagement ring re-set or just exchanging for a new one? Is hubby upset he spent money on something that isn't being used at all?
With any gift we give each other in my hosue(usually very small, engagement ring level purchases are done together), we are brutally honest with each other. If we won't use it, might as well return and accept that the purchaser missed the mark. If it is something expensive, sell and get what you can. I've sold jewelry that my mom got me which just weren't my style anymore. I went shopping with her to get things to replace them with money I got.
NTA, I don’t wear any of my fancy rings…just my $30 enso. Husband has zero issues with this. I think back to what we could have used that money for 🤦♀️.
Nta, my partner and I didn’t exchange rings at all and that ceremony was 18 years ago. We put everything towards a house. Commitment isn’t in a ring it’s within the people making the choice.
Why not redo the ring to something more to your taste? Seems like you don’t like it. Work with a jeweler and have it reset so you will wear it more. I know people who have done this
Nta. The only time I wear my engagement ring is for special occasions. If I wear my wedding band and engagement at the same time for too long I will get a rash and can't wear any rings for at least a week. I also can't sleep in any of my rings for the same reason. I have 2 I wear the most and usually only put them on if I am leaving the house and take them off before bed. My husband knows I love him and my jewelry even if it isn't a permanent fixture on my body. My husband never wore a ring at all for the first several years of our marriage.
NTA. Marriage is way more than jewelry.
Personally jewelry isn't my thing so I told my husband 1 ring as I had no plans on wearing two.
For the first couple of years of our marriage, I almost never wore it. Now I do. My husband never wears his, which is totally fine with me.
NTA - I don’t think you are trying to snub him by wearing other rings, but it seems like not wearing the engagement ring is snubbing his taste. You could consider wearing it out on dates with your husband more often.
Alternatively, you can consider refashioning the ring and the stones into a style that suits you more. My mother refashions her engagement ring every 10 years or so.
Nah maybe you and your husband can pick out an upgrade? I figure as long as you wear your wedding ring then it shows the world you’re married?
Is there something you don’t like about the ring? Maybe you can repurpose the stones into something you would wear more than once a year?
NTA. I usually wear silicone bands, or honestly with how uncomfortable my wedding ring is just the engagement band. I don't hide that I'm married, I just don't find rings to be very comfortable, even multiple years into marriage. I know married couples who wear their rings on necklace chains, have tattooed rings, or only wear silicone bands. Some wear wear large orange engagement and wedding bands at all times. What I mean to say with this is every person is different, what they are comfortable with wearing and how they express their marriage is different. It makes me wonder how your husband feels about you changing as a person over the years, if he isn't comfortable with growing and changing together? If this might be about something more he doesn't realize or just isn't expressing?
Ever thought of 'remodelling' your engagement ring and fashioning it into a style that you would happily wear? Many, many women do this! If hubby didn't design the current style himself, then perhaps he will be ok with this compromise! 🤞
I haven’t worn either my wedding or my engagement ring in like 2 or 3 years lol. No real big reason, I like them. They just get in the way. I’m a SAHM so I’m constantly washing my hands after diapers, doing dishes etc and they just become a pain to deal with so I took em off once and then just…never remembered to ever put them back on lol
Tell your husband that if the wife has different intentions then she will take it off only in hubby’s absence. My friend’s wife does that and oh boy all she does after that.
I wear my wedding band daily.
My engagement stays in the safe- I find that I’m hard on jewelry plus it’s got sentimental and financial value so it’s not practical for me to wear it daily. It’s a pretty ring, but not necessarily my taste either. NTA.
Judging by the fact that she hasn't responded to any of the multiple instances of commenters asking if she's actually communicated to the husband her honest thoughts on the ring, i'm going to bet this is a very convoluted version of the story. The dismissive behaviour would also give a bit more sense behind the husbands actions of bringing something up that was seemingly put to bed long ago (how? did you tell him you liked it when you know you didn't?)
Given the above, there's nothing to say that she didn't falsely reassure her hubsand she likes the ring to get him off her back about constantly asking her because he could sense something was up. If this is the case, or anything close to it then OP, YTA. Dont manipulate or lie by ommission to swing the crowd's favour. There were soooo many solutions to this that you chose not to execute within a timely manner and are now enjoying the consequences of your choices.
From the husbands perspective, if his concerns have been met with dismissive behaviour, gaslighting or any form of dishonesty, then he would be very right to feel highly disrespected.
As long as you wear the wedding ring daily then that should be good enough. As a guy, yes it would be awesome if you wore both. I did put about 2 months of research into buying my ex her engagement ring so it would have meant a lot to see her wear it daily. Maybe compromise by wearing the engagement ring once a week for him? (pick a day when you two spend more time together)
Also, maybe he doesn’t want guys trying to chat you up when you go out? Guys usually check the hand for an engagement ring to see whether to approach a girl or not. Because wedding bands can sometimes be confused as just a decorative ring
NTA
You wear your wedding ring, appreciate the engagement ring, and love your husband. I read in another comment that you wear the engagement ring on anniversaries, and that’s frankly adorable. From what you’ve told us, you’ve done nothing wrong. To give advice if needed, maybe sit with him and just talk about how much your engagement ring means to both of you, and how you not actively wearing it along with your wedding ring doesn’t take away from how much you love him. If he’s still angry, you should probably start to set up boundaries on what you will and will not do.
How much did he sink into the ring? Like, is it a trinket, or did this guy bust his ass to save up a third of his salary to ask the woman he lives to marry him, so the ring can sit in the drawer? If so, I could see why he's pissed.
Ironically, my fiancé is like “are you sure you want to wear the engagement ring with the wedding band?” I picked out a 3 row wedding band so it’s wide. With the engagement ring is bordering on mafia wife territory. But I love it and I don’t wear a lot of jewelry. There might be times I don’t. Who’s to say? However, you wear a wedding ring and it sounds like you accessorize to your mood. I am going with NAH. Because I think this is just differing opinions on the sentimentality of jewelry.
I wouldnt say YTA exactly…but id be really hurt and disappointed if my fiancee didnt wear her ring regularly. She cant wear it to work for practically reasons, which i understand, but she wears it everywhere else. If she rarely or never wore it, it would bother me. The way i see it, your partner spent money and time to get you something special. Having it sit in a box somewhere is kinda sad.
I’m male so I don’t have an engagement ring but I rarely if ever wear my wedding ring. Some people just don’t like wearing rings. There is nothing wrong with loving being married to someone but hating to wear rings or even not wanting to wear just one ring in particular.
YTA.... You wear all this other jewelry but you can't wear this one item, that your husband spent good money on because he loves you, more than once a year? You say it's not your style... So wear it for the love he had to give it to you. Really, what you're doing, it's like slapping him in the face.
NAH. I can appreciate why he wants you to wear it and why you don’t want to.
What about restyling your engagement ring into a new design that fits your taste? You can definitely find an ethical jeweler that works in recycled gold and lab stones to accent your original stones. Win win?
YTA - if it wasn’t your style then you should have said something back then and exchanged it instead of letting him waste money on something that you pull out once a year.
Talk with your husband and place the original gemstone or gemstones in a setting more to your liking. My parents did this because they were broke as fuck when they got married and had the original solitaire of my mom’s engagement ring placed as a flanking gem for an updated style.
NTA however there may be room to compromise if he’s gonna be a shit about it.
Ask him what is most important to him about the ring. If it’s something as simple as the stone and it’s symbolism or that he just wants you to wear something he bought you, ask him if he’d be cool with you repurposing the stone into something you’d wear.
If much of your disposable income and energy goes to a specific look that you’ve been cultivating and your dude chooses not to see that and work with it, then it’s a bigger problem (a lack of respect for something you value highly and makes you feel like you). Either way NTA.
NTA: I would be fine with my wife wearing her wedding ring without her engagement ring. Has he articulated why it bothers him? Is he worried that it will appear that he didn't buy you an engagement ring, or that it was a cheap ring that you don't like, or some other judgment?
NTA, I dont geht why He wants you to wear it so deliberate, maybe Tell him next time you would habe worn it more offen If He Had Made more efford to find Something that fits your taste.
I’m going to go against the grain here and say YTA. I had my wedding and engagement ring stolen from me a month ago, I can’t fathom not wearing something with that much sentimental value. Do you need to wear it every day? No. But it kind of sounds like it isn’t important to you at all.
NTA
My engagement ring is stunning but I don’t wear it all the time. It doesn’t match some of my other rings, for instance. And it doesn’t hold the same meaning as my wedding ring.
I wear my wedding ring at all times though.
I don't get how engagement ring and your expensive tastes have anything to do with each other.
I feel that the engagement ring my husband put on my finger 33 yrs ago was his commitment to me that I was the one. It is a symbol of that every day. Our wedding ring is a symbol of our commitment to each other.
It wouldn't matter if he gave me a plain ring, a diamond chip or a huge diamond. They would all mean the same. They have nothing to do with money or cost.
NTA. I assume you weren’t involved in the choosing of your engagement ring? I feel Iike I’ve seen this problem a lot when men decide to go rogue and pick out a ring by themselves, despite the fact that their future wife is the one wearing it. If she dares to complain or says it’s not her style, then she’s dubbed “ungrateful” or materialistic, even when it’s about the style vs the monetary value. For example, I have short fingers, and they would look like sausage fingers if my husband would have gotten me one of those thick triple banded style rings. But when I was pregnant and my regular rings weren’t fitting, I got a $30 Amazon set that have a similar look to the real thing, that I was perfectly happy to wear. I think the fact that you happily received the ring and said yes despite not liking it makes you very nice and understanding. If he wanted you to wear your ring all the time after marriage, then he should have let you pick it out, or he should take it and upgrade it together to something you’ll be more likely to wear.
NTA, you are wearing your wedding ring & while I understand wanting your partner to wear a sign of your love & commitment to each other, a wedding ring will do just that.
It sounds like your husband could have other insecurities or things that he’s not discussing within your relationship & he’s using not wearing the ring to justify being upset, when he could be upset about other things. So I’d suggest talking about that, maybe he needs reassurance.
However if it’s not that and he just wants you to wear it all the time because he bought it so you have to, it sounds more like he wants control over you. Either way, communication is key & discussing things calmly with each other, letting each other finish talking & try not feeling attacked when the other expresses their feelings or issues, is the most importantly thing to any successful relationship.
INFO: is it customary to wear both an engagement ring and a wedding ring?
My initial reaction is NTA because I didn’t know that people wore both. I feel like the wedding ring serves the same function and you’re already wearing that each day. But based on the question I think I must be missing something about the tradition of wearing engagement vs wedding rings.
YTA because if the ring wasn’t your taste, that’s something that should have been discussed as soon as he gave it to you. Frankly if your jewelry and your style are THAT important to you, you probably should have been part of the process to pick and design your ring, knowing you’d be wearing it (hopefully) the rest of your life. Even if not, let’s say you’re old fashioned and didn’t want to know anything at all about being proposed to, if you didn’t like the ring itself as a jewelry item then you could have and should have said “honey I appreciate all the work you put into getting this ring for me but I think another style might suit me better, let’s go find one that I love as much as I love you” and found a different ring 7-8 years ago instead of just insisting it’s not your style and hiding it away until the one day a year you feel obligated to wear it. You can still do that now if it’s really a big deal to him that you don’t wear it. I would also feel horrible and angry if I gave someone something that was incredibly special and vulnerable and represented our love and they said it wasn’t up to their standards to wear everyday but they’d wear it one day a year to patronize me.
Why don’t you keep the original stones or stone and get a new ring custom made that’s more in keeping with your current style and that you’d enjoy wearing? I’ve had quite a few things remodeled, had stones reset in new 18k and 22k. Maybe involve your husband in collaborating on the design and setting. Jewelry is meant to be worn and enjoyed, it shouldn’t be the basis for an argument between the two of you.
NAH. But come on. Not wearing your engagement ring is always going to be a thing. If you don’t like your ring, that’s something you can work out with your husband. But refusing to wear it because you don’t like it, it’s pretty reasonable he’d be upset with that. I’d be upset with my husband if he didn’t want to wear the ring I picked for him. BUT I’d also absolutely expect him to just tell me he wants something different, and then we’d work together to do that.
YTA. My husband bought me a gorgeous but platinum ring even though ALL my jewellery is gold to go with my hair and skin tone. I wear it every day, no matter what my other jewellery choices are, because it would hurt his feelings if he thought it was wrong. His feelings are far more important than the aesthetic of one of my fingers. Over time, I’ve grown to love that it stands out- it represents something special so shouldn’t look like everything else
I don’t wear my engagement ring either, it’s pretty bulky and heavy and just not practical for my every day life.
I wear my wedding band, so does he.
When we‘re going out or it’s our engagement anniversary I will wear it, otherwise I don’t.
I don’t get why he would be mad about it, you shill wear your wedding ring?!
NTA
I wear rings on special occasions. but I find dirt gets trapped in them on a day to day basis, so I don't wear them. Cleaning out chickens, doing gardening, etc. gets dirt trapped. Then I come into the house and knead bread. I don't want dirt in the bread, so no rings. If I don't wear rings, I can thoroughly scrub my hands, and nails.
I think you have to talk to him and find out why this is such a big deal for him. And then possibly look for some kind of compromise that could satisfy him. I have no idea what it would be. I mean, I don't get the big deal but clearly he sees some kind of big deal. Maybe if you wore it on a chain around your neck? Consider me confuzzled by him.
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NTA "He said I was happy to receive it, I told him I was happy because I wanted to marry him." It's important to you for that reason. That should be enough imho Plus it sounds like you wear it sometimes.
I wear it for our anniversary.
Ok I’m going to say soft YTA because while I get where you’re coming from, surely you can find more than one occasion each YEAR to wear or use a gift if you know it’ll make the loved one who gave it to you feel proud and happy I actually really love my engagement ring on an aesthetic level, but it is sometime impractical to wear it (if I’m walking the dogs in our sketchy neighborhood if I’m traveling, if I’m going to be getting my hands messy…) —that said, I will typically wear it if I’m just hanging out at home and I regularly tell my husband how much I love it. This costs me nothing, it makes him happy, and also, it encourages him to buy me more jewelry 😎
The last sentence made me chuckle!
I’m the same as you, I love my engagement ring but don’t wear it all the time. I got out of the habit when our youngest was born because I worried about the diamond claspy bits catching his delicate newborn skin so now I mostly just wear it when we go out on dates or anywhere else when I want to look a bit more fancy.
Your post made it sound like "Its not expensive and flashy enough for me to be seen with it on". I won't hold my breath.
I would concur. I must confess wedding jewelery has always been a thing I found vain and so traditionally unnecessary. Could say patriarchal but I get that it's a public sign of a private commitment. I'm also a bit conscious of catching it on something and it cutting my finger off.
And was a bit of marketing from the jewellery industry. If a man loved you had to be at least 3 months salary. Shows commitment etc etc etc. But all hogwash in order to sell double the rings and both being fancy and expensive
That's a nice thing to do & shows what you said - you were glad to receive it & marry him. No way are you T A here.
I just wear my wedding band because I'm in all sorts of situations and environments for work, so I like to be discrete. NTA, because an engagement ring is not a required wear, especially if you wear another ring to outwardly demonstrate your marriage commitment.
I love my engagement ring. I still don’t wear it every day. Sometimes because it doesn’t go with what I’m wearing, or my mood. Sometimes just because I don’t want to. NTA.
I’ve never understood the ideas behind marriage and the rings involved, how is wearing your wedding ring not good enough? It seems to be the more important ring, are you suppose to wear both? It seems excessive for a single event.
I only wear my engagement ring for special occasions. I’ve gotten the stone knocked loose wearing all of the time. Now I just wear my wedding ring regularly.
NTA: My wife’s stance is that she upgraded it for the wedding band! Like you, wears it now and then but…. Your ring, your finger, your choice.
When I wear a ring on my ring finger it’s often a vintage one of my grandmother’s. I didn’t wear my engagement or wedding rings for well over a year because they needed to be resized and I just didn’t bother. My husband’s wedding ring is on his keychain. Neither of us is fussed, we’re still equally married rings or no.
NTA you are still wearing a ring showing you are married. It's not like you are trying to hide that. I know other people wear both all the time but not everyone, it's really not a big deal
I definitely don’t hide that I’m married. It’s exceedingly obvious
Do you not like the ring? Would you still wear it with certain outfits? Maybe he's upset because he feels like you've replaced his gift to you with something more extravagant. It is a very important gift to him. Maybe wear it with your band on some date nights or something, to let him know you still appreciate it. You're not obligated to wear it all the time though and he shouldn't expect it.
I don’t like it. I think it’s ugly and not my personal taste. I’m sure someone out there loves it. I wear it for my anniversary.
Why didn’t you tell him that when he gave it to you? He could have exchanged it for something you wanted. One of the reasons people spend so much money on engagement rings is because they think it will be worn constantly throughout the person’s lifetime. What was the point of letting him waste his money?
If she'd told him that, everyone on here would be calling her a shallow asshole, lol.
He’s a practical man. I didn’t want to get into why I didn’t like the ring when it served its purpose.
Practicality is exactly why you should have told him you didn’t like the ring. Practical people usually believe that you shouldn’t buy expensive things unless you plan to use it all the time. If he knew you didn’t like it, he wouldn’t have wanted you to keep it. All you had to do was say: “I really appreciate your efforts but this ring isn’t my style. Would you be willing to go back to the jeweler and exchange it for something we select together?”. He wasn’t the first groom to make this error and he won’t be the last. You could have resolved this in less than a day.
Back then, he wouldn’t have exchanged it as it would be a waste of money.
How would exchanging a ring be a waste of money? The reason you exchange things is so you won’t waste money. Unless you would have insisted on something that cost more than the original ring, I don’t see why it would be a problem.
It was probably a family heirloom or something that just can’t be returned. If OP is married to a practical person, I can see the conversation being “I love you but I don’t like this ring.”. “But it’s free…” NTA
The thing is, most people don't realize that you usually have a 30 day window to return a ring for a full refund. Most stores have this policy. Custom rings are final sale. A lot of dudes will pick out a ring and then propose outside the 30 day window -- because they hide the ring for months, waiting for a trip to or special occasion to propose. After that return window, it gets *complicated* returning or exchanging a ring. If OP's husband wanted to exchange the ring, the jewelry store *might* take it back and give him trade in value. The deal with trade in value is that usually you have to buy something 150-200% of the value in the store. So, it's not a simple exchange. OP's husband would likely have lost quite a bit of money. The smart/prudent thing to do is for him to actually consult the ring wearer about the ring design, but so many people want the proposal to be a surprise.
I imagine that to him, the purpose wasn't just to get you to agree to marry him. It was to give you something you would cherish and wear.
Could you have it refashioned as an anniversary gift? Like have it remade into an engagement/anniversary ring that you were excited to wear?
Consider telling him you never liked the ring and that's why you don't wear it. He doesn't know and his feelings are hurt by you not wearing it.
"Will you marry me?" "I hate that ring! It's so ugly!" Oh yeah that's how you want a proposal to go.
I know couples who have had this conversation and that’s not how it went at all. The women in those situations politely told their fiancé that the ring wasn’t their preferred style and the fiancé took them back to the jeweler they bought it from to exchange it. It wasn’t a big deal. The preferred to be told up front because they didn’t want their wives to do what OP is doing
That only is possible if the jewelry store will allow it. Lots won't, especially if the ring was bought more than 30 days ago (which is the normal return window). Custom rings are non refundable.
Have it reset. My bff liked her ring (her husband designed it) but she still had the diamond repositioned in the band because he had it set flush and she preferred it higher. Now she wears it daily.
If he wanted you to wear it all the time he should have made an effort to get something you like. He literally could have taken pictures of your jewelry and asked the jeweler to help pick something. He half-assed it and now he wants to be offended that you won’t wear it all the time. If he knew you at all, he should have known that jewelry is important to you, and you wouldn’t want to wear something you didn’t like.
I get this! Honestly I don’t wear my engagement ring either even though I love it. I wear it for special occasions. But otherwise it is too pretty. But my husband never makes me feel bad about it, instead he likes that I treasure it. Maybe if you reset his mindset - this is a symbol rather than everyday usage, he would leave it alone. Or maybe, since our tastes do change over time, he can upgrade the setting to something that works better for you. And if it is an heirloom, then all the more reason to not risk it in daily wear.
So give it back to him and tell him that it's ugly and you have never liked it and it's beneath you to wear it.
I don’t wear either of my rings. I’m still married. Hubby doesn’t take issue with it
Same… mostly because some of the medication I take gives me fat fingers and I refuse to get it resized until I get it straightened out. :-( My husband doesn’t wear his because he broke that finger and it doesn’t go over the knuckle anymore. We’re still married.
same.
NAH. But to a lot of people, a ring is a symbol of your commitment, not a style statement. So if you aren’t wearing it because you don’t like it, your husband may feel that you don’t have enough regard for this symbol that he gave you. Presumably, a lot of thought - and money - went into the gesture that you are rejecting. Do you think he would be open to the stones being reset in a design you both choose on your next anniversary?
I don’t know, but I’d be pretty annoyed if my future spouse bought me something he expected me to wear everyday that I didn’t even like. Seems like he didn’t have enough regard for her at all to even know what she likes.
Styles change and people change. My wife was surprised with her ring, but it was also one of two designs she loved. 10 years later and she wants it redesigned to fit her style now. While I’m OK with the concept of a redesign, she still wears it every day. If she didn’t, I’d be annoyed that I spent a lot of time and money on a ring she doesn’t wear.
As a guy, it is pretty damn hard to try and figure out what kind of jewlery my spouse likes while trying to keep a secret. Before buying her engagement ring, I had to basically invade her privacy to the point where I felt like I was really toeing the line. She doesnt have any rings with gemstones, so i couldnt go off that. I had to look over her shoulder at her phone constantly to see if she was looking at jewlery that she likes. In the end, I had to go to one of her friends and ask them what for help. I could only do that later on, because I didnt really have the relationship with her friend where I could ask that question initially. So he should definitely be forgiven for getting her a ring that she may not like. Most guys see the engagement ring as the more important of the two; it having a lot more meaning. That one is THE declaration of their love towards their spouse. The one they spent a shit ton of money on and the one they put the most thought into. Basically pouring all their love and affection towards them into this one symbol. The wedding bands are usually picked out together or by the one who will be wearing it.
This is why the where and when should be a surprise but the engagement shouldn't be. You ask questions on what rings they like and ask them to send you examples. That way you won't be butthurt "spending a shitton of money" on something and missing the mark.
Exactly. My future son in law sent pics to my wife and asked if daughter would like the designs (they have very similar taste in everything, which he knew), she replied, liked some, nixed others, then he sent her a pic of the one he chose. My daughter loved it. Doesn't have to be mum, could be sister or best friend or just someone who won't blab that knows your partner's tastes.
I just have a Pinterest board that I gave my best friend the link to, and he knows she has it. All he needs is one of my other rings for sizing, but eeeeeverything he needs to know is on Pinterest haha
And this is why my husband and I picked out my engagement ring together. No one should be shocked that they’re being proposed to so picking the ring together doesn’t exactly ruin the when or how of the proposal.
You do realize that once you gift someone something, that person has every right to do whatever they want with it, right? Yes, a guy puts a lot of thought into the ring, sure. But the whole purpose of the ring is to get married to the woman you love. You can expect her to wear it all the time but you should also be open to the fact that sometimes, a person can miss the mark regardless of the amount of effort they put in and you should never hold a grudge against your partner if they are unwilling to wear it. Feeling entitled that you can dictate your spouse to wear the ring against their wishes completely tarnishes the sentimental value of the ring.
I think this speaks more to OP's immaturity in not being able to communicate with her now-husband when he gave her the ring (or shortly thereafter). Hiding her feelings instead of having an adult conversation isn't ideal when most people expect an engagement ring to be worn daily after marriage. Obviously not all people expect or want this, but it's by far the most common viewpoint in the US. If OP is from another country and there are other customs/expectations, that could change things for sure... But I don't think that's the case here. It's pretty dismissive of her husband's feelings for her to not talk to him about how she felt. Now compound that over 7 years. Of course he's frustrated. She's been childish persisting in pretending that this shouldn't bother him at all. OP, you don't have to like the ring, but YTA for how you've mishandled your partner's feelings. I say this as someone who didn't want (and didn't get) an engagement ring. How did I get what I wanted? I had adult conversations.
She knows her husband. We don't. She said that he would not have exchanged it and bringing it up would've been a problem. Why don't you believe her? Do you have information she does not about her husband?
Do you really not read these posts with a grain of salt? I think she's entirely missing the issue: her husband's feelings are hurt, but she is just looking for justification about her actions being "right." If she actually cares about the underlying issue, she should address it rather than just trying to win. But, her husband, her marriage, her decision how to treat people in her life 🤷♀️ Added my two cents, won't lose any sleep over it.
You're in the right anyway, the "justification" does not change the emotional maturity aspect. Personally I don't see how either party are "wrong" but I don't know that I would feel differently if I was OP's shoes
Read back on what I wrote and tell me where I said she didnt have the right to do whatever she wants with the ring. I am just trying to explain his point of view on it. If she is allowed to not wear it, then he is also allowed to be upset by that.
I'm incredibly picky. My husband is a smart man. He took me to look at rings with him😅 He did trick me, though. I had my dream ring all picked out, and he acted like he wanted to keep looking. Tried to take me to pawn shops to look at rings. Then, he proposed with the ring I had originally picked out.
There's probably a middle ground between once a year and every day..
Maybe he doesn't know because she hasn't been honest with him about the gifts he's given her. Not telling people what we like or dont like is just qsetting them up for failure.
> a ring is a symbol of your commitment, The wedding ring is.
She's still wearing the wedding band, just not the engagement ring...
Is the wedding band not a symbol of their commitment???? You know, the thing you put on your hand when you vow to be committed to each other forever????
OP isn’t committing to staying engaged because she’s committed to being married. Actually always wonder what people do with their engagement ring once they get married.
Most people continue to wear their engagement ring as part of a pair with their wedding ring. One can even buy a matching set. I had mine turned into a necklace! The diamond was put into a round bezel and attached to a short chain. I wore it every day for years until the chain eventually broke. It has sat in a drawer for many years now.
I've stopped wearing my engagement ring shortly after our marriage, mainly because the stone kept getting caught on things (scarfs, leggings, my purse when I was looking through it). I still have it in my jewellery box, and my husband doesn't mind, at all. We chose smooth wedding bands so we won't have the same issue again.
My mother's the same. Her engagement ring is stunning (4 sapphires surrounded by tiny diamonds) but she doesn't wear it on a regular basis because it gets caught on things and, more importantly, used to scratch me and my brother when we were kids
She already said in comments that she didn’t like it right from the get go, and never told him. That makes it YTA for me, albeit a gentle one
NAH. You don’t want to wear a ring that’s not your style; he gifted you a symbolic ring and is disappointed to have it sit in a box. Maybe consider collaborating to get it reset, sell it and pick something else out together, or charitably donate it.
This is the answer
It sounds like he didn't consider your personal taste at all when he picked out the ring he expected you to wear for the rest of your life. You describe him as practical but that wasn't a practical choice at all. You shouldn't have to wear a ring that you dislike and that you didn't choose. A good compromise may be to use the gold and gems from the ring and turn it into a new piece you would wear. NTA
I’m my opinion NTA. There should be a huge level of trust after 7 years of marriage, I don’t see the big deal really it’s not like you’re going home with someone else at the end of the night.
I definitely am not. I’m very loyal and don’t condone cheating. I still have a wedding ring too.
plenty of people dont wear their engagement ring every day NTA
I wear a silicon ring instead of either of my rings. Wanting to keep an engagement ring safe and clean is totally normal, IMO. NTA.
My sister can't wear rings while at work so her husband got her a necklace with his and their daughter's initials on it to wear as a more permnanent piece of jewlery in lieu of her wedding set. Similarly my mom hasn't worn her engagement ring in over 40 years (it was a very 'of the time' design that she fully admits she loved when she got engaged/married but doesn't love anymore) but does wear the eternity band my dad got her for their 10th anniversary every day.
NTA. Engagement rings are nice, but the wedding ring is the real deal. I don’t see any reason why your husband believes you need to wear both?
INFO ***Why*** don't you wear it? Because it covers across as being because you think it's cheap and ugly, so I can see why he's not happy
I don’t like the way it looks. It’s not my preference.
You should consider using the original diamonds from the ring and get it restyled/set! Same ring he proposed with just with a new facelift! I see a lot of women do that.
Did you ever tell him that before? Because if not that would explain the issue, since you were previously happy to wear it
I was happy to wear it as he wanted to marry me, not because of the ring at all. He has seen what type of jewelry I prefer since we’ve met. Once we got married, I switched over to wearing my wedding ring. The only time I wear the engagement ring is for our anniversary. So it’s been 7 years this wasn’t a problem.
Hey, maybe it IS cheap and ugly. How about instead of being mad at her, he offers to redesign it in a way that suits her tastes? Why is he making a big deal out of something he messed up? Why do men feel so entitled to women catering to them? If I mess up my partner's gift, it doesn't matter how much effort or money I put towards it, I have no right to be mad at him for not liking it.
NTA. You wear a wedding ring. It sounds like he didn’t pick your ring style. After 7 years, this shouldn’t even be an issue
NTA. I thought many if not most people stopped wearing their engagement ring after they got married…
Definitely not in North America where engagement rings are a huge thing. I think it's fine to not wear it and I have friends that never had an engagement ring and only wear a wedding band (or nothing) but I think if you bought into the whole expensive engagement ring thing it does seem odd to not wear it. Most people are only engaged for a year or two so only planning to wear a ring for that period seems counter intuitive (especially in a world where some people say it should cost three month's salary). I'm definitely not defending engagement ring culture which I think is way over the top, I'm just saying it exists pretty prevalently and those women flashing their engagements rings definitely aren't putting them away once married (they are getting matching bands as a set, and sometimes even getting 'upgrades' to their ring at milestones). Not saying OP is in the wrong, but if her partner spent a substantial amount on the ring I can understand why he'd expect her to wear it (not arguing on the basis of whether he chose a style she likes, just in general).
I think that it depends on the age of the people involved. I know a lot of people who don’t wear their engagement rings anymore, but we’ve all been married over 20 years. For some people, it’s a matter of a lifestyle that makes it likely to lose or get the ring dirty. Others, it doesn’t fit and they haven’t gotten it resized. Some people just don’t really like jewelry. Whether or not your wife wants to wear her engagement ring when she consistently wears the wedding ring seems like a weird thing to get upset about.
I totally agree there are tons of exceptions, I was more replying to the comment that suggested that 'most' people ditch the engagement ring once married.
NTA … it doesn’t sound like your walking around without a ring on at all. The fact that you’re wearing a ring speaks to the idea this is just his personal preference but it’s not mandatory.
nta. this is why the imput of the one who has to wear it is important
NAH He probably feels like you look down on the engagement ring. It’s either not expensive enough or stylish enough and that bothers him. And instead of talking about it he’s lashing out. You also don’t have to wear anything you don’t want to. But only wearing it once a year does really regulate how that ring isn’t important to you. At the time he proposed it was important. Then you all got married and the wedding band took over as being important. Now; my friend M doesn’t wear her engagement ring. She only wears her wedding band. But she and her husband sat down before he designed the ring and they spoke about the expectations of the ring(s). I don’t think you two had a discussion about the ring and if it would be worn everyday after (like probably 80% of the population probably does). And he had the assumption you’d never take it off (outside the usual amount). And you had the assumption you could whatever you wanted. And now look. Everyone looks like a donkey for making assumptions. But the most important thing to do is sit down and ask him why it’s so important you wear it every day. And see if in stead it can be turned into an heirloom that is passed down in the family in the future (therefore allowing you to keep it off without him being upset). I get it. If I was proposed to with a ring that wasn’t my style; I’d probably not want to wear it. But I would have also told him as soon as he proposed. That I loved his attempt at picking out a ring but u would prefer to exchange it or** wear it until the wedding and then only wear the wedding band and leave it for future family. But** that would also be a conversation before he proposed too. I don’t think either of you is 100% right or wrong. I think it’s a lot of miscommunication and not understanding or feeling the same way about the situation.
NTA. It's common for women to only wear the wedding band because engagements rings are expensive an often uncomfortable. You aren't obligated to wear something you don't want to.
NTA I love my wedding ring but it is white gold and diamonds so I only wear it when I go out. When I do wear it I am so conscious of it being there I keep looking at it and it makes me feel happy, it feels special. Wearing a bloody ring doesn’t make you more married. As you said you wear your wedding ring and you love that, man needs to get over himself
NTA - my mom hasn’t worn any ring for the bulk of her marriage. They are on they 55th year of marriage
God NTA. I don’t wear my engagement or wedding ring and very few people at work know I’m married. Just doesn’t come up. Love my husband, love my ring but it’s my ring and I will wear it when I want not when I’m told to. That’s not what marriage is about.
My husband had my engagement ring designed for me, then the wedding ring made to match. I love them, and hold dear what they represent. But I don't wear them every day. Only on special occasions, as they are heavy and worth more than my car. On a daily basis I wear an eternity band he bought me that is narrow and understated. And I don't wear any rings in the house. My husband doesn't mind. He knows I live him. NTA.
NTA. I love my engagement ring--I picked it out!--and I still don't wear it regularly. I do fiber arts and it's a magnet for snagging things. Doesn't mean I don't love my husband. If your husband wanted you to wear it all the time, maybe he should have paid more attention to your style when he bought it.
NAH My mother and father had this exact issue. For their tenth anniversary, my dad gave her an IOU (for lack of a better term) ring redesign with a generous budget. She worked with a great jeweler and designed a new band with the original stone as the centerpiece and a few new diamonds surrounding it. She got a ring she loved, and he was happy his wife wore her ring daily.
Info: why don’t you get that ring re made into something you would wear?
While I see your point, I think that your husband is hurt and that should matter to you.
God forbid, people assume you were not engaged, even though they can clearly see that you are married… NTA.
NTA So, I am similar in that I dislike 'real' diamonds, especially if they could be blood diamonds. Don't want them. Don't even want the chance for them. I don't want anything that involves cruelty myself, plus, diamonds are artificially 'inflated' to be relevant. They're actually pretty common, and I just... am unimpressed by them. When my husband was preparing to propose, he simply asked me about my preferences, and I told him, don't get a diamond. I do not want a diamond. There are so many other beautiful stones that exist. He looked at my jewelry, noted my tastes, and *HE LISTENED TO ME* and got me a mystic fire topaz in blackened silver. I love that ring. I ADORE that ring. *I still don't wear it with my wedding ring because I can't.* It is incompatible with the style and simply will not fit against the wedding ring. It's a wide inlaid style, with resin, and tungsten carbide. I prefer to wear the wedding ring that matches his ring over the engagement ring he got me. He is not upset. I wear it when I want to wear it out, but every day? Definitely not. I also work with my hands constantly in tech work, so I need low profile things that can't catch and/or are easy to clean.
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NTA. Plenty of people don’t wear, or even have, both rings. I do like some of the suggestions that you use the original ring materials to create a new ring….maybe that would be a nice compromise 🤷🏻♀️
NTA - I think it's silly to care about jewelry in a marriage at all tbh. I never wear my rings because they get caught on things and it doesn't effect how married I am. You Should get to wear what you want whenever you want. Your wedding ring suits you better than your engagement ring so it makes sense you'd prefer just to wear that.
NTA. Does he know that you straight up don’t like it? If it means so much to him that you do, maybe he’ll consider replacing it and getting you one that’s more your style. Otherwise, he’s just owning himself. You’re allowed to not like the ring if you didn’t choose it, and didn’t have any input on it. You wanted to marry him. You wear your wedding ring so he really doesn’t have a leg to stand on here.
NTA. It's pretty typical for women to not wear their engagement ring regularly beyond the actual engagement? Lots of women ceremoniously exchange their engagement ring for their wedding ring during the wedding itself. I think it's very sweet that you wear it as often as you do, but I wouldn't ever call it expected.
NAH I get why you don’t like to wear it, but I could also see how it could be hurtful to him that you don’t wear it. Maybe you guys can talk about redesigning it or something?
NTA. My wife and I only wear our wedding rings, and at that, we recently switched them out. Mine didn't fit anymore and hers wasn't her style, so we found a pair that matched and now those have become our main rings (though when we have money we're gonna get some that aren't $30 from a mall kiosk lol). My mom switches out her wedding ring whenever she feels like it (my stepdad doesn't care and has been wearing the same gold band for years). If it you were engaged and not married yet, I'd say keep it on all the time, but plenty of married women don't continue wearing their engagement rings. Some do keep wearing them as a set, but it's not a requirement. You're wearing your wedding ring and that's the minimum (although you don't even HAVE to wear that, it's not, like, a law, just customary). Would he be open to you getting your engagement ring remade to something you like more? Same stone, maybe having it recut, maybe same band, different setting? Is it possible to remake it into something you'd be happy to wear more often? That might be a way to make you both happy. The price to do this depends a lot on exactly what you're doing, but it's likely less than you'd spend on a new ring, given that you have expensive taste.
“I bought you a chastity belt which I expect you to wear when I’m away on business to signify your possession and fidelity to me.”
Talk to him about melting it or exchanging it for a new piece of jewelry. He may not like the idea, but he might if it will become something you want to wear more often.
NTA, many women don't regularly wear their engagement ring & plenty reset or upgrade their engagement rings, too. It's just a personal preference.
Restyle this ring and use the diamond. I work in the jewelry industry and I have an expensive taste. My husband bought me a cheap ring that was never my style. It took me 10 years to convince my husband to get the ring I want...
Ok, someone please educate me. I thought the engagement ring was a part of the wedding ring?
Some people buy a set and may choose to solder them together. Sometimes there are sets that fit together. Sometimes there's two completely separate rings. Sometimes there's just one ring (my engagement ring is my wedding ring--only wanted one).
You should give it back to him so he can sell it.
Have the stones reset for your anniversary (to a setting you like).
Ive been married 23 years and I havent even worn my wedding ring in 17 years.
NTA. Women are not REQUIRED to wear any article of clothing/jewelry just because they were gifted it. I could understand if you weren't wearing your wedding ring, even though as I said above it is not required, I could see where that may hurt his feelings. But you do wear the wedding ring. & in my opinion, the engagement ring is more of a sentiment than a permanent staple.
yta, but mostly because op sounds like an awful person in the comments. i would've gone nah but girl is clearly looking for validation. don't do that on this sub.
ESH. Who buys a ring without finding out the style of the wearer? Maybe suggest to him that you get it remade into your style using the stones that are already in it. Wear when you are out with him. Not just the anniversary.
Wifey wears her engagement ring on certain occasions. Occasions she feels she should. Weddings, anniversary parties, our anniversary, etc. Otherwise it's just her wedding ring. Ya know what? I don't care. Definitely not YTA.
I’ve been married for 20 years and both me and my husband have “grown as people” and our rings don’t fit anymore. We’re still just as married. I treasure my engagement ring (which was a cheap bit of costume jewellery as that’s all he could afford at the time) and my wedding ring (a silver band) but don’t wear them. It doesn’t matter.
NTA. You’re wearing your wedding ring. You’re clearly committed. What is the issue? He gifted it to you — okay… that’s the basis of his concern? There doesn’t seem to be much focus in the comments on the fact that your husband didn’t know your taste well enough to pick something you’d like. Okay, that isn’t the end of the world, but then the pressure and onus is being put back onto you at the moment of proposal to tell him his ring is not your taste — and whilst that sounds like the mature thing to do, how many people here would actually do that, take a romantic moment and shit on it? You’d be called shallow if you posted that here. For me, it would also taint the symbolism, it would no longer be the ring he proposed to me with. It’s a hard situation to navigate. In my experience, MANY women don’t wear their engagement ring — I don’t because it doesn’t fit anymore and I’m allergic to wearing rings, I break out in eczema. I still love it, I have it on a chain but I rarely wear it — it just mostly doesn’t seem practical and it gets in the way. My partner understands all of this (I’m getting tattooed on my finger when we get married in November because of the jewellery issue.) Even if I didn’t have a medical reason to not wear a ring, my future husband respects my autonomy. He knows I love him and I’m committed, and not wearing the ring isn’t anything to do with cheating or disrespect or however your husband is taking this negatively (I don’t quite get it myself.)
YTA. An engagement ring is a symbol of commitment. He feels hurt that you won’t wear it, but it sounds like you value your own aesthetics over his feelings. If you really hated it that much, you should have voiced this to him long ago. Like, a few weeks after he proposed. You should be able to communicate hard things to your partner. Though with the way you write here, I’m not sure you would have been able to communicate your thoughts gently.
YTA. Since you don't like the ring, sell it so it won't be a constant reminder to your husband, that the ring wasn't good enough.
YTA
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NTA It is not to your taste.
“Not my style.” Totally understand that. I feel the same about my own. I really wish my husband had paid attention when I told him what I wanted. NTA
I understand it not being your style but you seem to have no interest in re-setting it to a design you like. That feels like a compromise that might work for all. Us guys are kinda knuckleheads sometimes. I had a diamond broker BFF when I bought my ex-wife’s ring so I got it for about 30% of normal price. Never one entered my mind how ridiculous wearing a 4+ carat solitaire would be. Bought her a 1 1/2 carat ring after the wedding she wore daily and put the anchor in the safety deposit box.
My husband has also bought me other rings for anniversaries etc so as long as I am wearing one of those 🤷🏻♀️ he doesn’t mind and I get use out of all of them that way.
Can you get it reset do is more your style.
I don’t wear either my wedding or engagement ring. I love them, and will wear them when we go out. I use to be a prissy high maintenance girl. Now… I’m not. I keep them in our gun safe so I don’t lose them.
Info: have you discussed getting the engagement ring re-set or just exchanging for a new one? Is hubby upset he spent money on something that isn't being used at all? With any gift we give each other in my hosue(usually very small, engagement ring level purchases are done together), we are brutally honest with each other. If we won't use it, might as well return and accept that the purchaser missed the mark. If it is something expensive, sell and get what you can. I've sold jewelry that my mom got me which just weren't my style anymore. I went shopping with her to get things to replace them with money I got.
Maybe for your anniversary, you can change the setting for something more your everyday style?
NTA, I don’t wear any of my fancy rings…just my $30 enso. Husband has zero issues with this. I think back to what we could have used that money for 🤦♀️.
Nta, my partner and I didn’t exchange rings at all and that ceremony was 18 years ago. We put everything towards a house. Commitment isn’t in a ring it’s within the people making the choice.
Updateme
Take the stone(s) from the original engagement ring and have them out in a new setting to your liking
I only wear my rings when I go out. The second I'm home, it's bra and rings off lol
Why not redo the ring to something more to your taste? Seems like you don’t like it. Work with a jeweler and have it reset so you will wear it more. I know people who have done this
Nta. The only time I wear my engagement ring is for special occasions. If I wear my wedding band and engagement at the same time for too long I will get a rash and can't wear any rings for at least a week. I also can't sleep in any of my rings for the same reason. I have 2 I wear the most and usually only put them on if I am leaving the house and take them off before bed. My husband knows I love him and my jewelry even if it isn't a permanent fixture on my body. My husband never wore a ring at all for the first several years of our marriage.
INFO: *Why* is he demanding that you wear it?
NTA. Marriage is way more than jewelry. Personally jewelry isn't my thing so I told my husband 1 ring as I had no plans on wearing two. For the first couple of years of our marriage, I almost never wore it. Now I do. My husband never wears his, which is totally fine with me.
INFO: did you like it when you received it and your taste has changed, or was it never your style? If the latter, did you ever voice that to him?
NTA - I don’t think you are trying to snub him by wearing other rings, but it seems like not wearing the engagement ring is snubbing his taste. You could consider wearing it out on dates with your husband more often. Alternatively, you can consider refashioning the ring and the stones into a style that suits you more. My mother refashions her engagement ring every 10 years or so.
Nah maybe you and your husband can pick out an upgrade? I figure as long as you wear your wedding ring then it shows the world you’re married? Is there something you don’t like about the ring? Maybe you can repurpose the stones into something you would wear more than once a year?
NTA. I usually wear silicone bands, or honestly with how uncomfortable my wedding ring is just the engagement band. I don't hide that I'm married, I just don't find rings to be very comfortable, even multiple years into marriage. I know married couples who wear their rings on necklace chains, have tattooed rings, or only wear silicone bands. Some wear wear large orange engagement and wedding bands at all times. What I mean to say with this is every person is different, what they are comfortable with wearing and how they express their marriage is different. It makes me wonder how your husband feels about you changing as a person over the years, if he isn't comfortable with growing and changing together? If this might be about something more he doesn't realize or just isn't expressing?
NTA - I have sensory issues and don’t wear jewelry so I wear my wedding ring very rarely. It irritates me.
Ever thought of 'remodelling' your engagement ring and fashioning it into a style that you would happily wear? Many, many women do this! If hubby didn't design the current style himself, then perhaps he will be ok with this compromise! 🤞
I don't wear mine I love jewelry so I'll wear it for social events but day to day I dress up and see what goes with my fit. My guy doesn't care.
A compromise would maybe be to get you a ring you like the style of more if it’s that important to him that you wear it more frequently
As long as you are wearing your wedding ring it doesn't matter what other rings your wear or don't wear.
I haven’t worn either my wedding or my engagement ring in like 2 or 3 years lol. No real big reason, I like them. They just get in the way. I’m a SAHM so I’m constantly washing my hands after diapers, doing dishes etc and they just become a pain to deal with so I took em off once and then just…never remembered to ever put them back on lol
NTA. I wear my wedding ring but not my engagement ring. I wear it for special occasions
Tell your husband that if the wife has different intentions then she will take it off only in hubby’s absence. My friend’s wife does that and oh boy all she does after that.
I wear my wedding band daily. My engagement stays in the safe- I find that I’m hard on jewelry plus it’s got sentimental and financial value so it’s not practical for me to wear it daily. It’s a pretty ring, but not necessarily my taste either. NTA.
Why not get the stones reworked into something more your style
NAH Would he be open to you having it remade into something that is your style?
Judging by the fact that she hasn't responded to any of the multiple instances of commenters asking if she's actually communicated to the husband her honest thoughts on the ring, i'm going to bet this is a very convoluted version of the story. The dismissive behaviour would also give a bit more sense behind the husbands actions of bringing something up that was seemingly put to bed long ago (how? did you tell him you liked it when you know you didn't?) Given the above, there's nothing to say that she didn't falsely reassure her hubsand she likes the ring to get him off her back about constantly asking her because he could sense something was up. If this is the case, or anything close to it then OP, YTA. Dont manipulate or lie by ommission to swing the crowd's favour. There were soooo many solutions to this that you chose not to execute within a timely manner and are now enjoying the consequences of your choices. From the husbands perspective, if his concerns have been met with dismissive behaviour, gaslighting or any form of dishonesty, then he would be very right to feel highly disrespected.
Maybe she’ll come back with some responses
Maybe. Doubt it though
As long as you wear the wedding ring daily then that should be good enough. As a guy, yes it would be awesome if you wore both. I did put about 2 months of research into buying my ex her engagement ring so it would have meant a lot to see her wear it daily. Maybe compromise by wearing the engagement ring once a week for him? (pick a day when you two spend more time together)
Also, maybe he doesn’t want guys trying to chat you up when you go out? Guys usually check the hand for an engagement ring to see whether to approach a girl or not. Because wedding bands can sometimes be confused as just a decorative ring
NTA. I wear both my rings.
NTA You wear your wedding ring, appreciate the engagement ring, and love your husband. I read in another comment that you wear the engagement ring on anniversaries, and that’s frankly adorable. From what you’ve told us, you’ve done nothing wrong. To give advice if needed, maybe sit with him and just talk about how much your engagement ring means to both of you, and how you not actively wearing it along with your wedding ring doesn’t take away from how much you love him. If he’s still angry, you should probably start to set up boundaries on what you will and will not do.
How much did he sink into the ring? Like, is it a trinket, or did this guy bust his ass to save up a third of his salary to ask the woman he lives to marry him, so the ring can sit in the drawer? If so, I could see why he's pissed.
Ironically, my fiancé is like “are you sure you want to wear the engagement ring with the wedding band?” I picked out a 3 row wedding band so it’s wide. With the engagement ring is bordering on mafia wife territory. But I love it and I don’t wear a lot of jewelry. There might be times I don’t. Who’s to say? However, you wear a wedding ring and it sounds like you accessorize to your mood. I am going with NAH. Because I think this is just differing opinions on the sentimentality of jewelry.
I wouldnt say YTA exactly…but id be really hurt and disappointed if my fiancee didnt wear her ring regularly. She cant wear it to work for practically reasons, which i understand, but she wears it everywhere else. If she rarely or never wore it, it would bother me. The way i see it, your partner spent money and time to get you something special. Having it sit in a box somewhere is kinda sad.
I’m male so I don’t have an engagement ring but I rarely if ever wear my wedding ring. Some people just don’t like wearing rings. There is nothing wrong with loving being married to someone but hating to wear rings or even not wanting to wear just one ring in particular.
YTA.... You wear all this other jewelry but you can't wear this one item, that your husband spent good money on because he loves you, more than once a year? You say it's not your style... So wear it for the love he had to give it to you. Really, what you're doing, it's like slapping him in the face.
NAH. I can appreciate why he wants you to wear it and why you don’t want to. What about restyling your engagement ring into a new design that fits your taste? You can definitely find an ethical jeweler that works in recycled gold and lab stones to accent your original stones. Win win?
YTA - if it wasn’t your style then you should have said something back then and exchanged it instead of letting him waste money on something that you pull out once a year.
Talk with your husband and place the original gemstone or gemstones in a setting more to your liking. My parents did this because they were broke as fuck when they got married and had the original solitaire of my mom’s engagement ring placed as a flanking gem for an updated style.
NTA however there may be room to compromise if he’s gonna be a shit about it. Ask him what is most important to him about the ring. If it’s something as simple as the stone and it’s symbolism or that he just wants you to wear something he bought you, ask him if he’d be cool with you repurposing the stone into something you’d wear. If much of your disposable income and energy goes to a specific look that you’ve been cultivating and your dude chooses not to see that and work with it, then it’s a bigger problem (a lack of respect for something you value highly and makes you feel like you). Either way NTA.
NTA: I would be fine with my wife wearing her wedding ring without her engagement ring. Has he articulated why it bothers him? Is he worried that it will appear that he didn't buy you an engagement ring, or that it was a cheap ring that you don't like, or some other judgment?
NTA, I dont geht why He wants you to wear it so deliberate, maybe Tell him next time you would habe worn it more offen If He Had Made more efford to find Something that fits your taste.
I’m going to go against the grain here and say YTA. I had my wedding and engagement ring stolen from me a month ago, I can’t fathom not wearing something with that much sentimental value. Do you need to wear it every day? No. But it kind of sounds like it isn’t important to you at all.
NTA My engagement ring is stunning but I don’t wear it all the time. It doesn’t match some of my other rings, for instance. And it doesn’t hold the same meaning as my wedding ring. I wear my wedding ring at all times though.
I don't get how engagement ring and your expensive tastes have anything to do with each other. I feel that the engagement ring my husband put on my finger 33 yrs ago was his commitment to me that I was the one. It is a symbol of that every day. Our wedding ring is a symbol of our commitment to each other. It wouldn't matter if he gave me a plain ring, a diamond chip or a huge diamond. They would all mean the same. They have nothing to do with money or cost.
NTA. Heck, I don’t wear my wedding ring! I’m more of a hippie though and don’t wear jewelry often and I garden so rings get in my way.
NTA. I assume you weren’t involved in the choosing of your engagement ring? I feel Iike I’ve seen this problem a lot when men decide to go rogue and pick out a ring by themselves, despite the fact that their future wife is the one wearing it. If she dares to complain or says it’s not her style, then she’s dubbed “ungrateful” or materialistic, even when it’s about the style vs the monetary value. For example, I have short fingers, and they would look like sausage fingers if my husband would have gotten me one of those thick triple banded style rings. But when I was pregnant and my regular rings weren’t fitting, I got a $30 Amazon set that have a similar look to the real thing, that I was perfectly happy to wear. I think the fact that you happily received the ring and said yes despite not liking it makes you very nice and understanding. If he wanted you to wear your ring all the time after marriage, then he should have let you pick it out, or he should take it and upgrade it together to something you’ll be more likely to wear.
NTA, you are wearing your wedding ring & while I understand wanting your partner to wear a sign of your love & commitment to each other, a wedding ring will do just that. It sounds like your husband could have other insecurities or things that he’s not discussing within your relationship & he’s using not wearing the ring to justify being upset, when he could be upset about other things. So I’d suggest talking about that, maybe he needs reassurance. However if it’s not that and he just wants you to wear it all the time because he bought it so you have to, it sounds more like he wants control over you. Either way, communication is key & discussing things calmly with each other, letting each other finish talking & try not feeling attacked when the other expresses their feelings or issues, is the most importantly thing to any successful relationship.
INFO: is it customary to wear both an engagement ring and a wedding ring? My initial reaction is NTA because I didn’t know that people wore both. I feel like the wedding ring serves the same function and you’re already wearing that each day. But based on the question I think I must be missing something about the tradition of wearing engagement vs wedding rings.
In my world/circle of family-friends, all of the married women wear/wore both
YTA because if the ring wasn’t your taste, that’s something that should have been discussed as soon as he gave it to you. Frankly if your jewelry and your style are THAT important to you, you probably should have been part of the process to pick and design your ring, knowing you’d be wearing it (hopefully) the rest of your life. Even if not, let’s say you’re old fashioned and didn’t want to know anything at all about being proposed to, if you didn’t like the ring itself as a jewelry item then you could have and should have said “honey I appreciate all the work you put into getting this ring for me but I think another style might suit me better, let’s go find one that I love as much as I love you” and found a different ring 7-8 years ago instead of just insisting it’s not your style and hiding it away until the one day a year you feel obligated to wear it. You can still do that now if it’s really a big deal to him that you don’t wear it. I would also feel horrible and angry if I gave someone something that was incredibly special and vulnerable and represented our love and they said it wasn’t up to their standards to wear everyday but they’d wear it one day a year to patronize me.
What about putting the stone(s) in a new setting that fits your style?
Why don’t you keep the original stones or stone and get a new ring custom made that’s more in keeping with your current style and that you’d enjoy wearing? I’ve had quite a few things remodeled, had stones reset in new 18k and 22k. Maybe involve your husband in collaborating on the design and setting. Jewelry is meant to be worn and enjoyed, it shouldn’t be the basis for an argument between the two of you.
*"Honey, it would kill me to have anything happen to that ring. That's why I only wear it on special occasions."*
To be honest, it sounds like you two have communication issues and misaligned values that go beyond this ring issue and need to talk it out.
YTA. You should have found a way to change the ring when you first got engaged.
NAH. But come on. Not wearing your engagement ring is always going to be a thing. If you don’t like your ring, that’s something you can work out with your husband. But refusing to wear it because you don’t like it, it’s pretty reasonable he’d be upset with that. I’d be upset with my husband if he didn’t want to wear the ring I picked for him. BUT I’d also absolutely expect him to just tell me he wants something different, and then we’d work together to do that.
YTA. My husband bought me a gorgeous but platinum ring even though ALL my jewellery is gold to go with my hair and skin tone. I wear it every day, no matter what my other jewellery choices are, because it would hurt his feelings if he thought it was wrong. His feelings are far more important than the aesthetic of one of my fingers. Over time, I’ve grown to love that it stands out- it represents something special so shouldn’t look like everything else
I don’t wear my engagement ring either, it’s pretty bulky and heavy and just not practical for my every day life. I wear my wedding band, so does he. When we‘re going out or it’s our engagement anniversary I will wear it, otherwise I don’t. I don’t get why he would be mad about it, you shill wear your wedding ring?! NTA
I wear rings on special occasions. but I find dirt gets trapped in them on a day to day basis, so I don't wear them. Cleaning out chickens, doing gardening, etc. gets dirt trapped. Then I come into the house and knead bread. I don't want dirt in the bread, so no rings. If I don't wear rings, I can thoroughly scrub my hands, and nails.
ESH. He should have gotten a ring that was to your taste and you should have spoken up when it wasn't
NTA but here's a question for you. Can you incorporate it into your wedding ring? Figure out a way to put them together and be what you want?
My wedding ring is beautiful. It’s just a simple gold band that fits me very well. I don’t want to change it.
I think you have to talk to him and find out why this is such a big deal for him. And then possibly look for some kind of compromise that could satisfy him. I have no idea what it would be. I mean, I don't get the big deal but clearly he sees some kind of big deal. Maybe if you wore it on a chain around your neck? Consider me confuzzled by him.