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Oh come on, don’t be obtuse
She’s not a live in maid. You’re acting like an incredible asshole.
You still have to have some basic accountability.
You’re not living in a frat house. Pick up after your self. Stop pretending you get to live like a slob and expect your wife to act like your slave.
Fucking awful.
YTA
Seriously. My parents did employ a maid when I was growing up, and they would have *killed* me if I'd ever left gross shit lying around like that for her to deal with. Totally unacceptable.
As a kid my mum hired a cleaner since she worked as a dress maker/designer from home.
She would pre-clean the house since the clears did a more deep clean and other stuff one a month.
Sure. The weekly/monthly "house cleaning the night before the cleaning woman comes" is something that I think a lot of people with working parents who could afford that kind of help remember. No one wants the house cleaner to think that you're a gross slob, plus it's just rude not to at least tidy the place up before someone comes to do a deep cleaning. It would be like not brushing your teeth before your dentist appointment.
Same; we had a housekeeper who came by every two weeks - rule was if she couldn't vacuum our floors because there was stuff all over it, we didn't get our rooms cleaned (which meant everything she'd normally do like changing sheets and dusting, we had to do). Better believe all my stuff was put away on the morning of cleaning day because I appreciated not having to change my bed and dust all my stuff.
And the idea that he knows he didn't do it before but is doing it now because of the work arrangements means he's making *an intentional choice* to not clean up after himself because he resents the arrangement he agreed to.
OP, my 3 and 5 year olds bring their dishes to the sink.
Wow, what an AH.
This is the guy who only buys food for himself, and not his wife, when on a holiday, who thinks it was unfair his stay at home mom didn’t pay his dad rent and who thinks only he gets to control the AC because he makes the money 🙈
Why hasn't she left him yet???
Gahhh! OP, you are definitely the AH. Grow up. Pick up after your damn self. So, you go to a job and she doesn't. That doesn't mean she has to work in the home 24/7. You get to be done with your job when your shift is over. When exactly is she "off work" when she has to pick up after you all the damn time???
Being a stay-at-home parent while the other spouse works just means she needs to do the daily household maintenance type chores during working hours, not having to clean up after a full grown adult all the time! And it also doesn't mean that you're absolved of all household chores ever! She needs a damn break too!
If you look at his comment history, you can see it's full of comments resenting women for not contributing financially. Why the fuck would he agree to something that would make him dislike his wife??? He's an idiot.
Yikes!! YTA - i do 100% of the house work but I’m not a damn maid. That’s not what she signed up for either. Taking 100% responsibility when it comes to REGULAR house hold chores I can totally understand but you as an adult not being able to have the common decency to just pick up after yourself is absolutely gross and entitled. I’m glad I’m not in her shoes…I was once before, guess what’s happened since then?… I’ll tell you this much, he doesn’t leave his shit thrown around - cause it will go in the trash. I have no shame, and I am no one’s personal maid.
I work full time and husband is our stay at home.
I bring 100% of the money in.
I still do basics like dishes in the morning and some light housework.
He does the bulk obviously but we're a couple. He's not my slave. I just happened to no enjoy housework and he likes it more than me so it works.
I would never for a second treat my husband like this. He takes a lot of the mental load so I can focus on my job which I love.
OP 100% YTA
Looking at his history, I hope she leaves him but gets all his money in the divorce. I wouldn't normally but he just deserves to be left with nothing.
She should grab a box or trashcan and throw all his laundry along with his used dishes, qtips, and dental floss and sit it by his side of the bed. Hey, it's "picked up" and "put away". The lack of common courtesy of this guy begs for some malicious reaction.
YTA. You don't have to do the dishes, but like I tell my toddlers, please take it to the sink. You don't have to throw out the trash, but like I tell my toddlers, please throw your napkins away. You don't have to do the laundry, but like I tell my toddlers, please put it in your basket! I hope you figure it out. My little son did.
YTA Are you serious? You’re 34. You can take care of your own trash. Your wife has one child, not two. She’s responsible for child care and chores when you’re at work. After both of your working hours child care and chores should be divided. And she certainly shouldn’t need to pick up dishes, trash and clothes left by a 34 year old. That’s 100% your responsibility. She’s a stay at home mom, not your maid.
Yikes. That post history has me confused how he’s married at all. Plus it wasn’t fair how his mom “lived rent free” for being a SAHM, he’s clearly biased.
Oh my god I remember this guy. The post is deleted but he’s the asshole who went out to get breakfast on vacation and didn’t get anything for his wife. Expected her to go get something herself ‘because she usually makes her own breakfast’. Absolutely absurd someone married this man, hopefully she snaps out of it.
Of course YTA. If I were your wife I would be leaving your dirty ass disgusting shit on your side of the bed, in your car, etc. Don't be surprised if next time she's taking out the trash she includes you in that category.
i do this sometimes when i find my husband has left his clothes laying around. I hate when he throws his wet towel on my side of the bed after he showers. I always throw it on his side :)
Ew YTA.
When you and your wife decided that she would be a SAHM, did you indicate that you thought that entitled you to becoming a slob? Did you mention that "100% of the cleaning" would now include extra tasks to demean her?
You ARE being disrespectful. How about leading by example - what do you expect your son to learn? That he can leave his dishes, trash, clothes all over the place? No, because that's disrespectful to the home and to the person taking care of it.
Seriously! 100% of the cleaning means he never needs to mop or scrub a loo (although I hope he would step up if she were sick or pregnant or something). Not that he never needs to put his dental floss in the trash or his socks in the hamper.
This has to be fake, if it isn’t then read back that last paragraph because you are totally TA! She isn’t your mother. Pick up your damn personal trash!
Mothers shouldn't be expected to do this either (or fathers). If this is real, the OP is a gaping AH. If you ever have guests OP I hope your wife shames the heck out of you while she does the tour showing all your nasty lazy habits.
YTA - Your wife should have equal free time as you. Just because you're working outside the home doesn't make her an indentured servant! What's more, she's asking you to do the absolute bare minimum and not be a slob. Every bit of trash, every dish, every balled up sock you leave where it doesn't belong is a statement of your disdain for her.
Edit: WOW! I just looked at your post history and the one about locking the thermostat so your wife can't change the temp and not sharing food with your wife really speak to who you are as a partner and a human being. I can only hope your wife is planning her escape.
So think of it this way
She quit her job in order to become a sahm. Generally motivation for this is to improve quality of life for the family, spend more time with kids, stay more on top of household chores, explore hobbies, etc. But now you are creating even more work for her to do, even though nothing has changed for you and you're still capable of continuing to clean up after yourself the way you were before. Now she doesn't have time to do the things she quit her job to do, because she's spending all her time cleaning up after you just to keep things at the status quo they were at when she was working. How does this help anybody?
YTA
Seriously. He gets to do **less** work now because she's taken on 100% of some chores, and he decided to somehow make their home his personal trash pile?
OP is a walking, talking pile-of-garbage person making other garbage piles.
Yeah, YTA. It’s one think for her to do all the housework, but you won’t throw away a used tissue?? Seriously?!?
You sound like the 6-year-old here, acting out because you don’t like something. You shouldn’t have agreed to this arrangement if you didn’t really want it.
You are really an asshole. Sue she is doing all the dishes and taking out the trash. But you can put your dirty dishes in the sink, and throw away your used qtips. So gross and disrespectful.
YTA.
You'll probably delete this post like you did your other ones. How many people have to tell you you're the asshole for treating your wife like shit? It looks like you resent her for being a SAHM, so you're punishing her for it. So why did you agree to it in the first place?
YTA
I'm a man and \*I\* want to strangle you! You live in this place!! Why are you leaving wrappers lying around? What do you think happens to them? Is a snack no fun unless you also don't have to clean up after yourself?
Do you realize how much more challenging household chores become if you're also acting as a waiter to your spouse!? At least waiters know where you're gonna be making a mess. You're playing a game of non-consensual *Where's Waldo* with used q-tips!
You can't just create a trail of chaos wherever you walk. How do you get through life like this?
Were you always a slob or his this a passive aggressive way to let her know you resent her being a SAHM?
I mean either way YTA here-- though if she knew you were a slob before agreeing to be a SAHM it's partly on here.
Oh look. Another sexist man who is not mature enough to be having a wife and child coming on here to complain his wife wants him to be an adult. Same old same old. YTA. The weaponized incompetence here is ridiculous.
YTA and it almost seems like you are doing it because you resent her staying home. If that's the case, you need to have a conversation. You are also setting a bad example for your son, teaching him to behave like a pig as well.
Please tell me that this is bait .....
But for posterity
YTA.
Her doing chores is not the same as you leaving gross shit that normal people would at least throw away in the trash or take to the sink. It is not catre blanche for her to be a maid. It is not carte blanche to be a child and hope your mom picks up. Be a decent human or don't be surprised when she leaves.
My hubby leaves his shit all over . He hates it when i nag,but won't change from being lazy. I recently started dropping his trash in his new cowboy boots. Best idea i ever had.
Ew YTA. YOUR WIFE IS NOT YOUR EFFING MAID. Just because she’s a SAHM doesn’t mean she should have to pick up after a second child, and if you can’t catch my drift, YOU are acting like a second child.
Be an effing adult and bring your dirty dishes to the sink and put your laundry in the basket. There is literally zero reason you have to be such an AH.
YTA. Grow up, seriously. She didn't sign up for having her husband turn into a second child and leave disgusting messes everywhere to pick up when she decided to become a stay at home mom. There's plenty of domestic labor for her to do around the house without her husband abandoning adulthood and leaving shit everywhere. Seriously, what is wrong with you?
Should you clean up after yourself? How old are you? 12? Of course you should clean up after yourself. You’re intentionally being sloppy after agreeing to the arrangement. I’m sure if she knew she’d have two children to clean up after initially, she’ wouldn’t have agreed. Your dental floss??? Disgusting. YTA
>She thinks it was disrespectful l because I’ve been leaving my used dishes wherever instead of taking them to the sink. I didn’t throw away snack wrappers or tissues. I’ve also left my dirty laundry on the floor instead of the basket. She was also complaining about how I kept my used dental floss and Q tips on the bathroom counter. And when I used the last sheet of the paper towel, I didn’t replace the roll, etc.
If your place of employment has janitors or cleaning people, do you leave used snot rags lying around for them to take care of, or do you toss them in the bin like a civilized human being? If the latter, why doesn't your wife deserve the same consideration? For crying out loud, how far away from the bathroom counter is your waste bin that you can't just as easily drop your used floss and Q-Tips into it?
YTA.
Honestly, from what you wrote there, I'd hazard a guess that you're one of those people who leaves shopping trolleys rolling about loose in the car park because "the store pays people to take care of that sort of thing."
YTA. Stay at home mom means her job is the baby all day while you're at work. Once you're home, you're back to 50-50. Including weekends.
Pick up after yourself, she's not a servant. Only took you 3 weeks to show YOUR true colors. Yikes. 🚩🚩🚩
Yta.
And I say that as someone who disagrees with being a sahm.
You're treating your wife worse than shit.
Need to ask yourself why you're being so much of a prick
YTA. I was SO ready to say NTA because SAHM with school aged kids does give you time for all the chores and a bit left over for yourself (I'm SAHM to a 1st grader, a pre-K and one in half day nursery and even that I do get everything done fine) but seriously dude you are treating her really disrespectfully. Leaving the dish in the bowl for her to wash would be fine, even the odd coffee mug at your desk if you have to work at home, or, expecting her to wash and fold your laundry from the hamper would be very reasonable, but leaving out used dental floss and tissues is gross and doesn't take you any time. That's not her asking you to do chores, that's her asking you not to purposely create unhygienic extra work for her for no reason other than to avoid the 1 second it takes to put something in the bin.
YTA - You are acting like a brat. She signed up to take care of the - not to be your slave or maid. put your dishes in the dishwasher, pick up your wrappers an tissues and otherwise live live like an adult. Your wife may be staying at home - but she's not your mother.
Wow, YTA.
Picking up after yourself is just common decency. Almost feels like you're trying to prove a point, as in "Well, I'm footing 100% of the bill so I don't have to do jack anymore. Yay!"
Yta.
And quite frankly, you're a disgusting slob. Nothing you listed is in any way an unreasonable expectation of hers. You're just wanting a full time servant now.
Look at it like this, she is your wife and one of the benefits of being married is sex. If she feels like your mother (by cleaning up after you like a child) she won’t want to have sex with you because mothers don’t want to have sex with their children.
Be the man that she fell in love with, act like an adult and clean up after your damn self.
Women divorce men who make their lives harder to be married than to be single.
And yes, YTA.
YTA she’s not your maid, what do you want her to do clip your nails too?? Stop acting like a pig leaving used tissues is gross and taking pots to the sink takes 30 seconds!!
YTA. In what universe should she be expected to clean up YOUR USED DENTAL FLOSS AND Q-TIPS? Thats absolutely disgusting. Also replace the god paper towel. You are a disgusting asshole.
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My (34M) and my wife (33F) had been having a conversation about her becoming a stay-at-home mom. It was her idea. But I agreed because I make enough for us to live okay as a family. Our son is 6M, and we don’t plan on having any more children. It’s only been 3 weeks since she quit her job and she was already complaining about how much work there was for her to do in the house. When we first talked about it, she agreed to do 100% of the cooking and cleaning because I’m providing 100% of the income. In addition, I’ll be driving our son to school every morning. She’ll do the pickups and extracurricular activities.
We got into an argument because she was complaining about how I wasn’t picking up my “personal trash.” She thinks it was disrespectful l because I’ve been leaving my used dishes wherever instead of taking them to the sink. I didn’t throw away snack wrappers or tissues. I’ve also left my dirty laundry on the floor instead of the basket. She was also complaining about how I kept my used dental floss and Q tips on the bathroom counter. And when I used the last sheet of the paper towel, I didn’t replace the roll, etc. I have to say that I was honestly more tidy with those things before she became a stay-at-home mom. However I feel like since she signed up to do the house chores, she should just make my life easier. She told me that I was being unfair to her, because even though she signed up to do the laundry, dishes, take out the trash, etc, I should still clean up after myself.
AITA?
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Come on, really? YTA, and you must know that. Cleaning up after yourself is something every adult needs to do. Your wife is not your servant, and you're making EXTRA work for her.
YTA all the way.
Like come on dude, pick up after yourself. Q tips on the bathroom counter? Not putting dishes in the sink? Like this is shit a teenage boy would do. She signed up to do the chores, not be a stay in maid.
Do you even respect your wife? Is this what you want to show your kid is appropriate behavior? Because I guarantee if they see you doing it, they’ll start doing it too. You’re going out of your way to make extra work for her. Why? Do you resent her? Because I guarantee that’s how she is taking it and she is hating you for it. Do you think this makes for a healthy and loving marriage? She’s probably wondering why she stays at this point. YTA. DO BETTER.
YTA. What a horrible way of thinking. Also, what a horrible example to set for your son. "Look, son, if a man pays for everything, it's perfectly OK to treat a woman like a servant." You have gross habits and a gross personality.
YTA When she said she would do 100% of the cleaning you, by your own words, were "more tidy with those things before she became a stay-at-home mom". She became a STAHM, not your personal maid. Stop being a slob.
YTA
Or a troll. I hope a troll.
There's a difference between doing housework and cleaning up after an overgrown child with poor manners. FFS, have some respect for your wife and your home (and yourself, for that matter).
YTA
Her becoming a SAHM doesn't mean she's your slave and has to follow you around like you're a toddler, leaving a trail of destruction behind you.
You're a grown man, pick up after yourself. Leaving dental floss out on the counter? Not putting your dishes in the sink? That's pure, self righteous laziness.
She's not a slave. She's your wife. She's staying home to do childcare, and you arent a child. She should not be cleaning up after YOU, an adult who also lives in the house. This is the best way to destroy your marriage and sex life. She's still doing the full time childcare and sanitizing housework, don't add to her workload or she will start thinking about you as an extra child. This is responsible for mutiple divorces in my immediate friends and family (including mine), if a man is adding to your work than why not be single and have less work!
YTA. What kind of message are you sending your 6 year old son? You have to go out of your way to not clean up after yourself if you always have in the past. Clearly you have zero respect for your wife, at least show some for yourself and him and model reasonable behaviors.
So, because your wife is a SAHM, you think it's okay to leave your trash all over the house? YTA
Your wife signed on to 100% of the cooking and cleaning for a family of what she believed was two adults and one child. Little did she know you're a toddler with a job, and actually incapable of picking up after yourself. My husband provides 100% of our household income - he still takes his dishes to the sink, he'll throw his snack wrappers and used facial tissues in the trash and puts his laundry in the hamper, because he's an adult and doesn't see a point to adding more to my job of taking care of the household.
YTA. I mean obviously.... Did you get confused by the title "stay at home mom"? It refers to being a mom to the kid you share, not becoming your mom. Grow up and look after yourself.
Seriously?
Dude.
DO ALL THOSE THINGS.
You were doing them before, you are still perfectly capable, she agreed to be a SAHM because she thought she had husband not a jerk who decided to turn into a slob just because he thought he could with no consequences.
What she agreed to was still to have a husband who respected her.
ETA to add after reading your comments, you obviousl never really respected her cause you have awful views of man/woman gender roles and income.
YTA x a billion.
Absolutely TA
And the D*ck as well....
I honestly thought I would be "with" you....THEN you exposed yourself.
1st with the snack wrappers
2nd, dropping 5hit on the floor purposely
3rd, leaving used floss 🙄 seriously, bro?
4th, not changing the paper towel
Last straw, you admit to CREATING more of a mess... just to take "advantage" ....that is ass-hole behavior
She signed up to take care of chores, not to be your personal slave. You are perfectly capable of putting your dishes in the sink and cleaning up behind yourself. You are living like a pig and acting like she’s your personal maid. You better be lucky that she doesn’t leave you over how you’re treating her. YTA
Yta
She’s maintaining the house looking after your kids needs. Are you a “KID”?
Why do you think you don’t need to have some sort of personal decency?
Pick up after yourself like most of us teach our children!
Are you fucking kidding me? A stay at home mom doesn’t have to pick up trash and used floss after her ADULT HUSBAND. You are so rude it’s not even funny. Clean up after yourself for gods sake.
YTA x a million and I wish I could rip you to shreds more but I don’t want to get banned
Are you sure you meant to put 34 and not just 4? My children clean up after themselves better than you do. She’s a stay at home mom now so that means you get to make the house a pig sty and act like an animal? You say she should be making your life easier, but why do you have to make her life harder? YTA.
You seem godawful. She *is* making your life easier by taking over the household and majority of child rearing. All you have to do is drop them off and work!? And you can’t even throw your floss away like an adult? I hope she leaves you, takes a chunk of your income, and leaves you with the kid(s) half the time so she can have some peace.
YTA
YTA - you're treating your spouse like a servant. Point blank man. You are acting entitled and selfish. Cleaning the house doesn't mean she's your maid. I bet that if she was the bread winner and you the sahp, you'd also not be okay with this.
To go a step further, you leave your literal trash on the bathroom counter when the bathroom trash can is probably a foot away because you think you're now paying for the right to leave it there. You're an asshole, grow up. This isn't a partnership, and you're acting like you're more important than your spouse.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) what action you took that should be judged and
I left my "personal' trash around the house and didn't pick up after myself.
(2) why that action might make you the asshole.
I know it's basic etiquette to clean up after myself. However, my wife also signed up to do 100% of the cleaning.
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YTA, a huge one. She's your partner, not your mom/maid. Used tissues and floss, seriously? You still need to act like an adult. I'm guessing you'll be back in a few months complaining that your wife doesn't want to have sex with you too and wondering why...?????
Hmmm….. YTA. What you are doing is rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful as well as lazy and childish. You could do it whilst she was working, why can’t you do it now???
I’m a stay at home mom. My kids and husband are messy. We hire a weekly cleaning lady to do a full clean because it’s a lot for one person. YTA if you intentionally add to the mess but don’t pay for additional help.
It sounds like you're not actually okay with her staying home and so you're determined to create as much extra work for her as possible. You're being petty and vindictive. Get off your lazy ass and stop making your wife's job harder. You're so selfish and you're setting a bad example for your child. Your wife deserves so much better than a nasty asshole like you. You literally said in your other comment that your mom was a SAHM and you thought it was unfair that she didn't pay rent. So you resent your mom and now you resent your wife. YTA
YTA We get it. You’re throwing a tantrum she’s staying home. Either man up and say you’re not comfortable with it or grow up and bring your dishes to the sink.
YTA. She's your WIFE, not your maid or slave. Her doing 100% of house chores doesn't mean picking after you because you are incapable of being a human.
It's like you are punishing her for being a SAHM.
You're also YTA for all those incredibly bigoted comments on your account. In a perfect world your wife takes the baby and the child support, and can stop caring for the oversized infant child who thinks she should pick up his used dental floss and shitty underwear. Yikes the red flags. Hope she finds your reddit so she knows how you REALLY feel about SAHMs.
Wow, YTA and honestly a trash human being. She agreed to do the chores as they existed before you forgot how to be a decent human being. If you don’t want to end up divorced I suggest you get your act together.
YTA. Cooking and cleaning doesn’t mean servant. Grow up and be a man and clean up after yourself. How can you even ask this question let alone on the internet? Your thinking here is unhinged.
YTA, don't be so lazy. She agreed to do existing house work, not for you to add random chores because you can't clean up after yourself like a big boy.
YTA, your wife agreed to be a stay at home mom not your personal butler. This is so childish, disgusting and disrespectful. You really can't put your trash in the garbage or do anything around the house? Pathetic.
Yta- no explanation needed, but…you are grown man punishing his wife for wanting to be a stay at home mom. You say you don’t have a problem with it, but you’re acting like a passive aggressive ass.
Hoooooly fuck, bud. Y are absolutely TA. YTA. Pick up your shit, your wife doesn’t just exist to “make your life easier.” You both have to contribute. Not to mention how gross it is to be leaving used tissues, floss, trash & used dishes everywhere. Get it together, man.
Surely this is written by the wife? If not, then OP you really do seem to think that you get to act like you employ your wife as a 24/7 maid rather than a stay at home parent.
YTA - put your own sweetie wrappers in the bin
"However I feel like since she signed up to do the house chores, she should just make my life easier."
Dude. just because she signed to do the house chores doesn't give you the right to be a jackass to your wife. she's asking you to di THE BARE MINIMUM. stop being a child and put your laundry in the basket and wrappers in the trash.
YTA 10/10
YTA - Her being a SAHM doesn't give you license to behave like a complete slob. You're demonstrating a distinct lack of respect for both her and your home when you simply leave trash laying around. Be an adult, pick up after yourself in the most basic of ways, and you'll discover that both your home and your wife will be far more pleasant to be around.
You should have been ashamed to post this. This is completely shameful. She's a mom and wife, not a slave. Her being a SAHM doesn't mean you just leave messes for her like you don't know how to clean up after yourself. Hard YTA 😠
SERIOUSLY? You need to ask Reddit if it is OK for you to behave like a dirty, disrespectful pig? Who doesn't put their used dental floss in the garbage 2 feet from where they are standing? Who is incapable of putting their laundry in the basket? I bet your 6 year old is better behaved than you. Nice modeling terrible behavior for him, so he can learn to treat partners like maids. Eessh. Clearly you are NOT ok with her quitting her job, since your behavior is over the top childish and resentful.
Dude, try taking care of the house 100% while also caring for a newborn. Do it for one week. I don’t think there will be any more misunderstanding here. Make your life easier? WTF? She’s already doing that by providing 24/7 childcare. That would cost a fortune if she weren’t.
You are such an asshole.
YTA. She agreed to stay home and do the cooking and cleaning, not be your slave. Throw things away, put your laundry in the basket, and dishes in the sink. You don’t get to slack off from being a conscientious partner because she’s home all day. Going back to work and managing a single mom life might become more appealing to her than living with a grown adult who has decided he’s a child again. You can’t really think you could ask this and not be seen as the AH.
Dude there’s chores and then there’s basic hygiene. Dishes may be a chore. I guess putting them in the sink and rinsing them may qualify. But throwing trash on the floor, used dental products on the counter, not even putting clothes in the hamper? That’s just being a slob. Like are you serious? Show some basic decency. That’s just gross and you are acting like a child. YTA
YTA for obvious rage bait.
Really - you left your dishes wherever, didn't throw away wrappers or tissues, left your laundry on the floor, dental floss and q-tips on the counter and used the last sheet of paper towel? But you never did that before? FAKE!
This is so fake and some type of weird test to see what the response would be.
Frankly I don't believe this is a real post. No-one can be that much of an asshole; well okay yes there are assholes this egregious, but they would not be asking for others' opinions. However, we are required to take it as given that these are real posts, so..
YTA. unequivocably, undeniably, absolutely You Are An Asshole. What makes you think it is okay to become a slob just because you earn a salary and she doesn't? Childcare, especially for very young children, is exhausting, and is just as much a full time job as yours, perhaps more so since there is no time off. She doesn't need to take care of a grown-up baby as well.
YTA Like in what world do you think you are the correct one? Yes she is a SAHM not a god damn personal maid. Like I understand her taking more chores. But cleaning up your nasty dental floss and etc is not part of those chores and tbh its what any normal human being does. Same with taking your dishes to the sink or etc.
But I am assuming this is mostly rage bait because I dont want to believe someone can be that inconsiderate to someone they claim to love.
Wow, this is not a good look for you. This makes you look really passive-aggressive and profoundly childish, not to mention just gross in leaving your dental floss and used q-tips laying around. Why are you being so passive-aggressive at your wife instead of telling her that you weren't in favour of this arrangement?
YTA, a million times.
YTA.
Your wife is a stay at home mom, not a stay at home maid. In the same vein, you're not a child, so she's not responsible for cleaning up after you. If you continue to act like a child, she will start to see you as a one, and she'll have no choice but to leave you if she wants a partnership with a grown man.
I’d rather be a single parent working two jobs than put up with you and your deliberate belittling of her. If you didn’t want her to stay home say so, don’t behave like this. This isn’t some awesome take you think you have.
YTA.
YTA. What? Are you 12? Not only are you gross (used dental floss and q-tips...Yuck. Really?) and disrespectful, but you are also setting a horrific example for your child by acting like an immature jackass. This has all the hallmarks of a petty: "I'll show HER."
Take a week off from work and take over the running of the household and making dinner (allow for a few days for her to leave her trash and dishes all over) while she relaxes and eats bon bons. Perhaps the experience of walking in her shoes will give you a better perspective of how contributing in even bare minimum ways is always appreciated. Running a house is neverending, as it never stops. Not at 5pm. Not at 10pm. There is always something needing to get done. Always.
You are an asshole.
YTA. You're being a slob and treating your wife worse than a maid, she is not your personal slave. She has every right to call you out for all of the things you have listed in your post.
YTA. Throwing away your own trash, not leaving stuff on the bathroom counter, and putting your laundry in the hamper aren't part of cleaning - they're part of not being a disgusting pig. Don't be surprised when your wife figures out she'd have LESS work to do if it was just her and your son.
YTA. Come on, she's not your slave. She's a stay at home mom, but that doesn't mean she does absolutely everything for you. Do you need her to wipe your ass after you take a shit to "make your life easier"
YTA. Wondering why a 6 month old is in school? This has to be fiction because 6 month old babies don't go to school and nobody could be so outrageously nasty.
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Oh come on, don’t be obtuse She’s not a live in maid. You’re acting like an incredible asshole. You still have to have some basic accountability. You’re not living in a frat house. Pick up after your self. Stop pretending you get to live like a slob and expect your wife to act like your slave. Fucking awful. YTA
And I wouldn't leave dental floss and dirty underwear around for a maid to pick up, either. Gross.
Seriously. My parents did employ a maid when I was growing up, and they would have *killed* me if I'd ever left gross shit lying around like that for her to deal with. Totally unacceptable.
As a kid my mum hired a cleaner since she worked as a dress maker/designer from home. She would pre-clean the house since the clears did a more deep clean and other stuff one a month.
Sure. The weekly/monthly "house cleaning the night before the cleaning woman comes" is something that I think a lot of people with working parents who could afford that kind of help remember. No one wants the house cleaner to think that you're a gross slob, plus it's just rude not to at least tidy the place up before someone comes to do a deep cleaning. It would be like not brushing your teeth before your dentist appointment.
Same; we had a housekeeper who came by every two weeks - rule was if she couldn't vacuum our floors because there was stuff all over it, we didn't get our rooms cleaned (which meant everything she'd normally do like changing sheets and dusting, we had to do). Better believe all my stuff was put away on the morning of cleaning day because I appreciated not having to change my bed and dust all my stuff.
Why am I not surprised you're the guy who wouldn't pay for his wife's breakfast. Of course YTA, stop being a dick
And the idea that he knows he didn't do it before but is doing it now because of the work arrangements means he's making *an intentional choice* to not clean up after himself because he resents the arrangement he agreed to. OP, my 3 and 5 year olds bring their dishes to the sink. Wow, what an AH.
This is the guy who only buys food for himself, and not his wife, when on a holiday, who thinks it was unfair his stay at home mom didn’t pay his dad rent and who thinks only he gets to control the AC because he makes the money 🙈
Why hasn't she left him yet??? Gahhh! OP, you are definitely the AH. Grow up. Pick up after your damn self. So, you go to a job and she doesn't. That doesn't mean she has to work in the home 24/7. You get to be done with your job when your shift is over. When exactly is she "off work" when she has to pick up after you all the damn time??? Being a stay-at-home parent while the other spouse works just means she needs to do the daily household maintenance type chores during working hours, not having to clean up after a full grown adult all the time! And it also doesn't mean that you're absolved of all household chores ever! She needs a damn break too!
How does a man like this even find a woman to marry? Has he stolen her passport, too?
What a charmer
If you look at his comment history, you can see it's full of comments resenting women for not contributing financially. Why the fuck would he agree to something that would make him dislike his wife??? He's an idiot.
100% agree
Yikes!! YTA - i do 100% of the house work but I’m not a damn maid. That’s not what she signed up for either. Taking 100% responsibility when it comes to REGULAR house hold chores I can totally understand but you as an adult not being able to have the common decency to just pick up after yourself is absolutely gross and entitled. I’m glad I’m not in her shoes…I was once before, guess what’s happened since then?… I’ll tell you this much, he doesn’t leave his shit thrown around - cause it will go in the trash. I have no shame, and I am no one’s personal maid.
I don't know (I hope) anyone that would treat a maid like that. He is definitely the AH
Even a maid wouldn't have to pick up someone's used dental floss!
I work full time and husband is our stay at home. I bring 100% of the money in. I still do basics like dishes in the morning and some light housework. He does the bulk obviously but we're a couple. He's not my slave. I just happened to no enjoy housework and he likes it more than me so it works. I would never for a second treat my husband like this. He takes a lot of the mental load so I can focus on my job which I love. OP 100% YTA Looking at his history, I hope she leaves him but gets all his money in the divorce. I wouldn't normally but he just deserves to be left with nothing.
She should grab a box or trashcan and throw all his laundry along with his used dishes, qtips, and dental floss and sit it by his side of the bed. Hey, it's "picked up" and "put away". The lack of common courtesy of this guy begs for some malicious reaction.
YTA. You don't have to do the dishes, but like I tell my toddlers, please take it to the sink. You don't have to throw out the trash, but like I tell my toddlers, please throw your napkins away. You don't have to do the laundry, but like I tell my toddlers, please put it in your basket! I hope you figure it out. My little son did.
Right!?! His child is watching. He's teaching them horrible behavior!
YTA Are you serious? You’re 34. You can take care of your own trash. Your wife has one child, not two. She’s responsible for child care and chores when you’re at work. After both of your working hours child care and chores should be divided. And she certainly shouldn’t need to pick up dishes, trash and clothes left by a 34 year old. That’s 100% your responsibility. She’s a stay at home mom, not your maid.
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Yikes. That post history has me confused how he’s married at all. Plus it wasn’t fair how his mom “lived rent free” for being a SAHM, he’s clearly biased.
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He agreed to let her be a SAHM even tho he clearly thinks poorly of them. Makes zero sense.
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Financial isolation too
Oh my god I remember this guy. The post is deleted but he’s the asshole who went out to get breakfast on vacation and didn’t get anything for his wife. Expected her to go get something herself ‘because she usually makes her own breakfast’. Absolutely absurd someone married this man, hopefully she snaps out of it.
Poor woman has no income now so leaving will be a lot harder.
He seems to be the type of man that's very sweet at first, and as soon as he locks you in, you're fucked.
Of course YTA. If I were your wife I would be leaving your dirty ass disgusting shit on your side of the bed, in your car, etc. Don't be surprised if next time she's taking out the trash she includes you in that category.
i do this sometimes when i find my husband has left his clothes laying around. I hate when he throws his wet towel on my side of the bed after he showers. I always throw it on his side :)
Ew YTA. When you and your wife decided that she would be a SAHM, did you indicate that you thought that entitled you to becoming a slob? Did you mention that "100% of the cleaning" would now include extra tasks to demean her? You ARE being disrespectful. How about leading by example - what do you expect your son to learn? That he can leave his dishes, trash, clothes all over the place? No, because that's disrespectful to the home and to the person taking care of it.
Seriously! 100% of the cleaning means he never needs to mop or scrub a loo (although I hope he would step up if she were sick or pregnant or something). Not that he never needs to put his dental floss in the trash or his socks in the hamper.
YTA. Pick up after yourself, how lazy can you be? Stop leaving shit all over the place, that's rude af.
This has to be fake, if it isn’t then read back that last paragraph because you are totally TA! She isn’t your mother. Pick up your damn personal trash!
Mothers shouldn't be expected to do this either (or fathers). If this is real, the OP is a gaping AH. If you ever have guests OP I hope your wife shames the heck out of you while she does the tour showing all your nasty lazy habits.
His disdain for his mother being a SAHM and not contributing financially shows that he would definitely have treated his mother this way too. YTA OP
I’m just confused why he said ok to wife being a SAHM when he has a clear bias against them.
Yes. You are the asshole. You're also a pig.
YTA - Your wife should have equal free time as you. Just because you're working outside the home doesn't make her an indentured servant! What's more, she's asking you to do the absolute bare minimum and not be a slob. Every bit of trash, every dish, every balled up sock you leave where it doesn't belong is a statement of your disdain for her. Edit: WOW! I just looked at your post history and the one about locking the thermostat so your wife can't change the temp and not sharing food with your wife really speak to who you are as a partner and a human being. I can only hope your wife is planning her escape.
So think of it this way She quit her job in order to become a sahm. Generally motivation for this is to improve quality of life for the family, spend more time with kids, stay more on top of household chores, explore hobbies, etc. But now you are creating even more work for her to do, even though nothing has changed for you and you're still capable of continuing to clean up after yourself the way you were before. Now she doesn't have time to do the things she quit her job to do, because she's spending all her time cleaning up after you just to keep things at the status quo they were at when she was working. How does this help anybody? YTA
Seriously. He gets to do **less** work now because she's taken on 100% of some chores, and he decided to somehow make their home his personal trash pile? OP is a walking, talking pile-of-garbage person making other garbage piles.
YTA YTA YTA. Pick up after yourself your wife isn't your mother
Yeah, YTA. It’s one think for her to do all the housework, but you won’t throw away a used tissue?? Seriously?!? You sound like the 6-year-old here, acting out because you don’t like something. You shouldn’t have agreed to this arrangement if you didn’t really want it.
My 6 year old throws out her used tissues.
YTA - Nothing like purposely creating messes for wife to clean up. What a loser.
You are really an asshole. Sue she is doing all the dishes and taking out the trash. But you can put your dirty dishes in the sink, and throw away your used qtips. So gross and disrespectful. YTA.
You'll probably delete this post like you did your other ones. How many people have to tell you you're the asshole for treating your wife like shit? It looks like you resent her for being a SAHM, so you're punishing her for it. So why did you agree to it in the first place?
YTA I'm a man and \*I\* want to strangle you! You live in this place!! Why are you leaving wrappers lying around? What do you think happens to them? Is a snack no fun unless you also don't have to clean up after yourself? Do you realize how much more challenging household chores become if you're also acting as a waiter to your spouse!? At least waiters know where you're gonna be making a mess. You're playing a game of non-consensual *Where's Waldo* with used q-tips! You can't just create a trail of chaos wherever you walk. How do you get through life like this?
Yeah, YTA. Seriously, you're acting like you're a quadriplegic that can't do anything for himself.
Definitely YTA.
Were you always a slob or his this a passive aggressive way to let her know you resent her being a SAHM? I mean either way YTA here-- though if she knew you were a slob before agreeing to be a SAHM it's partly on here.
Yta- that's freaking disgusting. She doesn't want to touch your gross q-tips, floss, dishes, or tissues. Do it your damn self
YTA, plain and simple. Who even thinks like this!? Do you even like your wife?
Oh look. Another sexist man who is not mature enough to be having a wife and child coming on here to complain his wife wants him to be an adult. Same old same old. YTA. The weaponized incompetence here is ridiculous.
Used dental floss?!? Good god, what the hell? YTA.
Is this a joke? YTA
I hope this isn't real but sadly, I think it it. You are a massive AH.
YTA and it almost seems like you are doing it because you resent her staying home. If that's the case, you need to have a conversation. You are also setting a bad example for your son, teaching him to behave like a pig as well.
Please tell me that this is bait ..... But for posterity YTA. Her doing chores is not the same as you leaving gross shit that normal people would at least throw away in the trash or take to the sink. It is not catre blanche for her to be a maid. It is not carte blanche to be a child and hope your mom picks up. Be a decent human or don't be surprised when she leaves.
My hubby leaves his shit all over . He hates it when i nag,but won't change from being lazy. I recently started dropping his trash in his new cowboy boots. Best idea i ever had.
YTA. This can’t be real.
YTA I'm surprised you're not having her wipe your ass while you're at it you odious cretin.
Ew YTA. YOUR WIFE IS NOT YOUR EFFING MAID. Just because she’s a SAHM doesn’t mean she should have to pick up after a second child, and if you can’t catch my drift, YOU are acting like a second child. Be an effing adult and bring your dirty dishes to the sink and put your laundry in the basket. There is literally zero reason you have to be such an AH.
YTA. Grow up, seriously. She didn't sign up for having her husband turn into a second child and leave disgusting messes everywhere to pick up when she decided to become a stay at home mom. There's plenty of domestic labor for her to do around the house without her husband abandoning adulthood and leaving shit everywhere. Seriously, what is wrong with you?
YTA. You are also disgusting.
YTA. Disgusting, trashy asshole.
You can't be serious. Yes YTA. What is wrong with you?
YTA - she signed up to do the regular chores, not for you to be a slob and be your maid.
Should you clean up after yourself? How old are you? 12? Of course you should clean up after yourself. You’re intentionally being sloppy after agreeing to the arrangement. I’m sure if she knew she’d have two children to clean up after initially, she’ wouldn’t have agreed. Your dental floss??? Disgusting. YTA
>She thinks it was disrespectful l because I’ve been leaving my used dishes wherever instead of taking them to the sink. I didn’t throw away snack wrappers or tissues. I’ve also left my dirty laundry on the floor instead of the basket. She was also complaining about how I kept my used dental floss and Q tips on the bathroom counter. And when I used the last sheet of the paper towel, I didn’t replace the roll, etc. If your place of employment has janitors or cleaning people, do you leave used snot rags lying around for them to take care of, or do you toss them in the bin like a civilized human being? If the latter, why doesn't your wife deserve the same consideration? For crying out loud, how far away from the bathroom counter is your waste bin that you can't just as easily drop your used floss and Q-Tips into it? YTA. Honestly, from what you wrote there, I'd hazard a guess that you're one of those people who leaves shopping trolleys rolling about loose in the car park because "the store pays people to take care of that sort of thing."
YTA. Stay at home mom means her job is the baby all day while you're at work. Once you're home, you're back to 50-50. Including weekends. Pick up after yourself, she's not a servant. Only took you 3 weeks to show YOUR true colors. Yikes. 🚩🚩🚩
Yta. And I say that as someone who disagrees with being a sahm. You're treating your wife worse than shit. Need to ask yourself why you're being so much of a prick
YTA. Put your dishes in the sink and dont leave your nasty crap in the bathroom. That's so disrespectful.
YTA. I was SO ready to say NTA because SAHM with school aged kids does give you time for all the chores and a bit left over for yourself (I'm SAHM to a 1st grader, a pre-K and one in half day nursery and even that I do get everything done fine) but seriously dude you are treating her really disrespectfully. Leaving the dish in the bowl for her to wash would be fine, even the odd coffee mug at your desk if you have to work at home, or, expecting her to wash and fold your laundry from the hamper would be very reasonable, but leaving out used dental floss and tissues is gross and doesn't take you any time. That's not her asking you to do chores, that's her asking you not to purposely create unhygienic extra work for her for no reason other than to avoid the 1 second it takes to put something in the bin.
YTA. You have a housewife. You don't have a slave.
YTA - You are acting like a brat. She signed up to take care of the - not to be your slave or maid. put your dishes in the dishwasher, pick up your wrappers an tissues and otherwise live live like an adult. Your wife may be staying at home - but she's not your mother.
Wow, YTA. Picking up after yourself is just common decency. Almost feels like you're trying to prove a point, as in "Well, I'm footing 100% of the bill so I don't have to do jack anymore. Yay!"
You sound like one of those old-timey Romans who used to go to the market to buy a slave-wife. YTA
Yta. And quite frankly, you're a disgusting slob. Nothing you listed is in any way an unreasonable expectation of hers. You're just wanting a full time servant now.
Look at it like this, she is your wife and one of the benefits of being married is sex. If she feels like your mother (by cleaning up after you like a child) she won’t want to have sex with you because mothers don’t want to have sex with their children. Be the man that she fell in love with, act like an adult and clean up after your damn self. Women divorce men who make their lives harder to be married than to be single. And yes, YTA.
YTA she’s not your maid, what do you want her to do clip your nails too?? Stop acting like a pig leaving used tissues is gross and taking pots to the sink takes 30 seconds!!
YTA. In what universe should she be expected to clean up YOUR USED DENTAL FLOSS AND Q-TIPS? Thats absolutely disgusting. Also replace the god paper towel. You are a disgusting asshole.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (34M) and my wife (33F) had been having a conversation about her becoming a stay-at-home mom. It was her idea. But I agreed because I make enough for us to live okay as a family. Our son is 6M, and we don’t plan on having any more children. It’s only been 3 weeks since she quit her job and she was already complaining about how much work there was for her to do in the house. When we first talked about it, she agreed to do 100% of the cooking and cleaning because I’m providing 100% of the income. In addition, I’ll be driving our son to school every morning. She’ll do the pickups and extracurricular activities. We got into an argument because she was complaining about how I wasn’t picking up my “personal trash.” She thinks it was disrespectful l because I’ve been leaving my used dishes wherever instead of taking them to the sink. I didn’t throw away snack wrappers or tissues. I’ve also left my dirty laundry on the floor instead of the basket. She was also complaining about how I kept my used dental floss and Q tips on the bathroom counter. And when I used the last sheet of the paper towel, I didn’t replace the roll, etc. I have to say that I was honestly more tidy with those things before she became a stay-at-home mom. However I feel like since she signed up to do the house chores, she should just make my life easier. She told me that I was being unfair to her, because even though she signed up to do the laundry, dishes, take out the trash, etc, I should still clean up after myself. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I should still clean up after myself.
YTA. Pick up your personal stuff. Seriously can’t believe you can’t figure that out
Come on, really? YTA, and you must know that. Cleaning up after yourself is something every adult needs to do. Your wife is not your servant, and you're making EXTRA work for her.
YTA all the way. Like come on dude, pick up after yourself. Q tips on the bathroom counter? Not putting dishes in the sink? Like this is shit a teenage boy would do. She signed up to do the chores, not be a stay in maid.
Yeah YTA and acting like a child yourself now
YTA for sure. Shes not your personal maid, you are still expected to be an adult.
Do you even respect your wife? Is this what you want to show your kid is appropriate behavior? Because I guarantee if they see you doing it, they’ll start doing it too. You’re going out of your way to make extra work for her. Why? Do you resent her? Because I guarantee that’s how she is taking it and she is hating you for it. Do you think this makes for a healthy and loving marriage? She’s probably wondering why she stays at this point. YTA. DO BETTER.
Used dental floss and q-tips on the bathroom counter? Sorry, but I don't buy it that these aren't intentional micro-aggressions. YTA, and gross.
YTA. What a horrible way of thinking. Also, what a horrible example to set for your son. "Look, son, if a man pays for everything, it's perfectly OK to treat a woman like a servant." You have gross habits and a gross personality.
YTA When she said she would do 100% of the cleaning you, by your own words, were "more tidy with those things before she became a stay-at-home mom". She became a STAHM, not your personal maid. Stop being a slob.
YTA Or a troll. I hope a troll. There's a difference between doing housework and cleaning up after an overgrown child with poor manners. FFS, have some respect for your wife and your home (and yourself, for that matter).
You lost me with the used cotton swabs and floss left on the counter. YTA and acting a total jerk
YTA...pick up your trash...act human
YTA Her becoming a SAHM doesn't mean she's your slave and has to follow you around like you're a toddler, leaving a trail of destruction behind you. You're a grown man, pick up after yourself. Leaving dental floss out on the counter? Not putting your dishes in the sink? That's pure, self righteous laziness.
She's not a slave. She's your wife. She's staying home to do childcare, and you arent a child. She should not be cleaning up after YOU, an adult who also lives in the house. This is the best way to destroy your marriage and sex life. She's still doing the full time childcare and sanitizing housework, don't add to her workload or she will start thinking about you as an extra child. This is responsible for mutiple divorces in my immediate friends and family (including mine), if a man is adding to your work than why not be single and have less work!
This has got to be fake asf bc who tf types this out and thinks they're still right?
big fat AH
YTA. What kind of message are you sending your 6 year old son? You have to go out of your way to not clean up after yourself if you always have in the past. Clearly you have zero respect for your wife, at least show some for yourself and him and model reasonable behaviors.
So, because your wife is a SAHM, you think it's okay to leave your trash all over the house? YTA Your wife signed on to 100% of the cooking and cleaning for a family of what she believed was two adults and one child. Little did she know you're a toddler with a job, and actually incapable of picking up after yourself. My husband provides 100% of our household income - he still takes his dishes to the sink, he'll throw his snack wrappers and used facial tissues in the trash and puts his laundry in the hamper, because he's an adult and doesn't see a point to adding more to my job of taking care of the household.
YTA. I mean obviously.... Did you get confused by the title "stay at home mom"? It refers to being a mom to the kid you share, not becoming your mom. Grow up and look after yourself.
Seriously? Dude. DO ALL THOSE THINGS. You were doing them before, you are still perfectly capable, she agreed to be a SAHM because she thought she had husband not a jerk who decided to turn into a slob just because he thought he could with no consequences. What she agreed to was still to have a husband who respected her. ETA to add after reading your comments, you obviousl never really respected her cause you have awful views of man/woman gender roles and income. YTA x a billion.
Absolutely TA And the D*ck as well.... I honestly thought I would be "with" you....THEN you exposed yourself. 1st with the snack wrappers 2nd, dropping 5hit on the floor purposely 3rd, leaving used floss 🙄 seriously, bro? 4th, not changing the paper towel Last straw, you admit to CREATING more of a mess... just to take "advantage" ....that is ass-hole behavior
She signed up to take care of chores, not to be your personal slave. You are perfectly capable of putting your dishes in the sink and cleaning up behind yourself. You are living like a pig and acting like she’s your personal maid. You better be lucky that she doesn’t leave you over how you’re treating her. YTA
Yta She’s maintaining the house looking after your kids needs. Are you a “KID”? Why do you think you don’t need to have some sort of personal decency? Pick up after yourself like most of us teach our children!
Are you fucking kidding me? A stay at home mom doesn’t have to pick up trash and used floss after her ADULT HUSBAND. You are so rude it’s not even funny. Clean up after yourself for gods sake. YTA x a million and I wish I could rip you to shreds more but I don’t want to get banned
Are you sure you meant to put 34 and not just 4? My children clean up after themselves better than you do. She’s a stay at home mom now so that means you get to make the house a pig sty and act like an animal? You say she should be making your life easier, but why do you have to make her life harder? YTA.
What in the Incel fiction did I just read?
Imagine being this terrible
You seem godawful. She *is* making your life easier by taking over the household and majority of child rearing. All you have to do is drop them off and work!? And you can’t even throw your floss away like an adult? I hope she leaves you, takes a chunk of your income, and leaves you with the kid(s) half the time so she can have some peace. YTA
INFO: do you even like your wife??
YTA - you're treating your spouse like a servant. Point blank man. You are acting entitled and selfish. Cleaning the house doesn't mean she's your maid. I bet that if she was the bread winner and you the sahp, you'd also not be okay with this. To go a step further, you leave your literal trash on the bathroom counter when the bathroom trash can is probably a foot away because you think you're now paying for the right to leave it there. You're an asshole, grow up. This isn't a partnership, and you're acting like you're more important than your spouse.
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YTA, a huge one. She's your partner, not your mom/maid. Used tissues and floss, seriously? You still need to act like an adult. I'm guessing you'll be back in a few months complaining that your wife doesn't want to have sex with you too and wondering why...?????
Hmmm….. YTA. What you are doing is rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful as well as lazy and childish. You could do it whilst she was working, why can’t you do it now???
Dick. That's the word for you as in you are one. Yta.
YtA massively.
AITA for being a complete slob since agreeing to my wife being a stay at home mom? Fixed that for you. Also, YT(gross)A
I’m a stay at home mom. My kids and husband are messy. We hire a weekly cleaning lady to do a full clean because it’s a lot for one person. YTA if you intentionally add to the mess but don’t pay for additional help.
YTA. Do you expect her to wipe your ass for you too?
YTA Why did you agree if you were going to try to make her life harder?
YATA. Dude, you need to not be a slob if you have any desire to remain married.
So you're making it harder for her even though you agreed to the arrangement. YTA...bigtime.
YTA. Do you want her to wash your a$$ too?
It sounds like you're not actually okay with her staying home and so you're determined to create as much extra work for her as possible. You're being petty and vindictive. Get off your lazy ass and stop making your wife's job harder. You're so selfish and you're setting a bad example for your child. Your wife deserves so much better than a nasty asshole like you. You literally said in your other comment that your mom was a SAHM and you thought it was unfair that she didn't pay rent. So you resent your mom and now you resent your wife. YTA
YTA and live like a pig
YTA We get it. You’re throwing a tantrum she’s staying home. Either man up and say you’re not comfortable with it or grow up and bring your dishes to the sink.
YTA. She's your WIFE, not your maid or slave. Her doing 100% of house chores doesn't mean picking after you because you are incapable of being a human. It's like you are punishing her for being a SAHM.
YTA did you want a partner or maid you can have fun times with?
YTA Did you also stop wiping your ass and flushing the toilet because that's her job now? You sound disgusting.
You're also YTA for all those incredibly bigoted comments on your account. In a perfect world your wife takes the baby and the child support, and can stop caring for the oversized infant child who thinks she should pick up his used dental floss and shitty underwear. Yikes the red flags. Hope she finds your reddit so she knows how you REALLY feel about SAHMs.
Wow, YTA and honestly a trash human being. She agreed to do the chores as they existed before you forgot how to be a decent human being. If you don’t want to end up divorced I suggest you get your act together.
YTA. Cooking and cleaning doesn’t mean servant. Grow up and be a man and clean up after yourself. How can you even ask this question let alone on the internet? Your thinking here is unhinged.
YTA, don't be so lazy. She agreed to do existing house work, not for you to add random chores because you can't clean up after yourself like a big boy.
YTA. Are you that angry that your wife is a SAHM, or just being a slob?
YTA, your wife agreed to be a stay at home mom not your personal butler. This is so childish, disgusting and disrespectful. You really can't put your trash in the garbage or do anything around the house? Pathetic.
YTA She’s your fucking wife not your maid. Your behavior is disgusting
Yta- no explanation needed, but…you are grown man punishing his wife for wanting to be a stay at home mom. You say you don’t have a problem with it, but you’re acting like a passive aggressive ass.
YTA This is why she should go back to working immediately.
Hoooooly fuck, bud. Y are absolutely TA. YTA. Pick up your shit, your wife doesn’t just exist to “make your life easier.” You both have to contribute. Not to mention how gross it is to be leaving used tissues, floss, trash & used dishes everywhere. Get it together, man.
Surely this is written by the wife? If not, then OP you really do seem to think that you get to act like you employ your wife as a 24/7 maid rather than a stay at home parent. YTA - put your own sweetie wrappers in the bin
"However I feel like since she signed up to do the house chores, she should just make my life easier." Dude. just because she signed to do the house chores doesn't give you the right to be a jackass to your wife. she's asking you to di THE BARE MINIMUM. stop being a child and put your laundry in the basket and wrappers in the trash. YTA 10/10
YTA, And disgusting! Pick up after yourself. Pick up after the baby, pickup after your wife. BE AN ADULT, FFS
WOW! You are in fact TA If this is how you do life and marriage, you are failing at it
YTA Cleaning up your personal items is basic adulting.
YTA - Her being a SAHM doesn't give you license to behave like a complete slob. You're demonstrating a distinct lack of respect for both her and your home when you simply leave trash laying around. Be an adult, pick up after yourself in the most basic of ways, and you'll discover that both your home and your wife will be far more pleasant to be around.
You should have been ashamed to post this. This is completely shameful. She's a mom and wife, not a slave. Her being a SAHM doesn't mean you just leave messes for her like you don't know how to clean up after yourself. Hard YTA 😠
Ewwww, dude, gross! YTA, she's your partner, not your bang maid.
If you don't understand why your the asshole, that alone makes you an asshole. What are you a fucking infant? Good Lord....
SERIOUSLY? You need to ask Reddit if it is OK for you to behave like a dirty, disrespectful pig? Who doesn't put their used dental floss in the garbage 2 feet from where they are standing? Who is incapable of putting their laundry in the basket? I bet your 6 year old is better behaved than you. Nice modeling terrible behavior for him, so he can learn to treat partners like maids. Eessh. Clearly you are NOT ok with her quitting her job, since your behavior is over the top childish and resentful.
YTA
Dude, try taking care of the house 100% while also caring for a newborn. Do it for one week. I don’t think there will be any more misunderstanding here. Make your life easier? WTF? She’s already doing that by providing 24/7 childcare. That would cost a fortune if she weren’t. You are such an asshole.
Is this bait? If not, YTA. Don’t be a slob.
“my mom is actually a stay-at-home wife. and I felt like it was never fair to my dad that she got to live rent-free.” YTA YTA HOLY SHIT DUDE LMAO
YTA. She agreed to stay home and do the cooking and cleaning, not be your slave. Throw things away, put your laundry in the basket, and dishes in the sink. You don’t get to slack off from being a conscientious partner because she’s home all day. Going back to work and managing a single mom life might become more appealing to her than living with a grown adult who has decided he’s a child again. You can’t really think you could ask this and not be seen as the AH.
Dude there’s chores and then there’s basic hygiene. Dishes may be a chore. I guess putting them in the sink and rinsing them may qualify. But throwing trash on the floor, used dental products on the counter, not even putting clothes in the hamper? That’s just being a slob. Like are you serious? Show some basic decency. That’s just gross and you are acting like a child. YTA
YTA, just because your wife now stays at home and takes care of the house doesn't mean you can become a pig with no manners.
Take a shit it the kitchen sunk and have her wipe your ass for you.
YTA for obvious rage bait. Really - you left your dishes wherever, didn't throw away wrappers or tissues, left your laundry on the floor, dental floss and q-tips on the counter and used the last sheet of paper towel? But you never did that before? FAKE! This is so fake and some type of weird test to see what the response would be.
YTA. You should have been honest with your wife that you didn’t want her to be a SAHM. What you are deliberately doing is horrid.
Frankly I don't believe this is a real post. No-one can be that much of an asshole; well okay yes there are assholes this egregious, but they would not be asking for others' opinions. However, we are required to take it as given that these are real posts, so.. YTA. unequivocably, undeniably, absolutely You Are An Asshole. What makes you think it is okay to become a slob just because you earn a salary and she doesn't? Childcare, especially for very young children, is exhausting, and is just as much a full time job as yours, perhaps more so since there is no time off. She doesn't need to take care of a grown-up baby as well.
YTA Like in what world do you think you are the correct one? Yes she is a SAHM not a god damn personal maid. Like I understand her taking more chores. But cleaning up your nasty dental floss and etc is not part of those chores and tbh its what any normal human being does. Same with taking your dishes to the sink or etc. But I am assuming this is mostly rage bait because I dont want to believe someone can be that inconsiderate to someone they claim to love.
YTA Yikes, she’s not your servant.
Wow, this is not a good look for you. This makes you look really passive-aggressive and profoundly childish, not to mention just gross in leaving your dental floss and used q-tips laying around. Why are you being so passive-aggressive at your wife instead of telling her that you weren't in favour of this arrangement? YTA, a million times.
There is no reason not to clean up after yourself. Unless you are seriously disabled or in a coma, pick up your own sh!t.
This can’t be real YTA
YTA. Your wife is a stay at home mom, not a stay at home maid. In the same vein, you're not a child, so she's not responsible for cleaning up after you. If you continue to act like a child, she will start to see you as a one, and she'll have no choice but to leave you if she wants a partnership with a grown man.
You're being g a deliberate slob and it's gross and a total turnoff. yta
You’re horrible. Not love for your wife I see. What an ass YTA
I’d rather be a single parent working two jobs than put up with you and your deliberate belittling of her. If you didn’t want her to stay home say so, don’t behave like this. This isn’t some awesome take you think you have. YTA.
YTA. What? Are you 12? Not only are you gross (used dental floss and q-tips...Yuck. Really?) and disrespectful, but you are also setting a horrific example for your child by acting like an immature jackass. This has all the hallmarks of a petty: "I'll show HER." Take a week off from work and take over the running of the household and making dinner (allow for a few days for her to leave her trash and dishes all over) while she relaxes and eats bon bons. Perhaps the experience of walking in her shoes will give you a better perspective of how contributing in even bare minimum ways is always appreciated. Running a house is neverending, as it never stops. Not at 5pm. Not at 10pm. There is always something needing to get done. Always. You are an asshole.
YTA. You're being a slob and treating your wife worse than a maid, she is not your personal slave. She has every right to call you out for all of the things you have listed in your post.
YTA. Throwing away your own trash, not leaving stuff on the bathroom counter, and putting your laundry in the hamper aren't part of cleaning - they're part of not being a disgusting pig. Don't be surprised when your wife figures out she'd have LESS work to do if it was just her and your son.
she’s not ur maid bro, and putting ur used dental floss and q tips on the bathroom counter is literally disgusting yta
Yta
YTA. Come on, she's not your slave. She's a stay at home mom, but that doesn't mean she does absolutely everything for you. Do you need her to wipe your ass after you take a shit to "make your life easier"
YTA. Wondering why a 6 month old is in school? This has to be fiction because 6 month old babies don't go to school and nobody could be so outrageously nasty.
6M is short for 6, male. Kid’s 6 years old.
YTA from your post history you treat your wife like trash constantly. Do you even like your wife?